LADIES, DON'T SETTLE! - The Big Signs He's NOT THE ONE For You! | Stephan Speaks
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- Hey guys, Lisa here! If you didn’t already know, I am super frikin excited to share that I’m writing a book! To be the FIRST to get sneak peeks about my book and other exclusive content go to: lisabilyeu.com/ and be sure to sign up for my newsletter.
Why do we stay in bad relationships? If you find yourself in one bad relationship after another, it could be a sign that you’d rather be with anyone than be on your own. Many people become complacent and settle for less than they deserve just because they like the idea of having someone. But how do you know if you are settling for less than you deserve? On this episode of Women of Impact, Lisa Bilyeu is joined by Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, & Bestselling Author Stephan Labossiere, a.k.a Stephan Speaks. They explore three common reasons why most women settle for an unfulfilling relationship. Stephan explains the bad advice that makes most people stay in relationships they don´t belong in. Furthermore, Stephan shares the fundamentals that every successful relationship needs and why a connection isn´t built, how to know whether you’re listening to your fear or intuition. He explains why couples lose attraction and how to recreate attraction if you feel it´s gone and what to do if your partner has changed in a negative way and how to differentiate tough times with when it’s time to break up with your partner.
SHOW NOTES:
Three common reasons why most women settle for an unfulfilling relationship. [00:20]
Why Lisa stayed with her ex-boyfriend before she met Tom. [1:41]
This lousy advice makes most people stay in relationships they don´t belong in. [2:01]
The fundamentals that every successful relationship needs. [3:29]
Why connection can´t be built, and even a great connection is not enough for a successful relationship. [11:23]
How to know whether you’re listening to your fear or intuition. [14:30]
Why analyzing everything is sabotaging your relationship. [15:51]
This is what kills most relationships and the three things you have to learn to build a successful relationship. [17:20]
Why couples lose attraction and how to recreate attraction if you feel it´s gone. [21:59]
What to do if your partner has changed negatively. [29:10]
How to differentiate tough times with when it´s time to break up with your partner. [34:45]
This mindset is the reason for Lisa´s long-lasting, happy relationship with Tom. [36:59]
Implement this communication habit to keep your relationship on track. [38:48]
Why being authentic from the beginning is essential for a lasting relationship. [41:25]
Stephan shares how to connect with him. [43:30]
QUOTES:
“Women confuse intuition and fear, and they allow fear to overrun their intuition.” [14:28]
“Especially within relationships where two people have a connection: This is the person that could hurt you the most and make you the happiest.” [18:12]
“We got to recognize the difference between the person who doesn´t belong in our lives and continues to do wrong and the person who does belong in our life and makes mistakes.” [20:34]
“The majority of people are not with the person they most love. The majority of people are not with someone they have a connection with.” [36:08]
FOLLOW LISA BILYEU:
Instagram: bit.ly/2TIsoKh
TH-cam: bit.ly/2IAbTcH
Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW
FOLLOW STEPHAN:
Website: www.stephanspeaksshop.com/
TH-cam: / relationshipexpert1
Instagram: / stephanspeaks
Facebook: / stephanspeaksrelations...
What resonated with you most from our chat with Stephan Speaks?
everything...Stephan is amazing...but i agree attraction has to be kept...we have been married for 21 years and still cant keep hands of each other...dress nice be clean and smell good and of course be nice........watching from Cyprus
@@evka24 congrats on your long-lasting and healthy marriage. And thanks for watching!
Definitely for me, it was recognizing the difference between fear and intuition. I can see where I've mistaken fear for intuition, and how easily I can think myself into a mess by over-analyzing or worse hypothesizing the worst possible scenrio, when there really isn't a problem.
The importance of actually being equally yoked.
@@TinaSotis question for you, how do you see yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you want a partner to treat you? Do you treat potential matches with the same level of demand and integrity that you hold yourself to?
Do not get mired in the past, what your experiences were with men before doesn't have to be what you experience in the future. Believe they can be different by holding your standard high. Look for the connection and enjoy who you meet and what you discover about yourself.
I did the unimaginable and broke up with my boyfriend three years ago. I’d never been single for longer then a month before him, I was so dependent on others that I couldn’t function on my own (so I thought). Three years ago it was scary and I thought I couldn’t survive but it was a horrible relationship for both of us. I needed a lot of healing and inner work so I decided to be alone as long as I need it. Here I am today, a completely different person, I love myself and my life as it is. And the best part... although I’m open to be in a relationship I don’t mind if it doesn’t happen. I’m good either way ☺️☺️
This kind of strength is so so valuable. You now know you can be you with or without someone. You will no longer be looking for someone else to make your life - you will make your life and if you decide to have a partner they only enrich that life. You always know you can stand on your own two feet.
Same here sis
Yep, one year in and doing so much awesome living I wouldn’t mess it up for anything less than what I want in a man. If he doesn’t exist, well then, more good stuff to do regardless!
Congrats to you for recognizing and giving yourself that time you really needed 👏👏
I have same journey❤️
I love the way Lisa interviews - she asks such great questions and doesn't interrupt
Thank you!!
Totally agree, always impressed by the great depth of questions 👏
She asks exactly what I question in the moment.
I agree @bronzy and her enthousiasm is real and so contagious. She is a great interviewer!
The first rule of love is to learn to love yourself, if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone🙏
exactly
Thats the truth!
True, never ever 'settle'. It's better to be on your own
This guy is honestly the best relationship expert I’ve ever seen. Point blank period.
The fear of aging... I’m 64 and have been in a toxic marriage for 38 years. I came from a home that trauma bonding incurred. I didn’t love myself enough nor strong enough to leave when the signs presented itself. Now the fear of aging/being alone does play into it as well as financially. I never had any children and don’t even know where I would go. Wish I had listened to my gut 2 years into this marriage.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Can you reach out to friends and family for help? Sending you positivity and strength ✨
Wow... that's deep. I'm in a 21 year marriage and I had a feeling he wasn't the one when I walked down the aisle. But I figured it was too late to turn around. Seeing the amount of years you've been married jarred me. I keep giving myself deadline after deadline to leave if this looks like it's not going to work. I've done that the last 6 years. I don't want to be here in year 38 thinking the same thing. 😶
@@tinker2217 I did for you 36 years!!! It does not get better. We are already lonely in our world because we around our spouse physically but it’s still lonely. We deserve to have the freedom to find family and friends we enjoy being around. I made that choice this year.. true is we are not going to take the money with US. We can trust God to be our source in every aspect. Blessings to you 🙏🏼🥰
Wow❤️❤️❤️
Probably will end up losing everything we worked for all these years, but I'm miserable, no hope this marraige, unless I totally b his obedient & willing slave/servent, no freedom, no voice, prisoner. Baby steps to freedom my choice with God's help.
It's scary how we can rationalise away our instincts. In my experience the hardest and most important step is getting in touch with your instinct and actually being able to identify it.
The fear of being alone, the fear of not fitting in...it is easy to fall victim to the inner voices!
@@LisaBilyeu Exactly! Separating those kind of inner voices from my true instinct/what's right for me is still my biggest struggle.
Why do we do that
It's not always that simple...
You nailed it. I’m going through this right now
She bobbing her head hard🤣 I love this video and the energy
😂🙌👏🔥❤️
😂😂😂
Healing is soo, soo important before you get into any relationship! There are too many unhealed people going around hurting people who should not be dating. Building a relationship with yourself first and truly loving yourself is the foundation before considering a relationship! Loved this interview Lisa! 🙏🏻💞
Absolutely 💯👏
OMG...I preach this all the time! Well said!!!
@@crazzzeeej 🙏🏻💞
Yes sis. I'm doing it dating with my self
*It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.*
Wow, I love how Stephan gives us so many definitions; fear vs intuition, self-love and acceptance vs overlooking correctable flaws, natural connection and calculated wanting, so powerful! Thank you
I would LOVE a video like this on not settling but in friendships! Sometimes I find ending unhealthy friendships harder than romantic relationships. Also it seems we have to be friends with everyone and almost taboo to end friendships even if they are draining and toxic.
Being single for years makes me wonder whether it is easier to settle, no kidding. And meeting trash after trash doesn't make it easier, and I am not dishing out on nice regular guys here with whom it just didn't match, but on exploiters, frauds, addicts, professional victims, etc. There are a lot of them, especially online.
Spirituality is often pretended, so is understanding and connection. For many men it is so much easier to pretend to hide an agenda than actually being honest. You cannot feel your way through this jungle of lies, insecurities, narratives, etc.
I so adore and respect Stephan 🙏🏼
Girl!! Break the pattern!!! I feel you, I am very sensitive and have trouble with setting boundaries. I attract abussive man and they're everywhere not just online. Break the pattern that gives negative things, break it!!!
The more you learn to use and trust your intuition,the more comfortable you will become in trusting it. Also asking God for wisdom is a big step. He will give it to you because He wants the best for you. 🙏💙🙏💙🙏
@@marte1376 I didn't even have the pattern any longer when I wrote this, but I wondered because high standards were such a pressure and unrealistic. And it opens you up to abuse if some narcissist guesses what you want.
Now I have decided to stop dating full stop, it's a waste of time and energy that I can use for important issues. It feels really good to have my mind off it.
MY NOTES FROM THIS PODCAST:
1:54 why do we end up in relationship that we just settle for but deep down we actually knew that it wasn't right to begin with?
5:22 fundamentals of successful relationships.
8:44 difference between who we are(flaws) and correctable issues that we have (that needs improvement).
22:03 know the difference between the person who does not belong in our life and continues to do wrong and the person who does belong in our life but makes mistakes.
24:42 brief meaning and solution for "the problem of long relationships is you are not maintaining who they fell in love with".
35:04 are you really in love or is it just an attachment?
I just want to weigh in here - I am currently in this kind of relationship and mindset. My partner does not openly or directly say these things to me but he shows this in his actions daily. I am in the process of healing and gaining more confidence and soon I'll be independent of him. I'm trying and so should every one of you! Good luck and all my love !
At the beginning of each year my hubby and I sit down, with paper and pen…we vm each make a list of every single thing each of us would like to see happen or change fur the coming year. Can be small stuff, bigger stuff, whatever. Then we compare notes and come up with a plan that works for both of us. This keeps us aligned in our lives.
Emotional immaturity!! Damn this guy hit the nail on the head🙏🏼❤️
This whole interview is amazing. I have been single for about a year now and learning a bit about myself is going to make a potential future relationship much better. I'm determined not to settle.
This work on self will only make any future relationship stronger and more valuable. Keep investing and working on you!
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why
Wow! It's like the algorithm can read my mind.
Lol right
I absolutely loved this!! Wish I would have known all this years ago, would have saved me heart ache and the children too. All I can do now is continue learning And I know the best is yet to come! (No Settling)!
Relationships are a bitch 😂😂...it's a constant dance and can get exhausting. Throw in the mix.. a few children and then watch the pace getting more hectic.😜. Cry and laugh but keep dancing.
It would be lovely to hear about how to navigate relationships from this perspective also.
"correctable issue that needs improvement" heard that one
I’m single but there’s so many great concepts that I can totally see working in a relationship
Omg Lisa! This was an amazing conversation and Stefan hit on A LOT of true points: healing first, loving yourself, never settling, & woman's intuition when it is/isn't the right relationship! This just let me know that even though I'm single, it's for ALL the right reasons. Thank you for the amazing content you're putting out & the no bullshit approach to life, you, are a badass! 🙏💜💜💜
Would be great if Stephan would make more detailed videos on the healing aspect - get more in depth with that topic. Expand the options and practices of the healing processes for women AND men, possibly within the existing relationships. Great interview - so many insights! He is an incredible speaker.
Most issues are behavioral/habitual. Those are correctable if you choose to do so, but people confuse them with character flaws, when we are criticized. Knowing the differences made a huge positive impact on how to not dwell on the negatives. I now just listen, acknowledge, and see if I can do better.
with so many fatherless daughters out there - this should really be taught in school. So many have their whole lives ruined because they had no guidance and fall into the many trappings of the game. Even today men try to push this idea to only date woman under 25 and blah blah blah then after that she's a throwaway an old hag and whatever else they call us to make us devalue ourselves. It's sad.
So many kids in relationships... And not even kids but brats.. Just dont be in a relationship if you need another person to keep you insoired and motivated. In the moment they will be sad or drained, you will blame them for you being less sucessful. There is a healthy amount for being inspired by anither but it should be a very small percentage..maybe 10 percent..relationship is a free space where you give and recieve. Recieve good and heathy words and actions, and give your healthy support, actions, etc. If you need love to be happy, you will make someone very sad because its a burden to carry. Relationships are not about lacking love but about sharing love
I choose not to settle for less. Never.
Spittin’ facts! Thanks for keeping it real.
Loved it Lisa! Can’t wait for round 2. 👍🏽
Thank so much for bringing Stephan Speaks 🙏
Great interview and SO many good points. Thank you!
Amazing, I love this, I had so much fun listening to you putting it all out there like this 😂 and more clarity about it feels just so aligned with me 🙌🏼
So much value in one video👍
Awesome topic! Thank you for sharing 😊
I really enjoyed this!! Great interview 💜
Such a precious episode, THANK YOU 😘 Every single second of it was valuable to me 💖💖💖
wow, I so needed to hear this...Truly I knew and felt a lot of this and yet it's Opening my eyes up all at the same time...
Yes please, waiting patiently for Round 2 with Stephan! I sent this to my man and he loved it.
Thank you Lisa for this amazing video🙏🏼💕
Love Stephan! He just has this way of channeling messages. Lisa I love your episodes, I do wish they were longer, I watch them when I'm traveling for work, so they great for short traveling. Thank you.
Such a great question!!!! What did I used to do that I don't do anymore. Soooo gold!!!
🔥😉☺️
I can't believe how helpful this was. Thank you!!
This was amazing!!! I loved this! Wow incredible and so true!
Thank you for this interview ♥️ It's exactly what I needed 🙏🏻
Such an excellent talk and important topic to speak on Lisa and I have to say I have listened to many relationship experts coaches etc and Stephan knows his stuff and the truths around this issue for many thanks so much for sharing
I love how y'all explain y'all options on relationships and y'all advice on relationships.
Great discussion! Especially the part about why a partner would let themselves go. Makes total sense!
Awesome interview! 💖
Lisa we definitely need a part two ! And please ask Stephan what type of lady wants for himself 😆
Yes, please do a Round 2 w/Stephan!
Good morning Nayibe, how are you doing?
Absolutely love the spiritual truth about connection. Phenomenal! I find this true about friendships too.
Really needed to hear this!
Learning so much from this conversation. Amaaaaazing relationship advice, thanks guys! 💎
The host has great energy and enthusiasm! Love her
Great guest! Very interesting insights, I hope he comes back for round 2 😃
Is great to see S.S. here! So excited to see this. 😊
Everything you two talked about is on point!!!! Stephan just know exactly how I feel when I finally met the one at age of 55 after two failed marriages.
Love, love, love this so much!!! Stephan speaks the truth!
Good morning Elsa, how are you doing?
Amazing convo!
Some people are gifted in certain specific areas. Stephan is one of them, I'm not sure where it comes from but it's invaluable.
This episode was AMAZING!!!
Woohoo!! Glad you enjoyed it! 👏🙌
This was really good, lots of gems and truth bombs dropped! Thank you!
Thank you for watching :)
Awesome video 💯🤘💯 legit advise! Much appreciated!!!💞
Stephan speaks is the best relationship coach ever!
That was awesome:)
This channel really resonates, i love your channel!
😍👍
Another amazing interview, Lisa! I somehow missed this episode during lockdown but boy, was it worth listening to in its entirety! You asked the exact questions I had on my mind :)
Y'all vibe brilliantly! I loved this conversation and how it unfurled so seamlessly and dropped so many jewels along the way! Thank you.
❤️
When we don't heal from the past the wounds hurt in the next relationship and we attach oftentimes to the wrong person who didn't damage us. Thus ruining what we could have in the new relationship because we didn't heal.
Black Cocoa Quote 🖤
This video spoke to my soul...I had a connection with a guy I met online but long story short lost communication and when going on dates 2 years later I still think about him. I've kept his info but has been scared to contact him..
Got contact him then.
You have nothing to lose 😉
I totally have to challenge the point on connection. You can feel a connection with a person almost like you're drawn to them like they are a childhood friend and that person just be a representation of something that's happened in your life that shared experience shared knowledge etc. For instance having a connection with an attractive single guy who has a daughter and it's fun and charming. Well if you were the daughter of a single father that dynamic that you're observing and connection that you're feeling with that person maybe just a reflection of a lack and a relationship that you were missing from your father. And well you shouldn't screw your parents.
The second point is there are some people who are very good at making you feel loved and cherished and connected to and have bad intentions or are completely misdirected. By using your feelings as the only barometer you neglect the potential that you could be dating a sociopath.
Thank you for sharing your point of view!
I agree.
@@magicmarie8403.
11:36 🤦🏿♀️ my Exact situation.... sooooo TRUE!!
I myself have had many relationship with men . I have been married once many years ago . When you feel unloved or unappreciated you don't want to be seen as a person who constantly feels like she is the one with mental health problems 24/7 .You finally realize certain people only want you in their only to see what they can get from you . When it comes to the crunch I have been chewed up and spat out many many time . I'm done with that .
I healing myself and being cautious of who I allow in my life now as people can be great pretenders either being a friend or boyfriend .
Love is love . I give love without expecting nothing more than respect. Love yourself first best advice I have had in a long time. I have children and grandchildren . I'm a happy women. One I might have a wonderful person to enjoy this with . ♥️♾️
Lisa, you are the actual definition of The Beez Knees, Baby! THanks for all your hard work. I love watching your channel and I get a lot out of your interviews, love your bigg ass crazy watches. YEs, I am already familiar w Stephan but you always bring out more, and new stuff, and that is not easy. God Bless You for your kind service to Planet Earth.
2023, just discovered this: truth setting me free!
I love hearing his opinion!
Very true. Whether it's the man or the woman, each person needs to know who they are and what is their purpose in life and what do they expect from the relationship. Tks.🙏
Thank you for sharing.
I settled and i know he loves me way more than i do him. Sometimes our family loves them maybe we dont like them that way. Sometimes some people are better as friends.
This was Great!! Thank you.
Lisa, Lisa, your laughter is infectious. Thank you for hosting this incredible amazing truthful man. Love from Nairobi, Kenya.
Love love LOVE him.
🙌👏
Some of my Married friend are Strugling on thier Relationship .. Because when they got Married and having Kids they stop having Boundaries. Now the Man loses respect and talking them down making then ensecure that they can't do better and that they are not going anywhere now because they have Kids.
Yes never settle for the knight or pages only settle with the king because I am the empress and the queen 👑❤️
I don't know but if I don't love my partner anymore that doesn't mean I don't love myself. I'd still be my own motivation, I wouldn't wait for him or anyone else to motivate me to stay fit or healthy or pursue positive goals in my life. I'd still do it for myself.
Inner and outer motivation 👍
That's true. I let my past hurt cause me to change who I was. I became angry because I didn't know how to walk away from a bad relationship......marriage
Absolutely even when the universe is giving you signs 🪧 constantly… 😮 intuition is a beautiful thing. ❤
In marriage, I’m obligated to God First. Then I must serve and Love my husband as unto Christ... To Love and feed into him as I love and Feed into myself.
😌😌😌 Appreciation Of being able to ever cross Stephan. Real Talk..
Min 35:34 spoke to me so much. I believe this is true and it happened to me in my own relationship.
This seems so mistitled, it's accurate but my goodness it speaks fairness and POV in relationships!
You're a natural!
Now I understand why I fell in love with the same pattern I am heal from my past trauma 😢
I’m truly N Love With this King💝. Unashamed to say so...😌🌹
Stephan is hot as h*ll. And this is a 60 year old woman so I know some things🥰
@@kimturner9309 ,😂
I'm not driven by lust. I'm Connected, N Love. Spirit not Flesh.
I realized that I SETTLED. There was no connection but he was a good guy! He has been mean to me a couple of times and I ignored all these red flags! Now I feel like I’m stuck. we just had a baby! 😢
Your such a beautiful Woman 💃🏼 and a wonderful interviewer 🧡🧡🧡
Good morning Michelle, how are you doing?
Thank you!