The cost of divorce is something I found in my first marriage. My second was tested and this time I fought and clawed my way back to happy. We have since had our second child, my fourth, and I don't ever want them to feel the loss and pain that my first two felt. This video showed me it is possible to let go and move forward. Thank you so much for leaving yourself vulnerable for us long enough to tell us of your own personal experience.
Esther, this video changed my life and I can't thank you enough for it. I had spent many, many years making myself smaller and quieter in relationships out of fear that my full presence would be too exhausting or intimidating for any man to really live with. After watching this video I decided to just put it all out on the table for my partner in hopes of reviving our dying relationship. I figured I had nothing to lose by sending my true self out to reach him, because my false self certainly wasn't any longer. So I presented to him that woman--my full voice and strength, my flaws and my fears, because I just couldn't bear to keep up the lie any longer. Unfortunately, my partner was not as strong as yours, and he ultimately decided he couldn't be with that version of me. As much as it hurt, I've never been prouder of myself in my life. And I've never felt so beautiful, authentic, or hopeful. Your voice and honesty is reaching and touching women and families in very real ways. You have such a gifted mind and heart. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Life is a challenge we have to face by our-self. We have to be brave and look at the real world, ultimately not being a victim is realizing the strength is with in our-selves. Hope you are doing well.
Thank you for sharing a part of your story so openly and honestly. It truly spoke to my heart. My husband and I went through the same issues, and went as far as filling out divorce forms, but at the last second we decide to put off filling. We had been very open with our families about our struggles, and everyone was so supportive until we chose to start over. There were times that we both felt shamed by our "loved ones" for our decision to try just one more time. We began breaking down the barriers we had built between us, and within ourselves. We had both been compromising and trying to change our authentic selves with the misguided notion that we were accommodating the other. So much so, that we had both lost ourselves, and each other. It's been 5 years now, and everyday I cherish our marriage. We were able to strip away all of the falsehoods and baggage within ourselves and in our marriage. He is the man I fell in love with, he is his authentic self, as am I. We're just a little older and a little more wise. We will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary this year, and it truly is a celebration!
Your words are food for my soul. I'm 52 years old and wrecked my marriage on the homestead. We rebuilt it, redefining marriage to fit the two of us. Thank you for your honesty and bravery in living your life fully and sharing your story.
You made me cry...this is so much how I have felt. My husband and I have spent the last 4 years struggling (on the brink of divorce) but in the most recent year we have made so many changes to better ourselves and our marriage. We are doing so much better now that we demanded understanding of each other from each other. Thank you for being so honest and insightful...you are an angel xxx
Thank you for being so open and honest. This had to be very stressful to be so open and honest. This just gave us more reasons to trust you, love you, and support you. God Bless
I could listen to you all night. You have an awesome way of putting a message together that is not 'in a box' but allows for room to explore one's own thoughts. You have a great channel. Yes, clearly the roles, ideas and images of marriage are distorted and should expand to allow for both people to be their full self. Problem is most will not take the chance or have that as a priority...
Esther, after nearly 43 years of marriage, the ups and downs, hard and good times... what you said makes quite a bit of sense. Many years ago I remember my husband saying something to me after hearing a very young, newly married woman say"we're equals in this marriage." He said, " if you have to say it then you aren't equal." It's a state of mind on both parties." And divorce has never been an option for us. We just worked harder at those times when it was needed or gave one another extra space. Yes, there are instances where it may become necessary. Thankfully, that's never been the case for us.
It makes my day...week...month... when I find someone who puts so eloquently into words what I have been feeling but couldn't articulate for myself. Much Gratitude coming your way. Several months late but that's the beauty of this record keeping phenomenon we call you tube, right?
You are a woman of deep courage and a truly great soul. Thank you for showing yourself that day, carefully, powerfully, and honestly handling a challenging and complex subject, and for being the leader you are. I'm blessed to have witnessed that while looking for my own, long-buried voice. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this story, as a woman who got married at 22 to a 27 year old man after a short courtship of seven months and now 4 years later even deeper in love, fuller in spirit, and continuing to improve our communication and what it means to have a partner for life, it has at times been such a struggle to put aside the opinions of others who voiced some what to me was an abstract and unfounded idea of 'loss of my youth/experience/singleness/freedom' by getting married 'too young'. Here I sit now at 26 and although we haven't started a family yet our marriage has developed into the strong foundation that I believe we needed to continue journeying further into our bond. I have never felt more 'freedom' than when I started to see myself within my marriage for who I was and not for the version of myself that I was 'missing out' on. During our union we have moved out Seattle to live in Japan and have been here the last two years, growing, being ourselves; and for myself it has meant coming closing to the woman I feel that I was meant to embrace. Not segregated lives or lines required. Thank you for sharing Esther
a thousand likes... It takes a Great Love to produce such Great Courage to give such Great Wisdom to many you don't even know. In such a vulnerable arena. Thank you.
Oh, goodness. What a beautiful video. I love to watch your family and your interactions. May God bless you all all the time. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I have been single since 1980 and raised 3 kids by myself. I am going to suggest that my entire family watch your videos because I find so much that I enjoy in them. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for your beautiful commentary! I've had one marriage end because of abuse and one marriage end because of abandonment and what a relief to hear someone say that no one needs to tell a woman the cost of divorce!
I'll never forget getting the new edition of your mother's book. Flipping to the back and reading that line "Mike left"... I was crushed and heartbroken for her and you kids as well. Life is real, it's hard, it's painful. But my goodness there's so much beauty in life too. Thank you for sharing your reality.
I am balling my eyes out... I found you on TH-cam in the middle of a broke down marriage, learning to can, lol, I remember thinking, this woman is canning outside in the dang woods, she has lost her mind, and I just LOVE her, lol. Since then I have binge watched everything I could find with you and your family, and I have to say, You are such a blessing from God!! My broke down marriage is on the mend, and I learn something new every day from you, and now your mom, how cool is that?! Thank You Esther and God bless you and your precious family...
Ok. I’m officially a mess right now. 😭 Just found your channel and oh how I needed this. You just spoke so deeply into the chasms of my heart. Thank you for challenging a belief that I didn’t even realize had settled there in the depths. You are a woman of wisdom with humility. May God give back to you what you so sacrificially gave out . And then some.
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Thank you form my whole heart for this speach Ester, I´m speachless and crying. You´ve inspired me so much, gave me courage to stay and be myslef. Thank you!
thank you for sharing your life... it has taken me a very long time to realize i am the collateral damage of other people's decisions... my grandparents and parents made decisions that sadly have affected not only me but my younger siblings... we have to own up to our lives... if we can't then the people we surround ourselves with OR the people we produce end up being the short end of the stick... i am trying to undo a lot of wrongs that were never my fault... but if i continue down the same road then all i'll do is inflict the same damage that has been done before...
I have an immense admiration for your strength and for sharing this story. My strong need for a homesteading life and having a family work together , instead of separately, seems to be a sore subject in my marriage. I often do feel like I'm going to have to give up my interests or my marriage. I'm still in the place where I'm figuring it out. It's nice to have a different perspective. 😊 thank you!!
Sharing is healing, you struck a cord in me and I thank you! I needed to hear out loud what I whisper within myself. I look forward to watching all of the videos that you share.
Esther, I admire the vulnerability and truth in this video. You clearly want to offer a lifeline if anyone needs it with no hidden agenda - that feels like a rare offering these days. You seem to spend a lot of time in thought, and you seem to stay there long enough to face the confusing or uncomfortable ones. I wonder if that is natural or cultivated (I suspect both). My childhood has given me the involuntary ability to continually scan people and language for clues regarding their intent and direction (it sounds more exhausting than it is), and one of the reasons I enjoy watching you speak is because your intent feels selfless, especially on this channel. You have found yourself, and can sit with that self in comfort, and it is a beautiful thing to witness.
AGREED. After a lot of heart-break, heart-ache, failed marriages and suffering, I've learned to take on a "non-blocking" approach to relationships / marriage. I do my best to support and encourage the people I love to be happy, fulfilled in all areas of their life outside any potential confines of the relationship (I mean that in all ways). We are independent agents, who consciously come together to build a strong foundation for us to grow as individual people. My goal is not to act as a wife / girlfriend in a relationship, but instead I seek to act primarily as a friend (and lover, obviously). Not sure if that makes sense. *HUGS* You are a strong and wonderful woman...
Thank you for your openness and your kindness when you deal with sensitive subjects. I have been married 38 years and can say I have had some times that I didn't think we would make it,,, we choose to cling together and made it work for both of us & I can't imagine a world without my partner. When you can distance yourself from the "emotions" and not use that as a road map to success or failure, you will be starting on the right road.
Thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts and personal experience. Marriage/committed relationships require good communication and hard work by both parties. I think these truths are often glossed over, and I think it's important for relationship issues to be addressed more openly and with less shame for people to be able to learn and grow. Again, thank you for your part in that dialogue.
So great. So well said. Such a powerful message strongly and softly delivered. I have to wipe away the tears you moved me to so that I can go put the kids down for a nap! You're awesome.
you are an insightful and sensitive soul Esther....and Nick is a lucky guy to have you by his side....as you too, are lucky to have him there for you. may your marriage stay stronger than ever and may you both live continually in your own & each other's futures.
I'm so happy to hear of a union that is spiritually growing together. For me, the word spiritual is becoming deeper. It isn't about religion, with which I have huge conflicts. I believe spirituality is not religion dependent. It's goodness & survival & unity with our brothers & sisters & our chosen partner.Deep caring & willingness. And you are on that path with a partner. You're an inspiration. Much love to you & your family.
I needed a good cry, thank you. It's been a very hard struggle for me this past year with the failure of my marriage. I lost myself many years ago and am now trying to find her again. Thank you for your honesty, it really helps!!
Wonderful. growing were you are. marriage can be big enough for two WHOLE people. Be free in the marriage. and thanks for always being conscientious enough to know and express truth as your truth not everyones. We all have a spark guiding us and no one knows whats best for others . some marriage need to end but in this a age 50% marriage end in divorce honest discourse like this is helpful
Ester , Such an open video . You put into words a lot of things I feel and have felt in my relationships . Luckily I'm with someone now who is so encouraging for me to have my own time to grow as an individual . Thank you for the wonderful videos as always. X
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so glad you decided to find your true, free self within your marriage and family. I call it "three dimensional thinking" when you are able to find a path that doesn't accept "either or", but can find "and". Your willingness to find that path saved your marriage, your family and opened up a new life for you. And that new life has led to significant enrichment for all your readers and subscribers. So many people have benefitted from the fruit of it. I'm very happy for you.
Magnificent insight. On a side note...I was having lunch with a few friends last week, and Elizabeth Gilbert was discussed. NOT because of her personal life. I don't think any of us knew. Just that we hadn't read her in a while, and needed to look for her work. You gave me an odd reminder to get on that.
Thank you for sharing your profound thoughts. Society today tells us marriage is "happily ever after" and does not emphasize the work that must be made by both to make it happen. Anything worth having requires work, sacrifice and mutual committment. Your point honed in on an important factor and that is communication. I've maintained a philosophy that it requires two to make a marriage work, and one to break a marriage. Ever after only works as two are working together to make it last! Bless you for allowing yourself to open up enough to share what you learned to save your marriage. Keep up your great work, you have a positive influence for good and I thank you for that!
I am so grateful for you and your talks. You are both so amazing. Here's to the strong men and women that strip down to the bare bones of what marriage means and accept the challenge of loving eachother for their true authentic selves. It's incredibly courageous to let someone love you. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you so much...I can only imagine the courage it took to make this video. Opening yourself up to possible ridicule, has to be difficult. I'm sure your story has been very helpful to those who might be on the cusp of making a life changing decision in their lives. Hugs! ♥
What an encouraging message! I have been on the verge of divorce before, yet 4 little faces would come to my heart and I realized I could do this.. I could work for this marriage. And here we are 35 years later..is it perfect? No way! Do we still have some of the same problems? You bet! Yet, I read once that maybe marriage isn't for happiness but for holiness. This is my humble opinion Thanks for sharing!
Wow! Esther, if I didn't love you before, I certainly do now. Thank you for speaking on this topic. Very well done! My hubby and I are working through being one while also being our very unique selves. Hugs to you and your family!
Esther your so right, marriage isn't about two people being one it's about two separate and individual people with different strengths and personalities being in one relationship and enjoying and loving and respecting each other for who you are, your such a beautiful person, love and best wishes from friends in Scotland 👏❤️xx
Nice message!!!.. families are the cells of a healthy societies...In our modern times, in the 50's and 60's the society became modern with all kind of false ideas putting inside of people's minds through out the mindstream media. That happen before in ancient civilizations and will happen again..but fortunately there are people like you and some others that learn by their own experiences and learn to overcome and help others ....Thank you!!!
I am so glad for both of you! It's not always the easiest to work things out, and it seems to be becoming more and more rare. So I am always glad when see people who chosen to really give all they have to make it work, and still be themselves! God bless!
I just stumbled across your channel and really appreciate your experience and sharing them with others who have contemplated either going or staying in their marriage and I can certainly relate to both sides of this experience because I have been divorced before when I was younger and I walked away with hardly understanding what I really needed in a relationship with my husband! I almost ended my current marriage but I did some real soul searching and I got down on my knees and I prayed to God for help and to take a good look at myself and that saved my marriage and I am truly grateful for making and taking the steps to ask my husband why are we getting a divorce when we still love each other? Now I can say we are still married 19 years as July of 2018! I give God the credit for every good thing that has happened in my life that has made me a better person and more giving ❤️🙏👍👍👍
I can see why you love writing. You are so eloquent at it. Thank you for speaking for those who have, and want to expand the realm of the marriage sphere to include staying together. Happy for you that Nick spoke loud enough for you to hear. I think you two are fine examples of how to make a marriage last! God bless you both, and your sweet children. Love from Texas.
WOW... OMG... This is the marriage I have with my husband. I’m a strong women myself. I have been divorced (he didn’t like it that I was independent and strong) that was a sad day. I loved being married but not to that man. I truly believe that my present husband and I will be married til we die. I told my husband shortly before we were married that I see us sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. Several yrs later I was in San Antonio and I photographer had a print showing that. Yes, exactly what I pictured for our marriage. A pic showing the back of 2 rocking chairs over looking a backyard. All I could do was...... you guessed it..... Cry 😭. Of course I purchased it and it hangs in our living room. I shared the story with most everyone that comes to our home. I also hope that other women can find what we have. Thank you for allowing me to share my story. PS: In Dec we’ll be married for 17 yrs.
I so relate..... thank you..... I was married 35 years before I lost my husband to cancer. one thing I saw in those years was people getting divorced and I saw them still in pain just in a different way than we were. Ours wasn't a perfect marriage but I am glad for it. I wish I had seen this at my 20 year mark. I wish I could have done things differently. now I am with my husband's best friend and I do have a wonderful relationship with him. humble and respectful going both ways. I love when people share their real selves thank you for stepping out this way. it tells in the bible that the older women are to teach the younger women.
What do I hear in your voice today, Dear Esther? You passionately have proclaimed the cost of not opening up our ears to the cost-of--it...the not being free to be who God called us to be. Your gift to speak truth is appreciated. Thank you for listening to what it was you were to say today. You did it well.
Esther this video was awesome. Just a reflection of myself. I feel that this video can also be applied to men as well. Feeling trapped is a trick, feeling as though you cant be yourself for whatever reason. Remaining in a state of avoiding being yourself you can forget who you were, Who you are and in that you lose the direction in your life. Your family is awesome and appreciated.
Very nice. You are sweet and strong. I appreciate all you said. I am happy for you and Nick. It seems, he knows you pretty well, to say "the right thing" and it seems unfortunate but necessary sometimes, we as men, feel the need to yell, to get our points across. Much love and respect to you and yours.
This is particularly poinient for me as I'm young and considering marriage to my boyfriend right now. My mother is a very strong-headed independant woman and has a sucessful career and I'm struggling with the conflicts of wanting the quiet homesteading life, and wanting to make her proud by carrying on those feminist values. You've made a very good point by saying that I can really have both a stay-at-home life as a gardener and not sacrificing my integrity as an idividual. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stories. If you wrote a book of essays or something I would buy that in a heartbeat!
more timely than i can say..... working really hard..... i just dont know what will happen.....but im trying.....with God's wisdom......bless you sweet Esther
love your attitude we have been married 35 years ups and downs he was a city boy I was country, hes a biker I'm a Buddhist I'm a VERY strong woman..maybe more strong than a woman should be at times but we make it work very good video..prepper pam
Very brave and very wise words and you are lucky to have Nick, I walked out because I was smothered, slowly broken down to a quivering mess and I owed it to my young children at the time to get away and although it was hard at times, I never regretted it as today they are 2 amazing, educated, independent awesome young adults :-)
Thank you for this. It is really making me think about the choices I have in my life as an adult woman. I have always felt like I could not commit to a serious relationship because I had trust issue. But I never opened up enough for anyone to know the really me. I was always afraid that no one would want my true self.
Your story rings true for me. It was 15 years into our marriage before we reached the breaking point. And although there was no infidelity my dear hubby had become a bear and very difficult to live with. He was ready to leave and I became desperate. I turned to God (as I am a believer ) and asked no begged for help. He showed me that although hubby was being difficult, even unbearable, much of it was a result of the way I had treated him, the assumptions that I made about life, my opinions as fact, and that he just needed to tow my line. It was shocking to me to realize that I was the cause of my own misery. I changed, no i didn't give up who I was, I just realized that his opinions, assumptions, and thoughts we just as valid as my own. I slowly learned to listen and hear him and we slowly journeyed back to one another. The last 5 years have be the happiest of our marriage....not blissful, but instead a great partnership where things get done to the betterment of both. I am ever so grateful that we stuck it out the alternative makes me cry, when I think of how close we came. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I don't have the voice that you do and there is such a need to hear that there is an other option even if you can't see it right away and you have to work for it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over for sharing your story. I have needed to hear a narrative like yours for a long time. After I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert several years ago, I determined that would explore and grow and make the most of my life in my current living situation. (At that time, my husband was away for a yearlong deployment, and I was essentially homeschooling my 1st grader and keeping up with my very active toddler. I was also experiencing a major shift in my personal faith. Getting away for an afternoon was a rare and major feat. So taking off for another continent was out of the question!) Fast forward to now . . . I continue to grow and stretch beyond where I've been comfortable. And I am so fortunate that my husband has chosen to grow and build upon his dreams and empowers me to do the same. . . . Yet, I've read and seen those stories you've read and seen - and many others that are similar. I've carried with me that fear that as my husband and I pursue our own paths of healing and growth that maybe one of us would outgrow our need for the other. I think I've also been limiting myself b/c I've felt that in order for our marriage to last, I had to define my life and myself within the bounds of that relationship - some "ideal" that we'd been taught years ago. I had never considered that our relationship might just *grow* with us!! Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for offering a different narrative - one in which an empowered woman does not have to break away in order to break free. (And kudos to your husband too. I'm glad you both have been able to find and pursue your passions *together*.)
What a Powerful Story! Thank you Esther! Being single now has allowed me to be my whole self! The man I had to leave was very intimidated by me being my whole, very strong, self. I wish it didn't have to be like that! I love your story and I love watching you and Nick interacting. The respect and humour is always there between you two, and in fact in your whole family! I noticed early on when watching your videos that your kids treat each other with respect, as well as you, the parents. And those kids really have well developed senses of humour! Love your videos. Cate xo
Brava! Brilliant video, as always. It sounds as if perhaps you and Nick both had the 7-Year Itch way back then. I am glad you redefined your relationship to each other and to yourselves. Maybe I have sabotaged my relationships in the past; I suspect so. I definitely know that I have ALWAYS protected *everyone* from me. Very complex story I won't bore you with. I love hearing that you have been able to be your full self inside a relationship. I have not ever gotten past the power struggles to see if that could happen - I have no desire to control anyone, but I will not be controlled by anyone, either. It's just easier alone. For me, anyway.
I am so happy for you and Nick and especially for your children. Obviously, you and Nick were blessed by both Nature and Nurture giving you the capacity to overcome the pride of life and save your marriage. It appears your children are blessed the same way. I am so proud of you both.
What a BEAUTIFUL video! Esther you are the Proverbs 14:1 wise woman who chose to edify her house. This is something I have always believed. When we decide to come into a relationship, you give up a part of your individualism to become one with your spouse but I that does not mean that we die to our true self. Finding the right mate to form the union that allows u to be u is the hard part. Thank u for this video. God bless.
Congratulations on putting your marriage back together. There are absolutely cases where marriages need to end. There are situations where there is emotional, verbal, financial, physical and /or sexual abuse. I don't believe that other people have the right to tell you what to do and I'm sorry for the very rude comments that I've been reading. I'm a divorce lawyer and all I see is people hurting. I conduct my cases ethically and I do not make things worse for my own financial gain. Yes there are those who do and it's awful. I hate watching what people who loved each other do to each other. True success is when I can get the couple into marriage counselling. I will refer a few clients to this video. Maybe it will help them reconsider things. On a personal note--you helped me today at a personal level with an issue that I won't go into, but just know that you helped me with something and I truly thank you.
I am a little late to the conversation, but would just like to mention that something I see in relationships too often is moving on when things get difficult. Because the world seems so big with so many options, I think way too many people give up on what is essentially a good relationship when things start to get tough. Only to end up doing it again in the next relationship when it gets to the same or similar tough spot. This is not to say there aren't legitimate reasons to split up, but just that too often people split up due to what is essentially normal hurdles that happen in any relationship. Eventually finances, amount of interaction time, personal space, repetitive routines, etc all crop up as issues in relationships. These are things that can be worked through with some effort upon both parties part. In fact if you want a relationship to last you have to eventually work through these things. Or they lead to a pile up of problems as things start going unsaid and undelt with. Communication, and understanding that there will be issues that need figuring out is very important. Typically though, if both parties can agree to wanting to fix problems, there is a way to fix them and get past them. I have often said, "love is sticking around through the bad times as well as the good." It is easy to be there when everything is fun and exciting, but being there when things are not fun, when they are falling down around you and saying "it is ok we will figure this out" that is love.
The cost of divorce is something I found in my first marriage. My second was tested and this time I fought and clawed my way back to happy. We have since had our second child, my fourth, and I don't ever want them to feel the loss and pain that my first two felt. This video showed me it is possible to let go and move forward. Thank you so much for leaving yourself vulnerable for us long enough to tell us of your own personal experience.
Esther, this video changed my life and I can't thank you enough for it.
I had spent many, many years making myself smaller and quieter in relationships out of fear that my full presence would be too exhausting or intimidating for any man to really live with. After watching this video I decided to just put it all out on the table for my partner in hopes of reviving our dying relationship. I figured I had nothing to lose by sending my true self out to reach him, because my false self certainly wasn't any longer. So I presented to him that woman--my full voice and strength, my flaws and my fears, because I just couldn't bear to keep up the lie any longer. Unfortunately, my partner was not as strong as yours, and he ultimately decided he couldn't be with that version of me. As much as it hurt, I've never been prouder of myself in my life. And I've never felt so beautiful, authentic, or hopeful.
Your voice and honesty is reaching and touching women and families in very real ways. You have such a gifted mind and heart. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Wishing you so much love. So much love and courage and hope and all good things. Thank you for being you.
Life is a challenge we have to face by our-self. We have to be brave and look at the real world, ultimately not being a victim is realizing the strength is with in our-selves. Hope you are doing well.
wonderful, raw, beautiful talk today, my darling Esther,,,,,,God bless your voice, your strength, and your family!!!!!
Thank you for sharing a part of your story so openly and honestly. It truly spoke to my heart. My husband and I went through the same issues, and went as far as filling out divorce forms, but at the last second we decide to put off filling. We had been very open with our families about our struggles, and everyone was so supportive until we chose to start over. There were times that we both felt shamed by our "loved ones" for our decision to try just one more time. We began breaking down the barriers we had built between us, and within ourselves. We had both been compromising and trying to change our authentic selves with the misguided notion that we were accommodating the other. So much so, that we had both lost ourselves, and each other. It's been 5 years now, and everyday I cherish our marriage. We were able to strip away all of the falsehoods and baggage within ourselves and in our marriage. He is the man I fell in love with, he is his authentic self, as am I. We're just a little older and a little more wise. We will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary this year, and it truly is a celebration!
Your words are food for my soul. I'm 52 years old and wrecked my marriage on the homestead. We rebuilt it, redefining marriage to fit the two of us. Thank you for your honesty and bravery in living your life fully and sharing your story.
You made me cry...this is so much how I have felt. My husband and I have spent the last 4 years struggling (on the brink of divorce) but in the most recent year we have made so many changes to better ourselves and our marriage. We are doing so much better now that we demanded understanding of each other from each other. Thank you for being so honest and insightful...you are an angel xxx
Thank you for being so open and honest. This had to be very stressful to be so open and honest. This just gave us more reasons to trust you, love you, and support you.
God Bless
I could listen to you all night. You have an awesome way of putting a message together that is not 'in a box' but allows for room to explore one's own thoughts. You have a great channel. Yes, clearly the roles, ideas and images of marriage are distorted and should expand to allow for both people to be their full self. Problem is most will not take the chance or have that as a priority...
Esther, after nearly 43 years of marriage, the ups and downs, hard and good times... what you said makes quite a bit of sense. Many years ago I remember my husband saying something to me after hearing a very young, newly married woman say"we're equals in this marriage." He said, " if you have to say it then you aren't equal." It's a state of mind on both parties." And divorce has never been an option for us. We just worked harder at those times when it was needed or gave one another extra space. Yes, there are instances where it may become necessary. Thankfully, that's never been the case for us.
I have been married for 31 years and we are now the best of friends and I love to be with him, we have always taken it one day at a time.
It makes my day...week...month... when I find someone who puts so eloquently into words what I have been feeling but couldn't articulate for myself. Much Gratitude coming your way. Several months late but that's the beauty of this record keeping phenomenon we call you tube, right?
You are a woman of deep courage and a truly great soul. Thank you for showing yourself that day, carefully, powerfully, and honestly handling a challenging and complex subject, and for being the leader you are. I'm blessed to have witnessed that while looking for my own, long-buried voice. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this story, as a woman who got married at 22 to a 27 year old man after a short courtship of seven months and now 4 years later even deeper in love, fuller in spirit, and continuing to improve our communication and what it means to have a partner for life, it has at times been such a struggle to put aside the opinions of others who voiced some what to me was an abstract and unfounded idea of 'loss of my youth/experience/singleness/freedom' by getting married 'too young'. Here I sit now at 26 and although we haven't started a family yet our marriage has developed into the strong foundation that I believe we needed to continue journeying further into our bond. I have never felt more 'freedom' than when I started to see myself within my marriage for who I was and not for the version of myself that I was 'missing out' on. During our union we have moved out Seattle to live in Japan and have been here the last two years, growing, being ourselves; and for myself it has meant coming closing to the woman I feel that I was meant to embrace. Not segregated lives or lines required. Thank you for sharing Esther
Thanks for your constant honesty. You are an inspiration to those who watch and you all are a fun channel to keep up to date on.
a thousand likes...
It takes a Great Love to produce such Great Courage to give such Great Wisdom to many you don't even know. In such a vulnerable arena. Thank you.
Yes, yes, YES. There is such a story. Beautifully told, Esther. And so, so important. Thank you.
Oh, goodness. What a beautiful video. I love to watch your family and your interactions. May God bless you all all the time. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I have been single since 1980 and raised 3 kids by myself. I am going to suggest that my entire family watch your videos because I find so much that I enjoy in them. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for your beautiful commentary! I've had one marriage end because of abuse and one marriage end because of abandonment and what a relief to hear someone say that no one needs to tell a woman the cost of divorce!
to bring together two independent people into a single bond is indeed miraculous and when it coalesces this is truly remarkable.
I'll never forget getting the new edition of your mother's book. Flipping to the back and reading that line "Mike left"... I was crushed and heartbroken for her and you kids as well.
Life is real, it's hard, it's painful. But my goodness there's so much beauty in life too. Thank you for sharing your reality.
I am balling my eyes out... I found you on TH-cam in the middle of a broke down marriage, learning to can, lol, I remember thinking, this woman is canning outside in the dang woods, she has lost her mind, and I just LOVE her, lol. Since then I have binge watched everything I could find with you and your family, and I have to say, You are such a blessing from God!! My broke down marriage is on the mend, and I learn something new every day from you, and now your mom, how cool is that?! Thank You Esther and God bless you and your precious family...
Ok. I’m officially a mess right now. 😭 Just found your channel and oh how I needed this. You just spoke so deeply into the chasms of my heart. Thank you for challenging a belief that I didn’t even realize had settled there in the depths. You are a woman of wisdom with humility. May God give back to you what you so sacrificially gave out . And then some.
Thank you form my whole heart for this speach Ester, I´m speachless and crying. You´ve inspired me so much, gave me courage to stay and be myslef. Thank you!
thank you for sharing your life... it has taken me a very long time to realize i am the collateral damage of other people's decisions... my grandparents and parents made decisions that sadly have affected not only me but my younger siblings... we have to own up to our lives... if we can't then the people we surround ourselves with OR the people we produce end up being the short end of the stick... i am trying to undo a lot of wrongs that were never my fault... but if i continue down the same road then all i'll do is inflict the same damage that has been done before...
I have an immense admiration for your strength and for sharing this story. My strong need for a homesteading life and having a family work together , instead of separately, seems to be a sore subject in my marriage. I often do feel like I'm going to have to give up my interests or my marriage. I'm still in the place where I'm figuring it out. It's nice to have a different perspective. 😊 thank you!!
Sharing is healing, you struck a cord in me and I thank you! I needed to hear out loud what I whisper within myself.
I look forward to watching all of the videos that you share.
Esther, I admire the vulnerability and truth in this video. You clearly want to offer a lifeline if anyone needs it with no hidden agenda - that feels like a rare offering these days.
You seem to spend a lot of time in thought, and you seem to stay there long enough to face the confusing or uncomfortable ones. I wonder if that is natural or cultivated (I suspect both).
My childhood has given me the involuntary ability to continually scan people and language for clues regarding their intent and direction (it sounds more exhausting than it is), and one of the reasons I enjoy watching you speak is because your intent feels selfless, especially on this channel.
You have found yourself, and can sit with that self in comfort, and it is a beautiful thing to witness.
Kalami
So valuable. Thank you for sharing this in service of all of us.
Thank you for watching!
AGREED. After a lot of heart-break, heart-ache, failed marriages and suffering, I've learned to take on a "non-blocking" approach to relationships / marriage. I do my best to support and encourage the people I love to be happy, fulfilled in all areas of their life outside any potential confines of the relationship (I mean that in all ways). We are independent agents, who consciously come together to build a strong foundation for us to grow as individual people. My goal is not to act as a wife / girlfriend in a relationship, but instead I seek to act primarily as a friend (and lover, obviously). Not sure if that makes sense. *HUGS* You are a strong and wonderful woman...
"Maybe we don't have to break our families to get free." I am taking that with me. Thanks for sharing, Esther.
Thank you for your openness and your kindness when you deal with sensitive subjects. I have been married 38 years and can say I have had some times that I didn't think we would make it,,, we choose to cling together and made it work for both of us & I can't imagine a world without my partner. When you can distance yourself from the "emotions" and not use that as a road map to success or failure, you will be starting on the right road.
Thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts and personal experience. Marriage/committed relationships require good communication and hard work by both parties. I think these truths are often glossed over, and I think it's important for relationship issues to be addressed more openly and with less shame for people to be able to learn and grow. Again, thank you for your part in that dialogue.
This channel is my favorite in all the universe.
So great. So well said. Such a powerful message strongly and softly delivered. I have to wipe away the tears you moved me to so that I can go put the kids down for a nap! You're awesome.
you are an insightful and sensitive soul Esther....and Nick is a lucky guy to have you by his side....as you too, are lucky to have him there for you. may your marriage stay stronger than ever and may you both live continually in your own & each other's futures.
Thank you.
I'm so happy to hear of a union that is spiritually growing together. For me, the word spiritual is becoming deeper. It isn't about religion, with which I have huge conflicts. I believe spirituality is not religion dependent.
It's goodness & survival & unity with our brothers & sisters & our chosen partner.Deep caring & willingness. And you are on that path with a partner. You're an inspiration. Much love to you & your family.
I needed a good cry, thank you. It's been a very hard struggle for me this past year with the failure of my marriage. I lost myself many years ago and am now trying to find her again. Thank you for your honesty, it really helps!!
Wonderful. growing were you are. marriage can be big enough for two WHOLE people. Be free in the marriage. and thanks for always being conscientious enough to know and express truth as your truth not everyones. We all have a spark guiding us and no one knows whats best for others . some marriage need to end but in this a age 50% marriage end in divorce honest discourse like this is helpful
Ester , Such an open video . You put into words a lot of things I feel and have felt in my relationships . Luckily I'm with someone now who is so encouraging for me to have my own time to grow as an individual . Thank you for the wonderful videos as always. X
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so glad you decided to find your true, free self within your marriage and family. I call it "three dimensional thinking" when you are able to find a path that doesn't accept "either or", but can find "and". Your willingness to find that path saved your marriage, your family and opened up a new life for you. And that new life has led to significant enrichment for all your readers and subscribers. So many people have benefitted from the fruit of it. I'm very happy for you.
Right on girl! You are a kindrid spirit. I admire your courage and honesty and wish you and your wonderful family all the best.
Magnificent insight. On a side note...I was having lunch with a few friends last week, and Elizabeth Gilbert was discussed. NOT because of her personal life. I don't think any of us knew. Just that we hadn't read her in a while, and needed to look for her work. You gave me an odd reminder to get on that.
Thank you for sharing your profound thoughts. Society today tells us marriage is "happily ever after" and does not emphasize the work that must be made by both to make it happen. Anything worth having requires work, sacrifice and mutual committment. Your point honed in on an important factor and that is communication. I've maintained a philosophy that it requires two to make a marriage work, and one to break a marriage. Ever after only works as two are working together to make it last! Bless you for allowing yourself to open up enough to share what you learned to save your marriage.
Keep up your great work, you have a positive influence for good and I thank you for that!
I am so grateful for you and your talks. You are both so amazing. Here's to the strong men and women that strip down to the bare bones of what marriage means and accept the challenge of loving eachother for their true authentic selves. It's incredibly courageous to let someone love you. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you!
Thank you so much...I can only imagine the courage it took to make this video. Opening yourself up to possible ridicule, has to be difficult. I'm sure your story has been very helpful to those who might be on the cusp of making a life changing decision in their lives. Hugs! ♥
What an encouraging message! I have been on the verge of divorce before, yet 4 little faces would come to my heart and I realized I could do this.. I could work for this marriage. And here we are 35 years later..is it perfect? No way! Do we still have some of the same problems? You bet! Yet, I read once that maybe marriage isn't for happiness but for holiness. This is my humble opinion Thanks for sharing!
Wonderful video Esther. A difficult topic to present to your viewers but well worth the words...
Wow! Esther, if I didn't love you before, I certainly do now. Thank you for speaking on this topic. Very well done! My hubby and I are working through being one while also being our very unique selves. Hugs to you and your family!
Love (and marriage) is the mutual respect for each others spiritual growth... thank you Esther.
Esther your so right, marriage isn't about two people being one it's about two separate and individual people with different strengths and personalities being in one relationship and enjoying and loving and respecting each other for who you are, your such a beautiful person, love and best wishes from friends in Scotland 👏❤️xx
Nice message!!!.. families are the cells of a healthy societies...In our modern times, in the 50's and 60's the society became modern with all kind of false ideas putting inside of people's minds through out the mindstream media. That happen before in ancient civilizations and will happen again..but fortunately there are people like you and some others that learn by their own experiences and learn to overcome and help others ....Thank you!!!
Awesome! Glad Nick challenged you, and you both stayed together. God is good! Love your channels!
Loved that, thank you for sharing. And for not being salacious or judgemental. #loveisloveisloveislove
I am so glad for both of you! It's not always the easiest to work things out, and it seems to be becoming more and more rare. So I am always glad when see people who chosen to really give all they have to make it work, and still be themselves! God bless!
I just stumbled across your channel and really appreciate your experience and sharing them with others who have contemplated either going or staying in their marriage and I can certainly relate to both sides of this experience because I have been divorced before when I was younger and I walked away with hardly understanding what I really needed in a relationship with my husband! I almost ended my current marriage but I did some real soul searching and I got down on my knees and I prayed to God for help and to take a good look at myself and that saved my marriage and I am truly grateful for making and taking the steps to ask my husband why are we getting a divorce when we still love each other? Now I can say we are still married 19 years as July of 2018! I give God the credit for every good thing that has happened in my life that has made me a better person and more giving ❤️🙏👍👍👍
I can see why you love writing. You are so eloquent at it. Thank you for speaking for those who have, and want to expand the realm of the marriage sphere to include staying together. Happy for you that Nick spoke loud enough for you to hear. I think you two are fine examples of how to make a marriage last! God bless you both, and your sweet children. Love from Texas.
WOW... OMG... This is the marriage I have with my husband. I’m a strong women myself.
I have been divorced (he didn’t like it that I was independent and strong) that was a sad day. I loved being married but not to that man. I truly believe that my present husband and I will be married til we die. I told my husband shortly before we were married that I see us sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. Several yrs later I was in San Antonio and I photographer had a print showing that. Yes, exactly what I pictured for our marriage. A pic showing the back of 2 rocking chairs over looking a backyard. All I could do was...... you guessed it..... Cry 😭. Of course I purchased it and it hangs in our living room. I shared the story with most everyone that comes to our home. I also hope that other women can find what we have.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story.
PS: In Dec we’ll be married for 17 yrs.
I love it that you guys worked hard to save your marriage! I'm sure the kids are much happier when their parents happy together!
I so relate..... thank you..... I was married 35 years before I lost my husband to cancer. one thing I saw in those years was people getting divorced and I saw them still in pain just in a different way than we were. Ours wasn't a perfect marriage but I am glad for it. I wish I had seen this at my 20 year mark. I wish I could have done things differently. now I am with my husband's best friend and I do have a wonderful relationship with him. humble and respectful going both ways. I love when people share their real selves thank you for stepping out this way. it tells in the bible that the older women are to teach the younger women.
Ester, Wow, once again, right on target. Thank you, it must have been hard. Keep up the good work, the world needs it. Good luck.
I can't believe the beauty and truth of this channel; and the joy of Fouch o matic channel. Many thanks.
You did an amazing job of being transparent about a subject that I find near and dear to my heart.
Ive been married to my wonderfull wife I met in 2nd grade for 52 Years !!
I love Gilberts The last of the American man
Thank you for your story...very powerful thoughts and feelings..I appreciate you.
What do I hear in your voice today, Dear Esther?
You passionately have proclaimed the cost of not opening up our ears to the cost-of--it...the not being free to be who God called us to be. Your gift to speak truth is appreciated. Thank you for listening to what it was you were to say today. You did it well.
Thank you so much. :)
Thank you for being real and open about your life.
I AM THE ONE PERSON WHO NEEDED THIS!!!! *tears* Thank you SO much for sharing!
Esther this video was awesome. Just a reflection of myself. I feel that this video can also be applied to men as well. Feeling trapped is a trick, feeling as though you cant be yourself for whatever reason. Remaining in a state of avoiding being yourself you can forget who you were, Who you are and in that you lose the direction in your life. Your family is awesome and appreciated.
It's like you read my mind and said the things I couldn't put into words. Thank you! ❤️
Thank you Ester for being the authentic you. You are the ideal of the power that you are
Very nice. You are sweet and strong.
I appreciate all you said. I am happy for you and Nick. It seems, he knows you pretty well, to say "the right thing" and it seems unfortunate but necessary sometimes, we as men, feel the need to yell, to get our points across.
Much love and respect to you and yours.
This is particularly poinient for me as I'm young and considering marriage to my boyfriend right now. My mother is a very strong-headed independant woman and has a sucessful career and I'm struggling with the conflicts of wanting the quiet homesteading life, and wanting to make her proud by carrying on those feminist values. You've made a very good point by saying that I can really have both a stay-at-home life as a gardener and not sacrificing my integrity as an idividual. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stories. If you wrote a book of essays or something I would buy that in a heartbeat!
Good job Esther & Nick. Thank you so much for sharing something very personal. God bless, I will pray for you and your family.
that was immensely brave. thank you.
several hours later... I can't shake this story from my head (not that I'm trying to). this has really torn me up. so powerful.
more timely than i can say..... working really hard..... i just dont know what will happen.....but im trying.....with God's wisdom......bless you sweet Esther
love your attitude we have been married 35 years ups and downs he was a city boy I was country, hes a biker I'm a Buddhist I'm a VERY strong woman..maybe more strong than a woman should be at times but we make it work very good video..prepper pam
Very brave and very wise words and you are lucky to have Nick, I walked out because I was smothered, slowly broken down to a quivering mess and I owed it to my young children at the time to get away and although it was hard at times, I never regretted it as today they are 2 amazing, educated, independent awesome young adults :-)
Thank you for this. It is really making me think about the choices I have in my life as an adult woman. I have always felt like I could not commit to a serious relationship because I had trust issue. But I never opened up enough for anyone to know the really me. I was always afraid that no one would want my true self.
I miss the Fouch Family. I pray your all well.🙏
Wow. Isn't it scary growing up...but then so, satisfying and relieving. Thanks for this video.
Yes. That. thank you.
Your story rings true for me. It was 15 years into our marriage before we reached the breaking point. And although there was no infidelity my dear hubby had become a bear and very difficult to live with. He was ready to leave and I became desperate. I turned to God (as I am a believer ) and asked no begged for help. He showed me that although hubby was being difficult, even unbearable, much of it was a result of the way I had treated him, the assumptions that I made about life, my opinions as fact, and that he just needed to tow my line. It was shocking to me to realize that I was the cause of my own misery. I changed, no i didn't give up who I was, I just realized that his opinions, assumptions, and thoughts we just as valid as my own. I slowly learned to listen and hear him and we slowly journeyed back to one another. The last 5 years have be the happiest of our marriage....not blissful, but instead a great partnership where things get done to the betterment of both. I am ever so grateful that we stuck it out the alternative makes me cry, when I think of how close we came. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I don't have the voice that you do and there is such a need to hear that there is an other option even if you can't see it right away and you have to work for it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over for sharing your story. I have needed to hear a narrative like yours for a long time.
After I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert several years ago, I determined that would explore and grow and make the most of my life in my current living situation. (At that time, my husband was away for a yearlong deployment, and I was essentially homeschooling my 1st grader and keeping up with my very active toddler. I was also experiencing a major shift in my personal faith. Getting away for an afternoon was a rare and major feat. So taking off for another continent was out of the question!)
Fast forward to now . . . I continue to grow and stretch beyond where I've been comfortable. And I am so fortunate that my husband has chosen to grow and build upon his dreams and empowers me to do the same. . . . Yet, I've read and seen those stories you've read and seen - and many others that are similar.
I've carried with me that fear that as my husband and I pursue our own paths of healing and growth that maybe one of us would outgrow our need for the other. I think I've also been limiting myself b/c I've felt that in order for our marriage to last, I had to define my life and myself within the bounds of that relationship - some "ideal" that we'd been taught years ago. I had never considered that our relationship might just *grow* with us!!
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for offering a different narrative - one in which an empowered woman does not have to break away in order to break free. (And kudos to your husband too. I'm glad you both have been able to find and pursue your passions *together*.)
I needed to hear this today !! Thank you so much for sharing your story. God bless.
Hi Esther- Thank you for sharing your story and being such a light, real embodiment of authenticity
What a Powerful Story! Thank you Esther! Being single now has allowed me to be my whole self! The man I had to leave was very intimidated by me being my whole, very strong, self. I wish it didn't have to be like that! I love your story and I love watching you and Nick interacting. The respect and humour is always there between you two, and in fact in your whole family! I noticed early on when watching your videos that your kids treat each other with respect, as well as you, the parents. And those kids really have well developed senses of humour! Love your videos. Cate xo
Brava! Brilliant video, as always.
It sounds as if perhaps you and Nick both had the 7-Year Itch way back then. I am glad you redefined your relationship to each other and to yourselves.
Maybe I have sabotaged my relationships in the past; I suspect so. I definitely know that I have ALWAYS protected *everyone* from me. Very complex story I won't bore you with.
I love hearing that you have been able to be your full self inside a relationship. I have not ever gotten past the power struggles to see if that could happen - I have no desire to control anyone, but I will not be controlled by anyone, either. It's just easier alone. For me, anyway.
You speak straight to my heart in every video of yours that I see.
Love this. I have been struggling with these widely seen stories, too. Thank you for lighting the parallel path.
I am so happy for you and Nick and especially for your children. Obviously, you and Nick were blessed by both Nature and Nurture giving you the capacity to overcome the pride of life and save your marriage. It appears your children are blessed the same way. I am so proud of you both.
What a BEAUTIFUL video! Esther you are the Proverbs 14:1 wise woman who chose to edify her house. This is something I have always believed. When we decide to come into a relationship, you give up a part of your individualism to become one with your spouse but I that does not mean that we die to our true self. Finding the right mate to form the union that allows u to be u is the hard part. Thank u for this video. God bless.
Thank you!
All I have to say is..... thank you for being you..... ♡♥♡ A'ho
your thoughts and revelations are always what I call "good medicine," I can;t wait until your book comes out!
So very well said!
Wow. So powerful. Made me tear up.
thank you for sharing. God bless you and your family
Very powerful. Thanks for sharing.
Great message from your heart thank you
Congratulations on putting your marriage back together. There are absolutely cases where marriages need to end. There are situations where there is emotional, verbal, financial, physical and /or sexual abuse. I don't believe that other people have the right to tell you what to do and I'm sorry for the very rude comments that I've been reading. I'm a divorce lawyer and all I see is people hurting. I conduct my cases ethically and I do not make things worse for my own financial gain. Yes there are those who do and it's awful. I hate watching what people who loved each other do to each other. True success is when I can get the couple into marriage counselling. I will refer a few clients to this video. Maybe it will help them reconsider things. On a personal note--you helped me today at a personal level with an issue that I won't go into, but just know that you helped me with something and I truly thank you.
I love this so much, I've watched it twice.
Thank you! How did I not get to know you sooner? !!!
I am a little late to the conversation, but would just like to mention that something I see in relationships too often is moving on when things get difficult.
Because the world seems so big with so many options, I think way too many people give up on what is essentially a good relationship when things start to get tough. Only to end up doing it again in the next relationship when it gets to the same or similar tough spot.
This is not to say there aren't legitimate reasons to split up, but just that too often people split up due to what is essentially normal hurdles that happen in any relationship. Eventually finances, amount of interaction time, personal space, repetitive routines, etc all crop up as issues in relationships. These are things that can be worked through with some effort upon both parties part. In fact if you want a relationship to last you have to eventually work through these things. Or they lead to a pile up of problems as things start going unsaid and undelt with.
Communication, and understanding that there will be issues that need figuring out is very important. Typically though, if both parties can agree to wanting to fix problems, there is a way to fix them and get past them.
I have often said, "love is sticking around through the bad times as well as the good." It is easy to be there when everything is fun and exciting, but being there when things are not fun, when they are falling down around you and saying "it is ok we will figure this out" that is love.