How do I know what support I need? | ep.221
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2025
- In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast, licensed therapist Kati Morton explains what support a therapist can offer and how to know what we need from them. She also talks about chronic suicidality, dealing with frustration and anger, and why we can feel we are too late for everything we want to do in life. She also discusses how we can come to terms with a new diagnosis.
Audience Questions:
1. Not sure if you’ve ever answered this question, but what does it mean exactly when my therapist asks “what do you need, how can I support you right now?” Especially during a difficult session. This happened recently when I was struggling during trauma work and I had no idea what to say when she asked, or what my options were exactly. My mind kind of went to places I wasn’t sure made sense, like if we could stop and she could maybe read to me or just sit next to me or near me in silence or put her hand on my back or something. Even though we have an amazing rapport, I wasn’t comfortable enough to admit these were what came to mind in the moment because of the anxiety that followed about not knowing if that’s what she “meant” by asking what I needed. Thanks Kati, I hope you’ve been well. 00:45
2. Could you talk a bit about chronic suicidality? I know it’s a heavy subject but I have found there is very little information out there about starting to address or manage it. Thoughts of ending my life are comforting to me and I find I automatically go there in response to any uncomfortable or upsetting thoughts. As a result these thoughts can be almost constant. As much as they help me, I know they are unhealthy to rely on so much.... 04:56
3. I have a question about frustration or rather anger. I’ve recently started therapy and in my last session I brought up the fact I was abused as a teenager… I had never told anyone about it until then. At the end of the session she told me that I may find I have a mix of emotions and possibly questions before our next session. She asked me to write them down and we could look at it when I see her again. I did have a lot of feelings, thoughts and questions so as she suggested I grabbed a pen and paper. I went to write stuff down but just felt this sudden anger, like really angry and I just gripped my pen and scribbled- like a toddler would only with a lot more frustration. It felt so childish. but after... 15:12
4. I would like to ask how can one cope with the feeling of "being too late in life", of having wasted all your life and now being too late to start over. I have failed in all aspects of life (no work, no family, no friends, nothing...) and I do not know where to start, how to find the strength and most important how to restore my "faith", how to stop thinking that the game is over. I was in therapy for many years but with no great results. Currently I need it so much but I do not have the money to support it. Ageism and society's standards do not help either... 22:02
5. I find myself thinking a lot about my therapist in between my sessions, not in a romantic obsessive kind of way, but rather constantly thinking how I can do better and communicate better with her. In my culture, growing up we were never taught about emotions, that they exist, how to pay attention to them, describe them, or deal with them. Parents are authoritative figures who provide all the necessities, have strong influence over all aspects of our lives such as schooling, romance, and career, but may not ever think to ask what we want or what we need. We were not really provided with choices growing up. I didn't really ever pick out my own clothes or food until after I graduated from college and started working. I believe my parents did the best they could given the way they were brought up and given our cultural background. And reading what I just wrote sounds worse than it really was, but... 36:38
PUBLISHED BOOKS
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? geni.us/sva4iUY
Join this channel & access more perks:
/ @katimorton
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: betterhelp.com... (enjoy 10% off your first month)
SOCIAL
X: / katimorton
TikTok: / katimorton
Facebook: / katimorton1
Instagram: / katimorton
Pinterest: / katimorton1
Patreon: www.katimorton...
PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
you know when katie says "I'm going to take a guess..." she's about to drop the most accurate and specific info we've ever heard
😂 so accurate
Its like mic drop 🎤
Yes I have at times not able to properly explain it but thanks to Katie I can now explain properly what I'm going through with at the moment and the inner-strufgles to deal with
I love that you swear, I relate to that type of speaking. Thank you for your videos. I'm an ironworker, we swear a lot. Of all trades ironworkers have the highest rate of suicide and substance abuse. Good ironworkers often lose thier minds, the best find thier way back. You're never a real ironworker unless you have one of 3 things; a drug addiction, a divorce or a criminal record. If you have all three you're the foreman. If you make it out you own the company. Thanks Kati
Wow ❤❤❤
Thank you for addressing chronic suicidality. I've scoured TH-cam for everything available and am always looking for new tools for my toolbelt. I have lived with this for more than 40 years and am trying hard to heal so I can experience something different.
I have a lot of glimmers. One thing is that I sprained my knee a few months ago and was on crutches, and now I am able to walk for 30 minutes with minimal to moderate pain. Another thing is I work full-time in a school, and I was planning to work this summer, but I found that I don't need to work this summer because I have enough savings to tie me over. I also have an opportunity to pursue a masters degree. I have been finding ways to finance my education, and the program is fully online. I don't have a car, and I am thankful for delivery to my apartment. I have written so many gratitude lists all the time to the point that I can now do it in my head!
Thanks to Kati I realized that I really do have BPD and even though it is a hard struggle to maintain I try my best for me and able to recognize the perspective of process
@KatiMorton thank you so much for EVERYTHING you do for this community and mental health awareness. Kati, you inspired me to enroll in a graduate CMHC program. I was 14 when you first started your channel on youtube. Thank you for everything. I wish I could describe how much you've helped me. Thank you thank you thank you Kati
The idea of suicidal ideation coming from a place of shame hit me like a punch to the gut. . .
Also, I have no problem with my diagnosis. For me it was a relief because it DID feel like I always had the issue, I just never had a name for it.
But, while getting it was a relief for me, it put up a wall between me and my family. They were comfortable thinking of me as just an unstable person, but having a scary-sounding diagnosis made it real on a level they're not comfortable with. They read too much into it and associate me with the worst qualities of the disorder.
Thank you so much...xxx
I'd probably have a lot to unravel here; this one particularly "met" me in places I didn't even consciously know I was hiding. I am grateful to both you Kati and the beautiful human beings who shared their questions. For now, I'll just focus on glimmers, since the small things are usually the greatest, if only we give them the opportunity to speak for themselves: I had a crazy laugh with my Grandma yesterday. So many reasons could have made my day heavy, but I still have been able to laugh, genuinely, with her. Having been depressed for years, this was beyond precious. Hang in there, everyone. With what I just experienced, I guess that there is actually hope in the future, starting with the "big-little things". I care about you all xxx
I love your ability to be real and cuss when necessary!!! 😅 love it!!!
Thank you ! You are so heart warming, ❤❤❤
Im a subscriber from Uruguay . In treatment for PMDD . This is so helpful. 🙏🇺🇾❣️❣️❣️
Oh Katie! My best friend since kindergarten was talking about this (re a situation in her family of origin.) I felt dumb as I UNDERSTAND the words, trying to grasp the concept has been lost on me - until this "short" you did. My therapist would remind me that "an emotion usually only will last for 40-45 minutes." In general, HE'S BEEN RIGHT!!! "It's a FEELING; it's not a medical condition!"....I one day had to tell the woman who raised me as she'd preface most things she'd say with, "I just FEEL so guilty!" It definitely helped me be able to...a few years later....go No Contact with her. Not that THAT makes me feel "good," except I no longer subject myself to her "issues" and tho it can feel lonely sometimes....I won't ever return to that relationship NOR entertain anyone else who lives in "that world." We ALL make choices and I FINALLY chose to put my life and mental health ahead of her mental health problems. I DID give her information and places that she could call if she wanted to. She never has. Her choice. I respect that; I ALSO don't entertain her company as I'm unable to be healthy and engage with her. Not all things turn out how we dreamt or could have imagined. So I do the best I can for me; and the hardest times are when doing what I need to do to be healthy leaves me family-less. You DO learn to accept the reality and figure out how to create your own "family" (friend's parents, a neighbor, or dear friend. YOU get to choose the people that you call "family.") God bless everyone who is also learning "to allow space for uncomfortable feeling's" and not acting on them! It definitely sucks at the time. But you'll be a better form of yourself by doing it! 🫶
I really like second to last question. I am trying to alter my perspective. Thank you. I've been through therapy before, but now I am trying to take gather my own tools and listen to my own voice.
Thank you Katie. One glimmer I have is looking at the wildflower garden I planted three years ago. As I leave my garage in the morning sun I feel proud of how nice it looks and at the beauty I share with my neighbors. Keep on doing the great work. You make a difference.
Question 2--I read this several years ago: "The thought [of death] starts to feel good, like a hand reaching out to help you when it feels like nothing else can."
Super appreciate all the content and time and emotion you put into your content Kati. Take care.
Question 2 is my jam as this is a subject that scares most. But as a now 14yr survivor being able to end my life felt like I was in control. No more worrying about bills, being fat and undesired, being neurodiverse and all the trauma would stop.
Sometimes glimmers help but reality isn’t always in reach but can be a good distraction. And if you are glued to social media it can make those small wins pale in comparison like I had a shower vs I got a new bmw.
I get where you’re coming from. I’m 54 and suicidal ideation has plagued me since I was 15. I’m struggling with those thoughts right now, but I’m still here. I recognize that these thoughts are momentary, they’ll pass and I’ll have good days, too - weeks even - where I don’t have these thoughts or feel hopeless and unworthy of love and attention. “Hold on for one more day,” sings Wilson Philips, “things’ll go your way.” It’s true. I listen to that song sometimes when I’m feeling especially shitty about life and myself. It’s a glimmer. Give it a try. And also, keep living. You’re worth it. Be strong. Think of something good about yourself. Access your empathy. Smile at a stranger. Compliment someone. Recall yourself as a child and think what you might do to help that child. Maybe that child needs you to love it, maybe they need a hug, be told "I love you," then tell yourself “that’s me.” ❤ Hold on for one more day. 🤗 You're worth life.
"HOLD ON"
th-cam.com/video/uIbXvaE39wM/w-d-xo.htmlsi=_VTgzVTQ6g21_QNv
Dear Kati, thank you so much for answering my question (number 4)! Your advice is valuable and so on point. I will try to implement it. And to the "add ons", guys, amazing questions, so relatable! Wish you Kati and everybody the best! ❤ (excuse my English, it is not my first language)
I can't thank you enough for sharing this knowledge in your videos. They help me so much on my journey.
Thank you for answering (the very long) question #5 Kati. You have such a special gift in breaking down and explaining what seems to be an insurmountable challenge at first into something that *may be* potentially achievable. Appreciate you answering my question and thanks again for all that you do! ❤
Here's a glimmer: a student of mine decided to write her book report on Pride & Prejudice, one of my favorite novels. I didn't prompt this and I don't think I've even ever mentioned it to her. ^^ It made me happy she has good taste.
You are AMAZING Thank you for every advise and support and ideas. To connect with ourself to feeling safe and better with thoughts🙏🏼💕 and love ourself ❤🌹🌹🌹🙏🏼
I relate to question 2, you’re not alone. I think there are a lot of us out here especially with the news and other things being so shoved in our face all day everyday. My depression makes me want to curl up and just not exist so when people tell me to use it for drive I always laugh because of how much they don’t understand. I wish it cared enough to be used as drive
Edit: thank you Katie for the advice, I’ll have to try and use it for myself
Thank you so much Katie, even though my thoughts are shorthanded and don't last very long when I am going through a depression episode, here and now this video helped me tremendously
Great advice once again
Thanks for responding! Found the bookmarks! :) Thanks for the fantastic videos!
I really need this today, thank you so much😘❣️❤️❣️🥰
You are so welcome! 🤗
Glimmers: Sunrise/Sunset ✌️❤
What a great video! Thank you❤
Anger gets such a bad rap but if use it well it can be helpful. It’s gas to get the car to go. Our society wants all to be docile as anger makes changes. Anger lets us know something is off like the gas light on the dashboard.
I don't think anger is a real emotion. It's a fire blanket for our more traumatic emotions.
@@sunahgahd you know
I call it as is, filter when necessary.
@@GaryGillKeeperit’s often a cover for other emotions, but it can be a primary emotion particularly when someone crosses our boundaries or blocks us from reaching our goals.
I actually find anger to be quite motivating, personally
This is exactly what I need. I currently have several therapists and STILL feel like I need more
@katimorton. Hello late watching and listening but I'm always thankful I can relate watch your AKA anytime as Meany times as I want is always good to see you and listen to your soft calming voice you looked beautiful p.s yes having depression makes you feel like everything is horrible I am still trying to be a fighter ❤️🙏🏻🙂
Thank u Kati for your advice
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you!!💛
So meany question s and all interesting and important as always this AKA podcast and Kati are my calming safe space and chatting in the comments I send care prayer s and love to everyone we all need support 🙏🏻❤️
I’m so afraid to cry for a few reasons (1: I used to get yelled at for crying and 2: get picked on by my sister ) 3: now I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll never be able to stop… and I don’t have a shoulder on which to lay my head so I will regress and hang out with a T bear…
@@SoOkThenLetsGo hello I'm Nikki I am a long time subscriber and have been a member of Kati s psyched up 30 livestream s for 4 months I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear what you have been though in your life and that you are afraid to cry because of your past I can understand and relate to your comment ❤️🙏🏻
can you please check the podcast feed. this ep didn't appear. i came by youtube just to check everything is ok =)
Katie- some things it is way too late. I really wanted to have children and a family. It is too late at my age. There have not been any experiences in my life that are all that great.
Thank you for question 4.
Great video Kati
Where can we go to submit questions for these podcasts?
@IMemoriall. Hello 👋🏻🙂to answer your question you can find where Kati asks for questions is on her channel on the community tap that's also where you can post and ask your questions
I love when you said, “give me their name, I’ll give em a call!” You would be a fun friend to have to kick mean peoples’ asses! :)😂
Hi Kati, I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this, but I have a question. I have a history of anorexia and have been doing well for many years. Recently there have been some life stressors going on and I've found myself reverting back to some eating disorder behaviours and generally finding it harder to eat, but I don't have any desire to lose weight and have an ok body image, so I don't fully understand where it's coming from. It's not that I've lost my appetite, I definitely still feel hungry and recognise the cues my body is giving me that it's time to eat, but I'm finding that when I do eat I get waves of physical anxiety symptoms that seem totally unrelated to any thoughts I'm having. Today I was busy and distracted and a child offered me a cookie and was quite insistent that I take it, so I did, and took a bite without thinking, and a few seconds later this wave of angst seemed to crash over me before I'd even really noticed that I'd eaten something. For the most part I'm able to make myself eat enough and sit with the anxiety, but I'm confused about where it's coming from and how to stop it. It's getting exhausting!
Thank you.
One small good thing that I like.......iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks on a nice warm sunny day, with sunshine on my shoulders.
I have chronic suicidal thoughts but I don‘t think I am that depressed…I just find these thoughts calming. I think about my death almost every night before going to sleep. And in life，I function well. I can't talk about this with my therapist. I don't know why，I just can't.
even growing up in kinder garden, i noticed that i was different from all the other kids,i felt more "mature" is the only word that comes to mind, i have been always aggressive and more physical then all the other kids ,losing my shit more easily, constantly being bullied in primary school and high school,my dad has always been this shadow of fear,glooming around the house (He is a Sergeant major first class in the SA military)constantly yelling and bitching about the smallest shit. i find that anger is when i get shit done,if i get pissed with myself for not getting up to study,then i go drill sergeant on my own ass,if im pissed i look forward to try and improve my roundhouse kick on the heavybag, or going to the gym and abusing the wheights ,sitting my ass down and studying ,im a fitness professional ,aspiring to achieve my PHD in Sport Physiology and sports Nutrition and hope to reach mastery in my chosen martial arts, but the anger that drives me,is also killing.I long for physical touch and intamacy, i long for somoene to validate what i am going threw, not try to have a Dick meusuring contest, somoene who will shut up and listen,and offer comfort and to sooth, The jing to my jang.I am not in touch with my soft side,and need to feel love fore ones and not boiling anger reserved for my enemies.Hope somoene can relate.
Since I am no longer suicidal, I think of that and become angry is that normal??
My current glimmer is that I'm taking the end of a lovebomb period in stride. Like my brain is going "That was nice while it lasted. Back to her regularly scheduled program, I guess." All said with a bit of a shrug.
Getting a diagnosis doesn't changee who I am, but it did make me quite hopeless
How do i get help with no money to spare. Im in Atlanta. Nearly homeless and i think ive been autistic all of my life. Im 44 yrs old and cant do anything to help myself.
My glimmer was my manager told me the director of our team gave me a compliment on something I did that I felt wasn't good enough.
I need to tell my preteen daughters about my CA and CSA. I've got to hold it in for at least a a couple of years.
Hard work
Question for your brother and others like him what age did you get married at
For some in my family that got married young the second question what age did you get divorced and was it because you married to young
I always fought back (when I said never for my older family members they became totally fine with that and saw me as strong independent female) I rarely needed to bring out my questioning side to them
I did that for people who were cexist in my family the ones who saw females as baby factories and later ended up in the male rooms that became gay cex (family guy talked about it on an episode and totally true)
@KatiMorton is RTT therapy legitimate?
A bloke falls from the top of a skyscraper, and as he is halfway to the ground, he thinks to himself, "well, things are going okay so far".
Seeking lil glimmers feels just like that, like keeping eyes shut to the severity of my situation, like an extreme, shameful, and harmful escapism. Even leaving aside the inability to just tell yourself what you should think, this alone would prevent me from attempting this approach. Should I lie to myself if I see no profoundly good things in my life? Sorry for sounding overly critical, but that answer really stings me for some reason.
It's interesting that you said "lie," but glimmers aren't supposed to be lies. They're objective things we can point out in our day-to-day experiences, meant to help us put perspective into our lives in order to combat the negativity our brain centers our focus on.
It's true they may not be enough for everyone, and additional support may be needed, like medication or therapy. But they shouldn't be lies, and they do help some people cope with negativity spirals.
@@yundorphin Thank you. Two things seem important here: objective things and perspective. For me, the "lying" factor is in the perspective. I've had a proper meal today (but I may or may not have that next time). I have a bed and a shelter (again, may not be able to afford them next time). It's a lovely weather outside (but I don't feel any pleasure from it, or anything really). The glimmers are true, but the perspective I put in parenthesis is more urgent and crucial (to be clear, the first two examples are not economical, it's about my despression causing inability to earn my living). So the glimmers are true, but pointing them out on the brink of despair seems like lying or, rather, cheating.
@cantproducemyownnick Then your depression makes you dread the future possibilities, is that correct? In that particular case, I can see why glimmers wouldn't help. That sounds like anxiety making the glimmers lose their glow, and the anxiety is probably something that has to be tended to. But I think for those thinking they have nothing going for them *now*, seeking out glimmers to remind them that may not necessarily be true can be a helpful coping mechanism, at least until it the fog of depression clears up enough that a path forward is more visible.
I need to know how to deal with my abusive family because they already started to cause the baby so much trauma
They (my mom and sister) refuse to leave the baby alone when he needs to use the bathroom
They stay in the bathroom and force him to pee in front of them while he sceams at them to leave
He gave up screaming but he started to act out in other ways then they just call him a brat or get mad at him when its their fault
I need a video yo break the chain because I refuse to step in and once again make my sisters responsibility mine because all I am able to do is scream at them in my blood curdling scream that I uses to use to gain dominance since bab age (I took adult stance at 7 but adult since 4 or younger due to this abuse they put on the baby now)
They also give the baby mixed singles now like the did with meare always in the bathroom when (he opened up the bathroom he is door when my sister was in there anin thered they got mad at him and said never open the door when somebody is in there but they are always in there when they force him to use the toilet)
He says he is a little baby and I remember him saying he was a big boy before but since he cant use the bathroom alone he decided hes a baby because he cant use the bathroom alone according to them
He knows how to get himself on the toilet but my mom refuses to let him use the bathroom alone same with my sister she got the school to cause that type of trauma and instead of the school saying they are not permitted to they said sure and caused that baby more trauma so the school decided since my sister needs somebody to be with him in the bathroom hes to little
I found out thats where the to little came from with him
I might be able to stop the toilet trauma that I ended up with I need a professional to back me up because my words get gaslighted and mean nothing unless I scream and in am apartment a very bad idea
The only time I got listened to when I screamed wven though I got in trouble for it at times I remember always a more positive then negative came from it
Psychiatry never helped me. I was at school, reading fifteen hours a day and really progressing in my studies. and when they sent me to Timberlawn Psychiatric Hospital it was basically a waste of a good year, and they put me on a debilitating drug that greatly lessened my intellectual acuity. They should have just left me in my room. I don't think I will ever recover from the intellectual losses I got from my year in a psychiatric hospital.
I really like what you are doing, but let me tell you, please 🙏
Look at your environment and just go out one good evening. If you can stay alone, not lonely. My advice is to help you go out. Imagine in the galaxy new planet after 1000 years and one question for you! If I take children on my new planet and will hide about death, what do you think will happen? I told you a lot, now it's up to you.
My therapist says I need medication for the rest of m6 life. That's shitty
مق
I can’t find this episode on Spotify 🥲
مق