Is Abuela a Narcissist in Disney's Encanto? - The Fangirl Encanto Review
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ม.ค. 2022
- It's time for a Disney movie analysis with Abuela from Encanto. Is she someone who might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Well, let's see what applies to Mirabel's granny!
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#encanto #disney #narcissism #TheFangirl - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
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I think she's just a very traumatized woman, but some people have more narc traits than others (without being full on narcissists)
I feel her deal is more about survivor's guilt. She's so perfectionist because she feels the need to always prove to herself that she deserves not only the Miracle but also her husband's sacrifice.
You put all my thoughts into words
I like how the new Disney movies bring up issues that people can recognize and learn how to address them. This method of communicating that these issues exist and it's ok to acknowledge them but there are also solutions (maybe not as easy as they are in the Disney movies) and ways to move forward. Family trauma exists in every family and learning how to overcome these traumas and how to recognize when a family member is hurting and not ignoring it are good messages for the new generation.
Yes l love that 🥰 as a person who protective of my space and energy l was God at saying no to people who toxicity my life but my parents l just couldn't figure out how to put the distance noticing they are toxicity my life and recently started to put my distance with one the other l have been doing for a while the physical distance helps when this movie came out l was like why do l feel like that my mum lol
I was friends with a narcissist for two years. The love bombing and gaslighting was the worse part. It makes you question everything about yourself. I stood up to him and cut him out of my life, but I had caused narcissistic injury. He tried to get revenge in the worst way possible, but he failed. It's a very scary thing. I don't think Abuela is a narcissist because she managed to genuinely admit her faults at the end. I do believe she has narcissistic tendencies though.
Edit: The second you hear phrases like, "You're just sensitive," "It's my passion, not my anger," or, "You're pathetic." Run. Never look back. These are common phrases among narcissists.
I’m so sorry to hear that, but thank you for sharing your story! Narcissistic friendships don’t get talked about very often, so it’s interesting to hear that you experienced love bombing as a way for someone to platonically get close to you. I wish the research and terminology would start expanding, because I’m sure there’s a lot of people who don’t realize that they’re being love bombed just because the word “love” is in the title.
I’m so glad you broke away though - stay safe!
Agreed. Though I also hope you’re doing okay now since you had to go through that kind of treatment.
There are a few points that I would like to analyze in more detail. If you don't mind, of course.
What do you mean by the term "love bombing"? Wikipedia says that this is a way of psychological manipulation, with the help of which religious cults at the initial stages of recruiting a new sectarian brainwash him. But this video says that love bombing is a situation when a person makes generous gifts to another person, tries to help and support everywhere, sometimes overdoing it? If this is the case, then many friends, relatives and partners are narcissists...
When a person says the phrase "This is my passion, not my anger," it is likely that he means it. There are a lot of different people in the world, you know. And some of them have a specific choleric temperament. Their nervous system is designed so that any (even the most insignificant) stimulus can cause a violent reaction. Especially if life does not spoil them with joys.
And I want to sort out the last part of your message. "Run away and never come back"? That is, I (or anyone else) need to leave a person who wants to be friends with me and communicate with me, but does not understand that he is doing it perversely and incorrectly? And I'm not supposed to help him? And he has to stay alone forever because he doesn't know how to be friends?
I can tell you a story too. Fortunately, every person in life has a couple of critically important situations that seem insignificant and even far-fetched to others.
I don't have very good social skills, so all my attempts to get closer to friends seem hypocritical and deceitful. I don't believe that a person wants to accept me, so I try to "buy" his love with care, support and gifts (love bombing, yeah). I am not fond of gaslighting, and I try to smooth out even the most obvious failures and shortcomings of a person with compliments or, if the situation requires it, flattery.
I've been trying to make friends with a person for three years, doing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING related to studying at the university for him. At first he was even friendly, but then he started to close down. I tried to understand what was the matter, even asked openly, but the "friend" did not give me a clear answer. Then he started ignoring me. In the correspondence there were only my messages with study assignments. It made me angry and scared. I'm doing something wrong. And what exactly? I need to improve, but I have no information about what exactly needs to be done. I was angry. And, of course, expressed grievances to him. And in response, he received silence. I apologized every time for weakness and then I broke down again.
Finally, the "friend" said that he did not need my help and had never needed it. And the relationship that I ruined, he's not going to continue.
Why didn't he say that before? I would save three years and try to find another person I could make friends with. Can ignoring and avoiding a person be considered the actions of an adult self-sufficient person? Friendship is a complex process of interaction between two people, in which each friend must invest a part of himself. If your friend is a "narcissist", then before you leave him behind, try to explain to him that his words/ actions/ thoughts offend you. Do not hide emotions, do not hide feelings, do not hide resentments. If your feelings amuse him, then yes, this is not a friend, but a sociopath who uses you to strengthen his own social authority. Such people cannot be helped, they need the help of a psychologist.
I want to apologize for my clumsy English. This is not my native language, and this text was translated through a translator.
@@terterar1610 @Terterar I'm sorry to hear about your former friend, Terterar. I don't know you're situation, but it sounds like you deserved better. To answer some of your questions, I did not ignore this person. I only cut them out when they had threatened to physically hurt me, and even then, I attempted to have a conversation. He gaslit me and was cruel when I made an effort to be civil. That's when I told him I shouldn't fear a friend, to which he responded with, "You just read too much." There are a whole lot of traumatic episodes involved after that. He said he was going to slap my friend the way he deserved. He thew chairs on the patio, wished death on me and my co-workers. And he did something extremely dark that I'm not going into detail on. I'm in therapy right now trying to reel from the experience. He replaced the word "anger" with "passion" as a way to put a pretty filter over the negative. Whether he believes it or not, doesn't make it right. His explosive anger was not normal.
A narcissist can't be helped. Trust me, I tried. It took my life being at risk for me to see that clearly. Love bombing is a manipulative tactic. Narcissists do this sort of thing so they can get close to you and use you. They're not worth the headache. They're emotionally stunted and can't be reasoned with. Therapy treatment can help, but it's rare because they can talk their way out of anything. The therapist might be manipulated.
@@CAHurst-uy9uz No, I deserved what I got. I was too intrusive, impatient and aggressive. I should have been softer and more attentive. Well, according to my deeds, I get a reward.
What you are describing is not narcissism, it is a serious mental problem. Perhaps some kind of neglected psychopathy that should be treated by a psychiatrist, not a psychologist. If a person threatens you with violence, it is not a friend. It's not even an acquaintance. This is a danger to be avoided. Which you did. I wish you never to meet such people again.
It seems to me that the trauma and stress from being the community leader are sufficient to explain her behavior. Her every act shows genuine concern for the wellbeing of everyone involved. Yes, even when that results in what could have been a passive aggressive comment. And it was the community that warped their own memory of Bruno as a creep and a blight on the place after he disappeared.
Just to answer the question, my therapist said you can have "symptoms of npd" but that wouldn't make you a narcissist.
Same with bpd and aspd.
It seems to me that Abuela is not a narcissist, but a person suffering from her own maladaptive perfectionism. The miraculous rescue inspired this unfortunate woman with the belief that she and her family should live up to this magic. Her attitude is not a product of her own inflated self-esteem, but of the fear of losing "dignity" in the eyes of a Miracle. And when the magic is gone, Madrigal and their entire village will return to the cruel world of evil people who are ready to kill and rob.
Abuela wanted to save her family, eventually turning salvation into an end in itself. Spurred on by fear, she forgot that her descendants are not robots, ready to perform their functions around the clock.
.... that's... that's literally how Narcissism develops tho. If you watched and listened to the video you would of heard as much. It's not something you're usually born with, it's something that happens or is the result of things that happen in your life. Like you can have the gene for it, but it won't be 'activated' or turn on until something traumatic happens, like what happened with Abuela.
Like it or not, she IS one. Take it from someone who's bio mom is exactly like her.
@@KM-vq1vy You know, I don't want to belittle your life experience or your mother's life experience, but I assure you that a personal example cannot be imposed on other people.
There is narcissism as a personality trait, and there is narcissism as a personality disorder. The first is a quality of character and is brought up in the family, and the second is formed a little later as a result of environmental factors. Neither one nor the other is characterized by symptoms that manifest in Abuela.
Firstly, she thinks not about herself and her exclusivity, but about the exclusivity of her family. And she has every right to do so, because not all people know how to control the weather, see the future, treat with food, and so on.
Secondly, she almost immediately admits her mistakes when they are pointed out to her directly. Try to communicate with narcissus somehow and convince him or her that he or she did something wrong. The subsequent reaction is unlikely to contain remorse.
Thirdly, gaslighting and love bombing are not unique to narcissists. There are still anxious people in the world, people with autism spectrum disorders, sociophobes who cannot interact with other people normally. Abuela is more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder or generalized anxiety disorder, but I have no right to diagnose a fictional character without an obvious opportunity to conduct a full-fledged diagnosis with valid and reliable methods.
@@KM-vq1vy But you're wrong in the department of "people with Narcissistic personality disorder aren't born with it". My dad has narcissistic tendencies and he had a great childhood with great loving parents. No one knows where narcissism stems from, we don't know if it's something that people with the personality disorder has by nature or their experiences mold them into having the personality disorder. a LOT of personality disorders are like that.
The only reason I don't think Abuela is has narcissistic personality disorder is because she sought Mirabel out instead of blaming her or Bruno for everything, realized in the midst of everything that it was her fault, apologized for her actions, and made an effort to change. Instead of rejecting the townsfolk coming back, she accepted their help and concern. Instead of letting other people work, she helped rebuild the home. When Mirabel commented in the song that they weren't perfect, she agreed. She made steps to change. People with NPD don't do that because they cannot see a world where they are flawed in any way, it would crush their ego, hence why they need to shove it off onto other people.
@@KM-vq1vy my father is one too and Alma did things that I won't ever see my father do, unless he's trying to manipulate someone.
Thats often what a narccissist is...
I think Bruno's character tells us a lot about abuela's narcissistic tendencies. Everyone, even his own sisters talk about him like he's some cartoon villain, and he literally did nothing wrong. All of his 'bad' prophecies aren't actually that dire, they're just framed that way. I think Alma treated him with the same disdain as Mirabel, and that attitude was mirrored by everyone else. I also think Alma was the one pushing him to do prophecies, because if he kept getting bad reactions he'd probably stop if left alone.
He believes he's so worthless he hides IN THE WALLS just to prevent himself from 'hurting' the family.
No, I don’t think Abuela is narcissistic. She doesn’t ever fixate on how bad something will make HER look. Whenever the cracks showed in front of people she didn’t act humiliated on a personal level or make it all about herself. Instead she would always emphasize that, “The magic is STRONG!” She doesn’t see the magic as coming from her so it’s not that either. She saw the Encanto as a blessing from PEDRO, the man whose presence in her life was the most carefree and happy she had ever been. She just didn’t realize that even without the gifts they were still a very blessed family because of their love for each other gift or no gift.
She saw the gifts as intrinsically linked to the prosperity of the whole village and their safety. She was wrong to have her expectations so high though. It was unreasonable and I want to shake sense into her for only focusing on the magic when 5-year-old Mirabel was utterly devastated by not getting a gift on her ceremony cause from the looks of it… Abuela NEVER actually took her aside and told Mirabel she was still special and important to her despite not getting what Abuela assured her would be a “gift as special as you.” (I mean OUCH! It physically hurts to see the scene of Abuela talking to Mirabel with such tenderness and kindness before the ceremony then comparing it to how stern and stoic she is afterwards). The impression that I get is that Julieta and Agustín were the ones who ensured Mirabel of her worth because everyone else in the family completely internalized Abuela’s high standards.
However, for the sake of being fair to Abuela: think about the pressure Abuela had as the village’s de facto leader and how it is believable that a truly good person could easily become strict and lacking in consideration. She and Pedro might have been community leaders before fleeing (Pedro sacrificed his life just to buy time for his wife and kids and everyone else to possibly escape). After Pedro’s sacrifice, when she was a grieving widow/single mother to triplet babies, the Encanto was still something she and the community saw as her responsibility (we see the villagers going to her home after Pedro’s death) and on top of that she probably never even got to give Pedro a funeral or burial. Oh and canonically she was only 25 when this happened! That can’t have been easy and definitely would have made commodifying the talents of her family seem reasonable as a way of sustaining a future for everyone.
I found her frustrating when I watched the movie the first time cause she was so harsh but seeing her as a woman who lost the luxury of allowing herself a moment of self-reflection outside of seeing this “big picture.”
Also, a narcissist would not admit they acted horribly and truly change beyond just surface level problem solving. Abuela really did change because she saw how wrong she was and I genuinely saw her get a sense of, “Oh my God, what have I done?!” Come over her when realization dawned on her after Mirabel yelled at her. And she was filled with remorse. Narcissistic people don’t do that, they justify and reason that they were right and everyone else wasn’t and should have fallen in line with them. Abuela is a good woman, she just made mistakes.
So you might want to look up the definition of a communal narcissist, which is someone who does a lot for others but the motivation is to garner the praise (a type of "narcissistic supply") for themselves. They do nothing in secret, and often abuse or mistreat their closest loved ones (Gandhi was a good example.)
Her having past trauma and ruminating on that is not unusual for a narcissist either.
Narcissists often see their family members as extensions of themselves, so the family is expected to represent the narcissist to the public and their is tight control on how family members present their public personas. Underachievers and truth tellers, like Bruno and Mirabel, not only become scapegoats but also have all of the narcissist's own flaws projected onto them (as when she blames Mirabel for driving Bruno away, when she belittled Mirabel for not having a gift when she herself does not have a gift.)
It's true that at the end we see behavior that is complete anathema to a narcissistic personality, but for me the film became a fantasy of what the scapegoat in a narcissistic family longs for and will never receive from a narcissist. Up to that point, she was textbook.
@@littleherron Facts. You are 100% correct, and Disney is notorious for inserting narcissistic characters that are meant to be sympathetic. It’s not realistic at all for someone like Abuela to suddenly have a change of heart like she did at the end of the film.
@@littleherron saying she does nothing its a bit much
@@littleherron She wasn't doing it to gain praise from the village,she was doing it so she would feel like she deserved the miracle she was given. She was trying to help the community like her husband helped her, that is NOT selfish nor narcissistic.
@@tenzinmutuzaki8228 i dont know about you but i would consider myself a covert narcissist, because i would share my problems with my friends and expect them to help me fix my problems. of course going to the psychologist is a choice but i did go once and it did nothing, instead of spending more money i decided to watch as many psychology videos in youtube and i found a lot of covert narcissism videos and i saw myself in them, as i recognized that a lot of my friends share their grief and sadness when i share my relative's death. encanto was a movie i watched that helped me realize more about myself and seeing how easily abuela changes for the better makes me think that i must do so as well to have a better relationship with my friends, and its not working out well but at least i feel better knowing that im not making them stressed over my problems again.
I love Encanto. I do feel bad for Abuela. I gotta say Bruno is the purest heart and deserves love.
OMG I need to talk about Bruno eventually! He is such a sweetheart, and he was even trying to save Mirabel from Abuela at the end - that broke my heart!
@@TheFangirlWatches now that's something I can agree on! I loved Bruno. I related to him so much because even though I didn't grow up around my narcissistic parent, (aged out of foster care at 19)
I was always the "scapegoat" to my birthgiver once I turned 18 and moved in with her. (and other people growing up.)
I felt so bad because I saw a lot of myself in Bruno the way he pretty much had a bunch of quirky behaviors. What really got me is how much he cared for his family even though everyone pretty much ostracized him.
Sidenote: as an empath I've also had some gift of prophecy at times. I'll get an image at times of a tornado or something. Other times it's a series of visions. But I've never been able to help myself or people prepare as I don't often get a time and place.
Although usually it's between 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 months.
There was a tragedy in my family that ended in a family members death.
I had gotten a vision of my brother in a car crash. And then getting a call from my birthgiver that " I needed to call her right now, as it was serious"
My heart lurched in my throat When the day came two months or so later. I got that SAME call. Word for word. I remember not wanting to return the call, because I was certain my brother would likely have parished. But when I did, I found out that it was my cousin who passed on. It hadn't been a car-crash though.
Turns out she and my brother were very close. My family is still devastated. It took my a few YEARS to tell myself my gift didn't cause her death.
Im the only witch and emapath in my family. And if people knew my gifts, they'd likely either exploit them or I'd be treated just like Bruno.
It's why when watching Encanto I legit cried as I relate to Luisa, Bruno and Mirabelle and yes, even Abuella. Been a long time since a Disney movie made me do that.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. And yes, I'd love to talk about Bruno ❤️
actual psychologist here- this isn't how NPD is formed. NPD- and most other personality disorders- typically are a result of disrupted childhood attachments to caregivers, with some evidence for a genetic link. Singular traumatic events like what Alma experienced as an adult do not lead to NPD, especially because she would have been at least in her 20s when this trauma occurred- her personality would have already been formulated and stabilized. Alma's motivations are also not at all about garnering praise and attention from the villagers to compensate for a lack of ego strength. Alma's conflict is not centered around her own ego at all, which is the case with NPD, it's about loss and her deeply rooted fear of losing the last thing she associates with Pedro. She also feels the family must be worthy of the magic, and so becomes hyper-controlling and obsessive about everyone's behavior in order to preserve it and prove themselves worthy of retaining it. This is much more likely a case of PTSD, possibly even C-PTSD if that violence had been an ongoing thing, but it is not NPD. At most you can argue that she utilizes narcissistic defensive styles- something we are all capable of to varying degrees- but I do not believe you can argue that she has NPD, not with full context.
As someone working in the field, I'd also be a little hesitant to slap this very white, western dynamic onto a Latino family with no regard for the cultural context. This is not how we should be using diagnosis, and certainly not how any decently trained clinician in the real world should be thinking about diagnosis either. It is a complex and multifaceted process, and there is a reason DSM takes at least a master's degree worth of training to be able to use appropriately. Looking at a list of symptoms is not sufficient. We can talk about Alma's behavior and its effect on her family- and certainly about whether or not the ending of the movie was satisfying- without slapping a personality disorder label on her.
And you are correct, and in the context of the film compared to the context of Colombia it takes place in a terribly violent time, where people were forced to simply get up and leave their homes looking for a safe place.
Abuelo Pedro, tried to buy time for everyone to escape, resulting in his death by "machete" (which in itself is quite traumatic to watch, as alma did) when alma falls to the ground clutching her triplets and screams in pain, the miracle appears, the mountains move and close in as if they were hiding that place and making it a "safe" "impenetrable" and giving them a home to replace the lost one.
oh gosh thank you, this video was really rubbing me the wrong way but i couldn't figure out how to word it. great way to put it
Thank you for articulating everything I had a problem with about this video.
My God thank you I'm Mexican and my own family deals with generational trauma this video really felt just sickening.
Yes, but that's not the issue here; the issue is that abuela BEHAVES like a narcissist. I grew up with a narcissitic sibling. There problems at birth so she was put in an incubator, but because it was the Fifties, my mother was not allowed to touch her for months. in retrospect it was not strange that sis became the most malignant covert narcissist I've known - which means I now recognise narcissistic behaviour from a mile away. So, yes, in the movie, abuela's problems, according to the writers, stemmed from a deep trauma when already an adult, but for us, the audience who know a narcissist, all kinds of red flags fly up and bells start ringing because boy! Does abuela ever BEHAVES like a narcissist!
Short answer? Yes. Long answer? Its a little bit more complicated. Based on what we've seen in the flashback I think its implied that Alma ( I think that's Abuela's name) blames herself for Pedro's death and believes that if she fails again that the whole family fails. So in a strange sense if other family members fail she sees that as an extension of her own failure. The only difference is she punishes the family members and not herself. But that's just my take. Yours seems to be a bit more cemented in reality.
Now this is an interesting topic because I don't interpret that Abuela blames herself for Pedro, she blames the outside world, and that's why the magic sealed the village off from the rest of Columbia and why she works so hard to give everyone in town this blessed life. She turned her grief into a mission as a way to handle her loss. But, I do agree that she sees the shortcomings of her family as her own shortcomings, which is a very narcissist trait to display (a narc's children aren't individuals in their minds, they're property/extensions of themselves). It's also highly narcissistic to take things you don't like about yourself and project them onto other people as an excuse to treat them poorly.
@@TheFangirlWatches honestly that makes more sense. I didn't even consider the village being sealed to play a factor. And narcs not seeing the children as individuals falls in line with what I was thinking. You really know your stuff lol.
@@TheFangirlWatches Colombia*, and yes those are narcissistic traits but they exist because of her own trauma, she blames the outside world because the people that murdered her husband where other people from their own village, since this took place on La guerra de los mil días
wrong again!!!! boi!!
I don’t think that’s any excuse for why she literally sees her own blood granddaughter as a blight on the family that is actively trying to ruin it. She’s disgusting and sure an apology is a good start but she has a long way to go. The fact that Bruno felt like he had to destroy the prophecy and run away because he was AFRAID of what the grandma might do ie. disown her granddaughter. on top of as soon as miracle denies her a gift she treats her as if she has no worth. She’s awful
Spoilers ahead: I don't think Abuela is a narcissist, I think she's traumatized. She's proud of her home, and proud of her magical family, but she's absolutely terrified of the idea that one day she could lose all of it. She already did long ago and was forced to raise triplets without her loving husband by her side. She's taken on the role of matriarch, but she doesn't want to express to her family how much she's struggling to do so -hence her at the window scene.
Now after Antonio's ceremony, there's cracks in the walls, Luisa is losing her power, "We don't talk about Bruno", Isabella's a joyous mess, and she's seen a prophecy that Mirabel is responsible for this "suffering". What she doesn't see is that Mirabel is basically creating family therapy. You have to get a little hurt with the problem to start healing the wounds. Mirabel calling Isabela selfish is what caused her to open up and discover that she doesn't need to be perfect and she can be creative with herself too. Mirabel pushing Luisa's boundaries caused her to lose her cool and open up about her insecurities.
When it's Abuela's turn, Mirabel confronts her and as they have a yelling match, the house collapses. Mirabel runs off and when she's found by the river, it's Abuela's turn to open up about her own fear and trauma. She's constantly reminding Pepa to calm down, but maybe she's really reminding herself of this. She's basically having an Elsa "conceal, don't feel, don't let them know" moment, until she finally explains herself. When a narcissist is confronted, they fight back harder.
If she were a narcissist, she'd never accept Mirabel back until she were groveling at her feet for redemption. She'd be sending other family members to tell Mirabel how wrong she is, or she'd be the one to kick Bruno out and not accept him back with a warm embrace. Mirabel made her realize that she doesn't have to be the savior of her village or the protector of her family. Both will give her the help she needs to rebuild what was lost, instead of solely relying on miracles and herself to save them all.
I don't think she is a narcissist or at least not a complete narcissist, the idea of Encanto is showing how generational trauma can affect a whole family trough generations, Alma is a woman who lived through a traumatic experience, was forced to leave her home and saw how her husband was killed a machetazos trying to protect her and their kids. She then was blessed with a magical candle, a sentient house and magical kids, she had a second chance at life and after all that happened she was terrified of losing it. Now, this obviously doesn't scuse her actions at all, but she needed to see that the root of the miracle dying was how she pressured the family and how she treated Mirabel (and Bruno) and she had this realization when reality hit her HARD, macking her family lose their miracle and their house. I do loved your video tough and i wonder if you could do a comparation of the representantion of generational trauma in Coco and Encanto.
She may not fit the clinical qualifications for a narcissist (almost everyone on the planet will have at least 1 or 2 narcissistic traits, after all), but the thing I'm more concerned with is how many people are going to be given false hope by Abuela's sudden change of heart. Since they don't give Abuela a diagnosis, and she does fit so closely with narcissistic personality disorder, it creates a very confusing ending message for people who have dealt with abuse like that. Often times an abuser will act differently and put on a new mask to keep control over people, but then their true, controlling self slips back out over time and hurts their loved ones even more. Since the movie ends so soon after the change of heart, we really don't get to see how genuine the change is, and that could tell us a lot about Abuela's mental state longterm.
@@TheFangirlWatches oh, i completely undestand that, to be honest, i think Encanto would had worked better as a series than a movie, since the end was kinda rushed because of the short time. And i agree with most of your points, i think a sequel of a series of Encanto would help to see if Abuela actually changed for the better or not.
@@despinasgarden.4100 GOOD NEWS! There's been rumor that there's a tv series based after the movie coming out! ^^
The thing is, while I think you are right that she has narcissistic traits, with the ending, I don't think she is a true narcissist. But I also accept your point that it almost never happens, so Abuela is saved by being a fantasy of a happy ending.
Yes, the sudden "oh, I accepted that I'm damaged, so now I can love you all properly" is very much a dangerous fairy tale ending. I worry that it's going to give a lot of people false hope that their own relative or partner will change when, the truth is, that's just not going to happen 99.99% of the time. People don't change, and if they do very suddenly, it's probably a mask to regain control before that person hurts you even worse later. But, having narcissistic traits doesn't necessarily make a person a narcissist, which is why Abuela is difficult to fully figure out.
@@TheFangirlWatches i don't think that's what people are really gonna focus on when they see the movie.
@@TheFangirlWatches I recently became obsessed with Encanto with how much I can relate to it. Well, as recent as today since I had a small argument with my "mom" over me swearing for simply expressing myself this morning. My older brother threatened to smack me in the face which would turn my face to the other side but my "mom" let it slide out and focused to critcise and bombard me with hurtful words over saying the f word faintly because I was surprise to the amount of snow while my older siblings are allowed to swear or throw shady words to me. What an awful family. I hope I can get out from here soon.
I don't think abuela is a narcissist. Many of them are totally incapable self-reflection, either because they don't have the capacity or because doing so would be threatening. She didn't know that the magic could come back. She followed Mirabelle and tried to comfort her without anything to gain from it. She acted the way she did because she felt it was the only way to protect the town, not because of her own selfish desires. Additionally, narcissism stems from trauma that usually goes further back than adulthood. People will tell you that narcissists hurt, but what nobody tells you is that you can hurt from your trauma regardless of whether the person who gave it to you fits a specific label or not. That's a much better lesson I think.
I myself have a parent who is narcissistic and his parents are also narcissists I don't see her as a narcissist more like a woman who hurts her family without meaning it due to the trauma of losing her husband
and if she's really narcissistic why
1: has she no well known and unknown narcissistic traits
2: we see her genuinely giving love to her family and she is also concerned about what happens to her family more than what will happen to her
I honestly don't think she makes everyone work for the village to feel like a "superstar". I think she seriously thinks that that is her familys responsibility since her family is the only one who got magic powers, and even before that, in the flashbacks, the people who ended up forming the Encanto village followed Petro, and by extend her. Making it her responsibility to keep them save since Petro isn't there anymore. "Those people followed us to have a safe live. They followed us to stay save. It is our job to keep them save!" And while she herselfe doesn't have powers, besides watching over the candle, she is seen helping around town. Which sure, isn't that much since for actual labor we only see her help carry a vie bricks, but she is also way past her 60s at that point, and I'm sure she did more work when she was younger. The other things she is probably taking care of is the kind of stuff that majors probably do, since the villagers come to her and her family for guidance.
It's the village that puts the Madrigals on a pedastal and goes to them for literally everything, becouse that's what they are used to. I think Abuela is just as much under pressure to fulfill her familys self-imposed responsebilitys towards the village as every other Madrigal member.
this made me feel better cus i lived with someone who is a narcissist they were a messed to live with so now im glad i cut them out
I am so glad that you were able to cut them out! It's hard, especially when things like Trauma Bonding and Emotional Addiction come into play. I recently started talking very publicly about Narcissistic Abuse that has happened to me and all the tactics and feelings that go with it, so I've been there and I can strongly empathize with how that must have felt for you to live like that. I hope you feel much better with your situation now!
I do like how you brought up your points and tied it together. However, I don’t believe Abuela is a Narcissist. There’s NPD, which is the Disorder and Narcissistic Traits, which all humans have in varying degrees. Alma has acquired narcissistic traits, but I don’t think that makes her a Narcissist or qualifies her as having NPD. Narcissists are a product of their environment, yes, but that’s in early childhood. Abuela was definitely behaving in a toxic manner, but not all toxic behaviors mean narcissism. Abuela’s route cause for her behaviors seems to be routed in paranoia, perfectionism, and possibly survivor’s guilt. Her husband sacrificed himself so she and her children can live. Her children were blessed with magic after this tragedy. She was provided a magical home after being forced to flee her last home. Most likely she didn’t want Pedro’s sacrifice to be in vain. She also never wanted to be homeless again, which led to her putting much pressure on her descendants. She was letting her paranoia consume her. That’s why addressing our mental health is important, because we can unfortunately bleed onto others. Which Abuela did with her children and grandchildren. This is not an excuse for her behavior. Her apology to Mirabel needed to be done, as Abuela needed to own up for her actions. Whether that deserves forgiveness or not is a whole other thing.
You know as the daughter, grandaughter and great grandaughter or narcissists I know how that poison can seep through the generations, and I know the damage done to me as a kid. This movie hit me in a lot of ways but something you said reminded me of something that happened when I was 3 and I literally told myself off for feeling shoved aside. It was only when I was older I realised, hey that wasn't actually me being silly, and that sure as heck wasn't normal. I'm honestly terrified of being like them. I'm hoping that being so aware has allowed me to side step out of that toxic mentality, though I'm still profoundly screwed up lol I'm at least trying to deal with my issues and move forward healthily
I’m not a doctor or anything, but, from what I’ve studied most children of narcissistic parents either turn into narcs (following mom/dad’s example) or they turn into empaths (almost like people pleasing doormats who can feel someone’s tension in a photograph or text because they’re so hyper aware of other people’s emotions). I went the Empath route, but I’ve known people who just followed their parents into repeating narcissism. Chances are, if you have the ability to question if you’re a narcissist, you are NOT a true narcissist (almost everyone alive has a few narcissistic tendencies though).
Honestly I never saw Alma (her name ig?) As a narcissist. Her control didn't come from a selfish ideal or want. It came from a place of grief & trauma due to watching her husband brutality murdered (decapitated mind u) after having her triplets. She controlled her family & created family expectations from a place of grief & the want to protect & show a perfect home due to losing her loved ones & home. She's not a narcissist. Especially if she's willing to admit her faults & make amends. No narcissist would never do that
Wait. He was decapitated? Where did they show that in the film? I mean, it obvious he was killed but it was mostly off screen.
she has a very clear narcissistic injury.. but unlike full blown narcissists, she's low in the spectrum
What really bothers me, is that some people justify her treats towards Mirabel AND Bruno (and her whole family), with the trauma she had suffered.
She has an awful past, we know. But she ruin her family and all Is forgiven with a couple of words? NO!
Oh yes, and she even blames Bruno for leaving the family while she simultaneously shoved everything bad that happened onto his shoulders. Even Pepa's wedding day was HIS FAULT when PEPA IS THE ONE WHO CONTROLS THE WEATHER!
I think most fans are either willing to admit Abuela was wrong and her treatment of everyone was hardly easily-forgivable but people realize she’s just a human trying her best who made mistakes. That’s most of what I notice. Either that or people think she’s a horrible person who deserves no forgiveness. I never see anyone thinking she was RIGHT for alienating Bruno (though I think Pepa is also a big part of Bruno’s shunning given that she scapegoats him for her storming and bursts into song about how he’s a villain) or callously accusing Mirabel of hurting the family. People usually can tell there’s no justification for those actions.
Honestly while I was watching the movie, alma really reminded me of my own mother. My mom is a narcissist and is bipolar and the way she was treating mirabel and Bruno seriously reminds me of how my own mother treats me. At one point in the movie I remember she says to mirabel, “Bruno left because of you” “your hurting this family” when in reality Bruno actually left because everybody in his family treated him like he was some type of villain just because he could see the future.
Technically yes he did leave because he didn’t want to hurt Mirabelle with his vision but I think the real reason obviously is everyone in the family kind of made him have the feelings of being unwanted and unloved. Also the part where Mirabelle says “I will never be good enough for you will I? No matter how hard I try” that part really stuck with me because as somebody who lives in a toxic household I feel like no matter what I do I’ll never be good enough for anybody.
I will defend this poor woman. Trauma turns people in to something darker.
Yeah, I really dont like how people reacted to the grandma
See part of trauma bonding is looking at someone and making excuses for their behavior based on the bad things that have happened to them before (ie “it’s not her fault she yelled at me, she has a stressful job” or “she only acts like that because people were mean to her as a child”). Be cautious not to defend an abuser - no matter what her history is, or what she meant to do, she is still accountable for her behavior.
@@TheFangirlWatches Never said that what she did was okay, I'm not even defending her (as in saying that she's innocent) I'm just being neutral. I find it dangerous saying that someone is a narcissist because they happen to have some of the characteristics. Narcissism is a mental illness, and should be treated the same way as depression or ptsd. I feel like online, we tend to call jerk or bad people narcissist without a psychological analysis, wich is dangerous.
Of course, I'm talking in a general manner, not necessarily saying that it's what you were doing
@@TheFangirlWatches Megan, Respect you and your videos (Big fan of your Coraline videos) May I ask a question. Where would a (at the time) newly Widowed, singled parent would release who thoughts and feelings too? A lot of traumatized folks become hysterical or irrational. And yes like you said it is a responsibly for the mentally ill to get help for themselves, but alma being all by herself without a close person to confined into. Alma literally soon after seeing her husband's Death was lunched into this life she lives. Alma most likely didn't pick up her behavior as wrong over the years, cause her Ill mind rationalized it as protecting the family. And with the villages not wanting to be in danger went along with the system that came up with little to no one noticing Alma's negative behavior cause, well cause comfort and protection. And her family just excepted this too because this is all they knew with the triplets being born into this. It's only when Mirabel starting seeing literally everything break does anything happen.
Megan, I would like to added I'm not justifying Negative behavior (Or narcissistic behavior, tho she definitely doesn't have that). I'm simply sympathetic to a obviously unhealthy person, that due circumstances out of her control ( And being at best late 19th century to very early 20th century Columbia well mental health and therapy basically are non-existent) Thank You
@@TheFangirlWatches Exactly!
CPTSD can sometimes look like narcissism. I think she definitely has CPTSD, because she's able to see how she messed up and immediately taps into her empathy for her loved ones and starts to change.
Narcissists can learn to change their thinking and think of others, thereby improving their hurtful behaviors, but it's not innate and takes a lot of work and help from mental health professionals.
Alma is definitely traumatized from seeing the murder of her beloved husband. And her coping mechanism is about trying to make sure nothing ever goes wrong. It comes from a place of trying to genuinely protect what they have, she just doesn't realize how toxic it is.
But as soon as Mirabel calls it out, Alma goes into self-reflection mode and looks at things honestly. A narcissist isn't going to do that automatically without a good therapist to help them. And they'd have to admit they need help, and be honest and open with the therapist.
Sure, the expedience with which Alma corrects her toxic behavior is most likely due to it being a movie and no one wants to see a therapy montage 😂 But if I have to go off what is simply presented, Alma definitely has CPTSD. And possibly OCD.
Disclaimer: I'm NOT a medical or mental health professional, and am simply looking at this as someone who deals with CPTSD myself, and who has Narcissistic, toxic family members.
Knowing that narcissists do not change that easily means that Abuela lied at the end and manipulated Mirabel and Bruno.
She has a little covert narcissism, a little antagonistic narcissism, and a lot of communal narcissism. She infected other family members with narcissistic "fleas," little imitations of her behavior. I think the narcissism in the rest of the family gets overlooked.
Well...yes and no. While she cared about nothing losing her family, like she failed her husband, but she also put more faith in the gifts than the people. She put so much faith in the gifts, that anyone without one, she didn't really consider them family.
Much like she did with Mirabel. Heck, she actually blamed her for everything wrong that was happening. I wish Mirabel's parents, mostly her father, would have confronted Alma about even more.
Abuela definitely developed narcissistic traits. I Think it stemmed from her trauma. She saw it as trying to keep her family together and keep the miracle but in the process she became obsessed with perfection from her children and grandchildren. notice after bruno left mirabel and kinda peppa were the scape goats. mirabel in the sense that oh she's not special, were losing magick because of her and she didn't want peppa to experience her emotions because the rain clouds were a burden.
The interesting thing about narcissists is that they are not born, they are made, and it's usually trauma that molds them. So that does fit into Abuela's issues.
@@TheFangirlWatches I grew up with a narcissist parent who got it from their mother so I've seen the generational trauma that turned into a narcissistic personality.
@@toriacrouse2449 That generational trauma is considered "Tradition" or "Way of life" to their culture,
@@arolemaprarath6615 so ive heard from latinix people but in my opinion it doesn't excuse her behaviour. So many behaviours had to do with time periods and how they were raised. until now when we realize its not healthy. So to me its just not an excuse.
@@toriacrouse2449 Latino*** but ok.
Yes, adults especially parents can see their mistakes and mostly disregard them because if they show their vulnerable side to their children, it means they are weak or they failed their job.
Nowadays, you are forced to take the role and play mother/father because of societal pressure and you also feel bad to the children since it is your responsibility they exist.
Admitting that they don't want to raise you, means you are a horrible person which would deflate their reputation. Some people who had children will convince themselves to love the child until they learn to do so, developing affection to their offspring.
We also need to understand the pressure of parents but at the same time, it is not an excuse to act as such and they should listen more often.
The grandma didn't really change. She just realised that the scapegoat had the biggest magic power of all. Marrabel is the new candle holder, the new source of power. She is literally the magic. So no, I don't think the grandma changed at all. She just said what she had to in order to fix things.
I think that's an interesting and fair point to make. The whole reason I wanted to make this video was to help dispel the myth that someone who has been emotionally toxic can just change that quickly. It could easily be a new mask to put everyone's guard down, so they don't leave Abuela, and then she will eventually go back to her old ways. I mean, she's been this person for 50 years! Why do we think she can unlearn those patterns of behavior in a 5 minute flashback?! That sets up some dangerous standards for real people who live with these personality types.
I think Abuela is not. She shows late in the movie that she is capable of introspection and admitting she's wrong. Things done narcissist learn to fake, but can't typically do. Isabella on the other hand. We got some strong narcissism from.
Hey Fangirl I have to disagree with Abuella being a narcissist, even though she definitely shows traits of narcissism.
I'll be using both spiritual terms and psychological terms, and personal experience to prove my point:
I'm an empath, and child abuse and DV survivor and have clinically diagnosed PTSD.
Both damaged empaths, and those with PTSD can exibit narcissistic traits without being true narcissists themselves.
Let's start with someone with PTSD. They can have sudden bursts of unexplained rage. They can have mood swings and even have mild personality changes due to whatever sets them off. Someone with PTSD can be set off unintentionally by just a phrase of words or even by emotions they might subconsciously associate with their trauma. Trauma victims will even try to micromanage everything to keep themselves and their loved ones safe, but may come across as very controlling.
Now a damaged empath can work the same way. Except that they have something known as "empathic rage" something that Mirabelle clearly had at the end of the movie. As we saw the results of that. When an empath exhibits this, they can make a person CRUMBLE.
But in cases where an empath is abused for LONG periods of to time, not only can they pick up and absorb the behaviors of their abusers. This is why many empaths are actually FEARED in the healing and spiritual community's. Because it's very hard to tell which ones are damaged from trauma and which ones are safe to approach. In cases of recovering empaths and trauma victims, what they both have in common is it can take YEARS to undo the damage of your trauma or even realize what behaviors aren't originally yours.
Now, I'm not going to put Abuella in the category of an empath, but rather a trauma victim suffering from likely PTSD. Or C-PTSD.
While I don't approve of Abuella's BEHAVIOR, here's why I defend her. Not just as someone who has gone through trauma and is in recovery, but also due to her life experience.
Abuella was about 25 at the time she not only lost her HOME, but also her husband, who got MURDERED right in front of her. That is some serious stuff to experience.
Abuella likely didnt have time to even PROCESS her trauma. She likely went into survival mode, and never came out of it for a good portion of her life.
Think about it. As SOON as she got to a safe place she had to IMMEDIATELY start raising three kids. She was bent on making sure her kids had the best life. She likely had survivors guilt, which was why she felt she had to micromanage everything. In her eyes she was doing the best she could to ensure her family's survival. (Albeit not in a healthy way)
And the minute ANYTHING threatening came her way, she shut down. Which was why she was so cold at times.
It was good to see her have that talk with Mirabelle at the end of the movie. It was Mirabelle that helped Abuella see the error of her ways and see how damaged she was.
Sometimes, that's all that someone needs is to turn on the light for them. And it's only after realizing thier behavior that a trauma victim can heal themselves.
I like your videos, but I have to say... calling everyone in the comment section who has a different point of view a narcissist will kind of rub people the wrong way.
Some people have actually had different life experiences.
And while agree that one has to recognize their behavior in order to change it. I felt like the comments toward the end were very judgemental, especially toward anyone who has experienced trauma. Healing takes time, and damaged people can't always recognize their behaviors right away, especially if they've absorbed behaviors from abusers at some early point in their lives.
We're all here on this earth to learn, and we should learn to support each other without judgement, when often times, most people only know a sliver of someone's life.
Just my advice.
Abuela seems to have survivors guilt as well
I loved this movie. I love how diverse and magical it is
It is stunning to look at, and I love how they address the mental health of these characters. Plus, that music?! Next level awesome!
@@TheFangirlWatches ikr?!
What Disney movie isn't diverse?
They were all the same race so does that really count.
@@TheFangirlWatches for real tho, it’s so good.
Abuela definitely has major problems and barely did much to help fix them. But she's not the only one to blame entirely. I've seen MichaelaLaws(voice actress for YandereChan in YandereSim) discuss it and she seemed rather incensed that the blame was only placed on Abuela. She did acknowledge that Abuela likely did the most damage, but vehemently stated Abuela wasn't the only one. I didn't watch the full thing(it was a stream saved over for the channel) but given she has a similar background or just familiarities with the culture I'm inclined to believe her own take on it. Even with the equal parts passionate and angry that she sounded when talking about it.
Yes. She treats everyone as an object in service of her status as head of a magical family rather than as having value in themselves.
Encanto is my new favourite Disney Movie! I love the tropical setting (My favourite setting) and I can sooooo relate to Mirabel, Isabela and Louisa. Abuela remind me of my grandma and my father. She died many years ago. I never had any relationship with her, because she hated my mom. Mom hated her too. So I stayed with mom because I'm a mama's girl. I cut contact with my father a year after my parents' divorce. Grandma and my father never changed. The strange part is the scapegoat and golden child changed depending on who was with them. Like they praised you when you were with them and talk shit about your sibling. When your sibling was with them, they praised them and talk shit about you.
Often with 3 child families there's not just the scapegoat, and the golden child; there's the caretaker/beast of burden role. Because someone has to do all the work of doing the parent's/grandparent's job.
Luisa is literally having to carry donkeys (actual beasts of burden) everywhere; because a farmers too lazy to rattle a food bucket to round them up.
I think she absolutely doesn't fit a narcissistic personality disorder. She has a poor behavior by pressuring her family and she has a narrow point of view. But she genuinely care about her family and her village. She isn't motivated by a need for attention, or an inflated sense of her self-importance. Yes, she lacks empathy in most part of the movie. Not because she doesn't care, but because she's obsessed with keeping the magic and a fear of living her past traumas again. People who have toxic behaviours aren't automatically narcissists. Honestly this diagnosis is applied way to easily these days. But toxic behaviours can come from a lot of causes. Sometimes, it's even caused by people who do not suffer from a disorder at all.
I agree with almost everything in your video but personally I think Abuela Alma's narcissistic actions are not completely unforgivable. You said Encanto's ending where Abuela had realized she was in the wrong and apologized to Mirabel and the whole family is a "Nice Fairy Tale Ending" (If I quoted ccorrectly) and in real life narcissists despite recognizing their actions as harmful to those around them would never truly change for the better meaning she never really changed. This is where I respectfully disagree with you, a narcissistic person (Alma) who has been hurtful towards you intentionally or unintentionally does have the potential to fix their mistakes and become a better person. Alma did genuinely feel guilty and is willing to mend the relationship between her and her family. She has recognized and accepted she was terrible towards her family and apologized for it. She really does care for all of them but because of her trauma she acted careless and narcissistic. A narcissist in reality is able to do the same thing Alma did and definitely apologize and try to make things better, some people really do have a tragic past that has made them the way they are but that doesn't completely make them an unforgivable person. What's important is that they realize and apologize for everything they have done and at least make an effort to heal what they have broken emotionally.
You have to remember something : While yes, it is 100% entirely possible for someone like that to change and actually feel sorry and actually try to mend their ways, it's extremely, EXTREMELY rare. So yeah, for most people that is a fairytale ending, one that is extremely unlikely to happen. It can happen, but it's not something you should hope and look forward to, because that just means there's a higher likelihood of that person coming back into your life, and hurting you further. Some people can't change, some refuse to, that's just a part of life.
Your wrong, go to Colombia and check it out for yourself.
I get where people are coming from, but I think conflating Alma with people who have way more narcissistic traits and who aren't capable of change is doing a disservice from people who aren't narcissistic but instead just really screwed up. Alma screwed up and was inconsiderate and I don't like to excuse any of that (it upset me intensely watching her interactions with Mirabel and seeing Bruno exile himself because of her); but you have to at least realize that the roots of the problem aren't coming from a place of personal gain.
She was a single-mother had the responsibility of protecting the village thrust on her all while she was grieving. Expectations of superhuman loved ones to also follow suit as a necessity wouldn't seem wrong to a person having gone through that. She didn't have vain-glorious ideas about being a savior, she wanted to keep the village safe from the people who could invade and kill/rob/destroy their community. Her behavior to Mirabel was horrible though, but you could easily see it as her not knowing how to act and defaulting toward stoic and stern. I don't like what she did; but I accept that she was ashamed of what she did and wanted to make things right.
@@xpandorasboxx exactly. And for those that have survived such abuelas, the biggest miracle is not the magic powers of a sentient magical house, but a change of heart of such person. So they would sooner expect a house talking to them than their narcissist family member genuinely apologizing to them.
No she's not.......I'm Colombian, and yes its common that the grandma is the glue that holds the family....In the grandmas case, there're lots of people like this in Colombia....It's normal, expected and welcomed as it's part of the cultural. Again the the cultural is Colombian not American. For example theres a lot of protecting, and being up in everyones business. There're pros and cons. A con is the narrative that you see and a Pro is that despite what you think, there is so much love and thanks. Because Colombia and south America is still dangerous. Is she a narcissist. No because in Colombia no one would ever run or leave...They would thank that person. They just get it, people have gone through a lot and you have to be tough to protect your family. Like any country there're standards, and a lot is expected of each child, primarily being there for your family. In the this cultural, the family is first always, when you date and marry, you date and marry the family. If you are a man or a woman and lets say mom or grandma does not like you, that is considered..I would definitely say there is a vibe in the cultural that might not work in the USA. In the USA you may say, het lets sit and talk about, in many cases, that does not work in the Colombian cultural. It's tough, loving, warm, yet chaotic. You are overthinking it, the best thing to do is go to Colombia and get to know a family, you will see the same thing and then walk away saying I wish my family was that loving and close with each other. Learn Spanish and watch the show Betty la Fea. Watch how the boss act and the father. This show will answer or your questions. And the Colombian original version.
I live with a covert narcissistic mother whose behaviors stem from the anxieties of never being like her mother. This hits hard.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. You aren’t alone though, so I hope you’re able to find more people in your situation to get more support from! It’s a lot to deal with, and I know from experience that it’s HARD, but just do your best to remember that her behavior has everything to do with HERSELF and nothing to do with YOU.
Despite her wrong deeds, I don't think she's a narcissist. Cause actual narcissists who are in her position never accept that they are wrong. They choose to blame others till the end rather than admit that they are wrong. People who can accept the fact that they were wrong and fix their behaviours are not narcissists.
No she's not she's not abusive either she's the biggest victim saw her husband murdered right in front of her and yes although she shouldn't treat her family members as such, people shouldn't say "they just need to talk about their feelings..." is just being tone deaf
What many westerners don't understand and need to stop is this entire villains vs hero's this is a Latin story of family and how it has its flaws, Encanto brings a lot of issues within Latin households talking about your feelings is never done let alone mental illness
Many of you need to see this with a Latin Americans pov
I know you’ve said a lot here, but I think it’s very important to reflect on your first sentence. “No she’s not, she’s not abusive either, she’s the biggest victim...”. THAT mentality is how abusers get away with so much and why victims end up taking on so much more pain - because people get out there and tell them to make excuses for psychological or emotional abuse. Withholding from people, setting expectations to make yourself look good, controlling them, deciding who is/isn’t good enough in the family - those are all abusive traits. It does not matter WHY Abuela does these things, it is not the victims job/place to enable that behavior by going “but she has a tragic backstory.” You can have a sad life and still be acting like a bad person who has to be accountable for your actions.
This video, especially the beginning, really helped me realize that my ex-wife was a narcissist. It makes so much sense and I feel so much better about our whole debacle of a relationship/marriage.
Thank you for that. ♥
I’m so sorry! I’m getting out of a 15 year marriage to a narcissist as well, and it is a very tough, exhausting, and hurtful process.
Your Gothel video made me realize who the narcissists in my family and how the damage is done to me
I'm so sorry to hear that you've dealt with that (been there too though, so I unfortunately relate HARD!). It is so damaging to be around a narcissist, especially if you have to live with someone like that. BUT, I hope you know now that all of their behaviors are about THEM and that you've done nothing wrong to deserve that horrible treatment.
@@TheFangirlWatches thank you for responding and word of advice, appreciate it 💞
So this video has a lot of Pinterest/Instagram pics on narcissism but no references to the DSM-5 criteria or scholarly articles. Making a video analyzing a fictional character on a real personality disorder without the proper references further perpetuates a lot of armchair psychology in people's real lives. And the term "narcissist" gets thrown about way too often now (see: Gabby Hanna's rantings against Rachel Oates last year).
In this movie, we have a traumatized, young widow (who very recently gave birth) all alone, trying to figure out why she got a miracle and her neighbors did not. It's like people don't realize that in all likelihood, the people who chased them out and killed Abuelo Pedro were *their neighbors*. So after the eventual inhabitants of Encanto have become refugees and likely also lost loved ones, Abuela Alma is given a magical house and magical children, while the rest of the town is left to deal for themselves. In all likelihood, Abuela was met with some hostility for why she got this miracle and no one else got anything equivalent. In fear of her neighbors becoming violent toward her family, she gives service to them and "shares" the miracle so she isn't turned on by her neighbors yet again. She has to prove to the miracle and to the town that the Madrigals deserve this miracle. Abuela is not doing all of this to make herself better than everyone for herself, she is doing it so her family won't be driven out or murdered. She literally says that she did what she did because she was afraid that her family would be killed like Abuelo Pedro was ("I'm sorry I held on too tight/just so afraid I'd lose you, too"). This is also why part of the healing comes from the town showing up to help the Madrigals rebuild their home--whatever resentment Abuela may have seen when first dealing with the miracle is no more, the town has moved on and will help them whether or not the family has magical gifts to help them. Was Abuela wrong and did she hurt people? Yes. Was it narcissism? No. No one has shown me adequate evidence to point toward Abuela having narcissistic personality disorder.
You heard that Pixar's Turning Red is being move to Disney+? Look like Lightyear is Pixar only hope of returning to theaters.
I did hear that and I was so sad/confused! I know Encanto didn't stay in theatres for long (actually, it's still playing by me, but now that it's on Disney+ there's little chance most people would go see it on the big screen) but I like seeing movies in their intended format. I'm not sure why Disney is giving Pixar such a hard time lately, it has to be hurting their bottom dollar.
@@TheFangirlWatches sad to say, but I wouldn't be surprised if Pixar just gets absorbed into Disney Animation in the near future. I just can't see Cheap-ek wanting to keep both studios running when they're basically producing the same level of quality. I don't want to judge "Turning Red" before it comes out, but my first impression is that it's nothing we haven't seen before, which is really sad coming from Pixar. They should just go back to giving random things emotions.
Whole time I just wanted Mirabel to punch her.
Isn’t that actually the conflict of the film that Abuela is the toxic narcissist ie the Villain and Mirabelle actually has the power of empathy for everybody even her nasty grandmother
I think she's just traumatized and obsessed with protecting her family and Encanto at all costs. Gothel, from Tangled, on the other hand is a true narcissist. She can even be considered a psychopath I think.
From my understanding Narcissist means someone who admires themselves too much, I don't think Abeula is that person, she just wants everyone to live up to the miracle they were given and to be worthy of it.
I don't think Bruno was any kind of scapegoat until he left
Think of it like this; your alma and you were just granted a living home from the spirit of your dead husband and now your three kids are being given superpowers, one can heal injuries with food, one controls the weather with her already extreme emotions, and one can see the future and since your living in fear of at any point losing the miracle you go to Bruno for everything
Suddenly Bruno is the golden child, if anything it's your weather controlling daughter (name escapes me) who is making you pull your hair out, leading to a long term resentment between the siblings (think lily potter and petunia dersley)
but now another miracle Felix is going to marry your daughter and he's happy and encouraging enough to keep your daughter under control but your son off handedly says "might be rain" so you grab an umbrella just in case, your daughter sees this as proof you trust Bruno more and lashes out thus the Hurricane which your daughter pins on Bruno
Now people are talking about your son behind his back or even calling him out to his and your face that "He's causing all the bad stuff to happen" things become stressful but not impossible until mirabel for whatever reason the house has refused to give her a door or a gift you go to Bruno but rather then a prophecy he "runs away" now your daughter is jumping around screaming how she was right Bruno is evil and now you have to deal with the fact you've been protecting someone who may have been hurting the town
As I said I don't think Bruno was a scapegoat its more of a "the higher you raise the farther you fall"
I think your points here are interesting, especially with Pepa being the Scapegoat child - but, even she talks badly about Bruno, and while people say some flippant things about her thundering or raining, no one is really on her case or trying to stop her. She made a hurricane for her wedding because she was nervous, and instead of blaming Pepa, they all blamed Bruno for setting Pepa off. The entire village was complaining about Bruno, and no one was coming to his defense, so he very much seemed to be the scapegoat while he was openly living in the Casita. He even ran away because he knew people would take his vision about Mirabel badly, and then treat her as poorly as they had treated him. So, I can definitely sense scapegoat vibes from his entire life (especially if he looked like Pedro, because Abuela would resent Bruno for reminding her of her lost husband), and that's so sad, because he is such a sweetheart!
@@TheFangirlWatches I think it's more Pepa is the one who labeled Bruno as the scapegoat. If you noticed that other than Mirabel, Pepa was the only other family member who seemed to have a negative experience with Bruno. Julietta seems more upset that he just left than what he did in the past. All the other family members either don't seem to care about Bruno unless there's something wrong or only really know him through third parties (stories and gossip). Pepa was probably jealous of Bruno (who also greatly resembles his father which could be another reason why his mother went to him all the time/ gave him more attention than her daughters) and since she was always being told to "control herself" by her mom whom she just wanted love and attention from, it caused animosity (abide one-sided) between the two siblings. Then she suddenly had a way to make her mother not see Bruno as the golden/ special child anymore and she took it.
I also wonder if Pepa was secretly glad that Mirabel didn't have a gift because her sister Julietta had the two "perfect" children while her two first borns' gifts could be considered overshadowed by Isabella and Luisa. So when her third child is given a gift and Juliette's third did not, I wonder if this caused a "ha! I win!" moment for her. I noticed that she treats Mirabel similar to how Abuela Alma treats Mirabel which makes me think that Pepa was starting to become a narcissist/ become like her mother
I honestly think that exploring Julieta, Pepa, and Bruno's dynamic with each other and their mother would be interesting. In my opinion I think it's very obvious that Julieta would probably be the favorite child. She's has a pleasant personality, is responsible, and her gift is *very effective* towards helping the community. I think Abuela would consider Pepa and Bruno more problematic as Pepa was too loud and Bruno was too quiet and shifty. Bruno's continual withdrawal and problems with the community probably made him even less likeable in her eyes. But I think her relationship with Pepa is interesting. I honestly believe that after Bruno and Mirabel, Abuela has the worst relationship with Pepa.
I picked up on that too. Pepa clearly scapegoated Bruno knowing he wasn't at fault. Pepa's animosity toward him literally bled out into song about him being a villainous figure; but if she actually believed he was a monster why did she run up to him rather than run FROM him when he returned before he explained himself? She says, "We don't talk about Bruno" so much that the villagers parrot it whenever they hear his name. I think Pepa specifically pulled the, "We don't talk about Bruno... BUT," routine often enough that it's why he's viewed as a devilish, malice-fueled creature. Think about it, Camilo was just a year or so older than Mirabel (who has NO vivid memories of Bruno), yet Camilo describes him like a cartoon villain and Dolores is so terrified of him that, even though she's a huge gossip, she fears mentioning that he's in the walls cause of what her mother says he might do to her if he gives her a prophecy.
Now where ever would Dolores and Camilo get such an idea? Well, Pepa might've used Bruno as a boogeyman to scare them! Heck, she doesn't like Felix even contributing to the narrative SHE wants people to hear from her about Bruno. I feel like Pepa's accepting Bruno seemed VERY quick for the implications of how much she contributed to his exile from the family. Pepa also was really quick to do this to Mirabel too. After the failed proposal dinner Pepa shouts, "What did you do?" to Mirabel, as if to pin the blame for her storming up the room onto Mirabel like she might have pinned the blame onto Bruno when he was around. I hate to say it but Pepa probably does this a lot and doesn't own up to her faults and quickly shifts the blame to anyone else but herself.
It's not even when they're 7 that they start their endless lifetime of servitude, they're literally FIVE YEARS OLD, they're still TODDLERS.
No. It's clear that she acts the way she acts because of the tragedy of her family. A more than likely civil war killed not only her husband but a lot of people in her town, she never had the time to properly grieve because she had to raised her triplets. The gift literally saved her, her children, and the survivors of the guerilla. She wanted the family to be perfect to maintain their security, when the gift went away, we could even see the mountains surrounding Encento crumbling, so the gift literally created the whole village
I’ve seen a lot of people say “no no, she acts that way because of past trauma.” But, narcissists are not born, they are MADE, often due to traumatic experiences. So, losing her husband, not properly dealing with the grief, and becoming a control freak/developing a savior complex over it is a logical series of events that could create narcissistic personality disorder.
@@TheFangirlWatches Traumatic events can lead to a lot of different disorders, not necessarily narcissistic personality disorder. I've studied this a little during a bachelor's in cognitive neuroscience and, if I'm not mistaken, people who have narcissistic personality disorder are motivated by a desire to boost their ego/low self-esteem. They have a need for attention that often stems from not being valued throughout their childhood. It's like they need to prove themselves and be celebrated constantly and so they always boast to get that kind of attention. That is not the case at all for Abuela. Her motivations are completely different. She has an extreme fear of losing what she was given, a fear that stems from a single traumatic event in her adult life. By trying to protect it, she puts way too much pressure on the people around her and it becomes toxic, but it has nothing to do with her ego, self-esteem, childhood, etc.
On a personal note, I wanna point out that a lot of immigrants can actually understand Abuela's situation and the whole generational trauma aspect of Encanto. My grandparents immigrated from Haiti and my grandpa was pretty poor. Because of this, he puts a lot of pressure on his children and on his grandchildren as he wants us to succeed, and he can be quite rough with us. It's not that he's narcissistic, he simply cannot fathom the thought of his family living in bad conditions because of his own past and because of everything he sacrificed for our family to get to where it is now. As someone else said, it's more like PTSD than NPD.
I've known real narcissists in life. They do not have the self reflection necessary to recognize when they've done something wrong. So I don't think abuela is a narcissist, but has those tendencies. She might have had a narcissistic parent and learned that quality from them.
The only reason I don't believe she is one, is because she amited she was wrong in a genuine way and excepted the family as they are in the end. A real narcissist would never amit they were in the wrong or made a mistake and change for the better trust me I know, I was abused by one I thought was my friend. (To this day she plays the vitcim, even though it wasn't me who bullied her and coursed smear campaigns.)
I personally believe the real reason she acted the way she did was because she felt very under pressure to continue the miracle and help the towns people after her husbands death due to trauma, and that if she didn't keep everything to high standard, her husband's scarface would go to waste or dissappear and that was the last thing she had from him (that wasn't their children). She probably believed apart of his soul was in that candle because their love is what created it. It wasn't untill she lost everything she realised the family was the real miracle, even without their powers.
According to psychologists everyone has some small narcissistic traits and there's a ladder of how high you are on the spectrum before you can be classed as a narcissist. So that's why she can identify with alot of them. Your right about her having narcissist tenancies.
And you’re right, Abuela reforming her behavior makes it more complicated, but, it’s also possible that Abuela saw she was about to “lose” (Mirabel, her family, her position in the town) so now she’s using a mask to regain control. I don’t get the impression that that’s the happy ending the movie wanted, but it is something that people with narcissistic personality disorder do - and once you’re back under their thumb, the mask comes off and they treat you badly again.
@@TheFangirlWatches I'd love to have a sequel to find out more after. My narcissistic abuser had pretended to be sorry and miss treated me when I gave her a second chance, but her apology never seemed genuine like
Abuela's did (but then again it is a Disney moive so it would be).
But at the time I didn't know what a narcissist was. Off topic a little, but it angers me how many narcissists get mad at me and other victims when we talk about narcissistic abuse to warn other's, because they don't like that it makes them all "look bad". If they turely wanted to change they let people be aware so people can protect themselves against unaware one's and that's another reason why they didn't like you talking about Golthal because they only care about their image.
She’s not a narcissist, that’ll imply she thinks highly of herself. She does, but not in the way one thinks. She thinks highly of the family she made, and commits projection. They’re traits of narcissism, but not narcissism. For example: Everyone gets distracted, but it takes more than just being distracted to have ADHD.
Dude is that boyporridge in your pfp
I haven't seen the movie yet, because of this, but maybe eventually I'll give it a try (I'm almost 5 years past the time I had to cut my *very* narcissistic mother out of my life and it's still a lot to deal with. I think there's other issues too, but you can't make someone get help, even if it means losing all contact with their child)
You are so right, you can do everything for a narc, but you can't make them get help. And even if they agree to therapy, Narcissism is often resistant to therapy because they lie and/or truly don't see anything wrong with what they're doing. I'm sorry you've had to go through that (been there too so I relate hard!), but I'm glad you've gotten away!
But real talk as I relied to another comment, don’t think there’s any excuse for her. why she literally sees her own blood granddaughter as a blight on the family that is actively trying to ruin it. She’s disgusting and sure an apology is a good start but she has a long way to go. The fact that Bruno felt like he had to destroy the prophecy and run away because he was AFRAID of what the grandma might do ie. disown her granddaughter. on top of as soon as miracle denies her a gift she treats her as if she has no worth.
I wouldn't say she's a Narcissist or Manipulative,even since she lost her Husband while her Children were just Infants,Grief and Fear consumed her to control her Family so that Tragedy of losing a Loved One doesn't happen again,but as time goes by she blinded herself that as much as she controls them,it will never be enough,it's one of the Movie's biggest strengths of making this Family real and relatable since it happens more often than we think,also great Song by the way.
The control aspect I can understand as a trauma response. But beyond controlling her family, she wants to lavish her families gifts onto the villagers, with no regard as to how her children feel about doing that work. Abuela plays the savior at the expense of her kids and grandkids, because she doesn't see them as individual people, they're just extensions of herself (a common believe for narcissistic parents). Now, that need to control the world around her could be what created her narcissistic personality, but I do see control and the savior complex as two different issues personally.
@@TheFangirlWatches Oh Ok,now I see what you mean.
No bc she actually apologized and showed empathy and changed.
No. I just think she has a lot of insecurities
You no what's funny narcissus from Greek mythology isn't even a narsasis
Compared to the clinical diagnosis, he probably doesn't meet the standard at all. But, I'm not that well versed in Narcissus to know all of his personality traits.
@@TheFangirlWatches oh ? You seem to have perfect knowledge but I guess I can't expect perfection from a human after all
I really like the way the ending happened. It's not the best ending in the world, but I love when Abuela hugs Merebel and they rebuild their house together without their magic!
Abuela Alma has an extreme case of survivals guilt/PTSD. She has never forgotten the fear of being chased from her home, of having her husband Pedro sacrifice himself to give her, their kids, and the community a chance to survive. In her grief, she made a myth out of her Pedro's murder and the miracle of life that he gave the family. It's the reason why we see it twice. The myth and the truth.
The myth made sacrifice the foundation of the family. Generational trauma can be overcome. It's harder than what happens in the movie but it's not impossible. The little short that aired before the movie also has a similar overcoming generation trauma. You really do need to air out the issues, face the past and build a new foundation. If you don't try you don't fix the family. You kill it. or you continue to patch cracks rather by silence or running away. Starting over can happen within the family or a new beginning but hiding from the past usually isn't it. The generational trauma usually seeps in.
i love your work but as soon as i saw the thumbnail😟😟 No. no she’s not. she’s just a good person who went through bad things and then did horrible things. i will hold her accountable but she’s not a narcissist.
Did you listen before you comment? While having Narcissistic tendencies or traits is not a great thing, it doesn't necessarily mean you are truly someone with NPD. The ending makes that very difficult to pinpoint if Abuela was/wasn't a narc, BUT, her behaviors throughout the film raise plenty of red flags.
@@TheFangirlWatches and you’re completely right about that. her actions were not in any way shape or form forgivable. it was the wording of the title that had my back up. a lot of non poc people are taking the movie and putting labels of disorders on the characters in a way to relate but they’re also erasing the true meaning. i apologize if i came across rude, i actually agree with you.
4:03 Antonio was born 5 years after Mirabel’s Gift Ceremony
Now I want a story about two narcissists trying to out do each other, not knowing the other is a narcissist.
I would like to suggest looking at the descriptions for a communal narcissist, who can appear very generous and kind but everything they do is about garnering "narcissistic supply", which is anything that props up their ego (and depending on the type of narcissist and their relationship with the individual, narcissistic supply can include praise but can also just include respect and social standing, or dominance or the pain of others) -- and it's important to add that part of the cause of that need for narcissistic supply is having received "love" that was conditional from a parent, in other words it's a need that is partially based in a desire for safety and reassurance, which fits with Abuela's obsession with safety, although the trauma that forms NPD happens in childhood and not as one event in adulthood. I don't buy that Abuela's character is doing nice stuff to be nice, because if that were the case then she would not be so concerned with how things look to the community, with giving so visibly and publicly, nor would she show such an utter lack of empathy for all of those suffering in her family.
I do think the sudden turn around at the end is disjointed and not representative of NPD -- people with NPD do not "have their eyes opened" for them like this, nor do they apologize sincerely and make amends without some serious therapy, and even amongst mental health professionals that treat this disorder there is little consensus about whether it's even possible to make significant headway in therapy with a person with NPD.
To me this story reads like it was written by the empathic black sheep/scapegoat adult child of a narcissist. I get the impression the first 3/4ths are representative of lived experienced, which is why this all fits like a textbook definition of communal narcissism, but the ending is the fantasy that every scapegoated child engages in about the narcissistic abuser, including getting a "good reason" that makes the behavior "understandable."
Great advice as always! Loved the video.
It's also interesting that abuelas are normally painted as saints by default in media and this is a very refreshing take.
I've lived with two narcissists and I'm still living with one of them I know narcissism when I see it... I won't lie I haven't seen the full movie I've been gone through just yet but I've seen the fight between her and Maribell and how she acts towards her...
And to be honest I don't care about her background I don't care what happened to her it's no excuse to take her anger out on everybody else and treat them special just because they have a gift and Meribell didn't...
Meribell at every right to stand up to her grandmother, she was correct it's the grandmother she's so worried about everybody else and what she's supposedly created.
Shes a bitter old woman who uses her past to manipulate people into doing things that she wants and the way she wants.."don't you dare!!"just another version of"don't tell me what I don't want to hear".
Meribell clearly didn't do that she told abuela what she needed to hear... Louisa would never be strong enough even with her gift... And Isabella would never be perfect even with her own gift as well.
Bruno was completely shunned just because he saw something that didn't fit abuela's ideal of "don't you dare"..
She's on so many people she's more focused on her own appearance not everybody else's but I'm not saying that she doesn't leech off of them and gets credit for what they do... She's obviously the matriarch of the family...
Abuelita is definitely the definition of narcissism,gatekeeping,neglect and definitely most importantly gaslighting... What's ironic is that I compare her to my grandmother who's also very narcissistic when I saw the fight between her and Maribell I saw my self...
My grandmother would sooner trade me out for her son who's in prison for molesting his own kids.
Just like abuelita would pretty much sell out Bruno and Meribell.. because they weren't her ideal of perfection.
What a old bitter bitch.
And honestly even for those who are saying that she changes at the end it doesn't matter if people change it doesn't mean they hold heartily get better.
If it's proven that she's a narcissist there is no cure for that.
Dang, Megan! I saw this movie like 20x, and thought I was strong enough not to want to cry every time, but you're going to make me cry! I looked to seek the dirps, and I hear your voice, and suddenly I'm trying not to cry!
Oh also btw I LOVE this video and that someone finally said something! Thank you!
I have a bio mom EXACTLY LIKE HER and I had to straight up just cut all contact w her for the sake of my mental health, so has all but one of my bio siblings. The problem w "forgiving" a person like that is the likelihood that they'll just go back to their old ways, moreso if they are old and not really sincere in wanting to change in the first place.
6:52 Even younger 😔 - from the time they turn 5 they get judged, viewed & put into service.
Love your hair!
Always follow your videos 🌹
To me is the same problem with Coco... suddenly the family member mistreating ppl realizes what they're doing wrong and change their behaviour on the spot... Sweet but that doesn't happen
Coco was a little bit different in the context though. They hated on the grandfather for disappearing, and Coco's mother talked over Coco's feelings, and then Coco's daughter was the same type of personality. So, once they finally heard what he meant to Coco, I could see that giving them a change of heart. It doesn't always work that smoothly, but if protecting Coco's feelings were what the goal was, understanding her feelings COULD make things different. It's at least more realistic than Abuela healing her own trauma in 10 minutes and deciding to be a better person - that felt like a superficial change that will revert back to old ways soon.
4:08 Just a heads-up, Antonio was born 5 years after Mirabel's door disappeared. Just a timeline note. The two are ten years apart, with her being 15, and him turning 5 at the ceremony. Also... The two share a room (the nursery) with no clear footage of a privacy screen or anything. So... five-year-old boy, teenage girl... same room... no privacy... What happens when Mirabel has to change into her nightie? 🤔🤨😳
Casita, get this poor girl a big-girl room! Or at least a privacy screen! (Seriously, it doesn't have to be a magical room. Just a place where a girl in her mid-teens can have some privacy from her five-year-old male cousin)
Disclaimer,I respect anyone’s opinion on this topic. I just wanted to state mine.
To be honest, of all things narcissistic, I’ve never met or seen a narcissist apologize about what they did, admit their mistakes, and accept their family for who they are rather than what they give. Not to mention Abuela NEVER justifies her actions when she talks to her granddaughter. You know unlike most people in real life. The only reason Abuela tells Mirabel about her trauma is so she can let out her grief, sadness, and stress.
We could make the argument that the family forgave Abuela too quickly and that makes since, but what else should they do? Put her in prison?
Also we know the Casita didn’t take one day to build right? I know we can’t just assume Abuela apologize to all of them individually, but that’s probably why in the final song she stated, “And I’m sorry I held on too tight. Just so afraid I’d lose you too. The miracle is not some magic that you’ve got. The miracle is you. Not some gift just you. The medical is you.” Instead of apologizing to them individually, Abuela apologize to in the song All Of You.
I do agree that the ending did feel like a quick and easy everything’s back to normal ending, but this is a Disney movie. What big surprised that the ending felt like a fairytale. These movies are inspired by real life events, but we should remember these movies are made to make us feel better not be reminded about how real life works. Anyways I love Encanto and I hope we can all agree it’s a win regardless. 💜
This isn't a theory I've come across, but it does make sense. And, as always, your singing voice is awesome.
Thank you, I appreciate you! 💕
Well...got to say, I watched this movie for the first time and thought that the ending was badly written. She did come across as a narcissist and was forgiven really quickly. I'm not sure how to feel because this movie might give people hope that their 'Alma' might change. In real life, narcissist won't ever change. As a Hispanic, I can tell you this trait is pretty common in our culture, especially in the older generation. You got alot of heads of the family who act this way while the rest act as submissive as the family in Encanto. It's truly remarkable how on point Encanto is with the culture. Can a person with those traits change? Maybe...but certainly not overnight.
This actually contradicts something about narcissism that a lot of people think is true. And yes, sometimes narcissism is caused by egotistical behavior, not all the time. Abuella was one of these people. Sometimes, these narcissists, whose behavior is caused by a state of pain rather than ego, don’t even know that this is going on or that they’re hurting the ones around them.
Abuela is not a narcissist, Gothel absolutely is. Gothel doesn't give shit about Rapunzel, she only keeps her so she stays forever young; Abuela does care for her family deeply, but became misguided in her ways.
Yes, she does care about reputation, and doesn't want outsiders to see the problems - but that's very much a cultural thing too (trust me, I'm Italian, I get that) 🙄
But even before the final exchange with Mirabel, she _is_ aware of how vulnerable the family is.
She is ultimately a refugee, and she pushes the children hard because she doesn't want them to ever experience what she did (as is often the case with 2nd and 3rd gen immigrants, who feel like they have to overcompensate for the hardships their parents and grandparents went through.)
Mind you, I'm _not_ saying the fact that she suffered makes it ok; but the fact that she admitted she was wrong and changed proves that she was never a narcissist.
Just to add to...pretty much everyone else. No, she is not a narcissist. Not even close. I'm sorry, but this is the equivalent to diagnosing someone with Bipolar I disorder after they've used IV Meth.
Of course we're trying to analyze from specific snapshots within a movie of a fictional character. However, there is nothing to indicate that any of these attitudes are present prior to her trauma. By definition, a personality disorder is core to the person's identity, not as the result of a specific event, nor if the symptoms are better explained by a mental health disorder. I'm not going to go into cultural issues, because that would be WAY too much to put into a comment. :) I would note too that the mix of trauma and the interpretation of religious belief in regards to the nature of the miracle plays a part in perceived narcissism, again better explained in other ways.
She has a sense of self importance placed on her by the community, and she is constantly pressing the family to "earn" the miracle. This is not recognition without achievement. She does not exaggerate, but instead has exceedingly high standards, which is a common cognitive distortion come out of trauma.
In dealing with magical realism, I don't think we can accurately identify the belief that she is exceptional or unique because...miracle. Even then, it is serving the community, and keeping herself and her family safe. Cracks in the family, losing the miracle, is a direct threat to her sense of safety.
There is some disconnection of emotion, but not a lack of empathy displayed.
I could keep going, but...no. Not narcissism.
I loved your explanation of narcissism you explained it really well !!!
Bravo baby. Thank you for sharing this. And woof!!!! This hit home.
Wow I needed this video, I think I’ve been heartbroken and crying my eyes out over a narcissist for the past few weeks💔
My dear, I am so so sorry that you’ve gone through that - but I’ve been right there with you, so I get it!
Abuela is not a narcissist. She’s had to rebuild her life, by herself, after watching her husband die to save her. She was given a miracle and feels like she has to maintain that miracle not only to keep her family together, but also to keep them safe. The family gifts make them necessary for the village which makes them safe. If the miracle dies, the gifts go away. If the gifts go away the villagers will turn on them (abuela’s prospective). She’s trying to prevent another tragedy.
Food for thought, but narcissists aren't born, they're made - typically from traumatic experiences that aren't properly dealt with. You can be a narcissist and still have a valid reason for how you became that way, it just doesn't excuse your actions. The best villains believe that they were doing the right thing, and Abuela is definitely the closest thing to a bad guy that Encanto has.
@@TheFangirlWatches respectfully I must disagree. Narcissistic people do not care about other people. They only care about themselves and how the people around them benefit them. Abuela loves her family and is truly touched by the villagers help in the end. She confesses that she was wrong about how she’d treated, not only mirabel, but Bruno as well. True narcissists never admit when they’re wrong. They never change.
Loving the song at the end
I had a feeling there would be a video calling her a narcissist. I disagree. She had one traumatic event happen, so she went on to protect herself and what was left of her family, and the people who followed her. Yes, she hurt her family by having such high expectations, but she never seemed to have an ego about it. In the end, she hears her granddaughter voice the pain of the entire family. When she realizes she's been hurting everyone, she reevaluates her actions and opens up.
I'd also like to ask if you are qualified to diagnose such a thing. Just having a list of things and comparing them does not a narcissist make. Something just doesn't sit right with this video. It'd be cool if you could get in touch with someone who went to school to help people in such a way and get them to give their opinion on it. Or even someone who shares the culture.
Yes she had good intentions to start but became a monster. To be honest she created the cracks as in the root of the problem, thus the need for marabel.
Yeah there is so much to interpret on Mirabel's situation and how it relates to Abuela. And there were so many characters that we didn't get enough time with, I could have watched Encanto as a three hour movie, honestly!
Now there is a commercial for Encanto at the end of your video. I actually might watch it now.
lol well at least they gave me a relevant commercial this time and not like mattresses again!
@@TheFangirlWatches fair. That reminds me of the saatva commercials on them Tom Segura and Christina P say on their TH-cam channel, Your Mom's House. She has a channel, Where My Mom's At.
Mystics and Hermits know first hand that people aren't going to change without self reflection and self honesty, you have to desire it, will it, and make the changes in you yourself. It's one of the central tenets of Hermitage. Without this key function, you'll never get anywhere in Spirituality.
One of the best analyses on Abuela that I've seen. 👍🏻
Thank for very much!
I've dealt with a narc ex friend for idk how many years. Its officially my 4th anniversary escaping her control over my own life. I can see those traits in Abuela. Our friend group structure was like a family. My friend Saph and I were the scapegoats. Currently we're doing so much better
Your voice is amazing!
Somehow the grandmother reminds me of Gothal from Tangled.🤔
That was strange. You see I've been thinking, what if the Final Destination film series (#FinalDestination) and the old tv series Dead Like Me (#DeadLikeMe) were in the same universe. The signs were there in both of them, you just needed to pay attention to the details and rules of Death.
9:08, and what if the therapist does not want a narssissist to change?
It really depends on the situation. The problem with a lot of people with NPD is that they tend to be successful people in life, but their relationships all suffer from their personality issues. So, if the therapist isn't very familiar with grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, they can completely miss the signs. Especially with a vulnerable narcissist, because they're all "poor me, everyone is out to get me and I'm trying so hard to be a good person" and they end up making the counselor feel sorry for them, so they give them bad advice like it's a person with self-esteem issues or something.
went to couple's counseling with my Narc spouse after he got caught cheating on me for YEARS and couldn't even give me a reason why (well, he tried to blame me, but it was all petty, superficial issues that he cited - not a single word about how I wronged him or deserved that in any way). If the couples therapist isn't well versed in Narcissism and the damaging behaviors involved in that, they treat the couple as a unit where they don't take sides - they assume both parties are rational and there is a balance to the power dynamic at home. But, our therapist got concerned enough that she turned to my spouse and said "did you not stop to think how your behaviors would hurt her?" And his response? "Well, she wasn't supposed to find out so why would I need to consider her feelings?" That's when I decided counseling was useless, it was time to divorce!
@@TheFangirlWatches I find that interesting. How was he so sure you would not find out and did he consider how he would feel if you did, is what comes to my mind.