I had no idea how much I mask until my boss told me to relax and be myself, and I became quiet, didn't chat, didn't look at people and stopped wearing that "interested" face. And now everyone hates me!
ahaha I was told years ago i had aspergers. I said FU I'm from NY. I'm back in NY and people think i have aspergers...So I'm looking into it... I wasnt laughing at you, I was identifying with you. :)
I am currently a Mental Health Nursing student and part of my course is understanding Autism, especially mental health issues associated with Autism. This video has been so helpful and informative. This is something I will take with me through my carer.
I found your channel a few months ago at the beginning of the lockdown and it couldn’t have been more of a blessing. Finally stopped blaming myself for how I process things and now I am in the process of getting diagnosed I’ve never been more self-assured and productive. Thank you please keep posting 🧡🧡🧡✨
Glad to of found your channel ❤ This is something that needs to be talked about more and understood more. Thank you for sharing your story ❤ masking is exhausting and I’m now seeking out more about myself since my children are showing signs of this. ❤
I once asked my therapist if I could be autistic. And she told me I couldn’t be autistic because I could express my feelings. Autistic people couldn’t do that. I now have a diagnosis at the age of 47 because I didn’t listen to her.
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. I’m 28 and awaiting assessment for ASD. I’ve been through all the kinds of mental health therapies and medications, along with social anxiety.. ‘she’s just shy, she’ll grow out of it, blah blah blah’ I’ve really lost myself trying to be like everyone else, it’s exhausting! I can’t wait to finally show the World who I really am.. I hope that’s one day soon! Keep up your excellent work!
Just Subscribed, have been watching Aspies World on and off for a bit now, but after watching the video you guys made 4 years ago, this morning. I have never felt like I have agreed so much in my entire life. I just turned 30 in June. Nobody can figure out whats wrong with me. I always felt like Im not normal. Crazy how you guys make more sense then any of these doctors with diplomas!! Literally crying tears of joy rn. Ty! would love to chat if possible.
I have trouble/feel awkward looking into people's eyes because I feel that they think I'm searing them with my eyes...Even tho I have a smile on my face, it feels like my look is too strong or that im looking into their soul. An Interview for example. Am I doing this right?
You talk about going through DBT. I can imagine that’s because you might’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder? I only ask because I have been diagnosed with BPD but I have recently found a therapist who believes I might be on the spectrum and at first I thought he was just crazy but now as I’m looking more and more into this I am shocked. I think I might very well Have autism
its not uncommon to be misdiagnosed with a personality disorder or borderline! My psych also said it could be co-morbid so you have both BPD and autism. I hope you find the right therapist
How do u recognize if ur masking if its completely unintentional? my psychologist thinks i might be autistic and high masking , iv got to go get a diagnosis soon but i feel like i need to understand it before i go in but i just dont understand, i dont know myself and i dont think i act but i honestly dont know and its so confusing and hard to recognize masking and the other symptoms wen i feel so disconnected, would love a video about this
I'm known as quiet and mean until people try to talk to me and then they I'm bubbly and sweet in there opinion. While the entire time I'm talking to them I'm straining to talk and smile and look in there eyes😒
Great video 🙂👍 I was diagnosed earlier this year at 30, I was very lucky to have a nice councillor who referred me for a diagnosis and though it took 10 months it was a straight forward process. I do mask on a daily basis for work, though my mask tends to slip from mental exhaustion or maybe I’m just lost in how to react or what to say. I know people pick up on my differences and I still get labelled as weird, but they don’t see half of it 😆 Getting a diagnosis has let me accept, embrace and understand (sorta) who I am, these feelings should be essential to everyone 😊✨
It’s actually unreal how much this resonates with me. I am so exhausted after a whole day of masking I’m literally like a zombie afterwards! And can’t function properly for days. Good that you had a good councillor! Not ever a local psychologist could help me! Just kept giving me meds in the hope that they’d work when in reality it was neurological not mental health! Xx
It is exhausting, faking it till you make it is a real talent, and coming to realise that our social stamina level probably isn’t as strong as most 😵I understand, I’ve been back and forth the Drs in the past and Ive had tablets prescribed which just made things worse. I really do feel sorry for some people that have been pushed around the drs and mental health services because the “professionals” are unaware and uneducated around autism. It’s a battle that no one should have to fight, and it’s about time people stopped slipping under the radar 👍✨ xx
Some autistic people can give eye contact. Autism is a collection of traits, but not everyone who has autism will have the same traits. Every autistic person is different.
It is really hard for me to listen to what you are saying because of the music. Maybe you could consider leaving it out in future videos? I think what you have to say is already valuable enough and adding the music might take away from it rather than adding positively - for some people, at least (and people who need background music to be able to listen could easily have music playing alongside the video).
I love your channel, where have you been all this time?! This content is exactly what the community need. Keep up the good work! I cant wait to see what you upload next. 💖
Hi. I’ve got an autistic partner who shows similar traits to me and I’ve started to wonder if I might be autistic as well. I’ve never been very good at keeping friends and I’m often told I’m especially weird in comparison to other girls. I’m quite scared of other girls and find it much easier to communicate with boys, as I’m worried that I may not be what the girls want or maybe I might not be a good choice of friend. Boys tend to be more easy going personally so I find it much easier to communicate with them. They’re quite up front and blunt ant about things so I find it easier to understand them. I’m 19 and have only started questioning the possibility recently as I too get quite emotional after going out and often stay in bed and watch things for hours before starting a conversation again, even through text. My partner doesn’t think I’m autistic but idk if it’s because he understands autism in one way. I don’t want to self diagnose but this sounds to me like the more likely diagnosis. I know female autism is often confused for BPD but I only get stressed out or emotional when I’m confronted with loud noises, yelling, shouting or if there’s too many people in one room. I often turn mute and don’t say much if anything at all. Could I be autistic? With the corona virus, it’s hard to seek help atm and I’m feeling quite confused.
Hi! Look up teletherapy and see if you can find a PsyD to diagnose you if you think it serves to help your life to get accommodations, especially in work and school. :-)
Masking is a trait that needs more attention with all genders. It's apparently more common in females. As a male on the spectrum I actually have this trait myself. Growing up, I had tuned my masking skills pretty well, just to fit in. It delayed my diagnosis until I was 32. I'd clung to a kind of 'fake it til you make it' attitude pre-diagnosis. It was exhausting. In hindsight 'fake it til you break' better describes the masking over all those years. My world collapsed. The mask came off. After a series of traumatic events, I was diagnosed. Sometimes masking still helps me navigate life, but I've learned its okay to be me, and take the mask off a bit more, let myself breathe.
Totally true! The longer you fake the more lost you become in yourself and lose your true identity! All those years I spent masking have lead me to a complete identity meltdown because sometimes I feel like it’s so difficult knowing my true self that it’s hard to ever believe the damage I have caused myself is irreversible but I can’t think like that I have to be positive and work at it and undo a lot of it. When I finally start to be myself a little it feels amazing and then it disappears again! X
@@charldavies I completely relate to the identity crisis it can create. I had a couple of those before the one that led to my diagnosis. Well, my major meltdown was mainly due to serious trauma, and in the process of recovering, I was diagnosed. To be honest, I'm still finding myself too, well after diagnosis. Much like you just described. It's actually quite a challenge to undo some of the masks we've created. Being ourselves does feel amazing! It really helps our confidence in being ourselves (and not having to hide), when we feel supported and understood by the people closest to us too. Thank you for increasing awareness. :)
Karl Neilson Yes I have this trait. I ended up having to share childhood memories with the psychologist who assessed me. My parents were in the room with me just to talk about the bits I couldn’t quite remember. I was so good at masking my Aspergers, that I didn’t get diagnosed until 24. I would still be undiagnosed if I didn’t push for an assessment. Back in the day, I would follow the crowd because I didn’t want to be seen as weird. I realised that was a big mistake but I have no time for regrets. At the age of 33, I am doing what I should’ve done when I was a teenager. Following my dreams since most my friends are either married, have children or both. It’s made it easier for me to go my own way. Think the kids of today have enough awareness and understanding about autism. They should have parents and professionals teaching them it’s okay to be different and that the best way to live a fulfilling life is to follow their own strengths. Otherwise it becomes a never ending battle!
@@AndyKirtland11 Yeah it took both a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist to diagnose me. I also had to share a lot of childhood memories too. I also had to push for proper assessment. Like you I didn't want to seem weird back in the day, and tried to follow the crowd as best I could. I got better and better at masking as time went on. I swear there's a whole lost generation of un-diagnosed adults. The diagnostic process is still highly focussed on children, but things are improving slowly for adult diagnosis and female diagnosis it seems. Awareness is increasing. My younger brother was actually diagnosed a year before I was. He didn't tell anyone in our family. Once I was diagnosed the following year and began talking about it. He felt confident enough to share that he'd already been diagnosed too.
Karl Neilson I totally agree with the lost generation. Some adults went their entire life without knowing why they were different. I still have issues with trying to get full time work, which is why I decided to go backup full time education. Right now, I am out of work and haven’t had a job since o left ASK Italian restaurant back in January to focus on my assignments. I have become so good at masking that I can’t even get my entitlements such as the low rate of Personal Independence Payment. That’s another full story itself. Finding the right employment. I’m a qualified person trainer, but haven’t had more luck getting started. Have a recruitment day at Nuffield Health coming up, so praying they will get me my deserved break. I’ve had odd jobs in the past, but these jobs ain’t good for my overall health. The one in the restaurant was hard work, especially when I got overloaded with dessert tickets, as well as being told to do the washing at the same time when they ran out of stuff. It’s hard for anyone, but harder for us lot on the autistic spectrum since it takes us longer to process information, but once we learn how to do something we become better. The management were poor and I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I left to focus on achieving the best in my studies. Now I am being told I a.m. overqualified for many jobs out there. You just can’t win.
Thank you for this video it is so good to hear someone speak up about it and how omnipresent this trait is in everyday life. I've had the feeling that I've been scripting and acting for so long that I've forgotten who I am and really struggled with not identifying with my reactions.
I have scripted everything in my life honestly. I'll even physically write scripts on paper or word document if I have an important meeting or phone call...
Yes, I always do that. I'm used to it so much that until recently, I didn't even realize that I write down scripts and learn every single thing that I will say to someone. And if someone asks something that I didn't write down or learned the answer before, I just can't talk, or say something that is not even what I really think.
@@chocopanda16 absolutely, i can do a lot of the scripting mentally.. but if it's something new I need to script it out and practice. Sheesh, I'm 37 and I'm only now pursuing diagnosis. It's been surreal realizing why you do certain things and why other things have been so tough in life. Anyway it's always been a great coping strategy.
Your diagnosis story resonated with me, as when I first approached a doctor and asked if I could be tested for Autism he laughed in my face and told me I couldn't be.
That's why I'm so terrified to even say the words "could I be autistic?" outloud. For now self diagnosis will have to be good enough I guess. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough.
@@tigerlily0190 hang in there :) there are people out there who understand, and want to help! Just be patient and you will find them. Getting a diagnosis isn't always the answer. It can be a long and difficult journey, but possible!
I found out recently that I am autistic. The video you did with the aspie channel resonated with me so much. Literally every word you said was the exact same as what I go through. Its been hard to find an autistic woman who is also extroverted on TH-cam. I showed it to my boyfriend and he said it was very eye opening because now he sees the reason behind me doing certain things. I'd love it if you could do a video on sensory sensitivities one day. Thanks for making these videos!
Thank you, im watching because i suspect my 7 year old daughter may be on the spectrum. Just trying to get a handle on the best ways to put her at ease and build her confidence. Lots of traits you talk about i see in my self also, unfortunately alcohol has been my life-coping mecganism.
I've never been able to mask, I haven't really been able to pick and memorise lines and put together a persona, and while I totally understand how exhausting and frustrating it must be, I kinda envy the ability. I'm totally at a loss with many everyday social situations and I often wish there was someone who could teach me a few help-out lines for certain situations, 'cause without these, I end up either not saying a word or behaving in a way that seems to drive people away. Also what I've noticed is that for me, this usually applies to initial contact, until the "ice is broken", 'cause once we're over that, I am often really honest and authentic and funny and able to connect from the heart. But unfortunately that happens rarely because of the huge dread around and lack of communication tools for breaking the ice of initial contact. Actually, what I've started to do recently is telling people straight off that I'm autistic and I'm anxious and not sure how to handle social situations, and that seems to help a lot, it instantly puts me in my "authenticity zone" (=not having to fake anything) plus it prevents a lot of misznderstanding around my behaviour, which together make me way less anxious already. So for me a huge part of the cure seems to be being upfront about what I am and what I'm going through. Of course it's unfortunately not possible in all circles and even in those where it is, people may have misconceptions about autism. Still, for me, this seems to be very very useful
100% behind you on that one.too many females get missed its shocking how much the professionals dont know. For 6 years we were told my daughter couldn't be autistic as she is "too sociable,gives eye contact" ect.... She was diagnosed after 6 years of battling. Mias 9 and she copes threw being her favourite character, at the moment its Aladdin and she will act out the whole film word for word. It's her safe place being the character she loves even her teachers in school will call her by her characters name. We met you at hope GB an later showed my partner the video of you speaking. A year later hes got a diagnosis age 33 and his story is so much like yours, you really did help sharing your story. Keep doing what your doing an speaking out, your amazing ❤
That is actually ridiculous! This is why we need to keep sharing and educating because masking is such a distinct and problematic trait that affects so many people! It’s frustrating and I know how it feels to be invalidated due to masking just like your daughter! 🦋 Amazing that you know hopeGB and so glad I could help in any way! Diagnosis isn’t just a label. It’s a key! 💖💖💖
@@charldavies definitely, my partner is finding out who he is an different coping strategys now he feels like all the pieces of the puzzle have come together and make sense. Will share this. Hope all is going well with you, your an inspiration x
I have spent a long time afraid of going to the Dr to ask about diagnosis. I have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult but I know it goes a bit deeper than that with other things I struggle with. I was a police officer and obviously this would require a LOT of masking and I was permanently exhausted. I have since quit the police as I could not handle the lack of routine and the unpredictability. I have tried speaking with my friends before about it and as my traits aren't "stereotypical" to what they might consider Autistic traits to look like, I just get fobbed off. Mainly because I am masking all the time in public. The only person who truly sees me for myself if my girlfriend I guess. They get the highs and the lows! I just fear that the Dr will look at me and the things I have been able to do with work etc and I will get told I don't seem autistic because I can hold a conversation with eye contact and managed to get into the police service. I am going to have to do it at some point but I am considering saving up to go private and do it that way. Anyway, less of my rambling. Thanks so much for this video. Keep up the great work x
Your story exactly like mine (especially part about your 19 years old) and I live at the different continent, crazy and so rielifing knowledge, thank you
Best video ever. You perfectly characterized my scripting thingy. Btw, guy here. Thanks [edit lol my bad habit] Charl, you're clearly quite clever. Subbed. Take care.
My daughter is 2E and didn't start to show signs until 5th grade that anything at all was a concern. It took 2 years of therapy and waiting 7 months to finally get her in to a neuropsychologist to finally get her diagnosed at 11 years old, she has both level 1 autism and inattentive adhd. Once diagnosed we realized she was a master at masking and I can only imagine how difficult it was for her. Now that she is diagnosed she is embracing being ausie, it comes with many struggles being in middle school but there are several resources that we are using to help her manage. I really appreciate you putting these video's out because it is helping me as her mom to understand how she feels and how things are for her, only another ausie would be able to explain this to a neurotypical. TFS
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! My 10 year old was finally diagnosed this year as it was always dismissed when I brought it up to her pediatricians! I have to tell you that my daughter is always quoting memes 😂 or when she’s feeling awkward around new people she’ll go on and on and on about her special interest (Pokémon). She doesn’t understand that not everyone is interested in her knowledge of the subject lol. She is always drawing/sketching as well so she thinks you’re pretty cool 💗
I found out I was an autistic person last year at 45 y.o while meditating ! Meditating is such a great practice , it cured me from my anxiety trouble . Now I'm learning to get rid of my neurotypical habits , a hard task after so many years under the mask of normality ! It is crucial for us autistic females to dare becoming our true selves . To find my true self I 've looked at picture of me when I was 2 years old , before entering school ( France ), before starting the process of masking . I 've found out I was a happy , singing little person . This what I want to be again ! Thank you Charl for your video . I have a page Severine Maman Hyper/Tsa you're welcome to visit it .
Wow this has really made me think about actually enduring the process to seek further into the possibility of getting a diagnosis. I have always had connections and relations to those on the spectrum because I am often burdened from the exhaustion of masking. Have sought quite a bit of help mental health wise to learn coping mechanisms. I even work as a supervisor of a group home and have experience with working with a few people on the spectrum. It is such a wide spectrum and the more time that passes the more I am learning that one person with autism is just one person with autism. You can’t expect someone to fit in a square box and call it autism. Thank you so much for sharing.
I can remember realizing that I was different than everyone else in 1st grade and being terrified that others would see it, so I started pretending to be one of them.
I've had EXACTLY the same thing said to me in 2006 at a psychiatrist! It wasn't even just my doctor! After this, it took another 6 years before I had my diagnosis.. This also caused me having anxiety to begin again about autism, because everyone who I told it, or questioned it, they all waved it away. I am discovering myself more and more every day and it makes me mental health get worse AFTER the diagnosis because I know learn what I need but I can't get it because "I don't look autistic" I'm too intelligent to be so 'retarded'. Sorry to call it like that, I can't find the right words. I'm 36 now and to be honest, if this is what it will be, then I hope I won't get old. I'm having SO many struggles with sensory problems, anxiety problems, go from thinking to doing, and it feels like I don't even belong to the group Autism because I seem to have so many problems compared to other aspies.... I need a form of help that doesn't exist in healthcare yet it seems... 😢
I'm masking all the time. I simply cannot be really present when talking to anyone 'cause it's so hard for me processing all the information and stuff. Till this day, I only quit masking two times when I talked to someone and I stimmed a whole lot, I had to chew some fabric the whole time, flapped my hands, could not look at the other person, but this way I could process what the other said and I could say what I really felt. It was probably the best thing in my life ever. Through masking, I seem that everything is perfect but it's totally exhausting for me, and also I hate myself because of it, cause everything I say just not express my real feelings because when I'm masking I just don't know what is going on.
Totally get thus, very difficult to mask by making eye contact and appearing engaged when you are being overstimulated by the environment also. Filtering is hard, I hate it when people are impatient because they may need to repeat what they say or speak louder. 🦋
Thank you for the video. Hearing you talk about autism in girls has been extremely helpful. It is so weird recognising my own experiences coming from somebody else! I am 32, awaiting an appointment for diagnosis. For the longest time I struggled to learn how to mask and interact with others so I would mostly just sit by myself with nobody to talk to. In my later teens, I started to try and see how to interact with other people, starting online and transitioning that to real life conversations. My biggest issues happen when my script runs out; I can be the life and soul, making people laugh and conversing well and then suddenly not know what else to say and suddenly stop talking, seemingly out of nowhere. I have also had professionals tell me that I do not struggle to communicate based on interviews that happen when I know well in advance when I will be talking to them and what I will be talking about. It is really frustrating. It is so good to know we are not alone, so thank you for your video
I think I've got autism I had breakdown when I was young didn't know who I was was trying be what I thought others wanted me to be and just shut down. The masking/scripting taking on other peoples traits etc I think it rings true, I've done everything the hard way and I'm honestly glad for it it's made me who I am and forced me to face down anything that scared or intimidated me! Great to hear issues like this being spoken out loud its what too many people need to hear ❤! Is that a feckin lagertha tat with elf ears on your arm charl? 😉
This is something that I've been doing all my life pretty much. Just discovering that I have Asperger's syndrome. Not been diagnosed & sounds like it's going to be difficult as there is no NHS assessments in my area. Anyway I was told by my mum that in the 1st 2 or 3 years of my school life, I didn't speak to anyone. Then was shy Alot at school, even with close friends I would mask my traits to "fit in" Didn't know it at the time but looking back, that's what happened. Since university & more recently (I'm now almost 36) I have tried to become more myself rather than fit in to what NTs expect of me. A long struggle to be the true me but I'm trying my best. Thank you so much for sharing your story 😊😘
It’s ironic I’m only now learning that masking is bad for my health - since I started school I’ve thought I’d be so much happier if someone gave lessons on “how to people” so I would know what to say or do in social interactions. I’ve consciously tried to get better at masking my whole life, without knowing the name, because surely if I could only pretend well enough I could be happy. I got so exhausted by it in secondary school that I became isolated and depressed. Treatment for that helped me have the energy to continue masking but I’d periodically burn out. As adult life demanded more and more interaction I was constantly exhausted and doctors kept checking me for anemia and other physical conditions but nothing was wrong. They couldn’t help. Maybe even without a diagnosis I can learn to accept that side of me and be less judgmental of myself. Maybe I can have peace, if not happiness. Thank you for speaking out and explaining something medical and mental health professionals never bothered to.
I've practiced scripting so much that I am better at coming up with things to talk about than most neurotypicals. I essentially created a formula/method in my head or a "list" if you will that allows me to initiate, extend, and conclude conversation in perfect format. This required many years of practice but I am grateful for it.
So excited to have found this channel!! I'm 21 and I was diagnosed with autism two weeks ago. I'm still only just learning about what it really means and it's so amazing to hear the things I've struggled with all my life put into words!! Thank you!
I loved this video! I was 50 when I was diagnosed and then I thought, omg! if I had no idea I have Asperger's then what else don't I know about myself and the world. It's been a year since my diagnosis and I'm becoming more comfortable with it and understanding how this affects me day to day and also makes sense of my life so far. While I haven't told many people or my employer, if I heard someone talk about autism I would speak up. The masking trait is just something you do right? Because otherwise I would either be silent or direct and I know that's socially inappropriate. Guys probably do this quite a lot more than we think as they become adults but it's more evident in childhood that girls begin masking and scripting from a very early age. Thanks again Charl ✌🌱💜
I was assessed earlier this year and it was a no go. Hour assessment with a resident. The psychiatrist, who never met me, then diagnosed me with bpd, a previous diagnosis of mine, which I technically don't qualify for anymore, but they labelled me none the less. She said that if previous psychiatrists hadn't picked it up, then surely I'm not on the spectrum. She even went so far as to say she thought I'd be relieved win having bpd and not asd. 😓😞 I brought in an 8 page document listing traits I present, I scored extremely high on their tests. All that was dismissed as how I presented in person and how I presented on paper didn't match up and thus I must be lying on paper. Not masking. 😭 Ignorance is really taxing. I'm now wait listed at a private clinic. Loads of money and year wait time. Masking needs to be brought into awareness!!
Natural Vegan Mom I was diagnosed just a few months ago, and they were also sceptical about it as former psychiatrists didn’t detect it... what I feel was a crucial part of them starting to listening to what I had to say, was, my struggling with keeping up the eye contact. I was lucky to have had this piece of information by Mindful Divergence beforehand, because otherwise I would have just continued to mask, as usually. If you didn’t already come across that info yet, I hope this helps you. Crossing my fingers for you! All the best
Thank you to put in words what I can't. I was diagnosed with 46, not knowing anything about Aspergers. I suffered from Depression and Exhaustion for decades. the diagnosis was such an eye opener and such a relieve. First I fought masking not beeing able to describe it, cause I wanted to be totally me. Now age 50 I feel more at ease because it helped me to get and keep my job. Thanks again for giving me the words.
I didn’t know much about autism let alone in girls! It’s hard to identify when there is very little info out there! And I get what you mean with the fighting of it. It’s hard when you don’t even know masking is a thing or that you’re even doing it 🤷🏼♀️ hopefully more people can identify it after my bf ☺️
Thank you for sharing and I'm looking forward to more videos from you...I have learned a lot from TheAspieWorld and HowtoADHD but neither are reflective of me on a deeply personal level...I only began to suspect that I may be ASD when my persona of 10 + years wasn't working and my support structures weren't serving me any longer so I began to isolate and depression hit hard Fortunately I've slowly been coming out of it with a new understanding of myself as someone likely on the spectrum...Is there a Discord channel for your group yet?
Well said Charl, so proud of you and thank you for always spreading awareness.🦋💖 I’ve been struggling with understanding my true self since being diagnosed with autism it’s felt confusing as trying to find out who I really am since being diagnosed has been hard but I hope soon things will make more sense and I can understand myself more. I’m so thankful that you are always spreading awareness also for you.💓✨
Thanks Hannah. I just want to raise awareness because it was such a long battle just for a diagnosis and it isn’t fair! I’m super glad you’re starting to realise your true identity now thought, I feel exactly the same xxx
Charl Davies Thank you Charl, I’m so glad I have you to look up to. We’ve got this and we can achieve our goals.☺️💖 Hopefully I will start to understand my autism more when I start college and hopefully meet and make friends with people with autism in September.🤞🏻💓
Would you be willing to share what kind of ASD behaviours you had as a child? I am currently in a diagnosis process and am curious if females show the same type characteristics as boys as a child.. cant seem to find much info about this Much love from the NL
Firstly. I love this video! As an autistic male I loved this video! Secondly, I relate to so much to what you said about yourself. I use scripting as a way of talking. Sometimes I can come up with something on my own but about 90% of the time, I use vocabularies and quotes or things other people said to talk. If not, I cannot process information properly and I stutter and I end up being veerrrryy awkward. And also I mask a lot with certain friends...sometimes my friends will be very happy, and when I’m in a BAD mood, I try to hide and and keep myself from doing somethings. It got to the point where I was unsure what I would feel all day...if I was overwhelmed or tired, I couldn’t tell if I was depressed. It’s horrible. Thank you for making this because you helped explain stuff I was unable to explain. Just thank you for that! 😊
Masking is actually exhausting!! Thanks so much for your support. Scripting is there only way I know how to communicate effectively! Other than that I have zero genuine interest most of the time because I like what I like and I like to talk about the things I like. When I have something to say I forget what I’m saying a lot or mess up and stutter too because I can’t cope with the pressure of being watched and people awaiting my response. But glad it’s helped you to understand yourself better!! 🤘🏻
Everything you talk about, masking, mirroring, taking on bits and pieces of other people's personalities, trouble with emotions, etc. Huge mental health struggles. Again all this was chalked up to bpd. It's awful. Had I been a boy I wonder if I'd been diagnosed as a small child. Instead I'm now a grown women who cannot get a diagnosis and along the way have amassed a slew of mental health problems.
I can sympathise with a huge amount of what you have mentioned in this video. I really stood out at school having a different hobby and not quite knowing how to control my own emotions - all became clear when I found out at age 16 that I had it. I'm also part of the Young Farmers which can be extremely mentally tiring at times but it has helped so much with social confidence. So many people greatly underestimate the scale of trying to find yourself again especially when masking becomes a daily routine - another well know trait. I think its great to see how much Autism, Aspergers etc are being bought out into the public eye now to raise awareness. Something which should have been done way earlier.
Really appreciate your videos. I was diagnosed at 24 or 25 and am now 28. Still struggle with masking on a daily basis. It’s really hard that people don’t know more about autism. Really hard. I’m in the U.S. so the system was different but it took a long time to figure out what my diagnosis was.
It really is rare to hear of makes being diagnosed later in life! Diagnoses is too often based solely on our exterior, all professions have to do is ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS! glad you got your diagnoses though 💖
Yes. I wish professionals knew more about autism too. I even struggle to take care of myself at work because having to be around people for 8 hours is so hard. I script as well but it’s so exhausting and sometimes I have a shutdown.
Hi Charl! Greetings from Brazil! After many years of conflict, my wife and I discovered that my she is in the spectrum (after lots of study and many videos), but she learned to mask big time since her childhood and could not be diagnosed by the psychs here. We got discouraged and gave up to get this diagnostic for now. I've been watching your videos and they have helped us to deal with some of these issues. Thanx!
m grateful for you exposing the case; I’m 38 and I understand that I’ve been undiagnosed all this time. People right off the start will realise I’m “quirky” or unique and I’ve had to put a strong front to be able to literally be able to work and survive. The struggle is constant and leaves me exhausted though, and nobody sees that side. Some people understand I’m masking and they thus think I’m a liar, or just “acting” just to play a bad game on them and they don’t trust me.. leaving me unable to comprehend let alone explain to someone.. this new awareness is coming with a huge relief, a big thank you❣️
47yrs old. Plane wreck. First assessment session for ASD & ADHD in a few days. Collating all the quizzes, notes from life memories timeline, childhood photos, quizzes and notes from the couple of people who kind of know me... I don’t even know me. Who the fk am I? The new awareness of masking makes me question my whole life and who I have tried to be, always failing, always a fool, always ending in bedridden despair. The DSM 5 questions are missing a tonne of female related symptoms/issues going by comparison of all the lists I’ve come across in my so far short journey of trueself-identification. Luckily the Dr I’m going to be working with (by video even though only 25 minutes away, because I’m completely housebound and have been since 2011) seems to have a really good handle on female ASD so I feel I’m in safe hands. Unlike every single other doctor and service who have caused me severe mental anguish to the point of suicidal thoughts and emotions... GP this week: “You’re wasting your time and money seeking a diagnosis, you don’t present as someone with aspergers at all, I’ve seen women with AS and you are nothing like them” WELL, maybe because I’m MASKING a complete and utter nervous wreck of human remains after a lifetime of fear, overwhelm, uncertainty, confusion, abuse, misunderstanding, bad choices, shame, loneliness, isolation, all leading to severe debilitating chronic physical and mental illness. GIRLS don’t WAIT TO GET ASSESSED. No matter your age, DO IT NOW. The financial *investment* is NOTHING compared to the loss of your precious health, sanity and life. 😭❤️
The story you mentioned about the doctor is so annoying because they don’t even know about ‘no two people being the same’ let alone something like masking!! So sad to hear you are housebound currently and I sincerely hope things improve for you because it’s hard! 🦋
I can't agrue with people and when I do it's in a (rude , annoying "disrespectful " way ) I mask by agreeing with a argumental person who is stubborn and I use a childish act around little kids but sometimes I worry incase I really am that immature , sometimes I wonder am I forcing myself to be like a typical teen instead because I hated most of my peers since a young age because they rejected me , only girls did not boys tho . I masked in my Summer camp , school and around people who might judge me . I forced myself to hate myself because so many girls do . I want to love myself and express it but I'm terrified about being called egotistical or aggroant .
how cute,tried masking mine for a while,it'll always ends up in fiasco lol.Just accept that you are special and simply act like it. accepting who you are and forgiving your oddities render it unnecessary to try acting to fit others.
I've been going back and forth wondering if I could be on the spectrum. I'm 29 and I definitely have at least social anxiety. I used to have trouble making eye contact but I have tried really hard to learn how to do it so I'm quite good at it. Just like I tried really hard to be able to interact in social situations and feel like I can get by but it's always a struggle and deep inside it actually feels like I'm screaming and just want to go away from everyone. I had never thought about masking as a trait, thank you for your video! I have an appointment for a therapy assessment soonish and I'm already starting to freak out about it. The who am I questioning has been on my mind all my life it seems.
I love you ❤❤ I just watched your video with Aspie , I continuously question myself too , I was debating for months whether I have social anxiety or not because about year ago I went mute alot more often . I had boy traits up until teenihood .
Thank you for your videos. I have started to show them to my daughter (7) it's helping her understand her autism so much. I can see the light in her eyes when she's says wow, me to! X
I had no idea how much I mask until my boss told me to relax and be myself, and I became quiet, didn't chat, didn't look at people and stopped wearing that "interested" face. And now everyone hates me!
ahaha I was told years ago i had aspergers. I said FU I'm from NY. I'm back in NY and people think i have aspergers...So I'm looking into it... I wasnt laughing at you, I was identifying with you. :)
please continuously upload to this channel. i relate with you so much and im really going through what you went through
I am currently a Mental Health Nursing student and part of my course is understanding Autism, especially mental health issues associated with Autism. This video has been so helpful and informative. This is something I will take with me through my carer.
I found your channel a few months ago at the beginning of the lockdown and it couldn’t have been more of a blessing. Finally stopped blaming myself for how I process things and now I am in the process of getting diagnosed I’ve never been more self-assured and productive. Thank you please keep posting 🧡🧡🧡✨
I mask almost every day of my life unless I’m at home and it literally drains the shit out of me, I hate it so much and I wish I didn’t form the habit
Makes me feel like I don’t know myself, I just recently became aware of what “masking” is and that it’s not a “normal” thing
Love your channel!! And if possible, I'd love to hear you talking about Autism and social anxiety 💕
Glad to of found your channel ❤ This is something that needs to be talked about more and understood more. Thank you for sharing your story ❤ masking is exhausting and I’m now seeking out more about myself since my children are showing signs of this. ❤
I once asked my therapist if I could be autistic. And she told me I couldn’t be autistic because I could express my feelings. Autistic people couldn’t do that. I now have a diagnosis at the age of 47 because I didn’t listen to her.
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. I’m 28 and awaiting assessment for ASD. I’ve been through all the kinds of mental health therapies and medications, along with social anxiety.. ‘she’s just shy, she’ll grow out of it, blah blah blah’ I’ve really lost myself trying to be like everyone else, it’s exhausting! I can’t wait to finally show the World who I really am.. I hope that’s one day soon! Keep up your excellent work!
Just Subscribed, have been watching Aspies World on and off for a bit now, but after watching the video you guys made 4 years ago, this morning. I have never felt like I have agreed so much in my entire life. I just turned 30 in June. Nobody can figure out whats wrong with me. I always felt like Im not normal. Crazy how you guys make more sense then any of these doctors with diplomas!! Literally crying tears of joy rn. Ty! would love to chat if possible.
I have trouble/feel awkward looking into people's eyes because I feel that they think I'm searing them with my eyes...Even tho I have a smile on my face, it feels like my look is too strong or that im looking into their soul. An Interview for example. Am I doing this right?
Awsome video charl watching your videos is helping me to understand more about my sons autism thank you
You talk about going through DBT. I can imagine that’s because you might’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder? I only ask because I have been diagnosed with BPD but I have recently found a therapist who believes I might be on the spectrum and at first I thought he was just crazy but now as I’m looking more and more into this I am shocked. I think I might very well Have autism
its not uncommon to be misdiagnosed with a personality disorder or borderline! My psych also said it could be co-morbid so you have both BPD and autism. I hope you find the right therapist
How do u recognize if ur masking if its completely unintentional? my psychologist thinks i might be autistic and high masking , iv got to go get a diagnosis soon but i feel like i need to understand it before i go in but i just dont understand, i dont know myself and i dont think i act but i honestly dont know and its so confusing and hard to recognize masking and the other symptoms wen i feel so disconnected, would love a video about this
I'm known as quiet and mean until people try to talk to me and then they I'm bubbly and sweet in there opinion. While the entire time I'm talking to them I'm straining to talk and smile and look in there eyes😒
Great video 🙂👍 I was diagnosed earlier this year at 30, I was very lucky to have a nice councillor who referred me for a diagnosis and though it took 10 months it was a straight forward process. I do mask on a daily basis for work, though my mask tends to slip from mental exhaustion or maybe I’m just lost in how to react or what to say. I know people pick up on my differences and I still get labelled as weird, but they don’t see half of it 😆 Getting a diagnosis has let me accept, embrace and understand (sorta) who I am, these feelings should be essential to everyone 😊✨
It’s actually unreal how much this resonates with me. I am so exhausted after a whole day of masking I’m literally like a zombie afterwards! And can’t function properly for days. Good that you had a good councillor! Not ever a local psychologist could help me! Just kept giving me meds in the hope that they’d work when in reality it was neurological not mental health! Xx
It is exhausting, faking it till you make it is a real talent, and coming to realise that our social stamina level probably isn’t as strong as most 😵I understand, I’ve been back and forth the Drs in the past and Ive had tablets prescribed which just made things worse. I really do feel sorry for some people that have been pushed around the drs and mental health services because the “professionals” are unaware and uneducated around autism. It’s a battle that no one should have to fight, and it’s about time people stopped slipping under the radar 👍✨ xx
Some autistic people can give eye contact. Autism is a collection of traits, but not everyone who has autism will have the same traits. Every autistic person is different.
It is really hard for me to listen to what you are saying because of the music. Maybe you could consider leaving it out in future videos? I think what you have to say is already valuable enough and adding the music might take away from it rather than adding positively - for some people, at least (and people who need background music to be able to listen could easily have music playing alongside the video).
Thanks for the feedback
@@charldavies oh thank You for putting your videos out there and sharing your experiences
I love your channel, where have you been all this time?! This content is exactly what the community need. Keep up the good work! I cant wait to see what you upload next. 💖
Aw thankyou so much for the support!! ⭐️⭐️
I get very distracted by the background music in your videos. Could you maybe try and change it in the future?
Hi. I’ve got an autistic partner who shows similar traits to me and I’ve started to wonder if I might be autistic as well. I’ve never been very good at keeping friends and I’m often told I’m especially weird in comparison to other girls. I’m quite scared of other girls and find it much easier to communicate with boys, as I’m worried that I may not be what the girls want or maybe I might not be a good choice of friend. Boys tend to be more easy going personally so I find it much easier to communicate with them. They’re quite up front and blunt ant about things so I find it easier to understand them. I’m 19 and have only started questioning the possibility recently as I too get quite emotional after going out and often stay in bed and watch things for hours before starting a conversation again, even through text. My partner doesn’t think I’m autistic but idk if it’s because he understands autism in one way. I don’t want to self diagnose but this sounds to me like the more likely diagnosis. I know female autism is often confused for BPD but I only get stressed out or emotional when I’m confronted with loud noises, yelling, shouting or if there’s too many people in one room. I often turn mute and don’t say much if anything at all.
Could I be autistic?
With the corona virus, it’s hard to seek help atm and I’m feeling quite confused.
Hi! Look up teletherapy and see if you can find a PsyD to diagnose you if you think it serves to help your life to get accommodations, especially in work and school. :-)
Masking is a trait that needs more attention with all genders. It's apparently more common in females. As a male on the spectrum I actually have this trait myself. Growing up, I had tuned my masking skills pretty well, just to fit in. It delayed my diagnosis until I was 32. I'd clung to a kind of 'fake it til you make it' attitude pre-diagnosis. It was exhausting. In hindsight 'fake it til you break' better describes the masking over all those years. My world collapsed. The mask came off. After a series of traumatic events, I was diagnosed. Sometimes masking still helps me navigate life, but I've learned its okay to be me, and take the mask off a bit more, let myself breathe.
Totally true! The longer you fake the more lost you become in yourself and lose your true identity! All those years I spent masking have lead me to a complete identity meltdown because sometimes I feel like it’s so difficult knowing my true self that it’s hard to ever believe the damage I have caused myself is irreversible but I can’t think like that I have to be positive and work at it and undo a lot of it. When I finally start to be myself a little it feels amazing and then it disappears again! X
@@charldavies I completely relate to the identity crisis it can create. I had a couple of those before the one that led to my diagnosis. Well, my major meltdown was mainly due to serious trauma, and in the process of recovering, I was diagnosed. To be honest, I'm still finding myself too, well after diagnosis. Much like you just described. It's actually quite a challenge to undo some of the masks we've created. Being ourselves does feel amazing! It really helps our confidence in being ourselves (and not having to hide), when we feel supported and understood by the people closest to us too. Thank you for increasing awareness. :)
Karl Neilson Yes I have this trait. I ended up having to share childhood memories with the psychologist who assessed me. My parents were in the room with me just to talk about the bits I couldn’t quite remember. I was so good at masking my Aspergers, that I didn’t get diagnosed until 24. I would still be undiagnosed if I didn’t push for an assessment.
Back in the day, I would follow the crowd because I didn’t want to be seen as weird. I realised that was a big mistake but I have no time for regrets. At the age of 33, I am doing what I should’ve done when I was a teenager. Following my dreams since most my friends are either married, have children or both. It’s made it easier for me to go my own way.
Think the kids of today have enough awareness and understanding about autism. They should have parents and professionals teaching them it’s okay to be different and that the best way to live a fulfilling life is to follow their own strengths. Otherwise it becomes a never ending battle!
@@AndyKirtland11 Yeah it took both a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist to diagnose me. I also had to share a lot of childhood memories too. I also had to push for proper assessment. Like you I didn't want to seem weird back in the day, and tried to follow the crowd as best I could. I got better and better at masking as time went on. I swear there's a whole lost generation of un-diagnosed adults. The diagnostic process is still highly focussed on children, but things are improving slowly for adult diagnosis and female diagnosis it seems. Awareness is increasing. My younger brother was actually diagnosed a year before I was. He didn't tell anyone in our family. Once I was diagnosed the following year and began talking about it. He felt confident enough to share that he'd already been diagnosed too.
Karl Neilson I totally agree with the lost generation. Some adults went their entire life without knowing why they were different. I still have issues with trying to get full time work, which is why I decided to go backup full time education. Right now, I am out of work and haven’t had a job since o left ASK Italian restaurant back in January to focus on my assignments. I have become so good at masking that I can’t even get my entitlements such as the low rate of Personal Independence Payment. That’s another full story itself. Finding the right employment. I’m a qualified person trainer, but haven’t had more luck getting started. Have a recruitment day at Nuffield Health coming up, so praying they will get me my deserved break. I’ve had odd jobs in the past, but these jobs ain’t good for my overall health. The one in the restaurant was hard work, especially when I got overloaded with dessert tickets, as well as being told to do the washing at the same time when they ran out of stuff. It’s hard for anyone, but harder for us lot on the autistic spectrum since it takes us longer to process information, but once we learn how to do something we become better. The management were poor and I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I left to focus on achieving the best in my studies. Now I am being told I a.m. overqualified for many jobs out there. You just can’t win.
Thank you for this video it is so good to hear someone speak up about it and how omnipresent this trait is in everyday life. I've had the feeling that I've been scripting and acting for so long that I've forgotten who I am and really struggled with not identifying with my reactions.
I have scripted everything in my life honestly. I'll even physically write scripts on paper or word document if I have an important meeting or phone call...
Yes, I always do that. I'm used to it so much that until recently, I didn't even realize that I write down scripts and learn every single thing that I will say to someone. And if someone asks something that I didn't write down or learned the answer before, I just can't talk, or say something that is not even what I really think.
@@chocopanda16 absolutely, i can do a lot of the scripting mentally.. but if it's something new I need to script it out and practice. Sheesh, I'm 37 and I'm only now pursuing diagnosis. It's been surreal realizing why you do certain things and why other things have been so tough in life.
Anyway it's always been a great coping strategy.
maiynnai are you diagnosed as autistic then?
Your diagnosis story resonated with me, as when I first approached a doctor and asked if I could be tested for Autism he laughed in my face and told me I couldn't be.
Wow that is actually appalling! And rude.
@@charldavies Yes it was a horrible experience. Took me another few years before I had the courage to talk to another doctor about it.
That's why I'm so terrified to even say the words "could I be autistic?" outloud. For now self diagnosis will have to be good enough I guess. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough.
@@tigerlily0190 hang in there :) there are people out there who understand, and want to help! Just be patient and you will find them. Getting a diagnosis isn't always the answer. It can be a long and difficult journey, but possible!
@@charldavies and totally unprofessional!
I looove the little stickers 💕 thanks for sharing all of this 💞
I found out recently that I am autistic. The video you did with the aspie channel resonated with me so much. Literally every word you said was the exact same as what I go through. Its been hard to find an autistic woman who is also extroverted on TH-cam. I showed it to my boyfriend and he said it was very eye opening because now he sees the reason behind me doing certain things. I'd love it if you could do a video on sensory sensitivities one day. Thanks for making these videos!
Thank you, im watching because i suspect my 7 year old daughter may be on the spectrum. Just trying to get a handle on the best ways to put her at ease and build her confidence.
Lots of traits you talk about i see in my self also, unfortunately alcohol has been my life-coping mecganism.
Thanks!
I've never been able to mask, I haven't really been able to pick and memorise lines and put together a persona, and while I totally understand how exhausting and frustrating it must be, I kinda envy the ability. I'm totally at a loss with many everyday social situations and I often wish there was someone who could teach me a few help-out lines for certain situations, 'cause without these, I end up either not saying a word or behaving in a way that seems to drive people away. Also what I've noticed is that for me, this usually applies to initial contact, until the "ice is broken", 'cause once we're over that, I am often really honest and authentic and funny and able to connect from the heart. But unfortunately that happens rarely because of the huge dread around and lack of communication tools for breaking the ice of initial contact.
Actually, what I've started to do recently is telling people straight off that I'm autistic and I'm anxious and not sure how to handle social situations, and that seems to help a lot, it instantly puts me in my "authenticity zone" (=not having to fake anything) plus it prevents a lot of misznderstanding around my behaviour, which together make me way less anxious already. So for me a huge part of the cure seems to be being upfront about what I am and what I'm going through. Of course it's unfortunately not possible in all circles and even in those where it is, people may have misconceptions about autism. Still, for me, this seems to be very very useful
100% behind you on that one.too many females get missed its shocking how much the professionals dont know.
For 6 years we were told my daughter couldn't be autistic as she is "too sociable,gives eye contact" ect....
She was diagnosed after 6 years of battling. Mias 9 and she copes threw being her favourite character, at the moment its Aladdin and she will act out the whole film word for word. It's her safe place being the character she loves even her teachers in school will call her by her characters name.
We met you at hope GB an later showed my partner the video of you speaking. A year later hes got a diagnosis age 33 and his story is so much like yours, you really did help sharing your story.
Keep doing what your doing an speaking out, your amazing ❤
That is actually ridiculous! This is why we need to keep sharing and educating because masking is such a distinct and problematic trait that affects so many people!
It’s frustrating and I know how it feels to be invalidated due to masking just like your daughter! 🦋
Amazing that you know hopeGB and so glad I could help in any way!
Diagnosis isn’t just a label. It’s a key! 💖💖💖
@@charldavies definitely, my partner is finding out who he is an different coping strategys now he feels like all the pieces of the puzzle have come together and make sense.
Will share this.
Hope all is going well with you, your an inspiration x
Thanks for the support and thanks for sharing ☺️
I have spent a long time afraid of going to the Dr to ask about diagnosis. I have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult but I know it goes a bit deeper than that with other things I struggle with. I was a police officer and obviously this would require a LOT of masking and I was permanently exhausted. I have since quit the police as I could not handle the lack of routine and the unpredictability. I have tried speaking with my friends before about it and as my traits aren't "stereotypical" to what they might consider Autistic traits to look like, I just get fobbed off. Mainly because I am masking all the time in public. The only person who truly sees me for myself if my girlfriend I guess. They get the highs and the lows! I just fear that the Dr will look at me and the things I have been able to do with work etc and I will get told I don't seem autistic because I can hold a conversation with eye contact and managed to get into the police service. I am going to have to do it at some point but I am considering saving up to go private and do it that way. Anyway, less of my rambling. Thanks so much for this video. Keep up the great work x
I can't thank you enough for using your voice to spread awareness for autism in females ❤️ I really needed this
Thankyou for the support 💖 glad it has Helped!
Your story exactly like mine (especially part about your 19 years old) and I live at the different continent, crazy and so rielifing knowledge, thank you
Amazing, I am 23 from South Wales I have got autism
Hey! I’m doing a news story, and I’d love to know if you’ve ever had any issues with employment? Xx
Best video ever. You perfectly characterized my scripting thingy. Btw, guy here. Thanks [edit lol my bad habit] Charl, you're clearly quite clever. Subbed. Take care.
My daughter is 2E and didn't start to show signs until 5th grade that anything at all was a concern. It took 2 years of therapy and waiting 7 months to finally get her in to a neuropsychologist to finally get her diagnosed at 11 years old, she has both level 1 autism and inattentive adhd. Once diagnosed we realized she was a master at masking and I can only imagine how difficult it was for her. Now that she is diagnosed she is embracing being ausie, it comes with many struggles being in middle school but there are several resources that we are using to help her manage. I really appreciate you putting these video's out because it is helping me as her mom to understand how she feels and how things are for her, only another ausie would be able to explain this to a neurotypical. TFS
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! My 10 year old was finally diagnosed this year as it was always dismissed when I brought it up to her pediatricians! I have to tell you that my daughter is always quoting memes 😂 or when she’s feeling awkward around new people she’ll go on and on and on about her special interest (Pokémon). She doesn’t understand that not everyone is interested in her knowledge of the subject lol. She is always drawing/sketching as well so she thinks you’re pretty cool 💗
Thankyou so much for speaking about this and using the platform you have as a huge positive and actually helping others. This is so important.
I found out I was an autistic person last year at 45 y.o while meditating ! Meditating is such a great practice , it cured me from my anxiety trouble . Now I'm learning to get rid of my neurotypical habits , a hard task after so many years under the mask of normality ! It is crucial for us autistic females to dare becoming our true selves . To find my true self I 've looked at picture of me when I was 2 years old , before entering school ( France ), before starting the process of masking . I 've found out I was a happy , singing little person . This what I want to be again ! Thank you Charl for your video . I have a page Severine Maman Hyper/Tsa you're welcome to visit it .
Wow this has really made me think about actually enduring the process to seek further into the possibility of getting a diagnosis. I have always had connections and relations to those on the spectrum because I am often burdened from the exhaustion of masking. Have sought quite a bit of help mental health wise to learn coping mechanisms. I even work as a supervisor of a group home and have experience with working with a few people on the spectrum.
It is such a wide spectrum and the more time that passes the more I am learning that one person with autism is just one person with autism. You can’t expect someone to fit in a square box and call it autism. Thank you so much for sharing.
I can remember realizing that I was different than everyone else in 1st grade and being terrified that others would see it, so I started pretending to be one of them.
I've had EXACTLY the same thing said to me in 2006 at a psychiatrist! It wasn't even just my doctor! After this, it took another 6 years before I had my diagnosis.. This also caused me having anxiety to begin again about autism, because everyone who I told it, or questioned it, they all waved it away.
I am discovering myself more and more every day and it makes me mental health get worse AFTER the diagnosis because I know learn what I need but I can't get it because "I don't look autistic" I'm too intelligent to be so 'retarded'. Sorry to call it like that, I can't find the right words.
I'm 36 now and to be honest, if this is what it will be, then I hope I won't get old.
I'm having SO many struggles with sensory problems, anxiety problems, go from thinking to doing, and it feels like I don't even belong to the group Autism because I seem to have so many problems compared to other aspies.... I need a form of help that doesn't exist in healthcare yet it seems... 😢
I'm masking all the time. I simply cannot be really present when talking to anyone 'cause it's so hard for me processing all the information and stuff. Till this day, I only quit masking two times when I talked to someone and I stimmed a whole lot, I had to chew some fabric the whole time, flapped my hands, could not look at the other person, but this way I could process what the other said and I could say what I really felt. It was probably the best thing in my life ever.
Through masking, I seem that everything is perfect but it's totally exhausting for me, and also I hate myself because of it, cause everything I say just not express my real feelings because when I'm masking I just don't know what is going on.
Totally get thus, very difficult to mask by making eye contact and appearing engaged when you are being overstimulated by the environment also. Filtering is hard, I hate it when people are impatient because they may need to repeat what they say or speak louder. 🦋
I think it helps with eye contact because I can see what they feel
Thank you for the video. Hearing you talk about autism in girls has been extremely helpful. It is so weird recognising my own experiences coming from somebody else! I am 32, awaiting an appointment for diagnosis.
For the longest time I struggled to learn how to mask and interact with others so I would mostly just sit by myself with nobody to talk to. In my later teens, I started to try and see how to interact with other people, starting online and transitioning that to real life conversations. My biggest issues happen when my script runs out; I can be the life and soul, making people laugh and conversing well and then suddenly not know what else to say and suddenly stop talking, seemingly out of nowhere. I have also had professionals tell me that I do not struggle to communicate based on interviews that happen when I know well in advance when I will be talking to them and what I will be talking about. It is really frustrating.
It is so good to know we are not alone, so thank you for your video
I think I've got autism I had breakdown when I was young didn't know who I was was trying be what I thought others wanted me to be and just shut down.
The masking/scripting taking on other peoples traits etc I think it rings true, I've done everything the hard way and I'm honestly glad for it it's made me who I am and forced me to face down anything that scared or intimidated me!
Great to hear issues like this being spoken out loud its what too many people need to hear ❤!
Is that a feckin lagertha tat with elf ears on your arm charl? 😉
YES YOU UPLOADED!
Well it took me long enough haha! More coming soon stay tuned 💖🎥
This is something that I've been doing all my life pretty much. Just discovering that I have Asperger's syndrome. Not been diagnosed & sounds like it's going to be difficult as there is no NHS assessments in my area. Anyway I was told by my mum that in the 1st 2 or 3 years of my school life, I didn't speak to anyone. Then was shy Alot at school, even with close friends I would mask my traits to "fit in" Didn't know it at the time but looking back, that's what happened. Since university & more recently (I'm now almost 36) I have tried to become more myself rather than fit in to what NTs expect of me. A long struggle to be the true me but I'm trying my best. Thank you so much for sharing your story 😊😘
50+ awaiting a diagnosis. Acting since I was 9 which wasn't left on the stage.
It’s a skill in itself masking is, a coping mechanism and a skill, I would deffo say it is art. 💖
It’s ironic I’m only now learning that masking is bad for my health - since I started school I’ve thought I’d be so much happier if someone gave lessons on “how to people” so I would know what to say or do in social interactions. I’ve consciously tried to get better at masking my whole life, without knowing the name, because surely if I could only pretend well enough I could be happy.
I got so exhausted by it in secondary school that I became isolated and depressed. Treatment for that helped me have the energy to continue masking but I’d periodically burn out. As adult life demanded more and more interaction I was constantly exhausted and doctors kept checking me for anemia and other physical conditions but nothing was wrong. They couldn’t help.
Maybe even without a diagnosis I can learn to accept that side of me and be less judgmental of myself. Maybe I can have peace, if not happiness.
Thank you for speaking out and explaining something medical and mental health professionals never bothered to.
I've practiced scripting so much that I am better at coming up with things to talk about than most neurotypicals. I essentially created a formula/method in my head or a "list" if you will that allows me to initiate, extend, and conclude conversation in perfect format. This required many years of practice but I am grateful for it.
So excited to have found this channel!! I'm 21 and I was diagnosed with autism two weeks ago. I'm still only just learning about what it really means and it's so amazing to hear the things I've struggled with all my life put into words!! Thank you!
Hannah Aimer if you like Charls vids, you might like Coray!, Anna Moomin, or Princess Aspien their some of my favorites.
I loved this video! I was 50 when I was diagnosed and then I thought, omg! if I had no idea I have Asperger's then what else don't I know about myself and the world. It's been a year since my diagnosis and I'm becoming more comfortable with it and understanding how this affects me day to day and also makes sense of my life so far. While I haven't told many people or my employer, if I heard someone talk about autism I would speak up. The masking trait is just something you do right? Because otherwise I would either be silent or direct and I know that's socially inappropriate. Guys probably do this quite a lot more than we think as they become adults but it's more evident in childhood that girls begin masking and scripting from a very early age. Thanks again Charl ✌🌱💜
I was assessed earlier this year and it was a no go. Hour assessment with a resident. The psychiatrist, who never met me, then diagnosed me with bpd, a previous diagnosis of mine, which I technically don't qualify for anymore, but they labelled me none the less. She said that if previous psychiatrists hadn't picked it up, then surely I'm not on the spectrum. She even went so far as to say she thought I'd be relieved win having bpd and not asd. 😓😞 I brought in an 8 page document listing traits I present, I scored extremely high on their tests. All that was dismissed as how I presented in person and how I presented on paper didn't match up and thus I must be lying on paper. Not masking. 😭 Ignorance is really taxing. I'm now wait listed at a private clinic. Loads of money and year wait time. Masking needs to be brought into awareness!!
Natural Vegan Mom I was diagnosed just a few months ago, and they were also sceptical about it as former psychiatrists didn’t detect it... what I feel was a crucial part of them starting to listening to what I had to say, was, my struggling with keeping up the eye contact. I was lucky to have had this piece of information by Mindful Divergence beforehand, because otherwise I would have just continued to mask, as usually.
If you didn’t already come across that info yet, I hope this helps you. Crossing my fingers for you! All the best
❤️❤️❤️Thank you.!
Thank you to put in words what I can't. I was diagnosed with 46, not knowing anything about Aspergers. I suffered from Depression and Exhaustion for decades. the diagnosis was such an eye opener and such a relieve. First I fought masking not beeing able to describe it, cause I wanted to be totally me. Now age 50 I feel more at ease because it helped me to get and keep my job. Thanks again for giving me the words.
I didn’t know much about autism let alone in girls! It’s hard to identify when there is very little info out there! And I get what you mean with the fighting of it. It’s hard when you don’t even know masking is a thing or that you’re even doing it 🤷🏼♀️ hopefully more people can identify it after my bf ☺️
Ya it is hard to find information
Thank you for sharing and I'm looking forward to more videos from you...I have learned a lot from TheAspieWorld and HowtoADHD but neither are reflective of me on a deeply personal level...I only began to suspect that I may be ASD when my persona of 10 + years wasn't working and my support structures weren't serving me any longer so I began to isolate and depression hit hard Fortunately I've slowly been coming out of it with a new understanding of myself as someone likely on the spectrum...Is there a Discord channel for your group yet?
Well said Charl, so proud of you and thank you for always spreading awareness.🦋💖 I’ve been struggling with understanding my true self since being diagnosed with autism it’s felt confusing as trying to find out who I really am since being diagnosed has been hard but I hope soon things will make more sense and I can understand myself more. I’m so thankful that you are always spreading awareness also for you.💓✨
Thanks Hannah. I just want to raise awareness because it was such a long battle just for a diagnosis and it isn’t fair! I’m super glad you’re starting to realise your true identity now thought, I feel exactly the same xxx
Charl Davies Thank you Charl, I’m so glad I have you to look up to. We’ve got this and we can achieve our goals.☺️💖 Hopefully I will start to understand my autism more when I start college and hopefully meet and make friends with people with autism in September.🤞🏻💓
You will do amazing lovely girl!!! Be fearless and embrace who you are and never feel ashamed of being different! 💖💖
Charl Davies Thank you so much Charl. This mean a lot to me. 💓 I will make sure I be myself.💖✨
Would you be willing to share what kind of ASD behaviours you had as a child? I am currently in a diagnosis process and am curious if females show the same type characteristics as boys as a child.. cant seem to find much info about this
Much love from the NL
Yes I will make this my next video ❤️
Firstly. I love this video! As an autistic male I loved this video! Secondly, I relate to so much to what you said about yourself. I use scripting as a way of talking. Sometimes I can come up with something on my own but about 90% of the time, I use vocabularies and quotes or things other people said to talk. If not, I cannot process information properly and I stutter and I end up being veerrrryy awkward. And also I mask a lot with certain friends...sometimes my friends will be very happy, and when I’m in a BAD mood, I try to hide and and keep myself from doing somethings. It got to the point where I was unsure what I would feel all day...if I was overwhelmed or tired, I couldn’t tell if I was depressed. It’s horrible. Thank you for making this because you helped explain stuff I was unable to explain. Just thank you for that! 😊
Masking is actually exhausting!! Thanks so much for your support.
Scripting is there only way I know how to communicate effectively!
Other than that I have zero genuine interest most of the time because I like what I like and I like to talk about the things I like.
When I have something to say I forget what I’m saying a lot or mess up and stutter too because I can’t cope with the pressure of being watched and people awaiting my response. But glad it’s helped you to understand yourself better!! 🤘🏻
Charl Davies I hope things are going well for you! And if you are having your troubles, I hope you do get better! 😁
Same to you dude!! 🤘🏻🤘🏻🌈
Everything you talk about, masking, mirroring, taking on bits and pieces of other people's personalities, trouble with emotions, etc. Huge mental health struggles. Again all this was chalked up to bpd. It's awful. Had I been a boy I wonder if I'd been diagnosed as a small child. Instead I'm now a grown women who cannot get a diagnosis and along the way have amassed a slew of mental health problems.
I can sympathise with a huge amount of what you have mentioned in this video. I really stood out at school having a different hobby and not quite knowing how to control my own emotions - all became clear when I found out at age 16 that I had it. I'm also part of the Young Farmers which can be extremely mentally tiring at times but it has helped so much with social confidence. So many people greatly underestimate the scale of trying to find yourself again especially when masking becomes a daily routine - another well know trait. I think its great to see how much Autism, Aspergers etc are being bought out into the public eye now to raise awareness. Something which should have been done way earlier.
Great Video👍👍 and a nice picture in the background😅
Thankyou 💖💖
Really appreciate your videos. I was diagnosed at 24 or 25 and am now 28. Still struggle with masking on a daily basis. It’s really hard that people don’t know more about autism. Really hard. I’m in the U.S. so the system was different but it took a long time to figure out what my diagnosis was.
It really is rare to hear of makes being diagnosed later in life! Diagnoses is too often based solely on our exterior, all professions have to do is ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS! glad you got your diagnoses though 💖
Yes. I wish professionals knew more about autism too. I even struggle to take care of myself at work because having to be around people for 8 hours is so hard. I script as well but it’s so exhausting and sometimes I have a shutdown.
Also need to work on loving myself and find my identity.
Hi Charl! Greetings from Brazil! After many years of conflict, my wife and I discovered that my she is in the spectrum (after lots of study and many videos), but she learned to mask big time since her childhood and could not be diagnosed by the psychs here. We got discouraged and gave up to get this diagnostic for now. I've been watching your videos and they have helped us to deal with some of these issues. Thanx!
m grateful for you exposing the case; I’m 38 and I understand that I’ve been undiagnosed all this time. People right off the start will realise I’m “quirky” or unique and I’ve had to put a strong front to be able to literally be able to work and survive. The struggle is constant and leaves me exhausted though, and nobody sees that side. Some people understand I’m masking and they thus think I’m a liar, or just “acting” just to play a bad game on them and they don’t trust me.. leaving me unable to comprehend let alone explain to someone.. this new awareness is coming with a huge relief, a big thank you❣️
47yrs old. Plane wreck. First assessment session for ASD & ADHD in a few days. Collating all the quizzes, notes from life memories timeline, childhood photos, quizzes and notes from the couple of people who kind of know me... I don’t even know me. Who the fk am I? The new awareness of masking makes me question my whole life and who I have tried to be, always failing, always a fool, always ending in bedridden despair. The DSM 5 questions are missing a tonne of female related symptoms/issues going by comparison of all the lists I’ve come across in my so far short journey of trueself-identification. Luckily the Dr I’m going to be working with (by video even though only 25 minutes away, because I’m completely housebound and have been since 2011) seems to have a really good handle on female ASD so I feel I’m in safe hands. Unlike every single other doctor and service who have caused me severe mental anguish to the point of suicidal thoughts and emotions... GP this week: “You’re wasting your time and money seeking a diagnosis, you don’t present as someone with aspergers at all, I’ve seen women with AS and you are nothing like them” WELL, maybe because I’m MASKING a complete and utter nervous wreck of human remains after a lifetime of fear, overwhelm, uncertainty, confusion, abuse, misunderstanding, bad choices, shame, loneliness, isolation, all leading to severe debilitating chronic physical and mental illness. GIRLS don’t WAIT TO GET ASSESSED. No matter your age, DO IT NOW. The financial *investment* is NOTHING compared to the loss of your precious health, sanity and life. 😭❤️
The story you mentioned about the doctor is so annoying because they don’t even know about ‘no two people being the same’ let alone something like masking!! So sad to hear you are housebound currently and I sincerely hope things improve for you because it’s hard! 🦋
I can't agrue with people and when I do it's in a (rude , annoying "disrespectful " way ) I mask by agreeing with a argumental person who is stubborn and I use a childish act around little kids but sometimes I worry incase I really am that immature , sometimes I wonder am I forcing myself to be like a typical teen instead because I hated most of my peers since a young age because they rejected me , only girls did not boys tho . I masked in my Summer camp , school and around people who might judge me . I forced myself to hate myself because so many girls do . I want to love myself and express it but I'm terrified about being called egotistical or aggroant .
how cute,tried masking mine for a while,it'll always ends up in fiasco lol.Just accept that you are special and simply act like it.
accepting who you are and forgiving your oddities render it unnecessary to try acting to fit others.
Really good advice, I’m glad that I can just embrace it now and work on being myself ☺️
I've been going back and forth wondering if I could be on the spectrum. I'm 29 and I definitely have at least social anxiety. I used to have trouble making eye contact but I have tried really hard to learn how to do it so I'm quite good at it. Just like I tried really hard to be able to interact in social situations and feel like I can get by but it's always a struggle and deep inside it actually feels like I'm screaming and just want to go away from everyone. I had never thought about masking as a trait, thank you for your video! I have an appointment for a therapy assessment soonish and I'm already starting to freak out about it. The who am I questioning has been on my mind all my life it seems.
Masking is so tiring. I hit burnout eventually.
I love you ❤❤ I just watched your video with Aspie , I continuously question myself too , I was debating for months whether I have social anxiety or not because about year ago I went mute alot more often . I had boy traits up until teenihood .
Thank you, keep it up.
Thank you for the video, I learned a lot! You are so kind and beautiful! 😚
Thankyou I’m glad it’s helped 💖
O.M.G!!! ME TOOOOOOO!!!! 📢
Yes
Great watch Charl.
Thankyou xx
Thank you for talking about this! ❤️
Thank you for your videos. I have started to show them to my daughter (7) it's helping her understand her autism so much. I can see the light in her eyes when she's says wow, me to! X