I feel like the pros & cons list is a canon event for transitioning Socials& links ::: linktr.ee/icky Thank u to the amazing editor of this vid!! : www.asheredits.co.uk
I was about to chime in myself with "Oi, NO." but I see you got told. YT is weird updating at times anyway. I opened YT to see this vid appear 3 seconds ago apparently.I click on the vid ad it's 25 minutes old with over 2000 views, so goes to show... don't assume it's accurate ever. Great vid anyway. So your point is really not valid mate. Go touch some grass. ;)
I knew I was trans for years but the "If I come out I have to explain it to people" thing stopped me for so long despite how many pros there were for me. Social pressure is crazy
in my coming out letter, i had to dedicate almost 2 pages just to explain why hrt is a good thing for me, because imposter syndrome made me think i'd be seen as a lunatic for wanting to take estrogen
I worried about this. Turns out I barely had to explain to a few people at all, mostly respectfully curious, and it was never necessary to go in detail, just saying my new name and pronouns and that I was taking hormones that would change my body a little bit and also my style into a more feminine one. I don't mention being nb/genderfluid because I don't want to explain anything else.
agreed, came out as genderfluid to one of my friends just a couple days before Finn came out publicly, and now i see why we keep going on about representation.
@paristath6773 I am less than a month in. At least for me, the infertility was a bit of a negative but not a huge one. A lot of the cons for we are the family explanation. It would almost be easier if I was binary trans for my family. Saying "I want to be androgynous but in a feminine way" is hard for them to grasp. But even just being on it after all this time and no longer having the "what if in the future I regret not doing it" off my mind is a huge relief. That what if was the big one
You realise F1nnster isn't binary trans and is on E? :D a lot of enbies do transition and want the changes, they just still usually still present more androgynous/ambiguous after @@paristath6773
I just cut my hair and also cut myself bangs and im sitting here with black dye in my hair and I click on the vid and realise I accidentally stole your hairstyle. Sorryy it was an accident I swear
The subreddit 'TransLater' can answer for at least some other 60 year old (more or less) balding folks! Spoiler: they look like 60 year old women: some with thinner hair than others, some of them grandmas while others look like retired models, but every single one of them wearing the biggest smiles you've ever seen. The top post on there is of a SEVENTY year old woman, and her timeline photos look like Santa stood next to Mrs. Claus. It is never too late to chase happiness!
I wrote a list too, and didnt really come up with any negatives, but i think I overestimated my family... My dad rejected me too, but its really messed me up, Ive also lost my two sisters, i just have my mom but she lives with my dad and doesn't have much power, so im not allowed home. I love being trans, im becoming the person i allways wanted to be, but losing most of my family has really f'd me up tbh, courage to anyone who has lost family 💗
It hurts a lot, and the words of a stranger on the internet aren't worth much, but just remember that anybody who is willing to go that far because they don't want you to be your true self doesn't deserve you in their life. The people we choose to let into our lives will always be more important than any assholes we may happen to be related to by blood. Found family stays the winningest of tropes because they love us for who we are, just like your mom. "This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." -Stitch
I'm sorry for what has been taken from you. Glad for noticing your username. Listening to Au Revoir now. Please post more music, and please remember that your are not at fault.
Hard to answer with so little detail. If the only side of it is sexual for you as you want to "get to be a lesbian" then no it's probably just a fetish. If you feel like a stranger in your own body and that you want to be able to live presenting as a woman at all times, then perhaps you are dysphoric.
I knew I was trans when I was 4. That was 1968. Because I knew this and I was into acting and media anyway, I always worked to make sure that I kept the high range of my voice so I could do "voice work", which I have but the ultimate reason was for the day I could finally transition. I was finally able to start around two years ago and have been on hormones for almost a year. Im actually bi-gender and feel the happiest I've ever been. It's definitely different transitioning later in life. Im kinda jealous of all the young trans people on TH-cam but we had we had to put in a LOT of work for things to get to this point.
I agree with your points made in your closing comments. I to waited a little too long to start the process but I am still happier than I have ever been, but the way I try to think of it is that we get to experience both sides of the life experiences (Talk about living life to the fullest) 🥰
@@jesytompkins8529 Absolutely! Although I've always felt like being bi-gender, the thing that made me different from everyone else, was a positive thing that gave me insight that others seemed to lack, I was still a little surprised at how good it felt to be able to outwardly express everything I am on the inside, particularly after I started HRT (it'll be one year in just a few more days!). I certainly had no complaints about how I looked then or now as male, nor did I ever hear any complaints. I honestly had no idea if I was attractive, let alone handsome, but I was kind of self-conscious about it for a long time. Apparently, I looked good enough to be on TV and do some of the other things I did with my life. There have been a couple of times I've asked a close female friend if I was attractive. Swear to God, both of them just rolled their eyes and laughed at me, neither of them actually answering the question. I know that I'm not drop dead gorgeous presenting as a female but I do like how it makes me feel on the inside. I am decidedly less self-conscious about it. I do want to look nice in whatever combination of male & female clothing I'm wearing but I'm not overly concerned with makeup. That may change a little once I launch my TH-cam channel, just because I have worked as a media professional and want to treat it that way. Just enough to look good on camera. I haven't really seen any channels from the older, bi-gender perspective that would include what it was like to be this way as a kid in the 70s and the very early hidden Trans computer BBS communities that started in the early '80s. Hopefully, there'll be some interest.
My con list was: 1) boobs would ruin swimming and relationships 2) fertility / genetic family 3) harder to get good-paying jobs 4) having to tell people 5) possible social transition 6) taking space away from someone who really needs it Pros: 1) might like my photos again 2) can wear what I want and not have to stop 3) not feel like I'm decaying 4) gesture how I want / stop self-censoring Well, I waited 18 more years and started a family in the meantime. Boobs were scary but I find them good/comforting now. Job interviews were kind of an issue post-transition. Telling people was scary. Tried not to socially transition even after HRT but I started passing in guy clothes which was scary but I told people and came out at work frightened as hell as...everyone was nice about it. Now it's just a fact of life. Impostor syndrome took ages though. Like my photos, like feeling like I won't turn into an old man, like moving how I want, attiring myself how I want (including sloppily), no sad end to girl-moding, a lot of peace. Just wish the gender critical ideology activists would leave us the hell alone.
Same with the swimming and having to tell people. I came out on a manic episode and instantly changed my name without much thought, and I don't know if I like it but I don't want to tell everyone I changed my name again
@@taliaeategg2027I *didn't* change my name when I came out, thinking it would be easier on people and thinking hey if Star Trek: Discovery can have a girl with a guy name, why not me? Well, in addition to this leading to more misgendering at work, it led to some strange sudden hostility outside work any time I told them my name - and it had been fine UP TO THE DAY BEFORE I CAME OUT. It's like my guy mask slipped off more, or completely? and they just stopped believing it. They'd blank, mishear it, or literally not read it out unless I reiterated. I went six months before deciding I guess I better change it. Changing it (after backstories and rounds of casual "voting") WORKED PERFECTLY. All that fuss was gone. So, you missed all that! Good for you! And there are plenty of excellent Talia characters around. I hope it grows on you so you don't have to worry so much? ❤❤
@@taliaeategg2027 You don't need a special reason, it's your name and you have to be the one to live with it. If you haven't picked a better one yet you can ask people to help name you, that's fun! I would have been stuck with Vincent, Apollo, or Leo for the rest of my life if I couldn't change it 😭 don't get me wrong love those t boy swag names but I do not want to be a 50 year old and balding Apollo lol.
@@harrisondorn7091 thinking about naming myself fritz! Or Fritza/fritzi, unfortunately I don't have enough friends to ask them to name me but that sounds fun
I think I was gonna go for it already, but the "I'll regret not doing this" argument really wasn't on my mind up until now and that might have just pushed me over the edge in being certain
It's both, honestly. There are times when I have to remind myself how to speak in my deadvoice, and it can take a few tries to get it to come out sounding normal, but at the same time, my new voice is... well, it's not convincing anyone, we'll put it like that.
I don't get how people can be so dysphoric about their voice and yet have it be such a subconscious process that it automatically comes out as deep and bassy. I can talk like that, but i can't bring myself to. It feels too uncomfortable. People made fun of me for sounding gay. Still, without training i sound androgynous at best. EDIT: so to be clear. I'm not saying yall are invalid or anything. Just that i legitimately don't understand how other people's brains work. My brain is weird, my breathing is conscious all the time. I find it hard to imagine how many things are subconscious for others.
Icky! your list was mine to a T and made me cry when you went over your pros. I regret waiting so long, but i didn't have the knowledge the youth has today... I transitioned at 41, 2 years ago.
That's great tho! Don't be too regretful, it doesn't change anything. Be happy about finding yourself at all! Even today there's so many people who don't know or get held back by their surroundings. Look at Finn, if he didn't have the following he does, who knows when or if he would have gone on this path. Just goes to show the importance of *proper* sex-education. Having people stumble over this stuff on the internet by chance just isn't good enough.
@@Kixuf12 you're 100% correct! I actually dont regret it at all, well, 99% at least.. I appreciate what my former self was able to do to get me to where I am in life, but the 1% of me wishes i was able to be myself much longer.
@@euanfraser9818 I feel for you! I suspected it since I was about 11 but didnt deeply explore it until i was around 35 and it still took me 5_ years to get to understanding I am trans. I'm glad I got there though cause the happiness and bliss I am experiencing since starting this journey was worth the wait!
Icky's cons were pretty much the same as mine when I was still second guessing myself. The issue wasn't anything to do with actually transitioning and the effects of HRT. It was other people. Once I realized that I was just "F--- 'em". Spite can be a good motivator. :D
Initially I was really caught off guard by Finn announcing his transition, but after watching his and Ashley’s recent videos talking abt it and sharing perspectives, seeing the trans joy from a trans girl like Ashley and a genderfluid guy like Finn make me so incredibly hopeful and happy :D
I finished my pros & cons list about a month ago and I realized that most of the cons were related to my fear of rejection. All of the pros were about how much happier I would be. In the end, I chose myself and I started seeing a gender therapist. I'm gonna try to figure that whole gender thing in the next few months. It's going to be stressful but it's also exciting! I would like to thank both of you for cracking my egg
Congrats! And I think it's so good you spoke to a professional first before you started hrt, I did the same and I'm much happier for it. It may have put off my hrt by almost a year, but I had already put it off for several years due to my own fears. So it was well worth the time spent just to at least help process first. Wishing you luck on your journey of self discovery 🙏❤️
What gave me the final shove was the realization that I definitely WILL regret not having done it when I'm older. And that in return made me realize that I wouldn't get much older than I was at that point if I didn't work towards transitioning and then actually do it.
ashley has some great points, but finn's list resonates a lot more with me because i don't really have a lot of irl friends and i want to be able to enjoy more feminine interests without the fear of toxic masculinity
Icky: "I don't have a dad any more" F1nn's "My grandma died" You two are great. Mix of wholesome, inspiring and silly. I mean, my condolences for the grandma, just F1nn's line was funny in context
The reason it took me so long to accept me was "im just a teenager, soon everything will be ok once my hormones are in its place" then the im tall, big and deep voice, then "i cant possibly be a girl cuz i like girls" and now, 3 years into hrt i havent even change my name nor my clothes, im still scared :(
There are things you can change and things you can't. Change what you can and accept what you can't. You can be Beautiful regardless, I hope this helps
Funny story: when I was starting to suspect I might be trans, my partner at the time (who would later tell me they suspected I was trans for the last 6 years) suggested I make one of these pros/cons lists. And that’s what finally cracked my egg. Not by weighing up the two sides, but in making the list one of the items was about “how I feel around other women.” …. *other* women. Looking at that, I was like “well! I guess that answers that!”
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos they knew because of the many, *many* hints I’d been ignoring for years. But, of course, they couldn’t just tell me. #*&%@ing Trans Prime Directive
I just found your and Finn's channels in the last few days and have been binge watching everything I can. I was somewhat aware that I wished I wasn't man at times, but after going through all of your videos I realized much more that I've been a bit of an egg for a while. Really clicked for me when In one of your videos you had a super cute outfit and I said out loud "I wish I could be like her" and then got immediate verbal whiplash. It's going to be a long journey...
Thanks guys, I've taking my first steps by buying my first couple nail polish colors and talking to a couple trusted friends. While I'm terrified to start shopping for clothes I'm also so excited that I'm finally understanding myself
Yaaaayyy new icky vid! Your vids make me feel so much better. My family is the only reason I've not transitioned. People talk, and I don't want them to be hassled because of me...
Hey, other peoples' actions are not your fault. If anyone would harass others because of them knowing a trans person, it's ENTIRELY on the person doing the harassing. You don't get to deny yourself the opportunity to actually live as _yourself_ just because there are bad people out there.
Dont know your situation, but... Could be your family can handle it? Could be they are stronger than you think. Maybe that would be a small prize for them to pay to see you happier? Please do what will make you the happiest, suppressing your self because of what you think others want/need will only lead to pain for everyone involved. That I do know.
personally, i just don't want to be disowned, and i can't go no contact because that would make me out to be a huge jerk towards the people who've basically given me the world. even if i do and they don't disown me, i know they won't accept me basically i just have to sit around and hope to the universe that for some unknown reason i wake up tomorrow as a girl, otherwise it isn't happening...
@@mapmoop451 You would not be the jerk in that situation. Your family not accepting who you are is THEIR problem, not yours. You should never stop yourself from living as who you actually are because other people would take issue with it, that is _entirely_ on them.
I’ve come out as trans to my parents just after new years this year , they said I’ll have to move out and be on my own currently saving up to move out , and using them to prove them wrong that it’s right for me as they don’t believe it and prove them wrong , I would move across the country but so many people have been so nice and supportive from work I just couldn’t bring myself to leave my work place
I got kicked out 4 and a half years because I wouldn't detransition. I'm now 44 months on hormones, legally female (GRC) and on the list for bottom surgery. I'm also gonna have breast augmentation
When I came out 20 years ago, I literally lost my entire family. I never regained a relationship with my sister. Over the years, I got closer with my parents again, but they wasted so much goddamn time. My parents are now elderly and my dad is mentally unavailable because he had a stroke last year. I seriously hope things have changed for younger trans kids these days. Biological family is a bitch.
I only just recently started feeling like maybe I'm trans, but it didn't fully align with how I felt, but after listening to finn amd his pros and cons I feel like maybe the route he went is more suited for me too
My experience with realizing I'm trans was a bit fraught. I'm cautious by nature, and as much as that serves me, it means I don't get excited about pursuing my goals. I didn't want to feel that I was limiting myself in life by exposing myself to stigma. I felt I didn't have much to offer the world or a workplace, and that people would judge me more harshly. No workplace = no healthcare, no healthcare = unsuccessful transition. Thankfully, things didn't turn out that way at all. I was in the closet when I first started my job, but it's really easy to come out when you've already been transitioning for 2 years and everyone already likes you. So that was cool. I recently learned that FFS is paid for by my insurance, and as excited as I was to realize this, I also started to stress about dysphoria again. You say in your video that acceptance is the hardest part; what I experienced when contemplating FFS was similar to the mental stress of realizing I was trans all over again. I had this fear of 'letting go' of my old face and my ability to camouflage as a man. I am less attractive as a woman than I was as a man, so that's a little sad, but I'm also much happier and more confident in the body of a woman than previously. I had to 'reaccept' that the life I want is not one where I get to pick and choose my gender. I want to be a woman, and I want to blend in. FFS for me represents entering the 'final act' of my transition, where I can let go and exist socially as a goofy muscle lady, and I'm pretty excited for that.
Two awesome people getting to be their true self this openly is honestly so heartwarming, I'm a 40 year old straight cis white guy and I wasn't allowed to do totally minor insignificant things because of bullying and peer pressure, so to see 2 people doing something so much more important and unheard of in my youth is beautiful.
Listen, it fucking sucks, you might lose friends and family and life might get really shit for a while, but its better than being miserable for the entire rest of your life.
the "I kinda wanted that and didnt do it" moment is real... I had a thought 10 years before I started transitioning but then repressed that back into being an egg until I was 30
I love how Bolognese is just chilling in the background and Tank is being Tank! Your videos are a fascinating insight into a thing I won't ever personally experience, but want to try and gain a bit of insight and understanding looking on from outside. You two are just so good together - you bounce off each other when you're both in a video, and it is really fun to watch.
Blessings to you both ❤ We can all be who we want to be on our terms. Everybody’s journey’s different and you should never compare it to anybody else’s. You are unique and special and put in the universe for this very reason. I had a very early mantra which I even use to this day ! Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter 🦄🙏❤️🩹
You two are amazing and I'm sure both your channels help a LOT of people. 50 something agoraphobic hermit here (plus a TON of other issues, but shh), and I've only just started thinking about myself being trans in the last year or so. I love your channels anyway. Keep up the awesome content. Thank you. Much love xx
As someone who has been transitioning since August of 2023 I have had a lot of ups and downs. I have had a feeling that I wasn't quite the person I wanted to be since I was 16 (25 now). At the age of 23 I came out to my fiance which was a good idea since she did not want to be with someone like me. I have lost a lot of friends, and have made a few more. When I started HRT I was beyond scared of the backlash the community around me would have, I have also gone into public very little as my true self i.e. full feminine clothing and make up. I was honestly overthinking things. I do have to say it felt very good to go and do it though, as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I love the way I look now even though only minor changes have occurred. I take way more selfies then I ever have in my life, and the crippling self hate has almost gone away completely. (I still have to work on my voice though)
i want to, but get anxiety about talking about it to people and because im autistic i find it impossible to explain things in conversations. I'd probably go down the private route for quickness, just got to try and manage the anxiety.
Try researching the whole process step by step and writing down what you would say to your doctor. I was super nervous about telling my doctor, and when I told them and about the clinic I was thinking of going to (I'm lucky enough to live within driving distance of what is supposedly 1 of the top 2 trans healthcare clinics in the US), they said "You know more about this than we do, so we're gonna follow your lead."
well this video did more for me than i could have expected it finally gave me the courage ive needed for a very long time and i want to say thank u ashley u dont know it but the video helped me understand myself way more than i knew i could and 2 days after watching now my whole family knows who i am that egg is well and truely smashed and it was because of the pros and cons list i had done the same thing although mine was 20 pros and only 1 con and unexpectedly the 1 con didnt come true my family accepted it. so i just wanted to say thank u for this video it helped were 1000s of hours of therapy couldnt
i honestly have struggled with whether or not i was trans in some way for YEARS. after watching finns coming out it was so close to explaining my own experience that it was like a shock to the system. a lot of trans people that id see or knew were either binary or completely nonbinary and i didnt relate to that experience of wanting to be completely genderless or to completely be a different gender. so i thought i was just wasnt "trans enough" to label myself as so. thankfully, ive been talking to my sister about this topic for years and she was just like "she'll figure it out" lol. do i currently have a label? no, BUT! im far more comfortable questioning and being unlabeled and happy to not feel pressured to say im cis or straight. also probably never gonna come out to certain people because im okay with presenting femininely when "needed" and i dont honestly wanna mention it if i dont 100% need to
Finn never before seemed so himself like now🎉 It's really awsome to see! I share the 'tism, the constant anger, being bi, being awkward in all the right places, mentally broken but loveable, BUT, i'm 42, 2m tall, muscular and hairy af. So there was never really a chance to "change" and i really love for him that he saw his chance and went with it! Seeing you both interact and do your thing made me see myself in a whole different angle, big Thank You for that❤
Look up Gabbi Tuft, former WWE talent. She started transitioning in her early 40's and she looks incredible! Even in my personal life, I have friends who were hairy-faced and balding and over 6 ft and they all get correctly gendered as women in public now. It can take some work (hrt, electrolysis, different workouts, etc) to get the look you want, but it is never too late to be who you want to be! There's even a subreddit for folks who transition later in life called TransLater, and if you sort by 'top posts of all time', you'll see a woman who is SEVENTY, only one year on HRT, and her timeline looks like Santa Claus standing next to Mrs. Claus. As F1nn said, if you never try, you're always gonna wonder what could have happened. Even if hrt isn't available to you at the moment, Amazon will send you anything they sell and TH-cam is free, so you can always try things out, be it seeing how long hair would feel with a wig or following a full makeup and body pad shaping tutorial to look like an entirely different person. It is never too late to pursue your happiness!
Whoa dude. My partner is 40 and 6'5" (not a typo) just about to start HRT and already people treat them femme just from their personality. They will always be really tall and visible but i have NO concerns about them turning out looking weird or ugly or anything, it's gonna be gorgeous.
I never made a list, but I think that’s also because I had sooo long to think about it. I knew before school age, but only outwardly transitioned in my 40s. Once I was open to the possibility, everything just steadily moved in that direction. When my wife left, her mom paid a lot to help with my transition, because she thought it was hot! Two months on HRT and while I was indifferent about booba, I am glad that I have them now. First changes I noticed were mood, then skin tone and body odor, then fat redistribution and breast growth. Socially is difficult for me. I am autistic, and already had profound difficulties in meeting and connecting with people. I think I come off as either a weird alien, or aloof ice queen. I started fully dressing femme about 6-7 years prior to HRT, which certainly gets me noticed. The fact that I don’t even pass casually as neurotypical is far more difficult than being trans. My feelings about voice training are mixed. I am not dysphoric about my voice at all. I think I could do it, because I’ve always had a talent for making drastically different voices, like a human cartoon. But at the same time, I rarely understand how I am perceived by others. So I can imagine being unsure if others were reacting strongly because I’d nailed it, or if it was just goofy. With clothes, for example, I have a sense of style where it can be odd yet cohesive enough to work. For voice I think I’d need to record myself a lot, and listen later with fresh ears.
I live in the U.S....in Indiana of all states, yet It took like 3 months to get into the DR. But state insurance paid for all of it....I talk some shit about the government here. But that's a point in my book. It's been adorable watching Fin grow over the past few years, and your a welcome addition to my TH-cam watch list! Keep it up...the good work...❤
That's really a conforting video (and yeah finding some of my masculine physical traits in other women is something I love to bump into, like "oh this actress is pretty... wait I have the same shoulders \o/ " and stuff). but also did F1nn said "sorry chat" while not being in live ? lol.
alot of pros and cons in common with me. happy i can dress how i want and not worry what its like to wear womens clothes in public. seeing the changes 13 months of HRT did is great, love the changes. fertility? what is that??? dont know or care. much happier to feel and be more feminine. i do worry about losing direct family. mom is going through other age related stress, not sure about how father will take it. my brother and his wife have certain lines in the sand as far as they are willing to accept. indirect family are surprisingly accepting. how i will deal with society if things happen to get hard, i have some fairly serious social issues if the wrong circumstances happen to line up even before transitioning. HRT changes and boobs one of biggest pros, losing family is main con with societal worries as second con. i do have a bunch of useful links related to direct family that i rely on for support so potentially losing that is scary AF! still not enough to deter HRT/transition.
As someone on the NHS I knew I was trans at 24. I'm 32 now and only been on hormones for 10 months. Do not go NHS. My last meeting with them I got told they want to see me in SIX months but are aware the waiting list is 12-15 months. This is current information as of a month ago. Love yourself. Don't wait like I did and trust in the system because the system basically doesn't exist. Best part is that to get onto the NHS fully I first had to force them by going private to transfer my treatment to the NHS after a disastrously mismanaged experience, even private can fuck something like this up sometimes. I also endured 3 years of being told I wasn't trans enough so that was fun.
Okay one thing. Thank you Ashley for your videos. I love the way you record with silly and funny moments, but also the important informative stuff. This type of content is exactly what I was looking for for such a long time (also I'm trans so it helps me anyway lol). Thank you and Finn for making our lives better ❤ Also sorry if I could've written that better, I'm not native english 😭
"From Birmingham..." Icky with the fatality!!! I have found that the most likely person that I thought would be supportive is pretty much no longer associates with me while one of the people I figured would be most likely to reject me accepted me and wanted resources to learn more about what I was going to be going through.
Sorry about your Dad, Icky. Mine ignored me for 3 years after I came out. When he was ready to talk he just wanted to talk me about my bones in 1000 years. Fantastic.
I'm transfem and i want to share my story for anyone who needs some reassuarance or validation or any other reason. I was questioning my gender for over a year until the beginning of march when Finn dropped his coming out, and 3 days after it I said to myself " hey i there is also genderfluid. I can be gnederfluid" in highnsight it was more out of fear going full trans than anything else, genderfluid seemed like a smaller "less risky" label, but then last Friday I realized that it was my fear of making mistakes that made me choose genderfluid label and also i did a little "scientific study" of what I desire to be.Then i did the pros and cons and came out with many more pros then cons. I realized that it was fear and im came out to myself truly, too afraid to do it with my friends and family, well, most of them. For anyone out there OneTopic has that famous quote "If you think you are faking it, it's a really good sign that you are not. When you hear yourself telling you who you are,listen to yourself..." Also if you think you are tricking yourself then ask yourself " why would i trick myself into being trans?" Im sure you will not find reasonable answear to that Edit: I used a wrong wording
Posted one minute ago and only has seven views… She fell off hard😭
now it's 20min. ago and 2073 views. don't be such a doomer
This is like how babies cry when you move out of eyesight lmao (also it’s a 2/10 on recent uploads teehee thank u everybody
but the video is very useful to us trans girls so who cares
@@mjbetts2017 for real, it was like a reassurance that it's gonna be ok despite the road-bumps and fears
I was about to chime in myself with "Oi, NO." but I see you got told.
YT is weird updating at times anyway. I opened YT to see this vid appear 3 seconds ago apparently.I click on the vid ad it's 25 minutes old with over 2000 views, so goes to show... don't assume it's accurate ever.
Great vid anyway. So your point is really not valid mate. Go touch some grass. ;)
I knew I was trans for years but the "If I come out I have to explain it to people" thing stopped me for so long despite how many pros there were for me. Social pressure is crazy
in my coming out letter, i had to dedicate almost 2 pages just to explain why hrt is a good thing for me, because imposter syndrome made me think i'd be seen as a lunatic for wanting to take estrogen
Why are you transracial?
real :/
I worried about this. Turns out I barely had to explain to a few people at all, mostly respectfully curious, and it was never necessary to go in detail, just saying my new name and pronouns and that I was taking hormones that would change my body a little bit and also my style into a more feminine one. I don't mention being nb/genderfluid because I don't want to explain anything else.
man Fuck, that part still makes me reconsider this shit so fucking much
As someone who isn't binary trans, it's cool seeing Finn's additional perspective.
Agreed. It's awesome to see as an enby who has recently started E
agreed, came out as genderfluid to one of my friends just a couple days before Finn came out publicly, and now i see why we keep going on about representation.
@@Never_heart How is it starting E as an enby person? Isn’t estrogen the female hormone? I’m guessing you wouldn’t want all changes that come with it
@paristath6773 I am less than a month in. At least for me, the infertility was a bit of a negative but not a huge one. A lot of the cons for we are the family explanation. It would almost be easier if I was binary trans for my family. Saying "I want to be androgynous but in a feminine way" is hard for them to grasp. But even just being on it after all this time and no longer having the "what if in the future I regret not doing it" off my mind is a huge relief. That what if was the big one
You realise F1nnster isn't binary trans and is on E? :D a lot of enbies do transition and want the changes, they just still usually still present more androgynous/ambiguous after @@paristath6773
I just cut my hair and also cut myself bangs and im sitting here with black dye in my hair and I click on the vid and realise I accidentally stole your hairstyle. Sorryy it was an accident I swear
We can be bangs buddies
Very cute, enjoy the new do!
I literally did that last month, got bangs dyed hair black, saw an icky video and realized I just straight stole her hair style lol
@@bigickyayo?
@bigicky you are so beautiful Ashley
"What if-" is really the question that scares me the most. Being a 60 year old bald, soggy f*ck and asking myself that.
The subreddit 'TransLater' can answer for at least some other 60 year old (more or less) balding folks! Spoiler: they look like 60 year old women: some with thinner hair than others, some of them grandmas while others look like retired models, but every single one of them wearing the biggest smiles you've ever seen. The top post on there is of a SEVENTY year old woman, and her timeline photos look like Santa stood next to Mrs. Claus. It is never too late to chase happiness!
@@hardyorange Thank you for the recommendation, I'll be sure to check it out!
Hey! Be kind to yourself!
Perhaps _the_ most affirmative thought, for someone a year into her HRT in her mid-thirties, is that I get to grow into an old lady~
If not now, when?
I swear Finn has just been glowing since they came out!
I am glad you did not say he is growing. every one says that she is shrinking. I but Icky is bigger than finn
@@BeingD2023 I don't understand, but it doesn't really matter who is bigger or smaller? They're both small people anyways
agree
Yeah, it's really nice to see Finn so openly and expressively happy. 😊 Ashley too! They're just an adorably happy couple.
Just seems a LOT happier to be honest, that's all I wish for anyone no matter who they are.
That "good girl" at the end... i NEED IT
Good girl :3
Cuddle queen? Cuddle pile?
Good girl 💕
Good girl. Headpat (if you want)
Hehe. Thanks bros
Take it from me, who started transitioning at 34, the 'what if' will make you miserable. I am the happiest tgirl ever now.
yea
I wrote a list too, and didnt really come up with any negatives, but i think I overestimated my family... My dad rejected me too, but its really messed me up, Ive also lost my two sisters, i just have my mom but she lives with my dad and doesn't have much power, so im not allowed home. I love being trans, im becoming the person i allways wanted to be, but losing most of my family has really f'd me up tbh, courage to anyone who has lost family 💗
I'm sorry that happened. You deserve better. Their choices are not your fault.
It hurts a lot, and the words of a stranger on the internet aren't worth much, but just remember that anybody who is willing to go that far because they don't want you to be your true self doesn't deserve you in their life. The people we choose to let into our lives will always be more important than any assholes we may happen to be related to by blood.
Found family stays the winningest of tropes because they love us for who we are, just like your mom.
"This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." -Stitch
I'm so sorry to hear that. You are very strong.
I'm sorry for what has been taken from you. Glad for noticing your username. Listening to Au Revoir now. Please post more music, and please remember that your are not at fault.
@@Khotetsufound family is the best.
finn 🤝 icky
looking the exact same without makeup
But the way they describe themselves 😂
Me in leggings, a bra, bra inserts, watching how 2 be trans videos, longing for the day i get to be a lesbian: Am I really trans?
sounds to me like you needn't long any longer lmao
Hard to answer with so little detail. If the only side of it is sexual for you as you want to "get to be a lesbian" then no it's probably just a fetish. If you feel like a stranger in your own body and that you want to be able to live presenting as a woman at all times, then perhaps you are dysphoric.
You’re not trans, it’s a fetish to you
I knew I was trans when I was 4.
That was 1968.
Because I knew this and I was into acting and media anyway, I always worked to make sure that I kept the high range of my voice so I could do "voice work", which I have but the ultimate reason was for the day I could finally transition. I was finally able to start around two years ago and have been on hormones for almost a year. Im actually bi-gender and feel the happiest I've ever been.
It's definitely different transitioning later in life. Im kinda jealous of all the young trans people on TH-cam but we had we had to put in a LOT of work for things to get to this point.
I am so incredibly happy for you that you are finally able to live life as your true self! That is so beautiful!
That's amazing, thank you for sharing.
❤ Congrats sis! We’ve had similar experiences.
I agree with your points made in your closing comments. I to waited a little too long to start the process but I am still happier than I have ever been, but the way I try to think of it is that we get to experience both sides of the life experiences (Talk about living life to the fullest) 🥰
@@jesytompkins8529 Absolutely! Although I've always felt like being bi-gender, the thing that made me different from everyone else, was a positive thing that gave me insight that others seemed to lack, I was still a little surprised at how good it felt to be able to outwardly express everything I am on the inside, particularly after I started HRT (it'll be one year in just a few more days!).
I certainly had no complaints about how I looked then or now as male, nor did I ever hear any complaints. I honestly had no idea if I was attractive, let alone handsome, but I was kind of self-conscious about it for a long time. Apparently, I looked good enough to be on TV and do some of the other things I did with my life. There have been a couple of times I've asked a close female friend if I was attractive. Swear to God, both of them just rolled their eyes and laughed at me, neither of them actually answering the question.
I know that I'm not drop dead gorgeous presenting as a female but I do like how it makes me feel on the inside. I am decidedly less self-conscious about it. I do want to look nice in whatever combination of male & female clothing I'm wearing but I'm not overly concerned with makeup. That may change a little once I launch my TH-cam channel, just because I have worked as a media professional and want to treat it that way. Just enough to look good on camera. I haven't really seen any channels from the older, bi-gender perspective that would include what it was like to be this way as a kid in the 70s and the very early hidden Trans computer BBS communities that started in the early '80s. Hopefully, there'll be some interest.
My con list was:
1) boobs would ruin swimming and relationships
2) fertility / genetic family
3) harder to get good-paying jobs
4) having to tell people
5) possible social transition
6) taking space away from someone who really needs it
Pros:
1) might like my photos again
2) can wear what I want and not have to stop
3) not feel like I'm decaying
4) gesture how I want / stop self-censoring
Well, I waited 18 more years and started a family in the meantime. Boobs were scary but I find them good/comforting now. Job interviews were kind of an issue post-transition. Telling people was scary. Tried not to socially transition even after HRT but I started passing in guy clothes which was scary but I told people and came out at work frightened as hell as...everyone was nice about it. Now it's just a fact of life. Impostor syndrome took ages though.
Like my photos, like feeling like I won't turn into an old man, like moving how I want, attiring myself how I want (including sloppily), no sad end to girl-moding, a lot of peace.
Just wish the gender critical ideology activists would leave us the hell alone.
Same with the swimming and having to tell people. I came out on a manic episode and instantly changed my name without much thought, and I don't know if I like it but I don't want to tell everyone I changed my name again
@@taliaeategg2027I *didn't* change my name when I came out, thinking it would be easier on people and thinking hey if Star Trek: Discovery can have a girl with a guy name, why not me?
Well, in addition to this leading to more misgendering at work, it led to some strange sudden hostility outside work any time I told them my name - and it had been fine UP TO THE DAY BEFORE I CAME OUT.
It's like my guy mask slipped off more, or completely? and they just stopped believing it. They'd blank, mishear it, or literally not read it out unless I reiterated. I went six months before deciding I guess I better change it.
Changing it (after backstories and rounds of casual "voting") WORKED PERFECTLY. All that fuss was gone.
So, you missed all that! Good for you! And there are plenty of excellent Talia characters around. I hope it grows on you so you don't have to worry so much? ❤❤
@@taliaeategg2027 You don't need a special reason, it's your name and you have to be the one to live with it. If you haven't picked a better one yet you can ask people to help name you, that's fun! I would have been stuck with Vincent, Apollo, or Leo for the rest of my life if I couldn't change it 😭 don't get me wrong love those t boy swag names but I do not want to be a 50 year old and balding Apollo lol.
@@harrisondorn7091 lololol
@@harrisondorn7091 thinking about naming myself fritz! Or Fritza/fritzi, unfortunately I don't have enough friends to ask them to name me but that sounds fun
I think I was gonna go for it already, but the "I'll regret not doing this" argument really wasn't on my mind up until now and that might have just pushed me over the edge in being certain
You only have the one life to live, and nobody else will be living their life for you. Might as well seize the day.
yep, and very very few people regret transitioning (like a small fraction of a percent). I don't know a single person who does
@@bsmith4185 because the ones who regret did self deletion and thats about 50% so there are definitely more who regret it
So true. It only occurred to me after already starting, but it still keeps those "what if this is wrong for me" doubts away as im transitioning.
Voice is all in the mind, it's more like letting go of your old voice than training a new one
It's both, honestly. There are times when I have to remind myself how to speak in my deadvoice, and it can take a few tries to get it to come out sounding normal, but at the same time, my new voice is... well, it's not convincing anyone, we'll put it like that.
yes but you do have to train your voice if you want the best results
@@nicole.rios.912normally I pass as female on the phone. I did very little training, and lots of unlearning
I don't get how people can be so dysphoric about their voice and yet have it be such a subconscious process that it automatically comes out as deep and bassy. I can talk like that, but i can't bring myself to. It feels too uncomfortable. People made fun of me for sounding gay. Still, without training i sound androgynous at best.
EDIT: so to be clear. I'm not saying yall are invalid or anything. Just that i legitimately don't understand how other people's brains work. My brain is weird, my breathing is conscious all the time. I find it hard to imagine how many things are subconscious for others.
Exactly!
Icky! your list was mine to a T and made me cry when you went over your pros. I regret waiting so long, but i didn't have the knowledge the youth has today... I transitioned at 41, 2 years ago.
congrats, you rock
Yea and there's me who worked our at 39 I was fluid felt that
That's great tho! Don't be too regretful, it doesn't change anything. Be happy about finding yourself at all! Even today there's so many people who don't know or get held back by their surroundings. Look at Finn, if he didn't have the following he does, who knows when or if he would have gone on this path. Just goes to show the importance of *proper* sex-education. Having people stumble over this stuff on the internet by chance just isn't good enough.
@@Kixuf12 you're 100% correct! I actually dont regret it at all, well, 99% at least.. I appreciate what my former self was able to do to get me to where I am in life, but the 1% of me wishes i was able to be myself much longer.
@@euanfraser9818 I feel for you! I suspected it since I was about 11 but didnt deeply explore it until i was around 35 and it still took me 5_ years to get to understanding I am trans. I'm glad I got there though cause the happiness and bliss I am experiencing since starting this journey was worth the wait!
Icky's cons were pretty much the same as mine when I was still second guessing myself. The issue wasn't anything to do with actually transitioning and the effects of HRT. It was other people. Once I realized that I was just "F--- 'em". Spite can be a good motivator. :D
Very much is.
yea
Initially I was really caught off guard by Finn announcing his transition, but after watching his and Ashley’s recent videos talking abt it and sharing perspectives, seeing the trans joy from a trans girl like Ashley and a genderfluid guy like Finn make me so incredibly hopeful and happy :D
The editing on this video is insane.
Fr
Icky 'I'd get boobs'
Finn 'well what happened to that?'
Finn 199X to 2024, RIP
MFer was born in 2000 xD
@@snjert8406... I just remembered what year it was, jfc you probably just made a lot of 90s babies feel ancient
@@chevin0 I feel ancient too, don't worry
@@chevin0 coming from the 80s i can feel some pyramids being built around me XD
I didn't know 199X was a year, what happened in it?
I finished my pros & cons list about a month ago and I realized that most of the cons were related to my fear of rejection. All of the pros were about how much happier I would be. In the end, I chose myself and I started seeing a gender therapist. I'm gonna try to figure that whole gender thing in the next few months. It's going to be stressful but it's also exciting! I would like to thank both of you for cracking my egg
Congrats! And I think it's so good you spoke to a professional first before you started hrt, I did the same and I'm much happier for it. It may have put off my hrt by almost a year, but I had already put it off for several years due to my own fears. So it was well worth the time spent just to at least help process first.
Wishing you luck on your journey of self discovery 🙏❤️
Best of luck in the next few. Yeay for figuring things out!
What gave me the final shove was the realization that I definitely WILL regret not having done it when I'm older. And that in return made me realize that I wouldn't get much older than I was at that point if I didn't work towards transitioning and then actually do it.
Loving the chaos tank is bringing to these
ashley has some great points, but finn's list resonates a lot more with me because i don't really have a lot of irl friends and i want to be able to enjoy more feminine interests without the fear of toxic masculinity
Icky: "I don't have a dad any more"
F1nn's "My grandma died"
You two are great. Mix of wholesome, inspiring and silly. I mean, my condolences for the grandma, just F1nn's line was funny in context
I was dysphoric about my height until I found out I was a little shorter than Taylor Swift
Holy, I didn't know she was that tall. Honestly makes me feel a bit better. I'm 5'10.
FYI tall girls are hot so theres always that.
I had my highschool crush who was taller than me. Then i went on E and shrunk 2 more inches. 5'10 right now and life's good.
The reason it took me so long to accept me was "im just a teenager, soon everything will be ok once my hormones are in its place" then the im tall, big and deep voice, then "i cant possibly be a girl cuz i like girls" and now, 3 years into hrt i havent even change my name nor my clothes, im still scared :(
Oh *hugs*
You got this girl, you are strong
There are things you can change and things you can't. Change what you can and accept what you can't. You can be Beautiful regardless, I hope this helps
Funny story: when I was starting to suspect I might be trans, my partner at the time (who would later tell me they suspected I was trans for the last 6 years) suggested I make one of these pros/cons lists. And that’s what finally cracked my egg. Not by weighing up the two sides, but in making the list one of the items was about “how I feel around other women.” …. *other* women. Looking at that, I was like “well! I guess that answers that!”
it sounds like the answer was inside you all along ^__^
Also as someone that was also egg detected years in advance: how????? How did they know??
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos they knew because of the many, *many* hints I’d been ignoring for years. But, of course, they couldn’t just tell me. #*&%@ing Trans Prime Directive
0:30 Yes! That perfectly captures how I felt when I realised!
I just found your and Finn's channels in the last few days and have been binge watching everything I can. I was somewhat aware that I wished I wasn't man at times, but after going through all of your videos I realized much more that I've been a bit of an egg for a while. Really clicked for me when In one of your videos you had a super cute outfit and I said out loud "I wish I could be like her" and then got immediate verbal whiplash. It's going to be a long journey...
Awww
Welcome to the club! I wish you all the best on your journey!!! 💛
you got this, it's long but it's worth it
even through all the stress
Thanks guys, I've taking my first steps by buying my first couple nail polish colors and talking to a couple trusted friends. While I'm terrified to start shopping for clothes I'm also so excited that I'm finally understanding myself
yea
Cute
Yaaaayyy new icky vid! Your vids make me feel so much better. My family is the only reason I've not transitioned. People talk, and I don't want them to be hassled because of me...
Hey, other peoples' actions are not your fault. If anyone would harass others because of them knowing a trans person, it's ENTIRELY on the person doing the harassing.
You don't get to deny yourself the opportunity to actually live as _yourself_ just because there are bad people out there.
Dont know your situation, but... Could be your family can handle it? Could be they are stronger than you think. Maybe that would be a small prize for them to pay to see you happier?
Please do what will make you the happiest, suppressing your self because of what you think others want/need will only lead to pain for everyone involved. That I do know.
personally, i just don't want to be disowned, and i can't go no contact because that would make me out to be a huge jerk towards the people who've basically given me the world. even if i do and they don't disown me, i know they won't accept me
basically i just have to sit around and hope to the universe that for some unknown reason i wake up tomorrow as a girl, otherwise it isn't happening...
@@mapmoop451 You would not be the jerk in that situation. Your family not accepting who you are is THEIR problem, not yours.
You should never stop yourself from living as who you actually are because other people would take issue with it, that is _entirely_ on them.
@@mapmoop451so what if you did get disowned? You want to be close to people who would hate you for being who you really are?
I’ve come out as trans to my parents just after new years this year , they said I’ll have to move out and be on my own currently saving up to move out , and using them to prove them wrong that it’s right for me as they don’t believe it and prove them wrong , I would move across the country but so many people have been so nice and supportive from work I just couldn’t bring myself to leave my work place
I got kicked out 4 and a half years because I wouldn't detransition. I'm now 44 months on hormones, legally female (GRC) and on the list for bottom surgery. I'm also gonna have breast augmentation
When I came out 20 years ago, I literally lost my entire family. I never regained a relationship with my sister. Over the years, I got closer with my parents again, but they wasted so much goddamn time. My parents are now elderly and my dad is mentally unavailable because he had a stroke last year. I seriously hope things have changed for younger trans kids these days. Biological family is a bitch.
*hugs*
Ashley is natural and beautiful.
I only just recently started feeling like maybe I'm trans, but it didn't fully align with how I felt, but after listening to finn amd his pros and cons I feel like maybe the route he went is more suited for me too
My experience with realizing I'm trans was a bit fraught. I'm cautious by nature, and as much as that serves me, it means I don't get excited about pursuing my goals. I didn't want to feel that I was limiting myself in life by exposing myself to stigma. I felt I didn't have much to offer the world or a workplace, and that people would judge me more harshly. No workplace = no healthcare, no healthcare = unsuccessful transition. Thankfully, things didn't turn out that way at all. I was in the closet when I first started my job, but it's really easy to come out when you've already been transitioning for 2 years and everyone already likes you. So that was cool.
I recently learned that FFS is paid for by my insurance, and as excited as I was to realize this, I also started to stress about dysphoria again. You say in your video that acceptance is the hardest part; what I experienced when contemplating FFS was similar to the mental stress of realizing I was trans all over again. I had this fear of 'letting go' of my old face and my ability to camouflage as a man. I am less attractive as a woman than I was as a man, so that's a little sad, but I'm also much happier and more confident in the body of a woman than previously. I had to 'reaccept' that the life I want is not one where I get to pick and choose my gender. I want to be a woman, and I want to blend in. FFS for me represents entering the 'final act' of my transition, where I can let go and exist socially as a goofy muscle lady, and I'm pretty excited for that.
Two awesome people getting to be their true self this openly is honestly so heartwarming, I'm a 40 year old straight cis white guy and I wasn't allowed to do totally minor insignificant things because of bullying and peer pressure, so to see 2 people doing something so much more important and unheard of in my youth is beautiful.
I can't get enough of these two, the energy they have together is incredible. They always make me laugh so freaking hard
You two are making genuinely helpful, fantastic content for EVERYONE. Thank you
I really dread coming out, I think I could handle the social repercussions from having come out, but coming out itself is terrifying
just do it, you can do this!
Listen, it fucking sucks, you might lose friends and family and life might get really shit for a while, but its better than being miserable for the entire rest of your life.
And hey we are here to listen, I am all ears. (i just imagine a person with a lot of ears help)
I just want to scoop you two up and give you a big hug for being such positive forces of good in this world.
the "I kinda wanted that and didnt do it" moment is real... I had a thought 10 years before I started transitioning but then repressed that back into being an egg until I was 30
I love the chaos and unhinged energy this video is bringing!
I love how Bolognese is just chilling in the background and Tank is being Tank! Your videos are a fascinating insight into a thing I won't ever personally experience, but want to try and gain a bit of insight and understanding looking on from outside. You two are just so good together - you bounce off each other when you're both in a video, and it is really fun to watch.
This was really relieving to watch. Thanks for always sharing your stories and journey ❤
Choked on my coffee twice in a row at 5:26 and 5:36, Finn is on fire, I can't imagine what it must be like to live with him xD
Blessings to you both ❤
We can all be who we want to be on our terms.
Everybody’s journey’s different and you should never compare it to anybody else’s.
You are unique and special and put in the universe for this very reason.
I had a very early mantra which I even use to this day !
Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter
🦄🙏❤️🩹
I freaking LOVE the editting style of these videos - reminds me of old youtube in the best possible way, and super funny
You two are amazing and I'm sure both your channels help a LOT of people.
50 something agoraphobic hermit here (plus a TON of other issues, but shh), and I've only just started thinking about myself being trans in the last year or so.
I love your channels anyway. Keep up the awesome content. Thank you. Much love xx
As someone who has been transitioning since August of 2023 I have had a lot of ups and downs. I have had a feeling that I wasn't quite the person I wanted to be since I was 16 (25 now). At the age of 23 I came out to my fiance which was a good idea since she did not want to be with someone like me. I have lost a lot of friends, and have made a few more. When I started HRT I was beyond scared of the backlash the community around me would have, I have also gone into public very little as my true self i.e. full feminine clothing and make up. I was honestly overthinking things. I do have to say it felt very good to go and do it though, as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I love the way I look now even though only minor changes have occurred. I take way more selfies then I ever have in my life, and the crippling self hate has almost gone away completely. (I still have to work on my voice though)
i want to, but get anxiety about talking about it to people and because im autistic i find it impossible to explain things in conversations. I'd probably go down the private route for quickness, just got to try and manage the anxiety.
Try researching the whole process step by step and writing down what you would say to your doctor. I was super nervous about telling my doctor, and when I told them and about the clinic I was thinking of going to (I'm lucky enough to live within driving distance of what is supposedly 1 of the top 2 trans healthcare clinics in the US), they said "You know more about this than we do, so we're gonna follow your lead."
@@Khotetsu☺
OMG THAT PUPPY IS SO CUTE
You two are so good together, Good job ICKY
well this video did more for me than i could have expected it finally gave me the courage ive needed for a very long time and i want to say thank u ashley u dont know it but the video helped me understand myself way more than i knew i could and 2 days after watching now my whole family knows who i am that egg is well and truely smashed and it was because of the pros and cons list i had done the same thing although mine was 20 pros and only 1 con and unexpectedly the 1 con didnt come true my family accepted it. so i just wanted to say thank u for this video it helped were 1000s of hours of therapy couldnt
I will never get my fill of Finn and Icky videos.
I love these free-form discussion-style videos!
i honestly have struggled with whether or not i was trans in some way for YEARS. after watching finns coming out it was so close to explaining my own experience that it was like a shock to the system.
a lot of trans people that id see or knew were either binary or completely nonbinary and i didnt relate to that experience of wanting to be completely genderless or to completely be a different gender. so i thought i was just wasnt "trans enough" to label myself as so. thankfully, ive been talking to my sister about this topic for years and she was just like "she'll figure it out" lol. do i currently have a label? no, BUT! im far more comfortable questioning and being unlabeled and happy to not feel pressured to say im cis or straight.
also probably never gonna come out to certain people because im okay with presenting femininely when "needed" and i dont honestly wanna mention it if i dont 100% need to
2:18 Mario getting his but burnt.
I'm glad things are awesome for you both!
I love you Icky, thank you for such wonderful content. And F1nn as well
Your room looks clean and great!
Finn never before seemed so himself like now🎉
It's really awsome to see!
I share the 'tism, the constant anger, being bi, being awkward in all the right places, mentally broken but loveable, BUT, i'm 42, 2m tall, muscular and hairy af. So there was never really a chance to "change" and i really love for him that he saw his chance and went with it!
Seeing you both interact and do your thing made me see myself in a whole different angle, big Thank You for that❤
It's never too late! Much love from a 30-something year-old recovering hairball.
Look up Gabbi Tuft, former WWE talent. She started transitioning in her early 40's and she looks incredible! Even in my personal life, I have friends who were hairy-faced and balding and over 6 ft and they all get correctly gendered as women in public now. It can take some work (hrt, electrolysis, different workouts, etc) to get the look you want, but it is never too late to be who you want to be! There's even a subreddit for folks who transition later in life called TransLater, and if you sort by 'top posts of all time', you'll see a woman who is SEVENTY, only one year on HRT, and her timeline looks like Santa Claus standing next to Mrs. Claus.
As F1nn said, if you never try, you're always gonna wonder what could have happened. Even if hrt isn't available to you at the moment, Amazon will send you anything they sell and TH-cam is free, so you can always try things out, be it seeing how long hair would feel with a wig or following a full makeup and body pad shaping tutorial to look like an entirely different person. It is never too late to pursue your happiness!
6'2" 38 yo formerly hair, current giant lady here. It can be done! Find your truth. ❤
Whoa dude. My partner is 40 and 6'5" (not a typo) just about to start HRT and already people treat them femme just from their personality. They will always be really tall and visible but i have NO concerns about them turning out looking weird or ugly or anything, it's gonna be gorgeous.
So close to 100k subscribers! You deserve it ❤
I never made a list, but I think that’s also because I had sooo long to think about it. I knew before school age, but only outwardly transitioned in my 40s. Once I was open to the possibility, everything just steadily moved in that direction. When my wife left, her mom paid a lot to help with my transition, because she thought it was hot!
Two months on HRT and while I was indifferent about booba, I am glad that I have them now. First changes I noticed were mood, then skin tone and body odor, then fat redistribution and breast growth.
Socially is difficult for me. I am autistic, and already had profound difficulties in meeting and connecting with people. I think I come off as either a weird alien, or aloof ice queen. I started fully dressing femme about 6-7 years prior to HRT, which certainly gets me noticed. The fact that I don’t even pass casually as neurotypical is far more difficult than being trans.
My feelings about voice training are mixed. I am not dysphoric about my voice at all. I think I could do it, because I’ve always had a talent for making drastically different voices, like a human cartoon. But at the same time, I rarely understand how I am perceived by others. So I can imagine being unsure if others were reacting strongly because I’d nailed it, or if it was just goofy. With clothes, for example, I have a sense of style where it can be odd yet cohesive enough to work. For voice I think I’d need to record myself a lot, and listen later with fresh ears.
You two are hilarious, I love your videos, and I love the humour in them. Xx
What a lovely look into the process.
love you icky
1:03 The next tomb raider with lara finn lol
congrats on 100K!!!!
this is the video i needed im about to go to my doctor to start the process and needed a pros cons list so you’ve helped me figure it out
i cried hard when i could no longer deny that i was trans. because of how hard is was going to be being trans
I love my weekly dose of Icky content!
Crazy how Finn shrunk by an inch and went down a shoe size
Hrt is crazy
That was... charming. You two are great.
CONGRATS ON 100K!!
I live in the U.S....in Indiana of all states, yet It took like 3 months to get into the DR. But state insurance paid for all of it....I talk some shit about the government here. But that's a point in my book. It's been adorable watching Fin grow over the past few years, and your a welcome addition to my TH-cam watch list! Keep it up...the good work...❤
At 38 SECONDS you encapsulated exactly how I feel right now.
Voice training appointment coming up in April and yeah. Terrifying. That said I hate my voice currently so much that I often dont talk.
That's really a conforting video (and yeah finding some of my masculine physical traits in other women is something I love to bump into, like "oh this actress is pretty... wait I have the same shoulders \o/ " and stuff).
but also did F1nn said "sorry chat" while not being in live ? lol.
One of the best ever Icky vids so far!.. also.. Finn's split ends!.. Please Ash, drag that boygirl to the hairdresser!
I can't be the only one who thinks Ashley looks the exact same with and without makeup???
Nope, did not see any difference either.
"Thanks! ...wait, was that a diss?"
@@dah-knee-low2799 the makeup probably just helps with her lighting and tones, but either way shes pretty :3
I think she said herself that she only does very little makeup nowadays
She looks less shiny, but that's it. She's still really pretty!
I'm happy you both found your joy.
alot of pros and cons in common with me. happy i can dress how i want and not worry what its like to wear womens clothes in public. seeing the changes 13 months of HRT did is great, love the changes. fertility? what is that??? dont know or care. much happier to feel and be more feminine. i do worry about losing direct family. mom is going through other age related stress, not sure about how father will take it. my brother and his wife have certain lines in the sand as far as they are willing to accept. indirect family are surprisingly accepting. how i will deal with society if things happen to get hard, i have some fairly serious social issues if the wrong circumstances happen to line up even before transitioning. HRT changes and boobs one of biggest pros, losing family is main con with societal worries as second con.
i do have a bunch of useful links related to direct family that i rely on for support so potentially losing that is scary AF! still not enough to deter HRT/transition.
As someone on the NHS I knew I was trans at 24. I'm 32 now and only been on hormones for 10 months. Do not go NHS. My last meeting with them I got told they want to see me in SIX months but are aware the waiting list is 12-15 months. This is current information as of a month ago. Love yourself. Don't wait like I did and trust in the system because the system basically doesn't exist. Best part is that to get onto the NHS fully I first had to force them by going private to transfer my treatment to the NHS after a disastrously mismanaged experience, even private can fuck something like this up sometimes. I also endured 3 years of being told I wasn't trans enough so that was fun.
I wish for the both of you to be happy!
Congratz on 100k! 🥳
Hey Icky love ya love ya both hope you have an amazing year full of luck and love
The “what if” is what did it for me too. It got to the point where I knew if I didn’t try this I would regret it.
I never made a list when I started transitioning but if I had to say one pro right now: I can sing along to my favorite songs without wanting to die.
Okay one thing. Thank you Ashley for your videos. I love the way you record with silly and funny moments, but also the important informative stuff. This type of content is exactly what I was looking for for such a long time (also I'm trans so it helps me anyway lol).
Thank you and Finn for making our lives better ❤
Also sorry if I could've written that better, I'm not native english 😭
I'm 30 and just started and that last one hit me in the heart 🥲
"From Birmingham..." Icky with the fatality!!!
I have found that the most likely person that I thought would be supportive is pretty much no longer associates with me while one of the people I figured would be most likely to reject me accepted me and wanted resources to learn more about what I was going to be going through.
The pros, you two are so beautiful and pretty 🥰
Thanks again for sharing!
8:28 yessss! exactly! even the idea alone is already life-giving)
Pro: be my true self and feeling it.
Con: haters will be haters.
Icky you are looking as wonderful as "Tank" does!
Sorry about your Dad, Icky. Mine ignored me for 3 years after I came out. When he was ready to talk he just wanted to talk me about my bones in 1000 years. Fantastic.
congrats on 100k!
I'm transfem and i want to share my story for anyone who needs some reassuarance or validation or any other reason.
I was questioning my gender for over a year until the beginning of march when Finn dropped his coming out, and 3 days after it I said to myself " hey i there is also genderfluid. I can be gnederfluid" in highnsight it was more out of fear going full trans than anything else, genderfluid seemed like a smaller "less risky" label, but then last Friday I realized that it was my fear of making mistakes that made me choose genderfluid label and also i did a little "scientific study" of what I desire to be.Then i did the pros and cons and came out with many more pros then cons. I realized that it was fear and im came out to myself truly, too afraid to do it with my friends and family, well, most of them.
For anyone out there OneTopic has that famous quote "If you think you are faking it, it's a really good sign that you are not. When you hear yourself telling you who you are,listen to yourself..."
Also if you think you are tricking yourself then ask yourself " why would i trick myself into being trans?" Im sure you will not find reasonable answear to that
Edit: I used a wrong wording