I am so exhausted from this narcissistic relationship. My whole body aches and I haven’t had any motivation to do anything, not even things I love to do. I need to break the trauma bond. I feel addicted to him and I know it’s hurting my soul.
I am watching clips like yours and seeing a councillor(for free) reason being my husband cleaned out the bank accounts. I have managed to get two part-time jobs which just pay enough to support me and my dog. I appreciate your offer.
When one of my exs said to me nobody else will want you because you were a teen mom. I said, I don't believe that is true, but even if it is, I'd rather be alone then be with anyone like you.
Waking up to the fact your with a narcissist is a BLESSING. You have just been informed you are sleeping with the enemy. Not everyone gets this nugget of pure GOLD. Some people kill themselves, LITERALLY from the inner turmoil of being with one. I know its not easy for people with kids to leave, but at least knowing what they are is useful to your well-being if that knowledge is utilised correctly. You've just been given a hand- book on how to navigate this fu$@er! Fr. Not that its easy in the least but better then the mad abyss of not knowing what you've "done wrong this time". Its THEM not YOU. Research they're symptoms, mannerisims, patterns of behavior. It's all intel! Intel is useful. People without kids can get stadiums of knowledge on the internet in terms of how to leave this human weather your financially dependant on them or not. There is a way out. Don't let these people destroy your one and only life!! 🙏💜💜💜
I am financially dependant on mine and don't see a way out.we live with my sister and he's won her over so I look like the bad guy and jealous of them. I just can break free. I'm fighting for my life here. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I have no privacy, no freedom, and np emotional support. He always look like he's providing for me and puts up a front of love and kindness in front of my sister. He track my phone and limits what I can do on it with a custom OS. I look for resources that can help me in this situation but the sites will never load. He instigates fights and once I'm drawn in, Scorpio that I am, I get diarrhea of the mouth and rage with frustration and anger bc I want him to stop what he's doing to me but that's where the denials come in. He always tells me, "it's not what you know.... It's what you can prove. He's psychotic but I'm the one who looks crazy. My sister tells me I need help bc I'm paranoid and come up with conspiracy theories so I need meds. HELP!!!!
@@jennifermaple585 that does sound rough, to say the least. Certainly not something you want to be in any longer then humanly possible. Do you have any support outside of your narc and sister? Any family or friends that could put you up for a while while you get on your feet? (Making sure to always leave while they are most definitely going to be out of the house). Can you secure some finances through employment or community resources to buy a new phone so that when you do leave you can toss that one straight in a large pool of water.. not kidding. Make sure it's utterly functionally useless well before you reach a safe place. Libraries locally to print out exit strategies you can execute? Women's shelter? I don't know your personal finances. But. I do know there are places in most communities that will shelter a person from domestic abuse, which is what your experiencing. Girl I would just squirrel away as much cash as you can somehow, secure shelter somewhere safe before your exit and wait for them to both be out of the house to leave. If that's not possible then take what you can in a hand bag or something to look like your just leaving for a few hours (change of clothes, your alternate phone, essential documents etc) and never look back. I'm praying for you, I know it's not a hand in the water.. I wish I could do more but keep your Scorpio butt cool headed, kay? I know it's hard but don't bite the bait. Breathe. That's all I got. 💜
Hannah you said it so Well in your comment I love it because it's so true, you said You've just been given a Handbook on how to NAVIGATE this fu*@erFr. 👌🏾You said what I needed to hear because I'm married to this narc 39yrs in 11days time. I'm so done, I'm planning my get away now, so that's why I loved your comment. While I Navigate this fu$@er. Thank you
3 months ago I was scrolling on instagram and came across one of your videos. You were talking about the moment you discarded your wife. That hit me like a ton of bricks because I could relate to the way I've been discarded, the month before. I was experiencing severe cognitive dissonance, the most excruciating pain I have ever felt and still couldn't figure out what the hell happened. That short video was the first from a long series of videos on NPD that I've seen. Now I know that my ex was a covert narcissist and although I'm still trauma bonded and still rewriting my story, it makes me feel so much better to know the truth. I was trying to please the unpleseable. I never had a chance. It was not my fault. Thank you, Ben!
It was all false they were wearing a mask. You were married to yourself they were never in the marriage with you. They never loved or cared about you. It was all fake. Shame on them .
Yup. For me, I realized that I clung to the narcissist only because unconsciously I viewed them as an image of my tortured childhood self. As soon as I addressed those childhood traumas in ways that didn't involve the narc, the bond was broken.
It's somewhat personal, but I'll clarify a little with this: I viewed this person (unconsciously) as a reflection of my younger self. The narc isn't a child, but I knew them to have suffered similar abuse as me and saw helping them as a way to overcome my own trauma indirectly. Once I figured out how to address my own trauma directly (through therapy, self-reflection, and other methods), I no longer had any use for the narc. The question remains unanswered whether I ever helped the narc at all, and even if I had, whether doing so would have helped me as I once believed it would. Fortunately for me, the question is also now irrelevant.
I am still healing, but i def feel this. We had similar childhood wounds and i stayed for a long time thinking that i was preventing The pain i got in my childhood. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
Yes I am missing the ex narc. When I was happy he really made me happy. But he was constantly putting me down. It was subtle but it always stuck with me . Like calling me country? Never been called that in my life . Then attacking my vocabulary constantly. Even though I have 3 degrees and he barely finished high school. He wasn’t a dumb person but definitely no scholar. I found myself repeating what he would say. He would do this in every conversation or constantly bring up other women . I can’t understand how I even miss him?
Wow I so hear and feel you on this. I’ve been in some bad relationships over the years but no one ever EVER spoke to me the way he did with the name calling etc. I was being called a rancid country often….yet I’ve given that man every single piece of my heart and soul. I miss him so much too but it’s channel’s like this that have really awoken me to narcissists. Had I not been educated enough to realise he’s highly narcissistic; I probably wouldn’t be here leaving this comment now and leaving my 14yo daughter without a mum. These educational videos have literally saved my life. Stay Strong. In a community such as this we can help get each other through this ❤️🩹
Mine was beautiful, and I was so in love with her, so I thought. She did all the classic red flags of the NPD from walking in front of me to me 'buying the wrong flowers', it just never ended, and I never did things right. I walked, she's still in my head. I want her out of my mental CPU of my life. I never want to talk to her ever again. I'm so relieved there's no gaslighting going on in my through process anymore.
It is hard to do but order to stop the trouble bound is take control of your life and move on. Be in control. Do not be afraid of them because they are afraid of you. Get your life back doing that is how you can break free
What I discovered through the divorce was shocking and painful. I have 35 years to reflect on. My rumination is my confirmation of who I was married to. Educating yourself and accepting the reality is the key. Trying hard not to feel sorry for him, he's the one who's lost confused sad and empty.
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
I date say that at times we all wish we didn't care about someone, but that's easier said than done. We can still be a caring person but with confident boundaries. 🍒
It does help to not go to places where the narc took you or you had a "special" moment with them there, so yes from expierence it does help, otherwise I would agree. Learning about narcissm can help prevent so people are more aware. One thing that helped me was when I thought about her, I would just remember the negative things and nothing else...
Ben has helped me beyond measure. I’m not crazy even though this was platonic. He is a covert and I discovered this when initially looking up I go on the significance of someone’s silence. It was a great friendship with lots in common, truly no mirroring. But one day it was as if he put me in a room, turned off the lights, and closed the door. After 4 weeks of no kissy face heart emojis in his texts, I called it. He yelled at me. So thank you Ben for clarifying that the mask is the facade and the person behind the mask is the true version. One version. Then all of the many videos you Pistis have pulled me out of rumination, sort of. This video now is me, but without the full-on pain when seeing him. He’s a skunk and I know it but I want to reach the point when running into him has no effect whatsoever. I suppose it’s the realization that someone could be so darn good st deceit. Kind of scary to see it for real.
Imagine what they did to you. Imagine that you do exactly the same thing to someone. Imagine how horrible person you wound need to be to do this. This helped me.
Had a work friend who I was really close to suddenly discard me because I started seeing the manipulation and started losing myself. Once I stopped letting him control me as a friend, he decided to try and destroy me as an enemy.
Feeling nothing at all isn't all its cracked up to be. Not gonna give you some inspirational trite quotes or anything. Just going to state every day away from an unmanaged narc is a step towards clarity. Clarity is useful. Find it however long it takes, whatever you gotta do. All the best.
That will never happen. I do not have it in me to not care about people. I have empathy for people whom I have never met. I pray for total strangers and people I barely know. In fact I will mourn the loss as a loved one who has died. I had three children with him and he was the only man I have ever been with. I had no desire to be with someone else and never imagined I would be getting divorced. I know that he is toxic and his family is as well, but I don't have it in my heart to forget them. I am a firm believer in a God who heals all wounds and can save souls. Only God can do it! I can't fix any of them, but that doesn't impact my love and compassion for them.
My narcissist made crazy mountains out of molehills about mistakes l made, and insisted we discuss his version of how " aweful " l was over and over 💔 . I mistakenly kept trying to explain " my truth "truth"apologize, beg for us to move forward over and over to l was emotionally exhausted 💔 Not that I'm out of our two year relationship for six months l see his sick game of exhausting me traumatizing me over and over while l played right into his hand instead of walking and setting stronger boundaries. If he didn't see my value or understand my truth, l should have just walked away right away instead of years of drama 😢
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Write out every negative thing that they did. You should have a book depending the length of relationship. This is for all relationships. GO READ THE BOOK WHEN YOU BUMP YOUR HEAD. Also. address your childhood root system 😂
I’ve managed to maintain physical distance for two rounds now of his hovering attempts. Both times he has said some extremely hurtful things about me-I’m old, good luck finding a simp to take care of an old single mom of twins, I was a waste of his time…and I’m carrying his babies. The pathetic part is I do care about his growth and hope the best for him and still want him near.
You are spot on with the rumination. I keep questioning how you changed? Most therapists say that it’s impossible for narcissists to change, so don’t bother. Are you a true narcissist? I really enjoy hearing the narcissist’s side and how they view us.
I truly appreciate the way you delineate the specific ways narcissistic abuse affects the person on the receiving end and how both the giver and receiver of that narcissistic behavior are thinking in order for that type of abuse dynamic to be occurring between them . The way you express it is highly aligned with my personal experience as one who has been involved with narcissists both in a familial situation but also in my romantic life as well . Thank you for what you do🙌🏻
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How do you live with a narcissist? Many of us can’t just leave, as there are steps…it takes money to start over. Therefore, during a the process, the toxicity can paralyze a person at times.
This is an excellent and essential video. Wish I had seen this last summer. Once you know these creeps inflicted all of this, including the trauma bond, on purpose, it keeps you from accepting a hoover. For those who don’t know, hoovers are meant to suck you back in so they can hurt and discard you like never before. It never gets better with the narc, it only gets worse. Wishing you every happiness and optimum healing on this new chapter of your life. 💜☀️
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Feeling is the secret. You have to learn how to "feel" the feelings you would have if you were to be free of a narc. It's not just "thinking". "Feel" freedom from the narc abuse in your guts. Then you can start to facilitate change.
I literally have been living with one for three years and it’s been the last eight months of hell knowing he was cheating. I caught him texting on instant messenger. It has taken me months to get my house back in order and to get out of here.
Shouldn't this be discussed by someone who has done this? You are a narcissist, so you really can't understand this process internally. Logically, sure, you can piece that together. But you will never be able to understand this perspective. I am sure you have gotten input and feedback by people who have gone through this, but maybe you should put one of them on the camera. Regardless, I am glad you are putting this out there because you may help some people as they work through this.
It's not about their looks as I see often on yt it's about their actions. Are they there for you after surgery. If not then you shouldn't be there for them.
THIS IS...PITIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AVOIDED all substance, food, sex...ETC addictions, ONLY to almost end up addicted to someone with this mental disability!!!!!!! and when i read others' stories...i'm...just...in disbelief..AND GRATITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!that i...was saved from THISSSSSS!!!!!!!!within 2 weeks!!!!! i STILL believe it was my EMPATHY that saved me! i just CANNOT be around folk whose energy...DISTURB MY SPIRIT!!!!!! for long periods of time. i stuck around with him for almost 2 weeks BECAUSE I EMPATHIZED WITH HIS CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, but at the same time...his narcissistic/toxic energy was had literally DRAINED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HAD TO GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
We want what we experienced as the good times back soo badly. Trying to find a way. Iys hearbreacking, shocking and so disturbing. Probably because i felt this so many times in my life and as a wee one. Feeling the pain of all that.
It's tough to let go of the good memories while dealing with the hurt. If you’re looking for support and guidance, consider joining our free masterclass www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Knowledge about the behavior of the narcissist is a must before you attempt to break the trauma bond. If you can go no contact, that’s the best way to get some perspective. Not being able to go no contact will prolong the exit. Sometimes it takes years to finally break free. You will eventually not care about this person even if they come into your thoughts.
I'm up to almost five months of no contact now and this is the longest I have gone in no contact with my Narcissist. I think about him less and less each day and I don't care as much what he's up to anymore. I will admit I did call his main supply a couple of days and I told her Congrats! Just like she did to me! I know a lot of people won't agree with me on that. It felt good to get sometimes off my chest to her. I told her that I didn't deserve what they both did to me at all. I hope Karma is in my favor and you both get what you deserve. I always believe what you put out there, always comes back times ten on you. I do want to try that class you're talking about.
Before and after going into 6 months of zero contact to break away from a trauma bond I had to relearn everything about life again slowly and progressively I find my identity I also come to find that it is my soul that my best friend I loved her from the inside out
You couldn't of said it any better, im Stuck in the Fear the Obligation and the Guilt. Im married 39yrs ( well it will be 39yrs in 11days) I so need help getting out now.
Can someone help me I watched my partner slowly pull away in the end i just went quiet , asked him too leave even though i wanted him to say he wanted me,but he said he did not love me and i lie and make stories up,i saw naked pucs on his phone but he tells me i made it up but i cant unsee it and i shout even though its reactive abuse of being ignored or sex with held , why do they do this
I'm 2 months no contact but I can't stop thinking about him and he lives round the corner from me so I'm not going out I'm to nervous to bump in to him
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
It’s incredibly challenging because our minds often cling to hope and the good moments, even when reality is painful. It’s a process to fully accept and believe the truth. For support and tools to navigate this, join our free masterclass www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Aren't we just kicking the can down the road for the next person that will feel like us eventually that deals with ur Narsassitic ex. Why do Narsassit get off free to keep doing what they do! It's like a spoiled kid that gets what they want all their life. Why should they b allowed to keep distorying people's lives. Sure I might heal but why do they keep getting away with it. I believe" they "need awake up call. I'm not walking away without some form of revenge!
I left for 3 years, and when I found out he was with another girl I totally freaked out and wanted him back?? Why????? Am I the narcissist?? I’m more stuck and sicker than ever after 27 years!
I’ve been out of a 6 months narc relationship for 3 months now, and I finally got my face back. Yes my face. I was so stressed out I didn’t even look like myself. I w been doing all my activities and studying narcissism and ending my codependency and I feel like I’m on solid ground now.!🔥🕺🪐🎯😊🤓🤹🏻♀️🎤
Focus on enjoying yourself and staying grounded. Maintain your confidence and remember why you moved forward. If you bump into him, keep interactions brief and polite. Protect your peace and prioritize your well-being. For more guidance, join our free masterclass www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
It's because of the story that you tell yourself. I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
Try Sam Vaknin. He describes how the narc idealises you and you fall for your idealised self. It gets to your core childhood wounds. It’s addictive. You need to address core childhood wounds. I’m not saying this guy isn’t right! He is. It’s just sometimes a real intellectual understanding of inner processes of the narc and yourself helps
Iam out of the trauma bond, i don't have any hopes on anything about him, but I am staying in the same house to take care of kids without having to go for divorce n custody battles. ( I cannot have my kids taken care by him alone and don't want a stranger lady be with them when it's his turn to have kids,i want to take care of them until atleast their high school age) To stay sane living in the same house, i am on extreme grayrock mode, we don't talk,i just text couple words if there's something imp to take care like 'i am not avb to pick kids from school today' etc.He also seems to not care about anything about me. But now i am trying to get him to share responsibilities like chores for the house, kids activities n pickups etc. My question is that achievable while emotionally detached and gray rocking? I am trying to push few chores onto him like picking up trash, dishwasher loading, while i cook, clean n do pickup drop off kids schools etc.
@@RawMotivationsthis happened, he did not respond to my only text ' i only do cooking, i dont do dishwasher anymore'.. the dishes were in sink for 4 days, i kept ordering food and not cooking, when kids asked me what's for dinner? I replied i will cook when the dishes are clean, kids used to go tell him few times 'can u do the dishes'. Finally he did the dishes on a sunday morning after 4 days'. I am hoping he will take that chore as his.. and do it without running through the same drama again... but all these 4 days i did not react, personally go ask him or demand him, or text him asking the same again, nothing...i was like budha... just doing my stuff.. without showing or worrying about the dishes.... before i knew he is narc, i used to go request him multiple times, take his angry responses, explain why i need help and be disappointed when he said he cannot, be very happy the few times he used to do dishes ..oh my God, ...it was pain to make him do a simple favor without a fit, while i do everything around as responsibility ...and out of caring for him n kids.... his emotional cheating with his high school gf (20 yrs back she was his ex and a recent school reunion they came in touch and even tho she's also married, they started secret chatting,calling, making plans to meet and he expressed in chats that he still loves her and wishes she was his wife and sent her pics, flowers, romantic chats...🤬😓) with a last yr was when i started looking into why why n his cold lies as responses , silent treatment, pushed me into looking for answers on meta ai what's app chat bot, which responded, silent treatments usually means narc characteristics, and then searching on what's narc in yt, and going thru so many videos from all the narc knowledge educators like you, i was so clear what i have been thru all these yrs. What makes me even sad is... over years of harsh experiences from him and defending myself ..i figured many hacks like gray rocking by myself even tho i never knew there is such thing....i am happy atleast i followed my gut feeling ... but the cheating was the solid one last yr....i hit the rock bottom..i became insecure.. his manipulations and lies n gaslight made me say sorry to him( i was so devastated , feared he would leave me..).... and only now bcause of all the knowledge from yt, iam very clear now, i now know what he did to my thinking, have all answers to all my qsns from so many years... and i have more self esteem and positive outlook on my self. I am whole heartedly thankful of you and few other ytubers that i follow. 🙏...i may and will walk away from this relationship, but never fall for his tricks again...i can see thru him on his every talk n actions... but will keep that insight only to myself to navigate for as long as i can. That's my only plan for now. What do you think of my plan?Will it work? Any suggestions?
@@RawMotivations i will try my best to not fall for that control or react. Even if he comes to me n rages on me...i know i will just not give attention or reaction. I will just reiterate... what i can do and cannot do like a robo. I wonder why he's not coming to me with fights anymore. Does he know that i am understanding his thought process and not falling for them? Or does he think that let this phase continue so that she doesn't question anymore of my future plans to cheat ? Or is he planning some other ways to control... So sad..i have to keep on this defenses active...i wish i had the comfort of a supportive, honest and trustworthy spouse where i could focus on happiness and growth instead of threat at home like now. 😑. Mine was arranged marraige, and already lived thru this relati I n for 20yrs and i don't have hopes or interest to plan for a future new relationship even if i end this one. This is called karma.☹️
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Their actions and words never, ever match….
I am so exhausted from this narcissistic relationship. My whole body aches and I haven’t had any motivation to do anything, not even things I love to do. I need to break the trauma bond. I feel addicted to him and I know it’s hurting my soul.
I needed to hear this. I am recovering and in time I will be me again.
I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
I am watching clips like yours and seeing a councillor(for free) reason being my husband cleaned out the bank accounts. I have managed to get two part-time jobs which just pay enough to support me and my dog. I appreciate your offer.
When one of my exs said to me nobody else will want you because you were a teen mom. I said, I don't believe that is true, but even if it is, I'd rather be alone then be with anyone like you.
yes WE will!!!!
Waking up to the fact your with a narcissist is a BLESSING. You have just been informed you are sleeping with the enemy. Not everyone gets this nugget of pure GOLD. Some people kill themselves, LITERALLY from the inner turmoil of being with one.
I know its not easy for people with kids to leave, but at least knowing what they are is useful to your well-being if that knowledge is utilised correctly. You've just been given a hand- book on how to navigate this fu$@er! Fr. Not that its easy in the least but better then the mad abyss of not knowing what you've "done wrong this time". Its THEM not YOU. Research they're symptoms, mannerisims, patterns of behavior. It's all intel! Intel is useful. People without kids can get stadiums of knowledge on the internet in terms of how to leave this human weather your financially dependant on them or not. There is a way out. Don't let these people destroy your one and only life!! 🙏💜💜💜
I am financially dependant on mine and don't see a way out.we live with my sister and he's won her over so I look like the bad guy and jealous of them. I just can break free. I'm fighting for my life here. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I have no privacy, no freedom, and np emotional support. He always look like he's providing for me and puts up a front of love and kindness in front of my sister. He track my phone and limits what I can do on it with a custom OS. I look for resources that can help me in this situation but the sites will never load. He instigates fights and once I'm drawn in, Scorpio that I am, I get diarrhea of the mouth and rage with frustration and anger bc I want him to stop what he's doing to me but that's where the denials come in. He always tells me, "it's not what you know.... It's what you can prove. He's psychotic but I'm the one who looks crazy. My sister tells me I need help bc I'm paranoid and come up with conspiracy theories so I need meds. HELP!!!!
@@jennifermaple585 that does sound rough, to say the least. Certainly not something you want to be in any longer then humanly possible.
Do you have any support outside of your narc and sister? Any family or friends that could put you up for a while while you get on your feet? (Making sure to always leave while they are most definitely going to be out of the house). Can you secure some finances through employment or community resources to buy a new phone so that when you do leave you can toss that one straight in a large pool of water.. not kidding. Make sure it's utterly functionally useless well before you reach a safe place. Libraries locally to print out exit strategies you can execute? Women's shelter? I don't know your personal finances. But. I do know there are places in most communities that will shelter a person from domestic abuse, which is what your experiencing. Girl I would just squirrel away as much cash as you can somehow, secure shelter somewhere safe before your exit and wait for them to both be out of the house to leave. If that's not possible then take what you can in a hand bag or something to look like your just leaving for a few hours (change of clothes, your alternate phone, essential documents etc) and never look back.
I'm praying for you, I know it's not a hand in the water.. I wish I could do more but keep your Scorpio butt cool headed, kay? I know it's hard but don't bite the bait. Breathe. That's all I got. 💜
Hannah you said it so Well in your comment I love it because it's so true, you said You've just been given a Handbook on how to NAVIGATE this fu*@erFr. 👌🏾You said what I needed to hear because I'm married to this narc 39yrs in 11days time. I'm so done, I'm planning my get away now, so that's why I loved your comment. While I Navigate this fu$@er. Thank you
3 months ago I was scrolling on instagram and came across one of your videos. You were talking about the moment you discarded your wife. That hit me like a ton of bricks because I could relate to the way I've been discarded, the month before. I was experiencing severe cognitive dissonance, the most excruciating pain I have ever felt and still couldn't figure out what the hell happened. That short video was the first from a long series of videos on NPD that I've seen. Now I know that my ex was a covert narcissist and although I'm still trauma bonded and still rewriting my story, it makes me feel so much better to know the truth. I was trying to please the unpleseable. I never had a chance. It was not my fault.
Thank you, Ben!
I am glad to hear that and healing!
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
It was all false they were wearing a mask.
You were married to yourself they were never in the marriage with you.
They never loved or cared about you.
It was all fake.
Shame on them .
smh. can't think of ANYTHING to write but what i've written!
.."please the unpleaseable". Exhausting
Yup. For me, I realized that I clung to the narcissist only because unconsciously I viewed them as an image of my tortured childhood self. As soon as I addressed those childhood traumas in ways that didn't involve the narc, the bond was broken.
Are you serious? I ❤️ this!
Can u go into more detail about what & how u did it?
It's somewhat personal, but I'll clarify a little with this:
I viewed this person (unconsciously) as a reflection of my younger self. The narc isn't a child, but I knew them to have suffered similar abuse as me and saw helping them as a way to overcome my own trauma indirectly.
Once I figured out how to address my own trauma directly (through therapy, self-reflection, and other methods), I no longer had any use for the narc.
The question remains unanswered whether I ever helped the narc at all, and even if I had, whether doing so would have helped me as I once believed it would. Fortunately for me, the question is also now irrelevant.
Once I viewed my husband as abusive I just could not love him the same. Everyone is different though.
I am still healing, but i def feel this. We had similar childhood wounds and i stayed for a long time thinking that i was preventing The pain i got in my childhood. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
Yes I am missing the ex narc. When I was happy he really made me happy. But he was constantly putting me down. It was subtle but it always stuck with me . Like calling me country? Never been called that in my life . Then attacking my vocabulary constantly. Even though I have 3 degrees and he barely finished high school. He wasn’t a dumb person but definitely no scholar. I found myself repeating what he would say. He would do this in every conversation or constantly bring up other women . I can’t understand how I even miss him?
Wow I so hear and feel you on this.
I’ve been in some bad relationships over the years but no one ever EVER spoke to me the way he did with the name calling etc.
I was being called a rancid country often….yet I’ve given that man every single piece of my heart and soul.
I miss him so much too but it’s channel’s like this that have really awoken me to narcissists.
Had I not been educated enough to realise he’s highly narcissistic; I probably wouldn’t be here leaving this comment now and leaving my 14yo daughter without a mum.
These educational videos have literally saved my life.
Stay Strong.
In a community such as this we can help get each other through this ❤️🩹
Their projection is truly terrible
Wow I identify with this...why do I even miss him? Why do I miss that in my life?
Mine was beautiful, and I was so in love with her, so I thought. She did all the classic red flags of the NPD from walking in front of me to me 'buying the wrong flowers', it just never ended, and I never did things right. I walked, she's still in my head. I want her out of my mental CPU of my life. I never want to talk to her ever again. I'm so relieved there's no gaslighting going on in my through process anymore.
It is hard to do but order to stop the trouble bound is take control of your life and move on. Be in control. Do not be afraid of them because they are afraid of you. Get your life back doing that is how you can break free
Yep, hold over me emotionally and mentally even though we've not spoken in 21 months.
What I discovered through the divorce was shocking and painful. I have 35 years to reflect on. My rumination is my confirmation of who I was married to. Educating yourself and accepting the reality is the key. Trying hard not to feel sorry for him, he's the one who's lost confused sad and empty.
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
I date say that at times we all wish we didn't care about someone, but that's easier said than done. We can still be a caring person but with confident boundaries. 🍒
It does help to not go to places where the narc took you or you had a "special" moment with them there, so yes from expierence it does help, otherwise I would agree. Learning about narcissm can help prevent so people are more aware. One thing that helped me was when I thought about her, I would just remember the negative things and nothing else...
I moved 897 miles away.
Ben has helped me beyond measure. I’m not crazy even though this was platonic. He is a covert and I discovered this when initially looking up I go on the significance of someone’s silence. It was a great friendship with lots in common, truly no mirroring. But one day it was as if he put me in a room, turned off the lights, and closed the door. After 4 weeks of no kissy face heart emojis in his texts, I called it. He yelled at me. So thank you Ben for clarifying that the mask is the facade and the person behind the mask is the true version. One version. Then all of the many videos you Pistis have pulled me out of rumination, sort of. This video now is me, but without the full-on pain when seeing him. He’s a skunk and I know it but I want to reach the point when running into him has no effect whatsoever. I suppose it’s the realization that someone could be so darn good st deceit. Kind of scary to see it for real.
I apologize for typos. …all of the videos you posted…
This is so true. Stand strong and tall in reality and truth. You will beat them every time. Because they don’t live in reality and truth. 😇
Imagine what they did to you. Imagine that you do exactly the same thing to someone. Imagine how horrible person you wound need to be to do this. This helped me.
Had a work friend who I was really close to suddenly discard me because I started seeing the manipulation and started losing myself. Once I stopped letting him control me as a friend, he decided to try and destroy me as an enemy.
I just don't want to feel nothing really nothing zero
Feeling nothing at all isn't all its cracked up to be. Not gonna give you some inspirational trite quotes or anything. Just going to state every day away from an unmanaged narc is a step towards clarity. Clarity is useful. Find it however long it takes, whatever you gotta do.
All the best.
@@hannahneville4573 after 16 years that is what i wanted 🥲
That will never happen. I do not have it in me to not care about people. I have empathy for people whom I have never met. I pray for total strangers and people I barely know. In fact I will mourn the loss as a loved one who has died. I had three children with him and he was the only man I have ever been with. I had no desire to be with someone else and never imagined I would be getting divorced. I know that he is toxic and his family is as well, but I don't have it in my heart to forget them. I am a firm believer in a God who heals all wounds and can save souls. Only God can do it! I can't fix any of them, but that doesn't impact my love and compassion for them.
Let go and let God 💗
My narcissist made crazy mountains out of molehills about mistakes l made, and insisted we discuss his version of how " aweful " l was over and over 💔
. I mistakenly kept trying to explain " my truth "truth"apologize, beg for us to move forward over and over to l was emotionally exhausted 💔
Not that I'm out of our two year relationship for six months l see his sick game of exhausting me traumatizing me over and over while l played right into his hand instead of walking and setting stronger boundaries.
If he didn't see my value or understand my truth, l should have just walked away right away instead of years of drama 😢
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Write out every negative thing that they did. You should have a book depending the length of relationship. This is for all relationships. GO READ THE BOOK WHEN YOU BUMP YOUR HEAD. Also. address your childhood root system 😂
I’ve managed to maintain physical distance for two rounds now of his hovering attempts. Both times he has said some extremely hurtful things about me-I’m old, good luck finding a simp to take care of an old single mom of twins, I was a waste of his time…and I’m carrying his babies. The pathetic part is I do care about his growth and hope the best for him and still want him near.
You are spot on with the rumination. I keep questioning how you changed? Most therapists say that it’s impossible for narcissists to change, so don’t bother. Are you a true narcissist? I really enjoy hearing the narcissist’s side and how they view us.
I truly appreciate the way you delineate the specific ways narcissistic abuse affects the person on the receiving end and how both the giver and receiver of that narcissistic behavior are thinking in order for that type of abuse dynamic to be occurring between them . The way you express it is highly aligned with my personal experience as one who has been involved with narcissists both in a familial situation but also in my romantic life as well . Thank you for what you do🙌🏻
We're here to support you on your healing journey. Take the first step by joining our free masterclass, where you'll learn how to break free from toxic relationships and much more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
How do you live with a narcissist? Many of us can’t just leave, as there are steps…it takes money to start over. Therefore, during a the process, the toxicity can paralyze a person at times.
This is an excellent and essential video.
Wish I had seen this last summer.
Once you know these creeps inflicted all of this, including the trauma bond, on purpose, it keeps you from accepting a hoover. For those who don’t know, hoovers are meant to suck you back in so they can hurt and discard you like never before. It never gets better with the narc, it only gets worse. Wishing you every happiness and optimum healing on this new chapter of your life. 💜☀️
Im happy to hear that you're finding our content valuable! I'd like to extend an invitation for you to join our free masterclass. In it, we'll explore methods for breaking free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
Feeling is the secret. You have to learn how to "feel" the feelings you would have if you were to be free of a narc. It's not just "thinking". "Feel" freedom from the narc abuse in your guts. Then you can start to facilitate change.
A little bit more emphasis on the female narcissist would be very helpful. Thank you for your unique insights.
You need more likes on your vids!!! You have great content and i watch a lot of NPD stuff!
Do you ever completely forget about your x narc?! Thats what I’m waiting on
Only if you seriously lost your memory.
Thats where im at
Great episode. So important to survivors!
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
I literally have been living with one for three years and it’s been the last eight months of hell knowing he was cheating. I caught him texting on instant messenger. It has taken me months to get my house back in order and to get out of here.
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
Shouldn't this be discussed by someone who has done this? You are a narcissist, so you really can't understand this process internally. Logically, sure, you can piece that together. But you will never be able to understand this perspective.
I am sure you have gotten input and feedback by people who have gone through this, but maybe you should put one of them on the camera.
Regardless, I am glad you are putting this out there because you may help some people as they work through this.
It's not about their looks as I see often on yt it's about their actions. Are they there for you after surgery. If not then you shouldn't be there for them.
THIS IS...PITIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i AVOIDED all substance, food, sex...ETC addictions, ONLY to almost end up addicted to someone with this mental disability!!!!!!!
and when i read others' stories...i'm...just...in disbelief..AND GRATITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!that i...was saved from THISSSSSS!!!!!!!!within 2 weeks!!!!! i STILL believe it was my EMPATHY that saved me! i just CANNOT be around folk whose energy...DISTURB MY SPIRIT!!!!!! for long periods of time. i stuck around with him for almost 2 weeks BECAUSE I EMPATHIZED WITH HIS CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, but at the same time...his narcissistic/toxic energy was had literally DRAINED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HAD TO GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Read your comment and relate to it 100%.
We want what we experienced as the good times back soo badly. Trying to find a way. Iys hearbreacking, shocking and so disturbing. Probably because i felt this so many times in my life and as a wee one. Feeling the pain of all that.
It's tough to let go of the good memories while dealing with the hurt. If you’re looking for support and guidance, consider joining our free masterclass www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Knowledge about the behavior of the narcissist is a must before you attempt to break the trauma bond. If you can go no contact, that’s the best way to get some perspective. Not being able to go no contact will prolong the exit. Sometimes it takes years to finally break free. You will eventually not care about this person even if they come into your thoughts.
I'm up to almost five months of no contact now and this is the longest I have gone in no contact with my Narcissist. I think about him less and less each day and I don't care as much what he's up to anymore. I will admit I did call his main supply a couple of days and I told her Congrats! Just like she did to me! I know a lot of people won't agree with me on that. It felt good to get sometimes off my chest to her. I told her that I didn't deserve what they both did to me at all. I hope Karma is in my favor and you both get what you deserve. I always believe what you put out there, always comes back times ten on you. I do want to try that class you're talking about.
Thank you, Ben! ❤
Review the relationship so you learn, but don’t ruminate for them. It was a real hell hole. I believe you. Move forward. They are yucky!!
What if things are great when there is no conflict? He is such a good guy when I'm not questioning anything.
Before and after going into 6 months of zero contact to break away from a trauma bond I had to relearn everything about life again slowly and progressively I find my identity I also come to find that it is my soul that my best friend I loved her from the inside out
Wonderful video. Seriously real advice. Because nothing ever works until you break the trauma bond and get out of rumination. Right on!
IF I consciously still love the person who is destroying me who's having the trauma!!!!!
I care but don’t need him
I always think of not meeting someone who will ever sympathize with me the way he did whenever I come up with family problems
I can go with this with regard to my narc ex, i cannot get there with my narc mother. NC has freed me.
Good Job
This is an excellent video and help to me. This is another critical piece of the puzzle I need. I’m listening to your every word. Thank you so much
You couldn't of said it any better, im Stuck in the Fear the Obligation and the Guilt. Im married 39yrs ( well it will be 39yrs in 11days) I so need help getting out now.
oh, p.s. "how not to care about the narcissist?"
CARE MORE/ONLY ABOUT ME!!!!!
All that and more.
Can someone help me
I watched my partner slowly pull away in the end i just went quiet , asked him too leave even though i wanted him to say he wanted me,but he said he did not love me and i lie and make stories up,i saw naked pucs on his phone but he tells me i made it up but i cant unsee it and i shout even though its reactive abuse of being ignored or sex with held , why do they do this
Reach out for help. www.rawmotivations.com
I'm 2 months no contact but I can't stop thinking about him and he lives round the corner from me so I'm not going out I'm to nervous to bump in to him
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
This is so validating on so many levels. Thank you! I look forward to checking out your 7 day challenge.
Why is it sooo hard to truly believe the reality of all this sometimes?
It’s incredibly challenging because our minds often cling to hope and the good moments, even when reality is painful. It’s a process to fully accept and believe the truth. For support and tools to navigate this, join our free masterclass www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Aren't we just kicking the can down the road for the next person that will feel like us eventually that deals with ur Narsassitic ex. Why do Narsassit get off free to keep doing what they do! It's like a spoiled kid that gets what they want all their life. Why should they b allowed to keep distorying people's lives. Sure I might heal but why do they keep getting away with it. I believe" they "need awake up call. I'm not walking away without some form of revenge!
I left for 3 years, and when I found out he was with another girl I totally freaked out and wanted him back?? Why????? Am I the narcissist?? I’m more stuck and sicker than ever after 27 years!
Thank you!
All of the above
Thank you
I’ve been out of a 6 months narc relationship for 3 months now, and I finally got my face back. Yes my face. I was so stressed out I didn’t even look like myself. I w been doing all my activities and studying narcissism and ending my codependency and I feel like I’m on solid ground now.!🔥🕺🪐🎯😊🤓🤹🏻♀️🎤
Chances are i will bump into him today.any tips? It will be in pub, ill be dancing
Focus on enjoying yourself and staying grounded. Maintain your confidence and remember why you moved forward. If you bump into him, keep interactions brief and polite. Protect your peace and prioritize your well-being. For more guidance, join our free masterclass www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Thank u. 🙏
The sad part is I won't miss him it's the shared pets we have I will have to leave behind several pets. Thats what I have a emotional attachment too.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I just wanted love never got it
I still struggle with this
It's because of the story that you tell yourself. I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
Try Sam Vaknin. He describes how the narc idealises you and you fall for your idealised self. It gets to your core childhood wounds. It’s addictive. You need to address core childhood wounds.
I’m not saying this guy isn’t right! He is. It’s just sometimes a real intellectual understanding of inner processes of the narc and yourself helps
😢😔😔
I want to see her and have no feelings and don’t care
Iam out of the trauma bond, i don't have any hopes on anything about him, but I am staying in the same house to take care of kids without having to go for divorce n custody battles. ( I cannot have my kids taken care by him alone and don't want a stranger lady be with them when it's his turn to have kids,i want to take care of them until atleast their high school age)
To stay sane living in the same house, i am on extreme grayrock mode, we don't talk,i just text couple words if there's something imp to take care like 'i am not avb to pick kids from school today' etc.He also seems to not care about anything about me.
But now i am trying to get him to share responsibilities like chores for the house, kids activities n pickups etc.
My question is that achievable while emotionally detached and gray rocking?
I am trying to push few chores onto him like picking up trash, dishwasher loading, while i cook, clean n do pickup drop off kids schools etc.
Responsibilities are another thing, he may or may not use those to control. Or get you to react or break you.
@@RawMotivationsthis happened, he did not respond to my only text ' i only do cooking, i dont do dishwasher anymore'.. the dishes were in sink for 4 days, i kept ordering food and not cooking, when kids asked me what's for dinner? I replied i will cook when the dishes are clean, kids used to go tell him few times 'can u do the dishes'.
Finally he did the dishes on a sunday morning after 4 days'.
I am hoping he will take that chore as his.. and do it without running through the same drama again... but all these 4 days i did not react, personally go ask him or demand him, or text him asking the same again, nothing...i was like budha... just doing my stuff.. without showing or worrying about the dishes....
before i knew he is narc, i used to go request him multiple times, take his angry responses, explain why i need help and be disappointed when he said he cannot, be very happy the few times he used to do dishes ..oh my God, ...it was pain to make him do a simple favor without a fit, while i do everything around as responsibility ...and out of caring for him n kids....
his emotional cheating with his high school gf (20 yrs back she was his ex and a recent school reunion they came in touch and even tho she's also married, they started secret chatting,calling, making plans to meet and he expressed in chats that he still loves her and wishes she was his wife and sent her pics, flowers, romantic chats...🤬😓) with a last yr was when i started looking into why why n his cold lies as responses , silent treatment, pushed me into looking for answers on meta ai what's app chat bot, which responded, silent treatments usually means narc characteristics, and then searching on what's narc in yt, and going thru so many videos from all the narc knowledge educators like you, i was so clear what i have been thru all these yrs.
What makes me even sad is... over years of harsh experiences from him and defending myself ..i figured many hacks like gray rocking by myself even tho i never knew there is such thing....i am happy atleast i followed my gut feeling ... but the cheating was the solid one last yr....i hit the rock bottom..i became insecure.. his manipulations and lies n gaslight made me say sorry to him( i was so devastated , feared he would leave me..).... and only now bcause of all the knowledge from yt, iam very clear now, i now know what he did to my thinking, have all answers to all my qsns from so many years... and i have more self esteem and positive outlook on my self. I am whole heartedly thankful of you and few other ytubers that i follow. 🙏...i may and will walk away from this relationship, but never fall for his tricks again...i can see thru him on his every talk n actions... but will keep that insight only to myself to navigate for as long as i can. That's my only plan for now.
What do you think of my plan?Will it work? Any suggestions?
@@RawMotivations i will try my best to not fall for that control or react. Even if he comes to me n rages on me...i know i will just not give attention or reaction. I will just reiterate... what i can do and cannot do like a robo.
I wonder why he's not coming to me with fights anymore. Does he know that i am understanding his thought process and not falling for them?
Or does he think that let this phase continue so that she doesn't question anymore of my future plans to cheat ?
Or is he planning some other ways to control...
So sad..i have to keep on this defenses active...i wish i had the comfort of a supportive, honest and trustworthy spouse where i could focus on happiness and growth instead of threat at home like now. 😑. Mine was arranged marraige, and already lived thru this relati I n for 20yrs and i don't have hopes or interest to plan for a future new relationship even if i end this one. This is called karma.☹️
Can any narcissist become self-aware?
My ex told me no man would ever want me because my cutlery didn't match and my plates were chipped!!!
Well that’s me stuffed then!
😂😂
❤️🩹
Oh god, get to the point, I’m going over to Yaz!!!!… you’re babbling on and I havn’t a clue what you’re going on about.