👌More videos can be found on this topic at th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswjN2zcpIhN-HNNlLBlPlYoE.html&si=WqecsyRyerwnWfwb ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
My boundaries have been violated so often that I tend to stay away from most people.But am now ,after your video,going to find out why I allow that!Thanks so much ❤️
Wanna pass along half of a quote,came across on Utube also,use as an interpretation of others responses after told of invasion of boundaries 🤔 think as ..its A your problem and not A my problem ..so justly fair to either side w offense to neither.🫂⚡😇
Thank you, my parents constantly invaded my boundaries and never taught me about them or about how to enforce them and now at 20 I’m finally learning about boundaries
So glad you are able to get help in this area in your 20s!! She has amazing insightful advice I wished I would have had earlier in life. I’m 59 and am so happy to have found her!! Life changing!! Thank you so much Dr. Snipes. 🙏❤️
I need to sit down and take time to reflect on this. Thank you a thousand times for your dedication and expertise. Your analysis is so deep. Be blessed!
You are such a gift. Your talent, your compassion and empathy, your dedication and enthusiasm, your encouragement are so deeply appreciated. Thank you for breaking down complex emotional and psychological problems into manageable concepts and offering tools to achieve tangible goals. I am endlessly grateful that 9 months ago I came across your channel. Your "Healing the Inner Child" video re-aligned my life. I finally understood the root cause of so many behaviors, assumptions, and thought patterns. My condolences on the loss of your dog.
@@DocSnipes Direct communication, though I'm a strong believer in actions speak louder than words. Establish those required boundaries & if they're rejected or ignored I'd maintain distance from anyone that chooses not respect them. 😉
Thank you for this teaching. You speak on the subjects at just the right time for me to receive and process as I am able to contain. You are a God send and I love you my sister in Christ.
How come I never learned this in counseling school? This is a lot about rights and ethics for me These are the things you teach clients. I did not know I had a right to boundaries growing up due to responsibilities heaped on me and it caused me a lot of my trauma. I had no one to model boundaries, like another woman.... but I feel you do that now as I watch you teach this. Comfort and my needs were NEVER considered and or even allowed. You share with me a whole new world of what I call my rights. When other people feel they have a right on you, they do not allow boundaries of respect for my self and my own aims. My own aims were a sin anyway. As you can guess, I went into exhaustion and a trauma response and withdrew deeply into my self.
Great teaching. It takes me about 2 hours to get thru this when taking notes. Some thought: Nostalgia was a boundary I had to set & maintain. As my kids got older, I realized the sadness that came in and had to focus on today/now. Also, financial boundaries were a big one with my wife. Going thru the steps of Identifying, safety, rejection, abandonment issues helped bring clarity. Thx again.
Firstly you must build up your personal selfesteem and understand the importance of saying "NO!" it's okay to say no to anything that you don't approve of. Saying no is your right and your obligation too! You're your own personal captain of your ship! People will respect you more for setting boundaries; I guarantee you! You'll begin to attract others who also live by the code of boundary standards; thus making your circle of friends and associates smaller and more secure. I hope this helps! Cheers from Memphis!🎈
Healing core wounds is huge, through reprogramming the subconscious and reparenting. Would you feel guilty telling someone to not touch a small child, or yell at them? Treat yourself as you would that small child. You have to show up and advocate for you, because no one else will. We have our own backs and in that way we no longer self betray...guilt no longer is what we are bound by. We are instead standing up for our right to be safe, heard, and ok. I hope you can develop this and understand that boundary setting is about having your own back. May you have peace.
Certain personality disorders think people know their needs w/o being stated. That insight and inner voice is so important to have when working in the psychiatric field. Rigidity is often seen in personality disorders confusion of internal and external stimuli.
Thank you, Dr. Snipes! I've listened to your videos for over a year now and the content you provide and the energy you share with us has been life changing for me.
Thank you so much for this video! I just lost 20lbs of pressure off my chest and can explain myself better 😊 This should be mandatory learning in grade school. You're an amazing teacher Doc💜
I used to TOLERATE disrespect and be hopeful that the other person would KNOW they crossed a boundary and apologize or correct themselves… because I often had more respect for other people than myself. I hated confrontation and it was awkward to actually be respected… 😮💨 that was exhausting. But now I am strengthening my boundaries and being more assertive when I communicate 😊
I'm sorry. Maybe I have done that before to someone else. I didn't know what I was doing. I just thought I was complimenting someone. Guess I should just shut my mouth.
Thank you for watching and for sharing. How will you start setting healthy boundaries? Here are more videos on boundaries: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
"Cognitive boundary : awareness of what are our own thoughts and feelings and what are another' s? If you allow yourself to be easily influenced by another's ideas they are too weak. If you always do what is on your mind, and never let yourself be persuaded, the boundaries are too weak. Start paying more attention to your own thoughts, motivations and perceptions, to your inner dialogue. And the thoughts, perceptions and motivations of others, what makes them tick. Its important to recognize who is safe to share things with. Self- awareness of your thoughts, wants and needs is important, and of your motivation for letting them in or keeping them out. Self- esteem is important bcz ppl wont be happy when you maintain boundaries. Self- assertiveness skills, negotiation skills. Maintaining healthy boundaries is not always pleasant but maintaining them.improves our relationship with the world. "
Boundaries have been broken in the name of love and wanting to please people and create peace. I did not have assertiveness or the skills. I tend to go into extreme. It's a long road to reverse, but I am working on it.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips from the video will you use first to start setting and maintaining healthy boundaries?
@@DocSnipes I learned so many things! To touch on a few: physical boundaries, personal boundaries, environmental boundaries. Weak bondaries lead to broken boundaries---be direct, be honest and be kindly assertive.
OK thanks I needed to learn about boundaries very important and informative, how to set them and how to use them, great teaching appreciate you, we don't get taught hese skills
I have a friend who is a social worker who I feel is always trying to cross my boundaries and overstep the mark. I think she gets used to being the one with all the control in her working life and assumes that can continue outside of work. I find it less & less enjoyable being around her as I feel as though I need to keep my guard up all the time ready to defend myself.
I lack assertiveness. For most of my life I lacked boundaries too. I am still learning how to maintain the boundaries, and I fail sometimes. I feel angry with myself and with those who violate my boundaries, and with myself for not having strong enough boundaries. I feel better isolating from people, because I don't need to worry about it. Does it ever get better? Great info. On the other hand, my female neighbor sees another lady for a first time in her life and says "You can always come to visit"🤯
Thank you for sharing your wisdom about boundaries which really helps me. I'm sorry to hear about your arthritis. Just in case it might help, I'd like to mention that I had arthritis that was said to be incurable, and it's now just about all better due to a homeopathic lotion called Topricin and combined with prayers for healing, twice daily for about 2/12 months.
@@joincoffee9383 ummm, Doc Snipes prays...so I'm pretty sure she won't feel as you do. A suggestion isn't boundary crossing, most of the time. Now...if someone states "please don't give me suggestions and don't suggest prayer"...and a person does anyways, that's boundary crossing. Your projection is concerning...as well as your understanding of what boundaries are or aren't. Hope you can heal
@@joincoffee9383 to label me with something, when I didn't say anything passive aggressive... is your own core wounds creating an interpretation. I've worked with thousands of patients, in critical care, and have been studying neuroscience as of late. I see what's going on here. Please address your core wounds, your own trauma, issues, and so on. Emotional intelligence, introspection and metacognition are your friends. Get acquainted with them. Additionally, when you feel like blaming, labeling, others...it's usually more likely a projection of your own unaddressed stuff, that you're trying to place outward. Sit with your own issues. Deal with you.
Thank you for sharing this! Transitioning from rigid boundaries to people-pleasing can feel like a pendulum swing, and it’s actually quite common. Often, when we’ve had strict boundaries to protect ourselves, loosening them can feel vulnerable, and it’s easy to slip into people-pleasing as a way to maintain connection. But the fact that you’re finding your way now shows tremendous growth and self-awareness. As you explore this middle ground, remember that setting healthy boundaries is a process of trial and error-it’s okay to adjust as you go. Reflecting on what truly feels comfortable and aligned with your values can help guide you. Are there specific areas where boundaries feel harder to set or maintain?
My eyes have been opened, sorry to say after 50+ years of marriage. Like he tells me, I’m so stupid and ignorant, for about a month now been ignoring him, staying in bedroom, not cooking etc. just today he says “WE”NEED TO TALK🤣🤪 No you’ll talk and I’ll listen and do what you say or else!!!! Thinking or else would make me happy… I feel for the ones that have no means to take care of themselves and their kids, breaks my heart that kids have to live in that environment and probably turn out the same!!!! God bless you All that are hurting🙏💪❤️
I think we also have to have boundaries 'with ourself'. To be disciplined with what we will not allow ourselves to do. Not easy, but its part of having a healthy relationship with ourselves :-)
😎Great video as ❤😋😍usual thanks for not dugging a hole and hidding your talents in the dirt but mastering them... Your skill set s are helping me to reflect grow heal repeat... 🐢🐘, thanks again...😎
I’m looking for what to say to create boundaries, it’s easy to learn the symptoms of poor boundaries , overloaded with negativity about poor boundaries. Any positive empowering info on setting boundaries?
Hmm... I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comments on your other video and I respect your opinion. Perhaps you could help me with my boundaries and I could help you with your germ phobias. Part of my problem is/was dismissing people with their own flaws and idiosyncrasies as people who I couldn't accept help or advice from... like a stubborn spoiled tyrant. Codependency and addictions were "safer" than abandonment and criticism. Ouch.
Sorry for being sooo excited, Doc. Snipes, but I did not know, on an ethical level, that is was okay to set boundaries when people were deeply offended or angry about them. I think that my child in me thinks that is a sin. It is so freeing it when you say they are not. I feel ashamed for not having boundaries now and being a doormat. But with boundaries I am saying that is NOT who I am. I am not a doormat. I am so much better and more valuable than that. These are the first time I am being assertive in my mind about this. Someone is stalking me (a neighbor) and I feel he is telling me I am a doormat because of my long-ago religious beliefs and I owe him something.... ???? I will be getting a restraining order to express that I will not carry this shame of being a doormat, as an empath and a lover of helping and loving others, that makes me need to have to meet their needs very inappropriately. It is like he is trying to force me.
Hi Doc, could you help me make a difficult decision. I've always had weak boundaries as I'm afraid of rejection and not being liked. Needless to say I grew up in a very dysfunctional, violent and unsafe environment. I wrote and read a letter very calmly and sensitively to my oldeest brother 17 years ago about the pain he had caused me throughout my life, he used to belittle me, wind me up and put me down. A lot of his behaviour is ego based where he has to be right and will never admit he is wrong. Needless to say, he got angry when I read him the letter I wrote and he disagreed with everything that I said. I reluctantly continued a distant relationship with him but held a lot of resentment towards him. Over the last year and a half we have become closer because he supported me during 2 court cases I went through. I didn't ask him to help me but he did and I was very wary of him helping me because he is the type of person who would remind me in years to come that he helped me. Anyway, because of this we talk on the phone about once a week or go out for a walk but I always feel a know in my stomach when I am around him because of all the pain he has caused me that he has not admitted to or apologised for. I know the best predicted of future behaviour is past behaviour but 17 years is a long time. I feel that I must address this unresolved situation because I still feel angry about it. Do you think I should be assertive and put boundaries in place with him and address the pain he caused me in the past or would he just react the same way he did 17 years ago? This is very scary for me because I've always had weak boundaries and I hate confrontation and upset and I don't know if I am strong enough to deal with the outcome of this situation. Kind regards, Ryan.
I share similar situation. From my experience, the sibling never accepted the wrongs! It was pointless for me to continue with the conversation. I would say evaluate the pros and cons before addressing the issue, for it might not be resolved(I'm no expert, speaking from experience) best of luck.
Hi Ryan, nor am I an expert in this field, although a couple of things that I have learned along my journey of healing from my past. 1)Healing 1st starts with You and Your needs, no one will meet Your needs better then you. Give yourself some TLC. ❤2) You will NOT always get the closure that You want nor to have the brotherhood that your heart desires. Embrace what you have with him and as you learn to be your own best friend, you will be able to give that type of friendship to him. 3) Forgive, forgiveness starts with You 1st and people next. this may be a daily chore and how likes to do chores, lol but is needed 😉 4) be easy on yourself, show up for Your life and prove to yourself 1st that you can hold to your own boundaries of taking care of yourself which in turn builds your self esteem and self confidence. I hope something in this paragraph helps with your journey. 🌼
Let it go. The PAST IS GONE. GO SOMEWHERE BY YOURSELF in a big open field where NO ONE Can hear U. Yell & holler OUT LOUD YOUR ANGER ALL YOUR RAGE YOUR BURDENSOME FEELINGS. GET THEM FEELINGS OFF YOUR CHEST OR OFF YOUR BACK, GET that CHIP OFF YOUR SHOULDER. SET your mind FREE. OK? ) CHOOSE TO LIVE IN THE NOW. & Think & talk about the future with a CALM MIND & HEART. BE WELL!
Due to time constraints, I am just not able to answer all questions here. I have options at DocSnipes.com to schedule a cognitive behavioral education appointment, or submit a contact form for a detailed response. Thanks for understanding. I appreciate all my viewers and the interaction! 😀
all the pain he has caused me that he has not admitted to or apologised for sounds like you want to control him. You are certainly taking the attitude of the victim. Have you considered dropping your anger? full stop.
I understand if this isn't your area of expertise, but do you have any resources or suggestions on how people with Autism Spectrum Disorder can set the boundaries that suit their needs, and communicate those boundaries effectively to neurotypical friends and family?
I forgot how to be assertiveness and happy! Last night a strange lady pointed her finger as she talked at me!!! I forgot to excuse myself and walk over to the bath room.
I understand empathy better now does not have to involve absorbing their feelings as if they are your own directive to act and rescue. I don't have to act on others feelings but they are still making me responsible for them and I feel guilty for not responding to them in a way that "helps" them. You are also telling me I don't have to be ashamed of who I am. I am not a people pleaser and I don't want to be ashamed of that I am not that giving and instead I can have boundaries that makes me proud of having enough sense of self that I don't have to "fill in" with people-pleasing duties to have any value to the people close to me. I have had rigid boundaries so I did not have to let in more shame for who I am and what I did not do right for someone else in forced roles. So now maybe I can be flexible. I guess I am finding out that I have good stuff to share and it ain't for free anymore.
I have found Isolation the absolute best way to express boundaries. Next is Solitude and Celibate. I don't care what anyone needs or wants because nobody has cared what i needed or wanted. I will not invest anything in any American Women again because I will not repeat lessons i have learned. Also as a man that lives in poverty this is the only way for me to achieve financially independence. When i achieve success. I will live the last half of my life Solo without anyone else in my physical reality. Using the Internet deliveries to implement Self Isolation.
I have a problem with neighbor there child kept coming over and he is a strange kid not one with autism that doesn't Bother me I have an autistic son myself but he is grown now. This kid is not autistic he is weird and entitled! honestly I see him as a future criminal type sadly. His parents don't pay attention to him he terrorizes the neighborhood while they stay at home drinking he lets peoples dogs out of their yard and he opened every door we had looked in our shed and storage room played with our pool cleaning tools (which are expensive) we bought fixer upper so my husband hard power tools out back . This kid kept coming on our property nosing around we kept asking his parents to keep him off our property, but his Father who was an ex cop thrown off 2 different departments the force for harassing woman and excessive force. He started telling me you just don't like kids everyone else is fine with him (I hav e7 kids and an education degree) Then he demanded I give him are video footage and claimed to be a cop. Since he was a cop these cops don't care and don't. help us even though my husband is military intel. I have no respect for this chipmunk police around here after all this. His wife is an divorce attorney ( I have no idea why she hasn't left him she totally win in court obviously he tried to cheat on her) Anyhow this people were told from day one my husband and I both have PTSD. Im so enraged by how ignore society is how they blow off a mental health issue and boundaries clearly drawn I feel so violated and now the neighbors all think I'm being a b" We are NOT people people! like you said about the delivery man if Im not getting a package I don't wanna see you !!!! Even if its a intrusive entitled nosey kid with crappy parents HELP WHAT THE HELL DO I DO ? fed up and so violated
You can work with a local, professional counselor to deal with your own emotions around the problems. As far as the neighborhood issues, they are hard to deal with. I have lived through my own in the past.
Rights to SPEAK UP! WE MUST BE HOSPITALBLE, PEACE & UNIFIED & HARMONY GOOD NEIGHBORS. BE WELCOMING CORDIAL AND COURTEOUS TO ALL Neighbors. Always be COURAGEOUS. NO right to ignore others. Be a good person. Jesus was approachable. Imitate JESUS' CHRIST.
I've noticed that having weak boundaries leads to vicarious victimization... especially if you're considering the political environment. If I control what you are thinking about I can control how you behave and make choices...
Some persons grew UP IN THE 1960 s, 1970s.chilhood be seen & NOT HEARD. DO NOT SPEAK UP. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. DO NOT LET ANYONE KNOW WHAT WE WERE THINKING, FEELINGS did not matter. Discomfort or Comfort??? Always Uncertain of WHO was going to make demands U better obey demands. Uncomfortable CHILDHOOD Home life. Unsafe. 2015 Apartment Lifestyle is UNSAFE. Very forward residents. They think the whole building is there home.NOT COMFORTABLE. UNSAFE. FEEL NOT RESPECTED. ENERGY DRAIN.
How about when a person doesn’t understand that there’s a cognitive problem like a traumatic brain entry and that treated like they’re drunk because they have ataxia ,,, Another word for people go with the right Treatment - when you get boxed into psychiatry when it’s really function cognitive
UNEDUCATED COGNITIVE Function of Frontal CORTEX Functions for REASONING FIGURE OUT ABILITIES & LEARNED SKILLS. ADULT PARENTS & ADULT TEACHERS MENTORS are supposed to Set PROPER CIVILIZED BEHAVIORS CONDUCT THINKING EXAMPLES for for for the younger person, & people. Good standards. Upright Thinking SKILLS. Promote Decent CLEAN MINDED THINKING: SELF- RESPECT, SELF- PROTECTIVE REGARDS, VALUES, EVERY HUMAN LIFE MATTERS. Everyone must LEARN TO GROW MATURE into INTELLIGENT SKILLED WELLNESS. BALANCED. Etc.! PLAY FAIR. THINK PEACEFUL OUTCOMES. MODERATE Competition with yourself is good 👍. Healthy. Do not Compete with your neighbors or with your GOD. BE THANKFUL. GRATEFUL.etc. "Have a wonderful day"!
It’s never to late ⏰, setting boundaries with people is just like setting boundaries with a dog . You choose what is acceptable ,embrace it, praise it and share the positive energy together and correct what is not , communicating that it is no no and communicating what behaviour you would like.
You can always learn new skills. It may be hard though. It takes time and practice. Maybe work with a local professional counselor? Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
@@Watcherwash85 I have failed many times but if you try hard enough and not give up eventually you win. Be flexible try new approaches … dedicate time to yourself to heal mentally and physically… (ex yoga healthy diet and a few close friends helped me a lot). Appreciate yourself and your offer to other people through your hard work. I think I can relate to your situation… never give up even if you feel that no one really understands you… there is always someone near… who does. 😉
Thank you, Doc Snipes, for a comprehensive video on "How to Set and Maintain Healthy Personal Boundaries." I appreciated your clarity in presenting such an enormous topic. Sincerely and thankfully yours, Esther Lue
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on boundaries you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
👌More videos can be found on this topic at
th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswjN2zcpIhN-HNNlLBlPlYoE.html&si=WqecsyRyerwnWfwb
❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com
👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
My boundaries have been violated so often that I tend to stay away from most people.But am now ,after your video,going to find out why I allow that!Thanks so much ❤️
You are so welcome
Wanna pass along half of a quote,came across on Utube also,use as an interpretation of others responses after told of invasion of boundaries 🤔 think as ..its A your problem and not A my problem ..so justly fair to either side w offense to neither.🫂⚡😇
Sorry to hear that Chrissy. Would love to hear more from you about that. Take care
Thank you, my parents constantly invaded my boundaries and never taught me about them or about how to enforce them and now at 20 I’m finally learning about boundaries
Hope my video helps. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
So glad you are able to get help in this area in your 20s!!
She has amazing insightful advice I wished I would have had earlier in life. I’m 59 and am so happy to have found her!! Life changing!! Thank you so much Dr. Snipes. 🙏❤️
That's amazing! I'm 44 and just learning 🤷🏻♀️
You're still young and can learn and have good healthy relationships. Work on yourself and you'll be fine.
I need to sit down and take time to reflect on this. Thank you a thousand times for your dedication and expertise. Your analysis is so deep. Be blessed!
Thanks for watching!
You are such a gift. Your talent, your compassion and empathy, your dedication and enthusiasm, your encouragement are so deeply appreciated. Thank you for breaking down complex emotional and psychological problems into manageable concepts and offering tools to achieve tangible goals. I am endlessly grateful that 9 months ago I came across your channel. Your "Healing the Inner Child" video re-aligned my life. I finally understood the root cause of so many behaviors, assumptions, and thought patterns.
My condolences on the loss of your dog.
Thanks so much...I still miss Duke. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Listening to you break it down like this. I can definitely see where my strengths & weaknesses are concerning other's & mine own boundaries.
Thanks for watching. How will you start setting and maintaining personal boundaries?
@@DocSnipes Direct communication, though I'm a strong believer in actions speak louder than words. Establish those required boundaries & if they're rejected or ignored I'd maintain distance from anyone that chooses not respect them. 😉
Thank you for this teaching. You speak on the subjects at just the right time for me to receive and process as I am able to contain. You are a God send and I love you my sister in Christ.
Thanks. Bless you. I have a bible TH-cam channel also. "Good Orderly Direction"
Since I moved to the US I'm learning to deal with my boundaries in a different way. Culture also affects them. Relearning to protect my energy.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Dear P S. Yeah so aptly put.Culture does affect boundaries as e.g. Boundary Invasion to nether- ethereal sacs of oxygen sucking human lungs.🤔🥴🐸🐸
How come I never learned this in counseling school? This is a lot about rights and ethics for me These are the things you teach clients. I did not know I had a right to boundaries growing up due to responsibilities heaped on me and it caused me a lot of my trauma. I had no one to model boundaries, like another woman.... but I feel you do that now as I watch you teach this. Comfort and my needs were NEVER considered and or even allowed. You share with me a whole new world of what I call my rights. When other people feel they have a right on you, they do not allow boundaries of respect for my self and my own aims. My own aims were a sin anyway. As you can guess, I went into exhaustion and a trauma response and withdrew deeply into my self.
I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video and supporting the channel
Great teaching. It takes me about 2 hours to get thru this when taking notes. Some thought: Nostalgia was a boundary I had to set & maintain. As my kids got older, I realized the sadness that came in and had to focus on today/now. Also, financial boundaries were a big one with my wife. Going thru the steps of Identifying, safety, rejection, abandonment issues helped bring clarity. Thx again.
Thank you dr. For this video. I feel I need to know more of how to put boundaries without feeling guilty.
You're so welcome!
Firstly you must build up your personal selfesteem and understand the importance of saying "NO!" it's okay to say no to anything that you don't approve of. Saying no is your right and your obligation too! You're your own personal captain of your ship! People will respect you more for setting boundaries; I guarantee you! You'll begin to attract others who also live by the code of boundary standards; thus making your circle of friends and associates smaller and more secure. I hope this helps! Cheers from Memphis!🎈
Healing core wounds is huge, through reprogramming the subconscious and reparenting.
Would you feel guilty telling someone to not touch a small child, or yell at them?
Treat yourself as you would that small child. You have to show up and advocate for you, because no one else will. We have our own backs and in that way we no longer self betray...guilt no longer is what we are bound by. We are instead standing up for our right to be safe, heard, and ok.
I hope you can develop this and understand that boundary setting is about having your own back. May you have peace.
Thanks doc.snipes,great tools for daily life...very helpful, thanks a lot,remain the blessing that you are.
Certain personality disorders think people know their needs w/o being stated. That insight and inner voice is so important to have when working in the psychiatric field. Rigidity is often seen in personality disorders confusion of internal and external stimuli.
Thank you, Dr. Snipes! I've listened to your videos for over a year now and the content you provide and the energy you share with us has been life changing for me.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching!
Thank you so much for this video! I just lost 20lbs of pressure off my chest and can explain myself better 😊 This should be mandatory learning in grade school. You're an amazing teacher Doc💜
I am glad to be of service. I have videos on assertiveness and listening without defensiveness
As always, a wonderful, helpful, and intelligent teaching. Thank you, Doc Snipes. 👍🏻
Welcome
...and finally dressed appropriately by not showing cleavage in a professional setting.
You make my heart so warm Doctor Snipes, I really love your content. I love how you model sanity to me.
I appreciate you watching
Thanks!
Thanks so much for the support!
I used to TOLERATE disrespect and be hopeful that the other person would KNOW they crossed a boundary and apologize or correct themselves… because I often had more respect for other people than myself. I hated confrontation and it was awkward to actually be respected… 😮💨 that was exhausting. But now I am strengthening my boundaries and being more assertive when I communicate 😊
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. How will you start setting and maintaining boundaries from now on to avoid that?
I'm sorry. Maybe I have done that before to someone else. I didn't know what I was doing. I just thought I was complimenting someone. Guess I should just shut my mouth.
I am 💯 in the camp of people "...whose love language is not, physical touch."😂
That's easily the most perfect description of that in all of eternity!👍
Thank you for watching and for sharing. How will you start setting healthy boundaries? Here are more videos on boundaries: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
My favorite subject ❤️ thank you I loved the video. You covered it allll.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
Absolutely love your videos.
As a mental health support worker in Australia- they are so helpful 👌👏👍🏾
Thanks so much! Greatly appreciated.
Thank you for this video. I have a person in mind as i listen to this. I feel like i understand her better. Thank you, dr.
Thanks for watching!
Thank you for your wonderful explanations, Dr 🥰
It gives clarity and new understandings.
I'll find and listen your videos from now on.
Thanks for watching!
Thankful for your content.
"Cognitive boundary : awareness of what are our own thoughts and feelings and what are another' s? If you allow yourself to be easily influenced by another's ideas they are too weak. If you always do what is on your mind, and never let yourself be persuaded, the boundaries are too weak. Start paying more attention to your own thoughts, motivations and perceptions, to your inner dialogue. And the thoughts, perceptions and motivations of others, what makes them tick. Its important to recognize who is safe to share things with. Self- awareness of your thoughts, wants and needs is important, and of your motivation for letting them in or keeping them out. Self- esteem is important bcz ppl wont be happy when you maintain boundaries. Self- assertiveness skills, negotiation skills. Maintaining healthy boundaries is not always pleasant but maintaining them.improves our relationship with the world. "
Thank you so much fir watching and for sharing. How will you maintain personal boundaries?
Boundaries have been broken in the name of love and wanting to please people and create peace. I did not have assertiveness or the skills. I tend to go into extreme. It's a long road to reverse, but I am working on it.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips from the video will you use first to start setting and maintaining healthy boundaries?
@@DocSnipes I learned so many things! To touch on a few: physical boundaries, personal boundaries, environmental boundaries. Weak bondaries lead to broken boundaries---be direct, be honest and be kindly assertive.
You are amazing. Enjoying your content so much.
I appreciate you watching.
OK thanks I needed to learn about boundaries very important and informative, how to set them and how to use them, great teaching appreciate you, we don't get taught hese skills
You are so welcome!
I have a friend who is a social worker who I feel is always trying to cross my boundaries and overstep the mark. I think she gets used to being the one with all the control in her working life and assumes that can continue outside of work. I find it less & less enjoyable being around her as I feel as though I need to keep my guard up all the time ready to defend myself.
:( Thanks for watching.
❤️🙏🏽❤️💕. Sorry for your loss of Duke.
Ty.
Brilliant!!!!!🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🌷
Thanks for watching.
What a golden vid🥰🥰🥰
TY!
I lack assertiveness. For most of my life I lacked boundaries too. I am still learning how to maintain the boundaries, and I fail sometimes. I feel angry with myself and with those who violate my boundaries, and with myself for not having strong enough boundaries. I feel better isolating from people, because I don't need to worry about it. Does it ever get better? Great info.
On the other hand, my female neighbor sees another lady for a first time in her life and says "You can always come to visit"🤯
I appreciate you watching.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom about boundaries which really helps me.
I'm sorry to hear about your arthritis. Just in case it might help, I'd like to mention that I had arthritis that was said to be incurable, and it's now just about all better due to a homeopathic lotion called Topricin and combined with prayers for healing, twice daily for about 2/12 months.
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Now that’s boundary crossing. Not everyone in this world is religious as you have chosen to be.
@@joincoffee9383 ummm, Doc Snipes prays...so I'm pretty sure she won't feel as you do.
A suggestion isn't boundary crossing, most of the time. Now...if someone states "please don't give me suggestions and don't suggest prayer"...and a person does anyways, that's boundary crossing.
Your projection is concerning...as well as your understanding of what boundaries are or aren't.
Hope you can heal
@@Alphacentauri819 you are passive aggressive. Hope you heal from it.
@@joincoffee9383 to label me with something, when I didn't say anything passive aggressive... is your own core wounds creating an interpretation.
I've worked with thousands of patients, in critical care, and have been studying neuroscience as of late.
I see what's going on here.
Please address your core wounds, your own trauma, issues, and so on. Emotional intelligence, introspection and metacognition are your friends. Get acquainted with them.
Additionally, when you feel like blaming, labeling, others...it's usually more likely a projection of your own unaddressed stuff, that you're trying to place outward.
Sit with your own issues. Deal with you.
I went from rigid boundaries to people pleasing. Now I’m finding my way
Thank you for sharing this! Transitioning from rigid boundaries to people-pleasing can feel like a pendulum swing, and it’s actually quite common. Often, when we’ve had strict boundaries to protect ourselves, loosening them can feel vulnerable, and it’s easy to slip into people-pleasing as a way to maintain connection. But the fact that you’re finding your way now shows tremendous growth and self-awareness.
As you explore this middle ground, remember that setting healthy boundaries is a process of trial and error-it’s okay to adjust as you go. Reflecting on what truly feels comfortable and aligned with your values can help guide you. Are there specific areas where boundaries feel harder to set or maintain?
Great video. Very informative. Thanks!🙏
Thanks for watching.
My eyes have been opened, sorry to say after 50+ years of marriage. Like he tells me, I’m so stupid and ignorant, for about a month now been ignoring him, staying in bedroom, not cooking etc.
just today he says “WE”NEED TO TALK🤣🤪
No you’ll talk and I’ll listen and do what you say or else!!!! Thinking or else would make me happy…
I feel for the ones that have no means to take care of themselves and their kids, breaks my heart that kids have to live in that environment and probably turn out the same!!!! God bless you All that are hurting🙏💪❤️
Thanks for watching. Have a blessed day!
I never knew that I had the ability to set boundaries, never knew what that looked like.
I appreciate you watching
You help us so muuch thank you 🙂🌹
I think we also have to have boundaries 'with ourself'. To be disciplined with what we will not allow ourselves to do. Not easy, but its part of having a healthy relationship with ourselves :-)
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
😎Great video as ❤😋😍usual thanks for not dugging a hole and hidding your talents in the dirt but mastering them...
Your skill set s are helping me to reflect grow heal repeat...
🐢🐘, thanks again...😎
Everytime I trust someone, they show me why I should’nt have. Dogs are better company. They respect boundaries.
Thanks for watching.
I love going through people's personal belongings
Thank you for watching the video and for sharing
I have so much trouble with how to have boundaries at work. I feel walked all over most of the time and I don't know how to properly assert myself.
Me too,,,
Women are usually called a b$&ch in a work setting when setting boundaries.
I’m looking for what to say to create boundaries, it’s easy to learn the symptoms of poor boundaries , overloaded with negativity about poor boundaries. Any positive empowering info on setting boundaries?
I have very rigid affective boundaries. I think I have a flat/blunted affect all of the time.
Great video ❤️❤️❤️
Hmm... I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comments on your other video and I respect your opinion. Perhaps you could help me with my boundaries and I could help you with your germ phobias. Part of my problem is/was dismissing people with their own flaws and idiosyncrasies as people who I couldn't accept help or advice from... like a stubborn spoiled tyrant. Codependency and addictions were "safer" than abandonment and criticism. Ouch.
Sorry for being sooo excited, Doc. Snipes, but I did not know, on an ethical level, that is was okay to set boundaries when people were deeply offended or angry about them. I think that my child in me thinks that is a sin. It is so freeing it when you say they are not. I feel ashamed for not having boundaries now and being a doormat. But with boundaries I am saying that is NOT who I am. I am not a doormat. I am so much better and more valuable than that. These are the first time I am being assertive in my mind about this. Someone is stalking me (a neighbor) and I feel he is telling me I am a doormat because of my long-ago religious beliefs and I owe him something.... ???? I will be getting a restraining order to express that I will not carry this shame of being a doormat, as an empath and a lover of helping and loving others, that makes me need to have to meet their needs very inappropriately. It is like he is trying to force me.
Hi Doc, could you help me make a difficult decision. I've always had weak boundaries as I'm afraid of rejection and not being liked. Needless to say I grew up in a very dysfunctional, violent and unsafe environment. I wrote and read a letter very calmly and sensitively to my oldeest brother 17 years ago about the pain he had caused me throughout my life, he used to belittle me, wind me up and put me down. A lot of his behaviour is ego based where he has to be right and will never admit he is wrong. Needless to say, he got angry when I read him the letter I wrote and he disagreed with everything that I said. I reluctantly continued a distant relationship with him but held a lot of resentment towards him. Over the last year and a half we have become closer because he supported me during 2 court cases I went through. I didn't ask him to help me but he did and I was very wary of him helping me because he is the type of person who would remind me in years to come that he helped me. Anyway, because of this we talk on the phone about once a week or go out for a walk but I always feel a know in my stomach when I am around him because of all the pain he has caused me that he has not admitted to or apologised for. I know the best predicted of future behaviour is past behaviour but 17 years is a long time. I feel that I must address this unresolved situation because I still feel angry about it. Do you think I should be assertive and put boundaries in place with him and address the pain he caused me in the past or would he just react the same way he did 17 years ago? This is very scary for me because I've always had weak boundaries and I hate confrontation and upset and I don't know if I am strong enough to deal with the outcome of this situation. Kind regards, Ryan.
I share similar situation. From my experience, the sibling never accepted the wrongs! It was pointless for me to continue with the conversation. I would say evaluate the pros and cons before addressing the issue, for it might not be resolved(I'm no expert, speaking from experience) best of luck.
Hi Ryan, nor am I an expert in this field, although a couple of things that I have learned along my journey of healing from my past. 1)Healing 1st starts with You and Your needs, no one will meet Your needs better then you. Give yourself some TLC. ❤2) You will NOT always get the closure that You want nor to have the brotherhood that your heart desires. Embrace what you have with him and as you learn to be your own best friend, you will be able to give that type of friendship to him. 3) Forgive, forgiveness starts with You 1st and people next. this may be a daily chore and how likes to do chores, lol but is needed 😉 4) be easy on yourself, show up for Your life and prove to yourself 1st that you can hold to your own boundaries of taking care of yourself which in turn builds your self esteem and self confidence. I hope something in this paragraph helps with your journey. 🌼
Let it go. The PAST IS GONE. GO SOMEWHERE BY YOURSELF in a big open field where NO ONE Can hear U. Yell & holler OUT LOUD YOUR ANGER
ALL YOUR RAGE YOUR BURDENSOME FEELINGS.
GET THEM FEELINGS OFF YOUR CHEST OR OFF YOUR BACK, GET that CHIP OFF YOUR SHOULDER. SET your mind FREE. OK? ) CHOOSE TO LIVE IN THE NOW. & Think & talk about the future with a CALM MIND & HEART. BE WELL!
Due to time constraints, I am just not able to answer all questions here. I have options at DocSnipes.com to schedule a cognitive behavioral education appointment, or submit a contact form for a detailed response. Thanks for understanding. I appreciate all my viewers and the interaction! 😀
all the pain he has caused me that he has not admitted to or apologised for
sounds like you want to control him.
You are certainly taking the attitude of the victim.
Have you considered dropping your anger? full stop.
I understand if this isn't your area of expertise, but do you have any resources or suggestions on how people with Autism Spectrum Disorder can set the boundaries that suit their needs, and communicate those boundaries effectively to neurotypical friends and family?
I will try. Please email me at support@docsnipes.com so I can have them review the presentation before I make it live. Thank you
@@DocSnipes Will do! Thank you for responding so promptly! 😊👍
I forgot how to be assertiveness and happy! Last night a strange lady pointed her finger as she talked at me!!! I forgot to excuse myself and walk over to the bath room.
I can’t speak about 90% of my thoughts online because I don’t want to waste my time arguing or explaining myself.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thank you
You're welcome
Thanks
Welcome
I understand empathy better now does not have to involve absorbing their feelings as if they are your own directive to act and rescue. I don't have to act on others feelings but they are still making me responsible for them and I feel guilty for not responding to them in a way that "helps" them. You are also telling me I don't have to be ashamed of who I am. I am not a people pleaser and I don't want to be ashamed of that I am not that giving and instead I can have boundaries that makes me proud of having enough sense of self that I don't have to "fill in" with people-pleasing duties to have any value to the people close to me. I have had rigid boundaries so I did not have to let in more shame for who I am and what I did not do right for someone else in forced roles. So now maybe I can be flexible. I guess I am finding out that I have good stuff to share and it ain't for free anymore.
Interesting.
I have found Isolation the absolute best way to express boundaries. Next is Solitude and Celibate. I don't care what anyone needs or wants because nobody has cared what i needed or wanted. I will not invest anything in any American Women again because I will not repeat lessons i have learned. Also as a man that lives in poverty this is the only way for me to achieve financially independence. When i achieve success. I will live the last half of my life Solo without anyone else in my physical reality. Using the Internet deliveries to implement Self Isolation.
Thanks for watching and for sharing
What about those of us who know our boundaries but don’t want to be mean to family members ?
Greetings!
Any given Sunday
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
The mean between 2 extremes.
My family was loud and many didn’t like it but you are actually louder 😂
Thanks for watching. 😀
Experiencing violence regularly makes the concept of boundaries kind of unfathomable. Thanks public school.
I have a problem with neighbor there child kept coming over and he is a strange kid not one with autism that doesn't Bother me I have an autistic son myself but he is grown now. This kid is not autistic he is weird and entitled! honestly I see him as a future criminal type sadly. His parents don't pay attention to him he terrorizes the neighborhood while they stay at home drinking he lets peoples dogs out of their yard and he opened every door we had looked in our shed and storage room played with our pool cleaning tools (which are expensive) we bought fixer upper so my husband hard power tools out back . This kid kept coming on our property nosing around we kept asking his parents to keep him off our property, but his Father who was an ex cop thrown off 2 different departments the force for harassing woman and excessive force. He started telling me you just don't like kids everyone else is fine with him (I hav e7 kids and an education degree) Then he demanded I give him are video footage and claimed to be a cop. Since he was a cop these cops don't care and don't. help us even though my husband is military intel. I have no respect for this chipmunk police around here after all this. His wife is an divorce attorney ( I have no idea why she hasn't left him she totally win in court obviously he tried to cheat on her) Anyhow this people were told from day one my husband and I both have PTSD. Im so enraged by how ignore society is how they blow off a mental health issue and boundaries clearly drawn I feel so violated and now the neighbors all think I'm being a b" We are NOT people people! like you said about the delivery man if Im not getting a package I don't wanna see you !!!! Even if its a intrusive entitled nosey kid with crappy parents HELP WHAT THE HELL DO I DO ? fed up and so violated
You can work with a local, professional counselor to deal with your own emotions around the problems. As far as the neighborhood issues, they are hard to deal with. I have lived through my own in the past.
Rights to SPEAK UP! WE MUST BE HOSPITALBLE, PEACE & UNIFIED & HARMONY GOOD NEIGHBORS. BE WELCOMING CORDIAL AND COURTEOUS TO ALL Neighbors. Always be COURAGEOUS. NO right to ignore others. Be a good person. Jesus was approachable. Imitate JESUS' CHRIST.
I've noticed that having weak boundaries leads to vicarious victimization... especially if you're considering the political environment. If I control what you are thinking about I can control how you behave and make choices...
Thanks for watching.
Some persons grew UP IN THE 1960 s, 1970s.chilhood be seen & NOT HEARD. DO NOT SPEAK UP. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. DO NOT LET ANYONE KNOW WHAT WE WERE THINKING, FEELINGS did not matter.
Discomfort or Comfort???
Always Uncertain of WHO
was going to make demands U better obey demands. Uncomfortable CHILDHOOD Home life. Unsafe. 2015 Apartment Lifestyle is UNSAFE. Very forward residents. They think the whole building is there home.NOT COMFORTABLE. UNSAFE.
FEEL NOT RESPECTED. ENERGY DRAIN.
❤️🌹🙏
Ty
How about when a person doesn’t understand that there’s a cognitive problem like a traumatic brain entry and that treated like they’re drunk because they have ataxia ,,, Another word for people go with the right
Treatment - when you get boxed into psychiatry when it’s really function cognitive
THINKING Functions ?
UNEDUCATED COGNITIVE Function of Frontal CORTEX Functions for REASONING FIGURE OUT ABILITIES & LEARNED SKILLS. ADULT PARENTS & ADULT TEACHERS MENTORS are supposed to Set PROPER CIVILIZED BEHAVIORS CONDUCT THINKING EXAMPLES for for for the younger person, & people.
Good standards. Upright Thinking SKILLS. Promote
Decent CLEAN MINDED THINKING: SELF- RESPECT, SELF- PROTECTIVE REGARDS, VALUES, EVERY HUMAN LIFE MATTERS. Everyone must LEARN TO GROW MATURE into INTELLIGENT SKILLED WELLNESS. BALANCED. Etc.! PLAY FAIR. THINK PEACEFUL OUTCOMES.
MODERATE Competition with yourself is good 👍.
Healthy. Do not Compete with your neighbors or with your GOD. BE THANKFUL. GRATEFUL.etc. "Have a wonderful day"!
Discomfort VS OK COMFORTABLE??? EASY??
HOW ABOUT SELF-RESPECT is HAPPINESS.
🙏❣️✌️
Thanks for watching!
in
All dogs go to heaven
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Is it really SIMPLE?? PAIN. CHANGEABLE BOUNDARIES??? FIBROMYALGIA SYNDROME IS TROUBLE.
Trust issues
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Can my boundaries be I have to have sex at least three times a week to be happy?
That is a desire, not a boundary. 😊
Some adult children do not respect them
Thanks for watching!
It’s Too late for me , I think.
It’s never to late ⏰, setting boundaries with people is just like setting boundaries with a dog .
You choose what is acceptable ,embrace it, praise it and share the positive energy together and correct what is not , communicating that it is no no and communicating what behaviour you would like.
You can always learn new skills. It may be hard though. It takes time and practice. Maybe work with a local professional counselor? Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
@@DocSnipes I’m an ICU nurse… been trying to hang in there but struggling…
@@Watcherwash85 I have failed many times but if you try hard enough and not give up eventually you win. Be flexible try new approaches … dedicate time to yourself to heal mentally and physically… (ex yoga healthy diet and a few close friends helped me a lot). Appreciate yourself and your offer to other people through your hard work. I think I can relate to your situation… never give up even if you feel that no one really understands you… there is always someone near… who does. 😉
Thanks!
Thank you, Doc Snipes, for a comprehensive video on "How to Set and Maintain Healthy Personal Boundaries." I appreciated your clarity in presenting such an enormous topic. Sincerely and thankfully yours, Esther Lue
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on boundaries you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
Thanks
Thanks SO much for your support of the channel!!! 😇