Leaving a narc can be dangerous. The solution is usually to plan ahead, leave quickly and then STRIKE when the narc is not around. Reason and logic are for another audience. It's hard as hell to leave, and the people who say "why did you stay so long? why didn't you just leave?" they don't have a clue what they are talking about.
It doesn't matter if they are make it female. They all have the potential to be dangerous. They will frame you, drug you, smear you and get physically violent. Anything to keep their mask intact. They don't want to be exposed.
To say that you don’t really know this person or what they’re capable of is completely correct. It’s confusing and hurtful and you really do end up feeling like there must be something fundamentally wrong with you for them to treat you the way they are.
My ex wife tried to bar me from visiting our children, and made false allegations to get me put in jail. She caused hardship for several years. All I can say is, make sure you never marry a narcissist. And , during the marriage, the treatment was so horrific, I thought she wanted me to file for divorce. Apparently not. She actually physically assaulted me regularly, would try to frame me for spousal abuse, etc.
You described my situation. Sorry you went through that. I highly recommend getting therapy. I was just diagnosed with PTSD from our relationship. I recently realized that i am truly scared of her. We have two kids, and i have a temporary restraining order protecting me and my kids....6 days until trial. im terrified.
For me it was easy. I left when she didn't come home last April. She was out cheating on me. I got 80% of my stuff out that night and she got the rest oy stuff where my friend picked it up. Ahe had been triangulating with the husband that she left for me. So at that moment the timing was perfect. She did text saying we should talk sometime. I quit using the phone that she had the number to. I blocked her on Facebook right away. I had my phone number changed and I saw that she texted 34 times BUT I had the phone wiped clean and never saw or read them. There were also voicemails that I never listened to.
You are spot on with everything in every video you have put out. I hope everyone takes your great advice. I wasted my life with a narcissist for all the reasons he listed here, against all my instincts over the years to leave where I was talked out of it because he “wasn’t going to throw it all away“ and yet at 27 years of marriage he literally threw it all away because he had new supply and because our youngest was going to college and my services were no longer needed. Not to mention that I dared to want an actual connection, not just “sex“ which he couldn’t get enough of, all the addictions to porn, substances, work, money, status, etc. but he’s a really good guy, he was a great provider, and like most of us, we think we are the problem Do not ever go against your instincts. You can get out and have a better life. Thank you for your videos
Hahahah “Yeah, Y’know what… you’re right. You really have had enough of my bullshit” -The Narcissist (if they were being even remotely accurate in any assessment) Lol- that was hilarious. And- if only…
My honey bunny told me I threw her, "under the bus," because I told my sister how she was acting, (psychotic tantrums). Keeping things private, is not valid when a person is acting like a four year old. (She was in her sixties.) She wanted me to feel like I betrayed her, when my family is one of the last refuge of sanity and a window of reality because we all grew up together. My sister finally said, “ What are you doing? This person is toxic.” It did strike a cord, because we shared the same general boundaries of rational behavior. My sister was being objective, I was not. I left, out the door, into my car, vapor trial. Not easy but necessary. Like World War II, like appendicitis surgery, like root canal treatment, like anything life threateningly painful that needs immediate attention.
This is so accurate and great advice. I got a mini lovebomb just before discard and it was then I realised he knew and was perfectly capable of doing a show of a healthy, reciprocal relationship but only as a transaction/to keep me hooked. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I knew I had to get out. I kept grey rocking and politely calling him out and then quickly got discarded. Would have felt just as bad if I'd ended it, but at least I wasn't scared about possible repercussions, which might have been possible if I'd burnt his ego that way. Instead his mask fell off and then he didn't want to see me after that. It's like they're battery-powered and are quickly drained and come to a standstill. They get no joy out of being loving, caring people, it's a huge effort for them. Sad and pathetic individuals who are unable to enjoy a full human experience in this world.
It's true about the grey rock I tried that and was accused of goading the Narc. He went on to physically attack me shortly after. I left, but he denied he attacked me even though the neighbourhood must have heard my screams!
Thank you so much for this video. I am super anxious and nervous, ready to make that final decision…. I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE 😢😢😢😢💔💔💔 He is now even using me to make TH-cam videos. He is making me look like a crazy person on his social media.
Your comments and explanations could not be more spot on! Thank you for the validation of that enormously confusing, doubt generating and lonely experience. So many professionals cannot comprehend what you clearly communicate.
I'm stuck with narcissistic family because they ruined my finances and eduction really early on, before I could ever understand what I was dealing with, so I'm not able to earn enough money to leave. I got out before and that's how I gained an identity and learned about narcissism, but then things got bad and I had to go back. I tried to get out again but I'd need way more money to go and stay gone. Now that I'm an adult and the world has changed a lot, no one will help, so I'm just stuck for what's left of my life.
Dont tell a narcissist what you did wrong in a previous relationship, they will hold it against you and hurt you with it, accusing you of these same mistakes in your relationship with them.
Most informative and helpful advice. Thank you so much. I got very very lucky. My ex narc committed a very serious crime when I was out for the day. There is a bench warrant for his arrest. I own my home. The neighbours got a restraining order. I am so relieved
Don't speak to anyone, rarely, so i wont say one word to her, she just kept ringing last time, 6 months, so yes there is danger, that is persistance, but i will be even more persistent, as someone above said 'lost cause'!
I knew i should not engage with this friend of my sister and i was right, i just stay away from the whole clan, no-one sees me or talks to me, only the other narc. Sister, i have to not tell her anything, the words between us is brief, she knows i don't support her anymore and she has little to say to me other than some growl of hatred!❤❤
This is probably a silly question. Because if you wonder if you’re a narcissist, then your not. Because narcissists don’t ever wonder if they are narcissists
That’s probably a question for a lawyer. Often it isn’t possible, but there are almost always ways to greatly minimize contact and learn not to engage in arguments. I’m sorry you are having to deal with that.
Leaving a narc can be dangerous. The solution is usually to plan ahead, leave quickly and then STRIKE when the narc is not around. Reason and logic are for another audience. It's hard as hell to leave, and the people who say "why did you stay so long? why didn't you just leave?" they don't have a clue what they are talking about.
Very wise advice
It doesn't matter if they are make it female. They all have the potential to be dangerous. They will frame you, drug you, smear you and get physically violent. Anything to keep their mask intact. They don't want to be exposed.
Well presented video. Alas, the narcissist is a LOST cause and a total waste of time. N🚫 Contact is a mandatory measure.
To say that you don’t really know this person or what they’re capable of is completely correct. It’s confusing and hurtful and you really do end up feeling like there must be something fundamentally wrong with you for them to treat you the way they are.
Damn that's hard medicine to swallow. But it's the truth you have to accept to heal. 😢
My ex wife tried to bar me from visiting our children, and made false allegations to get me put in jail. She caused hardship for several years. All I can say is, make sure you never marry a narcissist. And , during the marriage, the treatment was so horrific, I thought she wanted me to file for divorce. Apparently not. She actually physically assaulted me regularly, would try to frame me for spousal abuse, etc.
You described my situation. Sorry you went through that. I highly recommend getting therapy. I was just diagnosed with PTSD from our relationship. I recently realized that i am truly scared of her. We have two kids, and i have a temporary restraining order protecting me and my kids....6 days until trial. im terrified.
For me it was easy. I left when she didn't come home last April. She was out cheating on me. I got 80% of my stuff out that night and she got the rest oy stuff where my friend picked it up. Ahe had been triangulating with the husband that she left for me. So at that moment the timing was perfect. She did text saying we should talk sometime. I quit using the phone that she had the number to. I blocked her on Facebook right away. I had my phone number changed and I saw that she texted 34 times BUT I had the phone wiped clean and never saw or read them. There were also voicemails that I never listened to.
Also never post Public on Facebook. She would LOVE to have you under control and know what you are doing!
Good job
You are spot on with everything in every video you have put out. I hope everyone takes your great advice. I wasted my life with a narcissist for all the reasons he listed here, against all my instincts over the years to leave where I was talked out of it because he “wasn’t going to throw it all away“ and yet at 27 years of marriage he literally threw it all away because he had new supply and because our youngest was going to college and my services were no longer needed. Not to mention that I dared to want an actual connection, not just “sex“ which he couldn’t get enough of, all the addictions to porn, substances, work, money, status, etc. but he’s a really good guy, he was a great provider, and like most of us, we think we are the problem Do not ever go against your instincts. You can get out and have a better life. Thank you for your videos
Male or female, they have the potential to be very dangerous. They will do anything to keep you from exposing them.
I guess that’s why I never knew any of their friends
Good thing I never knew their friends. Now it makes sense.
Hahahah
“Yeah, Y’know what… you’re right. You really have had enough of my bullshit”
-The Narcissist (if they were being even remotely accurate in any assessment)
Lol- that was hilarious.
And- if only…
My honey bunny told me I threw her, "under the bus," because I told my sister how she was acting, (psychotic tantrums). Keeping things private, is not valid when a person is acting like a four year old. (She was in her sixties.) She wanted me to feel like I betrayed her, when my family is one of the last refuge of sanity and a window of reality because we all grew up together. My sister finally said, “ What are you doing? This person is toxic.” It did strike a cord, because we shared the same general boundaries of rational behavior. My sister was being objective, I was not. I left, out the door, into my car, vapor trial. Not easy but necessary. Like World War II, like appendicitis surgery, like root canal treatment, like anything life threateningly painful that needs immediate attention.
This is so accurate and great advice. I got a mini lovebomb just before discard and it was then I realised he knew and was perfectly capable of doing a show of a healthy, reciprocal relationship but only as a transaction/to keep me hooked. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I knew I had to get out. I kept grey rocking and politely calling him out and then quickly got discarded. Would have felt just as bad if I'd ended it, but at least I wasn't scared about possible repercussions, which might have been possible if I'd burnt his ego that way. Instead his mask fell off and then he didn't want to see me after that. It's like they're battery-powered and are quickly drained and come to a standstill. They get no joy out of being loving, caring people, it's a huge effort for them. Sad and pathetic individuals who are unable to enjoy a full human experience in this world.
It's true about the grey rock I tried that and was accused of goading the Narc. He went on to physically attack me shortly after. I left, but he denied he attacked me even though the neighbourhood must have heard my screams!
Thank you so much for this video. I am super anxious and nervous, ready to make that final decision…. I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE 😢😢😢😢💔💔💔
He is now even using me to make TH-cam videos. He is making me look like a crazy person on his social media.
It's wonderful that you have this clearity and wisdom. You are saving lives. May God bless and protect you 🌹
Your comments and explanations could not be more spot on! Thank you for the validation of that enormously confusing, doubt generating and lonely experience. So many professionals cannot comprehend what you clearly communicate.
" Do the right thing and let your emotions catch up ". Brilliant important perspective ! Thank you so very much .🙏💪
I'm stuck with narcissistic family because they ruined my finances and eduction really early on, before I could ever understand what I was dealing with, so I'm not able to earn enough money to leave. I got out before and that's how I gained an identity and learned about narcissism, but then things got bad and I had to go back. I tried to get out again but I'd need way more money to go and stay gone. Now that I'm an adult and the world has changed a lot, no one will help, so I'm just stuck for what's left of my life.
Dont tell a narcissist what you did wrong in a previous relationship, they will hold it against you and hurt you with it, accusing you of these same mistakes in your relationship with them.
I went back. If you are lucky enough to get out, please listen when we tell you DONT GO BACK.❤
You are so articulate in your expressions.
My narcissist is a 6 foot 6 women that terrifies me..a 6 foot 2 190 pound, fit man..she scares me. Thats crazy to me.
Most informative and helpful advice. Thank you so much. I got very very lucky. My ex narc committed a very serious crime when I was out for the day. There is a bench warrant for his arrest. I own my home. The neighbours got a restraining order. I am so relieved
Thank you so much, I needed to hear these words of wisdom
Don't speak to anyone, rarely, so i wont say one word to her, she just kept ringing last time, 6 months, so yes there is danger, that is persistance, but i will be even more persistent, as someone above said 'lost cause'!
I knew i should not engage with this friend of my sister and i was right, i just stay away from the whole clan, no-one sees me or talks to me, only the other narc. Sister, i have to not tell her anything, the words between us is brief, she knows i don't support her anymore and she has little to say to me other than some growl of hatred!❤❤
PRO TIP: Become the ex-husband she hates, to avoid becoming the ex-husband she peppers with phone calls throughout her next relationship.
Oh, I am!! And believe me, she HATES me for divorcing her, but at least I don't need to hear about it.😁
There are no pro tips with them. When they hate you is worse than when they “love” you. Especially when times get tough and they get desperate.
its not simple because
Great channel!
Good advice. Thank you very much x
you are so close to US being inbetween weak and powerful
Your wisdom and experience is truly inspiring .Thank you so very much for your work on this channel. So very helpful , Portsmouth ,NH. USA .🙏💪
Thank YOU ❤
You are the best! Thank you.
One of your best!
Guest am one of a kind get busted monthly yes she realize i was dangerous myself Empath also had my eyes on point
Good advice. Thank you.
Video suggestion: Am I a narcissist?
This is probably a silly question. Because if you wonder if you’re a narcissist, then your not. Because narcissists don’t ever wonder if they are narcissists
Amen!!!!
Wat happen wen they r hard facts well documented
After I have left, can I go no contact with the narcissist even if I have kids?
That’s probably a question for a lawyer. Often it isn’t possible, but there are almost always ways to greatly minimize contact and learn not to engage in arguments. I’m sorry you are having to deal with that.
You can be in contact over third party - lawyers or something. Or a phone app....
Not unless you’re willing to have the kids turn on you. The games never end and nothing is off limits. Not even your children.
Thank YOU ❤