Literally 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 what’s hilarious my ex narc friend said via text he wouldn’t be talking to me anymore. Yet a week after the discard responded to my begs and pleas. Then continued to silent treatment and breadcrumb. Now he’s calling ....going on 6 months of the discard / silent treatment. They’re textbook lol 😂 just crazy 😜
The discard is the best gift a narcissist will ever give you. Becoming indifferent to their existence is the best gift you will give yourself. Another awesome video Meredith. Thank you.
@@jenineyannucciello8718 Details of your situation and effort needed, Jenine, because I don't see it as hard, just rewarding. So add some info please..
When I’ve been discarded, I noticed that it was actually my that energy repelled them... I became wise to them, started to love myself and then they disappeared. It’s amazing once you see the patterns. Discard brings peace ✌️ it’s not your fault. You are worthy! Thanks Meredith.
Yeah, you become like a fox, you can sniff them out so fast once you know what to look for! When you have good boundaries and respect other's boundaries and they walk all over yours, you just keep them up and ''bye bye,'' Narcy-narc just can't handle it! They'll (kindly (heh heh, my piss take) discard you! So, you win :)
I feel nothing but respect and empathy for that next supply. It breaks my heart to see that she has choosen another good man to tear apart... God bless him!
Scott C My Ex-narc contacted me over email after six years of no contact, and said we should fix our relationship, but when I asked him if he ever truly loved me when we were together, he said “I cannot tell you that.” I said, “ ok, then I’ll take it as a no” he said “think whatever you want “ HE IS ABSOLUTELY SICK IN THE HEAD. By this time I already knew I was dealing with a narcissist, but I just wanted to hear what he’s answer was going to be. He’s a total empty hole. No emotions of any kind.
BrownSugar 83 I was shocked, how could a person claim love to a person they haven’t seen in months and especially a person she raged at and treated terribly
I knew the discard was coming because I had prayed for clarity & sure enough, I was “discarded” after dinner at his place. I went along with it, no argument as I knew at the moment it was a blessing. I’ve got my life back! Thanks for all your valuable information!
I saw mine coming and preempted it. The devaluation started after I had set a expectation of growth in the relationship. Yes, triangulation. I was lucky that the new supply allowed me to quietly slip away.
Sounds like my relationship. I wanted to progress our relationship. Shortly after that I started thinking he was cheating and he started giving me the silent treatment. I later found out he was in contact with his ex and cheating.
My discard came three days before thanksgiving. Within a week she was onto the next sucker. In retrospect, I had been telling myself one lie after another until my health was crumbling. As painful as the discard was, I have grown from the experience
Literally the exact same thing is happening to me.... days before thanksgiving. Im so torn up about it but i see their true colors now it just hurts and i cant stop thinking about it
I gain fat when I'm abused. A few days ago I found a photo of myself from spring 2018, when I was being discarded. Terrifying... Overweight, cringed, grey-looking. Thank God it's over!
Omg me too . My narc actually got me to lose weight i was utterly brainwashed into beinh her clone. I lost loads was discarded but put some on as a direct result of the whole narc abuse. Narc is probably delighted i have gained weight. But i can address the weight and have never beenn more me more confident more independent having instigated no contact two yesrs ago. I have regained a few pounds but I have regained my life and my sanity. I also have a new and better life and am a leader now not a pathetic thin sheep ha ha. Incidentally thin me was not the person i aim to be. This time i will have my own weight loss agenda and aim to become healthier. Thin dont mean you are always happier and that life is just for the thin folk. Life is about living and we shud say bye bye narc and go kick up our narc free heels. Yehaw all escapees!!
The question that haunts us is did we fail the relationship? Did we in some way? Stop beating yourself up. They are crazy, you unexpectedly went into the abuse, got addicted to their fear, obligation and guilt and confused that for love and now you are free. It was never a true relationship to begin with it is a manipulationship. The best thing you can do is all the more wiser and learn from this encounter. You are a human being and deserve dignity and respect and deserve to have zero tolerance for any kind of abuse.
I am still having moments of grief for the times that were good. I miss the illusion of protection. I feel empty and lost right now. Mornings are the worst. Your video helped so much this morning.
@@jenineyannucciello8718 hang in there it gets better. I now feel a little bit better looking forward to getting a good job still then I think things will come to rights, take care, go out and mingle a little bit and flirt some too it helped me
I realize now the first discard happened because I WAS beginning to wonder "what the hell is going on here?" and I was no longer being as cooperative or fawning. That said, I did go back to him after the first "Hoover", and the cycle was indeed quicker and more severe. I realize now the second discard came after I tried to tell him that the first "break up" left me feeling ..."discarded"; at the time I was not aware of "Discard" or even "Narcissist". Telling him I had felt "discarded" (simply looking for some closure and reassurance and an adult conversation) caused severe Narcissistic Injury and a terrifying and bewildering temper tantrum ...which, of course, I was not allow to call a temper tantrum. Thank you Meredith for helping to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
I was too weak at the time ,,fighting stage 4 liver failure waiting on a transplant list,,when he found another supply and discarded me after ,,16 yrs of marriage,,,THE UNIVERSE KNEW WHAT I NEEDED AND GAVE IT TO ME ,,I am happy to report I got A new liver, healthy again,no contact for 4 yrs ,,even my 19 yr old now knows his Dad is crazy,!!! It was extremely hard at the beginning ,,i was so betrayed on all levels,,but i THANK the universe for getting rid of him ,since i was too weak at the time to do it,,my family stepped in got me back on my feet and I am walking on sunshine now !! Thank you Meredith your videos are AWESOME !!
I would say to always remember that no one is lucky, blessed or better off to have them. They try to make it seem that others are getting something because they are better than you but really no one is better or luckier but instead they are unlucky .
I was discarded without knowing what was happening. I just brushed it off thinking he’ll come around. It just kept happening. It was like being “not there” or feeling like trash. But I kept thinking, it was not happening. Nobody is that awful. But then, he came back like nothing happened. Very confusing. Only after learning narcissistic abuse with your channel, I was able to realize what was happening. Thank you Meredith 🙏🏻😊
4 years ago for me. That was the single most painful experience in my life. I felt crushed and scared out of my mind but I maintained a strict no contact , zero for her .And I watched a lot of Meredith's videos along with many others. I'm glad I did because today I don't feel any more pain and I don't care one bit about her anymore. I used to be highly codependent and lost without someone in my life. I've come away from this much much wiser, stronger and my life is way better than it was when I was with her back then. To anyone just starting this journey You can do it. And thank you Meredith
Watching the narc as she discarded me in a dirty mean and callous way was my wake up call. It was also the day she unmasked herself and showed the ugly reality of who and what i was dealing with. I will never forget the raw pain the utter disbelief and the sudden realisation that the person ihad thought of as family a friend for life had been abusing and manipulating me was horrifying. Hurt and all as i was i cud see that no one shud b treated like this. It spurred me on to doing no contact and i have kept to it for almost two years. All ypu have said here really does hit a chord and im so glad i got away and regained my life my mind and my self worth
I know i need to do no contact but cannot let go. I still text every few days just wanting closure. Its been 4 months since i was discarded. Need help on how to do it
The wrinkle in your voice when you talk about discard tells me about your personal pain. Thank you for sharing that with us. It helps us get in touch with the devastating effects of having love ripped out underneath us when we are already trying to do everything right... They show no mercy!
To leave them remember to get a life. Book in counselling, start an art class. I booked into a great course for survivors of abuse. Getting educated on how to exit the abuse cycle really helped. Thanks Meredith.
The discard happened right after I started questioning some of his behaviours. I sent him an email with a load of questions on simply because I just couldn't understand what he was doing and why. Then the next day he sent one back whinging that I obviously don't trust him to question him like that and that after a lot of thought he decided to finish it with me. It took me a long time to get over that and also many years of healing, but it most definitely was a blessing in disguise and I'm really thankful that the resulting illness forced me to look at myself and discover the patterns of being used by narcs all through my life. Thank the Gods! :)
Same here once I started to have a voice and started questioning certain things, yip got discarded after 34 years of marriage. Been 5 years now definitely does gets easier. You just be mad for putting up with a lot of sxxx for so long. My friends and family say he done me a favour, definitely living my life and dreams now 🙏 wishing you all the best for your future.
just going through this now . the discard has happened (3rd time now) and i feel phsyicaly drained . thankyou for your videos they and this 1 have been a great help
Thank you Meredith. My Narc love bombed, discarded two times. Yep, not having knowledge of the Narc part of the demon, I let him back in. I went so far as to allow him back a third time. Telling him, three strikes and you're out for good. When I saw the signs coming for another discard, I sent him packing before he could do it to me. I am No Contact for 4 months. He is hovering still. I will make a believer of him. He is gone for good. Very sorry for the victim next chosen. Time now for me to heal from the abuse, and I am. Grateful for videos like those you do, to help me.
I’m so happy I stumbled upon your videos! I’m recovering from a narcissistic mother, ex-husband of 23 years, and “boyfriend” of 3 years. I’m now realizing that I’ve never known a healthy loving relationship and I’m grateful for being discarded by the boyfriend. That was what helped me identify the narcissism I’ve lived with all my life (52 years). I have a lot to heal from, and a lot I still struggle with. Recently I encountered a man that didn’t love bomb and Hoover. I didn’t know how to handle it and actually felt rejected so I cut ties with him because I felt he wan’t interested. Now I see that that was how NORMAL people behave! Relearning how to have a relationship with “normal” people is so difficult even though its what I yearn for.
I’ve recently discovered the troves of riches on TH-cam about narcissist abuse. My Dad is an insecure bully and an overt narcissist who abused all three of children over many years. I’m in “no contact” with him now, which is a peaceful place to be. It’s my covert narcissist younger sister who causes me much pain. Your TH-cam videos have been the single best source of guidance for me on how to deal with the covert narcissist. I love your work, and thank you for it! Three years of therapy about my sister prepped me for your material, but never once did my PhD psychologist mention the word “narcissist” when referring to either my sister or my dad. I’m now determined to maintain “no contact” with my sister. She initiated it. She dumped me in January after informing me that she was “DONE” with our relationship. She’s been hoovering in cruel ways since then. But since we live on opposite coasts and have no ties that bind us except our traumatic childhood, it is physically and logistically a simple act to cut off all contact with her. It’s the emotional part that’s hard. Your mentoring is such a great help! Please keep the videos coming.
so beneficial to me right now wow thanks. you laid it out perfectly. i'm going through exactly this after she left me 2 months ago. she did every single narc move like a textbook...especially during the discard. new supply already lined up and after 15 yrs, it's like i never existed and she jumped right in with another guy she had lined up. all while telling stories about her big escape from her "abuser" aka me, for me barely starting to stand up for myself and set boundaries etc. and she left owing me over $100k as well. lol her new twitter account is called "freedom" lol. freedom from what??? her responsibilities?? promises and lies that caught up to her?? or from being an adult???? i'm trying to get past the hate part at this time...and these videos are my lifeline. thanks
channel-z sounds very similar to my experience. After 5 years living together with my child I started to really stand my ground noticing the inequality in the relationship. She was becoming more and more selfish and devaluing me. Nothing I did was ever enough. I think on some level she knew I was onto her albeit I consciously didn’t know what she actually was. The discard was sudden and brutal. She smeared me an abuser. Just like her ex before me. The pity ploy story she hooked me in with on our very first date and repeated for months until I knew the story word for word. I’m sure she is doing the same to her new supply. The dissonance, the fog and the trauma bond is a constant battle for me. It takes up my whole mind space. Almost three months have passed. There is no closure or settling the score.
Justin yes my friend. i'm on 3 months now too...and my mind just spins and spins. they are satanic for what they do to us. pure mental torture. we just gotta hang tight and push through day by day, and remember all the cons, so our minds don't mess with us by trying to get us to remember the pros...which were just an illusion. i swear your mind will try to get you to think of things that make you even miss them if you're not careful about it. just keep remembering the cons, not the fake pros. write them down even and look at them when your head spins. this has helped me. stay blessed
It really is mind blowing when you realize how similar they ALL are - male, female, it doesn’t matter... they follow the same patterns with only a few superficial differences! It’s been 3 months since this comment, so I do hope you have been able to move past the hatred/anger (righteous anger!) phase... but oh boy do I understand it! Having the very person who belittled, mocked, manipulated & abused you for years, discard you in the most painful & humiliating way, then turn around and tell the world that YOU are the abuser... well, it’s just heartbreaking! There really are no words that truly capture the injustice of this scenario! In a way, I think this part of the discard (the smear campaign where they play the victim) is harder on men who’ve been the target of a female narc ... the general public is quicker to accept an accusation of abuse towards a man, without really pausing to consider the man’s account of what happened, and I can only imagine how frustrating that would be!! As painful as it was for me to have the man I (thought I) loved, tell everyone I was abusing him for 6 years, no one that actually knows me believed it for a second. I do hope you are healing & recovering! I’m only 4 months out, so I’m still waiting for the worst of the anger to subside 😬
I love the clarity in this video. Clarity is like a superhero in this situation, when you’re already beaten down by a pattern of abuse and then you’re stunned by a betrayal and you’re asking “What just happened to me?” You need that clarity to get out of the fog and take the first steps to protect yourself.
You are so right on. Meredith is gifted at saying a lot with few words. When I watch other videos that people do on Narc abuse I have to ask myself. “Is this person doing this to look smart by using big words as they ramble on and on or is this person sincere about helping others?” Obviously Meredith is the later. I don’t even waste my time with other channels. You can tell they research the subject and put videos out like they are the expert. To truly understand this you need to have lived it like Meredith has. I’ll put Meredith up against any professional shrink.
This was so helpful. Found my husband cheating after years of being together and the hardest part was the discard. He was cruel and hateful. Completely threw me and my kids away. I have been trying to wrap my head around it. This makes total sense to me. He knew I was starting to see him clearer the last few years. I wasn’t his ideal supply.
I had been discarded twice by him. He always got me back by being overly sweet and kind, saying stuff like if you come round and we have a cuddle it will be ok. The third time I called him out on him being secretive with his phone, even going to the shop to use it. So then of course he said you don't trust me! (Well doh!) I said it's your behaviour that's in trustworthy. I saw a shift in him, so I gathered my stuff from his house without him knowing. A few days later I had the discard again. He said I will send you your things, to which my reply was, I have already got my things, he went mad and said 'would you have ended the relationship???!!' like it was only him who was allowed to. Third time I knew it was coming so I prepared myself
Being discarded is hard and very painful I felt horrible I cried for months telling myself why . Especially when I saw him with someone else so quickly. It hurts that a person can treat us like trash,I know that I will never get an apology from him, but I'm glad that it's over . Its very hard to make myself feel valuable but I know that I am valuable and that one day someone is going to love me and value me.
Spot on Meridith. Everybody take all this as a no spin zone truths. All of it. You'll do better when you quit denying the hope you will ever see a ounce of a real relationship.
You are right on the money,Meredith,i ve been discarded again and only because your videos i begun to understand what did happened to me,the abuse,the neglect,the objectification,and on and on only now i found out what it was,i ve call them out,and they did it again... So , keep it up,Meredith!!!! From the country that is called a garden by the sea,Portugal, much love!!!
Great video. I am dealing with this. Cycle repeats over and over again. Discard, Hoover, you stop them, they gaslight, then discard, hoover ... maybe in different order but it is a cycle of pain. Break the cycle. This video is the truth!!! You are better off without them.
That with how long we think about a piece of trash before we throw it to the garbage bin... So true!!! And so powerful. We must stop feeling guilt for people who don't really care at all. Great video, again. Thanks so much
Not watched these videos for a while.Such great content. Being discarded is a compliment guys! Hang in there, have no communication with the leaches(ever again ideally) and you'll see the blessings that came from the abuse and the discard 😘
Zarah your in denial!!.,🛑🛑🛑❤️the devil took my beautiful wife and 2 STEPKIDS. ON August 1st , AND IT WI,LL B E UNSURVVABLE, MAYBE I LIVE 6 months, maybe a year BUT IM 50. AND GOT ARRESTED On 8/01/20 MY WIFE OF. 12. YEARS LEFT, MY WIFE WAS SUPER FINE, SENSUAL, EROTIC, SOFT KINDNESS, 😭. WILD IN A tasteful, way, When we were. UNCLOTHED underneath the SHEETS. 📌the pleasure she gave me still to THIS DAY ERODED MY. ABILITY TO. FUNCTION. IN. SOCIETY, I wonder if anyone reading EXPERIENCED SEX TO THE. DEGREE THAT YOU NOW BEG FOR DEATH.?. THIS IS A FATE Farr WORSE THAN DEATH..,,,,, I am now super stressed, irritable, and without the INCREDIBLE TOUCH from my lover and wife of 12 years, 3 DAYD AFTER ITURNED 50 it began. Up 💥🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽PLEASE PRAY I DIE . ☠️💀💀💀💀💀THIS IS A FATE FAR WORSE THAN DEATH.🛑🛑🛑🛑☠️☠️☠️☠️Definitely
He didnt even miss his daughters and grandchildren. I would never go back as Im to healthy now. Still single, busy and loving this new life. Best thing that happened to me. To anyone in the beginning stage u do heal and recover. I didn't even want to live due to he tried to destroy me finacially and the smear campayne was aweful. I got in counseling and stayed in for 2 yrs. I have my home back, I'm financially better off 4 years later and my grandchildren have no narcissist in their lives. l almost 4 yrs NC and LOVING LIFE. I took all Meredith's advice and listened to every video when I stumbled onto her in. Feb 2017. Stay NO CONTACT thats how u heal. I could run into him and he could be with the most beautiful woman and I could careless because they do not love. Proof they don't love he discarded his own daughters and grandchilden
Wish I knew about this when I was going through this, it's a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE experience and anyone going through this my heart goes out to you, work on yourself and in time you will see it as the BIGGEST BIGGEST BLESSING EVER and you do get to this stage believe me took time but life is BRIGHTER AND PEACEFUL now and definitely sooo much HAPPIER, they didn't DESERVE US they are extremely damaged WEAK INDIVIDUALS AND HAVE TO CONTROL AND BULLY people to try and stay in control of them and while they doing this they looking for new supply behind your back, it's absolutely DISGUSTING THE WAY THEY LIVE. you deserve sooo MUCH BETTER.
He discarded me emotionally and physically but has no intention of actually leaving or divorcing me. Have you ever heard of that scenario? it would ruin his image and drain him financially - his two biggest fears.
That sounds like a covert narc! They rarely initiate divorce even though they may discard you and live like separate lives under the same roof. You might want to look into a good attorney if you want the divorce to move forward. Your husband will become more overt in that process because he will be losing the supply which at this point are his image and his finances.
My X offered me to stay in our family home, didn’t want to mess with his finances and his image. Obviously I did not want that. He said I ruined his retirement plan 😂 even though he was doing the discard. I think wanted people to think we were still together 😂 I was telling everyone and he told me they don’t want to know 😂 no he didn’t want me to tell them to ruin his charming image. They are all sick con people. Better away.
Married to a Narc for 13 years! Love Bombed me and I thought I hit the jackpot meeting someone like that! She mimic me, mirrored me thinking that she loved everything that I loved! She was the perfect soul mate.....so I thought. We bought a new house in a new city last year, moved everything in to start a new life. During that time I broke my ankle and doctors found Cancer. I was bed ridden for many months going through treatment. She started working out, losing weight and snapchating....grooming new supply. She was talking to different guys, coming home at 5 in the morning for 3 days straight. I put my foot down and put down boundaries .....so she left! 4 weeks has gone by now! I was Devalued, Discarded and Hoovered! I told her to never call me, text me ever again after she took all her belongings from the house, unless it was the divorce papers. I am happier and free from the toxic relationshit we had. The whole 13 years was a facade, thinking back of all the other people she was hoovering and manipulating! The thought is disgusting but you are right. I need to find the gratitude that she and her dysfunctional family is no longer in my life!
@@jenineyannucciello8718 Thanks, I'm doing much better! Started a new job and not thinking about her! Its really lonely living in a big house by myself especially during Christmas but that's life. I like your videos....I use to wrestle in High school! =)
Been there, got the t-shirt. Just before leaving my ex. I went to a therapist to find out where I had gone wrong and how not to repeat it in future. As soon as he heard what I was going through he instantly labelled my partner as a narcissist. This was in 1993, btw. After a few sessions, I moved a hundred miles away and began no contact. Then the hard work of self-analysis and behaviour-change really got under way. Library psych and self-help books, journalling, dream journals, inner child work, spiritual readings, meditation and prayer - mostly of gratitude - all helped. I made my recovery a full-time occupation. For me the first real breakthrough was acknowledging, naming and owning my feelings. I think this is totally critical as feelings are super intelligent, but we don't generally know this. They are fantastic guides. Then began a process of changing behaviors from spontaneous reactions into reasoned responses. This took courage because my reactions had been defenses - I had my share of neuroses to overcome you see, from long before the marriage. I sought models of reasoned and admirable behaviour and speech from the real world around me and persuaded myself to do likewise. This was scary at first. It meant dropping the defenses to be more the way I wanted to be in the world. But then, realistically, how dangerous can it be to imagine and then imitate ways you admire? I won't say how much time elapsed, but I refused to form a new romantic relationship until I was more than certain I understood everything now and had fully healed. Now I was capable of recognizing genuine goodness in a potential partner and responding likewise. I'm not saying anyone could do it alone as I did, although there are abundant examples of people healing themselves. Karen Horney's books are a good place to start if this is to be your journey. I had some advantages. I was able to see for myself how my parents behaved around children - not all positive, believe me - this gave me great insight into the origins of my neuroses. Furthermore, I had a background in psychology, though in a different field - developmental, educational and adolescent psychopathology but not clinical, which all this is. However the clinical language, constructs and concepts were familiar to me. At one time I was convinced that no one else would be able to do it alone as I had done , and this may still largely be true. To this day I encourage people to seek professional counselling in one of its many forms. Seek a form or a counselor who 'clicks' with you. They'd better be a good listener, though. It may be the bravest, and it will certainly be the smartest thing you ever did. Today I find clinical work fully engaging. I doubt that it's really possible to be a good clinician without having undergone recovery oneself, as much of the process, and certainly the full effect has to be experienced, and cannot be adequately described to one who hasn't been through it. Best wishes to all, and thanks for your videos and books, Meredith.
Thank you so much for having this channel and for making this video. I feel so hurt and crushed inside after being discarded. I'm just learning about the narcissist and the manipulation that occurs. I have always blamed myself, always wondering why I'm never good enough, why people never stay with me. Now I realize that I have been choosing people who are wrong for me and my sensitive nature. My empathy is overflowing and manipulative people like to take advantage of this. I believe that I am drawn to manipulative partners because of their boldness, ambition and lack of fear. I love myself yet deep down I don't think anyone else does. This fear of not being accepted and liked for who I am causes me to gravitate to manipulators because they are so good at talking you up and making you feel special. But I never see the desecration that is about to happen, that feeds their insecurities. I need to start believing in myself enough to stop this attraction. I am going to therapy regularly so this is definitely something I am going to be working on. My new mantras: I will no longer be made to feel crazy because of their gaslighting tactics. I will love myself enough that I will no longer react to their criticisms and nitpicking. I will believe that there are people in the world who will love me just the way I am, even while I am in the process of bettering myself and healing from past wrongs. There are loyal people who will not walk away when I get emotional because of my ADHD and personal sensitivities. I am enough. I am a good person. I am loved. I am not alone.
Everything you’ve said is true. I suspected there was another woman and questioned him. Then I suffered a major illness and was hospitalized. That’s when the devaluation phase began. A few months later he started an argument and cut me off. I recently found out that he married his new supply shortly after. I was devastated and wanted closure. We had a face to face conversation, but I’d been watching your videos and others like it so I knew not to expect anything. I saw him for who he is and he spun everything so in that regard, I got what I needed. It’s been a month and it gets a little easier every day.
Thank You For Sharing I Have Gone Through Years Of Depression Anxiety Low Self Worth Low Self Esteem. After Being Horribly Discarded Like Trash I Have Finally After 4 Years I Have Learned To Except This And The First Thing That I Did Was Stop All Contact.its Been A Month And I’m Proud Of MySelf.You Think Its Ur Fault It’s Not Narcissists Are Very Sick Dangerous Ppl.Getting Off On Humiliating There Victims..!!
Demi Gaines 🛑🛑🛑❤️the devil took my beautiful wife and 2 STEPKIDS. ON August 1st , AND IT WI,LL B E UNSURVVABLE, MAYBE I LIVE 6 months, maybe a year BUT IM 50. AND GOT ARRESTED On 8/01/20 MY WIFE OF. 12. YEARS LEFT, MY WIFE WAS SUPER FINE, SENSUAL, EROTIC, SOFT KINDNESS, 😭. WILD IN A tasteful, way, When we were. UNCLOTHED underneath the SHEETS. 📌the pleasure she gave me still to THIS DAY ERODED MY. ABILITY TO. FUNCTION. IN. SOCIETY, I wonder if anyone reading EXPERIENCED SEX TO THE. DEGREE THAT YOU NOW BEG FOR DEATH.?. THIS IS A FATE Farr WORSE THAN DEATH..,,,,, I am now super stressed, irritable, and without the INCREDIBLE TOUCH from my lover and wife of 12 years, 3 DAYD AFTER ITURNED 50 it began. Up 💥🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽PLEASE PRAY I DIE . ☠️💀💀💀💀💀THIS IS A FATE FAR WORSE THAN DEATH.🛑🛑🛑🛑☠️☠️☠️☠️Definitely
Demi Gaines Also got arrested in May 2019 DWI which was reduced, And she SAID that she probably couldn’t handle it if I got arrested again, so what do you think? I’m wondering if I AM REALLY THE ONE TO BLAME. people try to tell me that since we obviously live UNDER SAME ROOF and we’re married that SHE should’ve been more vocal in helping SAY NO TO ME, BUT SHE DIDNt,In my mind I’m still the one at fault and she’s 100% exonerated
Brilliant video. I was discarded by my younger narc. sister just over 6 years ago. It was brutal. And my sin? I dared to set a boundary and refuse her having control over me. It didn’t matter how diplomatic or calmly firm my boundary setting was. Her reaction was utterly brutal. I was discarded out of her life and she turned the rest of my family against me. A year after the discard I lost my beloved husband. He died suddenly from a cardiac arrest. I reached out to my sister and she turned her back on me. At my husband’s funeral none of my siblings attended or rushed to my side to support me. An aunt that I wasn’t particularly close to came to the funeral with her sons, but didn’t offer to stay any longer than the service to support me. I was lucky in that help and support came from my late husband’s family and I didn’t have to ask for help. Within hours of his death my husband’s sister and brother in law were by my side. They did everything because I was incapable of functioning. They arranged the funeral, let everyone know. I had to wait a month before we could have the funeral because it was a sudden and unexplained death and because it was Xmas time. So what did my amazingly caring and loving sister in law do? She helped me pack my bags and took me back with her to her home over the Xmas period. She even had the foresight to help me take down Xmas decorations, saying that when we returned in January it might be worse for coming back into a home decorated for Xmas - wonderfully mindful 👏👏👏. She fed me. She walked with me. We talked, cried, hugged together. And then when it was time for the funeral and we returned to my home, she and her husband were by my side all the way, holding me tight during my worst nightmare, and not leaving to return to their home until they were certain that I had a good support network around me. Even taking my friends numbers in case they needed someone local to me to check up on me. We remain just as close today and everyday I am grateful to have her in my life. And my sister who had discarded me was nowhere in sight. No message of condolence. Just nothing. Beside my grief which has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’ve had to mourn the loss of my siblings. And I’ve had to come to terms with precisely what Meredith is saying here in this video, in that my narcissist sister threw me away without a care in the world. Thanks 🙏 to the loving kindness of my late husband’s family, some wonderful close friends and neighbours, and one brilliant counsellor, I was helped through my dark night of the soul and nursed back to wanting to live again. This is another excellent video, and thank you 🙏 Meredith for talking about this. Bless you for the wisdom you share. ❤️xx But living again for me, having gone through such a brutal discard and abandonment in my hour of need, living again means that I can never allow myself to be hoovered back into my siblings life again. I’ve suffered a number of discards from my sister over a period of 4 decades. But this last one was the discard to eclipse all other discards. There is no going back for me. I’ve worked through my grief and anger and until I saw this video, all I felt for my sister was pity. Pity that she’s chosen a path that I would never choose. But now I can feel something else too. GRATITUDE 🙏. Gratitude that she is no longer in my life and that she’s moved onto another victim or victims.
I want to let you know that your situation is so similar to mine. My narc sister followed in my narc mom's footsteps. She refuses support for me after all that I have so openly and genuinely given to her! I am glad you and I are part of the community of people who are standing up against the narc behavior with a bit-fat "No!"
You had a narc mum too! My sis followed my mum too. My parents died a long time ago but the damage they did lives on in my sister and to some extent my brothers too. Though the discard was tough I’m finding it liberating to be free from their toxic games.
Thank you for sharing this insightful video. The discard by a narcissist, though extremely painful, ultimately gives rise to a resilient and empowered version of oneself.
Dear Meredith Miller, I want to thank you so much for your knowledge and you're positive words. You have helped me call through a 10-year covert narcissist trauma. You really know what you're talkin about and you are the best speaker out there. I love you for that and I thank you all my love to you for sharing your knowledge. You are a very smart lady...an Earth Angel. A big hug back to you. Yours truly, Corinne Contino
Hoovering is TERRIFYING. It's helpful to reach out to your tribe and get support from them; people can ground you and remind you of your truth and reality. I wish I saw these videos a few years back. Thank you so much for your videos!
Thank you Meredith. I needed this today. I just looked at emails to see if I had successfully blocked him after I responded to ex/ narc. I'm guessing he's doing the triangulating. ...It's been 12 years since I met the person who has been winding up my thoughts and making my life a rollercoaster.(which I thought would get better always ..if he just grew up) it's been 3 years since we've been together as a couple and he will act like we are still together. He was doing the email heavy "hoovering" I had changed my number many times because the cycles always repeated. I had allowed even his rage to believe he was bipolar, causing myself to feel sorry for him. I have a special needs family member, my mother shows signs to be a covert Narc and was a heavy alcoholic my adolescence. I could accept alot. I had wanted to help be there for him even more thinking it was a chemical changing him and not his fault. (Even after he showed me violence...as in didn't use words...out of nowhere.. he did the Rhianna 3 separate times in both our cars). It's been a long,sad,hurtful,and lonely journey thinking I could or couldn't help him,... until I finally accepted it's a pattern and started to let go years ago. I'm still healing because he has made me sickly for the last emails as he kept testing and offering things he'd been too stubborn to do before ...which I might have fallen for again. So I'm relieved and realize I do have an energetic tie. It's kind of a weird concept to some. But I hope I can choose it to move on with more self love. I hope this helps someone see it can always get worse if we don't do the no contact.
A year and a half since the discard and I still feel traumatized though I am doing sooo much better. For those of you who have just recently been discarded, watch and read as much as you can about trauma bonds. Read #psychopathfree it is life changing. Date if you want to while keeping in mind that you are not relationship material at this time. Just do it for fun and for practice. Go for walks in nature. Journal. Go for drinks with friends. Go to comedy clubs. Recapture who were before the narcissist. I found it helpful to spend time with people who didn’t identify me as being with him - people I knew before him and people I met after him. Peace and love my friends. You are beautiful.
Thank you Meredith for this wise video. It took me long time to understand this pattern in our relationship. Now I have knowledge and it feels so liberating and powerful.
I was discarded regularly - about 2-6 times per month (with a rare occasional month off here and there during a lovebomb). We traveled on a boat full time together, so generally every time there was a discard it went like this - I’d get upset because he did something terrible and I’d want an apology. He’d refuse to discuss it and discard me - wanting me to “go away” and come back in a few weeks or months when he’s ready to play with me again. At this point he would break me down with cruel words and some occasional violence. I’d agree to leave as soon as we got to port. At the moment I was broken with my belongings packed, he would begin convincing me to stay by lovebombing. It was a constant cycle for almost 2 years. Eventually I had to break it and leave, or I think we would have gotten married and I’d have lived like that forever. He’s done this to at least 3 other women I know of, but probably more. Having us trapped on his boat in international waters is the ultimate control. Life is too short to choose to stay miserable. As soon as I realized how insane this all was I had to get out. It is still hard AF, but life is better now. It’s worth the journey. Thank you as always for your videos! 💜
I was in a car accident that changed my life. I would have involuntary spasms and seizures. My husband would take pictures of me going through seizures and save them. He started taking notes of me forgetting things like the stove on or places. He would also mimic the way I walked due to my injury and said it was a joke. Shortly after my settlement he told me not to tell my children or family members about my settlement and he talked me into giving him money to buy a boat. He claimed to be burned out looking after me and I felt so much guilt that I agreed to move near our daughter so he could pursue his sailing aspirations. He also tricked me into putting 1/2 of the settlement into high risk investments. He was living large on an island while my daughter was left to care for me. At times I couldn’t even reach him and I started to become suspicious when I got in touch with him at 7 pm and he said he was already gone to bed. He came back after the investments went bad. My children and me have woken up to what he is and we are distancing ourselves and setting boundaries. He’s back to work and he’s angry and the mask is slipping. He’s targeting a lonely single lady across the street and I’m hoping he just goes. Looking back we were always in marriage counselling, and now I know why. Our children also have suffered emotionally and psychologically. The sad part he’s almost 60 and crumbling. I’m just so grateful that platforms like this exist. I’m learning so much and getting stronger each day
I've been through this several times with different narcissists. I never cut those energetic cords. I feel like it's hopeless sometimes because I'm very attracted to narcissists. I'm also an empath.
Everything you've explained has just happened to me,even though I saw the red flags.. I was love bombed,had the hot and cold behavior silent treatment, also idealisation and promises for the future,such a whirlwind I had to set boundaries,not long after came the triangulation devaluation and discard. Denies reality, sneeky and unfaithful. I really hope I'm strong enough to stand stronger on those red flags in the future. Thank you for the advice about not blaming yourself.Still need to work on and recognise how to stop attracting these types.
If you're new here I can tell you when I found Meredith...she got it. She knew, she's been thru it and her work speaks for itself. Her meditations, tutorials are beyond helpful. She's not on her just trying to make a buck & quite frankly her fees for her knowledge are ridiculously low. She really does care & you will too. The whole narcissistic ride is such a mind twist it really does take time, work & patience to really unravel it all. I went no contact with a covert narc Mom who was a alcoholic & now a dry drunk. It's a very sick mentality they have & I encourage you put your energy into healing yourself before even beginning to understand their way of thinking. If you don't, you will only be a magnet for more abuse. Meredith has the keys to teach you how to set yourself free but you have to open that door. No I'll not on here pushing her tutorials, I am a survivor. I'm still on that healing journey & am currently doing the Mental Ninja classes. I still to this day refer back to the first SANA videos I started with. The discard is real, they don't give a shit about you or anyone. The before & after picture is a fantastic idea. No more crying, depression, gulit, IBS with no known cause. Until you notice everything changing. You feel better mentally & physically, more energy less stressed. My shoulders are no longer tensely crunched around neck. I can breathe, laugh, have hope & not feel guilty about my own self care. Don't ever give up, there is truly hope to set yourself free & reap those rewards you deserve!!! 🙌
This is so true happened at my work with a work mate. After 3 years i became a ghost instantly to her. It is a blessing in disguise. Just will believe it when i get my strength back!
He discarded me today. Worse feeling ever. I called him out on his bullshit today and he tried to gain control by saying he wasn’t interested in being with me. I knew it was cause I set a boundary. And I learned his games. I was so drained. I use to have so much beautiful energy before I met him. So I said ok and blocked him. Felt like every time I built him up he cheated on me. It hurt when he just threw me away today. After everything. He just asked the day before about needing to talk to my dad. We were talking about getting married, everything was perfect. Everything you said was completely accurate. I’m glad we never had sex though. Wish it didn’t hurt so bad.
Update: he messaged me on a fake page and came back but I knew better so I watched him. He said he changed but his actions said other wise so I let him go and I felt nothing this time. No hurt, no pain. I felt okay knowing I don’t have to put up with him. He is getting all his karma as we speak.
10 years on and off. I didn’t know anything about nbd. But every single behavior was there: the silent treat, manipulation, deceit, gaslighting, devaluation, lying, blame shifting, circular logic, discarding. She never took accountability or responsibility. I walked on eggshells constantly. I become isolated to avoid conflict. She would always cause of fight just before a trip, so she could run back to ex she had hidden. She would talk down to me in front of others. She constantly looked at things of mine to sell or give away. She treated me like dirt. Finally, after seeing messages to her ex husband on her phone, emails, and as many as seven missed calls in a day. I had enough. She did this right before a real estate exam I had. She used me up emotionally and financially. She refused to talk and before she left she spent the entire time on Facebook. She wouldn’t even come to pick up her things. I had to move them to a separate location that was neutral. In the midst of this I ran into on the street and she literally walked by me like I never existed while her friends spoke to me for ten minutes. She stood there silently. I knew her for ten years before we even went out. We worked together as well. I virtually was just an object that she could always rely upon and supported her in multiple ways. She slightly hoovered me a time or to. But not relentlessly. I am sure she has several others who have replaced me. I lasted longer than any other she has had. So, I am sure others will not last. It has taken over three years to get my life back in order. And it was rough. I understand now that I don’t need closure or her twisted explanations🤮. I gave it to myself. I know now who she really is. For all the energy I put into someone else trying to them to love me. I now put into loving me. What a huge lesson to learn! And I feel I contracted some forms of ptsd from it. But, today I am better for it. Countless videos just this I have watched and man, has it opened my eyes.
My ex fit every single category you stated, and I never even realized it until it was too late. Our relationship was amazing, up until I started setting more boundaries with her behavior. Within weeks I was discarded, blamed, and a new man was posted. I always knew she was immature, but you truly helped me realize what actually happened. Thank you.
Very grateful Meredith. Thank you. I am experiencing this on multiple fronts. The most painful being the translator of my spiritual teacher that was supposed to be my "Sangha". Devastating but so good to hear this. I am also framing it as the spiritual teaching of going beyond external authorities. The heartache and disheartened quality of loss of faith has me reexamining what is my source in that regard. Thank you. Blessings
I (stupidly) broke no contact after 10 months to “double check” he was indeed a narcissist and it wasn’t all in my head. He lovebombed me and I (stupidly) got hopeful but when he started devaluing me in a matter of days I didn’t take it this time and told him he was a narcissist, a sadist, a psychopath... Of course he didn’t like that, denied he was any of those things and gaslighted the shit out of me, calling ME abusive. Then he discarded me of course. I’m devastated but at least this time I know that 1. He is definitely a narcissist and 2. He will never change. I’ve gone no contact the proper way this time by changing my phone number. He cannot contact me in any way. Of course I still can contact him but I won’t break no contact ever again. Thank you for this video.
Same for me no contact for 2 days...... he disregard me 2 weeks ago for 3 days cuz he needed space... he hovered me on Christmas and for 4 days perfect all day convo. Calling me.. he said he wanted what we had back again..... after 4 days he told me he would of love bombing he planned a date 2 the movies. But he flaked cuz of dead battery.... I confronted him on it and he completely slowed down on texting and calling me telling me he was busy and didn't have anything 2 say...🙄 love bomb over .. I told him that he has changed and he's not talking to me or texting me a lot anymore and he had no excuse about to say I'm busy so he said that makes me not want to talk to you you don't understand I'm busy but before he was calling me and texting all day doing the overing face a week ago. So I think I'm going through the devaluing phase or either discard because after I told him I was confused about our communication and why he stopped texting and calling all the time when he was trying to get me back he hasn't text me in 36 hours and I talked myself if he doesn't text me I'm not texting and either so we both have to sign up for 36 hours but he is looking at my Instagram stories. But I know I'm the best Supply that he has besides his live-in baby mama....
Thank you so much for this video. I identify with everything you said. In the beginning of the relationship I was a beautiful sunny and grateful person..after 3 years I looked awful, my personality changed as I lost myself to him and became so insecure and felt crazy. I never thought this could happen to me. I am on the road of healing now thank God and you👌
I'm thankful for the existence of this knowledge and the sharing of it. I hope everyone who helps with this realizes how important their work is and how encouraging it is that they do it. Thank you.
It's refreshing to see someone who gives direction on how to move forward. A lot of influencers say "do the work" but never explain it. You pretty much covered it. Also, the mantras were helpful.
I am at #5 but hid some money before he could make me entirely broke. I was literally discarded on the side of a highway with no where to turn but to walk along the side to an off ramp. Trusting again will be hard but I still want to give and receive love. It is too hard to love a narcissist because it is exhausting and makes one question their own sanity. Thank you for this video, it is like a light in the darkness. We are all worthy of love regardless what the narcissists tell us. 💜
My son discarded me about a year ago and it still hurts. No one is really familiar with narcissism and how it works but I feel you are spot on about it. His words and actions really cut me to the core and he refuses to let me see the grandchildren. Your video has really helped me and I thank you so much.
It’s really sad that this happens to people. The pattern of this discard phase just happened to me, right down to the triangulation phase and hovering. You did a great job explaining it. This brought clarity to me. Thanks for sharing.
A million thanks Meredith for always posting such powerful reminders about the ugly truth of the narcissists. I don’t know how my life would have went if I didn’t come across your channel about a couple of years ago, and yet I always learn new things with every video you share. Looking back at my last encounter with a narc I knew all along after the discard that there was someone else already, what I didn’t know is that new supply was actually in the same room with the narc when we had our last few video calls, in other words when he hovered me just so that he could triangulate us and make the new supply jealous, meaning that the new supply after hearing us talking about our must intimate bedroom jokes and stories, will have to work really hard to show the narc that he can do even better!!! My advice is to avoid hovering, because you’ll be just played and then thrown out in the garbage in no time!!! Don’t give them any chance to have your words or calls recorded. When you’re not face to face contacting one another be super cautious that he’s not recording or just showing their new supply your video chat. JUST NEVER TRUST THEM AND REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE YOUR ENEMY and deal with them accordingly, even when they say all the right things got you to soften and open up. Don’t give them what they want you to give!!!!!
Being discarded is a blessing in disguise.
Oh yes it is💯
Exactly
Exactly!
Literally 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 what’s hilarious my ex narc friend said via text he wouldn’t be talking to me anymore.
Yet a week after the discard responded to my begs and pleas. Then continued to silent treatment and breadcrumb.
Now he’s calling ....going on 6 months of the discard / silent treatment. They’re textbook lol 😂 just crazy 😜
It really is!
Being an empath does not equal being a doormat. I'm a discard and proud of it!
💪💗😎
Right on!
It's a great FINE LINE to finally commit to being on the "wrong" side of, indeed
Same here!
The discard is the best gift a narcissist will ever give you. Becoming indifferent to their existence is the best gift you will give yourself. Another awesome video Meredith. Thank you.
How did you get to that place? Having trouble doing no contact
@@jenineyannucciello8718 Details of your situation and effort needed, Jenine, because I don't see it as hard, just rewarding. So add some info please..
When I’ve been discarded, I noticed that it was actually my that energy repelled them... I became wise to them, started to love myself and then they disappeared. It’s amazing once you see the patterns. Discard brings peace ✌️ it’s not your fault. You are worthy! Thanks Meredith.
Yeah, you become like a fox, you can sniff them out so fast once you know what to look for! When you have good boundaries and respect other's boundaries and they walk all over yours, you just keep them up and ''bye bye,'' Narcy-narc just can't handle it! They'll (kindly (heh heh, my piss take) discard you! So, you win :)
I feel nothing but respect and empathy for that next supply. It breaks my heart to see that she has choosen another good man to tear apart... God bless him!
I feel the same way
😞
The hoover speaks volumes because after months and months she recently contacted me telling me she still loved me, pathetic is what came to mind
Scott C My Ex-narc contacted me over email after six years of no contact, and said we should fix our relationship, but when I asked him if he ever truly loved me when we were together, he said “I cannot tell you that.” I said, “ ok, then I’ll take it as a no” he said “think whatever you want “ HE IS ABSOLUTELY SICK IN THE HEAD. By this time I already knew I was dealing with a narcissist, but I just wanted to hear what he’s answer was going to be. He’s a total empty hole. No emotions of any kind.
BrownSugar 83 I was shocked, how could a person claim love to a person they haven’t seen in months and especially a person she raged at and treated terribly
I knew the discard was coming because I had prayed for clarity & sure enough, I was “discarded” after dinner at his place. I went along with it, no argument as I knew at the moment it was a blessing. I’ve got my life back! Thanks for all your valuable information!
I fasted and prayed and was discarded.
I prayed for clarity too and also next day discarded lol
Me too..x
Thank you, Meredith 💕 It's so creepy that evil people walk among us, but NOBODY SEES THEM except the victims!!!!!! 😱
If you told anyone that would think it was you being nasty but you know the truth
No one believes you!
This woman's passion, consistency and sincerity is simply aspirational. Love you dear Meredith. ☆
Methodz Acting Academy AMEN TO THAT!! I just love her🙏🏽❤️
I saw mine coming and preempted it.
The devaluation started after I had set a expectation of growth in the relationship.
Yes, triangulation. I was lucky that the new supply allowed me to quietly slip away.
Same. She just didnt want to go past the party honeymoon stage.
Lucky you! Blessing..
Sounds like my relationship. I wanted to progress our relationship. Shortly after that I started thinking he was cheating and he started giving me the silent treatment. I later found out he was in contact with his ex and cheating.
My usefulness has expired. Hooray!!!!!
Well yehaw me too thank god!!
Yaaaaaay...my ex narc block me..I'm not surprised..
Same
Your usefulness as a means to someone's end has ended!
Haha, I needed a laugh, because I'm coming into the sunlight and this makes me smile even more
My discard came three days before thanksgiving. Within a week she was onto the next sucker.
In retrospect, I had been telling myself one lie after another until my health was crumbling.
As painful as the discard was, I have grown from the experience
I'm glad you are growing!
Literally the exact same thing is happening to me.... days before thanksgiving. Im so torn up about it but i see their true colors now it just hurts and i cant stop thinking about it
I gain fat when I'm abused. A few days ago I found a photo of myself from spring 2018, when I was being discarded. Terrifying... Overweight, cringed, grey-looking. Thank God it's over!
Our cortisol levels increase when we are under stress. This causes weight gain.
I'm glad you have found your way back to a healthy lifestyle.
Omg me too . My narc actually got me to lose weight i was utterly brainwashed into beinh her clone. I lost loads was discarded but put some on as a direct result of the whole narc abuse. Narc is probably delighted i have gained weight. But i can address the weight and have never beenn more me more confident more independent having instigated no contact two yesrs ago. I have regained a few pounds but I have regained my life and my sanity. I also have a new and better life and am a leader now not a pathetic thin sheep ha ha. Incidentally thin me was not the person i aim to be. This time i will have my own weight loss agenda and aim to become healthier. Thin dont mean you are always happier and that life is just for the thin folk. Life is about living and we shud say bye bye narc and go kick up our narc free heels. Yehaw all escapees!!
Take it easy on yourself. You are special and loved. 🙂
Zuuzaankaaa same here.
yeS! But I have been dealing with other narcissists in my life so still grey looking and overweight.
The question that haunts us is did we fail the relationship? Did we in some way? Stop beating yourself up. They are crazy, you unexpectedly went into the abuse, got addicted to their fear, obligation and guilt and confused that for love and now you are free. It was never a true relationship to begin with it is a manipulationship. The best thing you can do is all the more wiser and learn from this encounter. You are a human being and deserve dignity and respect and deserve to have zero tolerance for any kind of abuse.
This was helpful. Thanks. I was discarded 4 months ago and have been very anxious ams depressed. Cannot seem to move foward
@Jenine Yannucciello, how are you now?
Its painful, but a necessary cleansing process for emotional growth.
Tnx for the emotional uplifting.
I am still having moments of grief for the times that were good. I miss the illusion of protection. I feel empty and lost right now. Mornings are the worst. Your video helped so much this morning.
cheryl duckworth i feel same. Cannot sleep. Have been having terrible anxiety in mornings. Feel empty too
@@jenineyannucciello8718 hang in there it gets better. I now feel a little bit better looking forward to getting a good job still then I think things will come to rights, take care, go out and mingle a little bit and flirt some too it helped me
🥺😢
HE WAS RUTHLESS. A CUT THROAT DISCARD. I AM STILL TRAUMATIZED!
How are you now?
I realize now the first discard happened because I WAS beginning to wonder "what the hell is going on here?" and I was no longer being as cooperative or fawning. That said, I did go back to him after the first "Hoover", and the cycle was indeed quicker and more severe. I realize now the second discard came after I tried to tell him that the first "break up" left me feeling ..."discarded"; at the time I was not aware of "Discard" or even "Narcissist". Telling him I had felt "discarded" (simply looking for some closure and reassurance and an adult conversation) caused severe Narcissistic Injury and a terrifying and bewildering temper tantrum ...which, of course, I was not allow to call a temper tantrum. Thank you Meredith for helping to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
I was too weak at the time ,,fighting stage 4 liver failure waiting on a transplant list,,when he found another supply and discarded me after ,,16 yrs of marriage,,,THE UNIVERSE KNEW WHAT I NEEDED AND GAVE IT TO ME ,,I am happy to report I got A new liver, healthy again,no contact for 4 yrs ,,even my 19 yr old now knows his Dad is crazy,!!! It was extremely hard at the beginning ,,i was so betrayed on all levels,,but i THANK the universe for getting rid of him ,since i was too weak at the time to do it,,my family stepped in got me back on my feet and
I am walking on sunshine now !! Thank you Meredith your videos are AWESOME !!
So happy for you! Stay healthy and know the universe loves you.❤
Wow..you are strong!! God Bless you..💝💝🎈🎈
Congrats on that awesome victory! Wishing you all the best 😃
I would say to always remember that no one is lucky, blessed or better off to have them. They try to make it seem that others are getting something because they are better than you but really no one is better or luckier but instead they are unlucky .
I needed to see this tonight :(
I was discarded without knowing what was happening. I just brushed it off thinking he’ll come around. It just kept happening. It was like being “not there” or feeling like trash. But I kept thinking, it was not happening. Nobody is that awful. But then, he came back like nothing happened. Very confusing.
Only after learning narcissistic abuse with your channel, I was able to realize what was happening.
Thank you Meredith
🙏🏻😊
4 years ago for me. That was the single most painful experience in my life. I felt crushed and scared out of my mind but I maintained a strict no contact , zero for her .And I watched a lot of Meredith's videos along with many others. I'm glad I did because today I don't feel any more pain and I don't care one bit about her anymore. I used to be highly codependent and lost without someone in my life. I've come away from this much much wiser, stronger and my life is way better than it was when I was with her back then. To anyone just starting this journey You can do it. And thank you Meredith
I started researching the abuse after 18 years...... found out about grey rock. I implemented it and it took 8 weeks to be discarded.
Great job! When we starve them of supply they have to move on.
It's your safe bet.we can't read thir minds?
Watching the narc as she discarded me in a dirty mean and callous way was my wake up call. It was also the day she unmasked herself and showed the ugly reality of who and what i was dealing with. I will never forget the raw pain the utter disbelief and the sudden realisation that the person ihad thought of as family a friend for life had been abusing and manipulating me was horrifying. Hurt and all as i was i cud see that no one shud b treated like this. It spurred me on to doing no contact and i have kept to it for almost two years. All ypu have said here really does hit a chord and im so glad i got away and regained my life my mind and my self worth
I know i need to do no contact but cannot let go. I still text every few days just wanting closure. Its been 4 months since i was discarded. Need help on how to do it
The wrinkle in your voice when you talk about discard tells me about your personal pain. Thank you for sharing that with us. It helps us get in touch with the devastating effects of having love ripped out underneath us when we are already trying to do everything right... They show no mercy!
It’s so sad- But it’s true. I am always Asking myself- How can i Love someone who Doesnt give a Shit on me. It’s sad. We have to secure ourselves.
To leave them remember to get a life. Book in counselling, start an art class. I booked into a great course for survivors of abuse. Getting educated on how to exit the abuse cycle really helped. Thanks Meredith.
The discard happened right after I started questioning some of his behaviours. I sent him an email with a load of questions on simply because I just couldn't understand what he was doing and why. Then the next day he sent one back whinging that I obviously don't trust him to question him like that and that after a lot of thought he decided to finish it with me. It took me a long time to get over that and also many years of healing, but it most definitely was a blessing in disguise and I'm really thankful that the resulting illness forced me to look at myself and discover the patterns of being used by narcs all through my life. Thank the Gods! :)
Same here once I started to have a voice and started questioning certain things, yip got discarded after 34 years of marriage. Been 5 years now definitely does gets easier. You just be mad for putting up with a lot of sxxx for so long. My friends and family say he done me a favour, definitely living my life and dreams now 🙏 wishing you all the best for your future.
@@selfloveforever7901 Well done, and best wishes to you too. :)
@@DevonExplorerthank you 😊and you also.
just going through this now . the discard has happened (3rd time now) and i feel phsyicaly drained . thankyou for your videos they and this 1 have been a great help
Me too...second time.
Thank you Meredith. My Narc love bombed, discarded two times. Yep, not having knowledge of the Narc part of the demon, I let him back in. I went so far as to allow him back a third time. Telling him, three strikes and you're out for good. When I saw the signs coming for another discard, I sent him packing before he could do it to me. I am No Contact for 4 months. He is hovering still. I will make a believer of him. He is gone for good. Very sorry for the victim next chosen. Time now for me to heal from the abuse, and I am. Grateful for videos like those you do, to help me.
Wow. This describes my being discarded - exactly.
Mine from about a year ago...this is the first video of this type that actually melted some of my pain away.
He took half my life, 35 years, and left me alone and sick. You are wise and beautiful. Thank you for helping all of us out here.
Meredith, you are a treasure. ❤️
I’m so happy I stumbled upon your videos! I’m recovering from a narcissistic mother, ex-husband of 23 years, and “boyfriend” of 3 years. I’m now realizing that I’ve never known a healthy loving relationship and I’m grateful for being discarded by the boyfriend. That was what helped me identify the narcissism I’ve lived with all my life (52 years). I have a lot to heal from, and a lot I still struggle with. Recently I encountered a man that didn’t love bomb and Hoover. I didn’t know how to handle it and actually felt rejected so I cut ties with him because I felt he wan’t interested. Now I see that that was how NORMAL people behave! Relearning how to have a relationship with “normal” people is so difficult even though its what I yearn for.
Thank you. I finally figured all this out. I’m finally in control and it feels great.
Good for you Donna! Happy for you!
I’ve recently discovered the troves of riches on TH-cam about narcissist abuse. My Dad is an insecure bully and an overt narcissist who abused all three of children over many years. I’m in “no contact” with him now, which is a peaceful place to be.
It’s my covert narcissist younger sister who causes me much pain. Your TH-cam videos have been the single best source of guidance for me on how to deal with the covert narcissist. I love your work, and thank you for it! Three years of therapy about my sister prepped me for your material, but never once did my PhD psychologist mention the word “narcissist” when referring to either my sister or my dad. I’m now determined to maintain “no contact” with my sister. She initiated it. She dumped me in January after informing me that she was “DONE” with our relationship. She’s been hoovering in cruel ways since then. But since we live on opposite coasts and have no ties that bind us except our traumatic childhood, it is physically and logistically a simple act to cut off all contact with her. It’s the emotional part that’s hard.
Your mentoring is such a great help! Please keep the videos coming.
so beneficial to me right now wow thanks.
you laid it out perfectly. i'm going through exactly this after she left me 2 months ago.
she did every single narc move like a textbook...especially during the discard.
new supply already lined up and after 15 yrs, it's like i never existed and she jumped right in with another guy she had lined up.
all while telling stories about her big escape from her "abuser" aka me, for me barely starting to stand up for myself and set boundaries etc.
and she left owing me over $100k as well.
lol her new twitter account is called "freedom" lol.
freedom from what??? her responsibilities?? promises and lies that caught up to her?? or from being an adult????
i'm trying to get past the hate part at this time...and these videos are my lifeline.
thanks
Oh yes, he said to me that he had dodged 'another' bullet 😂 wow he's dodged alot lol
channel-z sounds very similar to my experience. After 5 years living together with my child I started to really stand my ground noticing the inequality in the relationship. She was becoming more and more selfish and devaluing me. Nothing I did was ever enough. I think on some level she knew I was onto her albeit I consciously didn’t know what she actually was. The discard was sudden and brutal. She smeared me an abuser. Just like her ex before me. The pity ploy story she hooked me in with on our very first date and repeated for months until I knew the story word for word. I’m sure she is doing the same to her new supply. The dissonance, the fog and the trauma bond is a constant battle for me. It takes up my whole mind space. Almost three months have passed. There is no closure or settling the score.
Justin
yes my friend. i'm on 3 months now too...and my mind just spins and spins.
they are satanic for what they do to us.
pure mental torture.
we just gotta hang tight and push through day by day, and remember all the cons, so our minds don't mess with us by trying to get us to remember the pros...which were just an illusion.
i swear your mind will try to get you to think of things that make you even miss them if you're not careful about it.
just keep remembering the cons, not the fake pros. write them down even and look at them when your head spins.
this has helped me.
stay blessed
It really is mind blowing when you realize how similar they ALL are - male, female, it doesn’t matter... they follow the same patterns with only a few superficial differences!
It’s been 3 months since this comment, so I do hope you have been able to move past the hatred/anger (righteous anger!) phase... but oh boy do I understand it! Having the very person who belittled, mocked, manipulated & abused you for years, discard you in the most painful & humiliating way, then turn around and tell the world that YOU are the abuser... well, it’s just heartbreaking! There really are no words that truly capture the injustice of this scenario!
In a way, I think this part of the discard (the smear campaign where they play the victim) is harder on men who’ve been the target of a female narc ... the general public is quicker to accept an accusation of abuse towards a man, without really pausing to consider the man’s account of what happened, and I can only imagine how frustrating that would be!! As painful as it was for me to have the man I (thought I) loved, tell everyone I was abusing him for 6 years, no one that actually knows me believed it for a second.
I do hope you are healing & recovering! I’m only 4 months out, so I’m still waiting for the worst of the anger to subside 😬
" Thank God, that person isn't my problem anymore" nice I like that, Thank You for saying that, I'll keep reminding myself. 😊
Being discarded saved my mind. Thank the lord
I love the clarity in this video. Clarity is like a superhero in this situation, when you’re already beaten down by a pattern of abuse and then you’re stunned by a betrayal and you’re asking “What just happened to me?” You need that clarity to get out of the fog and take the first steps to protect yourself.
You are so right on. Meredith is gifted at saying a lot with few words. When I watch other videos that people do on Narc abuse I have to ask myself. “Is this person doing this to look smart by using big words as they ramble on and on or is this person sincere about helping others?” Obviously Meredith is the later. I don’t even waste my time with other channels. You can tell they research the subject and put videos out like they are the expert. To truly understand this you need to have lived it like Meredith has. I’ll put Meredith up against any professional shrink.
This was so helpful. Found my husband cheating after years of being together and the hardest part was the discard. He was cruel and hateful. Completely threw me and my kids away. I have been trying to wrap my head around it. This makes total sense to me. He knew I was starting to see him clearer the last few years. I wasn’t his ideal supply.
I had been discarded twice by him. He always got me back by being overly sweet and kind, saying stuff like if you come round and we have a cuddle it will be ok. The third time I called him out on him being secretive with his phone, even going to the shop to use it. So then of course he said you don't trust me! (Well doh!) I said it's your behaviour that's in trustworthy. I saw a shift in him, so I gathered my stuff from his house without him knowing. A few days later I had the discard again. He said I will send you your things, to which my reply was, I have already got my things, he went mad and said 'would you have ended the relationship???!!' like it was only him who was allowed to. Third time I knew it was coming so I prepared myself
Being discarded is hard and very painful I felt horrible I cried for months telling myself why . Especially when I saw him with someone else so quickly. It hurts that a person can treat us like trash,I know that I will never get an apology from him, but I'm glad that it's over . Its very hard to make myself feel valuable but I know that I am valuable and that one day someone is going to love me and value me.
Spot on Meridith. Everybody take all this as a no spin zone truths. All of it. You'll do better when you quit denying the hope you will ever see a ounce of a real relationship.
You are right on the money,Meredith,i ve been discarded again and only because your videos i begun to understand what did happened to me,the abuse,the neglect,the objectification,and on and on only now i found out what it was,i ve call them out,and they did it again...
So , keep it up,Meredith!!!!
From the country that is called a garden by the sea,Portugal, much love!!!
Great video. I am dealing with this. Cycle repeats over and over again. Discard, Hoover, you stop them, they gaslight, then discard, hoover ... maybe in different order but it is a cycle of pain. Break the cycle. This video is the truth!!! You are better off without them.
That with how long we think about a piece of trash before we throw it to the garbage bin... So true!!! And so powerful. We must stop feeling guilt for people who don't really care at all.
Great video, again. Thanks so much
Meredith is always spot on! If you are new to this give yourself the gift and just listen to her. In time it will all make perfect sense
Not watched these videos for a while.Such great content.
Being discarded is a compliment guys! Hang in there, have no communication with the leaches(ever again ideally) and you'll see the blessings that came from the abuse and the discard 😘
Zarah your in denial!!.,🛑🛑🛑❤️the devil took my beautiful wife and 2 STEPKIDS. ON August 1st ,
AND IT WI,LL B E UNSURVVABLE, MAYBE I LIVE 6 months, maybe a year BUT IM 50. AND GOT ARRESTED On
8/01/20 MY WIFE OF. 12. YEARS LEFT, MY WIFE WAS SUPER FINE, SENSUAL, EROTIC, SOFT KINDNESS,
😭. WILD IN A tasteful, way, When we were. UNCLOTHED underneath the SHEETS. 📌the pleasure
she gave me still to THIS DAY ERODED MY. ABILITY TO. FUNCTION. IN. SOCIETY, I wonder if anyone reading EXPERIENCED SEX TO THE. DEGREE THAT YOU NOW BEG FOR DEATH.?. THIS IS A FATE Farr WORSE THAN DEATH..,,,,, I am now super stressed, irritable, and without the INCREDIBLE TOUCH from my lover and wife of 12 years, 3 DAYD AFTER ITURNED 50 it began.
Up
💥🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽PLEASE PRAY I DIE . ☠️💀💀💀💀💀THIS IS A FATE FAR WORSE THAN DEATH.🛑🛑🛑🛑☠️☠️☠️☠️Definitely
such clear advice, fantastic. yes, got the discard a couple weeks ago, and yes it was due to getting woke. thanks for being the woke master.
Their Non-Human-ity is cringy... N. 5 too close to the bone !.. We deserve so much better!. Love the new format & the dreamy font color, btw !!.. 😘
It took 27 years to figure out. But now I am all but completely drained.
He didnt even miss his daughters and grandchildren. I would never go back as Im to healthy now. Still single, busy and loving this new life. Best thing that happened to me. To anyone in the beginning stage u do heal and recover. I didn't even want to live due to he tried to destroy me finacially and the smear campayne was aweful. I got in counseling and stayed in for 2 yrs. I have my home back, I'm financially better off 4 years later and my grandchildren have no narcissist in their lives. l almost 4 yrs NC and LOVING LIFE. I took all Meredith's advice and listened to every video when I stumbled onto her in. Feb 2017. Stay NO CONTACT thats how u heal. I could run into him and he could be with the most beautiful woman and I could careless because they do not love. Proof they don't love he discarded his own daughters and grandchilden
Thank you I needed to hear this.
When i figured out my sister was a covert and i began saying no to her. She discarded and unleashed a hellish smear campaign on me. Shes so pathetic!!
Wish I knew about this when I was going through this, it's a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE experience and anyone going through this my heart goes out to you, work on yourself and in time you will see it as the BIGGEST BIGGEST BLESSING EVER and you do get to this stage believe me took time but life is BRIGHTER AND PEACEFUL now and definitely sooo much HAPPIER, they didn't DESERVE US they are extremely damaged WEAK INDIVIDUALS AND HAVE TO CONTROL AND BULLY people to try and stay in control of them and while they doing this they looking for new supply behind your back, it's absolutely DISGUSTING THE WAY THEY LIVE. you deserve sooo MUCH BETTER.
He discarded me emotionally and physically but has no intention of actually leaving or divorcing me. Have you ever heard of that scenario? it would ruin his image and drain him financially - his two biggest fears.
That sounds like a covert narc! They rarely initiate divorce even though they may discard you and live like separate lives under the same roof. You might want to look into a good attorney if you want the divorce to move forward. Your husband will become more overt in that process because he will be losing the supply which at this point are his image and his finances.
Thank you for your helpful advise. I appreciate it very much.
I know
My X offered me to stay in our family home, didn’t want to mess with his finances and his image. Obviously I did not want that. He said I ruined his retirement plan 😂 even though he was doing the discard. I think wanted people to think we were still together 😂 I was telling everyone and he told me they don’t want to know 😂 no he didn’t want me to tell them to ruin his charming image. They are all sick con people. Better away.
Meredith Miller I love you!!!!
They discard...IM TAKING THE TRASH OUT!!! They do it us for free!!!
The trash took itself out!! Even better 🚮
Married to a Narc for 13 years! Love Bombed me and I thought I hit the jackpot meeting someone like that! She mimic me, mirrored me thinking that she loved everything that I loved! She was the perfect soul mate.....so I thought. We bought a new house in a new city last year, moved everything in to start a new life. During that time I broke my ankle and doctors found Cancer. I was bed ridden for many months going through treatment. She started working out, losing weight and snapchating....grooming new supply. She was talking to different guys, coming home at 5 in the morning for 3 days straight. I put my foot down and put down boundaries .....so she left! 4 weeks has gone by now! I was Devalued, Discarded and Hoovered! I told her to never call me, text me ever again after she took all her belongings from the house, unless it was the divorce papers. I am happier and free from the toxic relationshit we had. The whole 13 years was a facade, thinking back of all the other people she was hoovering and manipulating! The thought is disgusting but you are right. I need to find the gratitude that she and her dysfunctional family is no longer in my life!
Rapture Ready so
Sorry to hear you had to go though this. Hope you are recovering from it all
@@jenineyannucciello8718 Thanks, I'm doing much better! Started a new job and not thinking about her! Its really lonely living in a big house by myself especially during Christmas but that's life. I like your videos....I use to wrestle in High school! =)
@@MrCryptler69 thank you...and glad to hear you are doing better. my dog keeps me company when lonely- maybe a pet could help?
Been there, got the t-shirt. Just before leaving my ex. I went to a therapist to find out where I had gone wrong and how not to repeat it in future. As soon as he heard what I was going through he instantly labelled my partner as a narcissist. This was in 1993, btw.
After a few sessions, I moved a hundred miles away and began no contact. Then the hard work of self-analysis and behaviour-change really got under way. Library psych and self-help books, journalling, dream journals, inner child work, spiritual readings, meditation and prayer - mostly of gratitude - all helped. I made my recovery a full-time occupation.
For me the first real breakthrough was acknowledging, naming and owning my feelings. I think this is totally critical as feelings are super intelligent, but we don't generally know this. They are fantastic guides.
Then began a process of changing behaviors from spontaneous reactions into reasoned responses. This took courage because my reactions had been defenses - I had my share of neuroses to overcome you see, from long before the marriage.
I sought models of reasoned and admirable behaviour and speech from the real world around me and persuaded myself to do likewise. This was scary at first. It meant dropping the defenses to be more the way I wanted to be in the world. But then, realistically, how dangerous can it be to imagine and then imitate ways you admire?
I won't say how much time elapsed, but I refused to form a new romantic relationship until I was more than certain I understood everything now and had fully healed.
Now I was capable of recognizing genuine goodness in a potential partner and responding likewise. I'm not saying anyone could do it alone as I did, although there are abundant examples of people healing themselves. Karen Horney's books are a good place to start if this is to be your journey. I had some advantages. I was able to see for myself how my parents behaved around children - not all positive, believe me - this gave me great insight into the origins of my neuroses. Furthermore, I had a background in psychology, though in a different field - developmental, educational and adolescent psychopathology but not clinical, which all this is. However the clinical language, constructs and concepts were familiar to me.
At one time I was convinced that no one else would be able to do it alone as I had done , and this may still largely be true. To this day I encourage people to seek professional counselling in one of its many forms. Seek a form or a counselor who 'clicks' with you. They'd better be a good listener, though. It may be the bravest, and it will certainly be the smartest thing you ever did.
Today I find clinical work fully engaging. I doubt that it's really possible to be a good clinician without having undergone recovery oneself, as much of the process, and certainly the full effect has to be experienced, and cannot be adequately described to one who hasn't been through it. Best wishes to all, and thanks for your videos and books, Meredith.
I love your straightforward truth. I love your bluntness.
Thank you so much for having this channel and for making this video. I feel so hurt and crushed inside after being discarded. I'm just learning about the narcissist and the manipulation that occurs. I have always blamed myself, always wondering why I'm never good enough, why people never stay with me. Now I realize that I have been choosing people who are wrong for me and my sensitive nature. My empathy is overflowing and manipulative people like to take advantage of this. I believe that I am drawn to manipulative partners because of their boldness, ambition and lack of fear. I love myself yet deep down I don't think anyone else does. This fear of not being accepted and liked for who I am causes me to gravitate to manipulators because they are so good at talking you up and making you feel special. But I never see the desecration that is about to happen, that feeds their insecurities. I need to start believing in myself enough to stop this attraction. I am going to therapy regularly so this is definitely something I am going to be working on. My new mantras: I will no longer be made to feel crazy because of their gaslighting tactics. I will love myself enough that I will no longer react to their criticisms and nitpicking. I will believe that there are people in the world who will love me just the way I am, even while I am in the process of bettering myself and healing from past wrongs. There are loyal people who will not walk away when I get emotional because of my ADHD and personal sensitivities. I am enough. I am a good person. I am loved. I am not alone.
smcthatisme yes. This is true. You deserve real love and will find it
Everything you’ve said is true. I suspected there was another woman and questioned him. Then I suffered a major illness and was hospitalized. That’s when the devaluation phase began. A few months later he started an argument and cut me off. I recently found out that he married his new supply shortly after. I was devastated and wanted closure. We had a face to face conversation, but I’d been watching your videos and others like it so I knew not to expect anything. I saw him for who he is and he spun everything so in that regard, I got what I needed. It’s been a month and it gets a little easier every day.
Thank You For Sharing
I Have Gone Through Years
Of Depression Anxiety Low
Self Worth Low Self Esteem.
After Being Horribly Discarded Like Trash
I Have Finally After 4 Years I Have Learned
To Except This And The First Thing That I
Did Was Stop All Contact.its Been A Month
And I’m Proud Of MySelf.You Think Its Ur Fault
It’s Not Narcissists Are Very Sick Dangerous
Ppl.Getting Off On Humiliating There Victims..!!
Demetria Gaines i am having trouble doing no contAct. Wish i could stop
Demi Gaines 🛑🛑🛑❤️the devil took my beautiful wife and 2 STEPKIDS. ON August 1st ,
AND IT WI,LL B E UNSURVVABLE, MAYBE I LIVE 6 months, maybe a year BUT IM 50. AND GOT ARRESTED On
8/01/20 MY WIFE OF. 12. YEARS LEFT, MY WIFE WAS SUPER FINE, SENSUAL, EROTIC, SOFT KINDNESS,
😭. WILD IN A tasteful, way, When we were. UNCLOTHED underneath the SHEETS. 📌the pleasure
she gave me still to THIS DAY ERODED MY. ABILITY TO. FUNCTION. IN. SOCIETY, I wonder if anyone reading EXPERIENCED SEX TO THE. DEGREE THAT YOU NOW BEG FOR DEATH.?. THIS IS A FATE Farr WORSE THAN DEATH..,,,,, I am now super stressed, irritable, and without the INCREDIBLE TOUCH from my lover and wife of 12 years, 3 DAYD AFTER ITURNED 50 it began.
Up
💥🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽PLEASE PRAY I DIE . ☠️💀💀💀💀💀THIS IS A FATE FAR WORSE THAN DEATH.🛑🛑🛑🛑☠️☠️☠️☠️Definitely
@@conqururfear I’m So incredibly Sorry For Ur Pain Believe I Understand.Please Stay Strong..
@@jenineyannucciello8718 I Do To Struggle With Going No Contact Know I’m Being Given The Silent Treatment 😓😢
Demi Gaines Also got arrested in May 2019 DWI which was reduced, And she SAID that she probably couldn’t handle it if I got arrested again, so what do you think? I’m wondering if I AM REALLY THE ONE TO BLAME. people try to tell me that since we obviously live UNDER SAME ROOF and we’re married that SHE should’ve been more vocal in helping SAY NO TO ME, BUT SHE DIDNt,In my mind I’m still the one at fault and she’s 100% exonerated
Brilliant video. I was discarded by my younger narc. sister just over 6 years ago. It was brutal. And my sin? I dared to set a boundary and refuse her having control over me. It didn’t matter how diplomatic or calmly firm my boundary setting was. Her reaction was utterly brutal. I was discarded out of her life and she turned the rest of my family against me.
A year after the discard I lost my beloved husband. He died suddenly from a cardiac arrest. I reached out to my sister and she turned her back on me. At my husband’s funeral none of my siblings attended or rushed to my side to support me. An aunt that I wasn’t particularly close to came to the funeral with her sons, but didn’t offer to stay any longer than the service to support me.
I was lucky in that help and support came from my late husband’s family and I didn’t have to ask for help. Within hours of his death my husband’s sister and brother in law were by my side. They did everything because I was incapable of functioning. They arranged the funeral, let everyone know. I had to wait a month before we could have the funeral because it was a sudden and unexplained death and because it was Xmas time. So what did my amazingly caring and loving sister in law do? She helped me pack my bags and took me back with her to her home over the Xmas period. She even had the foresight to help me take down Xmas decorations, saying that when we returned in January it might be worse for coming back into a home decorated for Xmas - wonderfully mindful 👏👏👏. She fed me. She walked with me. We talked, cried, hugged together. And then when it was time for the funeral and we returned to my home, she and her husband were by my side all the way, holding me tight during my worst nightmare, and not leaving to return to their home until they were certain that I had a good support network around me. Even taking my friends numbers in case they needed someone local to me to check up on me. We remain just as close today and everyday I am grateful to have her in my life.
And my sister who had discarded me was nowhere in sight. No message of condolence. Just nothing.
Beside my grief which has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’ve had to mourn the loss of my siblings. And I’ve had to come to terms with precisely what Meredith is saying here in this video, in that my narcissist sister threw me away without a care in the world.
Thanks 🙏 to the loving kindness of my late husband’s family, some wonderful close friends and neighbours, and one brilliant counsellor, I was helped through my dark night of the soul and nursed back to wanting to live again.
This is another excellent video, and thank you 🙏 Meredith for talking about this. Bless you for the wisdom you share. ❤️xx
But living again for me, having gone through such a brutal discard and abandonment in my hour of need, living again means that I can never allow myself to be hoovered back into my siblings life again. I’ve suffered a number of discards from my sister over a period of 4 decades. But this last one was the discard to eclipse all other discards.
There is no going back for me. I’ve worked through my grief and anger and until I saw this video, all I felt for my sister was pity. Pity that she’s chosen a path that I would never choose.
But now I can feel something else too. GRATITUDE 🙏. Gratitude that she is no longer in my life and that she’s moved onto another victim or victims.
I want to let you know that your situation is so similar to mine. My narc sister followed in my narc mom's footsteps. She refuses support for me after all that I have so openly and genuinely given to her! I am glad you and I are part of the community of people who are standing up against the narc behavior with a bit-fat "No!"
You had a narc mum too! My sis followed my mum too. My parents died a long time ago but the damage they did lives on in my sister and to some extent my brothers too.
Though the discard was tough I’m finding it liberating to be free from their toxic games.
Ruth- Thank your lucky stars that you have such a wonderful support system. That's a gift from God.
Thank you for sharing this insightful video. The discard by a narcissist, though extremely painful, ultimately gives rise to a resilient and empowered version of oneself.
Dear Meredith Miller,
I want to thank you so much for your knowledge and you're positive words. You have helped me call through a 10-year covert narcissist trauma. You really know what you're talkin about and you are the best speaker out there.
I love you for that and I thank you all my love to you for sharing your knowledge.
You are a very smart lady...an Earth Angel. A big hug back to you.
Yours truly, Corinne Contino
Hoovering is TERRIFYING. It's helpful to reach out to your tribe and get support from them; people can ground you and remind you of your truth and reality. I wish I saw these videos a few years back. Thank you so much for your videos!
Thank you Meredith. I needed this today. I just looked at emails to see if I had successfully blocked him after I responded to ex/ narc. I'm guessing he's doing the triangulating. ...It's been 12 years since I met the person who has been winding up my thoughts and making my life a rollercoaster.(which I thought would get better always ..if he just grew up) it's been 3 years since we've been together as a couple and he will act like we are still together. He was doing the email heavy "hoovering" I had changed my number many times because the cycles always repeated. I had allowed even his rage to believe he was bipolar, causing myself to feel sorry for him. I have a special needs family member, my mother shows signs to be a covert Narc and was a heavy alcoholic my adolescence. I could accept alot. I had wanted to help be there for him even more thinking it was a chemical changing him and not his fault. (Even after he showed me violence...as in didn't use words...out of nowhere.. he did the Rhianna 3 separate times in both our cars). It's been a long,sad,hurtful,and lonely journey thinking I could or couldn't help him,... until I finally accepted it's a pattern and started to let go years ago. I'm still healing because he has made me sickly for the last emails as he kept testing and offering things he'd been too stubborn to do before ...which I might have fallen for again. So I'm relieved and realize I do have an energetic tie. It's kind of a weird concept to some. But I hope I can choose it to move on with more self love. I hope this helps someone see it can always get worse if we don't do the no contact.
One should aknowledge the brutal reality of the narcissistic discard
A year and a half since the discard and I still feel traumatized though I am doing sooo much better. For those of you who have just recently been discarded, watch and read as much as you can about trauma bonds. Read #psychopathfree it is life changing. Date if you want to while keeping in mind that you are not relationship material at this time. Just do it for fun and for practice. Go for walks in nature. Journal. Go for drinks with friends. Go to comedy clubs. Recapture who were before the narcissist. I found it helpful to spend time with people who didn’t identify me as being with him - people I knew before him and people I met after him. Peace and love my friends. You are beautiful.
The painful truth will set you free.
Love the blue background and great video..thank u again
Thank you Meredith for this wise video. It took me long time to understand this pattern in our relationship. Now I have knowledge and it feels so liberating and powerful.
I was discarded regularly - about 2-6 times per month (with a rare occasional month off here and there during a lovebomb). We traveled on a boat full time together, so generally every time there was a discard it went like this - I’d get upset because he did something terrible and I’d want an apology. He’d refuse to discuss it and discard me - wanting me to “go away” and come back in a few weeks or months when he’s ready to play with me again. At this point he would break me down with cruel words and some occasional violence. I’d agree to leave as soon as we got to port. At the moment I was broken with my belongings packed, he would begin convincing me to stay by lovebombing. It was a constant cycle for almost 2 years. Eventually I had to break it and leave, or I think we would have gotten married and I’d have lived like that forever.
He’s done this to at least 3 other women I know of, but probably more. Having us trapped on his boat in international waters is the ultimate control. Life is too short to choose to stay miserable. As soon as I realized how insane this all was I had to get out. It is still hard AF, but life is better now. It’s worth the journey.
Thank you as always for your videos! 💜
Thank you. 🙏
Thank you @Lisa C
I was in a car accident that changed my life. I would have involuntary spasms and seizures. My husband would take pictures of me going through seizures and save them. He started taking notes of me forgetting things like the stove on or places. He would also mimic the way I walked due to my injury and said it was a joke. Shortly after my settlement he told me not to tell my children or family members about my settlement and he talked me into giving him money to buy a boat. He claimed to be burned out looking after me and I felt so much guilt that I agreed to move near our daughter so he could pursue his sailing aspirations. He also tricked me into putting 1/2 of the settlement into high risk investments. He was living large on an island while my daughter was left to care for me. At times I couldn’t even reach him and I started to become suspicious when I got in touch with him at 7 pm and he said he was already gone to bed.
He came back after the investments went bad. My children and me have woken up to what he is and we are distancing ourselves and setting boundaries. He’s back to work and he’s angry and the mask is slipping. He’s targeting a lonely single lady across the street and I’m hoping he just goes. Looking back we were always in marriage counselling, and now I know why. Our children also have suffered emotionally and psychologically. The sad part he’s almost 60 and crumbling. I’m just so grateful that platforms like this exist. I’m learning so much and getting stronger each day
I've been through this several times with different narcissists. I never cut those energetic cords. I feel like it's hopeless sometimes because I'm very attracted to narcissists. I'm also an empath.
Everything you've explained has just happened to me,even though I saw the red flags.. I was love bombed,had the hot and cold behavior silent treatment, also idealisation and promises for the future,such a whirlwind I had to set boundaries,not long after came the triangulation devaluation and discard. Denies reality, sneeky and unfaithful. I really hope I'm strong enough to stand stronger on those red flags in the future. Thank you for the advice about not blaming yourself.Still need to work on and recognise how to stop attracting these types.
If you're new here I can tell you when I found Meredith...she got it. She knew, she's been thru it and her work speaks for itself. Her meditations, tutorials are beyond helpful. She's not on her just trying to make a buck & quite frankly her fees for her knowledge are ridiculously low. She really does care & you will too. The whole narcissistic ride is such a mind twist it really does take time, work & patience to really unravel it all. I went no contact with a covert narc Mom who was a alcoholic & now a dry drunk. It's a very sick mentality they have & I encourage you put your energy into healing yourself before even beginning to understand their way of thinking. If you don't, you will only be a magnet for more abuse. Meredith has the keys to teach you how to set yourself free but you have to open that door. No I'll not on here pushing her tutorials, I am a survivor. I'm still on that healing journey & am currently doing the Mental Ninja classes. I still to this day refer back to the first SANA videos I started with. The discard is real, they don't give a shit about you or anyone. The before & after picture is a fantastic idea. No more crying, depression, gulit, IBS with no known cause. Until you notice everything changing. You feel better mentally & physically, more energy less stressed. My shoulders are no longer tensely crunched around neck. I can breathe, laugh, have hope & not feel guilty about my own self care. Don't ever give up, there is truly hope to set yourself free & reap those rewards you deserve!!! 🙌
Another excellent video!! Thank you so much!! I just bought your book the Journey, can’t wait to start reading it.. thank you again. 🙏🙏🙏💯💯💯
This is so true happened at my work with a work mate. After 3 years i became a ghost instantly to her. It is a blessing in disguise. Just will believe it when i get my strength back!
Grateful for you Meredith!! Sending you lots of love!!❤❤❤
He discarded me today. Worse feeling ever. I called him out on his bullshit today and he tried to gain control by saying he wasn’t interested in being with me. I knew it was cause I set a boundary. And I learned his games. I was so drained. I use to have so much beautiful energy before I met him. So I said ok and blocked him. Felt like every time I built him up he cheated on me. It hurt when he just threw me away today. After everything. He just asked the day before about needing to talk to my dad. We were talking about getting married, everything was perfect. Everything you said was completely accurate. I’m glad we never had sex though. Wish it didn’t hurt so bad.
Update: he messaged me on a fake page and came back but I knew better so I watched him. He said he changed but his actions said other wise so I let him go and I felt nothing this time. No hurt, no pain. I felt okay knowing I don’t have to put up with him. He is getting all his karma as we speak.
10 years on and off. I didn’t know anything about nbd. But every single behavior was there: the silent treat, manipulation, deceit, gaslighting, devaluation, lying, blame shifting, circular logic, discarding. She never took accountability or responsibility. I walked on eggshells constantly. I become isolated to avoid conflict. She would always cause of fight just before a trip, so she could run back to ex she had hidden. She would talk down to me in front of others. She constantly looked at things of mine to sell or give away. She treated me like dirt. Finally, after seeing messages to her ex husband on her phone, emails, and as many as seven missed calls in a day. I had enough. She did this right before a real estate exam I had. She used me up emotionally and financially. She refused to talk and before she left she spent the entire time on Facebook. She wouldn’t even come to pick up her things. I had to move them to a separate location that was neutral. In the midst of this I ran into on the street and she literally walked by me like I never existed while her friends spoke to me for ten minutes. She stood there silently. I knew her for ten years before we even went out. We worked together as well. I virtually was just an object that she could always rely upon and supported her in multiple ways. She slightly hoovered me a time or to. But not relentlessly. I am sure she has several others who have replaced me. I lasted longer than any other she has had. So, I am sure others will not last. It has taken over three years to get my life back in order. And it was rough. I understand now that I don’t need closure or her twisted explanations🤮. I gave it to myself. I know now who she really is. For all the energy I put into someone else trying to them to love me. I now put into loving me. What a huge lesson to learn! And I feel I contracted some forms of ptsd from it. But, today I am better for it. Countless videos just this I have watched and man, has it opened my eyes.
Same thing happened to me
My ex fit every single category you stated, and I never even realized it until it was too late. Our relationship was amazing, up until I started setting more boundaries with her behavior. Within weeks I was discarded, blamed, and a new man was posted. I always knew she was immature, but you truly helped me realize what actually happened. Thank you.
Very grateful Meredith. Thank you. I am experiencing this on multiple fronts. The most painful being the translator of my spiritual teacher that was supposed to be my "Sangha". Devastating but so good to hear this. I am also framing it as the spiritual teaching of going beyond external authorities. The heartache and disheartened quality of loss of faith has me reexamining what is my source in that regard. Thank you. Blessings
As always loud and clear...thanks Meredith :)
I (stupidly) broke no contact after 10 months to “double check” he was indeed a narcissist and it wasn’t all in my head. He lovebombed me and I (stupidly) got hopeful but when he started devaluing me in a matter of days I didn’t take it this time and told him he was a narcissist, a sadist, a psychopath... Of course he didn’t like that, denied he was any of those things and gaslighted the shit out of me, calling ME abusive. Then he discarded me of course. I’m devastated but at least this time I know that 1. He is definitely a narcissist and 2. He will never change. I’ve gone no contact the proper way this time by changing my phone number. He cannot contact me in any way. Of course I still can contact him but I won’t break no contact ever again. Thank you for this video.
Same for me no contact for 2 days...... he disregard me 2 weeks ago for 3 days cuz he needed space... he hovered me on Christmas and for 4 days perfect all day convo. Calling me.. he said he wanted what we had back again..... after 4 days he told me he would of love bombing he planned a date 2 the movies. But he flaked cuz of dead battery.... I confronted him on it and he completely slowed down on texting and calling me telling me he was busy and didn't have anything 2 say...🙄 love bomb over .. I told him that he has changed and he's not talking to me or texting me a lot anymore and he had no excuse about to say I'm busy so he said that makes me not want to talk to you you don't understand I'm busy but before he was calling me and texting all day doing the overing face a week ago. So I think I'm going through the devaluing phase or either discard because after I told him I was confused about our communication and why he stopped texting and calling all the time when he was trying to get me back he hasn't text me in 36 hours and I talked myself if he doesn't text me I'm not texting and either so we both have to sign up for 36 hours but he is looking at my Instagram stories. But I know I'm the best Supply that he has besides his live-in baby mama....
Thank you so much for this video. I identify with everything you said. In the beginning of the relationship I was a beautiful sunny and grateful person..after 3 years I looked awful, my personality changed as I lost myself to him and became so insecure and felt crazy. I never thought this could happen to me. I am on the road of healing now thank God and you👌
I'm thankful for the existence of this knowledge and the sharing of it. I hope everyone who helps with this realizes how important their work is and how encouraging it is that they do it. Thank you.
It's refreshing to see someone who gives direction on how to move forward. A lot of influencers say "do the work" but never explain it. You pretty much covered it. Also, the mantras were helpful.
Well presented all 100 percent positive advice. Thank you.
wow wow wow You have given me answers that I have looked for for 20 years! You are amazing. Thank you for your work,
I am at #5 but hid some money before he could make me entirely broke. I was literally discarded on the side of a highway with no where to turn but to walk along the side to an off ramp. Trusting again will be hard but I still want to give and receive love. It is too hard to love a narcissist because it is exhausting and makes one question their own sanity. Thank you for this video, it is like a light in the darkness. We are all worthy of love regardless what the narcissists tell us. 💜
My son discarded me about a year ago and it still hurts. No one is really familiar with narcissism and how it works but I feel you are spot on about it. His words and actions really cut me to the core and he refuses to let me see the grandchildren. Your video has really helped me and I thank you so much.
I come to this video from time to time. Helps a lot. Thank you
Thats how i feel now thank god he is not my problem now and i mean that 😊
It’s really sad that this happens to people. The pattern of this discard phase just happened to me, right down to the triangulation phase and hovering. You did a great job explaining it. This brought clarity to me. Thanks for sharing.
So good. Thought I was doing better but feeling a bit blue today. This video helped me to remember the truth.Thank you.
I was discarded today and I can’t stop crying I can’t sleep!
Did it ever occur to anyone how flattering it must be for narcissists to be getting so much attention? 🐯
A million thanks Meredith for always posting such powerful reminders about the ugly truth of the narcissists. I don’t know how my life would have went if I didn’t come across your channel about a couple of years ago, and yet I always learn new things with every video you share. Looking back at my last encounter with a narc I knew all along after the discard that there was someone else already, what I didn’t know is that new supply was actually in the same room with the narc when we had our last few video calls, in other words when he hovered me just so that he could triangulate us and make the new supply jealous, meaning that the new supply after hearing us talking about our must intimate bedroom jokes and stories, will have to work really hard to show the narc that he can do even better!!! My advice is to avoid hovering, because you’ll be just played and then thrown out in the garbage in no time!!! Don’t give them any chance to have your words or calls recorded. When you’re not face to face contacting one another be super cautious that he’s not recording or just showing their new supply your video chat. JUST NEVER TRUST THEM AND REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE YOUR ENEMY and deal with them accordingly, even when they say all the right things got you to soften and open up. Don’t give them what they want you to give!!!!!