why covid time feels like depersonalisation
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2020
- know what i mean?
the dprp charity i'm an ambassador for www.unrealuk.org/
main music channel: / doddleoddle
vevo: / dodievevo
twitter: / doddleoddle
instagram: / doddleoddle
my music is on all platforms like Spotify and iTunes! Just type in "dodie".
business contact: josh@dodie.co - บันเทิง
“it’s okay because it has to be” the story of my life
but if i'm being honest that mindset has helped me a lot. It's gonna work out because there's no way it could not, there's no other option. So worrying is useless, you know?
fully how i'm coping with shitty life right now 🙃
@@KessyMar I fully agree but this also makes me even more anxious cos ~there's no other option~
i know it in my head, but it hurts to hear it
If it can be "okay" right now, it will be Okay later.
“to be honest most of you have got it by now”
ITS BUILD A PROBLEM
:O
NOW I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
BEAT ME TO IT
@@triniy an album or a song maybe???
I originally thought it could be Found A Problem, but it could be this too! I’m so excited either way
“Feels like I can’t SEE anything enough. Feels like I can’t open my eyes wide enough”
Holy shit you described it. That’s exactly what it feels like to me. Thank you thank you thank you
My depersonalisation feels like I'm not real, but everyone else is. Everyone has a life and a goal and people they love or hate and a story and I'm so overwhelmed by that feeling that I feel myself disappear until there's only a body left that pretends to be me and looks mostly like me, but there's clearly something different. It's just hard to tell what
same, i see everyone living and i feel like im watching myself live. it feels like im not connected to my body, im floating inside of this shell that's trying to look like me but somethings wrong about the face, or the hands, its just off..
You've both worded excellently how I feel, so thank you for that!
What you must understand is that derealisation is nothing more than a protection mechanism. A clever bluff. Your soul/mind is absolutely fine. The only reason it stays with you is that you fear its presence and place importance upon it. I had DP for ages, a couple of years. I never have it anymore ever. You must completely normalise DP, you must tell yourself every day it is nothing more than a protection mechanism and is harmless, then go about your daily business without fear of it. And over time you take the fear away from it and eventually itfades and disappears. Don't look too deep into it, you have not been extracted from your body or reality or your soul or anything like that. You must see it for what it is, a harmless trick of the mind and you will be able to free yourself from it. It really does work I promise, i'm living proof.
I feel that too, sometimes it even happens whilst I'm talking. I also feel that 'something's very different, but what is it?' kind of feeling, just replying so you know there are even more people who feel the exact same as you, you're not alone in your state of consciousness, or what seems like a lack thereof sometimes
wow! Mine is the exact opposite. I feel like I'm the only one who exists and all my loved ones will slowly fade until there is nobody left
thank you.. for just being you. i was talking to my mom about all of the “dodie eras”, and she said “wow, you guys have really grown.”
i was in fifth grade when i found you. now i’m in high school and everything is very confusing and scary; i have no idea what i like, or what i dislike. i have no idea who i am. it’s terrifying.
one of the only things i can count on is my love for your music. while i’m trying to ‘find myself’ i always try to look for the constants. “i don’t like ketchup.” “i don’t like going in the ocean because of the creepy crawly creatures.” my brain would always go to the negatives. but, now i know.
“i like dodie.”
Thats so beautiful.
I used to feel just as lost as you. And when I read your comment I realized that I don't feel as lost as I did anymore. Don't get me wrong I will always be learning new things about myself haha. But just know that there is always progress. And the fun is actually in the process.
Anyway, lots of love :)
thank you for sharing hun, i’m in the same space but didn’t know how to put it into words
this comment made me cry. I relate so hard
yo we're in the same boat- i found dodie when i got my uke in grade 4 and now i'm in high school as well
you’re writing style is beautiful! do you write often?
It's comforting to hear you talk about this. Wanted to type out a whole thing but just.. thank you.
I second this sentiment 100%-Was gunna type out a huge thing but ultimately just want to say this is comforting and thank you.
I agree! So good to know I'm not the only one.
many many people are nodding and smiling in our mind when we read this comment
I'm glad this is at the top right now. I was halfway through typing out a whole thing before I realized it's too much effort to try and put into proper words. I'm just... so fucking exhausted and exasperated...
@@storyspren Same thing right here. It truly is exhausting but hey, we got this :)
"It's okay because it has to be" is a very powerful thing to internalize.
Forcing yourself into that mentality is very difficult sometimes.
My therapist told me that a lot of people’s mental health declined during COVID because it feels like trauma all over again and COVID is the abuser. It’s the same pattern except we don’t have access to our usual coping mechanism (going on walks, seeing family/friends, being distracted at work etc).
The lack of stimuli in my house has really made my derealization go crazy whenever I step outside lol
does anyone else get a lot of depersonalization while wearing a mask? (I always wear my mask despite this, stay safe) I think the bit of vision it obstructs makes me feel like I'm not really there, and like I am in a dream
@@melancholy_mushroom yes!! it still feels new and fake and as if I'm wearing a costume and I'm an actor in a dystopian film where the air is unsafe to breathe, if that makes any sense
the lack of stimuli in my house made it feel like watching tv for 40 minutes is too damn much and it sucks
@@melancholy_mushroom yes. Particularly while wearing masks that aren't as breathable.
Sameee
The "not being able to open my eyes wide enough" description is so accurate. Derealization freaks me out even after a few years of experiencing it on and off.
!!!yes!!! i've described it to myself as "i've lost my peripheral vision"
@@georgeweasleyswife Yeah! Like I can’t take enough visual information in to process everything!
why am i literally crying this is. how i've felt for years and I never knew it had a name I never knew other people experienced it too. just. thank you oh my god
same I cried so hard watching this!! Dodie describes it so well it’s refreshing to hear someone else’s words be so relatable
It happend the same to me when I realized what I have. It was in 2020
i am sitting here, violently weeping. you just explained my life and i think i might have depersonalization. thank you for making me feel seen.
I know how u feel it’s horrible, hit me up if you need to chat I’m from the uk.
people call me space cadet because i’m always oUT oF tHIS wORLD
and not like in the above average way in the it feels like my head is FULL of s a n d
SKCNNSNFS FULL OF SAND YES
It really be like that
ｗｈｅｒｅ. ａｍ ｉ？？
i JUST got a astronaut tattoo today to symbolize my derealization HAHA
@@poohthewinnie7396 I love that! It makes me feel cool rather than a problem lol
I like that green color, DODIE GREEN
@@brookskirsch2744 lol yeah
omg we'll have a whole dodie rainbow soon
I was 20 when i got depressed and did absolutely nothing, no fun memories no fun experiences, just nothing and when i turned 24 and I told myself im going to get my shit together im going to have so much fun its going to be THE year for me but COVID happened. i turned 25 yesterday, felt like nothing happened when i was 24 I achieved nothing and that makes me extremely depressed. I feel hopeless, i want to give up I feel so behind compared to other people my age
My heart cries for you, it'll be your time soon 💓
please never compare yourself to others. there is no right way of living life, we are all going through this in our own way, so try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️🙏🏼
There's a secret I'll let you into. Everyone's just trying to make it look like they're having a great time and doing loads, but they actually aren't. Most people are struggling to figure their shit out just like you. No one has everything figured out. They just make it look like they have
Hi I know I don't know you but you are so loved. I struggle with mental health too and it can be so hard. People love you. You are special. All the best ❤️
You're not behind you're just on time, figure out some things you would like for yourself in your life don't see how to get them but just what you would like. What you might like to bring to other people's lives also. Little by little you'll start getting intuitions if your following the right breadcrumbs. And boosts of confidence to put thoughts into action. Good luck and have fun x
i’ve had derealization for almost 6 years now, and i hear you
the past 8 months have felt like a distant voice calling for me, like a distant and confused dream i can’t quite remember.
i lost so many weeks because i was so detached from reality that time flew by like it would during a dream, and i can barely remember what i did during that period.
i’m sorry, and i understand you
I’m 12 and you helped me realise what I was feeling wasn’t normal, not a lot of people believe me because of quarentine and “everyone feels that way right now” but I don’t think they’ve ever been up at 2:00am gripping at their scalp trying to ground themselves. Your video about depersonalization help me better understand that I’m not crazy. And it makes me feel better to know that this can stem from my gender dysphoria as well and not just deep rooted trauma. I cried watching this because it makes so much sense to me. I love u and ur music Dodie!
Sending lots of love to you!! Keep reaching out, someone will listen and understand, I promise
Good luck my love, we support you!! I hope your friends can learn to understand where you're coming from a little better so they can support you xx
If you have anyone in your life who can help you through this, make sure you ask, you deserve someone to be there for you xx
Good luck with everything, and know that we love you for who you are here on this platform xx I believe in you ! xxxx
i found out that i have derealization a year or two ago when in like 8th grade. it’s really nice to know that there’s a reason why i feel so spaced out sometimes. it’s really difficult when i’m with my best friend and they’re having fun but i’m just trying to figure out how to not feel like a video game character lol. try your best not to get annoyed or angry with yourself for however you feel. this goes for anything. we get the best of ourselves sometimes. it’s also really nice to find others that you can relate to when it comes to derealization. anyways i hope you’re doing well. everything’s been super weird but you’re not alone with this feeling. ♥️♥️
Hold the Line love! We got this!
Hey. My DR symptoms started when I was 12, and I want you to know that it gets better! I'm 17 now, and I had a few years of pretty bad symptoms, followed by a long stretch of time where everything seemed pretty ok. The covid situation and some other life stuff has made it worse again, but even now it's not as bad as before because I know how to deal with it. I hope people will believe you-- getting help can be hard! Stay strong, I believe in you.
I'd describe it as feeling like you're living someone else's life in their body or like you went on vacation and never came home and time does not feel REAL
Yes! Like watching and living life in like a theatre through your eyes....nvm that doesnt make sense...sorry
@@pluto1056 That actually makes perfect sense! It's like you're trying to take everything in but it doesn't feel completely real so when something big like covid or even any minor change in your life happens you just can't process it
lmao its like i went on vacation right before covid and now i can't come home, my body's just floating around and i'm watching from a crappy zoom call trying to gain control of it from afar.
Depersonalisation story:
I was officially diagnosed with this charming condition about 3 years ago to go along side the severe anxiety and depression which was a relief to put a name to the feeling. I’ve been watching dodie for like 7 years and relating to her stories it was nice to know I wasn’t crazy. After a decent bit of therapy and doctors it’s believed I’ve had it for most of my life after some splendid childhood trauma but then the alarm bells went off after more lovely trauma my brain went into intense lockdown (pun intended) in about 2017 where I was in the lowest of lows and my knight in shining armour was the depersonalisation trying to save my brain from the trauma. It has definitely been in waves of severity but has definitely always been there. I have almost no connection to emotions thanks to my brains coping mechanism and might cry maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. The feelings of being spaced out are so current and I always feel like a robot when talking about emotions. I don’t remember doing everyday activities or at work will ask who did a task only to find out I did it but with no memory due to being on auto pilot. The energy trying to stay in the moment with friends and not zone out can be exhausting. Scratching or pinching my arms to feel something and keep myself in the moment. But it’s part of my life, I joke and laugh about it cause that’s all we can do. So here’s to us 🥂🤙
Have you visited visit dpselfhelp dot com? Read the recovery stories? You can be completely free of DP, as you say its a protection mechanism. I hate to see people suffer from it because I had it for ages and know how terrible it is. I still got anxiety but not DP. It can be beaten belive me, you just need to view it differently, normalise it, take the fear and significance away from it and eventually it will fade and disappear.
Literally same. Ive had many intrusive thoughts about cutting myself just to feel something because emotionally its very hard to feel
If you don't mind me asking, what trauma did you guys go through? I know it's hard to talk about so don't feel pressured to do so, share as much or as little as you like. I just feel like I never know if the stuff I went through is "bad enough" to be considered trauma, and if they could have caused my mental disorders. I'm curious to know what other people have been through so I can feel more welcome and comfortable.
As someone who struggles with depersonalisation, the biggest low for me is when I’m even convincing myself that my depersonalisation isn’t real. That’s when I get really nervous. Because if what I’m feeling, is what everyones feeling then the world seems so sad to me....
Anyways, struggling to feel alive is awfull. Don’t ever make someone feel like they’re being silly or “fake” even.
We feel bad enough as we feel....
As someone who has depersonalisation, I feel like I'm much better at coping with this covid situation than people around me. It definitely has to do with the fact that I usually feel like this, so I know what to do when I feel like shit. It also feels like I'm losing less moments and life things than others, probably because my emotions are usually limited, and happiness is never really that happy. It's just a continuation of my limbo
I have Depersonalisation, its horrible during these times, bless all of you.
I hope you feel well
@@evi68 I luckily have a great support team, I’m sure a lot of others are in tougher situations.. But its not great ❤️
what do i do
@@despactiocheeto8542 Seek help.
@@despactiocheeto8542 Don’t be afraid of psychiatry, you won’t get locked away, psychology helps.
anxiety + weed + radical life changes + covid caused it all for me. i genuinely thought i had lost my mind and was going crazy until i found out just how common it was. you are not alone and i send so much love to anyone going through this x
This is literally me! Same exact situation!
@@chloerose331 hey i hope youre doing okay!!! its been about 4/5 months now and its getting better, distracting yourself by focus on other things (studying, reading, netflix, dancing) has helped me the most. also remember these are such weird times right now, so its bound to feel even weirder. so much love you will get better again i promise x
@@ellie-nb7jy hey how are you feeling now?
I don’t have a diagnosis but most times i feel just out of it. like everything seems super bright and muffled and blurry and my brain can’t focus on anything and i’m just there. you just described how i feel and it makes me feel way less alone!
GUYS I FIGURED IT OUT!! I was just watching yesterday‘s video again, and I noticed something. Do y’all remember like a year ago when dodie made the video “what you up to” and about halfway through there was a little thing and she said “here’s a glimpse of a few musical endeavors I’ve been up to.” There were three one second clips of songs. The second one was guiltless, and the third one was boys like you, but the first one remains unknown known as of right now, and the tune is EXACTLY THE SAME AS YESTERDAYS HUMMING
WOWOW u right!!
that's pretty sick
They've done it, somebody give this person a job at gchq, they've cracked it.
For context, the video they're referring to is here:
th-cam.com/video/UI0wAWqivDw/w-d-xo.html
In said video, Dodie writes, "have not produced it yet but I think I'm gonna do it mostly myself" and when's a better time than when stuck alone to put in said work, hmmmmm?
You are so smart
Which tune is the first one again?
oh that's why everything feels like a cloud. just a cloud. i don't know how else to describe it but you really managed to put into words.
Yeah I know what you mean. Like a literal fog over everything
I call it my misty brain. 😖
@@SniKenna the technical term is called brain fog :) common symptom as well
dodie: "so I'll take what I can get"
Me: "cause I'm too damp for a spark--"
kisSING SICKLY-SWEET GUYS CAUSE THEY SAY THEY LIKE MY EYES
@@esme_melody but I'd only ever see them in the dark
silviaonline im sick of faking diary entries
@@WaddleandBiscuit can i get it in my head?? ill never be sixteen again :(
@@alienbang im waiting to live, and waiting for love
its always nice to hear that i'm not the only one going through this shit
My depersonalization feels like being a ghost in my own life, like my body is moving without me and I’m just watching from inside my mind. Love you, Dodie, I hope you find moments of relief
i feel the same exact way. you're not alone, stay strong
Yes exactly. I struggle mostly with derealization, and Sometimes I describe it as looking at everything through a foggy glass door. You can still see through the door, see what’s going on through it, but it’s not quite as clear. You can still hear what’s going on on the other side but it’s slightly muffled. So you CAN participate in these senses but only a half of the way. And for now, I guess that’s okay 🤍
@@sbjade9812 I think you just gave the best explanation of it I have ever heard. It's so hard to put into words, but you did it really well!
Someone was saying the harmonies might not be from the album because they sound too similar, I think rather than being directly taken from songs in the album, they could be dodie using melodies from (different songs on) the album as a basis and adding harmonies for fun? Just a thought.
heheheh
haha i think you're right
@@doddleoddle you do be laughing at your children for making us start theories like crazy ppl
@@doddleoddle love dodie being sneaky using the other channel so it doesn’t highlight this comment
Assuming the intros are part of the album (or related) then it looks like @Michaela Horan has spotted a clip of a song that will be on the album that we got to hear in May last year!
Comment Link: th-cam.com/video/TUyE6MPEuz0/w-d-xo.htmllc=UgxulS2tHhSLVmpZfOt4AaABAg
when dodie went " la LA LA LA LA la la la la aAaAaAahaahahaaaahaaAaAAA " at the end, i felt that
i have depression and anxiety, and i didn’t know how to explain that feeling of things not being real, or not feeling fully here, and now it makes so much sense to me. the way you explained it sounds exactly like how i feel
the way this was worded is so nice, you can tell dodie really has grown a lot with dealing with this. :)
I have to say i am lucky in that sense i don't have depersonalisation as a full on disorder but i experienced this as a symptom of grief, right after my best friend died in a car crash last year (he was 19) .so it's always way nicer to hear when people tell you to enjoy what you still can, instead of this patronizing kind of advice like everything will be super amazing soon just hold on. Nah. while it's good to have hope, sometimes terrible things happen for no reason, you just have to learn how to pick yourself up again and again.
I'm sorry about your friend. I have depersonalisation but it was never horrible until covid happened. It isn't the "cause" of my anxiety but it definitely doesn't help. Sometimes I will forget to respond to a text from a friend and go into a spiral of "they hate me because they think I don't want to talk to them" and such. My sister got diagnosed with something really bad(can't say) and then my Cousins horse died. the first horse I ever rode. She was so sweet and good with kids. I really just felt like I wasn't there. Everything was blurry and I don't remember most of it. I remember listening to dodie music constantly though and playing "big bowl in the sky" by cavetown. I dont know how to end this..
I hope you have a good day
i’m sorry for your loss. i lost my cousin last year, who was an incredibly close friend of mine, when she was only in her 20s and i was 19. the derealization that came with grief was truly like something i could never have imagined and would never wish on someone. its true, sometimes the most we can do is try and try again to pick ourselves back up. im wishing you peaceful healing, as this pain takes time to honor. sending love your way
@@jillianrachel2020 Thank you. I am sorry for your loss as well. It sucks, but we will make it through, I am sure of it.
I relate so hard to the “oh are you feeling spacey?” thing because my family does that a lot whenever it’s really noticeable and I’m just like yeah I’ll be fine it’ll go away in a bit but it never really does it just kinda lessens slightly when I don’t give it a lot of attention?
there are so many things i just don’t say even if they told me to tell them. like of course my parents want to know how i’m feeling and how to help and i’m thankful for them. but the attention part of it is always to much for me. either i’m really anxious about it or i get annoyed because they don’t understand. whenever they’re concerned it puts me in a really weird position and id rather just not say anything.
i hope you’re doing well tho. ♥️♥️
goddamn i felt this. my parents dont really notice it but i'll notice and tell myself "ah it'll go away soon, just dont think about it" but it never really does. For me, everytime i notice i'm not feeling dissociative, it kicks right in x10.
“I always like it when people with depersonalization comment on my stuff” MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEEEE you literally get me through this
im literally crying watching this because I could never describe how it felt and you explained it perfectly. I also got depression after I got this symptoms and I just feel so similar to you...
you’re the one who helped me realize i’ve got this. getting help for it now. very appreciative of you being open about it :)
who else now wants to hear her sing "for forever"?
after singing waving through a window i have craved her singing every single deh song (except to break in a glove 🤢)
@@mintywallflower OMG PETITION FOR DODIE TO SING BOTH PARTS IN TO BREAK IN A GLOVE
@@guyismyhigh 😤😤😤
my anxiety has been something i can only describe as a wildfire during covid times due to being alone with myself and i’ve recently been feeling ‘disconnected’ with myself and everything feels... not real. but i do remind myself that you feel somewhat the same as me and it brings a little bit of comfort, i think? this video made me feel very seen and thank you very much, you’ve blindly been there for me since 2017 and i appreciate you a lot so thank you ❤️
Dear Dodie. I usually never comment but I just felt like I have to tell you this. I've lived with DPDR for almost 10 years, probably due to some childhood trauma I repressed. I never knew about depersonalisation/-realization, but when I saw your video (something like "it feels like I'm dreaming all the time") I was like, oh god, that's what it feels like! And then I had a name for it, I knew I was not the only person in the world, feeling like this. It really gave me hope and strength during the time it was the worst. You described it all so beautifully. It's like not being there 100%, vegetating between your subconscious and what's real, like you fell back in your mind and see everything through a grey veil. I never went to a therapist or got medication, I didn't even tell my parents about it. (I still haven't) Only a few friends, but talking about it made it more normal and I felt less like a non-existent person. I don't know if I'm cured now since I still have some moments in my life, where I feel dissociated and muted, but my illness has become a smaller part of my life. I don't think about it all the time and I can even "control" it at some times. And that's the biggest part about it: Not letting your DPDR take such a big part of your thoughts and your life. Trying to "zoom in", to not ask yourself all those philosophical questions all the time, to just accept your state-of-being. Because when you tell yourself all the time that you're not normal and something's wrong, then it won't end. Not thinking about it or "ignoring" the feeling is the best advice I can give you - it helped me to come back! And when I know think about my state, my DPDR feels so far away, I can't even totally describe the feeling I felt because it's so surreal to me now.
Wish you all the best! You can do this! Thank you for changing my life.
That's really interesting to hear! How long did you have to ignore it for before you started to notice changes? For me it can be tricky, like constantly trying not to think of a pink elephant...
@@rickstarz Not the OP, but it generally depends on what triggered it.
Overall, however, what helped me overcome it for the most part (still have isolated episodes here and there) is not focusing on how long it would take before I'd come out of it. I know it's very hard, and difficult to explain, but you just have to constantly try distracting yourself. Any time you start focusing too much on DPDR, find something else to do. Read, play a game, listen to music. Every time. In the beginning, it won't feel like you're making too much progress, but eventually you'll see the results.
Also, accepting that this will be a part of your life for a while definitely helps. In my case, I just told myself that if I'll be suffering from this for decades to come, I'll still do the things I've always wanted to do. Why? Because, in the event that I were only cured of DPDR at, say, age 60-70, the worst I could say is what a shame it was that I didn't get to fully enjoy my experiences, as opposed to, "I never did any of the things I wanted to do because of DPDR". Having some sort of experience is still better than none at all.
6:00 she’s defo singing “take what you can get” bruhhhhHhhhh
i think since arms unfolding we cant trust her no more :D
And “so many things” at 6:48 as wel
@@veronicagould9347 I was just about to comment this!
she replied to someone else on another video and said it wasn’t another hidden song thing but now I’m confused?? 😭
I think it's a reference to her song When! "I'll take what I can get cause I'm too damp for a spark"
I have dpdr as well. It's been really hard. Just wanted to comment to let you know that you're not alone. Youve got your community of foggy drunk nonpersons all floating around the matrix together! It's good to hear you open up about it. That makes me feel validated and seen 🤗🥰
Queen of making what i think in my head into actual comprehensive words. I sent this to like five people to see if they can understand what i meant when i said "oh i feel like this most of the time so I'm fine" when covid struck hard back in March.
I didn't even know what depersonalisation was as a concept until I read your book and realised that you were describing my exact symptoms over the last umpteen years and decided to actually google it. I'd never been able to explain it and I just thought it was me overreacting most of the time and assuming I was different when I wasn't, and it was kind of a relief to realise that it's an actual thing, even if I can't really do anything about it. I've been saying that this year feels like what anxiety feels like, but you're right, it's more about depersonalisation than anything else. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you. ❤
THE HARMONIES AT THE BEGINNING AHAHJHSSH
My friend said it’s from what u up to
going to listen to orla’s song but i will be back
she has a new song !?
@@gogo_crunchy8926 yes it comes out at midnight whatever time zone ur in x
legend i support that decision
rly was hoping to find a comment in the replies of u saying you're back ajdlkfaljsd
what’s the name of the song? i can’t find it,, :/
Something that I find helps with my derealization is when I’m happy -deeply truly happy, even when I feel like I’m dreaming- I tell myself “in this moment I am happy” and then travel back to those times whenever I can’t feel the reality I’m in.
i struggle with derealisation, depersonalisation, dissociation, the whole lot. its a fight everyday hoping it wont happen. at one point i was dissociated 90% of the time really and had a bad time with derealisation yesterday. it sucks, and i cant imagine having it chronically. i hate it when i loose my memory. knowing the answer to something i need to figure out like where am i but my head not allowing me to know the answer and accepting the knowledge into my head to comfort me. its so hard and i wish i knew how it could go away. but at the same time sometimes i do like that i can just float away for a little. not feel anything. im not saying that ignoring chronic suffers, i hate it most of the time. just trying to talk about things i guess.. this is long and im tired. thank you for the video it helped me focus for a bit when im kinda in crisis. hope your all okay, sending love. xx
i get that,
i'm not sure if i have it non-stop because everytime i think i feel 'real' i just dissociate harder than before, but I understand the part about liking it sometimes. Its an escape from reality, it has its cons but it has its pros. in a situation where everyone is scared or taken over by intense emotion dissociation allows me to step back from that and see it from an outsider view (just like always, but this time its helpful in the situation) and i wont have to feel so terrified or endangered yknow? or when i feel alone and i have nothing to distract myself from negative thoughts i can just let myself float away and dissociate and be numb
I’ve been way more dissociative and depressed the last 6 months, and desperately want to get back to my original baseline. And with complex trauma, healing is ongoing work. I really appreciate you Dodie. I thought about you recently, after realizing how much I need a mirror in my room! haha. We’ll just have to give ourselves a lot of grace for making it through 2020. Ps. I’m assuming the ‘bar’ is the edge of “the window of tolerance”. Such a helpful diagram
Ok the problem is that listening to people talk about depersonalisation triggers MY depersonalisation😂 sorry dodes, I'm gonna have to skip this one😬
Lots of love from Italy!❤️
In case you missed it, the letter is "L."
heheh
same! it makes me anxious but i watch anyways, haha. stay strong!!
same ahhh i shouldnt have watched this and I should stop reading the comments!!
same
i remember first discovering i had dpdr by watching your video; when i was 13. i then told my therapist i thought i had it and he was surprised that i even knew what it was.
Oh god the highs and low graph is so real. Especially "you can't see this hand". LOVE YOU x
"when covid was around"... Meanwhile here in America **covid still very much around**
But for real, thank you for talking about this Dodie. Just recently started feeling derealization after having depression for a long time, and it's at least comforting to see and hear about others with it too.
Good old 'murica, the "best" country
@@reharm_reality haha good one
Covid is very much still around in the UK, and we are going to end up in another lockdown very soon
switzerland has more cases in relation to our population than the us... and the uk and france are doing really bad too
@@thatpipergames Yeah, I'm in the university bubble right now and it definitely doesn't feel as though it's gone away/on its way out. It's scary out here
I have had derealization/depersonalization for three years now. I’m 17, and most of the time it feels like it’s not worth it. Every day, every second, is the same, it never goes away and my family and I have struggled with therapists and doctors to find a cure. I got into your music over quarantine, and I had no idea you struggled with the same thing I do. This video really made me feel known though, it made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and I’m grateful for that. Thank you.
ive had a problem like this for so long. like i dont realize that im real, im always going along like im floating. my foot fell asleep while watching this and i realized that im a real person in a real place. i recognize where i am but at the same time i really dont.
I experience depersonalisation as a secondary symptom of other things, and gosh if this didn't hit home. COVID has made the moments of it so much worse. Whilst I'm lucky that it's not a constant thing, the past year or so has been pretty close to that... if nothing else, it's taught me more about how I can cope with it when it flares up once things are safer ♥
seeing someone with such a large platform talking about this and spreading awareness is so so important. you have helped me and so many other people that struggle with this so thank you 🥺
depersonalization/derealization has changed my life so much, i forgot what reality feels like and it's terrifying. i've had it for almost 4 years now and i've been so close to giving up. it causes really bad panic attacks for me and i can't control myself. i tried to ask for help but my parents didn't understand me, they thought i had problems with my brain and made me get an mri scan. when i can feel it starting to get worse i always stop myself from looking down at my hand because when i do, it doesn't look real, it doesn't look like my hand and everything around it seems to disappear and when i lift my eyes up to see what's in front of me everything looks bright, it looks like someone has adjusted the sharpness on a editing app, yet i feel like i'm in a dreamy sort of state. i know that i'm going to start panicking when this happens and i either run to the bathroom at my school or start shaking and crying. i feel like i'm trapped in a dream, i want it all to go away and i feel like the only thing that makes me feel better is sleeping. i'm finding it really difficult to cope with it right now and i'm not sure what to do but my friend has been helping me a lot. i've been having panic attacks 5/6 times a week at the most and usually around about 3/4 on better weeks, but it just feels like everything is getting worse right now. i thought when i first started getting symptoms i was going crazy but now i know other people go through dpdr i feel so much better.
You're definitely not alone in this! Don't give up hope it can get better I promise
@@ariar4297 thank you ❤
I promise you begin to adjust! like Dodie said, accepting it may feel like giving up on trying to be better, but really, you must accept it in order to start healing! keep doing research on it, look within yourself and your life for what may have triggered it (usually a traumatic event), and go to therapy if you’re able to. The first step is learning how to accept it as a part of your life now, telling yourself “I’m safe I’m safe. I may feel disconnected and so strange but I’m okay and I’m safe.” It takes a lot of mental work but it’ll make the panic subside I promise 💗 feel better 🥺
@@sbjade9812 aww :( this comment was really helpful tysm 💗 it's tough but i'm gonna try my hardest to get through it! i hope you have a lovely day/night, take care ❤
i have derealization too and for me, covid time has made it so much harder to deal with. thankfully i am a lot more used to feeling spaced out now than when it first set in, so it's a lot easier for me to cope now than if covid had happened 3 years ago. you sharing your own experience with depersonalization/derealization has really helped me feel less alone so thank you so much
hi from someone else with depersonalization!! :-) my name's mack and you talking about this is actually what made me aware of what i deal with. this makes SOOO much sense as to why i've been so unphased by covid times and why it feels almost comforting because like you said, it's familiar. my friends always looked at me like i was crazy when i mentioned it, but this made me feel less alone.
I have derealisation too and it’s almost been a year since it started. Although it hasn’t gotten any better, I’ve learnt to accept it and do my best to live with it, and I’m certainly better at dealing with it. If you are experiencing this (or anything else that’s difficult), I want you to know that you’re going to be ok. It will get easier, I promise. You have the strength to get through it. And don’t be afraid to open up to people, having people around you be aware and there for you makes a world of difference. Have a good day/night !
this makes me so less anxious, thank you
Cela M in my experience, it was much worse at the start and it eased off with time. that or i just got used to it haha. either way, it’s going to get easier
I haven't watched you for a while, but it seems like you're in such a better place mentally and it's so nice to see:)
weeeeell
I mean def better lol but still not great
I just don’t share it as much
I’m just recently coming to the realisation that this is probably what I’ve been suffering from my entire life. I’ve been on depression medication for over 10 years, and just kind of assumed that was all that could be done.
I go through most of my days feeling like a ghost, just barely visible. Enough to know I’m here, but not to really interact, contribute or really have any kind of impact. I sometimes get surprised when people talk to me because I forget I am actually there.
I’m 32, and I found out about depersonalisation yesterday. My entire life feels like it’s been put into some kind of context and it’s a strange feeling. Looks like there’s some work ahead of me yet!
Covid actually *caused* my depersonalization episodes tbh. Like the trauma that sent me spiraling was being quarentined and having to deal with the aftermath of being separated from my life for so long. Ur videos on the subject have been really reassuring though, like, knowing Im not alone in feeling like nothing is real is very comforting. So thank u sm for these :)
Thank you for talking about your mental health-it made me realize I dissociate and it led to me finding out about my depression!!! I now am on meds and I’ve never felt more clear snd present. Life does feel like a cloud or that you have to blink all the time in order to see in those moments. I hope one day something will appear that helps a little!!! Sending so much love ❤️
I felt this so much I have little tics now because they help me figure out if im asleep or not or if I still have my senses.
Like snapping next to my ear or knocking on my head, etc.
I’ve had depersonalisation for almost 5 years now and it can either be like I’m watching a dark movie scene with the lights on (I can barely see things but I still have a general idea of what’s happening) or I’m watching a scene where someone has been in the dark for a while and they’re going outside into a really bright world
I think I've been feeling depersonalization recently... it pops up when I get anxious/push my comfort zone, and I just space out.
I love how you're so open and honest about this disorder, it makes me feel so much less alone... Thank you Dodie💛
i feel so sad for those of you who do have this, it must be a living hell. i cant imagine how it effects your daily life. i know this comment is probably useless to you, but i wish we were more aware of this. ive never heard of this until now, it really needs to be spoken about more.
for me my dissociation seems to cause my panic attacks, a big turning point for me is switching my thinking from "I need this to end" "I will get cured and never feel this way again" to accepting that this is something that will always be a part of me and I should work with it rather than against it. still sucks a lot though i've been in this spacey state for around 9 years now casue of trauma but only had a name for it for 5. we're all in this together and your couple videos about dprp really made me feel like I wasn't alone. wising you the best as always
💕💕💕
I dont have the chronic disease but I've been through many episodes during those covid times and I truly think you describe it perfectly. it feels like you've always been dreaming your life but you're only aware of it now and you still can't wake up so it's extremely unsettling, at least for me. hope you're doing better, I looooove your work and personality ♡
"It feels like I put a limiter on the Logic file of my life" ... that's an incredibly powerful way to describe it.
There’s so little research into disassociation because it hasn’t been in the DSM long apparently... but the lack of research is so frustrating because barely any of the therapists I’ve met in the UK have been able to help me at all 😣
I don’t know if you get this too but I also have visual distortions so like the person opposite me not only sounds like their voice is coming from outside of them they also look really really far away! Or too close up even though I know they’re not. It’s literally like hallucinating and makes me feel crazy. It often happens if I’m in a stressful convo or I’m extra anxious but I can hardly take someone seriously when they’re shrinking right before my eyes...
I feel like this sounds like complaining but I’m not, I’ve adapted to expect that when I talk to my friends I can never feel truly there or like I’m giving them the real me...
It absolutely sucks when our minds put a filter over the world without our consent but here’s hoping that reading my experience can comfort you a little so you know you’re not alone 🤍
Ahhaha yes the other day my friend jack looked like he was a tortilla was holes cut out for eyes and I tried so hard to not just laugh while he was talking
Yes, I totally understand the growing/shrinking thing. It's like one part of your brain knows it's not happening, but the other part thinks it is? It's like in movies when someone gets traumatized and everything gets all ringing and foggy and fades away, except with shrinking.
Yeah I have times where objects or patterns look like they are moving or growing when they're not, and kind of what you're describing as well
Yesss visual distortions are a pain ngl, it's like I lost my depth perception 100%
And idk if it's just the dissoc but I feel like I have visual looming syndrome aswell/as a result of dissociation
i have never heard anyone else talk about depersonalization/derealization even after all of these years. i still have to explain it to people during every episode i have and its rly isolating. i cant express how comforting it is to hear someone else talk about it. its rly validating
yes. yes, you got everything right.
I can't even see my therapist anymore because my state won't allow online appointments anymore
It's such a good analogy.. I also started with derealisation and depersonalisation like 8 years ago, but as a symptom of my anxiety and depression. I'm currently on medication for depression and anxiety, and it helps with those things, but the depersonalisation took a life on its own and, yeah, I'm constantly spacey. It's so nice to hear you talk about it.. because no one understands when I've tried to explain it in.. you really have made an impact in my life, so thank you ✨
I just got here, but I already completely agree with this title. I’ve been feeling less and less like a real person being inside and isolated this long.
its so comforting seeing a youtuber speaking abt depersonalisation cause genuinely theres like no youtubers that seem to have it or speak abt it and its just nice knowing that im not the only one so thank you
I totally relate to your dejected acceptance. 'its okay because it has to be' is so powerful. So much love to you 💕💕
As someone with life long dissociation and depersonalization it’s really nice to hear someone I look up to talk about it. Thank you!
whenever I feel my DP kicking in I pretend I'm one of those video game avatars that continue walking in place when they hit a wall, it makes it kinda fun.
DP: Hello!
Me: _aw shit, here we go again_
Hey Dodie, I am 15 years old and from Germany and my mental illness was really concerning last October to December when I was dealing with Depersonalisation and Derealisation and Depression. I went to school and it was horrible, but I had my friends and now it got better, but because I have no feeling of time I don't get along with other things, that everyone else is able to deal with - I have problems with doing normal things like showering and doing homework. I try to convince myself, that right now I am recovering and that I can be happy and everything, but because everything I do is for the future and I cannot feel future I just can't handle it. Every night I go to bed and I think that my life is over because it is not real and just a dream and every dream ends when you wake up, but it doesn't. So every time that I am happy and I can enjoy life I feel like it wasn't good, because I'm getting to attached by something That isn't there. So I emotionally punish myself for being happy or a l i v e.
Sorry, this got really messy.
My favourite song of yours is 'Monster' btw. Love it❤️
Bye, love you Dodie💙
My derealisation keeps getting worse and worse... my mind just keeps screaming over and over "is oife even worth it if its like this?" I cant even feel love or happiness... not like i used to
Hey you, I was born on a monday too. I also had suicidal thoughts, but never really considered it, because I always had that fear, that my mind could be wrong and I was real and everyone else I love has to suffer, because I just decided, that it was enough, but now I want to stay alive, that one day I can see clear and take deep breaths again. I just wanted to say: you are not insane! You are important and there is so much, that you can do to make yourself happy again. It won't just disappear, but you can work on it and you can learn to live with it and you can still enjoy life. Take your time. You can do it - I believe in you!
one of the things that i find the most discomfort in this condition is dissociative amnesia. often with my childhood friends, they tell stories from when we were super young, growing up on the same street, and i feel like it is in vivid technicolor for them but a stark black with bits of grey for me. is this something you have experience with? (or any kind people in the comments really!) again. thank you for opening up about this part of your life. like you said, it’s comforting to not feel entirely alone.
I think I understand because I have a similar thing with my memory. The only childhood things I really remember come from photos and videos or stories that other people have told. Most memories that I do have feel more vague and grainy
I don't experience derealization but Dodie has talked about how it sucks that it comes with a bad memory. Something that struck me is an instagram post she made saying that after a great day she sometimes tells her friend Shannon that she's scared she won't remember it, and Shannon answers "Then we'll just do it again" which I think is really sweet!
I'm not gonna lie, this comment actually scared me because of how accurate it is. My best friend since kindergarten will tell me all these things we did or that happened as kids and I just have absolutely no recollection of any of it. I very much understand that feeling.
all the damn time, i unfortunately have started getting it with short term memory too and even just flat out unable to concentrate on conversations. when i was younger, i definitely struggled more with remembering things when it came to friendships. then it went to just remembering only the bad memories. i started having dissociation since i was 14-ish and now i'm 22. my mind honestly draws a million blanks and it sucks a lot when i want to join in and remember the things everyone else does. instead, i just get faded feelings or nostalgia of what it was like at time and how they made me felt, not every moment can be recounted but like an overall sense of how that person made me feel at the time. its gotten me into so much trouble though as I find myself glossing over many important events that were positive and where people have helped me which then i seem so ungrateful.
big mood - I didn't realize how badly my mental illness had affected my memory until I went on antidepressants a year ago, and slowly but surely, everything sharpened up a little. It's nice to have progress, but it's horrible to know that those 19 years of memories are just ruined
Can it also be time travel? Because I still feel I'm in March and that nothing has happened all this time. also you HAVE to cover Lovin' you by Minnie Riperton after that tease
Yeah... to me it never has felt like 10 months this year
Exactly!!!
That song was popular when I was a kid... I'm surprised Dodie would know that song.
It wasn’t really until your video you made about depersonalization/de realization that I realized how I felt and experienced things wasn’t the norm. Like there’s a veil between me and the world, or I’m dreaming when I’m supposed to be awake. I went to so many eye doctors by I thought I was going blind but every time they always said I was fine aside from just needing glasses. But I never wanted to believe them, because if everything was fine then why did I feel like I couldn’t see properly or my brain wasn’t registering it? The video you made resonated with me but I brushed it off because I didn’t want to self diagnose or claim that I experienced that when so many other people probably had it worse and I was just being pathetic. I remember experiencing that feeling beginning when I was about 10 (I’m 22 now) and I thought that everyone felt like that. Thank you for being open about this, it’s extremely comforting to know that I’m not alone in this. I moved to a new city right when things started getting super crazy, so that was a massive anxiety inducing change of being outside of my comfort zone as well as not being able to see people or leave the house, i spent about two whole months feeling like I didn’t really exist or I couldn’t tell what time it was, what day, and it was scary. I’m a little better now, but again, thank you for doing what you do, your videos bring me so much comfort and I’m so thankful that you have talked about this and been so open. Sorry for the long post ❤️❤️
I’ve realised how I’m really spaced out again. I’m sitting in my chair all day in online college and nothing seems real. I’m listening to people I’ve never seen, have classmates I had no chance to meet. There is so much that is changing and I feel completely alone.
I think there’s a few theories that make sense. We can be pretty sure it’s BUILD A PROBLEM, _if_ it’s words that are English & not just gibberish. Bc there’s 13 videos, 13 letters & the first video had 2 letters, the 13th video is probably gonna be the reveal/announcement! Here’s what I’ve seen that the letters could mean:
- Title of the album or title of a single off the album (or both). As many have pointed out, it’s a bit of a weird title, but hey, maybe! If dodie wants to title her album that way, I stan! (:
- It’s an anagram & needs to be unscrambled. Possible theories are (ILEB) ALBUM DROP, with the first 4 letters being the initials of the _actual_ album title. I think this makes sense insofar that she’s knitting the letters individually, which she then could rearrange & hang up in the right way in the reveal vid
- The letters are an acronym for the first letters of each of the songs. An album with 13 songs & each letter represents a song! Question here is if they are in this actual order on the track list or if they were rearranged to produce words that have some sense.
- An add-on to all these theories is that the humming at the beginning of each vid could represent each of the songs on the album in some way (maybe the key harmonies, or the beginnings of the songs, or “summaries” of the key melodies).
Thank you for summing it all up and sharing your theories! I'm so excited to see what it'll be
Thank you for typing this out! Honestly I'm too spacy to properly keep up (very keeping with this video's subject!) but I do wanna know what's going on.
How about Bile Album Drop? Gross! 😂
Dodie I have followed you for years ♥️ and a big part of that aside from your tremendously wonderful creative gifts is because you are so open about your depersonalization. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and you help me feel less alone in something that is so hard for most people to understand without experiencing it.
the way you described it perfectly described how It works for me. it feels good to not be alone
im constantly disassociating and parts of me like it because its how i cope and am able to function day to day, but its hard when you cant remember a thing youve done and you feel like youre just drifting through life blindly, empty
i want to be able to tell my story through a youtube video or podcast but i can hardly even keep a conversation going because of it now and embarrassing to never finish a convo with someone because my brain simply shuts off
I definitely understand this feeling ... it is so hard to explain to people. Even my doctor, which is extremely frustrating! It does make me feel better knowing that other people suffer from the same issue. Thanks for talking about these things dodie!
really the way i'm trying to feel a bit better about this whole covid situation is saying that it will not last forever. when it begun i was trying to think of the exact time it was going to end, i thought maybe since september and generally the end of the year, now that we're here i know we'll have to deal with this longer. although i don't know *how* much longer, i'm comforted by knowing this too, shall pass. i just don't know when.
Having DPD and living during COVID has been one of the most unique challenges I think those of us with this disorder will ever have to face. Thank you for this video- it’s how I’ve been feeling.
I’ve been here for a hot minute and I’ve watched you learn how to cope with your own brain and seen the way you view derealisation and how it affects you. It’s actually amazing to see and i am proud.
knitting is really the cure to all of this, isn't it
You're so damn right
It's what have been keeping me sane and floating instead of sinking these past months.
She is just the cutest human being alive. That hewo in the beginning was everything ♡
I have depersonalization with my anxiety it’s been hard but my brain uses it as a cooping skill so at time I like it it’s crazy how our brains work
it’s always hard trying to communicate depersonalisation/derealisation to others.
i’ve found it hard to connect with many people as all i get is the reflective response of everybody ‘switches off’.
these videos are so helpful and knowing someone i have enjoyed watching for many years put into words exactly how i feel all the time is so relieving.
it excites me to know there are more people who struggle to recognise themselves in the mirror, those who watch themselves from above their body, the people that can’t quite fully hear and see the present surroundings.
so thankyou for creating this space
where more can see (and understand) what we can.