All pains and fears are lies that were sold to us children and we bought it not knowing and we disregarded our own truths of love and complete acceptance
@@raymondguzman5083 That is so true. The road to recovery is long and hard but now I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel this journey is looking beautiful.
@@saumitrsharma2816 Yes, they are. Good point. That's partly why when we have one for a parent, we don't ever feel really loved or good enough. They can't give us what they themselves didn't get, and don't have to give.
"The child believes the parent will tell the truth about who they are." Oooof. My parents did NOT. By their neglect they told me I wasn't important or worthy of their love. By my dads rage he told me I wasn't worth speaking kindly to or being made to feel safe, instead of terrified. By my dads leaving me in my room crying my eyes out after he'd rage and spank me and him not coming back in to hold me and make sure I knew we were OK, he made me believe we were NEVER ok, that I was a bad kid and that he _didn't_ love me. By my mothers allowing my dad to rage on us it told me we weren't worth being protected. By their lack of compliments I was told I was ugly. By their lack of encouragement I was told they didn't believe I could DO _anything_ right. By my dad constantly re-doing my chores and making me watch I was told I was defective and couldn't do anything right, why even TRY? By their discouraging comments anytime I brought up my dreams, it told me they _knew_ I was *not good enough to succeed.* On and on it went.....
I feel you. They torture you, they hurt you and then they blame, judge, belittle and demean you for your pain, the very pain yhat they caused and created in you
Ross, I'm listening to this while I'm driving. I had to pull over on the side of the road to cry. Thank you for pointing out that the voices in my head are lies. It's a grear starting point to begin the journey to self-love. God bless.
Melanie G YES! You are a creation of all that is good, smart and beautiful! Please find ( after research ) a reputable psychotherapist you can see! You are special and need help to navigate letting that go through cognitive therapy and learning you were a victim of a Narcissist & learn how to let it go... FOREVER! Psychologically harming another human being, is no different than physically torturing them. Your post moved me with compassion. I wish you all the best in finding the wonderful person that is you!
I wonder how many of us grow up to be introverted because of childhood abuse? The older I get the more introverted I become. I broke contact with my mother 4 years ago and wish it had been 40 because I don't even miss her. I just wish her voice would leave me be. Great information here. Thank you 💗
Kari Short healing hugs to you 💞 Just because she said it , dosn't make it true ! YOUR WORTH CANNOT BE DIMINISHED .. BASED ON SOMEONE'S INABILITY TO SEE YOUR WORTH !
@kari I’m still struggling because I don’t live in a free country and my narcissistic mom got churches after me, I had to move to another state but just like an octopus 🐙 she’s managed to get authority help as if I were a kind of sick person. I even got physically abused in February this year by another narc that said he was a friend… long story short.
bright eyes YES!!!!!!! It was just me and my mom and she communicated soooo much with just a glance or a gesture. She never even had to escalate to outright disapproval because I was so programmed to watch her subtle signals. 🤢😒
This was so me some for decades!! I was never truly loved as a child in this family. I was so unwanted by them. I had four, now two, narcs in my family. Going back into therapy for help. I'll get there. If I can beat breast cancer, I can beat this....
It happens with teachers, too, not just parents, when for some reason they tell a child repeatedly that is is bad or inferior in some way. Children are told "Listen to your teacher". You take what the teacher says to be true.
@@megisthus My teachers saved my life. I could go to school and be Me. They were encouraging nurturing and loving. Stern and disciplined when needed. My mother would constantly belittle me and my Dad would beat me with a belt. They're both dead now. I took care of Mom. Dad gaslighted to the grave at 86 still mean and cruel (chuckling). Too late, I had learned at 56 to put God in front of him verbally, no contact when he gaslighted (even though we lived next door), no bodily response to his cruelty. It just killed him when he got no response. This guy would even have his low life friends actually steal from me. I thanked him for standing my new grill upright. Next day it was gone. He threw away all my pictures from my airline stewardess days. He even tried to get his friend/gay lover, to buy my house from under me. I'm going to say it I'm glad he's gone, no more walking on eggs I can finally breathe. But I'm still crying while I'm breathing. I miss him.
My mum was never happy i have 0 ambishion telling i wont need a job wen i get older as tbe world is going too end she beat me all the time never got invited to parties the first party i went to i wen upset as i had to be beaten first i had to choose tge wepon belt clog or wooden brush i chode blet as clog was an brush hurt for longer and she took it out on me wat my dad did to her which was went back to his wife i ened up in an out of prison trying to make money i am totally legit now with a shit rep but im working hard on my self trying to be the best me i dont reslly like women but have one who i love but cant trust
There was/is a healthy/normal version of this....which is perverted and twisted to an extreme by unhealthy people. In a healthy family, mom doesn't have an issue unless it needs to be an issue and not addressing it is actually the unhealthy choice.
You aren't starving so your life is great. You aren't being beaten so your life is great. They set the bar so high. As long as they aren't starving or beating you they're great parents and you couldn't ask for anything more. Oh but they will send you to bed without dinner and spank you.. so I guess they did starve and beat you.. huh...
Yes, my parents seemed always waiting for me to show gratefulness when I was so young and they always seemed so disappointed in me. Took until my 60s to even see that had happened and how it pushed me into a private world of make believe and denial.
Beware of being subtly abusive on yourself for not detaching from those imprinted voices as easily as "you" expected. "Shit, another thing in which I fail..." No matter what you feel, think, say o do, you always deserve more love, not less. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I looooooove yooooou!! I find myself repeating "I love you's" to my heart several times a day. Going Meta with Love.
I always heard from my mom "if I had to do it again I wouldn't have kids" and "your fat" which then I wasn't I know this now but then I believed her. "you will never amount to anything" I went no contact with her on march 16, 2019 since I learned in counseling on and off for 9 yrs that she is why I hurt, I came to realize she enjoys hurting people. She had me and my 2 siblings not talking to each other, but she would have a relationship with all of us. She would talk about one daughter to another saying mean things. I don't talk to my parents or sisters I have my adult kids and im working on me now.
Good for you, and God bless you Leslie. I am working on observing and detaching (grey rocking), acknowledging I do not have to carry around ideas from the past....
Leslie, thank you for sharing! My mother said the EXACT same things to me, so your comment really touched me. It also reminds me of how my mother was never happy for me when I would lose weight, and still isn’t. Even if I remove the things that disgust her it’s not going to change anything. Amazing! Her parents abused her and all that’s left in her is a demon.
Sounded like you had a viewing window into my life there for a minute. Scary how exact the wording and treatment was. My Narc Mother despises fat and disabled people. I was always told by her as a child im fat (I didn’t know back then but I wasn’t) As I’ve grown into an emotional eater (from her constant abuse) she says I embarrass the family because I’m big. I also had a beautiful daughter who became disabled. My Mother only has two grandchildren but has never accepted my Daughter or treated her with any kindness or respect. I was always made to feel ungrateful because she would repeat I gave up my wonderful life to have you. And I carried you on my hip everywhere breaking my back for you. She always dumped me off on my grandparents and when she would come to pick me up I was confused and would howl because I didn’t want to go with her because she ill treated me. My Mother use to always tell me my brother had worth and as a female I am nothing. Even to this day she constantly bribes him into obedience with the promise of her Will. (My brother and I are in our mid to late forties) He’s to the point he believes she’s leaving him her Will. He doesn’t talk to me or have any contact even though I’ve never done a thing to him.
You write it where I side with you, similar junk In my family of origin . I didn't have enough faith there was more out there I suffered in vain wanting for them to recant their cruel bully moves. Now it's do or die ,I choose to live & believe the world is big enough not to need to share the same fortune. Address or circle of influences
I am a female that was never allowed to cry. Ever for any reason! I was told how ugly I was when I cried and that no one would understand me if I cried. So if I cried I was beat or ignored. By my teenage years all my emotions were expressed only as anger. That was the only emotion I knew anymore. I became a monster. When I get really frustrated and confused about my emotions it goes immediately to anger. I am trying to overcome this but I have the hardest time just figuring out my own feelings sometimes. Thank you for this!! New sub. I want to stop putting myself down. I really get upset with myself if I get angry. I know exactly whose voices I am hearing. I can't believe I never realized this!!
I found this video early in the morning of a very dark night of the soul. I'm pretty sure it saved my life. I feel so much better. I feel like I woke up from a 50 year fog. So very grateful for my life and my worth. Thanks Ross for the free content so desperate people can find relief.
My husband's father continually, repeatedly, consistently told him (my husband) that he was ' no good' and 'you (my husband) must earn my (the father's) respect'....which, of course, could NEVER be earned from the father. I watched my husband die from alcohol abuse because his father, at a very early age, continually told him he was 'no good'. I never understood why my husband drank so very heavily until this video, but, alas, I learned 'why' 25yrs too late. How could any father say such horrible, hateful words to an innocent, little boy? Murderous father!
I fell for the lost of your husband. My husband is going thought the same thing and I don’t know how to help him or how talk to him about this.... my husband’s dad has passed away and and husband is drinking more but his dad did the same thing to him and sometimes I think the same is going to happen to my husband
I thought I had lost my keys just before leaving work tonight. A co-worker told me to "just take a deep breath" when I was already being perfectly calm (deliberately, almost flat). So I said to her, "I'm sorry if I seem stressed out." It wasn't really an apology because I was actually irritated at her for showing concern, thinking she was also trying to shut me down. I was inwardly thinking, hey I'm trying to not be a problem or have a problem and I'm trying to make myself smaller and calm, and now I "have" to apologize for having a problem? There was some projection of her feelings onto me, but most of what I was feeling was coming from me. When I was growing up, I was expected to be perfect and not cause any kind of problem or have any kind of problem. The narcissistic parent's theme: YOU ARE A PROBLEM. I gotta get some help for this. Thank you Ross Rosenberg.
Yes. Our very existence was reflected as the problem. In my house, every emotion was not allowed (except the rage and demands of the rageaholic narcissist determined to wipe us from existence). Every expression of a feeling or a thought in my house was viciously reprimanded as an imposition. Having a self, developing a self, was not allowed; our existing even more would have been an imposition. And every bowl of cereal set on the table for us, any bowl of soup given when we were sick, was delivered with a scowl and the deeply annoyed and injured angry sigh energy that said, "God, I can't believe I'm having to take time from my day to have to do this. (And now you owe me. I did you a favor.)" Not being valued or allowed to be a person when you're in the period where you're trying to form one, and preferably a healthy one, makes for a lifetime of recovery efforts. The brain grows wrong, CPTSD sets in as a result (see Dr. Bessel van der Kolk for details and suggestions on how to work with the neurological issues of hypervigilence, if Ross Rosenberg doesn't cover that stuff.) Children need to be valued and allowed to express emotions without the wrath of hell coming down in their face by a screaming adult for an hour. They deserve the right to have independent thoughts - a self apart from the parent - and say them without being mocked and insulted and talked about later as stupid to the rest of the family. They should have a right to privacy and not be emotionally incested as well. They have a right not be lied about and misrepresented to the extended family. They have a right to exist and be supported, but narcissists and borderlines typically do not allow any of these things. I have finally turned a corner thanks to lots of energy work and therapy; the energy workers can do some amazing things these days (removing knots of old energies, repair holes in the auric sheathing, remove marks that invite bullying, pull out old concretized blockages of emotional pain). It has been frustrating to have to spend so much of my life trying to repair such extensive damage, however. Our culture really needs to do a better job of protecting children's emotional well-being. In a tribal society, I suspect children would have more access to other adults who might be more supportive, people to offer nurturing and mirroring which all children need. Abuse would be discovered and remedied more easily because it would be more evident to other tribe members. The tiny "nuclear" family model allows too much ugly to go on behind closed doors, it seems to me. Maybe we should go back to a more tribal model, those people who are interested in that.
Thank you for this. My mother once said to me, "You would be jealous of your own child." Not only was it gaslighting, but it was projection. Because in many ways, she seemed jealous of me if I shined too brightly. It was always a competition of sorts. (And yet the best way to get her attention was achievement. So achieve I did!) While all of us have some jealous traits, I realized that truly, being a codependent, I was always trying to please her...and everyone. And good was never good enough. I was "jealous" at times because I needed mothering. I needed her undivided attention. I wasn't really jealous, I was needy for love. But any attempt to cry out for that meant that I was jealous of the attention she gave others (particularly the men in her life.) I just needed a mother... I was so touched by your deeply felt emotions as you conveyed this teaching. And I realized that you had experienced it also from someone in your life. The wounds are deep, but the scars mean we survived.
Mine too. ALways competetitive with me, though I was blind to it from the gaslighting... and she was like Nomi Malone shoving her competition down the stairs. I'll remember it when she needs a nursing home.
@@MediaEnslavedNation I'm so sorry that you experienced this. My mother died in 2010, and we made a peace of sorts, but not before going no contact for about a year. I was her primary caregiver for 3 1/2 years, and I did the best I could. I loved her in spite of everything. So very much. Hope you find some measure of peace and healing. You deserve it sweet one! Nurture yourself as much as you can. 💙💚💜
@@glorydancer9167 Thank you. I don't believe in karma or in final judgement. I think people that get away with it, got away with it. Like for instance, Hitler got away with it by offing himself. I am undecided on whether I will convince her of this.
Dr. Mrs. Professor Chaos do whatever gives you pease of mind, they are innocent too, damaged doing the best they could which was usually terrible parenting
Only a look from my Mother and I knew I better behave. I loved my Mother and I still love her. She is in heaven now. As I reflect back on the look, I have thought it was good discipline because she didn't have to yell at me or tell me 3 different times to get my cooperation. But now I wonder if it was damaging? I did have very low self esteem and still do at age 75 but it has improved some. I do talk to a good therapist weekly to help with major depression and anxiety. Just really believe this video will help a lot of people.
Neglected emotionally, expected to be confident as an adult, and be able to communicate with words or other actions is an uphill climb. Years of therapy since. Love your support, and how to endure on an ongoing basis. Thank you.🌷
Exactly! You feel like your words don't matter. You can't even express anger anymore and stand up for yourself. It takes practice because noone taught you to love yourself properly
Man I feel like an infant at 22 when it comes to communication. I hate it, hate it, and hate it but know it needs to be done. For some reason I feel selfish for having my needs met and in turn I push everyone I care about far away from me as possible. I feel like it’s no one’s responsibility to fix me. I deal with constant toxic shame and I’m struggling with how to get rid of it. Shame is what makes me wanna kill myself.
This hit home. I described what I felt about myself to my counselor the other day. I cannot count how many times my dad or stepmom called me "selfish" or my biological mom called me "ungrateful"
I just realized my narc mother was embarrassed 😳 of my birth defect hearing👂loss & speech impairment. Not that I had any control over that but I can really relate to this.
The hardest part.....facing the truth that I was born to, and raised by, TWO narcissists. I blamed myself FOR being born. Thank You for this video. It was a much needed reminder that I am not a victim.
I feel your pain,as I have just discovered at 38 both parents are narcs too. it was meeting my ex wife 9yrs ago,and after divorcing after 4yrs, I was broken and it was another 4yrs of hell I read what a narcissist was- and it dawned on me that I was always around these type. until 23 yrs I started rebelling how I was being forced to be.since,I'm just scum! God bless & love yourself .
@@danielleminceywhite3431 it sure is, that was an amazing discovery. the problem now is , how to execute it! I'm like a little child trying work out how to take my first steps! that old toxic life of people pleasing & others words/expectations dominating me- was all I've ever known! I'm just keeping my faith in God and will accept what will be. best wishes from Sydney , Australia.x
This is my first time watching your channel and I am so happy I found it. You confirmed something I started to figure out about my thoughts. That they were not mine! I have been barraged by insecure thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. I began through self work, to identify all of the voices and who implanted them. I discovered that my true self is love. I am not insecure I completely love me! However I was taught to loathe myself and my entire identity. I was diminished, belittled and demeaned. I continue to work on myself and although this video triggered memories, I appreciate the confirmation that I'm not crazy and I am enough!
Mine was more what my narc mother didn't say to me, the reassurance that didn't come after being sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, and the anger I felt from her rather than loving reassurance, the perception that somehow I caused this to happen despite doing absolutely nothing to invite it, & the lack of motivation to report these injustices because apparently I didn't matter. I was not worth it! I am now 60. The same parent chose not to tell me I was adopted until I was 44! That was after lying to me about it when I was 13. Apparently again, I was not worthy of knowing the truth about my own identity, & not worth being treated with love & compassion by my primary caregiver.
THANK YOU!!! The hard part is if you were gaslight for years and a scapegoat from original family you can replay those patterns later in life. One can even start to act in ways that reenforce the views and therapists often do not see this for what it is.
I think few people realize how emotionally taxing it is for a therapist to deal with these issues day in and day out. They need support too. Thank you Ross for what you do! I wish I had gotten help for my issues sooner, but I'm glad I did. Better late than never. I made sure to thank my therapist for the work she does. She was almost in tears and it made me realize how she probably doesn't get thanked enough or at all. It also made me realize that many people don't get the help they need and don't realize how easy and affordable it can be to talk to a therapist. Sadly, I think the stigma of "getting therapy" convinces many people not to seek help. Keep spreading these good words, I hope more people will see your videos and begin to piece their lives back together.
Thank you Ross, you are definitely making a difference. I was always told I was ungrateful, spoiled, OMG...both parents. My brother molested me as a toddler until I was 5 or 6...I have visceral memories of his abuse. He continued to abuse me as a little girl with fearful behavior and stealing. My father was a narcissist and completely ran my mother. Then onto kindergarten and elementary school where all sorts of abuse was lurking and I had to learn early how to protect myself. Anytime I complained about something that happened to me the response was, what did you do? There is more to it but I am tired of repeating these memories. I am sixty and just coming to full consciousness of why I have felt like I do. I have reclaimed my life and I have a lot of work to do. Everyday is new and filled with potential and I am grateful for the opportunity to finally break the chains that bind me. Sending wonderful thoughts of love and healing your way.
I must’ve watched hundreds of videos about narcissism and narcissistic parents, but I’ve never watched one like this before. This is the biggest aha moment, that just explains everything that’s gone wrong in my life. It’s extremely painful right now, but it all makes sense now. God bless you🙏🏼
Mine too, first my parents, then the Navy followed by the VA and of course, my husband. If you're raised by narcs and employed by narcs and treated by narcs, you marry a narc. In fact, I doubt anyone isn't a narc or their victim.
Yeah, it was my whole childhood dealing with a narc mother, then a few relationships with some covert narcs, and then my last ex-girlfriend was a full blown overt narc, and I felt like I was losing my mind, questioning my reality and shit, thinking I'm imagining things, because she almost succeeded in having me believe I was maybe paranoid "about her cheating" when I was never the problem, she's just straight coo-koo. But she still won't admit it. These people just don't change, they're like a straight up evil energizer bunny, constantly looking for viable victims to suck energy and life force from. It's disgusting, but there are so many people still suffering at the hand of these people who have no idea what's going on, and I can only hope they break free from the spell soon, because it's enough to drive one insane or to suicide, no doubt.
@@RantTherapist Yep. I hear you.. It's hell. But they do change: They get worse. They get more refined, if they need to, when you show them physical evidence of their behavior and that it's unacceptable. They get worse as they get old and have to use their brains to lure in new victims because they aren't pretty anymore. They get meaner, when they are short on supply because you straight cut them off. But here we are. I feel so awful for the folks that didn't have this forum to find and validate each others' experiences. Who had to go thru it alone, thinking they were crazy. My poor grandmother, lived and died never knowing peace except for the few years between my grampas' passing and her own.
@@RantTherapist it really is an epidemic. If these folks has the measles the cdc would issue an alert, in fact they have on measles last week, but this crisis of abuse passed from generation to generation is going unchecked.
Such a relief to hear this from someone who has experienced it first hand. Always thought I was just worthless and crazy. So hard to break that cycle of thinking. Thank you for your insights.
I needed these videos. Just beginning to understand the trauma that I’ve been so afraid to even think about. It’s not my fault. God, I just want to be better. Thank you for all you’re doing.
Really love your work Ross. I definitely am a recovering codependent & SLD. I really wish I would’ve majored in psychology in college, if I could do it all over again. But I just had such a chip on my shoulder & distrust towards psychologists, psychiatrists & doctors in general because for quite a few years my epilepsy was misdiagnosed as severe panic attack disorder and even hypochondria. Talk about gas lighting, because the irony is that I was finally correctly diagnosed with epilepsy at age 23, once I married & began sternly confronting my parents & older siblings for their alcoholism, drug addiction, narcissism, & even psychopathy. The road to recovery hasn’t been easy, and of course I still have cptsd moments. But when I examine how much my psyche, health, self esteem & awareness have improved the past 7 years, I’m just so grateful that I came across your sincere work & guests you’ve interviewed, that gave me the unexplainable courage to cut ties from my toxic family & really give loving myself a real try. Namaste.
Angeline here thank you Ross tears of healing flow as I listen to you. I was 4 years old when the put downs started. I m 61 now it’s time to start healing from the pain , God Bless you and you family for your great work. You are so right in what your teaching the world, your a very good man. Thank you again! 😇
Your book is amazing and life changing. I hope everyone buys a copy because their $20 for this book is thousands of dollars of therapy. Pg 34 of your book The Human Magnet Syndrome.. "unfortunate victims and willing participants".. I was married to a psycho ..(the ex that killed himself)... The remnant of my disorder as I heal is (for example)... after the ex hung himself I.felt.nothing. He was a monster. A bottom dweller. Physical and emotional abuse...I still feel nothing except relief. Then my mind goes on and on about how shitty that is to not feel anything... So Im still broken. You're right. I'm perpetuating the awful things that were said to me in every stage of life by different people. You're so kind. This was a wonderful message. ❤
You have an amazing gift of being able to turn a difficult problem on its head and get people to see it through new eyes. I’ve never considered my negative self talk as being someone else’s voice in my head, going round and round like a stuck record. As I was listening to what you were saying I was recalling my thoughts and saying to myself, yep that’s my mum, and that one’s my sister... Excellent video 👏👏👏
Your so right.....my mothers voice......for my son it's his dad....people dont realize you can be gas lighted since you were little....its painful....your self esteem gets effected.....it can crush you.....it takes alot to get through it......therapy helps alot....you speak the truth....THANK YOU....😇🙏GOD BLESS
Ross, thank you so much for becoming vulnerable , it touched my heart. The voice in my head was my mom’s voice. I have been watching you on TH-cam for over 3 years now and it has really helped me. 😊
You certainly have our love, support and genuine empathy, Ross. No no one understands and is able to validate you like we can and do! I cried with you, Ross! Thank you from the bottom of my heart right back at you! You are a blessing to us in every way! And we are SOOO Grateful to you!
@@RossRosenberg Stay well...stay safe And stay you! Beautiful you! Who else, of course. That is something you cannot change. No one can. TTY soon. The best of everything to you. Have a great day. One day I will make it to your seminars.
Seeing you tear up towards the end actually made me tear up myself. Thank you so much for this video. You are a light worker! you are helping to make people and ultimately the world a better place! I bought the Human Magnet Syndrome on audiobook and finished it in a weekend! Thank you again
There are certain sentances that my dad use to tell me when he was in anger and disappointment that I can hear them as loud even today. And ... somehow they came to be true. Not to his degree but... I know that if I didn't have them in my mind from a young age, I would have been in a much better space today. And, of course I married a man just like my dad... But today i know better so therefore I should do better. I am just sad that I lost so many years of my life being a codependant victim and defeated. God, my real father is taking me now on a different journey and i trust Him. Thank you for your video!
Mihaela van Wyk healing hugs 💞 Just because he said it ..dosn't make it true ! YOUR WORTH CANNOT BE DIMINISHED .. BASED ON SOMEONE'S INABILITY TO SEE YOUR VALUE !
It is important to identify who’s shit is bothering “one”. If the shit is not yours, then deliver it to the owner. My experience is, its easy to let go of someone else’s garbage. It’s “ones” own we always wanna keep and hoard. So find out what is yours!
Daily Affirmations helps me lower the critical voice inside my head most days. I wasn't even aware of wth I internalized in my tumultous violent childhood home.
i am glad i came upon this.... i have been dealing with such a deep rooted ANGER... AND I KNOW ITS MY SOUL.. needing a healing.. and...i have fought with self hate.. for ever... I have lost count of how many have told me . i am so hard on myself... i grew up in an unemotional and dyfunctional family.... we never had any connection..... i never felt i was loved, wanted or even acknowledged as a kid.... i was the worker kid.. ...thank you for this video...
Wow Ross and Bravo! Thank you. This was your most powerful video for me so far. Bingo, and You stay well. I have goosebumbs, and feel healing tears coming on.
This video came to me and I've never been more grateful. I knew the voice that tells me im worthless and how everything I do hinges on perfection wasn't mine. I just thought I was beginning to sound like my mother and grandma, though they never said those things to me, They sure did make me feel them. And now as an adult I have no drive to stand out or strive to achieve anything bc if I can't be perfect or the best, im not doing it. And now I'm passing those feelings to my own children and that is not what I want. Time to break the cycle, you are the first person to make any sense on how to do that. Thank you.
This message was - is so precious. I felt the sincerity, genuineness of the heart and soul. Thank you, Ross, for mirroring, showing and being vulnerable. I'm learning a lot through you. I can see the Self Love in your smile.
Thank you so much for your honesty. I am a therapist and social worker posting under a pseudonym. I feel absolutely slammed and shocked to find out late in life how severely I was impacted by my mother's gaslighting and father's alcoholism. Your honesty about your own experience is truly like a light in the abyss. I had jokingly named my childhood, "the abyss of aloneness in a hostile world." But until recently I was still in denial. Thank you for being the light of truth, clarity, honesty and hope in the abyss.
Thank you so much for this video :) Parents are starting that self-hate process but then that continues through our adult life. It's coming from society, bosses at work, envy or narcissistic friends....it's epidemic. "You are not enough and you will never be enough" ( but maybe if you finish this school, or get that PhD, or use this fabulous day cream for your face or ......maybe you will be closer to "enough. That's why is really important that people who are aware of the dream (nightmare) of not enough talk and remind us that we are enough. ( even if we don't use that face cream, don't have top education and don't smile when it's appropriate, but when we want to smile)
I’ve broken free of 37 years of narcissistic abuse from my father. I’ve decided when he dies one day, I won’t attend his funeral. My justification is I’ve already had to grieve the loss of the idea of having a “father”, in order to break free from this person’s abuse. I took my self-respect back, by recognising that my natural childish desire of wanting a father who genuinely loved me, was ultimately a fantasy that had to die, in order to give birth to having a healthy view of myself and no longer tolerating his abuse. I’d appreciate feedback from anyone that’s faced either of these circumstances.
All of you took the words right out of my soul. Thank you so much. I also vowed that I won't attend the person's funeral who gave birth to me. It took me nearly 50 years to realize what a sick monster she was and how she terrorised me. I've been no contact for nearly 5 years now and only recently so without a guilty concience, because "you should honour your parents"...only if they deserve that term, though. I did grieve the fact, that I didn't have a mother like most orhers. Recently I stared grieving for the poor little girl, who stood in a corner observing and longing for the same kind of mother- child interaction around her. The little girl, who was told and believed she didn't deserve the same, because she was bad, obsessed by the devil, the biggest shame and disappointment in her parents life etc. I grieve the years of quality life-time that this kind of abuse cost me...but I must admit, that I also get bouts of anger and hatred, when I think of her. Really she can be disposed off as toxic waste, for all I care.
It's nice to read these comments and know that I'm not alone in this. After going to college I realized that my household was toxic and I have been gaslit, guilted, and I feel like my thoughts are not my own. It's so hard because it's affecting my relationships here at college, and I don't quite know where I stand with people. To whoever is reading this, you are not alone and we will get through this! May your healing journey be safe, peaceful, and persistent.
I know that my childhood brianwashing, triangulations, and smear campaigns against me has destroyed my self-percreption and my life. And, I know that it's why I don't trust or connect to anyone as an adult. It really doesn't matter now if I can fix my thinking as an adult because the damage has already been done. There is no redos in life, I can only playout the hand that was dealt to me.
Oh my God, this was amazing! Your ability to explain is so clear! I've always been so hard on myself! In Alanon/AA it is called "stinking thinking." My life has been crazy! Now I understand why? You made it so easy to understand! Perhaps now I can choose to stop cursing myself over and over! Thank you so much for sharing this truth! 💞
This is SO IMPORTANT to understand! That these inner voices telling ourselves that we are not o.k. are not our own voices. That we identified with what a parent who was angry said to us. Thank you for this! 💝 My whole life I was told that I was too hard on myself. I was convinced that being hard on myself was a badge of honor. What crap. Its time for me to let myself out of this mental prison and live in the truth of myself that I've never fully known.
Because of your videos, I was able to recognize gaslighting, Psychological abuse, projecting, triangulation, CPTSD, Disassociation, etc... I didn’t even know any of that. I feel like I am naive to my own self. I feel like I was gaslit my entire life and I know nothing bout the reality of the world. This is So sad. Yet I’m determined to fix myself.
OKAY.. I HAD TO ADD A 2ND COMMENT.... THIS explains even as an adult . gaslighting. just throws me off mentally... attachment trauma... i hate when i get this mind distortion....
My Grandmothers were 90% of the time kind and respectful towards me as were my Grandfather's. My Father was a verbally and emotionally abusive bully as was my Mother. It must come from their parents. I treat my Son so well and he is peaceful and happy. I was a low. Maintenence child, seen and not heard wastje expectation. As. A teenager I rebeled and have never been forgiven. I haven't seen my parents since 2005. Best move I ever made.
I am good enough. I am worthy of love. I'm worthy of being protected. I'm worthy of being delighted in. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am talented. My light shines bright! I am intelligent. I am perfectly ME. I am accepted & acknowledged. I follow through with things. I am my own person. My feelings matter. My ideas matter. My thoughts matter. What I want matters. I love myself. I see myself. I hear myself. I LOVE me!!!
Greetings Ross, as silly as this sounds, I did not have a personality for years I was only blending and now that I try to take my place, almost nobody is there but I must continue to count on myself, I do that since I'm 5 years old anyways right :/ I will listen to your wonderful video very soon, I just needed to express myself a little because I know you are not only a wise and intelligent therapist but you are also a nice human being. Namaste
You are not silly at all. I was very much the same way. I am almost 50, and it is really only within the past 10 years that I have figured out who I actually am. Before that, I “blended” too. Like a chameleon. That is a perfect description...thank you.
That is the best description I've heard and it totally fits me. I felt confident that I had worked through a lot of the old childhood drama but have been triggered again to old coping mechanisms that are not related at all to self love. I've always struggled with this and as I'm approaching 40 would like to finally overcome it and stop trying to just blend in.
I’m 61 and definitely still a blender. I feel flat and lacking in internal energy when confronted with certain social situations, to the extent that I now avoid them. Now I understand why. Thank you Ross and all above 💗
This was so insightful. I've already been through tons of therapy since I was young, and I went through a year of DBT about 8 years ago, but I don't think anyone I saw has ever had this approach with me. Two things I've constantly felt from both of my parents, even though my dad is the narcissist, my mom was very critical too and she has severe depression- were that I was lazy and spoiled. I'm 48 now, I remember back when I was 15 how I was in choir in high school, and in one of the classes the first week we played this game with our names, picking a positive adjective the same letter as our first name, like magical Mary, terrific Ted, that kind of thing. I remember when it got to me, I sadly said lazy Lynn. I really wasn't that lazy, I would do chores around the house and do my homework, I just liked to read a lot, and that's being lazy??? I'm currently having a lot of issues with both of my parents and I've gone no contact with both of them for at least 2 months. I'm definitely considering getting your book.
Been spending my whole adult life trying to fix the self hate and other issues from having an alcoholic father and detached narcissistic mother. Oh Lordy.
I was always fat, ugly, and stupid in my father's eyes. At 5 years old he would tell me these things. He was abusive in many ways to me, my sisters and my mother. My mother was never a very warm or loving person even though she tried the best she could. Since finding your videos recently, it has helped me at least understand why I am the way I am, and apparently I'm codependent. If I can just figure out how to let go of the constant guilt and shame, I feel like my life would change. I ordered your book and should have it any day now. I'm hoping this will be the key to finally unlocking my own self love. Thank you so much for everything you are doing Dr. Rosenberg. You are truly changing lives ❤️
Thank you so much for your work. I'm finally beginning to understand why I've felt not myself my whole life. Grateful for you having the courage to walk your own journey so we can walk ours 💛
Speaking out loud words of encouragement and words of appreciation for anything I do has been so powerful!! I actually felt HAPPY BEYOND UNDERSTANDING!! Now I understand it’s because I use my real own voice and not a fake one. The body knows the truth and this alignment of words and actions and listening 👂 was a therapeutic major event to me and this video gives the theory behind my own experience
I grew up thinking if myself as a piece of shit. Now i know that there is more to us as gods creatures than our environment and past. Go out and be what god intended us to be.
Ross your work is amazing. Contact zero with narcissists is the best method to see ourselves as we are. Life changing when we leave toxic environments.
Thank you for this, I appreciate your manner of delivery and direct approach. Just ordered your book and am looking forward to working on getting out of this trap of self- doubt and self-loathing.
My parents are deceased and listening to you I had to forgive them...they were good people who were broken and just trying to make life daily. I was told by my father's sister that my grandmother suffered from what we know now as postpartum depression. My mom was an only child to a teenage mom. I'm wish everyday I could go back and help my parents. I have never, never heard my parents say they loved each other and they never used the word love to us children ...which is quite shocking to me because when my niece was born, I could not stop saying..."I love you". Life is just a hot mess. My father went around the house talking to himself and had hoarding behaviors after my mom died. My sister and I do not speak to each other. I have to help myself because I'm talking to myself, can't sleep. Just listening to you my chest is tight and I'm trying not to cry. I'm giving myself one year to deal with me because I have to have feelings for me.
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I am good enough.
I am good enough.
I am good enough.
I am healing ❤
All pains and fears are lies that were sold to us children and we bought it not knowing and we disregarded our own truths of love and complete acceptance
@@raymondguzman5083
That is so true.
The road to recovery is long and hard but now I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel this journey is looking beautiful.
lola lolay
💜
Yes and amen to that!!! Thanks. 👍👍👍👍❤❤
I am. I am. I am.
"Self-love deficient" is the best description I've ever heard for co-dependent.
yes....me too
Me too!
It makes so many pieces fall into place.
EVER! I subscribed so fast
You Know, Narcissist are also extremely " deficit in Self-love", it is just opposite way they Cope with self-love deficiency.
@@saumitrsharma2816
Yes, they are.
Good point.
That's partly why when we have one for a parent, we don't ever feel really loved or good enough.
They can't give us what they themselves didn't get, and don't have to give.
"The child believes the parent will tell the truth about who they are."
Oooof.
My parents did NOT.
By their neglect they told me I wasn't important or worthy of their love. By my dads rage he told me I wasn't worth speaking kindly to or being made to feel safe, instead of terrified. By my dads leaving me in my room crying my eyes out after he'd rage and spank me and him not coming back in to hold me and make sure I knew we were OK, he made me believe we were NEVER ok, that I was a bad kid and that he _didn't_ love me. By my mothers allowing my dad to rage on us it told me we weren't worth being protected. By their lack of compliments I was told I was ugly. By their lack of encouragement I was told they didn't believe I could DO _anything_ right. By my dad constantly re-doing my chores and making me watch I was told I was defective and couldn't do anything right, why even TRY?
By their discouraging comments anytime I brought up my dreams, it told me they _knew_ I was *not good enough to succeed.*
On and on it went.....
Your comment just hit home for me. I needed that to be spoken with clarity. Thank you. I believe we can heal. I hope. Without passing it down.
That’s my story
😭I feel your pain. I’m in the same boat
I feel you.
They torture you, they hurt you and then they blame, judge, belittle and demean you for your pain, the very pain yhat they caused and created in you
Damn this is too real
Ross, I'm listening to this while I'm driving. I had to pull over on the side of the road to cry. Thank you for pointing out that the voices in my head are lies. It's a grear starting point to begin the journey to self-love. God bless.
Awwwwwww°!! I really understand, and can relate to you! 😢😢🤕
@@oliviacadena2036 , thank you, Olivia! God Bless ❤
@@GavinsMarineMom Yes, you're welcome girl!!! 👍👍👍👍
Melanie G I boo-hoo’d while on my commute. Thankfully the bus isn’t full.
Melanie G YES! You are a creation of all that is good, smart and beautiful! Please find ( after research ) a reputable psychotherapist you can see! You are special and need help to navigate letting that go through cognitive therapy and learning you were a victim of a Narcissist & learn how to let it go... FOREVER! Psychologically harming another human being, is no different than physically torturing them. Your post moved me with compassion. I wish you all the best in finding the wonderful person that is you!
I wonder how many of us grow up to be introverted because of childhood abuse? The older I get the more introverted I become. I broke contact with my mother 4 years ago and wish it had been 40 because I don't even miss her. I just wish her voice would leave me be. Great information here. Thank you 💗
Me
Kari Short healing hugs to you 💞
Just because she said it , dosn't make it true !
YOUR WORTH CANNOT BE DIMINISHED ..
BASED ON SOMEONE'S INABILITY TO SEE YOUR WORTH !
@kari I’m still struggling because I don’t live in a free country and my narcissistic mom got churches after me, I had to move to another state but just like an octopus 🐙 she’s managed to get authority help as if I were a kind of sick person. I even got physically abused in February this year by another narc that said he was a friend… long story short.
I had same thought... are introverts just trsumatized people. they sayd introverts restore alone - well yeah, if our energy was sucked out of us lol
And how many have severe social problems and odd behaving because of abuse
Awesome and if I might add.....disapproval can be communicated without saying a word
bright eyes YES!!!!!!! It was just me and my mom and she communicated soooo much with just a glance or a gesture. She never even had to escalate to outright disapproval because I was so programmed to watch her subtle signals. 🤢😒
It's also easier for them to deny their harmful disapproval when they communicate it this way. It literally can drive a person insane.
bright eyes oh my hell ! That blank stare !!
My mom never said a word but it spike volumes now that i look back
bright eyes that’s the worst cos there’s nothing tangible to object to!
💔
Hugs for everyone struggling with this.
Hugs for you to Daisy
@@teresawaid6088 Thanks. 🙂
The child internalizes that their "love-ability" is always contingent upon obedience, and "being seen and not heard", i.e. low maintenance.
Man was I a low maintenance kid 😐💔 overcoming though
Me too. Incredible to learn this now!
This was so me some for decades!! I was never truly loved as a child in this family. I was so unwanted by them. I had four, now two, narcs in my family. Going back into therapy for help. I'll get there. If I can beat breast cancer, I can beat this....
Yes Tanya you can beat this! Stay courageous there are so many of us. Now we're All gonna be Seen & Heard!!
Tanya Alexander sending you all the virtual love. You got this!!
“When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy”....
describes a lot of childhoods!!
(btw works w dads too)
It happens with teachers, too, not just parents, when for some reason they tell a child repeatedly that is is bad or inferior in some way. Children are told "Listen to your teacher". You take what the teacher says to be true.
@@megisthus My teachers saved my life. I could go to school and be Me. They were encouraging nurturing and loving. Stern and disciplined when needed. My mother would constantly belittle me and my Dad would beat me with a belt. They're both dead now. I took care of Mom. Dad gaslighted to the grave at 86 still mean and cruel (chuckling). Too late, I had learned at 56 to put God in front of him verbally, no contact when he gaslighted (even though we lived next door), no bodily response to his cruelty. It just killed him when he got no response. This guy would even have his low life friends actually steal from me. I thanked him for standing my new grill upright. Next day it was gone. He threw away all my pictures from my airline stewardess days. He even tried to get his friend/gay lover, to buy my house from under me. I'm going to say it I'm glad he's gone, no more walking on eggs I can finally breathe. But I'm still crying while I'm breathing. I miss him.
My mum was never happy i have 0 ambishion telling i wont need a job wen i get older as tbe world is going too end she beat me all the time never got invited to parties the first party i went to i wen upset as i had to be beaten first i had to choose tge wepon belt clog or wooden brush i chode blet as clog was an brush hurt for longer and she took it out on me wat my dad did to her which was went back to his wife i ened up in an out of prison trying to make money i am totally legit now with a shit rep but im working hard on my self trying to be the best me i dont reslly like women but have one who i love but cant trust
Whoever came up with that saying definitely had a narcissistic mother.
There was/is a healthy/normal version of this....which is perverted and twisted to an extreme by unhealthy people. In a healthy family, mom doesn't have an issue unless it needs to be an issue and not addressing it is actually the unhealthy choice.
When you said...ungrateful...I heard that over and over again as a child. Thank you Ross!! I'm working on self love!!😘💖
I heard ungrateful all the time too
You aren't starving so your life is great. You aren't being beaten so your life is great.
They set the bar so high. As long as they aren't starving or beating you they're great parents and you couldn't ask for anything more. Oh but they will send you to bed without dinner and spank you.. so I guess they did starve and beat you.. huh...
@@RoseQuartzGemini - me too. Esp. if I refused to praise & fawn over His Royal Highness! 🤮🤮🤮
Me too
Yes, my parents seemed always waiting for me to show gratefulness when I was so young and they always seemed so disappointed in me. Took until my 60s to even see that had happened and how it pushed me into a private world of make believe and denial.
Beware of being subtly abusive on yourself for not detaching from those imprinted voices as easily as "you" expected. "Shit, another thing in which I fail..." No matter what you feel, think, say o do, you always deserve more love, not less. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I looooooove yooooou!! I find myself repeating "I love you's" to my heart several times a day. Going Meta with Love.
Same here Julia! The random I love yous make a real difference. A little each day! Keep up the good work 💪🏽
I always heard from my mom "if I had to do it again I wouldn't have kids" and "your fat" which then I wasn't I know this now but then I believed her. "you will never amount to anything" I went no contact with her on march 16, 2019 since I learned in counseling on and off for 9 yrs that she is why I hurt, I came to realize she enjoys hurting people. She had me and my 2 siblings not talking to each other, but she would have a relationship with all of us. She would talk about one daughter to another saying mean things. I don't talk to my parents or sisters I have my adult kids and im working on me now.
Good for you, and God bless you Leslie. I am working on observing and detaching (grey rocking), acknowledging I do not have to carry around ideas from the past....
Leslie, thank you for sharing! My mother said the EXACT same things to me, so your comment really touched me.
It also reminds me of how my mother was never happy for me when I would lose weight, and still isn’t. Even if I remove the things that disgust her it’s not going to change anything. Amazing! Her parents abused her and all that’s left in her is a demon.
Sounded like you had a viewing window into my life there for a minute. Scary how exact the wording and treatment was. My Narc Mother despises fat and disabled people. I was always told by her as a child im fat (I didn’t know back then but I wasn’t) As I’ve grown into an emotional eater (from her constant abuse) she says I embarrass the family because I’m big. I also had a beautiful daughter who became disabled. My Mother only has two grandchildren but has never accepted my Daughter or treated her with any kindness or respect. I was always made to feel ungrateful because she would repeat I gave up my wonderful life to have you. And I carried you on my hip everywhere breaking my back for you. She always dumped me off on my grandparents and when she would come to pick me up I was confused and would howl because I didn’t want to go with her because she ill treated me. My Mother use to always tell me my brother had worth and as a female I am nothing. Even to this day she constantly bribes him into obedience with the promise of her Will. (My brother and I are in our mid to late forties) He’s to the point he believes she’s leaving him her Will. He doesn’t talk to me or have any contact even though I’ve never done a thing to him.
@@countrygirlatheart7787 me too..never explained it that way but that's what it was.
You write it where I side with you, similar junk In my family of origin . I didn't have enough faith there was more out there I suffered in vain wanting for them to recant their cruel bully moves.
Now it's do or die ,I choose to live & believe the world is big enough not to need to share the same fortune. Address or circle of influences
You are changing the world one life at a time.
I am a female that was never allowed to cry. Ever for any reason! I was told how ugly I was when I cried and that no one would understand me if I cried. So if I cried I was beat or ignored. By my teenage years all my emotions were expressed only as anger. That was the only emotion I knew anymore. I became a monster. When I get really frustrated and confused about my emotions it goes immediately to anger. I am trying to overcome this but I have the hardest time just figuring out my own feelings sometimes. Thank you for this!! New sub. I want to stop putting myself down. I really get upset with myself if I get angry. I know exactly whose voices I am hearing. I can't believe I never realized this!!
Thanks for sharing. So glad this helps.
I found this video early in the morning of a very dark night of the soul. I'm pretty sure it saved my life. I feel so much better. I feel like I woke up from a 50 year fog. So very grateful for my life and my worth. Thanks Ross for the free content so desperate people can find relief.
So glad it helped. Please explore more of Ross's resources at humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/ and www.selfloverecovery.com/
My husband's father continually, repeatedly, consistently told him (my husband) that he was ' no good' and 'you (my husband) must earn my (the father's) respect'....which, of course, could NEVER be earned from the father. I watched my husband die from alcohol abuse because his father, at a very early age, continually told him he was 'no good'. I never understood why my husband drank so very heavily until this video, but, alas, I learned 'why' 25yrs too late. How could any father say such horrible, hateful words to an innocent, little boy? Murderous father!
I can relate too that story now as a survivor off that abuse. Sorry about your husband 🙏
Old Chinese saying: when you see an abused child, don’t blame mother but rather blame grandmother. It’s alway multigenerational
@@5thdimension625 wow ..so true..wise proverb. I never heard that before
I think it's beyond cruel..mean ..who does this to thier own flesh. And blood..? So sick
I fell for the lost of your husband. My husband is going thought the same thing and I don’t know how to help him or how talk to him about this.... my husband’s dad has passed away and and husband is drinking more but his dad did the same thing to him and sometimes I think the same is going to happen to my husband
I thought I had lost my keys just before leaving work tonight. A co-worker told me to "just take a deep breath" when I was already being perfectly calm (deliberately, almost flat). So I said to her, "I'm sorry if I seem stressed out." It wasn't really an apology because I was actually irritated at her for showing concern, thinking she was also trying to shut me down. I was inwardly thinking, hey I'm trying to not be a problem or have a problem and I'm trying to make myself smaller and calm, and now I "have" to apologize for having a problem? There was some projection of her feelings onto me, but most of what I was feeling was coming from me. When I was growing up, I was expected to be perfect and not cause any kind of problem or have any kind of problem. The narcissistic parent's theme: YOU ARE A PROBLEM. I gotta get some help for this. Thank you Ross Rosenberg.
Never have I read a more relatable comment. I'm blown away.
justlookalittledeeper k thank you
I can relate.
God i feel u on this.
Yes. Our very existence was reflected as the problem. In my house, every emotion was not allowed (except the rage and demands of the rageaholic narcissist determined to wipe us from existence). Every expression of a feeling or a thought in my house was viciously reprimanded as an imposition. Having a self, developing a self, was not allowed; our existing even more would have been an imposition. And every bowl of cereal set on the table for us, any bowl of soup given when we were sick, was delivered with a scowl and the deeply annoyed and injured angry sigh energy that said, "God, I can't believe I'm having to take time from my day to have to do this. (And now you owe me. I did you a favor.)"
Not being valued or allowed to be a person when you're in the period where you're trying to form one, and preferably a healthy one, makes for a lifetime of recovery efforts. The brain grows wrong, CPTSD sets in as a result (see Dr. Bessel van der Kolk for details and suggestions on how to work with the neurological issues of hypervigilence, if Ross Rosenberg doesn't cover that stuff.)
Children need to be valued and allowed to express emotions without the wrath of hell coming down in their face by a screaming adult for an hour. They deserve the right to have independent thoughts - a self apart from the parent - and say them without being mocked and insulted and talked about later as stupid to the rest of the family. They should have a right to privacy and not be emotionally incested as well. They have a right not be lied about and misrepresented to the extended family. They have a right to exist and be supported, but narcissists and borderlines typically do not allow any of these things.
I have finally turned a corner thanks to lots of energy work and therapy; the energy workers can do some amazing things these days (removing knots of old energies, repair holes in the auric sheathing, remove marks that invite bullying, pull out old concretized blockages of emotional pain). It has been frustrating to have to spend so much of my life trying to repair such extensive damage, however.
Our culture really needs to do a better job of protecting children's emotional well-being. In a tribal society, I suspect children would have more access to other adults who might be more supportive, people to offer nurturing and mirroring which all children need. Abuse would be discovered and remedied more easily because it would be more evident to other tribe members. The tiny "nuclear" family model allows too much ugly to go on behind closed doors, it seems to me. Maybe we should go back to a more tribal model, those people who are interested in that.
Thank you for this. My mother once said to me, "You would be jealous of your own child." Not only was it gaslighting, but it was projection. Because in many ways, she seemed jealous of me if I shined too brightly. It was always a competition of sorts. (And yet the best way to get her attention was achievement. So achieve I did!) While all of us have some jealous traits, I realized that truly, being a codependent, I was always trying to please her...and everyone. And good was never good enough. I was "jealous" at times because I needed mothering. I needed her undivided attention. I wasn't really jealous, I was needy for love. But any attempt to cry out for that meant that I was jealous of the attention she gave others (particularly the men in her life.) I just needed a mother...
I was so touched by your deeply felt emotions as you conveyed this teaching. And I realized that you had experienced it also from someone in your life. The wounds are deep, but the scars mean we survived.
Mine too. ALways competetitive with me, though I was blind to it from the gaslighting... and she was like Nomi Malone shoving her competition down the stairs. I'll remember it when she needs a nursing home.
@@MediaEnslavedNation I'm so sorry that you experienced this. My mother died in 2010, and we made a peace of sorts, but not before going no contact for about a year. I was her primary caregiver for 3 1/2 years, and I did the best I could. I loved her in spite of everything. So very much. Hope you find some measure of peace and healing. You deserve it sweet one! Nurture yourself as much as you can. 💙💚💜
@@glorydancer9167 Thank you. I don't believe in karma or in final judgement. I think people that get away with it, got away with it. Like for instance, Hitler got away with it by offing himself. I am undecided on whether I will convince her of this.
Dr. Mrs. Professor Chaos do whatever gives you pease of mind, they are innocent too, damaged doing the best they could which was usually terrible parenting
Only a look from my Mother and I knew I better behave. I loved my Mother and I still love her. She is in heaven now. As I reflect back on the look, I have thought it was good discipline because she didn't have to yell at me or tell me 3 different times to get my cooperation. But now I wonder if it was damaging? I did have very low self esteem and still do at age 75 but it has improved some. I do talk to a good therapist weekly to help with major depression and anxiety. Just really believe this video will help a lot of people.
Neglected emotionally, expected to be confident as an adult, and be able to communicate with words or other actions is an uphill climb. Years of therapy since.
Love your support, and how to endure on an ongoing basis. Thank you.🌷
J Doyle same
Beautifully stated .... Painful
Exactly! You feel like your words don't matter. You can't even express anger anymore and stand up for yourself. It takes practice because noone taught you to love yourself properly
Man I feel like an infant at 22 when it comes to communication. I hate it, hate it, and hate it but know it needs to be done. For some reason I feel selfish for having my needs met and in turn I push everyone I care about far away from me as possible. I feel like it’s no one’s responsibility to fix me. I deal with constant toxic shame and I’m struggling with how to get rid of it. Shame is what makes me wanna kill myself.
@@mandolaa YES!
This hit home. I described what I felt about myself to my counselor the other day.
I cannot count how many times my dad or stepmom called me "selfish" or my biological mom called me "ungrateful"
I just realized my narc mother was embarrassed 😳 of my birth defect hearing👂loss & speech impairment. Not that I had any control over that but I can really relate to this.
This makes so much sense. Feeling like we're just never good enough for anything or anyone. Thanks again!
The hardest part.....facing the truth that I was born to, and raised by, TWO narcissists. I blamed myself FOR being born. Thank You for this video. It was a much needed reminder that I am not a victim.
I feel your pain,as I have just discovered at 38 both parents are narcs too. it was meeting my ex wife 9yrs ago,and after divorcing after 4yrs, I was broken and it was another 4yrs of hell I read what a narcissist was- and it dawned on me that I was always around these type. until 23 yrs I started rebelling how I was being forced to be.since,I'm just scum! God bless & love yourself .
@@arthurmandas7500 Isn't it wonderful discovering that you have the power to change your entire life?
@@danielleminceywhite3431 it sure is, that was an amazing discovery. the problem now is , how to execute it! I'm like a little child trying work out how to take my first steps! that old toxic life of people pleasing & others words/expectations dominating me- was all I've ever known! I'm just keeping my faith in God and will accept what will be. best wishes from Sydney , Australia.x
@@arthurmandas7500 try tapping and loch kelly’s meditations. that combination has been transforming my life
I felt touched by your crying, it made me cry and I needed to cry.
This is my first time watching your channel and I am so happy I found it. You confirmed something I started to figure out about my thoughts. That they were not mine! I have been barraged by insecure thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. I began through self work, to identify all of the voices and who implanted them. I discovered that my true self is love. I am not insecure I completely love me! However I was taught to loathe myself and my entire identity. I was diminished, belittled and demeaned. I continue to work on myself and although this video triggered memories, I appreciate the confirmation that I'm not crazy and I am enough!
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story and for your support. Keep up the good work!
Your moment of reflection on your experience of childhood gaslighting is very moving, it helps our whole recovery community. Thank you
Mine was more what my narc mother didn't say to me, the reassurance that didn't come after being sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, and the anger I felt from her rather than loving reassurance, the perception that somehow I caused this to happen despite doing absolutely nothing to invite it, & the lack of motivation to report these injustices because apparently I didn't matter. I was not worth it!
I am now 60. The same parent chose not to tell me I was adopted until I was 44! That was after lying to me about it when I was 13. Apparently again, I was not worthy of knowing the truth about my own identity, & not worth being treated with love & compassion by my primary caregiver.
I know this too. Big hug to you Ross! Always remember you're using your pain to help thousands now. You're saving lives daily. ::hugs hugs::
He is fulfilling his purpose as a lightworker
I love this insight: “you are speaking the voice of a gas-lighting parent”. Thank you, Ross
A grown man crying. Wow. Never thought men had feelings. Thank you. Maxine
He is the example that all men should follow. What a sane world it would be if we all (men and women) reflected like he does.
Thank God for him. ☀️
Yes. Thank God for you and your ability to convey all of this to others. Am soaking this in like a sponge.
So happy for you. IMO, they are tears of healing. Keep going!
We all cry. Just the ones that don't show it cry in private. But the ones that don't cry are only sociopaths and psychopaths.
THANK YOU!!! The hard part is if you were gaslight for years and a scapegoat from original family you can replay those patterns later in life. One can even start to act in ways that reenforce the views and therapists often do not see this for what it is.
its work to see them our self and people are at guard
We love and accept you for who you REALLY are, Ross.
It's a beautiful energy you're putting out there 🌻
I agree with you on that!! 👍👍👍👍💖💖💖💖
@@oliviacadena2036 awesome 😊💞
I think few people realize how emotionally taxing it is for a therapist to deal with these issues day in and day out. They need support too. Thank you Ross for what you do! I wish I had gotten help for my issues sooner, but I'm glad I did. Better late than never. I made sure to thank my therapist for the work she does. She was almost in tears and it made me realize how she probably doesn't get thanked enough or at all. It also made me realize that many people don't get the help they need and don't realize how easy and affordable it can be to talk to a therapist. Sadly, I think the stigma of "getting therapy" convinces many people not to seek help. Keep spreading these good words, I hope more people will see your videos and begin to piece their lives back together.
Thank you so much for your words and the support. 🙏
Thank you Ross, you are definitely making a difference. I was always told I was ungrateful, spoiled, OMG...both parents. My brother molested me as a toddler until I was 5 or 6...I have visceral memories of his abuse. He continued to abuse me as a little girl with fearful behavior and stealing. My father was a narcissist and completely ran my mother. Then onto kindergarten and elementary school where all sorts of abuse was lurking and I had to learn early how to protect myself. Anytime I complained about something that happened to me the response was, what did you do? There is more to it but I am tired of repeating these memories. I am sixty and just coming to full consciousness of why I have felt like I do. I have reclaimed my life and I have a lot of work to do. Everyday is new and filled with potential and I am grateful for the opportunity to finally break the chains that bind me. Sending wonderful thoughts of love and healing your way.
Your words are a yr old...I pray ... you have accomplished so much more by now...!! God Bless......
I love “be good to yourself “ “love yourself “ new voices .. self love is contagious
I must’ve watched hundreds of videos about narcissism and narcissistic parents, but I’ve never watched one like this before. This is the biggest aha moment, that just explains everything that’s gone wrong in my life. It’s extremely painful right now, but it all makes sense now. God bless you🙏🏼
🇮🇪
I am watching this with tears flowing down my face. You just described my childhood.
My whole life is a gaslight, sometimes it seems. lol
Mine too, first my parents, then the Navy followed by the VA and of course, my husband. If you're raised by narcs and employed by narcs and treated by narcs, you marry a narc. In fact, I doubt anyone isn't a narc or their victim.
Yeah, it was my whole childhood dealing with a narc mother, then a few relationships with some covert narcs, and then my last ex-girlfriend was a full blown overt narc, and I felt like I was losing my mind, questioning my reality and shit, thinking I'm imagining things, because she almost succeeded in having me believe I was maybe paranoid "about her cheating" when I was never the problem, she's just straight coo-koo. But she still won't admit it.
These people just don't change, they're like a straight up evil energizer bunny, constantly looking for viable victims to suck energy and life force from. It's disgusting, but there are so many people still suffering at the hand of these people who have no idea what's going on, and I can only hope they break free from the spell soon, because it's enough to drive one insane or to suicide, no doubt.
@@RantTherapist Yep. I hear you.. It's hell. But they do change: They get worse. They get more refined, if they need to, when you show them physical evidence of their behavior and that it's unacceptable. They get worse as they get old and have to use their brains to lure in new victims because they aren't pretty anymore. They get meaner, when they are short on supply because you straight cut them off. But here we are. I feel so awful for the folks that didn't have this forum to find and validate each others' experiences. Who had to go thru it alone, thinking they were crazy. My poor grandmother, lived and died never knowing peace except for the few years between my grampas' passing and her own.
And there are tens of thousands of people like your grandma, if not millions, who suffer without knowing. And that's really, really freaking sad.
@@RantTherapist it really is an epidemic. If these folks has the measles the cdc would issue an alert, in fact they have on measles last week, but this crisis of abuse passed from generation to generation is going unchecked.
A man willing to be vulnerable and show emotion publicly. What a tremendous gift and example!
Thank you for your support Kate! 🙏
I’ve been so emotional today.. Listening to you helped me, understanding it’s a process that takes time. Thanks for your sincerity
Such a relief to hear this from someone who has experienced it first hand. Always thought I was just worthless and crazy. So hard to break that cycle of thinking.
Thank you for your insights.
I needed these videos. Just beginning to understand the trauma that I’ve been so afraid to even think about. It’s not my fault. God, I just want to be better. Thank you for all you’re doing.
You are so welcome Mateo, thank you for the support!
Really love your work Ross. I definitely am a recovering codependent & SLD. I really wish I would’ve majored in psychology in college, if I could do it all over again. But I just had such a chip on my shoulder & distrust towards psychologists, psychiatrists & doctors in general because for quite a few years my epilepsy was misdiagnosed as severe panic attack disorder and even hypochondria. Talk about gas lighting, because the irony is that I was finally correctly diagnosed with epilepsy at age 23, once I married & began sternly confronting my parents & older siblings for their alcoholism, drug addiction, narcissism, & even psychopathy.
The road to recovery hasn’t been easy, and of course I still have cptsd moments. But when I examine how much my psyche, health, self esteem & awareness have improved the past 7 years, I’m just so grateful that I came across your sincere work & guests you’ve interviewed, that gave me the unexplainable courage to cut ties from my toxic family & really give loving myself a real try. Namaste.
Angeline here thank you Ross tears of healing flow as I listen to you. I was 4 years old when the put downs started. I m 61 now it’s time to start healing from the pain , God Bless you and you family for your great work. You are so right in what your teaching the world, your a very good man. Thank you again! 😇
Your book is amazing and life changing. I hope everyone buys a copy because their $20 for this book is thousands of dollars of therapy. Pg 34 of your book The Human Magnet Syndrome.. "unfortunate victims and willing participants"..
I was married to a psycho ..(the ex that killed himself)... The remnant of my disorder as I heal is (for example)... after the ex hung himself I.felt.nothing. He was a monster. A bottom dweller. Physical and emotional abuse...I still feel nothing except relief. Then my mind goes on and on about how shitty that is to not feel anything... So Im still broken. You're right. I'm perpetuating the awful things that were said to me in every stage of life by different people. You're so kind. This was a wonderful message. ❤
Be well, Stephanie! Thank you for sharing your experience. You are not alone.
When I finally decided to stop listening to the lies of the voices they stopped having the power to hurt me!!
You have an amazing gift of being able to turn a difficult problem on its head and get people to see it through new eyes. I’ve never considered my negative self talk as being someone else’s voice in my head, going round and round like a stuck record. As I was listening to what you were saying I was recalling my thoughts and saying to myself, yep that’s my mum, and that one’s my sister...
Excellent video 👏👏👏
Yessss!!! It helps! 👍👍👍👍👍💖💖
I am working my way through. I am resilient. I am determined. My pledge to my self. With help and guidence and growthI will not be gaslit again, EVER!
Ross Rosenberg, your video was heartfelt and loving. I love you
Okay I got this "you're stupid" from my dad. He got it from his mother. She probably got it from her father. They were mean people.
Your so right.....my mothers voice......for my son it's his dad....people dont realize you can be gas lighted since you were little....its painful....your self esteem gets effected.....it can crush you.....it takes alot to get through it......therapy helps alot....you speak the truth....THANK YOU....😇🙏GOD BLESS
Hi Ronda, thank you so much for sharing and the support.
Thank God for you, Dr Ross. It makes a world of difference that you personally understand. Book knowledge cannot compare to personal experience.
Ross, thank you so much for becoming vulnerable , it touched my heart. The voice in my head was my mom’s voice. I have been watching you on TH-cam for over 3 years now and it has really helped me. 😊
You are so welcome Karen, thank you for your support :)
NAME THAT VOICE 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 THANK YOU SIR 😢😢😢😢
You certainly have our love, support and genuine empathy, Ross. No no one understands and is able to validate you like we can and do! I cried with you, Ross! Thank you from the bottom of my heart right back at you! You are a blessing to us in every way! And we are SOOO Grateful to you!
Thank you so much Angela. 🙏
@@RossRosenberg Stay well...stay safe And stay you! Beautiful you! Who else, of course. That is something you cannot change. No one can. TTY soon. The best of everything to you. Have a great day. One day I will make it to your seminars.
Seeing you tear up towards the end actually made me tear up myself. Thank you so much for this video. You are a light worker! you are helping to make people and ultimately the world a better place! I bought the Human Magnet Syndrome on audiobook and finished it in a weekend! Thank you again
There are certain sentances that my dad use to tell me when he was in anger and disappointment that I can hear them as loud even today. And ... somehow they came to be true. Not to his degree but... I know that if I didn't have them in my mind from a young age, I would have been in a much better space today. And, of course I married a man just like my dad...
But today i know better so therefore I should do better. I am just sad that I lost so many years of my life being a codependant victim and defeated. God, my real father is taking me now on a different journey and i trust Him. Thank you for your video!
Mihaela van Wyk healing hugs 💞
Just because he said it ..dosn't make it true !
YOUR WORTH CANNOT BE DIMINISHED ..
BASED ON SOMEONE'S INABILITY TO SEE YOUR VALUE !
Gosh. You give me hope to get healed. Thank you.
Yessss!!! GBU. 👍👍👍👍👍
It is important to identify who’s shit is bothering “one”. If the shit is not yours, then deliver it to the owner. My experience is, its easy to let go of someone else’s garbage. It’s “ones” own we always wanna keep and hoard. So find out what is yours!
Daily Affirmations helps me lower the critical voice inside my head most days.
I wasn't even aware of wth I internalized in my tumultous violent childhood home.
i am glad i came upon this.... i have been dealing with such a deep rooted ANGER... AND I KNOW ITS MY SOUL.. needing a healing.. and...i have fought with self hate.. for ever... I have lost count of how many have told me . i am so hard on myself... i grew up in an unemotional and dyfunctional family.... we never had any connection..... i never felt i was loved, wanted or even acknowledged as a kid.... i was the worker kid.. ...thank you for this video...
Wow Ross and Bravo! Thank you. This was your most powerful video for me so far. Bingo, and You stay well. I have goosebumbs, and feel healing tears coming on.
This video came to me and I've never been more grateful. I knew the voice that tells me im worthless and how everything I do hinges on perfection wasn't mine. I just thought I was beginning to sound like my mother and grandma, though they never said those things to me, They sure did make me feel them. And now as an adult I have no drive to stand out or strive to achieve anything bc if I can't be perfect or the best, im not doing it. And now I'm passing those feelings to my own children and that is not what I want. Time to break the cycle, you are the first person to make any sense on how to do that. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing and listening.
This message was - is so precious. I felt the sincerity, genuineness of the heart and soul. Thank you, Ross, for mirroring, showing and being vulnerable. I'm learning a lot through you. I can see the Self Love in your smile.
Thank you so much for your honesty. I am a therapist and social worker posting under a pseudonym. I feel absolutely slammed and shocked to find out late in life how severely I was impacted by my mother's gaslighting and father's alcoholism. Your honesty about your own experience is truly like a light in the abyss. I had jokingly named my childhood, "the abyss of aloneness in a hostile world." But until recently I was still in denial. Thank you for being the light of truth, clarity, honesty and hope in the abyss.
Thank you so much for this video :)
Parents are starting that self-hate process but then that continues through our adult life. It's coming from society, bosses at work, envy or narcissistic friends....it's epidemic.
"You are not enough and you will never be enough" ( but maybe if you finish this school, or get that PhD, or use this fabulous day cream for your face or ......maybe you will be closer to "enough.
That's why is really important that people who are aware of the dream (nightmare) of not enough talk and remind us that we are enough. ( even if we don't use that face cream, don't have top education and don't smile when it's appropriate, but when we want to smile)
I’ve broken free of 37 years of narcissistic abuse from my father. I’ve decided when he dies one day, I won’t attend his funeral.
My justification is I’ve already had to grieve the loss of the idea of having a “father”, in order to break free from this person’s abuse. I took my self-respect back, by recognising that my natural childish desire of wanting a father who genuinely loved me, was ultimately a fantasy that had to die, in order to give birth to having a healthy view of myself and no longer tolerating his abuse.
I’d appreciate feedback from anyone that’s faced either of these circumstances.
Huko426 yes l have had to do this with my mother , acknowledge that she wasn’t one and grieve that
Right on!!!
All of you took the words right out of my soul. Thank you so much. I also vowed that I won't attend the person's funeral who gave birth to me. It took me nearly 50 years to realize what a sick monster she was and how she terrorised me.
I've been no contact for nearly 5 years now and only recently so without a guilty concience, because "you should honour your parents"...only if they deserve that term, though.
I did grieve the fact, that I didn't have a mother like most orhers.
Recently I stared grieving for the poor little girl, who stood in a corner observing and longing for the same kind of mother- child interaction around her. The little girl, who was told and believed she didn't deserve the same, because she was bad, obsessed by the devil, the biggest shame and disappointment in her parents life etc.
I grieve the years of quality life-time that this kind of abuse cost me...but I must admit, that I also get bouts of anger and hatred, when I think of her.
Really she can be disposed off as toxic waste, for all I care.
2.wrongs dont make a right docthe right thing for you
Want to compare notes of sadistic abuse? I was " Cinderella "
Thank you, Ross. 🙏 You touched my broken soul today in a moment of need,
I will face the rest of my day feeling more whole.
It's nice to read these comments and know that I'm not alone in this. After going to college I realized that my household was toxic and I have been gaslit, guilted, and I feel like my thoughts are not my own. It's so hard because it's affecting my relationships here at college, and I don't quite know where I stand with people. To whoever is reading this, you are not alone and we will get through this! May your healing journey be safe, peaceful, and persistent.
Thank you for sharing Samantha. 🙏
Thank you and much love to all SLDs 💔❤️💚
I know that my childhood brianwashing, triangulations, and smear campaigns against me has destroyed my self-percreption and my life. And, I know that it's why I don't trust or connect to anyone as an adult. It really doesn't matter now if I can fix my thinking as an adult because the damage has already been done. There is no redos in life, I can only playout the hand that was dealt to me.
Oh my God, this was amazing! Your ability to explain is so clear! I've always been so hard on myself! In Alanon/AA it is called "stinking thinking." My life has been crazy! Now I understand why? You made it so easy to understand! Perhaps now I can choose to stop cursing myself over and over! Thank you so much for sharing this truth! 💞
This is SO IMPORTANT to understand!
That these inner voices telling ourselves that we are not o.k. are not our own voices.
That we identified with what a parent who was angry said to us.
Thank you for this! 💝
My whole life I was told that I was too hard on myself.
I was convinced that being hard on myself was a badge of honor. What crap.
Its time for me to let myself out of this mental prison and live in the truth of myself that I've never fully known.
Thank you so much for sharing. Keep up the good work!
Because of your videos,
I was able to recognize gaslighting, Psychological abuse, projecting, triangulation, CPTSD, Disassociation, etc...
I didn’t even know any of that.
I feel like I am naive to my own self.
I feel like I was gaslit my entire life and I know nothing bout the reality of the world. This is So sad. Yet I’m determined to fix myself.
OKAY.. I HAD TO ADD A 2ND COMMENT.... THIS explains even as an adult . gaslighting. just throws me off mentally... attachment trauma... i hate when i get this mind distortion....
My Grandmothers were 90% of the time kind and respectful towards me as were my Grandfather's. My Father was a verbally and emotionally abusive bully as was my Mother. It must come from their parents. I treat my Son so well and he is peaceful and happy. I was a low. Maintenence child, seen and not heard wastje expectation. As. A teenager I rebeled and have never been forgiven. I haven't seen my parents since 2005. Best move I ever made.
I am good enough.
I am worthy of love.
I'm worthy of being protected.
I'm worthy of being delighted in.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am talented.
My light shines bright!
I am intelligent.
I am perfectly ME.
I am accepted & acknowledged.
I follow through with things.
I am my own person.
My feelings matter.
My ideas matter.
My thoughts matter.
What I want matters.
I love myself.
I see myself.
I hear myself.
I LOVE me!!!
It's the voice of my father and the bullies in school.
Thank you❤️
Yes, parents do that sadly. Thank you, I needed to hear these hopeful thoughts. Your videos are so effective
If only you knew the fact that I was able to fight back. I was able to conclude. We have a life outside the pathology of infected homes. Thank God.
👍👍👍👍👍👍
‘You are worth self love, you’re always worth it’. Thank you Ross, no one has ever said that to me before.
Greetings Ross, as silly as this sounds, I did not have a personality for years I was only blending and now that I try to take my place, almost nobody is there but I must continue to count on myself, I do that since I'm 5 years old anyways right :/ I will listen to your wonderful video very soon, I just needed to express myself a little because I know you are not only a wise and intelligent therapist but you are also a nice human being. Namaste
You are not silly at all. I was very much the same way. I am almost 50, and it is really only within the past 10 years that I have figured out who I actually am. Before that, I “blended” too. Like a chameleon. That is a perfect description...thank you.
@@heathernoelle8936 How did you find it? I have blended so long I don't seem to have anything else...
That is the best description I've heard and it totally fits me. I felt confident that I had worked through a lot of the old childhood drama but have been triggered again to old coping mechanisms that are not related at all to self love. I've always struggled with this and as I'm approaching 40 would like to finally overcome it and stop trying to just blend in.
I’m 61 and definitely still a blender. I feel flat and lacking in internal energy when confronted with certain social situations, to the extent that I now avoid them. Now I understand why. Thank you Ross and all above 💗
This was so insightful. I've already been through tons of therapy since I was young, and I went through a year of DBT about 8 years ago, but I don't think anyone I saw has ever had this approach with me. Two things I've constantly felt from both of my parents, even though my dad is the narcissist, my mom was very critical too and she has severe depression- were that I was lazy and spoiled. I'm 48 now, I remember back when I was 15 how I was in choir in high school, and in one of the classes the first week we played this game with our names, picking a positive adjective the same letter as our first name, like magical Mary, terrific Ted, that kind of thing. I remember when it got to me, I sadly said lazy Lynn. I really wasn't that lazy, I would do chores around the house and do my homework, I just liked to read a lot, and that's being lazy??? I'm currently having a lot of issues with both of my parents and I've gone no contact with both of them for at least 2 months. I'm definitely considering getting your book.
Lynn Marie Anderson LOVELY LYNN 💞
Lynn Marie Anderson life is short. Get the book if you feel it will help. Love yourself Lynn
Yep. It doesn't even have to be the same words. The narrative gets through anyway.
I love your vulnerability & empathy. No better wisdom than that that comes from suffering & overcoming!
The world needs more hearts like yours!
Thank you so much Beth Ann!
I'm so grateful to have found your channel!!! Thank you for helping us sort all this toxicity out and see the truth for what it is.
Been spending my whole adult life trying to fix the self hate and other issues from having an alcoholic father and detached narcissistic mother. Oh Lordy.
thank you Ross for sharing ,
not only your wise words but also your " emotion ".....
means so much !
I was always fat, ugly, and stupid in my father's eyes. At 5 years old he would tell me these things. He was abusive in many ways to me, my sisters and my mother. My mother was never a very warm or loving person even though she tried the best she could. Since finding your videos recently, it has helped me at least understand why I am the way I am, and apparently I'm codependent. If I can just figure out how to let go of the constant guilt and shame, I feel like my life would change. I ordered your book and should have it any day now. I'm hoping this will be the key to finally unlocking my own self love. Thank you so much for everything you are doing Dr. Rosenberg. You are truly changing lives ❤️
Thank you so much for your work. I'm finally beginning to understand why I've felt not myself my whole life. Grateful for you having the courage to walk your own journey so we can walk ours 💛
Speaking out loud words of encouragement and words of appreciation for anything I do has been so powerful!! I actually felt HAPPY BEYOND UNDERSTANDING!! Now I understand it’s because I use my real own voice and not a fake one. The body knows the truth and this alignment of words and actions and listening 👂 was a therapeutic major event to me and this video gives the theory behind my own experience
Tears are rolling down my checks...😢
I grew up thinking if myself as a piece of shit. Now i know that there is more to us as gods creatures than our environment and past. Go out and be what god intended us to be.
I asked my mom if I was pretty around 12. She said ,”it’s what is in inside that counts”. That was not a response that felt loving.
We Empaths have the weight of the world on our shoulders. The "SLD" in us is what keeps this realm synthetic.
Ross your work is amazing. Contact zero with narcissists is the best method to see ourselves as we are. Life changing when we leave toxic environments.
Thanks for listening. 🙏
Thank you for this, I appreciate your manner of delivery and direct approach. Just ordered your book and am looking forward to working on getting out of this trap of self- doubt and self-loathing.
You are making a difference and helping people to reclaim their life. Thank you Ross.
Mahalo
Thank you Ross for this vedio. It was so touching, validating and above all empowering. ❤
My parents are deceased and listening to you I had to forgive them...they were good people who were broken and just trying to make life daily. I was told by my father's sister that my grandmother suffered from what we know now as postpartum depression. My mom was an only child to a teenage mom. I'm wish everyday I could go back and help my parents. I have never, never heard my parents say they loved each other and they never used the word love to us children ...which is quite shocking to me because when my niece was born, I could not stop saying..."I love you". Life is just a hot mess. My father went around the house talking to himself and had hoarding behaviors after my mom died. My sister and I do not speak to each other. I have to help myself because I'm talking to myself, can't sleep. Just listening to you my chest is tight and I'm trying not to cry. I'm giving myself one year to deal with me because I have to have feelings for me.