Hey there, on the spectrum as well. And as well grewing up in a really pathologic narcissistic family environment. I can recommend you the book from Kohut called simply "narcism" - this was an eye-opener and even made me realize, that it is impossible for someone growing up that way to not have narcistic traits as well, which the psyche is splitting apart into the unconscious. After reading this and several other books I was able to really fully understand all of the situation and changed was able to change my thinking style and got calm - before I was also like you in the video expressing the experience of my childhood the way you did, after analysis of these books, I never talked in that hidden accusing/disappointed way anymore, not because I forgot it or split it off or think it's not that bad, the opposite is the case, but I do understand the whole picture and realized as well what it did to me in the development of my personality. I'm no contact for a year now with almost 30 - with nobody of my family, no siblings, not anybody. But I'm doing good and I never have that hurt or empty feeling amymore, which was my partner for my whole life, which is called cptsd, nor I suffer from anxiety anymore. To be honest I feel always balanced, have no meltdowns anymore and built up a healthy self-worth. I just wanted to recommend you this book, because I can relate alot to your description of it, because I experienced almost similar things, additional with domestic violence and there was a small time in my youth, in which I ran away from home and lived for some time at a "friend's". Was definitely not good and suffered alot with addictions. Well, these days, I'm even almost 30 now, but I study and the first time in my life I feel alive. No hatred voices, no guilt, no shame. And to be honest it was all due to the books of Kohut, which I read because I wanted to get a better understanding of it all. And then I somehow realized in a shocked manner, that it was just to natural I felt like I felt, because a part of my attachment inside my psyche was defective and I did in some areas of my life the same like my mum did, even when I saw myself as really educated about that topic, humbled and empathic. It was not because I wanted it to do so, but because of a failed important developmental process in my childhood (here is and was my family responsible for) , which fragmented some parts of my self into the unconscious, generating shame and guilt and a diffuse tension in my life. That's the reason why I recommend it, it may help you as well. Wish you the best :) Sorry for the grammar and stuff, not a native speaker - from middle Europe.
My daughter is 11 and was recently diagnosed with level 1 ASD. Her diagnosis is the best thing that ever happened to us. We knew she was struggling, but we didn't know why. She was so good at masking and she had most people fooled, but we knew she was stressed, anxious, depressed. Understanding that she is on the spectrum helped us find the right school and support for her. She's beautiful, smart, passionate, strong, and resilient.... Just like you. Proud of you for speaking out and being the voice for these young girls!
So happy for you that you individuated from this and took charge of your own life. You're young and when you hear any negative self talk say the opposite. You sound like a very self aware young lady and I wish you the best of luck and all the good things you truly deserve. I'm in my 60s and in trauma therapy from my awful experience where I was always judged by the opinions of others.
Wow I'm so sorry that u had such a tough time with feeling a part of your family because of the religious thing and also not having the best mom. I always feel so bad for people who don't have a nice mom. My mom was so great, definitely unconditional love I got from her and it does a lot for a person. My mom would listen to me going on and on and if I came to her with a problem she would always b there for me
Your mother seems narcissistic; my mother is also. I was undiagnosed autistic until 51 and my mother tried to do everything to hurt me; right up until I was diagnosed. She was also deeply religious. Every point you make is spot on!! The narcissistic parent will never admit wrongdoing; but will even shift the blame onto the ASD child to escape accountability. I had to go no contact also.
@@silverriver7866 She got a delight from inflicting pain. She triangulated and did everything that fits the mould for any narcisssit. Autists have empathy.
@ Yep. That’s way more than just ASD. I’m sorry for anyone who has to experience that. I do know some people with both diagnoses but the NPD seems to be the more powerful influence.
Hey there, on the spectrum as well. And as well grewing up in a really pathologic narcissistic family environment.
I can recommend you the book from Kohut called simply "narcism" - this was an eye-opener and even made me realize, that it is impossible for someone growing up that way to not have narcistic traits as well, which the psyche is splitting apart into the unconscious.
After reading this and several other books I was able to really fully understand all of the situation and changed was able to change my thinking style and got calm - before I was also like you in the video expressing the experience of my childhood the way you did, after analysis of these books, I never talked in that hidden accusing/disappointed way anymore, not because I forgot it or split it off or think it's not that bad, the opposite is the case, but I do understand the whole picture and realized as well what it did to me in the development of my personality. I'm no contact for a year now with almost 30 - with nobody of my family, no siblings, not anybody. But I'm doing good and I never have that hurt or empty feeling amymore, which was my partner for my whole life, which is called cptsd, nor I suffer from anxiety anymore.
To be honest I feel always balanced, have no meltdowns anymore and built up a healthy self-worth.
I just wanted to recommend you this book, because I can relate alot to your description of it, because I experienced almost similar things, additional with domestic violence and there was a small time in my youth, in which I ran away from home and lived for some time at a "friend's".
Was definitely not good and suffered alot with addictions.
Well, these days, I'm even almost 30 now, but I study and the first time in my life I feel alive. No hatred voices, no guilt, no shame.
And to be honest it was all due to the books of Kohut, which I read because I wanted to get a better understanding of it all. And then I somehow realized in a shocked manner, that it was just to natural I felt like I felt, because a part of my attachment inside my psyche was defective and I did in some areas of my life the same like my mum did, even when I saw myself as really educated about that topic, humbled and empathic. It was not because I wanted it to do so, but because of a failed important developmental process in my childhood (here is and was my family responsible for) , which fragmented some parts of my self into the unconscious, generating shame and guilt and a diffuse tension in my life.
That's the reason why I recommend it, it may help you as well.
Wish you the best :)
Sorry for the grammar and stuff, not a native speaker - from middle Europe.
Thank you I will definitely check out the book.
My daughter is 11 and was recently diagnosed with level 1 ASD. Her diagnosis is the best thing that ever happened to us. We knew she was struggling, but we didn't know why. She was so good at masking and she had most people fooled, but we knew she was stressed, anxious, depressed. Understanding that she is on the spectrum helped us find the right school and support for her. She's beautiful, smart, passionate, strong, and resilient.... Just like you. Proud of you for speaking out and being the voice for these young girls!
Thank you so much for the support & kinda words. This is why I started the channel is to help others or parents looking for answers.
So happy for you that you individuated from this and took charge of your own life. You're young and when you hear any negative self talk say the opposite. You sound like a very self aware young lady and I wish you the best of luck and all the good things you truly deserve. I'm in my 60s and in trauma therapy from my awful experience where I was always judged by the opinions of others.
Wow I'm so sorry that u had such a tough time with feeling a part of your family because of the religious thing and also not having the best mom. I always feel so bad for people who don't have a nice mom. My mom was so great, definitely unconditional love I got from her and it does a lot for a person. My mom would listen to me going on and on and if I came to her with a problem she would always b there for me
Your mother seems narcissistic; my mother is also. I was undiagnosed autistic until 51 and my mother tried to do everything to hurt me; right up until I was diagnosed. She was also deeply religious. Every point you make is spot on!! The narcissistic parent will never admit wrongdoing; but will even shift the blame onto the ASD child to escape accountability. I had to go no contact also.
Or ASD and NPD
@@silverriver7866 She got a delight from inflicting pain. She triangulated and did everything that fits the mould for any narcisssit. Autists have empathy.
@ Yep. That’s way more than just ASD. I’m sorry for anyone who has to experience that. I do know some people with both diagnoses but the NPD seems to be the more powerful influence.
I am glad to see you're doing well. It took me awhile to wash off me the catholic guilt that I was covered with as a child.
i subscribed to you last month i think.
I'd love to know how you going now, two years on
@muma6559 hi there, thanks for asking!! I'm doing amazing, continuing personal growth & trying to help others ✨️
@@AZ-delaware that's great! I grew up in a cult environment too, so I can relate. You go girl! You will do well, take care
Gnarly. You got a set of stones kid.
Sink or swim
@@AZ-delaware be nice if i heard from ya
You seem to have come a long, long way after such abuse.
Thank you 💝
Hey. Please be a guest on my show. 😊