Love(less) In China: Why Aren’t Young Chinese Getting Married? | Insight | Full Episode
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2024
- Marriage rates in China are at an all-time low. With the country facing an ageing society, low birth rates and a shrinking population, Chinese leaders hope to turn this around. Insight examines the changing attitudes of young Chinese towards marriage and having kids.
Compared to previous generations, why are young Chinese much less keen on the social model of settling down, buying property, and starting a family? How does higher education among women, changing conservative values and a flagging economy factor into marriage? And is there anything that can be done to reverse this trend?
0:00 Introduction
2:38 Changing views on marriage
10:17 Is One-Child Policy to blame for marriage decline?
12:57 Moonlight clan: living paycheck-to-paycheck
18:58 “996” - Impact on marriage in China
22:07 Changing gender roles
25:06 Finding love with dating apps
28:55 Traditional matchmaking sees revival
36:45 What falling nuptials mean for China
38:20 Can China raise marriage rates?
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ABOUT THE SHOW: Insight investigates and analyses topical issues that impact Asia and the rest of the world.
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A simple and straightforward reason why young people around the world these days do not want to marry is because they are well-educated. They know that bringing a life into this world and ensuring the child a healthy upbringing takes more than money. It takes stability in every aspects, courage and most importantly confidence. Within a fast paced society, are you confident that you can take good care of your child?
Marriage and having children are two separate things in my mind
Like I don't reallly see why that would be a reason people aren't getting married. Just bc you are married doesn't mean you must have children or that intention going into it
@@sejongunniespistol in Asia, once a couple get married, the longer they wait to have kids, the more pressure and criticizing comments will be thrown towards them by their own parents, relatives, and neighbours. I'm a vietnamese, our conservative culture has a saying "a toxic tree never can grow fruits, nor a toxic woman never can have children" use to criticize wives that do not/cannot have children of her own. I grew up witnessing my cousin was pressured by my aunt for not wanting kids, despite my aunt almost lose her life twice during birth, yet she holds on to traditional belief and think it's essential and beneficial personally, socially, and culturally that her beloved daughter become a mother. Aside from people wanting to avoid that pressure after marriage, I also think the 996 work culture in Asia plays a role. Not everyone is able to find "the right one" who they'll need to settle and commit to For The Rest Of Their Lives In Their 20'S as expected by society, while working 72 hours per week due to the fear of losing their jobs and future if they stop.
Too much thinking means that we never take a step forward. People also have very high ambitions, and the truth is that manual workers and drivers are needed again, and there are too many university graduates. My parents were not wealthy, but they managed to raise and educate two children who never experienced hunger.
Money is the easiest answer for why marriage and birthrate is falling. But it ignores the fact that when countries like China was poor, birth rate was too high. And poor people tend to have too many babies while rich people tend to have too few. So while I agree money and education has partly to do with it, it's not the whole or even main factor.
Other factors include feminism, hook up culture/sexual liberation, female empowerment, and consumerism.
1. Feminism. The notion men are toxic, useless, oppressive and dangerous is supported by the media. Women are at war with men and men don't realize it. Any problem women have in life the answer is always "it's men's fault." So why marry them?
2. Hook up culture. The invention of birth control changed how humans mate. It was unacceptable for most cultures to allow women to sleep with many men. Despite what young people think, this was the case not because people hated women, but it was literally to save women's lives. Before welfare and gov programs, if your parents die and you're a woman with no husband, you will almost certainly not have a sufficient way to survive. A marriage was your best chance secure stable life back then..so sleeping around will most certainly affect chances of getting into a marriage back then especially before abortion.
3. Female empowerment. Marriage used to be about survival not emotional highs or feelings of excitment. We confuse lust/attraction/infatuation with love of a marriage. So because women make their own means now, women will marry if and only if they want to... no longer they have to.
4. Consumerism. Modern dating is human shopping now. We got dating apps where we can flip through different dates like Amazon or alibaba. Young people are constantly looking for their best deal in spouse or lover.. when a better lover comes, it's time to upgrade to the new lover. If you feel you can do better than your current relationship, you will always want better. If you ever had someone you really liked, no other date in your future will measure up. Hence why people are so picky.
East Asia: 996 work culture is necessary.
Also, East Asia: Why is nobody having children?
Indeed. And also East Asia: Why are there so many young people unemployed? (Because working 72 hours is taking away the job of someone else.) One has nothing but play. The other one has nothing but work.
First step now is enforcing the non-tolerance of the 996 culture by fines for such companies. Slowly, but certainly. You can't go from 996 to 955 overnight, for businesses would fold everywhere. But try to get to 976 first. That'll give young people a chance to meet others after work, without being completely exhausted. Then proceed to 975.
East Asia: Study, study, study. Work.
Also East Asia: Hey, where's the baby?
East Asia: We all want a baby boy!
Also East Asia: Hey, why can't our sons get a girlfriend?
996的工作文化为什么存在，因为中国人讲究消费，要求随时随地吃到外卖，打到车，深更半夜能吃到路边摊，每天能到处玩到通宵。你不可能说我自己不想996但是我要求别人能够夜里1点给我烤串吧。😂
@@gardenjoy5223 996 isn't as widespread as you think it is.
Im a salaried employee in the U.S. and i feel exactly like him.
Actually, throughout history, people have been working 996 while having children.
Do you really think people in 1000BC had coffee breaks, leaves and overtime pay?
As a chinese woman,i was bron in a family which prefer boy.I went through hard childhood,high school(including i had to take care my younger brother,if he get hurt i would be hit by my grandma,when i am studying in school ,asked my mom for money,she will told me our family how poor i have to save etc).Now i have my salary and live alone. This is my life first i have myself room and money,i don't need worry will be blamed by parents and teachers.i don't believe any guy,also don't end my happy life.
Sorry to read you were growing up in such a loveless environment! Good for you to not want to expose yourself to that ever again.
我们这些大龄单身的99%都是原生家庭不幸造成的。我们的大脑认知里只有一个残缺无爱的家庭，所以自己根本不可能知道怎么去建立一个正常的家庭，强行结婚最后只会重蹈父母的悲剧。唯一的办法就是切断子孙的延续，把这根不良的基因断掉。
我是一个男人，无法想象女人为什么要牺牲自己的事业和身体去生孩子，最后男人还可能出轨。如果你是一个聪明善良的女人，不想骗男人的钱财，那一定会单身。只有笨女人和坏女人才会结婚，一个被男人利用一个利用男人。
First of all everyone needs men to get their work done by truckers, masons, plumbers, mechanic so if u don't trust men don't invite them and do it urself. Secondly, what's wrong in taking care of ur younger sibling? Boys also have to do that, and boys maybe punished too if they fail at it.
@@frustationoverloaded5976 It seems the gravity of her situation went right over your head!
Are you too young or too inexperienced? Better keep your opinions to yourself, before hurting someone else's feelings some more! Adding insult to injury.
She's not against men to do work. She works herself. She is against discrimination based on gender. A very real thing in China. So real, that female children got aborted a lot and even killed after birth.
This woman went through abuse, that's quite something else than just taking care of a younger sibling.
Seems you are mixing several things up in your reply. Shameful.
@@gardenjoy5223 it's not discrimination it's just the norm in the entire world it used to be the same not now anymore unfortunately. If truth hurts one's feeling, it's not my fault
The fact is that teenagers in China during their adolescence are strongly prohibited from puppy love by their parents but pushed to marry someone with similar financial situation after graduating from the universities.
Workaholics, in 2023, should not marry one another.
They think emotional development is like a water tap that can be turned off and on at a moment"s notice.
>puppy love
True
Truth
Who wants to get married and have a baby in this economy??? I barely made it out of poverty. I'll never have kids until I have my own house. I don't want to subject my child to the exact circumstances I did. That's why it's so necessary to choose your partner responsibly.
The reason why things have gotten bad is due to increase competition in the work force caused by women. Also, their rampant consumerism has caused greater wealth inequality.
If women had just stayed in the kitchen where they belong, things would be very affordable right now.
Thank you for the responsible mind 👍 I am thinking the same as you.
It's absolutely necessary
Women are hypergamous in nature, meaning they looking for the top guy they can find while man don't mind looking for the same or lower level lady. As women chase the top 10% guy (who have many options and not interested in her), she will also friendzone guys who wants to be with her. So its a vicious cycle and hence many single women these days. as they get older, their chances are almost diminished if they still want to find a top10% guy and want to be treated like a princess.
They want animalistic dumb fucks without any thoughts in their head while in act, like in good ol' days
'Women are looking for love, men are looking for a wife' - that's actually such a unique way of putting it.
Wife (read: mother and home-maker) :/
And, quite honestly, sex worker
This is total rubbish. Women are looking for resources, men are looking for sex.
Love: rich, tall and good-looking man, with a good career and a house, nice and generous to wife, and let her do what she wants. Also good in bed.
free labour and someone to pick up after their mess.
Older generations like to blame young people for the social crises they [the older people] pass onto them [the young people]. It is cruel to have children in uncertain times.
My mom says it's our duty [to society] to have children & she's not Chinese. I disagree with her but I do admit that when we get to retire someone should be paying for our pensions... This is where the mess really comes from 😖
Well, times have always been uncertain. People still married and got children. Somehow the world managed to handle that all.
You just like to shift blame yourself! Look at what YOU can do. Look at whom you can become (in being responsible for your own happiness and stop playing the blame game).
All generations ALWAYS inherited a very imperfect world from the generations before. Ponder that for a while and forbid yourself playing the victim card any longer. What can You do to make this world a better place? What is important to you? Set a reachable goal with a time frame and work to achieve it. Then on to the next one. Enjoy!
@@cristina8868 "My mom says it's our duty [to society] to have children" - Then what is society's duty to us? If WE only have duty to society, and society does not have duties to us, then there's a problem right there.
How about society's duty to us being 'not paying us less in real wages (inflation-adjusted) than our grandparents'?
My grandfather only saved 2-3 years to get a bungalow, and still had money left over to raise a family with 8 kids. I calculated I would have to work for 20 years to buy a tiny apartment a fraction of the size of his home.
Does she seriously think that we are slaves?
They don't understand it's wrong to bring a child into the world to suffer in an uncertain time, be another slave, or when you're not financially stable. They think of children as props, objects, or dolls rather than a human being and it's just your duty to have them, or cause they want one. Imagine your mom, who is not your girlfriend or wife, being baby crazy and contrast this with western moms that don't want to raise grandkids and do everything to try to keep their kids from having kids too early.
They are protecting their pensions
Some people witnessed their own parents marriage and is like yeahhh I don't want that 😂. Some may be running from past horrible dating/relationships. Others just came to the conclusion why stress over a person who may not really take whatever marriage agreement as serious.
Aye.
This is why staying single is the best in this difficult time.
No nagging, no cheating, no baby cries, no diaper changes, no sleepless night, no overpopulation, no STD, no heartache, no upkeeps, no arguments, no child support, no custody battle, no court battle, no divorce, no domestic violence, & no expensive one day wedding.
Just get yourself a sex toy
@@condorX2 yeah I understand with that part.... although people do tend to get lonely
Not everyone can maintain just being to themselves....that is why they should find the right person and not just pick anybody. You have to weed through all the ones promising empty promises that don't align with your values and such. It's quite sad because I was once married. I do want to get married again but honestly I'm just scared.
Yup
Some running OUT of money.
@@winglo1697 why would a person use another person for money....in regards to marriage what is the point of being together if you don't at all like the other person.
You know what kills freedom and happiness? Chinese parents. What’s worst? Having Chinese in laws too. They have no boundaries and never stop meddling. Once you have a baby, the Chinese mother and in law think it’s their child, not yours. Stay single!
I've heard this.
Yep. Better to marry abroad, if it's your kink.
@@azmodanpc Anyone who marry's a China person as a Foreigner is either Desperate or Asian infatuated. Marrying a CHINA ( not meaning, Taiwan, Malaysian or Singaporean Chinese) is a HUUUUGE RISK!...
in my case, it's the father in-law. lmao.
You should stop complaining about the tradition. When the couple grows old, they will be in the same place as their parents to watch and connect with their own children's families. That is a tradition passed by generations.
My parents have long given up on me regarding marriage..hahahah ... Now I live happily with my two cats in my own home, not far from my parents' place, we live in a small city in central China, slow work pace, nice weather, much lower living cost. of course lower average income, but, definitely enough for people who don't care about material things in life.
When you believe in Christ Lord Jesus you are not truly alone. God bless you sister.🙏🙏🙏
@@thomasranjit7781 Amen 🙏 yes, Christ lives inside of me, and I am in Christ.
@@thomasranjit7781how do you know she was christian?
Sounds like a really good and peacefull life
@@Superaleatorio23 hahah indeed it is a life full of blessings :)
月光族 moonlight clan
月 = moon （also mean “month”）
光 = light （also mean “empty”）
族 = clan/group
--spend all monthly salary and end with an empty debit savings each month
Learning Mandarin is fun
I spent my entire 20s single, and I can say that it's definitely easier to live as a single person if you're able-bodied and make enough money. And so long as we have close friends and family we can hangout with most evenings and weekends, we won't feel lonely.
no matter what u tell ur self u need a wife in ur life
These days people have a tendency to cheat so I don't think he/she is wrong.@@Thestraycat6
@@Thestraycat6time for me to hit the gym 🏋🏼♂️
want sex just go to thailand. why need wife.
It's funny how you say this in your 20's into your 30's then 40's hit and everyone is rushing to get married. Reproduction is a silent force that drives all living organisms because of survival of your genes... Whether you ignore it or not.
One of my friends (Chinese) said to me that she doesn't want to marry because to afford a wedding you need your future in-laws to contribute to the costs, however, this also means that from the very day you marry you are already in debt to your in-laws (and she doesn't want that).
hhh,there're not many girls like her.many take it for granted.😂
cant they marriage simple way here you can marry with only 40-50$ in temple no need to give big party or invite others just do simple way 🤔🤔if you cant afford big ceremony
@@kagamitaiga7055 this seldom happen in China and is socially unacceptable.Your wife and in-laws would think that you don't take marriage seriously.
@@peter-rice 😒 wtf you dont give big cermony means you dont love your wife 🥶🥶
@@kagamitaiga7055 😭some girls think so. For they have watched too many Korean TV plays.
I'm Malaysian and working in Hunan, China.. My coworkers told me that in order to get married, the men must have a house and a car.. For me that is acceptable but when he told me about the dowry here.. Wow.. It Shocked to the core.. The dowry alone can be up to 360k RMB.. And that is not including the wedding party etc.. No wonder men are reluctant to get married soon..
SCAM ALERT ::
Its a total scam. You only marry the person if the Parents is on the Same financial level as you are. IF YOU marry a lower classed parents with a Highly educated Wife, Your gonna be in for a BAD situation. Your money isn't your money.... DOn't mix with poor parents, or you will be poor also... Your wife or husband will end up spending and taking care of his/her family rather than their immediate family> IF they fall sick, YOUr F'd... Oddly the poor parents is waiting for this Scam to play out..
In India the women give the dowry 😂😂
Better get a hooker for cheap
@@user-lt5no1xt1z What's the logic behind it?
@@thornados4969 The custom is that you never go anywhere empty-handed and The dowry serves as a gift from the bride's family to the groom's family as a kind gesture for welcoming her into their home
This is happening in all countries with increasing wealth. When poor men and women marry to reduce risk of starving. Two can live cheaper than one. When people earn good incomes the risk of starving goes away and marriage becomes optional. People become more picky and many see having to share a living space and life as a negative.
Marriage has always been about money and is no longer needed. A person has to give up most of their life to marry and that loss of freedom is no longer worthwhile.
Chinese youth are no different from any other nation today. Big business loves it when young adults remain single! Single = more expensive apartments, expensive everything. Keep man and women divided and Big business can jump on creating new opportunities to cater to individualistic culture and immediate gratification vices!
best comment ever lol this is exactly why im so uninterested in marriage
Its not worth it to get marry unless man make enough to support himself and a wife & a child. The quality of life drop so fast after marriage as 3x living costs compare to remaining single. There are so many better options to use hard earned money than getting marry. Can spend money based on own expected lifespan and not worry about save enough for wife and children
Women are hypergamous in nature, meaning they looking for the top guy they can find while man don't mind looking for the same or lower level lady. As women chase the top 10% guy (who have many options and not interested in her), she will also friendzone guys who wants to be with her. So its a vicious cycle and hence many single women these days. as they get older, their chances are almost diminished if they still want to find a top10% guy and want to be treated like a princess.
their benefit on both side its all depend on what you want.@@Tom_H773
I was born in China and immigrated to Canada when I was 16. All the voice around me when I grew up was "get married and have kids". When I reached my mid-20s I started to re-evaluate a lot of my beliefs. And as of marriage I'm like ..... Nah I don't think its for me ..... Don't get me wrong, I still want a partner, but not marriage.
传统文化吧，也许新的思潮会在未来诞生，但你和我这一代的父母，他们离封建王朝也不过几十年。我们以后也会和西方一样，我们的文明注定灭亡
Why not? Is it just in case you find a girl you like more?
@@lc5176bro u don’t know how crazy are the feminists in China😂. Telling them to have a baby or marriage is basically telling them to give up their human rights in their mind.
Marriage is a business, not so much about love.
@@lc5176in canada, if u r in relationship for more than 6 months, u have to pay alimony
My brother in law married someone who grew up in China and the amount of pressure for him to have a high status is destroying for him.
Isn't the person your brother in law married your sister?
@@logan3122 It's the brother of his wife.
Your brother in law probably, should have looked into their culture, before marrying her.
Ill be honest, I agree@@carstenhansen5757
What does it mean for him to have a high status?
From personal experience living in China currently, I notice men practically expect their future wives to mother themselves, take care of the home, manage in-law relations, and bring home an income at the same time. Expectations are more traditional for a wife, while men are not mature enough or have the skills/capabilities to be a proper husband themselves (personality a bit naive, some sexist views regarding the role of a wife or women in general, rely on their families to take care of themselves when it comes to laundry, cooking, and other domestic tasks). Men appear to be lacking when it comes to meeting the emotional/financial expectations a woman may require from her would-be husband. As for women, I see women here who are very accomplished, maybe even more than similarly aged men, and are aware of the expectations upon them should they marry…so they choose just to date and not to marry.
Also, there is a huge problem of infidelities being more acceptable here for married men (Chinese society is far more accommodating for men who step out of marriage and will pressure wives to accept this “normal” behaviour of their husbands). Should there be a divorce, wives have very little rights to property and custody of children compared to the West.
So why marry?
Chinese women do not find many advantages in marrying.
Just a personal observation from a CBC in Guangzhou.
I earn a lot as software developer, so I can have my future wife take care of house and children while still enjoy having good money. A lot of women prefer marrying to good career men and become housewife themselves than wage slaving
That is to be expected, the little emperors did grow up no a world that is harsher to whatever they challenged before.
@@head0fmobIt's sad though that the best compliment you can give to sell yourself is you're a "good career man"
@@katyagrad3704 it works for both me and my gf 🤷♂️, I smells jealously here
In fairness the cost of living has gone up. Being able to financial look after a wife and kids (2-3) on one income is a privilege these days, whether you are in the world. Otherwise, both people in the marriage have to work. You then add then add the expectation to have a house, car and dowry?
I also suspect the infidelity may as a result of the fewer 'rich guys' having more options due to the reason above.
This is actually the reality of most developed country , not just China. Falling in love is now difficult because the world complexity is increasing. Our access to information is higher than ever, and the idea of marriage being a sacred thing is eroded
Still not a developed country, just due to its lousy environment, like 彩礼，女拳，拜金，下头男，直男 etc. The twisted notion of marriage and intimate relationships, I'm Chinese myself but I don't advertise and cover the downside of society here
It's not about being developed per se. It's about high levels of urbanization
Tell it to my three master graduated sons, all 30ies, all married with an early sweetheart, all starting or having families.
Because marriage is not sacred
there're other important factors aside from what's mentioned in the video, like children aren't allowed to date until they get into college, which cause them to delay learning from how to date or socialize with the opposite gender romantically without the financial/life pressure, and when they are allowed they have all these life pressure and they would be struggeling.
The gov also made questionable changes in the law, like when they were promoting the 1-child policy they were handing out abortions like candie or forcing it by punishing those who tried to have more, and were telling people that the gov would help cover the care for the parents when they get old to compensate for not having enough children. Now they're shaming 1-child households, and are not gonna help the old parents who were forced to only have 1 child, so those children now are having to take care of 2 elderlies and are pressured to care for multiple children. Anyone in their right mind would be rejecting, unless they're born rich and powerful. Plus the gov aren't helping with child care either, they just trying to take from the citizens without at least being responsible for what they ask for.
Another thing is the difficulty of finding a stable job, those who have a 996 are actually the fortunate one, many other college grads can't even find a job. Many with a masters or phd are doing food deliveries after they graduate.
most of the factors you mentioned aren't the cause of the social problems in china. Children are still dating in highschools, but so what? they still grow up to be as selfish and unsuitable for marriage as others that don't date in highschool. now they are shaming 1 child household? who is they? I have one child and no one is shaming me. The gov aren't helping with child care? please check how much the gov spent on education and child healthcare. And whose fault it is when college grads can't find job? yeah always point finger on others. These college grad apparently don't want to take blue collar job that pays way more than the white collar jobs that these grads are looking for. The society will fail if everyone only want to work in the office. I run a factory and I am finding it very hard to find workers here. Plenty of opening among my competitors too....just not the opening these spoiled kids and parents want.
IF you want to know what the real problem is then you must look at the society as a whole. What benefit can a man or woman get from marrying? What can they get from having a child? Most people here struggles with this answer. The materialistic/capitalist society that we construct only rewards hard work in our workplace and punishes people that values marriage and reproduction. The gov is part of the problem but so are the people themselves.
@@turtlesoup8134 it's in human nature to do what's best for them and avoid difficult situations. The CN gov is still very much communist, and they've been punishing flourishing private companies. If your company is private, they'll find a reason to take it from you in the future. There's little room for capitalism to affect cn people. What's driving them is now they know they can get a better life, so they aren't willing to get in difficult situations. If the gov wants something from the people, the gov has to be responsible for supporting these people in doing what the gov asked for. No one is obligated to obey at their own cost. You can't get enough workers for your factory because there isn't enough incentive for people to work for you. Why would someone with a phd work as a factory worker with below minimum wage? Why would anyone want children when they're in poverty? It's the gov's failure to ask people to make more children to work at the lowest paying jobs when most of the cn people now value higher education and better jobs. If you think the cn gov is right and everyone else is wrong, you are free to get pregnant and give birth to children as many as you want, no one would care to stop you, but you can't force your ideal onto others who are struggling when you can't be responsible for what you ask for. You really came off as entitled and selfish when you think people are obligated to obey. And you failed to see that the gov is supposed to exist to help the people, not to take from them.
@@dian277 as far as I know, the gov in China is more helpful to the chinese people than most western gov i know. I know this because i have lived in both the west and China. Private business is doing extremely well here...i am really not sure why you said the gov will punish them. The gov will be above the private business for sure...but isn't that their job to do so? or would you rather see the private sector take over the gov like in the US and leave the people suffering? and do you think chinese business owner are stupid to waste their time doing business if the end game is to give your business to the gov? Your claim is illogical.
Regarding people wanting a good job for the education they invested is ok with me but why are they complaining when they can't find the job? They invested in the wrong education and have unrealistic expectation. If you are a phd in gender studies then maybe you deserve to be jobless. You said that I offer less that the typical workplace for a blue collar position, but my offer is higher than the average beginner white collar position for new graduates. There are jobs for these young graduates if they look hard enough and stop having unrealistic expectation for themselves.
@@turtlesoup8134lol it seems you don't know much about China despite working there, and you are incredibly inconsiderate of other humans too. You just have your own interest in head, stop acting like you know everything 😂. Dian articulate comment was wasted on you.
In asia especially Chinese, you are not only marry your partner but also his/her family and relatives, its not about two of you its two families.
there is no love, its just business
Historically marriage has always been a business transaction between 2 families
@@hulagu3068 : Transaction between two families to contribute genetics for a new family tree.
Thats actually what the marriage is
This is why Jesus is so important.
“Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.”
- Ephesians 5:25 🙏🏾✝️📖
@@MiguelDLewis realistically love grows after handling the business aspect of marriage first. Erotic love don't last, companionship love lasts the longest in any relationship.
Because for women in China (and probably most countries in the world) getting married has very little or no benefit, but loads of sacrifices on career & other opportunities. 😂I’m an only child Chinese, I don’t live in China right now, and I have a very healthy relationship. But never had I ever thought about getting married (at least not in the near future). Honestly my business is my biggest hobby, it brings so much joy & sense of accomplishment & of course financial abundance. I can’t imagine giving all of these away and taking care of a family and having bunch of kids.
I was studying in university and my classmate was from China . She told me that being single is the best option for her .
First, she is the only child in her family and needs to support financially her parents when they’ll get old
Second, in Asia , woman has to take care of his parents as well . That’s too much pressure
Third , she was traumatized, Chinese children have too much pressure in their life . Getting good grades , studying non stop and etc
People want to be happy in themselves and then if they're LUCKY they find someone to live alongside them. Unless people want children then marriage isn't necessarily for everyone. Having children you need money stability and maturity and an excellent life partner
don't need marriage for the kids women end up taking the kids at the end of the day
Young man realize marriage is rubbery.they will get poor from middle class in several month.isn.t terrible?
These days it is just the case that not everyone gets married. I'm 50 and I've never been married. Circumstances in life dictate whether you do or you don't. The cost of living has increased substantially around the world and people are struggling to make ends meet. Living alone isn't easy that's for sure. Some people get lucky in life in the love department, others don't. Some get married young and have a family, others get married later in life. There's so many variables. Some never get married at all for whatever reason. People can make assumptions about ones situation, but you need to walk in their shoes to know their experience in life. The chinese government (and any other government) should know that times have changed and so have values.
totally agree
I'm 66, American male. Planning to move to SE Asia (PH, Thailand, Malaysia, etc...) next year. When talking with women on dating sites I hear many Chinese men looking in other countries. It's a much better deal for men. The concept of marriage was founded on need (money). Women in struggling countries understand this and fall in love with men who can provide. They ask for very little and provide a great wife. At 66 I'll be looking to have children. Never had kids in the US due to divorce law here. Bad deal. But in SE Asia its a great deal. I have the resources to ensure my kids thru college and a wife for the remainder of her life living extremely well by local standards. Win-win.
have you asked your parent why they have sex and had you despite having poor income? Now you are miserable because of them
Sure but you're not cultured Commies or Chinese.. Every country has its own pro and con
@@MrWaterbugdesign Good luck. I think it’s great that at 66 you’re so focused on the positive opportunities still ahead for you. I love an optimistic attitude. You don’t have as much time left as most typically setting out on building a family. My advice is firstly, don’t wait till next year. Seriously, why are you delaying? Go before 31 December 2023. Honestly, get on with things. Be in a rush. But still, more haste; less speed. So on selecting a lucky lady, I recommend you focus on Philippines only. They are Asian but were once American. You’ll ‘get them’ better. Lordy, isn’t one country with 110 million people enough? At your age, especially. You need to focus. And then on the particular woman, meet her immediate family early on. But don’t take their word for everything. Filipinos stick together. They really do; Westerners don’t. So try to get lots of perspectives on your lucky lady. But above all, get on with it! Don’t delay what sounds to me like a great plan to finish out your life living your best life.
Getting married is a choice as well as having a family. Honestly raising a single child cost a lot, it's hard to settle down if both you and your partner is not yet financially ready.
Ugh... All I'm hearing is entitlement from the elderly. If your children decide not to marry or have kids, that's their prerogative.
... Accept it seems that many elderly don't have enough pension to live of and need their child's support. It's all so complicated.
Another thing... you have a very violent TH-cam name. Guess the G2H also means go to hell. What happened to make you so angry?
So true
As a first gen Chinese American, I'm fortunate enough to study in the US, all gfs were fellow students, married my classmate in graduate school and now we have 3 kids. Although my parents had tried to arrange me with their friend's daughters, thank god I can just tell my prents to butt out. It's better to have loved and lost than not loved at all. Glad I didnt have go through the depressing process in China.
you are wrong. we chinese we dont married for love.
@@geoms6263You mean Chinese in China don't marry for love. Luckily those of us studying overseas date who we choose and do marry for love, and don't have to surrender to our parents.
"It's better to have loved and lost than not loved at all." Disagree AF. Not like I am missing out on anything good. Lmao.
Childish infantile behavior. If it was not for the US dollar, the socalled love marriage would fall apart
@@alphabeta3105 Why would it fall apart because of the dollar (the US has been broke many times it's a young country)? There are a lot of people in the US that are broke as hell and stay married till the end,
The US has a lot of Homesteaders and minimalists there are a lot of alternative lifestyles in the US family and children are just one of many choices
If you’re an ambitious man, you’d not want to be married because you don’t want government involvement in your personal life.
Very high-quality documentary. Enjoyed. Thank you.
This is a thoughtful program to present the views outside of western world. As a Chinese out of China for more than 30 years, China is a brand new world. Thank for having this program. Will like to see more!
you want to see more of China ? haven't you seen enough ? enough to know what a crap hole it is ?
this actually explain so much, a girl i had a fling with in shanghai was in her late 20s, and she ended up marrying a kind of older man and she was way out of his league in terms of attractiveness. Likely she felt the pressure to marry at her age
She will still have a side guy.
The older man is simply richer than u
@@FirstPeterr If societal pressure had that much influence on her, I bet she won't 'have a side guy'. She'll choose contentment in motherhood instead. Which is wise.
@@gardenjoy5223
😂🤣😂🤣. Nope. Read up on Female Dual Mating Strategies. Get initiated with the concepts of Cad vs Dad as well. Lots of peer reviewed literature on it.
@@Fj8282hahanail meets head.
What about the laws in China? The laws definitely play an important role. By marrying a man, we have to share his debt and all the responsibilities without any lawfully reassurance. After making sacrifices & giving up so many opportunities, quite an amount of women ended up struggling financially when their husbands have decided to call it an end. Just count how many women got beaten and abused but still unable to divorce with their abusers. You’ll be jailed for minimum 10 years if you murder someone in China, but if this “someone” is your wife, it’s gonna be a single digit number.
Yes, I doubt most people know the reality of "Women's Rights" in China. Even severe physical abuse is considered a "Domestic/Household Issue" to be solved privately at home away from public eyes.
That's the scenario of whole world. But only men are trapped in it. Laws are always biased towards women.😢
You would marry a man with debt? Lier!
@@davidc6907 No, I would never. I had a slice of cake in this world, why would I?
they also don't reinforce alimony or child support in case they divorce, and the children are often given to the men because they have a secure income and maybe a house, then you have a financially strugeling homeless woman who's lost her child.
Some interesting facts learned from this episode: Many young Chinese people working 996, leaving only Sunday to rest; One young man spending $140 on a night out on his monthly salary of $1000; Men usually prefer their partners to be younger, make less money than themselves. From what I know, many women in China also have basic requirements for potential partner: a house, a car and according to this video, a Beijing Fu Kou. With all these factors, it must be really hard to make a deal, which is what marriage is about in China - a deal making.
The Hukou problem is one that needs to be tackled. Some cities have removed Hukou requirements to improve the cities migration rates
Beijing hukou is not necessary,but car and house are necessary,even rural district
If you think about marriage, check all the legal terms, actually it is just a paper, M&A deal, law mostly talks about property. So, marriage is not necessary, but if you can find a good life partner with same life goal and connect to each other, it will be good.
It's all about money. But in the past it used to be all about money everywhere, it's just that the Chinese have a harder time getting over it.
And that the ‘leftover women’ don’t care about being ‘leftovers’ 😅
Thoroughly enjoyed this documentary 😊😊
Absolutely 💯
1:01: 🇨🇳 Marriage rates in China have plummeted, causing concern for the government due to the importance of familial ties and stability in Chinese society.
7:02: 💔 China's declining marriage rate is attributed to women's increasing education and individualistic attitudes among the younger generation.
15:45: 😔 The Moonlight Clan in China, consisting of singles who prioritize living in the present over financial stability and marriage, face economic challenges and societal mismatch in gender roles.
24:09: 👩❤👨 Despite the high costs and opportunity cost of marriage, many Chinese youth still desire to find love and get married.
32:45: 🏠 The declining marriage rate in China is a concern for the government due to its impact on social cohesion and declining birth rates.
40:22: 📚 Chinese workers are still working long hours despite the outlawing of 996 culture, and Asian countries are trying various methods to increase marriage rates.
Recap by Tammy AI
One thing I don't see addressed in this is the single male/female ratio. It's known that males were prioritized by couples, making for more men than female, making it a female's Market, not a male's.
This is why staying single is the best in this difficult time.
No nagging, no cheating, no baby cries, no diaper changes, no sleepless night, no overpopulation, no STD, no heartache, no upkeeps, no arguments, no child support, no custody battle, no court battle, no divorce, no domestic violence, & no expensive one day wedding.
Just get yourself a sex toy 😮🎉
thanks
@@christinacody8653 A world war should dispose the excess 20 million males.
@@condorX2Yes no divorce grape for men.
I've been a proud 'left-over' woman. Still not feeling the rush to be anyone's wife.
Yes, good! Keep it up girl! All the way into your 30s! Your 40s! Your 50s!!! Your 60s...
They don't cate about the citizens. They care about having a population of people they can exploit...use. they need a new generation of kids to do this
These retarded comments make my days.
This was an excellent documentary
They struggle to even find a job and the government is expecting them to get married and have kids?
Married for 18 years with 2 Kids you have no idea how many sacrifices I have to make. Do you think I am happy? I rather die again if I have to go through it again.
Dating is hard for all of us. I have to be 6ft tall and make 6 figures a year plus having strong muscles.
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 666 the cursed number 6ft 6 figures and a 6 pack you don't have it you ain't receiving no cat or real commitment from a gal.
I do not know where you live, but many asian and american people are overly materialistic. You raise them like that, always buying fancy but totally unnecessary stuff, and you will always be short on money. Have a savingsplan, start early with a K401 etc, make no debts and do not use a credit card as a bank loan
And you have to be a sensitive but dominant male in touch with your feminime side
@@henkvandervossen6616 Man what a sh show.
The Chinese for the "Moonlight Club" 月光族 is a fun word. The moon 月 means month, and light 光 means empty or all gone. It's actually from the phrase meaning to spend all your money every month, or living paycheck to paycheck.
Which is like half the US population.
@@henkvandervossen6616 not sure what that has to do with this video but yup! Maybe even more than half tbh
Thank you for this ama ing documentary.
In China marrying a woman is marrying her whole family, the in-laws are always present and interfering in their child's marriage. But in China it is normal while in other countries it is abnormal.
Some families in singapore as well that's one reason for many divorce here
Well... it is Asia's culture right?
India says Hi ! 👋
@@Dominus_Potatus yes and the in-laws are the reason of divorce.
Better to stay single and survive. Too much hassle.
This documentary does as excellent of a job of antagonizing the awakened youth as providing a comprehensive overview of this issue. The documentary introduced the term "Yue Guang Zu" followed by clips of people clubbing as if the group were just wasting their lives. Actually, if they have enough money and more free time, they would probably go for 'more meaningful events'. I consider not being willing to get married a great thing since it shows that people care about not only their labels (married/unmarried) but also the insights behind the labels. There are better ways to spend your money to attain pleasure compared to speaking them on dating and marriage (but if people consider dating and marriage pleasant, then good for them) Also, everyone who lives in China needs to ask themselves a single question: Would your children appreciate you for bringing them to the world? Considering the immense pressure in education and work and the severe degree of oppression of individuality by the Chinese culture, I would be reluctant to have a child.
As for the men being responsible for family, very very often it's the women that ends up feeling judged for marrying, in effect, "down", then whatever her original intentions were, everything is more difficult because people around her expected the marriage to fail to begin with.
Women everywhere are responsable for family. Men just "show up" whenever they want to FFS
Women are forbidden from "marrying down", but men can scrape the bottom of the barrel and that's okay as long as bloodline, family name, and tradition gets passed on.
Yes women always have to sacrifice more so not worth it ...
@@nanskiboutski243True men don't bring much in general and are not faithful so better stay single as a woman
@@Carolinapetroska You're not bitter at all 😅
I am 67 American have never been married. No kids. Own 2br 2ba condo downtown tampa. No mortgage. And so happy 😊 😊. My sister and brother have no kids. Just my sister is married. Marriage is so overrated. Not so great. Not needed. 😊😊
Your doing life right sounds like 😊
selfish boomer
You should give time to yourself
I'm a 63 year old black America woman. Never married or had children. Newly retired traveling the world. My late parents were very supportive of my choices. Pressure came from family members who didn't make wise choices financially or marriage.
Less Americans is a good thing😂
Nowadays, in Sichuan Province, China, you can register your children with Hukou regardless of marital status. This caused quite a stir when it was first announced by the state government.
That's definitely a good start. It's basically Acknowledging kids having citizenship instead of belonging to some pariah caste, persona non grata figures just because maybe the parents couldn't afford a million yuan wedding.
One of the “expert” says “women want love while men just want wife.”
Couldn’t be further from the truth in China. Chinese women and their family, especially from some regions, require significant “bride price” from the groom and his family, and also requires bride’s name to be added into a property title fully paid for by groom’s family. I’m 2/3 into the piece and still don’t see even a mention of “bride price” at all. Usually Mediacorp reporting is quite on point, but this one clearly missed or avoided some key factors.
Bride price is such a nasty relic! Should be outlawed immediately!
But it would also be very good, when women's rights would be ensured much better by law. I've read several times about how man get away with abuse so easily. And how - in case of a divorce - the mother loses home and children. How Very Unrighteous that all is. No wonder the woman wants at least to be added to the property title! So she has something to fall back on to.
I think the biggest issues are 1. financial instability and 2. too high expectations, high property price and/or rents, as well as funds needed to take care of their children puts high psychological pressure on financial instability, high expectation means one party may have an unrealistic expectation on their potential partner, both of these issues are not easy to solve IMO.
When marriage is the only socially acceptable option for adults to have sexual contact with others, many Chinese men see marriage as their birthrights and demand it from women that they court (not too dissimilar to how some men in other countries demand sex from their dates). And when birth control is seen as both unnecessary and frivolous / promiscuous, the concept of marriage for Chinese women is interchangeable with pregnancy, child rearing without assistance, years of unemployment, and workplace discrimination should they manage to find a job later. In China, marriage doesn’t join two people together, it joins their entire extended families together and everyone feels entitled to dispense judgement and interfere with how the young couple should run their household, especially the in-laws. Add all these together, and throw in high pressure work environments where workers’ rights are overlooked in pursuit of profits, and the long held beliefs (written into the law and supported by legislations and enforceable, mind you) that adult children MUST financially support their parents, it is astonishing that there are young people in China who are willing to get married at all.
Exactly. No way in hell I'm taking care of 4 old grown people maybe even more if grandparents are involved . SIKE that would be a NOOOOOO
In a modern society, this mentality only exists in the ultra religious fringe minority, but not even they are that overbearing with family obligations. To put into perspective just how toxic, how far behind eastern culture is.
NOW I see why do not like to marry a foreign, because Chinese girls do not like to marry a guy who is not a Chinese, but guys do marry girls outside of China. Your family shouldn't interfere with personal Choices, instead do what you want.
This is so similar to Indian culture. Especially the inlaws part
While I agree with your opinion in general the reasoning for it is wrong for Chinese society. At least in most cities (maybe in some distant villages it's not the same), sex before marriage and birth control are rather common since even the last generation (like people born in 50s-60s). And because it was a communist country by ideology women after childbirth are encouraged and supported at work by law. Of course, in real life workplace discrimination and pay gap is still very much a problem, but the more discrimination actually comes from men on the dating market than the legislation system because Chinese men tend to not take responsibility with raising the child and taking care of the household, expecting women with full-time job to do so for free. It is similar to what happens in many other countries as well
Young Chinese 🇨🇳 not getting married is the only protest they have without going to jail.
It's a trend in the west as well. Marriage rates plummet, children are just borne out of wedlock, and immigration makes up the population growth.
I once met a woman with 4 children from 4 different fathers. A lot of examples of single mothers, and marriage after divorce with additional children. I bet these would be more rare to find in the mainland.
@@AlphaDogLXIIIImmigration being a bad thing...we need more caucasians
way better then getting married quick from drunk sex, having kids then getting divorced or used and abused.
Thats why China made this Drama "Sunshine at my side" story of young man 26 and older woman at 36 it's a love story with Xiao Zhan. It's lovely drama. I wonder if it works.
I don't really see myself getting married either. It took so long for me to get my life essentials in order that I had to learn to be happy while poor and single. Now my life is good and while I would enjoy having a partner I dont need to get married.
Divorce is so absolutely dreadful for all parties involved that its not worth it.
The discussion around the 'Moonlight Clan' by experts is interesting. I would ask another question: if achieving traditional life paths like marriage and starting a family is increasingly out of reach, what then becomes the purpose of saving money? A significant aspect of the financial challenge is the pressure to own a home, which is traditionally tied to milestones such as marriage and childrearing. More importantly, homeownership is particularly critical due to its impact on children's education, as most public schools in China allocate places based on the household registration system, and you cannot get the household status by renting a place. However, for young professionals in major Chinese cities, the prospect of buying a home is daunting, bordering on impossible. If it was me, I would not save money for unrealistic life goals and reasons.
True, especially when it can all go up in smoke, be stolen by banks or your own government.
as a young Chinese couple we are willing to have babies but taking into the consideration of the food security, medical insurance, education approaches and the pulic awareness of a successful education, we soon realized that this is not the environment we want where our kid will be raised, so we drop the idea and choose to wait.
The longer you wait the greater the odds that your offspring will have a genetic issue. Think about it.
Great doc
Great news!
This is why staying single is the best in this difficult time.
No nagging, no cheating, no baby cries, no diaper changes, no sleepless night, no overpopulation, no STD, no heartache, no upkeeps, no arguments, no child support, no custody battle, no court battle, no divorce, no domestic violence, & no expensive one day wedding.
Just get yourself a sex toy
😅
YOU!
@@wheresmyeyebrow1608 as single rich man you can hire a girl to make love. no worries at alll.
I think a similar thing is happening in the UK right now, it costs money to get married and stay married, and especially to raise kids. People are prioritising their careers and wealth accumulation now. Thanks for sharing the video:)
no, they are too poor to afford a marriage or kids.
@@geoms6263majority of people are. People who get married and have kids when they're poor are irresponsible pricks.
I know its not your fault, its a way of the times. But if this pattern of not having kids persists for decades, there wont be enough money (paid for in tax by new generations) to pay for your pension. Somethings got to change somewhere.
@@CubicSpline7713 People will pay for their own retirement if they’ve saved and invested wisely. Kids suck the money away.
@@mkkrupp2462 Doesn't matter how much you've saved, if your local economy dies because there are no young, working people, your savings will lose their worth. As would most investments. Being able to afford care is also useless if there simply are no care workers.
I just got married in January, I’m soooooo happy that I can marry the girl of my life. I know marriage is not a must for happiness, but there is no need to give people impressions that marriage is always toxic and exhausting. I hope everyone in the world can find their happiness
Say that again in 10 years lmao
If women postpone marriage until they have a career but men want younger wives
These two parts won't match.
Exactly. Women's pride and greed will be their undoing.
as an american born chinese whenever I go to china, I literally have no issue whatever finding a girlfriend/fling, its just too easy
income/expense inequality and 996 is likely a huge impeding factor when it comes to dating amongst locals in china
Well that's because you look Asian so it's easy lol
I've met many Chinese girls dating a Asian from another Asian country like Singapore, Korea , Thailand etc
It's pretty normal
@@cocaineminor4420 yeah same spent 4yrs in Asia in the major cities and its much easier than america even tho i have no problem getting dates in nyc, asian american girl’s standards are like way too high
@@studyou1016 they've become americanised
in my country there are women who got married to chinese men.. the chinese men who know that maybe it would be impossible to marry a chinese girl because of dowry or etc..
but, luckyly they can be honest about their condition so the women dont have high expectation.. there are many channels in youtube about indonesian women with chinese men.. they are struggling together but at least they have each other in their life as family who seem to love and care
Sounds like Chinese trying to repopulate in Indonesia like they are doing in Africa and South America 😂😂😂
Very informative, thank you for a nice documentary. One thing which this documentary is not able to mention is, that rate of marriages outside China, what are the preferences by Chinese men and women and their parents particularly when they have foreign proposals.
I find this very interesting. Even though the plight is the same in the West you see a really strong emphasis on still wanting to eventually settle down. I am also curious to see this new view on marriage and how out-of-wedlock childbirth. And the overall birth of new social norms.
This is the reality and curse of almost all developed/developing countries, when inflation kicks in affecting everything in terms of prices going up No one will have children let alone get married. So this 'let it rot' mindset, who can blame them in the end
I've been regularly traveling to China for work for more than 20 years already.
In the beginning it was very easy for foreigners to date Chinese women and many of my (ex-)colleagues started families with Chinese women they met during this time.
Back then most of the young Chinese women spoke a little English and were very interested in 'exotic' and 'rich' Westerners.
Nowadays this has changed completelly. Not only are normal Chinese women not interested in dating Western men anymore but also not interested in dating Chinese men anymore.
China has a big surplus of men as a result of the 1-child-policy to begin with and many of my Chinese colleagues complain that it become incredibly hard to find a girlfriend without an own home, luxery car and showing off a lot of expensive brands.
I made a comment which outlines this women only date and sleep with top %men.. Top % of men have options and will not commit to monogamy.
The reasons behind this decline are complex and can be traced to social and demographic changes. While marriage is less popular almost everywhere, it is of particular concern for China, where familial ties are important and Confucianism emphasizes marriage and family. The country's rapid development has created a mismatch between what men and women want in terms of companionship and marriage. Women's education and economic independence have increased, leading to the derogatory term "leftover women" to describe single women in their late 20s or 30s deemed undesirable due to their age. The falling marriage rate does not bode well for China's demographic picture, as it is traditionally seen as an important social institution for the country's stability.
This is especially alarming when there are at least 30 million more men of marriageable age than women. They lost many girl children due to forced abortions, and infanticide during the one child policy period when baby boys were preferred. They cannot afford to have ANY leftover women, especially if those women are still fertile.
No amount of name calling is going to shame women into doing what they don’t want to do. Those days are over and I’m glad chinesse women aren’t listening nor caring about being called a ‘left over woman’. Everyone knows it’s women that do the rejecting. Patriarchy somehow flipped it to make it look like it’s the men that didn’t want those women when the truth is, most of them can ABSOLUTELY have a man if they were desperate enough.let’s not kid ourselves. 😂😂 I’m soo proud of women for not falling for the lies anymore or letting the mind games affect them 😂😴
@@Ravenelvenlady China has a severe gender imbalance due to the one-child policy and the preference for sons. However, it is not true that they cannot afford to have any leftover women. In fact, the term “leftover women” is a derogatory label that stigmatizes educated and successful women who choose not to marry or have children. These women are not leftovers, but pioneers who challenge the traditional gender norms and expectations in China. They deserve respect and support, not pressure and discrimination.
@@marchlopez9934 no they don't. the left over women don't marry because of their own problem. Many wants men that are rather impossible to find. Their unrealistic expectation and selfish lifestyle prevented them from marrying. Same goes with the left over men. They also have self centered live style and basically don't bother with marrying any women to save money and time. Why should we respect self centered lifestyle. Their lifestyle don't make the world a better place for others. They are the byproduct of a failing society. It is the people that sacrificed their time and wealth to bring up a child properly that deserve my respect.
@@marchlopez9934 "These women are not leftovers, but pioneers who challenge the traditional gender norms and expectations in China. They deserve respect and support, not pressure and discrimination." Absolutely! I completely concur. These women can be the pioneers in transforming their society for the better.
The main problem is enterprise and survival games marriages have become. Many people are not interested in any love but how their expected high lifestyles would be accomplished at the expense of their spouses(mostly males). As a man, when you juxtapose this weighty expections of your bride and that of the reality of child rearing expenses against the reality of your present and future earnings , there is possible tendency to slid into endless financial struggles and poverty. That seems very scary . So one would rather remain single.
Crazy to think 996 = 240 hours a month and this guy as a teacher getting paid $1000 USD a month is realistically working $3/hr
996 means 12 hours a day for 6 days. That's over 300 hours a month. I guess you take some time off for breaks for food? But even so, you'd have more hours than 240. For if you just calculate for 4 weeks, being 28 days, whilst months actually have 30,42 days in them on average, you'd come out on 240: 4 = 60 hours. No way they give them two whole hours every one of those 6 days off to eat something, do they?
Almost as tough as in Italy when you're 18-30 yo
it is not only in China, but in all developed countries japan, south korea, USA, are the same ..
Than how come whenever I walk in south Korea I see couples everywhere?
@@cocaineminor4420 couples not marry
@@cocaineminor4420FB
@@cocaineminor4420because of kdrama but the birth rate is falling
but China is not developed. it's weird.🤔
I couldn't help but notice how this is more akin to arranged marriages than "finding love". Leave parents out of this.
The answer is very straightforward: Money. It's always about money when it comes to any topics. Raising a child in any country, especially in China, is very expensive. There's a term called, "彩礼(Cǎilǐ)" in Chinese, and it basically translates into "bride price." You're paying tens and thousands of dollars before you're even married because China has this norm of asking you to deposit down payment for the girl's family because they're giving off their daughter to you. It's like you're buying a house at this point. Then the girls will ask you how much you make per month, do you own a house, do you own a car, and if so how many houses and cars? If your answer is no to any of those, you're basically considered as a failure and not worthy.
Most people on average in China makes about 5000 RMB per month. If you're a bit higher, it'll be more than that by few thousands such as 8000 RMB or even 10,000 RMB. I'm not talking about big IT companies giving their employees 6-7 figures a year, but I'm strictly talking about an average person for the average population. But the point is that they can barely feed themselves with 5000 RMB per month, let alone raising another child on top of that. By the time they get home, they're already exhausted from a full day of working. Do you expect them to take care of a child on top of that while losing sleep and having to work another 10-12 hours next day? No way.
People can say the grandparents will take care of your child for you while you're at work, but the problem with that is they often spoil the child and it's not raised in a way that you want your own child to be raised, so it results into this argument about how the child should be raised. If you think about it logically, it's just all around a bad situation to be in regardless how you approach this.
Then the other issue is that most family even until this day prefer boys over girls as a child, because in China the girls they see it as a disposable, as she doesn't carry on the family legacy and therefore is not worth the time and money investment. Basically they raise a daughter to a grown adult and then the daughter is married off to another guy and then their child is most likely going to be named after the dad's family so your side is basically non-existence. Then when you're married yourself, most people will call you by Ms. X, as in X = husband's last name too. So, how a traditional Chinese family look at is, we're basically investing into a daughter to give off later on, see her off and never see her again, which is why most Chinese family prefer boys over girls.
Most women want their men to have a car and an apartment , and 50% of ownership of those properties right away. No prenup. An apartment often cost 30x annual salary, so most likely it's two generations of savings. If woman asks for all these, then men feel justified to ask the women to take care of the family. And then comes all the equality shenanigans.
The reasons results in the result and vice versa
Women in China can be picky because of the overabundance of men. Who doesn't want the best for themselves?
I have already predicted in my brain someone must take the amount of men&women into account but the reality is that almost all the tier 1&2 cities in China show the reverse phenomenon as you mentioned.Ironically media will seldom take an interview of marriage in the remote cities which can really reflect the fact above.@@extremepsyche3135
@@extremepsyche3135 Yes and no. Many men are at peace with the fact that they will not be married. If men only spend money on themselves they can live a good life anyway. All women wants that top 1% or at least top 10% of men. So there is actually not enough men in the match making market
It’s like that with Chinese women in Canada too
Got have it all
I wouldn't have the energy to get married either working 996. Getting rid of that and getting rid of the obstacles preventing children out of wedlock from being registered would probably go a long way to getting more babies 😅
“”In China，Women are looking for love and men are looking for a wife。”That is the biggest joke I'VE ever heard. if you really live in China you will know that the opposite is true. The women are looking for money and they're looking for someone to look after them and pay for their bills. You can hardly find a woman in China that will pay the bill in the date, the men cover almost all the expenses during a relationship. And it's the man that change themselves to adapt to the women. The whole video seems trying to convey the message that it is the women in China that are the victims and the men should be responsible for the low marriage rate。This is totally wrong.
This applies all over the Western world and in most industrialised countries, pretty much. I don't see any way to turn it around - whether the drivers are unbearable costs of living (or not being able to buy a proper home unless you don't have kids young), selfish materialism (I want all the wealth to myself/me and my partner), or environmentalism.
Keeping your money is not selfish.
In the US children caring for their parents is not expected at all, usually women are cared for anyway by their children but men usually die alone.
"selfish materialism (I want all the wealth to myself/me and my partner), or environmentalism" - Do you not realize that Real (inflation-adjusted) wages have FALLEN since our parents' and even grandparents' time? My grandfather could get a home with a manual labor job within 3 years, and I calculated that I would take 20 to get a tiny apartment that was the fraction of the size of his bungalow - and he didn't have to work Overtime 7 days per week, or study 12 hours a day 7 days a week for 10 years straight (he didn't even need to finish High school to get a job that paid that well).
You think I'm selfish for not wanting to work harder than my grandfather for a smaller real (inflation-adjusted) wage than he was paid? Shame on you.
It is partly due to an individual's financial needs / high maintenance. People have a choice on whether to spend excessively in their relationship e.g. expensive food, clothes, movies, ring, marriage etc.
For me and my wife, we keep our dates simple - eat at cheap nearby places, watch movies online, buy simple clothes, a simple marriage and no wedding dinner etc.
Parent's expectation and pressure also plays a part
You found a good partner, where I live most women want lavish and beyond their means. I want simple, the good ones that also want simple are already married with kids. I feel like the ship left without me and it isn't coming back.
parents' expectations are ignorant and toxic.
@@gio.orbit5498 It's not coming back. Women have nothing to gain from marriage anymore but problems
No more demands, pressure, or expectations from the parents. Enough is enough.
You found a diamond amongst the trash. Good job. Hold on to her and treat her well.
one thing that gets me is the young asian woman said that "men have to accept women making more then them" which is true as times are changing. I believe most western men have accepted this but it'll be tough for asian men due to pride. but these are the same women that will criticize the same men for not making enough money and wont give them the time of day. They'll instead be fighting over the top 1% of men who make more than them. so in reality, nothing will be fixed money wise.
Fat and ugly are for broke men, worldwide. Men can be fat and ugly but with confidence and money he gets women. Men's pride always needs to be number 1 or he won't even try with women's. I admire the old school Chinese who could save 60% of income, as an American I strive for that standard because it builds mega confidence to have lots of money. I have no problems getting women with that attitude. It's a downward spiral if your broke, you can't see yourself as man enough and settle.
The point is those women who make more money are not desired, and it is not only about pride. So women want men to accept them as they are but at the same time they don't want to accept men as they are.
@@TH-camModeratorsSuckMyBalls point
Seems to me both men and women have different views on what they want in a partner
Both views are unrealistic
Family, especially with children, has become a liability.
i want a partner who is good looking, kind, funny and owns landed homes at least 1500sqft each in newyork, london, singapore, switzerland and hawaii. i dont ask for much
lol, wait for Jack Ma's daughter to marry you.
I love the idea that you are not asking much. 😅
wow!! haha
demanding, first requirement...look like a model actor/actress so u have an asset to find wealthy partner haha
😂😂😂
A really funny SO would fulfill this request by owning property in:
1. Upstate New York
2. Switzerland, Florida
3. Singapore, Michigan
4. London, Ohio
Then just buy a small plot of land in a section of Hawaii that nobody goes to with no water rights and then drop 4 shipping containers on it.
Jin, Follow your bliss!
"Most Women are looking for Love, and Most Men are looking for Wife."
She's not wrong. Women want to be treated well, as well as the children. Men just want stability.
Men don't want to be treated well? Interesting view.
That aside, the problem with looking for love is that it's a temporary biochemical state.
No, most women just want money.
I m afraid that most women’s ideal love is not secular love at all, ordinary men just can’t afford it.😢
@@alexzhu4710 "Secular love" is just lust.
@@MiguelDLewis hi man, you know in today's China, many young girls' ideal love is licking dog love. you must humble like a licking dog before her. devote everything to her, spend each penny on her, then one day maybe she give you a smile as reward and say ' you are a good man, but we are not matched each other. let's just be friend'
Marriage sucks now! I wish had lived like the Moonlight Clan...looks like fun.
Shockingly shoddy statistical reasoning from CNA on the sibling premium -- having more siblings in China is indicative of being from a richer family (among other things) which influence marriage rates. You can't really conclude much from comparing people with siblings vs only children unless you control for selection bias.
CNA is a propaganda channel for the Americans.. you think facts are important to CNA? 😂😂😂😂
Lol.. but I think that is a study of Americans, not Chinese - see www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5098899/. Quote: "To consider the long term consequences of siblings, we use data from the General Social Surveys (GSS) from 1972 to 2012. Collected via phone interviews with random samples of adults, the GSS represent a wealth of data collected from approximately 57,000 adults at 28 points over the four decades."
but the study was done in America, not in China
😂😂, I don’t think you know much about China. In my generation, people have siblings mostly from rural area, that is the poor area of China.
Around the world it usually are the poorer people, who have more children. Someone else in this thread affirms this for rural (= poorer) China.
China is unique in that the government was going to make you pay for having a second child. So yes, for a while in urban China it was true, that you needed to be richer in order to be able to handle this adversity. But nowadays, with too few future workers, the government is handing out money for the second child. You GET richer from having that child.
Growing up as the 'sun' in the family and have most wishes instantly granted, people tend to be less developed in certain areas. If you have siblings, you learn to like to have more others around you and you learn more social skills in dealing with their wishes, which often go in against your own. You fight and make up, for you are in a Looooong term relationship with each other (for life). It's we rather than me. All this factors in being able to find a suitable partner and get to the place of marrying that person.
the individualism does not mean I only care for pleasure, instead, i value so much for pursuing my own freedom, self actualization first. I got my junior brother at 10s, still I value my individuality so much, same for marriage attitudes, besides I have deep connections of soul mates already, moreover, i really see a big miss for an equal housework distribution and parenting after marriage for my friends at their 30 -40s, that scares me a lot for considering marriage.
Single life is a blessing to me now after spending ages 16-25 in relationships one after another. I never was alone to find myself. After i ended all that i decided to focus on my new career ajd enjoying myself and life and my life has improved so much. Im just not looking for love anymore
Note to Chinese men: Treat your women right. If you just need a mother or housekeeper don't get married. No woman wants to be categorized that way.
Chinese men:thanks we don't need a daughter，give you everything，we are not money printing press
Sounds like the same plight black American women have in America.
@@stephaniemurria5534 Plight?
So what are you gonna do as a wife? Sit at home and do nothing? Something has to get done, this just proves you're lazy. If you can't be a homemaker how are you gonna even do the same for your own kids?
@@Asrajzz64 What the heck are you talking about? If your wife is a homemaker then her duties are clear. But that doesn't mean the husband leaves everything to her. He must also do his part. If the wife works then you both have to attend to everyday life. Simple and clear cut.
I love how moonlight clan is a new concept in china. It means people recognize and place significance in the fact that they are living paycheck to paycheck. Here in the west thats the default for most. Many people i know in the west actually have running credit card bills that accrue interest. This is inconceivable for most chinese.
Ya I think it's new in China because their parents and grandparents were so poor during the cultural revolution and afterwards that they always lived with a poverty mindset.
Well, as an Asian in the west, it's inconceivable for me and most westerners no dating until college or after, rigid traditional gender roles, you must marry and have kids on demand, no birth control, still have to put up with parent expectations and financially support them, marriage is business and not love, and emotional development is a magical switch. I will take credit card interest any day.
Haven't seen my friends in over 5 years, because I work 80 to 90 hours a week. Such is our new reality.
Looks like the problem is the same almost everywhere. I can relate to almost all of this...
I can relate myself now to these young chinese im 31yrs old and never wanted to get married. And some of my collegues my friend didnt get married as well. But my parent didnt force me to ger married. Being married for me gaves me traumatic experience because of my parents separation. But i dont know i didnt close my doors.. i guess im not ready to settle down
are you still virgin
Well no offence but you better find a man if you are still interested on a partner if not well expect to be ignored as some old raggedy old h*g .
When there is too much emphasis on monetary gain tied to marriage than it is not marriage at all.
Marrying for love is relatively new. Marrying for business reasons, money, power, property, influence and for an "army" to fight wars is centuries old.
@@katyagrad3704 Letting women be educated and have careers is relatively new as well. Piss off with your garbage logic.
Economic hardships came and went like waves since ever. In my opinion men who want a soulmate, a loving spouse are still finding their life-partner. The ones who are unsuccessful are just seeking a slave, a caregiver, an incubator. Women finally realised that they were sold, treated like a second-rate human, far beneath the husband and in-laws for centuries. For some men this awakening and self-preservation of women didn’t sink in yet. They should hurry to catch up with the changing of rules within marriage and partnership if they want to have a loving spouse to enjoy life together. Fairness is the new keyword.
Great documentary,....love is the most complicated of all emotions, nobody understands it, nobody can control it, so marrying for such things as money,social status,in the long term end it will be a disaster. Love is a natural occurrence, it should not be artificially imposed.
Love is not complicated as you can believe. Maybe is the lack of knowledge that you have. When you think you are in love check your hormones. They are unbalanced! When you are ok, your hormones are in balance. It is scientifically proven. So, if you have unbalance hormones, get hormone therapy and believe me, you will be so happy yourself. We don’t need a partner. As a matter of fact we man were created first and we were doing ok. However, the Lord thought it was no good to be alone for man. So, he decided to create woman. The reasons can be numerous and the interpretations. The main reason according to the Bible, is that woman was created to be a helper for man. That are the spoken words of the Lord. However, women failed to be a helper. They become dependent. So man took the role of helper till now. Man realized and got aware of this, so now decided not to be the helper anymore.
@@victorrivera1606Every time, you bring in some superficial god or lord, you dilute your arguments. If you want to be taken serious, stick to the reality.
arranged marriages/relationships were a thing once, and women didn't use to have careers... a lot of it wasn't love, just forced circumstances
It's not complicated at all. Chinese women demand to control/spend the majority of a man's earnings and mostly succeed doing so. Besides, they want to emotionally bully men as well. In a typical household (except for really poor/remote areas) the woman typically is the boss. Husbands have to constantly admit fault, apologize, buy gifts etc.
It's very primitive, once you understand hypergamy and basic primate biology it's not that difficult and everything makes perfect sense. Reproduction of pigs or other mammals is almost the same as humans tbh 🙂
Yah kinda weird how the push for equality has caused us to be less dependent on each other. Who would have thought😮
Almost all CNA documentaries on China can fall under one thesis: How is China struggling to cope with … ?
Or “China’s success … at what cost?” 🤦🏻♂️
Cant face the truth? Thats CNA documentaries the past few years because it is reality. The years before CNA was focused on Chinas rise and wealth and better lives because that was the reality 10 years ago but is not the reality the past 3-4 years
@gg-petite I’m an American living in Singapore and it’s very disturbing to see the blatant hypocrisy in this country.
It's because this situation is also happening in Singapore but I'm not sure if this is a way to address the concerns to the government (and avoid cancellation), raise awareness or just hitting the quota of mentioning China in their releases.
True! CNA is a very one-sided narrative of providing China insights, however it does go deep into the root cause. It would be good if CNA for a change or to give some balance to China insights what are the positives about or living in China.