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@@L17_8 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (1 Timothy 6:10)
Thanks Asian Boss for doing this but such a topic should have been a panel discussion between several Chinese consisting of at least 3 to 4 men and 3 to 4 women. Such a panel could help show different POV on this issue. Please also do another panel on this with 4 married Chinese married "vs" 4 unmarried Chinese. Thanks again for this discussion.
I dated a girl in the mid 2010s whom had migrated from China. She has been here for over 5 years at the time we met. We only dated for 3 months. We were perfectly fine during our courtship, until she had "the chat" from her parents. Then one day, everything changed. The penny dropped. It wasn't about love anymore. The questions started. And as soon as she asked about my wage, it went downhill from there. I was 26 at the time. Driving a Toyota camry, having a full time job, I had just acquired some land and started laying the foundations. It was not enough for her parents. Her parents thought I should be driving a BMW by now, and have 3 properties under my name. She seemed torn and confused. I suppose it dawned on her that the money was more important. And that was that. I'm happily married now to a lovely woman. I drive that same Camry, live in the house I mentioned, still have a full time job, and building a side hustle. -Australia
Good for you man. Whenever it's about money, love goes out of the window. A good women will stick with you through good and bad days, money or no money.
2015: child crisis, have more than 1 child! 2020: child crisis, have a child at least! 2024: marriage crisis, please marry! 2030: please talk to each other.
Here a lot of guys are not getting married because they don't have a proper(govt) job . Absolute poverty is no longer a problem . But getting good jobs and getting well settled is a problem now .
@@debanikgoswami4834 everyone is thinking about better and better... Greed of getting a luxury, beauty and certain standards effects the biological process of human being.
I feel like people always say that the reason for low birth rates is bad economic conditions but it seems the countries with the lowest economic conditions have the highest birth rates
@@spaceowl5957Countries with a better functioning economy have access to birth control and generally speaking money is a big factor for marriage in 1st world countries. 3rd world countries don't have these factors included
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless. Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
No, just wait 2 years. Once it becomes too hard to bring Rural Hukou ‘immigrants’ into the city to perform manual labour, when costs rise too high to pay day labourers, food transport and restaurants will die off. Delivery drivers are already getting 4 yuan to make a delivery, 12 hours of driving to make USD $50 a day, if you can afford to rent, eat, refuel and handle maintenance. When that population drops, they are going broke suddenly and quickly. Supermarkets are already dying in major cities in China because they rely on these temporary workers to exist. Some city populations are halved if you remove immigrant workers.
I remember when I went to China in 2012 as a college student, and was talking to other men in a college in Wuhan they said they probably couldn't get married to their girlfriends for another 8-10 years at least. I was really surprised. One guy, who was so smart and handsome didn't think he could get married at all because he was from the countryside and his family didn't have any money. The conversation started because one of the guys in our group (we are Americans) was talking about how he was getting married in a couple months and they were looking for a cheap apartment to rent, and the guys were like, "Are you sure her parents are okay with that?!"
Western men are so disrespectful to other parents daughters. Women should have more self respect there and marry eastern respectful men in my opinion so these western men can learn how to be a real man.
It’s the older generation that’s really the obstacle to this country making any sort of real progress. Until they die off like flies, as cruel as it sounds, this country has reached its peak for the foreseeable future and will only continue to go downhill from here onwards. Of course the West isn’t much better, when you have essentially a gerontocracy in the States. A big obstacle for a lot of Chinese men is the “bride price” (reverse dowry), where the man’s expected to give a sum of money to the woman’s family as “compensation” for the woman’s family raising their daughter. It’s totally wrong and unacceptable to me, but at the same time I wonder whether the reason it’s allowed to continue is because people (both men and women) let it continue and don’t push back against it.
@@AbsoluteZero6714 True, I cant tell you how many times I have complained for example in University's that are paid with our tax money to be more flexible by offering videos of the lectures that they can do and there are teachers that do that in some courses. For the purpose of people with disability's, working person or has family life, or person socially inferior and has to work to have the ability to study. By the way its in our laws that its not aloud to discriminate people with disability's nore other people that are socially inferior position due to having to work. It seems to work to sue them to actually see a change and go to the media and call these people out!
@@AbsoluteZero6714As a modern Chinese girl, it is pity that the situation is an unsolvable issue at least in a decade. Our girls are willing to trust “true love”, there were many cases of “high quality girls” marrying “poor quality guys”, indeed. But they all turned to tragedies(at least I didn’t hear any exceptions), those girls who got married without any dowry or required for any material possessions were treated like babysitters by their husbands and parents-in-law… They looked down the girls and thought the girls were cheap which meant they would lose nothing if the girls left. That’s why our girls turn to require material things, it doesn’t mean we “want to” but we “have to”. Of course, it’s also true that there are many girls just want to marry rich guys.
@@levelazn nope many many reason combined together compatibility issues might be the biggest reason cause rich people getting divorces straight up debunk your theory also low income people should be getting divorced in all part of the world
reason why young people have zero interest to marry - high cost living. - have lot commitment. Marriage is a big responsibility and many of them cannot carry this responsibility and duty. - find suiteable partner is really difficult. - marriage and children is expensive
in China, without owning your house, your kids has no school to go. House is associate all the welfare system(your kids school, medical care, pension) in China, renting doesn`t count. That`s the key why house price can be fully controlled to get this pike.
Eh, no. In Shanghai, you rent an apartment and you got a job, you have the right to attend kindergarten, elementary school and middle school in your school district. As for high school, it has nothing to do with owning house, neither. You need to have a Shanghai hukou.
it's exactly same the answer why Chinese not getting married as Korean, because cost of living , life in China is really exhausted and kinda depressed , the quality of life will drastically declined if someone got married even have any children.
That’s the same in Korea! All the homegrown East Asians that never grow up outside in a foreign country like the US follow this folktale traditions. If the guy don’t own their own home, car, and have a career and money then no honey lol
No, quite different reason. Chinese wife has a lot of power in normal and middle class families. Chinese works no where near as much as koreans do nor as expensive as the koreans because the gov makes most things much cheaper in China such as medical cost, housing etc. When the house price is too high, the gov purposely deflate the bubble, when the education cost is too high, they ban most tutoring that is responsible for most of the extra education cost. Chinese don't even have to pay for property tax and many get grey income that they don't report to the gov. Life can get seriously depressing if you are in the midst of the most capitalist place like Shanghai or Shenzhen, but in most Chinese cities, life pace is not that fast, not as competitive, and many people has spare time to do whatever they like.
Less than 1000 “eligible” bachelors exist in China out of 1.4 billion people. The wealth needed to buy an apartment or home at 20-25, while the average income is well below 50-80k yuan (under $10k USD) a year. You need to be a criminal or work for one. It’s a 40 year mortgage for a home that you don’t own. Think about that. City Hukou is the main factor for the house negotiation. There are “no single mothers” in China, because children can’t be registered to a single, unmarried woman. So the numbers are heavily skewed. Single mothers can’t access government services unless they have a husband, or a family member who is registered as the parent. So a lot of these unwed mothers register their children as “cousins” or “sisters” of their parents, neighbours or family members. Or they adopt their own children from an orphanage to get around the legal status problems of being unwed. The idea that women are greedy ? Absolutely. It’s their lifeline if a boyfriend gets them pregnant because the children cannot be registered to an unmarried couple. The population control system of the Household Register is a massive Caste/Tier issue that creates a lot of greed and corruption. It’s fair to say that every crime in China, is partially due to the Hukou being in place. It doesn’t create crime, it’s just another factor to divide people and generate false prestige. Pregnancy is a major factor for the Chinese to actually address, as the elderly population is above replacement rates. It also means the health care of these elderly is more expensive, as there is no retirement age or pension system that is scaled/indexed. The children are supposed to keep their parents and grandparents healthy, not health insurance or government. Having a house in a City, and the Husband has a City Hukou, guarantees your children will have insurance, access to schools, access to medical care, etc. And it also guarantees your children can get married in the future as well. Add to this, women want prestige and that’s going to University/College for 4 to 8 years during their “prime marriage years” of 20-24. After 30-35, these working women are considered “middle aged” or leftover. Same with men who go into work for 10 years or the military. They become leftover men. Employment and loans become harder to obtain. Families step in to marry their children, under Hukou, are being gamed to want the 0.01% of society, and it isn’t very practical, because the men who can afford a house/apartment in a City area, need to be exceptionally wealthy due to family, and these boys become playboys, chased by models and gold diggers. There isn’t a form of “settling” in the big cities. The affordability of city homes makes it impossible to have a stable population.
Yaaa, but birthrates are collapsing everywhere, not just China. So what about Thailand? Taiwan? Germany? Same? No? I'm not saying you're wrong but there's clearly more going on.im Swiss, our new numbers dropped yesterday. 1.33. And we have none of the issues you described. So what's going in there? People simply prioritise other things in life. Travel. Leisure. Hobbies. Simple as that. You didn't have that luxury 100y ago.
Well.. as my mother said.. it is the "oldest marry first, and then the next ones after that, if he doesn't marry, then you don't marry, so find him a wife ! "... I tried my best too ! Literally palmed off everybody that I know !... And it is true. Whether you do believe this, or you don't believe it. Cos if the older one marries off first, then you know who is left... and which family should and should not marry. Cos you don't want incest situation to occur. That is all part of feng shui. And yet.. people literally DOESN'T.... deal with these issues.. and DOESN'T even stays open-minded either. Then.... I am sure that China has a system.. but to me.. that system is more or less destoryed now. And yes.. it is a laughing stock of an issue. If anything. I hope that Korea, that is South Korea doesn't fail on their situation.... Cos everywhere else, it has. Even religious marriages, aren't very religious any more... They put their royal heritages first and foremost.. than anything. And the thing is inside China. You meet a LOT of psycho men as well ? The ones who you did not hurt. Who you never asked about dowry, and you just ran off. Being none of your business. Would end up walking past a guy or a man.. and he would hit you. If you ask about how many chinese women have been hit by men. That is both somebody that they know, to somebody whom they do NOT know... Ask them directly.. and see the figures. It is ultra high ? VERY high..... If you befriend somebody that is not chinese, then you get a respite. If you befriend somebody of the same sex, your family would critise you and call you gay. Always these kind of BS lines.... I have seen my auntie... literally being critised by my father's extended cousin, for harassing me... If he didn't do that. I think I would be dead on the streets.... For being what ? Obtuse ?... So yeh.. stick with your own family. And don't critise somebody else. Cos they would gun for you... and you will die. That is how dangerous, this is all is.... Women dying, is quite high. That is, chinese women being murdered, is a very very VERY high figure in China... and across the board.
Er... this isn't technically true. Cos.. those schools were paid for by SOMEBODY... and it is always and also the case that the previous generation paid back into this. So... it is a case of..."finding ways to marry into that hukuo.. or move or migrate into that hukuo..."... and once you are inside that space. A lot of people, also... have to work hard.. extremely hard.. to raise the effect of that city's operations and running. The tier 1 cities, are mostly shipping and coastal cities. Cos it was trading with other nations. That is why it raised its profile. The Western side of the country is more farm land, and land.. But because some of the previous generation's tier 1 cities.. used their own banks and gave up loans towards the Western side of the country. This is whereby, the government, got more powerful to decide on what happened next, as they absorbed their banks. This is why some cities, like Tier 1 now, are fallen or falling.... Basically. So... If you ever played the game "tag".. when you were growing up as a kid.. then you would know. Basically. So... This is why, some areas were running out of women. And then they got dragged back into those areas to marry off... So... This is why, some people had the opportunities, to work abroad.. And then the deal to sign with other foreign countries to do trade deals. And exchanges. The so called one belt one road was about that. So the Western side of the country developed with Germany.. and they had been exporting for many years.. So... This is why, their standard can look similar to Tier 1 cities... But yes, I bet it is still stressful though. Very stressful.
@@mysterioanonymous3206 es algo comun que ha pasado a lo largo de la historia, no es algo nuevo Los tiempos de bonanza terminaron y ahora vamos en caida hasta la proxima decada Es simple seleccion natural tambien, los que son de baja categoria no se reproduciran, sea cual sea la razon, y daran paso a los que si dejaron sus genes
What kind of crowd did you hang out with?! This is so unusual! I wouldn't say this is the norm and felt bad for you that was your experience if you are telling the truth. 😂
Thanks Asian Boss for doing this but such a topic should have been a panel discussion between several Chinese consisting of at least 3 to 4 men and 3 to 4 women. Such a panel could help show different POV on this issue. Please also do another panel on this with 4 married Chinese married "vs" 4 unmarried Chinese. Thanks again for this discussion.
Sure, but like virtually any other topic, no one is going to engage in the discussion in good faith when they have a vested interest in it. So what you have is men arguing that men are worse off because of the materliasm, and women arguing that this is men's responsibility and that men ought to provide.
Saw a compilation of 'high value' Chinese women 30 to 35. They had the looks, the degrees, the careers, the actual BMW's, an investment property or two and every attempt at starting a relationship with a similar status guy ends with 'too old' or 'not serious'. It's just the rural farmer guys that really go for it. It's not representative, but it does paint a grim picture.
Actually I have spent a lot on time to solve this issue and it seems that the main reason of this situation is… Chinese woman itself. Because basically, nowadays with an access to an internet Chinese men have an insight to women across any countries. Now with the point of reference an average Chinese man is aware that Chinese woman is much below the average in terms of: personality, appearance (face and women features - they are basically flat), fashion&music taste, breath quality and general body odours, manners, genes, knowledge&IQ levels, soul, talent, teeth, freedom and social awareness. It’s lowkey sad that this video didn’t include any of this point which leaves the problem unsolved.
@@Dokuzu the same thing can be said of men, its actually a phenomena because of TV, after TV every man and women wants a partner like they see in the TV. In India women now even want the groom to dance in the weeding because that is what happens in bollywood movies and shows, when I said to my to be wife I can't dance she said then the weeding is off.
Actually she's already mentioned about why even though there's more dudes alot more of more married than her female friends. It's simple women typically don't date down but guys will do it.
I lived in China for many years and the financial stipulations that are tied to marriage are extremely toxic. Number one the boy has to produce a large sum of money, called a dowry to his girlfriend’s family, if they break up, she keeps the money. Another stipulation is that he hast to have a house, car, Stable job and everything in order to even be considered worthy. My wife and I got married at the time that we got married. I did not produce any of these things. Ironically we are still married with three children and doing extremely well. My point is what they are putting out there, as conditions for dating marriage are extremely unattainable in today’s society
I find the concept of dowry really interesting . So in places like China and arab nations in the middle East the boy gives the dowry while in places like India ,Pakistan and Bangladesh the boy gets the dowry
In india dowry is illegal....in fact it's one of the things women accuse husband's family of during divorce just to torture the husband's family@@danischannel
That was never attainable for 98% of people, anywhere, it's just that they let themselves get carried away by fantastical expectations that aren't grounded in reality.
It's surprising and sad because life was more miserable 200 years ago and yet people married and have a family. The real reason isn't what everyone thinks it is. The real reason is because modern life is incompatible with marriage and children. The real reason is because people no longer value having a family or see family as a means of survival. Another reason that is deeply unpopular and cannot be said in the mainstream is because life is getting better, people are becoming more educated, and human rights are improving. Places where there are war, zero education, and low human rights are where birth rates are high. It's a fact.
nope i disaggree with you on every point you're saying people don't wanna love and be loved no amount of platonic love can replace romantic love no alternate of husband wife and children relationship exist in world life is getting better - for whom? problem is money and free time give ppl that you will see abundance in marriage and baby boom
watch scott gallaway recent ted talks people used to have 2-3 kids at 26 lovely spouse their own house their own car and people were so happy our generation is efcked to the core living pay check to paycheck capitalism has brainwashed that money is very thing
@@Ghost-pb4ts People have more free time and expendable money than ever, at least in the West. The original comment, in regards to the West and western influenced countries, is absolutely correct.
@@Labr10938 Scott Galloway: How the US is destroying young people's future Ted talks he quote data unlike TRUST ME BRO i can quote you so much data source reference that TH-cam will delete my comment on detecting it as spam Education Travel Housing Inflation marriage ceremony Food Health Will blow your expandable money out of the water and regarding free time i think you guys don't have real jobs
Fellow shanghainese, but a man. I'm fortunate enough to study in the US, and that's rhe best thing that happened to me. I was able to avoid the extremely money focused and transactional dating scene. Had 4 girlfriends during undergrad and graduate school, had 4 girlfriends, the last one is my wife who is a Chinese student from Guangxi. Dating and marrying for love is the best thing in life. After graduation we both found jobs with American companies with 6 figure salaries and immigrated. And thanks to cheap housing in the US, we bought 2 houses, brought her parents to the US too, and we have 3 children. See, China, this is how you get people to have children.
@@qwkl2450 This is true. The houses in the states are much much cheaper and bigger than the ones in China. I'm a guy from Beijing living in a small apartment.
@@qwkl2450 We bought 2 house in a major city in Texas. The one we live is 300 square meters and in a 10/10 school district, the one her parents live in is 250 and meters in a 6-7/10 school district. The 2 houses only cost $600K total combined (still less than $1 million today). You can't even get a 2 bedroom apartment in Shanghai for that price. US housing is very cheap, especially since the prices are much cheaper while the wages are much higher.
I really want to know, how much of it is a feeling among twentysomethings and thirtysomethings that "my upbringing was so miserable and insecure, I don't want to pass that pain on to a future generation".
@@cz2301it's been reported that objectively humans are the wealthiest they have ever been in the current generation. Especially in the west, now is the best time to be alive. But subjectively people are more depressed than ever
If the twenty and thirtysomethings upbringing was miserable, what does it make of the sixtysomethings? Their generation went from zero post-Mao to literal millionaires, building the family wealth that the younger gens now benefit from. Miserable twentiesomethings? Hardly.
I'm surprised she didn't mention the hukou problem. In short, if the couple doesn't have a house they cannot send their children to public school. So they have to pay for expensive private one, bribe someone to register they children or send them far away to their grandparents or relatives.
@@abroniewski2856 : Anyway, this is maybe.. politics in the eyes of China.. however, this is no different to how we run things here in Europe. The "hukuo" is basically your "birth place". So if you live inside a province, that province is your "country", say. See the whole of the PRC, same as the whole of the EU ?... So a province-level thing... is equal to a country in the EU. And each province, takes care of their own internals. That is how I see it, as.
My parents were married through a matchmaker in the 60s in Hong Kong. And according to my mom, before she met my dad, he was first introduced to another girl, but that girl’s parents told him he had to buy a house for them (not for her, but for the parents) before marrying their daughter.
I can understand the dowry and maybe having a house for them... But for the parents. Even YOUR own parents expecting you to build a house for them who be entitled to an extent but at least they raised you and took care of you in most cases but for a complete stranger like they are selling their daughter. And they won't refund you if she cheats, gets bored, let's herself go physically, denies her man intimacy. . . 🧐🧐🧐🧐
Having done tarot readings for quite a few Chinese women, mostly in Beijing, one thing I don’t hear in this program is the pressure on women after marriage to do everything! They are expected to work, have children and be responsible for the raising and schooling of them, do the cooking and housework, make sure the husband is king, look beautiful so he won’t stray, take care of both their parents and their in-laws and the death duties of both. The husband is supposed to work, go to office drinking parties, have parents who will provide a home, and do the death duties for only his own parents. What does the wife get out of all this? She’ll be more successful in her career if she is not married and can have nice things and a social life with friends. Loneliness may be the highest price - maybe.
your information is out of date now, girls are more like queens after getting married, I mean the current generations, which is the problem of fewer people getting married. education and tiktok ruin the decency of a woman being a woman or being a decent individual
No hell no we don’t live like 19th century Chinese 😳 I don’t know what you are reading but most educated Chinese aren’t misogynistic chauvinists like that
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless. Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
I was dating an Asian woman when I was 18 years old. I thought I was going to marry her but when her friends and mother came into the picture they convinced her I wasn’t good enough. I heard her mother mentioning that Mexican “aren’t smart or rich people”. Either way I see it as a blessing now because i dodged a bullet. This was a good lesson. This taught me the importance of having the right advisors in your life.
You dodged a bullet meaning the family were a-holes or there was something wrong with the girl? It's very sad that her family intervened like that. The families are the biggest hurdle to me marry an Asian tbh. Even if they accept me, having the constant interference of arrogant people who think they know better for us than we do ourselves is just toxic.
They all live unreal lives. The main thing is that the man paid a lot of money. In the end, when they divorce, the woman wants to divide the property. She won't return the man's money because the woman loves her first love and the first man she lives with. After the age of 30, she just cheats the man of his money. I am a Chinese man, you know. I am Chinese, I know it, so I am not welcome.
@@远方的家-z9r That's brutal man, I hope people start to change because life is nice and its even better if we work together and create amazing familes but I get you man. My mother divorced my father. She did some unforgivable acts but my father was a real man and took it on the chin and never told us to hate my mother. I lost my father but he will forever be loved by me and my older brother. I will remember the sacrifices he made for his family and how he died on his sword to provide for us.
My junior in my lab is from China. He said he wants to marry his girlfriend but he feels like he's not good enough yet because her family is a bit rich. Which is why he went abroad to study in my lab to get a master's degree and get work experience. So that when he goes back he can use the work experience and degree to work for a good company in China, and then propose to his girlfriend.
His girlfriend will be 35 by the time he gets his degree, a good job and salary and then owns a house, car and enough savings for dowry and honeymoon . . . Unless he has some sort of side hustle to increase his earnings
@@ArmyWolves I'm not sure what his exact financial situation is but him and his girlfriend are in their early 20s (he's 22ish) so I think he can pull it off by his late 20s if he lands a decent job
This is such a typical Chinese thing that people make their lives miserable for BS. As a Chinese myself I can never relate. The first 18 years of my life when I was in China I’ve always felt like an alien😂 I’m so glad my parents never seen marriage in a Chinese way probably because they’ve spent years in different countries around the world. I used to almost marry a Spanish guy (we were engaged but didn’t happen eventually cuz I was too young and realized I wasn’t ready for marriage, now he’s happily married with my best wishes to him). Before the engagement, I’ve never asked about his or his family’s financials (I knew they’re middle class and that’s it), and my parents never talked about the dowry. They just told me as long as we really love each other & we’re sure about the marriage, they’ve prepared a large sum of money & some nice jewelry pieces which they will give us both as our marriage gift… 😢omg till now I’m so grateful.
Any place in the world where 1 year mid level office salary won’t buy you a car and 10 years worth of salary won’t buy you a house is a very hard place to live in.
@@Meow3431 Dude no, in America that's very doable on a mid level office salary of $45k a year. It won't buy you a house depending on the area but it would at least get you enough for a 1st time house mortgage within 5 years.
I'm overseas Chinese living in the US. Married with 2 children. I agree with other commenters that say the problem is modern life. Even though we are financially stable, it feels like the way life is set up is inherently hostile to the family and children. Childcare is only for 6 hours while we both have to work 8+ hours. Going out and about with 2 children is so difficult. If your child makes a sound, people give dirty looks. Even if you want more than 2 kids, life is not set up for it. You can't even find a car that fits more than 2 children it seems.
I urge your family to move to Scandinavia ( im from Denmark ) Most Americans & for that matter Chinese moving here never want to move back. first of all our daycare institutions has open 12 hours a day some less some more. here you only work 8 hours a day no matter your boss wants you to work more which is illegal in Denmark, unless you want to, but the decision is yours to take. we have 5 weeks paid vacation a year 9 month paid maternity leave for both parents, free Universities same standard as the US & students ggets paid a free check every month just because they stdy no matter the age of the student & the best of all FREE Hospitals treatment after treatment rehability & up to 85 % reduction in medicine prices. we have social welfare untill you are back on your feets no matter how long it takes 3-4000 US a month & i could go on & on....Ps here we place outr strollers outside the cafees when we go dining with the kids sleeping outside. the crimerate is very low you can go anywhere at all times with a very small possibility anything bad will happen.
@@kimchristiansen2370 I'm actually so curious about the views on immigration in Scandinavia. We've seen for years that Scandinavian countries generally rate best for living, top happiness scales, have the best social structures etc., but to my knowledge most European countries aren't fans of immigrants. Would non-white people even feel welcomed in the first place? Honestly asking out of genuine curiosity!
@@theviceinvirtueNorwegian here, we have similar benefits as in Denmark. Immigrants coming to work and live here are absolutely welcome. The negative attitude is towards immigrants who only come to live off the welfare system here, and even those are welcomed by many. Compared with Denmark, Norway is more remote from Central Europe, but make up for it with stunning nature.
tbh, I think the house price is really the center of Not Getting Married. it's not only happend in China, I'm Chinese, living in Sydney, so many friends are facing this issue here. Local white couple, koeran and chinsese couple, etc. Some ppl blame on gov, soem blame on immigrantion. But overall, Housing prices are indeed a bubble, but they are directly proportional to the local economy. You want more income, but in areas with more income, housing prices are unaffordable. This is a endless circle. n the later stages of the development of capitalism, there will gradually be a tendency to make it impossible to afford a house. What’s even more frightening is that things you think you can buy easily now may be sky-high in a few decades. Some ppl alredy know this fact, so they refuse to have a baby.
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless. Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
I am not try to judge any politics, it's just the real life happend now....sadly. For 2 bedroom, ppl pay at least 900,000aud in Sydney, same in Beijing and Shanghai(maybe more). Compared to getting married and having children, young people will of course choose to be kinder to themselves
You gave all reasons, except for the main reason. Where is women empowerment? How can women contribute nothing in this world of gender equality? Why only men should bear the burden? Make these women contribute their share, in buying houses, in nurturing children, in daily expenses. Both should do jobs to achieve this. Then you will see a solution. Women's greed is the main problem here.
That is what communism is supposed to work. Everyone goes to work and government took the pay and redistribute so everyone gets a place to live etc. but people still prefer capitalism as communism won't work long term. But the drawback of capitalism is poor getting poor and rich getting richer.
@@vincentc7920 the probelem is that those who are in charge of resource allocation will eventually become the privilege, no matter it is capitalism or socialism. there must be a new political system or enconmic system to replace them, In china, there are actually no room for communism now lol, it is capitalism for sure. Maybe there will be new doctrines after the war, maybe hundreds of years later, but in this era we live in, the problem of resource allocation is probably difficult to solve. After all, people need motivation to survive.
need betrothal money to give to bride's family (depending on the place), need house (ideally fully paid), need savings (certain amount depending on the place), need car, need a good paying job earning a minimum requirement, need certain height etc among the many other requirements. Recently read somewhere that in Hanzhou they hosted a match making event where no males turned up and only females.
@@mds33483 thats why chinese man are marrying foreigns brides since majority of them do not need those traditional stuffs that chinese ladies wants. go douyin and watch and you will know
Those are actually pretty reasonable requests for a parent to give away their daughter. Similar to how it was for hundreds of years. Usually it just meant the man was 5-7 years older
The man providing the house is more deeply rooted in this culture than mentioned in the video. Since historical times women marry into the family and the man is expected to provide for the family. Also, China doesnt have alimony in divorce so I guess this is the only way that women who are cheated on can feel secure to provide for herself and especially any children if they get divorced in the future
Alimony doesn't work that way. It is not male providing to female. It works the way that high income provides to low income. And China does have alimony. The cheating side should provide a one time lump sum amount. And Chinese law protects women way too much and usually women cheating doesn't bear any consequence and also a lot of times men realized their children aren't their biological children years years after the children grow up and they still need to pay the child support and the women doesn't bear any fault by punishment from the law.
How about her getting a job, working 50h per week in menial, tedious, physical, exhausting, back crushing job till she's 70 years old? Why not? She's strong, brave and independent! Go girl, you can do it, and pay voluntary alimony to her ex-husband! You, go girl!
They all live unreal lives. The main thing is that the man paid a lot of money. In the end, when they divorce, the woman wants to divide the property. She won't return the man's money because the woman loves her first love and the first man she lives with. After the age of 30, she just cheats the man of his money. I am a Chinese man, you know. I am Chinese, I know it, so I am not welcome.
The core of this issue is the deeply rooted mistrust between the two. And Chinese females are automatically treated themselves as the weak in the marriage, there is almostalways the need to keep themselves somehow protected, in case if the marriage does not work out. And Chinese guys tend to lack of the respect for the chastity of marriage. When cheating happens so commonly and there is neither legal or moral castigations for the faulty part, if it was the man most likely, the woman needs to grab tightly as much as money as possible for self protection.
Do you assume that women don't cheat? It's a joke. I saw a news story before about a man whose three children are not his biological children. Women didn't encounter any problems, but instead blamed the man for not working hard enough to do so
If a man can’t afford to support his family then it’s going to be stressful on him, his wife and children because they will struggle in society. Who wants to be poor?
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless. Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
What is the woman going to bring to the table, especially in the present world of women empowerment, gender equality? If only man provides, then women empowerment is useless, isn't it? Give up on that first, how about that!
@@carkawalakhatulistiwaOkay, China has enough housing for twice its population. Still means nothing. China has to pay other countries for fuel, good, fertilizer, and raw materials. Without that, 90% of those houses become worthless to even live in because they’re in economically worthless areas. Soviet Union had plenty of natural resources, China doesn’t.
I think marriage rates are going down in a lot of places in the world. Cost of living has become too expensive for a lot of people everywhere. In the U.S., a lot of guys lost a lot of money in divorces or know people who have and don’t want to deal with that.
Love from greece!!in greece if you have an apartment you must pay a lot of money to the government every year,so even if you own the house it is not really yours because you pay every year money to the government,if you cannot afford to pay it then after a few years the government will take your house!!the interest rate for taking a loan is off the roof and the basic salary is 700€-800€ while renting a small apartment one bedroom is usually 350-450 euros.shopping at the supermarket is like going at the jewelry shop!!owning and maintaining a car is very expensive because of the price of gasoline and the money that you have to pay to the government every year for having a car,even a minister said that rich people shoul own a car,all those years that everyone had a car was wrong...that is why young people in greece don't want to get married and have children,they can't afford it and most people migrate to other counties.
There's nothing wrong about searching for financial stability. These woman are not gold diggers, they are just concerned about their future. A life with love but without money can be miserable. Also it's only one aspect of many others that ppl consider.
*if its ONLY about finances. When a woman has more than enough and still doesn't want to date "down"...it creates a mathematical intractibility...that person basically chooses a life where all they'll ever have is material things
Almost all interviews, shows, surveys with China single ladies, their requirement not only asking for a house, or property, the lady will asked for the house to put under her name, she also wants to know his entire savings, any other loans etc all about money. Some even ask for a huge bride price money from the groom, and asked for a house for her sibling or education money or marriage money for her bro etc. Scary.
What's worse for the guys is that even if a girl owns her own apartment, she would still want her own name put in the guy's apartment's deed. "My money is my money, but your money is our money."
The inflation in most Asian countries, including China, Korea, India, and Japan, is INSANE! So many young people are unemployed despite being highly skilled and many skilled workers don't get their due wages. People are barely surviving after paying the bills and buying groceries - even THINKING about buying a house is impossible!
Too many people in China are looking for a person that doesn’t exist. What we’re witnessing here is a side consequence of the long-term economic fallout caused by the disastrous One Child Policy. Source: am Chinese millennial (also just married last year)
In Thailand, usually the groom will have to provide "Sinsod money" or dowry to ask for the bride's hand. In turn, the bride's family will take care of the ceremony's and reception's expenses. In average middle-class families, the girls's parents will give back the Sinsod to the couple as a way to help them settle more comfortably into a new life. Some married couple choose to stay with either one of the parents for economic or sentimental reasons. (Quite a common practice). However, in the past the groom must always move in to live with the bride's family only. Normally, the couple will both be responsible for mortgaging and financing the house. In most cases, both parents will usually step in to help (if they are able financially) In other words, Thais have become relaxed and adapted to social changes. Some are practical and make life easier, and some are not.
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless. Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
Keep in mind, socialist countries had no imperative to honor or be accountable to inaccuracies. They all understood that they were being lied to, because the implication was… it was worse outside. Their survival required this lie. Housing being a need, is not feasible in the long term. It means that the population has to decline rapidly. It requires thousands of people to go bankrupt or sell property on a monthly basis. Over 1% of the population has to sell or move house every year to make home affordability without renting work. There is no way to achieve this without modifying economic conditions enormously, or create artificial conditions for growth. Putting every citizen in a home is deeply flawed. It makes sense… until you need to generate an economy in the population. Because owning the house isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of a series of ongoing costs and taxes. It wasn’t. It was far worse if you knew, because that knowledge was not tolerated, understood or could be used. The entire system of socialism only works if you murder vast numbers of people who are unwilling to behave. They regularly lied about their own results and used the work product of others to hide problems and faults. Crime was rampant, but it wasn’t reported or recorded. Serial killers regularly killed thousands of people a year without consequence, luring people away with work and offers of compensation. Police were often making money by selling stolen goods. Even the Chinese don’t believe in their own statistics. Why would they. It doesn’t affect their own problems. You also have to remember, peasants lived in squatter cities, built so that everyone could hear their neighbours talking. You would know when people had food to eat, what time they had a shower, etc. The modern cubicle office has more privacy and security than a Soviet era home.
in some place , girls family would ask for a huge amount of bride price as well , around 50k USD plus a decent house in the city as she mentioned . Basically its impossible for a lower class family to afford all these cost to get their son married . Even if they could , think about the cost of raising a child nowday , its just insane . Why would a man chose to get into a misable marrige if he could enjoy his life with all these money .
Well I’m gonna say it. In China women have it very difficult in life, and in turn they ask for ridiculous amounts of money as “compensation” in marriage. It’s very weird but that’s how it works
To be honest, she is speaking from Shanghainese perspective. The same situation exists in New York, London. Outside of Shanghai and the other tier 1 cities housing is not hard
I can totally see why Chinese youth today are a lot more reticent about marriage. Talk to many of them and they’ll tell you that *ideally* they’d want to get married, but it’s the burden and expectations of what married life means in a society like this. The older generation still largely sees marriage as not between two individuals but between two families, and meddling by one or both sets of in-laws has caused their fair share of martial strife. This ties heavily into old ideas of filial piety and how in practice, even after you’re married, you’re still expected to prioritize your family of origin in many instances over the family unit you start with your spouse. When the older generation is given so much influence out of traditional norms, there’s just too many opportunities for abuse of power. A lot of older Chinese also aren’t the most worldly and educated either, and they often seek to impose very outdated beliefs on their kids and their spouses. This country has a LONG way to go, and I’m totally looking forward to a massive drop in the population both out of practical concerns and out of spite.
Being a Turk born and raised in Germany and being a German citizen I often communicate with people from Turkey and they say the same about marrying. Apparently there's a shift in expectations which turn out to be a roadblock for young men when they want to marry. I have heard this and read about it many times. The woman's family is demanding certain things before they agree on letting their daughter marry a man, often the bride to be or the mother in law to be formulates a list of things that need to be done prior marrying. Many lists look like this: the man has to buy a house, a car, both need to be registered under the bride's name so it's hers, the groom also needs to buy 2-5 kilograms of gold for the bride's parents, and if she has brothers, the groom also needs to buy the brothers 500g to 1 kilogram of gold. The bride also asks for 10-15 gold bangles where one of those could be as much as 1000 USD each. In addition to this the groom needs to ensure that they will make at least 2 vacations in Antalya or similar high priced vacation resorts. As you can understand from this, the men can't cope with those demands as many are working with the minimum wage in Turkey. Mostly around 60% of the total workforce is on minimum wage and in tourism regions people only work during the summer. Many decide to not marry or take huge loans from banks or relatives and pay it back for the next 10-15 years. That's not what's good for a society. I think this is happening in many countries now and life is getting more and more complicated. I can imagine the problem is more severe in China as the population is much much bigger.
@@ddlin-z1w I think it got totally out of hand. Yet I somehow understand where it comes from. If a society is struggling badly with a poor economy people want to make sure the woman is kept in economical safety. But at what cost? Nobody will be able to afford a wedding. I haven't even mentioned all the things that are being expected for the engagement, which is also a truckload of materialistic things for the upcoming house, like furniture, household items, a kitchen with all appliances, vacuum cleaners, cutlery, plates, pots and pans which adds to another huge bill. With high taxes on all electronics in Turkey you can basically almost double the prices of electronics compared to other countries. A basic laptop can easily cost 2000$, a premium computer is 4000-5000$. A BMW SUV manufactured in the US that goes for 80K USD turns into a 516.000$ SUV as soon as it hits the Turkish ground. So, when she wants that BMW SUV, you're done. With an average minimum wage of around 600$. You do the math.
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. (2 Timothy 3:1-5)
Yes. Totally agree with you. Especially women these days. You have to agree that "A man will leave his happiness for his family but a woman will leave her family for her happiness"
based on this interview in this particular case i do not think it's out of narcissism or young ppl being self-centered. It may seem like that compared to socialist times decades ago, but right now things have changed. i see it more as putting your own oxygen mask first before partnering with someone. people move cities and countries and look for ways to a better life (including marrying a richer person) because life costs have risen immensely compared to income. it's a mechanism of survival, it seems, and China is not an exception in this trend, sadly. Thank you, Asian Boss.
As a married overseas Chinese... we started by sharing the initial expense of buying the house... and when i was earning more I paid for it while my wife helped out financially in other areas of our lives. We now have two adult kids.
I left China to study abroad when I was 17, never dated a Chinese guy -- not deliberately avoiding them, I guess they just found me overly independent and not easy to “handle”. Anyway, I married a Norwegian man. I’m pretty happy that I ended up with a Nordic guy, that I have never experienced the problems that my fellow females friends in China have to endure.
It's not necessarily the materialistic side of things either. It could be because of the elders not liking the person.. and then the rest of the tiers.. the whole family has to turn against the girl as well... I remember meeting my cousin's GF.. and he really did stress and went all out for her as well... But they didn't and wasn't independent... such that... it was so hard to keep a family together as well. So... I now realised why so many couples would go into business and family together, like my brother did. Cos.. I had always thought that was a bad strategy... but then again, if both parties as a couple worked together as well... and then raise a child, with small help from extended families, then.. it is a lot easier and less harsher on the woman as well.. and when she recovers... Then this help as well... Cos it is hard, or so hard to.. deal with everything, and you DO need extra help. Just another extra pair of hands.
I only partially agree on the reasons, the other reasons are not mentioned here, the life pressure: heavily competitive work environment with limited resources, people just live like work slaves who sell almost 24 hrs for the company, in return, however, they just get a small amount of payment. As a result, young people no time to socialise and feel no hope for future. It is the problem of imbalanced resource with too huge population in Asia. Not all of Asian girls are materialistic and ask guys to buy the house as pre-requisite to get married...........
An interesting perspective suggests that the imbalance of single women in China isn't due to a lack of men, but rather differing expectations in relationships. The comment highlights that many women prioritize marrying men with similar or higher financial status, limiting their dating pool. On the other hand, men seem more open to marrying across financial backgrounds. This difference in mentality might explain why there are more single women - their standards make finding a compatible partner more challenging. So if you are a single woman in China with such mentality, don't be surprised if you find yourself becoming "leftover woman" in the future.
Everyone wants to live a better life, if I find a guy he at least has a job and I too have it, both of us are responsible for working towards the better life goals. 😊😊
In other countries, they study economics. Well.. this is chinese economics. Who marries who. Which family marries which family and where they move. The whole hukuo thing, is basically a registration. Actually. It means that the boy stays where they are? And the woman marries away from her family home. This is why it is always tearful. Most would meet at university, or at work. And then they move back home. Of course, this is always strange... but because of modern society, most couple moves away... so then leaves those "child left on their own with grandparents" happen a LOT ? Which is crazy too... cos the children raises the children.... and aren't looked after. So... It didn't help.. when... say cities like HK... when it got rich... the men "bought" more and more wives.. like, they had an average of three to four women ? i.e.mistresses.... That p!sses a lot of people off.. Cos in their mind, they want to expand the family tree... but to their next of kins... This is even more weird.. isn't it ?... HOW is it to work out ?..... Oh... it is even more weird now, if you trace any single family tree.... Quite wut duk.
Why is the house so expensive? I thought China had too many houses for people? I thought there was still a lot of houses not being used. That would make me think the price would go way down.
Actually my great grandfather prepared (built) small houses (in rural area of course) for all of his sons before they got married. The house tradition definitely roots in Chinese culture for hundreds of years.
She just described hypergamy 😂 So it’s universal, in China the women want men at or above their socioeconomic level. And if they find a man on their level, they still are looking to level up. And the men who are successful can choose from a large pool of women
This is the problem with many countries: Have kids but also have a job. This can work for men but for women (the ones who actually need to give birth) it's a lot harder to balance both life choices. It's not very politically correct but one gender needs to stay home with the kids and it makes more logistical sense for the mother to stay home.
After seeing this interview and having a look around my surrondings here in India I think staying poor is a better option for India, because the fertility rate in Urban India has fallen to around 1.6 while it is still high for rural India 2.2. I am seeing a trend in Urban areas of not getting married and marrying very late because of the same reasons stated in the interview but in India there is still a huge supply of women from the rural areas where just becoming a houswife is the primary goal of their life while in Urban areas women are choosy now and want to work and want a husband who earns more then them, the trend can be easily seen in matrimonial sites in India. (1950) My grandparents married at 14-15 years of age and marraige was just based on how much land the parents had, (1980) my parents were married after seeing the job profile of my father and how much land he had, (2024) I'm still unmarried beacause of my financial conditions I can't find a city women, can find an uneducated bride from rural India but I dont want to because I have always lived in a city, just to fcuk and have kids is not my goal in life.
Your thinking is quite ridiculous... India's population is really too much high for context , we beat the china in terms of population but has 3 times less landmass than them. And of course , whole other things. Being poor is not going to be good for future of India
@@Êíøw57 then what is the reason I can't find a women to marry in city? in matrimonial sites all of them want twice your pay pakage and the ones that dont want are the rehected ones which are ugly and fat!
Culture is extremely materialistic and Chinese women seem to have unrealistic demands and expectations. It’s crazy because I thought the western world was materialistic and individualistic but modern China is in next level. Sad that’s now how ancient China was and it was more family oriented
This hyper materialism in China is what happens when you mix western capitalism with tradition and Confucianism. It is destroying the foundation of Chinese culture. It needs a reset and I am starting to see the young generation rebelling against this rotten mix bag of a culture. The way I see it, it is the transitionary period where Chinese discovered new wealth and no one wants to be left behind. SOmething else will replace it in 20 or 30 years. The gov also don't like the marriage culture in China and they seek to change it, but not sure if they can be successful. Its much harder than building up the economy.
Can you give an example of unrealistic demands and expectations? And perhaps why modern China is more materialistic and individualistic than western countries as you say?
"Sad how ancient China was more family oriented" LoL, It IS a traditional way of thinking, why people do people think that this is a new generation trend or thing. If you wanna blame something, It has gotta be capitalistic aspect of the society and the housing prices overall.
@@yiluis1316 Yes, tradition has to change and evolve, however, the current trend of having to use an economic system learned from the west is not suitable for China which has no colonies, limited resource and huge population. Capitalism works when you have endless resources for endless growth, which we now know is a western fantasy. This is why they need new wars and new countries to exploit to grow. A new system must be found that does not punish people for having children and families.
People are definitely not getting married and having children like they used to. Marriage and children do not automatically mean guaranteed happiness. I see friends and family really struggling financially and emotionally in their marriages and families. Many single people don't want to deal with all that.
@@keimorgan5654 as you say, it doesn't guarantee hapiness, it's a lot of pressure... you have a huge packaging of rules, obligations, to please the two families, pressure, huge cost that clearly do not make you dream... Love and marriage should be simple.
Human race will destroy and human will be the reason. I can surely say looking in to what you guys are talking 😂😂 you guys can learn from western countries and don't repeat the same mistakes
Dowry the guy needs to pay few hundred thousand cny to the girls parents, he needs to own a car, needs to own a house.....guys solution is quite simple, just be born millionaires simple :)))
The fact that I'm gay and I don't have these kind of struggle while my twin brother.... He's working in a top company as a director in shanghai, and he struggled no less.
Any society in which you cannot marry someone because their parents are against it is the worst. Dated lots of chinese girls in my time and when things got serious, it was the parents asking what kind of job or does he own a house? F'k that! People need to think for themselves and not what their parents want. There are enough chinese in the world, no need to keep breeding. Some people are happy to marry without having kids.
Perhaps this is partly because of China's deep-rooted traditional culture. After her marriage, she was completely separated from her original family of origin, and existed only as an appendage of her husband, so they want a house for security. But that is not the main reason, apartment today means differently. Evel all welfare system, including school, hospital, etc are coonected with your apartment and household registration system. You child cannot go to local school in towns and cities if you doesn't own an apartment, only school in remote areas for option. The apartment is not at reasonable price, and the Chinese govement are just collecting too much taxes from people invisiblely, and you have no choice if you wanna get married. My mom still marry my father though he was really poor as a factory worker. If I don't have child, I don't need buy apartment at all. Nobody' dream come to this world is just for an apartment, all of us want to do amazing things.
In 1997 or 98 ,government started to promote privately owned apartments. People who got apartments from their companies, they were told they need to buy their current apartments. We paid about $3000 for our apartment. Before that people paid rent every month to their companies, the rent was very affordable.
This is the same too in the UK. It's called "council housing". So... you can get those, if you built your own wealth.. and could buy it from the local government. The local government allows you to do this, cos if you have a child.. then they need money for the schools? So.. some people bought theirs. You do not have to buy it. Cos it isn't for this purpose.. but if that is your hometown anyway, then... cos everybody tries to find ways to make money. They would try and steal somebody else's shares.. and this has been the situation that caused a lot of conflicts everywhere.. in every single country. So... and why we are now at war too. Cos people would literally scam you too. i.e. use tech methods to steal money from you for whatever purposes... and they will keep doing this, til you die... Cos they don't want to ... Well.. they too want to keep their money, or to take your money, right ? So...
Keep in mind that two apartments are needed to have a home and to be married. Only one is needed. So if a woman wont marry a man because he doesn’t have an apartment and she does, she’s just making it more difficult for placing more value on superficial things. On the other hand, men are aren’t saying “you need an apartment”.
Yes but woman don't like to provide for most part so woman with money and houses are pointless plus most are financially irresponsible and waste money they can't help it, they can only provide for them selves Cas of modern times with cushy high education jobs yet they are still broke so who cares
10 years ago there a female contestant say this this in a matchmaking programme. “I would rather cry in a BMW than be happy in your bicycle”. The seeds were planted decade ago and now we are seeing the the kind of fruit it produces.0-
I would say housing is a small potion of the reason. The big part of the reason is still universal actually, just like other countries. People in general are pickier when it comes to finding a life time partner compared with their parents' generation, which is an absolutely good thing. Some people get married to have an happy life. And some other people don't get married also because they want to have an happy life. That is total fine.
This is why we can't feel sorry for the women. They limit their own options. It's like being starving but only requesting they eat at a Michelin Star restaurant.
The women are trying to make sure their children don’t struggle in society. If a woman breeds with a man with no resources then it’s her fault for picking that man as the father of her children. Her children will not have an advantage ahead of other children, they’ll have to start from the bottom. Who wants their kids to struggle? Men only think about themselves not the children that will come out of being in a relationship with a woman.
It’s more like the women can afford rice and meat/veggies on their own merit, why would they settle for dumpster diving? Because of “love”? There have to be some standards considering women are still expected to work and give birth and raise kids and take care of his parents…
As Chinese women are gaining more education and independence, their expectations for their potential partners are becoming more selective. Typically, the desired criteria for a match are a man who is above 5'9", earns more than 15,000 RMB per month and owns a car and an apartment in the city. Additionally, a big dowry to the bride's parents could also be expected. Although these requirements may seem reasonable, the number of men who meet these standards is quite low.
What she talked about are state owned enterprises... If those lands were kept that way. Everybody would've been happy....so... But once you get on the capitalistic ladder. Then it gets crazy.
This topic would have been better with a panel because there is so much diversity in China. It’d be interesting if they can revisit this topic and consider having men and women of various ages/regions discuss the topic. I would also suggest more opened ended questions from the moderator.
NOT REALLY TRUE, the real reason people don’t want so many children are the schools are EXPENSIVE and they can raise their prices and BRIBE YOU AT ANY TIME, FOOD, CLOTHING, THE COST OF HAVING THE CHILD AT THE HOSPITAL 🏥 IS EXPENSIVE
If you want to discuss the problem of male-superiority over female in contemporary society, maybe you should compare Korea and Japan to that in China, you'll see who actually take the problem further.
Millions of female foetuses were aborted in China, as people favored boys. This society is highly patriarchal too and negatively impacts both men and women especially if poor/low status
This is not a Chinese issue. It’s a people issue. I’m American, Black, was earning 6 figures before I got laid off. I had savings, IRA, own my home, no children, no girlfriend, no pets or plants. My student loan debt is the child that I may have had. The truth is that feminism created this situation. My parents didn’t buy me anything I earned everything. When my ex wife decided that she was not happy and took the home because I knew that a court fight was stupid and acquiesced to just let her take everything I vowed to never partner with a woman again. I lived in Colombia and dated there. Why would I date and marry in the western world, it’s stupid. Making $100k in Denver if you are single and own your own home with no children a man should just get a dog and you can live a comfortable life. If you add in a wife and children you’ll just be waiting for the day that she is not happy and your life will be hell. She takes everything and you’ll pay child support and health insurance. There is no go reason to do it. The men in Tokyo are really smart.
And don't forget that once divorced she will teach your kids to hate you and cut you out of their lives while the state makes you cover all the costs of raising them. Yeah relationships.... never again
This is genuine culture. Just because you don't understand it. This is why most people say that there is no ethic in society because people do banking all in the wrong way ? She was raised in subsidised housing. Most people did in the last 30 to 40 years. Just cos you don't know it or doesn't acknowledge it. It did happen... But she is talking about the modern current scenario now... So..... It's just. Sigh.
@@MeiinUKMen don’t need much in the way of material possessions and space. Men just need to buy a studio condo for themselves and rent the women, don’t date, cohabitate or procreate and you can have a good life as a man.
@@dustymcdust825 : I doubt that many women would agree with you on your notion that they need to become prostitutes in society.... Sorry but. Only in your imagination. People fight for their families. What else is left if you don't have that ?
It's AMAZING how some people can square the circle! In a country where there is an EXCESS of 40-50 MILLION men below 50yo, she managed to present it as if women have it harder than men when it comes to dating! Female greed never fails to amaze me!!
my question, and it's a serious question. If the men are expected to have a car and a house and a secure job, what do the women bring to the table? Apart from their ability to give birth? I grew up in Shanghai so I know the stereotype of "car house job etc." but I honestly don't know how it ACTUALLY is nowadays. Although I don't know that many women in Shanghai (since I haven't lived there in a while), all of the ones that I know work and share the rent with their boyfriend.
@@LuanaSantos-rl4sb actually, statistic wise in China, 70% of divorce initiated by the woman and only roughly 35% is due to affairs (man and woman) and the rest is due irreconcilable difference (not loving each other or not being able to tolerate each other).
Or hear me out, here's a smart choice: get a prenup! If you don't want anybody your in a relationship with to take your stuff, just get an ironclad prenup. It's like the most simpleist thing you can do. Like I don't understand why people don't it bring up a prenup, is that too much to ask? Just get a prenup.
This is why you see a lot more Chinese, Japanese, and Korean men marrying women from either other Asian or Eurasian countries, and the Steppes, this is more rare but also African wives. Needing and lacking a house, not having full citizenship and a name seal, and not having a good social reputation has made it hard for men from these countries and they are finding foreign women who dont require these standards because of different cultures. Some men dont treat their foreign wives very nice, almost as if they resent them but that they are a privilege they were owed and gives the men someone to feel better than, but then you see other men who treat their wives like a treasure and are blessed to have her.
But aren’t those Asian men doing the same thing . Finding an African wife they can work to the bone and invest in little from beginning because it benefits HIM. How is that different from what the mainline Chinese women are doing with their leverage? It seems like you’re fine w inequality/transactional relationship as long as it benefits the MEN. Also marrying women u deem inferior like you’re picking out a pet. Too many stories of Asian man marrying non East Asian woman and putting her, her culture/customs, features, language and family down. U shld hv got the type of woman u really want then. Compartmentalizing woman like chattel sounds very imperialistic!
@nicolem2877 also it's a problem all over Asia, not just East Asia.....I mean look what the government official from the country in the Steppes did to his wife......he beat her for hours in front of people in a restaurant.....he beat her to death and I'm pretty sure he got away with it too. I think it was Khazikstan.
@@nicolem2877 also go look up Rose in China....she is an African woman who loves her Chinese husband and her life. The worst Asian men I seen in documentaries weren't even Chinese, it was either Asian Boss or K-Doc, but the man was Japanese and married to an American woman and he treated her like a dog, the second worst was a fat Yakuza "single dad", who claimed he wasn't Yakuza anymore, but he still is, and he's a single dad because he beat his kids mom until she left and she didn't take the kids because he would have her killed and he would get away with it, his wife was East Asian.....abusive men are gonna be abusive no matter the woman they chain to themselves.
This isn't just a Chinese issue. Happening in western countries too. Probably another downside of social media which is ruining minds and relationships
I dont agree about it being social media's fault. I think the price of simply living is becoming unaffordable, so it trickles down to narraige.... marraige in the olden days was used to strengthen families, but now it's more of a business decision, honestly.
@@wakiwama6348 The video was about China where much of the county is far more affordable than in western countries. It's a cultural shift more than a financial shift. Social media is a great tool for changing society's expectations
@@wakiwama6348 i agree with things being expensive. But women literally will only choose partners with higher social status than themselves. So it doesn't really matter. In a given society only top 2% of the men usually hold most of the wealth and these women only want those men. So you see this creates a disparity and imbalance overall.
The questions were very appropriate and straight on the subject. It's the same situation in India and marriage laws are completely biased towards girls. Marriage is a no more a secure future for men nowadays
For more authentic insight and perspectives from Asia that you can't get anywhere else, join AsianBoss.io and watch all of our exclusive interviews, commentaries, and discussions beyond street interviews. For further discussions on the population and marriage crisis in China, you can check out this video: asianboss.io/programs/international-marriage-china
God sent his son Jesus to die for our sins on the cross. This was the ultimate expression of God's love for us. Then God raised Jesus from the dead on the third day. Please repent and turn to Jesus and receive Salvation before it's too late. The end times written about in the Bible are already happening in the world. Jesus longs to be with you and he is waiting for you with open arms but time is running out. He gave up everything for you. Please repent and turn to Him before it's too late.
@@L17_8
For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (1 Timothy 6:10)
She looks completely Korean. are you sure she's Chinese.
Thanks Asian Boss for doing this but such a topic should have been a panel discussion between several Chinese consisting of at least 3 to 4 men and 3 to 4 women.
Such a panel could help show different POV on this issue.
Please also do another panel on this with 4 married Chinese married "vs" 4 unmarried Chinese.
Thanks again for this discussion.
STOP EATING EVERYTHING THAT MOVES U #nazis
I dated a girl in the mid 2010s whom had migrated from China. She has been here for over 5 years at the time we met. We only dated for 3 months. We were perfectly fine during our courtship, until she had "the chat" from her parents. Then one day, everything changed. The penny dropped. It wasn't about love anymore. The questions started. And as soon as she asked about my wage, it went downhill from there. I was 26 at the time. Driving a Toyota camry, having a full time job, I had just acquired some land and started laying the foundations. It was not enough for her parents. Her parents thought I should be driving a BMW by now, and have 3 properties under my name. She seemed torn and confused. I suppose it dawned on her that the money was more important. And that was that. I'm happily married now to a lovely woman. I drive that same Camry, live in the house I mentioned, still have a full time job, and building a side hustle. -Australia
Good for you man. Whenever it's about money, love goes out of the window. A good women will stick with you through good and bad days, money or no money.
Bro u really dodged a bullet trust me
lmao need to have a good depreciating asset. thats how you stay poor haha
@aznmarinex2 sorry, I don't understand what that is. I know what a depreciating asset is. But what is a "good" depreciating asset?
@@samlai5411 im assuming the BMW is a good depreciating asset
2015: child crisis, have more than 1 child!
2020: child crisis, have a child at least!
2024: marriage crisis, please marry!
2030: please talk to each other.
😂😂😂
Post Mao: 1 child policy...
2040: Please at least get a companion robot.
2050: Hello...?
As an Indian, I would say this issue is global, and not only for Chinese. In India, we are having a same kind of situation like this girl said 😢
Asians are conservative!!!
Here a lot of guys are not getting married because they don't have a proper(govt) job . Absolute poverty is no longer a problem . But getting good jobs and getting well settled is a problem now .
@@debanikgoswami4834 everyone is thinking about better and better... Greed of getting a luxury, beauty and certain standards effects the biological process of human being.
I feel like people always say that the reason for low birth rates is bad economic conditions but it seems the countries with the lowest economic conditions have the highest birth rates
@@spaceowl5957Countries with a better functioning economy have access to birth control and generally speaking money is a big factor for marriage in 1st world countries. 3rd world countries don't have these factors included
2024: "who can afford a house"
2029: "who can afford food???" LOL
They just banned lab-grown meat in some states already too
This is the century of consequences. That whooshing, flapping, rustling sound is the chickens coming home to roost.
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless.
Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
No, just wait 2 years. Once it becomes too hard to bring Rural Hukou ‘immigrants’ into the city to perform manual labour, when costs rise too high to pay day labourers, food transport and restaurants will die off.
Delivery drivers are already getting 4 yuan to make a delivery, 12 hours of driving to make USD $50 a day, if you can afford to rent, eat, refuel and handle maintenance. When that population drops, they are going broke suddenly and quickly.
Supermarkets are already dying in major cities in China because they rely on these temporary workers to exist. Some city populations are halved if you remove immigrant workers.
ROFTL
I remember when I went to China in 2012 as a college student, and was talking to other men in a college in Wuhan they said they probably couldn't get married to their girlfriends for another 8-10 years at least. I was really surprised. One guy, who was so smart and handsome didn't think he could get married at all because he was from the countryside and his family didn't have any money. The conversation started because one of the guys in our group (we are Americans) was talking about how he was getting married in a couple months and they were looking for a cheap apartment to rent, and the guys were like, "Are you sure her parents are okay with that?!"
Western men are so disrespectful to other parents daughters. Women should have more self respect there and marry eastern respectful men in my opinion so these western men can learn how to be a real man.
It’s the older generation that’s really the obstacle to this country making any sort of real progress. Until they die off like flies, as cruel as it sounds, this country has reached its peak for the foreseeable future and will only continue to go downhill from here onwards. Of course the West isn’t much better, when you have essentially a gerontocracy in the States. A big obstacle for a lot of Chinese men is the “bride price” (reverse dowry), where the man’s expected to give a sum of money to the woman’s family as “compensation” for the woman’s family raising their daughter. It’s totally wrong and unacceptable to me, but at the same time I wonder whether the reason it’s allowed to continue is because people (both men and women) let it continue and don’t push back against it.
@@AbsoluteZero6714 True, I cant tell you how many times I have complained for example in University's that are paid with our tax money to be more flexible by offering videos of the lectures that they can do and there are teachers that do that in some courses. For the purpose of people with disability's, working person or has family life, or person socially inferior and has to work to have the ability to study. By the way its in our laws that its not aloud to discriminate people with disability's nore other people that are socially inferior position due to having to work. It seems to work to sue them to actually see a change and go to the media and call these people out!
@@AbsoluteZero6714As a modern Chinese girl, it is pity that the situation is an unsolvable issue at least in a decade. Our girls are willing to trust “true love”, there were many cases of “high quality girls” marrying “poor quality guys”, indeed. But they all turned to tragedies(at least I didn’t hear any exceptions), those girls who got married without any dowry or required for any material possessions were treated like babysitters by their husbands and parents-in-law… They looked down the girls and thought the girls were cheap which meant they would lose nothing if the girls left. That’s why our girls turn to require material things, it doesn’t mean we “want to” but we “have to”. Of course, it’s also true that there are many girls just want to marry rich guys.
@@AbsoluteZero6714 sometimes that's not the case. They have to register household there to get their children to school. It's a hukou problem.
marriage is based on material possession and finances more than any other country over there.
most divorce occur as an result of economic difficulty. So the wisdom is to have stability financially before you settle down
You mean everywhere
that apply to every developed and devloping country too
@@levelazn nope
many many reason combined together
compatibility issues might be the biggest reason
cause rich people getting divorces straight up debunk your theory
also low income people should be getting divorced in all part of the world
When they are at the bottom rungs with low ethical and morality cultivated, maslow hierarchy applies.
reason why young people have zero interest to marry
- high cost living.
- have lot commitment. Marriage is a big responsibility and many of them cannot carry this responsibility and duty.
- find suiteable partner is really difficult.
- marriage and children is expensive
I agree with this list.
Exactly same in korea
Don't forget Japan as well@@fedupwithbs1782
How about because the failure in education and cultural rot? The young are thought to be selfish and irresponsible.
@@turtlesoup8134 Selfish and irresponsable ? Responsable of what exactly ? Continuing the human specie ? We are 8 billion, no need for that...
in China, without owning your house, your kids has no school to go. House is associate all the welfare system(your kids school, medical care, pension) in China, renting doesn`t count. That`s the key why house price can be fully controlled to get this pike.
Thank you for this information, it has given more light to the situation
You do have options of schools just compromised
@@zhiyuangao7212 That's the greatest understatement of the 21st century so far. Thank you, I truly mean that.
Eh, no.
In Shanghai, you rent an apartment and you got a job, you have the right to attend kindergarten, elementary school and middle school in your school district.
As for high school, it has nothing to do with owning house, neither.
You need to have a Shanghai hukou.
@@mingchen-bt8xiyes but that’s the problem, right? Getting a Shanghai hukou.
it's exactly same the answer why Chinese not getting married as Korean, because cost of living , life in China is really exhausted and kinda depressed , the quality of life will drastically declined if someone got married even have any children.
Same reason with Japan too.
Wow east asia will collapse..
That’s the same in Korea! All the homegrown East Asians that never grow up outside in a foreign country like the US follow this folktale traditions. If the guy don’t own their own home, car, and have a career and money then no honey lol
But there are still many people getting busy entering marriage in China though the number has declined in recent years.
No, quite different reason. Chinese wife has a lot of power in normal and middle class families. Chinese works no where near as much as koreans do nor as expensive as the koreans because the gov makes most things much cheaper in China such as medical cost, housing etc. When the house price is too high, the gov purposely deflate the bubble, when the education cost is too high, they ban most tutoring that is responsible for most of the extra education cost. Chinese don't even have to pay for property tax and many get grey income that they don't report to the gov. Life can get seriously depressing if you are in the midst of the most capitalist place like Shanghai or Shenzhen, but in most Chinese cities, life pace is not that fast, not as competitive, and many people has spare time to do whatever they like.
Less than 1000 “eligible” bachelors exist in China out of 1.4 billion people. The wealth needed to buy an apartment or home at 20-25, while the average income is well below 50-80k yuan (under $10k USD) a year. You need to be a criminal or work for one. It’s a 40 year mortgage for a home that you don’t own. Think about that.
City Hukou is the main factor for the house negotiation.
There are “no single mothers” in China, because children can’t be registered to a single, unmarried woman. So the numbers are heavily skewed. Single mothers can’t access government services unless they have a husband, or a family member who is registered as the parent. So a lot of these unwed mothers register their children as “cousins” or “sisters” of their parents, neighbours or family members. Or they adopt their own children from an orphanage to get around the legal status problems of being unwed.
The idea that women are greedy ? Absolutely. It’s their lifeline if a boyfriend gets them pregnant because the children cannot be registered to an unmarried couple. The population control system of the Household Register is a massive Caste/Tier issue that creates a lot of greed and corruption. It’s fair to say that every crime in China, is partially due to the Hukou being in place. It doesn’t create crime, it’s just another factor to divide people and generate false prestige.
Pregnancy is a major factor for the Chinese to actually address, as the elderly population is above replacement rates. It also means the health care of these elderly is more expensive, as there is no retirement age or pension system that is scaled/indexed. The children are supposed to keep their parents and grandparents healthy, not health insurance or government.
Having a house in a City, and the Husband has a City Hukou, guarantees your children will have insurance, access to schools, access to medical care, etc. And it also guarantees your children can get married in the future as well.
Add to this, women want prestige and that’s going to University/College for 4 to 8 years during their “prime marriage years” of 20-24. After 30-35, these working women are considered “middle aged” or leftover. Same with men who go into work for 10 years or the military. They become leftover men. Employment and loans become harder to obtain.
Families step in to marry their children, under Hukou, are being gamed to want the 0.01% of society, and it isn’t very practical, because the men who can afford a house/apartment in a City area, need to be exceptionally wealthy due to family, and these boys become playboys, chased by models and gold diggers.
There isn’t a form of “settling” in the big cities. The affordability of city homes makes it impossible to have a stable population.
Yaaa, but birthrates are collapsing everywhere, not just China. So what about Thailand? Taiwan? Germany? Same? No? I'm not saying you're wrong but there's clearly more going on.im Swiss, our new numbers dropped yesterday. 1.33. And we have none of the issues you described. So what's going in there?
People simply prioritise other things in life. Travel. Leisure. Hobbies. Simple as that. You didn't have that luxury 100y ago.
You’re talking about first tire cities, second and third tier cities are also awesome but not so expensive
Well.. as my mother said.. it is the "oldest marry first, and then the next ones after that, if he doesn't marry, then you don't marry, so find him a wife ! "... I tried my best too ! Literally palmed off everybody that I know !... And it is true. Whether you do believe this, or you don't believe it. Cos if the older one marries off first, then you know who is left... and which family should and should not marry. Cos you don't want incest situation to occur. That is all part of feng shui. And yet.. people literally DOESN'T.... deal with these issues.. and DOESN'T even stays open-minded either. Then.... I am sure that China has a system.. but to me.. that system is more or less destoryed now. And yes.. it is a laughing stock of an issue. If anything. I hope that Korea, that is South Korea doesn't fail on their situation.... Cos everywhere else, it has. Even religious marriages, aren't very religious any more... They put their royal heritages first and foremost.. than anything.
And the thing is inside China. You meet a LOT of psycho men as well ? The ones who you did not hurt. Who you never asked about dowry, and you just ran off. Being none of your business. Would end up walking past a guy or a man.. and he would hit you. If you ask about how many chinese women have been hit by men. That is both somebody that they know, to somebody whom they do NOT know... Ask them directly.. and see the figures. It is ultra high ? VERY high..... If you befriend somebody that is not chinese, then you get a respite. If you befriend somebody of the same sex, your family would critise you and call you gay. Always these kind of BS lines.... I have seen my auntie... literally being critised by my father's extended cousin, for harassing me... If he didn't do that. I think I would be dead on the streets.... For being what ? Obtuse ?... So yeh.. stick with your own family. And don't critise somebody else. Cos they would gun for you... and you will die. That is how dangerous, this is all is.... Women dying, is quite high. That is, chinese women being murdered, is a very very VERY high figure in China... and across the board.
Er... this isn't technically true. Cos.. those schools were paid for by SOMEBODY... and it is always and also the case that the previous generation paid back into this. So... it is a case of..."finding ways to marry into that hukuo.. or move or migrate into that hukuo..."... and once you are inside that space. A lot of people, also... have to work hard.. extremely hard.. to raise the effect of that city's operations and running. The tier 1 cities, are mostly shipping and coastal cities. Cos it was trading with other nations. That is why it raised its profile. The Western side of the country is more farm land, and land.. But because some of the previous generation's tier 1 cities.. used their own banks and gave up loans towards the Western side of the country. This is whereby, the government, got more powerful to decide on what happened next, as they absorbed their banks. This is why some cities, like Tier 1 now, are fallen or falling.... Basically. So... If you ever played the game "tag".. when you were growing up as a kid.. then you would know. Basically. So... This is why, some areas were running out of women. And then they got dragged back into those areas to marry off... So... This is why, some people had the opportunities, to work abroad.. And then the deal to sign with other foreign countries to do trade deals. And exchanges. The so called one belt one road was about that. So the Western side of the country developed with Germany.. and they had been exporting for many years.. So... This is why, their standard can look similar to Tier 1 cities... But yes, I bet it is still stressful though. Very stressful.
@@mysterioanonymous3206 es algo comun que ha pasado a lo largo de la historia, no es algo nuevo
Los tiempos de bonanza terminaron y ahora vamos en caida hasta la proxima decada
Es simple seleccion natural tambien, los que son de baja categoria no se reproduciran, sea cual sea la razon, y daran paso a los que si dejaron sus genes
Thanks!
I lived in China for 5 years 2005-2010. First question people asked me - Where are you from? 2nd - How much do you make?.. rarely asked my name
It's that way in most of Asia. Japan might be an exception but I don't know them well enough.
That’s a stupid lie.
What kind of crowd did you hang out with?! This is so unusual! I wouldn't say this is the norm and felt bad for you that was your experience if you are telling the truth. 😂
@@jennyzhang4196 at the titty bar of course
@@lulc4694no it isn’t.
Thanks Asian Boss for doing this but such a topic should have been a panel discussion between several Chinese consisting of at least 3 to 4 men and 3 to 4 women.
Such a panel could help show different POV on this issue.
Please also do another panel on this with 4 married Chinese married "vs" 4 unmarried Chinese.
Thanks again for this discussion.
yes，collisions requiring different perspectives
Yes,I totally agree
Sure, but like virtually any other topic, no one is going to engage in the discussion in good faith when they have a vested interest in it.
So what you have is men arguing that men are worse off because of the materliasm, and women arguing that this is men's responsibility and that men ought to provide.
Saw a compilation of 'high value' Chinese women 30 to 35. They had the looks, the degrees, the careers, the actual BMW's, an investment property or two and every attempt at starting a relationship with a similar status guy ends with 'too old' or 'not serious'. It's just the rural farmer guys that really go for it. It's not representative, but it does paint a grim picture.
Yes, this lady alone was not a good sampling.
no one really wants to get married more like a partner to help pay the bills
I think porn has destroyed the worlds life style, why have a women who speaks all the time when you can have a sexdoll that never speaks.
Actually I have spent a lot on time to solve this issue and it seems that the main reason of this situation is… Chinese woman itself. Because basically, nowadays with an access to an internet Chinese men have an insight to women across any countries. Now with the point of reference an average Chinese man is aware that Chinese woman is much below the average in terms of: personality, appearance (face and women features - they are basically flat), fashion&music taste, breath quality and general body odours, manners, genes, knowledge&IQ levels, soul, talent, teeth, freedom and social awareness. It’s lowkey sad that this video didn’t include any of this point which leaves the problem unsolved.
@@Dokuzu the same thing can be said of men, its actually a phenomena because of TV, after TV every man and women wants a partner like they see in the TV.
In India women now even want the groom to dance in the weeding because that is what happens in bollywood movies and shows, when I said to my to be wife I can't dance she said then the weeding is off.
@@polaris1985 in comparison to Europe.. Chinese and Indian women are completely other category… to say the least
@@Dokuzuugly?😂
Actually she's already mentioned about why even though there's more dudes alot more of more married than her female friends.
It's simple women typically don't date down but guys will do it.
Hypergamy
She knows people with money, she doesn’t know poor people
Or maybe mar5riage is harder for w4m4n and many wnat to skip it.
This is so informative and I like the conversation style. It bridges current experience with perceptions of non Chinese.
I lived in China for many years and the financial stipulations that are tied to marriage are extremely toxic. Number one the boy has to produce a large sum of money, called a dowry to his girlfriend’s family, if they break up, she keeps the money. Another stipulation is that he hast to have a house, car, Stable job and everything in order to even be considered worthy. My wife and I got married at the time that we got married. I did not produce any of these things. Ironically we are still married with three children and doing extremely well. My point is what they are putting out there, as conditions for dating marriage are extremely unattainable in today’s society
I find the concept of dowry really interesting . So in places like China and arab nations in the middle East the boy gives the dowry while in places like India ,Pakistan and Bangladesh the boy gets the dowry
Its technically bride's price and not dowry.
In india dowry is illegal....in fact it's one of the things women accuse husband's family of during divorce just to torture the husband's family@@danischannel
I’m glad I’m in the US and bride price isn’t a thing. That sucks y’all are expected to pay that
That was never attainable for 98% of people, anywhere, it's just that they let themselves get carried away by fantastical expectations that aren't grounded in reality.
It's surprising and sad because life was more miserable 200 years ago and yet people married and have a family. The real reason isn't what everyone thinks it is. The real reason is because modern life is incompatible with marriage and children. The real reason is because people no longer value having a family or see family as a means of survival.
Another reason that is deeply unpopular and cannot be said in the mainstream is because life is getting better, people are becoming more educated, and human rights are improving. Places where there are war, zero education, and low human rights are where birth rates are high. It's a fact.
nope
i disaggree with you on every point
you're saying people don't wanna love and be loved
no amount of platonic love can replace romantic love
no alternate of husband wife and children relationship exist in world
life is getting better - for whom?
problem is money and free time
give ppl that
you will see abundance in marriage and baby boom
watch scott gallaway recent ted talks
people used to have 2-3 kids at 26
lovely spouse their own house
their own car
and people were so happy
our generation is efcked to the core
living pay check to paycheck
capitalism has brainwashed that money is very thing
@@Ghost-pb4ts People have more free time and expendable money than ever, at least in the West. The original comment, in regards to the West and western influenced countries, is absolutely correct.
@@Labr10938 Scott Galloway: How the US is destroying young people's future
Ted talks
he quote data unlike TRUST ME BRO
i can quote you so much data source reference
that TH-cam will delete my comment on detecting it as spam
Education
Travel
Housing
Inflation
marriage ceremony
Food
Health
Will blow your expandable money out of the water
and regarding free time
i think you guys don't have real jobs
@@Labr10938 scott gelaway ted talks
Fellow shanghainese, but a man. I'm fortunate enough to study in the US, and that's rhe best thing that happened to me. I was able to avoid the extremely money focused and transactional dating scene. Had 4 girlfriends during undergrad and graduate school, had 4 girlfriends, the last one is my wife who is a Chinese student from Guangxi. Dating and marrying for love is the best thing in life. After graduation we both found jobs with American companies with 6 figure salaries and immigrated. And thanks to cheap housing in the US, we bought 2 houses, brought her parents to the US too, and we have 3 children. See, China, this is how you get people to have children.
China has 1.6 BILION people bro 😂 do they need more ??
What cheap houses?
@@qwkl2450 I think he means cheap compared to Shanghai .
@@qwkl2450 This is true. The houses in the states are much much cheaper and bigger than the ones in China. I'm a guy from Beijing living in a small apartment.
@@qwkl2450 We bought 2 house in a major city in Texas. The one we live is 300 square meters and in a 10/10 school district, the one her parents live in is 250 and meters in a 6-7/10 school district. The 2 houses only cost $600K total combined (still less than $1 million today). You can't even get a 2 bedroom apartment in Shanghai for that price. US housing is very cheap, especially since the prices are much cheaper while the wages are much higher.
I really want to know, how much of it is a feeling among twentysomethings and thirtysomethings that "my upbringing was so miserable and insecure, I don't want to pass that pain on to a future generation".
Im 51, Westerner, and i think this way
@@cz2301it's been reported that objectively humans are the wealthiest they have ever been in the current generation. Especially in the west, now is the best time to be alive.
But subjectively people are more depressed than ever
If the twenty and thirtysomethings upbringing was miserable, what does it make of the sixtysomethings? Their generation went from zero post-Mao to literal millionaires, building the family wealth that the younger gens now benefit from. Miserable twentiesomethings? Hardly.
@@cz2301 haha yeah right, I can tell by your English 🤣🤣
I am.
I'm surprised she didn't mention the hukou problem. In short, if the couple doesn't have a house they cannot send their children to public school. So they have to pay for expensive private one, bribe someone to register they children or send them far away to their grandparents or relatives.
she didn't mention it because it's politics
@@abroniewski2856 : Anyway, this is maybe.. politics in the eyes of China.. however, this is no different to how we run things here in Europe. The "hukuo" is basically your "birth place". So if you live inside a province, that province is your "country", say. See the whole of the PRC, same as the whole of the EU ?... So a province-level thing... is equal to a country in the EU. And each province, takes care of their own internals. That is how I see it, as.
My parents were married through a matchmaker in the 60s in Hong Kong. And according to my mom, before she met my dad, he was first introduced to another girl, but that girl’s parents told him he had to buy a house for them (not for her, but for the parents) before marrying their daughter.
And that kind of entitlement typical of many Asian in-laws, yet they wonder why their kids don’t want to get married?
I can understand the dowry and maybe having a house for them... But for the parents.
Even YOUR own parents expecting you to build a house for them who be entitled to an extent but at least they raised you and took care of you in most cases but for a complete stranger like they are selling their daughter. And they won't refund you if she cheats, gets bored, let's herself go physically, denies her man intimacy. . . 🧐🧐🧐🧐
😮😮
This is embarrassing buying a house for the parents wow
Having done tarot readings for quite a few Chinese women, mostly in Beijing, one thing I don’t hear in this program is the pressure on women after marriage to do everything! They are expected to work, have children and be responsible for the raising and schooling of them, do the cooking and housework, make sure the husband is king, look beautiful so he won’t stray, take care of both their parents and their in-laws and the death duties of both. The husband is supposed to work, go to office drinking parties, have parents who will provide a home, and do the death duties for only his own parents. What does the wife get out of all this? She’ll be more successful in her career if she is not married and can have nice things and a social life with friends. Loneliness may be the highest price - maybe.
At the end of it all , she’ll most likely be dumped for a trophy wife when her husband prospers with her years of faithful support 😂
Give me a tarot for when the sky starts crying, thanks.
your information is out of date now, girls are more like queens after getting married, I mean the current generations, which is the problem of fewer people getting married. education and tiktok ruin the decency of a woman being a woman or being a decent individual
No hell no we don’t live like 19th century Chinese 😳 I don’t know what you are reading but most educated Chinese aren’t misogynistic chauvinists like that
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless.
Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
I was dating an Asian woman when I was 18 years old. I thought I was going to marry her but when her friends and mother came into the picture they convinced her I wasn’t good enough. I heard her mother mentioning that Mexican “aren’t smart or rich people”. Either way I see it as a blessing now because i dodged a bullet. This was a good lesson. This taught me the importance of having the right advisors in your life.
You dodged a bullet meaning the family were a-holes or there was something wrong with the girl?
It's very sad that her family intervened like that.
The families are the biggest hurdle to me marry an Asian tbh. Even if they accept me, having the constant interference of arrogant people who think they know better for us than we do ourselves is just toxic.
They all live unreal lives. The main thing is that the man paid a lot of money. In the end, when they divorce, the woman wants to divide the property. She won't return the man's money because the woman loves her first love and the first man she lives with. After the age of 30, she just cheats the man of his money. I am a Chinese man, you know. I am Chinese, I know it, so I am not welcome.
@@远方的家-z9r That's brutal man, I hope people start to change because life is nice and its even better if we work together and create amazing familes but I get you man. My mother divorced my father. She did some unforgivable acts but my father was a real man and took it on the chin and never told us to hate my mother. I lost my father but he will forever be loved by me and my older brother. I will remember the sacrifices he made for his family and how he died on his sword to provide for us.
@@avalonnite9179 respect to your father ❤
My junior in my lab is from China. He said he wants to marry his girlfriend but he feels like he's not good enough yet because her family is a bit rich. Which is why he went abroad to study in my lab to get a master's degree and get work experience. So that when he goes back he can use the work experience and degree to work for a good company in China, and then propose to his girlfriend.
There is a possibility that his girlfriend can’t wait that much long😢😢😂😂
@@Peppa-tf1ms Hmm not sure, he says his gf wants to call him like every other day. And come visit soon. Maybe she'll go crazy idk
His girlfriend will be 35 by the time he gets his degree, a good job and salary and then owns a house, car and enough savings for dowry and honeymoon . . . Unless he has some sort of side hustle to increase his earnings
@@ArmyWolves I'm not sure what his exact financial situation is but him and his girlfriend are in their early 20s (he's 22ish) so I think he can pull it off by his late 20s if he lands a decent job
This is such a typical Chinese thing that people make their lives miserable for BS. As a Chinese myself I can never relate. The first 18 years of my life when I was in China I’ve always felt like an alien😂 I’m so glad my parents never seen marriage in a Chinese way probably because they’ve spent years in different countries around the world. I used to almost marry a Spanish guy (we were engaged but didn’t happen eventually cuz I was too young and realized I wasn’t ready for marriage, now he’s happily married with my best wishes to him). Before the engagement, I’ve never asked about his or his family’s financials (I knew they’re middle class and that’s it), and my parents never talked about the dowry. They just told me as long as we really love each other & we’re sure about the marriage, they’ve prepared a large sum of money & some nice jewelry pieces which they will give us both as our marriage gift… 😢omg till now I’m so grateful.
Any place in the world where 1 year mid level office salary won’t buy you a car and 10 years worth of salary won’t buy you a house is a very hard place to live in.
isn't that like every country? 😅
Not the amount of money that can be saved a month, for example $3000 salary a month so x12 equals $36000
@@Meow3431 Dude no, in America that's very doable on a mid level office salary of $45k a year. It won't buy you a house depending on the area but it would at least get you enough for a 1st time house mortgage within 5 years.
Lol what kind of dreamy state do you live in ?
I live with roommates, make close to the amount, and have absolutely no savings.
@MK_ULTRA420
$45K is low wage, not mid level. Mid level is bare minimum $100K
I'm overseas Chinese living in the US. Married with 2 children. I agree with other commenters that say the problem is modern life. Even though we are financially stable, it feels like the way life is set up is inherently hostile to the family and children. Childcare is only for 6 hours while we both have to work 8+ hours. Going out and about with 2 children is so difficult. If your child makes a sound, people give dirty looks. Even if you want more than 2 kids, life is not set up for it. You can't even find a car that fits more than 2 children it seems.
I urge your family to move to Scandinavia ( im from Denmark ) Most Americans & for that matter Chinese moving here never want to move back. first of all our daycare institutions has open 12 hours a day some less some more. here you only work 8 hours a day no matter your boss wants you to work more which is illegal in Denmark, unless you want to, but the decision is yours to take. we have 5 weeks paid vacation a year 9 month paid maternity leave for both parents, free Universities same standard as the US & students ggets paid a free check every month just because they stdy no matter the age of the student & the best of all FREE Hospitals treatment after treatment rehability & up to 85 % reduction in medicine prices. we have social welfare untill you are back on your feets no matter how long it takes 3-4000 US a month & i could go on & on....Ps here we place outr strollers outside the cafees when we go dining with the kids sleeping outside. the crimerate is very low you can go anywhere at all times with a very small possibility anything bad will happen.
@@kimchristiansen2370 I'm actually so curious about the views on immigration in Scandinavia. We've seen for years that Scandinavian countries generally rate best for living, top happiness scales, have the best social structures etc., but to my knowledge most European countries aren't fans of immigrants. Would non-white people even feel welcomed in the first place? Honestly asking out of genuine curiosity!
You should have stayed. We are full
@@theviceinvirtueNorwegian here, we have similar benefits as in Denmark. Immigrants coming to work and live here are absolutely welcome. The negative attitude is towards immigrants who only come to live off the welfare system here, and even those are welcomed by many. Compared with Denmark, Norway is more remote from Central Europe, but make up for it with stunning nature.
@@theviceinvirtue
tbh, I think the house price is really the center of Not Getting Married. it's not only happend in China, I'm Chinese, living in Sydney, so many friends are facing this issue here. Local white couple, koeran and chinsese couple, etc.
Some ppl blame on gov, soem blame on immigrantion. But overall, Housing prices are indeed a bubble, but they are directly proportional to the local economy. You want more income, but in areas with more income, housing prices are unaffordable. This is a endless circle. n the later stages of the development of capitalism, there will gradually be a tendency to make it impossible to afford a house. What’s even more frightening is that things you think you can buy easily now may be sky-high in a few decades.
Some ppl alredy know this fact, so they refuse to have a baby.
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless.
Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
I am not try to judge any politics, it's just the real life happend now....sadly. For 2 bedroom, ppl pay at least 900,000aud in Sydney, same in Beijing and Shanghai(maybe more). Compared to getting married and having children, young people will of course choose to be kinder to themselves
You gave all reasons, except for the main reason. Where is women empowerment? How can women contribute nothing in this world of gender equality? Why only men should bear the burden? Make these women contribute their share, in buying houses, in nurturing children, in daily expenses. Both should do jobs to achieve this. Then you will see a solution. Women's greed is the main problem here.
That is what communism is supposed to work. Everyone goes to work and government took the pay and redistribute so everyone gets a place to live etc. but people still prefer capitalism as communism won't work long term. But the drawback of capitalism is poor getting poor and rich getting richer.
@@vincentc7920 the probelem is that those who are in charge of resource allocation will eventually become the privilege, no matter it is capitalism or socialism.
there must be a new political system or enconmic system to replace them, In china, there are actually no room for communism now lol, it is capitalism for sure.
Maybe there will be new doctrines after the war, maybe hundreds of years later, but in this era we live in, the problem of resource allocation is probably difficult to solve. After all, people need motivation to survive.
need betrothal money to give to bride's family (depending on the place), need house (ideally fully paid), need savings (certain amount depending on the place), need car, need a good paying job earning a minimum requirement, need certain height etc among the many other requirements.
Recently read somewhere that in Hanzhou they hosted a match making event where no males turned up and only females.
Exactly.
Why would any man show up to such an event if the expectations being placed on them are so crazy...
@@mds33483 thats why chinese man are marrying foreigns brides since majority of them do not need those traditional stuffs that chinese ladies wants.
go douyin and watch and you will know
The women want a lot of material gain without having much to offer
Those are actually pretty reasonable requests for a parent to give away their daughter. Similar to how it was for hundreds of years. Usually it just meant the man was 5-7 years older
The man providing the house is more deeply rooted in this culture than mentioned in the video. Since historical times women marry into the family and the man is expected to provide for the family. Also, China doesnt have alimony in divorce so I guess this is the only way that women who are cheated on can feel secure to provide for herself and especially any children if they get divorced in the future
Alimony doesn't work that way. It is not male providing to female. It works the way that high income provides to low income. And China does have alimony. The cheating side should provide a one time lump sum amount. And Chinese law protects women way too much and usually women cheating doesn't bear any consequence and also a lot of times men realized their children aren't their biological children years years after the children grow up and they still need to pay the child support and the women doesn't bear any fault by punishment from the law.
当然有离婚抚养费，怕离婚跟养孩子根本没关系
May not have alimony but property settlements still happens.
How about her getting a job, working 50h per week in menial, tedious, physical, exhausting, back crushing job till she's 70 years old?
Why not?
She's strong, brave and independent! Go girl, you can do it, and pay voluntary alimony to her ex-husband! You, go girl!
They all live unreal lives. The main thing is that the man paid a lot of money. In the end, when they divorce, the woman wants to divide the property. She won't return the man's money because the woman loves her first love and the first man she lives with. After the age of 30, she just cheats the man of his money. I am a Chinese man, you know. I am Chinese, I know it, so I am not welcome.
Asking great questions. Excellent interview
this is a great and honest explanation of the phenomenon, really appreciate the guest
The core of this issue is the deeply rooted mistrust between the two. And Chinese females are automatically treated themselves as the weak in the marriage, there is almostalways the need to keep themselves somehow protected, in case if the marriage does not work out. And Chinese guys tend to lack of the respect for the chastity of marriage. When cheating happens so commonly and there is neither legal or moral castigations for the faulty part, if it was the man most likely, the woman needs to grab tightly as much as money as possible for self protection.
Exactly.
Women cheats too, and men have absolutely no 'security' in that case.
Why guys women also cheat!
Do you assume that women don't cheat? It's a joke. I saw a news story before about a man whose three children are not his biological children. Women didn't encounter any problems, but instead blamed the man for not working hard enough to do so
If a man can’t afford to support his family then it’s going to be stressful on him, his wife and children because they will struggle in society. Who wants to be poor?
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless.
Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
What is the woman going to bring to the table, especially in the present world of women empowerment, gender equality? If only man provides, then women empowerment is useless, isn't it? Give up on that first, how about that!
If africans can have 12 children with 2 dollars a month then you can too
@@carkawalakhatulistiwaOkay, China has enough housing for twice its population. Still means nothing. China has to pay other countries for fuel, good, fertilizer, and raw materials. Without that, 90% of those houses become worthless to even live in because they’re in economically worthless areas. Soviet Union had plenty of natural resources, China doesn’t.
@@carkawalakhatulistiwafunny how the host scoffs at the sustainability of free housing for all, but thinks $1 million shacks are normal.
I think marriage rates are going down in a lot of places in the world. Cost of living has become too expensive for a lot of people everywhere. In the U.S., a lot of guys lost a lot of money in divorces or know people who have and don’t want to deal with that.
Love from greece!!in greece if you have an apartment you must pay a lot of money to the government every year,so even if you own the house it is not really yours because you pay every year money to the government,if you cannot afford to pay it then after a few years the government will take your house!!the interest rate for taking a loan is off the roof and the basic salary is 700€-800€ while renting a small apartment one bedroom is usually 350-450 euros.shopping at the supermarket is like going at the jewelry shop!!owning and maintaining a car is very expensive because of the price of gasoline and the money that you have to pay to the government every year for having a car,even a minister said that rich people shoul own a car,all those years that everyone had a car was wrong...that is why young people in greece don't want to get married and have children,they can't afford it and most people migrate to other counties.
in VietNam, if you have 1kUSD salary, you might should pay about 250-300for renting
As a Chinese, can confirm this girl is on point. What she said is pretty on point and true.
I like how open and direct she is! Pretty fast answering and that’s cool
marriage is quite about money isn’t it and not just in China
Getting married and having a kid is about love and sacrifice. Maybe it is not a good idea to do it if it’s about finances 😂
Plan your financial stability before marriage and children.
Historically, marriage is about finance and security. Love marriages are fairly recent and is mostly a Western concept
There's nothing wrong about searching for financial stability.
These woman are not gold diggers, they are just concerned about their future.
A life with love but without money can be miserable.
Also it's only one aspect of many others that ppl consider.
How do you pay for that kid if you don’t consider finance?
*if its ONLY about finances. When a woman has more than enough and still doesn't want to date "down"...it creates a mathematical intractibility...that person basically chooses a life where all they'll ever have is material things
Almost all interviews, shows, surveys with China single ladies, their requirement not only asking for a house, or property, the lady will asked for the house to put under her name, she also wants to know his entire savings, any other loans etc all about money. Some even ask for a huge bride price money from the groom, and asked for a house for her sibling or education money or marriage money for her bro etc. Scary.
Do they want a husband or do they want a money pot?
What's worse for the guys is that even if a girl owns her own apartment, she would still want her own name put in the guy's apartment's deed. "My money is my money, but your money is our money."
The inflation in most Asian countries, including China, Korea, India, and Japan, is INSANE! So many young people are unemployed despite being highly skilled and many skilled workers don't get their due wages. People are barely surviving after paying the bills and buying groceries - even THINKING about buying a house is impossible!
The female talker really presented a lot of good interesting facts.
I actually learned a couple of things I didn't know before.
Good talk.
Too many people in China are looking for a person that doesn’t exist. What we’re witnessing here is a side consequence of the long-term economic fallout caused by the disastrous One Child Policy.
Source: am Chinese millennial (also just married last year)
no money, no honey.
是的。没钱就无法找到对象。
False. Women are easy when you know how to play
@@cooliipieThose men are not looking for easy women.
@@natashadickson4819
All women are easy for the right man
No Honey, No marriage
In Thailand, usually the groom will have to provide "Sinsod money" or dowry to ask for the bride's hand. In turn, the bride's family will take care of the ceremony's and reception's expenses. In average middle-class families, the girls's parents will give back the Sinsod to the couple as a way to help them settle more comfortably into a new life. Some married couple choose to stay with either one of the parents for economic or sentimental reasons. (Quite a common practice). However, in the past the groom must always move in to live with the bride's family only.
Normally, the couple will both be responsible for mortgaging and financing the house. In most cases, both parents will usually step in to help (if they are able financially)
In other words, Thais have become relaxed and adapted to social changes. Some are practical and make life easier, and some are not.
The policy of socialism (small house for all) during the Soviet Union time , meant that 93% of the Russian🇷🇺 population owned houses and 7% rented houses. 40.000Homeless.
Meanwhile in the United States🇺🇸.63% own a home. 33.5% live in rental homes.0.5% / 500,000 people live as homeless .
How's that working out lately?
Keep in mind, socialist countries had no imperative to honor or be accountable to inaccuracies. They all understood that they were being lied to, because the implication was… it was worse outside. Their survival required this lie.
Housing being a need, is not feasible in the long term. It means that the population has to decline rapidly. It requires thousands of people to go bankrupt or sell property on a monthly basis. Over 1% of the population has to sell or move house every year to make home affordability without renting work. There is no way to achieve this without modifying economic conditions enormously, or create artificial conditions for growth.
Putting every citizen in a home is deeply flawed. It makes sense… until you need to generate an economy in the population. Because owning the house isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of a series of ongoing costs and taxes.
It wasn’t. It was far worse if you knew, because that knowledge was not tolerated, understood or could be used. The entire system of socialism only works if you murder vast numbers of people who are unwilling to behave.
They regularly lied about their own results and used the work product of others to hide problems and faults. Crime was rampant, but it wasn’t reported or recorded. Serial killers regularly killed thousands of people a year without consequence, luring people away with work and offers of compensation. Police were often making money by selling stolen goods.
Even the Chinese don’t believe in their own statistics. Why would they. It doesn’t affect their own problems.
You also have to remember, peasants lived in squatter cities, built so that everyone could hear their neighbours talking. You would know when people had food to eat, what time they had a shower, etc. The modern cubicle office has more privacy and security than a Soviet era home.
The Soviet Union ended its existence with "Bush's chicken legs" (the name of the humanitarian aid that was delivered to the new Russia)
Because those Russians stole housing from other Eastern Europeans. Bad example! 😒
Who cares if you have a home when it's a dump and you lack all other freedoms
in some place , girls family would ask for a huge amount of bride price as well , around 50k USD plus a decent house in the city as she mentioned . Basically its impossible for a lower class family to afford all these cost to get their son married . Even if they could , think about the cost of raising a child nowday , its just insane . Why would a man chose to get into a misable marrige if he could enjoy his life with all these money .
Refuse it and marry her.
As an American..bride price is absolutely an insane concept to me
Well I’m gonna say it. In China women have it very difficult in life, and in turn they ask for ridiculous amounts of money as “compensation” in marriage. It’s very weird but that’s how it works
How do Chinese woman have it more difficult than any other country? Compare to Korea and Japan, Chinese woman have more options and less pressure.
@@zfranke3dome That’s true, but especially in rural areas they still have it pretty hard
To be honest, she is speaking from Shanghainese perspective. The same situation exists in New York, London.
Outside of Shanghai and the other tier 1 cities housing is not hard
No one expects you to have a house in NYC bro, I bet half the married couples have roommates 😂
From NYC, parents have 4 houses here. I can't imagine living in the mindset that these Shanghainese people have.
I can totally see why Chinese youth today are a lot more reticent about marriage. Talk to many of them and they’ll tell you that *ideally* they’d want to get married, but it’s the burden and expectations of what married life means in a society like this. The older generation still largely sees marriage as not between two individuals but between two families, and meddling by one or both sets of in-laws has caused their fair share of martial strife. This ties heavily into old ideas of filial piety and how in practice, even after you’re married, you’re still expected to prioritize your family of origin in many instances over the family unit you start with your spouse. When the older generation is given so much influence out of traditional norms, there’s just too many opportunities for abuse of power. A lot of older Chinese also aren’t the most worldly and educated either, and they often seek to impose very outdated beliefs on their kids and their spouses. This country has a LONG way to go, and I’m totally looking forward to a massive drop in the population both out of practical concerns and out of spite.
Chinese marriage is not based on love,they are only looking for financial.if man without house or car he doesn’t has love too.
Because the woman is expected to bear his children and provide elder care for his parents. He's not offering love.
Being a Turk born and raised in Germany and being a German citizen I often communicate with people from Turkey and they say the same about marrying. Apparently there's a shift in expectations which turn out to be a roadblock for young men when they want to marry.
I have heard this and read about it many times. The woman's family is demanding certain things before they agree on letting their daughter marry a man, often the bride to be or the mother in law to be formulates a list of things that need to be done prior marrying.
Many lists look like this: the man has to buy a house, a car, both need to be registered under the bride's name so it's hers, the groom also needs to buy 2-5 kilograms of gold for the bride's parents, and if she has brothers, the groom also needs to buy the brothers 500g to 1 kilogram of gold. The bride also asks for 10-15 gold bangles where one of those could be as much as 1000 USD each. In addition to this the groom needs to ensure that they will make at least 2 vacations in Antalya or similar high priced vacation resorts. As you can understand from this, the men can't cope with those demands as many are working with the minimum wage in Turkey. Mostly around 60% of the total workforce is on minimum wage and in tourism regions people only work during the summer. Many decide to not marry or take huge loans from banks or relatives and pay it back for the next 10-15 years. That's not what's good for a society. I think this is happening in many countries now and life is getting more and more complicated. I can imagine the problem is more severe in China as the population is much much bigger.
wow
@@ddlin-z1w I think it got totally out of hand. Yet I somehow understand where it comes from. If a society is struggling badly with a poor economy people want to make sure the woman is kept in economical safety. But at what cost? Nobody will be able to afford a wedding. I haven't even mentioned all the things that are being expected for the engagement, which is also a truckload of materialistic things for the upcoming house, like furniture, household items, a kitchen with all appliances, vacuum cleaners, cutlery, plates, pots and pans which adds to another huge bill. With high taxes on all electronics in Turkey you can basically almost double the prices of electronics compared to other countries. A basic laptop can easily cost 2000$, a premium computer is 4000-5000$. A BMW SUV manufactured in the US that goes for 80K USD turns into a 516.000$ SUV as soon as it hits the Turkish ground. So, when she wants that BMW SUV, you're done. With an average minimum wage of around 600$. You do the math.
Aye thats crazy!! 😢😮 I pray for yall.
even crazier than china
I feel like people have become so self centered. Love is gone and people just want instant gratification. Me me me.
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. (2 Timothy 3:1-5)
Yes. Totally agree with you. Especially women these days. You have to agree that "A man will leave his happiness for his family but a woman will leave her family for her happiness"
@LebenDeutschland161 Bro stop being one-sided. Both sexes go for theirs and above their leagues.
based on this interview in this particular case i do not think it's out of narcissism or young ppl being self-centered. It may seem like that compared to socialist times decades ago, but right now things have changed. i see it more as putting your own oxygen mask first before partnering with someone. people move cities and countries and look for ways to a better life (including marrying a richer person) because life costs have risen immensely compared to income. it's a mechanism of survival, it seems, and China is not an exception in this trend, sadly. Thank you, Asian Boss.
@LebenDeutschland161yes, a fat cat cases recently
14:40 The animated description of Hypergamy in women lmaooooo
Lol they hate that we finally figured it out
As a married overseas Chinese... we started by sharing the initial expense of buying the house... and when i was earning more I paid for it while my wife helped out financially in other areas of our lives. We now have two adult kids.
I left China to study abroad when I was 17, never dated a Chinese guy -- not deliberately avoiding them, I guess they just found me overly independent and not easy to “handle”. Anyway, I married a Norwegian man. I’m pretty happy that I ended up with a Nordic guy, that I have never experienced the problems that my fellow females friends in China have to endure.
Oxford study. You're not special
笑死，对北欧男人就没有任何金钱上的要求了是吧
Yea but you are not Nordic or your kids.
Chinese parents didn't have any requirements or demands of me because their daughter won the ultimate lottery. A British passport
So your kids have no identity 😂
India, china, Korea all have so much similar tradition when it comes to marriage system. and the problems related to marriages are also the same.
It's not any better in the West. This is a global female problem.
Very materialistic society, sadly.
Can you create a new household without money? Even an unmarried young adult needs money to move out of his parents' home.
Well that is everywhere.
So like every modern society 😂
It's not necessarily the materialistic side of things either. It could be because of the elders not liking the person.. and then the rest of the tiers.. the whole family has to turn against the girl as well... I remember meeting my cousin's GF.. and he really did stress and went all out for her as well... But they didn't and wasn't independent... such that... it was so hard to keep a family together as well. So... I now realised why so many couples would go into business and family together, like my brother did. Cos.. I had always thought that was a bad strategy... but then again, if both parties as a couple worked together as well... and then raise a child, with small help from extended families, then.. it is a lot easier and less harsher on the woman as well.. and when she recovers... Then this help as well... Cos it is hard, or so hard to.. deal with everything, and you DO need extra help. Just another extra pair of hands.
I only partially agree on the reasons, the other reasons are not mentioned here, the life pressure: heavily competitive work environment with limited resources, people just live like work slaves who sell almost 24 hrs for the company, in return, however, they just get a small amount of payment. As a result, young people no time to socialise and feel no hope for future. It is the problem of imbalanced resource with too huge population in Asia. Not all of Asian girls are materialistic and ask guys to buy the house as pre-requisite to get married...........
An interesting perspective suggests that the imbalance of single women in China isn't due to a lack of men, but rather differing expectations in relationships. The comment highlights that many women prioritize marrying men with similar or higher financial status, limiting their dating pool. On the other hand, men seem more open to marrying across financial backgrounds. This difference in mentality might explain why there are more single women - their standards make finding a compatible partner more challenging.
So if you are a single woman in China with such mentality, don't be surprised if you find yourself becoming "leftover woman" in the future.
Everyone wants to live a better life, if I find a guy he at least has a job and I too have it, both of us are responsible for working towards the better life goals. 😊😊
In other countries, they study economics. Well.. this is chinese economics. Who marries who. Which family marries which family and where they move. The whole hukuo thing, is basically a registration. Actually. It means that the boy stays where they are? And the woman marries away from her family home. This is why it is always tearful. Most would meet at university, or at work. And then they move back home. Of course, this is always strange... but because of modern society, most couple moves away... so then leaves those "child left on their own with grandparents" happen a LOT ? Which is crazy too... cos the children raises the children.... and aren't looked after. So... It didn't help.. when... say cities like HK... when it got rich... the men "bought" more and more wives.. like, they had an average of three to four women ? i.e.mistresses.... That p!sses a lot of people off.. Cos in their mind, they want to expand the family tree... but to their next of kins... This is even more weird.. isn't it ?... HOW is it to work out ?..... Oh... it is even more weird now, if you trace any single family tree.... Quite wut duk.
Why is the house so expensive? I thought China had too many houses for people? I thought there was still a lot of houses not being used. That would make me think the price would go way down.
It's tough for young "people"
It think it's tough for young "men"
Women are just making it tougher for themselves and men by their own choice
Actually my great grandfather prepared (built) small houses (in rural area of course) for all of his sons before they got married. The house tradition definitely roots in Chinese culture for hundreds of years.
She just described hypergamy 😂
So it’s universal, in China the women want men at or above their socioeconomic level. And if they find a man on their level, they still are looking to level up. And the men who are successful can choose from a large pool of women
yes and thats in our nature just like how yall man want to sleep as many women u can 🙄
@@kwamebrobbey-315 yup. It’s how men are biologically wired. Better to accept reality than fight it
This is the problem with many countries: Have kids but also have a job. This can work for men but for women (the ones who actually need to give birth) it's a lot harder to balance both life choices. It's not very politically correct but one gender needs to stay home with the kids and it makes more logistical sense for the mother to stay home.
After seeing this interview and having a look around my surrondings here in India I think staying poor is a better option for India, because the fertility rate in Urban India has fallen to around 1.6 while it is still high for rural India 2.2. I am seeing a trend in Urban areas of not getting married and marrying very late because of the same reasons stated in the interview but in India there is still a huge supply of women from the rural areas where just becoming a houswife is the primary goal of their life while in Urban areas women are choosy now and want to work and want a husband who earns more then them, the trend can be easily seen in matrimonial sites in India.
(1950) My grandparents married at 14-15 years of age and marraige was just based on how much land the parents had, (1980) my parents were married after seeing the job profile of my father and how much land he had, (2024) I'm still unmarried beacause of my financial conditions I can't find a city women, can find an uneducated bride from rural India but I dont want to because I have always lived in a city, just to fcuk and have kids is not my goal in life.
Marry a educated woman from tier 2 cities. Village women are seldom uneducated.
@@deepalil1085 all women in cities want huge pay packages or look at family assets.
Your thinking is quite ridiculous... India's population is really too much high for context , we beat the china in terms of population but has 3 times less landmass than them. And of course , whole other things. Being poor is not going to be good for future of India
Damn India is starting to not having kids before they get rich
@@Êíøw57 then what is the reason I can't find a women to marry in city?
in matrimonial sites all of them want twice your pay pakage and the ones that dont want are the rehected ones which are ugly and fat!
Culture is extremely materialistic and Chinese women seem to have unrealistic demands and expectations. It’s crazy because I thought the western world was materialistic and individualistic but modern China is in next level. Sad that’s now how ancient China was and it was more family oriented
This hyper materialism in China is what happens when you mix western capitalism with tradition and Confucianism. It is destroying the foundation of Chinese culture. It needs a reset and I am starting to see the young generation rebelling against this rotten mix bag of a culture. The way I see it, it is the transitionary period where Chinese discovered new wealth and no one wants to be left behind. SOmething else will replace it in 20 or 30 years. The gov also don't like the marriage culture in China and they seek to change it, but not sure if they can be successful. Its much harder than building up the economy.
and yet they still call the chinese communist
Can you give an example of unrealistic demands and expectations? And perhaps why modern China is more materialistic and individualistic than western countries as you say?
"Sad how ancient China was more family oriented"
LoL, It IS a traditional way of thinking, why people do people think that this is a new generation trend or thing.
If you wanna blame something, It has gotta be capitalistic aspect of the society and the housing prices overall.
@@yiluis1316 Yes, tradition has to change and evolve, however, the current trend of having to use an economic system learned from the west is not suitable for China which has no colonies, limited resource and huge population. Capitalism works when you have endless resources for endless growth, which we now know is a western fantasy. This is why they need new wars and new countries to exploit to grow. A new system must be found that does not punish people for having children and families.
I dont think anyone is getting married anymore.. I know i'm not.
People are definitely not getting married and having children like they used to. Marriage and children do not automatically mean guaranteed happiness. I see friends and family really struggling financially and emotionally in their marriages and families. Many single people don't want to deal with all that.
@@keimorgan5654 as you say, it doesn't guarantee hapiness, it's a lot of pressure... you have a huge packaging of rules, obligations, to please the two families, pressure, huge cost that clearly do not make you dream...
Love and marriage should be simple.
i want to icant
Human race will destroy and human will be the reason. I can surely say looking in to what you guys are talking 😂😂 you guys can learn from western countries and don't repeat the same mistakes
Lolll in Africa and muslim is different, they still want baby 😂😂
“In china if you don’t have a house you don’t a place to live.” That’s literally every where. I’m glad he clocked such a stupid statement.
Dowry the guy needs to pay few hundred thousand cny to the girls parents, he needs to own a car, needs to own a house.....guys solution is quite simple, just be born millionaires simple :)))
The fact that I'm gay and I don't have these kind of struggle while my twin brother....
He's working in a top company as a director in shanghai, and he struggled no less.
Any society in which you cannot marry someone because their parents are against it is the worst. Dated lots of chinese girls in my time and when things got serious, it was the parents asking what kind of job or does he own a house? F'k that! People need to think for themselves and not what their parents want. There are enough chinese in the world, no need to keep breeding. Some people are happy to marry without having kids.
That's just your spineless exes lol
Perhaps this is partly because of China's deep-rooted traditional culture. After her marriage, she was completely separated from her original family of origin, and existed only as an appendage of her husband, so they want a house for security. But that is not the main reason, apartment today means differently. Evel all welfare system, including school, hospital, etc are coonected with your apartment and household registration system. You child cannot go to local school in towns and cities if you doesn't own an apartment, only school in remote areas for option. The apartment is not at reasonable price, and the Chinese govement are just collecting too much taxes from people invisiblely, and you have no choice if you wanna get married. My mom still marry my father though he was really poor as a factory worker. If I don't have child, I don't need buy apartment at all. Nobody' dream come to this world is just for an apartment, all of us want to do amazing things.
In 1997 or 98 ,government started to promote privately owned apartments. People who got apartments from their companies, they were told they need to buy their current apartments. We paid about $3000 for our apartment. Before that people paid rent every month to their companies, the rent was very affordable.
That was the way to live
This is the same too in the UK. It's called "council housing". So... you can get those, if you built your own wealth.. and could buy it from the local government. The local government allows you to do this, cos if you have a child.. then they need money for the schools? So.. some people bought theirs. You do not have to buy it. Cos it isn't for this purpose.. but if that is your hometown anyway, then... cos everybody tries to find ways to make money. They would try and steal somebody else's shares.. and this has been the situation that caused a lot of conflicts everywhere.. in every single country. So... and why we are now at war too. Cos people would literally scam you too. i.e. use tech methods to steal money from you for whatever purposes... and they will keep doing this, til you die... Cos they don't want to ... Well.. they too want to keep their money, or to take your money, right ? So...
Keep in mind that two apartments are needed to have a home and to be married. Only one is needed. So if a woman wont marry a man because he doesn’t have an apartment and she does, she’s just making it more difficult for placing more value on superficial things.
On the other hand, men are aren’t saying “you need an apartment”.
Educated women can now earn to buy their own house
That's a great thing. We need more equality and chances for everone. However, it's also time to keep women more accountable financially
They can’t get the marriage from the guys that are her Top picks
@@TheShowOff2Iyes this is common knowledge. Guys who are rich marry rich w4m4n. But they are the m4st d4srirable m4n.
Yes but woman don't like to provide for most part so woman with money and houses are pointless plus most are financially irresponsible and waste money they can't help it, they can only provide for them selves Cas of modern times with cushy high education jobs yet they are still broke so who cares
@@danielgareth4205 It's not a great thing. It's destroying society.
Thats my wife's parents hate me, because i cant afford a house in China🤣 by the way im a foreigner.
Where do you live now? Do you own a house in your home country?
@@Checkmate1138 yeah im in my country now
Bro just touches my heart! I am in China now, I can't even imagine how materialistic they are! Like the girls, need to show artificial flex. My god 🤣
10 years ago there a female contestant say this this in a matchmaking programme. “I would rather cry in a BMW than be happy in your bicycle”. The seeds were planted decade ago and now we are seeing the the kind of fruit it produces.0-
I would say housing is a small potion of the reason. The big part of the reason is still universal actually, just like other countries. People in general are pickier when it comes to finding a life time partner compared with their parents' generation, which is an absolutely good thing. Some people get married to have an happy life. And some other people don't get married also because they want to have an happy life. That is total fine.
Except nobody is having enough kids now and the population decrease isn't sustainable
@@kratos.8151 okay and first there was too much people an now yall complaining that the population is shrinking🙄
It's happening everywhere. Society changed too fast for people to adapt to. We got rid of the old ways of doing things but replaced it with nothing.
Would also like to see the perspective of a man from China. Thanks for sharing, @asianboss!
I am a China man.
@@蔡徐坤-w4g 🍑 👋
This is why we can't feel sorry for the women. They limit their own options. It's like being starving but only requesting they eat at a Michelin Star restaurant.
The women are trying to make sure their children don’t struggle in society. If a woman breeds with a man with no resources then it’s her fault for picking that man as the father of her children. Her children will not have an advantage ahead of other children, they’ll have to start from the bottom. Who wants their kids to struggle? Men only think about themselves not the children that will come out of being in a relationship with a woman.
It’s more like the women can afford rice and meat/veggies on their own merit, why would they settle for dumpster diving? Because of “love”? There have to be some standards considering women are still expected to work and give birth and raise kids and take care of his parents…
Exactly 😮
The only problem with your analogy is the assumption that women are thirsty. Then in reality they can be more than okay without intimacy.
More accurately women expect men to open their wallets for expensive dining but never use their own money
As Chinese women are gaining more education and independence, their expectations for their potential partners are becoming more selective. Typically, the desired criteria for a match are a man who is above 5'9", earns more than 15,000 RMB per month and owns a car and an apartment in the city. Additionally, a big dowry to the bride's parents could also be expected. Although these requirements may seem reasonable, the number of men who meet these standards is quite low.
None of this are reasonable regard current situation
@@js00js56they are reasonable demands.
How is paying someone to marry you reasonable??
What she talked about are state owned enterprises... If those lands were kept that way. Everybody would've been happy....so... But once you get on the capitalistic ladder. Then it gets crazy.
This topic would have been better with a panel because there is so much diversity in China. It’d be interesting if they can revisit this topic and consider having men and women of various ages/regions discuss the topic. I would also suggest more opened ended questions from the moderator.
This was a wonderful discussion!
There is also the issue of the 996, meaning the working hours. How much is left in the day to raise kids?
NOT REALLY TRUE, the real reason people don’t want so many children are the schools are EXPENSIVE and they can raise their prices and BRIBE YOU AT ANY TIME, FOOD, CLOTHING, THE COST OF HAVING THE CHILD AT THE HOSPITAL 🏥 IS EXPENSIVE
the key is that women can find job,they can afford their lives,they don't have to rely on men
If you want to discuss the problem of male-superiority over female in contemporary society, maybe you should compare Korea and Japan to that in China, you'll see who actually take the problem further.
It’s not a competition
@@AestheticAlexandria lol, seriously! The person doesn't like what he sees in the mirror so distracts by saying look at this other country lol
I really enjoyed watching and listening to this insightful and noteworthy topic
Kudos from Nigeria its quite relatable everywhere
Its hard to be a man in this generation
It only gets hard if your married or trying to get married. If you exclude women from your life then life becomes very simple and drama free.
for asians
Millions of female foetuses were aborted in China, as people favored boys. This society is highly patriarchal too and negatively impacts both men and women especially if poor/low status
It was harder before, in Ancient China.
@@jw841 Same goes for women as well. It seems like to truly be happy in life, most of us shouldn't get married at all.
This is not a Chinese issue. It’s a people issue. I’m American, Black, was earning 6 figures before I got laid off. I had savings, IRA, own my home, no children, no girlfriend, no pets or plants. My student loan debt is the child that I may have had. The truth is that feminism created this situation. My parents didn’t buy me anything I earned everything. When my ex wife decided that she was not happy and took the home because I knew that a court fight was stupid and acquiesced to just let her take everything I vowed to never partner with a woman again. I lived in Colombia and dated there. Why would I date and marry in the western world, it’s stupid. Making $100k in Denver if you are single and own your own home with no children a man should just get a dog and you can live a comfortable life. If you add in a wife and children you’ll just be waiting for the day that she is not happy and your life will be hell. She takes everything and you’ll pay child support and health insurance. There is no go reason to do it. The men in Tokyo are really smart.
And don't forget that once divorced she will teach your kids to hate you and cut you out of their lives while the state makes you cover all the costs of raising them.
Yeah relationships.... never again
This is genuine culture. Just because you don't understand it. This is why most people say that there is no ethic in society because people do banking all in the wrong way ? She was raised in subsidised housing. Most people did in the last 30 to 40 years. Just cos you don't know it or doesn't acknowledge it. It did happen... But she is talking about the modern current scenario now... So..... It's just. Sigh.
@@MeiinUKMen don’t need much in the way of material possessions and space. Men just need to buy a studio condo for themselves and rent the women, don’t date, cohabitate or procreate and you can have a good life as a man.
@@dustymcdust825 : I doubt that many women would agree with you on your notion that they need to become prostitutes in society.... Sorry but. Only in your imagination. People fight for their families. What else is left if you don't have that ?
It's AMAZING how some people can square the circle! In a country where there is an EXCESS of 40-50 MILLION men below 50yo, she managed to present it as if women have it harder than men when it comes to dating! Female greed never fails to amaze me!!
my question, and it's a serious question. If the men are expected to have a car and a house and a secure job, what do the women bring to the table? Apart from their ability to give birth? I grew up in Shanghai so I know the stereotype of "car house job etc." but I honestly don't know how it ACTUALLY is nowadays. Although I don't know that many women in Shanghai (since I haven't lived there in a while), all of the ones that I know work and share the rent with their boyfriend.
"A lot of girls ask to put their name on the apartment." -- that's all you need to hear fellas, don't engage.
Yes. And then she gets the apartment after the divorce.
Lets forget about " most guys cheat and leave a pregnant woman to die in misery"
@@LuanaSantos-rl4sb And women never cheat? If a woman wants an expensive apartment, she can buy it herself.
@@LuanaSantos-rl4sb actually, statistic wise in China, 70% of divorce initiated by the woman and only roughly 35% is due to affairs (man and woman) and the rest is due irreconcilable difference (not loving each other or not being able to tolerate each other).
Or hear me out, here's a smart choice: get a prenup! If you don't want anybody your in a relationship with to take your stuff, just get an ironclad prenup. It's like the most simpleist thing you can do. Like I don't understand why people don't it bring up a prenup, is that too much to ask? Just get a prenup.
This is why you see a lot more Chinese, Japanese, and Korean men marrying women from either other Asian or Eurasian countries, and the Steppes, this is more rare but also African wives. Needing and lacking a house, not having full citizenship and a name seal, and not having a good social reputation has made it hard for men from these countries and they are finding foreign women who dont require these standards because of different cultures. Some men dont treat their foreign wives very nice, almost as if they resent them but that they are a privilege they were owed and gives the men someone to feel better than, but then you see other men who treat their wives like a treasure and are blessed to have her.
But aren’t those Asian men doing the same thing . Finding an African wife they can work to the bone and invest in little from beginning because it benefits HIM. How is that different from what the mainline Chinese women are doing with their leverage? It seems like you’re fine w inequality/transactional relationship as long as it benefits the MEN. Also marrying women u deem inferior like you’re picking out a pet. Too many stories of Asian man marrying non East Asian woman and putting her, her culture/customs, features, language and family down. U shld hv got the type of woman u really want then. Compartmentalizing woman like chattel sounds very imperialistic!
@nicolem2877 did you reply to the wrong person because your response makes no sense in reference to my comment.
@nicolem2877 also it's a problem all over Asia, not just East Asia.....I mean look what the government official from the country in the Steppes did to his wife......he beat her for hours in front of people in a restaurant.....he beat her to death and I'm pretty sure he got away with it too. I think it was Khazikstan.
@@nicolem2877 also go look up Rose in China....she is an African woman who loves her Chinese husband and her life. The worst Asian men I seen in documentaries weren't even Chinese, it was either Asian Boss or K-Doc, but the man was Japanese and married to an American woman and he treated her like a dog, the second worst was a fat Yakuza "single dad", who claimed he wasn't Yakuza anymore, but he still is, and he's a single dad because he beat his kids mom until she left and she didn't take the kids because he would have her killed and he would get away with it, his wife was East Asian.....abusive men are gonna be abusive no matter the woman they chain to themselves.
This isn't just a Chinese issue. Happening in western countries too. Probably another downside of social media which is ruining minds and relationships
That's not social m'edia's fa'ult. Many think it is, and to some point, yes, but it's not the main cause, dude
I dont agree about it being social media's fault. I think the price of simply living is becoming unaffordable, so it trickles down to narraige.... marraige in the olden days was used to strengthen families, but now it's more of a business decision, honestly.
@@andrewreynolds912 I didn't say it's the main issue. But a factor. People's expectations don't match reality
@@wakiwama6348 The video was about China where much of the county is far more affordable than in western countries. It's a cultural shift more than a financial shift. Social media is a great tool for changing society's expectations
@@wakiwama6348 i agree with things being expensive. But women literally will only choose partners with higher social status than themselves. So it doesn't really matter. In a given society only top 2% of the men usually hold most of the wealth and these women only want those men. So you see this creates a disparity and imbalance overall.
The questions were very appropriate and straight on the subject. It's the same situation in India and marriage laws are completely biased towards girls. Marriage is a no more a secure future for men nowadays