I Am Not Okay (But I'm Getting Help): A Schizoaffective Life Update
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2024
- So, I’m kind of in a psychotic episode right now, and before you come at me for saying how can I know it’s psychosis and still be psychotic, I’m in treatment. Things are different for me now. I have coping mechanisms that help me tell the difference and it’s bee revolutionary over the years in helping me navigate this awful mental health condition.
Regardless, I’ve been suffering from religious delusions that I’m trying to sort out, and it’s personally my least favorite kind of psychosis out there. Hallucinations are there as well and it’s just a psychotic mess. I have schizoaffective disorder (the bipolar type) and what’s wild to me is how I don’t have much mood symptom activity.
Kinda wild how that works right?
Anyways, I see my doctor this week, so I’ll be okay, so don’t worry about me lol.
The thing about being mentally ill but in treatment is that bumps in the road still happen but I have plans in place to help me so that, even thought horrible things happen, my life doesn't get massively disrupted. At the end of the day, I'm still severely mentally ill but I'm also stubborn and refuse to let it win!
Enjoy the vid! (or whatever emotion you’d use to describe your experience with it :) )
Other videos about this episode:
How it started: • An Honest Conversation...
I realized I needed to seek help: this video!
I got help (and got a med adjustment): • This is What Happens w...
The final part (where I'm at after it all): coming soon!
ALL MY LINKS: linktr.ee/schi...
Why I'm Doing This: • Why I'm Doing This | T...
SCHIZOKITZO PROJECT LINKS (AKA WHERE TO FOLLOW ME AND SAY HI):
TH-cam (hi): / schizokitzo
Instagram: / schizokitzo
Facebook: / schizokitzo
Twitter: / schizokitzo
MY OTHER PROJECTS:
The Facebook Page for The Bees™: / therealmadamebee
My Bee Aesthetic Instagram: / beespoke_girl
Disclaimer: I am not a qualified mental health professional. This channel exists for educational purposes, and I do my best to provide accurate and up-to-date information. In order to create content, I combine scientific resources (peer reviewed studies and easy-to-understand articles) and my own personal experiences/advice. I seek to make complicated topics easy to understand, but I am no substitute for a doctor, therapist, or other qualified mental health professional.
#schizoaffective #schizoaffectivedisorder #hallucination #delusion #psychosis #mentalhealthawareness #hearingvoices #mentalhealth
Feeling like you're "regressing" is an incredibly hard feeling, on top symptoms. Saying "I'm not ok" takes great internal strength, and I'm proud of you.
The great thing about this is you understand your diagnosis and you know how to fix it. You know your mind is tricking you and that is 99% of the battle. The remaining 1% is medication. My 25yo daughter is being diagnosed as either depression w/psychotic symptoms or schitzo-effective. She’s not fully aware that her mind is tricking her and believes in her delusions. I pray that one day she’s as well as you are. This has been a nightmare for her and our family. After taking her to multiple psychiatrists and therapist and thousands of dollars later I believe she’s finally about to get an accurate diagnosis. Her symptoms started during Covid lockdowns and it’s been a nightmare ever since. Congratulations to you, your doing amazing and your teaching people like me who are clueless❤
Education is the goal, and I’m glad I can help. There’s not a lot out there and I seek to change it. Thank you for sharing the little bit if your story and best of luck to your daughter. Insight (how much you know you’re sick) does depend person to person, but it can get better over time. Mine has definitely gotten better. So don’t give up hope and hang in there.
Psychosis is so scary and hard. I've been there many times. I'm glad you're getting help. I hope you'll feel better soon, Kit ❤
I have Schizoaffective Disorder Depressive Type and watching you make these videos helps me a lot. I hope you get better soon. ❤
Let it out. Get the help you need. You deserve to feel amazing.
I've learned that it's okay not to be okay. Lately, I have not been okay either. Everything just feels, "grim" to put things lightly. We have to take things day by day sometimes, as hard as it can be. Hoping this passes soon and that you feel better soon!
Thank you!
@@SchizoKitzo Anytime! Take as much time as you need!
I hope you feel better soon. I am sending you positive vibes. I have religious delusions (that I am a Greek God or one of God's disciples) with hyper fixations (on objects or people) during my bipolar episodes too. It isn't easy, but remember these moments will pass. Sending much love.
@HelloHumanRobots I'm a harm to myself and others when I am manic so it doesn't feel that way for me. I think mania can feel that way (a higher state of consciousness) in the beginning, but it's very risky and dangerous for some people to experience mania.
@HelloHumanRobots Objectively not so. They did know a lot for their time.
@HelloHumanRobots The ancient Greeks loved money as well. We are still finding coins from then.
I'm in psychosis right now.
Thank you for this.
Makes me feel heard.
It is hard dealing with psychosis even when you realize it is psychosis. I’ve been dealing with this for the past 8 months. Dealing with symptoms everyday is tough. I hope that you find peace soon! Much love to you!
Prayers for you gf! Bunch of people out here that care and can relate 🙏💜😘
Feel better Kitzo. 😢. We all have our good and bad days. Distract yourself with positive things.
I felt my death was imminent a lot recently, which was clouded thinking due to depression for me. I understand thoughts can be weird with this illness we share. I am sorry you are suffering right now and proud of you for your incredible seeming resilience and bravery. It'll even out.
It will, thank you!
Praying for you❤ You are not going anywhere from this planet. You are gonna succeed much more in your life. Keep Inspiring us on this planet. We are grateful to you. 🙏
You are so strong. I’m glad you are safe. And I’m glad you’re getting the help you need.
Thank you so much for talking about this! I've never known anyone with schizoaffective disorder so I appreciate you being so open and honest. You've taught me a lot and opened my eyes to how living with this disorder impacts every detail of a person's life. I'm rooting for you and I have all the hugs for you ❤💙
Kit I love you please feel better.
i am so sorry this is happening to you, that sounds so hard to deal with man
Sending love and support your way Kit 🫶🏾🐝
I hope You feel better ❤ we love You❤❤❤
Sending positive thoughts your way ❤️
I’ve only just found these videos. My husband showed them to me as he’s always trying to learn more about my bipolar disorder (we watched the mania one you did together). I’m amazed at your inner strength and the way you can recognise and analyse your symptoms and behaviors. I’ve never known anyone with both BP and the schizo part together. Thank you so much for taking the time out to explain what it is like to have such a truly horrible combination of mental disorders. Education is key to helping people understand. I just know you are going to be around for a very long time and I hope your channel grows and you reach more people. I didn’t feel so alone after watching just two of your videos. I am so truly sorry to hear you’re not doing well at the moment. I’ve got tears in my eyes because I want to take your pain away. I’m glad you’re seeing a doctor soon. You are a truly beautiful human being, in every way possible. Hugs from Australia.
If it helps, I’m much better now. Thanks for this comment and I’m glad I can help!
I found your channel in a very anxious state. I’ve been dealing with what I think is psychosis/ possibly bipolar. I have found similarities but also felt a sense of calm after watching you talk. You are so strong, you are so strong for the thousands of strangers you open up to and share stories with. I appreciate you, and I’m so thankful for you. I wish you the absolute best in your journey. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in two days and I’m terrified. Watching you has been the sign that I’m not alone, and that maybe things will work out.
Hope you have some good days at the moment too kit kat... I'm a bit " in it" at the moment too... I guess it helps to know psychosis is generally like the tides it rises and falls.. it rises for a long time sometimes but it will fall again so yes talk to a professional if you can and stay safe... All the best ❤️
I get this delusion every now and then too. It's horrifying. I am glad you are seeing your doctor soon, and I hope you stay safe.
Online Gaming has helped me Distract away from being present with the hardship of the voices.
That's awesome.
As far as the religious stuff... i totally get it... i got a religious tattoo and it's always there and is a constant reminder of how easy it is to go down that road again and again and be anchored there by the tattoo...
I hope your feeling better ❤
I suffer everyday with bipolar. I hope things get better. I'm on three meds right now to help control it. I still have major moods of mania then depression. Thank you for sharing your story.
I had a psychotic episode recently that was also heavily religious-themed, accompanied by a feeling that I'd die by 30. It all felt so real
Sending positive vibes here from Brazil! Love your videos. Hope things get well soon.
I admire your willingness and ability to share your experience while working through it ❤
I’m so grateful that you are sharing your journey with us. Ty
You are deeply loved Kit. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your experience. I hope you feel better soon.
I hope things get better soon. ❤️🙏
Thanks Lisa!
For me it helps writting down my thoughts and feelings, it kinds of puts out of my mind
Oh my journal is LIT right now
big hugs from the team rocket system we are curently in the 3 day of a godess breakdown
Hope you get better. Please get better. 😀😀
Psychosis is so hard to deal with. Just got put on an antipsychotic, and my delusions dealt around being a fictional character and being one with the universe. My heart goes to you. It's okay not to feel okay. Hang in there.
Not going to lie that sounds amazing (also someone with "delusions")
We hear you, Kit.
I am so proud of you for being able to talk about this ❤ you are incredibly strong and you are not fighting this alone we are fighting with you, we believe in you
Hey,
I love your videos. very much. I just wanted to say this because I havent seeked help. I'm not on medication. and that things may end up, and I'm very thankful to find your channel, and everything, and even though this is a side yt account I just want to say this video means so much to me, in some way? as a minor experiencing psychosis with their parent basically acting like we never had the talk about it, I'm at a low point and its staying like that right now.
this video made me tear up a bit if I'm going to be honest. I feel the pain in your voice. its so fuckinh scary. I really hope anybody who experiences psychosis a very, very stable life soon.
and I do mean that. because only being diagnosed with anxiety and depression is tearing me apart. and wanting to get worse to prove a point that I was NEVER FINE IN THE FIRST PLACE before I heal wont last forever and I know that. I do. I'm sending all my best love and comfort to everyone who relates, and this video to find others like me.
giving you star stickers, random sticks & really cool rocks through the screen right now. I think those are cool ^^.
living through psychosis is hard. and this year I have realized its a condition and that I'm not alone.
I hope to find a new therapist soon or I'm afraid,
All I can say is hang in there. I didn’t get help until I was 18 and started at 14 with psychosis and mood issues and the parents did not know any better so I suffered. But I got through it, got to a doctor eventually, and took my care into my own hands the second I was over 18. Hang in there, you got this. And yeah, you aren’t alone :) theres always hope even if you need to work to find it, and work hard at that.
I can't watch right now because I am on my way somewhere. I am challenging myself to function around people. So I will watch this later. Until then I just want to say I am here showing my support.
Thank you!
I follow you on what you said at the beginning. Idk what the hell I’m going through but there’s something abnormal going on. I have many different narratives going ion or two anyway, in my head and i see their delusions but i believe them. I actually don’t know which one to believe. I’m positive I dont have schizoeffective disorder but is something. I’m going to see a patch today. Ty for opening with all your stuff.
!CW: vent!
The feeling like I'm faking everything or I'm just having delusions about having symptoms.. it hurts.. (osdd-1a & cyclothymia , PTSD, c-ptsd symptoms , not diagnosed)
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Plus, i feel just because my situation isn't like others then it is not something that deserves care and diagnosis.
Btw , thanks you so much for your videos. It makes sense .. a lot! It made me realise that what I'm having (might not) be a phase.
Everyone's situation is different and deserves care and diagnosis. If you were faking it, you wouldn't be feeling this way. You'd know for sure you were faking it and you wouldn't even care.
I felt like that before . I just got diagnosed with Anxiety and major depressive disorder. For me it was a combination of anxiety, imposter syndrome and major depressive disorder. I hope you’re able to at get properly assessed, because for me what helped was therapy and meds.
Warm hugs from poland, i hope you get better soon
Love you. Hoping you will feel better very soon.
Hey Kit - just came across this video in the algorithm and wanted to send a giant hug. I have a schizoaffective diagnosis as well (first hospitalization ten years ago) and understand how horrible and scary the death delusions can be. For me, I was convinced that I needed to die in order to keep others in my life safe.
I want to honour whatever your understanding of psychosis and spirituality is (we all bring different points of view) while also offering the perspective from a fellow psychosis sufferer that you have the power to change the prophecy.
Doing intense inner child work and retrieving what truths had been buried in the past were keys to overcoming the “schism” for me. Everyone is different. Continue tuning into your own wise inner voice, as it holds a truth about your own power that none of the other racket can touch.
All the very best in riding out this wave. This too shall pass. ❤
This my favorite channel. I really relate to this channel more than others that do the same content. A lot more relatable.
I'm not okay but mine's ME/CFS and Fibro. Well, they seem to get us comin' and goin', don't they? Thank you for sharing how you feel. I'm listening and learning.
You’re not alone ❤ two schizotypals in this house, I fully understand. Although myself personally have not gotten messages that dark. I hope your Med increase shuts the voice up again. Will follow. I’m a mental health advocate and appreciate the bravery and vulnerability in telling your story publicly.
I found your channel a few months ago. I finally felt like I found someone that understands how I feel. Having this sense of solidarity; I hate that you’re having such a hard time. Instead of trying to recommend something, I just wanted to offer my condolences and encourage your already evident perseverance. This too shall pass.
It’s okay to not be okay. Schools don’t teach us how to be okay when we’re not okay but it’s a skill needed because it’s rare when we are having a life without issues.
I’m in a similar boat. I turned 27 recently and since then I’ve been fixated on the whole “27 club” thing and I’ve been playing it cool for awhile and trying to ignore it but I tried to fight a cop a couple days ago (not related to the 27 thing) and it was really eye opening to how poorly I’m doing right now bc I would Never do something like that normally
I wish you the best.
I have been also regressing a bit with some psychosis coming back, it is weird because I am diagnosed as bipolar but I got psychotic after being a bit keyed up a couple of weeks and I am now pretty much down or mixed.
I also get doomsday feelings from time to time, I have never seen it as a delusion, when I am like that I also know that it will be me who ends it. I am not saying it is the same thing, just that you made me see it as maybe something else. I just thought it was a bpd thing or something like that because it is somewhat constant.
Let's hope we all have better days before us, I hope it is, because rn I am not so sure, good luck.
Best of luck to you too, this stuff is so hard
Thank you for making this video, a lot of the symptoms you were talking about about believing in a god that is cruel and evil and that i need to make things interesting for this god or he will get bored and make my life worse/ he just like to make my life hell for fun is a delusion i have had for many years. i have never went into treatment because i am scared of what they will do to me/ i am afraid that i will not be able to live a life on my own and i will be forced to just be under the control of someone else for all of my life.
I am a lot better now this was mainly when i was in a younger age and i was forcefed religious dogma that destroyed my brain, but in middle school/high school this really messed with me. Obviously this isnt me "self diagnosing" but i feel i can relate a bit to what you are saying. Not planning on doing anything really with this information but knowing that there are other people dealing with this is kind of nice in a sense that i am not alone but i wish you didnt have to go through it.
I wonder how much of this is a biological thing for me and how much is a trauma response from my childhood, either way hope things get better for you, i have watched you videos for a while and i enjoy your anime/manga convention type videos. I am glad you are getting help.
Edit: also i have also had dreams of me dying in the future, one was a couple of months ago that said i would die in 8 months, i wont give much more details because it was very creepy but it felt very real, ironically this had me try to eat better and care better for myself a little bit but im not going too intense with it, but it felt insanely real, i couldnt forget it for days.
I just wanted to say thank you for posting about your experiences. it really makes me feel like I'm not alone in schizoaffective disorder and you've really inspired me to be more outspoken about my own experiences.
The more we talk the more normalized it will become!
Hang in there love! You're such a strong person for being so honest and open about your mental health. I had a crisis a few months ago. It sucked but we just have keep moving or slow down a bit lol. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Stay awesome!😊👍🔥
I think this time of year is really tough for a lot of us. I have bipolar and like clockwork, I get a lot worse around every Aprill/ may. I'm currently in a hyp/mixed episode myself. Sorry to hear you've been going through this. I hope you feel better soon.
I hope you feel better soon too
my heart absolutely breaks for you, and its wonderful that you utilize your knowledge and coping mechanisms to navigate through this dreadful time. i cannot fathom how someone may have the audacity to dismiss what you know about yourself, the disorder you deal with/have dealt with, and the experiences you have had with it which have allowed you to gain that foresight. thank you for being vulnerable and compassionate to not only your audience but yourself. you are right that things will be okay, even if they arent right now. i am so happy you are safe and able to see your doctor soon, and thank you for remaining so hopeful during all of this (what a difficult thing to do during these moments). i am grateful to have found your channel during one of the toughest parts of my life/disorder. i cannot wait for you to feel stable again, please update us when you feel okay to do so. so proud of you! lots of love from the deepest part of my heart!
Hi, Kit! This is my first time commenting. Your videos have been so helpful, and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type, C-PTSD, OCD, and GAD. I don’t take medication because I believe it's poison. No matter how hard I try, I don’t know how to overcome this and take my medication. I experience a lot of intense "spiritual" delusions (it gets bad). I really understand what you're describing in this video. Currently, I'm 32 and never expected to live past 25. I have no answers, all I can say is you are not alone. Right now, I am not okay either.
I just found your page and tiktok within the past few months. Having recently been diagnosed schitzoaffective BP1 and BPD, whilst hiding/masking for all my life, you have helped me to realize that I am not alone and that it's ok to have symptoms. Also, having recently come out of a psychotic depression myself, I feel your words in this video deeply. Please know, as you have helped me -- That there are others out there who got you. 8.6K to be precise.
Thank you so much
You are such a bright light 🌟 it truly hurts me to think of you suffering. Thanks for what you do❤️ -fellow schizoaffective
I have schizoaffective disorder and I know how menacing psychosis can be I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time I’m sure you can get some help. ❤️
you will get through this. It's brave to talk about this. I wish you better days ahead.
I hope you can start to feel better soon (:
I wish I was able to comfort you I’m sorry you’re so mentally drained right now. And I’m sure you will get everything straightened out with the Dr. soon. Love from FL
Praying for you.
Hope you feel better soon i hate episodes there humiliating, i know they are, but ive hopefully built enough coping mechanisms now and medication adjustments it should be okay for a while
I've known that feeling of dread and it hurts to see you going through this. It's pretty normal to fear death, but it's torture to linger on the thought. I've been trying to figure out how to say that since I watched the video earlier because I don't want to come off as dismissive, but I wanted to say that this feeling will pass. Thanks for sharing your story. Sending positive vibes.
It will pass, just gotta hang on. 💪
hang in there kid cause it will pass. i have the same diagnoses and that seems to be the most important thing to remember... it is always darkest just before the dawn.
you got this KIT!!!!☺
Your strength is amazing. Keep doing the work and your you healing girlfriend
Great video! hope the med adjustment helps😁
Me too lol
Mate, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. But it's great that you have insight and strategies to use until the doctor can help. I get that you're just sitting there talking but so much can be going on in your head. Goodluck from Australia.
God Bless you SchizoKitzo. I like watching your videos.
lovely how honest you are. you are a hero
Thank you for sharing your life and your struggles with us! I stumbled across your TH-cam channel when I was feeling so alone! You made me feel less alone. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone! If there's anything that I can do to help just ask!
I am giving love from someone who also has SZA
I can relate. I have the same dx. I struggle more w/ delusions. It can be difficult to stay in reality .
It's like it demands to be heard and no matter how much you try to over ride it the more persistent.
Psychosis can suck, but it is also sometimes nice to loosen the chains ⛓ of sanity and reason and be one with your true insane self sometimes.
Just to rest 😴 up for a bit.
Plus, the voices really just want you to break your routine, so can become benign with enough practice at dealing with them.
It's horrible as I get it as well. People don't have a clue how bad it feels. I have religious delusions too. Each time. Hope you're feeling better soon
You got this kitz! Youre a strong person! i started following you after my first episode of psychosis and honestly listening to you has been a journey i feel happy to have found you. Youre inspiring me to power through my bad moments aswell ❤
Heck yes thanks for telling me! 💪
I have schizotypal thing, at least one doctor said that. And throughout my life since 2 yars old I had this feeling of... I can't explain it. I was like fear if death but also meaningless and "universe crushing on me" feeling. Especially at evenings and the mornings earlier. And I always thought that it was just the feeling everyone have to deal with. It appears not...))) And now I live in Kyiv, in Ukraine, and my panic attacks shut down because of war... I am so confused lately abut my mental health, about the symptoms I never knew were symptoms... I don't know why I am telling you this, it is just....
I know!) I can tell you what helping me. When I feel this feeling creeping over me, with dying and stuff, I ask myself: "so what?". I ask myself and then what? )) I mean getting mind from a cycle. Sometimes I am starting to think about stuff I believe happens after, sometimes it's just letting me care less. Of course I don't have the voices, or any gods telling me stuff. I guess it's easier for me to brush it off, at least now. Tough it is unreasonable because I am in danger here constantly 🥴🦉
I'm schizoeffective too but see the language code so my world is really unreal
I understand how you feel sometimes we have no power over those intrusive thoughts the only thing that helps is how you cope with them and how you deal with it .we can't do it alone
🫂 I am glad you have an appointment.
I'm sending love and light. ❤
I know that your feelings and reactions to your thoughts are very valid but please don’t loose hope.
There is always hope and you can get through this.
Just a thought, but is there a chance that your hormones have changed a little and that is what is triggering your body to not respond to your medication in the same way?
We are not doctors but we have an innate sense of what you need to ask for
You will get back to a new normal in time and with some advice from your doctor
Psychosis and ocd are killing me right now. Im in a group home and been through 3 hospital stays three time in the past three months. But im still going to school but the last semester got a b and f. What helps me is a pg out of my book then sleeping or taking a break. The disability service helps too. When i get too psychosis i cant think straight and i dont have an interest indoing things. But i try
Your physical body is like a machine, the three main chakras being stomach, heart, mind in ascending order. The others are parts of those three systems, and coincide with the three highest concentrations of nerve tissue.
Recent clinical trials using the ketogenic diet suggest positive improvement in symptoms for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia as well. The improvement in psychiatric symptoms from the ketogenic diet is thought to be linked, in part, to restoration of mitochondrial function. Praying for you.
Religious delusions are so sneaky because there really are so many cosmic things we don’t understand & there’s some built in mechanism where we can accept magical explanations if it’s religion. Stay safe ❤
Atheist here. You don't need religion, I promise. You feel like a friend. Take care of you.
I was just in the hospital 2 weeks ago. I started slipping into psychosis so I freaked out and took 10 risperdal. I finally went to sleep but when i woke up i could barely walk and i kept dropping stuff. It would take me an hour to pick up my e cigarette only to drop it again a mintue later and start all over. I was drooling and i couldnt speak. I sounded retarded when i tried to talk. I went to my doctor and she sent me to the psych ward. I was unable to move or speak for 7 days. I lost my job too because of it. No call no show. After the 4th day i was able to speak somewhat and tell the doctors what i did. They then gave me medication to loosen my jaw. I was able to finally speak a few days later. Shit sucked. I worry that it wasnt the risperdal and maybe im gettinf catatonic schizophrenia episodes now.. but i wont know until the next episode i have..
yes, you can know you are in psychosis when you can realize the symptoms. It is the same as people with delusions can understand what they are experiencing isn't real, yet it feels so real it creates question. It is a myth that people can't know what they experiencing might not be the reality others are experiencing.
this!
thank you for sharing, wishing the best for you
I don't know if this helps, but my wife and I have been under monitoring for cancer for several years now and with that you constantly expect your cancer to return, and so we expect to die in a matter of months, even if not based on reality. Anyhow, what helps me is to think about how long 3 years is. There have been several times when I would have wished for 3 years.
i actually prayed this morning
I thought that I wouldn't live past the year 1999. But I am still here. Don't know if that is helpful. I hope so.
you can get through this speaking from 27 years of psychotic episodes or constant delusions and voices but we know its more than that eg thought patterns intrusive though brought on by the trauma the whole thing leaves us with. but we can push through all this because psychosis gifts us resilience. because it leaves us no choice but to be tough mother f@#@#ers to go on and thrive. in our own way through our own sh@#T