I hope Janet discovers a caring partner who can truly grasp her emotional needs. While I don't want to make assumptions about her past relationship, I can relate from past relationships where it can be quite painful when you attempt to express yourself emotionally, only to have your partner respond with simplicity and logic or become emotionally dismissive during disagreements. It's often not about personally understanding your partner's feelings or stepping into their shoes, but rather about acknowledging their perspective and accepting their emotions as valid. Communication is ineffective without mutual comprehension
"Yes, I talk about wanting to be married and yes, I talk about wanting a family. And I do want those things. But I don't think that I need them to have a happy life"
Terrible advice. Right now she feels sufficient without those things, but IMO, in 10 years she will absolutely regret it and feel a gaping hole in her heart. She still has a shot right now to find a good guy, but she needs to prioritize that "want" to a "need", and ultimately change (within reason) her mindset and personality. Guys value beauty, submissiveness, and loyalty; Career, and wealth are much lower priority factors. Talk to any home boy on the down low no cap. This wave of girl bosses, date around and always peek what's out there, career over relationship, being hyper-masculine instead of feminine and submissive (which is what most guys really want) has hurt dating for everyone. I do wish her the best, and hope everyone finds love.
I think Janet is lying. She is acting like these things don't make her happy but they she clearly wants them. It's amazing how much women can lie to cover up their unhappiness of not having a partner...But she chose those bad relationships.
Janet you're so well spoken and kind - not easy to speak about a newly ended relationship (publicly) and you've articulated it in the most respectful way. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your personal life and insightful thoughts on relationships "in a time crunch" - super relatable. Sending you so much love!!
Phew… rewatching this as I just turned 30 and fell out of a decade long relationship with someone I thought I’d marry. Feeling lost and scared. I remember my last major breakup I leaned heavily into Mel’s breakup episode and now I get to go through this journey with Janet 😅. Forever thankful for this podcast y’all are truly my older sisters❤
"What's meant for you will not pass you by" - claiming this for myself, thank you for these wise words of hope and your vulnerability to tell your story, Janet! Breakups are never easy but through it you find a piece of yourself you're meant to carry on to the right person and the right relationship (and it IS coming!)
Actually a lot of women don't want men who want them and they end up dying alone because they don't want to compromise. It's up to her and in your case, you.
thank you Janet for being so vulnerable and brave. i'm also in my thirties, and I've come to realize that there are actually a lot more single people than those in relationships -- and that's okay. I love my singleness. I also noticed you've been more stylish with your wardrobe lately :) you look FABULOUS!
@@ADifferentVibe yes, i love exploring cities and forests by myself. maybe because i've only had bad experiences with others. at this point in my life, it takes too much mental energy to find new friends or relationships. maybe in my 40s it will be different? lol
There's no timeline for any relationship, and laying that out at the start is great. Your vulnerability shows how strong you are, Janet. Thank you for sharing!
I’ve been in your shoes before. I really resonated with what you said about maintaining your independence. It’s so easy for women to lose themselves in a relationship compared to men. I hope you take comfort in knowing that it will feel so much better when you come back to yourself and you’re on the other side and “fully healed.”
I’m also going through a breakup of a serious 2.5 yr relationship right now and I’m in my thirties. We seemed to have an avoidant-anxious attachment together so it was tiring on both sides to try to communicate and get through tough times as a unit. He tended to keep all of this feelings to himself and bring them up when it was already too much and he’s made his mind up, whereas I cannot hide my emotions so everything that bothered me was talked about within 24 hrs. So because of that and he had less emotional bandwidth than I did, he broke up with me, and there was nothing I could do to fix it because his mind was made up. I’m still reeling from it and accepting that we could have still fixed things if he had communicated his feelings when they started and I had been able to shift our dynamic away from the heavy discussions for a while. I cared more about this man than any other man I’ve known and it’s hard to accept the breakup, especially because I truly think we were not in a dead-end, but he felt like the relationship was becoming too much stress…anyways, just wanted to let you know I am going through the thick of it with you right now 💕 you’re not alone in starting over and trying to process why it ended.
Thank you Janet for opening up about your personal life. You are truly stronger than you think. Love yourself and live your life happy no matter what comes your way. Hugs to you Janet. I love watching this podcast.
I’m going through a breakup with similar feelings. It’s really hard to feel like no matter how much xyz, we weren’t compatible. Thank you for your wise words Janet❤
Thank you for sharing Janet! The thing that came to mind when I listened was that with partners, we have to confront differences with a) change (that is, can we change this behavior) b) acceptance (can I be in this with you even if we differ on xyz) or c) ending things because it's not a/b. So key and hearing your experience reminded me of this lesson. I'm so glad you know yourself well enough to see those signs. I know the grief will be hard for a while, and thats okay. You got this 💛
thank you for sharing, Janet. the three of you have modeled for me genuine, vulnerable, considerate, caring, and responsible conversation. thank you :)
Omg I’m here 5 months later but PLEASE TAKE THE HEELS CLASS! I took that as an empowerment/distraction during a big break up and it CHANGED MY LIFE! Pulled out sooo much womanhood, confidence, joyful discomfort! Plus the friendships in those classes are amazing! A lot of us are going through some shit there ahahah
Thank you for sharing @Janet. When both successfully married and divorced couples were asked what is the key to a successful marriage, divorced couples said "communication" and successfully married couples said "respect". I feel like this is true especially in today's couples therapy predominant thinking that you just need to get people to talk but really both people need to fundamentally be ready to respect each other's "otherness".
Janet, I think you are such an inspiration for being so vulnerable and courageous. Once again, you've shown us how to be a badass Asian boss girl by showing up authentically and sharing your stories to allow for connection with others. Thank you so much, and I'm sending you so much love and many hugs ♥
My wife and I are absolute polar opposites and she constantly complains that I don't communicate well and she also finds it difficult that I can't understand her. Admitedly she is a deep person. Myself with my male brain can't understand her quite often. And we don't try to completely understand each other because you can't, it's impossible. What has made it work so far is that we grasp and treasure the little things that we find precious in each other, not to dwell on the things that doesn't work but treasure the things that has made it work and to move forward.
Throwing this out there as I’m someone who, like Janet, loves deep conversations and being verbose while a potential partner can’t meet me on that level…I’ve chalked it up to differences in Myers Briggs. As an Intuitive (ENFP) I find that Sensing types (which make up 70% of the population) can’t fully understand me and why I enjoy those things. But over time, I’m learning to appreciate how Sensors can pull me out of my head and force me to live in the moment more which ultimately does make me happier even if my default is to ruminate on every hypothetical situation that likely won’t happen. But it can feel invalidating sometimes when they don’t take my concerns seriously. I’m thinking that maybe I don’t need to have deep conversations all the time with my partner… that’s what my friends are for. But learning to also not demonize Sensors for their inability to connect deeply but appreciate for the positives of staying in the moment. But it remains to be seen if this is sustainable in a relationship. 😅
I remember I was telling this girl I used to like something very private about me over the phone and the whole time she had her friend in the background giggling while I was on speaker phone. I knew after that phone call I would never call her again and I didn't. When you lose trust in the person, that's a good sign.
the incompatibility between needed to compartmentalize issues vs needing to address them off the cusp is very relatable. for one party it feels like they need time to process but on the other side it feels like a lie not to address stuff. tough place to not meet up cause u both ultimately want it fixed.
My red flag for him was when he said he could be a dick to people at work in the episode with the couples. I got the sense that he isn’t a very kind person but I don’t know him so I didn’t want to make any judgments. Janet is so respectful and thoughtful, hope for much healing ❤
Loved this episode so much. Janet we appreciate you so much for being vulnerable and brave for sharing your breakup with us. You are an amazing person and you’re correct “what is right for you won’t pass you by”. ❤
Thank you for sharing your love journey with us Janet 💕 I'm 38 years old and just recently went through a break up too, and for many similar reasons like you described... fundamental differences and having a hard time just making it work. My best friends were saying too that it shouldn't be this difficult so early on in the relationship! Well... I dove in and found out that that's probably true 😂 no ragrats though! here's to the next part of life's adventures Janet 🥂✨️
As a male viewer and having 31 years, it's never a picnic. Every couple/relationship is different and both partners must address the bottom line, is being together better than being alone. Relationships are hard are tough, but marriage is an even bigger commitment, especially for women (I suggest never changing a woman's last name, especially for a professional. I.D., Professional certification is a hassle). Just remember a relationship is different from marriage, which gets more complicated, especially if children are involved. It's a great pain.
Janet already has a true sense of self. She will continue to put herself first and seek her own happiness first and foremost. Not a lot of women do that. We have a lot to learn from Janet. ❤
Yes and no. If she does not compromise part of her happiness to work with another man who is willing to compromise part of his to make a relationship work, she'll likely never get married. Nothing wrong with that. But be realistic in all relationships require tradeoffs.
Crazy how so many people in my life are going through similar breakups! This helped me so much! Thank you for being vulnerable and open with us Janet! Gave me chills! :' :'
Breakups are very hard. I admire the courage you have to share your story to strangers, as I understand it’s 1000x easier to keep it private and you have no obligation to share a status update. As a fan I’m sad it didn’t work out, but as someone who’s been through my share of relationship struggles I’m sure you made the right decision for yourselves, and not give in to pressures.
Janet!! Sending you lots of hugs! Thank you for being so vulnerable BUT ALSO for being such a strong and graceful role model ❤ I appreciate all of the positive energy you send out and we need more people like you in the world! You absolutely didn't need to share something so personal and difficult publicly to us. But I appreciate you doing so and for being so open about your learnings and reflections 🙏
The friendship between you 3 is beautiful. Not to reduce it in any way, but your dynamic reminds me of what initially made Sex & the City great and even groundbreaking. Women who were different in personality who were supportive of each other, insightful, and bright. The questions asked of Janet were really great. And Janet’s answers were wonderful too. Thanks for sharing. As a deep feeler and thinker myself, I could relate.
We’re rooting for you Janet! You are so beautiful and inspiring, and everything will fall into place naturally for you when the right person comes along. I love what you said about “purpose” and leaving a legacy, and how that may look different for each individual, whether it be through having kids or influencing the next generation through your messaging and accomplishments. You have already left a legacy as an individual by sharing your experiences in relationships and showing current and future generations on how to cope and handle your relationships.❤❤❤❤
Break ups are never easy. This is very raw and emotional for Janet. Hang in there. Find the silver lining from this experience. As an ABG listener for a few years now, Janet has grown emotionally. She'll come out of this a lot stronger. Take a trip. Come up to Utah! Ha. Lean on your friends.
Thank you for sharing Janet! I hope you take the time for yourself. Vulnerable is a strength that I see and I really appreciate you sharing your story. It is empowering to hear you talk
Thank you Janet for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know it wasn’t easy, but I really appreciate your thought process and positive outlook. You are so beautiful, inside and out and I know when the time is right you will meet someone again someday! Take care of yourself and do the things you love! Sending you hugs 🤗 💗xoxo
Janet thanks for sharing something so personal and so raw. I really admire your courage to pick yourself especially at your age and to not settle because you want a family and kids. It might take a little longer but I’m sure the guy you eventually find will be the closest to perfect for you ❤️
Janet, you are very strong and brave. I appreciate you for being so open about your life. While i’m younger what you’re going through is something I sometimes think about.. and it’s comforting to know i’m not alone (from reading the comments too).
Sending love and hugs to you, Janet. You are such a strong, amazing, well-spoken, kind, and smart woman. I hope you will find the right person soon.I love you all, the trio .
thank you for sharing guys i just discovered this channl cuz of wongfu lol but the experience you guys have shared about relationships has been so inprising for others to learn and grow! keep it up with the awesome work! thank you for being so vlunerable
Janet, thank you for your vulnerability. You’re like a big sis I look up to as i’ve always admired your eloquence and emotional intelligence…I love how you are going to invest your time in yourself, and building up that confidence 💪🏻 we’re here to support you!!! Sending you lots of love 🩵🩵
Janet ~ you're the reason why I keep up with ABG, you're a class act and I love your personality. I've followed for a while and you've never looked a day over 30, wishing you nothing but peace & happiness❤
I don't know if this was mentioned before but it seems like their lives and dreams converged for this short but intense journey, but ultimately she has her dreams and goals and he has his. It's difficult for a relationship to have two set of dreams/goals. I think the different communication styles grew into the problem that it became because of them ultimately having two different paths to take. It's not something that can be compromised, one would have to give up on his/hers in order to support the other on his/her road. But they both probably worked so hard to get to where they are now, it's hard to just give it up even though they are older in the dating world. For a lucky few, they end up having all and the career and relationship lives work out like a fairytale. For most everyone else, the reality is like she mentioned "a lot of work for something sub-par". Which is in another word: settling. And most of the world has to be ok with settling if they want both the career and relationship.
I think the only thing she did right was take a break, ponder and reflect. But when asked would she have done things differently, her saying no raised some flags. She rushed it like a rebound and got lost in the sauce. What was the purpose of that? You don’t necessarily learn things faster. You actually could potentially ruin it by doing that. If you had just taken your time and sus him out as the infatuation stage ended, you wouldn’t have had five different home addresses in one year. That’s just crazy. And/or the things that were high stakes in your personal lives would have ironed out with less pressure and you could still have had possibly been together. Perhaps his high pressure career life was influencing his rigid communication. It’s true that in any relationship that there would be even more challenges in the future that may be harder. But the slow process would have helped both of you understand each other better. The way this relationship started out started on the wrong foot. Also, if you had taken it slow you wouldn’t have had so much overhead. There would have been more room to pull back and give each other space from your own individual residence and reconnect if the cards were right in your favor. But you intentionally intertwined your life with his to the point there were no safety nets and room to breathe. Also, on the flip side of that communication coin, what about a person who never communicates of what bothers them and you think it’s all roses till the day it’s not. Pick your poison. I think this relationship has potential if managed delicately and assessed all tangible contingencies. Think about it, couples therapy in year one is like crash dummies. Granted that she’s not experienced coz everything she’s now learned, I learned a decade before her, that’s fine. But you really need to ponder a little harder and find the nuggets that will teach you the lessons. Or you can be part of the new growing trend of women who will run the remaining course of their lives forever alone. And I honestly think you’re lying to yourself about not wanting kids as badly as you constantly always circle back to it. Relationship goals are a myth. You or your partner can leave for any reason. But your kids will always be yours.
@@akiraaaaaaaaaaa She was prob super career-driven, just-casual-date-around-while-young, circle clubbing, and now mature sure, but prob bossy, maybe a bit uptight, and too masculine for Korean ex. He like, f that, I can date someone younger without some of that baggage. Hate to be harsh, blunt, and making assumptions here, but I gotta pull off the bandaid.
@@rocketman3770call it out. The older women get, the higher degree of baggage they bring (no judgment). If she is creating an uphill battle to be compatible and less give/take with her communication, then yeah she's not gonna find anyone who wants to put up with her. Not saying there's no one out there interested, but like you said, fewer options for her and lot of younger ones for men.
Found this on youtube recommended and like the episode, but don't agree with the quote at the end, "What's meant for you will not pass you by", in the sense that it connotates that you don't need to do anything. Maybe a quote where you have more control over your fate like, “I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” -Thomas Jefferson.
Great point. Another idea I like is that of increasing your luck "surface area". With certain goals, you have to keep trying different things -- inserting yourself in new social situations, developing different interests, reflecting and revising your criteria for a partner. You definitely should not consider your luck a finite, granted thing.
at the core of it, it's how much you love the other person and think they're worth putting in the extra work to make the relationship work. There will ALWAYS be differences in personality and different ways of communicating - I don't think that should be the main reason to breakup with someone.
The way their relationship and break up was described made things very vague, so, as someone else pointed out, there may be more to this story and they want to keep the details private.
Janet, i felt the same way dating an accountant. That's when i knew i wanted someone with more EQ. Eg. Someone in healthcare field or more right-brained jobs (eg. Pharmacist, physio, creative content creator, etc)... More empathy
Yes, it was very corporate PR "life coach" speak. The apathy in her describing the relationship and breakup made it sound like a mundane business transaction devoid of fervor. Okay, I gotta stop trolling now 😂
Wow this was such a great episode! Janet is super articulate about why the relationship ended and so cordial about the other person. Wishing you all the best and hope the next relationship is everything you want, need and hope it will be! Also, all 3 of you are amazing people!
New subscriber here, thanks for sharing Janet! Breakups suck, especially when you thought you’d share your future plans with the person, I agree hindsight is 20/20 ❤
Why didn't you date first to get to know each other before jumping right in and moving in together? You would have discovered the compatibility issue and more. Definitely too fast.
Sounds like they tried to power through the relationship when they should’ve slowed it down. In one of the past episodes earlier this year, Janet retells a story about how E asked her if she was really happy early one morning when they couldn’t sleep or something. That should’ve been a warning sign but they just charged ahead.
I'm 35 and I can empathize with the pressure of the "clock". But being that I am a Christian, my faith has really helped me, and it is helping me a lot. I am learning how to trust God, understanding that He loves me and whatever He has purposed for me will come to pass. Learning to surrender and let God is a journey. I'm learning it's a daily commitment. But when I think over myself and see how God has kept me, I'm encouraged to continue live and let God. And as a fixer and a planner, that's a challenge, but I'm getting better.
Love is a game of 2 not 1. Play it as a team to make things happen and if one isn't then it time to move on. Why cause one isn't open minded to play along and wants things their way. I too being on a long term relationship and wasted so much money and time just to be bloke because she didn't realize I was trying to help her with her life and with no money to see her until the last year I had enough save up but it was too late she cheated on me all those long year because I never went to see her.
I sincerely hope you'll find your perfect partner, Janet. For most of us who have kept long, lasting relationships, we accept the fact that nobody's perfect and as such, are willing to be flexible and compromising. I am not suggesting that you and your ex weren't doing that. I am just wondering if you could have done more. I am in my 50's and have been married for 24 years. Noticed that I didn't use the word "happily"? We definitely had our ups and downs but at the end of the day, I see my wife as a true 'life partner', brothers-in-arms if you will, to battle whatever shit life throws at us.
She deserves whoever wants her and she can work with that gentleman to be a compatible couple. As a woman in her late 30s, she doesn't have as many options as those ten years younger. That's just human nature and desires.
I hope Janet discovers a caring partner who can truly grasp her emotional needs. While I don't want to make assumptions about her past relationship, I can relate from past relationships where it can be quite painful when you attempt to express yourself emotionally, only to have your partner respond with simplicity and logic or become emotionally dismissive during disagreements. It's often not about personally understanding your partner's feelings or stepping into their shoes, but rather about acknowledging their perspective and accepting their emotions as valid. Communication is ineffective without mutual comprehension
Yesssssssssssss
and likewise, hope Janet can discover a caring partner and also grasp his emotional needs. Both sides have to compromise or it won't work.
I just love listening to Janet talk. She's so well spoken!
"Yes, I talk about wanting to be married and yes, I talk about wanting a family. And I do want those things. But I don't think that I need them to have a happy life"
Love this!
Terrible advice. Right now she feels sufficient without those things, but IMO, in 10 years she will absolutely regret it and feel a gaping hole in her heart. She still has a shot right now to find a good guy, but she needs to prioritize that "want" to a "need", and ultimately change (within reason) her mindset and personality. Guys value beauty, submissiveness, and loyalty; Career, and wealth are much lower priority factors. Talk to any home boy on the down low no cap. This wave of girl bosses, date around and always peek what's out there, career over relationship, being hyper-masculine instead of feminine and submissive (which is what most guys really want) has hurt dating for everyone. I do wish her the best, and hope everyone finds love.
yes of course you have a profile photo like that@@rocketman3770
I think Janet is lying. She is acting like these things don't make her happy but they she clearly wants them. It's amazing how much women can lie to cover up their unhappiness of not having a partner...But she chose those bad relationships.
@@rocketman3770 Wish I had a constructive way to put this, your comment reeks of close-mindedness
Janet you're so well spoken and kind - not easy to speak about a newly ended relationship (publicly) and you've articulated it in the most respectful way. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your personal life and insightful thoughts on relationships "in a time crunch" - super relatable. Sending you so much love!!
Phew… rewatching this as I just turned 30 and fell out of a decade long relationship with someone I thought I’d marry. Feeling lost and scared. I remember my last major breakup I leaned heavily into Mel’s breakup episode and now I get to go through this journey with Janet 😅. Forever thankful for this podcast y’all are truly my older sisters❤
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us ! Sending much love to you Janet
You're all so articulate in explaining your thoughts. This podcast is intense and engaging.
"What's meant for you will not pass you by" - claiming this for myself, thank you for these wise words of hope and your vulnerability to tell your story, Janet! Breakups are never easy but through it you find a piece of yourself you're meant to carry on to the right person and the right relationship (and it IS coming!)
Actually a lot of women don't want men who want them and they end up dying alone because they don't want to compromise. It's up to her and in your case, you.
You’re so courageous for sharing this Janet - and you did it with so much class & compassion too! ❤
thank you Janet for being so vulnerable and brave. i'm also in my thirties, and I've come to realize that there are actually a lot more single people than those in relationships -- and that's okay. I love my singleness. I also noticed you've been more stylish with your wardrobe lately :) you look FABULOUS!
Are you sure that's OK with you? Honest question.
@@ADifferentVibe yes, i love exploring cities and forests by myself. maybe because i've only had bad experiences with others. at this point in my life, it takes too much mental energy to find new friends or relationships. maybe in my 40s it will be different? lol
There's no timeline for any relationship, and laying that out at the start is great. Your vulnerability shows how strong you are, Janet. Thank you for sharing!
I’ve been in your shoes before. I really resonated with what you said about maintaining your independence. It’s so easy for women to lose themselves in a relationship compared to men. I hope you take comfort in knowing that it will feel so much better when you come back to yourself and you’re on the other side and “fully healed.”
I’m also going through a breakup of a serious 2.5 yr relationship right now and I’m in my thirties. We seemed to have an avoidant-anxious attachment together so it was tiring on both sides to try to communicate and get through tough times as a unit. He tended to keep all of this feelings to himself and bring them up when it was already too much and he’s made his mind up, whereas I cannot hide my emotions so everything that bothered me was talked about within 24 hrs. So because of that and he had less emotional bandwidth than I did, he broke up with me, and there was nothing I could do to fix it because his mind was made up. I’m still reeling from it and accepting that we could have still fixed things if he had communicated his feelings when they started and I had been able to shift our dynamic away from the heavy discussions for a while. I cared more about this man than any other man I’ve known and it’s hard to accept the breakup, especially because I truly think we were not in a dead-end, but he felt like the relationship was becoming too much stress…anyways, just wanted to let you know I am going through the thick of it with you right now 💕 you’re not alone in starting over and trying to process why it ended.
Im going through a very similar situation, similar reason of a breakup
Going through something similar, same timeline 2.5 years. Both Avoidant too 😭
Janet’s reflection is very balanced and understanding. Rooting for you Janet!
Thank you Janet for opening up about your personal life. You are truly stronger than you think. Love yourself and live your life happy no matter what comes your way. Hugs to you Janet. I love watching this podcast.
I’m going through a breakup with similar feelings. It’s really hard to feel like no matter how much xyz, we weren’t compatible. Thank you for your wise words Janet❤
Thank you for sharing Janet!
The thing that came to mind when I listened was that with partners, we have to confront differences with
a) change (that is, can we change this behavior)
b) acceptance (can I be in this with you even if we differ on xyz) or
c) ending things because it's not a/b.
So key and hearing your experience reminded me of this lesson. I'm so glad you know yourself well enough to see those signs. I know the grief will be hard for a while, and thats okay. You got this 💛
thank you for sharing, Janet.
the three of you have modeled for me genuine, vulnerable, considerate, caring, and responsible conversation. thank you :)
Sending so much love, healing, and stability to Janet! Anddd, paris bucketlist?!
Omg I’m here 5 months later but PLEASE TAKE THE HEELS CLASS!
I took that as an empowerment/distraction during a big break up and it CHANGED MY LIFE! Pulled out sooo much womanhood, confidence, joyful discomfort! Plus the friendships in those classes are amazing! A lot of us are going through some shit there ahahah
Thank you for sharing @Janet. When both successfully married and divorced couples were asked what is the key to a successful marriage, divorced couples said "communication" and successfully married couples said "respect". I feel like this is true especially in today's couples therapy predominant thinking that you just need to get people to talk but really both people need to fundamentally be ready to respect each other's "otherness".
This is so wise, thanks for repeating.
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable, Janet! ❤
Janet, I think you are such an inspiration for being so vulnerable and courageous. Once again, you've shown us how to be a badass Asian boss girl by showing up authentically and sharing your stories to allow for connection with others. Thank you so much, and I'm sending you so much love and many hugs ♥
My wife and I are absolute polar opposites and she constantly complains that I don't communicate well and she also finds it difficult that I can't understand her. Admitedly she is a deep person. Myself with my male brain can't understand her quite often. And we don't try to completely understand each other because you can't, it's impossible. What has made it work so far is that we grasp and treasure the little things that we find precious in each other, not to dwell on the things that doesn't work but treasure the things that has made it work and to move forward.
Throwing this out there as I’m someone who, like Janet, loves deep conversations and being verbose while a potential partner can’t meet me on that level…I’ve chalked it up to differences in Myers Briggs. As an Intuitive (ENFP) I find that Sensing types (which make up 70% of the population) can’t fully understand me and why I enjoy those things. But over time, I’m learning to appreciate how Sensors can pull me out of my head and force me to live in the moment more which ultimately does make me happier even if my default is to ruminate on every hypothetical situation that likely won’t happen. But it can feel invalidating sometimes when they don’t take my concerns seriously. I’m thinking that maybe I don’t need to have deep conversations all the time with my partner… that’s what my friends are for. But learning to also not demonize Sensors for their inability to connect deeply but appreciate for the positives of staying in the moment. But it remains to be seen if this is sustainable in a relationship. 😅
I remember I was telling this girl I used to like something very private about me over the phone and the whole time she had her friend in the background giggling while I was on speaker phone. I knew after that phone call I would never call her again and I didn't. When you lose trust in the person, that's a good sign.
the incompatibility between needed to compartmentalize issues vs needing to address them off the cusp is very relatable. for one party it feels like they need time to process but on the other side it feels like a lie not to address stuff. tough place to not meet up cause u both ultimately want it fixed.
My red flag for him was when he said he could be a dick to people at work in the episode with the couples. I got the sense that he isn’t a very kind person but I don’t know him so I didn’t want to make any judgments. Janet is so respectful and thoughtful, hope for much healing ❤
So we don't know. Many red flags are hidden maybe because it's too revealing or too private...it happens.
Janet, thank you for choosing to share your story! I really admire you for that. Most people only share the success stories and not the hard parts.
Loved this episode so much. Janet we appreciate you so much for being vulnerable and brave for sharing your breakup with us. You are an amazing person and you’re correct “what is right for you won’t pass you by”. ❤
Thank you for sharing your love journey with us Janet 💕 I'm 38 years old and just recently went through a break up too, and for many similar reasons like you described... fundamental differences and having a hard time just making it work. My best friends were saying too that it shouldn't be this difficult so early on in the relationship! Well... I dove in and found out that that's probably true 😂 no ragrats though! here's to the next part of life's adventures Janet 🥂✨️
As a male viewer and having 31 years, it's never a picnic. Every couple/relationship is different and both partners must address the bottom line, is being together better than being alone. Relationships are hard are tough, but marriage is an even bigger commitment, especially for women (I suggest never changing a woman's last name, especially for a professional. I.D., Professional certification is a hassle). Just remember a relationship is different from marriage, which gets more complicated, especially if children are involved. It's a great pain.
Janet already has a true sense of self. She will continue to put herself first and seek her own happiness first and foremost. Not a lot of women do that. We have a lot to learn from Janet. ❤
Yes and no. If she does not compromise part of her happiness to work with another man who is willing to compromise part of his to make a relationship work, she'll likely never get married. Nothing wrong with that. But be realistic in all relationships require tradeoffs.
Crazy how so many people in my life are going through similar breakups! This helped me so much! Thank you for being vulnerable and open with us Janet! Gave me chills! :' :'
I appreciate your honesty. When I see you Janet, I see a beautiful, confident and amazing woman!!
Breakups are very hard. I admire the courage you have to share your story to strangers, as I understand it’s 1000x easier to keep it private and you have no obligation to share a status update. As a fan I’m sad it didn’t work out, but as someone who’s been through my share of relationship struggles I’m sure you made the right decision for yourselves, and not give in to pressures.
Janet!! Sending you lots of hugs! Thank you for being so vulnerable BUT ALSO for being such a strong and graceful role model ❤ I appreciate all of the positive energy you send out and we need more people like you in the world! You absolutely didn't need to share something so personal and difficult publicly to us. But I appreciate you doing so and for being so open about your learnings and reflections 🙏
Following Janet’s love journey is better than watching any movie, drama, sitcom, etc. Hopefully there’s a happy ending
The friendship between you 3 is beautiful. Not to reduce it in any way, but your dynamic reminds me of what initially made Sex & the City great and even groundbreaking. Women who were different in personality who were supportive of each other, insightful, and bright. The questions asked of Janet were really great. And Janet’s answers were wonderful too. Thanks for sharing. As a deep feeler and thinker myself, I could relate.
We’re rooting for you Janet! You are so beautiful and inspiring, and everything will fall into place naturally for you when the right person comes along. I love what you said about “purpose” and leaving a legacy, and how that may look different for each individual, whether it be through having kids or influencing the next generation through your messaging and accomplishments. You have already left a legacy as an individual by sharing your experiences in relationships and showing current and future generations on how to cope and handle your relationships.❤❤❤❤
Break ups are never easy. This is very raw and emotional for Janet. Hang in there. Find the silver lining from this experience. As an ABG listener for a few years now, Janet has grown emotionally. She'll come out of this a lot stronger. Take a trip. Come up to Utah! Ha. Lean on your friends.
Thank you for sharing Janet! I hope you take the time for yourself. Vulnerable is a strength that I see and I really appreciate you sharing your story. It is empowering to hear you talk
Thank you Janet for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know it wasn’t easy, but I really appreciate your thought process and positive outlook. You are so beautiful, inside and out and I know when the time is right you will meet someone again someday! Take care of yourself and do the things you love! Sending you hugs 🤗 💗xoxo
Thank you so much for your willingness to share, Janet! I am sure it was not easy. Sending lots of love and pls take care of yourself!!!
Janet thanks for sharing something so personal and so raw. I really admire your courage to pick yourself especially at your age and to not settle because you want a family and kids. It might take a little longer but I’m sure the guy you eventually find will be the closest to perfect for you ❤️
Janet, just want to let you know that you and your voice have helped me through tough times. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing ❤
Janet, you are very strong and brave. I appreciate you for being so open about your life. While i’m younger what you’re going through is something I sometimes think about.. and it’s comforting to know i’m not alone (from reading the comments too).
Janet, thank you for being vulnerable with us!
Sending love and hugs to you, Janet. You are such a strong, amazing, well-spoken, kind, and smart woman. I hope you will find the right person soon.I love you all, the trio .
Thank you for sharing your story Janet. Glad you are able to reflect on your experience. Sending you lots of love! 💕
💖💖💖 Thank you Janet for your vulnerability, sending love to you!
Best time to go to a rave 😤 ty Janet 4 being so vulnerable
Thanks for sharing this! So transparent and love it!
Janet you are such an amazing person, thank you for sharing 😢
thank you for sharing guys i just discovered this channl cuz of wongfu lol but the experience you guys have shared about relationships has been so inprising for others to learn and grow! keep it up with the awesome work! thank you for being so vlunerable
Enjoyed this, thanks for sharing and sending you lots of love Janet 💞💕💞💕
Thank you for sharing this with us Janet ❤❤
Janet, thank you for your vulnerability. You’re like a big sis I look up to as i’ve always admired your eloquence and emotional intelligence…I love how you are going to invest your time in yourself, and building up that confidence 💪🏻 we’re here to support you!!! Sending you lots of love 🩵🩵
being perpetually unhappy is a huge red flag
Janet ~ you're the reason why I keep up with ABG, you're a class act and I love your personality. I've followed for a while and you've never looked a day over 30, wishing you nothing but peace & happiness❤
thank you for sharing your journey with us!
and pls know that it has brought me (and im sure, others) a lot of comfort and healing energy. take care
I don't know if this was mentioned before but it seems like their lives and dreams converged for this short but intense journey, but ultimately she has her dreams and goals and he has his. It's difficult for a relationship to have two set of dreams/goals. I think the different communication styles grew into the problem that it became because of them ultimately having two different paths to take. It's not something that can be compromised, one would have to give up on his/hers in order to support the other on his/her road. But they both probably worked so hard to get to where they are now, it's hard to just give it up even though they are older in the dating world. For a lucky few, they end up having all and the career and relationship lives work out like a fairytale. For most everyone else, the reality is like she mentioned "a lot of work for something sub-par". Which is in another word: settling. And most of the world has to be ok with settling if they want both the career and relationship.
Thank you for sharing this with us Janet. Your strength and positivity inspire me. Take care! ❤
All the love and prayers for you Janet.
wait they seemed so in love 3 months ago
and they broke up 2 months ago dam
I think the only thing she did right was take a break, ponder and reflect. But when asked would she have done things differently, her saying no raised some flags. She rushed it like a rebound and got lost in the sauce. What was the purpose of that? You don’t necessarily learn things faster. You actually could potentially ruin it by doing that. If you had just taken your time and sus him out as the infatuation stage ended, you wouldn’t have had five different home addresses in one year. That’s just crazy. And/or the things that were high stakes in your personal lives would have ironed out with less pressure and you could still have had possibly been together. Perhaps his high pressure career life was influencing his rigid communication. It’s true that in any relationship that there would be even more challenges in the future that may be harder. But the slow process would have helped both of you understand each other better. The way this relationship started out started on the wrong foot. Also, if you had taken it slow you wouldn’t have had so much overhead. There would have been more room to pull back and give each other space from your own individual residence and reconnect if the cards were right in your favor. But you intentionally intertwined your life with his to the point there were no safety nets and room to breathe. Also, on the flip side of that communication coin, what about a person who never communicates of what bothers them and you think it’s all roses till the day it’s not. Pick your poison. I think this relationship has potential if managed delicately and assessed all tangible contingencies. Think about it, couples therapy in year one is like crash dummies. Granted that she’s not experienced coz everything she’s now learned, I learned a decade before her, that’s fine. But you really need to ponder a little harder and find the nuggets that will teach you the lessons. Or you can be part of the new growing trend of women who will run the remaining course of their lives forever alone. And I honestly think you’re lying to yourself about not wanting kids as badly as you constantly always circle back to it. Relationship goals are a myth. You or your partner can leave for any reason. But your kids will always be yours.
no flame but how was this janets most serious relationship at 38? shes such an attractive person guys would line up for her
@@akiraaaaaaaaaaa She was prob super career-driven, just-casual-date-around-while-young, circle clubbing, and now mature sure, but prob bossy, maybe a bit uptight, and too masculine for Korean ex. He like, f that, I can date someone younger without some of that baggage. Hate to be harsh, blunt, and making assumptions here, but I gotta pull off the bandaid.
@@rocketman3770call it out. The older women get, the higher degree of baggage they bring (no judgment). If she is creating an uphill battle to be compatible and less give/take with her communication, then yeah she's not gonna find anyone who wants to put up with her. Not saying there's no one out there interested, but like you said, fewer options for her and lot of younger ones for men.
I also had a breakup in my four year long relationship in august :( stay strong Janet
Not all breaks are bad.
big hugs janet!! rooting for you
i relate to janet's personality so much and love how she articulates her thoughts and feelings. thank you for sharing and sending good vibes!! 💓
Found this on youtube recommended and like the episode, but don't agree with the quote at the end, "What's meant for you will not pass you by", in the sense that it connotates that you don't need to do anything. Maybe a quote where you have more control over your fate like, “I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” -Thomas Jefferson.
Great point. Another idea I like is that of increasing your luck "surface area". With certain goals, you have to keep trying different things -- inserting yourself in new social situations, developing different interests, reflecting and revising your criteria for a partner. You definitely should not consider your luck a finite, granted thing.
Sending Janet good vibes! 💗
Why didn't Melody or Helen let Janet stay at their places (1 month in each) tf?
Thank you so much Janet for sharing.
You are an awesome person!!
at the core of it, it's how much you love the other person and think they're worth putting in the extra work to make the relationship work. There will ALWAYS be differences in personality and different ways of communicating - I don't think that should be the main reason to breakup with someone.
The way their relationship and break up was described made things very vague, so, as someone else pointed out, there may be more to this story and they want to keep the details private.
No, love isn't enough for a successful relationship. It's far more complicated than that...
No it's not. Love isn't enough by itself. Period.
Thanks for sharing your story, Janet❤ You're truly an inspiration.
Janet, i felt the same way dating an accountant. That's when i knew i wanted someone with more EQ. Eg. Someone in healthcare field or more right-brained jobs (eg. Pharmacist, physio, creative content creator, etc)... More empathy
Thank you for sharing ❤
can someone post the timestamp of when she talks about kids / freezing eggs
30:25
Janet is very articulate. She knows how to convert thoughts and emotions into words very well.
Yes, it was very corporate PR "life coach" speak. The apathy in her describing the relationship and breakup made it sound like a mundane business transaction devoid of fervor. Okay, I gotta stop trolling now 😂
@@rocketman3770 you're not wrong...
Wow this was such a great episode! Janet is super articulate about why the relationship ended and so cordial about the other person. Wishing you all the best and hope the next relationship is everything you want, need and hope it will be! Also, all 3 of you are amazing people!
Thank you Janet 🥺
Going to couples therapy only a year into a relationship is a red flag 🚩.
New subscriber here, thanks for sharing Janet! Breakups suck, especially when you thought you’d share your future plans with the person, I agree hindsight is 20/20 ❤
What is 20/20?
@@jellbb hindsight is 20/20 means you look back and reflect on something and see things with a better perspective/wiser outlook
Hug to you Janet. Thanks for sharing
Why didn't you date first to get to know each other before jumping right in and moving in together? You would have discovered the compatibility issue and more. Definitely too fast.
Sounds like they tried to power through the relationship when they should’ve slowed it down. In one of the past episodes earlier this year, Janet retells a story about how E asked her if she was really happy early one morning when they couldn’t sleep or something. That should’ve been a warning sign but they just charged ahead.
Yeah they likely weren't happy. Love ain't enough by itself.
"What is meant for you will not pass you by"
So what if no one is meant for you? Does that mean you have to live unhappily the rest of your life?
I'm 35 and I can empathize with the pressure of the "clock".
But being that I am a Christian, my faith has really helped me, and it is helping me a lot. I am learning how to trust God, understanding that He loves me and whatever He has purposed for me will come to pass.
Learning to surrender and let God is a journey. I'm learning it's a daily commitment. But when I think over myself and see how God has kept me, I'm encouraged to continue live and let God. And as a fixer and a planner, that's a challenge, but I'm getting better.
No
Thank you Janet🤍
I'm 44. I'm looking for someone like Janet or similar.
Love is a game of 2 not 1. Play it as a team to make things happen and if one isn't then it time to move on. Why cause one isn't open minded to play along and wants things their way. I too being on a long term relationship and wasted so much money and time just to be bloke because she didn't realize I was trying to help her with her life and with no money to see her until the last year I had enough save up but it was too late she cheated on me all those long year because I never went to see her.
Why did you guys break up?4:25
There is nothing wrong with you Janet!
No one reasonable said there's something wrong with her...
Janetttt you should go to Civana!
I sincerely hope you'll find your perfect partner, Janet. For most of us who have kept long, lasting relationships, we accept the fact that nobody's perfect and as such, are willing to be flexible and compromising. I am not suggesting that you and your ex weren't doing that. I am just wondering if you could have done more. I am in my 50's and have been married for 24 years. Noticed that I didn't use the word "happily"? We definitely had our ups and downs but at the end of the day, I see my wife as a true 'life partner', brothers-in-arms if you will, to battle whatever shit life throws at us.
This lady is so beautiful! Janet u deserve the best, stay true xxxx
I feel u about all the damn pressure about fertility. U got this. So glad you stayed true to yourself
She deserves whoever wants her and she can work with that gentleman to be a compatible couple. As a woman in her late 30s, she doesn't have as many options as those ten years younger. That's just human nature and desires.
Thank you Janet❤❤❤ You are so great. GAMAN.
Respect to you, Janet
I love your channel.