henlo 👋𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 *𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁-𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴* 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻! ✨ → www.patreon.com/jomopod if you like today's episode, do check out our patreon to support! this pod has been 100% our passion project while we keep up with our full-time shenanigans. we love JOMO, but we have been investing a lot of $$ to bring you the best episodes every tuesday. with your support, we're building an exclusive, premium *𝙗𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬* where our patreon members get real advice, real takes, and real stories to answer your burning questions. thank you for supporting us each week by watching and commenting. we hope we can continue to do this as long as possible and the patreon helps us keep the pod sustainable. 🥺 with love, chloe + eric
So excited about the patreon!!! Unfortunately, Patreon is not accepting either my card or PayPal auto-payments, due to RBI regulations in my country. :(( I wanna be a patreon for JOMO and will try my best to get this sorted so that I can support this pod! It's my bowl of sunshine for every Tuesday.
@@swatilekha_roy I'm so sorry swatilekha! sent this to our patreon partner manager, but it does look like a broader issue with RBI regulations 😭 really hope this is resolved soon. we appreciate your continued support!!!
17:30 - didn't expect that part of kira's past and cried during this part. if i went through something like that, i would be traumatized for LIFE. kira is so strong 😭
😭😭 we all took an intermission to privately talk that part out and give support. It’s a really painful thing to experience and Kira has been so so strong coming out of it.
I agree with this, Kira gives the best advice, i believe that is one of her gifts. She makes you feel seen and heard and gives you actual advice you can apply ❤
After hearing Kira's story, I just wanted to really give her a hug because that was so emotional. I ended up hugging my screen. She's so strong. Also, thank you for not bleeping out profanity! It made the podcast sound much more natural
I can hear the fear and hurt in Eric's voice when he talks about having kids and I just want to hug him so bad. I feel the same fear of possibly losing choice and freedom for the betterment of the child, and while that does sound selfish, I understand it's because his childhood wasn't the best and he does not want to be the parent that hurts a child in the same manner that he was. The duality of wanting to reclaim your childhood, while also fearing a possibly beautiful outcome because of the possibility of "failure." I loooove these raw conversations!! Thanks to all 3 of you for being so vulnerable.
As a 24 yr old in the bay i really appreciate these relationship topics, its nice hearing all these different experiences/lessons learned. Love the honesty in these talks! Recently went through a breakup where she said she wanted to work on herself before committing further to a serious relationship. Good term endings are the hardest 🫤
After hearing Kira’s story, I NOW understand why her depth is a little bit deeper than most her age. I’m in my 40’s, I can spot a soul that’s gone through ‘life’. She had to go through it at a younger age than most.
Second video I’ve seen of y’all’s!! Came from the other video with Kira. But I just really want to thank you three for being the representation I’ve never had growing up as a young Asian girl of immigrant parents. I’ve been through some really toxic and traumatic relationships since the age of 11, up until now, 29. I’m truly taking time to be single with absolutely zero male validation for the first time EVER in my life and waiting until after I turn 30 to actively try to date. But I appreciate the vulnerability and helping me not feel alone and to not feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like I’m having to relearn things I should’ve learned at 5 years old and it’s daunting, but I’m proud of myself for doing whatever it took for me to still be here today. It’s a lot of work but I’m truly learning how to love myself and I know my future partner is doing the same thing and I can’t wait to meet them one day so we can both reap the benefits.
Since you dated for so many years, where do you think guys go wrong? Initially, when you are into few months of dating, everything seems fine. In my case, I'm always scared that I'd be boring for any girl though I have interesting things in life going on consistently (consistency is boring for girls). PS: Late 20s, 0 dating experience as girls see me more like a big brother every time😮 It always scares me to flirt with a girl since I am scared of being labeled a creep
Late/mid 30s, married for a while, and we’ve never planned to have kids. For us, friendship is really important in our relationship. We enjoy exploring new places together and supporting each other along the way.
First-time listener, and I really enjoyed this episode and resonated a lot with Eric's perspective and experiences (re: the model of romance and partnership set up for you by parents, wanting to live life for yourself and building a life w a partner foremost, kids, etc.) Relationships are inherently complicated and risky, and it's also hard to understand yourself within context but try to reshape aspects of yourself that were likely formed in childhood which, you know, still show up in adult relationships. Curious to hear more discussions about family history, identity, relationship psychology (platonic, romantic, familial, and how they're all connected), and children! Thanks so much
The dream trio is back. Ive been following this podcast in tandem with your other socials so knew this episode was coming. Eric, you articulated your break up reasons so well without there being one reason. I too am someone who puts all my weight in the partner I get to share my life with and how WE can make meaning in this world together. I have no doubt you'll find that person. Helps when you can take your time without the ticking time clock of needing children by a certain age. As long as your heart is resilient to go through the storms and heartbreaks along the way, it's an eventuality ♥️
I'm 25, and getting through my first breakup. Just discovering JOMO and honestly your podcasts are helping me through the coping process. Through your conversations it helps me see the bigger picture around my relationships, romantic relationships and the world around romantic relationships. Thanks yall.
Sending you support & strength - you will get through this! I’m 29, and I was broken up with just yesterday, and listening to this episode is really helping me cope as well - it makes me feel like I’m not alone
@@happy-mille Yup, I can't relate 100% to them but it shows me the world is much bigger than I thought. The breakup process sucks bad. The conclusion I've came to these past weeks is that I just need to improve and explore in whatever ways possible, though easier said than done.
Some of these discussions go DEEEP 👀 Honestly just like how motivation is fleeting while dedication endures, the initial sparks and butterflies may fade, but the commitment to making things work is what lasts forever (channeling Eric's poetic vibes 😂)
I just want to say to Eric that I completely feel the same way about having children! I don’t want them for the exact reasons and it’s hard to explain to everyone around me who are having kids/want kids, but you articulated my thoughts so well. I hope you find a girl who understands you and enjoy the rest of your life with ❤
Wow such deep topics discussed on this podcast. I truly appreciate how real and transparent you guys are. Always a huge bonus when Kira is on!! She has such an interesting perspective on general adult topics, would love her on more or other guests as well! :)
Really appreciated and resonated with this episode. Kira’s insight on being ready at a specific time and choosing a partner that comes in during that time to settle with is so true! There’s multiple versions of a “soulmate” and we’re lucky to find just one. @Chloe I would love for you to expand on your hesitations on having kids in a future episode. I feel a lot of us ambitious and overthinker girlies can relate!
OK this will be long. Grab a cup of tea. First off, about the poll: not sure. Initially I was totally against having children, but now I think I'm more open to the idea as long as I believe my future partner and I can give them a great foundation of love and our values. My priority is to love and be loved. Regardless of children coming out of that relationship or not, the thing I look for is a strong connection to someone and to love them wholeheartedly. Some people prioritize having kids - as long as the partner has a stable income and meets XYZ requirement, the end goal is to have a family. There's no wrong and right, just different priorities. Now for the other topics discussed, I relate a lot to you all when you say you FEEL a lot. I do have big feelings as well. Also, I have ADHD, and that comes with rejection sensitivity, so lots to unpack. I don't think we're toxic at all. People experience life in various ways. As long as you are able to sit with yourself to elaborate on your emotions, then openly communicate your needs to your partner, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I sure am a lot to handle, but the ways in which I care for my loved ones are also unique and special. You have big feelings because you have a big heart, and that might actually be one of the coolest things about you guys! Now sharing a bit of my own story: removing high school flings, I've only had 2 serious relationships. 1 (2013-2014) and 7 (2015-2023) years long. Me and my most recent ex-partner moved in together after only 4 months. We went through the pandemic, locked in, together and strong, and even married and moved from Brazil to Canada end of 2021. It was not abusive, toxic or anything concerning. We were best friends. Still, I decided to end it for reasons particular to myself (also I'm trying to mind the length of this comment lol). It was a long and painful process of grief. Only my therapist knows all the highs and lows. A few examples that come to mind: increasing my antidepressants dosage, starting exercising, furnishing a whole new place, not to mention my finances are still getting back to shape. Also socializing is not my forte. I went through the install-delete-reinstall cycle of dating apps countless times. Went on like 2 dates? and tons of conflicting thoughts and confusion. What if I end up alone? What if the perfect guy doesn't exist? Should I just settle for less than I want? I realized the concept of relationships I had were all messed up. Pop culture references that really helped me were: 1. All about love, by Bell Hooks (book) 3. Before Sunshine, Before Sunset and Before Midnight (a movie trilogy by Richard Linklater) 4. The Unexpected Joy of Being Single by Catherine Gray (book) I also became a fan of existentialist thinkers such as Jean-Paul Sartre. I believe their takes on life and its meaning are the ones that make more sense to me. That you are the one to choose what you live for. We're only here for a moment, so let's just enjoy it, right? All that is to say, especially to Eric, that it's all right that you're sad. Feel it, elaborate it, and slowly things will get better. And that's not because "you'll soon find someone", it's because you are already in a place where you can get back up and be happy. You built it yourself. You are also already surrounded by love (at least it seems like lol) from friends. Finding a partner is not the end goal of life. It's great of course, but it's not a hard requirement for you to be happy, loved and admired. I came to this conclusion about myself only recently, after over a year of having broken up. That's why I couldn't do dating apps, I was really looking for a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship - I just thought I needed one because everyone else had it and I'll be 30 in a couple of months and the world is gonna end!!1!!11 LOL - that's not how it works. I realized I'm happy being single and if I happen to meet someone that makes my heart feel warmer than it already is, then I'm open. But it's also fine if I don't! Anyways I yapped a lot already. Great episode everyone!! Hope you're all healthy and safe and CHLOE IM SUCH A BIG FAN YOU'RE THE COOLEST!!!!
I think it's super interesting the parents dynamic and having a child. I wonder if there's a correlation there. Similar to Eric, my parents for most of my childhood showed no affection towards each other. My partners parents are divorced and remarried during his childhood. I wonder how much of that has an impact on our hesitancy on having children ourselves vs if we grew up in households with parents who shared a strong healthy loving relationship.
Same--my parents never had a healthy, loving relationship (for as long as I can remember). I do think there is more hesitancy because we experienced first-hand as child witnessing the struggles and fights and we would never want to do that to our own kids.
my favorite podcast in a long time, from the concept of jomo, to the hosts, to the conversation topics, how well they flow, and the intellectual dissection, i cant wait to see where the podcast goes ❤
(Response to the gdp influencing child birthday theory) When you have money, you don’t want to go backwards. A country that is technologically advance will have more people who makes a decent living, and these people not want to give it up the decent living. When you go to the gym for one day, it is easier to do things that ruin that progress because you haven’t made much progress. However, if you have been going for thirty days, you wouldn’t want to do things that ruin that streak. People who already have a good gym foundation or is wealthy, wouldn’t mind doing things that set them back because they have more than enough muscle/money to eat the fall. The thing is unless you know you are wealthy enough or really strong, you are in this limbo on whether you are can take a set back.
32M kinda going through a break up. This girl and I met at work. Shes super sweet and fun to be around but since we were coworkers, i didnt want to cross that boundary. We would hang out at times during our lunches but that was it. Fast foward a bit she ends up getting a new job in a different department so i thought, ok time to really pursue. For 2 months we went on a few dates here and there but our schedules rarely aligned. I take her out for her bday to dinner and some small gifts. Everything went great But then a couple weeks later, she starts to pull away. So I acknowledge it and she kinda just gives me a low effort answer. Then out of no where she just ghosts me. Its been 2 months since and it sucks cause shes the first girl that i felt like i can be myself around. But she honestly brought out this new found confidence in myself
Sorry to hear about your breakup. I encourage you to keep growing that confidence that you found within yourself and attract the right person at the right time!
Just joined the patreon too! Wohoo! 🎉 Kira is such a great guest! 🩵 Maybe a future episode can be about Eric’s makeover and a dating app profile audit 😂
Probably dating myself but WongFu did a lot of videos that spoke so much to the idea of your ex being such a big part of your life and then nothing. Ofc you should move on but it’s worth recognizing that it can lead to a deep feeling of emptiness.
im just gonna say on kira's comment on fighting to fight. i find myself not having the energy to fight so i just avoid it because it's at the end of the day not what i'm about.
Love how you three opinions have differences in dating, parenting and life perspective. Respect how Eric express his opinions on Kira's parents dynamics.
Eric you're a great guy and you will figure it out. Judging from your last podcast on how you deal with problematic people and how you just are in general, you are someone with tact and skill to achieve anything in life. Keep at it and I'm glad I watched the entire podcast before commenting this time 😆
agreed ~ there's so much more to her! she also makes a bomb mapo tofu, has as biotech background, and has the best kbeauty skincare and makeup recommendations backed by science!!!
*JOMIES POLL*: do you want kids? do you have kids? why or why not? :o 👇🏻 62% of you are 25-34 years old so really want to hear where y'all are at on this!
38:05 actually spend more time talking to older folks (40 yo+), you'll find that no entity (government, social welfare, private hospitals, social workers, etc) will take better care of you than your own flesh and blood. Turns out money can only buy so much. It takes more than $$$ for someone to take care of you out of love. A lot of older people come to recognition that it's quite lonely when you get to a stage in life where there are no children or grandchildren to celebrate new chapter marks in life with.
if Chloe (ENFJ) and Kevin (ISTP) are a good match and Kira (ISFP) and her boyfriend (ENTJ) are a good match then try a little social experiment and find as many ESFJ dates as possible for Eric (INTP)
Or don’t rely on very strict and confined personality metrics and just become a secure person by understanding the underlying trauma. Attachment theory >big 5 personality test >myers brigg personality test. But don’t essentialize these things as if their accurate or precise measurements of oneself
@@henrytep8884 no need to state the obvious. That's why I qualified my comment as a social experiment. Obviously, it's up to the individual to consider what other factors play a role in optimal compatibility. All I am suggesting is if there is an observable pattern, doesn't exactly hurt to see if that pattern applies to you (in this case, Eric's situation), does it? Peace~
I love your padcast video firstly, watch it all! but In-Yeon is actually a Buddhist term, which became a Buddhist term after Buddhism was introduced to China from Nepal, originally referring to the direct cause of an outcome, but later specializing in the cause that plays the main role. It does not come from Korea, the culture and term influence Korea during the Tang to Ming dynasty.
38:00 See, we think that having medicare and nursing homes means we’ll be taken care of when we’re old, but what use is money and services if there’s so little younglings to do the work? So I think we do still need kids. Maybe when everything is run by robots, then that’s when we’re really going to hit 0 birthrates. Something else that I think makes the modern world lean into low birthrates is the concept of self-love. Very important yes but too much of it leads to a life where only your present happiness matters, which means any sacrifice that would take it away is an immediate no. We spent so much time building the perfect lives for ourselves, why would we throw it away for a very unstable pandora’s box, a baby? Also, are the costs getting higher or are we requiring higher quality goods and services to satisfy ourselves? Are our needs growing from wants and the capitalistic progress as a species?
OK. I strongly disagree with how the woman in the middle interprets "In yeon" (or marriage fate). In my case, marriage is not just about checking boxes, meeting at the right time, and simply picking someone. I believe that the reason a person might not have found their match yet is because they haven't met the right one. From my own experience, I knew I was going to marry my husband within the first week of meeting him, and he felt the same way. At that time, neither of us wanted to get married, but our feelings soon changed as we got to know each other better. Marriage is about compatibility. You’ll truly know you are compatible with someone in almost every aspect when you meet and talk to them. You feel empowered by each other’s love and perspectives, safe with one another, and you trust each other completely. You also come to love each other’s families because they love you too. My partner doesn’t fit all my "check boxes," and in fact, some of his qualities are quite different from what I expected for my husband. I’m not sure if this is what "In yeon" means, but for me, making a commitment was easy when I met the right person. We continue to fall in love with each other’s view of the world even to this day. I want to share my own experiences and interpretation because I don’t want people to think that merely meeting all the check boxes means someone is the right person. I believe it’s deeper than that and, in my case, easier than that.
Ok I feel so connected with Kira on her thoughts on relationships and family. She couldn't have said it any better. If she is willing bring her back permanently
Not me tearing up when Eric said "even in the days where love waxes and wanes, the commitment is what keeps you together"🥲My partner and I just got married after 8 years, and I love this so much! Thanks for making my Wednesday working from home alone all the more cozy and insightful.
I'd love to talk with you guys in person about dating in LA if you're down to do this with a friendly stranger. I'm a Korean guy who plays Scottish Highland Bagpipes, works on Star Wars videogames, and performs stand-up comedy around LA. I have some idiosyncratic stories.
henlo 👋𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 *𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁-𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴* 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻! ✨ → www.patreon.com/jomopod
if you like today's episode, do check out our patreon to support!
this pod has been 100% our passion project while we keep up with our full-time shenanigans. we love JOMO, but we have been investing a lot of $$ to bring you the best episodes every tuesday.
with your support, we're building an exclusive, premium *𝙗𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬* where our patreon members get real advice, real takes, and real stories to answer your burning questions.
thank you for supporting us each week by watching and commenting. we hope we can continue to do this as long as possible and the patreon helps us keep the pod sustainable.
🥺
with love,
chloe + eric
So excited about the patreon!!! Unfortunately, Patreon is not accepting either my card or PayPal auto-payments, due to RBI regulations in my country. :((
I wanna be a patreon for JOMO and will try my best to get this sorted so that I can support this pod! It's my bowl of sunshine for every Tuesday.
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@@swatilekha_roy I'm so sorry swatilekha! sent this to our patreon partner manager, but it does look like a broader issue with RBI regulations 😭
really hope this is resolved soon. we appreciate your continued support!!!
17:30 - didn't expect that part of kira's past and cried during this part. if i went through something like that, i would be traumatized for LIFE. kira is so strong 😭
😭😭 we all took an intermission to privately talk that part out and give support. It’s a really painful thing to experience and Kira has been so so strong coming out of it.
kira needs to be an official third host. mad wisdom bombs.
agreed
we would absolutely love to have her ~ but she does work a full time job as a startup founder!!
Agreed❤
I agree with this, Kira gives the best advice, i believe that is one of her gifts. She makes you feel seen and heard and gives you actual advice you can apply ❤
@@jomopodmaybe once a month👀
Eric's "toxicity doesn't discriminate by chromosome" is a gold line haha
spitting fax, no printer 📠
After hearing Kira's story, I just wanted to really give her a hug because that was so emotional. I ended up hugging my screen. She's so strong. Also, thank you for not bleeping out profanity! It made the podcast sound much more natural
I can hear the fear and hurt in Eric's voice when he talks about having kids and I just want to hug him so bad. I feel the same fear of possibly losing choice and freedom for the betterment of the child, and while that does sound selfish, I understand it's because his childhood wasn't the best and he does not want to be the parent that hurts a child in the same manner that he was. The duality of wanting to reclaim your childhood, while also fearing a possibly beautiful outcome because of the possibility of "failure." I loooove these raw conversations!! Thanks to all 3 of you for being so vulnerable.
As a 24 yr old in the bay i really appreciate these relationship topics, its nice hearing all these different experiences/lessons learned. Love the honesty in these talks! Recently went through a breakup where she said she wanted to work on herself before committing further to a serious relationship. Good term endings are the hardest 🫤
After hearing Kira’s story, I NOW understand why her depth is a little bit deeper than most her age. I’m in my 40’s, I can spot a soul that’s gone through ‘life’. She had to go through it at a younger age than most.
Second video I’ve seen of y’all’s!! Came from the other video with Kira. But I just really want to thank you three for being the representation I’ve never had growing up as a young Asian girl of immigrant parents. I’ve been through some really toxic and traumatic relationships since the age of 11, up until now, 29. I’m truly taking time to be single with absolutely zero male validation for the first time EVER in my life and waiting until after I turn 30 to actively try to date. But I appreciate the vulnerability and helping me not feel alone and to not feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like I’m having to relearn things I should’ve learned at 5 years old and it’s daunting, but I’m proud of myself for doing whatever it took for me to still be here today. It’s a lot of work but I’m truly learning how to love myself and I know my future partner is doing the same thing and I can’t wait to meet them one day so we can both reap the benefits.
Since you dated for so many years, where do you think guys go wrong? Initially, when you are into few months of dating, everything seems fine. In my case, I'm always scared that I'd be boring for any girl though I have interesting things in life going on consistently (consistency is boring for girls).
PS: Late 20s, 0 dating experience as girls see me more like a big brother every time😮 It always scares me to flirt with a girl since I am scared of being labeled a creep
Late/mid 30s, married for a while, and we’ve never planned to have kids. For us, friendship is really important in our relationship. We enjoy exploring new places together and supporting each other along the way.
First-time listener, and I really enjoyed this episode and resonated a lot with Eric's perspective and experiences (re: the model of romance and partnership set up for you by parents, wanting to live life for yourself and building a life w a partner foremost, kids, etc.) Relationships are inherently complicated and risky, and it's also hard to understand yourself within context but try to reshape aspects of yourself that were likely formed in childhood which, you know, still show up in adult relationships. Curious to hear more discussions about family history, identity, relationship psychology (platonic, romantic, familial, and how they're all connected), and children! Thanks so much
The dream trio is back. Ive been following this podcast in tandem with your other socials so knew this episode was coming. Eric, you articulated your break up reasons so well without there being one reason. I too am someone who puts all my weight in the partner I get to share my life with and how WE can make meaning in this world together. I have no doubt you'll find that person. Helps when you can take your time without the ticking time clock of needing children by a certain age. As long as your heart is resilient to go through the storms and heartbreaks along the way, it's an eventuality ♥️
I'm 25, and getting through my first breakup. Just discovering JOMO and honestly your podcasts are helping me through the coping process. Through your conversations it helps me see the bigger picture around my relationships, romantic relationships and the world around romantic relationships. Thanks yall.
Sending you support & strength - you will get through this! I’m 29, and I was broken up with just yesterday, and listening to this episode is really helping me cope as well - it makes me feel like I’m not alone
@@happy-mille Yup, I can't relate 100% to them but it shows me the world is much bigger than I thought. The breakup process sucks bad. The conclusion I've came to these past weeks is that I just need to improve and explore in whatever ways possible, though easier said than done.
Some of these discussions go DEEEP 👀 Honestly just like how motivation is fleeting while dedication endures, the initial sparks and butterflies may fade, but the commitment to making things work is what lasts forever (channeling Eric's poetic vibes 😂)
I just want to say to Eric that I completely feel the same way about having children! I don’t want them for the exact reasons and it’s hard to explain to everyone around me who are having kids/want kids, but you articulated my thoughts so well. I hope you find a girl who understands you and enjoy the rest of your life with ❤
Eric deliberately blinding himself with the magic eye vision to avoid looking at a girl's photos literally made me laugh out loud
😂😂😂 it was a hilarious moment. Man is faithful
Wow such deep topics discussed on this podcast. I truly appreciate how real and transparent you guys are. Always a huge bonus when Kira is on!! She has such an interesting perspective on general adult topics, would love her on more or other guests as well! :)
happy to see kira back on the pod! the relationship episodes are always fun to listen to :).
Really appreciated and resonated with this episode. Kira’s insight on being ready at a specific time and choosing a partner that comes in during that time to settle with is so true! There’s multiple versions of a “soulmate” and we’re lucky to find just one. @Chloe I would love for you to expand on your hesitations on having kids in a future episode. I feel a lot of us ambitious and overthinker girlies can relate!
OK this will be long. Grab a cup of tea.
First off, about the poll: not sure. Initially I was totally against having children, but now I think I'm more open to the idea as long as I believe my future partner and I can give them a great foundation of love and our values. My priority is to love and be loved. Regardless of children coming out of that relationship or not, the thing I look for is a strong connection to someone and to love them wholeheartedly. Some people prioritize having kids - as long as the partner has a stable income and meets XYZ requirement, the end goal is to have a family. There's no wrong and right, just different priorities.
Now for the other topics discussed, I relate a lot to you all when you say you FEEL a lot. I do have big feelings as well. Also, I have ADHD, and that comes with rejection sensitivity, so lots to unpack. I don't think we're toxic at all. People experience life in various ways. As long as you are able to sit with yourself to elaborate on your emotions, then openly communicate your needs to your partner, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I sure am a lot to handle, but the ways in which I care for my loved ones are also unique and special. You have big feelings because you have a big heart, and that might actually be one of the coolest things about you guys!
Now sharing a bit of my own story: removing high school flings, I've only had 2 serious relationships. 1 (2013-2014) and 7 (2015-2023) years long. Me and my most recent ex-partner moved in together after only 4 months. We went through the pandemic, locked in, together and strong, and even married and moved from Brazil to Canada end of 2021. It was not abusive, toxic or anything concerning. We were best friends. Still, I decided to end it for reasons particular to myself (also I'm trying to mind the length of this comment lol).
It was a long and painful process of grief. Only my therapist knows all the highs and lows. A few examples that come to mind: increasing my antidepressants dosage, starting exercising, furnishing a whole new place, not to mention my finances are still getting back to shape. Also socializing is not my forte. I went through the install-delete-reinstall cycle of dating apps countless times. Went on like 2 dates? and tons of conflicting thoughts and confusion. What if I end up alone? What if the perfect guy doesn't exist? Should I just settle for less than I want?
I realized the concept of relationships I had were all messed up. Pop culture references that really helped me were:
1. All about love, by Bell Hooks (book)
3. Before Sunshine, Before Sunset and Before Midnight (a movie trilogy by Richard Linklater)
4. The Unexpected Joy of Being Single by Catherine Gray (book)
I also became a fan of existentialist thinkers such as Jean-Paul Sartre. I believe their takes on life and its meaning are the ones that make more sense to me. That you are the one to choose what you live for. We're only here for a moment, so let's just enjoy it, right?
All that is to say, especially to Eric, that it's all right that you're sad. Feel it, elaborate it, and slowly things will get better. And that's not because "you'll soon find someone", it's because you are already in a place where you can get back up and be happy. You built it yourself. You are also already surrounded by love (at least it seems like lol) from friends.
Finding a partner is not the end goal of life. It's great of course, but it's not a hard requirement for you to be happy, loved and admired. I came to this conclusion about myself only recently, after over a year of having broken up. That's why I couldn't do dating apps, I was really looking for a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship - I just thought I needed one because everyone else had it and I'll be 30 in a couple of months and the world is gonna end!!1!!11 LOL - that's not how it works. I realized I'm happy being single and if I happen to meet someone that makes my heart feel warmer than it already is, then I'm open. But it's also fine if I don't!
Anyways I yapped a lot already. Great episode everyone!! Hope you're all healthy and safe and CHLOE IM SUCH A BIG FAN YOU'RE THE COOLEST!!!!
I think it's super interesting the parents dynamic and having a child. I wonder if there's a correlation there. Similar to Eric, my parents for most of my childhood showed no affection towards each other. My partners parents are divorced and remarried during his childhood. I wonder how much of that has an impact on our hesitancy on having children ourselves vs if we grew up in households with parents who shared a strong healthy loving relationship.
Same--my parents never had a healthy, loving relationship (for as long as I can remember). I do think there is more hesitancy because we experienced first-hand as child witnessing the struggles and fights and we would never want to do that to our own kids.
Dang good conversations. Love listening to this while doing wfh. Keep making more!
Yes sir 🫡🫡🫡
I think friend breakups also hurt ALOT as well. Its very indescribable to talk about but those people were very important but yea… good topic haha
my favorite podcast in a long time, from the concept of jomo, to the hosts, to the conversation topics, how well they flow, and the intellectual dissection, i cant wait to see where the podcast goes ❤
Lol love Chloe swears talking abt her ex. I feel so included in this tea session
LOL I AM SORRY I HAVE A POTTY MOUTH 😭😭😭 - chlo
(Response to the gdp influencing child birthday theory) When you have money, you don’t want to go backwards. A country that is technologically advance will have more people who makes a decent living, and these people not want to give it up the decent living. When you go to the gym for one day, it is easier to do things that ruin that progress because you haven’t made much progress. However, if you have been going for thirty days, you wouldn’t want to do things that ruin that streak. People who already have a good gym foundation or is wealthy, wouldn’t mind doing things that set them back because they have more than enough muscle/money to eat the fall.
The thing is unless you know you are wealthy enough or really strong, you are in this limbo on whether you are can take a set back.
32M kinda going through a break up. This girl and I met at work. Shes super sweet and fun to be around but since we were coworkers, i didnt want to cross that boundary. We would hang out at times during our lunches but that was it. Fast foward a bit she ends up getting a new job in a different department so i thought, ok time to really pursue.
For 2 months we went on a few dates here and there but our schedules rarely aligned. I take her out for her bday to dinner and some small gifts. Everything went great
But then a couple weeks later, she starts to pull away. So I acknowledge it and she kinda just gives me a low effort answer. Then out of no where she just ghosts me.
Its been 2 months since and it sucks cause shes the first girl that i felt like i can be myself around. But she honestly brought out this new found confidence in myself
Sorry to hear about your breakup. I encourage you to keep growing that confidence that you found within yourself and attract the right person at the right time!
Just joined the patreon too! Wohoo! 🎉 Kira is such a great guest! 🩵 Maybe a future episode can be about Eric’s makeover and a dating app profile audit 😂
Probably dating myself but WongFu did a lot of videos that spoke so much to the idea of your ex being such a big part of your life and then nothing. Ofc you should move on but it’s worth recognizing that it can lead to a deep feeling of emptiness.
Absolutely loved loved this episode!!! So full of depth and insights. ❤❤❤❤
thank you for watching, swatilekha!! always amazing to see your comments!!
Bless. Been waiting for a new podcast for days. Been relistening to the past pods
We back fam 🤙🏻
im just gonna say on kira's comment on fighting to fight. i find myself not having the energy to fight so i just avoid it because it's at the end of the day not what i'm about.
i cried with Kira’s story 😢
Really liked when you guys talk about these teas and love life, also Kira is just such a great host, always brings great stories.
Love how you three opinions have differences in dating, parenting and life perspective. Respect how Eric express his opinions on Kira's parents dynamics.
Kira had such a traumatic experience. I'm so glad that she got out of it and got so much stronger.
Does anyone know where Kiras Top is from? 😬
Eric you're a great guy and you will figure it out. Judging from your last podcast on how you deal with problematic people and how you just are in general, you are someone with tact and skill to achieve anything in life. Keep at it and I'm glad I watched the entire podcast before commenting this time 😆
First time watching and this truly moved me. Love the content. Ty for the raw depth. 👌👌
I’m 28 and directionless but your videos help a lot it seems so just wanted to say thank you
omg LOVE the movie Past Lives and that you guys talked about it on here 😭❤
eric is literally such a dime, what a fumble 😔💔 bro is a gym rat, pickle baller, founder, and ceo
Goes to show that even when you have all of that, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can maintain a long lasting relationship
Instead of binge-watching Anime, I watch my favorite show, the JOMO pod.
wait but eric and i are reading/watching wistoria right now and it is SO FREAKING GOOD AHHH
@@jomopod I take that back I'm watching Oshi No Ko Season 2 & Maybe Wistoria if I can squeeze in the time AHHHHH
This three person dymanic is beautiful!
we love it too!!
lol Chloe’s aside glance to the camera when Kyra said “it was fun” 😂
Eric your a good guy ❤️🔥, keep your head up, breakups are the worst
Chloe casually breaking the 4th wall @ 14:55 .. I felt that stare haha
henlo 🤭 - chlo
I'm with Eric on this one. Many ppl have kids for super selfish reasons and that's how we make super insecure people
"So what's your number?"
"I'm not gonna share with you my NUMBER, but-" *cut* "Number of breakups:" 😆
🤣🤣🤣 i know i think he misunderstand and we didn't know how to cut it so we left it all in LOL
- chlo
yesss back and early again!! can't wait to tune into another pod!! have a lovely week everyone!
Yay! This one’s a banger!!
100% agree with Eric's viewpoint on being childfree/having kids, it's a growing mentality :)
Kiras back woohoo!!
SHE IS BACK WOOOOO
Taking bets for how long it’ll take for Eric to find his special someone again 😳😳😳
This is Chloe btw LOL
7-10 months
Have a "meet and greet" but make it surprise blind dating event 😂
@@omghi95 HAHAAH this is too good LOL
I’m hoping 3 months so he can go on cute holiday dates.
Everyone needs a Kira in their lives!
agreed ~ there's so much more to her! she also makes a bomb mapo tofu, has as biotech background, and has the best kbeauty skincare and makeup recommendations backed by science!!!
@@jomopod We need a fan meetup! You two are by far my favs to listen to rn!
Kira.. that relationship.. not okay
I love the aesthetics and background of the podcast
*JOMIES POLL*: do you want kids? do you have kids? why or why not? :o 👇🏻
62% of you are 25-34 years old so really want to hear where y'all are at on this!
No kids. pls
@@fraffee 🤣 why the "pls"? haha
1 kid, dead tired
Kids. But want to have them mindfully etc
Definitely not in this economy I can’t afford for myself 😂 but in the future If it happens it happens not opposed
38:05 actually spend more time talking to older folks (40 yo+), you'll find that no entity (government, social welfare, private hospitals, social workers, etc) will take better care of you than your own flesh and blood. Turns out money can only buy so much. It takes more than $$$ for someone to take care of you out of love. A lot of older people come to recognition that it's quite lonely when you get to a stage in life where there are no children or grandchildren to celebrate new chapter marks in life with.
if Chloe (ENFJ) and Kevin (ISTP) are a good match
and Kira (ISFP) and her boyfriend (ENTJ) are a good match
then try a little social experiment and find as many ESFJ dates as possible for Eric (INTP)
Or don’t rely on very strict and confined personality metrics and just become a secure person by understanding the underlying trauma. Attachment theory >big 5 personality test >myers brigg personality test. But don’t essentialize these things as if their accurate or precise measurements of oneself
@@henrytep8884 no need to state the obvious. That's why I qualified my comment as a social experiment. Obviously, it's up to the individual to consider what other factors play a role in optimal compatibility. All I am suggesting is if there is an observable pattern, doesn't exactly hurt to see if that pattern applies to you (in this case, Eric's situation), does it? Peace~
we luv Kira
ooo that does sound like a pretty good match!
I love your padcast video firstly, watch it all! but In-Yeon is actually a Buddhist term, which became a Buddhist term after Buddhism was introduced to China from Nepal, originally referring to the direct cause of an outcome, but later specializing in the cause that plays the main role. It does not come from Korea, the culture and term influence Korea during the Tang to Ming dynasty.
38:00
See, we think that having medicare and nursing homes means we’ll be taken care of when we’re old, but what use is money and services if there’s so little younglings to do the work? So I think we do still need kids. Maybe when everything is run by robots, then that’s when we’re really going to hit 0 birthrates.
Something else that I think makes the modern world lean into low birthrates is the concept of self-love. Very important yes but too much of it leads to a life where only your present happiness matters, which means any sacrifice that would take it away is an immediate no. We spent so much time building the perfect lives for ourselves, why would we throw it away for a very unstable pandora’s box, a baby?
Also, are the costs getting higher or are we requiring higher quality goods and services to satisfy ourselves? Are our needs growing from wants and the capitalistic progress as a species?
The only other episode of JOMO I've watched was with Kira.
I love this combo!!!
Kira, there's a difference between fun and high-stress adrenaline-pumped situations like jumping out of a car. 😆
love this show!
the bicep pump pumpin sheeessshhhh💪homeboy got the 15s on
he literally did a set before this episode 🤣
@@jomopod AHEM WE ALL DID A SET IT WAS FOR B ROLL OK -eric
@@jomopod you can see the vein its how you know 🤫
Yay i love it when Kira’s on!
SAME HERE HEHE
YESSIR! Been waiting so long 🤩🤩
AYEEEE first commenter!! thank you!!!
Waiting for the next one with Kira already ❤ ❤❤
Oooo Eric is on the market nowww😏
I really like Kira's outfit! May I ask where did you get your top and cardigan? Thanks!
Oh Kira, the story of your brother. I would love to hear a happy memory of him. 🫂😥💗
its not equal but its fair
43:35 - that look into space lmao
GOJO reference spotted 🗣🗣🗣
😏😏😏
29:20 kira was like ''tf these weebs talking bout'' 🤣🤣🤣
Kira came back with the gems 💎 ❤
Our fave is back!!!
Kira is amazing
Can Kira please be a regular 🙏
i have the same wish - chloe
Kira i need to know how bad It was for you to decide that jumping out a moving car was the move
OK. I strongly disagree with how the woman in the middle interprets "In yeon" (or marriage fate). In my case, marriage is not just about checking boxes, meeting at the right time, and simply picking someone. I believe that the reason a person might not have found their match yet is because they haven't met the right one. From my own experience, I knew I was going to marry my husband within the first week of meeting him, and he felt the same way. At that time, neither of us wanted to get married, but our feelings soon changed as we got to know each other better.
Marriage is about compatibility. You’ll truly know you are compatible with someone in almost every aspect when you meet and talk to them. You feel empowered by each other’s love and perspectives, safe with one another, and you trust each other completely. You also come to love each other’s families because they love you too. My partner doesn’t fit all my "check boxes," and in fact, some of his qualities are quite different from what I expected for my husband. I’m not sure if this is what "In yeon" means, but for me, making a commitment was easy when I met the right person. We continue to fall in love with each other’s view of the world even to this day.
I want to share my own experiences and interpretation because I don’t want people to think that merely meeting all the check boxes means someone is the right person. I believe it’s deeper than that and, in my case, easier than that.
Ok I feel so connected with Kira on her thoughts on relationships and family. She couldn't have said it any better. If she is willing bring her back permanently
IF SHE IS WILLING!! T_T!! we'd love to have her!!
she does work full-time as a startup founder as well. busy busy lady ~
@@jomopod love the channel. Keep it up! Looking forward to the next new content
36:03 sounds like Samsung is gonna kill off Korea lmao
Not me tearing up when Eric said "even in the days where love waxes and wanes, the commitment is what keeps you together"🥲My partner and I just got married after 8 years, and I love this so much! Thanks for making my Wednesday working from home alone all the more cozy and insightful.
We need kevin as a guest
You’re in for a treat next week 😉 -eric
50:15 - Not me thinking she meant cocaine 💀
OKAY QUALITY
🫶🫶🫶🫶 hehe thank you for noticing
@@jomopod omg I had no idea yall were friends w my other fav podcast UTI🤩 COLLAB COLLAB
Wow Kira 😢
Kira is so genuine 🤧
I love KIRA !! She’s so spicy
we love her too!
Kira is so beautiful 😍😍😍
I just have to say great episode
thank you yaoz ~
We need Kira on the show full time
I'd love to talk with you guys in person about dating in LA if you're down to do this with a friendly stranger.
I'm a Korean guy who plays Scottish Highland Bagpipes, works on Star Wars videogames, and performs stand-up comedy around LA. I have some idiosyncratic stories.
0:51 is that Buddy in the background? 2 podcast guests!!
Omg great eye! Yes that’s our little sir budrick!
uh it’s like rubbing salt for eric
😂😂 ERIC 😂😂
So Eric. How many break ups untill world domination? Lol
I love Kira! She should stay on the podcast!!!
we'd love to have her 🫶