I'm not autistic, but I can relate to the shame and guilt asociated with having mistreated people due to not understanding bounderies, and expectations. Part of it is due to my adhd, and another is due to moving a lot, and because of that being very lonely when I was a younger. I'm better now, but I still struggle with the weight of realizing how my actions impacted people. I don't think it was meant for me, but I got lot from this video, and the timing was perfect so I am grateful regardless ❤️
ASD and ADHD are very closely related and overlapping conditions. So it makes sense that this'd relate to you too. And this video is for anyone who needs it. I'm glad it could help you feel seen x
Yeah i've been dealing with this a lot lately. I noticed that a mantra has helped me a bit after I saw Contrapoint's cringe video. "The cringe cannot hurt you. You are thinking this incident. But the people in that scenario are not. The cringe cannot touch you. They are not thinking about that scenario right now. They don't think about it the same way as you. The cringe is not here with you. The thought will dissipate. It is intrusive and it will pass as quickly as it came. The cringe cannot hurt you."
I too am autistic and I have this struggle as well. I think of all the time I have involuntary hurt somebody without knowing it or understanding why. Looking back, I understand better what I did wrong, though there is still a lot I don't understand. I still feel guilt, and I don't think it can go away. It doesn't matter that I didn't meant to cause harm, the harm exist and is independent of my intention. To accept who I am, or move on or whatever, is to stop growing, and that is unacceptable. The thing is, people don't have the time or the energy to explain what I am doing wrong (that's normal, it's not their job) and so I have to guess my mistakes which doesn't always go well. I used to think other people were irrational and I was more logical then most. Honestly, it's the reverse. Other people have reasons to do what they do, but I can't figure them out. I don't have the skills and the ability that other people have, and it not only harm others, it harms me as well. Again, I dislike this discourse of forgiving yourself and accept who I am because that's being complacent. Thank you for your video.
Yeah all of that is what I was saying in the video. And like I said, if a nurotypical person is educated they should give us some leniency and understand that we struggle to read those signs more than them. But the guilt and shame is real, as is people’s discomfort. And I think the only way to purge ourselves of that shame is to agknolege it and forgive ourselves. Cus it’s wrong for us to beat ourselves up for struggerling.
@@AliceQuinnRose In addition to cutting folks a bit of slack when I know someone is autistic I tend to feel like I can be more direct. (Now that I'm saying that... This mattered a lot more when I was read as a woman than it does now that people see me as a guy.) But anyway, my point was that it's not all an imposition
Ugh this is largely how I felt when I found out I was probably autistic. I had this feeling that even just being inadvertently annoying gave people a negative time and was therefore unethical or something. I'm doing a lot better now though, but I think its part of a lot of people's process of understanding themselves. Also I love your speaking voice!
It's so nice to see that you made a new video Alice! I can't tell you how excited I was. Even though I'm not neurodivergent (at least I don't have proof that I'm not) what you said was pretty relatable and got me thinking about what I have done, will do, and how to try and forgive myself for having done some things little by little. Thank you for sharing with us what you have been experiencing.
Thank you x I’m hoping to realise stuff more frequently. I got in my head about having to live up to TOFA and it just killed me. So there will be big videos like TOFA again. But until my resources increase they’ll be sparadic.
I'm not autistic, but I can relate to the shame and guilt asociated with having mistreated people due to not understanding bounderies, and expectations. Part of it is due to my adhd, and another is due to moving a lot, and because of that being very lonely when I was a younger. I'm better now, but I still struggle with the weight of realizing how my actions impacted people. I don't think it was meant for me, but I got lot from this video, and the timing was perfect so I am grateful regardless ❤️
ASD and ADHD are very closely related and overlapping conditions. So it makes sense that this'd relate to you too. And this video is for anyone who needs it. I'm glad it could help you feel seen x
as a schizoid I feel what youre saying more than I could possibly ever articulate. thank you for sharing
I loved this. I needed this. You're wonderful, thank you for making this
Yeah i've been dealing with this a lot lately. I noticed that a mantra has helped me a bit after I saw Contrapoint's cringe video.
"The cringe cannot hurt you.
You are thinking this incident. But the people in that scenario are not.
The cringe cannot touch you.
They are not thinking about that scenario right now. They don't think about it the same way as you.
The cringe is not here with you.
The thought will dissipate. It is intrusive and it will pass as quickly as it came.
The cringe cannot hurt you."
I too am autistic and I have this struggle as well. I think of all the time I have involuntary hurt somebody without knowing it or understanding why. Looking back, I understand better what I did wrong, though there is still a lot I don't understand. I still feel guilt, and I don't think it can go away. It doesn't matter that I didn't meant to cause harm, the harm exist and is independent of my intention. To accept who I am, or move on or whatever, is to stop growing, and that is unacceptable. The thing is, people don't have the time or the energy to explain what I am doing wrong (that's normal, it's not their job) and so I have to guess my mistakes which doesn't always go well. I used to think other people were irrational and I was more logical then most. Honestly, it's the reverse. Other people have reasons to do what they do, but I can't figure them out. I don't have the skills and the ability that other people have, and it not only harm others, it harms me as well. Again, I dislike this discourse of forgiving yourself and accept who I am because that's being complacent. Thank you for your video.
Yeah all of that is what I was saying in the video. And like I said, if a nurotypical person is educated they should give us some leniency and understand that we struggle to read those signs more than them. But the guilt and shame is real, as is people’s discomfort. And I think the only way to purge ourselves of that shame is to agknolege it and forgive ourselves. Cus it’s wrong for us to beat ourselves up for struggerling.
@@AliceQuinnRose In addition to cutting folks a bit of slack when I know someone is autistic I tend to feel like I can be more direct. (Now that I'm saying that... This mattered a lot more when I was read as a woman than it does now that people see me as a guy.) But anyway, my point was that it's not all an imposition
Ugh this is largely how I felt when I found out I was probably autistic. I had this feeling that even just being inadvertently annoying gave people a negative time and was therefore unethical or something. I'm doing a lot better now though, but I think its part of a lot of people's process of understanding themselves.
Also I love your speaking voice!
thank you 🥺
It's so nice to see that you made a new video Alice! I can't tell you how excited I was. Even though I'm not neurodivergent (at least I don't have proof that I'm not) what you said was pretty relatable and got me thinking about what I have done, will do, and how to try and forgive myself for having done some things little by little.
Thank you for sharing with us what you have been experiencing.
Thank you x I’m hoping to realise stuff more frequently. I got in my head about having to live up to TOFA and it just killed me. So there will be big videos like TOFA again. But until my resources increase they’ll be sparadic.
Honestly i often feel the same.
well if this didn't just completely sum up how I've been feeling lately