Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Why Are So Many Marriages Failing? 06:31 Most Common Reasons for Divorce 13:17 Should Couples Stay Together for the Kids? 21:44 Are Prenups Worth it? 32:13 How People Have a More Difficult Divorce Than Needed 39:35 James’s Most Outrageous Cases 47:21 Protecting a Positive View on Romance 50:55 Defending Someone You Morally Disagree With 56:37 The Problems in American Divorce Law 1:03:03 Dramatised Court Scenarios Vs Reality 1:08:49 James’s Issue with the Manosphere 1:13:17 Where to Find James
I love this dude. I remember now, his job is part attorney and part SOCIAL WORKER. He not only has to understand the black and white of legal, he also has to have the EQ to understand human dynamics. Love this guy!
As someone who has worked with abused children, I strongly disagree James advice that a non custodial (or custodial) should be waxing lyrical about mum's new boyfriend. The father should be keeping the lines of communication open with the child and led by the child. Children with mum's with boyfriends have high statistical dangers.
I have to say, Chris, it's a small thing, but I really appreciate how we get straight into the action with your podcast. No intros, jokes, interacting with the audience's stupid questions, or bits to ease the guest. Cut all that and go straight to the show. Love it.
Haha we DO speak before we start recording. The foreplay has already begun for a bit. But yeah I like getting straight into the action when it comes to the published ep, I think it respects everyone's listening time. This may change in future but currently it's my favourite approach. Glad you appreciate!
Listening to podcasts like DOAC, I always find myself skipping the first 2 and a half minutes. Being here and knowing that I can just let the video play reduces the friction that bit more. One of the many reasons why I enjoy this podcast over the rest. Keep up the great work Chris 👍
After 44 years of marriage, my wife is divorcing me. Nothing torrid, or unseemly, she is just an unhappy person and believes I am responsible for her unhappiness. I have a clear consciousness, I've done everything I can to preserve the marriage.. it is out of my control. I hate starting over, but I'll be fine. I'm a happy, optimistic person, and I wish my wife, soon to be ex, well. I think after it's all final, some day she'll realize, I wasn't the source of her unhappiness... My Mother often said, "you take yourself with you wherever you go".
Curious, how did you deal with her unhappiness for soooo long?! Did you recognize the red flags in the first decade? Asking bc I'm watching my friend go thru the same. Interested why you waited for her to file for divorce? Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 & best wishes on your new path to happiness.
I am sorry to hear this. I was feeling sorry for myself because my husband filed for divorce after 20 years of marriage. I didn’t think I would be here
There are just so many ways you can summarize the truth about marriage. The way he delivers it sounds familiar to many that lived a marriage or a long term relationships. Most will not make it because the base compatibility was never there. Then new societal values of easy pleasure and battle of sexes does not help either. I think the reason is that most men ( I"m a male)...don"t date enough and will settle with the first woman that gives us sexual pleasure even though not a good match. If we actually dated and had sex with at least 30 women 3 at the most would be a very good match.
Had a mediator who since my ex and I had nearly the same income decided it would be a good idea for me to pay 51 percent of my daughters college education and my wife 49 percent. (Paying for the child’s college education was not required by law). The real kicker is that the mediator thought it would be a good idea that she be appointed to oversee the distributions of the funds. It was clear that the mediator was mostly interested in making money from the deal. At that point I contacted an attorney in order to end the mediation. My ex hired a lawyer. In the next mediation session the seating at the table told the story. My ex, her attorney and the mediator sat at one end of the table, me and my attorney at the other. The lawyer and the mediator had been colluding in order to get as much as they could from me. In the end the mediation blew up and we went to trial. What I learned is how much some people like to argue and drag out the proceedings. At $300 per hour it pays to argue. My point is be ware of mediators and attorneys who are in to the process not to find a solution but to fatten their own pocket books.
Facts. Be weary of anyone who knows the system is broken but advice you take a leap of faith because that's living and experiencing heartbreak is worth the risk. N
I’m divorce lawyer and that’s definitely fair, there are some hacks out there. The unfortunate reality though is a lot of clients do decide to stiff their lawyers and stiff the mediators, and we are running businesses, so we do need to take precautions against not getting paid. Another important point is that a client can fire their lawyer at any time, but a lawyer needs the judge’s approval in order to quit working for the client, so we don’t want to be stuck doing work for someone who isn’t going to pay us.
A mediator will not be efficient in a contentious split with a high conflict ex. It's an expensive lesson. Thankfully, there were no children. If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman then it's time to exit a relationship safely.
I could listen to James Sexton for hours!! He still seems so positive even after seeing so many terrible things in divorce court. Glad you got to interview him.
I’m a divorce attorney myself and I love that James is able to speak facts both to me and people who aren’t in the business. Really rare to see someone who can bridge the gap between the professionals in the field and the people who aren’t experts.
James Sexton, "I wish you well, because when you love someone you wish them well even if it is to your detriment." I never knew a divorce lawyer could say one of the fundamental truths of having a good relationship.
With as much anger and hate that he deals with, to keep himself sane he has to know and understand what true joy is in other people. Alot of this is in relationships but also to protect kids in the divorce. If you love your kids you should do what is best for them even it it harms you, which means those kids get time with your ex because it is good for them, and at the same time you are loosing time with your kids, which is to your detriment. And you do it because you love your kids and want whats best for them.
Yeah, that certainly helps him make MORE MONEY in maintaining an unbiased perspective. Impossible to wish well the person you chose to live your life with and have a family with who betrays and stabs you in the back. ALLOW ME TO SAY: it’s OKAY to fucking hate that person for betraying you and destroying your children’s’ lives. It’s OKAY goddamnit. Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows. And that’s OKAY to admit.
I love everything Mr Sexton says. He is obviously very good at what he does and how he looks at every situation. He has an excellent take on humans and relationships. Probably the best I have ever heard. I stumbled upon him by accident but am so glad I did take the time to listen to his interviews. I forwarded them onto friends for them to listen. Even if they are not in relationships, everyone can take something very useful from his experience and his outlook.
@@neomacchio4692 if my wife committed an act of betrayal against me, there would be consequences. At that point I would cease loving her, and I would not "wish her well" because she is now "the Betrayer"
@@neomacchio4692it absolutely is fine to hate your ex if that's what you want to do. It isn't to force feed that view to your children. They make up their own damn minds. A good author sells a good story to make more money. So? It's still a good story.
If James Sexton reads the comment section, please do an interview that focuses solely on senior citizen divorces. This is hardly talked about and your perspective would be very interesting.
@@thesavvyhuman619beta bro speaks and that’s you. Stop the cap. This lawyer is an intellectual Alpha and he’ll break your arms and legs with his physical power and skill. Respect All-
He's not advertising for marriage at all but okay. Last podcast he was in he literally says, "The divorce rate is honestly probably around like 70% if you include people in marriages they're too afraid to leave @@randalldraco3822
Thank you so much Chris - this is gold-standard, solid, $1,000 an hour, legal advice completely free. As a divorce barrister of 34 years, I can tell you what James Sexton is saying here is also good advice for the Hong Kong and English family courts where I have practiced. 🙏
@@eunice6694 No valuable service is cheap. This person has acquired years of education and experience, then on top of that is at the top of their field. They have limited case load and represent clients with hundreds of millions at stake. That kind of expertise costs, like any other rare commodity.
Most couples don’t know how to communicate with each other. My husband and I went through a rough patch and went to a marriage therapist. This is what he said to us and helped us learn each other’s communication style. We are doing well now.😊
That's relationships in general. On some ways you know best how to navigate and in others you've walked yourself in a corner cutting off valid moves. A good mediator will remove that trap. A bad one will add a new trap on top
7:18. Social media can lead people to believe that there's always someone out there, better than their spouse. It's tempting to think if the marriage isn't going well, you can get divorced and start over.
@malekkushimuzik3580 pls dont hav kids .. they need 2 parents, together. . a relationship is a Choice. sorry you were never taught how to choose intimacy..
Sorry to hear that. Please do some meditation even if it's for 10 minutes. It can invigorate you and have an optimistic look. We can't change others. We can only change ourselves. Let go of negative emotions. Take some personal time like travel, some hobbies to think. When divorced people get married again, the chances of divorce goes up to 65%. The reason is that divorced people don't take time to ruminate what went wrong, vent their anger or other feelings towards the ex, get into another relationship very fast and repeat the same mistake. Wish you good luck in finding joy and peace with the person you love.
25:46 - "...we could weaponize against each other at a level where one of us walks out of this marriage and the other one crawls." Damn, that is brutal but so very real. Straight talk.
I fully agree with Mr Sexton here. Prenup conversation can be loving and caring. Here is how I brought it for my own marriage. " While we are still capable of civil and nice conversations, let's sign a prenup because I hate the idea of any of us weaponising money against the other." My fiance gladly accepted.
Recently married. I insisted on a prenup before marrying my husband. I had more financial resources and made more money than he did. I did not want to lose everything or half of everything in a divorce into the marriage not expecting a divorce but people change, and if he turned into somebody, I couldn’t love I didn’t wanna lose half of everything.
@@anniealexander9616 For medical reasons, children have been out of the picture since day 1. But we will still have our bucket of challenges anyway. Better come prepared.
Planning to fade out from this interview over to Audible to listen to you for 8 hours. Divorced, co-parenting for 11 years and blessed to pair bonding with a wonderful partner. It’s a tough road…but kids are healthy, happy, doing well. My ex is remarried, happy and we both now live in his hometown. We both grew up w nasty divorces. It’s an honor to be w my man because we breach the uncomfortable and usually, holding hands. Thank you for bringing Mr. Saxton, Esq. on the show. You bring on cerebral talent that provides good food for thought. Ta from PA
On just a relationship standpoint--not exclusive to marriage, including close friends and family--disconnection happens the moment a person goes into DENIAL of their obvious behaviors. The denial of behaviors, which also involves a disassociation of responsibility, immediately creates a huge rift. The elephant in the room has been born and one party refuses to acknowledge its existence. The longer that elephant exists, the bigger the rift (i.e. disconnect) becomes. Denial is a strong and overwhelmingly common defense mechanism to protect against insecurity, as well as just the simple selfish desire to not have to change. I've had close friendships come to a stall because some either refused to just admit that they had harmful behaviors (just admit it), while others have openly admitted their harmful behaviors (e.g. selfishness) and openly said they didn't want to change them. Becoming SELF AWARE is pivotal in building good relationships, because it permits you to truthfuly evaluate your own behaviors and their potential contribution to relational issues. At the same time, you become proficient in detecting denial in people, which helps immensely to avoid any potential pitfalls.
Actually you are missing what is going on with denial of actions. The disconnect between their words and actions is caused by lying. The horrifying reality to the victims of relationship exploiters (narcissists, sadists, prostitutes, etc.) is that they were never sincere. There is a saying "how a person does one thing is how they do everything". Huge exploitative lies aren't a one time thing. Those people never loved you, never told you the truth, it was all lies from before moment one. There really is no ultimate defense against chronic liars either. Just when you catch someone doing some unacceptable thing you break up rather than find ways of explaining away the lies by say calling it a defense mechanism and then you putting in work to keep a lying user in your life.
@Arielelian - YES you get it. None of the problems start with Actions. Cheating is a symptom, not the actual root cause issue (although it's easy for so many to claim it is ) when one partner emotionally withdraws completely (but is still there physically) and won't talk about it, it's hell.
@@danthesquirrel thats my dad! he was beating his kids whenever he was called out his abusive behavior he repeated we all made it up, " it is in your own head" they are never sorry what they do, they never loved you in the first place they just spread misery thats only way they know how to live
Even after watching this great conversation, I am still unconvinced about getting married in my life. Love can be unconditional, but relationships are not.
Personally, I think unconditional love doesnt exist in adult romantic relationships. I believe the only true unconditional love is from parent to child. Relationships require conditions such as mutual respect, trust, faithfulness, etc. Without those conditions, there is no relationship. Marriage is the same, it's a contract between two people that has conditions (vows). I think the more we have a realistic view of relationships and its purpsose vs a Disney view of them, the better one can make an informed decision of involvement.
@@pikalee3492 I share your views on the matter. I have a son, and I've only felt the love I do for him between myself and my own father and mother(from me to them, and in return). I can imagine the same between God(The Creator, whatever that may be) and us all, his Creations, where he would prefer us to live/associate/operate in a manner that leads to the optimization of prosperity and the reduction towards suffering among all, but he still allows us to choose which path we all take for the sake of a complete existence, one by voluntary participation instead of forced subjugation. Which comes back to marriage as a choice, a covenant that two human beings must agree to enter, with as much understanding of how great the work/effort and sacrifice it will require, especially in this day and age. Only until the divorce laws are altered, and the State is removed from the involvement with the sacred institution of marriage will I even consider proposing to a woman to enter into my life. Plus, I want as many children as I can produce with her, so she must also be prepared to follow me along that journey as well, without being married.
@@pikalee3492 Many people who have died and came back have said that overwhelming unconditional love exists in Christ. They actually FEEL it wash over them in waves. And right behind that often is a profound sense of security. 💗 It’s a real thing - we just find it nearly impossible to have this side of Heaven. 💕
I saw another interview with him where he said the failure rate of marriage is so high that getting married now meets the legal definition of negligence. 😅
I'm thankful to see my parents stayed married. Still going on 46 years now. Through all the trouble and fights, their faith in each other and commitment to that marriage they said the vows to, they took serious. Their faith in God together kept them together through everything. That's a rare sight to see now.
all these boomer tales dont mean shit anymore. they grew up in a completely different world. your mom didnt have a smartphone, people travelled less, etc..
@@manager4409 It's always a choice, if one values their marriage, challenges can be worked through. Apart from You Tube, I'm not any kind of SM. Sa me with my husband, except for X, which isn't as problematic as FB or IG. We keep our social sphere small & don't go anywhere of note without each other.
@@apriljohnson1067 That is because people have become more self centered and are unwilling to compromise. It is not a function of growing but rather of immaturity and entitlement.
@@charlesphilhower1452 I disagree. I was married 20 years. Compatibility is the most important thing in any relationship. Beyond this I am not the person today I was in my mid 20s when I was married. I did grow
@@apriljohnson1067 Yes and current generations tend to be more entitled and less mature than previous generations. It is a product of affluence and taking things for granted. Where this becomes a problem is when raising children and providing a stable emotional environment for these children which is one of the main reasons for getting married. There has been a massive increase in the divorce rate causing many children to be raised in unstable environments causing many of these children to be poor candidates for marriage because of the instability of their childhood.
@@charlesphilhower1452 I raised my children. Also aren’t you a “current generation?” We didn’t live as long previously and marriage was only tied to romantic love in the 19th century so who are you talking about?
The moment I knew I wanted to really give my now husband a chance before we really got serious was when I asked him a direct question about something difficult and, even though he could have lied about it easily and I likely never would have known, he told me the truth knowing full well that it likely meant I would back out immediately. The fact that he told me the truth and I could see that he was actively making sure the behavior had changed was what made me take a risk with him. Years later I am so glad I did. It was uncomfortable for a bit, but his character really showed through (no, he didn't cheat on me) and that character is a great role model for our children.
most women aren't logical like that though, especially young women. you see why in the old days in arranged marriage, the parents would basically choose and vet potential mates for their daughter for this reason.
My wife has asked me the same question probably half a dozen times during a walk we take, which is “if we won the lottery, what would you want to spend the money on?” If your partner is offended at the idea of you asking for a prenup, because you feel protective of your assets, then ask them this: “Before we get/got married, if you bought yourself a lottery ticket and won YOURself $10 million, which would give you full financial freedom - you certainly wouldn’t be dependent on me, and we proceeded with our engagement…Would you yourself ask for a prenup or would you split up those millions in the event of divorce?” Whatever their response, you know full well the likelihood they answer will be uncomfortable.
Exactly, disconnection included breaking down communication and intimacy. Sometimes it is necessary and right thing to do but not always feeling comfortable. He is better than a marriage counselor for which I am. It is too late to fix anything when divorce is on the table.
In the UK, prenuptial agreements: • are not legally enforceable; and • are, at best, an indicative note as to division of the assets. James is speaking exclusively as a US lawyer and should have made that clear.
@@KingsguardRPNo it’s not. I’m a lawyer. It might be followed, but only insofar as both parties state they still want to and insofar as it does not conflict with any other law, precedent or legal principle.
19:28 If mom was sneaking around with Tom before y'all split, it's going to be difficult to be upbeat about Tom. So, I think there are so many dynamics that play into that part.
Doesnt matter. Kids cant understand that, and it is more important that they learn how to be a good adult. Do you want them learning from you explaining (in a very vague and meaningless way) cheating ex being a hoe, or from you being the ideal father, given the situation?
@@morgan3688 look at your assumption that men are duty bound to put on a brave face and be kind to a guy & an ex-wife that wrecked their family. Bet you wouldn't say the same thing if the genders were reversed.
@@morgan3688ideally people would be able to just be totally cool right away, but in reality people are human and it may be difficult for some people at first. It will be an adjustment, but I agree it should be strived for.
You can hate her to your friends, but the kids have nothing to do with it, great fathers don’t equal great husbands and same goes for wives, she failed you, not the kids, you can hate her for a lifetime if it makes you happy, but to the children she isn’t a hoe, just no comment, I hate when people pit their kids against the other, if they’re truly a bad parent the kids will see it on their own, no need for you to play bad guy too
James Sexton is awesome. He is an awesome mix of masculinity, confidence, passion and emotion. And I didn’t think there would be a part time lover by Stevie Wonder reference in this! Before there was the fwb or side piece, there was the part time lover! Lol
I agreed with him all the way up to the end - when he characterized men who opt out of relationships in a negative light. I'm 55. As a younger man, I did the one-night-stand thing to death. I've had a few long-term relationships. I've been married and divorced. After my last relationship, I knew with 100% certainty that I was done. The simplest explanation is that while there are aspects of relationships that are great - the juice aint worth the squeeze. I've been voluntarily single for 14 years now. I don't date. No one-nighters. I have no inclination to couple at all. I live a life of peace and contentedness that I never experienced while I was in a relationship. When I was younger I drank and drugged. It was fun until it wasn't. I see relationships in the same light. I was fortunate to love some amazing women - but I don't need that anymore. If marriage and relationships work for people - great. Non-coupling for me is just a decision that works. An added advantage to non-coupling is that - when you remove the romantic/sexual subtext in your interactions with women - you can connect on a deeper level. There's no being distracted by the hope of 'getting a little something extra' out of the deal. Great interview. I've watched several with James Sexton. I love his insight.
I agree, for a pragmatic guy he seemed to drift into the fantastical with that last bit. By the way, I am in a similiar situation as you. Im 40 and coming to the realization that I will be single from here on out. I do get lonely attacks, then they go away. When does the loneliness stop? Im trying to learn how to mentally stay on top
Same, and I’m only 41. It’s nice to hear a man mention deeper connections without trying to get some game in. I have had absolutely lovely friendships with men that no outsider can ever imagine, simply because I treated them as an equal person and I don’t even know if a girl or woman DID that to them in their lives. Every time I hear someone claim men and women can’t be friends it’s like nails on a chalkboard and I only fill with contempt and pity. Sucks to be them!
James Sexton says what he thinks the interviewer wants to hear. With Rollo he’s redpill. With Lex he bashes RP. Now with Chris he’s ambiguous. James Sexton is pro James Sexton.
Death in childbirth and incurable disease would have certainly curtailed most people. It was only those who could control a large hareem could mitigate these risks.
Perhaps, make more effort to meet women: get family & friends to introduce you 2. get involved in something outside your job (volunteering, for example) 3. work on being your best self--working out, get therapy, if needed ext. Good Luck in your journey to love!
I love when he says each of us brings something to the relationship but we all lose something. One of the things that makes being a SAHM enjoyable (and the corresponding loss of my once considerable earning power) is that my husband and I both appreciate what we are giving up for this family. We continually talk to each other about our days, what makes us happy, what doesn’t (so much). He keeps my “sacrifices” in mind and if I find something about this life a little oppressive, we try to figure out together what can be done about that. I love that we can have hard conversations where we can be candid, and there are no hard feelings at the end of the day. Our toughest discussion was by far the prenup, but we came out stronger on the other side.
20 min 15 sec: "You are supposed to love your kids more than you hate your ex" I have a 13-year-old son not married to his mother anymore.This is straight biblical.
I love this dude. I remember now, his job is part attorney and part SOCIAL WORKER. He not only has to understand the black and white of legal, he also has to have the EQ to understand human dynamics. Love this guy!
No desire to get divorced but loved listening to this, James has a lot of good advice. Biggest take away, if it goes to court the only winners are the barristers 💸💸💸
Chris, just know that James was highly entertaining here, even though he didn't let you speak. So, kudos to you for likely recognizing this and not trying to interrupt him.
Huge fan of James, love every interview he's done. But I'll never understand where the insistence on shaming men who just want to be alone after many negative experiences comes from. Why is it so offensive to people that after a couple decades of touching hot stoves a guy finally says "I'm done" and walks away?
As usual, they take their money with them. That's why. It's as if the these men don't have hobbies and aren't enjoying a vibrant exciting life. It implies that you have to include women to have that kind of life.
I’ve heard him in interviews strongly advise marriage is a tough road, and to be weary, he doesn’t seem to advocate for everyone to be married. I think the date, fall in love, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all is for the younger guys who are not even wanting or considering the possibility of ever even being in a relationship. I liked when he said I don’t want to die without having any scars. That’s a better way to say you don’t want have any regrets.
@@anneb889 There are better risks and options to take than getting married to an American chick. He didn't mention getting a girl from outside the country for instance. A young guy can take risks that will set him up financially for life. They never mention those super beneficial risks. Just the ONE that has lots of downsides for the guy.
@@wayofthekodiak3118 It’s one thing to point out gender differences, the legal system, or advise not to walk down the aisle….but it’s another to say don’t date at all, ever, especially to a younger person who has never experienced dating or a real relationship. Being financially successful is good….but I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive. And most people do better financially later in a relationship/as you age. How long do you want them to wait? How financially successful is enough? When I met my husband he made 7$ an hour. I supported us when he decided to go back to school. Now he makes good money, but that’s been a long road, and several years. I would imagine if he tried to date now he would have to be a lot more careful of gold diggers than a chick who didn’t care about an 800$ car and 7$ an hour job and who has watched all the Columbo’s because for some reason he loves that annoying detective. Lol. It’s probably better to know someone before you’re too successful so you can really gauge who loves you, not just your money.
Same here. My wife does real estate, and she thinks if another real estate agent starts following her and sends her a DM just to ask how she's doing, they're just being friendly. I had to reverse the roles by asking her if she'd mind if I sent a DM to a girl I don't know, but works in my field, if she'd be ok with it. Noooow she gets it
I would like to see this guy on the same panel with the Gottman team ….that would be fabulous! But I really like this guy. I could listen to him all day along with the Gottman’s and Dr. Jordan Peterson. Thank you for having him on. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💪🏻
At 20 minutes in the advice he gives to manage divorce with kids is what is needed for good marriage. Mom always said “pay me now or more later” why not do the work on front end. But I’m going on 33 years married so I only have my perspective
I think you can learn A LOT from bad situations and decisions from others. He has the luxury of being exposed to that. And I think he’s very insightful.
Thank you! This was a fascinating conversation. As a student of marriage and the family and as a citizen of the world, I deeply appreciate your willingness to share these hard earned lessons.
Intimacies on FB…. That’s how my relationship started with new husband…. Benign conversations that eventually ramped up but neither one of us were married or in a serious relationship at the time.
Nanny history; Robin Williams (married her), Arnold S. (caused divorce), Ethan Hawke (married her), Gavin Rossdale (Gwen Stefani divorced him), et al. STUPID to let another hen into the nest who CARES for your sires.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Listening to this just makes me realise I wish I'd never got married and never had kids. The last bit of that discussion was ridiculous. I wish I'd never entered into any long term relationships.
I like this lawyer. Man, I needed him in the year 1999 to give me a talking to. Still very good to listen to his wise advice. I am looking in from overseas on an 🏝 of my choosing. Have a good weekend over there.
2:45 One thing I noticed is that younger women now aren't so willing to start their life at the starting line with their SO (like my parents or grandparents did). In my experiences, getting married for the GF was just something a wish list like getting a BMW convertible that one day would be disposable. Women now don't want to marry for love but for what the husband can provide FOR them and w/o the building of a life towards that.
In the past prior to feminism women didn't marry for love either.the woman was essentially transferred from her father to her husband to support her. She married whoever asked her as she needed a provider.
If those are the women your meeting. Then what are you putting out there that is drawing that kind of attention in. T Everything is a inside job, meaning what is locked into your subconscious is what is running 97% of your life. You are only conscious 3% of every day. The rest of the time your on auto pilot.
I'm a lawyer and I completely relate to being driven by the intellectual combat the practice of law entails. He's right, it's like chess. An overthinker's paradise. Growing up I was told I read into things too much, which is true. But now I get paid great money to do it. But his other points are why I'm such a bad dater. I ask the substantive questions very early on because I want to precisely avoid being surprised later on. Apparently this can scare someone off, but I don't care. If you don't do your due diligence you'll wind up needing Mr. Sexton's services.
Just had this conversation with my daughter. My grandson is 10 months old. I told her "What you want takes a backseat for the next 18 years. Your primary concern is turning this little one into a good human."
True happiness is a deep fulfillment that comes from making the right choices and investments In life. If you do a good job as a parent there’s nothing more fulfilling. And there’s nothing more depressing than knowing you’ve failed your kids
The truth behind divorce is a lot of people who get married should've never got married in the first place. Maybe people feel suffocated in the marriage and need some space and freedom, maybe they get bored of the monotony and stability of a marriage, maybe serial monogamy is their thing. It was also great to hear Chris and James discuss the bias/injustice of family court 56:38 . Marriage is dangerous, get a pre-nup to protect you from biased judges.
Don't marry someone who has cheated in previous marriages. From recent experience, i can tell you that they'll do it again, even if it takes 30 years to become apparent. I was warned, but still thought that he'd never cheat on me. He did. I divorced 2 years ago and he's still trying to renegotiate the settlement. It's not easy divorcing as a senior, especially when it comes to alimony, especially if he retired to make less money available during the divorce. Anyway, I am happier and finding out at 60 that i can take care of myself quite well
Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps:
00:00 Why Are So Many Marriages Failing?
06:31 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
13:17 Should Couples Stay Together for the Kids?
21:44 Are Prenups Worth it?
32:13 How People Have a More Difficult Divorce Than Needed
39:35 James’s Most Outrageous Cases
47:21 Protecting a Positive View on Romance
50:55 Defending Someone You Morally Disagree With
56:37 The Problems in American Divorce Law
1:03:03 Dramatised Court Scenarios Vs Reality
1:08:49 James’s Issue with the Manosphere
1:13:17 Where to Find James
No baseball cap. No stupid camera angles. No idiotic camera cuts every 3 seconds. No background music. No foul language. I like this channel.
I love this dude.
I remember now, his job is part attorney and part SOCIAL WORKER.
He not only has to understand the black and white of legal, he also has to have the EQ to understand human dynamics. Love this guy!
@@Michael-iw3ekI heard bad language quite early on.
As someone who has worked with abused children, I strongly disagree James advice that a non custodial (or custodial) should be waxing lyrical about mum's new boyfriend. The father should be keeping the lines of communication open with the child and led by the child. Children with mum's with boyfriends have high statistical dangers.
What a superb podcast! Thank you Chris once again ❤
I have to say, Chris, it's a small thing, but I really appreciate how we get straight into the action with your podcast. No intros, jokes, interacting with the audience's stupid questions, or bits to ease the guest. Cut all that and go straight to the show. Love it.
Haha we DO speak before we start recording. The foreplay has already begun for a bit. But yeah I like getting straight into the action when it comes to the published ep, I think it respects everyone's listening time. This may change in future but currently it's my favourite approach. Glad you appreciate!
Listening to podcasts like DOAC, I always find myself skipping the first 2 and a half minutes. Being here and knowing that I can just let the video play reduces the friction that bit more. One of the many reasons why I enjoy this podcast over the rest. Keep up the great work Chris 👍
1000%
NOT a small thing to some of us!😊
@@vermithor51ac I think that goes on a different website
After 44 years of marriage, my wife is divorcing me. Nothing torrid, or unseemly, she is just an unhappy person and believes I am responsible for her unhappiness. I have a clear consciousness, I've done everything I can to preserve the marriage.. it is out of my control. I hate starting over, but I'll be fine. I'm a happy, optimistic person, and I wish my wife, soon to be ex, well. I think after it's all final, some day she'll realize, I wasn't the source of her unhappiness... My Mother often said, "you take yourself with you wherever you go".
Wise mother y got there....goodluck on y new singleness its not so bad..
Curious, how did you deal with her unhappiness for soooo long?! Did you recognize the red flags in the first decade? Asking bc I'm watching my friend go thru the same. Interested why you waited for her to file for divorce? Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 & best wishes on your new path to happiness.
Research red pill manosphere content. Your story is typical. Modern woman is not wired for marriage.
Hopefully you aren't on the hook to support your non-wife
I am sorry to hear this. I was feeling sorry for myself because my husband filed for divorce after 20 years of marriage. I didn’t think I would be here
He's literally said every single thing I've heard him say in every single interview before. But I still enjoyed it.
It’s good reinforcement.
Very interesting to listen to. Many of the things he talks about we’ve experienced.
Diary of a CEO podcast with him was far more powerful, brought out lots of emotion
There are just so many ways you can summarize the truth about marriage. The way he delivers it sounds familiar to many that lived a marriage or a long term relationships. Most will not make it because the base compatibility was never there. Then new societal values of easy pleasure and battle of sexes does not help either.
I think the reason is that most men ( I"m a male)...don"t date enough and will settle with the first woman that gives us sexual pleasure even though not a good match. If we actually dated and had sex with at least 30 women 3 at the most would be a very good match.
@@topdev_tech9156
Or, in his case, he gets asked the same shit so he answers the same shit.
Had a mediator who since my ex and I had nearly the same income decided it would be a good idea for me to pay 51 percent of my daughters college education and my wife 49 percent. (Paying for the child’s college education was not required by law). The real kicker is that the mediator thought it would be a good idea that she be appointed to oversee the distributions of the funds. It was clear that the mediator was mostly interested in making money from the deal. At that point I contacted an attorney in order to end the mediation. My ex hired a lawyer. In the next mediation session the seating at the table told the story. My ex, her attorney and the mediator sat at one end of the table, me and my attorney at the other. The lawyer and the mediator had been colluding in order to get as much as they could from me. In the end the mediation blew up and we went to trial. What I learned is how much some people like to argue and drag out the proceedings. At $300 per hour it pays to argue. My point is be ware of mediators and attorneys who are in to the process not to find a solution but to fatten their own pocket books.
Facts. Be weary of anyone who knows the system is broken but advice you take a leap of faith because that's living and experiencing heartbreak is worth the risk.
N
I, too, had a very bad experience with mediation - the mediators (lawyers) colluded with each other, and I was left high and dry.
I’m divorce lawyer and that’s definitely fair, there are some hacks out there. The unfortunate reality though is a lot of clients do decide to stiff their lawyers and stiff the mediators, and we are running businesses, so we do need to take precautions against not getting paid. Another important point is that a client can fire their lawyer at any time, but a lawyer needs the judge’s approval in order to quit working for the client, so we don’t want to be stuck doing work for someone who isn’t going to pay us.
That's all of them
A mediator will not be efficient in a contentious split with a high conflict ex. It's an expensive lesson. Thankfully, there were no children.
If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman then it's time to exit a relationship safely.
I could listen to James Sexton for hours!! He still seems so positive even after seeing so many terrible things in divorce court. Glad you got to interview him.
I can imagine that having a Birds Eye view on peoples relationship issues has made him realise how over complicated we make life
@@supreme_zeeyus Good point!
I’m a divorce attorney myself and I love that James is able to speak facts both to me and people who aren’t in the business. Really rare to see someone who can bridge the gap between the professionals in the field and the people who aren’t experts.
what do you imagine he charges per hour? surely he does all these media interviews because it increases his value right?
Even rarer to see an attorney acknowledging the competence and talent of an other one. Kudos to you!
James Sexton, "I wish you well, because when you love someone you wish them well even if it is to your detriment." I never knew a divorce lawyer could say one of the fundamental truths of having a good relationship.
With as much anger and hate that he deals with, to keep himself sane he has to know and understand what true joy is in other people. Alot of this is in relationships but also to protect kids in the divorce. If you love your kids you should do what is best for them even it it harms you, which means those kids get time with your ex because it is good for them, and at the same time you are loosing time with your kids, which is to your detriment. And you do it because you love your kids and want whats best for them.
Yeah, that certainly helps him make MORE MONEY in maintaining an unbiased perspective.
Impossible to wish well the person you chose to live your life with and have a family with who betrays and stabs you in the back.
ALLOW ME TO SAY: it’s OKAY to fucking hate that person for betraying you and destroying your children’s’ lives. It’s OKAY goddamnit.
Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows. And that’s OKAY to admit.
I love everything Mr Sexton says. He is obviously very good at what he does and how he looks at every situation. He has an excellent take on humans and relationships. Probably the best I have ever heard. I stumbled upon him by accident but am so glad I did take the time to listen to his interviews. I forwarded them onto friends for them to listen. Even if they are not in relationships, everyone can take something very useful from his experience and his outlook.
@@neomacchio4692 if my wife committed an act of betrayal against me, there would be consequences. At that point I would cease loving her, and I would not "wish her well" because she is now "the Betrayer"
@@neomacchio4692it absolutely is fine to hate your ex if that's what you want to do. It isn't to force feed that view to your children. They make up their own damn minds. A good author sells a good story to make more money. So? It's still a good story.
If James Sexton reads the comment section, please do an interview that focuses solely on senior citizen divorces. This is hardly talked about and your perspective would be very interesting.
Very well said…
And it’s such a BAD time in life to do that.
SAME issues they are just OLD and over the bullshyte😊
Yes that would be great ! Also that would most likely include a discussion on possible post nuptial agreement. What’s his perspective
Easy. Emotionally abu$ed women hit their limit.
Once the kids are gone and you realize how few years you have left, you hit that limit.
I hope James starts a podcast. Listening to him has taught me a lot.
Sexton is by far the best pill to the red pill movement that I've heard so far.
It’s better to hear info from an actual educated person versus some alpha bro😅
@@thesavvyhuman619beta bro speaks and that’s you.
Stop the cap.
This lawyer is an intellectual Alpha and he’ll break your arms and legs with his physical power and skill.
Respect All-
@@karamleviyou’re embarrassing
He's not advertising for marriage at all but okay. Last podcast he was in he literally says, "The divorce rate is honestly probably around like 70% if you include people in marriages they're too afraid to leave @@randalldraco3822
@@karamleviand seeing as how you need to tear somebody down in order to bolster your own self esteem, what does that make you?
Thank you so much Chris - this is gold-standard, solid, $1,000 an hour, legal advice completely free. As a divorce barrister of 34 years, I can tell you what James Sexton is saying here is also good advice for the Hong Kong and English family courts where I have practiced. 🙏
So we have it here then, we can take this as legal advice? 😅
Why does it cost so much?
@@eunice6694 No valuable service is cheap. This person has acquired years of education and experience, then on top of that is at the top of their field. They have limited case load and represent clients with hundreds of millions at stake. That kind of expertise costs, like any other rare commodity.
£1000/hr for advice. That's a racket.
I noticed your avatar. Are you an ancestor of the Qing dynasty?
Chris did a great job of letting James speak. Good job Chris!
Agreed this episode solidifies why he is such a good interviewer.
James is a terrific speaker and presenter. Loving his eloquent insight on this
I love James Sexton’s humor. I laughed out loud while listening to him in a quiet restaurant. He made my day. 😂😅🤣😇👏👏👏🔥🔥😎
Most couples don’t know how to communicate with each other. My husband and I went through a rough patch and went to a marriage therapist. This is what he said to us and helped us learn each other’s communication style. We are doing well now.😊
It’s very difficult to find a good therapist though. 🤔
That's relationships in general. On some ways you know best how to navigate and in others you've walked yourself in a corner cutting off valid moves. A good mediator will remove that trap. A bad one will add a new trap on top
@@sarahkercheval8964even should you find one it's probably too late. Especially if one of the partners doesn't want to or think they need to.
Did you cheat?
@@whatthearthur8660, No, he did.
7:18. Social media can lead people to believe that there's always someone out there, better than their spouse. It's tempting to think if the marriage isn't going well, you can get divorced and start over.
Sometimes there is someone better out there. Sometimes you can get divorced and start over.
@@johnkerr762Don't commit. All relationships are temporary.
The illusion of options!
@malekkushimuzik3580 pls dont hav kids .. they need 2 parents, together.
.
a relationship is a Choice.
sorry you were never taught how to choose intimacy..
@@johnkerr762
"starting over" only changes flavors..
choose wisely.
James is just one of those fascinating people you could listen to for hours and hours. I love how plainly he puts the trruth. Great podcast thanks!
I'm going through a divorce. it's traumatic, and mentally draining. Lawyers, and court fees are extremely costly.
What caused you to divorce sir/mam? Would you wanna share on that
Sorry to hear that. Please do some meditation even if it's for 10 minutes. It can invigorate you and have an optimistic look. We can't change others. We can only change ourselves.
Let go of negative emotions. Take some personal time like travel, some hobbies to think. When divorced people get married again, the chances of divorce goes up to 65%.
The reason is that divorced people don't take time to ruminate what went wrong, vent their anger or other feelings towards the ex, get into another relationship very fast and repeat the same mistake.
Wish you good luck in finding joy and peace with the person you love.
25:46 - "...we could weaponize against each other at a level where one of us walks out of this marriage and the other one crawls." Damn, that is brutal but so very real. Straight talk.
I fully agree with Mr Sexton here. Prenup conversation can be loving and caring. Here is how I brought it for my own marriage. " While we are still capable of civil and nice conversations, let's sign a prenup because I hate the idea of any of us weaponising money against the other." My fiance gladly accepted.
Hope she doesn't plan on having children while you are furthering your career.
Recently married. I insisted on a prenup before marrying my husband. I had more financial resources and made more money than he did. I did not want to lose everything or half of everything in a divorce into the marriage not expecting a divorce but people change, and if he turned into somebody, I couldn’t love I didn’t wanna lose half of everything.
@@anniealexander9616 For medical reasons, children have been out of the picture since day 1. But we will still have our bucket of challenges anyway. Better come prepared.
1 pin holes is small but 100 creates a huge hole. Same with love and trust. Many little things over time can put a hole in ur heart...
I could listen to this man for hours. He's brilliant.
🤷♀️Honestly, it’s just common sense 😶and less brilliance
Great interview! Good lawyers are some of the most fascinating, articulate, brilliant people in the world. James Sexton is one of these people
Planning to fade out from this interview over to Audible to listen to you for 8 hours. Divorced, co-parenting for 11 years and blessed to pair bonding with a wonderful partner. It’s a tough road…but kids are healthy, happy, doing well. My ex is remarried, happy and we both now live in his hometown. We both grew up w nasty divorces. It’s an honor to be w my man because we breach the uncomfortable and usually, holding hands.
Thank you for bringing Mr. Saxton, Esq. on the show. You bring on cerebral talent that provides good food for thought. Ta from PA
On just a relationship standpoint--not exclusive to marriage, including close friends and family--disconnection happens the moment a person goes into DENIAL of their obvious behaviors.
The denial of behaviors, which also involves a disassociation of responsibility, immediately creates a huge rift. The elephant in the room has been born and one party refuses to acknowledge its existence. The longer that elephant exists, the bigger the rift (i.e. disconnect) becomes.
Denial is a strong and overwhelmingly common defense mechanism to protect against insecurity, as well as just the simple selfish desire to not have to change. I've had close friendships come to a stall because some either refused to just admit that they had harmful behaviors (just admit it), while others have openly admitted their harmful behaviors (e.g. selfishness) and openly said they didn't want to change them.
Becoming SELF AWARE is pivotal in building good relationships, because it permits you to truthfuly evaluate your own behaviors and their potential contribution to relational issues. At the same time, you become proficient in detecting denial in people, which helps immensely to avoid any potential pitfalls.
Actually you are missing what is going on with denial of actions. The disconnect between their words and actions is caused by lying. The horrifying reality to the victims of relationship exploiters (narcissists, sadists, prostitutes, etc.) is that they were never sincere. There is a saying "how a person does one thing is how they do everything". Huge exploitative lies aren't a one time thing. Those people never loved you, never told you the truth, it was all lies from before moment one. There really is no ultimate defense against chronic liars either. Just when you catch someone doing some unacceptable thing you break up rather than find ways of explaining away the lies by say calling it a defense mechanism and then you putting in work to keep a lying user in your life.
I feel that.
@Arielelian - YES you get it. None of the problems start with Actions. Cheating is a symptom, not the actual root cause issue (although it's easy for so many to claim it is ) when one partner emotionally withdraws completely (but is still there physically) and won't talk about it, it's hell.
So well stated!!! ❤
@@danthesquirrel
thats my dad! he was beating his kids whenever he was called out his abusive behavior he repeated we all made it up, " it is in your own head"
they are never sorry what they do, they never loved you in the first place
they just spread misery thats only way they know how to live
Love listening to James to improve my marriage and avoid a future divorce. Thank you James for these golden nuggets!
Even after watching this great conversation, I am still unconvinced about getting married in my life.
Love can be unconditional, but relationships are not.
Personally, I think unconditional love doesnt exist in adult romantic relationships. I believe the only true unconditional love is from parent to child. Relationships require conditions such as mutual respect, trust, faithfulness, etc. Without those conditions, there is no relationship. Marriage is the same, it's a contract between two people that has conditions (vows). I think the more we have a realistic view of relationships and its purpsose vs a Disney view of them, the better one can make an informed decision of involvement.
@@pikalee3492 I share your views on the matter. I have a son, and I've only felt the love I do for him between myself and my own father and mother(from me to them, and in return). I can imagine the same between God(The Creator, whatever that may be) and us all, his Creations, where he would prefer us to live/associate/operate in a manner that leads to the optimization of prosperity and the reduction towards suffering among all, but he still allows us to choose which path we all take for the sake of a complete existence, one by voluntary participation instead of forced subjugation. Which comes back to marriage as a choice, a covenant that two human beings must agree to enter, with as much understanding of how great the work/effort and sacrifice it will require, especially in this day and age. Only until the divorce laws are altered, and the State is removed from the involvement with the sacred institution of marriage will I even consider proposing to a woman to enter into my life. Plus, I want as many children as I can produce with her, so she must also be prepared to follow me along that journey as well, without being married.
@@pikalee3492
Many people who have died and came back have said that overwhelming unconditional love exists in Christ.
They actually FEEL it wash over them in waves.
And right behind that often is a profound sense of security. 💗
It’s a real thing - we just find it nearly impossible to have this side of Heaven.
💕
This dude kills it wherever he goes...very good stright insights
I saw another interview with him where he said the failure rate of marriage is so high that getting married now meets the legal definition of negligence. 😅
It depends on what socioeconomic group you're looking at. College-educated couples have a twenty-something percent divorce rate.
“Moral Hazard” as it’s called in the insurance industry. Hence why you can’t get “marriage insurance”.
You mean the future rate of *divorce*, right?
Well when someone has a 50% failure rate (in 1st marriages that is) no wonder they’re labelling that way.
28:55 "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." How true.
James Sexton is without-a-doubt the epitome of intelligent discussion about marriage. Not just divorce but the reality of an imperfect risk dynamic.
1:08:00 I absolutely agree, why be ashamed that you want to improve your skills and understanding in relationships.
This is the second time I have heard James Sexton interviewed. I like his positive outlook and zest for life.
I'm thankful to see my parents stayed married. Still going on 46 years now. Through all the trouble and fights, their faith in each other and commitment to that marriage they said the vows to, they took serious. Their faith in God together kept them together through everything. That's a rare sight to see now.
all these boomer tales dont mean shit anymore. they grew up in a completely different world. your mom didnt have a smartphone, people travelled less, etc..
@@manager4409 It's always a choice, if one values their marriage, challenges can be worked through. Apart from You Tube, I'm not any kind of SM. Sa me with my husband, except for X, which isn't as problematic as FB or IG. We keep our social sphere small & don't go anywhere of note without each other.
“Remember that love is not permanently gifted. It is loaned”. 🔥
Wow
Beautiful words😮
Part of the problem is unrealistic expectations and unwillingness to compromise.
Part of the problem is that we expect forever and we change over time
@@apriljohnson1067 That is because people have become more self centered and are unwilling to compromise. It is not a function of growing but rather of immaturity and entitlement.
@@charlesphilhower1452 I disagree. I was married 20 years. Compatibility is the most important thing in any relationship. Beyond this I am not the person today I was in my mid 20s when I was married. I did grow
@@apriljohnson1067 Yes and current generations tend to be more entitled and less mature than previous generations. It is a product of affluence and taking things for granted.
Where this becomes a problem is when raising children and providing a stable emotional environment for these children which is one of the main reasons for getting married.
There has been a massive increase in the divorce rate causing many children to be raised in unstable environments causing many of these children to be poor candidates for marriage because of the instability of their childhood.
@@charlesphilhower1452 I raised my children. Also aren’t you a “current generation?” We didn’t live as long previously and marriage was only tied to romantic love in the 19th century so who are you talking about?
The moment I knew I wanted to really give my now husband a chance before we really got serious was when I asked him a direct question about something difficult and, even though he could have lied about it easily and I likely never would have known, he told me the truth knowing full well that it likely meant I would back out immediately. The fact that he told me the truth and I could see that he was actively making sure the behavior had changed was what made me take a risk with him. Years later I am so glad I did. It was uncomfortable for a bit, but his character really showed through (no, he didn't cheat on me) and that character is a great role model for our children.
most women aren't logical like that though, especially young women. you see why in the old days in arranged marriage, the parents would basically choose and vet potential mates for their daughter for this reason.
if i may ask plz, what was the question u asked him + answer? or at least the question
@@manager4409
That actually never happened. The father did everything to get rid of his daughters.
What a brilliant guest! I never married, but I was hooked from beginning to end 👏
My wife has asked me the same question probably half a dozen times during a walk we take, which is “if we won the lottery, what would you want to spend the money on?”
If your partner is offended at the idea of you asking for a prenup, because you feel protective of your assets, then ask them this: “Before we get/got married, if you bought yourself a lottery ticket and won YOURself $10 million, which would give you full financial freedom - you certainly wouldn’t be dependent on me, and we proceeded with our engagement…Would you yourself ask for a prenup or would you split up those millions in the event of divorce?”
Whatever their response, you know full well the likelihood they answer will be uncomfortable.
Short answer: the $10 million is a non-marital asset won before the marriage.
Real answer: she's just become unmarriagable, since her ego skyrocketed while her value as a potential wife nosedived.
Exactly, disconnection included breaking down communication and intimacy. Sometimes it is necessary and right thing to do but not always feeling comfortable. He is better than a marriage counselor for which I am. It is too late to fix anything when divorce is on the table.
Thank you for getting to the content right away without fluffy intros, etc. I absolutely appreciate this!
So nice to not have to skip forward 5 minutes or any of that. I understand the live wait time but after for replays..
Can listen to James Sexton all day and night. Legend.
I would love to see a discussion between James and Jordan Peterson!
They have
In the UK, prenuptial agreements:
• are not legally enforceable; and
• are, at best, an indicative note as to division of the assets.
James is speaking exclusively as a US lawyer and should have made that clear.
As an Australian lawyer, I agree. Laws are different in other countries.
It's enforceable if done right.
@@KingsguardRPNo it’s not. I’m a lawyer. It might be followed, but only insofar as both parties state they still want to and insofar as it does not conflict with any other law, precedent or legal principle.
Same in Ireland
Can you not tell he’s an American lawyer from hearing his voice lmao
19:28 If mom was sneaking around with Tom before y'all split, it's going to be difficult to be upbeat about Tom. So, I think there are so many dynamics that play into that part.
Doesnt matter. Kids cant understand that, and it is more important that they learn how to be a good adult. Do you want them learning from you explaining (in a very vague and meaningless way) cheating ex being a hoe, or from you being the ideal father, given the situation?
@@morgan3688 look at your assumption that men are duty bound to put on a brave face and be kind to a guy & an ex-wife that wrecked their family. Bet you wouldn't say the same thing if the genders were reversed.
@@morgan3688ideally people would be able to just be totally cool right away, but in reality people are human and it may be difficult for some people at first. It will be an adjustment, but I agree it should be strived for.
You can hate her to your friends, but the kids have nothing to do with it, great fathers don’t equal great husbands and same goes for wives, she failed you, not the kids, you can hate her for a lifetime if it makes you happy, but to the children she isn’t a hoe, just no comment, I hate when people pit their kids against the other, if they’re truly a bad parent the kids will see it on their own, no need for you to play bad guy too
If you’re a good parent, you swallow your ego and put the kids first. Period. Same goes for men and women.
This is the 5th interview I've heard of this guy, and they are all good.
James Sexton is awesome. He is an awesome mix of masculinity, confidence, passion and emotion. And I didn’t think there would be a part time lover by Stevie Wonder reference in this! Before there was the fwb or side piece, there was the part time lover! Lol
“I’ve seen every variety of human chaos and misery in 23 years of doing this. I’ve seen people just emilliate themselves.” Wild.
immolate
I agreed with him all the way up to the end - when he characterized men who opt out of relationships in a negative light. I'm 55. As a younger man, I did the one-night-stand thing to death. I've had a few long-term relationships. I've been married and divorced. After my last relationship, I knew with 100% certainty that I was done. The simplest explanation is that while there are aspects of relationships that are great - the juice aint worth the squeeze. I've been voluntarily single for 14 years now. I don't date. No one-nighters. I have no inclination to couple at all. I live a life of peace and contentedness that I never experienced while I was in a relationship. When I was younger I drank and drugged. It was fun until it wasn't. I see relationships in the same light. I was fortunate to love some amazing women - but I don't need that anymore. If marriage and relationships work for people - great. Non-coupling for me is just a decision that works. An added advantage to non-coupling is that - when you remove the romantic/sexual subtext in your interactions with women - you can connect on a deeper level. There's no being distracted by the hope of 'getting a little something extra' out of the deal. Great interview. I've watched several with James Sexton. I love his insight.
I agree, for a pragmatic guy he seemed to drift into the fantastical with that last bit. By the way, I am in a similiar situation as you. Im 40 and coming to the realization that I will be single from here on out. I do get lonely attacks, then they go away. When does the loneliness stop? Im trying to learn how to mentally stay on top
Same, and I’m only 41. It’s nice to hear a man mention deeper connections without trying to get some game in. I have had absolutely lovely friendships with men that no outsider can ever imagine, simply because I treated them as an equal person and I don’t even know if a girl or woman DID that to them in their lives. Every time I hear someone claim men and women can’t be friends it’s like nails on a chalkboard and I only fill with contempt and pity. Sucks to be them!
Well said. Thank you. Being alone can be beautiful. And there is nothing wrong with being celibate.
You gave up on sex and affection at 41? Jesus Christ
James Sexton says what he thinks the interviewer wants to hear. With Rollo he’s redpill. With Lex he bashes RP. Now with Chris he’s ambiguous. James Sexton is pro James Sexton.
>"do you think our biology was designed to have that many mating choices out there?"
Bro I have exactly ZERO mating choices on my phone or otherwise
good point
Death in childbirth and incurable disease would have certainly curtailed most people. It was only those who could control a large hareem could mitigate these risks.
Different story for chics.
Meanawhile that cute girl whose photo you just liked just received 100 new dms in the past hour.
Perhaps, make more effort to meet women: get family & friends to introduce you 2. get involved in something outside your job (volunteering, for example) 3. work on being your best self--working out, get therapy, if needed ext. Good Luck in your journey to love!
Simple. Marriage lasted because the family unit was a means of protection for survival.
They may have lasted, but they weren't good healthy relationships
@@wyleecoyotee4252 A relationship that lasts IS a healthy relationship. Remember: nobody loves you, honey.
@@user-og6hl6lv7p
Absolutely NOT.
If they were healthy as you claim, women wouldn't divorce
Sadly
The tribe was survival. Marriage began when we split from tribe and has now become our economic stability. That doesn’t work
I love when he says each of us brings something to the relationship but we all lose something. One of the things that makes being a SAHM enjoyable (and the corresponding loss of my once considerable earning power) is that my husband and I both appreciate what we are giving up for this family. We continually talk to each other about our days, what makes us happy, what doesn’t (so much). He keeps my “sacrifices” in mind and if I find something about this life a little oppressive, we try to figure out together what can be done about that. I love that we can have hard conversations where we can be candid, and there are no hard feelings at the end of the day. Our toughest discussion was by far the prenup, but we came out stronger on the other side.
So did you get a prenup, how did it went, Could you go into detail more about tht?
James Sexton is such a candid, brilliant voice ❤️
Great interviewing, Chris! You let the guy talk. Alot of TH-cam interviewers could learn a great deal by watching and listening 🎧 to Chris!😋😋
Great interview - James Sexton is brilliant and refreshing.
Eminently wise and easy to listen to lawyer. So refreshing to hear such insight and his phrasing and sayings kept coming up roses. Great podcast.
20 min 15 sec: "You are supposed to love your kids more than you hate your ex"
I have a 13-year-old son not married to his mother anymore.This is straight biblical.
I love this dude.
I remember now, his job is part attorney and part SOCIAL WORKER.
He not only has to understand the black and white of legal, he also has to have the EQ to understand human dynamics. Love this guy!
No desire to get divorced but loved listening to this, James has a lot of good advice.
Biggest take away, if it goes to court the only winners are the barristers 💸💸💸
Chris, just know that James was highly entertaining here, even though he didn't let you speak. So, kudos to you for likely recognizing this and not trying to interrupt him.
Huge fan of James, love every interview he's done. But I'll never understand where the insistence on shaming men who just want to be alone after many negative experiences comes from. Why is it so offensive to people that after a couple decades of touching hot stoves a guy finally says "I'm done" and walks away?
As usual, they take their money with them. That's why. It's as if the these men don't have hobbies and aren't enjoying a vibrant exciting life. It implies that you have to include women to have that kind of life.
Because he makes his living off of divorces.
I’ve heard him in interviews strongly advise marriage is a tough road, and to be weary, he doesn’t seem to advocate for everyone to be married. I think the date, fall in love, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all is for the younger guys who are not even wanting or considering the possibility of ever even being in a relationship. I liked when he said I don’t want to die without having any scars. That’s a better way to say you don’t want have any regrets.
@@anneb889 There are better risks and options to take than getting married to an American chick. He didn't mention getting a girl from outside the country for instance. A young guy can take risks that will set him up financially for life. They never mention those super beneficial risks. Just the ONE that has lots of downsides for the guy.
@@wayofthekodiak3118 It’s one thing to point out gender differences, the legal system, or advise not to walk down the aisle….but it’s another to say don’t date at all, ever, especially to a younger person who has never experienced dating or a real relationship. Being financially successful is good….but I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive. And most people do better financially later in a relationship/as you age. How long do you want them to wait? How financially successful is enough? When I met my husband he made 7$ an hour. I supported us when he decided to go back to school. Now he makes good money, but that’s been a long road, and several years. I would imagine if he tried to date now he would have to be a lot more careful of gold diggers than a chick who didn’t care about an 800$ car and 7$ an hour job and who has watched all the Columbo’s because for some reason he loves that annoying detective. Lol. It’s probably better to know someone before you’re too successful so you can really gauge who loves you, not just your money.
"I love you enough, to tell you the truth" Wow, that should be in Bold Font Italics right there.
What an eye opening discussion!! Thank you for this information!!!
One of the best of Chris with James.
The social media part is what gets me most
Same here. My wife does real estate, and she thinks if another real estate agent starts following her and sends her a DM just to ask how she's doing, they're just being friendly. I had to reverse the roles by asking her if she'd mind if I sent a DM to a girl I don't know, but works in my field, if she'd be ok with it. Noooow she gets it
I would like to see this guy on the same panel with the Gottman team ….that would be fabulous! But I really like this guy. I could listen to him all day along with the Gottman’s and Dr. Jordan Peterson. Thank you for having him on. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💪🏻
Fantastic speaker. Thank you for this interview.
I just love hearing his perspectives.
Would love you to have Dr.Gabor Mate
The perfect guest for the show, Chris. Well played!
At 17:00 : He was extremely spot on about a “Special kind of psycho”.
Amazing insight!
At 20 minutes in the advice he gives to manage divorce with kids is what is needed for good marriage. Mom always said “pay me now or more later” why not do the work on front end. But I’m going on 33 years married so I only have my perspective
He is SO right - guard your entry points!
There's so much truth here - how to handle separation and divorce with kids involved. Wow!
"The hard thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing"
The simple answer is,the Devil hates Families.
😂😂😂hope it’s a joke
I think you can learn A LOT from bad situations and decisions from others. He has the luxury of being exposed to that. And I think he’s very insightful.
Thank you! This was a fascinating conversation. As a student of marriage and the family and as a citizen of the world, I deeply appreciate your willingness to share these hard earned lessons.
Very important content! Excellent food for thought for millions of people around the world.
Intimacies on FB…. That’s how my relationship started with new husband…. Benign conversations that eventually ramped up but neither one of us were married or in a serious relationship at the time.
Nanny history; Robin Williams (married her), Arnold S. (caused divorce), Ethan Hawke (married her), Gavin Rossdale (Gwen Stefani divorced him), et al. STUPID to let another hen into the nest who CARES for your sires.
Remember that film The Hand that Rocks the Cradle? Intense nanny drama.
No shit,
never thought about it like that.
I think Arnold schwartzenegger's was a maid, not a nanny.
Stupid to destroy a family for a common place employee.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Omg i howled at "in our culture we treat dandruff with decapitation" 😂
Frank Zappa said this to Congress decades ago testifying against censuring rock music lyrics.
"I wish I knew no astronomy when stars appear, " This line hits HARD.
Listening to this just makes me realise I wish I'd never got married and never had kids. The last bit of that discussion was ridiculous. I wish I'd never entered into any long term relationships.
Are you for real 😂 you're too funny
You know divorce is legal, right?
This video wins the Award for the most TH-cam ads ever
Only reason I have yputube premium...worth the $. Hate hate YTs ads
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Got Damn man!!!! This was freaking FIRE!!! What a great interview!!! So Happy I found your channel Chris!!❤❤
Hey Nathan,
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but is it really necessary to use the GD word???
🫤
I like this lawyer. Man, I needed him in the year 1999 to give me a talking to. Still very good to listen to his wise advice. I am looking in from overseas on an 🏝 of my choosing. Have a good weekend over there.
2:45 One thing I noticed is that younger women now aren't so willing to start their life at the starting line with their SO (like my parents or grandparents did). In my experiences, getting married for the GF was just something a wish list like getting a BMW convertible that one day would be disposable. Women now don't want to marry for love but for what the husband can provide FOR them and w/o the building of a life towards that.
In the past prior to feminism women didn't marry for love either.the woman was essentially transferred from her father to her husband to support her. She married whoever asked her as she needed a provider.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 and it was the best way to
Go about marriage.
@@wyleecoyotee4252she was sold in those days she came with a dowry. Aka slavery.
If those are the women your meeting. Then what are you putting out there that is drawing that kind of attention in.
T
Everything is a inside job, meaning what is locked into your subconscious is what is running 97% of your life. You are only conscious 3% of every day. The rest of the time your on auto pilot.
James is amazing!!!! Well done Chris! 👏👏👏
i just love love james sexton. i’d proudly walk around w/ his book in my hands, no cover needed lol
Finally!!! You got him on your show. Thanks Chris.
I'm a lawyer and I completely relate to being driven by the intellectual combat the practice of law entails. He's right, it's like chess. An overthinker's paradise. Growing up I was told I read into things too much, which is true. But now I get paid great money to do it.
But his other points are why I'm such a bad dater. I ask the substantive questions very early on because I want to precisely avoid being surprised later on. Apparently this can scare someone off, but I don't care. If you don't do your due diligence you'll wind up needing Mr. Sexton's services.
Those Chads were just looking for pump & dump. Who were you kidding💀
Wow I never thought I could learn so much and like a high stakes divorce lawyer so much. Great interview Chris!
This dude has wisdom. Could listen to him all day
My teacher once told me once you have kids you prioritize them over your happiness.
And what we have today is an unspoken epidemic of women who divorce so that they can sleep around & shed 50% of their "mom duties".
Those days are long gone.
Just had this conversation with my daughter. My grandson is 10 months old.
I told her "What you want takes a backseat for the next 18 years. Your primary concern is turning this little one into a good human."
Children are the reason for happiness. Everything else on earth is a shadow that exists to entertain the hopeless.
True happiness is a deep fulfillment that comes from making the right choices and investments In life. If you do a good job as a parent there’s nothing more fulfilling. And there’s nothing more depressing than knowing you’ve failed your kids
The truth behind divorce is a lot of people who get married should've never got married in the first place. Maybe people feel suffocated in the marriage and need some space and freedom, maybe they get bored of the monotony and stability of a marriage, maybe serial monogamy is their thing. It was also great to hear Chris and James discuss the bias/injustice of family court 56:38 . Marriage is dangerous, get a pre-nup to protect you from biased judges.
I disagree disobedience to the biblical Yahweh God results in divorce. Obey the law and all will go well
Most men don’t have assets. Most women get a child support order and it’s usually not much. 2-300 a month.
Go into marriage with realistic expectations! ... which is 5% bliss!
Lol....😂😂😂
@@tread1331 It works out: 50% chance of divorce; 45% tolerance. Add up each day the niggles, the subconscious give-ways just to keep the piece.
Don't marry someone who has cheated in previous marriages. From recent experience, i can tell you that they'll do it again, even if it takes 30 years to become apparent. I was warned, but still thought that he'd never cheat on me. He did. I divorced 2 years ago and he's still trying to renegotiate the settlement. It's not easy divorcing as a senior, especially when it comes to alimony, especially if he retired to make less money available during the divorce. Anyway, I am happier and finding out at 60 that i can take care of myself quite well
"We treat dandruff with decapitation." Love it!