"Sex does not make us whole, so how could you ever be broken" a quote from the series Sex Education, that really helps me not feel like something is wrong with me😊
People always say, “Love is what makes the world go round & makes us human." While I somewhat agree, I don't think they know what it means, I think it to be that care/compassion is what makes us human, love can mean many different things to us, & that's ok. It doesn't matter if you are different, what matters is how you treat others & yourself, remember that you are always growing & changing, so if you aren't something yet, that doesn't mean that you'll never be that something, questioning is underrated because we've been taught to not ask so many questions. In the words of Joey Graceffa's Don't Wait "Don't wait for the world to be ready, who says you can't explore? Find what you're looking for!" If you feel like something might be there, but aren't sure what it is in your life, look for that something if you'd like, don't wait for someone to come & tell you, YOU have to start that search, but you don't have to go through it alone. Thank you Ace Dad for what you're teaching us about ourselves, & that it's ok to be different, you are a child of Athena.
I struggle with saying I'm a virgin even though physically I am but I'm kinky, sex educated, and listen to sexual audios I feel like I have experience but people won't see it that way since it's not the normalized experience or physical.
If you consider that virginity is a social construct that ultimately has no meaning other than one personally applied to yourself. I would say that having sex doesn't necessarily have to be a hard line drawn at penetration. Sex has many forms and doesn't have to look the same for all people
Thank you for mentioning aromatic people. I'm AroAce and it can be difficult to make people understand that I'm not broken and I can still care for others. 💜
I'm demisexual... (and likely demiromantic)... not "full" aro specifically... and i just wanna send love and support to all aros because peoples' misconceptions that aros can't feel love, empathy, compassion, etc or that they don't want to be in relationships or that they don't care, etc is INCREDIBLY harmful, hurtful and very damaging. My heart goes out to all aros and all the hurt they experience because of peoples' ignorance and misconceptions about what constitutes caring for and loving others 💜
Honestly I think aros can sometimes be the MOST loving people because their love is purely based on affection and care for others, and not clouded by attraction
To the question if someone could turn asexual- since I’m demisexual this became true for me in a former relationship as soon as I realised my partner wasn’t what he presented to be and what I perceived him as when we first got to know eachother. My attraction to him was gone so I guess I “turned asexual “ for him
As a fellow demi, this is an interesting explanation you've described. That would mean you're saying anyone you're not attracted to, you're asexual towards them? It sounds like you're saying "i'm asexual towards everyone but only demisexual towards a partner i've developed an attraction to". But, your demisexuality would likely have remained constant, not turned on and off? And when you realised he wasn't who he initially presented himself to be, that emotional bond and connection you felt towards him would have been rattled and possibly fragmented? Hence you feeling you "turned asexual towards him" in the way you describe. Meanwhile it just means that the loss of that demi bond (which is a required foundation for our type of attraction) is what actually made you lose your (sexual) attraction towards him? Just asking respectfully out of curiosity because I don't personally describe myself as asexual towards certain people and demisexual towards others. I'm demisexual as a constant state and part of my being and who i am (and yes that falls under the ace umbrella), but i'm demi regardless of whether i've developed an attraction to anyone or lost attraction to anyone.
I get that! Actually For me, I think it was was a combination of me starting to research the ACE community last year, at the young age of 54 lol, and my not yet understanding the subcategories , which added to me going back and forth with the idea I was Ace. Not to get specific, I would think of a few times in my past where I did not behave as societies interpretation of “asexual.” I basically was always was the same at my core -I always thought I likely a low libido. Funny, I remember everyone saying how when you are a “woman” in your 40’s the sex life gets great. I used to think, well I guess that could be cool but was also kind of scared lol. But when there was no great sexual revolution in my brain, I reminded myself that what’s “ Wrong with me” was a low libido. There were those few times in the past and and later before my husband died .., it wasn’t what most people think of sexual attraction, but it was cool, and I always had a connection. I’m sorry I went on here I hope I made sense , bc I actually have a fever now… who knows this post may be a fever dream.
@@KyllingThyme Sorry but is not hat simple. Let me try to explain. As a demisexual person you need to have emotional connection7band to feel sexual attraction to a person and if it is revealed that the person you felt that connection with isn´t that person you thought that person was and so the connections is broken but that doesn´t mean that you stop have love/have romantic feelings for the person. Compare with a common allo-experience which is the other way round, falling out of love with someone but still experience sexual attraction to that someone.
As a follow demisexual with similiar experiences I get what YOU PandorasBOX you mean though use "turned asexual for him" may not be the best form of expressing it but I you probably know that since you put in parentis. But for non demisexuals it may sounds like you stopped being into him. Maybe analogy of the opposite which seems to be a common experience for allos may help others to understand: When allos fall out of love of someone they can still experience sexual attraction to that person they used to love romantically but doesn't anymore.
I think it's a mistake to emphasise "there's lots of different types of love other than romance!" because there are people who don't feel those either. It's like the body positivity movement saying "everyone is beautiful!" rather than asking what's wrong with *not* being beautiful. There are huge swathes of positive emotions and caring emotional connections with other people that don't necessarily fall under the umbrella of "love", and they aren't any less profound or impactful. The amatonormative idea that romance is the peak of the relationship hierarchy is the problem, and saying "but there are other ways of feeling love!" just feels like trying to recategorise every other relationship so that they *also* qualify for the peak of the pyramid, rather than demolishing the structure.
I get what you're saying, but I think that his points agreed with yours. He was saying that platonic love is just as important as sexual love or romantic love. I agree that humans need connections, and under our current "structure" with sexual and romantic love being seen as the most important, people often neglect their other relationships and friendships once they find a partner because of the overemphasis on romantic love.
I guess it depends on your definition of “love”, because “caring emotional connections” sounds like love to me. I think we’ve really just polluted the definition of love and people think it has to mean a certain thing nowadays.
But a slight difference here , just saying there is a lot of different type of love is stating a fact without a requirement, just because someone makes that statement in and of itself, is not the same thing as saying it to someone who is telling you about not feeling that, and needing validation. For example , I think it is fine to say there is a lot of different kinds of love but some people don’t feel any of this, and that’s totally fine too. Just a slight perspective switch but I agree with your overall sentiment
@@jadelinny There are people in the aromantic community who also identify as aplatonic and/or loveless. The idea that even without any form of love, even without platonic love, you can still be human and worthy is still an important point that most people miss because most of us do feel some form of love even if it's a different type than the romantic norm. Saying "platonic love is just as important" implies love is still the most important of all emotions and that emotion is so important "or else" the person is devalued/judged etc
@@VioletEmerald Thanks for telling me about aplatonic and/or loveless people. I'm going to ask some questions, and this is me trying to understand, not doubting someone else's experience. If you don't feel like indulging me, you don't have to answer. :) I assume aplatonic people do not feel platonic love for friends, as in, everyone would feel like an acquaintance to them. Do they also not feel love for a pet? Or something like a sense of community? A love for a place or a home? I can see how this could be the case, but I don't know if that's what is meant. I would call those things love, but when it comes down to it, how does one define love? Are there people who don't feel ANY of the myriad types of love? Or would they just not call these other things love? (Is it a mismatch in semantics?) Obviously if they felt none of these things they would still be human and not less than anyone else.
As a graysexual person, I hate that asexual folx still get asked these questions. I feel like we're constantly busy caveating our own experiences. "Yes, this person is asexual but they can still have sex!" "Don't worry, most aces aren't virgins!" "Yes, I'm ace but I still get horny!" I'm tired that being ace comes with this massive footnote that exists only to make allosexuals think of us as ordinary people. What you say about ppl worrying about "Can I still be asexual if..." is very relatable btw and I love that you spend some time addressing it.
I think that love in its most simplistic form is just fondness and affection for another person. It doesn’t matter whether it’s platonic or romantic or sexual or whatever. I hate that people have this false idea that affection, love, and intimacy cannot exist without romance and/or sex. Love does not equal romance/sex. Love can be however you experience it to be folks ♥️ Also, thank you Ace Dad, you are the best!
"If there is a full moon and a loaf of garlic bread nearby will we transform?" xD ahahaha funniest thing I've heard all year! Also I loved the answer to the last question. It was indeed a sad question because I think a lof of aces have felt that way some time, even I felt that way some time back, even if I'm happy and proud to be my ace self now. And also thanks for the aromantic shout out!
I found the label years ago and it's been so healing to learn i'm not broken and to find others who experience the same thing. Welcome to the demi community 💜
I’m 52, and your videos and thoughtful info have really helped me shift a judgement of myself from ‘broken’, to realizing I’m asexual. I’ve come out to my boyfriend and we’re now figuring out how our relationship will now shift so we’re both happy and fulfilled. Thank you, so much, for all you’ve put out into the world.
I love this channel so much! Ever since I figured out I was ace, this channel has felt like a great source for me to learn more about asexuality! Recently I’ve been starting to wonder if I’m aro too. kinda wish I could find something as good as this so that I could also learn more about what it’s like to be aromantic lol.
Hi! Ace chick, diagnosed with a depressive disorder. Yes, some aces are depressed. But no, I do not feel sexual attraction even when I am not depressed.
One more time for those that are struggling to understand, libido and sexual attraction are two DIFFERENT things!!! As a demisexual, unless you & share a deep emotional connection, I am NOT even maybe interested in sex... even if we do have that connection, it is highly possible it won't happen!
4:25+ this one hit me, because I was questioning a lot. I DO have mental health issues, including recurring and and partially severe depressions. I wondered for a long time if my complete lack of sexual attraction might be caused by that (also what people would tell me at times, or rtaher why I don't have and naver had a pertner. On the other hand in several therapeutic settings, I met other "warped" people and they still could experience that kind of feelings) It was only about a year or so ago that I kind of stumbled over the concept of asexuality. I had never heard of it before but it fitted me perfectly. Just everything, even from teenage years on (when my mental healt issues were less manifesting). So now I'm pretty sure dperessions and asexuality are not causing each other in my case. Correlation, but not causation. But I see that depression might "kill the mood" for allosexual people when they are in a down. I got told and implied more than once that I should "get myself laid" for this woul "cured" me. It's outraging.... And I could not agree more on the last question. First of all that it is kind of sad. But I can absolutely understand why people might feel that way, thinking it would be better if they could change themselves BECAUSE of the unpleasant reactions you might get from other people.
I feel like, while it’s important to educate people on the fact that attraction does not equal behavior, I also think it can backfire to have a rhetoric of “Don’t worry, Ace people can have sex and show affection exactly like allo people! In fact, if we didn’t tell you we were Ace you’d never know!” For me at least, this is not true, me and my fiancé don’t have sex and don’t show affection for each other the way allo couples do but we are still a happy Ace couple. I feel like there’s so much pressure for Ace people, especially dating allos, to conform to the “right” way to do relationships and affection, as if the allo person has some sort of intrinsic need for sex and affection and the Ace person has no need to abstain from sex and affection. I have at least pushed myself through many sexual experiences I would prefer to be without, partially because of allo pressure but also partially because even the Ace community pushes this narrative that Ace people are perfectly capable to participate in all the allo things and will happily do so for their partner.
I think it should be emphasized that ALL the things you're talking about are part of the ace umbrella, but only part of it applies to any given person. SOME ace people are happy to participate in all the allo things, but that doesn't mean all of us are. We all have different wants and needs, some of them incompatible with eachother, but all still ace. As a demi-sex-favorable asexual, I definitely feel it from the other side, with everyone seeming to assume that all asexuals are sex-adverse. I think we all collectively need to hold space for eachother, to allow us all to be the many different ways we are.
@@jadelinny Absolutely, nobody are more or less Ace because of their behavior or willingness to have sex. I am also pretty tired of this idea that people like me are more ace than people in sexual relationships who may feel equal amounts of attraction to what I feel. However I wish this video had elaborated more on that spectrum on the questions around ace affection etc.. I feel like if an allo person saw this and applied it to me without further asking what end of the spectrum I’m on, I’d be uncomfortable. Lately I have just experienced sooo many allos watching ace influencers and come back with the impression that my sex-adversity has nothing to do with my asexuality and that I’m perfectly capable of having and enjoying sex, I’m just choosing not to. That could be easily fixed by saying “ask the ace person in question” instead of trying to answer on behalf of Ace people what we’re capable of and willing to.
Thank you ace dad! I am close to 50, a gay man and coming to terms with being ace. Everything you talk about resonates as I always thought I there was something wrong with me because I seldom felt sexual attraction, now I know I'm ace. Your videos are helping me a great deal accept my identity.
Love your videos... don't know if you could do one focused on ace community realized the terms for what I am later in life and am having trouble connecting especially with how hard it is to talk about it with others in my life
I do think to be properly inclusive "one thing" can potentially turn a rare number of people asexual. A big physical change like with your hormones... A significant psychological trauma can also physically change how your brain works. These are real things and some people occasionally do feel like they felt sexual attraction before and don't anymore. That's still valid.
I think the rare question is based more in the hopes of finding others or someone special... still dont get 100% how queeplatonic is different to friend....
I have a question: How do you find someone to be in a relationship with as an ace? I've always struggled because I'm ace but very much not aro, so I still have that desire to be in a relationship but at the same time feel like I'm in a deep pool of people I can't be in a relationship with. How did you find your husband and do you have any tips for aces to get into a relationship?
I personally found someone who actually didn’t know what being ace was. I remember before we were dating I mentioned being asexual and he asked me what it was. I explained and he laughed and said something along the lines of “makes sense cuddling is so much better.” Anyway what I’m personally getting at is talk to the person maybe mention being ace or asexuality in conversation naturally see how they react. Later on he has forgot about that interaction and we were already dating I brought it back up and I remember how happy he got when he realized he’d never have to act like he wanted sex with me or have to have sex with me. Idk just find someone you love and click with. That’s what is most important. Because if they really love and want to support you, Even if they aren’t also ace they’ll respect your identity and your stance on sex.
I personally found someone who actually didn’t know what being ace was. I remember before we were dating I mentioned being asexual and he asked me what it was. I explained and he laughed and said something along the lines of “makes sense cuddling is so much better.” Anyway what I’m personally getting at is talk to the person maybe mention being ace or asexuality in conversation naturally see how they react. Later on he has forgot about that interaction and we were already dating I brought it back up and I remember how happy he got when he realized he’d never have to act like he wanted sex with me or have to have sex with me. Idk just find someone you love and click with. That’s what is most important. Because if they really love and want to support you, Even if they aren’t also ace they’ll respect your identity and your stance on sex.
I disagree kinda sorta with a few of your answers because some of us really "can't" and "don't" kiss, have sex, express affection in normative ways etc because of a kissing-aversion and sex-aversion that feels pretty inherently tied to being asexual. It's because of my asexuality I'm kissing-averse. They aren't unrelated. Etc. While some aces do any of these things, it is indeed different for many aces than for most allos. I can't even physically feel sexual pleasure because I'm an ace who has a non-existent libido, like about a fifth or a quarter of aces are according to the Ace Community Census every year.
This is a challenging part of broad Ace conversations. Saying that ace folks “can” do something isn’t saying that everyone can/does. It’s just saying that asexuality is not an universally limiting factor. It’s a discussion about what is possible within asexuality, not necessarily what is being prescribed to asexual people.
It is a matter of definition. If we want to define such concepts in an inclusive way to help as many as possible to feel okay because they have something to identify with, it is just necessary to concentrate on things that are shared which are not too restrictive. That there are things left we do not share is the logic consequence. It is not normative unless someone makes claims along the lines "All aces [...]."
"Sex does not make us whole, so how could you ever be broken" a quote from the series Sex Education, that really helps me not feel like something is wrong with me😊
Worst ace stereotipe: we are incapable of feeling love
Best ace stereotipe: We love cake
I really love cake
most realistic one is that we love baked goods, like garlic bread or cake
youre still not lgbt
I love garlic bread and cake as well!
@@therapyhelpsme too 🤩food
People always say, “Love is what makes the world go round & makes us human." While I somewhat agree, I don't think they know what it means, I think it to be that care/compassion is what makes us human, love can mean many different things to us, & that's ok.
It doesn't matter if you are different, what matters is how you treat others & yourself, remember that you are always growing & changing, so if you aren't something yet, that doesn't mean that you'll never be that something, questioning is underrated because we've been taught to not ask so many questions.
In the words of Joey Graceffa's Don't Wait "Don't wait for the world to be ready, who says you can't explore? Find what you're looking for!" If you feel like something might be there, but aren't sure what it is in your life, look for that something if you'd like, don't wait for someone to come & tell you, YOU have to start that search, but you don't have to go through it alone.
Thank you Ace Dad for what you're teaching us about ourselves, & that it's ok to be different, you are a child of Athena.
Couldn't agree more! Compassion is what makes us human.
I love how his black and purple glasses together with his grey and white beard form the colours of the ace flag.
I struggle with saying I'm a virgin even though physically I am but I'm kinky, sex educated, and listen to sexual audios I feel like I have experience but people won't see it that way since it's not the normalized experience or physical.
Ditto
Same
If you consider that virginity is a social construct that ultimately has no meaning other than one personally applied to yourself. I would say that having sex doesn't necessarily have to be a hard line drawn at penetration. Sex has many forms and doesn't have to look the same for all people
@@leftoflove Exactly! I don't consider myself a virgin even if social normalization does, cause to be me sex is more than just physical intercourse.
Same
I may or may not be an ace who made cake and garlic bread for my D&D group this weekend…👀
Thank you for mentioning aromatic people. I'm AroAce and it can be difficult to make people understand that I'm not broken and I can still care for others. 💜
I'm demisexual... (and likely demiromantic)... not "full" aro specifically... and i just wanna send love and support to all aros because peoples' misconceptions that aros can't feel love, empathy, compassion, etc or that they don't want to be in relationships or that they don't care, etc is INCREDIBLY harmful, hurtful and very damaging. My heart goes out to all aros and all the hurt they experience because of peoples' ignorance and misconceptions about what constitutes caring for and loving others 💜
@@Amor_y_Alma Thank you so much for that. I try to ignore people's ignorance but sometimes I still need to "hear" that. 💜
Honestly I think aros can sometimes be the MOST loving people because their love is purely based on affection and care for others, and not clouded by attraction
@@kebah11 I think that too, sometimes, but I'm biased lol
@@nathryl03 I’m probably a bit biased too as a gray aro haha
To the question if someone could turn asexual- since I’m demisexual this became true for me in a former relationship as soon as I realised my partner wasn’t what he presented to be and what I perceived him as when we first got to know eachother. My attraction to him was gone so I guess I “turned asexual “ for him
As a fellow demi, this is an interesting explanation you've described. That would mean you're saying anyone you're not attracted to, you're asexual towards them? It sounds like you're saying "i'm asexual towards everyone but only demisexual towards a partner i've developed an attraction to". But, your demisexuality would likely have remained constant, not turned on and off? And when you realised he wasn't who he initially presented himself to be, that emotional bond and connection you felt towards him would have been rattled and possibly fragmented? Hence you feeling you "turned asexual towards him" in the way you describe. Meanwhile it just means that the loss of that demi bond (which is a required foundation for our type of attraction) is what actually made you lose your (sexual) attraction towards him?
Just asking respectfully out of curiosity because I don't personally describe myself as asexual towards certain people and demisexual towards others. I'm demisexual as a constant state and part of my being and who i am (and yes that falls under the ace umbrella), but i'm demi regardless of whether i've developed an attraction to anyone or lost attraction to anyone.
Ya didn't "turn" into anything, you just stopped being into the dude lmfao. Please.
I get that! Actually For me, I think it was was a combination of me starting to research the ACE community last year, at the young age of 54 lol, and my not yet understanding the subcategories , which added to me going back and forth with the idea I was Ace. Not to get specific, I would think of a few times in my past where I did not behave as societies interpretation of “asexual.” I basically was always was the same at my core -I always thought I likely a low libido. Funny, I remember everyone saying how when you are a “woman” in your 40’s the sex life gets great. I used to think, well I guess that could be cool but was also kind of scared lol. But when there was no great sexual revolution in my brain, I reminded myself that what’s “ Wrong with me” was a low libido. There were those few times in the past and and later before my husband died .., it wasn’t what most people think of sexual attraction, but it was cool, and I always had a connection.
I’m sorry I went on here I hope I made sense , bc I actually have a fever now… who knows this post may be a fever dream.
@@KyllingThyme Sorry but is not hat simple. Let me try to explain. As a demisexual person you need to have emotional connection7band to feel sexual attraction to a person and if it is revealed that the person you felt that connection with isn´t that person you thought that person was and so the connections is broken but that doesn´t mean that you stop have love/have romantic feelings for the person. Compare with a common allo-experience which is the other way round, falling out of love with someone but still experience sexual attraction to that someone.
As a follow demisexual with similiar experiences I get what YOU PandorasBOX you mean though use "turned asexual for him" may not be the best form of expressing it but I you probably know that since you put in parentis. But for non demisexuals it may sounds like you stopped being into him. Maybe analogy of the opposite which seems to be a common experience for allos may help others to understand: When allos fall out of love of someone they can still experience sexual attraction to that person they used to love romantically but doesn't anymore.
I think it's a mistake to emphasise "there's lots of different types of love other than romance!" because there are people who don't feel those either. It's like the body positivity movement saying "everyone is beautiful!" rather than asking what's wrong with *not* being beautiful. There are huge swathes of positive emotions and caring emotional connections with other people that don't necessarily fall under the umbrella of "love", and they aren't any less profound or impactful. The amatonormative idea that romance is the peak of the relationship hierarchy is the problem, and saying "but there are other ways of feeling love!" just feels like trying to recategorise every other relationship so that they *also* qualify for the peak of the pyramid, rather than demolishing the structure.
I get what you're saying, but I think that his points agreed with yours. He was saying that platonic love is just as important as sexual love or romantic love.
I agree that humans need connections, and under our current "structure" with sexual and romantic love being seen as the most important, people often neglect their other relationships and friendships once they find a partner because of the overemphasis on romantic love.
I guess it depends on your definition of “love”, because “caring emotional connections” sounds like love to me. I think we’ve really just polluted the definition of love and people think it has to mean a certain thing nowadays.
But a slight difference here , just saying there is a lot of different type of love is stating a fact without a requirement, just because someone makes that statement in and of itself, is not the same thing as saying it to someone who is telling you about not feeling that, and needing validation. For example , I think it is fine to say there is a lot of different kinds of love but some people don’t feel any of this, and that’s totally fine too. Just a slight perspective switch but I agree with your overall sentiment
@@jadelinny There are people in the aromantic community who also identify as aplatonic and/or loveless. The idea that even without any form of love, even without platonic love, you can still be human and worthy is still an important point that most people miss because most of us do feel some form of love even if it's a different type than the romantic norm. Saying "platonic love is just as important" implies love is still the most important of all emotions and that emotion is so important "or else" the person is devalued/judged etc
@@VioletEmerald Thanks for telling me about aplatonic and/or loveless people. I'm going to ask some questions, and this is me trying to understand, not doubting someone else's experience. If you don't feel like indulging me, you don't have to answer. :)
I assume aplatonic people do not feel platonic love for friends, as in, everyone would feel like an acquaintance to them. Do they also not feel love for a pet? Or something like a sense of community? A love for a place or a home? I can see how this could be the case, but I don't know if that's what is meant. I would call those things love, but when it comes down to it, how does one define love? Are there people who don't feel ANY of the myriad types of love? Or would they just not call these other things love? (Is it a mismatch in semantics?)
Obviously if they felt none of these things they would still be human and not less than anyone else.
"They bring you cake!" That one's so sweet :D
I want someone to bring me cake and dragons.
As a graysexual person, I hate that asexual folx still get asked these questions. I feel like we're constantly busy caveating our own experiences. "Yes, this person is asexual but they can still have sex!" "Don't worry, most aces aren't virgins!" "Yes, I'm ace but I still get horny!" I'm tired that being ace comes with this massive footnote that exists only to make allosexuals think of us as ordinary people.
What you say about ppl worrying about "Can I still be asexual if..." is very relatable btw and I love that you spend some time addressing it.
You expressed my thoughts and feelings exactly.
we are rare, like shiny pokémon
I think that love in its most simplistic form is just fondness and affection for another person. It doesn’t matter whether it’s platonic or romantic or sexual or whatever.
I hate that people have this false idea that affection, love, and intimacy cannot exist without romance and/or sex.
Love does not equal romance/sex.
Love can be however you experience it to be folks ♥️
Also, thank you Ace Dad, you are the best!
Why do these always make me cry?? 💖 Thankyouuuu😭💖💖💖
"If there is a full moon and a loaf of garlic bread nearby will we transform?" xD ahahaha funniest thing I've heard all year! Also I loved the answer to the last question. It was indeed a sad question because I think a lof of aces have felt that way some time, even I felt that way some time back, even if I'm happy and proud to be my ace self now. And also thanks for the aromantic shout out!
Thank you for your videos! Through your channel I learned i was Demisexual. You helped me learn I wasn’t alone :)
You are definitely not alone ♡
I'm also demisexual ♡
Same here! This channel has helped me so much. I'm glad it's helped you too.
I found the label years ago and it's been so healing to learn i'm not broken and to find others who experience the same thing. Welcome to the demi community 💜
think about it this way: just because you don’t like math, doesn’t mean you won’t do math
I’m 52, and your videos and thoughtful info have really helped me shift a judgement of myself from ‘broken’, to realizing I’m asexual. I’ve come out to my boyfriend and we’re now figuring out how our relationship will now shift so we’re both happy and fulfilled.
Thank you, so much, for all you’ve put out into the world.
This is lovely and this is success! I’m so glad y’all are navigating together as a team! That’s beautiful. I’m glad you’re here.
I love this channel so much! Ever since I figured out I was ace, this channel has felt like a great source for me to learn more about asexuality! Recently I’ve been starting to wonder if I’m aro too. kinda wish I could find something as good as this so that I could also learn more about what it’s like to be aromantic lol.
Exactly the same for me! I’m ace and either
Omniromantic
Heteroromantic
Panromantic
Or Aromantic
This is the first time I have heard of relationship anarchy mentioned in a channel outside of RA !!!
Thank you for your video. I go through periods of feeling invalidated, and your videos always seem to remedy that. Thank you
Yesssss!! I really needed that little pep talk at the end
Wow that last question is heartbreaking ;-;
I'm ace but I love cuddling and romance. I just am not into sex. Very rarely do I feel any sexual feelings. All the time do I want to hug my friends.
aro ace here...thanks for the shoutout XD
Hi! Ace chick, diagnosed with a depressive disorder. Yes, some aces are depressed. But no, I do not feel sexual attraction even when I am not depressed.
One more time for those that are struggling to understand, libido and sexual attraction are two DIFFERENT things!!!
As a demisexual, unless you & share a deep emotional connection, I am NOT even maybe interested in sex... even if we do have that connection, it is highly possible it won't happen!
Well thanks for making me cry on that last question, but also thank you 💜
Thank you for your awesome support.
4:25+ this one hit me, because I was questioning a lot. I DO have mental health issues, including recurring and and partially severe depressions. I wondered for a long time if my complete lack of sexual attraction might be caused by that (also what people would tell me at times, or rtaher why I don't have and naver had a pertner. On the other hand in several therapeutic settings, I met other "warped" people and they still could experience that kind of feelings) It was only about a year or so ago that I kind of stumbled over the concept of asexuality. I had never heard of it before but it fitted me perfectly. Just everything, even from teenage years on (when my mental healt issues were less manifesting).
So now I'm pretty sure dperessions and asexuality are not causing each other in my case. Correlation, but not causation. But I see that depression might "kill the mood" for allosexual people when they are in a down.
I got told and implied more than once that I should "get myself laid" for this woul "cured" me. It's outraging....
And I could not agree more on the last question. First of all that it is kind of sad.
But I can absolutely understand why people might feel that way, thinking it would be better if they could change themselves BECAUSE of the unpleasant reactions you might get from other people.
I feel like, while it’s important to educate people on the fact that attraction does not equal behavior, I also think it can backfire to have a rhetoric of “Don’t worry, Ace people can have sex and show affection exactly like allo people! In fact, if we didn’t tell you we were Ace you’d never know!”
For me at least, this is not true, me and my fiancé don’t have sex and don’t show affection for each other the way allo couples do but we are still a happy Ace couple. I feel like there’s so much pressure for Ace people, especially dating allos, to conform to the “right” way to do relationships and affection, as if the allo person has some sort of intrinsic need for sex and affection and the Ace person has no need to abstain from sex and affection. I have at least pushed myself through many sexual experiences I would prefer to be without, partially because of allo pressure but also partially because even the Ace community pushes this narrative that Ace people are perfectly capable to participate in all the allo things and will happily do so for their partner.
I think it should be emphasized that ALL the things you're talking about are part of the ace umbrella, but only part of it applies to any given person. SOME ace people are happy to participate in all the allo things, but that doesn't mean all of us are. We all have different wants and needs, some of them incompatible with eachother, but all still ace.
As a demi-sex-favorable asexual, I definitely feel it from the other side, with everyone seeming to assume that all asexuals are sex-adverse. I think we all collectively need to hold space for eachother, to allow us all to be the many different ways we are.
@@jadelinny Absolutely, nobody are more or less Ace because of their behavior or willingness to have sex. I am also pretty tired of this idea that people like me are more ace than people in sexual relationships who may feel equal amounts of attraction to what I feel.
However I wish this video had elaborated more on that spectrum on the questions around ace affection etc.. I feel like if an allo person saw this and applied it to me without further asking what end of the spectrum I’m on, I’d be uncomfortable. Lately I have just experienced sooo many allos watching ace influencers and come back with the impression that my sex-adversity has nothing to do with my asexuality and that I’m perfectly capable of having and enjoying sex, I’m just choosing not to. That could be easily fixed by saying “ask the ace person in question” instead of trying to answer on behalf of Ace people what we’re capable of and willing to.
I love your channel. It is helping me a lot ❤
You are very sweet, I love your encouragement and how honest it feels, so thank you for that
Gotta love a little shout out for just existing
Thanks ☺️
Thank you ace dad! I am close to 50, a gay man and coming to terms with being ace. Everything you talk about resonates as I always thought I there was something wrong with me because I seldom felt sexual attraction, now I know I'm ace. Your videos are helping me a great deal accept my identity.
Love your videos... don't know if you could do one focused on ace community realized the terms for what I am later in life and am having trouble connecting especially with how hard it is to talk about it with others in my life
I love your channel Ace Dad and this is why I decided to subscribe. Keep up the good work.👍
Thank you so much for this video. Love the cake part… a stereotype but… might be deeply true (at least for me ;)
I do think to be properly inclusive "one thing" can potentially turn a rare number of people asexual. A big physical change like with your hormones... A significant psychological trauma can also physically change how your brain works. These are real things and some people occasionally do feel like they felt sexual attraction before and don't anymore. That's still valid.
Agree here. I’m also in the camp that sexual orientation is potentially fluid across our lives without some external motivating factor.
I think the rare question is based more in the hopes of finding others or someone special... still dont get 100% how queeplatonic is different to friend....
I have a video talking about queerplatonic relationships that might help
I have a question: How do you find someone to be in a relationship with as an ace? I've always struggled because I'm ace but very much not aro, so I still have that desire to be in a relationship but at the same time feel like I'm in a deep pool of people I can't be in a relationship with. How did you find your husband and do you have any tips for aces to get into a relationship?
I personally found someone who actually didn’t know what being ace was. I remember before we were dating I mentioned being asexual and he asked me what it was. I explained and he laughed and said something along the lines of “makes sense cuddling is so much better.” Anyway what I’m personally getting at is talk to the person maybe mention being ace or asexuality in conversation naturally see how they react. Later on he has forgot about that interaction and we were already dating I brought it back up and I remember how happy he got when he realized he’d never have to act like he wanted sex with me or have to have sex with me. Idk just find someone you love and click with. That’s what is most important. Because if they really love and want to support you, Even if they aren’t also ace they’ll respect your identity and your stance on sex.
I personally found someone who actually didn’t know what being ace was. I remember before we were dating I mentioned being asexual and he asked me what it was. I explained and he laughed and said something along the lines of “makes sense cuddling is so much better.” Anyway what I’m personally getting at is talk to the person maybe mention being ace or asexuality in conversation naturally see how they react. Later on he has forgot about that interaction and we were already dating I brought it back up and I remember how happy he got when he realized he’d never have to act like he wanted sex with me or have to have sex with me. Idk just find someone you love and click with. That’s what is most important. Because if they really love and want to support you, Even if they aren’t also ace they’ll respect your identity and your stance on sex.
@@Mahala_Jo thanks
0:43 🤣
How do asexuals show affection?
We make cakes for people
I disagree kinda sorta with a few of your answers because some of us really "can't" and "don't" kiss, have sex, express affection in normative ways etc because of a kissing-aversion and sex-aversion that feels pretty inherently tied to being asexual. It's because of my asexuality I'm kissing-averse. They aren't unrelated. Etc. While some aces do any of these things, it is indeed different for many aces than for most allos. I can't even physically feel sexual pleasure because I'm an ace who has a non-existent libido, like about a fifth or a quarter of aces are according to the Ace Community Census every year.
This is a challenging part of broad Ace conversations. Saying that ace folks “can” do something isn’t saying that everyone can/does. It’s just saying that asexuality is not an universally limiting factor. It’s a discussion about what is possible within asexuality, not necessarily what is being prescribed to asexual people.
It is a matter of definition. If we want to define such concepts in an inclusive way to help as many as possible to feel okay because they have something to identify with, it is just necessary to concentrate on things that are shared which are not too restrictive. That there are things left we do not share is the logic consequence. It is not normative unless someone makes claims along the lines "All aces [...]."
Cake!!!
Caaaake!!
This is the kind of uplifting and informative content the internet could use more of. Thank you for all you do
17:22 This final message made me tear up a little. 🥹 Thank you for being here and doing what you do! 💜
Ace dad helping me realize I’m not alone ☺️💜🖤🤍