I see you are new to the HFY/Humans are space orcs stories. If you see any of those titles, you can most likely be sure that humans will kick alien ass in one way or another. If you want more good HFY stories, then the channel Sin-Text have good and long stories to listen to. My favorite is where aliens start to take humans as slaves and humanity isn't able to fight back but eventually manage to gain alien tech and start to build up where they get tested along the way.
Finally, a story worthy of a thumbs up. I'll check out a few more of your stories, other channels are woefully lacking in consistency, continuity. Many of those think that an excessive use of adjectives and adverbs are a sign of good writing, which it is not.
Hurrah! Finally, a well thought-out and entertaining yarn. Well-read and allowed me to concentrate on the narrative, rather than decipher moronic mispronounciation.
this was a good listen the black armor shaped in the image of their foe's nightmares reminded me of another series in this genre, *_The Shadows Speak_*
I like this story because its not like other author stores that are like listening to politicians talking. After 1/2 an hour they haven't said any thing.
This story represents a situation, then tell us the backstory of it, and finish it with the consequences. A whole story, from a proper beginning to a right closure. Among the top 3 i ever heard. (There was one another story, which i enjoyed this much before, but i cannot decide, which one should deserve the first place, so i decided to be a draw. 😋)
That's the best hfy sci-fi stories I heard well done without that always mentioning the indomitable spirit or implications sinking in. Mixing of the words not always using them twice and especially telling the story from view of a neutral person
Good story. I think there is something left for a second part. Would love to see the meeting between those to and a conclusion to the 21 systems stil left.
I liked the premise quite a bit. I do feel like the perspective of this single interrogation limits the intricacies of the plot. I could see multiple mini-perspectives allowing for more a natural exposition instead of loosely explaining what happened as a consequence of the interrogation. Thanks for the story!
I also feel like the character being interrogated was too much of an unknown and consequently unrelatable. Maybe include details indicative of his lifestyle, alien species, or correlation to humanity. You already did a bit of that last one, but his personal characterization is a touch shallow. Just some thoughts from a hobbyist writer, don't mind me. I'll try to brave a public post of my writing one day, kudos for that 😮💨😁
@@theguy0526 Thank you for the critique. Yeah, I should have fleshed him out a little more but he was just supposed to be the means of conveying the story. But I ended using him more than I planned, so I should have gone back and fixed it.
The story is quite good and well presented. Not your typical human kicks alien arse but one with just enough background to make the ending one of a double outcome refreshing.
So here’s a suggestion for a few weapons and ship designs, where you don’t have to use them or such it’s just my personal ideas and opinions and the first weapon would be A graviton torpedo where unlike most ships that utilizes plasma and high yield explosions my idea is since I’m most sci fi setting most people use things like artificial generators to prevent people from floating and so my idea is kinda borrowed from warhammer 40k gravity gun which increases the mass of a target, however like my torpedo, what happens is that it can generate a large sphere of a very powerful gravitational field which would pull anything and everything into and towards the torpedo be it ships decks, hull plating ect kinda like having a miniaturized black hole next to your ship pulling anything and everything towards it as crewmen get lifted up violently and pulled towards the walls or ceilings and if fired next to say a kinetic weapon or a hangar bay like the weapons used in Star Wars (that space battle scene in revenge of the sith) then all of those explosive canisters or arc rafts would be ripped out of their docking or holding areas resulting in a massive chain reaction or alternatively you could use an armor piercing anti graviton torpedo which does the exact same thing except it’s designed to burrow into the hulls of much larger ships and then generate a powerful positive gravitational force field which would push anything and everything outwards. Another weapon would be void weapons where, as soon as a target is his then a five inch spherical black void is emitted at which point the black sphere would disappear taking anything and everything that was inside that black orb along with it, be it armor or organic matter leaving only a massive gaping hole in the targets body. Finally whilst not a weapon but more of a ship, it follows a similar principle to say rhetorical UNSC frigates being nothing more than a massive cannon however it would be akin to turning something like the halo ODP and turning it into a ship being operated by a very small crew, relying heavily on AI and automated systems however being that it’s basically just a gun in space with some engines makes it ideal for mass deployment using the Gunboat tactics where small ships during the 1800 would be fitted with a single massive cannon and that’s about it either that or it could be operated by a single crew of about ten people
I haven't played much Halo or Warhammer 40k, just watched the videos on here (which I really enjoy their world) so I'll look into them. I'm also an Eve bitter vet so that does tend to influence my ship design. And I made the mistake of watching several videos on here about sci-fi writing and how things would actually function in space. lol bad idea if you aren't doing hard sci-fi.
@@firefighter_raven true, but at the end of the day it’s just entertainment and not much to be hung over on unless it’s a franchise you love being destroyed then yeh I suppose so but that’s what makes these sorts of stories fun to listen to as it helps take my mind off of reality and just allows me to relax, and on a side note as a sufferer of ADHD I find it hard to focus on long story books resulting me reading a chapter once a month and forgetting about it a year or so later, that being said AH SWEET A FELLOW EVE PLAYER , haven’t played in ages unfortunately 😂
Anyone who's said that the story doesn't deserve criticism has not put forward any effort, lacks knowledge of writing/storytelling, and doesn't understand the purpose of a critique. A critique is intended to strengthen the writer and their work by attacking it again and again until it's hardened in fire. To the writer; The opening of the story demonstrates a massive flaw in your writing style that's usually identified as "show don't tell". Statements like "he liked this spot in the bar, he could see all the various races come and go" are a pretty clear example of telling me the situation. It doesn't make a bad story, but it leaves a very clinical connection to the story. A doctor writes something like "patient enters ER claiming chest pain with signs of distress and collapsed" while a writer tells "The man hobbled through the doors gripping his chest gasping for help. He struggles to move one foot in front of the other until the force of a sledge hammer strikes his chest and he collapses to the floor frenzying the triage." Both are roughly telling the same thing, but the first example leaves nothing to the imagination except perhaps a quick guess that the patient is having a heart attack. The second gives you a visual picture of a man coming through doors and gripping his chest. You're asking questions like where is he? Is there anyone around? What's happening? Those questions don't get asked when you tell, and that's the reason why you want to show instead of tell someone what's happening. You always want the reader to ask questions about the information because the more they ask, the more interest they build and that's how you suck someone into a story. Borrowing from another profession, it's all sizzle and no steak! You want to write so that the smell and the sound is what people are acquiring as they go. They see the steam and hear the juices popping as the waiter comes through the restaurant taking the longest route possible to reach the other guy's table, and then they block it as they put it down causing everyone to try looking around them. So of course, the waiter has to take 90 seconds to explain how hot the plate is and make sure it's exactly what you want. The point here is that you always want people to be uninformed and looking for information. The last thing you ever want to do is info dump backstory. If you have to info dump, you've done a bad job telling the story and I'm talking about even the smallest of info dumps. If there is information that's technical or part of lore that's kinda important to know, it's your job as a writer to create a knowledge gap character or walk them through a scene where pieces of information are shown. For instance, the movie Saving Private Ryan keeps using the term FUBAR and Oppum has no idea what that means because he's rear echelon. That's a knowledge gap and filling them in fills in the reader. On the other side you get principles like "Chekov's Gun" which is a writing principle that unless it's necessary for the story, don't mention it. So if you describe a gun hanging on the wall, at some point in the story, someone has to pull the gun off the wall and use it. Think about that and imagine a female officer trying to do an inventory check of nuclear weapons aboard a space ship while some guy is hitting on her. My last piece of constructive criticism is to focus on the tension of your story. The troupe you're using with that story about humanity is called "The Worf Effect" and it's where some nobody shows up and beats Worf's ass in a fight so obviously this nobody is nobody to mess with. However, you immediately try to portray the nobody as a shellshocked veteran afterwards. You go from a mysterious opening to a clandestine meeting with arrogant retards arguing with the guy who's advice they're seeking until they look incompetently stupid, then the tension drops to below the mysterious entrance at the beginning because even the empress looks at this guy like he's a retard because he's trying to tell a monarch that they're nothing. Does that make sense? It's like "oh man, humans are savages" which is kinda the whole HFY thing, but it's forced. I think you got confused about who the protagonist of the story was when you started talking about humanity which killed the tension instead of pushing the protagonist down to increase the tension. Fortunately, there is an easy fix, but it does involve a rewrite. I'd rework the beginning so that our protagonist is sitting down in his favorite seat with his grandson who's getting his first drink of rootbeer or whatever. Something wholesome so people can connect with the scenario, and then the waitress comes over calling him ambassador, advisor, sir, Lord or something. It prompts the story because we all know that a kid is going to ask about the time... The kid doesn't know, and he learns how the Cudraix fucked around and found out. The whole empress deal is a detraction from the story because this is a cautionary tale and not a redemption story so we don't have to worry about redeeming humanity. Let the savagery flow... Personally, I think you could come up with a decent novella if you apply the information that I've presented you with, and rewrite this story.
Thank you for the critique. For the first part, I think I did that because I didn't want to mimic a previous story with the narrator in a bar. Your suggestion is a much better idea. lol
Me neither. I couldn't understand why so many people liked the story, proclaiming this was "one of the better ones," a sentiment expressed so often that I actually wondered whether the comments were inauthentic. But now I think that most viewers here are simply "new": new to the genre, new to professional writing, or new to English writing in general. As viewers read more and watch more, slowly acclimatizing and gaining sophistication, they'll look for something newer, and their tastes will change. For now, this channel is a gateway to English language HFY. But over time, I wonder how this channel and its viewership will evolve... (Also, keep Fighting the good fight. You said what needed to be said, but few people have time or energy to write (again).)
@@bonjower It is one of the better ones. That does not imply that it could not be better or improved. Only that it is better than most of the claptrap and drivel that gets posted.
@@brucenorman8904 Agreed - most of these stories are sounds, like only a part was grabbed from a full book, and throw it to the viewers. That's already 1 point, which i feel, that this story did better. Most of them is "read" from the beginning to the end with the same, monotonous, AI sound. Here were a bit of variety - i wouldn't call it the best, but miles above from the "average". Also, the story content are build on mostly logical statements, not "humans are bad@ss, because they are humans/from a Deathworld" - humans get their strenght from their experiences from the constant disputes and fights, what they did all the time in their history. So yeah @bonjower, this story i found better, than the most of the same type, and i CAN defend it by examples, if somebody ask me "why". Some of your points are true, but those doesn't make the story built here worse, or put them on the same level with the others, only shows, that you decide by different criteria, what it means to you, that a story is "good" or "bad".
@@firefighter_raven Reading my previous, I realize that I could have been a bit more tactful in how I presented the information. So I do apologize about that, however it seems that you received it well. I personally love writing stories but I hate grinding them out like pulp fiction, and that's why I don't focus on publishing my work. Don't take anything I said as a negative against your writing, story, or style. You did a very good job. My intention was to help you do it better.
Very well done, thank you so much!! Constructive Criticism. The different voices sometimes didn't "flow" well. I know that might be the AI program learning issues. Though alot of the different names speaking then jumping back to the story felt off-putting at times. OTher than this, it was great, thank you for the story!!
Fools always ignore sound advice, and regret their choices in the end. Arrogance always loses in the end because its decisions aren't rationally based. Its decisions are based on an angry ego that can't stand to be bested. Even in defeat, the ego never believes it can be defeated. But that belief dies with the owner of that belief, as the owner makes one last unreasonable effort to remain unbeaten. When a race doesn't heed sound advice, they deserve everything they receive. Including ceasing to exist. Stories from another nonhuman perspective is refreshing, especially when the alien is long lived.
The most interesting HFY story I have listened to, and one of the few that I would listen to a second time. The title suggests that it would be another humdrum story of an aggressive power underestimating humanity's military capacity to its cost. This is a humanity that has already won an intersteller war and has retreated into a shell out of horror at what we did. Most of the HFY stories have humanity go on to carve out a new fairer galaxy-wide federation without a care in the world, but this time we have a plausible human emotional response to the destruction war causes. I feel like a Victorian mudlark working the Thames estuary who has found a diamond ring in the muck.
There are a lot of these “…and then they met the humans.” stories but, this is the first that ended (that I remember hearing) with humans being remorseful of allowing our “demonic” half to rule for any period of time. The first story where humanity sought to remind itself of just how terribly we can justify ourselves to be by admitting to our own atrocities so as to prevent it from ever happening again. Kudos to the author for this.
this was a good story - and a pretty decent AI reading it (atleast i think it is a AI) - many are not good but this one was pretty good (well the best so far i think)
Thank god for the empress. She helped save our souls from more tainting from our miasma, may it continue to recede until we have atoned for those sins that haunt us.
I'll use the fantasy name generator page for names and it has a real names section. It also has historical names. I've found I really like using Sumerian names for the aliens. Just different enough to look alien but as you said, not the usual Z names
Agreed whilst I do enjoy most HFY stories I do kinda find them repetitive where the story keeps on getting bigger and bigger so to speak and I would love to see more fleet based stories since most HFY stories tend to fall around a single ship, but other than that loved the story.👍
@@firefighter_raven something along the lines of rather than focusing most of the attention on just one ship and its crew, instead focuses on just the ship 🤷♂️, just a thought to be honest
@@firefighter_raven other than that I’d hope to see you on Apple podcasts so I can listen to you whilst at work if at all possible 👍, but otherwise keep up the amazing work
Pride goeth before the fall. Clearly these guys had no version of Sun Tsu on their world. Might have saved them their lives and empire. I do appreciate an alien who actually listens and is willing to do so without pride. Far too few amazing tacticians it seems can do that.
Here, another good story that Sci-Fi Story community need. Job well done by both story writing and narration instead of letting AI handle everything and ended up with a shitshow. 👍
It was a really good story shame it's ended so quickly I liked the fact that it represented the human soul we all have a darkness and we all have a darkness and We try our very best to overcome it but there are times when overwhelms us when that darkness is needed and we learn from it and try to do better act controlling ourselves to protect the world We are not saints And time will not magically make us saints it just makes us better at control
Had I not enjoyed the story, I would have stopped it. I fought the urge every time there was a long pause in the speech. Aside from that it was good, I enjoyed the different voices and the story
I enjoyed the story and use of different voices. You just need to edit the gaps out from between the voices. One question I have, did he get the money offered for his info? I would have put in a nod to it
Nice to hear an HFY story where humans aren't just summarily wrecking everything, but actively working with a rebellion in progress.
Finally, a sci-fi story where the humans kick butt and best of all, the story has an ending. A good ending.
Loving it!
Agree.
Yep, an actual good one...
I see you are new to the HFY/Humans are space orcs stories. If you see any of those titles, you can most likely be sure that humans will kick alien ass in one way or another.
If you want more good HFY stories, then the channel Sin-Text have good and long stories to listen to. My favorite is where aliens start to take humans as slaves and humanity isn't able to fight back but eventually manage to gain alien tech and start to build up where they get tested along the way.
I thought HFY was just girl bosses using the same magic weapons 45x on the aliens and high-fiving to the power of friendship at the end until now 😂
No criticism required. This was a good story. Thank you
As a lover of literature especially sci fi these past 64 years I agree, please keep writing and sharing .(I'm 73 :D )
Best comment 👌
Technically, that's also a criticism. A positive one, but still one.
I agree
Indeed.
I like how you use multiple voices. It's very refreshing.
"It is good that war is so terrible, else we would grow too fond of it." RE Lee.
Definitely one of the better sci-fi stories
Agreed.It was a lot more cohesive than a lot of other youtube sf stories.
Loving it!
Finally, a story worthy of a thumbs up. I'll check out a few more of your stories, other channels are woefully lacking in consistency, continuity. Many of those think that an excessive use of adjectives and adverbs are a sign of good writing, which it is not.
Hurrah! Finally, a well thought-out and entertaining yarn. Well-read and allowed me to concentrate on the narrative, rather than decipher moronic mispronounciation.
this was a good listen
the black armor shaped in the image of their foe's nightmares reminded me of another series in this genre, *_The Shadows Speak_*
I do love that series. But I was actually thinking back to an old RPG where one of the factions does that. But they just revolve around skulls
Loving it!
Its really good. You made a whole galaxy come alive in 20 minutes and used only three races. Kinda interested what else is out there now :)
I like this story because its not like other author stores that are like listening to politicians talking. After 1/2 an hour they haven't said any thing.
More than one voice makes it easier to follow who is speaking.
This story represents a situation, then tell us the backstory of it, and finish it with the consequences. A whole story, from a proper beginning to a right closure. Among the top 3 i ever heard. (There was one another story, which i enjoyed this much before, but i cannot decide, which one should deserve the first place, so i decided to be a draw. 😋)
That might be the best ending for an HFY story that I can remember. Very nice twist.
Great story. No criticism. None of the tired tropes.
That's the best hfy sci-fi stories I heard well done without that always mentioning the indomitable spirit or implications sinking in.
Mixing of the words not always using them twice and especially telling the story from view of a neutral person
A good short story that should be incorporated within a book about encounters and conflicts between cultures.
I love this story just enough history just enough threat to make it believable 😎.
Loving it!
Another entertaining story. Thank you!
Very good story and no criticism needed. I really enjoyed this story. Keep up the good stories coming.
Great story! Keep up the good work. I no longer indulge in any form of TV and this has become my new favorite source of entertainment!
Good story. I think there is something left for a second part. Would love to see the meeting between those to and a conclusion to the 21 systems stil left.
Another Earth saying "Play with fire, You get burned" 😂😂
One of the better told stories I've listen these past few days.Thank job well done
I love the story..... i would love to have my grandsons hear such stories. Thank you very much
I liked the premise quite a bit.
I do feel like the perspective of this single interrogation limits the intricacies of the plot.
I could see multiple mini-perspectives allowing for more a natural exposition instead of loosely explaining what happened as a consequence of the interrogation.
Thanks for the story!
I also feel like the character being interrogated was too much of an unknown and consequently unrelatable.
Maybe include details indicative of his lifestyle, alien species, or correlation to humanity. You already did a bit of that last one, but his personal characterization is a touch shallow.
Just some thoughts from a hobbyist writer, don't mind me. I'll try to brave a public post of my writing one day, kudos for that 😮💨😁
@@theguy0526 Thank you for the critique. Yeah, I should have fleshed him out a little more but he was just supposed to be the means of conveying the story. But I ended using him more than I planned, so I should have gone back and fixed it.
@@firefighter_raven I just appreciate the work, boss. Good story regardless of my feedback, thanks again 👍
I really enjoy your stories.
Thank you.
That was a good story; thought-provoking and a good concept. 👍 ❤
this was a good story the twist at the end gave me goosebumps and a predatory grin...thank you
Loving it!
The story is quite good and well presented. Not your typical human kicks alien arse but one with just enough background to make the ending one of a double outcome refreshing.
Well done. Good story and an unexpected twist.
Nothing to criticise. A good storyline, well presented from a "third party" viewpoint
So here’s a suggestion for a few weapons and ship designs, where you don’t have to use them or such it’s just my personal ideas and opinions and the first weapon would be
A graviton torpedo where unlike most ships that utilizes plasma and high yield explosions my idea is since I’m most sci fi setting most people use things like artificial generators to prevent people from floating and so my idea is kinda borrowed from warhammer 40k gravity gun which increases the mass of a target, however like my torpedo, what happens is that it can generate a large sphere of a very powerful gravitational field which would pull anything and everything into and towards the torpedo be it ships decks, hull plating ect kinda like having a miniaturized black hole next to your ship pulling anything and everything towards it as crewmen get lifted up violently and pulled towards the walls or ceilings and if fired next to say a kinetic weapon or a hangar bay like the weapons used in Star Wars (that space battle scene in revenge of the sith) then all of those explosive canisters or arc rafts would be ripped out of their docking or holding areas resulting in a massive chain reaction or alternatively you could use an armor piercing anti graviton torpedo which does the exact same thing except it’s designed to burrow into the hulls of much larger ships and then generate a powerful positive gravitational force field which would push anything and everything outwards.
Another weapon would be void weapons where, as soon as a target is his then a five inch spherical black void is emitted at which point the black sphere would disappear taking anything and everything that was inside that black orb along with it, be it armor or organic matter leaving only a massive gaping hole in the targets body.
Finally whilst not a weapon but more of a ship, it follows a similar principle to say rhetorical UNSC frigates being nothing more than a massive cannon however it would be akin to turning something like the halo ODP and turning it into a ship being operated by a very small crew, relying heavily on AI and automated systems however being that it’s basically just a gun in space with some engines makes it ideal for mass deployment using the Gunboat tactics where small ships during the 1800 would be fitted with a single massive cannon and that’s about it either that or it could be operated by a single crew of about ten people
I haven't played much Halo or Warhammer 40k, just watched the videos on here (which I really enjoy their world) so I'll look into them. I'm also an Eve bitter vet so that does tend to influence my ship design. And I made the mistake of watching several videos on here about sci-fi writing and how things would actually function in space. lol bad idea if you aren't doing hard sci-fi.
@@firefighter_raven true, but at the end of the day it’s just entertainment and not much to be hung over on unless it’s a franchise you love being destroyed then yeh I suppose so but that’s what makes these sorts of stories fun to listen to as it helps take my mind off of reality and just allows me to relax, and on a side note as a sufferer of ADHD I find it hard to focus on long story books resulting me reading a chapter once a month and forgetting about it a year or so later, that being said
AH SWEET A FELLOW EVE PLAYER , haven’t played in ages unfortunately 😂
This is one heck of a good story,so no criticism... only compliments for the well crafted story.💐👽❤️
Great story! Thank you for sharing.
I really like this story, An excellent story, well told. Thanks
Not sure I liked the pacing of the AI voice but the story itself was wonderfully done. I like the twist at the end.
Never awaken humanity’s dark side.
That was very enjoyable. Thanks for the story.
this was actually really well written
As others have stated, one of the better stories
Dig it. Really like the multiple AI voices for characters 👍
Excellently composed. Please create more & often. Well done! 👍
Anyone who's said that the story doesn't deserve criticism has not put forward any effort, lacks knowledge of writing/storytelling, and doesn't understand the purpose of a critique. A critique is intended to strengthen the writer and their work by attacking it again and again until it's hardened in fire.
To the writer; The opening of the story demonstrates a massive flaw in your writing style that's usually identified as "show don't tell". Statements like "he liked this spot in the bar, he could see all the various races come and go" are a pretty clear example of telling me the situation. It doesn't make a bad story, but it leaves a very clinical connection to the story. A doctor writes something like "patient enters ER claiming chest pain with signs of distress and collapsed" while a writer tells "The man hobbled through the doors gripping his chest gasping for help. He struggles to move one foot in front of the other until the force of a sledge hammer strikes his chest and he collapses to the floor frenzying the triage."
Both are roughly telling the same thing, but the first example leaves nothing to the imagination except perhaps a quick guess that the patient is having a heart attack. The second gives you a visual picture of a man coming through doors and gripping his chest. You're asking questions like where is he? Is there anyone around? What's happening? Those questions don't get asked when you tell, and that's the reason why you want to show instead of tell someone what's happening. You always want the reader to ask questions about the information because the more they ask, the more interest they build and that's how you suck someone into a story. Borrowing from another profession, it's all sizzle and no steak! You want to write so that the smell and the sound is what people are acquiring as they go. They see the steam and hear the juices popping as the waiter comes through the restaurant taking the longest route possible to reach the other guy's table, and then they block it as they put it down causing everyone to try looking around them. So of course, the waiter has to take 90 seconds to explain how hot the plate is and make sure it's exactly what you want.
The point here is that you always want people to be uninformed and looking for information. The last thing you ever want to do is info dump backstory. If you have to info dump, you've done a bad job telling the story and I'm talking about even the smallest of info dumps. If there is information that's technical or part of lore that's kinda important to know, it's your job as a writer to create a knowledge gap character or walk them through a scene where pieces of information are shown. For instance, the movie Saving Private Ryan keeps using the term FUBAR and Oppum has no idea what that means because he's rear echelon. That's a knowledge gap and filling them in fills in the reader. On the other side you get principles like "Chekov's Gun" which is a writing principle that unless it's necessary for the story, don't mention it. So if you describe a gun hanging on the wall, at some point in the story, someone has to pull the gun off the wall and use it. Think about that and imagine a female officer trying to do an inventory check of nuclear weapons aboard a space ship while some guy is hitting on her.
My last piece of constructive criticism is to focus on the tension of your story. The troupe you're using with that story about humanity is called "The Worf Effect" and it's where some nobody shows up and beats Worf's ass in a fight so obviously this nobody is nobody to mess with. However, you immediately try to portray the nobody as a shellshocked veteran afterwards. You go from a mysterious opening to a clandestine meeting with arrogant retards arguing with the guy who's advice they're seeking until they look incompetently stupid, then the tension drops to below the mysterious entrance at the beginning because even the empress looks at this guy like he's a retard because he's trying to tell a monarch that they're nothing. Does that make sense?
It's like "oh man, humans are savages" which is kinda the whole HFY thing, but it's forced. I think you got confused about who the protagonist of the story was when you started talking about humanity which killed the tension instead of pushing the protagonist down to increase the tension. Fortunately, there is an easy fix, but it does involve a rewrite. I'd rework the beginning so that our protagonist is sitting down in his favorite seat with his grandson who's getting his first drink of rootbeer or whatever. Something wholesome so people can connect with the scenario, and then the waitress comes over calling him ambassador, advisor, sir, Lord or something. It prompts the story because we all know that a kid is going to ask about the time... The kid doesn't know, and he learns how the Cudraix fucked around and found out.
The whole empress deal is a detraction from the story because this is a cautionary tale and not a redemption story so we don't have to worry about redeeming humanity. Let the savagery flow...
Personally, I think you could come up with a decent novella if you apply the information that I've presented you with, and rewrite this story.
Thank you for the critique. For the first part, I think I did that because I didn't want to mimic a previous story with the narrator in a bar. Your suggestion is a much better idea. lol
Me neither. I couldn't understand why so many people liked the story, proclaiming this was "one of the better ones," a sentiment expressed so often that I actually wondered whether the comments were inauthentic.
But now I think that most viewers here are simply "new": new to the genre, new to professional writing, or new to English writing in general.
As viewers read more and watch more, slowly acclimatizing and gaining sophistication, they'll look for something newer, and their tastes will change.
For now, this channel is a gateway to English language HFY. But over time, I wonder how this channel and its viewership will evolve...
(Also, keep Fighting the good fight. You said what needed to be said, but few people have time or energy to write (again).)
@@bonjower It is one of the better ones. That does not imply that it could not be better or improved. Only that it is better than most of the claptrap and drivel that gets posted.
@@brucenorman8904 Agreed - most of these stories are sounds, like only a part was grabbed from a full book, and throw it to the viewers. That's already 1 point, which i feel, that this story did better. Most of them is "read" from the beginning to the end with the same, monotonous, AI sound. Here were a bit of variety - i wouldn't call it the best, but miles above from the "average". Also, the story content are build on mostly logical statements, not "humans are bad@ss, because they are humans/from a Deathworld" - humans get their strenght from their experiences from the constant disputes and fights, what they did all the time in their history.
So yeah @bonjower, this story i found better, than the most of the same type, and i CAN defend it by examples, if somebody ask me "why". Some of your points are true, but those doesn't make the story built here worse, or put them on the same level with the others, only shows, that you decide by different criteria, what it means to you, that a story is "good" or "bad".
@@firefighter_raven Reading my previous, I realize that I could have been a bit more tactful in how I presented the information. So I do apologize about that, however it seems that you received it well. I personally love writing stories but I hate grinding them out like pulp fiction, and that's why I don't focus on publishing my work. Don't take anything I said as a negative against your writing, story, or style. You did a very good job. My intention was to help you do it better.
Very well done, thank you so much!!
Constructive Criticism. The different voices sometimes didn't "flow" well. I know that might be the AI program learning issues. Though alot of the different names speaking then jumping back to the story felt off-putting at times.
OTher than this, it was great, thank you for the story!!
Fools always ignore sound advice, and regret their choices in the end.
Arrogance always loses in the end because its decisions aren't rationally based. Its decisions are based on an angry ego that can't stand to be bested. Even in defeat, the ego never believes it can be defeated. But that belief dies with the owner of that belief, as the owner makes one last unreasonable effort to remain unbeaten.
When a race doesn't heed sound advice, they deserve everything they receive. Including ceasing to exist.
Stories from another nonhuman perspective is refreshing, especially when the alien is long lived.
Great story! Well done
The most interesting HFY story I have listened to, and one of the few that I would listen to a second time. The title suggests that it would be another humdrum story of an aggressive power underestimating humanity's military capacity to its cost. This is a humanity that has already won an intersteller war and has retreated into a shell out of horror at what we did. Most of the HFY stories have humanity go on to carve out a new fairer galaxy-wide federation without a care in the world, but this time we have a plausible human emotional response to the destruction war causes. I feel like a Victorian mudlark working the Thames estuary who has found a diamond ring in the muck.
Well done clever plot. 10/10
There are a lot of these “…and then they met the humans.” stories but, this is the first that ended (that I remember hearing) with humans being remorseful of allowing our “demonic” half to rule for any period of time. The first story where humanity sought to remind itself of just how terribly we can justify ourselves to be by admitting to our own atrocities so as to prevent it from ever happening again.
Kudos to the author for this.
There are a lot.. Maybe thats why they are called HFY . "Humanity *** Yeah"
This was one of the best!
Definitely one of the better text-to-speech engines. And the story wasn't bad either. Maybe a bit shorter pauses next time, but otherwise good.
Really enjoyed this! Thank you! Look forward to what you’ll write next. ❤
this was a good story - and a pretty decent AI reading it (atleast i think it is a AI) - many are not good but this one was pretty good (well the best so far i think)
Very enjoyable and thought-provoking.
nice,,very nice....he is rich as hell and yet---still chills/relaxes at the same bar/chair
Reader's note: it was a very good story. Thank you.
this has been the best story out of the 20 or 30d that if lessened to so far it kept you lessen and interested in `in the story the whole time
This one was very good, well done.
Another human legend hell have no fury
Enjoyed the story. Nice twist. The varied voices were a nice touch, but discordant at the junctions.
Thank god for the empress. She helped save our souls from more tainting from our miasma, may it continue to recede until we have atoned for those sins that haunt us.
No Names that start with the letter "Z". I like that 🙂 Fairly typical HFY story, but I enjoyed it. 👍
I'll use the fantasy name generator page for names and it has a real names section. It also has historical names. I've found I really like using Sumerian names for the aliens. Just different enough to look alien but as you said, not the usual Z names
Make more stories! Very well done. As my uncle once stated, "Entaru Adoon!"
Love the story. Mess with the bill, you get horns!
Agreed whilst I do enjoy most HFY stories I do kinda find them repetitive where the story keeps on getting bigger and bigger so to speak and I would love to see more fleet based stories since most HFY stories tend to fall around a single ship, but other than that loved the story.👍
Care to expand on that fleet based stories? I'm always open for ideas.
@@firefighter_raven something along the lines of rather than focusing most of the attention on just one ship and its crew, instead focuses on just the ship 🤷♂️, just a thought to be honest
@@hadesdogs4366 - It's cool and thank you. I'll try to see if I can make something like that in the future.
@@firefighter_raven other than that I’d hope to see you on Apple podcasts so I can listen to you whilst at work if at all possible 👍, but otherwise keep up the amazing work
Nice like always
The story was pretty good.
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Said Rodney.
LOL took me a sec to get it
@@firefighter_raven I did enjoy your story. The almost dramatic pauses the AI reader used before the tags just made me chortle.
@@rgt5727 It's the new William Shatner AI lol
Pride goeth before the fall.
Clearly these guys had no version of Sun Tsu on their world. Might have saved them their lives and empire.
I do appreciate an alien who actually listens and is willing to do so without pride. Far too few amazing tacticians it seems can do that.
These stories inspire me to go play helldivers
Very good and keep doing it.
i enjoyed this very much thank you
Here, another good story that Sci-Fi Story community need. Job well done by both story writing and narration instead of letting AI handle everything and ended up with a shitshow. 👍
Now, why can't Hollywood, etc. be this creative?
It was a really good story shame it's ended so quickly I liked the fact that it represented the human soul we all have a darkness and we all have a darkness and We try our very best to overcome it but there are times when overwhelms us when that darkness is needed and we learn from it and try to do better act controlling ourselves to protect the world We are not saints And time will not magically make us saints it just makes us better at control
Multiple voices are appreciated.
Thank you.
Sounds like an exciting series could evolve from that storie😮😮
Mass Drivers FTW!! 😊
Very good story and with ending, which is nice. Thank you.
Best story yet. More please. ❤
I actually like this story. Could you expand upon the war? That would be a good series.
Very entertaining, Enjoyed listening.
It's a good story. 👍 Would love a part 2.
best 21 minutes' I had today.
Your ai might be slow but it's still highly understandable then some others.❤❤❤
Boy I did so much enjoyed this story.
Excellent story 👏🏽
Good plot twist ending.
Story is very good 😊
Great story, functioning AI. What more can you ask for?
nice story, well narrated
Very enjoyable story 👍
Had I not enjoyed the story, I would have stopped it. I fought the urge every time there was a long pause in the speech. Aside from that it was good, I enjoyed the different voices and the story
Great story.
I enjoyed the story and use of different voices. You just need to edit the gaps out from between the voices. One question I have, did he get the money offered for his info? I would have put in a nod to it
Thank you, LOVIN IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
More stories like this one please
1st time here, Got you a new Sub. Great Story buddy..
Great story just needed to be much longer.
Interesting, sound like an episode from our past history, did we learn anything or we are just repeating or past again and again
That was ... a good story .