This really woke me up. I’m 68 and I got rid of spiked heels, corsets, scarves, piles of purses, clogs, bikinis bathing suits, dresses, skirts, party clothes, short-shorts, tank tops, hats, sheer nighties, fur and feather accessories, jewelry too young or flamboyant, tons of sunglasses that don’t have magnifiers, wigs and wig care. Imagine the space I freed-up. Thanks.
I just retired and let go of two tailored jackets that I hadn't worn in years anyway. Who wears a business jacket when working from home? I'm about to tackle the rest of my wardrobe. Congratulations on your purge!
My fantasy self does all sorts of crafts, does her own alterations on clothes that don't fit quite right, and reads way more books than I do. She also looks up recipes in cookbooks instead of online like I do.
This video is so helpful and validating. We recently remodeled our home and in redoing it, I’m letting go of all the future fantasy entertaining ideas I have held on to for 15 years. It’s just my husband and I and we have a few friends or family over a few times a year. We need our home to be for us only - then on occasion we can share what we have with others. I have ditched the guest bed that got used once in 15 years and made an office that I use every day. All the serving platters and fancy dishes except ones my husband and I now use for ourselves. The big dining room set is now gone and my husband uses a smaller table as a desk that we can also use to seat 6 people if needed. It’s hard but so freeing to embrace the life we actually have rather than the life we used to have growing up or a fantasy future life we’ll actually never have. I realize all those ideas were about wanting relationships I don’t have, and I’m trying to focus more on the ones I do actually have.
My fantasy self thinks she can lose weight and fit into the smaller clothing she has already bought. She also thinks she'll put her photos into nicely decorated scrapbooks; knit hats for newborns; and make multiple quilts for friends and family. Thank you for helping her think long and hard about discontinuing to hoard and binge eating due to severe trauma over many years. Hugs...
I saw a cartoon where two people are standing in front of a full bookcase. The caption said, "These are all the books I would have read If the internet wasn't created." So true. Lol!
I decluttered most of the things you mentioned: clothing for my socialite fantasy self, going out dresses, high heels; crafts stuff: beads, and so on; cooking and pastry making stuff because I wanted to become a pastry chef; hundreds of books on almost everything; buzzcut my hair, so all the stuff for hair care is gone, and also makeup: I still own 1 mascara, 1 eyeliner, 1 blush stick, and a concealer, no nail polish (used to own tons of them). I came out to be a very simple styled person, not so girly, but still feminine. I prefer to nourish my inner self than the appearance. that's it.
My fantasy self is a fisherman, camper, and general outdoor enthusiast. But I actually hate fishing and camping. I have so much gear I never use! I’d rather just go swimming or for a walk then go home and watch a movie. Thank you!
I used to watch lots of TH-cam videos about camping and bushcraft, thinking that I'd get into it when I had all the gear. But... yeah, nah! Not gonna happen! Anybody need a one-man tent? Lol. Kidding, unless you live in New Zealand 😄😄😄
🧘♀ I lost about 90 lbs and was doing extremely well but ultimately I wasn't able to dodge the hereditary gallbladder disease & needed surgery. It took me 2 years to fully recover. The point is, I kept all those tiny clothes thinking I'd bounce right back and be wearing them again! Today I packed up all of those clothes (many of which were NEVER worn! They still have all their tags on them!) They're going to my 2 nieces for them to take whatever they like & whatever they don't want will be donated to charities. I have one more tote to empty & today I finally feel like I made some real, lasting progress!
Easy, guilt free disposal of art/craft supplies: as a former K-12 art teacher, I can attest to the need public school teachers have for anything like that. Also, nowadays it is hard to find newspapers and magazines for class projects. Bring them on!👩🏻🎨🎨🖌👨🎨📚
I just pulled out 8 mugs from my kitchen cabinet while watching your video lol . Everytime I see them(daily) it reminds me of the fact that I bought them and never used (guilt)- I blame "picture perfect" ads/ Pinterest/"you must have a set of mugs"- society.. so I am going to find them a new home and I now have space for my waffle maker that was sitting on my counter.. the joy 🙏🤗 Thank you xx
I loved scrolling through the comments and reading about everyone's fantasy selves. And some are so motivated, enthusiastic and fun and, above all, relatable!
I have china and crystal that I've finally been able to part with. It wasn't MY fantasy self it was my parents' fantasy version of me. That's hard too. Also, I though I was alone with the instant pot. Shoes are also a big one for me- my fantasy self wears heels but I can't even walk in them. Thanks for this inspiration!
My daughter recently convinced me to get rid of my one pair of high heels- that I wore in 1990! (they were blue suede, so pretty. But I am a sneaker and mud boots kind of person).
My fantasy self lives in an empty white home with only very minimal items, lies on a divan and reads books. With that ideal I will forever feel my minimalism journey is incomplete.
I have a lot of “fantasy self” moments, and I have to remind myself constantly that I don’t need it or I should get rid of it. I often find myself buying baby clothes on sale with the intention to gift it, but I know deep down that the attraction I have to those clothes is mainly coming from my desire to have children. It can be hard and I know not healthy. I also think Fantasy moments come from the pressures in society. It’s so hard to realistically fit into a mold of what you wish to be and what you think society thinks you should be. This was a really good topic. I really enjoy your videos and your honesty as I find it really refreshing. Love from Canada 🇨🇦
i've been on the minimalist journey for almost four years & im shocked to say that none of these applied to me. i'm truly shocked. when i downsized/retired i was ruthless: read swedish death cleaning. since retirement i've been steadfast about the one in/one out rule. i still periodically cut through stuff i brought with me to my new place. it's very freeing.
Mine is definitely my sewing machine! I had a phase where I wanted to be a "quilt lady", and I made a few fabulous quilts (completely self taught online), but it made me ANGRY...lol. I despise math, and when I realized how much math is involved, I could never get past it. I also couldn't stand how long it took to create one. Too impatient...lol. I would make mistakes and cry -- it was definitely not the hobby for me. Every time i sit in front of the sewing machine, it's NOT who I am. I do it because it's there. Time to kick it out along with all the other quilting supplies! Thanks so much Marissa!
That sounds like a very frustrating hobby to have indeed, I have a quilt from my grandmother that I treasure, but I know how much work and math goes into them! I hope that you can find a hobby that you enjoy. ✨❤️✨
I enjoy making quilts but have hoarded fabric for years. Now i just feel like sewing quilta is a ball and chain but i have to because I hoarded. I try to donate quilt tops but it is a never ending compulsion, sewing up just the scraps. I know the money is spent, the fretting won't bring it back. Everything I make i just give away....but no one wants it or needs it. What a silly nuerosis.
Google free form quilting. No math you just sew fabric together however you want it to look. Make small things like table toppers or coasters. Or just give it all to some other sewer if you really have no desire.
@@peaceandquiet1983 My daughter buys second hand baby cuddle rugs which she uses for backing the baby quilts she makes for friends. Most of them are very basic, using colourful fabrics and random shapes, and are gifted as quilts for baby to have floor time. People love them, they are practical, and because she uses random shapes (free form) they are quick to make. Just an idea 😁 You could use second hand brushed cotton sheets for backing instead of the cuddle rugs.
I'm so happy to hear that I'm not the only one that doesn't like insta-pots. My friends raved about them so I bought one. I used it exactly 2 times and sold it. I don't have the time to relearn how to cook all my favorite dishes when the old way works just fine.
Oh man this is me!!! I used it a few times but it is just so clunky and in the way. The smell of food stays in it no matter how well I wash it. And at the end of the day. I end up using my stove and oven anyways. There is nothing I can make in an instant pot that I can not make in a Dutch oven.
Yes! I find that it practically decimates whatever I am cooking to the point of mush and not being able to monitor the process, even if just through a glass lid, takes the joy out of cooking.
I bought the best insta pot I could find a few years ago when it seemed like THE thing I had to have. It’s been sitting on my kitchen counter for over two years abs has only been used once and that was by my daughter! I’ve dusted it off a few times and moved it but I’m kind of afraid to use it. Maybe it’s time to sell it.
Haha I love the honest insta pot reviews! 😊 I do not enjoy cooking. I bought one years ago, it sat in the box for a month so I took it back to the store. Then when I started dating my now-husband, it turned out to be exactly what we needed! Now I'm glad we have it for the hot Texas summer 👍
The Insta pot is one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. We use it nearly every week there’s never been something made with the Insta pot that was not Delicious. We’re cooking and eating at home now more, Thanks to the Instapot.
Hi Marissa, thank you for this video. Funnily enough, my fantasy self is a minimalist, but all of my stuff is proving me wrong 😅Mostly because I had so many different hobbies along the years; knitting, DIY in general, fashion... all of my things are reminding me of past selves, but my future self (my fantasy self) wants to own less and gets rid of these old things little by little.
Awesome topic and video! 🌿 For the past 5 years, my weakness was collecting essential oils and I hardly ever diffused or used them so that was a LOT of wasted money and precious resources. However, it got me into using less toxic cleaners and products so hopefully that balances out my impact on the Earth. Nowadays, my fantasy self is a minimalist with a clean and tidy home. It's one of those 'careful what you wish for' things though because my dog will be crossing the rainbow bridge soon and my daughter is 20 and it probably won't be long before she moves out. The house will have way less stuff and be so much easier to maintain but I'll miss having my girls around. Once we're empty-nesters, I might actually have to pick up a hobby and turn a fantasy self into reality.
Thank you for sharing Jenny, you brought up an interesting point; both your fantasy self and your real self can change throughout the seasons of your life. 🍂 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
I have more than one fantasy self, which makes it a bit weird. But it also means that I vacillate between them. Rather than facing up to the fact that my fantasy self doesn't exist, having *more than one* means that I can switch to *another* when I see that one isn't going to happen. That way, I put off facing the reality.
I just got rid of a sewing machine I bought 15 years ago and used twice. It was a decent machine and my friend was so happy to get it. I should have given it to her years ago!
My story is similar, a sewing machine that I purchased 12 years ago and used for a hot minute, that moved with us across the country, and has sat unused in its drawer for a decade. And my husband still suggests to keep it in case our daughter decides she wants to take up sewing. Well, I’m not sure who she’d learn it from - definitely not me 😂
Marie is not a bookworm. Everything else yes. But my books are like friends. I read them over and over again. They definitely spark joy. I've never heard of a fantasy self and that's really interesting. I'm looking around my home with new eyes, thanks :-)
The first time I heard the term, "fantasy self," I knew *immediately,* exactly what it means!! I also was able to identify *at least* two "fantasy selves" living within. 😳
It is an option and I also own another house in my home state. Ideally, I would sell the house I am living in and move back to my tiny home. It’s cheaper to own in Washington right now so I will stay put until I am ready to leave my job and go back to Florida. I also lost my family when I was young and inherited everything. I have seriously started letting go of their things and am just keeping a few small, important pieces. Still in the process. Your videos and personality have been so inspiring. It’s so nice to see you reveal your vulnerability with decluttering and life in general. Thank you so much for the creativity and passion you bring to this space!
@@jenstellen496 Thanks so much, sounds like we have a lot in common too. This stuff is tough and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. 😔 Good luck with the decision and declutter process!
I thought I m crazy to think that. Honestly I change where I live sometimes as I live an island lifestyle do not make sense to buy. Every time I bought a property I had to sell.
@@zsuzsannabak1530 I bought the house with my now ex-husband. We split when. It was mid renovation. Now I’m trying to save money to finish everything and will hopefully sell when that is done. It was never my goal to be a homeowner. I like being able to move when I feel like it.
I just love how honest you are about your feelings, mental health and being so warm and kind! I listen to a lot of podcasts about psychology or trauma. I love this channel when I need things to be a lighter but still about feelings ❤️
Omg...I was such a book person. I would read at least 100 fiction books a year, then I realized I was just trying to escape. Now, I might read about 10 digital library books ( nonfiction ) a year. I mostly listen to podcasts or vlogs while Im cooking or resting. I got rid of so many books and I don't miss them...whew!
🍽 food items (ingredients), cook books, and kitchen appliances!! 😭 I struggle with binge eating as well. The more I watch your videos, the more I feel heard and understood and not alone ❤️
Girl, you are not alone. There are many of us in the same boat 😉 The kitchen thing is so me, I spent a fortune on kitchen supplies /gadget, and I hate cooking 😑
I graduated with a Philosophy degree in 1993. When I decided to go to law school, my thesis advisor warned me, "You cannot be a philosopher and a lawyer." I let go of many of my philosophy books over the years but, partially in an attempt to prove her wrong, I held onto a number of remaining books. I have a rewarding 24-yr legal career, and today I have let the last of these books go...so bittersweet.
Being a philosopher makes a better lawyer❤ this is my honest opinion having worked in the law for a very long time. and it's OK that you gave your books away if that's what you honestly wanted to do. I still have some books that I've had for ages while in the meantime I've given away books that I no longer wanted to read as reading them the first time was all that I needed. Some of my books are my friends, and I would not let them go because when people come to my house and see my books They become interested in them and they also understand me better. I love looking at those books and remembering their messages. The law can become tedious unless you have some underlying passion like philosophy.
I have TWO DRAWERS of workout clothes for my fantasy self! I work out every day but I literally wear the same 3 pairs of leggings and whatever tshirt matches and I never dig into those drawers lol. That is for sure an area I've been putting off.
Gosh, I agree with you so much about books!! I think books is "the thing" that self described minimalists just cling to. We all like to think of ourselves as readers but most of the time they either aren't read or only read once. Accepting that my fantasy self is just that, a fantasy, has been instrumental in my minimal journey! My fantasy self has an elaborate skin care routine, wears pretty summer dresses, and has soft flowy hair. My reality self is a jeans and t shirt kind of girl who brushes her hair enough to get out the tangles and then calls it a day. So I gave my unused products to friends and family and donated all of my dresses. Feels so much freer
A J Yessss. My fantasy self wants to be a girly girl. BUt then i feel like a done-up clown and i honestly dont want tne attention or comments from rude gawkers ( i teach junior high in a poor rural gossipy petty isolated community)
Fantasy self will go roller blading again...have my roller blades from the 90's.....but they were so expensive and such good quality...they don't make them like that any more. I just can't get rid of them yet....( also been on disability for years but I keep thinking one day when I'm better). It's tough.
Oh my goodness!! This is so me. I. bought roller blades at start of pandemic lockdowns to revisit my 90s youth because i do love rollerskating....so not the same. Went 1x. It was awful. They have been laying in the same place allllllll this time, literally a menace to my mental health, and all i think is WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY.
I feel called out. I was crocheting while listening to this. In an effort to use up some craft supplies, I've been crocheting with a bunch of embroidery floss I own. Now that the pandemic is over (I used to make tiny things to conserve stuffing), I guess I can finally use it properly! I also got rid of the craft supplies for some kit I realized I'm never going to actually use.
My fantasy self lives in a tiny house I built myself and is a single woman with a cat that has no financial worries and can travel as much as she wants. Such great insight and messages in this video! I am a new subscriber and am loving watching all your videos! I can really relate to you and the way you deliver minimalism ideas and guidance is incredible! I am totally going to get rid of those self-help books I've been meaning to read for years now!
My fantasy self is similar to yours! Lol 😁😁 I actually tried tiny living for a bit when I bought a cheap minivan, but found that I'm not game enough to *actually do* the *travel* part, partly because of finding suitable camping spots where I could feel safe. I contemplated getting a dog to help me feel safe, but realized a couple of things: - 1) I'd want a *protection* dog, and there's not enough room in a minivan for a larger breed, and, 2) I don't *really want* a dog, it was just a *good idea!* I also had an idea that eventually I would be an *extreme* minimalist, surviving with just a backpack of belongings while travelling, but I don't think that's gonna happen either 🤪🤪🤪 Sigh 🙄 Goodbye fantasy self 🙋♀️
Thanks for this perspective. I have been a minimalist for most of my life, first because of poverty and necessity, then because of a disaster that took what was left, and now by conscious choice to keep my life's purpose clear. I have a lot of emotional clutter and it is nice to hear you speak on that. I have never "journeyed' through physical decluttering and admire your thoughtful process.
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s a lot more like my husband, who grew up in poverty in China! I have a Q&A with him here, if you’re interested: th-cam.com/video/R5ORjuGK1Fk/w-d-xo.html … I hope that we can do another Q&A together and get more of his thoughts in the future!
My fantasy self is being all things to all people, a traveler, a healthy working RN, I am one, just not healthy, (who is now retired), an exceptional housekeeper with energy to spare, with a husband who is healthy, and all the positive attributes possible. Now that's said, it's all a fantasy except that I am a licensed RN. (I can't bear to let that be a retired license as it was such a difficult goal for me to achieve). So, decluttering is my goal, even if it takes me to the end of my life to accomplish. Thank you, Marissa, for being such an example to us. It seems decluttering is always a work in progress. Right now I'm enjoying my victory of more than 5 bags of contractor bags this year out of my house. Three drawers downsized and decluttered and my refrigerator is cleared out and I'm managing my use if leftovers. I've also mopped my space and could not believe the difference in the look of my floors. Small steps lead up to the progress I'm looking forward to having. 🤗❤
Dealt with my fantasy self earlier in the year, but always need reminders. (I have five children at home and bought off-white jeans for spring. 🤦🏻♀️) It was actually a huge relief decluttering the craft and homeschooling items that are no longer around haunting me and even better that they have gone to a place where they’ll actually be used! I remember that sting and it helps me avoid a quick-fix purchase on a hard day.
My fantasy self knows which books and which homeschool resources will be used again and again and so are worth it and which ones won’t so I don’t buy them 🙈🤣😭🤣 homeschooling resources I don’t know how to deal with.
@@nicoleclarke2857I hope I could learn how to declutter all the homeschool stuff! Digital, books, crafts, all the finished work to save “just in case they need proof for college”! It’s too much! Then there’s my own stuff- books, crafts, self-help, cook from scratch..all the things “good moms” do. The pressure is real but I’m learning to be true to me & ignore community expectations.
💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 Well I now acknowledge that being one of the last single person in my friend group makes me insecure and prompt many impulse buying. My “fantasy self” is a super confident and stylish single working woman. So I bought so many ‘chic’ clothing for work and going out. I thought wearing them would make me look “single and fabulous” lol. I know now that I still prefer comfortable clothing. And that my friends don’t give a f about what new dress I’m wearing or fancy bag I’m carrying, because they are good friends.
🤐 what I have troubles with is trying to be “helpful” towards family members that are on the verge of being hoarders when they are not ready, I am doing so much better at letting go of what isn’t my business or responsibility, and just let them be, after all they are on their own journey just like me.
Bless your heart! I'm in therapy for PTSD, drowning in debt, buried in clutter, most given me. The stuff I bought that I want, like my sewing machines, are broken and can't afford to get them fixed. Thanks for sharing. I really need help getting rid of my clutter. I can't seem to let go. I am appreciative of the stuff people have given me, but I don't need anymore stuff.
One step at a time. I'm exactly the same, I keep hold of too much stuff thinking it's a waste or someone gave it to me etc.. then feel guilty for not letting someone else use them and they're not being used at all. I've been detoxing my life over the past year, started with learning how my mind works 😊 all the best of wishes to you 💞🌻
This is so so helpful! I'm just getting started after years of being stuck, and I've been asking myself this question as I'm going through things this week. I think the important thing is to realize that our authentic self might be what someone else's "fantasy self" is and the other way around. My fantasy self bought one of those fancy blenders, because I pictured myself wearing snazzy yoga clothes, and drinking smoothies - never happened. But, while I know you didn't like your instant pot, I use mine nearly every day to make oatmeal, boil eggs, makes soups and chilis, rice, and on and on. The "fantasy self" question is a great one when I pick something up, and think - well, maybe someday I'll be that fantasy me, and I'll need that! Now, that thing goes into the donate box! :)
I loved completing KonMari, but eventually I let the book go too. Paper still is my nemesis. My fantasy self doesn't have a 12" stack of paper work on the dining room table but instead has everything filed in one of the 3 proper boxes and I'm determined to stick with that fantasy :)
I'm hearing more and more about craft items that really need to go. I struggle with this and have spent tons of money on things to sew or knit...only to find out that this image of myself of the loving grandma making things for family and friends is FANTASY. I'm all thumbs mostly so have to give up this image. I can do very simply things like scarfs and shawls but have also found out that most people don't like what I make: they really want the modern fabrics and fibres that are very easy to care for - they don't want my cotton/linen/wool stuff!!!! So if I can't use what I make, or donate it, I have to get real. So thanks for this reminder.
Oh, this video has helped me so much. I have held on to clothes for years, over a decade, in the hope that I would fit into them again. I don’t even like them anymore! This will help me to get rid of them once I get into my storage locker next week and start decluttering it. Dress the body you have now, right? Such great information here. I have a lot of things in my locker that would NOT pass the poop test! 😂 Oh, and my fantasy self decided to be a guitar player. Bought the guitar and an expensive case! Never once played it. So my real self will be adding it to the pile of items to sell when I’m on a staycation next month.
wow, what a good message. I make greeting cards for a hobby and recently retired. My fantasy self sees a product to buy and I say to myself, "I could make some really cute/beautiful/creative cards with that." I buy the item/s, then the stamp/die/punch/embossing folder or pretty paper pad just sits here and adds to my clutter! I really have cut down on purchasing since I'm on a tight budget, but will be using what I have now, even tho I purchased some of it years ago. Thanks.
I used to do this too... Then one year I was going through some old Christmas cards and realized I never once stopped to read the card. I only looked at the hand-written messages and if there was only a signed name and no message, I tossed the card out. It was then I decided to stop making cards and start writing more notes to more people. I had always put notes in my hand-made cards, but the majority of my time went to making the card. I can now send out notes to dozens of friends in a week instead of just 1 or 2 a day. Believe me, no one has ever complained that their personal note came in a plain letter envelope, written on plain notebook paper. 💖
These fantasy self items are truly a great concept! Never thought of them like this. I have so many books that I intend to read, art supplies that stay unopened, bullet journals that are empty, etc. Seems that my fantasy self is quite creative. Truth is - I never have the time and energy to actually do any of these creative activities.
Yea my crafting supplies are needed. There have been multiple times where I have gotten a sudden idea, pulled out everything I need from couple drawers and completed it without needing to step out of he house. But there is a designated pile of old camping supplies I need to sell.
I love my books, and have tons. Can't get rid of them and this past year in quarantine I have picked up so many that sat there for years and they helped get me thru. Other than the books (for me), you are on point :)
Nope, I think that’s beautiful. ❤️ I had some of my mom’s but she was 2 sizes smaller than me and I let them go - I wear her wedding ring 💍 every day though!
Haha my big cricut that I've yet to use 😅 it's been hard to part with since it was so expensive. I've given myself 6 months to use it, if I don't, it's going. Also working on other parts of my house to actually free up time to craft
My make up, hair and skincare is so basic now. I absolutely love it. I have shampoo, conditioner and wash my hair once a week and i have a hairbrush. My skincare is Trilogy facewash i use in the shower. I no longer wear make up (though i do have some stuff judt in case for special occasions, but i don't think that will be getting reolaced once it's expired). So easy!
I love that quote from Marie Condo about the books - it's allowed me to let books I've had sitting and waiting to go. You're right - social media fantasy self is a really difficult one to let go of.
🎸 - Last year, I said to myself, "Oh! I should learn the acoustic guitar!" to this day, I couldn't play you a chord. Then I got a flute (which resonated with me more), yet I don't have the time to practice. 📄I have tons of paperwork that need to be either shredded, digitally stored, or significantly reduced, because my shelving alcove is a mix of that, art supplies, and old electronics that serve me no purpose. Why do I still keep this stuff? Why am I keeping cabin cruise itineraries and brochures from past holidays? However this year, I did get rid of a decades old bed and mattress for a futon and low bed. Got rid of a busted chest of drawers and wardrobe. Now I have one of those smaller open clothing organiser pieces, extra clothing limited to a handful of canvas reinforced boxes. Still got a mountain to climb though. Thinking of getting rid of my long desk in favour of one that can be folded away.
I think I have trouble in every category mentioned! 😱 Thank you for this! This fantasy self idea is HUGE! I’ve got a lot of souls searching to do. I’ve been watching your videos a while- time to act! I really do want less- I just can’t seem to get there. praying for courage to begin.
👖👠... my fantasy self is going to wear those jeans again, going to wear those hot shoes....um, it’s been years.... nope... time to let go... I’m a new subscriber, you’re really inspiring Melissa, you’re real... I just recently unsubscribed from so many channels that my fantasy self fed off of... I’m now feeding my authentic self and your channel is a part of helping me find her (authentic Beth).... can’t wait to watch more of your content, thank you for sharing 😊❤️
Great work! This is excellent! My fantasy self is my younger self. Fit, fun, curious, bold and adventurous. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to highlight these ways of being but now that I am older, I can’t figure skate; but I can recreational skate. I can’t have fun with old friends; but I can make new connections. I don’t find everything new as a curiosity; but I can learn new skills and think critically of what I truly want to learn. You have really helped me today. I’m off to journal about this. Thank you. 💕
My moto on items for fantasy self is: if I'm already doing The Thing and this will improve my doing of The Thing and nothing else I already have can be used then I can buy it. If my thought is "if I buy this then I'll do the Thing" then I shouldn't buy it. 🙃 No purchase will ever make me do something more or at all.
📚 I love reading and getting into a good book, but they are rare for me and time with four kids is rare, so I have a lot of books on my “to read” list and on my bookshelf. Crafts and art are another big one for me.
Oh good, another soul like me. I'll be checking out your video on sentimental items next. I've lost so many friends and family, couldn't let go of their stuff and boxed it all up. Moved it from place to place, paid to have it in storage...I refer to it as DPS Dead People's Stuff. I know it sounds callous, really though, its my quirky sense of humor and way of distancing myself from it so I can start.
I watched this video for the third time now and it helped me last year to identify my instruments as fantasy self items. I sold them all (3) back then and don't miss them at all.
I totally agree on the insta pot!! I used it one time and didn’t like how it had to pressurize, de pressurize, guess how long for time and then it wasn’t cooked thoroughly so I’d have to do it all again! I sold it!
My fantasy self “someone who doesn’t need anything” 😢. Just the push I need to de clutter books 📚 👍😊 thx u! So exited for the new series! Can’t wait!!!
This inspired me to let go of my craft supplies I’ve never touched and my at home fitness equipment I never use because I hate lifting weights and I’d rather swim, dance or walk!
Wow, for years I keep craft supplies and trying diy projects, etc but I suck at it and always feel bad about never do a good job or never finishing what I started. It's all going to the trash tomorrow, thanks you so much Zen of life.
Hello. This video has pinned on what I have been vaguely fighting. Apart from guilty of books, art supplies and kitchen gadgets, I am guilty of another clutter. "Buying things in the name of my children." What if my kid is a chess champion (read 2 chessboards and 5 chess books). My fantasy self is an all knowing mother, when the real me is still trying to know my child. You helped me accept truth and let it flow. Thank you.
👟 and 👠 Never had really expensive shoes growing up and as an adult I over compensated. Had over 400 pairs of shoes at one time, now have about 200. Hard to let go of the financial investment made on buying them.
I never really had an opportunity to explore much during my childhood due to many reasons, and I met my husband at 18, married at 19, and had my first child before i turned 20. Just had my second at 22, and I'm finally giving my fantassy selves the opportunity to explore their interests and see what sticks.
A while back I was hellbent on collecting every single version of the Playstation consoles. I had all of them from the original PS1 up to the 4th generation. I even had a ton of games from the 3rd generation one, but when I really sat back and looked, I didn't play any of them except for the PS4 anymore. In fact, I had never played most of the games I had bought a single time because I actually liked watching other people play them on TH-cam more than I liked actually playing them. It took me months before I finally got rid of all of them except my PS4, but I don't even miss those other ones now. I actually feel better not having those around because I felt guilty about not having played all the games I had bought.
📱I like to use technology less. I have sett limits on my phone and I don’t often use more time. It’s often work related if I do. But I watch TH-cam and Netflix on my computer and I don’t have limits there. I try to set a timer, but the habit is not sticking yet. And I try to delete all unnecessary emails and pictures and things like that for the environment.
👕👖 my fantasy self had a lot of clothes, and I mean a lot... all of them for when I could finally fit them properly. So your video hit me and was just the push that I needed to start cleaning up my wardrobe. And that was a big struggle, but I did it! I have about 4 trash-bags (is that even an English word?) full of clothing that I can give away. 4!!! Some of the items hurts to let go of, because someday I might fit them...right?! But you know..! Now I can buy a few items that really fit me, look good and are comfortable to wear!! And stil have room in my wardrobe. So thank you for your inspiration and explaining about my fantasy self. I didn't know that I really did need to hear this!
Photos. I have boxes and boxes of photos....I fantasize myself scanning them or give them to the kids but than I feel guilty about it and on and on...and it is been years since I have open them...
Thank you for introducing me to the concept of fantast self. I was able to recognize this patern in my life and think of quite a few items as a was watching the video. It has renewed my motivation to clean out remaining clutter in my home, but in my brain as well. It sparked a reflection on accepting who I actually am as opposed to who I would like to be. You got yourself a new subscriber!
💎💍 Jewelry I always think I’m going to wear it to make my outfits look amazing But when I do wear jewelry it’s usually the same thing. This started to develop about 4 years ago.
You're by far my favourite youtuber and I've watched hundreds of videos similar to yours but you still remain my favourite! I can relate to you so much x
🎿 your content is excellent! I was an excellent skier in my 20s thru my 40's but after a broken back and knee surgery it is time to get real. Yoga fits my life now and I love the whole self philosophy behind it. Time to let go of my skiis and boots (which are too small and I don't think my feet will lose weight 🤣)
I cannot wear eye makeup anymore as my eyes are very dry and sensitive due to some chronic health conditions. My fantasy self was still stuck back before that time and I kept buying different mascara and treatments thinking surely something would work. It didn't and I let go a few years back. My vision is more important to me than faked lush lashes and smokey eyeliner!
I am the same way. I love eyeshadows and mascara, but I can only wear a cream shadow occasionally and I can wear mascara occasionally as well. My skin really sensitive as well, so I only use concealer, a bit of powder, and some blush to live up my pale complexion. I hate lipstick, so I just use lip balm.
Fantasy self: skinny ankles, too! 😅 Books is definitely my weakness though. I have so many but I don’t enjoy reading as much as I used to... Need to reevaluate my priorities. Thanks for sharing this!
🚲 🎾 🏀 🏸 my fantasy self is super active, in reality I like to relax as much as possible on my days off. My garage has weights, workout bench 🏋️♀️, bikes, etc. 😔 I like going on walks, that’s where I get my activity
I’m really impressed with your presence and information. Thank you! Your personal stories and sharing is hugely valuable. Thank you for your transparency! 🙏
Some really expensive items that I regretted buying: - piano accordion - flute - Hungarian Zither - expensive repair kit (" I Fix It" ) - synthesizer - weight-lifting kit It is clear from the above list that I am particularly attracted to music. Still, the "musician" is not the real "imaginary self" that I want to become. However, in a certain sense, these purchases were useful for me, because I saw that I was looking for the path I had to follow in order to find my true self. And it finally SUCCEEDED! I am currently diligently learning all kinds of bushcraft skills, i.e. the art of survival in the wilderness, primitive (primarily stone age) techniques and technologies, etc. In my old age, I want to live away from civilization, without electricity... To this end, I have already achieved significant results, for example, I sleep on a hard surface and eat raw meat (and raw offal). Certain (living...) bugs, too, as well as living earthworms! And I'm close to the level of minimalism where everything I own fits into one large military backpack and a handbag. As for music, I successfully learned to play an instrument called the didgeridoo, it is sufficiently ancient, because the Australian aborigines use it. I can also whistle tunes very well, and I have even started to learn Mongolian and Tibetan throat singing, which doesn't require any musical instruments, I can take this with me anywhere because "my throat is always at hand", and it also sounds sufficiently "primitive-like". The Khargyraa style is already going quite well... My boss's puppy never liked me, well, the last time I went to see him (not the puppy but the boss...), I started throat singing like that, and the puppy immediately stopped barking at me and ran out of the room in terror... So, I think the right attitude towards such "imaginary self" things is to pay attention to what COMMON direction they point to, and then eventually we will find the common section, the intersection of this hobbies, the TRUE HOBBY in which they are all included, even if not completely and exclusively, but at least a little of each of them,.. And then we will have enough endurance in that! For me, this is "primitive living style", "living as a caveman", "back to the Nature"... There was a time when (despite of that I am a man...) I also wanted to learn to crochet. Now I take advantage of this in that I can make my waist belt and hip bag out of paracord, and I can sew my leather clothes. So there is a "common cross-section" of everything, EVERY "imagined self", you just have to find it.
Great video! I have been keeping my fantasy self hidden away - putting her on the shelf so to speak so I could ignore the fact she wasn't showing up. : ) Enough time had gone by and I could be honest I don't need these items. Not saying it's easy to admit that or to finally come to terms but it's another breath of fresh air. I found (for myself anyway) keeping a journal about what is holding me back and making a Pinerest board on ways I could improve about myself as well as some (not too many) utube videos have helped immensely and after a while I can splurge on better quality work out clothes or buying ie: 1 pair of black dress flats when needed as a mindset helped tremendously. In the end I there was two positives; feeling better because I improved traits about myself and I decluttered and reset my spending habits. Win - win
The quote of the author was so heart cutting. I am a semi hoarder, in a sense , I declutter drastically when I have to. Bc I saw how my mom was a hoarder.
Books. I needed that. I have Marie Kondo that I read 3 years ago. I was procrastinating going thru them today. I'm watching you on a break from decluttering
This really woke me up. I’m 68 and I got rid of spiked heels, corsets, scarves, piles of purses, clogs, bikinis bathing suits, dresses, skirts, party clothes, short-shorts, tank tops, hats, sheer nighties, fur and feather accessories, jewelry too young or flamboyant, tons of sunglasses that don’t have magnifiers, wigs and wig care. Imagine the space I freed-up. Thanks.
Happy for you 👒👡👗❤️
An impressive list I would like to copy, as you have hit the high points!!
I just downsized about half of my wardrobe, to a comfortable retired, non frivolous lady. So freeing!!
I just retired and let go of two tailored jackets that I hadn't worn in years anyway. Who wears a business jacket when working from home? I'm about to tackle the rest of my wardrobe. Congratulations on your purge!
My fantasy self does all sorts of crafts, does her own alterations on clothes that don't fit quite right, and reads way more books than I do. She also looks up recipes in cookbooks instead of online like I do.
This video is so helpful and validating. We recently remodeled our home and in redoing it, I’m letting go of all the future fantasy entertaining ideas I have held on to for 15 years. It’s just my husband and I and we have a few friends or family over a few times a year. We need our home to be for us only - then on occasion we can share what we have with others. I have ditched the guest bed that got used once in 15 years and made an office that I use every day. All the serving platters and fancy dishes except ones my husband and I now use for ourselves. The big dining room set is now gone and my husband uses a smaller table as a desk that we can also use to seat 6 people if needed. It’s hard but so freeing to embrace the life we actually have rather than the life we used to have growing up or a fantasy future life we’ll actually never have. I realize all those ideas were about wanting relationships I don’t have, and I’m trying to focus more on the ones I do actually have.
Thanks for sharing your story, Anita! ✨
Damn. Wanting relationships I don’t have. Word.
THISSSSS. i was just today like “why am i holding on to these things for something i *might* have who knows when” and i got rid of it :)
That’s beautifully said!
Very well said!
My fantasy self thinks she can lose weight and fit into the smaller clothing she has already bought. She also thinks she'll put her photos into nicely decorated scrapbooks; knit hats for newborns; and make multiple quilts for friends and family. Thank you for helping her think long and hard about discontinuing to hoard and binge eating due to severe trauma over many years. Hugs...
Hugs and healing right back at you, Michele. ✨❤️✨
I think my fantasy self is related to yours!
try Dr. Jason Fung Intermitent Fasting. It works. Peace.
I thought I was all alone in doing these things. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone.
Nope, Krista. We are locked arm in arm as we move forward to our real selves. Hugs...
BOOKS. My real self reads 70 books a year. My fantasy self reads 1,000 a year. I keep waaaay too many.
I read your comment and was like "that's so me" then saw who wrote it and did a squeek because I love your channel 😃
@@pip5858 oh my!! Thank you!!
70 books as a busy mom like you is amazing! ❤️
I saw a cartoon where two people are standing in front of a full bookcase. The caption said, "These are all the books I would have read If the internet wasn't created." So true. Lol!
No such thing as too many books. Just not enough bookcases. But .thats what floors are for. Abd tables. And chairs.😘
I decluttered most of the things you mentioned: clothing for my socialite fantasy self, going out dresses, high heels; crafts stuff: beads, and so on; cooking and pastry making stuff because I wanted to become a pastry chef; hundreds of books on almost everything; buzzcut my hair, so all the stuff for hair care is gone, and also makeup: I still own 1 mascara, 1 eyeliner, 1 blush stick, and a concealer, no nail polish (used to own tons of them). I came out to be a very simple styled person, not so girly, but still feminine. I prefer to nourish my inner self than the appearance. that's it.
My fantasy self is a fisherman, camper, and general outdoor enthusiast. But I actually hate fishing and camping. I have so much gear I never use! I’d rather just go swimming or for a walk then go home and watch a movie. Thank you!
I used to watch lots of TH-cam videos about camping and bushcraft, thinking that I'd get into it when I had all the gear. But... yeah, nah! Not gonna happen!
Anybody need a one-man tent? Lol.
Kidding, unless you live in New Zealand 😄😄😄
Saaaame
When you said “protect your happiness” - that hit me. Such a great self awareness motivator.
Thanks Erica. ✨❤️✨
🧘♀ I lost about 90 lbs and was doing extremely well but ultimately I wasn't able to dodge the hereditary gallbladder disease & needed surgery. It took me 2 years to fully recover. The point is, I kept all those tiny clothes thinking I'd bounce right back and be wearing them again! Today I packed up all of those clothes (many of which were NEVER worn! They still have all their tags on them!) They're going to my 2 nieces for them to take whatever they like & whatever they don't want will be donated to charities. I have one more tote to empty & today I finally feel like I made some real, lasting progress!
It looks as if my fantasy self is going to become a cook, and live for thousands of years, judging by all the recipe books she made me buy! 📙 📚
👩🍳
Your comment made me lol!
😄That's a good one.
That is sooo funny!
Easy, guilt free disposal of art/craft supplies: as a former K-12 art teacher, I can attest to the need public school teachers have for anything like that. Also, nowadays it is hard to find newspapers and magazines for class projects. Bring them on!👩🏻🎨🎨🖌👨🎨📚
I just pulled out 8 mugs from my kitchen cabinet while watching your video lol . Everytime I see them(daily) it reminds me of the fact that I bought them and never used (guilt)- I blame "picture perfect" ads/ Pinterest/"you must have a set of mugs"- society.. so I am going to find them a new home and I now have space for my waffle maker that was sitting on my counter.. the joy 🙏🤗 Thank you xx
Now that is being proactive! Thanks for sharing, bibi. ✨👍✨
I loved scrolling through the comments and reading about everyone's fantasy selves. And some are so motivated, enthusiastic and fun and, above all, relatable!
Me too
I have china and crystal that I've finally been able to part with. It wasn't MY fantasy self it was my parents' fantasy version of me. That's hard too. Also, I though I was alone with the instant pot. Shoes are also a big one for me- my fantasy self wears heels but I can't even walk in them. Thanks for this inspiration!
My daughter recently convinced me to get rid of my one pair of high heels- that I wore in 1990! (they were blue suede, so pretty. But I am a sneaker and mud boots kind of person).
My fantasy self lives in an empty white home with only very minimal items, lies on a divan and reads books. With that ideal I will forever feel my minimalism journey is incomplete.
Minimalist fantasy selves can be toxic too! That’s something that isn’t often discussed here on TH-cam - stay happy & healthy. ❤️
I have a lot of “fantasy self” moments, and I have to remind myself constantly that I don’t need it or I should get rid of it. I often find myself buying baby clothes on sale with the intention to gift it, but I know deep down that the attraction I have to those clothes is mainly coming from my desire to have children. It can be hard and I know not healthy. I also think Fantasy moments come from the pressures in society. It’s so hard to realistically fit into a mold of what you wish to be and what you think society thinks you should be. This was a really good topic. I really enjoy your videos and your honesty as I find it really refreshing. Love from Canada 🇨🇦
That is a really emotional insight, Shelby. Lots of hugs from Germany 🇩🇪. And thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts.
i've been on the minimalist journey for almost four years & im shocked to say that none of these applied to me. i'm truly shocked. when i downsized/retired i was ruthless: read swedish death cleaning.
since retirement i've been steadfast about the one in/one out rule.
i still periodically cut through stuff i brought with me to my new place. it's very freeing.
Mine is definitely my sewing machine! I had a phase where I wanted to be a "quilt lady", and I made a few fabulous quilts (completely self taught online), but it made me ANGRY...lol. I despise math, and when I realized how much math is involved, I could never get past it. I also couldn't stand how long it took to create one. Too impatient...lol. I would make mistakes and cry -- it was definitely not the hobby for me. Every time i sit in front of the sewing machine, it's NOT who I am. I do it because it's there. Time to kick it out along with all the other quilting supplies! Thanks so much Marissa!
That sounds like a very frustrating hobby to have indeed, I have a quilt from my grandmother that I treasure, but I know how much work and math goes into them! I hope that you can find a hobby that you enjoy. ✨❤️✨
I enjoy making quilts but have hoarded fabric for years. Now i just feel like sewing quilta is a ball and chain but i have to because I hoarded. I try to donate quilt tops but it is a never ending compulsion, sewing up just the scraps. I know the money is spent, the fretting won't bring it back. Everything I make i just give away....but no one wants it or needs it. What a silly nuerosis.
Google free form quilting. No math you just sew fabric together however you want it to look. Make small things like table toppers or coasters. Or just give it all to some other sewer if you really have no desire.
@@peaceandquiet1983 My daughter buys second hand baby cuddle rugs which she uses for backing the baby quilts she makes for friends. Most of them are very basic, using colourful fabrics and random shapes, and are gifted as quilts for baby to have floor time. People love them, they are practical, and because she uses random shapes (free form) they are quick to make. Just an idea 😁
You could use second hand brushed cotton sheets for backing instead of the cuddle rugs.
I'm so happy to hear that I'm not the only one that doesn't like insta-pots. My friends raved about them so I bought one. I used it exactly 2 times and sold it. I don't have the time to relearn how to cook all my favorite dishes when the old way works just fine.
Oh man this is me!!! I used it a few times but it is just so clunky and in the way. The smell of food stays in it no matter how well I wash it. And at the end of the day. I end up using my stove and oven anyways. There is nothing I can make in an instant pot that I can not make in a Dutch oven.
Yes! I find that it practically decimates whatever I am cooking to the point of mush and not being able to monitor the process, even if just through a glass lid, takes the joy out of cooking.
I bought the best insta pot I could find a few years ago when it seemed like THE thing I had to have. It’s been sitting on my kitchen counter for over two years abs has only been used once and that was by my daughter! I’ve dusted it off a few times and moved it but I’m kind of afraid to use it. Maybe it’s time to sell it.
Haha I love the honest insta pot reviews! 😊 I do not enjoy cooking. I bought one years ago, it sat in the box for a month so I took it back to the store. Then when I started dating my now-husband, it turned out to be exactly what we needed! Now I'm glad we have it for the hot Texas summer 👍
The Insta pot is one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. We use it nearly every week there’s never been something made with the Insta pot that was not Delicious. We’re cooking and eating at home now more, Thanks to the Instapot.
I’m really struggling with decluttering my wardrobe because of my fantasy self - I blame Carrie Bradshaw!
I bet a lot of people were inspired to buy stuff because of her! Then Gilmore Girls, now Emily in Paris, and on and on.... 🛍
@@AtoZenLife actually Emily helped me so much "no joy!"
@@Deb_Creamer Haven’t seen it, but glad you liked it then!
@@AtoZenLife It’s not worth the time!
me too ...... satc for ever
Hi Marissa, thank you for this video. Funnily enough, my fantasy self is a minimalist, but all of my stuff is proving me wrong 😅Mostly because I had so many different hobbies along the years; knitting, DIY in general, fashion... all of my things are reminding me of past selves, but my future self (my fantasy self) wants to own less and gets rid of these old things little by little.
Sounds like me 😂
Awesome topic and video! 🌿 For the past 5 years, my weakness was collecting essential oils and I hardly ever diffused or used them so that was a LOT of wasted money and precious resources. However, it got me into using less toxic cleaners and products so hopefully that balances out my impact on the Earth. Nowadays, my fantasy self is a minimalist with a clean and tidy home. It's one of those 'careful what you wish for' things though because my dog will be crossing the rainbow bridge soon and my daughter is 20 and it probably won't be long before she moves out. The house will have way less stuff and be so much easier to maintain but I'll miss having my girls around. Once we're empty-nesters, I might actually have to pick up a hobby and turn a fantasy self into reality.
Thank you for sharing Jenny, you brought up an interesting point; both your fantasy self and your real self can change throughout the seasons of your life. 🍂 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
I have more than one fantasy self, which makes it a bit weird. But it also means that I vacillate between them. Rather than facing up to the fact that my fantasy self doesn't exist, having *more than one* means that I can switch to *another* when I see that one isn't going to happen. That way, I put off facing the reality.
I just got rid of a sewing machine I bought 15 years ago and used twice. It was a decent machine and my friend was so happy to get it. I should have given it to her years ago!
That was so nice of you! Good job!
My story is similar, a sewing machine that I purchased 12 years ago and used for a hot minute, that moved with us across the country, and has sat unused in its drawer for a decade. And my husband still suggests to keep it in case our daughter decides she wants to take up sewing. Well, I’m not sure who she’d learn it from - definitely not me 😂
Marie is not a bookworm. Everything else yes. But my books are like friends. I read them over and over again. They definitely spark joy. I've never heard of a fantasy self and that's really interesting. I'm looking around my home with new eyes, thanks :-)
Plenty of minimalists keep LOTS of books! If that’s your thing and you love them, embrace it. 🤗
I agree 100% about books. I never get rid of a book. Booklovers unite!!🦉📕📔📖
The first time I heard the term, "fantasy self," I knew *immediately,* exactly what it means!!
I also was able to identify *at least* two "fantasy selves" living within. 😳
🏡 My house is my fantasy self. I don’t enjoy home ownership. I feel like it’s a prison.
😢 Is downsizing and selling an option?
It is an option and I also own another house in my home state. Ideally, I would sell the house I am living in and move back to my tiny home. It’s cheaper to own in Washington right now so I will stay put until I am ready to leave my job and go back to Florida. I also lost my family when I was young and inherited everything. I have seriously started letting go of their things and am just keeping a few small, important pieces. Still in the process. Your videos and personality have been so inspiring. It’s so nice to see you reveal your vulnerability with decluttering and life in general. Thank you so much for the creativity and passion you bring to this space!
@@jenstellen496 Thanks so much, sounds like we have a lot in common too. This stuff is tough and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. 😔 Good luck with the decision and declutter process!
I thought I m crazy to think that. Honestly I change where I live sometimes as I live an island lifestyle do not make sense to buy. Every time I bought a property I had to sell.
@@zsuzsannabak1530 I bought the house with my now ex-husband. We split when. It was mid renovation. Now I’m trying to save money to finish everything and will hopefully sell when that is done. It was never my goal to be a homeowner. I like being able to move when I feel like it.
I just love how honest you are about your feelings, mental health and being so warm and kind! I listen to a lot of podcasts about psychology or trauma. I love this channel when I need things to be a lighter but still about feelings ❤️
Wow! This really hit me. Especially the part about the books. I still have my college textbooks, haven't opened a single one in well over a decade.
Omg...I was such a book person. I would read at least 100 fiction books a year, then I realized I was just trying to escape. Now, I might read about 10 digital library books ( nonfiction ) a year. I mostly listen to podcasts or vlogs while Im cooking or resting. I got rid of so many books and I don't miss them...whew!
🍽 food items (ingredients), cook books, and kitchen appliances!! 😭 I struggle with binge eating as well. The more I watch your videos, the more I feel heard and understood and not alone ❤️
Girl, you are not alone. There are many of us in the same boat 😉
The kitchen thing is so me, I spent a fortune on kitchen supplies /gadget, and I hate cooking 😑
I graduated with a Philosophy degree in 1993. When I decided to go to law school, my thesis advisor warned me, "You cannot be a philosopher and a lawyer." I let go of many of my philosophy books over the years but, partially in an attempt to prove her wrong, I held onto a number of remaining books. I have a rewarding 24-yr legal career, and today I have let the last of these books go...so bittersweet.
Being a philosopher makes a better lawyer❤ this is my honest opinion having worked in the law for a very long time. and it's OK that you gave your books away if that's what you honestly wanted to do. I still have some books that I've had for ages while in the meantime I've given away books that I no longer wanted to read as reading them the first time was all that I needed. Some of my books are my friends, and I would not let them go because when people come to my house and see my books They become interested in them and they also understand me better. I love looking at those books and remembering their messages. The law can become tedious unless you have some underlying passion like philosophy.
I have TWO DRAWERS of workout clothes for my fantasy self! I work out every day but I literally wear the same 3 pairs of leggings and whatever tshirt matches and I never dig into those drawers lol. That is for sure an area I've been putting off.
Gosh, I agree with you so much about books!! I think books is "the thing" that self described minimalists just cling to. We all like to think of ourselves as readers but most of the time they either aren't read or only read once.
Accepting that my fantasy self is just that, a fantasy, has been instrumental in my minimal journey! My fantasy self has an elaborate skin care routine, wears pretty summer dresses, and has soft flowy hair. My reality self is a jeans and t shirt kind of girl who brushes her hair enough to get out the tangles and then calls it a day. So I gave my unused products to friends and family and donated all of my dresses. Feels so much freer
A J
Yessss. My fantasy self wants to be a girly girl. BUt then i feel like a done-up clown and i honestly dont want tne attention or comments from rude gawkers ( i teach junior high in a poor rural gossipy petty isolated community)
Fantasy self will go roller blading again...have my roller blades from the 90's.....but they were so expensive and such good quality...they don't make them like that any more. I just can't get rid of them yet....( also been on disability for years but I keep thinking one day when I'm better). It's tough.
Oh my goodness!! This is so me. I. bought roller blades at start of pandemic lockdowns to revisit my 90s youth because i do love rollerskating....so not the same. Went 1x. It was awful. They have been laying in the same place allllllll this time, literally a menace to my mental health, and all i think is WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY.
I hope you feel better.
I feel called out. I was crocheting while listening to this. In an effort to use up some craft supplies, I've been crocheting with a bunch of embroidery floss I own. Now that the pandemic is over (I used to make tiny things to conserve stuffing), I guess I can finally use it properly! I also got rid of the craft supplies for some kit I realized I'm never going to actually use.
My fantasy self lives in a tiny house I built myself and is a single woman with a cat that has no financial worries and can travel as much as she wants. Such great insight and messages in this video! I am a new subscriber and am loving watching all your videos! I can really relate to you and the way you deliver minimalism ideas and guidance is incredible! I am totally going to get rid of those self-help books I've been meaning to read for years now!
Hi Emily, thanks for sharing and welcome to the fam! Good luck with getting rid of those books. 📚 👍
Your fantasy self and mine could be twins or neighbors!
I got rid of all my books and joined the library
My fantasy self is similar to yours! Lol 😁😁
I actually tried tiny living for a bit when I bought a cheap minivan, but found that I'm not game enough to *actually do* the *travel* part, partly because of finding suitable camping spots where I could feel safe.
I contemplated getting a dog to help me feel safe, but realized a couple of things: - 1) I'd want a *protection* dog, and there's not enough room in a minivan for a larger breed, and, 2) I don't *really want* a dog, it was just a *good idea!*
I also had an idea that eventually I would be an *extreme* minimalist, surviving with just a backpack of belongings while travelling, but I don't think that's gonna happen either 🤪🤪🤪
Sigh 🙄 Goodbye fantasy self 🙋♀️
Thanks for this perspective. I have been a minimalist for most of my life, first because of poverty and necessity, then because of a disaster that took what was left, and now by conscious choice to keep my life's purpose clear. I have a lot of emotional clutter and it is nice to hear you speak on that. I have never "journeyed' through physical decluttering and admire your thoughtful process.
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s a lot more like my husband, who grew up in poverty in China! I have a Q&A with him here, if you’re interested: th-cam.com/video/R5ORjuGK1Fk/w-d-xo.html … I hope that we can do another Q&A together and get more of his thoughts in the future!
My fantasy self is being all things to all people, a traveler, a healthy working RN, I am one, just not healthy, (who is now retired), an exceptional housekeeper with energy to spare, with a husband who is healthy, and all the positive attributes possible. Now that's said, it's all a fantasy except that I am a licensed RN. (I can't bear to let that be a retired license as it was such a difficult goal for me to achieve). So, decluttering is my goal, even if it takes me to the end of my life to accomplish. Thank you, Marissa, for being such an example to us. It seems decluttering is always a work in progress. Right now I'm enjoying my victory of more than 5 bags of contractor bags this year out of my house. Three drawers downsized and decluttered and my refrigerator is cleared out and I'm managing my use if leftovers. I've also mopped my space and could not believe the difference in the look of my floors. Small steps lead up to the progress I'm looking forward to having.
🤗❤
This video really saddens me it makes me think about my mum and why she has spent years hoarding 💔 grief after grief after grief
Dealt with my fantasy self earlier in the year, but always need reminders. (I have five children at home and bought off-white jeans for spring. 🤦🏻♀️) It was actually a huge relief decluttering the craft and homeschooling items that are no longer around haunting me and even better that they have gone to a place where they’ll actually be used! I remember that sting and it helps me avoid a quick-fix purchase on a hard day.
My fantasy self knows which books and which homeschool resources will be used again and again and so are worth it and which ones won’t so I don’t buy them 🙈🤣😭🤣 homeschooling resources I don’t know how to deal with.
@@nicoleclarke2857I hope I could learn how to declutter all the homeschool stuff! Digital, books, crafts, all the finished work to save “just in case they need proof for college”! It’s too much! Then there’s my own stuff- books, crafts, self-help, cook from scratch..all the things “good moms” do. The pressure is real but I’m learning to be true to me & ignore community expectations.
💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻
Well I now acknowledge that being one of the last single person in my friend group makes me insecure and prompt many impulse buying.
My “fantasy self” is a super confident and stylish single working woman. So I bought so many ‘chic’ clothing for work and going out. I thought wearing them would make me look “single and fabulous” lol.
I know now that I still prefer comfortable clothing. And that my friends don’t give a f about what new dress I’m wearing or fancy bag I’m carrying, because they are good friends.
🤐 what I have troubles with is trying to be “helpful” towards family members that are on the verge of being hoarders when they are not ready, I am doing so much better at letting go of what isn’t my business or responsibility, and just let them be, after all they are on their own journey just like me.
I can say from experience that people who aren’t ready to hear the message won’t listen. 😞
It's my 15 years of fighting with my husband who is a hoarder!
Bless your heart! I'm in therapy for PTSD, drowning in debt, buried in clutter, most given me. The stuff I bought that I want, like my sewing machines, are broken and can't afford to get them fixed. Thanks for sharing. I really need help getting rid of my clutter. I can't seem to let go. I am appreciative of the stuff people have given me, but I don't need anymore stuff.
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One step at a time. I'm exactly the same, I keep hold of too much stuff thinking it's a waste or someone gave it to me etc.. then feel guilty for not letting someone else use them and they're not being used at all. I've been detoxing my life over the past year, started with learning how my mind works 😊 all the best of wishes to you 💞🌻
This is so so helpful! I'm just getting started after years of being stuck, and I've been asking myself this question as I'm going through things this week. I think the important thing is to realize that our authentic self might be what someone else's "fantasy self" is and the other way around. My fantasy self bought one of those fancy blenders, because I pictured myself wearing snazzy yoga clothes, and drinking smoothies - never happened. But, while I know you didn't like your instant pot, I use mine nearly every day to make oatmeal, boil eggs, makes soups and chilis, rice, and on and on. The "fantasy self" question is a great one when I pick something up, and think - well, maybe someday I'll be that fantasy me, and I'll need that! Now, that thing goes into the donate box! :)
Oh Marissa, I can't see you crying... I immediately start crying myself....
Many hugs from Antje
I loved completing KonMari, but eventually I let the book go too. Paper still is my nemesis. My fantasy self doesn't have a 12" stack of paper work on the dining room table but instead has everything filed in one of the 3 proper boxes and I'm determined to stick with that fantasy :)
I'm hearing more and more about craft items that really need to go. I struggle with this and have spent tons of money on things to sew or knit...only to find out that this image of myself of the loving grandma making things for family and friends is FANTASY. I'm all thumbs mostly so have to give up this image. I can do very simply things like scarfs and shawls but have also found out that most people don't like what I make: they really want the modern fabrics and fibres that are very easy to care for - they don't want my cotton/linen/wool stuff!!!! So if I can't use what I make, or donate it, I have to get real. So thanks for this reminder.
Oh, this video has helped me so much. I have held on to clothes for years, over a decade, in the hope that I would fit into them again. I don’t even like them anymore! This will help me to get rid of them once I get into my storage locker next week and start decluttering it. Dress the body you have now, right? Such great information here. I have a lot of things in my locker that would NOT pass the poop test! 😂
Oh, and my fantasy self decided to be a guitar player. Bought the guitar and an expensive case! Never once played it. So my real self will be adding it to the pile of items to sell when I’m on a staycation next month.
wow, what a good message. I make greeting cards for a hobby and recently retired. My fantasy self sees a product to buy and I say to myself, "I could make some really cute/beautiful/creative cards with that." I buy the item/s, then the stamp/die/punch/embossing folder or pretty paper pad just sits here and adds to my clutter! I really have cut down on purchasing since I'm on a tight budget, but will be using what I have now, even tho I purchased some of it years ago. Thanks.
I used to do this too... Then one year I was going through some old Christmas cards and realized I never once stopped to read the card. I only looked at the hand-written messages and if there was only a signed name and no message, I tossed the card out. It was then I decided to stop making cards and start writing more notes to more people. I had always put notes in my hand-made cards, but the majority of my time went to making the card. I can now send out notes to dozens of friends in a week instead of just 1 or 2 a day. Believe me, no one has ever complained that their personal note came in a plain letter envelope, written on plain notebook paper. 💖
These fantasy self items are truly a great concept! Never thought of them like this. I have so many books that I intend to read, art supplies that stay unopened, bullet journals that are empty, etc. Seems that my fantasy self is quite creative. Truth is - I never have the time and energy to actually do any of these creative activities.
Yea my crafting supplies are needed. There have been multiple times where I have gotten a sudden idea, pulled out everything I need from couple drawers and completed it without needing to step out of he house.
But there is a designated pile of old camping supplies I need to sell.
I love my books, and have tons. Can't get rid of them and this past year in quarantine I have picked up so many that sat there for years and they helped get me thru. Other than the books (for me), you are on point :)
Wonderful the pandemic gave you the time to enjoy your hidden treasures. I enjoyed you very real comment.
Same here I read all the way through Maeve binchy and rosamunde Pilcher and most of Terry Pratchett. So glad I had those when the libraries closed!
You called me out on several aspects. Sooo many unread books, CDs I haven't listened to forever and sowing projects in the attic... 📚 💿🪡
Thanks Marissa, You might say I'm crazy, from HK to USA, I carried my moms shoes with me as it's the only thing I have from her. I lost her year 1995.
Nope, I think that’s beautiful. ❤️ I had some of my mom’s but she was 2 sizes smaller than me and I let them go - I wear her wedding ring 💍 every day though!
Haha my big cricut that I've yet to use 😅 it's been hard to part with since it was so expensive. I've given myself 6 months to use it, if I don't, it's going. Also working on other parts of my house to actually free up time to craft
My make up, hair and skincare is so basic now. I absolutely love it. I have shampoo, conditioner and wash my hair once a week and i have a hairbrush. My skincare is Trilogy facewash i use in the shower. I no longer wear make up (though i do have some stuff judt in case for special occasions, but i don't think that will be getting reolaced once it's expired). So easy!
I love that quote from Marie Condo about the books - it's allowed me to let books I've had sitting and waiting to go. You're right - social media fantasy self is a really difficult one to let go of.
🎸 - Last year, I said to myself, "Oh! I should learn the acoustic guitar!" to this day, I couldn't play you a chord. Then I got a flute (which resonated with me more), yet I don't have the time to practice. 📄I have tons of paperwork that need to be either shredded, digitally stored, or significantly reduced, because my shelving alcove is a mix of that, art supplies, and old electronics that serve me no purpose. Why do I still keep this stuff? Why am I keeping cabin cruise itineraries and brochures from past holidays?
However this year, I did get rid of a decades old bed and mattress for a futon and low bed. Got rid of a busted chest of drawers and wardrobe. Now I have one of those smaller open clothing organiser pieces, extra clothing limited to a handful of canvas reinforced boxes. Still got a mountain to climb though. Thinking of getting rid of my long desk in favour of one that can be folded away.
I think I have trouble in every category mentioned! 😱
Thank you for this! This fantasy self idea is HUGE! I’ve got a lot of souls searching to do. I’ve been watching your videos a while- time to act! I really do want less- I just can’t seem to get there. praying for courage to begin.
👖👠... my fantasy self is going to wear those jeans again, going to wear those hot shoes....um, it’s been years.... nope... time to let go... I’m a new subscriber, you’re really inspiring Melissa, you’re real... I just recently unsubscribed from so many channels that my fantasy self fed off of... I’m now feeding my authentic self and your channel is a part of helping me find her (authentic Beth).... can’t wait to watch more of your content, thank you for sharing 😊❤️
Thank you so much, I hope we can find your most authentic Beth together! ✨☺️✨🙌✨
Great work! This is excellent! My fantasy self is my younger self. Fit, fun, curious, bold and adventurous. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to highlight these ways of being but now that I am older, I can’t figure skate; but I can recreational skate. I can’t have fun with old friends; but I can make new connections. I don’t find everything new as a curiosity; but I can learn new skills and think critically of what I truly want to learn.
You have really helped me today. I’m off to journal about this. Thank you. 💕
Wonderful and insightful thoughts, Wendy, thank you for sharing! ❤️
My moto on items for fantasy self is: if I'm already doing The Thing and this will improve my doing of The Thing and nothing else I already have can be used then I can buy it.
If my thought is "if I buy this then I'll do the Thing" then I shouldn't buy it. 🙃
No purchase will ever make me do something more or at all.
I love how you go beneath the surface. I can binge watch your videos cos you are so considered and insightful
📚 I love reading and getting into a good book, but they are rare for me and time with four kids is rare, so I have a lot of books on my “to read” list and on my bookshelf. Crafts and art are another big one for me.
Oh good, another soul like me. I'll be checking out your video on sentimental items next. I've lost so many friends and family, couldn't let go of their stuff and boxed it all up. Moved it from place to place, paid to have it in storage...I refer to it as DPS Dead People's Stuff. I know it sounds callous, really though, its my quirky sense of humor and way of distancing myself from it so I can start.
Oh my Gosh, you are me! Dead people’s stuff fills two bedrooms in my house. Easier to get rid of my own stuff than theirs!
I watched this video for the third time now and it helped me last year to identify my instruments as fantasy self items. I sold them all (3) back then and don't miss them at all.
#5 social media fantasy self hit me hard. Wow! That so me. Always feeling jealous of people on social media and feeling like I never measure up!!!
I totally agree on the insta pot!! I used it one time and didn’t like how it had to pressurize, de pressurize, guess how long for time and then it wasn’t cooked thoroughly so I’d have to do it all again! I sold it!
My fantasy self “someone who doesn’t need anything” 😢. Just the push I need to de clutter books 📚 👍😊 thx u! So exited for the new series! Can’t wait!!!
My fantasy self thought she was helping other people, but she was just lugging around a lot of heavy burdens.
The things that made me who I am will never go away………thanks, I needed to hear that.
This inspired me to let go of my craft supplies I’ve never touched and my at home fitness equipment I never use because I hate lifting weights and I’d rather swim, dance or walk!
Wow, for years I keep craft supplies and trying diy projects, etc but I suck at it and always feel bad about never do a good job or never finishing what I started. It's all going to the trash tomorrow, thanks you so much Zen of life.
This is giving me the motivation to pick up where I left off and keep it moving! 👍🏽
Hello.
This video has pinned on what I have been vaguely fighting.
Apart from guilty of books, art supplies and kitchen gadgets, I am guilty of another clutter.
"Buying things in the name of my children."
What if my kid is a chess champion (read 2 chessboards and 5 chess books).
My fantasy self is an all knowing mother, when the real me is still trying to know my child.
You helped me accept truth and let it flow. Thank you.
Finally! Something that clearly explains my shopping addiction! Your videos are amazingly so clear, true, and inspirational.
I instantly shared it with my friend who's struggling with mental health issues and looking for a purposeful living
My Insta-Pot is an air fryer. Took a year to get it out of the box, used it twice, put it back in the box. I need to send it on its way.
👟 and 👠 Never had really expensive shoes growing up and as an adult I over compensated. Had over 400 pairs of shoes at one time, now have about 200. Hard to let go of the financial investment made on buying them.
I never really had an opportunity to explore much during my childhood due to many reasons, and I met my husband at 18, married at 19, and had my first child before i turned 20. Just had my second at 22, and I'm finally giving my fantassy selves the opportunity to explore their interests and see what sticks.
A while back I was hellbent on collecting every single version of the Playstation consoles. I had all of them from the original PS1 up to the 4th generation. I even had a ton of games from the 3rd generation one, but when I really sat back and looked, I didn't play any of them except for the PS4 anymore. In fact, I had never played most of the games I had bought a single time because I actually liked watching other people play them on TH-cam more than I liked actually playing them. It took me months before I finally got rid of all of them except my PS4, but I don't even miss those other ones now. I actually feel better not having those around because I felt guilty about not having played all the games I had bought.
Thank you! Hugs! I am crying with you a little bit ...
We do that a lot here…it’s therapeutic. 🤗
📱I like to use technology less. I have sett limits on my phone and I don’t often use more time. It’s often work related if I do. But I watch TH-cam and Netflix on my computer and I don’t have limits there. I try to set a timer, but the habit is not sticking yet. And I try to delete all unnecessary emails and pictures and things like that for the environment.
👕👖 my fantasy self had a lot of clothes, and I mean a lot... all of them for when I could finally fit them properly.
So your video hit me and was just the push that I needed to start cleaning up my wardrobe. And that was a big struggle, but I did it!
I have about 4 trash-bags (is that even an English word?) full of clothing that I can give away. 4!!!
Some of the items hurts to let go of, because someday I might fit them...right?!
But you know..! Now I can buy a few items that really fit me, look good and are comfortable to wear!! And stil have room in my wardrobe.
So thank you for your inspiration and explaining about my fantasy self. I didn't know that I really did need to hear this!
Photos. I have boxes and boxes of photos....I fantasize myself scanning them or give them to the kids but than I feel guilty about it and on and on...and it is been years since I have open them...
Thank you for introducing me to the concept of fantast self.
I was able to recognize this patern in my life and think of quite a few items as a was watching the video.
It has renewed my motivation to clean out remaining clutter in my home, but in my brain as well. It sparked a reflection on accepting who I actually am as opposed to who I would like to be.
You got yourself a new subscriber!
💎💍 Jewelry
I always think I’m going to wear it to make my outfits look amazing
But when I do wear jewelry it’s usually the same thing. This started to develop about 4 years ago.
💅 my phantasy self does her nails despite rock climbing every week... so I have way too many nail polish
Ha! I love this! I have five young children and bought off-white jeans for spring, so I get it!
You're by far my favourite youtuber and I've watched hundreds of videos similar to yours but you still remain my favourite! I can relate to you so much x
Whoa, I feel honored! Thanks so much, Shona. 🤗
🎿 your content is excellent! I was an excellent skier in my 20s thru my 40's but after a broken back and knee surgery it is time to get real. Yoga fits my life now and I love the whole self philosophy behind it. Time to let go of my skiis and boots (which are too small and I don't think my feet will lose weight 🤣)
I bought an instant pot and felt too overwhelmed by it and ending up returning it, so you aren’t alone!
This is SOOOOO what is about the clutter in my house 😱 thank you to share it .. I didn’t not realized that was my case
I cannot wear eye makeup anymore as my eyes are very dry and sensitive due to some chronic health conditions. My fantasy self was still stuck back before that time and I kept buying different mascara and treatments thinking surely something would work. It didn't and I let go a few years back. My vision is more important to me than faked lush lashes and smokey eyeliner!
Wow please take care 🙏🏻❤️
I am the same way. I love eyeshadows and mascara, but I can only wear a cream shadow occasionally and I can wear mascara occasionally as well. My skin really sensitive as well, so I only use concealer, a bit of powder, and some blush to live up my pale complexion. I hate lipstick, so I just use lip balm.
Fantasy self: skinny ankles, too! 😅 Books is definitely my weakness though. I have so many but I don’t enjoy reading as much as I used to... Need to reevaluate my priorities. Thanks for sharing this!
Me too! Do you think we read less because we have a smart phone?
@@thatswhatisaid8908 exactly!
🚲 🎾 🏀 🏸 my fantasy self is super active, in reality I like to relax as much as possible on my days off. My garage has weights, workout bench 🏋️♀️, bikes, etc. 😔 I like going on walks, that’s where I get my activity
I’m really impressed with your presence and information. Thank you! Your personal stories and sharing is hugely valuable. Thank you for your transparency! 🙏
📷👗📖👠📝🔌 cameras and accessories to that, clothes that are too small, books, shoes, old cards and paper memorabilia, and electrical cords/ chargers.
Some really expensive items that I regretted buying:
- piano accordion
- flute
- Hungarian Zither
- expensive repair kit (" I Fix It" )
- synthesizer
- weight-lifting kit
It is clear from the above list that I am particularly attracted to music. Still, the "musician" is not the real "imaginary self" that I want to become. However, in a certain sense, these purchases were useful for me, because I saw that I was looking for the path I had to follow in order to find my true self.
And it finally SUCCEEDED!
I am currently diligently learning all kinds of bushcraft skills, i.e. the art of survival in the wilderness, primitive (primarily stone age) techniques and technologies, etc. In my old age, I want to live away from civilization, without electricity...
To this end, I have already achieved significant results, for example, I sleep on a hard surface and eat raw meat (and raw offal). Certain (living...) bugs, too, as well as living earthworms!
And I'm close to the level of minimalism where everything I own fits into one large military backpack and a handbag.
As for music, I successfully learned to play an instrument called the didgeridoo, it is sufficiently ancient, because the Australian aborigines use it. I can also whistle tunes very well, and I have even started to learn Mongolian and Tibetan throat singing, which doesn't require any musical instruments, I can take this with me anywhere because "my throat is always at hand", and it also sounds sufficiently "primitive-like". The Khargyraa style is already going quite well... My boss's puppy never liked me, well, the last time I went to see him (not the puppy but the boss...), I started throat singing like that, and the puppy immediately stopped barking at me and ran out of the room in terror...
So, I think the right attitude towards such "imaginary self" things is to pay attention to what COMMON direction they point to, and then eventually we will find the common section, the intersection of this hobbies, the TRUE HOBBY in which they are all included, even if not completely and exclusively, but at least a little of each of them,.. And then we will have enough endurance in that!
For me, this is "primitive living style", "living as a caveman", "back to the Nature"...
There was a time when (despite of that I am a man...) I also wanted to learn to crochet. Now I take advantage of this in that I can make my waist belt and hip bag out of paracord, and I can sew my leather clothes.
So there is a "common cross-section" of everything, EVERY "imagined self", you just have to find it.
Great video! I have been keeping my fantasy self hidden away - putting her on the shelf so to speak so I could ignore the fact she wasn't showing up. : ) Enough time had gone by and I could be honest I don't need these items. Not saying it's easy to admit that or to finally come to terms but it's another breath of fresh air. I found (for myself anyway) keeping a journal about what is holding me back and making a Pinerest board on ways I could improve about myself as well as some (not too many) utube videos have helped immensely and after a while I can splurge on better quality work out clothes or buying ie: 1 pair of black dress flats when needed as a mindset helped tremendously. In the end I there was two positives; feeling better because I improved traits about myself and I decluttered and reset my spending habits. Win - win
The quote of the author was so heart cutting. I am a semi hoarder, in a sense , I declutter drastically when I have to. Bc I saw how my mom was a hoarder.
Books. I needed that. I have Marie Kondo that I read 3 years ago. I was procrastinating going thru them today. I'm watching you on a break from decluttering