emotional maturity works if you are interacting with other people near the same level, otherwise, it can be pretty depressing when you're forced to deal with people who are not, on a constant basis
Boundaries can probably help.. it sucks when you have to work with them.. but your cat isn’t as mature as you are, but you have a healthy relationship with your pets I hope? 🤔 If you know what I mean Just my two cents
My partner's emotional maturity is one of the things I value most about him. It's a very subtle trait that some people don't pay attention to, but it makes a huge difference in a relationship.
My husband is the same way, im so grateful for him.. i grew up with a emotionally immature toxic mother and i didnt start realizing it until i met him and he let me know what the bigger picture was.. now im such a happier person so much more mature and working everyday on bettering myself since until now that i am a mother i am now realizing the effect my toxic mother had on me.. and how it is showing now.. it is really sad how it can rub off and follow you for a long time what a toxic mother can do but as soon as we finish paying off one of our lasts debts we will be able to move out of my moms house and finally be free of anyone trying to tear us down all the time..
Agreed. I think I've always had this problem. I went from not giving advice at all to always feeling obligated to giving advice to everyone. Ever since I've started college, I've been trying to break that habit.
@@fliz4b if somebody don’t want advice (which is also opinion) then shut their mouth....if they want somebody to just listen then say it beforehand.... nobody reads mind.
Coming from a family that was terrible at expressing or even discussing emotions growing up; I struggle with identifying what emotions I'm feeling instead of numbing all emotions positive and negative. It'd be so helpful and interesting to hear some tips on how to start becoming better at sitting with emotion and learning to name them. Thanks Kati!
Keep checking in with yourself and look for possibilities on what may have caused you to feel something, there are simple word charts that extend to more words to help identify what emotion it is
It took 4 years of therapy to learn how to recognize my full spectrum of emotions... In the beginning there was only frustration, anger, sadness and helplessness which I felt a lot and therfore could recognize but to identify how other emotions feel was really hard! Especially when you are focusing on negative stuff all the time... But with emotion journal and explicitly focusing on positive emotions I eventually learned that there is soo much more in life ❤️ take it one step at a time. You are not alone in this 💪
Me too :) perhaps people thought I was emotionally mature when I didn't react in an emotional way, but I simply didn't know how to convey emotions or what they even were. It was more like an itch I don't pay attention to. It's now really hard work to become emotionally immature 😂 and sort of confusing when I could've checked almost every point from this list back when I know now everything was wrong...
I think having empathy for others is maturity. Being conscientious (finish your work, show up on time, etc.) and not burdening others by being lazy or inconsiderate are good signs of maturity.
Tracking my emotions daily in a journal really helped me overcome my codependency. This made me feel more mature and competent. Self-exploration and discovery is so important!
@@sophiadavenport3959 all the more important during lockdown and isolation. Journaling helps me to bring me to an even keel, to bring the day's frustrations and problems into scale.
Good for you. You were aware of that, and set boundaries for that day. That is actually very mature. Just remember to process that day later and what had you in "that place" and feelings.
I would like to add that emotionally mature people know how to listen, and they take other peoples feelings, needs and wants in to account, alongside with their own. In other words, they dont bulldoze over other people.
me neither honestly, but babysteps every day will get me there soon because I have learned that babysteps are only slow if you don't take them often, on a weekly or daily basis, they are crazy fast
@@jeilenramos7339 she is right, I never had a therapist and will get one soon, but I have taken steps on my own and truly turned my life around by trying to do small things and keeping at it, I recommend cutting cane sugar intake to everybody because it just helps with mental health
I keep labelling myself as emotionally immature, and hence somewhere in the back of my mind I still believe that I am just not the kind of person who can maintain healthy relationships, even though I have evidence to prove that this is not true! I want to be emotionally mature and I think this is such an abstract concept, like self-worth or self-love, so it can be hard to understand what concrete/tangible steps you can take to get better at it. Thank you so much for breaking down this concept Kati 💕
i believe independence is a big one. to me, a major red flag that someone is not ready for adult life is when they cling to their partner or friends constantly, can't stand to be alone, and, like you mentioned, can't think for themselves. you're not always going to have other people at the ready to give you their time and validation, but you're always going to live with yourself. better get comfortable with it.
I have always thought of myself as an emotionally mature person and I often heard that from others. I guess this is the positive outcome of difficulties in the childhood. I checked all the boxes (but also checked all the boxes for high functionning depression, so there's that).
I'm not the most mature person, but my strengths are apologizing when I have messed up and trying to slow my reaction down when someone is trying to get a rise out of me. I've always been good with boundaries, but I've let that slip recently. D: Thanks for the little refresher. :)
I met this girl I like and one of the things that makes me feel safe around her and makes me consider her relationship material is that she is emotionally mature. In working on my own emotional maturity in order to improve my relationships to give people that feeling of safety.
I hated DBT in the beginning, and when you brought wise mind I totally laughed out my tea! But I agreed wholeheartedly with you...you cannot make any decisions in emotional mind, and ensuring that your boundaries are consistent and clear are key. I love this video..but am in no way ready to be in another relationship.
Some times emotional maturity isn't a fault of your own. You could have practiced all this growing up - having parents who are not emotionally mature makes it harder to utilize these skills as an adult, and essentially have to relearn it. In a family where you have to beg for boundaries and your emotions are disregarded, you find yourself yelling at walls and out lashing because it's the only way you learned how to get anyone to listen. My therapist brought up to me that she said I was emotionally immature, and I agreed. It kind of upset me at first when I thought about it later...like it was insulting. This video puts her thoughts into perspective for me.
Learning about healthy boundaries has been such a journey for me, I definitely fell into the "let people walk all over me because I wanted to please them" camp for awhile. This video was a great reminder of taking steps to set limits and boundaries and that it's 100% okay to say NO. Thanks Kati!
It's one of the few perks of ever having gone through mental illness - you gain some sort of emotional maturity. I'm more empathic, understanding and just overall more in tune with other people's emotions now than before. I've come a long way, but I'll most likely struggle from time to time for the rest of my life. But don't we all? Good video as usual. :-)
Kati, can you make a video about giving ourselves acceptance and approval, thereby not seeking that from others? You mentioned it briefly toward the end. This is something I struggle with a lot, and since I daresay this is a common problem, I am not the only one. Many thanks, Lana
Yes! It could be really helpful. It is important part of beeing independant adult. It sometimes difficult to trust yourself and resist the pressure from outside.
Emotional maturity requires deep listening skills and the ability to recognise how to support yourself and others in times of need. Understanding intersectionality and how behavioural economics cultivates indifference and disconnection for many humans is also a sign of emotional maturity
Can you speak on how to be intimate in a relationship with someone while working through trauma? When I am reminded of my past abuse of trust and physical and emotional boundaries, I tend to push those feelings of fear and anger on the person I am currently with, who treats me with the greatest respect.
Great. I didn’t know I was journaling emotional maturity for a while. I’m working with chronically emotionally immature people. Being the free councilor by default, this really wears me down. I’ve learned to disassociate myself from their feelings. I felt much better and not take their immaturity personally. Thank you for this information.
I think it's just being honest.. saying that what someone did hurt us doesn't make us a victim, it just means we are communicating. If we choose to not accept their apology or always look for ways to continue feeling hurt about it.. then we are playing the victim. Otherwise we are just communicating how we feel. And it does get better with practice :) xoxo So keep at it! xox
Stick to your perspective. Sounds small but is a very deescalating way of communication. Leave the blame out of it, just talk about how it is for you. (There is no "true" and "false", just different perspectives) Eg: not "You made me feel sad by saying that!" (Implies it is the other persons fault, can bring up guilt and may lead them towards a self-defensive perspective out of a felt need to protect themselves, a state where they are not as open towards you -> ofc just one possible outcome) Instead: "Hearing that made me feel sad." for example. (-> cannot be labeled as wrong bc it is your feeling and perspective only you know about.) If you want and are able you can also explain the reason why a certain thing hurt you. That can raise empathy towards you (depending on the situation ofc!)
@@Katimorton I don't agree with this. Accepting an apology from a narcissistic person can mean perpetuating the cycle of emotional abuse because they never mean it. They also don't know that their apology is insincere. It would be better to state how you feel and then reduce or cut contact.
I'd probably add that an emotionally mature person is able to express their emotions properly, so not only the identifying part (I'm not mad, but I'm sad and hurt), but also finding a way to express it and being able to cry. It sometimes seems like having your emotional in check entails not crying, but that's not healthy. When you feel deeply sad, you should be able to release. The same goes for joy: to allow yourself to experience it fully and laugh.
PenguinorPanda i agree with the crying part.. even for men even though they usually think they shouldn’t cry but like you said it’s not healthy to just hold it in.
Kati!!! I've watched your channel grow a 1,000 subscribers a day the last 3 days!!!!! Congratulations from a very proud LMFT in Hawaii. Great job. I loved this video too, will be used for my homework assignments. 🌸
This is so important ♥️ I can't name my emotions at all, I'm either angry like crazy or tired. And people are so annoyed by this, especially when you're in a relationship and they ask you how you feel, I just have a panic attack every time. Great video ♥️ love your channel!
Just had some awesome moments of health that have surprised me ☺️😍 Being kind yet direct with my parents after a scuffle with them. Listening and validating their perspective and feelings. Boundaries are not an agreement between 2 people. If someone doesn't agree with your boundary, that doesn't mean your boundary is t working or is wrong. If the person leaves? Your boundary worked. I remember being terrified of setting boundaries with my Narc ex because I knew he wouldn't follow them! 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
This video has honestly really helped me right now. I went through a pretty roooooough breakup that was extended as all hell because my partner exhibited maybe two of these signs? And honestly I needed to see this because I'm realizing that I'm so much further on my path than I thought.
The fifth sign litterally gave me goosebumps when I heard it. I was never taught how to communicate, especially when I have to tell them something that might upset them or start an argument. I grew up in an environment where every argument had no resolution because my parents always believed to be faultless. I could never speak up when I disagreed with them so I always had to bite my tongue and be pleasant to avoid angering them, even when they were wrong. Now as an adult I'm starting to form "real" friendships but they can't go any deeper because I'm not capable of setting boundaries and saying clearly what is going on in my mind. I usually need space and alot of alone time but I never have a talk with them to let them know. Slowly some of my friendships die because instead of letting them know what annoys me, I'll just slowly avoid them. The idea of exposing how I feel and how someone else's behavior affects terrifies me but I guess I never really tried so it can't be that bad and the outcome is worth it. Now my goal is to be able to have those kind of "talks"
i recently did this 2 days ago, and i learned about why ive been mad about the people in my life and i realized i was mad at them because i couldnt understand them or was selfish instead of fully listening to them and taking my ego out of it, very good info
I am very emotionally mature and I feel like my friends, partner, and family takes advantage of that maturity and dumps all their problems on me. Probably because they know I can handle it but I don't want to, or if I do I would like some reciprocation. But I don't ever get it and my happiness suffers for it, making me feel used, and unloved.
@@KristyEliz I've tried expressing them but I'm not heard. I do try to have conversations but their to busy or not actually listening to me when I'm speaking.
Thank you for trying to help. It makes me hopefully. I believe that the family I have and the people I hang around are all toxic people. And I need to move on with my life and get my own place so I can create my own peacful environment.
Kati, thank you for all your videos. My issue is around self-worth, and in my most recent therapy session, I made a comment on "if I was good, I would not come to see you. It's because I don't feel I'm good enough, I come to see you." This was said when I was crying, and had been crying for a while in that session. After that, my therapist said: he felt sad I feel this way. Then he got teary eyed. And I told me: this makes him want to cry. After that, I told me why he wanted to cry. Basically he said many good things about me. (e.g. I am so brave, and so have a strong drive to get better, and I am like a diamond, but I don't see it. many more great things.) I was shocked, no one every in my life had said such nice things about me. And he was saying it with passion as well. (typically he was more laid back and let me talk more, but this time he just kept going). Sorry the set up is a bit long, but my question is : is his behavior normal? Do therapist praise their patients? I thought they should let me realize that I am "good enough" gradually and not blankly tell me about it? Also, could he have counter transference? (I definitely have transference on him, but I had thought he did not care for me in any other way than professional, so that feeling has slowed down on my side. But now he said such wonderful things about me, and my feelings for him is coming back again). Thank you!!!
freshginger08 I think u need to have an honest conversation with ur therapist about this. He may be having some counter transference and addressing it is the best way to move forward. Kati has a great video on when therapists get attached to their clients, I’m not saying that’s what’s happening but it may have some helpful tips! th-cam.com/video/_Hdiu4kCZcI/w-d-xo.html
Reflection and understanding the problem is step 1. Constant cycle of failing and correcting yourself until you create healthier emotional habits. Gl m8
I hate my daughter's anything having to deal w/ males. Even the oldest of the old. Dude kept going on and on and on today & argues like a kid. I was like as long as you're yelling.... U'll always have a pt. Considering how much talking over you're doing, I don't even think u know what ure talking about or what ure even mad about but hey? As long as you're screaming u'll always have a p- _disruption_ . His daughter walked in like shut up! No one's even talking to u. After silence & him talking to himself. Trying to act intimidating after her saying she'd tape it shut. Still trying to talk ish after more silence bc of how "intimidating" he is. & Continued talking over my baby's turnt up... Cartoons bc of his Ignorance. Like could u be any more fn dense. He's so the I thoroughly love the sound of my own voice. I'm never truly saying anything but I'll talk ur head ears wever off anyways
Great list. I would add understanding yourself/personality based on experience to avoid relationship issues and be better equipped to manage them. I think it's not entirely similar to identify your emotions.
For me, building a healthy boundaries is the key. I notice if I failed on building healthy boundaries, I tend to have difficulties with other traits as well. I learn over time that safe environment can only be built with having healthy boundaries.
Videos like this are so helpful when you're apart of a very codependent enmeshed family (is that the right word?) I think so. I'm working on really being able to process my emotions and identify them. Can be hard when you have a family like mine, who are human, but very emotionally immature. The holistic psychologist has really wonderful tools to work through these types of things! Not to take away from Katie because she is amazing too! But between Katie and the holistic psychologist, I feel like I'm on the mend to becoming a truly healed person!
Kati, I have struggled so long with depression and boredom. I dont want to do anything, so I remain bored, I dont have the energy to do anything. But then the boredom REALLY drives the depression. It's like an endless loop, it drives me insane.
Love the idea of printing out a feelings chart. I got fed up a few months ago and started referring to them online whenever I found myself ruminating. There are so many emotions!
I became a whole new person once I was able to identify my emotions a few years back, it’s really accelerated my growth as a person and allowed me to be super empathetic to others and a lot more emotionally aware resulting in me doing what’s best for my emotional well-being.
Thank you Katie! I have definitely grown since watching your videos over the last couple of years and doing some deep personal healing over the last two years. I have noticed more subtle changes that have added to my character and have helped reshape my sense of self in a very positive way. Boundaries are still something I’m working on as I’ve realized I have issues with letting go, even when I know it’s what’s best for me. I have noticed I am more comfortable with seeing my fault in every disagreement, even when I can only share that info with myself... however, I struggle with tipping the scale of responsibility. Sometimes I allow more in because I acknowledge myself at fault but others around me have refused to see their fault in particular disagreements. I’ve felt guilty for bringing it to their attention, which almost felt like I “always have a problem” and “am never satisfied”. I always felt like it was the emotionally mature thing to address my issues with particular behaviors but I’ve realized over the years that I just need to work on walking away a little more so I can let go and make it right with me... and they may never see or acknowledge those things and it is not my responsibility to teach. I have a stronger responsibility to myself, and if I see something, especially a repetitive behavior that doesn’t agree with me, I have the right to implement boundaries and walk away.
Some other signs: • They are empathetic and not only identify their emotions, but others and make them feel good. • They challenge other people's egos because of the internal confidence they bring out.
Hi Kati , Thanks for the video . So being emotionally mature has never been an issue for me , but it`s that inner child relationship I have a hard time with. Learning its ok to be pissed or sad , and that feelings matter , and that its not alright to live as a rock , or behind one. Take care , Gary XOXO
From your videos, It helps me identify the things I need to work on to be a better person. Something that I’ve been struggling with for a long time and something I desired so much. Thank you so much!
I was 100% scared of watching this video because I was afraid that I wasn't as mature as I thought. It turns out therapy helped a lot with knowing how to manage my emotions even though my GAD can make it hard sometimes. Thanks for what you do, Kati.
I would only add that, in my opinion, no one "needs" a friend to go to a party with them. They want that, but it is not a need. They might need support, they might want to attend the party only if they have this type of support, but that in no way obligates the listener to attend. No one needs to attend a party. It is by it's very definition, voluntary. I believe that point is better phrased as "it would be very helpful, and I would feel cared for if you would attend that party with me" ...food for thought.
Sarah- that certainly changes things a bit. In that case it would sound more like, "I need my friends to keep their promises"... The truth is no one can guarantee anytthing in this life. Attending a party in your scenario is not the need so much as dependability or honesty. Just my opinion. I think it is dangerous to use "need" language about things that are merely preferences, however strong. I can safely promise you that any friend of mine who tries to control my behavior (by requiring I attend a party with them) is going to eventually hear from me that I don't consider that a need and we all need to make our own decisions. If they are going through some hard things right now and I can comprehend a bit of why this might be a big deal AND it won't blow up my own life/values to attend then I probably will. But that is still choicefulness on my part and I will be leveraging that moment soon enough to talk about changing that dynamic going forward. No desire to be in a codependent relationship, thanks. I would also be more likely to yield if I saw them honestly pursuing their own healing.
I absolutely love the little jingles you play as an intro or at the ending. ;) And of course the content between the jingles is most informative, so thank you for caring.
Thank you so much for putting the signs in your description. I honestly have never seen anyone do that before. I might be overreacting, but it means A LOT. You actually care about people's time. Or maybe their inability to sit through a video. Or even if someone has a hearing impairment. I have liked and subscribed. Thank you!
I can proudly say that I have all but two of these signs. In my recent relationship, that sadly ended quite dramatically and hurtfully, I forgot to set ourselves clear boundaries. Which meant that she didn't know when it was ok for me to be physically in contact with her. So we used to be together pretty much all the time. And when I had a busy time schedule with work, I couldn't stay with her all the time. I was exhausted from it and I felt this fuzz and cloudiness covering me. When the relationship came to an end, she hurt me emotionally pretty bad with how she dumped me and dragged me along with everything. It's a really long story. At that point I didn't know how to proceed with it and needed help from my friends to tell me what they thought about it and what they think was the right thing to do. But I survived from that without falling back to depression like before. And now I feel like I learned from that experience to try better in the future. Thank you for this video Kati! This gave a lot for me to learn and where to focus in my life
One of the most frustrating things growing up was my mom telling me what I did wrong in a situation and not telling me how to fix the situation or what to do about someone else. I used to get upset when I had a problem with someone and their parents would tell me that I was wrong for the whole situation and caudle their child and I would talk to my mom and she would tell me what I did wrong (like saying something out of anger, that kind of thing) and then making me fix it without much guidance. It made me a better person. But it also hurt a bit because I always felt like I was wrong in other people’s eyes, no matter what I did. She made me emotionally mature. She made me empathetic. She made me who I am today and I will let her know how much this video opened my eyes to what she was trying to do 💕
Kati, do you have a video talking about how you ended up in this field? I am very interested in pursuing it as a career path myself and would love to hear about what kind of qualifications you sought and what kind of experience led you here. Thank you! I love your videos, they are so immensely helpful and well done and it's amazing you're offering them for free.
working on yourself to become mature is worth the struggle. Emotional maturity improves the quality of relationships so much. The difference between my last relationship where my ex has the emotional maturity of a child between my current partner who can communicate properly is really healing. I haven't been able to feel that loved in years.
This was fun to assess myself with these 6 points. My weakest is probably "slow to react". I would also like to say something about the last point: (ability to make decisions). Because I think it can be a very wise thing to get input or advice from others before making a decision.
I think this (and many other things you talk about in your videos) should be taught to us in school. It would be really useful if how to take care of our mental health was something that was taught to everybody. At least when I was in school 10 years ago, it wasn't a thing. It's a shame that we only learn this if we seek out therapy when things are already going bad, instead of being aware of it early on and possibly preventing some issues.
![일상 속 기분 좋음 [Proto disco meme]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/DwmEIaZ7XGQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Therapy has taught me how to human. I recommend it.
SileneKitty Lolol this is funny :) I feel like this should be paired with therapy taught me how to be an adultier adult or find one when needed. 😂😂😂
@@TheLundraAlliance why though?
Yesss
@@kavya914 okay what does diet reveal about personality amoung tirbes?
I like this so hard. Too many people out there tryna human without really knowing how.
Coaching yourself through negative emotions and traumatic experiences is another sign of a person being emotionally mature. 💕
Agreed!! xoxo
PATRICIA!!!! You're a Kati fan too?!?! That's awesome! You have good taste in TH-camrs. ;)
Unfortunately, I don’t do much of this well, but especially that one ^
Patricia tha bibliophile yes but part of the hacking your way through the trauma is at some point connecting with a therapist.
Such a shame that I feel like I am the only person out of the two who cares about solving the problem *sad face*
“...so what ur saying is that in my last relationship I had the emotional maturity of a 10yr old wombat...” 🤔
My Therapist: 🤦♀️
hahah! xoxox I hope this video was helpful :)
emotional maturity works if you are interacting with other people near the same level, otherwise, it can be pretty depressing when you're forced to deal with people who are not, on a constant basis
Boundaries can probably help.. it sucks when you have to work with them.. but your cat isn’t as mature as you are, but you have a healthy relationship with your pets I hope? 🤔
If you know what I mean
Just my two cents
@@PeachHeadzAddiction Lol... wut?
Yes I find that if I let my boundaries slip, those types of people can get at me more. When my boundaries are high, they can't.
Sadly I feel I was the one emotionally immature in most of my relationships, especially the past romantic one. It's difficult to acknowledge that.
True, that is why now, I am a mess. Tired, but not tired. Overwhelmed. Confused. Guilty. Guilty because they like to guilt trip the heck out of me
1. Healthy boundaries
2. Identify our emotions
3. Admitting we are wrong
4. Slow to react
5. Communicate clearly
6. Ability to make decisions
My partner's emotional maturity is one of the things I value most about him. It's a very subtle trait that some people don't pay attention to, but it makes a huge difference in a relationship.
My husband is the same way, im so grateful for him.. i grew up with a emotionally immature toxic mother and i didnt start realizing it until i met him and he let me know what the bigger picture was.. now im such a happier person so much more mature and working everyday on bettering myself since until now that i am a mother i am now realizing the effect my toxic mother had on me.. and how it is showing now.. it is really sad how it can rub off and follow you for a long time what a toxic mother can do but as soon as we finish paying off one of our lasts debts we will be able to move out of my moms house and finally be free of anyone trying to tear us down all the time..
I agree! My parter is this way and I’m often baffled at how well he handles my lack thereof
I think an emotionally mature person knows when to give advice and when to just listen.
Lisa West very true :)
So true! Unsolicited advice can be infuriating.
Agreed. I think I've always had this problem. I went from not giving advice at all to always feeling obligated to giving advice to everyone. Ever since I've started college, I've been trying to break that habit.
@@fliz4b if somebody don’t want advice (which is also opinion) then shut their mouth....if they want somebody to just listen then say it beforehand....
nobody reads mind.
By default, assume that people around you do not want advice. You will be right most of the time, and if they do want advice, they will ask.
Coming from a family that was terrible at expressing or even discussing emotions growing up; I struggle with identifying what emotions I'm feeling instead of numbing all emotions positive and negative. It'd be so helpful and interesting to hear some tips on how to start becoming better at sitting with emotion and learning to name them. Thanks Kati!
I struggle with this too.
Same here.
Keep checking in with yourself and look for possibilities on what may have caused you to feel something, there are simple word charts that extend to more words to help identify what emotion it is
It took 4 years of therapy to learn how to recognize my full spectrum of emotions... In the beginning there was only frustration, anger, sadness and helplessness which I felt a lot and therfore could recognize but to identify how other emotions feel was really hard! Especially when you are focusing on negative stuff all the time... But with emotion journal and explicitly focusing on positive emotions I eventually learned that there is soo much more in life ❤️ take it one step at a time. You are not alone in this 💪
Me too :) perhaps people thought I was emotionally mature when I didn't react in an emotional way, but I simply didn't know how to convey emotions or what they even were. It was more like an itch I don't pay attention to.
It's now really hard work to become emotionally immature 😂 and sort of confusing when I could've checked almost every point from this list back when I know now everything was wrong...
You are so much wiser than any therapist I've seen.
Awe thanks Ray, that's so kind of you to say :) xoxo
She’s really good!!
But I hope most therapists know this stuff.. they just don’t blurt all their knowlege in your face.. I hope 😂
I think having empathy for others is maturity. Being conscientious (finish your work, show up on time, etc.) and not burdening others by being lazy or inconsiderate are good signs of maturity.
Tracking my emotions daily in a journal really helped me overcome my codependency. This made me feel more mature and competent. Self-exploration and discovery is so important!
journaling is one of my favourite coping skills.
Kaitlin Fleet & u have the benefit of Kati’s 2x weekly prompts!
@@sophiadavenport3959 all the more important during lockdown and isolation. Journaling helps me to bring me to an even keel, to bring the day's frustrations and problems into scale.
I’m having an emotionally immature day. So I avoided people and slept.
Ellen Tevault Lol this sounds like me way too often. I feel you.
Good for you. You were aware of that, and set boundaries for that day. That is actually very mature. Just remember to process that day later and what had you in "that place" and feelings.
I would like to add that emotionally mature people know how to listen, and they take other peoples feelings, needs and wants in to account, alongside with their own. In other words, they dont bulldoze over other people.
I cant stop staring at ur eyebrows, they're perfect
I bet they teach a course on that in psychology masters programs lol. My therapist is fresh to death every week too lol.
FANTASTIC VIDEO!
•Healthy Boundaries
•Identify our Emotions
•Admitting we're wrong & apologize
•Slow to React ~ respond thoughtfully
•Communicate our needs & upsets clearly
I have... Some problems. Thank you for getting me through so much, and showing me that not all therapists are as bad as my old one
Of course!! So happy I could be a helpful resource :) xoxo
I'm not as emotionally mature as I thought
Don't give up on yourself keep moving forward.
@@sophiadavenport3959 thanks 😊
me neither honestly, but babysteps every day will get me there soon because I have learned that babysteps are only slow if you don't take them often, on a weekly or daily basis, they are crazy fast
@@juliawilkie8420 thats what my therapist always says baby steps
@@jeilenramos7339 she is right, I never had a therapist and will get one soon, but I have taken steps on my own and truly turned my life around by trying to do small things and keeping at it, I recommend cutting cane sugar intake to everybody because it just helps with mental health
I keep labelling myself as emotionally immature, and hence somewhere in the back of my mind I still believe that I am just not the kind of person who can maintain healthy relationships, even though I have evidence to prove that this is not true! I want to be emotionally mature and I think this is such an abstract concept, like self-worth or self-love, so it can be hard to understand what concrete/tangible steps you can take to get better at it. Thank you so much for breaking down this concept Kati 💕
I've become emotionally mature with healing and working on myself,constantly...
i believe independence is a big one. to me, a major red flag that someone is not ready for adult life is when they cling to their partner or friends constantly, can't stand to be alone, and, like you mentioned, can't think for themselves. you're not always going to have other people at the ready to give you their time and validation, but you're always going to live with yourself. better get comfortable with it.
I never knew how emotionally immature I was until this vid. I think working on these will fix a lot of my problems. Thanks for the vid Kati. 💕
Mature ppl:
- know when to comfort and when to tough talk
- are being empathic without forgetting themselves
I have always thought of myself as an emotionally mature person and I often heard that from others. I guess this is the positive outcome of difficulties in the childhood. I checked all the boxes (but also checked all the boxes for high functionning depression, so there's that).
resilience :)
I'm not the most mature person, but my strengths are apologizing when I have messed up and trying to slow my reaction down when someone is trying to get a rise out of me. I've always been good with boundaries, but I've let that slip recently. D: Thanks for the little refresher. :)
I met this girl I like and one of the things that makes me feel safe around her and makes me consider her relationship material is that she is emotionally mature. In working on my own emotional maturity in order to improve my relationships to give people that feeling of safety.
I hated DBT in the beginning, and when you brought wise mind I totally laughed out my tea!
But I agreed wholeheartedly with you...you cannot make any decisions in emotional mind, and ensuring that your boundaries are consistent and clear are key.
I love this video..but am in no way ready to be in another relationship.
Sarah Ansdell ...so you were SPILLING TEA?!?! 😹😹😹😹 #DadJoke
hahah!! DBT can be hard and so many of my patients hate it.. lol!! I am so glad you liked the video!! And no rush on any relationships :)
Kati talks so sweetly. How well she be connecting with her clients.
Ooooh let me see how my petty ass stacks up with this one. Love ya Kati 😘 😩😩😂😂
hahah!! I hope you enjoyed it!! xoxo
Some times emotional maturity isn't a fault of your own. You could have practiced all this growing up - having parents who are not emotionally mature makes it harder to utilize these skills as an adult, and essentially have to relearn it. In a family where you have to beg for boundaries and your emotions are disregarded, you find yourself yelling at walls and out lashing because it's the only way you learned how to get anyone to listen.
My therapist brought up to me that she said I was emotionally immature, and I agreed. It kind of upset me at first when I thought about it later...like it was insulting. This video puts her thoughts into perspective for me.
Learning about healthy boundaries has been such a journey for me, I definitely fell into the "let people walk all over me because I wanted to please them" camp for awhile. This video was a great reminder of taking steps to set limits and boundaries and that it's 100% okay to say NO. Thanks Kati!
It's one of the few perks of ever having gone through mental illness - you gain some sort of emotional maturity. I'm more empathic, understanding and just overall more in tune with other people's emotions now than before. I've come a long way, but I'll most likely struggle from time to time for the rest of my life. But don't we all? Good video as usual. :-)
Kati, can you make a video about giving ourselves acceptance and approval, thereby not seeking that from others? You mentioned it briefly toward the end. This is something I struggle with a lot, and since I daresay this is a common problem, I am not the only one.
Many thanks,
Lana
Yes! It could be really helpful. It is important part of beeing independant adult. It sometimes difficult to trust yourself and resist the pressure from outside.
Emotional maturity requires deep listening skills and the ability to recognise how to support yourself and others in times of need. Understanding intersectionality and how behavioural economics cultivates indifference and disconnection for many humans is also a sign of emotional maturity
Can you speak on how to be intimate in a relationship with someone while working through trauma? When I am reminded of my past abuse of trust and physical and emotional boundaries, I tend to push those feelings of fear and anger on the person I am currently with, who treats me with the greatest respect.
Missy Boister I’m not sure what exactly your trauma entails but u may find this video helpful! th-cam.com/video/DJdrYzOuxfU/w-d-xo.html
Kati you are an awesome therapist. I loved this video.
Great. I didn’t know I was journaling emotional maturity for a while. I’m working with chronically emotionally immature people. Being the free councilor by default, this really wears me down. I’ve learned to disassociate myself from their feelings. I felt much better and not take their immaturity personally. Thank you for this information.
How to tell someone that something is hurtful, without feeling like a víctim? Thanks for your videos :)
I think it's just being honest.. saying that what someone did hurt us doesn't make us a victim, it just means we are communicating. If we choose to not accept their apology or always look for ways to continue feeling hurt about it.. then we are playing the victim. Otherwise we are just communicating how we feel. And it does get better with practice :) xoxo So keep at it! xox
Kati Morton Are there times when an apology can feel like it’s not enough? What does this mean?
@@Katimorton thank you very much, you are an angel 💖
Stick to your perspective. Sounds small but is a very deescalating way of communication. Leave the blame out of it, just talk about how it is for you. (There is no "true" and "false", just different perspectives)
Eg: not "You made me feel sad by saying that!" (Implies it is the other persons fault, can bring up guilt and may lead them towards a self-defensive perspective out of a felt need to protect themselves, a state where they are not as open towards you -> ofc just one possible outcome)
Instead: "Hearing that made me feel sad." for example. (-> cannot be labeled as wrong bc it is your feeling and perspective only you know about.) If you want and are able you can also explain the reason why a certain thing hurt you. That can raise empathy towards you (depending on the situation ofc!)
@@Katimorton I don't agree with this. Accepting an apology from a narcissistic person can mean perpetuating the cycle of emotional abuse because they never mean it. They also don't know that their apology is insincere. It would be better to state how you feel and then reduce or cut contact.
I'd probably add that an emotionally mature person is able to express their emotions properly, so not only the identifying part (I'm not mad, but I'm sad and hurt), but also finding a way to express it and being able to cry. It sometimes seems like having your emotional in check entails not crying, but that's not healthy. When you feel deeply sad, you should be able to release. The same goes for joy: to allow yourself to experience it fully and laugh.
PenguinorPanda i agree with the crying part.. even for men even though they usually think they shouldn’t cry but like you said it’s not healthy to just hold it in.
Kati!!! I've watched your channel grow a 1,000 subscribers a day the last 3 days!!!!! Congratulations from a very proud LMFT in Hawaii. Great job. I loved this video too, will be used for my homework assignments. 🌸
This is so important ♥️
I can't name my emotions at all, I'm either angry like crazy or tired. And people are so annoyed by this, especially when you're in a relationship and they ask you how you feel, I just have a panic attack every time.
Great video ♥️ love your channel!
Mature ppl:
- Self-acceptance: Be honest to oneself.
- Classiness: Keep things objective
I’ve been self actualizing for a while, and I can confidently say that I have all of these traits, thank you for the video!
Wow! Thx Kati! That was really helpful. I didn't even know I'm doing these 6 things.🤔🤗💛
Awe I am so glad!! Yay!! xoxo
This video made me realize how much I've evolved as a person in this past year and I'm so proud that I can relate to all these signs
Great one Kati, I also think being able to be your own therapist/coach and doing your inner work, constantly bettering yourself is a sign of EM
I haven't commented for ages. Hi Katie, thanks for doing what you do.
Thanks for commenting now Michelle :) xoxo
Just had some awesome moments of health that have surprised me ☺️😍
Being kind yet direct with my parents after a scuffle with them. Listening and validating their perspective and feelings.
Boundaries are not an agreement between 2 people. If someone doesn't agree with your boundary, that doesn't mean your boundary is t working or is wrong. If the person leaves? Your boundary worked.
I remember being terrified of setting boundaries with my Narc ex because I knew he wouldn't follow them! 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
This video has honestly really helped me right now. I went through a pretty roooooough breakup that was extended as all hell because my partner exhibited maybe two of these signs? And honestly I needed to see this because I'm realizing that I'm so much further on my path than I thought.
The fifth sign litterally gave me goosebumps when I heard it. I was never taught how to communicate, especially when I have to tell them something that might upset them or start an argument. I grew up in an environment where every argument had no resolution because my parents always believed to be faultless. I could never speak up when I disagreed with them so I always had to bite my tongue and be pleasant to avoid angering them, even when they were wrong.
Now as an adult I'm starting to form "real" friendships but they can't go any deeper because I'm not capable of setting boundaries and saying clearly what is going on in my mind. I usually need space and alot of alone time but I never have a talk with them to let them know. Slowly some of my friendships die because instead of letting them know what annoys me, I'll just slowly avoid them. The idea of exposing how I feel and how someone else's behavior affects terrifies me but I guess I never really tried so it can't be that bad and the outcome is worth it. Now my goal is to be able to have those kind of "talks"
i recently did this 2 days ago, and i learned about why ive been mad about the people in my life and i realized i was mad at them because i couldnt understand them or was selfish instead of fully listening to them and taking my ego out of it, very good info
Love u Kati!
I am very emotionally mature and I feel like my friends, partner, and family takes advantage of that maturity and dumps all their problems on me. Probably because they know I can handle it but I don't want to, or if I do I would like some reciprocation. But I don't ever get it and my happiness suffers for it, making me feel used, and unloved.
M4yh3m Carter maybe you need to start expressing your boundaries to them?
M4yh3m Carter are you an empath or an HSP (highly sensitive person)? th-cam.com/video/r9RxhgOeoTM/w-d-xo.html
@@KristyEliz I've tried expressing them but I'm not heard. I do try to have conversations but their to busy or not actually listening to me when I'm speaking.
@@_just_TK No I wouldn't say that I am, I'm sure I can be when I'm phyiscally sick, or in unfortunate situations.
Thank you for trying to help. It makes me hopefully. I believe that the family I have and the people I hang around are all toxic people. And I need to move on with my life and get my own place so I can create my own peacful environment.
Kati, thank you for all your videos. My issue is around self-worth, and in my most recent therapy session, I made a comment on "if I was good, I would not come to see you. It's because I don't feel I'm good enough, I come to see you." This was said when I was crying, and had been crying for a while in that session. After that, my therapist said: he felt sad I feel this way. Then he got teary eyed. And I told me: this makes him want to cry. After that, I told me why he wanted to cry. Basically he said many good things about me. (e.g. I am so brave, and so have a strong drive to get better, and I am like a diamond, but I don't see it. many more great things.) I was shocked, no one every in my life had said such nice things about me. And he was saying it with passion as well. (typically he was more laid back and let me talk more, but this time he just kept going). Sorry the set up is a bit long, but my question is : is his behavior normal? Do therapist praise their patients? I thought they should let me realize that I am "good enough" gradually and not blankly tell me about it? Also, could he have counter transference? (I definitely have transference on him, but I had thought he did not care for me in any other way than professional, so that feeling has slowed down on my side. But now he said such wonderful things about me, and my feelings for him is coming back again). Thank you!!!
freshginger08 I think u need to have an honest conversation with ur therapist about this. He may be having some counter transference and addressing it is the best way to move forward. Kati has a great video on when therapists get attached to their clients, I’m not saying that’s what’s happening but it may have some helpful tips! th-cam.com/video/_Hdiu4kCZcI/w-d-xo.html
@@_just_TK Thank you. This is helpful. I will try to work up the courage to talk to him.
How about mental maturity? Please make one too. This really helps. Now I know where I need to work on. Thanks, Ms. Kati!
I feel like I'm the opposite of a emotionally mature person
Tanja Formisto I think you taking the time to watch this already makes you more emotionally mature than most people
Reflection and understanding the problem is step 1. Constant cycle of failing and correcting yourself until you create healthier emotional habits. Gl m8
I feel at times it’s just better to be that
Thanks Kati. This video rocked my world. Such a great succinct and positive list we can check ourselves against!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I was watching the slow to react/communicate clearly part of this just as my parents were yelling at each other. What a coincidence lol
I hate my daughter's anything having to deal w/ males. Even the oldest of the old. Dude kept going on and on and on today & argues like a kid. I was like as long as you're yelling.... U'll always have a pt. Considering how much talking over you're doing, I don't even think u know what ure talking about or what ure even mad about but hey? As long as you're screaming u'll always have a p- _disruption_ . His daughter walked in like shut up! No one's even talking to u. After silence & him talking to himself. Trying to act intimidating after her saying she'd tape it shut. Still trying to talk ish after more silence bc of how "intimidating" he is. & Continued talking over my baby's turnt up... Cartoons bc of his Ignorance. Like could u be any more fn dense. He's so the I thoroughly love the sound of my own voice. I'm never truly saying anything but I'll talk ur head ears wever off anyways
Great list. I would add understanding yourself/personality based on experience to avoid relationship issues and be better equipped to manage them. I think it's not entirely similar to identify your emotions.
For me, building a healthy boundaries is the key. I notice if I failed on building healthy boundaries, I tend to have difficulties with other traits as well. I learn over time that safe environment can only be built with having healthy boundaries.
Videos like this are so helpful when you're apart of a very codependent enmeshed family (is that the right word?) I think so. I'm working on really being able to process my emotions and identify them. Can be hard when you have a family like mine, who are human, but very emotionally immature. The holistic psychologist has really wonderful tools to work through these types of things! Not to take away from Katie because she is amazing too! But between Katie and the holistic psychologist, I feel like I'm on the mend to becoming a truly healed person!
Kati, I have struggled so long with depression and boredom. I dont want to do anything, so I remain bored, I dont have the energy to do anything. But then the boredom REALLY drives the depression. It's like an endless loop, it drives me insane.
Love the idea of printing out a feelings chart. I got fed up a few months ago and started referring to them online whenever I found myself ruminating. There are so many emotions!
6/6 #7 they can accept a different/opposing view without getting upset or trying to control the other
Matilda yes!
I became a whole new person once I was able to identify my emotions a few years back, it’s really accelerated my growth as a person and allowed me to be super empathetic to others and a lot more emotionally aware resulting in me doing what’s best for my emotional well-being.
Thank you Katie! I have definitely grown since watching your videos over the last couple of years and doing some deep personal healing over the last two years. I have noticed more subtle changes that have added to my character and have helped reshape my sense of self in a very positive way. Boundaries are still something I’m working on as I’ve realized I have issues with letting go, even when I know it’s what’s best for me. I have noticed I am more comfortable with seeing my fault in every disagreement, even when I can only share that info with myself... however, I struggle with tipping the scale of responsibility. Sometimes I allow more in because I acknowledge myself at fault but others around me have refused to see their fault in particular disagreements. I’ve felt guilty for bringing it to their attention, which almost felt like I “always have a problem” and “am never satisfied”. I always felt like it was the emotionally mature thing to address my issues with particular behaviors but I’ve realized over the years that I just need to work on walking away a little more so I can let go and make it right with me... and they may never see or acknowledge those things and it is not my responsibility to teach. I have a stronger responsibility to myself, and if I see something, especially a repetitive behavior that doesn’t agree with me, I have the right to implement boundaries and walk away.
Such important basics. So important.
Very helpful wording. Actually made notes on this one.
Some other signs:
• They are empathetic and not only identify their emotions, but others and make them feel good.
• They challenge other people's egos because of the internal confidence they bring out.
Really needed this video. Thank you for your time and support, Kati! 💓💙💓
Hey Kati! I’ve been watching your videos for a while and I just find you such a helpful person, and your videos really help just cope.
Thanks for the video Kati❤️
All I wanna say, love you Kati 💕💕
I learn may things from your video
Hi Kati , Thanks for the video . So being emotionally mature has never been an issue for me , but it`s that inner child relationship I have a hard time with. Learning its ok to be pissed or sad , and that feelings matter , and that its not alright to live as a rock , or behind one.
Take care , Gary XOXO
From your videos, It helps me identify the things I need to work on to be a better person. Something that I’ve been struggling with for a long time and something I desired so much. Thank you so much!
Hi Kati. Thanks alot for this video. I have seen the transformation within myself towards being emotionally matured. ❤️
Your videos are helping me to grow emotionally and mentally.
Keep making such amazing content.
Love and support 🙏🏻
I was 100% scared of watching this video because I was afraid that I wasn't as mature as I thought. It turns out therapy helped a lot with knowing how to manage my emotions even though my GAD can make it hard sometimes. Thanks for what you do, Kati.
I would only add that, in my opinion, no one "needs" a friend to go to a party with them. They want that, but it is not a need. They might need support, they might want to attend the party only if they have this type of support, but that in no way obligates the listener to attend. No one needs to attend a party. It is by it's very definition, voluntary. I believe that point is better phrased as "it would be very helpful, and I would feel cared for if you would attend that party with me" ...food for thought.
What if the friend had previously promised to attend and by breaking that promise would be damaging to the relationship?
Sarah- that certainly changes things a bit. In that case it would sound more like, "I need my friends to keep their promises"... The truth is no one can guarantee anytthing in this life. Attending a party in your scenario is not the need so much as dependability or honesty. Just my opinion. I think it is dangerous to use "need" language about things that are merely preferences, however strong. I can safely promise you that any friend of mine who tries to control my behavior (by requiring I attend a party with them) is going to eventually hear from me that I don't consider that a need and we all need to make our own decisions. If they are going through some hard things right now and I can comprehend a bit of why this might be a big deal AND it won't blow up my own life/values to attend then I probably will. But that is still choicefulness on my part and I will be leveraging that moment soon enough to talk about changing that dynamic going forward. No desire to be in a codependent relationship, thanks. I would also be more likely to yield if I saw them honestly pursuing their own healing.
I absolutely love the little jingles you play as an intro or at the ending. ;) And of course the content between the jingles is most informative, so thank you for caring.
Thank you so much for putting the signs in your description. I honestly have never seen anyone do that before. I might be overreacting, but it means A LOT. You actually care about people's time. Or maybe their inability to sit through a video. Or even if someone has a hearing impairment. I have liked and subscribed. Thank you!
I can proudly say that I have all but two of these signs.
In my recent relationship, that sadly ended quite dramatically and hurtfully, I forgot to set ourselves clear boundaries. Which meant that she didn't know when it was ok for me to be physically in contact with her. So we used to be together pretty much all the time. And when I had a busy time schedule with work, I couldn't stay with her all the time. I was exhausted from it and I felt this fuzz and cloudiness covering me.
When the relationship came to an end, she hurt me emotionally pretty bad with how she dumped me and dragged me along with everything. It's a really long story. At that point I didn't know how to proceed with it and needed help from my friends to tell me what they thought about it and what they think was the right thing to do.
But I survived from that without falling back to depression like before. And now I feel like I learned from that experience to try better in the future.
Thank you for this video Kati! This gave a lot for me to learn and where to focus in my life
Thänk you for your time and work! Your Videos are so helpful.
These are great! Thanks Kati!
One of the most frustrating things growing up was my mom telling me what I did wrong in a situation and not telling me how to fix the situation or what to do about someone else. I used to get upset when I had a problem with someone and their parents would tell me that I was wrong for the whole situation and caudle their child and I would talk to my mom and she would tell me what I did wrong (like saying something out of anger, that kind of thing) and then making me fix it without much guidance.
It made me a better person. But it also hurt a bit because I always felt like I was wrong in other people’s eyes, no matter what I did.
She made me emotionally mature. She made me empathetic. She made me who I am today and I will let her know how much this video opened my eyes to what she was trying to do 💕
Thank you for your work Kati ❤️
I love you Katie. Such a great help.
Kati, do you have a video talking about how you ended up in this field? I am very interested in pursuing it as a career path myself and would love to hear about what kind of qualifications you sought and what kind of experience led you here.
Thank you! I love your videos, they are so immensely helpful and well done and it's amazing you're offering them for free.
Samantha R yep! Here it is! th-cam.com/video/o2e0BJwnTfk/w-d-xo.html
Kind, beautiful Kati. Thank you! ♡
Merci! This video helps quite a lot.
working on yourself to become mature is worth the struggle. Emotional maturity improves the quality of relationships so much. The difference between my last relationship where my ex has the emotional maturity of a child between my current partner who can communicate properly is really healing. I haven't been able to feel that loved in years.
This was fun to assess myself with these 6 points. My weakest is probably "slow to react". I would also like to say something about the last point: (ability to make decisions). Because I think it can be a very wise thing to get input or advice from others before making a decision.
Amazing video as always Kati! You're the best and I truly appreciate you❤❤ BUT WHERE IA YOUR CUTE HAPPY "WELCOME!" IN THE BEGINNING, I MISS IT!!!😂😂
Love this!! I've grown sooooo much this past year and generally hit all of these.
I still struggle with decision making though 🤪
I really needed this, thank you Kati
I think this (and many other things you talk about in your videos) should be taught to us in school. It would be really useful if how to take care of our mental health was something that was taught to everybody. At least when I was in school 10 years ago, it wasn't a thing. It's a shame that we only learn this if we seek out therapy when things are already going bad, instead of being aware of it early on and possibly preventing some issues.
I found it helpful! Thanks!
I think an emotionally mature person also doesn't take full blame for anything and everything just to keep the peace.
Lara R I’m def guilty of that
You reach full emotional maturity when all your negative emotions like ignorance, envy, jealousy, hatred, pride and greed are completely gone.
This video saved my life.
I've been watching a lot of your videos trying to improve myself but I keep getting distracted because your eyebrows are so nice