"I see you" and "I hear you" made me cry. I guess that was something I needed to hear. My whole life I've had family and friends always minimizing my feelings, even after traumatic events. Then they wonder why at 32 years old I'm unemployed and struggling with MDD, SAD and GAD.
@@hockeymom49721 Man I was in such a bad place 2 months ago. I've had about 7 years of therapy and medication with mixed results. I keep relapsing into a major depression but on the bright side I'm currently in the recovery phase from this last one :D
@@SileneKitty I'm glad you're taking care of you, that's important. I'm currently wanting to dive pretty deeply into this whole inner child thing because at 45 years old, I'm tired of feeling like my life has been amounting to nothing but a loveless pile of crap. I'll make it, this I know.
@@freshness4214 theres a good book by felix economakis called nlp take charge of your life. V good explanation of inner child work. I've been doing years of CBT which I found a load of bolox. Made me feel awful. Inner child work is good.
92Kels I can relate. I mean, I thought everybody had the same life that I did growing up, but when we got our first lab top then I saw how other people lived in you tube, I was amazed as to how different my youth was. Not bad, it was scary sometimes, but sometimes very adventurous & other times even magical, but I realize now the entire my Aunt Joan was there to protect me. She really was.
After reading this comment, tears came to my eyes. It’s hard to say those words and mean it. I have neglected myself for so long because I change my personality based on the man that is in my life. I really needed to read that comment.
It took me four years and eight months to complete my inner child healing, be patient with yourself. I love doing activities I enjoyed as a child like playing jenga.
Hey. What did you do. "4 years and 8 months", thats pretty accurate. Sounds like you had a calender or kept track of what you were doing and had a routine. Its hard for me to experience the strong emotions from the past. The mind naturally suppresses it. Ive tried meditating. Maybe i havent stuck with it long enough but i still have trouble getting over the pain someone has caused me in the past.
Brandon Asif Brandon Asif Brandon Asif try to ask yourself why you feel pain now and work yourself up from there, what are the bad emotions you feel right now and what are they provoked by specifically, which behaviours, where they your parents or somebody else? Where they narcissistic or had some kind of personal disorder, it personally helped me a lot understanding the feelings I have right now, I fell like it’s fundamental for you to understand specifically what went wrong along the road to improve, before you take any action try to understand what went wrong. most importantly get out of any relationship that makes you feel bad(I haven’t done that myself, work in progress), and truly love yourself, that would be my suggestion, last part sounds stupid but couldn’t be further from the truth...last thing, one thing that helped me a lot is watching interactions of truly loving parents on TH-cam and staff like this it might sound weird but it really makes you understand the depth of how wrong you might have been raised by your parents and how it should have been like on a regular basis, it will even help you remember more about your childhood and about how badly you might have been treated on an average day without having done nothing bad to deserve it...watch the TH-cam channel gilstrap tv, at the end of the pranks he alway has vlogs with his daughter. This is very recent for me. Hopes this helps✌🏾
I think of inner child work as self parenting. Knowing how to care for yourself is huge. I had to basically learn how to parent a small child. By doing that I was able to heal pass trauma. It really does work. Huge life changer.
When I am in a situation that requires it, I visualize my terrified child self, then current day me comforting (child) while saying ‘I got you’. it signals ‘I got US’ so we are both comforted. It’s amazing how well it’s worked.
I've done my inner child healing for 20 years. I enjoyed the journey of doing and redoing/ re-experiencing things that I needed to do, always wanted to do. Revisiting places, foods, candy, games, toys, books, TV shows. My last piece of work was last Christmas when I put up my own 7 foot tree for the first time. I kept re-decorating all winter it until it was perfect. Played my playlist of songs all winter. I also sent loads of gifts to my nieces because I needed that experience of giving and seeing children happy. Seeing myself in them too.
I did this with my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, it was very intense and I cried a lot, but it was also so liberating to be able to listen to this scared and sad child inside me and finally give her the reassurance she needed
I listened to an inner child healing meditation recently. I sobbed and sobbed! It was really quite painful, but having reflected on it, I’m now doing an ICT diploma, so I can re-parent myself.
Thank you so much for this! Last year I started doing this but I always had a hard time explaining to other people what I was doing. This healing process came to me intuitively. When I'm in my healing space I see myself as 4 different people: my child self, my teenage self, my present self, my wise future self. I started this as an act of self love. My current self helps my child self heal past traumas. i am the super hero I wish I had. I am the adult I needed for love. I fill the void of the loneliest I had. My current self looks to my child self for grounding. My child self has a pure happiness and love towards life. She forgives with her heart. She reminds me where my roots are. My future self is who I lean on for wisdom. She's gone through what I have but came out with a presence of thankfulness and love. She's empathetic to the upmost degree because she's been through what I have been through. My teenage self leans on my current self for hope for a better future. I still have a lot of stuff to heal from back then. As someone who has struggled with self worth, body image issues, depression, anxiety, low confidence, and sexual abuse I am thankful for this type of healing technique. Last year I made a video to my child self as a way to express myself. It has like 100 views lol. If anyone is interested, maybe it can inspire someone to help their child self heal, too: th-cam.com/video/WiK27oD0jH4/w-d-xo.html
I have issues with binge eating, and your video made me feel I should first try to look at my child trauma instead of trying to fix my eating issue alone.
You talk about having patients getting in touch with their child self before any trauma, but what if they have no memories of life before trauma? (i.e. trauma is their earliest memory?)
1Eilatan, check out Peter Levine’s work: Somatic Experiencing as well as Bessel vanDerkolk’s work. Pete Walker is also a great resource. Please don’t give up. Thinking of you.🙏🏻
Try meditation, inner child meditations will help. Look up Dr Friedemann Schaub. He has an EXCELLENT meditation that helped me start the work. Just stick with it and don't sabotage yourself like I did because I stopped but I'm working on it again which is why I'm here.
I agree with this so much. I got kind of bullied at high school - it wasn't as severe as what some people go through, just teasing, name-calling, people not letting me sit with them ect, but it was incredibly upsetting at the time. The thing is, it was the entire school, and I was basically seen as the weirdo of my year-group. Because of that, I had very few friends, and those I did have I pushed away eventually because of lack of self-esteem. It didn't feel like a big thing at the time, but I'm realising now how traumatising it was, and I missed out on a lot of teenage experiences because of it all - I never got invited to parties, never had anyone to hang out with at school, never had my first kiss ect. I'm 21 now, and I'm still trying to unlearn a lot of the negative lessons my brain taught me - like that I'm not worthy of having friends, and that I'd be inflicting myself on people. I still feel a lot younger than I am - I still haven't had a lot of those teenage experiences, and I'm honestly not that interested in a lot of the typical 20s lifestyle. I'm just happy learning to make friends and to trust people again, and gradually catching up, and I get a massive sense of achievement just from small things, like finding people I can really talk to, or going to the cinema with friends. I still feel like a 14-year-old in a lot of ways, and that's fine - I'll catch up in the end, but right now working on myself is much more important and I'm really proud of how I'm doing :)
I do have childhood trauma but the biggest thing I like inner child work for.. and heck just being around kids of the same age.. is guidance and perspective. Like my parents were super flaky and couldn't teach me some of those calm and secure self soothing things. I can do that for my inner children. I babysat for a little 7 year old girl and that helped me see that she didn't have control over herself. Not her arms and legs, not her thinking.. nothing. I was judging myself based on being an adult. She taught me that my 7 year old couldn't have stopped anything from happening. She helped me let go of a lot of guilt.
before i went into therapy i was doing this and retraumatized myself. don't attempt to do it if you're not ready and if you don't have any support/validation. just a tip. (just like kati said)
Wow, ok. I started crying watching this 😮 especially at the part with telling your younger self that you're here and love them. Maybe I should dig more into that 😰
I have a baby journal/little girl journal I use it totally helps. I'm not only healing, but learning: why I act the way I do, connecting my dots, at times it's painful when i make a connection or find a hidden memory. It also leads to angry. My therapist thought this was a great idea. My go to it "I got you", I see you.
Thank you so much for posting this! I have terrible childhood trauma. Your videos help me a lot! I’m a broke college student that can’t afford therapy so your videos really are appreciated
Some colleges offer therapy at a free or reduced rate based on your income. It's definitely worth looking into. When I was a very broke student, I could still get free and low cost therapy. Good luck!
I'm 43 going on 78 and have struggled with depression / anxiety my entire life. It wasn't until I turned 40 that I had my first panic attack. Watching this video brings up memories and feelings that I've spent my life suppressing. I have so much guilt and shame that I know have come from childhood, but it's terrifying to confront my inner child. Trust is a big issue for me, so that will need to be addressed with my therapist. Thank you Kati for all you do for us.
I used to listen to the song All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera when I was a teenager whenever I felt alone or fearful or abandoned. It was my little substitute for unconditional love. Music and art have been what I find to be the most healing and inspiring things in the world to this day.
I can't remember a time before my trauma started, but I found I was able to connect with my child self through doing talking to her at the time I was afraid and felt alone. I started letting myself enjoy the things he took away from me -- friends, making art, singing, writing in a journal. Things that were expressive or that took an iota of confidence to do or that might let somebody know what was going on. I haven't had anyone do this with me continually as I moved around a lot. Hoping my new trama therapist can do this with me some more on top of DBT work. I still feel a void, and try to make things better or happier for others, and I think our culture nurtures guilt in wanting to do anything for ourselves.
I agree with you about how American culture kind of makes one feel guilt for doing things for ourselves. How can someone take care of someone else if we don't take care of ourselves?
Thank you for all your work, Kati. I’m being my own therapist right now because my intense people pleasing is making me start to deeply resent myself but I have no experience with therapy at 28 and am at this point feeling like it’ll be impossible to find a therapist I honestly connect with. Part of my extreme guard that I really want to work on, but so many people’s visions of the world feel so far from my own that I don’t know if I am physically and spiritually capable of letting them poke around in the deep recesses of my mind. Getting started has been so freaking hard. Anyway, it’s so nice to have things come up and get to search through your amazing collection of videos to find guidance. And your podcasts. And to even just be able to leave this comment and feel connected to others who may understand. Just truly, thank you! 💛
I've become more comfortable with the recesses of my mind. When shared, people do not respond well, but it's not our job to protect them. It's our job to be open with who we are, and when that happens, the world becomes a more interesting place.
I seriously have so much love for you Kati, you really kill it at your job . I'm so glad there are people like you to understand humans on a very connected level
You explained this so well! I was breaking down about my first semester of college finals this week...but more stressed than usual. Finding the root of the root led me back to my younger self & I’m working to heal it through exploration...can’t wait to be home to really solve the problem :) so empowering & hopeful 💕 AND I GET YOUR BOOK THIS WEEK...can’t wait!
I have done inner child work with a therapist and I didn't even know that is what it was called until this video. I was in toxic relationships and in going back to a time with my mom and dad I realized as my adult self that I wanted my mom to leave. It was profound. Thank you for another amazing topic and for helping so many of us stay working towards a healthy mind.
I have done decades of work with my inner child parts. The safer I help them feel, the better they feel about working with me. I noticed many years ago that my hands seemed to want to talk (they act like they are speaking sign language). I believe they simply don't feel safe enough yet to work with me, although I do talk to them and try to help them understand that we are grown up now and it is safe for them to say what they want to say. I also talk what I call gibberish from time to time. I believe it is the same as with my hands and that language will come one day. Recently I discovered that the hands felt bad because of things they were made to touch when we were very little. I think the hands and the gibberish may have developed because we were preverbal when the abuse began. When trauma occurs during infancy, before we learn language, it can sometimes take a long time to piece together symptoms and flashbacks, etc. and to make sense of it all because memories are very different when you don't have words to express them, but we (my parts and I) are doing well and we will keep on working together.
Kati this is absolutely incredible. I am really struggling with my anxiety and depression right now, I'm in a bit of a dark place, and needing to start therapy back up again. I loved the work I did with my therapist regarding my inner child. It was the most precious thing to be able to change the story, and just for a moment protect myself from that trauma. This is really wonderful, thank you. 💕
I am so sorry you are struggling right now.. and I hope getting back into therapy pulls you back out of that dark place. xoxo I am glad this video was helpful!! xoxo
I’m a psychology student and also someone who is exploring recovery and wellness after years of being very unwell. I’m beginning inner child therapy and it’s very powerful. This has been a beautiful and painful journey, but I definitely feel like myself again. Thank you for making videos like this. As a psychology student and a patient, I’m so grateful for mental health advocates like you ❤️
This was very well explained. I wish I knew what to expect when my inner child emerged, because it kind of freaked me out. However, it was one of the most powerfully healing experiences and afterwards I felt like a whole person and not in pieces any more. Thank you.
You remind me of my therapist she is amazing! She’s not covered by my insurance anymore so I’ve been dealing with it on my own. You are a wonderful soul thank you for helping people!
I had a very striking revelation earlier today while I was stuck in traffic on my way home. I'm a middle child, my sister is 6 years younger than me and my brother is 5 years older and also he has a different dad. My brother loves to try to reminisce about our childhood (and my mom to, to an extent) but I *never* remember the things that he talks about. There was even a time that my mom was talking about a weekend vacation we took one time and I had absolutely no recollection of this vacation whatsoever. And then it hit me today that I have huge, massive gaps in my memory because of all the shit I forced myself to block out and forget from my childhood but my siblings don't because my sister was too young and my brother was away at his dad's house. I have absolutely no idea what all I've blocked out and even the thought of trying to figure it out is terrifying.
Sofía Vélez there are people from every age group in this community but I’d say that mid to late teens is the biggest one. Also, check out this video Kati did on divorce! th-cam.com/video/BwNGpf3cfcc/w-d-xo.html
I have a lot of inner children. For the past 2.5 months, I have been working in trauma therapy nurturing the youngest three. I would spend as much time as they needed to hear them out and comfort them/let them comfort me. After a comfort session with them last week they got up, merged together and became an older (adult?), confident being that no longer needed my assistance. They hung around in the background for 3 or 4 days, but now I can't find them anymore. I know it needed to happen but am struggling with the sadness of missing them. I also know this will get better with time, I just didn't see this coming.
My therapist had me recall memories from my childhood in vlog form, Only I watch these videos of me just recalling memories, but I would talk to him about them later. It unearthed all the stuff I had purposely buried because I couldn’t handle the emotions of the traumas, but it helped me forgive my younger self and fully understand why I act the way I do today
I clearly remember me as a child and one of my family said "you embarrassed me". Now I get anxiety about any kind of socializing and what to wear and what to say. I don't want to embarrass anyone 😭 I was a happy class clown before
I am recovering from Alcohol addiction and 7 yrs in its difficult to learn to live without artificial stabilizers .. I love God and I want to be committed but my subconscious which I presume is from my childhood and it seems to make sense keeps flailing up with self sabatoge when. Fear and … who knows enters my sphere and I don’t drink but I definitely digress (tears ). I guess I need to do this work .. I am 62 and life is short and I am willing I guess but my goodness is it worth it , it seems unless I do there is no hope to find a different outcome I believe it is necessary but I also believe I am ticked because I have to… Thank you for your channel Let’s work !’
I found a good starting place is to acknowledge our tendency towards the utilitarian approach. Once I started noticing the agendas that spurred to mind where my inner child was concerned, no wonder the child 'didn't come out to play', when I'd only call upon it to check things off my list, like 'healing this or that trauma', 'squeezing out some creativity' and so on. It came to me that I should perhaps consider it as a wild creature and make sure I leave bait for it to come and nourish on, to draw it out in the open. But then I connected to how I'd feel if everytime someone called upon me, it's 'because they need something' and I saw that it felt crumby. This is how I knew it's yet another agenda to leave the food as bait as if I were setting a trap. So I decided to befriend it. Truly befriend it, like create space and make time for 'us' to spend time together. I started leaving things around my room, for me to get creative with and chose moments of the evening to allow myself to be playful for the sake of it, not to draw out something that would give me some edge in an ego-based perception of competition. So yeah, for those like me who may be seeking to nurture a relationship with the inner child, this is a welcome contemplation. thank you for all your hard work I really appreciate all the consideration you put into your videos ^_^ much love x
I LOVE this. I think a lot of people discount psychoanalysis just because of the weird side of it. But it really is SO important to get in touch with our past to help us make connections with who we are and why we are the way they are.
I’ve just started this it’s very slow work because I’ve burried it so bloody deep. I used to think therapy didn’t work. We started marriage counselling and our therapist is like soooo good. It’s like she knows me better than I know myself. I now have individual therapy with her because I have sooo much stuff to deal with. She has totally changed my opinion on thearpy
Thank you for the explanation. I was not aware of "inner child work" until my child showed up while meditating. Spoke soothing words to the hurt kiddo and very strange things occured. My memories became reframed and I saw my parents in a much more compassionate light. That feels good btw :). Your explanation of the modality is excellent in other words.
Your example of loosing your blanket reminded me of something that happened to me. When I was in first grade, I got lice and my mom bagged up all of my stuffed "friends" / blankets and put them in the shed. After a month they got moldy and she threw them all out. I forgot how devastating that was to 6 year-old me.
Yeah I remember I had lots of teddies as a kid and they had so much dust on them I got a chest infection. The doctor told us to freeze the teddies for a few days to kiss the bacteria. That's interesting and I never thought about it too much!
I'm in a psychdrama therapy group and it helped me to face my aggressive father as an adult on stage and protect my inner child against him. Now I know I don't have to be afraid of him anymore, even if my inner child is still afraid of rejection in relationships. So the work goes on...
I recently did emdr with my therapist using a childhood little t and was surprised to remember how anxious I felt at the time. Before, I had never even considered it as anything important. But delving back into it opened a floodgate and since then I’ve been feeeeling so much more. I’d gotten used to just being numb and it feels good to finally cry some things out.
Inner child work is truly some of the most moving and motivating thing I’ve done. Crying bc I finally tell that little girl I was back then that I love her. That she was enough. And that I did an AMAZING job raising her in a sense.
oooof , glad you mentioned the need of feeling safe with the therapist, I got told on my first appointment we were doing that on the next few sessions, ended up finding a new therapist
My inner child seems to run the show at least 70% of the time, the grown up is nowhere to be seen... Thank you for being on the money kati, your fab! 🌟
This is more important as people can fathom. Please make series on inner child work. I do a program that focuses incredibly on Inner Child work. Thank you for this video. 🌹🌹🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️
Hey, me too! I start remembering from around my 13th year and I know I've been like this already when I was around 18-19, now I'm 25 and still can't remember... I have few memories from before that, but way less than my friends. It's weird when people tell me big things about my childhood and I seriously have no memory of any of it.
I remember lots of stuff but not it all. I realized this when my therapist asked me who was home when I got home from school, my parents schedule, did we have dinner together, did they ask about my day etc, and I'm like... "I actually have NO idea".
@@fiikahlo Most people do apparently. I have friends who remember less. I had a really good friend with a stable home from the age of 4-14, so I think that is a reason I do have as many many memories as I do. Having that one 100 percent stable thing in my life..
I always stop what I’m doing to watch Kati’s videos! I am actually just about to graduate with my undergrad degree and start the Clinical Mental Health master’s program in May with a focus in children. People always ask me how I do it and I can’t really explain it other than I feel like it’s my calling and children need me. I look back at my childhood and thank a few special people who were there through my life’s traumas and hope to be that in a child’s life in the future. Thank you Kati for all the knowledge and good vibes you share with us you are so appreciated! Cannot wait to read your book I just ordered it! ❤️
Carley, I can identify with your post! Thank you for sharing! It sounds like your heart is on the right path and that you will surely make difference on this world! I love her videos too and I'm currently half way through my masters for Clinical Counseling for behavioral mental health! I also felt/feel like it's my calling and want to work with children :)! I say this to encourage you on pursing your career journey! I'm sure you will love the program! Congratulations on finding your passion!!!
Thank you Kati! In all my relationships I've been wanting to help all of my partners with their struggles, when it actually was myself I tried to help all the time. I haven't felt this "light", or the burdens off my shoulders... like all of my life. Just going back in time, and standing up for myself made me really cry and feel whole again. This is amazing, thank you!
4:00 what is sad is when we don't just invalidate our younger self but all children's experiences and feelings obviously because that's how we perceive the childhood experience in a calloused way
Hi Katie. You talk about the importance and necessity of a good safe relationship with a therapist to do inner child work and healing trauma. And you aslo recommend talking with our inner child by ourselves at a safe place. As i understand it there are different aspects of this work, f.ex, 1; getting an understanding and different perspectives of what it is and how it can be done, how it works, how to aproach and deal with what comes up etc.. 2; Doing it, which involves being fully present with ourselves. If we're potentially able to be fully present with ourselves at home or another "safe space", and only WE can meet ourselves fully, no one else can do that for us. It seems that a the therapist could be needed for both of these, but also none of these. Whats the therapists role in this? What exactly do we need it for, why is it required? And what can or even should be done by ourselves? Whats the difference of a therapist supporting us doing the work, and doing the work for us? If we actually need a therapist or a recipient being present and accepting of our stories, emotions and experiences, isn't that doing what we should do for ourselves?
I think this is best done with EMDR because then I was able to use the concepts of containment and safe place or safe object safe person to be able to tap into resources to help that younger child when I was feeling so vulnerable so that I felt more empowered afterwards.
As my favorite television psychiatrist Andrea (Unbreakable Kimmy Schimdt) says, “Daytime me is like, ‘This is a process, this takes time.’ But actually, it’s always the parents. Always. They fug you up.” I adore my parents and I'm also grateful I have a second family where we just took the horses and ran amok! Plenty of traumas have been part of my life but also enough pink baby blankets have covered me. Love you Kati! xoxoxoxoxox
An external close person who can be the person to do or say what I needed to hear helped me a ton...also roleplay in a virtual space like Second Life helps a ton because my avatar and look and RP the age of my inner self virtually putting her or not putting her in past situations and experience healthy interactions
OMG I'm doing EXACTLY this for the past few months, getting out of a codependent relationship and struggling to deal with my inner child and not thrusting it onto other people. Thank you Katie!
You made me realize that I've been replaying all of the videogames my younger self played because I never had someone help me with something I had trouble solving. I'm showing up for myself by helping my inner child solve their hard problems.
I had a difficult time forgiving my parents. However when I thought about my parents upbringing I realize that their mom and dad we're not very effective at grooming and preparing them for adulthood. It was then I was able to accept my parents shortcomings and forgive them unconditionally. Forgiving my parents unconditionally healed my emotional wounds and shed the emotional burden and pretty much eliminated my emotional vulnerability. Great topic and great video
Hi Katie, love your video as usual! I’ve had emotional abusive parents and still live at home with them (I’m 22) and I’m currently in therapy. I think sometimes I need to talk to my younger self and journal to get in touch with her but outside of therapy I’m afraid to do it. Like i feel anxious about journaling or thinking about my childhood because I don’ t want to deal with those emotions and so it’s just really hard. Anyway thank you for covering this subject
Hey Greta! I'm 20 and dealing with the same thing! I know it's scary to deal with your emotions like that out of a therapy room. Maybe you can find a nice park or somewhere quiet where you can feel safe, or explore your inner child with someone else you feel safe with that isn't your therapist.
Just got your book in the mail, literally opened it and gave it to my sister before she went home and ordered my second copy!!! Amazing prime isn’t fast enough!!!
Sarilyn Young Don’t forget to leave positive reviews online! (Written reviews are the best 😉) Checkout Goodreads.com Amazon.com & give a 👍 on Google!!!
Dr. John Bradshaw introduced the “inner child” to me years ago. I then unraveled for various reasons and have now been going back to the young me again with even more advice and guidance. Everyone should try it.
I was introduced to inner child work about 30 years as a Mathematics undergraduate. A friend of mine was studying Sociology but for some reason she did a module on inner child work which she found fascinating enough to introduce me to it. At the time I was not sure what to make of it but now I am keen to learn more.
i need a lot of this. many of my behaviors now are a reflection if what i went through as a child. i had a pretty supportive family for the most part, besides the fact that they never believed in mental disorders and that i was just being a kid with a phase. it was my school peers that were the biggest problem. and now i have so many things that haunt me every day because of it. thank you for this channel. its been very enlightening and educational. its helping me take the steps to get into therapy. 💜from pennsylvania
Hey Kati, I started watching your videos not too long ago and I just want to say thank you. ❤️ Life has been difficult and I don’t have a therapist at the moment so just watching you and practicing the coping skills you put out there has really helped to keep me grounded. 😌
Quick topic suggestion before I dive into this video, I'd love for you to do a video on attachment and shame that can come from feeling attached, even in a healthy way, and how we can overcome that when it interferes in therapy. It's like a catch 22, you want to overcome your fear of attachment so you go to therapy, but you're ashamed of feeling attached to your therapist so you can't open up. Would really appreciate hearing your perspective. It's, uh *cough* for a friend. 🤣
This! It’s so head screwy.. Feeling a secure nurturing attachment is all I want in the world, but my mind throws a ton of defences in the road so can’t get anywhere close... 🤬❤️
That helps me a lot, thank you. I’ve just found out that I don’t want to have any things because my step dad had taken my toys out of my room when he was still a stranger and I was 6 and didn’t understand anymore. It was the beginning of a 12 year long struggle to leave my mother’s and step father’s apartment to go away and back to my dad.
I’ve just started some ‘inner child work’ this past week in therapy. Talk about a hard session, in fact, my session went an hour over my usual time of 1hr! I had no sense of time passing either. I’ve been in therapy off/on since I was 14 years old. (Diagnosed with PTSD, Complicated Grief, Dissociation and flashbacks) It’s taken all these years to find a therapist I feel comfortable opening up too about my trauma. This video was very well timed! Thanks, Katie! Oh and GO HABS GO! 🔵⚪️🔴
I’m a single mom doing everything on my own, so when my mom tells me she doesn’t want to help me in anyway I’m reminded of when I was a child and she didn’t nurture me or help me in anyway. I have a lot of trauma I’m dealing with and I really need help coping with it.
An interesting case study That kind of vouches for the value of inner child work: My grandfather has always been a very grumpy, mean person. He’s also very anxious and restrictive. He doesn’t like change, and he was generally abusive to my mom when she was younger. We knew his father was an abusive alcoholic, so we figured that’s why he turned out the way he did. He’s become nicer now that he’s 88. He almost died last year from a heart attack, and in a separate incident had to have half of his foot amputated. My mom has been his biggest caregiver. A few weeks ago he let it slip to my mom that when he was a kid, around 5 or 6, he witnessed a murder. He was with his cousin and (I think his older cousin?) when someone they knew came in and shot his older cousin in the head. He bled out and died right in front of my grandpa. Nothing was done justice wise because the murderer was related to the judge, and they played off of the fact that the only witnesses were two little kids. He’d never told my mom or any of her siblings about this. Obviously he never had gotten help.
You mentioned something about telling your child self things that you wished you heard like "I see you" and "I hear you". It reminds me of the book you mention often, 'The Emotionally Absent Mother'. I didn't even get past the first chapter. I read about the 'Good Mother messages' and I just started tearing up on the train because I was reading it on my commute (not a good idea but I didn't expect it to affect me that much) and I put it down. Things like "I'm glad that you're here", "Your needs are important to me. You can turn to me for help" and "I'll keep you safe". I never heard those things from my parents and I know I never will. I haven't revisited and it's been months but I definitely should. I can totally see why you'd go through this with a therapist or at least, someone who cares about you a lot. A lot of tears and maybe anger too. A story is a good idea, it could help us see things from a different perspective. Maybe even a more objective one.
I did it using my drawings and then writing my “then feelings” and experiences with my left hand . It was so interesting how real things illuminated and I got tremendous healing. Pretty grateful . For me I had available ego strength and a very knowledgeable therapist . I think it was the most important work I have done, and I’ve done some yrs of work. I’m a therapist and have worked with children for yrs. love your videos your clear and I’m sure helping many ! Bless you. 😊
I just want take a sexond to thank you Kati for making all of your videos. I find them very informative and helpful. Also I don’t know why but I find your voice soo smoothing and it never fails to calm me down. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Thank you for the info. I did my Inner Child workshop and mentoring with The Inner Council and it was amazing and continues to shift my life in new ways! Blessings to you all. :)
As my Social Psychology professor used to say “Nature vs. Nurture: either way it’s your parents’ fault!”
hahah!!! I've never heard that, but it is true!
Ive read this when I studied Physchology.
That’s hilarious
That made me laugh
😂😂 this is why I will never have kids..
"I see you" and "I hear you" made me cry. I guess that was something I needed to hear. My whole life I've had family and friends always minimizing my feelings, even after traumatic events. Then they wonder why at 32 years old I'm unemployed and struggling with MDD, SAD and GAD.
SileneKitty - totally agree xx
Sorry you've been through that with people. Know that you are a strong, courageous person to cope with that and still be true to yourself. Hugs.
Do some therapy if you've not already. It'll work wonders, I promise.
@@hockeymom49721 Man I was in such a bad place 2 months ago. I've had about 7 years of therapy and medication with mixed results. I keep relapsing into a major depression but on the bright side I'm currently in the recovery phase from this last one :D
@@SileneKitty I'm glad you're taking care of you, that's important. I'm currently wanting to dive pretty deeply into this whole inner child thing because at 45 years old, I'm tired of feeling like my life has been amounting to nothing but a loveless pile of crap. I'll make it, this I know.
Inner child work is one of the hardest, weirdest and best things I've had to do in therapy!
Too broke for therapy , what did you do
@@freshness4214 theres a good book by felix economakis called nlp take charge of your life. V good explanation of inner child work. I've been doing years of CBT which I found a load of bolox. Made me feel awful. Inner child work is good.
92Kels I can relate. I mean, I thought everybody had the same life that I did growing up, but when we got our first lab top then I saw how other people lived in you tube, I was amazed as to how different my youth was. Not bad, it was scary sometimes, but sometimes very adventurous & other times even magical, but I realize now the entire my Aunt Joan was there to protect me. She really was.
How long does it take?
What were some steps to take?
My words to younger me is you will never be alone again. I'm here. I'm sobbing
That was POWERFUL. My heart immediately responded after reading your comment. Thank you for sharing that.❤
Same.
I am crying with you . Same here
After reading this comment, tears came to my eyes. It’s hard to say those words and mean it. I have neglected myself for so long because I change my personality based on the man that is in my life.
I really needed to read that comment.
It took me four years and eight months to complete my inner child healing, be patient with yourself. I love doing activities I enjoyed as a child like playing jenga.
Patricia the booke thank you 😊
Hey. What did you do. "4 years and 8 months", thats pretty accurate. Sounds like you had a calender or kept track of what you were doing and had a routine. Its hard for me to experience the strong emotions from the past. The mind naturally suppresses it. Ive tried meditating. Maybe i havent stuck with it long enough but i still have trouble getting over the pain someone has caused me in the past.
Brandon Asif Brandon Asif Brandon Asif try to ask yourself why you feel pain now and work yourself up from there, what are the bad emotions you feel right now and what are they provoked by specifically, which behaviours, where they your parents or somebody else? Where they narcissistic or had some kind of personal disorder, it personally helped me a lot understanding the feelings I have right now, I fell like it’s fundamental for you to understand specifically what went wrong along the road to improve, before you take any action try to understand what went wrong. most importantly get out of any relationship that makes you feel bad(I haven’t done that myself, work in progress), and truly love yourself, that would be my suggestion, last part sounds stupid but couldn’t be further from the truth...last thing, one thing that helped me a lot is watching interactions of truly loving parents on TH-cam and staff like this it might sound weird but it really makes you understand the depth of how wrong you might have been raised by your parents and how it should have been like on a regular basis, it will even help you remember more about your childhood and about how badly you might have been treated on an average day without having done nothing bad to deserve it...watch the TH-cam channel gilstrap tv, at the end of the pranks he alway has vlogs with his daughter. This is very recent for me.
Hopes this helps✌🏾
How did u do it ?
And I love collage and decoupage ! It makes me peaceful. My dad pointed out that it is a child school activity. True haha
To whoever is watching this video, I wish you peace, love, and happiness for you journey. You are every bit deserving of all those things. Blessings.
Thank you so much, I need that encouragement
I think of inner child work as self parenting. Knowing how to care for yourself is huge. I had to basically learn how to parent a small child. By doing that I was able to heal pass trauma. It really does work. Huge life changer.
When I am in a situation that requires it, I visualize my terrified child self, then current day me comforting (child) while saying ‘I got you’. it signals ‘I got US’ so we are both comforted. It’s amazing how well it’s worked.
I've done my inner child healing for 20 years. I enjoyed the journey of doing and redoing/ re-experiencing things that I needed to do, always wanted to do. Revisiting places, foods, candy, games, toys, books, TV shows. My last piece of work was last Christmas when I put up my own 7 foot tree for the first time. I kept re-decorating all winter it until it was perfect. Played my playlist of songs all winter. I also sent loads of gifts to my nieces because I needed that experience of giving and seeing children happy. Seeing myself in them too.
Closed Captions are in English, Spanish and Portuguese!! :)
Kati Morton hello
Kati Morton thank you for this video. I really appreciate it
Thank you for including captions!!!
Kati Morton Muito obrigada:) I am Brazilian and I loveeee your channel! Thanks dear:)
What about Arabic language ?❤😍
From: Qatar 😌
I did this with my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, it was very intense and I cried a lot, but it was also so liberating to be able to listen to this scared and sad child inside me and finally give her the reassurance she needed
I listened to an inner child healing meditation recently. I sobbed and sobbed! It was really quite painful, but having reflected on it, I’m now doing an ICT diploma, so I can re-parent myself.
@@key2confidencewithpatsyhol631 do you happen to have a link to the podcast you listened to?
Cried just reading this! I need this so bad. It's seeping out of every adult being I have in my body, so child like! 😢
I helped my inner child by start listening to myself. To be my own guardian, my own inner childs parent.
Her white and gold shirt is so pretty😍
Thats blue
Blue and black
angela rudd ???its white and gold???
Laurel
Yanny
One therapist to another these videos are so amazing and so important. THANK YOU!!
Awe thank you for taking the time to leave a nice comment :) xxo
I 100% percent agree I'm getting my masters in social work next year and these videos are extremely helpful
Kati Morton you’re doing amazing work! I suggested your videos to one of my old professors because they are so well done and informative! 😁
Thank you so much for this! Last year I started doing this but I always had a hard time explaining to other people what I was doing. This healing process came to me intuitively.
When I'm in my healing space I see myself as 4 different people: my child self, my teenage self, my present self, my wise future self. I started this as an act of self love.
My current self helps my child self heal past traumas. i am the super hero I wish I had. I am the adult I needed for love. I fill the void of the loneliest I had.
My current self looks to my child self for grounding. My child self has a pure happiness and love towards life. She forgives with her heart. She reminds me where my roots are.
My future self is who I lean on for wisdom. She's gone through what I have but came out with a presence of thankfulness and love. She's empathetic to the upmost degree because she's been through what I have been through.
My teenage self leans on my current self for hope for a better future. I still have a lot of stuff to heal from back then.
As someone who has struggled with self worth, body image issues, depression, anxiety, low confidence, and sexual abuse I am thankful for this type of healing technique.
Last year I made a video to my child self as a way to express myself. It has like 100 views lol. If anyone is interested, maybe it can inspire someone to help their child self heal, too: th-cam.com/video/WiK27oD0jH4/w-d-xo.html
I have issues with binge eating, and your video made me feel I should first try to look at my child trauma instead of trying to fix my eating issue alone.
You talk about having patients getting in touch with their child self before any trauma, but what if they have no memories of life before trauma? (i.e. trauma is their earliest memory?)
1Eilatan I was also wondering this same thing.
1Eilatan, check out Peter Levine’s work: Somatic Experiencing as well as Bessel vanDerkolk’s work. Pete Walker is also a great resource. Please don’t give up. Thinking of you.🙏🏻
that's exactly how i felt/wondered when i heard "getting in touch with the child self before trauma" ... :(
@Gary Pfeifer Any specific recs?
Try meditation, inner child meditations will help. Look up Dr Friedemann Schaub. He has an EXCELLENT meditation that helped me start the work. Just stick with it and don't sabotage yourself like I did because I stopped but I'm working on it again which is why I'm here.
It’s okay to be afraid. Or really sad. I’m here. Your feelings matter. I love you forever. You’re safe. I like you. It’s going to be okay.
Love these, thanks
Those affirmations you mentioned made me cry immediately. I needed to hear those as a child. So badly.
I agree with this so much. I got kind of bullied at high school - it wasn't as severe as what some people go through, just teasing, name-calling, people not letting me sit with them ect, but it was incredibly upsetting at the time. The thing is, it was the entire school, and I was basically seen as the weirdo of my year-group. Because of that, I had very few friends, and those I did have I pushed away eventually because of lack of self-esteem. It didn't feel like a big thing at the time, but I'm realising now how traumatising it was, and I missed out on a lot of teenage experiences because of it all - I never got invited to parties, never had anyone to hang out with at school, never had my first kiss ect. I'm 21 now, and I'm still trying to unlearn a lot of the negative lessons my brain taught me - like that I'm not worthy of having friends, and that I'd be inflicting myself on people. I still feel a lot younger than I am - I still haven't had a lot of those teenage experiences, and I'm honestly not that interested in a lot of the typical 20s lifestyle. I'm just happy learning to make friends and to trust people again, and gradually catching up, and I get a massive sense of achievement just from small things, like finding people I can really talk to, or going to the cinema with friends. I still feel like a 14-year-old in a lot of ways, and that's fine - I'll catch up in the end, but right now working on myself is much more important and I'm really proud of how I'm doing :)
This therapist is on the notification squad. 🙌🏽 trauma work is so important. Great topic as always ❤️
Yay!!! Woot woot!! xoxo
MsDeeskie I so need to ask what is the notification squad?
Carolyn McMillan Emily-Kate Ice Skating it means I have notifications on so I can be here to see the video when posted :)
MsDeeskie ahhh sorry I’m being dumb xx
MsDeeskie also on notifications:)
I do have childhood trauma but the biggest thing I like inner child work for.. and heck just being around kids of the same age.. is guidance and perspective. Like my parents were super flaky and couldn't teach me some of those calm and secure self soothing things. I can do that for my inner children. I babysat for a little 7 year old girl and that helped me see that she didn't have control over herself. Not her arms and legs, not her thinking.. nothing. I was judging myself based on being an adult. She taught me that my 7 year old couldn't have stopped anything from happening. She helped me let go of a lot of guilt.
before i went into therapy i was doing this and retraumatized myself. don't attempt to do it if you're not ready and if you don't have any support/validation. just a tip. (just like kati said)
I cried so hard when you said 'I see you',in regards to child work. The 3 words would have changed SO MUCH
Wow, ok. I started crying watching this 😮 especially at the part with telling your younger self that you're here and love them.
Maybe I should dig more into that 😰
I have a baby journal/little girl journal I use it totally helps. I'm not only healing, but learning: why I act the way I do, connecting my dots, at times it's painful when i make a connection or find a hidden memory. It also leads to angry. My therapist thought this was a great idea.
My go to it "I got you", I see you.
I do therapy with psychiatrist and we work a lot with the inner child. We try to secure it and be like a healthy parent. It's quite effective :)
Thank you so much for posting this! I have terrible childhood trauma.
Your videos help me a lot! I’m a broke college student that can’t afford therapy so your videos really are appreciated
Awe I am so glad that I can be a helpful resource when you need it!!! xoxo
Some colleges offer therapy at a free or reduced rate based on your income. It's definitely worth looking into. When I was a very broke student, I could still get free and low cost therapy. Good luck!
I'm going to therapy for free through my health insurance. You should look into different options that you can possibly do.
I don't see counselors talking about this kind of work anywhere near enough. Thank you so much, Kati!
I'm 43 going on 78 and have struggled with depression / anxiety my entire life. It wasn't until I turned 40 that I had my first panic attack. Watching this video brings up memories and feelings that I've spent my life suppressing. I have so much guilt and shame that I know have come from childhood, but it's terrifying to confront my inner child. Trust is a big issue for me, so that will need to be addressed with my therapist. Thank you Kati for all you do for us.
I used to listen to the song All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera when I was a teenager whenever I felt alone or fearful or abandoned. It was my little substitute for unconditional love. Music and art have been what I find to be the most healing and inspiring things in the world to this day.
I did the same ❤ it is a very comforting and beautiful song. I used to imagine they were singing to me.
I can't remember a time before my trauma started, but I found I was able to connect with my child self through doing talking to her at the time I was afraid and felt alone. I started letting myself enjoy the things he took away from me -- friends, making art, singing, writing in a journal. Things that were expressive or that took an iota of confidence to do or that might let somebody know what was going on. I haven't had anyone do this with me continually as I moved around a lot. Hoping my new trama therapist can do this with me some more on top of DBT work. I still feel a void, and try to make things better or happier for others, and I think our culture nurtures guilt in wanting to do anything for ourselves.
I agree with you about how American culture kind of makes one feel guilt for doing things for ourselves. How can someone take care of someone else if we don't take care of ourselves?
Thank you for all your work, Kati. I’m being my own therapist right now because my intense people pleasing is making me start to deeply resent myself but I have no experience with therapy at 28 and am at this point feeling like it’ll be impossible to find a therapist I honestly connect with. Part of my extreme guard that I really want to work on, but so many people’s visions of the world feel so far from my own that I don’t know if I am physically and spiritually capable of letting them poke around in the deep recesses of my mind. Getting started has been so freaking hard. Anyway, it’s so nice to have things come up and get to search through your amazing collection of videos to find guidance. And your podcasts. And to even just be able to leave this comment and feel connected to others who may understand. Just truly, thank you! 💛
I've become more comfortable with the recesses of my mind. When shared, people do not respond well, but it's not our job to protect them. It's our job to be open with who we are, and when that happens, the world becomes a more interesting place.
Been through a lot of trauma. Looking back I blocked it all out thinking I was strong. I need love and attention. Peace and love always and everywhere
I seriously have so much love for you Kati, you really kill it at your job . I'm so glad there are people like you to understand humans on a very connected level
You explained this so well! I was breaking down about my first semester of college finals this week...but more stressed than usual. Finding the root of the root led me back to my younger self & I’m working to heal it through exploration...can’t wait to be home to really solve the problem :) so empowering & hopeful 💕 AND I GET YOUR BOOK THIS WEEK...can’t wait!
I am so glad it made sense and was helpful!!! Yay!! and I hope you love my book!! xoxo
I have done inner child work with a therapist and I didn't even know that is what it was called until this video. I was in toxic relationships and in going back to a time with my mom and dad I realized as my adult self that I wanted my mom to leave. It was profound. Thank you for another amazing topic and for helping so many of us stay working towards a healthy mind.
I have done decades of work with my inner child parts. The safer I help them feel, the better they feel about working with me. I noticed many years ago that my hands seemed to want to talk (they act like they are speaking sign language). I believe they simply don't feel safe enough yet to work with me, although I do talk to them and try to help them understand that we are grown up now and it is safe for them to say what they want to say. I also talk what I call gibberish from time to time. I believe it is the same as with my hands and that language will come one day. Recently I discovered that the hands felt bad because of things they were made to touch when we were very little. I think the hands and the gibberish may have developed because we were preverbal when the abuse began. When trauma occurs during infancy, before we learn language, it can sometimes take a long time to piece together symptoms and flashbacks, etc. and to make sense of it all because memories are very different when you don't have words to express them, but we (my parts and I) are doing well and we will keep on working together.
Kati this is absolutely incredible. I am really struggling with my anxiety and depression right now, I'm in a bit of a dark place, and needing to start therapy back up again. I loved the work I did with my therapist regarding my inner child. It was the most precious thing to be able to change the story, and just for a moment protect myself from that trauma. This is really wonderful, thank you. 💕
I am so sorry you are struggling right now.. and I hope getting back into therapy pulls you back out of that dark place. xoxo I am glad this video was helpful!! xoxo
Thank you so much!!! I appreciate you taking time out of your day to reply to us, you're so wonderful!!!
inner child work is some of the hardest work i've ever done but worth it
Hi
Can you tell me your experience and which method or methods you used please?
Thanks
@Ken can you tell us how you did it?
How did that help
I’m a psychology student and also someone who is exploring recovery and wellness after years of being very unwell. I’m beginning inner child therapy and it’s very powerful. This has been a beautiful and painful journey, but I definitely feel like myself again. Thank you for making videos like this. As a psychology student and a patient, I’m so grateful for mental health advocates like you ❤️
This was very well explained. I wish I knew what to expect when my inner child emerged, because it kind of freaked me out. However, it was one of the most powerfully healing experiences and afterwards I felt like a whole person and not in pieces any more. Thank you.
cute. pink blanket
honestly, persons seeking answers have had worse trauma. the comment made it immediately ridiculous.
You remind me of my therapist she is amazing! She’s not covered by my insurance anymore so I’ve been dealing with it on my own. You are a wonderful soul thank you for helping people!
I had a very striking revelation earlier today while I was stuck in traffic on my way home. I'm a middle child, my sister is 6 years younger than me and my brother is 5 years older and also he has a different dad.
My brother loves to try to reminisce about our childhood (and my mom to, to an extent) but I *never* remember the things that he talks about. There was even a time that my mom was talking about a weekend vacation we took one time and I had absolutely no recollection of this vacation whatsoever. And then it hit me today that I have huge, massive gaps in my memory because of all the shit I forced myself to block out and forget from my childhood but my siblings don't because my sister was too young and my brother was away at his dad's house. I have absolutely no idea what all I've blocked out and even the thought of trying to figure it out is terrifying.
Am I the only teenager that enjoys her videos?
Btw, can you do a video on how divorce affects children/teenagers?
Sofía Vélez there are people from every age group in this community but I’d say that mid to late teens is the biggest one. Also, check out this video Kati did on divorce! th-cam.com/video/BwNGpf3cfcc/w-d-xo.html
Sofía Vélez 13
TK thanks!
I’m here
I love her videos and I think they've given me more awareness and helped my recovery a lot!
This has nothing to do with anything, but I absolutely LOVE how you always say Welcome! So cheerful and happy! I LOVE it!!
I have a lot of inner children. For the past 2.5 months, I have been working in trauma therapy nurturing the youngest three. I would spend as much time as they needed to hear them out and comfort them/let them comfort me. After a comfort session with them last week they got up, merged together and became an older (adult?), confident being that no longer needed my assistance. They hung around in the background for 3 or 4 days, but now I can't find them anymore. I know it needed to happen but am struggling with the sadness of missing them. I also know this will get better with time, I just didn't see this coming.
This is one of the advantages of being a writer. I can write stories that help me heal my pain.
My therapist had me recall memories from my childhood in vlog form, Only I watch these videos of me just recalling memories, but I would talk to him about them later. It unearthed all the stuff I had purposely buried because I couldn’t handle the emotions of the traumas, but it helped me forgive my younger self and fully understand why I act the way I do today
I clearly remember me as a child and one of my family said "you embarrassed me". Now I get anxiety about any kind of socializing and what to wear and what to say. I don't want to embarrass anyone 😭 I was a happy class clown before
I am recovering from
Alcohol addiction and 7 yrs in its difficult to learn to live without artificial stabilizers .. I love God and I want to be committed but my subconscious which I presume is from my childhood and it seems to make sense keeps flailing up with self sabatoge when. Fear and … who knows enters my sphere and I don’t drink but I definitely digress (tears ).
I guess I need to do this work .. I am 62 and life is short and I am willing I guess but my goodness is it worth it , it seems unless I do there is no hope to find a different outcome
I believe it is necessary but I also believe I am ticked because I have to…
Thank you for your channel
Let’s work !’
I found a good starting place is to acknowledge our tendency towards the utilitarian approach.
Once I started noticing the agendas that spurred to mind where my inner child was concerned, no wonder the child 'didn't come out to play', when I'd only call upon it to check things off my list, like 'healing this or that trauma', 'squeezing out some creativity' and so on.
It came to me that I should perhaps consider it as a wild creature and make sure I leave bait for it to come and nourish on, to draw it out in the open.
But then I connected to how I'd feel if everytime someone called upon me, it's 'because they need something' and I saw that it felt crumby. This is how I knew it's yet another agenda to leave the food as bait as if I were setting a trap.
So I decided to befriend it. Truly befriend it, like create space and make time for 'us' to spend time together. I started leaving things around my room, for me to get creative with and chose moments of the evening to allow myself to be playful for the sake of it, not to draw out something that would give me some edge in an ego-based perception of competition.
So yeah, for those like me who may be seeking to nurture a relationship with the inner child, this is a welcome contemplation.
thank you for all your hard work
I really appreciate all the consideration you put into your videos
^_^ much love x
I LOVE this. I think a lot of people discount psychoanalysis just because of the weird side of it. But it really is SO important to get in touch with our past to help us make connections with who we are and why we are the way they are.
I’ve just started this it’s very slow work because I’ve burried it so bloody deep. I used to think therapy didn’t work. We started marriage counselling and our therapist is like soooo good. It’s like she knows me better than I know myself. I now have individual therapy with her because I have sooo much stuff to deal with. She has totally changed my opinion on thearpy
I’m still working on not dissociating when even vaguely mentioning traumatic memories. I can’t wait until I can do work like this with my therapist!
4:00 I'm 55yrs and finally validating my childhood CPTSD events with my therapist. I used to invalidate them 😢
Thank you for the explanation. I was not aware of "inner child work" until my child showed up while meditating. Spoke soothing words to the hurt kiddo and very strange things occured. My memories became reframed and I saw my parents in a much more compassionate light. That feels good btw :). Your explanation of the modality is excellent in other words.
Your example of loosing your blanket reminded me of something that happened to me. When I was in first grade, I got lice and my mom bagged up all of my stuffed "friends" / blankets and put them in the shed. After a month they got moldy and she threw them all out. I forgot how devastating that was to 6 year-old me.
honestly that sounds awful even at an adult level, it's a vastly unfortunate series of events :( i'm sorry you had to go through that
Yeah I remember I had lots of teddies as a kid and they had so much dust on them I got a chest infection. The doctor told us to freeze the teddies for a few days to kiss the bacteria. That's interesting and I never thought about it too much!
I'm in a psychdrama therapy group and it helped me to face my aggressive father as an adult on stage and protect my inner child against him. Now I know I don't have to be afraid of him anymore, even if my inner child is still afraid of rejection in relationships. So the work goes on...
I recently did emdr with my therapist using a childhood little t and was surprised to remember how anxious I felt at the time. Before, I had never even considered it as anything important. But delving back into it opened a floodgate and since then I’ve been feeeeling so much more. I’d gotten used to just being numb and it feels good to finally cry some things out.
Inner child work is truly some of the most moving and motivating thing I’ve done. Crying bc I finally tell that little girl I was back then that I love her. That she was enough. And that I did an AMAZING job raising her in a sense.
oooof , glad you mentioned the need of feeling safe with the therapist, I got told on my first appointment we were doing that on the next few sessions, ended up finding a new therapist
A woman of great intelligence. Thanks for helping others. You are a blessing to humanity.
My inner child seems to run the show at least 70% of the time, the grown up is nowhere to be seen... Thank you for being on the money kati, your fab! 🌟
This is more important as people can fathom. Please make series on inner child work. I do a program that focuses incredibly on Inner Child work. Thank you for this video. 🌹🌹🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️
I can't even remember anything before the age of 12 and i'm only 21
Me too
Hey, me too! I start remembering from around my 13th year and I know I've been like this already when I was around 18-19, now I'm 25 and still can't remember... I have few memories from before that, but way less than my friends. It's weird when people tell me big things about my childhood and I seriously have no memory of any of it.
I remember lots of stuff but not it all. I realized this when my therapist asked me who was home when I got home from school, my parents schedule, did we have dinner together, did they ask about my day etc, and I'm like... "I actually have NO idea".
@@JewishGirlRox you're supposed to remember stuff like that? Shit, I have no chance 😂
@@fiikahlo Most people do apparently. I have friends who remember less. I had a really good friend with a stable home from the age of 4-14, so I think that is a reason I do have as many many memories as I do. Having that one 100 percent stable thing in my life..
I always stop what I’m doing to watch Kati’s videos! I am actually just about to graduate with my undergrad degree and start the Clinical Mental Health master’s program in May with a focus in children. People always ask me how I do it and I can’t really explain it other than I feel like it’s my calling and children need me. I look back at my childhood and thank a few special people who were there through my life’s traumas and hope to be that in a child’s life in the future. Thank you Kati for all the knowledge and good vibes you share with us you are so appreciated! Cannot wait to read your book I just ordered it! ❤️
Carley, I can identify with your post! Thank you for sharing! It sounds like your heart is on the right path and that you will surely make difference on this world! I love her videos too and I'm currently half way through my masters for Clinical Counseling for behavioral mental health! I also felt/feel like it's my calling and want to work with children :)! I say this to encourage you on pursing your career journey! I'm sure you will love the program! Congratulations on finding your passion!!!
Thank you Kati! In all my relationships I've been wanting to help all of my partners with their struggles, when it actually was myself I tried to help all the time. I haven't felt this "light", or the burdens off my shoulders... like all of my life. Just going back in time, and standing up for myself made me really cry and feel whole again. This is amazing, thank you!
4:00 what is sad is when we don't just invalidate our younger self but all children's experiences and feelings obviously because that's how we perceive the childhood experience in a calloused way
Hi Katie. You talk about the importance and necessity of a good safe relationship with a therapist to do inner child work and healing trauma. And you aslo recommend talking with our inner child by ourselves at a safe place. As i understand it there are different aspects of this work, f.ex, 1; getting an understanding and different perspectives of what it is and how it can be done, how it works, how to aproach and deal with what comes up etc.. 2; Doing it, which involves being fully present with ourselves. If we're potentially able to be fully present with ourselves at home or another "safe space", and only WE can meet ourselves fully, no one else can do that for us. It seems that a the therapist could be needed for both of these, but also none of these. Whats the therapists role in this? What exactly do we need it for, why is it required? And what can or even should be done by ourselves? Whats the difference of a therapist supporting us doing the work, and doing the work for us? If we actually need a therapist or a recipient being present and accepting of our stories, emotions and experiences, isn't that doing what we should do for ourselves?
I think this is best done with EMDR because then I was able to use the concepts of containment and safe place or safe object safe person to be able to tap into resources to help that younger child when I was feeling so vulnerable so that I felt more empowered afterwards.
Thank you so much for sharing!! This is so helpful :) xoxo
That’s a good point! I will be starting this with my psychologist next week :-)
please please please make more videos like these I desperately need them
As my favorite television psychiatrist Andrea (Unbreakable Kimmy Schimdt) says, “Daytime me is like, ‘This is a process, this takes time.’ But actually, it’s always the parents. Always. They fug you up.” I adore my parents and I'm also grateful I have a second family where we just took the horses and ran amok! Plenty of traumas have been part of my life but also enough pink baby blankets have covered me. Love you Kati! xoxoxoxoxox
Thank you Kati for creating this wonderful video. Thank you for explaining what inner child work is. Thank you for giving me some tools to use.
An external close person who can be the person to do or say what I needed to hear helped me a ton...also roleplay in a virtual space like Second Life helps a ton because my avatar and look and RP the age of my inner self virtually putting her or not putting her in past situations and experience healthy interactions
OMG I'm doing EXACTLY this for the past few months, getting out of a codependent relationship and struggling to deal with my inner child and not thrusting it onto other people. Thank you Katie!
This is not silly it is what I have been doing before watching these videos. This is great keep up the good work
So good Kati. Working through childhood trauma myself and DID. Love your videos!
You made me realize that I've been replaying all of the videogames my younger self played because I never had someone help me with something I had trouble solving. I'm showing up for myself by helping my inner child solve their hard problems.
I had a difficult time forgiving my parents. However when I thought about my parents upbringing I realize that their mom and dad we're not very effective at grooming and preparing them for adulthood. It was then I was able to accept my parents shortcomings and forgive them unconditionally. Forgiving my parents unconditionally healed my emotional wounds and shed the emotional burden and pretty much eliminated my emotional vulnerability.
Great topic and great video
This is actually really beautiful, powerful, inspiring and healing. I'd love to have a therapist that could guide me through this technique.
I’m so grateful to have found this channel. You’re so helpful and informative. Thanks for continuing to provide us with wonderful content
Hi Katie, love your video as usual!
I’ve had emotional abusive parents and still live at home with them (I’m 22) and I’m currently in therapy.
I think sometimes I need to talk to my younger self and journal to get in touch with her but outside of therapy I’m afraid to do it. Like i feel anxious about journaling or thinking about my childhood because I don’ t want to deal with those emotions and so it’s just really hard.
Anyway thank you for covering this subject
Hey Greta! I'm 20 and dealing with the same thing! I know it's scary to deal with your emotions like that out of a therapy room. Maybe you can find a nice park or somewhere quiet where you can feel safe, or explore your inner child with someone else you feel safe with that isn't your therapist.
Just got your book in the mail, literally opened it and gave it to my sister before she went home and ordered my second copy!!! Amazing prime isn’t fast enough!!!
Sarilyn Young Don’t forget to leave positive reviews online! (Written reviews are the best 😉) Checkout Goodreads.com Amazon.com & give a 👍 on Google!!!
Dr. John Bradshaw introduced the “inner child” to me years ago. I then unraveled for various reasons and have now been going back to the young me again with even more advice and guidance. Everyone should try it.
I was introduced to inner child work about 30 years as a Mathematics undergraduate. A friend of mine was studying Sociology but for some reason she did a module on inner child work which she found fascinating enough to introduce me to it. At the time I was not sure what to make of it but now I am keen to learn more.
i need a lot of this. many of my behaviors now are a reflection if what i went through as a child. i had a pretty supportive family for the most part, besides the fact that they never believed in mental disorders and that i was just being a kid with a phase. it was my school peers that were the biggest problem. and now i have so many things that haunt me every day because of it.
thank you for this channel. its been very enlightening and educational. its helping me take the steps to get into therapy. 💜from pennsylvania
Hey Kati, I started watching your videos not too long ago and I just want to say thank you. ❤️
Life has been difficult and I don’t have a therapist at the moment so just watching you and practicing the coping skills you put out there has really helped to keep me grounded. 😌
I love the "welcome!" At the beginning of your videos. It's so sweet and makes me feel happy for a second 😊
Quick topic suggestion before I dive into this video, I'd love for you to do a video on attachment and shame that can come from feeling attached, even in a healthy way, and how we can overcome that when it interferes in therapy. It's like a catch 22, you want to overcome your fear of attachment so you go to therapy, but you're ashamed of feeling attached to your therapist so you can't open up. Would really appreciate hearing your perspective. It's, uh *cough* for a friend. 🤣
This! It’s so head screwy.. Feeling a secure nurturing attachment is all I want in the world, but my mind throws a ton of defences in the road so can’t get anywhere close... 🤬❤️
@@scoobyloobylou YESSS I don't have this with a therapist, but I'm trying to find the lines between that with friends.
This is what my trauma therapist just picked for me
That helps me a lot, thank you. I’ve just found out that I don’t want to have any things because my step dad had taken my toys out of my room when he was still a stranger and I was 6 and didn’t understand anymore. It was the beginning of a 12 year long struggle to leave my mother’s and step father’s apartment to go away and back to my dad.
I’ve just started some ‘inner child work’ this past week in therapy. Talk about a hard session, in fact, my session went an hour over my usual time of 1hr! I had no sense of time passing either.
I’ve been in therapy off/on since I was 14 years old. (Diagnosed with PTSD, Complicated Grief, Dissociation and flashbacks) It’s taken all these years to find a therapist I feel comfortable opening up too about my trauma.
This video was very well timed! Thanks, Katie!
Oh and GO HABS GO! 🔵⚪️🔴
I’m a single mom doing everything on my own, so when my mom tells me she doesn’t want to help me in anyway I’m reminded of when I was a child and she didn’t nurture me or help me in anyway. I have a lot of trauma I’m dealing with and I really need help coping with it.
An interesting case study That kind of vouches for the value of inner child work: My grandfather has always been a very grumpy, mean person. He’s also very anxious and restrictive. He doesn’t like change, and he was generally abusive to my mom when she was younger. We knew his father was an abusive alcoholic, so we figured that’s why he turned out the way he did. He’s become nicer now that he’s 88. He almost died last year from a heart attack, and in a separate incident had to have half of his foot amputated. My mom has been his biggest caregiver. A few weeks ago he let it slip to my mom that when he was a kid, around 5 or 6, he witnessed a murder. He was with his cousin and (I think his older cousin?) when someone they knew came in and shot his older cousin in the head. He bled out and died right in front of my grandpa. Nothing was done justice wise because the murderer was related to the judge, and they played off of the fact that the only witnesses were two little kids. He’d never told my mom or any of her siblings about this. Obviously he never had gotten help.
You mentioned something about telling your child self things that you wished you heard like "I see you" and "I hear you". It reminds me of the book you mention often, 'The Emotionally Absent Mother'. I didn't even get past the first chapter. I read about the 'Good Mother messages' and I just started tearing up on the train because I was reading it on my commute (not a good idea but I didn't expect it to affect me that much) and I put it down. Things like "I'm glad that you're here", "Your needs are important to me. You can turn to me for help" and "I'll keep you safe". I never heard those things from my parents and I know I never will. I haven't revisited and it's been months but I definitely should. I can totally see why you'd go through this with a therapist or at least, someone who cares about you a lot. A lot of tears and maybe anger too. A story is a good idea, it could help us see things from a different perspective. Maybe even a more objective one.
Thank you. Never had it explained as well and I have been a Licensed Counselor for decades.
I did it using my drawings and then writing my “then feelings” and experiences with my left hand . It was so interesting how real things illuminated and I got tremendous healing. Pretty grateful . For me I had available ego strength and a very knowledgeable therapist . I think it was the most important work I have done, and I’ve done some yrs of work. I’m a therapist and have worked with children for yrs. love your videos your clear and I’m sure helping many ! Bless you. 😊
I just want take a sexond to thank you Kati for making all of your videos. I find them very informative and helpful. Also I don’t know why but I find your voice soo smoothing and it never fails to calm me down. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Thank you for the info. I did my Inner Child workshop and mentoring with The Inner Council and it was amazing and continues to shift my life in new ways! Blessings to you all. :)