I'm in the same position as you American Woman...almost exactly. It's a desperately heartbreaking situation 💔😢 and True Self...I have also said that same thing so many times. I want my daughter back! I can really relate to both of you and tbh...the only thing that has helped me survive this is my strong faith in God. I'll keep you both and your daughters in my prayers 🙏. God bless and take care of yourselves. Do something nice for yourself...immerse yourself in something you enjoy. You need an escape from the suffering sometimes ❤.
My daughter has been an addict with drugs & alcohol for 20 years. Now she has gotten verbally abuse to me. She has been in & out of prison most of her life. I've always let her come home but, it never works out. I love my daughter but, I finally got to the point that I'm not letting her come back, it's to abusive for my house hold. I'm raising her 5 year daughter & she doesn't need to see this. I just can't do it anymore. I'm at the point I don't want to see her but I do love the girl she use to be before all this. I understand what you are going through & I hope things get better for all of us.
Im glad I found your channel. This has been the first thing that has helped me make some sense of my sister's alcoholic/addict life. She has always had money and her addictions have not really cost her that much besides a lost job or husband here and there. This has been going on for decades and no amount of trying to help or be there for her has made one bit of difference. I just made the decision this weekend that I have had enough of her problems, addictions, lies and just plain meanness to me and I am cutting her loose. I love my sister and have told her so but I will no longer tolerate her being in my life. I have decided to move on without her rather than live with the constant gaslighting and lies that she tells me. I am no longer sad about my sister and the ignorant choices she has made and the mess of her life. I feel like a huge weight has been released from me.
Right there with you sister! I'm going thru the same thing with my oldest son right this minute. Tonight was the last straw for me. He was told either he calls and goes into the rehab 9am when they open tomorrow. Or he has until 10am to pack and leave. Or the police WILL be removing him forcibly.
@@barajoon668 things are currently great. My oldest is in jail. And the rest of us are finally happy! Not walking on eggshells around the house no longer.
All addictions lead to rock bottom. Some faster than others. Think critically... - If you have a loved one who has lost everything - the concequences aren't working. Time to change approach. Addicion is overriding the concequence. 'Doing despite concequences'. - Concequences don't cure. They might open the window to change (attention) but don't cause change. - Rememeber that low-level criminial charges can be fixed. Do not intervene. Only intervene if the conceuqences are severe. - Balance your own needs into the equasion. If it is causing you too much guilt to not give them anything give them enough to assuage your guilt. - High tolerance for pain = they have to go deeper to the bottom - life has to become harder before they will change. - Do not bring them into the home - that will bring the chaos into your life. - Show you care, empathy. That helps them to decide to change. How youinterract is the biggest factor you can control. Don't try and fix small issues. - Leverage their pain to help them.
I needed this!!! My daughter still won't admit she's using again. 5 years ago she spent 9 months in jail and she got clean after that and she relapsed in September. She's slowly losing everything since then. She is currently moving to an extended stay hotel today with her boyfriend because they lost their place. I refuse to let her live with me BUT his mother pays for them and she bails them out every time. So everything I'm doing on my end she totally does the opposite. So frustrating 😫
The living situation part. My brother isnt ready to let go yet of the alcohol. He spends all of his money on booze. He’s selling things around the home not asking for permission. He lives with me currently. I just kick him out?
Wow wow I love how your team is creating these videos. The world, my neighbors, who I had no idea were watching the drama reached out me and asked me if I was okay.
Hi, thank you for these videos. The last month (17 years, really) has been a living hell. Long story short, after catching my daughter drinking rubbing alcohol in my room, after having her involuntary committed for 17 days at a psych hospital, they released her without an LRO. She won’t do recovery work. She left- went missing. Found her- called ambulance for unresponsiveness. Went to hospital. Had a .35 BAC. Came back home. Went to a fellow alcoholics house (from the hospital) got violent. Cops were called. They dropped her off in the war zone of downtown Seattle. Got a call 3 days later. Picked her up. Came back to take a shower. Told her couldn’t stay in our house. Went down to dumpster to sleep. Called the cops. Took her to jail for one night. The DCR was going to go down to do her involuntary screen, but even with the mental health flag on her file, the jail released her to the train station with a ticket to nowhere. No ID, no phone, no food, nothing. And sweat pants 10 sizes too big. She’s missing now. She’s mentally ill on top of the alcoholism. Yep- I was the mom with the problem. Grandparents, too. Now she’s gone. 🤷♀️ On top of all of this, we have a societal issue. Because around here, community is complaining about the needles in the parks, zombies on the street, and the 59,000 homeless people all with these issues basically taking over the heart of Seattle. I’m all down for being back mental hospitals and stringer laws for public intoxication, vandalism, and public defecation. I feel strong empathy for this, but as a recovering alcoholic myself, someone who made myself homeless to get a way from abuse, and apparently, according to your video here, I have less of a threshold for being homeless. Thank you so much. Wish I would have seen this 5 years ago.
I am new to the channel. My husband is an alcoholic narcissist. He doesn't respond to boundries. He doesn't respect them. When I state that he has pushed my personal boundries too far, he threatens to burn the house down. I am scared, really scared. Either I move out entirely with my 3 dogs or I have to do things his way. His way is out of control.
Thank you for your channel. It's incredibly validating to listen to someone who actually seems to know what I'm going through. I haven't completely run out of ideas yet and haven't given up on my 18 yo after 3 years of a constant and growing nightmare in the house, but it does take a lot of strength to balance all of the feelings along with making the right next "move".
Outstanding video, Amber. All of this would have gotten me closer to recovery 4 years & 8 months ago. I know this video is and has helped thousands of families out there. 🙏💯
You were describing me. I do things to try to help her not to fail but I am just helping the process that allowsher to fail. In back of my mind is the hope that she will appreciate me so much, that she will change things. I am seeking that brief moment when she says "I love you, Mom" when I do something for her.
My fentanyl addicted 33 yo daughter has just lost her home & is living on the street. Because of her drug use, I couldnt allow her home because I am also taking care of her 2 children on the weekends & their dads will not let them have contact with her. I just learned she is 4 mos pregnant. She was recently prescribed subutex (sp?) as she is ready to quit for the baby. Living on the street in a tent while pregnant is more than I can bear for her. Do I help???
My loved one was arrested, I warned her past two years that’s the type of people and things she was subjecting herself to would lead to arrest/jail/death, and losing custody of her child. She was offer rehab instead and walked out after a couple days. If those bars slamming and missing your kid doesn’t qualify for rock bottom then what does? 😞 🙏🏻
👉Want to Learn More About Having Healthy Boundaries with Someone With An Addiction? 👫 Watch This Next: th-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zaSO2T0UAQ7X5elGVsphwIV.html
I just resentful came across this! I wish I would of heart all this at the beginning! Man!! Iv done ALL the wrong things. But have come a long way!!!! I appreciate all your doing Amber !!! And I really would Love to talk to you concerning my daughter !
Thankyou again, this is very much the approach I'm trying. In separating from my addicted partner I'm being kind and considerate, but no longer cleaning up their messes.
Kinda hard if your wife you are married to for 20 years is now so addicted that she goes missing for days and you found out that she is exchanging sex for money to get drugs....and is now the exact opposite of the person you fell in love with....they never hit rock bottom because they always find some random man that will supply money and even the drugs for sex....how do you stop that if even her son has confronted her and he used to be her everything and it still does not even seem to bother her. Thanx I can really see you know what you are talking about as all the things you mention can be ticked of a list
I kicked my brother out of my house he has a drug and alcohol addiction. He’s homeless now. He want me to help him, but he calls and says horrible things to me and has threatened to kill my family! Do I leave him on the streets and let him fins his own help? I’m really scared to go find him that he might hurt me or my family!😢😢😢😢
Patti Babcock hi Patty, what ever you do, don’t allow him to cause harm (emotional or otherwise) to your family. Other than that, it’s okay to help someone if they’re doing something to help themselves as well. They take a step, you can take a step.
I changed my ph#. The calls will drive you nuts. Begging, then demanding. Hateful. We just have to do what we can to not let them kill us with all the crazy. I am mad now. that helps me stay strong. Think of it like the stages of Grief. I do not want to stay stuck in Mad.. but for now perhaps it helps me. I don't hate my son. I hate his behavior. Best of luck to all of us moms.
Cut him loose. He is no longer a member of your family as he has forfeited the right to be a part of the family when he threatened to kill you. Also get a no trespass order on him if you have not done so already so that he can be arrested if he sets foot on your property.
Amber is 100% right. Rock bottom is death. Ask yourself what you can live with. Being kind and decent (within your boundaries) is a better choice and one you won't regret.
My boyfriend quit his 20 beers a day addiction 3 months ago. He now feels he can have "just two" with friends once in a while and has managed it a few times. I have ptsd, I think, because seeing him drink puts me in a state of panic and I get MAD. I know I have to let him do him, but can't. Is it OK to tell him I don't wanna be around when he does it? That would mean I wouldn't go to his family's Xmas dinner. 😬
My story is not unique. But I am at my wits end. I was an addict for most of my young adult life. My partner committed suicide. I became worse after that. I recovered on my own. Treatment was too expensive. After being single for 14 years I went on to marry another addict. I believe I did this in the limerance state you speak of. And this marriage has really tested me. It a trip being on the otherside of addiction. He has had every rock bottom you can think of. The biggest one was he committed suicide as well. But they saved his life. But of course he was in icu and has very little comprehension of the hell he put me through. And while in icu they had him on fentynl. So when he was taken off it and put into the psych ward he became so erratic. He checked himself out and hit the streets. Anyway, after 3 treatment center stays. Recovery houses etc he is better but his behaviors still trigger me. Ugh. I'm so done.
The reason people say the super strict "consequences"/tough love stuff and the reason people listen to it is partially, I think, because the family members of an addicted person get understandably tired, and they want permission to wash their hands of the person. It feels bad to give up on a family member, and framing it as actually unambiguously "helping" the person makes people feel better about it. My $.02 (which may be worthless, but you know $.02 is not that much) is that it is absolutely reasonable and justified to cut anyone off who has betrayed you and is actively harming you, and you shouldn't have to pretend you're "helping" them to do it. If you decide to help, absolutely try to be effective about it and realize that they don't really deserve it, but that is what "grace" is about, isn't it?
It sucks to have a kid on Fentanyl. So much wasted time and money..severed relationships, relatives fighting with one another..most of these punks don't really want help. They want your cash. They want to blame poor Mom who stuck around and then pushed aside as punishment. The lies. The pain. The hurt. Its just awful ro have someone in the family with an addiction problem. Thankless. BTW, I have been able to maintain my own Sobriety, in the midst of all.this Chaos..the one thing I can say is this: once it's evident that you are being manipulated.and abused you MUST disengage. Even if that is your only child. You will not make it if you are obsessed with your addicted loved one. At that point, it's time for YOU to get help. These addicted loved ones can actually, and they DO, ruin not only their lives but they bring DOWN the whole family..DISENGAGING or Walking Away, whatever you prefer, is really the only way to save yourself at this point. As we age, this kind of STRESS will kill us older folks, much quicker than you realize.
Thank you! Wonderful video!! Thanks again! If I may say this prayer to anyone who would like to receive it, God bless you in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen!! 🙏💖
Have a daughter addicted to pills she needs help but says she don't. I stoped talking to her cause I am sick of all the lies. Don't no wht to do. It bothers me but my blood pressure goes up and I feel like I'm gone to have heart attack over it. I cry myself to sleep any help u can give me would be appreciated.
Hi Cathy, I'm so sorry you're in such a crumby situation. Here are 2 possible resources for you. This is a link to our playlist on how to set boundaries with an addicted loved one. th-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zaSO2T0UAQ7X5elGVsphwIV.html Here is a link to learn more about our Invisible Intervention. It teaches you a step by step process for getting a loved one out of denial and into recovery. www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/invisible-intervention
Cathy, wish I was there with you. It is heartbreaking to see our daughters going this path. They have no comprehension of how much we hurt because they are young and don't know what it feels like to be a mom. We need to focus as much as we can to build up our inner strength through videos like this and building a support system through clubs. There are many more than we realize going through similar things. My friend, my heart goes out to you.
I wish I would have listen to this before… now my sim is in college because I helped him with his hw. His in college but not doing quite good and he keeps saying his doing what he’s supposed to do and we, his dad and I, should not be telling him anything about his weed addiction since he’s doing all he’s supposed to be doing. And the cell phone part, OMG!!! I regret it so much now…
I grew up around heroin eddicts and remember the manipulations. It has be 30 years since. I started dating this amazing little lady that I cherished dearly. She was clean for 4 years per what she said. She was smart, funny and elegant. However, she relapsed and started using again some 4 months till she lied to me and said she is going to to mental institute not telling me she is going to rehab. Those 4 month she changed completley. Become impossible to deal with. After rehab, she went back to heroin right away. I filmed he nodding and she said it was embian sleeping pills.sje would lie to my face no matter what facts I present her with. It took me back to my childhood experience. I had to let her god. But I am worry for those who cant see it that fast and spend many years going no where. All I say is ran for ur life as soon ask u can.
So what do you do when you no longer hand out money or “save” your addicted child from consequences, yet you have a spouse who hands the same child money pretty much under the table and “mommies”the seventeen year old since Mom has stepped out of the scene to allow the child to fall and feel the consequences of his actions? This seems to undo everything and creates resentment.
I want my husband back so badly. Cocaine addict he won’t admit it and I’ve tried to prove it through legal as we have two children (I was pregnant when abandoned me). Left me for another woman but ‘doesn’t want her’. I honestly think divorce will be his rock bottom which crushes me. 11 weeks. I’ve counted down from a year and trying so hard not to give up.
Do I let them emotionally and verbally abuse me so that they're not in the streets during the covid because they're on pills and play a whole bunch of head games with the family and I'm afraid something's going to happen to my family during bad times and my son uses himself and not having anything to do with me to hold over my head if I don't allow him to stay with me and not contribute Andy's 33. He's also my only child. This is story but I'm over it
Hello, Amber! Thank you for your videos! Could you please help me to find information about how to behave when the loved one comes home drunk? I understand the principle that I should reward a loved one when he does not use substances. However, I do not get how in practice I should withdraw positive reinforcement when he is drunk. Like, behave like I'm not noticing it? Do not talk with my husband? Or talk but without anything rewarding?
My son is in Jail, he is an addict, he want me to take him out of jail, I told is lawyer I would be his suriety, which is like bail, but don't have to pay right away. I told his lawyer that he needed to go to in-patient treament centre before i would be his suriety. I not heard anything yet.
My question deals with my recently turned 18 yo son who has been using marijuana and alcohol at times over the past couple of years. I just need to knw im not crazy for allowing the natural consequences yet dealing with the pain of that for myself and my daughters. We feel so exhausted...
Amy Richardson-Martin. When you say “the pain of that for myself and daughters”, what does that entail? Natural consequences yes, but also boundaries for yourself and daughters.
@@PutTheShovelDown the pain of watching him make a mess of his goals, be verbally abusive because we dont give in to his requests, and the utter refusal he makes about even being in need of care medically. Its just very sad, stressful, exhausting to deal with. We(my daughters and myself) are in some counseling and it helps. Their dad is also an addict, 30 years now, and he has been in and out of facilities. We separated 10 years ago that was when I stopped the roller coaster with him. It has been rough tho. I am a cancer survivor, I have PTSD frm our relationship, the abuse, I had to carry the financial load(2 or 3 jobs up until just last year).. I also have CFS/chronic fatigue syndrome, and my job is in healthcare for the past 25 years as a RN. We have 5 kids-- 25, 20, 19, 18, 13. -- oldest son also has had addiction issues.
I support supervised visitation for my grandchildren with adult crack addicted daughter usually 1-2 x per week. She is sometimes engaged and other times not really. She does not visit if high. Am I enabling / holding up her recovery by doing this or is it a carrot to entice the want to get better to get her kids back ? Then there is the kids feelings, 10, 2 and 4 Months of age . I’m still thinking it’s important for visits but maybe this should be more in her ball court and have to make arrangements though children protective services which might push to recovery? So hard
Do you do apointments? For councling , do you take incurance? Please get ahold of me. Our situation is different. Husband is a vet, has PTSD. Takes very GOoD care us. But caint do his demenor anymore.
Hi Holly, We don't' do counseling out of state but we do offer consultation/coaching sessions to family members. Here's a link to learn more: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations
Can you please make a video or point me towards a video that covers the addict who has come to accept that they’re an addict and that’s just how it is. My boyfriend has struggled with substance abuse for 25 years and has gotten into meth over the last year. He is having involuntary movements and is losing his social work license, facing legal consequences but is still using intermittently. I’m getting better at not enabling and setting boundaries but he just doesn’t seem to want to change that identity. 😢
Hi. I have a boyfriend/baby dad who i feel like wants help but something is holding him back. I asked what I can do. He said be supportive and dont shame. I get the shame part. But not sure on the support. Asking if you have any ideas? Or how we can do the he helps himself I help with something...kinda thing.
Thank you so much for this video. My AH has been out of the house for quite awhile living basically homeless. He must be a stage 3 or 4 alcoholic (BTW, I haven't been able to find your video about stages of alcoholism although I've heard you mention it). My question in watching this video (and in general) is what is going to happen if he never turns things around? I know this channel is about hope so you probably don't want to focus on worst case, but major major major consequences have not changed things for him. I don't think treatment is going to happen. He makes gestures toward treatment but never really steps into it. So, if someone succumbs to their alcoholism what happens? Is it basically going to be a slow death?
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you for sharing this. I've enjoyed watching it. This video is about "change talk" and what I was looking for was something that described the stages of addiction. If there's a video that describes that, I have not been able to find it.
I have a grown alcoholic son who lives on our property with his 13 year old daughter. Our other 2 sons and gfs are involved as well. My son was sober for 10 months and has had 2 brief relapses. These other family members are helpful in many ways. If my alcoholic son starts drinking, they have let him come to their house for a couple of nights to clear his head. But they resent it. Any thoughts?
My mom has suffered major consequences including a stroke which has left her paralyzed on one side and depends on other people for daily living activities. What am I to do if she is continuing to use and cause herself financial hardships? This is all taking a toll on my sanity and affecting many different areas of my life.
I am a present drug heroine addict and i wish u were my mom or sis so that u were always nearby me and motivating me everyday.i have lost everything including my wife and kids.really need ur help
Great question, but There's no one size fit's all answer. If it's your young adult child, then I'd try not to have them back in the home. You want them to launch out into the world and become successful adults in the recovery process. If it's a spouse, that's a different situation.
What if treatment isn’t free? What if I don’t have $30,000, $60,000 to send him to treatment? My niece in BC Canada used inheritance money to put herself through treatment but then checked herself out half way through. They don’t give refunds. She went through treatment twice more this time funded through her work (she is an RN) both times she ran off. I have a son who desperately needs to go through treatment but I can’t pay for it. It isn’t free here.
My son begged for help n went to few different places that actually turned him away because of insurance he lost hope.what can we do for him? He can't live at home with me because I'm 9 mos in recovery myself and his dad won't let him home because he just takes advantage when here n has bad ppl comin here n goes out n gets high again.hes been homeless on and off for 4 yrs he's leaving Albany bcuz he's got stimulus n now he's goin to SC.im afraid of getting that phone call again.im in therapy bcuz he's got hit by car almost kill in him Jan 2nd n two times before tht overdosed on fentanyl n Xanax I'm afraid the next call is the one that strokes me out.please tell me what can I do to help him.
Yea, he's lost jobs, got in car accidents and lost his place numerous times but he's always able to climb out of the holes because his mom and cousins always help him so he doesn't connect any of it to his addiction to meth. His cousin owns the house he lives behind (he lives in a house behind the house) and his mom always helps him get another car because as long as he's working or finds another job she will and she believes he's clean when he's not...smdh...the only thing that now he claims he's trying to quit for is his sleeping, he's always tired and he knows that he keeps losing jobs due to it and he does have some work ethics...hoping he will finally get out of his addiction so he can sleep normally and keep the best paying job he's ever had.
My son is 43 and a Real Alcoholic as in body mind and housing are destroyed... however sadly he is violent and cruel to me I'm unable to do this to myself. His friends and siblings are helping....
My husband left our house we been together 5 yrs he left to his mom's house I haven't talk to him today is his bday he has been a great person to me I'm struggling if I should go be him a bday present or not I've not had contact to show him consequences he felt I was his problem and leaving me would make his life fe better well at least that's what the drugs are telling him what should I do please help me thank you
If they are using most high schools have a no drug policy..some overlook too. I was a teacher at Ele. And got called every other day. He had all Fs and you can do this. As an educator. He was getting his GED come hell or High water. We had a great GED study program and adult Ed program.. Since he had Adhd for a long time and had been through 4 or 5 counselors...He also got extended time at a local community college to take each part zero time...ASK..for .a 504 and paperwork is available... As a teacher I knew..Sadly..a kid his age from a family with many addicts was in the same program but my son at grade 10 knew the other 15 year old' s work was like grade 3 very easy..He didn't say a word but the coordinator told me in private the other kid( whom told me he was getting his GED this time with pure confidence 😱😭)...read at about a 2md grade level..also no backup or support.. I taught at his school in eel not him but asked of he was never placed in a special education classroom....no So by this time at 15 or 16 andayne no one pushing to get a plan like I knew about.. He didn't get it..on the streets now...walkkng daily waiting for covid to be over I guess?? I know more jail time or fees... It is heartbreaking💔 praying for all Please keep up this education. With a MA degree...I knew about drugs sure.. But never educated myself on addiction much until now...thank you so much...This will save lives.. Oh I had to put him in a so called homeschool and made him do all activities with a homeschool Christian group too.( his girlfriend..was in..so yes that helped).. Every state has different policies on homeschool criteria..I was appalled that ours was just do whatever..zero accountability..But we named it and I was acct. To teach him plus..ged.. There are more programs for all now.I know our Gov. Made GED cost free.2 year's ago and many took it course by course..?? So there is the truth if a kid that deals and or does drugs...gets kicked out .they should..BUT if no one at home..Then I even asked mine at the time.. What would u be doing if not for me after getting kicked out of school...??/ Answer??? You know it I'm sure
How if your daughter has a baby and is using I'm wondering if I should drug test her I dont want CPS to take the baby because grand parents dont have right
YOU could call CPS because a baby should be an experiment if you can’t take the baby wouldn’t it be better for sober people to imprint on the baby? The first 4 months are critical!💜
What if the substance they use is extremely dangerous and they use alone? It’s literally 50/50 life or death each time they use. I’m the only person who knows and I’m terrified - should I tell their parents who continually send them lots of money & are in denial? I don’t know how I’d live with the guilt if they died knowing the whole time what was happening. But at the same time me being the only person who knows is allowing them to open up and feel less alone. They said they’re not ready to stop and don’t care whether or not they die. It’s hard for me to see it as a separate thing from being suicidal.
Hi Jule, I call that type of behavior passively suicidal and it happens in late stage addiction. I think it's too much of a burden to have to carry by yourself.
My sister and l live together, because money is tight. The addict daughter got arrested with baby in car. I at the time was living alone,had baby for15 months.Had cancer and child services took baby away, 5 years later , taken away from family relative for abuse.Foster for 4 months. Then came to Aunty and Grandmother. The day the baby came to live with us, sister kicked daughter out of the house. Had to choose daughter or granddaughter,of course social services had rule not to have “mom” in the house . W inter came . Daughter living in her mothers car, when she was crazy in head with drugs,granddaughter seen abs heard foul language and violence,shouting, hitting my sister,cops, and finally the social service gets report from cops . Baby has Trauma child behaviour, was out of control,.social services told us we were not keeping baby safe. We no longer have baby.l am the Aunty, with no power over my sister, niece,grandniece,and social services.l have lost everything., lonely, in bad relationships with sister and neice,baby blames us .Help,
Thanks!
Wow! thank you sooooo very much Robert 🤩🤩🥰🥰🥰😁😁😀 So very kind of you💖
@@PutTheShovelDown I appreciate all you and your team do for file like us looking for advice
@@PutTheShovelDown😊😊😅⁰😅😊😅😅 7:24 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
😊😊😊😊😊😊
@@PutTheShovelDown❤
I am crying listening to this right now. I want my daughter back.
I'm in the same position as you American Woman...almost exactly. It's a desperately heartbreaking situation 💔😢 and True Self...I have also said that same thing so many times. I want my daughter back! I can really relate to both of you and tbh...the only thing that has helped me survive this is my strong faith in God. I'll keep you both and your daughters in my prayers 🙏. God bless and take care of yourselves. Do something nice for yourself...immerse yourself in something you enjoy. You need an escape from the suffering sometimes ❤.
My daughter has been an addict with drugs & alcohol for 20 years. Now she has gotten verbally abuse to me. She has been in & out of prison most of her life. I've always let her come home but, it never works out. I love my daughter but, I finally got to the point that I'm not letting her come back, it's to abusive for my house hold. I'm raising her 5 year daughter & she doesn't need to see this. I just can't do it anymore. I'm at the point I don't want to see her but I do love the girl she use to be before all this. I understand what you are going through & I hope things get better for all of us.
Me too. Sending you prayers and a sincere hug.
@@americanwoman9880 my daughter is like yours. It’s heartbreaking
@@michelledavis4496 raising my addict daughters daughter too. My beautiful granddaughter
Im glad I found your channel. This has been the first thing that has helped me make some sense of my sister's alcoholic/addict life. She has always had money and her addictions have not really cost her that much besides a lost job or husband here and there. This has been going on for decades and no amount of trying to help or be there for her has made one bit of difference. I just made the decision this weekend that I have had enough of her problems, addictions, lies and just plain meanness to me and I am cutting her loose. I love my sister and have told her so but I will no longer tolerate her being in my life. I have decided to move on without her rather than live with the constant gaslighting and lies that she tells me. I am no longer sad about my sister and the ignorant choices she has made and the mess of her life. I feel like a huge weight has been released from me.
I'm so glad these videos have been helpful to you Koolat5249!
Right there with you sister! I'm going thru the same thing with my oldest son right this minute. Tonight was the last straw for me. He was told either he calls and goes into the rehab 9am when they open tomorrow. Or he has until 10am to pack and leave. Or the police WILL be removing him forcibly.
@@hothartzdh Hi there, I came across your comment and would like to k ow, how did that work out for you and your son?
Hi there, how are you doing since you removed yourself from your sister's situation?
@@barajoon668 things are currently great. My oldest is in jail. And the rest of us are finally happy! Not walking on eggshells around the house no longer.
All addictions lead to rock bottom. Some faster than others.
Think critically...
- If you have a loved one who has lost everything - the concequences aren't working. Time to change approach. Addicion is overriding the concequence. 'Doing despite concequences'.
- Concequences don't cure. They might open the window to change (attention) but don't cause change.
- Rememeber that low-level criminial charges can be fixed. Do not intervene. Only intervene if the conceuqences are severe.
- Balance your own needs into the equasion. If it is causing you too much guilt to not give them anything give them enough to assuage your guilt.
- High tolerance for pain = they have to go deeper to the bottom - life has to become harder before they will change.
- Do not bring them into the home - that will bring the chaos into your life.
- Show you care, empathy. That helps them to decide to change. How youinterract is the biggest factor you can control. Don't try and fix small issues.
- Leverage their pain to help them.
100- you get an A+!
You have so right!
I needed this!!! My daughter still won't admit she's using again. 5 years ago she spent 9 months in jail and she got clean after that and she relapsed in September. She's slowly losing everything since then. She is currently moving to an extended stay hotel today with her boyfriend because they lost their place. I refuse to let her live with me BUT his mother pays for them and she bails them out every time. So everything I'm doing on my end she totally does the opposite. So frustrating 😫
The living situation part. My brother isnt ready to let go yet of the alcohol. He spends all of his money on booze. He’s selling things around the home not asking for permission.
He lives with me currently. I just kick him out?
Its because "being sober hurts"..they become more sensitive than others to the pain of life
Wow wow I love how your team is creating these videos.
The world, my neighbors, who I had no idea were watching the drama reached out me and asked me if I was okay.
Hi, thank you for these videos.
The last month (17 years, really) has been a living hell.
Long story short, after catching my daughter drinking rubbing alcohol in my room, after having her involuntary committed for 17 days at a psych hospital, they released her without an LRO. She won’t do recovery work. She left- went missing. Found her- called ambulance for unresponsiveness. Went to hospital. Had a .35 BAC. Came back home. Went to a fellow alcoholics house (from the hospital) got violent. Cops were called. They dropped her off in the war zone of downtown Seattle. Got a call 3 days later. Picked her up. Came back to take a shower. Told her couldn’t stay in our house. Went down to dumpster to sleep. Called the cops. Took her to jail for one night. The DCR was going to go down to do her involuntary screen, but even with the mental health flag on her file, the jail released her to the train station with a ticket to nowhere. No ID, no phone, no food, nothing. And sweat pants 10 sizes too big. She’s missing now. She’s mentally ill on top of the alcoholism.
Yep- I was the mom with the problem. Grandparents, too. Now she’s gone. 🤷♀️
On top of all of this, we have a societal issue. Because around here, community is complaining about the needles in the parks, zombies on the street, and the 59,000 homeless people all with these issues basically taking over the heart of Seattle.
I’m all down for being back mental hospitals and stringer laws for public intoxication, vandalism, and public defecation.
I feel strong empathy for this, but as a recovering alcoholic myself, someone who made myself homeless to get a way from abuse, and apparently, according to your video here, I have less of a threshold for being homeless.
Thank you so much. Wish I would have seen this 5 years ago.
It's so hard to let them fall, especially as a Mom. Thank you for this! Sharing!
You're so right. Most times the family has as much (or more) trauma from the addiction than the addicted person.
Totally agree it’s heartbreaking
MY MOM, called it
“TOUGH LOVE”!it works!
AMEN🙏🏻
I am new to the channel. My husband is an alcoholic narcissist. He doesn't respond to boundries. He doesn't respect them. When I state that he has pushed my personal boundries too far, he threatens to burn the house down. I am scared, really scared. Either I move out entirely with my 3 dogs or I have to do things his way. His way is out of control.
same, kicked him out, still drinking
Thank you for your channel. It's incredibly validating to listen to someone who actually seems to know what I'm going through. I haven't completely run out of ideas yet and haven't given up on my 18 yo after 3 years of a constant and growing nightmare in the house, but it does take a lot of strength to balance all of the feelings along with making the right next "move".
You are so welcome, Jimmy.
Outstanding video, Amber. All of this would have gotten me closer to recovery 4 years & 8 months ago. I know this video is and has helped thousands of families out there. 🙏💯
Thank you so much for your kind words of support! 💖💖😃😃
You were describing me. I do things to try to help her not to fail but I am just helping the process that allowsher to fail. In back of my mind is the hope that she will appreciate me so much, that she will change things. I am seeking that brief moment when she says "I love you, Mom" when I do something for her.
Have you heard that proverb: [ The only reason the rose bloomed is that blooming became less painful than keeping the bud totally shut. ]
I have not, but that's really beautiful.
a friend who has gone through recovery said he only decided to get help when not getting help became more painful than getting help.
My fentanyl addicted 33 yo daughter has just lost her home & is living on the street. Because of her drug use, I couldnt allow her home because I am also taking care of her 2 children on the weekends & their dads will not let them have contact with her. I just learned she is 4 mos pregnant. She was recently prescribed subutex (sp?) as she is ready to quit for the baby. Living on the street in a tent while pregnant is more than I can bear for her. Do I help???
My loved one was arrested, I warned her past two years that’s the type of people and things she was subjecting herself to would lead to arrest/jail/death, and losing custody of her child. She was offer rehab instead and walked out after a couple days. If those bars slamming and missing your kid doesn’t qualify for rock bottom then what does? 😞 🙏🏻
I had to sign a restraining order to remove my kid from my house. I haven’t seen them since then. It’s been years. I’m going to look for them soon.
👉Want to Learn More About Having Healthy Boundaries with Someone With An Addiction? 👫 Watch This Next: th-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zaSO2T0UAQ7X5elGVsphwIV.html
I just resentful came across this! I wish I would of heart all this at the beginning! Man!! Iv done ALL the wrong things. But have come a long way!!!! I appreciate all your doing Amber !!!
And I really would Love to talk to you concerning my daughter !
Thankyou again, this is very much the approach I'm trying. In separating from my addicted partner I'm being kind and considerate, but no longer cleaning up their messes.
Very nice, Mike in Melbourne! That's right on target! 🎯
That’s what did it for me loosing everything
Kinda hard if your wife you are married to for 20 years is now so addicted that she goes missing for days and you found out that she is exchanging sex for money to get drugs....and is now the exact opposite of the person you fell in love with....they never hit rock bottom because they always find some random man that will supply money and even the drugs for sex....how do you stop that if even her son has confronted her and he used to be her everything and it still does not even seem to bother her. Thanx I can really see you know what you are talking about as all the things you mention can be ticked of a list
I kicked my brother out of my house he has a drug and alcohol addiction. He’s homeless now. He want me to help him, but he calls and says horrible things to me and has threatened to kill my family! Do I leave him on the streets and let him fins his own help? I’m really scared to go find him that he might hurt me or my family!😢😢😢😢
Patti Babcock hi Patty, what ever you do, don’t allow him to cause harm (emotional or otherwise) to your family. Other than that, it’s okay to help someone if they’re doing something to help themselves as well. They take a step, you can take a step.
I changed my ph#. The calls will drive you nuts. Begging, then demanding. Hateful. We just have to do what we can to not let them kill us with all the crazy. I am mad now. that helps me stay strong. Think of it like the stages of Grief. I do not want to stay stuck in Mad.. but for now perhaps it helps me. I don't hate my son. I hate his behavior. Best of luck to all of us moms.
Cut him loose. He is no longer a member of your family as he has forfeited the right to be a part of the family when he threatened to kill you. Also get a no trespass order on him if you have not done so already so that he can be arrested if he sets foot on your property.
Amber is 100% right. Rock bottom is death. Ask yourself what you can live with. Being kind and decent (within your boundaries) is a better choice and one you won't regret.
Your the best Amber ima keep watching sharing and liking and commenting on all your videos
Thank you so much!! You're helping spread recovery! 😀
My boyfriend quit his 20 beers a day addiction 3 months ago. He now feels he can have "just two" with friends once in a while and has managed it a few times. I have ptsd, I think, because seeing him drink puts me in a state of panic and I get MAD. I know I have to let him do him, but can't. Is it OK to tell him I don't wanna be around when he does it? That would mean I wouldn't go to his family's Xmas dinner. 😬
My story is not unique. But I am at my wits end. I was an addict for most of my young adult life. My partner committed suicide. I became worse after that. I recovered on my own. Treatment was too expensive. After being single for 14 years I went on to marry another addict. I believe I did this in the limerance state you speak of. And this marriage has really tested me. It a trip being on the otherside of addiction. He has had every rock bottom you can think of. The biggest one was he committed suicide as well. But they saved his life. But of course he was in icu and has very little comprehension of the hell he put me through. And while in icu they had him on fentynl. So when he was taken off it and put into the psych ward he became so erratic. He checked himself out and hit the streets. Anyway, after 3 treatment center stays. Recovery houses etc he is better but his behaviors still trigger me. Ugh. I'm so done.
I just found you and I’ve been praying for help on what to do. I need boundaries!
Hi Keebler 👋🏻 Welcome to our little community. So glad you're here!
The reason people say the super strict "consequences"/tough love stuff and the reason people listen to it is partially, I think, because the family members of an addicted person get understandably tired, and they want permission to wash their hands of the person. It feels bad to give up on a family member, and framing it as actually unambiguously "helping" the person makes people feel better about it.
My $.02 (which may be worthless, but you know $.02 is not that much) is that it is absolutely reasonable and justified to cut anyone off who has betrayed you and is actively harming you, and you shouldn't have to pretend you're "helping" them to do it. If you decide to help, absolutely try to be effective about it and realize that they don't really deserve it, but that is what "grace" is about, isn't it?
You make a great point, Brett. I completely agree!
You are talking to me
Needed to hear this tonight.
I'm glad it was helpful to you, True Self!
It sucks to have a kid on Fentanyl. So much wasted time and money..severed relationships, relatives fighting with one another..most of these punks don't really want help. They want your cash. They want to blame poor Mom who stuck around and then pushed aside as punishment. The lies. The pain. The hurt. Its just awful ro have someone in the family with an addiction problem. Thankless. BTW, I have been able to maintain my own Sobriety, in the midst of all.this Chaos..the one thing I can say is this: once it's evident that you are being manipulated.and abused you MUST disengage. Even if that is your only child. You will not make it if you are obsessed with your addicted loved one. At that point, it's time for YOU to get help. These addicted loved ones can actually, and they DO, ruin not only their lives but they bring DOWN the whole family..DISENGAGING or Walking Away, whatever you prefer, is really the only way to save yourself at this point. As we age, this kind of STRESS will kill us older folks, much quicker than you realize.
So glad to have found your channel! Thank you 🙏
Glad you're here 😃
Thank you! Wonderful video!! Thanks again! If I may say this prayer to anyone who would like to receive it, God bless you in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen!! 🙏💖
Thank you so much for sharing this content. I am so grateful.
Thank you for the video
Thanks for watching!
Have a daughter addicted to pills she needs help but says she don't. I stoped talking to her cause I am sick of all the lies. Don't no wht to do. It bothers me but my blood pressure goes up and I feel like I'm gone to have heart attack over it. I cry myself to sleep any help u can give me would be appreciated.
Hi Cathy, I'm so sorry you're in such a crumby situation. Here are 2 possible resources for you. This is a link to our playlist on how to set boundaries with an addicted loved one. th-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zaSO2T0UAQ7X5elGVsphwIV.html
Here is a link to learn more about our Invisible Intervention. It teaches you a step by step process for getting a loved one out of denial and into recovery. www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/invisible-intervention
Cathy, wish I was there with you. It is heartbreaking to see our daughters going this path. They have no comprehension of how much we hurt because they are young and don't know what it feels like to be a mom. We need to focus as much as we can to build up our inner strength through videos like this and building a support system through clubs. There are many more than we realize going through similar things. My friend, my heart goes out to you.
I wish I would have listen to this before… now my sim is in college because I helped him with his hw.
His in college but not doing quite good and he keeps saying his doing what he’s supposed to do and we, his dad and I, should not be telling him anything about his weed addiction since he’s doing all he’s supposed to be doing. And the cell phone part, OMG!!! I regret it so much now…
I grew up around heroin eddicts and remember the manipulations. It has be 30 years since. I started dating this amazing little lady that I cherished dearly. She was clean for 4 years per what she said. She was smart, funny and elegant. However, she relapsed and started using again some 4 months till she lied to me and said she is going to to mental institute not telling me she is going to rehab. Those 4 month she changed completley. Become impossible to deal with. After rehab, she went back to heroin right away. I filmed he nodding and she said it was embian sleeping pills.sje would lie to my face no matter what facts I present her with. It took me back to my childhood experience. I had to let her god. But I am worry for those who cant see it that fast and spend many years going no where. All I say is ran for ur life as soon ask u can.
cars usa it’s so mind boggling how fast they can change🤯
Wish there was this on video game addiction.
How do you balance helping an addict's children without enabling the addict ( e.g. babysitting the children)?
That's the hardest! I'd say do what's right for the children, then focus on doing what's therapeutic for the addict.
Thanks for all the great content!
So what do you do when you no longer hand out money or “save” your addicted child from consequences, yet you have a spouse who hands the same child money pretty much under the table and “mommies”the seventeen year old since Mom has stepped out of the scene to allow the child to fall and feel the consequences of his actions? This seems to undo everything and creates resentment.
Hi Betsie, try this video. It's on that very topic: th-cam.com/video/Ju0Pgk9xi3E/w-d-xo.html
I want my husband back so badly. Cocaine addict he won’t admit it and I’ve tried to prove it through legal as we have two children (I was pregnant when abandoned me). Left me for another woman but ‘doesn’t want her’. I honestly think divorce will be his rock bottom which crushes me. 11 weeks. I’ve counted down from a year and trying so hard not to give up.
Thxs for your information, I think this session has great info!
Glad it was helpful!
Do I let them emotionally and verbally abuse me so that they're not in the streets during the covid because they're on pills and play a whole bunch of head games with the family and I'm afraid something's going to happen to my family during bad times and my son uses himself and not having anything to do with me to hold over my head if I don't allow him to stay with me and not contribute Andy's 33. He's also my only child. This is story but I'm over it
Definitely not, you should never allow yourself to stay in an abusive situation!
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank You
Hello Rhonda. I would love to talk with you online somewhere. My son is 36 and they sound similar. My heart is broken.
My wife has been out of rehab for two weeks and she seems worse, had to take her to a shelter.
I agree completely!
Hello, Amber! Thank you for your videos! Could you please help me to find information about how to behave when the loved one comes home drunk? I understand the principle that I should reward a loved one when he does not use substances. However, I do not get how in practice I should withdraw positive reinforcement when he is drunk. Like, behave like I'm not noticing it? Do not talk with my husband? Or talk but without anything rewarding?
Helpful ideas that I wish I had known years ago! Thank you.
Thanks Paula, What topics do you think families most need to hear about?
Thank you for your videos. Very helpful.
Goodness Lana, It sounds like you were thrown right into the deep end!
@@PutTheShovelDown Yes. It's horrible.
My son is in Jail, he is an addict, he want me to take him out of jail, I told is lawyer I would be his suriety, which is like bail, but don't have to pay right away. I told his lawyer that he needed to go to in-patient treament centre before i would be his suriety. I not heard anything yet.
My son has been to prison, a man just died next to him , and he tried to give him CPR? and I don’t get it he says he doesn’t need help. What !
What other direction can be taken when hitting rock bottom has already happened a hundred times?
Try using positive reinforcement instead.
What do you do if they are drinking and driving? I can’t be there 24 /7 to make sure they don’t hurt themselves or others .
My question deals with my recently turned 18 yo son who has been using marijuana and alcohol at times over the past couple of years. I just need to knw im not crazy for allowing the natural consequences yet dealing with the pain of that for myself and my daughters. We feel so exhausted...
Amy Richardson-Martin. When you say “the pain of that for myself and daughters”, what does that entail? Natural consequences yes, but also boundaries for yourself and daughters.
@@PutTheShovelDown the pain of watching him make a mess of his goals, be verbally abusive because we dont give in to his requests, and the utter refusal he makes about even being in need of care medically. Its just very sad, stressful, exhausting to deal with. We(my daughters and myself) are in some counseling and it helps. Their dad is also an addict, 30 years now, and he has been in and out of facilities. We separated 10 years ago that was when I stopped the roller coaster with him. It has been rough tho. I am a cancer survivor, I have PTSD frm our relationship, the abuse, I had to carry the financial load(2 or 3 jobs up until just last year).. I also have CFS/chronic fatigue syndrome, and my job is in healthcare for the past 25 years as a RN. We have 5 kids-- 25, 20, 19, 18, 13. -- oldest son also has had addiction issues.
I support supervised visitation for my grandchildren with adult crack addicted daughter usually 1-2 x per week. She is sometimes engaged and other times not really. She does not visit if high.
Am I enabling / holding up her recovery by doing this or is it a carrot to entice the want to get better to get her kids back ?
Then there is the kids feelings, 10, 2 and 4
Months of age .
I’m still thinking it’s important for visits but maybe this should be more in her ball court and have to make arrangements though children protective services which might push to recovery?
So hard
Do you do apointments? For councling , do you take incurance? Please get ahold of me.
Our situation is different. Husband is a vet, has PTSD. Takes very GOoD care us. But caint do his demenor anymore.
Hi Holly, We don't' do counseling out of state but we do offer consultation/coaching sessions to family members. Here's a link to learn more: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations
Can you please make a video or point me towards a video that covers the addict who has come to accept that they’re an addict and that’s just how it is. My boyfriend has struggled with substance abuse for 25 years and has gotten into meth over the last year. He is having involuntary movements and is losing his social work license, facing legal consequences but is still using intermittently. I’m getting better at not enabling and setting boundaries but he just doesn’t seem to want to change that identity. 😢
Hi. I have a boyfriend/baby dad who i feel like wants help but something is holding him back. I asked what I can do. He said be supportive and dont shame. I get the shame part. But not sure on the support. Asking if you have any ideas? Or how we can do the he helps himself I help with something...kinda thing.
Hi Raelyn, here's a video that you may find helpful. It's about motivating a loved one to get sober.
Thank you so much for this video. My AH has been out of the house for quite awhile living basically homeless. He must be a stage 3 or 4 alcoholic (BTW, I haven't been able to find your video about stages of alcoholism although I've heard you mention it). My question in watching this video (and in general) is what is going to happen if he never turns things around? I know this channel is about hope so you probably don't want to focus on worst case, but major major major consequences have not changed things for him. I don't think treatment is going to happen. He makes gestures toward treatment but never really steps into it. So, if someone succumbs to their alcoholism what happens? Is it basically going to be a slow death?
Hi Joy, Here is the link to that video about stages of change. th-cam.com/video/Kl-p7XjCOks/w-d-xo.html
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you for sharing this. I've enjoyed watching it. This video is about "change talk" and what I was looking for was something that described the stages of addiction. If there's a video that describes that, I have not been able to find it.
I have a grown alcoholic son who lives on our property with his 13 year old daughter. Our other 2 sons and gfs are involved as well. My son was sober for 10 months and has had 2 brief relapses. These other family members are helpful in many ways. If my alcoholic son starts drinking, they have let him come to their house for a couple of nights to clear his head. But they resent it. Any thoughts?
So when you have allowed the consequences and that doesn't work...then what?
Hi Joan, I find that positive reinforcement tends to work better than consequences.
My mom has suffered major consequences including a stroke which has left her paralyzed on one side and depends on other people for daily living activities. What am I to do if she is continuing to use and cause herself financial hardships? This is all taking a toll on my sanity and affecting many different areas of my life.
I am a present drug heroine addict and i wish u were my mom or sis so that u were always nearby me and motivating me everyday.i have lost everything including my wife and kids.really need ur help
Thank you!
You're most welcome!
At what point can we let them back home, when they’re clean for a certain time?
Great question, but There's no one size fit's all answer. If it's your young adult child, then I'd try not to have them back in the home. You want them to launch out into the world and become successful adults in the recovery process. If it's a spouse, that's a different situation.
What if treatment isn’t free? What if I don’t have $30,000, $60,000 to send him to treatment? My niece in BC Canada used inheritance money to put herself through treatment but then checked herself out half way through. They don’t give refunds. She went through treatment twice more this time funded through her work (she is an RN) both times she ran off. I have a son who desperately needs to go through treatment but I can’t pay for it. It isn’t free here.
My son begged for help n went to few different places that actually turned him away because of insurance he lost hope.what can we do for him? He can't live at home with me because I'm 9 mos in recovery myself and his dad won't let him home because he just takes advantage when here n has bad ppl comin here n goes out n gets high again.hes been homeless on and off for 4 yrs he's leaving Albany bcuz he's got stimulus n now he's goin to SC.im afraid of getting that phone call again.im in therapy bcuz he's got hit by car almost kill in him Jan 2nd n two times before tht overdosed on fentanyl n Xanax I'm afraid the next call is the one that strokes me out.please tell me what can I do to help him.
Ps he wants help has Medicaid
Yea, he's lost jobs, got in car accidents and lost his place numerous times but he's always able to climb out of the holes because his mom and cousins always help him so he doesn't connect any of it to his addiction to meth. His cousin owns the house he lives behind (he lives in a house behind the house) and his mom always helps him get another car because as long as he's working or finds another job she will and she believes he's clean when he's not...smdh...the only thing that now he claims he's trying to quit for is his sleeping, he's always tired and he knows that he keeps losing jobs due to it and he does have some work ethics...hoping he will finally get out of his addiction so he can sleep normally and keep the best paying job he's ever had.
Do you do phone sessions with a parents and adult addicted children?
Yes ma'am, we sure do! Here's a link to learn more about that!
When they loose everything there's nothing to have hope for.
My son is 43 and a Real Alcoholic as in body mind and housing are destroyed... however sadly he is violent and cruel to me I'm unable to do this to myself. His friends and siblings are helping....
My husband left our house we been together 5 yrs he left to his mom's house I haven't talk to him today is his bday he has been a great person to me I'm struggling if I should go be him a bday present or not I've not had contact to show him consequences he felt I was his problem and leaving me would make his life fe better well at least that's what the drugs are telling him what should I do please help me thank you
Is there help for a person who has a addict in there life
absolutely
If they are using most high schools have a no drug policy..some overlook too. I was a teacher at Ele. And got called every other day. He had all Fs and you can do this. As an educator. He was getting his GED come hell or High water. We had a great GED study program and adult Ed program..
Since he had Adhd for a long time and had been through 4 or 5 counselors...He also got extended time at a local community college to take each part zero time...ASK..for .a 504 and paperwork is available...
As a teacher I knew..Sadly..a kid his age from a family with many addicts was in the same program but my son at grade 10 knew the other 15 year old' s work was like grade 3 very easy..He didn't say a word but the coordinator told me in private the other kid( whom told me he was getting his GED this time with pure confidence 😱😭)...read at about a 2md grade level..also no backup or support.. I taught at his school in eel not him but asked of he was never placed in a special education classroom....no
So by this time at 15 or 16 andayne no one pushing to get a plan like I knew about.. He didn't get it..on the streets now...walkkng daily waiting for covid to be over I guess?? I know more jail time or fees... It is heartbreaking💔 praying for all
Please keep up this education. With a MA degree...I knew about drugs sure.. But never educated myself on addiction much until now...thank you so much...This will save lives..
Oh I had to put him in a so called homeschool and made him do all activities with a homeschool Christian group too.( his girlfriend..was in..so yes that helped).. Every state has different policies on homeschool criteria..I was appalled that ours was just do whatever..zero accountability..But we named it and I was acct. To teach him plus..ged..
There are more programs for all now.I know our Gov. Made GED cost free.2 year's ago and many took it course by course..??
So there is the truth if a kid that deals and or does drugs...gets kicked out
.they should..BUT if no one at home..Then I even asked mine at the time.. What would u be doing if not for me after getting kicked out of school...??/
Answer??? You know it I'm sure
So glad I found this. 🙏🙏. Time to cut someone lose
I’m really glad it was helpful ❤️
Thanks ❤
You're so welcome, Brenda 😊
My sister has been on hard drugs for forty two years she is getting ready to be homeless and she is mad because I won't help her anymore
How if your daughter has a baby and is using I'm wondering if I should drug test her I dont want CPS to take the baby because grand parents dont have right
Rights
YOU could call CPS because a baby should be an experiment if you can’t take the baby wouldn’t it be better for sober people to imprint on the baby? The first 4 months are critical!💜
Shouldnt
What if the substance they use is extremely dangerous and they use alone? It’s literally 50/50 life or death each time they use. I’m the only person who knows and I’m terrified - should I tell their parents who continually send them lots of money & are in denial? I don’t know how I’d live with the guilt if they died knowing the whole time what was happening. But at the same time me being the only person who knows is allowing them to open up and feel less alone. They said they’re not ready to stop and don’t care whether or not they die. It’s hard for me to see it as a separate thing from being suicidal.
Hi Jule, I call that type of behavior passively suicidal and it happens in late stage addiction. I think it's too much of a burden to have to carry by yourself.
What about if your loved one lives with you with babies,how far before u go? Idk are u supposed to let them. Parent when choices seemdangerous
My sister and l live together, because money is tight. The addict daughter got arrested with baby in car. I at the time was living alone,had baby for15 months.Had cancer and child services took baby away, 5 years later , taken away from family relative for abuse.Foster for 4 months. Then came to Aunty and Grandmother. The day the baby came to live with us, sister kicked daughter out of the house. Had to choose daughter or granddaughter,of course social services had rule not to have “mom” in the house . W inter came . Daughter living in her mothers car, when she was crazy in head with drugs,granddaughter seen abs heard foul language and violence,shouting, hitting my sister,cops, and finally the social service gets report from cops . Baby has Trauma child behaviour, was out of control,.social services told us we were not keeping baby safe. We no longer have baby.l am the Aunty, with no power over my sister, niece,grandniece,and social services.l have lost everything., lonely, in bad relationships with sister and neice,baby blames us .Help,
he's already died from heroin while he was in rehab. does he have to die a few more times to get it? :/ i'm not too far in the video, yet.
Can I make arrangements to speak with you ?
Hi Carrie, We do offer virtual coaching. Here's the link to learn more: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations
I have found the only way to deal with people like them is not to. I'm not a professional.
Put them in jail. If your drunk in public you would go to jail, and high on drugs should be the same
7
All the way rock bottom is what it takes
I want my girlfriend back so bad
5:37 currently crying watching this as I love and care for him but he doesn’t think he needs help so I can’t help him either. 😢💔❤️🩹