Reflecting on My Polygyny Mistakes, as an Initial Wife

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 104

  • @felicial.5992
    @felicial.5992 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    I just stumbled upon your channel a couple of days ago while researching polygany and i truly love your spirit and personality. I am engaged to a Muslim man but I'm not Muslima. I understand the polygynist aspect which gives me pause and i must say your channel has equipped me with better questions to ask and opened my eyes to aspects i didn't initially factor. Many blessings to you because you remind me of myself personally wise, even the nose ring! Lol! I am you but around 15 years ago version of you, just not muslima. Thank you for educating and sharing, I appreciate you beyond what i can articulate.🧡

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Hi Felicia,
      Thank you for the kind words and I pray your journey and study causes you to grow and have a healthy marriage and spiritual life. I applaud your study and hope you continue as life is short.
      Salaam dear sis.

  • @lunanahid8506
    @lunanahid8506 2 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    No wayy you're almost 50?? I would have guessed 35! Thank you for the information, sister. May allah bless you and your family. 💚

  • @Naturekudrat304
    @Naturekudrat304 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    Sister you didn't speak then but remember you are doing now and its really helping women throughout the world who are in your place as first wife .

  • @Maryam-gt7bj
    @Maryam-gt7bj 2 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    No way you're almost 50!!! Sister, before you said it, i was sure you're under 30! ❤🌹🌺

  • @Candles2024
    @Candles2024 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Alhumdulillah this is very informative I am a initial wife going on 50 as well ,and me and my co- wife see you guys are like us in some ways . We both love your talk and we both see this as a reminder, advice, and we both also teach n allow how daughter to see and learn about marriage in poligany .jazallah kair. Looking forward to see more👍

  • @malindacollins7705
    @malindacollins7705 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    This was exactly what I needed to hear most times I feel as though I'm struggling in polygyny and just barely surviving it.

  • @NabihAlAmin
    @NabihAlAmin 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    To me if not others Coach Fatimah brought it and took it to the bridge. She discuss her truth and mistakes as an initial wife and you could feel that the weight was gone and she's on a new better level of knowledge wisdom and understanding. Simply, Sr. Coach Fatimah was vividly empowered and you could see and feel it as she talked. JazakiAllahu Khayran and continued blessings to the family.

  • @mck5549
    @mck5549 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    This is real talk. Tough talk and real.

  • @PEACEKEEPERDRL
    @PEACEKEEPERDRL 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    ❤ Thank you Sister. Salute to the King! APTTMH 🎉

  • @zainabomarjaja8619
    @zainabomarjaja8619 15 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    If u see my comment pls reachout to me sis Fatima.right now i am in dsame place u were years back,ur video made a lot of sense and i really wanna heal from d pain but i dunno how to,my husband is a good man but my emotions r pushing him farther away from me,i just evaluated myself,i thought I was making so much effort in the marriage but just realised on my own dat he has every reasons to practice polygyny, it's a kind of huge favor to still have me as a wife.By Allah i want to stop hurting n beeing excessively jelous and practice it d right way but just couldn't heal.u knw am feeling suffocated with d whole wedding prep going on but he is not involving me or saying anything to me about his plans and hu d cowife is,i have no one to talk to about how i feel plus I lost my job and doesn't have a penny or any source of income 4 myself.I am just feeling a terrified about d whole thing😢😢

    • @anisarokadiya2561
      @anisarokadiya2561 13 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I’m in the same situation I feel so hurt

    • @anisarokadiya2561
      @anisarokadiya2561 13 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Feels like I can’t move i cant think I don’t know how to understand it I’m on 34 years old and my children are still very young

  • @daughterofphalasteen
    @daughterofphalasteen ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Ma' shaa Allah tabarakaAllah sister, you are so eloquent with your words, so mature, so down to earth. May Allah BLESS you sister in this dunya and akhira. Soo much respect and love to you ❤

  • @zamzamahmed8139
    @zamzamahmed8139 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Sister Inhave just subscribed. I like your honesty. I am not even married but what you are explaining is a part of Islam and it is important to understand how polygyny is important for those who want to practice it. MashaAllaj.. try to reach 10 thousand and then the algorithm will help your channel to grow faster. I discovered you this week and i am fascinated by your stories. It is hard but you are not sugar coating it. You need sabr and hard work thats what i understand from your videos. Well done coach Fatima👍

  • @user-sk4vj1vz9j
    @user-sk4vj1vz9j 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for being apart of the "effort of a few" I'm 19 and I'm trying to understand more in depth about polygamy and having a co wife because me and my husband have talked about this before and I'm looking for prospect wife's every so often trying to find someone I can click with who is also spiritually mentally and physically clean it would be a good experience for all of us and thanks for your video

  • @nigelharvey640
    @nigelharvey640 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You mentioned being an ENFP and I wanted to know to what degree those functions affected how you relate to the people in your family?
    I am an ENFP myself but a man & maybe that’s why how you speak really does resonate with how I think through things. Very honest and very grounded in self.

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      This is Coach Nazir, feel free to watch YT vids on your personally type, including researching on 16personalities.com and you'll find good information.

  • @nanamommy883
    @nanamommy883 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I love you sister. Maa shaa Allah TabarakaAllah. I’m learning a lot from you, Alhamdulillah. May Allah continue to bless you all with goodness, Aameen.

  • @aproudarmywife0592
    @aproudarmywife0592 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Very interesting, I enjoy your channel much more than Sister Wives or anything on TLC.

  • @ThemDessertz
    @ThemDessertz 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I feel blessed that I am in a position that my husband and I are talking about him remarry before it happens, I'm finding ur videos so helpful and am feeling more prepared for the inevitable. Thank u coach Fatima 🤗😘

    • @rabiahmohammed1385
      @rabiahmohammed1385 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      How are you coping sis?
      I am also conversing with mine on remarrying another sister
      How did you feel after he got remarried?

    • @ThemDessertz
      @ThemDessertz 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@rabiahmohammed1385 thank u for reaching out. I’m not gonna lie, it’s extremely difficult but be patient, trust in Allah swt and ur husband that he will behave in a good manner before and after and InshaAllah u will be fine. And most importantly know ur rights. Thinking of u and all sisters who are going through the same Ameen 🙏

    • @rabiahmohammed1385
      @rabiahmohammed1385 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@ThemDessertz hmmmmm I am trying to be strong but I just need Allah to help me through

    • @rabiahmohammed1385
      @rabiahmohammed1385 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@ThemDessertz though I felt the honor because he has been overwhelming me with love of recent then that prompted me ask if he got someone and I realized that he already and I told him to call the sister then I greeted her and comforted her😪

    • @rabiahmohammed1385
      @rabiahmohammed1385 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      But still my dear sister, it isn’t easy. Though I’m 100% in support of his decision

  • @munazza9110
    @munazza9110 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    MashaAllah! Very informative and Alhamdulillah. I am glad that you are giving so much dawa, and I appreciate that you also look like me.

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you for the kind words sis. If not us, who? If not for this deen, for what? jazakAllahu khayr

  • @zxcccccc1
    @zxcccccc1 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    thanks again for the maturity, it's a blessing to be 50yrs and above

  • @Susan-fg3nv
    @Susan-fg3nv หลายเดือนก่อน

    I am not going to strip my rights as a wife by being in polygny. That's solid ❤

  • @faizatuibrahim225
    @faizatuibrahim225 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Jazakillah khair for sharing your experience.

  • @DrLesiaThePreachasDiviNation
    @DrLesiaThePreachasDiviNation 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My ex-hubby dropped the ball in that department 🤷🏾‍♀️

  • @globalgogetter4469
    @globalgogetter4469 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Awesome content and testimony my sista.👍🏿💯

  • @lameesabu
    @lameesabu 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    You are amazing 😍

  • @anisarokadiya2561
    @anisarokadiya2561 13 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Ya Allah plz make this easy for me it’s soo hard to except I love my husband soo much that I don’t want to share him I’m feel so emotional and crying all the time my children looks at me thinking what wrong

  • @danajnc
    @danajnc 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    BEAUTIFUL !

  • @halymam3485
    @halymam3485 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The truth is fearless 👏🏽

  • @aneesahm4301
    @aneesahm4301 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    As salaamu alaikum sister. Love your knowledge; you are just beautiful inside and out! Masha Allah!

  • @mallydio6827
    @mallydio6827 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    May Allah makes us strong, thanks for the video

  • @NatalieCorrea-tu8gy
    @NatalieCorrea-tu8gy 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Assalamu alaikum, I’m a new revert and in a polygyny relationship I would love to speak to you more please how can I message you? If that’s ok? I’m on this journey alone and can use your advice and experience. mashallah 🙏🏼♥️

  • @smiley.d_
    @smiley.d_ 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Asalaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu
    Sister when are you guys having another live session ? I keep missing them 😭 I just have a couple questions I wanted to ask you and your cowife to get advice Insha’Allah

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah,
      We go live weekly for our RMIC members 4 Sundays per month so tomorrow 3.21.21 in sha Allah. (more info at outstandingpersonalrelationships.com/rm ) Our RMIC members have closer access to us.
      If you're not an RMIC member, we will likely go live after our RMIC member Q&A next Sunday the 28th in sha Allah.

  • @lemosmon
    @lemosmon ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you

  • @Sultana-w2b
    @Sultana-w2b 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    You are so so so beautiful inside out, my dearest sis. Love ❤️ your personality. MashaAllah.

  • @ritasstallworth1507
    @ritasstallworth1507 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    please share some of the things that need to be in place.

  • @samiraabdul1182
    @samiraabdul1182 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    50 wow 🤩 MashAllah drop the tips sis

  • @DrLesiaThePreachasDiviNation
    @DrLesiaThePreachasDiviNation 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Would I be wrong to approach my 1st husband due to my lack of understanding?
    He's on wife #3, yet we have 7 grandsons that need him. Its my responsibility to create that bridge, correct?

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Your 1st husband? You have more than 1? Are you still married?
      If he's your husband, then of course work with him to establish and nurture the relationships with his grandchildren. If he's an ex, then do what you can to suggest he connect with them.

  • @Me4003
    @Me4003 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    What do we do when the man doesn’t want you to have a conversation with the incoming wife? I feel like it would be nice for me to talk to her any advice on this?

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Obedience to your husband is important in respecting his wishes, especially with something like this where he may clearly know more and better than you. It's not for you to impose what you desire against his and possibly her wishes.
      The best you can or should do is try to influence him to see otherwise or understand his reasoning.

    • @tessaroff5859
      @tessaroff5859 ปีที่แล้ว

      This is how I feel as well. Not that I would be able to speak to her cause we speak different language and live in different countries.

  • @basraabdulle3526
    @basraabdulle3526 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    your channel is new to me and your hijab is very beautiful your a beautiful Muslim woman and you're right in Islam if our husband gets married again the new wives are still as equal to the first wife but still, we have the first place we are the first woman who shares life with him and he should respect that, and some Muslim husbands usually enjoy with new wives even though every man is not like that human are not the same, but I understand where your coming from, but it's your fault what happen at that time if anything you were dealing with what is going on even though you look like sisters we Muslims should respect the other sister

    • @lightskin8878
      @lightskin8878 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      having the first place is not being equal between the two I don’t think it should be seen as that

  • @DarnisaDavis-ec7pu
    @DarnisaDavis-ec7pu 25 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Sister Fatimah, you mentioned that polygamy is in your culture. Where are you from?❤

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      From the US. My culture is Islamic and ethnically speaking I'm considered a Black American, although there is no such 'designation', but polygyny was part of my Native and Afeican roots as well.

  • @TotiaunahRanzy
    @TotiaunahRanzy 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    She said what she said😂

  • @diaryofmylife.3450
    @diaryofmylife.3450 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Wa'alaikumussalam.

  • @hikmahussen8433
    @hikmahussen8433 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    mashallah thank you for the beautiful message sister please remember to avoid jewelry in front of non-mahrams

  • @blackpearl6110
    @blackpearl6110 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Greetings hope this comment finds you. What is an “EDFP”?

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      ENFP is one of the 16 personality types as described by the MBTI or Myers Briggs Typology Indicator. Just gives a little more self-knowledge. You can take it at humanmetrics.com or 16personalities.com

  • @muslimahe7030
    @muslimahe7030 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Alhamduli’lah

  • @alphainfamy6340
    @alphainfamy6340 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    AWESOME

  • @kevondillard4866
    @kevondillard4866 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Alhumdullilah

  • @sadyadey782
    @sadyadey782 ปีที่แล้ว

    I have a question though is a man allowed to force woman in to polygamy relationship and is it allowed for beat his first wife if acts up on his polygamy relationship plan specially if he is not in good position for it as Allah commands to be fair and justify between the women

  • @maanroovmaanrethca5113
    @maanroovmaanrethca5113 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    💯🎯

  • @Vanusachristen
    @Vanusachristen 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Prefiro a poligamia do que viver no engano

  • @karamrabbani
    @karamrabbani 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    May I ask would you choose polygny by choice?

  • @haleemahsaida9772
    @haleemahsaida9772 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Maybe I'm not enlightened, religious enough or I suppose learned but I just can't stomach the idea of a second wife. I'd rather he just leave me

  • @mobidick6064
    @mobidick6064 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    What Allah wills isn't a mistake

  • @proudtobe9932
    @proudtobe9932 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    That’s deep side chick, girlfriend etc... denigrating women and men

  • @annamcvibes2019
    @annamcvibes2019 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    You're so smart and beautiful. lol I wish to be like you.

  • @MaryamShamsWayMaryamShams
    @MaryamShamsWayMaryamShams 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Wa alkum wa Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu, my dear sister, with all my heart, polygamy is nothing new pre-Islam Christians are practicing underground in America as well. At least in Islam, he could only marry four wives 💖👑🥰🤗💞💞💞

  • @mahtazdin
    @mahtazdin 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    The way I see it. Your human and we were taught marriage between one man one woman. So the husband needs to be honest

  • @aishaziauddin56
    @aishaziauddin56 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    U 50?! No way sista...you young

  • @Salahdiator
    @Salahdiator ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Here i am thinking your 23 😢 lol ma sha Allah i guess you prove that black dont crack 😅

  • @TJfromTheA
    @TJfromTheA 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Coach Fatimah, couldn't you have talked to other Muslim women? You sound like you were totally blindsided by your husband's decision to take another wife. I also think you suffered more than you should have. Your husband should have talked about this with you before he made the final decision. He clearly courted her before marrying her. It sounds like he did this when you two were not completely transparent with each other. The situation was not conducive for marrying another wife. That's just my 2 cents. I still admire you because honestly, i feel some of the hurt you felt then in your TH-cam video

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Of course you only see a snippet on TH-cam and fill in the details with what you assume and I know you likely mean well. I did speak with other Muslim women, sadly our ummah is not very supportive of polygyny for women or men so many vilify it and offer little helpful support.
      I wasn't totally blindsided. I even thought to myself that he should marry Coach Nyla, but I never let him know until after he married her. We both knew her before her previous marriage. See m situation is just that, more nuanced and unique than a short video. Nevertheless it's always good to get the lessons from a video versus trying to diagnose or offer advice in hindsight without being a part of it.

  • @fantajallow4791
    @fantajallow4791 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I'm very jealous 😭 Allah help me my husband is marring another wife

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      th-cam.com/video/9Iv_nlLfzsQ/w-d-xo.html

    • @fantajallow4791
      @fantajallow4791 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I can't in bed with him and he is calling talking with another wife Allahu Akbar

    • @mariaaziz7442
      @mariaaziz7442 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@fantajallow4791 how long were you married?

    • @fantajallow4791
      @fantajallow4791 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@mariaaziz7442 10 years but first 5years were not living together

    • @fahimaakter2541
      @fahimaakter2541 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @fantajallow4791 Assalamualikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sister how r u now???

  • @hafsaabdirashidali3578
    @hafsaabdirashidali3578 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Why did you not go for divorce?

    • @outstandingpersonalrelationshi
      @outstandingpersonalrelationshi  3 ปีที่แล้ว

      See the video about why I stayed.

    • @davidslocum9536
      @davidslocum9536 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@outstandingpersonalrelationshi yeah but look at all the blessings you've acquired by staying! Obviously, you made the best choice. ♥️

  • @cmsa1r
    @cmsa1r 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Simply abuse

    • @mamaathu322
      @mamaathu322 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Who is abusing who

    • @zxcccccc1
      @zxcccccc1 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      adultery and fornication or abuse

    • @i.8885
      @i.8885 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ​​@@zxcccccc1 Where is the option to stay loyal to your wife and feel like she's enough for you? If his wife can do that he sure can too. If you don't love your wife the solution is to break up not to marry other women