Best Jesus Jokes | Stand-Up Compilation
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2024
- Jesus Christ... Jokes. Enjoy this compilation and subscribe for more to come! PALE TOURIST is NOW streaming on Amazon Prime. Check out Canadian American and Spanish American by clicking here bit.ly/JGPaleTourist
:34 - I’VE GOT JESUS!
:50 - LET’S TALK JESUS
1:25 - CARPENTER
2:04 - MARY & JOSEPH
2:40 - SHOPPING FOR JESUS
3:05 - CRUCIFIXION
3:33 - MIRACLES
3:55 - THE APOSTLES
5:55 - JESUS GREAT SHAPE
6:23 - MULTIPLY BREAD
8:03 - PAINTINGS OF JESUS
9:43 - JESUS’ BIRTHDAY
THE PALE TOURIST
Asian American (Full Set)- bit.ly/JGAsianAmerican
Florida Man (Full Set)- bit.ly/JGFloridaMan
Run with Bulls bit.ly/JGRunwithBulls
Ontario vs Quebec bit.ly/JGOntario
Spanish Superstitions bit.ly/JGSuperstition
Canadian Map bit.ly/JGCanadaMap
Tapas bit.ly/JGTapas
Tourists bit.ly/JGTourist
Halifax Donair bit.ly/JGDonair
Rodeo bit.ly/JGRodeo
Drake Story bit.ly/JGDrake
QUALITY TIME
Marathons bit.ly/JGMarathons
Horses bit.ly/JGHorses
Appendix bit.ly/JGAppendix
Museums bit.ly/JGMuseum
Lying bit.ly/JGLying
Dog Birthdays bit.ly/JGDogBirthday
Cold Weather bit.ly/JGColdWeather
NOBLE APE:
Japan vs China bit.ly/JGJapan
My Wife's Brain Tumor bit.ly/JGBrainTumor
Massages & Saunas bit.ly/JGMassage
Pope bit.ly/JGPope
My Least Favorite Doctor bit.ly/JGWorstDoctor
UK vs US bit.ly/JGUSAvCanada
CINCO
Morning Person bit.ly/JGMorning
Fish are Gross bit.ly/JGFishGross
Steak is Manly bit.ly/JGSteak
Hiking bit.ly/JGHiking
Idiot Abroad bit.ly/JGIdiotAbroad
Easier to be a Guy bit.ly/JGBeaGuy
Big Family bit.ly/JGBigFamily
OBSESSED
Bars: bit.ly/JGBars
Weddings bit.ly/JGWeddingsyay
Victoria's Secret bit.ly/JGSecret
Seafood bit.ly/JGSeafood
Donuts bit.ly/JGDonuts
Bath vs Shower bit.ly/JGBathvShower
Can't Stop Eating bit.ly/JGstopeating
MR. UNIVERSE
Vitamins bit.ly/JGVitamins
Whales bit.ly/JGWhales
Fitness Goals bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
Home Birth bit.ly/JGHomebirth
McDonald's bit.ly/JGMcDonalds
KING BABY
Camping bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon bit.ly/JGBacon
Fried Chicken bit.ly/JGFriendChicken
Waffle House bit.ly/JGWaffleHouse
BEYOND THE PALE
Hot Pockets bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean bit.ly/JGKorean
Doing Nothing bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Out To Dinner bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
Cake bit.ly/JGCakes
Vegetarian bit.ly/JGVegetarian
MERCH Proceeds donated to ThelmagineSociety.org tinyurl.com/y5fwmpb2
LETS GET COOKIN' World’s Favorite Quarantine Cooking Show
Toast bit.ly/JGToast
Burger bit.ly/JGBurger
Pork bit.ly/JGPork
Hotdog & Eggs bit.ly/JGHotDogs
Pizza bit.ly/JGPizzaLGC
Pasta bit.ly/JGPasta
Hot Dog Fest bit.ly/JGHotDogFest
Meatball Parm bit.ly/JGMeatball
Peas & Corn bit.ly/JGPeasandCorn
Mikey Takes Over bit.ly/JGMikey
Oatmeal Soup bit.ly/JGOatmeal
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlates
Chicken Fillet bit.ly/JGChickenFilet
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKansasCBBQ
Bacon Wrapped Steaks bit.ly/JGBaconWrapped
THE MIKE & PAT SHOW: (the next Pewdiepie or Roblox addicts challenge)
Daddy Dog bit.ly/JGDaddyDog
Hot Pocket bit.ly/JGMPHotPocket
Spaghettios bit.ly/JGSPaghettios
Liverwurst bit.ly/JGLiverwust
Twinkies bit.ly/JGTwinkies
Fluff bit.ly/JGFluff
Vegemite bit.ly/JGVegimite
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JIM EATS THE WORLD (mukbang asmr local food)
St.Louis Pizza bit.ly/JimEatsTheWorld
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKCBBQ
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlate
Polish Boy bit.ly/JGPolishboy
Spain bit.ly/JGSpainJETW
Colombia bit.ly/JGColombia
Paella bit.ly/JGPaella
PALE FORCE w/ Conan O'brien - • "Pale Force" - Jim Ga...
CORONAVIRUS LIFE (Try not to laugh+ CBS SUNDAY)
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TEXT JIM 646-980-6600
Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles. - บันเทิง
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I'm Orthodox Christian, which is to say, very Christo-centric. To anyone who is offended about this video I would say: these are not jokes about Jesus; these are really jokes about us. Thank you, Jim, for sharing so much of your content. May God grant you many years!
I'm a Christian and I thought this was great. Some of the situational things Jim brings up with Christ must have happened to some degree and were really funny even then. There is no doubt in my mind that Christ has a sense of humor and laughed at several of the scenarios Jim jokes about.
Yea, I'm sure Jebus is cracking his ass up in heaven........./s can't believe grown folks still believe in that silly shit.
@@MajorPayne175 Major Payne, I fully respect your decision and personal right to not believe aliens could exist. And your decision not to doesn't stir my emotions at all Sir. But it seems my decision to believe differently than you aggregates you. I wish it didn't. I wish that so much that I'm going to explain it from a science and math perspective:
Our Universe is made up of billions and billions of GALAXIES (we literally can't count them all) and we still haven't found a definitive end to our universe, only an estimate and we keep moving that estimate out - some scientists are starting to theorize the universe has no end.
That said, you could get in a space ship and travel at the speed of light (186,000 miles per second) and after 50 years of traveling in that tin can, you would still need another 199,950 YEARS of travel at the SPEED OF LIGHT just to GET OUT OF OUR ONE GALAXY the Milky Way.
How long would it take to explore an infinite amount of galaxies? It's mind blowing when we can't see ourselves EVER getting out of just the one galaxy we live in?!
Understanding how insanely vast the universe is, are you 1,000 percent sure you believe we're the only life form that exists? Are you sure a life form far, far, more advanced than ours doesn't exist out there?
And what about the string theory of 10 dimensions? If time is the 4th dimension, what do you think the 5th one is? I'm respectfully asking - because it's mind blowing to even try to guess what it could be because we have so little to go on: height, width, length, time, _____? What would the next one be? And if life existed in those dimensions, we can't see them - we might catch glimpses or slithers of them, but we would have no idea what we were looking at.
No one knows how the big bang started. I don't think it's a stretch to think an Alien Life Form so far advanced ahead of us set it into motion. When you consider how massive the universe is we can see right now, and to think we can't even begin to understand the dimensions we CAN'T see and how vast they may be including more universes, I don't think it's a huge leap of faith to think we're not alone.
I hope you find peace about this Major. Sincerely, I do. I won't claim I have perfect peace, but my faith and hope that we're not alone bridges the gap for me. My faith in the possibility an advanced life form that we call God exists and it makes a difference for me finding peace in many things. Regardless of whether it's imagined or real doesn't change the results it gives me in my life often.
God is an alien life form so complex that it's not possible to define and definitely not possible to explain right now. Like a dog trying to understand the complete human existence.
Man, my dog doesn't even get my jokes?! (rim shot).😳......but seriously:
I'd hate to try and explain the Pythagorean theorem to my dog. And yes Major, I understand how to use it! Ha!
I recently heard a comedian do a bit that helped in a weird way. He said he was an atheist when it came to the God of the Gym. If there's a God of the Gym, then why is there so much pain and suffering in the gym? I found that amusing and yet thought provoking.
Hey - sorry this went so long - take care of yourself Major. I wish you well Sir...
No this is not it this guy is not God fearing at all.
@@jacobmiller8816 I understand. Consider this; regardless of what Jim believes, it doesn't mean there wasn't an element of humor in some of those moments when they actually happened. Truth is still true regardless of whether or not a person fears it or believes it. Thanks for the comment Jacob! Have a great day!
Amen!!!
"Everybody knows the apostles but this is my buddy Earl"
Jim does a great job staying respectful of the topic while totally shreading it with humor.
Shredding. O.k.? Best regards. Gregg Oreo long beach CA
@@greggoreo6738 who asked for your location?
@@BringBackStoning I did
"He did a jesus joke and was electrocuted... it was the best show I've ever seen" 😂😂😂 why's it tru tho
Your saying he was really electrocuted
The tilt of your head on the miracle joke about curing blindness an constructing shelves is perfect! Classic Gaffigan punctuation!
My wife and I recently had a lost in our family, Your video made us forget and laugh in this time of sorrow.
Thank You !! and God bless.
I’m sorry for your loss 🙏
"Yeah, but we can still get the jackets right!?"
The Apostle's joke, brilliant.
“Wouldn’t it hilarious if I was electrocuted right now...” ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️
Jim, Weve been evacuated from our home because of the fires in the Santa Cruz mountains and were we live on the North Coast.Watching your vidioes is one of the "normal" things we can still do.Thank you for making us laugh!!!!
Drew Allen Bummer. Praying for everyone going through this yet again. Sending good thoughts your way - I'm in The OC.
Praying for you ALL🙏🏼❤🌍
Thank you Jim for doing your part to keep us all sane.
Pandemic or not Jim is always good to calm things down
And Jesus said: "Stand up comedy, and walk!"
🤣😅🥳💥
Great one 👍
I'm pretty sure that you are the only "clean" comedian that I enjoy......maybe Seinfeld too, but right now it's you that's entertaining me every day. Thanks!
I agree! My hubby n I love Jim Gaffigan's specials!
Have u tried the specials on Netflix by Fluffy? Real name Gabriel Iglesias. He's a pretty clean comedian too (esp in the earlier specials.) Both are my all time fav comedians.
JGafs is the bomb! If you're into clean comics, I'd recommend checking out Brian Regan, if you haven't already.
Brian Regan and Jim Breuer
I wouldn't walk a yard to hear Seinfeld. Gaffigan though ....
His material is SO relatable even if you are not Christian.
The apostle from Brooklyn, Frank Rizzo; "Hey Jesus, me and the boys we was talkin'..."
Hey Jim, I 'discovered you' during this pandemic. Your standup is a real breath of fresh air during these times. I really appreciate how you respond as your audience to your jokes. Real interesting insights in your comedy. Thanks for cheering us up!
Maybe that's why God sent the pandemic.
@Regular Gamer Did He share that fact with you recently RG?
@Regular Gamer but he'll send you to hell for eternity, just for not adoring him
The way he always makes those little side-comments in that judgmental church-lady voice is freakin' hilarious! Thanks for the good laughs, Jim! And thanks for keeping it clean.
You're delivery is masterful. You never fail to crack me up.
Hey, I'm jealous of Helene. She got a little heart icon. You''re funny anyway, I guess.
@@mimsyborogove3906
That's because Jim, unlike Jesus, ALWAYS reads and responds to his fan mail and TH-cam comments!
I've been listening and loving Jim since the origin of..... "HOOOOT POCKET" I'm 46 now, so it's been a while. Still awesome as ever.
As a Catholic I am offended..that you didn't do more Jesus jokes. :)
@@vanmoody A stationary Popemobile perhaps? ;)
@Sky Videos So nice you said it twice! ;)
@@johnbrowne3950 According to Wikipedia we make up 50.1% of Christians or we are the original pre-denominational Church. Take your pick. Jesus loves us all. :)
@@LisbethAdams There are more people who follow Islam and that is also a cult.
@@johnbrowne3950 I think you are missing the point of comedy. Peace be with you.
You remain the best, Jim Gaffigan! Thanks for the many laughs!
I am recovering from a brain surgery so I can't laugh so I am saving them for when I can enjoy them. For now, I can only read the comment section.
@@edithdlp8045 Careful...It is scientifically proven that TH-cam comment sections can fuel laughter due to their potential for banter, insults, and kindergarten-level arguments. 😉
@@edithdlp8045 To be fair, there are also some genuinely interesting people who provide random but fascinating facts. 🙂
I have been a long-time fan. Thanks for making us laugh during this difficult time. And thank you for speaking out on Twitter! Much ❤ to you and your family!!
Love all your compilation videos, Jim. Great that you release "Jesus'" on a Sunday! You are the only comedian that makes Jesus's jokes work! They are funny as hell?
Funny as hell! Great use of words.
@@shirleyrombough8173 actually if you ponder Todd's remark,"funny as hell", I think you might, as certain Christians may, find that he spoke the truth since they would consider neither the jokes or hell funny Pax
@@shirleyrombough8173your Awesome 😊
You always make me laugh and feel good inside. I wouldn’t worry to much about all the Jesus jokes. If you get into trouble we’ll all stand behind you and back you up.
But it might be nice to have another martyr -- just in case we need to start another media church.
his so funny
As an Atheist I found these jokes so funny and also non-offensive to Christians too. Which equals brilliant! Very funny jokes true master of one's craft :)
They are pretty fun, As long as you Can save a soul, that's all that Matters
You got me at Joseph saying “Jesus Christ” ...another well done compilation..I tip my virtual emoji hat 🎩!!
@Sue Brown: That was hilarious! “Oh, you already know about it…” 😂
“...and we’d love some shelves right here.” 😂 Can I use this in a sermon?
Dee_xx for sure! 😊
You are Awesome JG! 🌷✌🌷
@Sheldon Cooper So...no shelves? 🌷✌🌷
@jimgaffigan, I did it! Today's sermon! It killed. And then gave life.
I can't handle the blind/shelves joke!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
His comedic timing is brilliant! He's awesome!
"I do want everybody to feel comfortable that's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus" bhahahaha 🤣🤣🤣😭🤣😭🤔🤭
When you realise Jesus the bridegroom is trans and he told everyone he came from the jews 😂 the reason they killed him
😅😅😅😅😅😅😀😀😅😅😅
@@edenswaterislife9214 he’s not trans
Lol, loved it.
Exactly why you talk about Jesus leave it alone why don’t you just say gods name in vain while you’re at it😢 ridiculous people gotta tell these kind of jokes😂
Lord know we all need more Jesus!!!
I'm sure he will have you perform before dinner when ur up there in heaven. Well done good and faithful comic.
Jeannie is 1 smart cookie! Her writing is impeccable.
Hi Jim- I saw you at a small college in Oklahoma many years ago and haven’t stop watching you since. Thanks for the work you put in for us -
Literally no other comedian makes me laugh so hard I can’t catch my breath.
Try some John Pinette, Kellen Erskin, or Victor Borge...but yeah Gaffigan is also top tier.
Hi, Catholic here, this was all funny and in good taste ! So funny! Easy freak I keep work at work! Lol 😆
7:10 the bread joke was so good! 😂
That's true, People then did NOT Get the memo: Jesus was offering Himself but no one wanted to live Like him - offer yourself to others Just like I'm offering myself to You: that was the lesson
Sadly, that message can apply to Us today
OMG... teenage Jesus... acne Jesus... I'm dying here... 🤣🤣🤣
Yes acne Jesus was a high point for sure. Although the healthier diet of the time may have prevented most skin problems.
The Jews never show the “Ultimate Jew” Jesus with even the slightest skin blemish while growing up. It is not good for their PR purposes. He must be gorgeous, albeit only 4’6” in height by evolutionary standards.
"mustache barely growing in Jesus" 😂
On the construction site while using a port a potty I saw the graffiti. "JESUS IS ALIVE". Response, " OF COURSE, HE'S ON THE FOURTH FLOOR HANGING DRYWALL."
Good one Joe !
Great one 👌
You are definitely my favorite comedian!! Thank you for the videos and laughter 🤣🤣🤣
Out of everything else, Jim’s delivery of “Joseph? YEAHH??” had me crying with laughter
"You can reenact my birth scene with dolls."
You're the best. I can play your comedy to anyone. I appreciate the time it must take
If this is the best Jesus jokes I don't believe I could handle the worst ones.
"You made wine? Jesus, we're not supposed to drink! We're Baptists! - Oh, it was just really good grape juice... Oh, well then, bravo." - The carpentry. The miracles. The flannel graph boards in Sunday School. How can anyone NOT laugh?
WE NEED * HIM * N O W TO PERFORM THE * M I R A C L E * OF GETTING R I D OF THE CCP-VIRUS...HALLELUJAH / AMEN/ PRAISE THE LORD...ASK & YE SHALL RECEIVE !!
@@louiseevans5752 You mean like he got rid of the Spanish flu?
@@louiseevans5752 ft
Always good! Love it.
Jesus Loves The Gaffigan's💜
Don’t we all!!
Do we love Jesus.
Jesus is gay
Wonderful
well atleast one of them
Thank you Jim for all the great jokes. Takes my mind of all my life problems for a minute.
Jim didn't expect this to be so funny! Wow you are great
in the funny department! Glad I found you. Thanks for
laughs!
He imitated a “Karen” before she was born.
As always, great comedy 😂
When someone shows up at my door to "talk about Jesus" I answer the door naked. Problem solved.
I live in an apartment complex with security so no one, besides the tenants, can enter. But it's a great idea otherwise.
My hero!💝
That would scare ME as much as them, so I ask questions like ' what does the Jesus say about anal sex??"
Funny stuff. Always love a good religious joke. I can't remember where I heard this one but it was at least 30 yrs ago. I always thought it was funny. Jesus is up on the hill hanging on a cross close to death. He softly cries out to Peter. "Yes my lord?" says Peter. Again Jesus calls Peter's name; stronger this time. "I'm here Lord. What is it?" Jesus looks out; it was a great view from up on that cross at the top of the hill. "Peter, I can see your house from here."
That was funny.
Lolol
Thanks for another Jim! You rock Sir.
I watch some comedians doing stand up on TH-cam and wonder why the audience is laughing so hard at mediocre jokes. I watch Jim Gaffigan and wonder why the audience isn't laughing as hard as I am.
This guy is hilarious!
And my neighbors would prefer I closed the windows.
I love both Jim, and Jesus, and they're absolutely right, socks and sandals were never, nor will they ever be....cool!
Actually, socks and sandals are an aweful combination.
@@edithdlp8045 - "What am I, German?"
@@shirleyrombough8173 ???
@@edithdlp8045 - but have you ever noticed just how many people are wearing that combo?
Socks with sandals has never bothered me.
This is the best! Thanks Jim!
loved the jokes, brought a good laugh all around. Really appreciate the share and talent
I’d like to talk to you about ... Jesus. Jim nails that lilt.
Nails?
Jee-zuss
Have you heard the Good News?
@@silverstrike6048 Oh, you didn't just say that! LOL
JESUS CHRIST those are funny Jesus Christ jokes Jim !!!!!!!!
I would totally wear that hat Jim! Thanks for the laughs brother!🤣🤣👏🏽
Thanks Jim… As a retired professional (clean) comedian (23 years) I find it hard to watch some of the comics of today. However, you make me laugh. Thank you.
Jim Gaffigan, once again you made my day! Thank You!
I believe that Jesus (more than anyone!) has broad shoulders and a kick-ass sense of humor. I'd love to have hung out with him, had a couple glasses of water and then wine, and told some jokes.
You rock
Your the best it’s all so true!!!!
Thank you for great material
You are my favorite comedian ever!!
I was horrified and highly offended. Never laughed more in my life, keep up the great work Jim.
Best compilation yet! Keep'em coming, Jim. These are much appreciated on days like these.
OMG, love the 1st clip with a much younger Jim. Your a very funny man, thanks for all your vids.
These were FREEKING AWESOMENESS!!! LMFAO!!! I sent this to all my friends.
My mother introduced me to her new husband. She said "This is my husband JC." I said "Jesus Christ !" Their jaws dropped. My mother got the joke at that moment and started laughing so hard I wondered if she was going to pass out. She said she had never thought of that. He just didn't believe that I would say that. My mouth has almost no filter.
Jesus Christ that was funny!😂
Dont know if you read these or not but i really needed this today my cousin is in the hospital hanging on to dear life and I being a cancer survivor am having a hard time dealing with it thank you for giving us something else to watch during these crazy times!
John Mat Thank you for sharing and I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Blessings to you and your cousin and may Christ’s peace be with you.
Life is so hard, it's important to take a moment and laugh 😂😅 Thank you Jim for the gift of laughter. 😉
Only person who makes Jesus talk not that uncomfortable
@Conway Twitty The historicity of a person named Jesus is mostly agreed on by academic historians :) Look up "Historical Jesus" in Wikipedia. It provides a pretty good secular explanation.
@@alexander-kirk What's that got to do with Jim Gaffigan?
@@linshanhsiang Yeah Jim G is the best.
Absolutely hilarious!!!!! 😂
Jim, you are the best!! Thanks bud.
I've always loved these!
More Jeebus jokes please!
As a Germans i really appreciate the one about wearing socks and sandals. :-)
Yes me too :D
God bless the Germans but that totally made me think of my neighbor on that one! lol
Lmao!
Sadly it's a thing over here now too... mostly the young people. Lol
I'm still recovering from Jesus's birthday! That was insane! how can anyone not love Gaffigan?
Loved this. Keep ‘em comin’. Love your humour…not just on this topic.🇨🇦
What a great gift you are to us.
Sir you are by far the funniest man in the world hands down!! Lmao
better than Billy Connelly?? I don't think so. He is funny though.
Absolutely love it.
Jesus would’ve been great at Home Depot.
“Oh, hi. Can I ask you about God?”
“Um, I’m in a hurry. My toilet’s plugged.”
“How about filling out this quick survey on solar panels?”
Is it bad that I was laughing just a little before the video started?? Lol Jim you crack me up😂
The best! Always! The poor people may look at my art. LOLOL
Hilarious!!!! Keep it up Jim!
Jim, I was going to comment on your hat in the intro. Nice work man. It looks like you’re really trying. Putting In the effort. And for that nice work man. The other thing is the first clip when the video actually gets started. Holy crap, my man! When was that? I’d love to catch some of your old stuff, because I’ve only known about you since like 2010. Great work on breaking through, btw.
Just started tuning in a few weeks ago....now....just Have to...Thanks Jim!
I love Jim's jokes he's AMAZING🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😁😁😁😁😁😁😃😃😃
Dropping that on a Sunday morning I see 🤣🤣🤣
😂 Hop to it “Jesus” 😂
Loved it!
I have found your videos only a two days ago for the first time ever. Cause I am russian, you know. A proper Russian, I mean. Like Russia's russian. And I just can't stop watching you, Jim. You're great! Those Jesus jokes are funniest stuff I ever heard.
Sorry for my bad English, btw. )
Awesome stuff... Jesus gives you a lot of material. 😆
You are SO funny. Thank you thank you thank you.
We saw you in Chicago's airport once, with five kids in tow, and didn't want to bother you but really were happy to see you in full on Dad mode. - Jeffery Bruland
this material is gold. saw him in NYC & it rocked.
It's Sunday morning enjoyed your Jesus jokes, my church for this morning
No Catholic guilt involved
Not offended enough... but I LOVED it anyway!
Exactly
Jim, you are Gods gift to us!
Thank you for these Jesus.....jokes! Thanks Jim. :)