Choosing to have an only child: 'People were offended' BBC Stories
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ค. 2018
- Despite the myth that only children can be selfish and lonely, one-child families are becoming more common in many countries. Harriet Noble, an only child herself, travels across Europe and asks three mothers, including her own, why they decided to stop at one.
Produced by Harriet Noble and Rob Brown
It's horrible the way people have made this world . They've made it difficult to have a family and expensive to be alive
you are right:(,they forced us to think differently and have two child:(,,,its too much to handle
You can blame the boomers for this. They voted Brexit, they don't care about climate change. The world is un-livable innit!
It's so annoying that many people think having an only child is a bad thing
It's definitely a tough world out there, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique. Choosing to have an only child is a personal decision that should be respected. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
what have YOU done to fix the system?
I’m an only child & I also have ONLY ONE CHILD!!
My Mother didn’t regret not having more children & neither do I!!!
Im 15 and an only child and i kinda um... hate it. Yeah it has its perks but it really sucked being alone my whole life and having no one by my side to just be myself around (exept my parents). I also worry about when my parents my parents become super old and there is no one for me to turn to. Or maybe im just overreacting
@@exoticeditz8863 I can relate. Being lonely sucks. My mum single handedly raised me. I grew up alone with no siblings around when she would go off on duty.
I have 2 older brothers who are abusive & I have no relationship with. I actually my dads only child. My mom had them before she met my dad . I tell ppl I’m an only child. I had a best friend in high school who was an only child, she had friends and was a great friend. People think that having siblings will mean you have protection and back up in the world automatically. But ppl make friends. My siblings aren’t my protection . I have one baby and just want to give her the world. I like the idea of pouring all of the parenting in me into my one baby
exoticeditz your siblings might not have been there for you either. You’re assuming you guys would’ve even been close at all. My friends mom died and her siblings didn’t help her with shit
My mother was an only child and so am I
I love being an only child
Nothing wrong with being incredibly independent and enjoying time alone
Me too.
I hate it.
Beyond lonely, no one to sympathize with who's very similar to me.
J that pretty selfish, do ppl ever consider the parents and what they have to go through by raising children in general like gosh...
J I have 2 brothers and still have no one to sympathize with . Y’all are daydreaming about a fantasy life. Not all siblings are providing this rainbow life for each other. You don’t automatically relate just because they’re a sibling. You will not automatically be close just because you’re a sibling .
Oya Doyin - you’re absolutely right, this was my experience too. After having me, my parents had my younger brother when I was 18 months old because they thought it would stop me being lonely. LOL. If only they considered the possibility that this second person raised alongside me would be a completely incompatible personality to mine (he’s always been a stubborn upholder of everything “normal and conventional” whereas I’m a proud individualist and conventionalism bores me) and that he’d constantly feel the need to criticise my every move because of this. Sure, he meant well and all, but there’s no denying my childhood - already under stress from a learning difficulty and a medical issue - would have been significantly less stressful without having to deal with a nagging perfectionist little brother constantly trying to play Jiminy Cricket in my life and tell me what to do.
On top of that, an even bigger sibling issue in general is the inevitable insecurity that arises when they’re always being compared to each other by family and friends. It affects the siblings terribly - often causing lifelong resentment issues between them. In all these situations, having a sibling only breeds or exacerbates loneliness, it far from prevents it - and it’s sad that so many still subscribe to the outdated notion that an only child is guaranteed to be lonely... as if there’s no way other than siblings for them to connect with other kids...
When you have more than 3 kids, some people will call you selfish for having so many kids "depleting world resources, why not adopt, etc". When you only have one kid, people will say why only have one, the kid won't having anyone to play with. When you don't have any kids, people will call you selfish too. Just cannot satisfy everyone, just do your own thing and please dont judge others on their personal choice.
So 2 Is the perfect Number For people to not judge you
I see it this way if you have one child because that all you can afford is a lot better than having kids you can't support. I'm an only child. but me and my husband had two and the reason I did not want no more than two. Plus I'm not having children I can't support.
@@AlabamaBlue No...single being single child is the best
@@AlabamaBlue why should you have 2kids for others?
Most accurate answer I’ve see yet
My parents were called selfish for only having me. The thing is my mother went through complications when she had me and during her previous pregnancies, she lost her babies (2-3 times before me). It upsets me that people assume or get offended over something that they don't have a say in. It's someone elses life and pregnancy. Not yours.
mine tooo...my mother lost my big brother during her first pregnancy
People never know what someone is going through, but they judge quickly
My parents were called selfish and horrible for only having one child. And my family actually hated my parents for quite a while for it.
Yup, same here. My mom immigrated here and had me, and tried adopting another child so I could have a sibling. The government of that country didn't allow it and we had financial issues still so it didn't happen. That's just the way the cookie crumbles.
Being selfish! I think its selfish having more kids than u can afford and expect someone else to pay for them through benefits etc. If u can barely afford to look after yourself how can u expect to look after anyone else.
If I weren’t an only child, I wouldn’t have had the money to get extra tuition to actually get the grades to go to university. With no debt.
I’m grateful that I’ve had everything I needed to achieve my goals because, even though they weren’t rich, my parents did their best for their only child.
AG 98 glad to hear
Aye, what'll happen when your parents die?
Who'll you have to sympathize with? Who'll mourn alongside you?
Who'll go through the same life you do?
Who'll start a family alongside yours?
Your kids won't have nephews/nieces.
Your kids won't have uncles/aunts.
Ehh I'm willing to bet you are either incredibly socially awkward or had to struggle to overcome it.
But yeah... 50 thousand dollars is worth more than a family.
@@user-vv1do1wg1jpeople who grow up w/ big families can still struggle w/ these questions & a lot become rrly distant w/ siblings
@@user-vv1do1wg1j by that time he or she already have family and you don't need to worry about it.
@@user-vv1do1wg1j don’t be naive. Having siblings doesn’t mean that they will be your friends or help you at all.
People try to make me feel bad for only having one child I tell them “its quality not quantity “
You're robbing your child of a family.
Kenyona Courtney! Yesss! I'm definitely going to steal that answer 😂 I have only one and I'm pretty happy.
@@brittanyb.300 I had my first this year. And at 40 years old I think I'm done. No sooner was my little one 1 month I got the "when you having another?" question. Why do people ask such a personal question?????
@@enlighten274 I'm not sure why people ask such a personal question. Wow asking by the time yours was one month?! That is a bit much. Good greif. Congratulations to you! Welcome to parenthood! You have just have the one or as many you want. It's your choice. Definitely enjoy having my one.
@@brittanyb.300 Thank you so much. Yes I'm definitely enjoying motherhood. Regardless of age I conceived pretty much as soon as me and hubby started trying. That was definitely a blessing in it self. Sufferd hell with morning sickness but other than that was fine throughout pregnency which then resulted in a 27min labour. So overall I gusse I had it easy.but still may just keep to an only child as risks do go up with age and each pregnency is different. I'm content and that's what counts. And in a 2018 survey it was discoverd that women with only 1 child tend to be happier throughout parenthood. So that's a perk :)
I'm an only child. My mother passed away when I was 4 I have so many memories of her. Right now my father is 74. They wanted a kid later in life. I'm an only child. I miss my mommy.
So lovely how that Swedish mom talks about her choice to only want her daughter. Independent of societal norms and obviously loving her girl so much that her heart is full, no room for another child ❤
Wow
This is how I feel. I feel so complete ❤
One child family is best than being many kids.
Because baby sitting is really hard work.
I have only one child and I will NEVER espect my daughter to drop her adult/family life and care for me when I old-I would rather go into care and she will come visiting me. I would feel very bad that I can destroy my daughter her family life,marriage etc because of my sickness. I know personal stories when happy marriage come to the end,because of taking care of sick parents-I would feel guilty on this-never trouht of raising servant for myself later in life-some parents are very egoistic
I'm 40 and I have had my first child, I feel sad that she won't have any siblings, but having PCOS and being older it will get more and more dangerous for me. I will try and give her the best life though. :)
@Porras 36 Speak for yourself. Most of us only children are doing just fine.
Same here, I’m 35 with a 3 yr old and I had a dangerous birth, I just don’t want her to miss out and be lonely
@Porras 36 not everyone chooses to stop at one child. Some people just find themselves in these circumstances, despite their initial hopes. Keep your judgemental and hurtful opinions to yourself.
TacticaLWarrior no don’t say that! Not everyone is like that. I love being an only child and it’s not psychologically damaging in any way
@TacticaLWarrior well unfortunaltey my child seems happy and content and I do not wish to burst that bubble. however I can't help feel a little sad. maybe sometimes it's just hormonal related, she's a warrior and she continues to surprise me everyday with what she can do, what she has learnt. people don't crave what they have never had. or know any different. she will have friends, oneday a gentleman or a wife and most probably have children too, I think all parents get these feelings sometimes. not all siblings get along, trust me, my brother's a D**K
Physically not everyone can do it twice , we are lucky to be able to have the opportunity once because for years I thought I wasn’t even going to be blessed with one 🙏🏻✨
the thing about being the only child is that you are the only one that has to bear the responsibility of taking care of your parents when they're old for the rest of their lives. Some people don't mind about that, some people do
Echa I know of so many families with more than one child, and one child ends up taking care of the parents. The siblings don't help, yet they want their share of the inheritance when the parents die.
People say that but I have siblings and I always have to take care of my parents because they say they have no time. Guess when they pass we will have share everything equally...
Who takes care of a parent isn't as simple as counting their kids and saying the duty should be split equally. It will depend on where each individual sibling is in their lives. Where they live etc.
I know of an elderly couple that refused to leave their home even though they needed care and all their children were living out of state. A few wanted them to sell their house and come stay with them but they refused. Is that the kids fault? And keep in mind their children also have jobs and children in school or are supporting children in college. They can't just pick up and move. And many many people are in similar situation.
I'm my mom's only child & even though I'm not my dad's only I can see myself being his primary child caregiver. I don't mind. I'll love & care for my elderly parents 💯💖💖💖💖
On the flip side with only one child to support the parents will hopefully save for retirement including paying for assisted care if or when it becomes necessary.
I used to be an only child. Best five years of my life.
For me it was 8 years
for me it was one 🥺🥺🥺
But your not no more 😩
Be thankful for your sibling... I'm an only child and terribly alone... I'd die to have a sibling...
You don’t understand how hard it is to be an only child. We want company. We want someone to look up to. We don’t want to be left on our own to care for our parents when they are old. The reason we lack social skills is because the only people we have to talk to is our parents. Half the time they don’t even want to talk to us. It seems like a punishment, I would die to have a sibling.
I'm an only child and if I were to have a child, I would also have an only child. I feel like most people have so many mental damages due to having siblings and preferential parents. I want my child to be only one that receives love from me and my spouse and feel no need to compare with anyone just like I do. Only children are also close with parents, I would want to be my child's best friend too. The best thing for a child to have is a supportive loving understanding family which is actually rare these days.
You took the correct decision 👍👍👍
What kind of selfish pricks stops at one child?
Well said
I wish we would make a global law of one child policy
My parents wanted to be childless but they still did right by me after I came along by accident. I was raised around heaps of cousins so I got the socialization of growing up with them with the added bonus of being able to go home and not deal with them later.
I think it was a really healthy way to grow up, at least for myself. I love my cousins but I'm glad I never had siblings, or I think I'd go Cain really quick lmao.
And even though you were an accident, do you feel unconditional love from your parents?
Atleast you had cousins. But your child or children won’t have any 1st cousins through you
nothing wrong with having just one, some people dont want kids and thats okay too.
Y L selfish lmao
@@aloquia2587 how is it selfish? some people shouldn't have had kids at all. Chris watts is an example. he murdered his daughters and pregnant wife. he should have never had kids. in the school system there are abused kids who come from dysfunctional families
I have a friend who is 40 and he chose to
Focus on his career instead of kids and marriage. He tells me that people treat him like he is a sad case 🤦🏻♀️ it’s ridiculous.
I have one child but was pregnant with the second but sadly that baby passed away. You just don’t know the reasons behind a person only have one child
Or no children at all. You have to be careful. Though I have accepted everything, so many people haven’t and it can still affect them. Just be kind
aloquia. No, the people who have tons of kids and ‘breed out of control’ are selfish and you’re right it is only your opinion.
@@yoleeisbored I agree. I know a lady who lived in care, she was raped daily, and tho a survivor, she has a lot of demons.
Just because you have a sibling, it doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be close.. grew up with a family of 4 siblings, none of us were that close growing up, we got a lot closer as we got older though and had our families which was nice.. husband also came from a family of 5 siblings.. none of them are close and only speak to each other about once a year .. really just depends on the upbringing.. there’s no right or wrong .. do what you feel is best and be grateful for what you have, whether it’s 1 or 10.. if your child feels loved, then all is good ❤️
I just have the one daughter and she’s all I want. She is 17 and has never wished for a sibling. Contrary to popular opinion, she is not lonely, precocious, or immature although she is spoiled but that’s because with one there is more money. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and has changed my life for the better. I could not imagine life without her. We are very close and least I don’t find myself comparing kids or having to break up sibling fights. She won’t suffer mental health issues due to sibling rivalry like I did. Society needs to get over its hang ups about single children. They are better off, some of my daughter’s friends envy her without siblings. She has never wished for one and least I won’t be leaving a Carbon Footprint as I felt the urge to have a large family like so many are doing. One is quite enough!!
Again your kid might not be honest with you.
Am an only child.
Only told someone of my crippling loneliness once when i was borderline blacked out and wailing like a woman, when you die your daughter will mourn alone, with no one truly beside her, in her old days she'd be even more lonely she won't have siblings to visit and her kids would be distant
You really want your daughter to sit alone on a porch, widdowed (men tend to die at younger ages and women tend to go for older men lmao) and alone? She'll have no family to turn to and be known as the clingy, desperate, attention seeking grandma.
But yeah spoiling your kid is better than giving your kid a family.
My parents thought the same things you did.
I acted the same way to this day my parents don't know that i long for a brother or sister, i couldn't tell them, it'd break them seeing as they both have 3 siblings each and them realizing they rid me of that.
Lmao if you truly hate your siblings you're far too childish to be a mother.
But yeah i realize its too late to do anything about it for you, stop advocating it and hurting real people.
J . You’re wrong actually. My daughter who is nearly 18 has never wished for a sibling, moreover she is grateful she didn’t grow up with one. She does have a 29 year old half sister who she gets on well with. She has had countless friends who say she is very lucky not to have a ‘pesky’ brother or sister and were quite envious of her as she has been spoiled and I’m very lucky I’ve always had the income to support her. I know what it’s like to have a sister who did nothing but bully and judge me all my life and now I have long lasting mental health issues because of it. It’s because of my own experiences with siblings that influenced my decision to have the one child. Siblings can truly mess a person up and I didn’t want my daughter to suffer too. It’s the best decision I ever made and have never regretted it. Just because you’ve been lonely doesn’t mean every single child is - that’s what friends are for and my daughter has had plenty of those. She has also done much better at school than her peers with siblings and is 18 going on 25. She is far mature beyond her years. I’m also being responsible for the planet in having the one child and seem to be financially better off also. I think you will find you’re the one with the radical ideas spouting that people should expand their family when one is enough. Unless you are a parent yourself, then you don’t know what you are talking about. May I suggest you live and let live as there’s a lot of parents of ‘onlies’ who disagree.
H B Puts a of mass text. Pure boomer
@@user-vv1do1wg1j Wow, you have one heck of an imagination. When their parents pass away, they'll have their spouse or family friends by their side. People are generally kind and courteous, they wouldn't just leave someone to deal with the death of their parents by themselves. My dad is an only child, when my grandpa passed away everyone helped us (and especially my grandma who now lives on her own) to get through the tragic time, also, nobody will become a clingy old grandma sitting on the porch (especially in communities like mine) because we have a lot of people to look out for each other, including relatives and friends that are incredibly close. Keep in mind that all only children are different, even though you might feel lonely without siblings many only children are fine without them. There are a lot of only children in my community, who are doing absolutely fine. In fact, being an only child has meant that the friendships I have built are very strong, some of my friends are actually much closer to me than to their siblings, they talk to me about whatever they're going through at home despite having siblings because they feel like they can trust me more. Siblings are not the only people you have that you can rely on.
H.B I have a older sibling that verbally and physically abused me and my parents allowed it. It was a "phase" they said. But it was a secret at the same time. I struggle having another one. You give me hope. Thanks.
I'm an only child. And I'ma be honest, yes, I'm spoiled. But I'm not TOO spoiled. There are times I was I had siblings but in the end, it's better this way.
Ha
When you're 80 is it better in the end?
When your parents die and you're the only one mourning is it better in the end?
You know i see my nephews joke with their brothers about their childhood, i see a brotherly bond I'll never have.
Every time I'm with family i realize I'm the only one without a sibling.
It's not better and saying it is harms real people like you and me.
J honey I have two brothers and we don’t joke about our child hood. We don’t talk. You can make friends and have child hood friends to reminisce with. You all are dreaming and longing for something that is often times not a reality for children with siblings. You are not guaranteed to be friends with your siblings and siblings often times do not rally together to take care of their parents. It usually still mostly lands on one child so you would’ve most likely still been alone in that. Siblings or not
haha we are spoiled in the sense that we always have everything and never need to share... it's like people who say that are jealous of me... like its really not my fault that y'all have to share everything...
@@user-vv1do1wg1j Dude. I'm an only child but I'm lucky for having many cousins to talk to. Every one of them is a sibling, but some of them have a toxic relationship with their siblings, and some of them talk to me more than with their own brothers/sisters. Siblings aren't some key to happiness. YOU choose your own family.
@@user-vv1do1wg1j lol
There’s a different between being spoiled and being a brat, a child can have everything they need and want but act like a decent person at the same time
I will never understand why people get upset when i say im not having another child. Its each for their want more do you.
I’m an only child and if it’s offending anyone, too bad. You’re a few years late because my parents can’t have any more children and I’d have a pretty far gap from my nonexistent sibling. Seriously, anything can offend someone these days.
I feel ya m8.
In the end we suffer from it though.
Same. My mom tried before me and after me. It hurts her when she talks about it. The lady was ectopic. She had to have surgery.
I have one kid. Love it. I was only 20 when i had my son. Now im 34. I put his future before more kids. People need to Understand its not " a right to have kids". Need to support kids with money , love , health ect. You loose alot of yourself with alot of kids. And aging too faster. People need to chill and be happy with what you have. Kids are expensive . Reality!
💯 Exactly
Exactly, I’m so glad I stopped at one. I get me time, it’s easy to find a sitter, I’m only on 1 child’s schedule. I can afford a lot for him in his future (college fund, ira). People need to stop pushing this idea that 1 isn’t enough, it’s plenty.
What kind of selfish pricks stops at one child?
Hah, imagine how angry some people would be if they hear I want 0 children xD
People must be stupid and idiotic to be angry at you for not wanting any children. Not having children means less overpopulation and less children suffering a terrible life of going to school, paying taxes etc.
End point children are expensive. I'm 26 and in over 100 000€ in debt because my parents couldn't afford to send their 3 children to university. My husband is the same. We are working 2 jobs to pay the bills and now I'm pregnant. The maths is just stacked against us. If we want more children we will need a bigger apartment and have to work harder therefore see them less. It's a trade off. Either we break even with one child or have to work more and get into more debt.
Then have no kids.
Better to have none than 1.
It's better to have one child. Because you can guarantee that you can take care of him/her , even if you are broke.
I love being a only child for so many reasons but my Mum & Grandma are the only family members I have so Im kinda scared Im gonna be lonely with no family at all when im older
Im young wiv really old parents. They could only have 1 child so here I am. Im really happy that I didnt have siblings in my childhood coz I got the world n was their everything but Im so scared that soon ill have no one aswell
It’s ok. You will have your own family who you can lean on 🙂
OH IT GETS WORSE WITH AGE MY FRIEND.
When you're 80 and everyone but your generation and downwards is dead you'll be so lonely, don't think that your children will visit you every day you'll spend most of your golden years alone.
J yeah that’s why you get married and have a spouse. Grown ass people don’t hang out with their siblings all day every day
Oya Doyin Unfortunately I cant have kids thats the thing💔 Maybe I will get married idk. I hate myself its hard.
My father has 6 sisters. My father and his sisters are very distant to eachother, always have been. He is now 64 and there is no chance of reconciliation. I am 30 and I have one brother, he is 9 years younger to me. We hardly talk. So having a sibling doesn't actually guarantee any backup? Yes, more child means more means of support for the parents but that to, now a days, one cannot guarantee. To be honest, its every person for himself/herself.
I have one daughter. My wife and I always think whether to plan another or not! Thus while searching for wisdom I came across this video.
May be, if my financial condition doesn't improve drastically in next 5 fives, I may not plan another child. (Pandemic has wrecked everyone's plan)
That seems sensible to me. You have already experienced the joy of parenting. If you're happy with your 1 kid stay like that. 2nd will make life a bit more complicated.
Reading all these comments it is scary how many people don't like themselves and have fallen for the fear mongering of "loneliness". Truly sad 😥
Those people are the once who can't make friends
@@dudedude6690 Lots people are selfish and they don't want to talk alone people I'm alone and get ignored by selfish people so sad 😥
The day you can pay for my next child I'll have it... Otherwise please stop asking. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. Children are expensive that's life. Plus my retirement is looking amazing because of the money I earn I'll take care of myself when I'm old.
Nishkal Nathoo exactly
For real lol
Well said. People say have more but no one is there to help with all the sleepless nights and the financial strain. There is no guide or book on how many kids or if someone should have a certain amount of kids
I'm a single child and would prefer to have more than one child because of the boredom that I grew up with, but that doesn't give me the right to go and tell other people the number of children they should have. Society needs to understand this.
Bill S, having siblings is boring.
Having siblings is the reason I chose to remain childfree.
@@Childfree334 I understand that. It's your opinion, whatever works best for you. It's more important to be a good parents than to have a certain number of children.
Only child squad were you at
🙋🏽♀️👍🏽👍🏽
#TeamOnlyChild
#TeamOnlyChild YASSSS
At therapist's office with depression
Here
Yo
I am an only child and I did not like being alone. I would love to have at least one sibling so I can be an aunt and share so many things. I have made the choice to have at least two children because my experience is not something I want my first born to go through. 🤷♀️
Robinha Cardenas, you can be an aunt through marriage, you can be an aunt to your cousin or friends children. You can share so many things with your parents, friends, cousins, aunts/uncles, your spouse and with your children. And plenty of people with siblings hate having siblings.
Why people have this fantasy of siblings and togetherness/closeness is beyond me. It is simply not true most of the time.
Me too, it made me a misanthrope I hate everyone, it's a curse and you're life is vulnerable
The relationship between you and your parents has ti be one of the sweetest things i have ever seen. Brought me to tears.
I’m an only child. To be honest no one really says anything negative to me about it.
Did you parents constantly get asked when they were having another child?
I'm an only child. Yes I'm entitled and spoiled to this day lol. I have one 9 almost 10 year old daughter & I'm not having anymore. One and done! 💯 btw what a nice sentiment in the end with your parents. Loved it! 💖💖💖💖
jane doe nope don't feel bad. It's not a bad thing💖💯
jane doe I had lots of cousins. My mom had 12 siblings and my dad has 6 siblings. So every weekend I had a cousin or friend from school over. You get used to being by yourself otherwise. I think it's great especially now as an adult. I look at some ppl who obviously can't be alone for one second & it's sad to me. I enjoy socializing buy I love time by myself too.
This is like my dream I’m an only child and according to some ppl I’m spoiled but when I grow up I only want one little girl
Rebecca S maybe it’s because only children want to have the same experience as a parent with only one child if you don’t understand what I mean what I’m trying to say is that maybe only children feel like if they have more than one child The kids might feel like it’s not fair that you didn’t have to share anything and you had good advantages as an only child but they don’t get to have that another reason I think it’s because only children are so used to being the only one that when they are about to become parents they feel like they can’t handle more than one child just because of how they were raised and that could be true in some cases
@@terresanash7666 v r three sisters n one brother.....but same as u I have an only girl child....on 15 July she turned 10....
I'm an only child and being one of it is not bad but on the other hand, its quite hard sometimes because people would say that only child's are spoiled brats but they don't really know what it really feels to be one. skl hihi
It is quite weird. I have one now and other people with 2 or more children always go "don't you want to add another one?" And when I said "not really" they make sad faces. The thing is, these people don't live far away from their home country. My family live practically at the other side of the globe and I want to be able to take my child there to visit them at least once a year. You need a lot of money to travel, so 🤷🏻♀️
I'm an only child but I never hated that even me myself as a mom in future will have a single kid ! Everything had its owns pros and cons! I loved being a only and I was given the best and i don't think my dreams wouldn't be true if I had sibling ! As a child I learnt how to overcome loneliness and my parents were always there for me !
I'm so glad I came across this video. I'm 33 years old. I come from a big family. My dad has 9 children and my mom 7. My siblings all have more than one kid besides for one sister and I. My daughter is 12. I'm not in a relationship haven't been in a serious one since her dad and I split when she was 3. Initially I chose not to have anymore children because I didn't want multiple baby farthers. But as the years went on I realized I just didn't want anymore for multiple reasons. I wasn't in a serious relationship. I felt my daughter was already too big and they wouldn't be as close also I liked my lifestyle. Co workers give me a hard time, tell me that it's selfish if I just have one, that I NEED to have another or I'm still young I will change my mind when I meet someone. I got my mind set I tell them things are so much easier. 6 more years then off to college. I can hopefully find a man and travel the world. Hey mother's gotta dream lol
My mom and dad only had one child (me). They were both mentally ill and struggling in life. So, just before you judge someone just think about the many reasons that someone might only have one. Infertility and miscarriages are also a big reason.
Hi Harriet. Good to see how positive you are about being an only child. Your Mum and Dad certainly love you.
Our daughter is an only child. Like your parents we struggled financially, so we did not want to put more pressure on ourselves. Looking back now. I wish I could have given our daughter a sister. Friends come and go. It would be nice for her to have a forever companion. But being a parents must be tough when you have to share your love. It has been lovely to just put all our love into our wonderful daughter, and for her never to feel left out. :) Swings and roundabouts.
Only child squad where you at
My mom is an only child, and so are both of my grandpas. I would've almost been a third generation only child but fortunately, my mom had my sister at 40. I'm still happy about that.
My parents had nine children together. I was the oldest girl and babysat a lot. I have one daughter and I think I am done. The only reason I'm thinking of having another is because I don't want her to be lonely when me and my husband die. I want her to have shared memories with someone else.
Good choice. I’m an only child and I’m dying of loneliness.
I had 3 siblings and still was very lonely due to big age gap between the 2 older ones and me and the one closer to my age was a boy and didn't care for me much. Only wanted to play with boys his age. Having another kid so she's not lonely is not a guarantee .
If I had nine siblings I wouldn’t even think of having children lol but it’s lovely you had siblings growing up 😊
I love your video! Thank you so much!
I recently decided to get my tubes tied and I only have one and my son is all I want and I agree that it is a life style choice. I love to travel and my son loves to travel with me.
Porras 36 lol I think you need a therapist. I see you on all the comments. I think you need to grow up and get over yourself. Go and find friends ... and if you are old enough, go find a partner to procreate with. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Build your own life without feeling the need to have a sibling.
@TacticaLWarrioR You sound like someone who accidentally had like five kids, and now envious of people who only have one 😂😂
@@s.shanmugasundaram8869 I have a few kids and grew and an only and would never be envious of anyone with one child. Unless you’ve lived it you have no idea.
@Jae Bee I am going to say something that will probably shock you: different strokes for different folks. If having multiple kids makes you happy, God Bless. If having one child makes other women happy, God Bless. Having ZERO kids makes me and my hubby happy....YAY ME!!! People live different lives. I can never understand people who are so triggered by others living differently than they do. Makes me think they are not really happy with their own lives despite their protests to the contrary.
I'm glad to be the only child!
I’m an only child and I’d hate to have siblings lol
Same!
Sameeeee
You dont miss what you dont have. People are too judging of others when they decide to have just one. Where over populated an all it should be the people tht shoot them out like peanuts that should be frowned upon lol
I thought same thing when i was a kid. Now I really want to take good care of my sisters.
Mood
The Portuguese mum and daughter pair are so sweet, they have a great bond
Some people have one child because children are expensive, haveing one is cheaper.
♥️♥️ love it!
I have an only child and I am an only child because of my mum and dads health. My child is only because of firstly my health and second reason is that now she is 5 and I wanted to give her a sibling I'm not so fertile anymore at almost 35 years old. There are often reasons for only having one. Even if its just because of fear or being able to cope with more kids around.
I have a son who is almost 7, I became pregnant but sadly lost the baby at 4 1/2 months pregnant just a few days ago. I just hope my son understands that I tried but I can’t ever go through the possibility of having that happen again to me ..... he was a miracle baby (an actual miracle baby who I almost lost at 23 weeks (due to medical issues but
didn’t loose him) I get judged so many times and sadly so does my son. People look at him like poor kid.... but they don’t know how fulfilled his life is and how hard I work to try and provide play dates/fun activities. It is tough on parents who choose to only have one child ... people are so judgmental at times
It is not sad that you lost the baby! The world is already overpopulated enough! Also, the baby won’t have to deal with a horrible life of being forced to go to school, paying taxes etc.
@@username5502 Exactly!
I AM ONLY CHILD AND I AM NOT SPOILED
My parents never give me what I want
rip, you don't get to say "oh but (brother) got blah blah, why can't i get blah blah?"
yep. i know only children who grew up poor... such a bad stereotype
I was never spoiled either. My parents gave me the basics and I was supposed to be extra thankful because “I don’t have to share”. Everyone single one of my friends have siblings and grew up 100% better than I did. Having one child doesn’t guarantee anything but having one child.
My husband and I are best friends and our daughter is our best friend too ! Love our family and spending time together 💜I spend a lot of time with her and I would never change that 💚
People like you are an inspiration. Content with what you have and enjoying every precious moment in life instead of trying to add more more more to what is already complete.
I had a few classmates back in secondary school who are troublesome and entitled and they are literally one of 3 siblings.
"We only children are Spoiled,selfish, demanding etc."
That is pretty offensive to some young only children in the process of growing up,
My dad was an only child for 15 years then had a brother. My only first-cousins(3) also have only child families. My family has a weird history. My grandparents came from large farming families but as time progressed, the family thinned itself out. The siblings either died in birth, really young, or in their thirties. No one got to 60 except my grandparents. So, as a superstition precaution; my grandparents said to only have 1-3 children per grandchild. As they believe it was karma for having excessive children and it needed to be balanced out. Personally, I want only one child but prefer to not any at all.
I am an only child and I found it incredibly lonely. Everyone always brings up the attention from your parents, but if you have any sort of difficulty with them you feel like you have no one to confide in. I would love to have a sibling, and I have always been envious of the bond siblings share. I am an only child and so are both of parents, and I feel there were more psychological harms than benefits.
That is what I'm worried about. I have almost 4 years old daughter(BTW I wanted four children, but my husband become an ass.. le and stop supporting us) and still, I am not financially ready for the second one and am so sad that one day my daughter will feel like you.
Me too. I’m an only child and when shit hits my family I’m the only one to take the hit alone. I have no one to talk to about the things happened in our family because friends won’t feel what I’ve been thru. Only siblings will know and understand.
You can still feel alone even with siblings. There's no guarantee that having siblings will ease burdens that you or your family faces. This is coming from someone that has 3 siblings and a large family.
Me too and I have an only child but we have to make it work and at least I know what not to do as a mother now
@@susheenarussell817 my hubby would agree here. Doesnt have any relationship with his 2 siblings he is a middle child and the other 2 are damn selfish.
Sometimes I wish I were an only child. My siblings are... well, I'll just leave it there..
My only child is sociable, caring, not spoiled, not demanding, has lots of friends, unselfish.
I’m technically a youngest child but was raised as an only child (my siblings are old enough to be my parents, and are more like an aunt/uncle to me than anything). I was not spoiled, but I do think I have a selfish streak from being raised as an only child. My childhood was fine, and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. Currently pregnant with my first and seriously debating if they should be an only child or not. The only thing that gives me pause is that they will have no close cousins, so I worry about them feeling isolated in the family due to their age.
I am a only child. I am in America. My mom was only 16 when she had me and she wanted to have two or three children. She is a only child too. I was born and two years later when she was 18 she was finding it difficult to find full time work. So my parents decided to just have me and wait until they are old enough and have full time work. My dad went to university at 18 and didn't come back until 21 and my mom had a full time job at 20. So when my dad returned from university at 21 he was able to have full time work and at 23 they were financially better but I was 7 years old and I was used to it and they didn't think it was right to then have another child when I grew up 7 years without a sibling.
I’m Australian and it’s impossible to find an only child.
Phoenix Mystery my only child was born in 2012 too and I’m an Aussie haha
A lot more common than you realise. And with women deferring childbirth until they’re older, you’ll soon meet a lot more only children.
even more hard in india
I swear it's common with mothers with corporate careers
I am the mum of an only child and I would not have it any other way. I had many complications with my reproductive system, and my son was a miracle!
I am so happy for you. I can never understand people who have to have more more more. People already have one healthy and happy child, but are not satisfied. Have to have more. People have more money than they will spend in a lifetime. They can't slow down and enjoy it: NOPE, gotta go after more. Absolutely crazy to me. Blessings to you and your son.
@@Childfree334 people have multiple children because if the there's only one child then if the boy dies in an accident of or any kind of bad situation then who would take care of you in old age
@@dudedude6690 but babies are not old age caretakers. Earlier they were, but now everyone is living their life separately. Most people I have seen around leave their home for education, marry and proceeds to live in a different city or country according to their job.
For taking care at old age, save the money you would use to raise kids and invest somewhere so that you can afford a good old age home where people will be appointed to take care of you
@Sunny Dude What an absolutely horrid and disgusting reason to have children. Children are NOT your retirement plan. I hope they abandon you for bringing them into the world for your own selfish reasons.
@dudedude6690 Thats not why healthy rational people have children. If your having children as some sort of fcked up retirement plan, then you shouldnt be having children.
I have only one kid and in a place where it's common for people to have more, I ask questions like what if something were to happen? I don't want my kid to face all the troubles all by herself but then again, having siblings doesn't guarantee security but I'd love to have another kid, sadly, my wife already has high blood pressure problems, and she's already 36. Thinking about the future, we'd be in our 60's and the other child would just be just starting out in college. Not economically feasible for us now either. This is something that I regret as a parent.
I have only one and can't have anymore I'm happy she's happy
كلما اولد طفل سبحان الله ياتى الخير معاه
اللهم بارك فى اولادى واحفظهم
واجعلهم سند لبعض
I am also only child of my parents, but i don't feel uncomfortable
That girl at 0:46 is super cute, simply steals your heart away ♥ 😍 😘
Personally, I’m an only child and I would never subject a child to being an only child. Even if I couldn’t have a second I’d adopt. I know it’s kind of an unpopular opinion but being an only child isn’t all that fun (although I’m biased because I have very little family in general). But in my experience, it’s a lot of boredom, a lot of loneliness, and now that both me and my parents are getting older, this creeping feeling that someday I’ll be responsible for the care of both of my divorced parents all on my own. It’s not something that most people understand but it’s a heavy weight, especially when people are constantly singling you out as spoiled and privileged. I saw so many of my friends argue with their siblings (I mean really genuinely argue, gum in hair, toothbrushes on floors, etc.) and I remember through all of it, feeling this genuine sense of jealousy. People with siblings will never know how lucky they are, but I suppose that’s the real irony of life.
Kitty Monrova I was adopted ... I found birthies at 18.... I have four people to care for.... without the adoptive parents knowing I am gonna care for my birth parents too... huge thing... I get that so much! Your awesome though for doing it when the time comes!
Well it was up to your parents to make sure you were involved in activities so that you had things to do. It has nothing to do with having a sibling.
Tahra H you sure are negative on here telling everyone how to feel and what to do you’ve got some nerve!
Every parent thinking about having more kids you're just giving the first one hell, nothing else
I'm an only child.
Wish i had a brother.
I am the only one in my family without a sibling, I've tried to bond with my nephews but nothing compares to the bonds they have with their siblings, me well I'm goddamn alone.
When my parents die I'll be the only one mourning.
@@user-vv1do1wg1j 🗿🗿🗿
@@user-vv1do1wg1j so you would rather have ur childhood ruined than be a bit lonley? The bonds ur nephews have are rare cases, its usually hell
i agree.. especially if the siblings brutally bully each other or when parents have like 3 kids and they share only one room.. its fine for 2 kids to share a room but three or more.. that's unfair
I have a brother who is 15 years older than I am. By the time I was born he was busy with high school, friends, dating then uni. So I have a sibling but still an only child if I think about it. He moved out at an early age.
I was an only child for 11 years and OMG I LOVED it. Then my sister came along, and due to the age difference, she's more like a child to me, but we're still really close😊. I now have a 4 year old, and due to medical reasons and our current comfortable quality of life, we are happy at one and done. ❤
I have a daughter and she’ll prob be my only one.. I’m worried she will miss not having that bond with another kid. I had a brother and I still wished I had more
I want to have one child, then have a second child when my first child is a teenager.
Why when they're a teenager? Just curious. Hopefully it's not so that your teenager can help you raise the second kid.
I thought about having another one when my child is a teenager because I just dont want them close In age
@@petisadavis7518 I'm curious, what is the reason you don't want them close in age? ( or rather, why would you want them that far apart in age?)
@@weirdhuman627 well I had a rough time with my first and I went through a lot within my marriage for me to handle anymore stress I just think having one child is enough for me to handle and if I decided to have anymore which I'm not sure of yet itll be at the time in my mind 30s
For me.. Having one child is a good choice. But after 7 years now we are deciding to have another child because we love to have a new baby at home.. But there are thoughts that runs in my head whenever i think of getting pregnant again.
I was an only child for 9 yrs until my brother was born. Parents very authoritative and forced me and only me to satisfy their desires to be compared with their friends, then they saw me struggling and didn't do the same to my brother lmao.
So no, only child doesn't always mean spoiled. And I became the family's punchbag after my brother's birth lol
if you no kids, people say you're selfish
if you have 1 kid, people say how sad your child has no sibling to play with
if you have 2 kids of same gender (son + son) or (daughter + daughter), people say you should try for opposite gender
if you have 3 kids, people say you're selfishly overconsuming planet's resources & should adopt instead
HUMANS 🤷🏻♀️
I'm here trying to feel better and calm my anxiety and guilt. I have a 3 year old boy and I started trying to o get pregnant months ago and it's not happening. I feel so sad for my son, he wants to be around other kids. He wants to play and me and my husband is all he has. I'm so desperate to get him a sibling and not being able to gives me guilt.
I know a couple families that tried to have more but it just didn't physically happen so they were left with one.
not only because its expensive its because having a single son or daughter is already too much responsability and care
With the environmental challenges of the world, less people might not be a bad thing. However, we need more good people and less neglected children. These people seem like they have good head on their shoulders.
Next best thing to bachelorhood. Minimum fuss. Minimum future worries.
I only have one child and she was born with a physical disability but she extremely smart. I'm too old I'm not having more but I worry about what will happen to her when I die
Adopt the other one
@@JaspreetKaur-vh1jn you think adoption is easy? You think they just give kids to families who would take good care of them so easily?
@@family-peace-love actually m confused..... should I try for one more.....for my future n for my daughter's future........ sometime I feel my family incomplete.....
@@JaspreetKaur-vh1jn if you want and can then yes I would have has 1 more to make it 2 kids but I dont know if its possible for me at this stage now. So I'm needing to be happy with my only child and im lucky God gave me 1 at least 😊
Adoption isn't easy in places like the UK need extra bedrooms and extra money and stable this that and the other and lots of checks into your lifestyle etc it's sad that we would make good adoptive parents but the government isnt willing.
I feel like people that have more than one child are secretly envious of people that only have 1 child. That's why they're always trying to convince them to have more children! 🤣
Haha true
So true 🤣🤣
I have only one daughter.. Because of the emotional abuse and mental abuse in my marriage I don’t want to have second child..
I am an only child, mom and dad got divorced, dad is gay so no siblings. I asked mu mom do many times for a sibling, I really wanted one didn't care about sharing my stuff... I remember the feeling. Sadly my mom was unable to get pregnant again. Now I have a daughter and find myself not wanting another one. I feel she is perfect I don't need another one. And having another one just so she has a sibling and doesn't feel the same way I did doesn't seem fair to the second child, is not a puppy... so yeah only one here
People always look for good side of things they do not have and bad side of things they have.
I’m having one kid.
I feel like we all make this topic too personal. What your character is and how your life evolves depends not on your family formation. It depends on the family dynamics.
Being the old child is the best firstly u wont have to share secondly being the only child wont have so many problems such as sharing , having more family love and u dont need to anything to deal with of cos there are pros and cons it also depend on ur family some parents put their hope on their only child do well in studies and stuff and always pressure them to get better results so it really depend on what type of parents u have
One of the five smartest decisions I even made was NOT having a second child with my now ex-wife. Our son (now 25) is severely (Level 3) autistic. In her family, her sister had a daughter has Down's Syndrome, and her brother has a son with autism as well. There was just way too much risk for another child with a Developmental Disability.
It’s the financial aspect. About 90% of the moms in my town near (upper middle class) Boston, don’t work, their husbands can afford the house, wife and three kids on his income alone. They all have at least 3 kids here.
So naturally as a working mom, widow, me having only one child stands out, as are the few other working moms here.
I'm a single mother with one 12 year old son. I often worry about him not having a sibling. Mostly around if something were to happen to me. Atleast if he had a sibling they'd have each other. Although they'd have to share the inheritance so I guess that would be a downside. There are definitely pros and cons to being a single child.
We have one child and not going to have anymore because life is bloody expensive and having another child to feed buy clothes and everything I just don’t know how people do it yes unless your husband is earning over £3000 a month or more ok you could prob manage if you have a low mortgage payment and you can give up work otherwise why live pay check to pay check we are happy with our one and we will always be able to enjoy life together and give him the best and he is happy sociable enjoying life also having a sibling doesn’t mean they will be close I know loads of people who don’t even talk to there siblings now they are adults. Also the looking after us when we are older thing we will prepare for our old age because we have more time and money to prepare for that when you only have one child so if we both end up in care homes our child will only have to visit us lol it’s not like he’s going to be out full time carer so I don’t know why people say that the child is looking after there elderly parents
I totally agree with everything you said
💯 Fact
Just me Hanging out yes I have an only child and I’m content with him. I will prepare for my old age so he can enjoy his life. He has cousins on both side of the family.
Well said
That was my mothers logic for me being an only. I wish she hadn’t used money as a reason to give me this existence. It’s never just about money, it’s about your family dynamic, and I’ve yet to meet a healthy family unit with one child.
I have 2 kids (boys) and people always ask me if I am going to try for a girl. And I say absolutely not. I am completely done. It’s expensive and I can’t imagine having more. If someone choose to have one that’s their choice and it’s nothing wrong with that.