You will be treated like gold for months. Everything is hot and heavy - you found the perfect partner who is attentive, affectionate and passionate. The first red flag is they keep sharing their own stories (non stop blabbing from their aide) and don’t seem to be too interested in what’s going on in your life. The convos always switch back to what’s going on with them. Suddenly there is a switch and they are indifferent. For NO reason. There was no argument, no fight - in fact, the night before might have been one of your best nights together. After that switch, they will never ever come back to normal. You will be faced with constant silent treatment. You will be walking on eggshells. The minute you corner them and ask them what the hell is going on - you will be stonewalled. They gain power this way. You will be CONFUSED af. You will do everything you can to have the “old” them back, because you don’t like this new version. What you need to realize is the “old” version never existed. It was a complete lie and act - learned from friends, movies etc. It was a character made just for you - it’s no surprise you had a lot in common and now suddenly you don’t. The person you fell in love with completely disappeared, they are ghost. It is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. All you see is the same body without the same soul. The more frustrated they see you - the more the run and push you away because they don’t want you to see that it was all a mask. Affection is out the window at this point. They can barely kiss or hold hands, but when earlier you were on their lap 247. The real them came out and the mask is off - they hate any from of emotion or love because they are not capable of it. You will be faced with constant gaslighting and they will try to distort your reality so you don’t see them for who they really are. You need to run like the wind - this relationship only makes you destroyed. Their friends don’t know.. for the covert ones - only their romantic relationship partners can figure it out. Because they are so careful with their image, it’s all about perception management. And one day… after all the cognitive dissonance and sleepless nights and feeling sick to your stomach.. you open TH-cam and it’s a door to all your answers. You are well with a narcissistic psychopath that has no feelings. Leave and never look back. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.
My ex was ALWAYS used triangulation with some other woman for the whole relationship for over two years. TRIANGULATION is a most cruel form of emotional abuse. Horrible. Relieved I'm out 🙏🏼
Very good. Conforms in great measure to what I, too, experienced. My narcissist would go into baby behaviour at times. It was cute and done comically. But there was a regressive feel to these episodes. How common is this amongst narcissists?
Experiencing the same right now - he got me effed up because the minute he mentioned her, I cried but was immediately exited and said “I don’t compete.” He wasn’t prepared for my response … now he’s talking to himself because I will not be responding to his messages. 🫠
I have gone through this. I don't even have the courage to write down my experiences of dealing with this. M trembling with fear. I cried a lot while watching your video. It's so painful to be put through all this. Thank you Danish for making such informative videos. I keep watching your videos to keep myself sane, to handle my pain and survive through one more day. God Bless You.
I am praying for healing in your heart and mind. Once you PURGE the terrible things that you went through, things they put you through, you will be able to heal. If you carry their "dirty little secrets " around with you, you can't heal. Rip that scab off and heal, finally. Lots of love, your sister in Christ. Remember, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You can do this.
Former old supply here 👋🏿.. took almost 4 years of rollercoaster gas lighting for me to finally get out. You are NOT crazy. Turns out, he wasn’t just a friend..
Good work ❤️ I just got out, it's been 6 years for me. I think it's really done now. I can see the things now, and even more importantly, I feel different now. I hope you are doing well ❤️🩹
this was 100% what i observed and experienced once you realize what’s going on it loses its power but it’s still a punch in the throat. disgusting humans.
My mother did this between me and my sister. Not only did she brain wash me to serve her, but to serve my sister as well. 32 months no contact w entire cult/family
Same story. I was ridiculed all my life, blamed. Can't trust anyone anymore. My whole life I thought I am ugly and embaressing but now, years without their crap, at 44 I realized I look nice and I am funny. I look old photos. I am smiling even with my eyes and my mother and sister looking angry. I wish I could go back and rescue myself
I've experienced this, but I didn't fall for his control and it's driving him insane. Everything ur saying is true. Thanks to channels like yours I'm able to see his disorder. He's out of my life. I'm feeling so much better. 😊
I’m so happy for you 😊 I had to “move in silence “ and switch up my job and home. I just pray for him never to find me again- at least not any time soon bc I’m still healing and not sure I have the strength to deal with it, but I’m getting there 👍
@@user-ex4ce7gh1k you have the strength. you are strong beautiful, creative and loving. tell urself that every day pamper and be kind to urself. This too shall pass! It's our time to shine bright 🌅.
If they think you "care" for them they will triangulate you with any one and anything. The dog. The fish. The neighbor. Your fam. Their family. Freaking pencil. They are ridiculously toxic to the bone!!!!!
After 7 years together with my narc boyfriend, I found out he had been keeping a new supply for nearly a year in secret. I told him to keep her, and I set myself free. 5 months with no contact. I will never trust him or accept him for the cheater that he is.
Sending hugs too!! You’ve got this. And your ex cheater will never change. He will live with his karma everyday as he’s not able to experience joy. Just instant adrenaline. Then another shot of instant adrenaline. A sad life he will live. Peace.
He triangulated me with my then best friend. All done behind my back. My friend knew the pain, and drama I went through with him, also the loyalty. To think while I was being devalued, he was love bombing her. Cut them both off. Forgiven but not forgotten.
Same thing happened to me, too. I went to very severe stuff, and no one would believe me, as I was confused sometimes because of trauma, and this changed the trust people had in me. They are both seen as amazing and loving persons, I'm the crazy one who invents stories... I've been with this person for almost 30 years, and when I look back, I have more than 50 stories of cruelty and hidden abuse. My older kids already experienced this abuse inside the house (never outside), and that's what makes me wanna leave. Pretty hard times, trying to hold on to faith to survive and protect the kids.... sometimes it feels easier to just disappear. I cry everyday, and I always wake up with nightmares about situations that happened and no one would believe. Lonely place, but I deeply believe we can live happier after we leave, grieve and relive. ❤
My husband did this to me for 1.5 years with a married workmate who is 10 yrs younger than me..., in my year after fighting stage 3 breast cancer! It was worse than having the cancer. I took him back because I was too weak to stay alone, but 3.5 years later, I am getting rid of him, and I am so relieved.
At first, his ex-girlfriend was to blame for everything. I was so wonderful in his sight! Later, I was a demon that just couldn't live up to his ex. For 8 years I heard her name repeatedly. I was jealous and insecure. Then I realized what he was doing. He's a liar! She's not the crazy one! Even though I realize that now I am glad he's gone and I never have to hear her name. The comparisons! So degrading. I got to the point where I was like I'm Judy....J U D Y
@claudia3539 He did not. However, I heard her name so many times it was nuts! At the time, I thought he must not be over her. Later, I realized it was triangulation. They know that comparisons make you feel like you're not special, not an individual. They do it to demean you and maintain control. He had hoped that I would go out of my way to prove my worth. It did not work! Know your worth girl!
We are hurt because in the beginning we loved them. Now realising that we are not loved but destroyed, accept that this is a cross to carry and just thrive.
100% accurate. It's very hard to heal after being with a narcissist. I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for your videos. You have really helped me understand my situation. God bless you.
It takes a lot of eduction and persistence to break the trauma bond. I hope you are doing well and realizing you are not going crazy. It was all planned and a very calculated effort by the NRC to destabilize you. 😊
Whoop whoop well done ! They are weak sickos who have no standards self esteem or decency ! And they don’t feel love so some here need to work on them selves ! The narc is a narc that’s who they are selfish lonely lost demons
This sounds just like my situation was. He was with the old supply for about ten or eleven years and they lived together . She paid for everything! He would always compare me to her and I hated him for that. He wanted us to fight over him! He told me they were done with each other, he was still screwing her behind my back. Along with other women, behind our backs. I use to think why am I not good enough for him. Until I realize that this thinking is bullshit and I finally stood my ground and cut him off of my life for good. I will never put up with that ever again. I told her congrats you won! I'm out of here and not putting up with this anymore!
This happened to me except they are both narcs. At first I thought it was just her but then I realized it’s him as well. I left so fast. He still contacts me everyday saying he loves me blah blah blah and she knows but won’t do anything but fight with him.
Bermuda Triangulation of Death! Yes exactly! Once you enter their vortex, your love, sanity, logic, reasoning, your relationship, your hopes, your dreams, your self identity, your faith in humanity, your feelings of safety and belonging, your work ethic, your drive, your passion for life, and your future goals all disappear, vanishing without a trace or an explanation! 🌴☠️🔽☠️ 🌴
Very helpful. I'm not sure (other than every video about narcissists) if there was a new supply, but I walked out on my 6 year marriage to a narc 3 Sundays ago. Went to the lawyer Tuesday, and he was served on Wednesday. I still feel like I'm coming out of a fog. But no one and I mean no one deserves to be treated the way narcissists treat people. The more I learn the more my past 6 years make sense. I find quite a lot fairly shocking, and definitely disturbing. Thank you for this, and all of your videos. I was also raised by a narcissistic father, but that's another novel.
I am a couple months post breakup (I ended it and went to the lawyer). The first few weeks are terrible. Lots of doubt and then you start to put more and more puzzle pieces together. Be kind to yourself and know you value. You are not crazy and made the right decision. Sending hugs your way ❤
I was the new supply. Can you cover more on the new supply pov. As crazy as it sounds I walked away feeling guilty and bad about how things ended. Grasping the fact that it was all a lie has been difficult. Why do we care about people who don’t care about us?
I wanted to add that one of the most traumatic experiences was "being shamed" by others outside the relationship who looked at me as though I had three eyes. It was so obvious to everyone else what this con man was doing, but I did not see it. Maria Konnikova's book, The Confidence Game: Why We Fall for it Every Time, helped me understand how every one of us, even the most highly educated, intelligent, and sophisticated, get conned by the conman. Daniel Shaw's work on the Traumatizing Narcissist also helped me understand that its because of our humanness that our needs for safety, security, and a sense of belonging fluctuate through life leaving us vulnerable to exploitation to the con artist. Deep self-compassion is the way through the pain.
I love the way you explain it so clearly. In all your videos you are pretty damn accurate. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 10 years...and couldn't quite understand the new norms being created. I thought I was wrong in expectations until the lying and gaslighting became too ridiculous. I was part of a triangulation. What is clear is that there was no love and that's always something your soul knows..in the background. I wish I had seen your videos earlier I would not have wasted so much time trying to 'compromise'. But..better late than never, your explanations have made me recognise this type and make a clean break. Thank you.
He wanted me to fight with his new supply, i refused and he said I didn't have respect for him. You are cheating and you are validating yourself! How! It's all makes sense now. I am grateful he discarded me.
That's exactly what happened to me. It is truly amazing how well you know these scumbags. I was told that she wanted an "open commitment", then she told me about friends and sexual adventures she had on the side. One of them was an X-partner. She wanted to do it on the side but she wanted to keep me anyway for the convenience of it. It amazes me how well you know this sick satanic game.
Same here. My dad, daughter and one brother (probably two) are all narcissists. My dad stole my daughter from me when she was 15/16 and smeared my name completely to her. She is now 30 and is a carbon copy for my 87 year old father, who hasn't spoken to me for about 10 years.
The most hurtful triangulation is when it’s your children…triangles are created with children-my older son treats me with such disdain. All future plans and deep conversations about money etc. are discussed between our golden child and decided upon before I hear about it. I so wish my son could have known who I am and how much I love him. Triangulation is so evil. Losing that relationship hurts the most 😢
I was the main source and he constantly had me in these triangulation situations. It took me a little bit but I got wise to it. Somehow they trap you and you have to work hard to get out of it. it took me 4 years and now I am free. What's most important when you're in the situation is to stay wise to what's going on by educating yourself and keep loving yourself. All the horrible things a narcissist projects onto you has nothing to do with you it's all to do with themselves.
After watching this video, now I understand why my ex was constantly chatting and talking about the other women he called "friends" . And why this other dude I dated years ago brought pictures for me look at and these pictures were of one of his "ex's" and he would brag about how great she was too about this and that. I remember how uncomfortable it made me feel. Now I know why after watching this. Thay just wanted to be with me for supply. Thanks so much for you sharing your knowledge with us. God bless you
They are just Evil things that need to be a part from, no metter how much you loved them once. They are broken beyond any means of puting them together. We should let them have their hell for themselves. I know it now.
We could all go to a therapist for years, and never hear it put as stunningly accurate to the minutist detail as you have just done Danish, the only one who can stop the eternal triangle is us .... why be a doormat ? the merry-go-round has finally come to a stop. This is by far the best ever explanation of one of the most unbelievable positions, that any of us could find ourselves in, and yes it actually happened to us. Looking back .... in hindsight it was like a living nightmare, but definitely wide awake now. Thank you so much Danish (Top Man)
OMG...the narc ex did this exact thing! You nailed it when you said "a harem" because that's exactly what he was doing. He had not one,but at less 2 side "new" supplies at once that he openly bragged about. As I begged him to consider what he was doing to our marriage and family (at that time 28 years and 5 kids). I jumped through more and more hoops, trying to prove to him that I was the best wife and companion he could ever have(despite already having been reduced to a hollow shell of myself by him over 2 plus decades). One of times he came home for a weekend (when his mistresses had either tried to break it off with him,or had another event that he wasn't included in), he told me that he had planned on getting his vasectomy reversed so he could get me and his mistresses pregnant and then we would all fight for his time and attention!
He actually told you he planned on getting you AND his girlfriend pregnant? Is that the point at which you kicked him out of your life and never saw or talked to him again?
@@ArtisteStudios sadly, no😔 I was SO trauma bonded and suffered from extreme cognitive dissonance that I continued to BEG him to come home! It was only after SHE told him to go home to his family(during Christmas after he essentially kidnapped my 14 year old son and took him to spend Christmas with HER family...another long story) that he returned. However, even though he came home and said he was ready to reconcile, it wasn't genuine. He had moments of civility and kindness, but he also was still calling and texting HER every chance he got. It literally took me another 5 years of his Jekyll and Hyde behaviors to finally WAKE UP and realize he was still (and always would be) a selfish piece of sh!t that was going to do whatever HE wanted. When he found out that SHE had died, he wanted me to feel sorry for him. When I told him I didn't, he started comparing her to me and saying how much he wished he had stayed with her. THAT was when I finally realized I was done. My actual PUSH TO LEAVE was when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. My doctor told me if I didn't reduce my stress, I would have a stroke or heart attack(I was about 47). I told her that the Narc was the source of my stress, and had been for decades. She just looked at me and said, "Well, I'm just saying that you need to take care of YOU." I took that as my "prescription" ...my PERMISSION TO LEAVE! It took me another 2 years to make a plan, and save enough money to finally leave.
My estranged husband still torments having entrapped me in a viscous web. Never raises his voice. Always talks calmly, He is the rational one without fault while he most slyly and secretly carries out intentional deceptions/trickeries that break me down more with each jolt. Smears untruths about me to everyone, like building a case against me. Does things underhandedly that are extremely cruel. His current girlfriend 30 years younger he flaunts in my face. I have NO jealousy and he knows it. I despise him. I'm seeing a lawyer for 2nd time tomorrow. Don't know how I can manage this being husband kept me poor while he is wealthy, but I need somehow to end this and have a way to survive. I'm alone in the world having him cheat on me and abandon me in effect, and have bad anxiety that limits me to do for myself. EVIL man, but no one knows what lies beneath. All think he is a great guy.
It gets to the point when you can 😂 laugh inside and place yourself outside from these creepy creeps triangulations. Games are over before it starts, No contact, move onward. These low vibrational people have too much time to waste on their hands playing childish games. Bottom line is they are emotionally not mature, have never had a serious date let alone a serious relationship.
Planting the seed of insecurity in the devaluation stage, "treat them mean keep them keen" which culminates in "take it or leave" when you are at your weakest. NASTY!
I graduated middle school when I was 13, I left those games back there. They are frickin nuts. Mine triangulated me with his ex. It’s totally absurd and ridiculous the lives they live. It’s emotional abuse and disgusting. ❤Cute kitty.
Also Danish, it would be interesting to do a segment on the way in which a narcissistic parent uses triangulation in the family. Given that we had the same cookie-cutter father, I bet you know all about this. I also wanted to add an important point about the triangulating tactics of the narcissist. It's not just romantic partners that are triangulated. It's EVERYONE!!! Everyone and anyone is at risk of being triangulated by the narcissist, and used as a mere object for creating and exacerbating CHAOS! What aggravates the cognitive dissonance for intimate partner relationships is that so many of those being triangulated don't know that they are being used.
This is SO true. It also happens in friendships w/ a narcissist. My former BFF is a textbook covert narcissist. There came a point where I began to realize how manipulative she is (I hadn’t educated myself yet about covert narcissism - didn’t even know the term), and I stopped letting her control / manipulate me. Once she couldn’t control me anymore, she began to resent me. We live in a large metropolitan area with literally a ton of other people she could get close to, if she needed another friend. But who does she zero in on? An friend of mine that I’ve known for 25 years that lives 2 hours away. She was burning up the interstate running back and forth to hang out with her. And when my long term friend came to where we lived, they wouldn’t even let me know so we could hang out. Oh they’d let me know after the fact, bragging about how much fun they had. Then I noticed my long term friend started treating me differently. When I brought the whole situation up to my long term friend, she told me I’d “always been in survival mode”, and pretty much dismissed my feelings. My former BFF totally gaslighted me about the whole deal, telling me that she “just needed a friend” - and insinuated that I was being overly sensitive and at the same time that I’d been a bad friend to her (by not letting her control me anymore). My former BFF eventually showed who she really is to my long term friend, and now we’re close again (me and my long term friend). My former BFF also cheated on her husband numerous times, but he refuses to divorce her. She’s left him for other men, but is still playing her husband like a fiddle. It’s amazing how good these folks are at fooling people. But I won’t be fooled again, now that I know all the signs to look for. Thank you for your video. You’re spot on.
Well said! Thank you. I have been tortured by triangulation for over 25 years! It was a horrible experience. Thank God I know how to recognize it now in women! Also, I really appreciate how well you are able to describe in detail how the mental dynamics break down in the face of this craziness! Validation is a beautiful thing in cases like this.
The first time I zeroed in on this tactic was how he manipulated his siblings. He was the ringleader. So two faced and jealous of his hardworking siblings. Finally got out 👍🏾
Please elaborate about these triangles between narcissistic parents playing their children against each other. Your videos often are shockingly in complete line with my personal expirience of a narc parent. Sometime I really need to find courage to watch certain of your topics as it confronts with what has happened but only then healing and understanding can finally happen. It's damn tough nevertheless. Many thanks to you for your inputs!
I witnessed my female Nex confronting her mom with a few issues over time. she(15) I(17) yrs of age at the time it's rather unfortunate & very sad but my Nex had built up the courage to tell her mother that her step father's brother had violated her as a child. I listened in the next room over I was really there to support her and just intervene if things got physical other then that my gfs request was to sit still the entire time I less it got to that point which I respected. As you can imagine the mother went into full rage and started with the yelling back and forth for a good 20 mins as I listened. The mother had told my gf that she was making ridiculous claims and she needed to respect her step father's family since the mother had official tied the knot with her new step father for a few months at this point. It got no where as I heated my gf crying to her own mother and panting struggling to get the very words out of her mouth. She asked many times why the mom denies whats she is saying and how could she say she is making it up?! It suddenly got to whispers and I stood up to go in if I had heard contact.....it remained to whispers for another 5 mins. Then I heard something that really shocked me as my gfs voice returned to it's normal volume, she yelled to her mom,"you stood there from the fucking hallway mom and let your drunk brother in law touch me while I slept!" "I shrugged him off every chance I got as he kept forcing his hands around me!" She said to the mother, "do you know why I stopped fighting him!?" Because I saw you turn the hall light on! Thinking you were coming in to protect me! But you didn't! You let him touch me until he passed out on top of me! The mom took her slap to my gfs face and right as I turned the knob I slightly pushed opened the door and my gf pushed it back closed and said"Don't come in, I'm leaving with him right now!" She rushed out and walked out the house rapid as I followed her. We walked to my moms apartment and she kinda ran away and stayed there with me for the next three days. The step father who was in general a very understanding and empathic man. Had no likes me because of his step daughter sleeping over those nights. Of course, who wouldn't. He got my gf to calmly come home and because of the seriousness of the whole situation I never brought it up in the whole 17 yr relationship ever. My gf mentioned in the middle of an argument 4 months before my discard that how her dad had got her to come home. He explained on the mom's behalf that she had had a very bad day and her mom was very upset to find out that she had been coming to my place and staying nights over having sex with me!.....huh?! It clicked after a minute or two of silence....I reassured my thoughts asking my gf," so did your mom lie to your step father about what happened!?" She said, yes the whole thing. Makes sense why the dad would resent me even after we had been together all these years nothing I ever did for him or the mother was ever good enough. Even as adults there was always tension between that man and I that I know now the mother kept very much alive and fresh in her husband's mind. Even after being discarded a year and a half later I often still have to convince myself I couldn't save her. I felt for years that I could have done something more and perhaps it would have altered my gf then into Not being who she turned out to be in the end! It still hurts and I know Im only missing the idea of who she presented herself to be! The facts are still very real and we're also hidden from me for all 17 yrs she had been cheating the entire time together and it was always when she visited her parents because I was never allowed over unless the dad said it was ok even as an adult. Turns out that was my Nex's lie to give herself room to continue an ongoing relationship with guys she met in high school and from previous jobs. I did feel it in my gut when she would return to me something wasn't right and I would ask. She had never done anything to that point to make me suspicious at all ever. She would call from their land line house phone and I called back random at times and the family would call for her or she'd answer the phone herself. We had cell phones. The land line thing thru me off for years. I never had reason to ever check her phone and when I did that same week she had told me about her mom lying to her step father. I found msgs. and multiple social media accounts on her cell under her sister's and mom's names to throw me off scent and sneak msgs to guys she was having sex with when visiting her family. In the end after all the hurt and drama my mission now is to get all that shit out of my head and destroy the fantasy she had me living in with her in her own narcissist bubble. I'm sorry for how long this was. I know it's helpful but maybe a little bit more insight as to what my Nex experienced with her narcissist mother. In all 17 yrs with my Nex I never witnessed any connections with my then gf or her 3 younger siblings over the years with the mother. Always only the dad was very attentive and loving and doing for them all. I really wanted that man to see who I really was but never got the real chance.
Went thru being the new 11 years ago.....didn't discover till 6 years in that he's a narc, and have been trying to get our actively for 2 years and he's always taken off with another woman, but this last time it was the widow of a friend of his but I have been awake to his garbage and got the proof I needed to feel vindicated (not to use against him or bring up to him cuz that never works) and am getting him out finally. I'm the old now so I came full circle. It hurts its bad emotionally sometimes, but every time I change a habit in his round and round bs I win, and I will.
Thank you Danish for your helpful video🙏🏻 I know exactly what you mean with triangulation. My Ex Narcissist did that many years to me. First I was his second supply more than 3 years until he discarded the mother of his kids and he told me they did not love each other a very long time. Than begann his game the other way around. I became his main supply but it was never enough all the love and dedication that I gave him. He needed always secondary supplies and he denyed it the whole time trying to confuse me and punished me taking longer time for his "patients" as necessary. But at that time I had not realized that he was a fake Persona! I knew he hid behind a mask but I thought that was part of being shy and vulnerable. He was cheating on me and every time I caught him lying he deflected and came with a different narrative so that I thought I was going crazy! Now I know that triangulation was thrilling for him. He named that "friendship" but he was high every time I felt jealous. He got me back with hoovering at least 4 times but he could never truly apologize. Ater many years of triangulation, terrible tantrums and gaslighting me I saved my soul and finally got away. Now I'm healing but sometimes still grieving and ruminating. I know that's part of the trauma bond but I'm happy to be free again☀️
Im the new supply. He hasnt gotten rid of his long time ex gf. Weve been dating 2 years. And i feel so disorganized. And confused. I even feel his ex (the old suppy) is a narccistist too! 😢
Yes, he said “we [he and ex-wife] live together, but we’re not together… it’s all for the children… blah blah blah… ” Yes, he posted old supply on social media this month. Thank God I didn’t marry him. This would have been a miserable future for me. Better to have loved and lost than to love and have made this sycophant triangulation scenario play on. It would have been endless.
Your video brings tears to my eyes. In my case, I was the new supply being triangulated with their old supply, aka ex. Lied to me telling me that she was only a friend. Right. Until they printed out her picture and made it their phone case. Spend days and days travelling with her in the name of best friend forever. Their behavior drove me insane as I broke down and cried. I confronted and pointed out how hurtful that was and they was immune and cold towards my pain. Enough is enough. I blocked them removing myself out of their lives completely. I feel guilty for leaving them behind but ... I would kill myself if I continued to stay. It's like ... a nightmare.
I understand and feel you ive been thr too Its just the badest Thing ive ever gone thru. my whole Life 😢 became nightmares too but my Life and this Situation were the biggest nightmare ive ever had. trying to heal and wish u the same and all who gone thru thiss Kind of horrible terrible Situation Its just the badest Thing ive ever experienced Wish u peace
@@maianhdao986 thank you dear yea that was really hard and tough never experienced like that in any kind of way and i wish you the good and healing too 🙏🌸
I recognise the whole situation you're describing, this man is married, was flirting heavily with me and I started to catch feelings for him, I thought we had a genuine connection until he was( undressing with his eyes) in front of me this young pretty lady almost 30 years younger than both of us on the dance floor (it was very weird almost like she was in trance)! It was such a chock to me and I felt sick to my stomach, afterwards he came up to me with a smile on his face, like he was proud of himself! I've since got the impression that he's got this way of playing games with women and that I'm not the first or the last one. I'ts like he's very magnetic to women and pulling them to him with a very intense, deep stare and a very charismatic smile! It might sound silly but I still feel upset about the incident months after it happened, It would be great to hear your opinion about this, not sure why I reacted so strongly to this situation?
A second supply? The painters (4 of them) the mover, the plumber, the lawn maintainece guy, the plumber, the neighbor, an ex- neighbor, pof "friends" (2 that i know of) , a past boyfriend, and a weight trainer (she doesn't even work out) these are just the ones I know about! I was the grade A prime cut supply. She encouraged to work overtime and wanted minute to minute updates, text me when your done so I can have dinner ready for you. They were supplies for something in some way/s too! I'm glad I left her when I did. She said I would regret leaving her. I regret, giving her chances, I regret allowing it, I regret not leaving her sooner. However, I don't regret being on the healing path, rediscovering who I really am, I don't regret feeling like living my best life again! It takes time, effort and self forgiveness, but healing comes. Allow it! Trust the process.
The narc in my life said I'd regret this and that I'd come back begging when I walked away. I think maybe they have a very inflated sense of importance and can't help but think we'll regret leaving behind the most vile person that we know.
Hi, I came across your video just today and everything in it resonate with me.. Exactly what he said to me.."She doesn't rant nor complain. She's not like you." And now they're living together again but he still drop by to see me. Narcissism is pure evil.
Very helpful video. Earlier I didn't understand and was shocked to learn about my own feelings of anger etc. But gradually I have learnt to bless these people as I don't indulge in those negative feelings. It saddens me however. The best way to deal with this situation is to be among nature. Visit a beach or a park or a garden if possible. Some silent meditation would also help
Dear Danish. I watch all your programs on narcissistic abuse. They resonate as no-one else's do. This triangulation is for me the icing on the cake. Thanks. The sleeping world of narcissist victimhood needs your insights. These problem people may be found in one's past &/or lurking in one's present or future looking to suck blood. Power to your arm. John Pocock
Thank you Danish you hit the nails on the head all the time...I lived in the strangest & most cruel world with my x- husband for 26 years. I felt I was going insane. I ran to the divorce court. Believing I was free of this cruelty of abuse in all its forms this insanity was taken over & severe punishment with daily physical abuse continued by my daughter for the next 20 years....she is on a 5 year DVO. I am in my 79 th year now.. I have been told she has a personality disorder & will never change.... Thank you Danish for your work..I suffer the effects, but at first didn't realise how much I was reliving the abuse by the constant flashbacks.. I have continued weekly therapy as well as listening to you daily. Thank you dear Danish...
This is pretty much what happened to me. I don't know if he realizes it, but she is a covert narcissist and they are playing each other. They are both evil and deserve each other. Triangulation is evil. I exposed him and gave him narcissistic mortification. I have blocked his number and gone silent, never to return even if he tries to hoover me in the future.
New supply here. Coworker and friend went thru rough patch with her bf and came to me. She fell out with her bf in front of me, told me she HATED her life, then stood right behind me side-eye staring at me blatantly, a few mins later she turns to me in private and initiates long and close hug (10 secs at least) then sees her bf and in front of him turns to me and says “will I see you tomorrow?”. She did other things as well. She gave me impression her bf was mistreating her and she wanted me. Her bf started boasting to me and putting middle finger up at me when I so much as looked at her so he clearly felt threatened. I was expecting her to separate with her bf but she never did, even tho I’d reciprocated the hug and told her she was absolutely beautiful. After months of being upset, I wanted answers for her behaviour and some validation but she told me she never treated me any differently which she told her bf as well. I persisted in trying to get answers to the point where I nearly got in a fight with her bf and I ended up apologising thinking I was delusional, disrespectful and egotistical before her behaviour was ever addressed. Now I’m here being hated as they’re still together, her without facing up to her actions and him completely unaware of what a narcissistic person he is dating as they both tell everyone how I was the problem and I can’t do anything about it without coming across as a creep.
I'm truly amazed about this opportunity to learn about Narcissistic behavior ..I know I'm getting out of this relationship I I over powerd him with Reality I made him live his own truth I'm to old to raise a Grown Man I have myself to deal with this Information is the Truth You just don't know ~Janice I refuse to live with his Issues I seen the pattern.
Danish Bashir, I will not say much on the public domain But seriously thank you for taking the time to make these videos. There is probably alot of people wondering what the heck happened when these people enter their lives, answered the questions that have been in my head for years now. You have lifted so much burden from me, I can not thank you enough!
Exactly.. I underwent and undergoing this triangle situation.. i never thought of this dynamic... I could related as both now, the new supply and old supply... Thanks for speaking about this
I have known a few narcissist and, OMG, hahahaha, they just can not imagine a love life with out a love trianglr or a love hexagon or octagon or maybe even a love zochihedron...it's so annoyingly disgusting and yeah, just like he has said nauseating 🤢. It is so disgusting and the way they like to see the people fighting over them and hoping that any of these people theye are so happy to be holding upon on the hooks care enough toput up a tempermentally delusional "love fight" for them and then they can sit there so smuggly thinkimg all about how much they are believing they are actually worth it, also incredibly delusional. Get away from all of these kinds of things people. It is NOTHING but an empty and a desperately disparaging and decaying nightmare.
Well, for starters, they tell you that REALITY AIN’T REAL. That first off. Then.. that gets accompanied with anxiety and a sick stomach, because there’s usually a lot on the line when they strike. Have you ever seen somebody who doesn’t really take care of his or her own life who seems out of touch, emotional, and antisocial just a bit? Maybe he’s bipolar, quiet, awkward, and insecure possibly? Ya, give them an opportunity to knock you and watch em rise to the occasion. If there’s a gain to be made by convincing people you stink, they’ll likely go for it.” They will recruit, distract, and manipulate anybody who will fall for it. ⚠️DONT BE AFRAID! Whatever you do. This is what we call unraveling. Don’t allow it. Think about what this persons opinion means to you. Are you making them more important than they really are? They will attempt to ruin you with fear. They use emotions to get by, emotion so to manipulate 🌟, and emotion to sound smart.”
I was the primary supply. He cheated on me with an ex. He made me feel safe after mocking me for relaying my fears when his ex who lived 2k miles away who was coming to visit cuz he was diagnosed with cancer. He made me feel safe, saying they were best friends but didn't want Me to meet her and she had no idea about me. The betrayal ended up happening and THAT made me go no contact. He wasn't going to tell me and only did because I asked. The visiting wasn't what he lead me to believe. I'm pretty certain he had it planned after he found he was diagnosed with cancer but had to tell me something because I just show up at his house and I'm over there weekly, at times 2 to 3 times. Betrayal by cheating is a deal breaker so I went no contact. Despite the verbal abuse and all the lies, I'm so relieved. I'm NEVER going back.😍💛💪🏾
And betrayed .. I had no idea what narcissistic sexual abuse was until it happened to me I didn’t believe what happened I was ignorant & naive uninformed a true prey & victim
Triangulation is common for axis 2, borderline personality disorder. I have learned so much from your channel and it has helped me gain perspective on my responses toward narcissistic people. Can you discuss how to differentiate between narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder?
Anyone utilizing triangulating tactics from day one is immediately slapped onto the 'narc list' Wether it's intentionally done or not, makes no difference.
Yes.thanks for sharing this video. I like also your videos about narcissistic family dynamics and relationship with their mother. Very illuminating. Thanks again
Thank you I needed this today. Its 100% what my 2nd relationship with a narc is doing. I am educated and still educating myself. Its hard coming to terms with it again and it's frustrating that I am battling the trauma bond again 💔 😔 But I know I can do it, I have to! Realising for sure today he is doing hopefully will give me that added boost to break free of it!! 🤞🙏🏽🤞🙏🏽
I had this epiphany on the path of wellness and mental health. We have to learn from our past. Often our bad decisions derive from being in a toxic mental state such as feeling bad about ourselves, pleasing others and etc. When I feel like I am doing that I have to hit the pause button and redirect myself towards the present moment. Oftentimes we miss out on people who are meant to be in our lives. Before I came to a new unit, I prayed that I would be in a unit with good people. I think I have found that. Recognizing that and just being in service to people who you respect and admire and the versus is essential. Being in a two way relationship in any type of relationship will feel unnatural for those of us who have been stuck in a 1 way narcissistic relationships. Breaking that cycle takes a lot of work but it’s worth the effort to get to the other side. This worked for me: working on being healthy and happy with whatever your current situation and asking yourself what deserves your energy. I usually pray to God to help me recognize the good people so I can be a service to them. Because it may feel like we are alone but oftentimes a lot more people are going through a lot.
I was the new, his ex wife the old (no kids), & I found out since he actually finally admitted it at the end, but said nasty things about her too, so was really a very sickening situation.
😢😢😢 … I found out I was the new supply…. He literally did all of this. I left, I will NEVER FIGHT FOR A MAN.
I'm sorry I'm the married one trust me don't go there save yourself I'm not even mad anymore
I found out I was the new supply AFTER she broke up with me after a 4 year relationship...I was a bit surprised to say the least
It's ok to fight for a man as long as he is not a narc and fights for you.
🥹🥹🥹
Tell the narc they're welcome to the person they're triangulating you with. Walk away and collapse their triangle.
You will be treated like gold for months. Everything is hot and heavy - you found the perfect partner who is attentive, affectionate and passionate. The first red flag is they keep sharing their own stories (non stop blabbing from their aide) and don’t seem to be too interested in what’s going on in your life. The convos always switch back to what’s going on with them. Suddenly there is a switch and they are indifferent. For NO reason. There was no argument, no fight - in fact, the night before might have been one of your best nights together. After that switch, they will never ever come back to normal. You will be faced with constant silent treatment. You will be walking on eggshells. The minute you corner them and ask them what the hell is going on - you will be stonewalled. They gain power this way. You will be CONFUSED af. You will do everything you can to have the “old” them back, because you don’t like this new version. What you need to realize is the “old” version never existed. It was a complete lie and act - learned from friends, movies etc. It was a character made just for you - it’s no surprise you had a lot in common and now suddenly you don’t. The person you fell in love with completely disappeared, they are ghost. It is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. All you see is the same body without the same soul. The more frustrated they see you - the more the run and push you away because they don’t want you to see that it was all a mask. Affection is out the window at this point. They can barely kiss or hold hands, but when earlier you were on their lap 247. The real them came out and the mask is off - they hate any from of emotion or love because they are not capable of it. You will be faced with constant gaslighting and they will try to distort your reality so you don’t see them for who they really are. You need to run like the wind - this relationship only makes you destroyed. Their friends don’t know.. for the covert ones - only their romantic relationship partners can figure it out. Because they are so careful with their image, it’s all about perception management. And one day… after all the cognitive dissonance and sleepless nights and feeling sick to your stomach.. you open TH-cam and it’s a door to all your answers. You are well with a narcissistic psychopath that has no feelings. Leave and never look back. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.
Damn are you a psychic
Right on point
Excellent description. It's obvious that you have suffered a lot
Damn right
You’re onto something here. 💯 true
My ex was ALWAYS used triangulation with some other woman for the whole relationship for over two years. TRIANGULATION is a most cruel form of emotional abuse. Horrible. Relieved I'm out 🙏🏼
I agree with you 💯% 0 especially when you're in the middle of two narcissist one physical abuse the other one emotional abuse
This is exactly what happened with my narcissistic situationship. These people are evil. You should do everything you can to severe ties with them
oh god same
Very good. Conforms in great measure to what I, too, experienced.
My narcissist would go into baby behaviour at times. It was cute and done comically. But there was a regressive feel to these episodes. How common is this amongst narcissists?
Experiencing the same right now - he got me effed up because the minute he mentioned her, I cried but was immediately exited and said “I don’t compete.” He wasn’t prepared for my response … now he’s talking to himself because I will not be responding to his messages. 🫠
This is where my lack of jealousy drove him nuts.
I have gone through this. I don't even have the courage to write down my experiences of dealing with this. M trembling with fear. I cried a lot while watching your video. It's so painful to be put through all this. Thank you Danish for making such informative videos. I keep watching your videos to keep myself sane, to handle my pain and survive through one more day. God Bless You.
I am praying for healing in your heart and mind. Once you PURGE the terrible things that you went through, things they put you through, you will be able to heal. If you carry their "dirty little secrets " around with you, you can't heal. Rip that scab off and heal, finally. Lots of love, your sister in Christ. Remember, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You can do this.
Pamper urself and know that they have a disorder. It's mental illness.
I understand you, I am now in these situation. 😢😢😢😢
I felt the same. Emotional leaning toward anger and a weird sadness. Most of the time I feel indifferent and it is great.
I need this on repeat for like 36 hours, Clockwork Orange stylee. That's how much this fucked me up.
Former old supply here 👋🏿.. took almost 4 years of rollercoaster gas lighting for me to finally get out. You are NOT crazy. Turns out, he wasn’t just a friend..
Nice to see a guy in here
Good work ❤️
I just got out, it's been 6 years for me. I think it's really done now. I can see the things now, and even more importantly, I feel different now.
I hope you are doing well ❤️🩹
Same here
this was 100% what i observed and experienced once you realize what’s going on it loses its power but it’s still a punch in the throat. disgusting humans.
I called mine out for this behaviour.
My mother did this between me and my sister. Not only did she brain wash me to serve her, but to serve my sister as well.
32 months no contact w entire cult/family
Same story. I was ridiculed all my life, blamed. Can't trust anyone anymore. My whole life I thought I am ugly and embaressing but now, years without their crap, at 44 I realized I look nice and I am funny. I look old photos. I am smiling even with my eyes and my mother and sister looking angry. I wish I could go back and rescue myself
And I congratulate you. You have your life now. Well done
Bermuda Triangle. Well said.
I've experienced this, but I didn't fall for his control and it's driving him insane. Everything ur saying is true. Thanks to channels like yours I'm able to see his disorder. He's out of my life. I'm feeling so much better. 😊
I’m so happy for you 😊 I had to “move in silence “ and switch up my job and home. I just pray for him never to find me again- at least not any time soon bc I’m still healing and not sure I have the strength to deal with it, but I’m getting there 👍
@@user-ex4ce7gh1k you have the strength. you are strong beautiful, creative and loving. tell urself that every day pamper and be kind to urself. This too shall pass! It's our time to shine bright 🌅.
@@tabiagebre8168 Thank you 😊
If they think you "care" for them they will triangulate you with any one and anything. The dog. The fish. The neighbor. Your fam. Their family. Freaking pencil. They are ridiculously toxic to the bone!!!!!
Their children even. It’s awful.
After 7 years together with my narc boyfriend, I found out he had been keeping a new supply for nearly a year in secret. I told him to keep her, and I set myself free. 5 months with no contact. I will never trust him or accept him for the cheater that he is.
Sometimes this sh*t makes our exit so much easier. Glad you're free.
We are on the same timelines (relationship and no contact time). You are a rockstar. We got this :). Sending hugs to you ❤
Sending hugs too!! You’ve got this. And your ex cheater will never change. He will live with his karma everyday as he’s not able to experience joy. Just instant adrenaline. Then another shot of instant adrenaline. A sad life he will live. Peace.
He triangulated me with my then best friend. All done behind my back. My friend knew the pain, and drama I went through with him, also the loyalty. To think while I was being devalued, he was love bombing her. Cut them both off. Forgiven but not forgotten.
Same thing happened to me
Same thing happened to me, too. I went to very severe stuff, and no one would believe me, as I was confused sometimes because of trauma, and this changed the trust people had in me. They are both seen as amazing and loving persons, I'm the crazy one who invents stories... I've been with this person for almost 30 years, and when I look back, I have more than 50 stories of cruelty and hidden abuse. My older kids already experienced this abuse inside the house (never outside), and that's what makes me wanna leave. Pretty hard times, trying to hold on to faith to survive and protect the kids.... sometimes it feels easier to just disappear. I cry everyday, and I always wake up with nightmares about situations that happened and no one would believe. Lonely place, but I deeply believe we can live happier after we leave, grieve and relive. ❤
My husband did this to me for 1.5 years with a married workmate who is 10 yrs younger than me..., in my year after fighting stage 3 breast cancer! It was worse than having the cancer. I took him back because I was too weak to stay alone, but 3.5 years later, I am getting rid of him, and I am so relieved.
All I know is they are Freaking Nuts.
agreed😒
Actually though, very sick people.
Best description of the narcissist I've read today. 👏👏👏
Evil
This made me chuckle 😂
At first, his ex-girlfriend was to blame for everything. I was so wonderful in his sight! Later, I was a demon that just couldn't live up to his ex. For 8 years I heard her name repeatedly. I was jealous and insecure. Then I realized what he was doing. He's a liar! She's not the crazy one! Even though I realize that now I am glad he's gone and I never have to hear her name. The comparisons! So degrading. I got to the point where I was like I'm Judy....J U D Y
I know what you mean, he even called me his ex's name several times.
Did he call you by her name?
@@ashleykathryn9038do you think it was on purpose or he just did it to make you upset?
@@ashleykathryn9038what if you were a rebound?
@claudia3539 He did not. However, I heard her name so many times it was nuts! At the time, I thought he must not be over her. Later, I realized it was triangulation. They know that comparisons make you feel like you're not special, not an individual. They do it to demean you and maintain control. He had hoped that I would go out of my way to prove my worth. It did not work! Know your worth girl!
We are hurt because in the beginning we loved them. Now realising that we are not loved but destroyed, accept that this is a cross to carry and just thrive.
I got called by another woman’s name. He had so many, he couldn’t keep them straight. He called all of them “Sweetheart” so he wouldn’t mix them up.
Why this looks like my story😒☹️
He calls us all "Baby".
Walking ahead constantly
They are the cruelest and they kill a person alive
100% accurate. It's very hard to heal after being with a narcissist. I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for your videos. You have really helped me understand my situation. God bless you.
It takes a lot of eduction and persistence to break the trauma bond. I hope you are doing well and realizing you are not going crazy. It was all planned and a very calculated effort by the NRC to destabilize you. 😊
Wow it was like listening to my toxic relationship with the narcissist that I knew. Thank God I was able to break free💜💜
Whoop whoop well done ! They are weak sickos who have no standards self esteem or decency ! And they don’t feel love so some here need to work on them selves ! The narc is a narc that’s who they are selfish lonely lost demons
This sounds just like my situation was. He was with the old supply for about ten or eleven years and they lived together . She paid for everything! He would always compare me to her and I hated him for that. He wanted us to fight over him! He told me they were done with each other, he was still screwing her behind my back. Along with other women, behind our backs. I use to think why am I not good enough for him. Until I realize that this thinking is bullshit and I finally stood my ground and cut him off of my life for good. I will never put up with that ever again. I told her congrats you won! I'm out of here and not putting up with this anymore!
This happened to me except they are both narcs. At first I thought it was just her but then I realized it’s him as well. I left so fast. He still contacts me everyday saying he loves me blah blah blah and she knows but won’t do anything but fight with him.
Bermuda Triangulation of Death! Yes exactly! Once you enter their vortex, your love, sanity, logic, reasoning, your relationship, your hopes, your dreams, your self identity, your faith in humanity, your feelings of safety and belonging, your work ethic, your drive, your passion for life, and your future goals all disappear, vanishing without a trace or an explanation! 🌴☠️🔽☠️ 🌴
Please grab the life ring being tossed to you here. These gifts will come back to you as you leave this insanity behind.
I Know personally how it feels , your comment is accurate for my feelings Right now , they are thieves
Very helpful. I'm not sure (other than every video about narcissists) if there was a new supply, but I walked out on my 6 year marriage to a narc 3 Sundays ago. Went to the lawyer Tuesday, and he was served on Wednesday. I still feel like I'm coming out of a fog. But no one and I mean no one deserves to be treated the way narcissists treat people. The more I learn the more my past 6 years make sense. I find quite a lot fairly shocking, and definitely disturbing. Thank you for this, and all of your videos. I was also raised by a narcissistic father, but that's another novel.
I am a couple months post breakup (I ended it and went to the lawyer). The first few weeks are terrible. Lots of doubt and then you start to put more and more puzzle pieces together. Be kind to yourself and know you value. You are not crazy and made the right decision. Sending hugs your way ❤
I was the new supply. Can you cover more on the new supply pov. As crazy as it sounds I walked away feeling guilty and bad about how things ended. Grasping the fact that it was all a lie has been difficult. Why do we care about people who don’t care about us?
I wanted to add that one of the most traumatic experiences was "being shamed" by others outside the relationship who looked at me as though I had three eyes. It was so obvious to everyone else what this con man was doing, but I did not see it. Maria Konnikova's book, The Confidence Game: Why We Fall for it Every Time, helped me understand how every one of us, even the most highly educated, intelligent, and sophisticated, get conned by the conman. Daniel Shaw's work on the Traumatizing Narcissist also helped me understand that its because of our humanness that our needs for safety, security, and a sense of belonging fluctuate through life leaving us vulnerable to exploitation to the con artist. Deep self-compassion is the way through the pain.
I love the way you explain it so clearly. In all your videos you are pretty damn accurate. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 10 years...and couldn't quite understand the new norms being created. I thought I was wrong in expectations until the lying and gaslighting became too ridiculous. I was part of a triangulation. What is clear is that there was no love and that's always something your soul knows..in the background. I wish I had seen your videos earlier I would not have wasted so much time trying to 'compromise'. But..better late than never, your explanations have made me recognise this type and make a clean break. Thank you.
He wanted me to fight with his new supply, i refused and he said I didn't have respect for him. You are cheating and you are validating yourself! How!
It's all makes sense now.
I am grateful he discarded me.
This episode is too much relatable to my situation.. thank god very recent i came out of all these shit and someone else is new fuel now..
They Never run Short for an answer 😅 this is so True (Blah blah blah nonstop)
That's exactly what happened to me. It is truly amazing how well you know these scumbags. I was told that she wanted an "open commitment", then she told me about friends and sexual adventures she had on the side. One of them was an X-partner. She wanted to do it on the side but she wanted to keep me anyway for the convenience of it. It amazes me how well you know this sick satanic game.
Yes, This is exactly what narcisists do. They have destroyed almost all of my relationships and got me almost totally isolated. Those are evil people.
Same here. My dad, daughter and one brother (probably two) are all narcissists. My dad stole my daughter from me when she was 15/16 and smeared my name completely to her. She is now 30 and is a carbon copy for my 87 year old father, who hasn't spoken to me for about 10 years.
The most hurtful triangulation is when it’s your children…triangles are created with children-my older son treats me with such disdain. All future plans and deep conversations about money etc. are discussed between our golden child and decided upon before I hear about it. I so wish my son could have known who I am and how much I love him. Triangulation is so evil. Losing that relationship hurts the most 😢
Multiple supplies labeled friendship …you can’t put a finger on …. Then silent treatment ……..crazy
It is a literal roller-coaster. I even became a friendship one, but he wanted benefits. Get lost.
I was the main source and he constantly had me in these triangulation situations. It took me a little bit but I got wise to it. Somehow they trap you and you have to work hard to get out of it. it took me 4 years and now I am free. What's most important when you're in the situation is to stay wise to what's going on by educating yourself and keep loving yourself. All the horrible things a narcissist projects onto you has nothing to do with you it's all to do with themselves.
After watching this video, now I understand why my ex was constantly chatting and talking about the other women he called "friends" . And why this other dude I dated years ago brought pictures for me look at and these pictures were of one of his "ex's" and he would brag about how great she was too about this and that. I remember how uncomfortable it made me feel. Now I know why after watching this. Thay just wanted to be with me for supply. Thanks so much for you sharing your knowledge with us. God bless you
Triangles are nasty!!!
They are just Evil things that need to be a part from, no metter how much you loved them once. They are broken beyond any means of puting them together. We should let them have their hell for themselves. I know it now.
We cannot heal someone so broken.
We could all go to a therapist for years, and never hear it put as stunningly accurate to the minutist detail as you have just done Danish, the only one who can stop the eternal triangle is us .... why be a doormat ? the merry-go-round has finally come to a stop. This is by far the best ever explanation of one of the most unbelievable positions, that any of us could find ourselves in, and yes it actually happened to us.
Looking back .... in hindsight it was like a living nightmare, but definitely wide awake now.
Thank you so much Danish (Top Man)
This is what happened to me in my marriage. Thank you for sharing this.
OMG...the narc ex did this exact thing! You nailed it when you said "a harem" because that's exactly what he was doing. He had not one,but at less 2 side "new" supplies at once that he openly bragged about. As I begged him to consider what he was doing to our marriage and family (at that time 28 years and 5 kids). I jumped through more and more hoops, trying to prove to him that I was the best wife and companion he could ever have(despite already having been reduced to a hollow shell of myself by him over 2 plus decades). One of times he came home for a weekend (when his mistresses had either tried to break it off with him,or had another event that he wasn't included in), he told me that he had planned on getting his vasectomy reversed so he could get me and his mistresses pregnant and then we would all fight for his time and attention!
So glad you’re free of him now- good for you 👏👏👏👏
He actually told you he planned on getting you AND his girlfriend pregnant? Is that the point at which you kicked him out of your life and never saw or talked to him again?
@@ArtisteStudios sadly, no😔 I was SO trauma bonded and suffered from extreme cognitive dissonance that I continued to BEG him to come home! It was only after SHE told him to go home to his family(during Christmas after he essentially kidnapped my 14 year old son and took him to spend Christmas with HER family...another long story) that he returned. However, even though he came home and said he was ready to reconcile, it wasn't genuine. He had moments of civility and kindness, but he also was still calling and texting HER every chance he got. It literally took me another 5 years of his Jekyll and Hyde behaviors to finally WAKE UP and realize he was still (and always would be) a selfish piece of sh!t that was going to do whatever HE wanted. When he found out that SHE had died, he wanted me to feel sorry for him. When I told him I didn't, he started comparing her to me and saying how much he wished he had stayed with her. THAT was when I finally realized I was done. My actual PUSH TO LEAVE was when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. My doctor told me if I didn't reduce my stress, I would have a stroke or heart attack(I was about 47). I told her that the Narc was the source of my stress, and had been for decades. She just looked at me and said, "Well, I'm just saying that you need to take care of YOU." I took that as my "prescription" ...my PERMISSION TO LEAVE! It took me another 2 years to make a plan, and save enough money to finally leave.
My estranged husband still torments having entrapped me in a viscous web. Never raises his voice. Always talks calmly, He is the rational one without fault while he most slyly and secretly carries out intentional deceptions/trickeries that break me down more with each jolt. Smears untruths about me to everyone, like building a case against me. Does things underhandedly that are extremely cruel. His current girlfriend 30 years younger he flaunts in my face. I have NO jealousy and he knows it. I despise him. I'm seeing a lawyer for 2nd time tomorrow. Don't know how I can manage this being husband kept me poor while he is wealthy, but I need somehow to end this and have a way to survive. I'm alone in the world having him cheat on me and abandon me in effect, and have bad anxiety that limits me to do for myself. EVIL man, but no one knows what lies beneath. All think he is a great guy.
I send much courage to you. May the judge be fair towards you.
Please hang in there you aren't alone 🫂
Get out, stay out. you will start to breathe freely in microdosis and everything will settle in some form and shape! you will make it
This is exactly what my gf does
The "Bermuda Triangle" is right! That's a good description of what it is. 😄
It gets to the point when you can 😂 laugh inside and place yourself outside from these creepy creeps triangulations. Games are over before it starts, No contact, move onward. These low vibrational people have too much time to waste on their hands playing childish games. Bottom line is they are emotionally not mature, have never had a serious date let alone a serious relationship.
Danish - You are truly a God sent angel for all the narcissistic abuse survivors. Thank you so much for spreading awareness and healing us !
Planting the seed of insecurity in the devaluation stage, "treat them mean keep them keen" which culminates in "take it or leave" when you are at your weakest. NASTY!
Danish please introduce your lovely kitty cat, somehow I found her quite soothing seeing her in the background while listening to you. ❤❤❤
I graduated middle school when I was 13, I left those games back there. They are frickin nuts. Mine triangulated me with his ex. It’s totally absurd and ridiculous the lives they live. It’s emotional abuse and disgusting.
❤Cute kitty.
Also Danish, it would be interesting to do a segment on the way in which a narcissistic parent uses triangulation in the family. Given that we had the same cookie-cutter father, I bet you know all about this.
I also wanted to add an important point about the triangulating tactics of the narcissist. It's not just romantic partners that are triangulated. It's EVERYONE!!! Everyone and anyone is at risk of being triangulated by the narcissist, and used as a mere object for creating and exacerbating CHAOS! What aggravates the cognitive dissonance for intimate partner relationships is that so many of those being triangulated don't know that they are being used.
This is SO true. It also happens in friendships w/ a narcissist. My former BFF is a textbook covert narcissist. There came a point where I began to realize how manipulative she is (I hadn’t educated myself yet about covert narcissism - didn’t even know the term), and I stopped letting her control / manipulate me. Once she couldn’t control me anymore, she began to resent me. We live in a large metropolitan area with literally a ton of other people she could get close to, if she needed another friend. But who does she zero in on? An friend of mine that I’ve known for 25 years that lives 2 hours away. She was burning up the interstate running back and forth to hang out with her. And when my long term friend came to where we lived, they wouldn’t even let me know so we could hang out. Oh they’d let me know after the fact, bragging about how much fun they had. Then I noticed my long term friend started treating me differently. When I brought the whole situation up to my long term friend, she told me I’d “always been in survival mode”, and pretty much dismissed my feelings. My former BFF totally gaslighted me about the whole deal, telling me that she “just needed a friend” - and insinuated that I was being overly sensitive and at the same time that I’d been a bad friend to her (by not letting her control me anymore). My former BFF eventually showed who she really is to my long term friend, and now we’re close again (me and my long term friend). My former BFF also cheated on her husband numerous times, but he refuses to divorce her. She’s left him for other men, but is still playing her husband like a fiddle. It’s amazing how good these folks are at fooling people. But I won’t be fooled again, now that I know all the signs to look for. Thank you for your video. You’re spot on.
Well said! Thank you. I have been tortured by triangulation for over 25 years! It was a horrible experience. Thank God I know how to recognize it now in women! Also, I really appreciate how well you are able to describe in detail how the mental dynamics break down in the face of this craziness! Validation is a beautiful thing in cases like this.
The first time I zeroed in on this tactic was how he manipulated his siblings. He was the ringleader. So two faced and jealous of his hardworking siblings. Finally got out 👍🏾
Please elaborate about these triangles between narcissistic parents playing their children against each other. Your videos often are shockingly in complete line with my personal expirience of a narc parent. Sometime I really need to find courage to watch certain of your topics as it confronts with what has happened but only then healing and understanding can finally happen. It's damn tough nevertheless. Many thanks to you for your inputs!
I witnessed my female Nex confronting her mom with a few issues over time. she(15) I(17) yrs of age at the time it's rather unfortunate & very sad but my Nex had built up the courage to tell her mother that her step father's brother had violated her as a child. I listened in the next room over I was really there to support her and just intervene if things got physical other then that my gfs request was to sit still the entire time I less it got to that point which I respected. As you can imagine the mother went into full rage and started with the yelling back and forth for a good 20 mins as I listened. The mother had told my gf that she was making ridiculous claims and she needed to respect her step father's family since the mother had official tied the knot with her new step father for a few months at this point. It got no where as I heated my gf crying to her own mother and panting struggling to get the very words out of her mouth. She asked many times why the mom denies whats she is saying and how could she say she is making it up?! It suddenly got to whispers and I stood up to go in if I had heard contact.....it remained to whispers for another 5 mins. Then I heard something that really shocked me as my gfs voice returned to it's normal volume, she yelled to her mom,"you stood there from the fucking hallway mom and let your drunk brother in law touch me while I slept!" "I shrugged him off every chance I got as he kept forcing his hands around me!" She said to the mother, "do you know why I stopped fighting him!?" Because I saw you turn the hall light on! Thinking you were coming in to protect me! But you didn't! You let him touch me until he passed out on top of me! The mom took her slap to my gfs face and right as I turned the knob I slightly pushed opened the door and my gf pushed it back closed and said"Don't come in, I'm leaving with him right now!" She rushed out and walked out the house rapid as I followed her. We walked to my moms apartment and she kinda ran away and stayed there with me for the next three days. The step father who was in general a very understanding and empathic man. Had no likes me because of his step daughter sleeping over those nights. Of course, who wouldn't. He got my gf to calmly come home and because of the seriousness of the whole situation I never brought it up in the whole 17 yr relationship ever. My gf mentioned in the middle of an argument 4 months before my discard that how her dad had got her to come home. He explained on the mom's behalf that she had had a very bad day and her mom was very upset to find out that she had been coming to my place and staying nights over having sex with me!.....huh?! It clicked after a minute or two of silence....I reassured my thoughts asking my gf," so did your mom lie to your step father about what happened!?" She said, yes the whole thing. Makes sense why the dad would resent me even after we had been together all these years nothing I ever did for him or the mother was ever good enough. Even as adults there was always tension between that man and I that I know now the mother kept very much alive and fresh in her husband's mind. Even after being discarded a year and a half later I often still have to convince myself I couldn't save her. I felt for years that I could have done something more and perhaps it would have altered my gf then into Not being who she turned out to be in the end! It still hurts and I know Im only missing the idea of who she presented herself to be! The facts are still very real and we're also hidden from me for all 17 yrs she had been cheating the entire time together and it was always when she visited her parents because I was never allowed over unless the dad said it was ok even as an adult. Turns out that was my Nex's lie to give herself room to continue an ongoing relationship with guys she met in high school and from previous jobs. I did feel it in my gut when she would return to me something wasn't right and I would ask. She had never done anything to that point to make me suspicious at all ever. She would call from their land line house phone and I called back random at times and the family would call for her or she'd answer the phone herself. We had cell phones. The land line thing thru me off for years. I never had reason to ever check her phone and when I did that same week she had told me about her mom lying to her step father. I found msgs. and multiple social media accounts on her cell under her sister's and mom's names to throw me off scent and sneak msgs to guys she was having sex with when visiting her family. In the end after all the hurt and drama my mission now is to get all that shit out of my head and destroy the fantasy she had me living in with her in her own narcissist bubble. I'm sorry for how long this was. I know it's helpful but maybe a little bit more insight as to what my Nex experienced with her narcissist mother. In all 17 yrs with my Nex I never witnessed any connections with my then gf or her 3 younger siblings over the years with the mother. Always only the dad was very attentive and loving and doing for them all. I really wanted that man to see who I really was but never got the real chance.
Golden child v. problem child
The problem child see the toxic for who or what she is
Sigghhhhhsssssssssss im dealing with a narcissist and it stresses me out to think about everything..he is my child's father 😭
Went thru being the new 11 years ago.....didn't discover till 6 years in that he's a narc, and have been trying to get our actively for 2 years and he's always taken off with another woman, but this last time it was the widow of a friend of his but I have been awake to his garbage and got the proof I needed to feel vindicated (not to use against him or bring up to him cuz that never works) and am getting him out finally. I'm the old now so I came full circle. It hurts its bad emotionally sometimes, but every time I change a habit in his round and round bs I win, and I will.
Thank you Danish for your helpful video🙏🏻
I know exactly what you mean with triangulation. My Ex Narcissist did that many years to me. First I was his second supply more than 3 years until he discarded the mother of his kids and he told me they did not love each other a very long time.
Than begann his game the other way around. I became his main supply but it was never enough all the love and dedication that I gave him. He needed always secondary supplies and he denyed it the whole time trying to confuse me and punished me taking longer time for his "patients" as necessary. But at that time I had not realized that he was a fake Persona! I knew he hid behind a mask but I thought that was part of being shy and vulnerable. He was cheating on me and every time I caught him lying he deflected and came with a different narrative so that I thought I was going crazy! Now I know that triangulation was thrilling for him. He named that "friendship" but he was high every time I felt jealous. He got me back with hoovering at least 4 times but he could never truly apologize. Ater many years of triangulation, terrible tantrums and gaslighting me I saved my soul and finally got away. Now I'm healing but sometimes still grieving and ruminating. I know that's part of the trauma bond but I'm happy to be free again☀️
Im the new supply. He hasnt gotten rid of his long time ex gf. Weve been dating 2 years. And i feel so disorganized. And confused. I even feel his ex (the old suppy) is a narccistist too! 😢
Yes, he said “we [he and ex-wife] live together, but we’re not together… it’s all for the children… blah blah blah… ”
Yes, he posted old supply on social media this month. Thank God I didn’t marry him. This would have been a miserable future for me. Better to have loved and lost than to love and have made this sycophant triangulation scenario play on. It would have been endless.
1:50 - 1:58 that's what my wife said, and the third person she used was my brother to make me look like I'm the problem maker.
Your video brings tears to my eyes. In my case, I was the new supply being triangulated with their old supply, aka ex. Lied to me telling me that she was only a friend. Right. Until they printed out her picture and made it their phone case. Spend days and days travelling with her in the name of best friend forever. Their behavior drove me insane as I broke down and cried. I confronted and pointed out how hurtful that was and they was immune and cold towards my pain. Enough is enough. I blocked them removing myself out of their lives completely. I feel guilty for leaving them behind but ... I would kill myself if I continued to stay. It's like ... a nightmare.
I understand and feel you
ive been thr too
Its just the badest Thing ive ever gone thru. my whole Life 😢 became nightmares too but my Life and this Situation were the biggest nightmare ive ever had. trying to heal and wish u the same and all who gone thru thiss Kind of horrible terrible Situation
Its just the badest Thing ive ever experienced
Wish u peace
But my Lifee*
@@HaninSindi I'm sorry to hear that you also had to go through this. May peace be with you my friend.
@@maianhdao986 thank you dear yea that was really hard and tough never experienced like that in any kind of way and i wish you the good and healing too 🙏🌸
I recognise the whole situation you're describing, this man is married, was flirting heavily with me and I started to catch feelings for him, I thought we had a genuine connection until he was( undressing with his eyes) in front of me this young pretty lady almost 30 years younger than both of us on the dance floor (it was very weird almost like she was in trance)! It was such a chock to me and I felt sick to my stomach, afterwards he came up to me with a smile on his face, like he was proud of himself! I've since got the impression that he's got this way of playing games with women and that I'm not the first or the last one. I'ts like he's very magnetic to women and pulling them to him with a very intense, deep stare and a very charismatic smile! It might sound silly but I still feel upset about the incident months after it happened, It would be great to hear your opinion about this, not sure why I reacted so strongly to this situation?
You nailed it Danish, you are so wonderful in exposing the narcissist 😮😮😮😮😮Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!❤
A second supply? The painters (4 of them) the mover, the plumber, the lawn maintainece guy, the plumber, the neighbor, an ex- neighbor, pof "friends" (2 that i know of) , a past boyfriend, and a weight trainer (she doesn't even work out) these are just the ones I know about!
I was the grade A prime cut supply. She encouraged to work overtime and wanted minute to minute updates, text me when your done so I can have dinner ready for you. They were supplies for something in some way/s too!
I'm glad I left her when I did. She said I would regret leaving her. I regret, giving her chances, I regret allowing it, I regret not leaving her sooner.
However, I don't regret being on the healing path, rediscovering who I really am, I don't regret feeling like living my best life again!
It takes time, effort and self forgiveness, but healing comes.
Allow it! Trust the process.
The narc in my life said I'd regret this and that I'd come back begging when I walked away. I think maybe they have a very inflated sense of importance and can't help but think we'll regret leaving behind the most vile person that we know.
So relieved for you. Yes, trust the process.👩🎨🐕
Hi, I came across your video just today and everything in it resonate with me.. Exactly what he said to me.."She doesn't rant nor complain. She's not like you." And now they're living together again but he still drop by to see me. Narcissism is pure evil.
Very helpful video. Earlier I didn't understand and was shocked to learn about my own feelings of anger etc. But gradually I have learnt to bless these people as I don't indulge in those negative feelings. It saddens me however. The best way to deal with this situation is to be among nature. Visit a beach or a park or a garden if possible. Some silent meditation would also help
Dear Danish.
I watch all your programs on narcissistic abuse. They resonate as no-one else's do. This triangulation is for me the icing on the cake. Thanks.
The sleeping world of narcissist victimhood needs your insights.
These problem people may be found in one's past &/or lurking in one's present or future looking to suck blood.
Power to your arm.
John Pocock
Thank you Danish you hit the nails on the head all the time...I lived in the strangest & most cruel world with my x- husband for 26 years. I felt I was going insane. I ran to the divorce court. Believing I was free of this cruelty of abuse in all its forms this insanity was taken over & severe punishment with daily physical abuse continued by my daughter for the next 20 years....she is on a 5 year DVO. I am in my 79 th year now.. I have been told she has a personality disorder & will never change.... Thank you Danish for your work..I suffer the effects, but at first didn't realise how much I was reliving the abuse by the constant flashbacks.. I have continued weekly therapy as well as listening to you daily. Thank you dear Danish...
This is pretty much what happened to me. I don't know if he realizes it, but she is a covert narcissist and they are playing each other. They are both evil and deserve each other. Triangulation is evil. I exposed him and gave him narcissistic mortification. I have blocked his number and gone silent, never to return even if he tries to hoover me in the future.
New supply here. Coworker and friend went thru rough patch with her bf and came to me. She fell out with her bf in front of me, told me she HATED her life, then stood right behind me side-eye staring at me blatantly, a few mins later she turns to me in private and initiates long and close hug (10 secs at least) then sees her bf and in front of him turns to me and says “will I see you tomorrow?”. She did other things as well. She gave me impression her bf was mistreating her and she wanted me. Her bf started boasting to me and putting middle finger up at me when I so much as looked at her so he clearly felt threatened. I was expecting her to separate with her bf but she never did, even tho I’d reciprocated the hug and told her she was absolutely beautiful. After months of being upset, I wanted answers for her behaviour and some validation but she told me she never treated me any differently which she told her bf as well. I persisted in trying to get answers to the point where I nearly got in a fight with her bf and I ended up apologising thinking I was delusional, disrespectful and egotistical before her behaviour was ever addressed. Now I’m here being hated as they’re still together, her without facing up to her actions and him completely unaware of what a narcissistic person he is dating as they both tell everyone how I was the problem and I can’t do anything about it without coming across as a creep.
I'm truly amazed about this opportunity to learn about Narcissistic behavior ..I know I'm getting out of this relationship I I over powerd him with Reality I made him live his own truth I'm to old to raise a Grown Man I have myself to deal with this Information is the Truth You just don't know ~Janice I refuse to live with his Issues I seen the pattern.
Danish Bashir, I will not say much on the public domain
But seriously thank you for taking the time to make these videos. There is probably alot of people wondering what the heck happened when these people enter their lives, answered the questions that have been in my head for years now. You have lifted so much burden from me, I can not thank you enough!
Exactly.. I underwent and undergoing this triangle situation.. i never thought of this dynamic... I could related as both now, the new supply and old supply... Thanks for speaking about this
DANISH EVERYTHING YOU SAY HAPPEND AND ITS TRUE. THE PAIN IS REAL.
He made me so sick with the abuse i couldn't do ANYTHING for him or MYSELF!
Infernal triangle, that deepest destroyed you
100%%%
I have known a few narcissist and, OMG, hahahaha, they just can not imagine a love life with out a love trianglr or a love hexagon or octagon or maybe even a love zochihedron...it's so annoyingly disgusting and yeah, just like he has said nauseating 🤢. It is so disgusting and the way they like to see the people fighting over them and hoping that any of these people theye are so happy to be holding upon on the hooks care enough toput up a tempermentally delusional "love fight" for them and then they can sit there so smuggly thinkimg all about how much they are believing they are actually worth it, also incredibly delusional. Get away from all of these kinds of things people. It is NOTHING but an empty and a desperately disparaging and decaying nightmare.
Well, for starters, they tell you that REALITY AIN’T REAL. That first off. Then.. that gets accompanied with anxiety and a sick stomach, because there’s usually a lot on the line when they strike. Have you ever seen somebody who doesn’t really take care of his or her own life who seems out of touch, emotional, and antisocial just a bit? Maybe he’s bipolar, quiet, awkward, and insecure possibly? Ya, give them an opportunity to knock you and watch em rise to the occasion. If there’s a gain to be made by convincing people you stink, they’ll likely go for it.” They will recruit, distract, and manipulate anybody who will fall for it. ⚠️DONT BE AFRAID! Whatever you do. This is what we call unraveling. Don’t allow it. Think about what this persons opinion means to you. Are you making them more important than they really are? They will attempt to ruin you with fear. They use emotions to get by, emotion so to manipulate 🌟, and emotion to sound smart.”
I'm grateful there are people like you out here who understand and explain these things so clearly. What you say resonates so well.
I gained clarity when I learned what kind of supply I was, there's many other types of supply, please expand on that
I was the primary supply. He cheated on me with an ex. He made me feel safe after mocking me for relaying my fears when his ex who lived 2k miles away who was coming to visit cuz he was diagnosed with cancer. He made me feel safe, saying they were best friends but didn't want Me to meet her and she had no idea about me. The betrayal ended up happening and THAT made me go no contact. He wasn't going to tell me and only did because I asked. The visiting wasn't what he lead me to believe. I'm pretty certain he had it planned after he found he was diagnosed with cancer but had to tell me something because I just show up at his house and I'm over there weekly, at times 2 to 3 times. Betrayal by cheating is a deal breaker so I went no contact. Despite the verbal abuse and all the lies, I'm so relieved. I'm NEVER going back.😍💛💪🏾
This happened to me indeed, I was incredibly ashamed & Astonished 😢
🥹🥹🥹🙏⚖️🙏
His old supply would call him when I visited him. He would laugh about it but wouldn't answer the phone or make her stop.
And betrayed .. I had no idea what narcissistic sexual abuse was until it happened to me I didn’t believe what happened I was ignorant & naive uninformed a true prey & victim
Feel ya 😢 i was going thru the same
I often listen to these videos while I’m doing other things, but I’m going to have to watch properly sometimes-I love when Ben shows up! 😄😻
100% spot on. I wish I had this information 7 years ago. Would have saved me an immense amount of suffering.
Triangulation is common for axis 2, borderline personality disorder. I have learned so much from your channel and it has helped me gain perspective on my responses toward narcissistic people. Can you discuss how to differentiate between narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder?
That's a hard one, such similar traits.
@@jbrown2908 sadistic.
Borderlines are more into self sabotage, self trashing.
Anyone utilizing triangulating tactics from day one is immediately slapped onto the 'narc list'
Wether it's intentionally done or not, makes no difference.
Yes.thanks for sharing this video. I like also your videos about narcissistic family dynamics and relationship with their mother. Very illuminating. Thanks again
Very clear and helpful. I truly begin to understand the mess I am in.
God bless you. Your speeches are very touchy. Thanks
Had an ex who had NPD and then my best friend is a narcissist. They both did every example you mentioned.
So true and so well explained.
Thank you I needed this today. Its 100% what my 2nd relationship with a narc is doing. I am educated and still educating myself. Its hard coming to terms with it again and it's frustrating that I am battling the trauma bond again 💔 😔 But I know I can do it, I have to! Realising for sure today he is doing hopefully will give me that added boost to break free of it!! 🤞🙏🏽🤞🙏🏽
Its always the least they can do at the last possible moment for you
Wow, excellent you are contemplating each and every corner of the narcissist.
I had this epiphany on the path of wellness and mental health. We have to learn from our past. Often our bad decisions derive from being in a toxic mental state such as feeling bad about ourselves, pleasing others and etc.
When I feel like I am doing that I have to hit the pause button and redirect myself towards the present moment.
Oftentimes we miss out on people who are meant to be in our lives.
Before I came to a new unit, I prayed that I would be in a unit with good people. I think I have found that. Recognizing that and just being in service to people who you respect and admire and the versus is essential. Being in a two way relationship in any type of relationship will feel unnatural for those of us who have been stuck in a 1 way narcissistic relationships. Breaking that cycle takes a lot of work but it’s worth the effort to get to the other side.
This worked for me: working on being healthy and happy with whatever your current situation and asking yourself what deserves your energy. I usually pray to God to help me recognize the good people so I can be a service to them. Because it may feel like we are alone but oftentimes a lot more people are going through a lot.
Yep. I dated someone like this once. So bad. So so bad
I was the new, his ex wife the old (no kids), & I found out since he actually finally admitted it at the end, but said nasty things about her too, so was really a very sickening situation.