I can relate to a lot of this, i feel like i love my best friend but i do overthink constantly about her, i think i might be more obsessed and dealing with attachment trauma, i dont want our relationship to break appart, but i need to learn how to live by myself and to love myself a bit more i think
That calmness and lack of drama and chaos actually made me think it was not a healthy relationship...until I realised that it was an invitation to heal.
It's amazing how healing can feel unfamiliar at first, especially when we're used to associating love with chaos. Recognizing the calm as an invitation to grow is such a powerful realization. How has this perspective shifted how you view relationships?
I feel this so much. It makes you question yourself and your reactions in the situations. It's like they are following the script as they are supposed to and you don't even know how to read and panic.
Timestamps: 1:13 You feel incomplete without them 1:54 You have an intense fear of abandonment 2:42 You struggle with setting boundaries 3:32 You mistake anxiety for passion 4:03 You feel responsible for their emotions 4:40 You think about them obsessively 5:18 You need constant reassurance Hope this helps❤ Know that you deserve love and care, I am sorry if you are going thru this...
As a trauma survivor and severely neglected child (who is dysfunctional as an adult now), it's important to also note that the side effects of being neglected and abused can lead you to having vastly different views of what a "healthy" relationship is, and when you get an actually healthy relationship, that expectation of a "healthy" relationship might lead you to self-sabotage it, ruining it for yourself because you don't believe that what you're experiencing is "healthy" (since you're used to abuse/neglect/violence/ect)
Im on the other side of this and openly brought these sabotage on the table. But in a caring and loving way, that she was just putting on her "armour". She admitted she wasnt sure why she did these but that she never fully trusted anyone and so learned to let people in veeeeery slowly. By understanding such patterns stemming from past trauma, unhelathy relationships etc. i could be more empathetic and also not take as much of an hit to my ego. I firmly believe these are signs she is actually healing, and the occasions are also becoming very rare now. I feel her trust growing in parallel. Its a process but she is a gem and I gladly take the occasional hit. They are her growing pains, and im not perfect too. If I can give you a hardfelt advice: be open about past trauma. Dont go into detail, but help your partner understand that sometimes you are just repeating patterns and want to heal together. A caring partner will understand and go the way with you. I dont believe in all the "spend time alone til your healed" stuff. No one will ever fully heal from past hurt and we will always have problems to solve or personal growth to do. Why not rise together?
@@janeymers7154 It works if you already have a partner and become self-aware during your relationship. But if you're single and aware of your traumas while trying to heal, then it becomes a completely different scenario. From a certain age, nobody really wants to get into a relationship with a trauma survivor. People want stability and that's very understandable. So I disagree about being open about our traumas, especially early on in a new relationship. The largest part of healing comes from us. Personally, being open about my traumas when meeting new people only resulted in attracting other broken people and created trauma-bonded relationships. It was always unhealthy. I will never open about my own traumas ever again. If I decide to try dating again (which may never happen anyway), I want someone very secure who can help me grow more in complement to how I'm already working on myself, not someone who's trying not to drown. But first, we have to get past the shame of dating again while being aware of all this. And for me, that's my biggest issue. I never want to put anyone else through this ever again.
@@janeymers7154 i'm literally crying reading your comment. I feel glad you always there when your partner tantrum. Thank you for making me believe there is still someone good and be there when needed. May Allah bless you with joy and happines in your relationship and life. Aamiin
I want to add that just because a lover triggers your wounds doesn't mean your connection is toxic. I know from experience that when you communicate and work through those wounds you can work toward being securely attached and have a healthy connection. What matters is that you are willing to work toward developing a healthy relationship that has a balance of healthy dependence and independence.
It doesn’t matter whom I fall in love with, I feel this. And it’s frustrating, really fucking frustrating, cause it’s like the universe is telling me I don’t deserve love. I have never felt more chemistry with a girl than with the one I’m talking to rn, and the thought of this being just attachment trauma is depressing. I just want a relationship like everyone else
Develop a strong sense of self and faith. Repeat affirmations I am enough and I will be ok with or without her because I take care of myself and some higher being created me and loves me. It helps to practice imagining the worst case scenario has happened and your life is not over and you are ok and remind me yourself it's just a relationship not the be all and end all of survival for me being with you. That way you can feel confident when you look her in the eyes and say from your heart you love her. Because it's no longer about your survival it's about your beautiful true love for each other and sharing the journey of life together. This helps me and I hope it helps you. Best wishes.
@@e-man-n6k Shoulda woulda coulda but don't worry, everything happens in perfect timing. Maybe the time is right for you now, with practice. Just don't beat yourself up about the past. What's done is done. It was understandable after what you been through and you can take from it that was a learning curve. Make the best of it now. (My advice is for myself as well. I hope it's helpful)
I’m LITERALLY going through this RIGHT NOW and it’s interesting how this came up as something to watch on my front page. This DEFINITELY resonates with me!!
Isn't it wild how the right message finds you at the perfect time? It sounds like you’re in the middle of some big realizations-sending you lots of strength as you navigate through it! What part of the video hit home the most for you?
Unexpectedly, I recognize both sides to my relationship. I realized that I was doing some of the things associated with attachment trauma. but at the same time I recognized that with my partner, I am able to feel that genuine love. I guess I’ll take that as a sign that I need to do more self healing and not tie my anxieties to my relationship. Thank you for sharing this information, it really helps!
I get it dude, just know you're not alone, typing this while crying over the argument i had with (related to the topic of this video oof) so yeah, u're not alone and it's tiring
@ sending much love and hugs 🤗!! As another human I believe you’re amazing and that you have to try to realize that for yourself. The only way is to love yourself, I figured this out recently after my heart was broken. If it would make you feel better you can vent about your argument with as much or as little detail as you want!
Thanks!!! I was just gonna say...do I have to split up with my boy-friend now, because I repeatedly feel some of these things, and it means that I can't love ? (naturally I wouldn't do that just because of a video)
Thank you for saying this. I suffer from attachment trauma, but that doesnt mean I cant also truly love the person Im with. My wife undetstands my trauma and helps me through it.
@@nuez23747 That should every individual say by their own... You can just speak for yourself. Sometimes you have a partner you can work on this problems with. So in longrun it is may better to have one whose triggering you, so you get noticed of your inner problems and can work on them.
This is just.. wow. Ive been feeling very, VERY conflicted with my emotions. And all of the stuff in this video is exactly how I feel and act with my partner. Constant worry that they might be cheating, or my brain gets flooded when I feel like I did something wrong to upset them. But yet I cant leave them since they make me happy. Since around them I feel complete, a lot more healthy and i just become exactly my full self. Because sometimes a partner doesnt fill up a void in your heart... but put a bandage on the wounds that have been bleeding for years. So please, if you have the same struggles as me or.. basically EVERYONE here. Talk to your partner about it. I know its scary but it is good for the both of you to communicate. Your partner will probably understand this and you two will figure this out together. You arent alone in this god forsaken world even if it feels like it. Stay safe out there.
tysm for sharing this. I am super scared of even the thought of getting into a relationship or just talking stage bcs that's exactly how I'd be like they're shown in this video or how you explained... and i JUST found out through this video that it's a trauma response and i thought i wasn't normal and the only one feeling or more struggling with this. I'm sorry my english is not the best but just even reading the line that i'm not alone in this brought me a sense of relief and safety.. Thank you.. And i hope you and your partner found ways how to solve not only yours but each others struggles and problems. Sending lots of love and hugs to you.
I don't know love I don't know what love is. I still have bottled up trauma but I choose to bottle it up and just move on with my life without acknowledging my emotions and traumas. I just push people away and just continue to face adversity and life alone
I can relate to what you say, i'm in a relationship with a girl and i feel like i might be dealing with attachment trauma more than i tought, i am trying to give her more space now but i often dont know what to do when i'm alone, take care Psych2Go ers
I have all of these things going on, but I love the guy. It's fully possible to be in a good relationship but have these types of problems. And for those of you with low reading comprehension, that means that you can have a partner who doesn't know how you're feeling while all of this is going on in head, but wouldn't hold it against you and/or would be willing to work through your issues with you. It's not someone who is actively attempting to manipulate you or your feelings.
I'm scared bc my boyfriend has all of these plus I know he's rlly scared of abandonment, now idk if he actually loves me or just has attachment trauma😭 like sometimes when we have small arguments he's sometimes scared ill leave but he says it's because in his past relationships the problem we had would've ended the relationship
@@Seojin-r4h hmm... Maybe try having a mature conversation and confront him in a moderate way, having a problem is a *reason* to seek help, not an *excuse* to drag someone else into it, but you two know what works for you! I hope you're doing well :D
@sugarpie5191 thank youu! I actually spoke to him about it last night and he said he's been in a previous relationship that was just based on attachment trauma and that our relationship was not at all thatt💗
on times of overwhelm, confusion, and hopelessness, this channel helps make everything easier to process reminds people that not every situation is win/lose or war, just that people function differently and this channel is only helping each other understand each other not really villain/victim, more emphasis on this is why that was hurtful, and this is why etc i am extremely grateful that understanding people exist and they think conflicts shouldn't be focused about who's more of a victim, but more about how to make peace
Your words are so heartfelt-thank you for sharing this! It's beautiful how you see the bigger picture: understanding, not division. Focusing on empathy and resolution truly makes the world a kinder place. What’s something that’s helped you find peace in tough situations?
Attachment trauma also creates a lot of episodes of limerence. So then it can be hard to tell if it's love, or an infatuation. We gotta build ourselves up, work on our own self esteem. We can't control what others do, or how they feel about us. We can only control what we do in our own lives. As a life long "caregiver personality" with severe abandonment issues, and a martyr complex due ro childhood trauma, I used to be way too accomidating of others I dated, but never got the same suppoet in return. So then I got treated poorly due to not setting certain boundaries early on. I always wanted to be the "low maintenance" girlfriend. We teach people how to treat us, if we don't treat ourselves better. Stay single and work on yourself first. That's the only way things change.
Thank you for sharing your journey-it’s so relatable and insightful. It’s true that boundaries and self-respect are game-changers when healing from attachment trauma. Becoming the person who values themselves first can feel like a long road, but it’s also the most rewarding one. What’s one thing that helped you start prioritizing yourself?
3:07 Love is most definitely conditional, especially in a romantic sense. The behavior, actions, and how they make us feel implying that love is not entirely given freely without any expectations of said person. When you first felt for said person, it was based on condition they were attractive with certain traits you deemed desirable.
Nobody gets that,but I think love is love,n once u start loving someone or something,u never stop, whatever happens Love is not something that can be shutdown,if it ain't like that, it's not love,is something that u look for in that relationship or obtain
Timing of this video is crazy… I broke up with a girl three weeks ago; she was head over heels with me and i loved her a lot, I still have strong feelings for her. Everything in this video encapsulates the problems I had in the relationship and now I wonder if she ever even loved me or she had attachment trauma. The beginning of our relationship, I had to keep saying I still loved her, but didn’t think much of it. She would argue about it a lot and we had a lot of talks about it, but she still did it. After this I always had to prove I loved her or she complained, to the point I sacrificed my social life for us through our whole relationship, just to have more time together; even searched for jobs with less hours and ran for the earliest bus so I can spend more time with her, which was incredibly draining. I sent her flowers every month and wrote poems, genuinely trying to show i care. Unfortunately it was just never appreciated and she always wanted more; not physical stuff; but more time and attention. It did feel like a second job, to the point i needed a lot of breaks to cope with it. She now says im a coward for running away from everything with said breaks, but now that I think about it she was just too overbearing and i needed time away to stay calm and relax, have some me time and enjoy what i like; since i didnt have time for me when it was an 'us'. Funny thing is she says I didn’t love her more than she loved me because the butterflies in her stomach never went away. She still says I didn’t love her enough… I made the mistake of confessing that i still had feelings for her this morning and realised after our conversation when i read it back, she had a lot of red flags and i felt ready to move on feeling its for the best for me. Things like judging me for how i use my money for new tech or caring about how family orientated I am after only 6 months of dating. I loved her a lot, but its not like we are married; why does she care ? I was still there for her when she needed me, dropping everything as realistically as I could just to keep her smiling. At the time i thought she always needs to be a victim to something and right now its me; there was always something she was sad about that i needed to comfort her or care for; things she could easily fix but just sat and cried about instead, like making friends at uni. But now I think in terms of the relationship, she had attatchment trauma and it stressed me out a lot. Im glad we broke up, im happy shes able to move on and now its time i do the same. Very enlightening video and great for helping me move on :) Ty Psych2Go !
I relate to many of those feelings, maybe not one to one, but i always appreciate those vulnerable stories. Its a good reminder that im not alone with my shit. The human condition is rough sometimes, but theres all the beauty. I wish you good luck on your new Path!!!
@@madymilian1647 ty :) i think when i realised my best wasnt enough i should have ended it instead of over-compromising... started messaging old friends i pushed away to give my ex more time and its been great to feel wanted rather than expected :D definitely a beauty to being around good people :)
Yea dude, although I’m not in a relationship rn, hearing stories of other’s experiences when it came to forms of attachment trauma just lowkey warms my heart knowing that I’m also not alone :> ❤
I think am also like Ur girlfriend coz everything U said relates to me 💯 en am just realising it 3 weeks after I lost my guy coz of the same issues U mentioned...🥹🥹
I have no idea how you guys keep consistently doing this but your video schedule has been dead-on with all my current problems in life. I’m as impressed as I am creeped out towards your impeccable timing.
It’s like we’ve got a psychic connection, right? Honestly, life has its way of aligning things just when we need them most. Glad the timing worked out-hope the videos keep helping you navigate through it all! 💙
The timing on this is so real I have been having these problems for years with my family and now as I’ve grown up, it’s so hard to bear. I went from being sheltered as a child to being chastised when I don’t know how to do something.
I just lost my marriage when we had a wedding this June 8, and I've been struggling with figuring out why and what contributed to my mental breakdown that caused my 11-year relationship to end. This video explains it so well. Thank you for posting this. It helps me feel seen.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Ending an 11-year relationship, especially after such a big milestone, must be incredibly painful. It’s brave of you to reflect and seek understanding during such a hard time. You’re not alone in this, and I hope you continue finding comfort and clarity as you heal. Sending you strength.
I have been separated a couple years now, and my spouse just filed for divorce in November. 22 years since we met, and we were going to be married 20 years next June. This video hits the nail on the head. We definitely did not have a marriage built on trust or unconditional love. Sadly, I’m relegated to be being the guy to pay for her to maintain her standard of living. 25 years of paying a mortgage, with nothing to show for it. I felt something really strong for a woman I recently met, and it was very difficult to process the emotions. I realize now it is a projection of unresolved trauma and guilt. Thank you for this video, it really helps to put the pain into perspective and have an awareness I need to break the cycle. I don’t regret the lessons I’ve learned, just the avoidance of dealing with the problems in the first place.
I experience 6/7 of these. I'm currently in therapy to address these deep wounds, my CPTSD, and how to develop my sense of self, which I feel is starting to work. I recommend looking into Internal Family Systems based therapy as I have found it actually addresses the core issues instead of using a band-aid approach (CBT & DBT - although DBT has been helpful with addressing thought patterns and how to cope with big emotions). We've got this gang!! I know we can get to the other side of healthy attachments and loving ourselves ❤
It’s inspiring to hear how dedicated you are to your healing journey, and sharing what’s worked for you can be such a light for others going through similar struggles. Internal Family Systems sounds like a powerful approach to addressing those deeper wounds. You’re absolutely right-healing is a process, but we’re all in this together. Cheering you on as you keep building healthy attachments and self-love! ❤
You do got this! My love tried the band-aid approach due to her traumatic anxious abandonment past. I love her and miss her being on this earth. Please take any reassurance people around you are giving you. They genuinely mean it and care for you and want you to be the person you want to become. And please be honest and trust those close to you. I know it's scary. Their help will make all the difference. I believe in you and your journey.
This timing couldn’t be more perfect.. I’m sick of being in toxic relationships that I ultimately attach to.. my fear of abandonment (more like fear of dying alone), and need for reassurance plus anxiety have all caused me to be clingy and I needed to hear this. I’m taking some time for myself to heal and be better
This gave me the reassurance that I am healing!! I have found that good love and am so proud of me for loving myself enough to choose better for my future❤❤ To my brothers and sisters on this earth take time to care for yourself you’re worth it!! You’re deserving of a beautiful love not fake love built in fear
This video is literally me! I'm trying, though the lack of reference makes it very hard to obtain. I'd like to add another point here, namely pessimism towards relationships: Constantly assuming the very worst will certainly happen and you have to fight it. This is rooted in fear of uncertainty (dating back to inconsistency) and in the deeply ingrained idea that life is inherently against you (rooted in trauma). Otherwise an on-point collection of the main differences, thank you!
This was an amazing video. This was affirmation that my psychology in relationships is actually normal, but it also helped me realize the difference between attachment trauma and true love. The affirmation that true safety and anxiety isn’t just caused by me, but also caused by the reciprocation, or lack thereof, by my girlfriend, was important in eliminating my uncertainty of my analysis of the situation. It takes two to tango, and actions and words have consequences. It is vitally important that we are comfortable with ourselves before committing to romantic relationships and that we try not to take things personally based on how others behave, but also be cognizant of the importance of compassion for ourselves and our significant others.
I guess making myself permanently unavailable was the right call. It's time to accept I'm incapable of healthy love because despite how hard I've tried for many many years, I'm not healing.
Timestamps 1). You feel incomplete without them 1:13 2). You hve an intense fear of abandonment 1:52 3). You struggle with setting boundaries 2:41 4). You mistake anxiety for passion 3:27 5). You feel responsible for their emotions 4:01 6). You think about them obsessively 4:37 7). You need constant reassurance 5:16 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
"you support each other but you're not solely responsible for your partners happiness. Love allows space for both people to experience their own emotions independently." that hit hard, this opened up so much to me, i feel like i can learn how to read myself and figure out what i need to do to soothe my tough emotions.
Hi, i am from Brazil, this channel is really amazing Seriously, this channel helps a lot of people, I will recommend this channel to friends who need it, congratulations for the job.
i’ve never felt a love that isn’t like this. there’s more to the goodness than this but it’s interesting, i do my best to keep space so these aspects aren’t as strong but a sense of them are always there
It’s really nice to know this. I suffer from not healing from the past and I hold on, I’ve recently been questioning what love really is and damn, this video has explained something that is so hard about me thank you
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing someone you were deeply connected to, even through shared pain, can leave you feeling so lost and disoriented. It’s okay to feel confused-grief is never a straight line. Take things one moment at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate this. You’re not alone. 💙
Wow. The timing of me seeing this video couldnt be more perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not
I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me
I was raised in a family of narcissists; unconditional love didn't exist with them for me. When I was younger, I felt every single one of these signs in even just friendships. After a long time in therapy, some of these signs are finally starting to resolve, though others really still like to shine through. This helped me realize both that I've come a long way and that I still have a ways to go to heal.
5:32 i think the fears are also the proper working of the hypervigilance we developed as kids. Especially if we unconsciously attract similar unloving experiences, the fears are founded because the people we are attracted to don't love us either
1:01 the way you stylistically wrote "goal" is visually identical to Ukrainian "Болі" or if in all caps "БОЛІ" (Л un human writing is more often depicted exactly in a shape that's in your video, like A without the middle line) which translates into English as aches (plural). Which is surprisingly suitable
I just got out of my first serious relationship that was incredibly toxic, I'm still realizing and coming to terms with what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future. I appreciate your videos for opening my mind to new ways of thinking and healing 🙂
We bonded over the fact that my friends whom I had been close to for 10+ years couldn't stand to watch me rip myself apart over another relationship. She was accepting of me and took me in and helped me through the trauma of losing essentially my entire family. And then came the control, the blame, and the isolation. My friends weren't warning me about getting into another relationship, they were warning me about her, and unfortunately, she successfully manipulated me away from them because I was vulnerable. 9 months of abuse later I finally broke free but OH MAN that was rough. Attachment Trauma, trauma bonding, etc, SUCKS. Sympathy for anyone going through it, because I know how hard it is for people on the outside of it to understand what you're really going through, and also how hard it is to leave.
Struggling with setting boundaries & being the “rescuer” has always been an issue for me. I just want someone to feel as loved and adored as I would like to, and I find myself overextending my hand in situations I really shouldn’t just because I’m scared of losing that person. I’m scared of being alone, so much so that I end up pleasing everyone around me and not being myself, or expressing myself authentically, because I’m scared of the potential judgement that comes with that and being disliked. I just want people to feel the same love I desire..
I felt this so hard. Especially the boundaries, the anxiety, abandonment fear, the responsibility for others' emotions. Once I wasn't caring for a person's well-being, I didn't know what my purpose was. My attachment style wrecked absolute havoc on so many relationships. Learning that this style of love isn't real at a late age just plain sucks I'm glad I didn't have kids and pass off this terrible legacy.
I am going through this in my friendship, and this video popped up at the right time 😭. However, after watching it, nothing changed for me; instead, it just made me agree with the points presented .🙂🙃
Wow, it is crazy how accurately this describes how I am feeling in my relationship. As my partner has more of an avoidant attachment style and always deals with his emotions on his own or lets his suppressed emotions burst out in anger tantrums, I feel completely depressed right now. I hope that when I go back to this video in some months, I will be healing from this relationship and feel more light again
This channel just shows my miserable life.😂 (I realised this thing just a month ago by just thinking about it and I started to change the way I was . And my mental health is better now)
It sounds like you’ve had a big “aha” moment recently, and look at you already making changes that are helping your mental health-huge win! Sometimes facing those truths feels rough, but it’s amazing how much better things can get when we take those first steps. Keep going, you’re doing awesome! 😂❤
This video is a big eye opener for me, since i knew most of my issues within myself have been trauma based i didnt realize a majority of it was trauma rather than just my own dumb emotions being who i am. Thank you for this video because it really helped me open my eyes a bit and hopefully they'll be opened wider as time goes on so i can see the light again in a better way
I'm 25 and for the past 10 years all the relationships i've been have definitely been attachment trauma, according to this video. Some have been visibly toxic (like really cold and indifferent Men and me chasing them) and sadly others have been harder to recognize (like my latest partner who many times made me feel safe and wanted and helped me grow but other times we had constant toxic and disrespectful fights). I'm tired of attracting trauma bonds or codependent relationships, I promised myself that i'm going to be single for at least 2 years to fully heal and love myself before dating someone again. I really hope I have the strength to fulfill that promise
damn girl I'd date you for that insight and realisation. that depth of differentiation is key, because thats how you learn and advance. keep up the good work and faith. god speed!
Man EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Of the videos that pop up in my feed is well timed. -haven’t watched every single one, no matter how short because I just want to figure things out myself- thinking about harming myself in the most minuscule way? Boom, self-harm video. Lustful thoughts? Boom, lust video. You guys are on point in so many different ways and on so many different levels. Thank you.
Reminder, if your partner is willingly encouraging your unhealthy attachment mindset…. THAT IS ABUSE! A good partner would encourage you to be better for yourself, to take care of yourself. They wouldn’t confirm your anxieties, they’d help you work through them. If your partner is confirming all your fears, run as far as you can. They’re using your trauma responses as a way to keep you with them. It is NOT your fault if your partner is taking advantage of your traumas. It is entirely theirs. Don’t ever blame yourself for getting trapped in a relationship where someone is manipulating you with the vulnerabilities they found within you.
This! 1million % right! Love is to lift each other up and not to brong someone down. I hate this notion love is loosing peace of mind.. love IS peace of mind!
It helped me understand that what I had with my ex was him not only forming attachment trauma with me but used my mother's failing health as a way to make the bond carry over to me. Thankfully my best friend stuck by me through and through. Truly a partner I can depend on.
I'm really worried because I'm able to heavily relate to every single point, looking back at some relationships that I've had in the past (currently single and I want this to stay that way for a long while). I will talk about this when I meet my therapist this week. Thank you so much, your videos are always really helpful and informative!
I love how this channel has become the Web MD for emotional issues (lots of symptoms that many resonate with, to the point where everyone will think their headache is actually a tumor). On top of that, no actionable advice how to improve; just a nice voice saying “hey, you don’t actually love that person, your inner child is just broken.” Like WTF am I supposed to do with that?! Do I say “hey babe, sorry, I’m apparently not actually in love with you, I’m just suffering from past trauma and you gave me validation. See you later”? This fails to mention if you can be in love with someone AND be experiencing the effects of trauma.
I was abandoned when i was just over a year and child care put me in 6 different families over a span of 15 months. In the 90s it seems it was not about a childs wellbeing, it was about giving a family a child. I've stayed at the last family and my foster parents were highly abusive on an emotional level. I have never learned how to love, i have never learned how to be loved. I'm always just obsessed. I've isolated myself and dodged every relationship for the last 6 years because i am always just hurting myself and the other person I'm obsessing over. It's great to see this video and know others understand that because most of the people around me don't get what is going on with me.
The timing... Maybe I talk too much, but i feel like there's a lot of us, who are like me in this story, and i want to tell my story, you'll know why soon. I've just recently broke up, and this was... just too much for me to handle. It was much closer to s**cide than i would like to admit. We both knew it was going to happen, but the very thought of it was a taboo for me. I wanted to believe it was the eternal alliance of two souls that everyone's talking about. It didn't took too much time for me to get paranoid, cause it would mean it's game over for me, until... We sat down, and discussed our situation. We're just friends now. And just when you'd think it's going to be sad story - something wonderful happened. In just a night of small-talk with my friend i realised that... It's not really THE end. It' AN end, an end to the love that really wasn't what it seemed. I discussed my values with my friend and... We found out that there is a way, that my past relationship isn't the only purpose in life, we found strength to move on. And so big shoutout to all of you, who thought that it would be the end, or who think that your relationship (that sometimes may be just a mask for our old wounds) defines you, that it's the sole purpose. It really isn't, and i hope you all could find the light in your darkest hour, just like i did. Please remember that you're not alone in your struggles, and although life may be really difficult at times, the metaphorical "night" is not eternal, and the sun will shine down on you again. Best of luck to you all ❤
Every single point in this video is exactly how i felt in my last relationship. And i never noticed, i legit started to tear up once i realized i have severe attachment trauma
Some of these could also be due to having borderline personality disorder which is important to get diagnosed. I got diagnosed with BPD (sub type quiet) and my love style is just like attachment trauma.
I love that we received this video right after finding one of the love of our lives, and that we have overcome these things yrs ago - it is so peace inducing and makes us feel so proud & we are so extremely grateful to the many years that we watched your videos to help us get here & we're always recommending your channel to many other people!! Thank you Psych2Go 💝
Thank You so much for this highly informative video. I have personally experienced everything cited in this video. It has been a journey of personal growth for me to break through my own trauma. I have also experienced the same type of behavior from past relationships. I pray that everyone finds the strength to find their way towards healing themselves first before committing themselves to anyone. You can't pour from an empty cup.
i think you can genuinely love someone and have attachment issues… i don’t know why it’s framing this as if your trauma prevents you from genuinely loving someone rather than your trauma making it harder to build healthy distance and lack of coping techniques straining relationships. having trauma doesn’t mean you are incapable of having or finding love. it just means your hurting your self or your partner in your need to feel the way you think your supposed to
I think being able to identify the situations and characteristics of feelings based in trauma attachment and real love is important for exactly this reason. If you can understand prior experiences it can help you be self aware about why you might feel or behave a certain way and make intentional changes (hopefully for the better). The last few years of my dating experience have done more to create attachment issues than most things I can point out from my childhood, but I know that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of genuine love. I think most people’s experience with this is likely not black and white, but somewhere in the middle.
@ relationships are breeding grounds for anxious attachments, because there is always the sense that everything can just end and people like me (and or you) find comfort in their problem solving, holding their partners close and giving them all that they have to offer because maybe that will keep them from leaving. the best thing to do is recognize what triggers your attachment issues, it’s not talked about here but in my case at least it’s not a constant pressuring need to stress and control the relationship, there are triggers. maybe sometimes the trigger is a post on social media, maybe it’s just the prolonged no contact, maybe it’s just a unwilling memory pushing through whatever it is strikes your paranoia and anxiety that something is wrong. recognizing what causes it can help you come to terms with it (i say come to terms with and not avoid because these things are mental, and you cannot avoid them) the next most important step is sitting your partner down and telling them your struggles and asking them for their support and coming up with a plan together to help manage your anxiety while also finding ways to rebuild that trust and security that you have been taught not to have. couples therapy, individual therapy, even just an “over explainer” to your overthinking can go a long way to soothe a frightened heart. i wish the video went into this more rather than making it sound like if you have an trauma you cannot truly love people, it’s so dehumanizing. if you need to hear it, you are deserving and capable of love.
This was such a good video. As someone who has to deal and still currently is dealing with this myself it can become so hard for someone who's been inside the box of a situation to handle with the stress of attachment. Thanks for the information. It really means a lot when you educate your audience knowing that someone out there needs the help like I do. ❤
I never used to understand what's actually happening with me.... But these videos are helping me to understand myself.... And the voice in every video is really very calming... Thank you for coming up with this idea to make TH-cam videos...
I thought that I had a great childhood as well for over a decade. However, now I’ve learned that my childhood was actually not that great through extensive therapy. Sometimes it’s hard to know what the outside of the box looks like when you are inside the box.
This video came a weirdly perfect time for me. I got out of my relationship with a toxic ex a few months ago, and i can see both of us having some of these traits. But now I'm getting into a new relationship and I dont feel *any* of these traits and it honestly has made me happy
I swear ur videos always come through when I feel like reaching out but it’s not love it’s attachment trauma thanks to ur videos and therapy I’m getting through 1 day at a time
Thank you for sharing this! I'm writing about what I believe was a relatively healthy relationship with my late husband. However, sometimes due to my traumatic childhood, I struggle with trusting my perceptions, especially because my experiences with my late husband were so different from my trauma.
I feel myself constantly getting on tge edge of attachment trauma and emptiness. At home I always feel like I have to earn my partents love but this already developed in a way of "try not getting hurt" rather than earning love. Most of the time I don't really know why I cannot feel loved nor know what is my goal, what I am living for... is there a way to stop the emptiness and trust other people again?
Why do these always show up when I need them most.... This channel is amazing and while I have a hard time finishing some of them I need to because I can't heal from my past if I don't understand why I am the way I am. I don't know if that made sense, but thank you for these videos.
this video/channell helps me a lot. im 14 and i didnt have a good dad growing up and he was barely there. i relate (sadly) to all of these. thank you for this this has made me understand myself more.
I've recently gone through a similar situation with a close friend. I decided to distance myself from her due to the toxic relationship. While I feel guilty for leaving her alone, I am happier now because I finally have the peace of mind and freedom.
this helped me to truly understand i am finally in a healthy and loving relationship after years of being in toxic ones that triggered my attachment trauma
I just recently got out of relationship at the start of this year and a lot of of the points you brought up resonated with how things turned into now all I can wish is truly the best for my partner as they go on with their life
Often, we mistake attachment for love, thinking someone will complete us. We forget that love isn’t about filling a void. True love comes from a place of inner completeness, where we’re already whole, and we choose to share that wholeness with someone else.
I disagree. Very very few people have "inner completeness", and that's okay. Most of us never will, and it's kind of antithetical to the human experience. Love is acknowledging where we're at in life, both partners, and agreeing to work through it together. To build each other up, despite our flaws. Nobody is 'complete' or 'whole', and even if they think they might be at one time, there is no guarantee that will be the case in the future. There's far too much focus on working on ourselves, of having to be perfect to be in order to be ready for a relationship, but that's harmful and a broader implication of our hyper individualistic society. We can, and should, grow in a relationship.
@@SergieRachmaninoffexactly, was never in a relationship, but like nobody is perfect right, maybe it’s about liking the other person despite their flaws, because everybody has them
I hate how I wasted this person time. I wasn't prepared to experience so much anxiety, let alone attachment trauma. Which I wasn't even aware of before hand. This video solidify my thoughts about myself more, thank you for helping me understand myself more.
I can relate to this in some way. As a child, it was always hard for me to have close connections with people my age. Mostly due to bullying and friends betraying my trust. I tried to make connections with a few friends back in middle school but didn't know how or what it was like having "true" friends. At home, I wasn't taught nor how to make friends. From what I could recall, just being myself and mostly defend myself from the constant mistreatment from other kids. Now that I'm an adult and just lost a friend due to my attachment towards them. I've realized that after a few times of separation, that it wasn't just opposites but rather I was afraid of letting them go. The thought of it scared me then but didn't know why. Now I know.
This really helped me see who I was. I thought for years as a 20-something that this was how love was supposed to be. I didn't realize there was a name for it until just now. However, to help myself as a 30-something... I decided to give up dating for Lent one year and see how I felt after Easter. In fact, the "Lent" lasted a year and I realized I forgot about Lent and about dating. I worked on myself throughout this time and grew to love and respect myself. Through therapy and self-help books/videos I learned what healthy boundaries were. Today I feel a lot better about dating and have personal goals rather than desperately finding a partner. I hope whoever else sees this video who relates can find the love they deserve to give to themselves and to receive healthy love in the future.
We have a PSA in the community tab. Can you see if it you have time? Thanks! 😊
I’m only 1 minute in and this describes me exactly 😂
okey
I can relate to a lot of this, i feel like i love my best friend but i do overthink constantly about her, i think i might be more obsessed and dealing with attachment trauma, i dont want our relationship to break appart, but i need to learn how to live by myself and to love myself a bit more i think
@@slymor4182 huh, same here honestly....
.
The timing of this video is frighteningly on point for me.
Honestly same
They somehow always are for me.
Im literally crying right now cuz i just happened to have an argument with a friend of mine, then this came
Real
Honestly it's like they are monitoring me
That calmness and lack of drama and chaos actually made me think it was not a healthy relationship...until I realised that it was an invitation to heal.
It's amazing how healing can feel unfamiliar at first, especially when we're used to associating love with chaos. Recognizing the calm as an invitation to grow is such a powerful realization. How has this perspective shifted how you view relationships?
I feel this so much. It makes you question yourself and your reactions in the situations. It's like they are following the script as they are supposed to and you don't even know how to read and panic.
Same, and then it went sideways 😢
Preach sis
@@kleinmu219 actually calmness and lack of drama and chaos does mean you’re in a healthy relationship
Timestamps:
1:13 You feel incomplete without them
1:54 You have an intense fear of abandonment
2:42 You struggle with setting boundaries
3:32 You mistake anxiety for passion
4:03 You feel responsible for their emotions
4:40 You think about them obsessively
5:18 You need constant reassurance
Hope this helps❤ Know that you deserve love and care, I am sorry if you are going thru this...
Aww ☺️ thank you for your kind words.
Man, that about sums up my previous relationship.
@@SergieRachmaninofffeel ya man
Thank you!
@@Moonlight-su6klI think about my girlfriend because ahe wants to be. Lawer
That's why I glaot about her
As a trauma survivor and severely neglected child (who is dysfunctional as an adult now), it's important to also note that the side effects of being neglected and abused can lead you to having vastly different views of what a "healthy" relationship is, and when you get an actually healthy relationship, that expectation of a "healthy" relationship might lead you to self-sabotage it, ruining it for yourself because you don't believe that what you're experiencing is "healthy" (since you're used to abuse/neglect/violence/ect)
Im on the other side of this and openly brought these sabotage on the table. But in a caring and loving way, that she was just putting on her "armour". She admitted she wasnt sure why she did these but that she never fully trusted anyone and so learned to let people in veeeeery slowly. By understanding such patterns stemming from past trauma, unhelathy relationships etc. i could be more empathetic and also not take as much of an hit to my ego. I firmly believe these are signs she is actually healing, and the occasions are also becoming very rare now. I feel her trust growing in parallel. Its a process but she is a gem and I gladly take the occasional hit. They are her growing pains, and im not perfect too.
If I can give you a hardfelt advice: be open about past trauma. Dont go into detail, but help your partner understand that sometimes you are just repeating patterns and want to heal together. A caring partner will understand and go the way with you.
I dont believe in all the "spend time alone til your healed" stuff. No one will ever fully heal from past hurt and we will always have problems to solve or personal growth to do. Why not rise together?
YES!🎉🎉🎉@@janeymers7154
@@janeymers7154 It works if you already have a partner and become self-aware during your relationship. But if you're single and aware of your traumas while trying to heal, then it becomes a completely different scenario. From a certain age, nobody really wants to get into a relationship with a trauma survivor. People want stability and that's very understandable. So I disagree about being open about our traumas, especially early on in a new relationship. The largest part of healing comes from us. Personally, being open about my traumas when meeting new people only resulted in attracting other broken people and created trauma-bonded relationships. It was always unhealthy.
I will never open about my own traumas ever again. If I decide to try dating again (which may never happen anyway), I want someone very secure who can help me grow more in complement to how I'm already working on myself, not someone who's trying not to drown.
But first, we have to get past the shame of dating again while being aware of all this. And for me, that's my biggest issue. I never want to put anyone else through this ever again.
@@janeymers7154 i'm literally crying reading your comment. I feel glad you always there when your partner tantrum. Thank you for making me believe there is still someone good and be there when needed. May Allah bless you with joy and happines in your relationship and life. Aamiin
Getting to the other side!! It’s not easy but it can be done. Switching our comfort in chaos to feeling safe in peace was SO difficult!
I want to add that just because a lover triggers your wounds doesn't mean your connection is toxic. I know from experience that when you communicate and work through those wounds you can work toward being securely attached and have a healthy connection. What matters is that you are willing to work toward developing a healthy relationship that has a balance of healthy dependence and independence.
❤
Exactly
Perfectly said.
how do you work towards a healthy relationship
❤
It doesn’t matter whom I fall in love with, I feel this. And it’s frustrating, really fucking frustrating, cause it’s like the universe is telling me I don’t deserve love. I have never felt more chemistry with a girl than with the one I’m talking to rn, and the thought of this being just attachment trauma is depressing. I just want a relationship like everyone else
Ify, Your echo is echoed
Just go slow. Maintain a sense of self.
Develop a strong sense of self and faith. Repeat affirmations I am enough and I will be ok with or without her because I take care of myself and some higher being created me and loves me. It helps to practice imagining the worst case scenario has happened and your life is not over and you are ok and remind me yourself it's just a relationship not the be all and end all of survival for me being with you. That way you can feel confident when you look her in the eyes and say from your heart you love her. Because it's no longer about your survival it's about your beautiful true love for each other and sharing the journey of life together. This helps me and I hope it helps you. Best wishes.
@@clairesalem8262i wonder how different things would be if i was told this earlier.
@@e-man-n6k Shoulda woulda coulda but don't worry, everything happens in perfect timing. Maybe the time is right for you now, with practice. Just don't beat yourself up about the past. What's done is done. It was understandable after what you been through and you can take from it that was a learning curve. Make the best of it now. (My advice is for myself as well. I hope it's helpful)
I’m LITERALLY going through this RIGHT NOW and it’s interesting how this came up as something to watch on my front page.
This DEFINITELY resonates with me!!
Me too
Isn't it wild how the right message finds you at the perfect time? It sounds like you’re in the middle of some big realizations-sending you lots of strength as you navigate through it! What part of the video hit home the most for you?
@@Psych2go the intrusive thoughts and fear of abandonment. Also just hearing about the the trauma part as a whole
Unexpectedly, I recognize both sides to my relationship. I realized that I was doing some of the things associated with attachment trauma. but at the same time I recognized that with my partner, I am able to feel that genuine love. I guess I’ll take that as a sign that I need to do more self healing and not tie my anxieties to my relationship. Thank you for sharing this information, it really helps!
So true!
The timing on this… it’s too exhausting to deal with these emotions constantly
I get it dude, just know you're not alone, typing this while crying over the argument i had with (related to the topic of this video oof) so yeah, u're not alone and it's tiring
@ sending much love and hugs 🤗!! As another human I believe you’re amazing and that you have to try to realize that for yourself. The only way is to love yourself, I figured this out recently after my heart was broken. If it would make you feel better you can vent about your argument with as much or as little detail as you want!
it is, I feel the same way
@@shaula6733My prayers man 🙏
@@shaula6733 i guess we all are going through the same thing at the same time
In all fairness, love and attachment trauma can both occur next to each other
Thanks!!!
I was just gonna say...do I have to split up with my boy-friend now, because I repeatedly feel some of these things, and it means that I can't love ? (naturally I wouldn't do that just because of a video)
Love is not enough if you get abused or exploited
Thank you for saying this. I suffer from attachment trauma, but that doesnt mean I cant also truly love the person Im with. My wife undetstands my trauma and helps me through it.
@@nuez23747 love is enough, you just dont know how to love
@@nuez23747 That should every individual say by their own... You can just speak for yourself. Sometimes you have a partner you can work on this problems with. So in longrun it is may better to have one whose triggering you, so you get noticed of your inner problems and can work on them.
This is just.. wow. Ive been feeling very, VERY conflicted with my emotions. And all of the stuff in this video is exactly how I feel and act with my partner. Constant worry that they might be cheating, or my brain gets flooded when I feel like I did something wrong to upset them. But yet I cant leave them since they make me happy. Since around them I feel complete, a lot more healthy and i just become exactly my full self. Because sometimes a partner doesnt fill up a void in your heart... but put a bandage on the wounds that have been bleeding for years. So please, if you have the same struggles as me or.. basically EVERYONE here. Talk to your partner about it. I know its scary but it is good for the both of you to communicate. Your partner will probably understand this and you two will figure this out together. You arent alone in this god forsaken world even if it feels like it. Stay safe out there.
tysm for sharing this. I am super scared of even the thought of getting into a relationship or just talking stage bcs that's exactly how I'd be like they're shown in this video or how you explained... and i JUST found out through this video that it's a trauma response and i thought i wasn't normal and the only one feeling or more struggling with this. I'm sorry my english is not the best but just even reading the line that i'm not alone in this brought me a sense of relief and safety.. Thank you.. And i hope you and your partner found ways how to solve not only yours but each others struggles and problems.
Sending lots of love and hugs to you.
I don't know love I don't know what love is. I still have bottled up trauma but I choose to bottle it up and just move on with my life without acknowledging my emotions and traumas. I just push people away and just continue to face adversity and life alone
There are people you can speak to, although we don't know such traumas you have endured, we will try our best to comfort and reassure you.
I’m sorry to hear that.. ((Hugs))
@@October-v9c Thanks I guess
@@MimiMimi-yt6mp Thank you
I can relate to what you say, i'm in a relationship with a girl and i feel like i might be dealing with attachment trauma more than i tought, i am trying to give her more space now but i often dont know what to do when i'm alone, take care Psych2Go ers
I have all of these things going on, but I love the guy. It's fully possible to be in a good relationship but have these types of problems. And for those of you with low reading comprehension, that means that you can have a partner who doesn't know how you're feeling while all of this is going on in head, but wouldn't hold it against you and/or would be willing to work through your issues with you. It's not someone who is actively attempting to manipulate you or your feelings.
I'm scared bc my boyfriend has all of these plus I know he's rlly scared of abandonment, now idk if he actually loves me or just has attachment trauma😭 like sometimes when we have small arguments he's sometimes scared ill leave but he says it's because in his past relationships the problem we had would've ended the relationship
@@Seojin-r4h hmm... Maybe try having a mature conversation and confront him in a moderate way, having a problem is a *reason* to seek help, not an *excuse* to drag someone else into it, but you two know what works for you! I hope you're doing well :D
@sugarpie5191 thank youu! I actually spoke to him about it last night and he said he's been in a previous relationship that was just based on attachment trauma and that our relationship was not at all thatt💗
@@Seojin-r4h happy to hear that! (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
I wish you two happiness and health!
@@Seojin-r4h
Communicating in a loving, honest, vulnerable manner is vital to emotional intimacy. You're on your way ❣️
This is why im subbed to this channel, talk about calling someone out, but instead of psychotically criticising its a well made case
on times of overwhelm, confusion, and hopelessness,
this channel helps make everything easier to process
reminds people that not every situation is win/lose or war, just that people function differently and this channel is only helping each other understand each other
not really villain/victim, more emphasis on this is why that was hurtful, and this is why etc
i am extremely grateful that understanding people exist and they think conflicts shouldn't be focused about who's more of a victim, but more about how to make peace
Your words are so heartfelt-thank you for sharing this! It's beautiful how you see the bigger picture: understanding, not division. Focusing on empathy and resolution truly makes the world a kinder place. What’s something that’s helped you find peace in tough situations?
Attachment trauma also creates a lot of episodes of limerence. So then it can be hard to tell if it's love, or an infatuation.
We gotta build ourselves up, work on our own self esteem. We can't control what others do, or how they feel about us. We can only control what we do in our own lives.
As a life long "caregiver personality" with severe abandonment issues, and a martyr complex due ro childhood trauma, I used to be way too accomidating of others I dated, but never got the same suppoet in return.
So then I got treated poorly due to not setting certain boundaries early on.
I always wanted to be the "low maintenance" girlfriend. We teach people how to treat us, if we don't treat ourselves better. Stay single and work on yourself first. That's the only way things change.
You nailed it big time, Missy.
I am there too. time to work
Period.
Thank you for sharing your journey-it’s so relatable and insightful. It’s true that boundaries and self-respect are game-changers when healing from attachment trauma. Becoming the person who values themselves first can feel like a long road, but it’s also the most rewarding one. What’s one thing that helped you start prioritizing yourself?
True
3:07 Love is most definitely conditional, especially in a romantic sense. The behavior, actions, and how they make us feel implying that love is not entirely given freely without any expectations of said person. When you first felt for said person, it was based on condition they were attractive with certain traits you deemed desirable.
Nobody gets that,but I think love is love,n once u start loving someone or something,u never stop, whatever happens
Love is not something that can be shutdown,if it ain't like that, it's not love,is something that u look for in that relationship or obtain
Timing of this video is crazy…
I broke up with a girl three weeks ago; she was head over heels with me and i loved her a lot, I still have strong feelings for her. Everything in this video encapsulates the problems I had in the relationship and now I wonder if she ever even loved me or she had attachment trauma.
The beginning of our relationship, I had to keep saying I still loved her, but didn’t think much of it. She would argue about it a lot and we had a lot of talks about it, but she still did it.
After this I always had to prove I loved her or she complained, to the point I sacrificed my social life for us through our whole relationship, just to have more time together; even searched for jobs with less hours and ran for the earliest bus so I can spend more time with her, which was incredibly draining. I sent her flowers every month and wrote poems, genuinely trying to show i care. Unfortunately it was just never appreciated and she always wanted more; not physical stuff; but more time and attention.
It did feel like a second job, to the point i needed a lot of breaks to cope with it. She now says im a coward for running away from everything with said breaks, but now that I think about it she was just too overbearing and i needed time away to stay calm and relax, have some me time and enjoy what i like; since i didnt have time for me when it was an 'us'.
Funny thing is she says I didn’t love her more than she loved me because the butterflies in her stomach never went away. She still says I didn’t love her enough…
I made the mistake of confessing that i still had feelings for her this morning and realised after our conversation when i read it back, she had a lot of red flags and i felt ready to move on feeling its for the best for me. Things like judging me for how i use my money for new tech or caring about how family orientated I am after only 6 months of dating. I loved her a lot, but its not like we are married; why does she care ? I was still there for her when she needed me, dropping everything as realistically as I could just to keep her smiling.
At the time i thought she always needs to be a victim to something and right now its me; there was always something she was sad about that i needed to comfort her or care for; things she could easily fix but just sat and cried about instead, like making friends at uni. But now I think in terms of the relationship, she had attatchment trauma and it stressed me out a lot. Im glad we broke up, im happy shes able to move on and now its time i do the same.
Very enlightening video and great for helping me move on :) Ty Psych2Go !
I relate to many of those feelings, maybe not one to one, but i always appreciate those vulnerable stories. Its a good reminder that im not alone with my shit.
The human condition is rough sometimes, but theres all the beauty.
I wish you good luck on your new Path!!!
@@madymilian1647 ty :)
i think when i realised my best wasnt enough i should have ended it instead of over-compromising... started messaging old friends i pushed away to give my ex more time and its been great to feel wanted rather than expected :D definitely a beauty to being around good people :)
Yea dude, although I’m not in a relationship rn, hearing stories of other’s experiences when it came to forms of attachment trauma just lowkey warms my heart knowing that I’m also not alone :> ❤
I think am also like Ur girlfriend coz everything U said relates to me 💯 en am just realising it 3 weeks after I lost my guy coz of the same issues U mentioned...🥹🥹
I have no idea how you guys keep consistently doing this but your video schedule has been dead-on with all my current problems in life. I’m as impressed as I am creeped out towards your impeccable timing.
It’s like we’ve got a psychic connection, right? Honestly, life has its way of aligning things just when we need them most. Glad the timing worked out-hope the videos keep helping you navigate through it all! 💙
Same
The timing on this is so real I have been having these problems for years with my family and now as I’ve grown up, it’s so hard to bear. I went from being sheltered as a child to being chastised when I don’t know how to do something.
the timing is just ...
It happens a couple weeks ago for me
lol same
same :‘)
Yep 😂 I feel it, I found this Channel when I originally realized I was going through it.
Perfect?
This account and it’s videos are so important to me
I just lost my marriage when we had a wedding this June 8, and I've been struggling with figuring out why and what contributed to my mental breakdown that caused my 11-year relationship to end. This video explains it so well. Thank you for posting this. It helps me feel seen.
❤❤❤
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Ending an 11-year relationship, especially after such a big milestone, must be incredibly painful. It’s brave of you to reflect and seek understanding during such a hard time. You’re not alone in this, and I hope you continue finding comfort and clarity as you heal. Sending you strength.
I have been separated a couple years now, and my spouse just filed for divorce in November. 22 years since we met, and we were going to be married 20 years next June. This video hits the nail on the head. We definitely did not have a marriage built on trust or unconditional love. Sadly, I’m relegated to be being the guy to pay for her to maintain her standard of living. 25 years of paying a mortgage, with nothing to show for it. I felt something really strong for a woman I recently met, and it was very difficult to process the emotions. I realize now it is a projection of unresolved trauma and guilt. Thank you for this video, it really helps to put the pain into perspective and have an awareness I need to break the cycle. I don’t regret the lessons I’ve learned, just the avoidance of dealing with the problems in the first place.
Would love a video from yall about the inherent trauma autistic kids get growing up and how this affects us in adulthood!
I experience 6/7 of these. I'm currently in therapy to address these deep wounds, my CPTSD, and how to develop my sense of self, which I feel is starting to work. I recommend looking into Internal Family Systems based therapy as I have found it actually addresses the core issues instead of using a band-aid approach (CBT & DBT - although DBT has been helpful with addressing thought patterns and how to cope with big emotions). We've got this gang!! I know we can get to the other side of healthy attachments and loving ourselves ❤
It’s inspiring to hear how dedicated you are to your healing journey, and sharing what’s worked for you can be such a light for others going through similar struggles. Internal Family Systems sounds like a powerful approach to addressing those deeper wounds. You’re absolutely right-healing is a process, but we’re all in this together. Cheering you on as you keep building healthy attachments and self-love! ❤
You do got this! My love tried the band-aid approach due to her traumatic anxious abandonment past. I love her and miss her being on this earth. Please take any reassurance people around you are giving you. They genuinely mean it and care for you and want you to be the person you want to become.
And please be honest and trust those close to you. I know it's scary. Their help will make all the difference. I believe in you and your journey.
This timing couldn’t be more perfect.. I’m sick of being in toxic relationships that I ultimately attach to.. my fear of abandonment (more like fear of dying alone), and need for reassurance plus anxiety have all caused me to be clingy and I needed to hear this. I’m taking some time for myself to heal and be better
This gave me the reassurance that I am healing!! I have found that good love and am so proud of me for loving myself enough to choose better for my future❤❤
To my brothers and sisters on this earth take time to care for yourself you’re worth it!! You’re deserving of a beautiful love not fake love built in fear
This video is literally me! I'm trying, though the lack of reference makes it very hard to obtain.
I'd like to add another point here, namely pessimism towards relationships: Constantly assuming the very worst will certainly happen and you have to fight it. This is rooted in fear of uncertainty (dating back to inconsistency) and in the deeply ingrained idea that life is inherently against you (rooted in trauma). Otherwise an on-point collection of the main differences, thank you!
Looking over the signs and how I act around my crush, I’m slowly realizing it might not be a crush…
Have you looked into the vids about how God will show you your future spouse? I wasn't a big believer before it happened to me in 2007.
@ I’m not extremely religious, but I’ll give them a go ^^
Same here
🤮🤢 @@Sodabowski
This was an amazing video. This was affirmation that my psychology in relationships is actually normal, but it also helped me realize the difference between attachment trauma and true love. The affirmation that true safety and anxiety isn’t just caused by me, but also caused by the reciprocation, or lack thereof, by my girlfriend, was important in eliminating my uncertainty of my analysis of the situation.
It takes two to tango, and actions and words have consequences. It is vitally important that we are comfortable with ourselves before committing to romantic relationships and that we try not to take things personally based on how others behave, but also be cognizant of the importance of compassion for ourselves and our significant others.
I guess making myself permanently unavailable was the right call. It's time to accept I'm incapable of healthy love because despite how hard I've tried for many many years, I'm not healing.
Or maybe you didn't get the proper guidance. Time to check out the videos of that topic here. You'll make it through, be faithful in your self-worth!
PS : feminism is a lie.
I think I need to do the same
Permanently incapable?
Are you 96 years old?
If you laughed, that’s a good sign.
I really needed this thankyou. I’ve had struggled with this with my friend and it got super toxic for me. I had my other friend make me realise it :)
Watching this has shown me how much I've grown over the past few years. I used to relate to all of this, but I've grown a lot more independent lately.
Timestamps
1). You feel incomplete without them 1:13
2). You hve an intense fear of abandonment 1:52
3). You struggle with setting boundaries 2:41
4). You mistake anxiety for passion 3:27
5). You feel responsible for their emotions 4:01
6). You think about them obsessively 4:37
7). You need constant reassurance 5:16
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
"you support each other but you're not solely responsible for your partners happiness. Love allows space for both people to experience their own emotions independently."
that hit hard, this opened up so much to me, i feel like i can learn how to read myself and figure out what i need to do to soothe my tough emotions.
I never thought I would be moved to tears from this video... 😢
It's so important to distinguish between true love and attachment trauma.
the fact that this popped up on my feed when i just came in a relationship with someone
Hi, i am from Brazil, this channel is really amazing Seriously, this channel helps a lot of people, I will recommend this channel to friends who need it, congratulations for the job.
i’ve never felt a love that isn’t like this. there’s more to the goodness than this but it’s interesting, i do my best to keep space so these aspects aren’t as strong but a sense of them are always there
It’s really nice to know this. I suffer from not healing from the past and I hold on, I’ve recently been questioning what love really is and damn, this video has explained something that is so hard about me thank you
My beloved passed away suddenly. We were trauma bonded. I've never felt so confused
im so sorry. take care and keep dancing
😢😢😢
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing someone you were deeply connected to, even through shared pain, can leave you feeling so lost and disoriented. It’s okay to feel confused-grief is never a straight line. Take things one moment at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate this. You’re not alone. 💙
@@Psych2go Thank you so much for the acknowledgment 💙
I'll share this with people, I think most people ought to hear this! Thanks for this!
Wow. The timing of me seeing this video couldnt be more perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not
I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I was raised in a family of narcissists; unconditional love didn't exist with them for me. When I was younger, I felt every single one of these signs in even just friendships. After a long time in therapy, some of these signs are finally starting to resolve, though others really still like to shine through. This helped me realize both that I've come a long way and that I still have a ways to go to heal.
you got this!
I love watching these videos that have nothing to do with me. Learning about other peoples struggles is a great way to built empathy!
6:13 idk if i deserve anything i am just tired
Aww man...
give it time 🫶
Me too, I hope you heal and find what you need
Rest my guy…. Try to not find rs for now, focus on yourself
You deserve every good thing life has to offer.
5:32 i think the fears are also the proper working of the hypervigilance we developed as kids. Especially if we unconsciously attract similar unloving experiences, the fears are founded because the people we are attracted to don't love us either
1:01 the way you stylistically wrote "goal" is visually identical to Ukrainian "Болі" or if in all caps "БОЛІ" (Л un human writing is more often depicted exactly in a shape that's in your video, like A without the middle line) which translates into English as aches (plural). Which is surprisingly suitable
thank you for this. crazy how a 6 minute video gave me so much insight on how to better myself for my relationship.
I just got out of my first serious relationship that was incredibly toxic, I'm still realizing and coming to terms with what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future. I appreciate your videos for opening my mind to new ways of thinking and healing 🙂
We bonded over the fact that my friends whom I had been close to for 10+ years couldn't stand to watch me rip myself apart over another relationship. She was accepting of me and took me in and helped me through the trauma of losing essentially my entire family. And then came the control, the blame, and the isolation. My friends weren't warning me about getting into another relationship, they were warning me about her, and unfortunately, she successfully manipulated me away from them because I was vulnerable. 9 months of abuse later I finally broke free but OH MAN that was rough.
Attachment Trauma, trauma bonding, etc, SUCKS. Sympathy for anyone going through it, because I know how hard it is for people on the outside of it to understand what you're really going through, and also how hard it is to leave.
Struggling with setting boundaries & being the “rescuer” has always been an issue for me. I just want someone to feel as loved and adored as I would like to, and I find myself overextending my hand in situations I really shouldn’t just because I’m scared of losing that person. I’m scared of being alone, so much so that I end up pleasing everyone around me and not being myself, or expressing myself authentically, because I’m scared of the potential judgement that comes with that and being disliked. I just want people to feel the same love I desire..
I’ve been trying very hard to heal attachment trauma for almost 10 yrs….it’s a process, but can be done💯❣️
Can you share some experience how to heal?
I felt this so hard. Especially the boundaries, the anxiety, abandonment fear, the responsibility for others' emotions. Once I wasn't caring for a person's well-being, I didn't know what my purpose was. My attachment style wrecked absolute havoc on so many relationships. Learning that this style of love isn't real at a late age just plain sucks
I'm glad I didn't have kids and pass off this terrible legacy.
Ohhhhh.. so that’s why the only person I love I constantly worry about.. makes sense.
Perfect timing ! The very first point made me pause the video and take a step back, like Whoa !
I am going through this in my friendship, and this video popped up at the right time 😭. However, after watching it, nothing changed for me; instead, it just made me agree with the points presented .🙂🙃
Wow, it is crazy how accurately this describes how I am feeling in my relationship. As my partner has more of an avoidant attachment style and always deals with his emotions on his own or lets his suppressed emotions burst out in anger tantrums, I feel completely depressed right now. I hope that when I go back to this video in some months, I will be healing from this relationship and feel more light again
This channel just shows my miserable life.😂
(I realised this thing just a month ago by just thinking about it and I started to change the way I was . And my mental health is better now)
It sounds like you’ve had a big “aha” moment recently, and look at you already making changes that are helping your mental health-huge win! Sometimes facing those truths feels rough, but it’s amazing how much better things can get when we take those first steps. Keep going, you’re doing awesome! 😂❤
@@Psych2go i appreciate it. Thank you for your time. ❤
This video is a big eye opener for me, since i knew most of my issues within myself have been trauma based i didnt realize a majority of it was trauma rather than just my own dumb emotions being who i am. Thank you for this video because it really helped me open my eyes a bit and hopefully they'll be opened wider as time goes on so i can see the light again in a better way
I'm 25 and for the past 10 years all the relationships i've been have definitely been attachment trauma, according to this video. Some have been visibly toxic (like really cold and indifferent Men and me chasing them) and sadly others have been harder to recognize (like my latest partner who many times made me feel safe and wanted and helped me grow but other times we had constant toxic and disrespectful fights). I'm tired of attracting trauma bonds or codependent relationships, I promised myself that i'm going to be single for at least 2 years to fully heal and love myself before dating someone again. I really hope I have the strength to fulfill that promise
damn girl I'd date you for that insight and realisation. that depth of differentiation is key, because thats how you learn and advance. keep up the good work and faith. god speed!
@propheccy what a beautiful comment thank you 😭❤️
Man EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Of the videos that pop up in my feed is well timed. -haven’t watched every single one, no matter how short because I just want to figure things out myself- thinking about harming myself in the most minuscule way? Boom, self-harm video. Lustful thoughts? Boom, lust video. You guys are on point in so many different ways and on so many different levels. Thank you.
Reminder, if your partner is willingly encouraging your unhealthy attachment mindset….
THAT IS ABUSE! A good partner would encourage you to be better for yourself, to take care of yourself. They wouldn’t confirm your anxieties, they’d help you work through them.
If your partner is confirming all your fears, run as far as you can. They’re using your trauma responses as a way to keep you with them.
It is NOT your fault if your partner is taking advantage of your traumas. It is entirely theirs. Don’t ever blame yourself for getting trapped in a relationship where someone is manipulating you with the vulnerabilities they found within you.
thats nice to hear
This! 1million % right! Love is to lift each other up and not to brong someone down. I hate this notion love is loosing peace of mind.. love IS peace of mind!
It helped me understand that what I had with my ex was him not only forming attachment trauma with me but used my mother's failing health as a way to make the bond carry over to me.
Thankfully my best friend stuck by me through and through. Truly a partner I can depend on.
Love is an easily followable mistress who is ready to make a fool out of anybody who believes in her
I'm really worried because I'm able to heavily relate to every single point, looking back at some relationships that I've had in the past (currently single and I want this to stay that way for a long while). I will talk about this when I meet my therapist this week. Thank you so much, your videos are always really helpful and informative!
I love how this channel has become the Web MD for emotional issues (lots of symptoms that many resonate with, to the point where everyone will think their headache is actually a tumor). On top of that, no actionable advice how to improve; just a nice voice saying “hey, you don’t actually love that person, your inner child is just broken.” Like WTF am I supposed to do with that?! Do I say “hey babe, sorry, I’m apparently not actually in love with you, I’m just suffering from past trauma and you gave me validation. See you later”?
This fails to mention if you can be in love with someone AND be experiencing the effects of trauma.
I was abandoned when i was just over a year and child care put me in 6 different families over a span of 15 months. In the 90s it seems it was not about a childs wellbeing, it was about giving a family a child. I've stayed at the last family and my foster parents were highly abusive on an emotional level. I have never learned how to love, i have never learned how to be loved. I'm always just obsessed. I've isolated myself and dodged every relationship for the last 6 years because i am always just hurting myself and the other person I'm obsessing over.
It's great to see this video and know others understand that because most of the people around me don't get what is going on with me.
Oof. Yeah, the emotional development of the formative child years definitely plays a large part in this, glad you covered it 🙏🏾
Ohh man. I didn't know that I have experienced attachment trauma. A lot. Thanks for making video about it.
The timing... Maybe I talk too much, but i feel like there's a lot of us, who are like me in this story, and i want to tell my story, you'll know why soon. I've just recently broke up, and this was... just too much for me to handle. It was much closer to s**cide than i would like to admit. We both knew it was going to happen, but the very thought of it was a taboo for me. I wanted to believe it was the eternal alliance of two souls that everyone's talking about. It didn't took too much time for me to get paranoid, cause it would mean it's game over for me, until... We sat down, and discussed our situation. We're just friends now. And just when you'd think it's going to be sad story - something wonderful happened. In just a night of small-talk with my friend i realised that... It's not really THE end. It' AN end, an end to the love that really wasn't what it seemed. I discussed my values with my friend and... We found out that there is a way, that my past relationship isn't the only purpose in life, we found strength to move on. And so big shoutout to all of you, who thought that it would be the end, or who think that your relationship (that sometimes may be just a mask for our old wounds) defines you, that it's the sole purpose. It really isn't, and i hope you all could find the light in your darkest hour, just like i did. Please remember that you're not alone in your struggles, and although life may be really difficult at times, the metaphorical "night" is not eternal, and the sun will shine down on you again. Best of luck to you all ❤
Well played, sir. Last night was fun. Keep pushing.
Every single point in this video is exactly how i felt in my last relationship. And i never noticed, i legit started to tear up once i realized i have severe attachment trauma
Some of these could also be due to having borderline personality disorder which is important to get diagnosed. I got diagnosed with BPD (sub type quiet) and my love style is just like attachment trauma.
Was just about to comment this
I love that we received this video right after finding one of the love of our lives, and that we have overcome these things yrs ago - it is so peace inducing and makes us feel so proud & we are so extremely grateful to the many years that we watched your videos to help us get here & we're always recommending your channel to many other people!! Thank you Psych2Go 💝
The timing is crazy, I thought I was just a reeeeally invested partner...
Thank You so much for this highly informative video. I have personally experienced everything cited in this video. It has been a journey of personal growth for me to break through my own trauma. I have also experienced the same type of behavior from past relationships. I pray that everyone finds the strength to find their way towards healing themselves first before committing themselves to anyone. You can't pour from an empty cup.
i think you can genuinely love someone and have attachment issues… i don’t know why it’s framing this as if your trauma prevents you from genuinely loving someone rather than your trauma making it harder to build healthy distance and lack of coping techniques straining relationships.
having trauma doesn’t mean you are incapable of having or finding love. it just means your hurting your self or your partner in your need to feel the way you think your supposed to
I think being able to identify the situations and characteristics of feelings based in trauma attachment and real love is important for exactly this reason.
If you can understand prior experiences it can help you be self aware about why you might feel or behave a certain way and make intentional changes (hopefully for the better).
The last few years of my dating experience have done more to create attachment issues than most things I can point out from my childhood, but I know that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of genuine love. I think most people’s experience with this is likely not black and white, but somewhere in the middle.
@ relationships are breeding grounds for anxious attachments, because there is always the sense that everything can just end and people like me (and or you) find comfort in their problem solving, holding their partners close and giving them all that they have to offer because maybe that will keep them from leaving.
the best thing to do is recognize what triggers your attachment issues, it’s not talked about here but in my case at least it’s not a constant pressuring need to stress and control the relationship, there are triggers. maybe sometimes the trigger is a post on social media, maybe it’s just the prolonged no contact, maybe it’s just a unwilling memory pushing through whatever it is strikes your paranoia and anxiety that something is wrong. recognizing what causes it can help you come to terms with it (i say come to terms with and not avoid because these things are mental, and you cannot avoid them) the next most important step is sitting your partner down and telling them your struggles and asking them for their support and coming up with a plan together to help manage your anxiety while also finding ways to rebuild that trust and security that you have been taught not to have.
couples therapy, individual therapy, even just an “over explainer” to your overthinking can go a long way to soothe a frightened heart.
i wish the video went into this more rather than making it sound like if you have an trauma you cannot truly love people, it’s so dehumanizing.
if you need to hear it, you are deserving and capable of love.
This was such a good video. As someone who has to deal and still currently is dealing with this myself it can become so hard for someone who's been inside the box of a situation to handle with the stress of attachment. Thanks for the information. It really means a lot when you educate your audience knowing that someone out there needs the help like I do. ❤
Idk that thumbnail is pretty intimate.
That's my love language for sure.
I never used to understand what's actually happening with me.... But these videos are helping me to understand myself.... And the voice in every video is really very calming... Thank you for coming up with this idea to make TH-cam videos...
Why do I relate to this so much, I know I had a good childhood
I'm thinking that too. Maybe it's insecurity? I'm not sure
I thought that I had a great childhood as well for over a decade. However, now I’ve learned that my childhood was actually not that great through extensive therapy. Sometimes it’s hard to know what the outside of the box looks like when you are inside the box.
This video came a weirdly perfect time for me. I got out of my relationship with a toxic ex a few months ago, and i can see both of us having some of these traits. But now I'm getting into a new relationship and I dont feel *any* of these traits and it honestly has made me happy
I swear ur videos always come through when I feel like reaching out but it’s not love it’s attachment trauma thanks to ur videos and therapy I’m getting through 1 day at a time
Thank you for sharing this! I'm writing about what I believe was a relatively healthy relationship with my late husband. However, sometimes due to my traumatic childhood, I struggle with trusting my perceptions, especially because my experiences with my late husband were so different from my trauma.
I feel myself constantly getting on tge edge of attachment trauma and emptiness. At home I always feel like I have to earn my partents love but this already developed in a way of "try not getting hurt" rather than earning love. Most of the time I don't really know why I cannot feel loved nor know what is my goal, what I am living for... is there a way to stop the emptiness and trust other people again?
Why do these always show up when I need them most.... This channel is amazing and while I have a hard time finishing some of them I need to because I can't heal from my past if I don't understand why I am the way I am. I don't know if that made sense, but thank you for these videos.
3:53 Wow, that is exactly what I do. ._.
Daym same here. I go over everything in my head every sentence and her reaction to my words
this video/channell helps me a lot. im 14 and i didnt have a good dad growing up and he was barely there. i relate (sadly) to all of these. thank you for this this has made me understand myself more.
Well, they've dailed in on my problem. How about you guys?
I've recently gone through a similar situation with a close friend. I decided to distance myself from her due to the toxic relationship. While I feel guilty for leaving her alone, I am happier now because I finally have the peace of mind and freedom.
this helped me to truly understand i am finally in a healthy and loving relationship after years of being in toxic ones that triggered my attachment trauma
you probably shouldn’t read the book Magnetic Aura if you’re cool with missing out on how attraction really works.
What’s it about?
Well I can probably tell what it’s about but just for clarification…
@@DuneClaw-vk8kz
Seems like some strange bot, a potential scam. The exact same comment has been made here multiple times
@@TheMathias95 ohh ok
I just recently got out of relationship at the start of this year and a lot of of the points you brought up resonated with how things turned into now all I can wish is truly the best for my partner as they go on with their life
Often, we mistake attachment for love, thinking someone will complete us. We forget that love isn’t about filling a void. True love comes from a place of inner completeness, where we’re already whole, and we choose to share that wholeness with someone else.
I disagree. Very very few people have "inner completeness", and that's okay. Most of us never will, and it's kind of antithetical to the human experience.
Love is acknowledging where we're at in life, both partners, and agreeing to work through it together. To build each other up, despite our flaws.
Nobody is 'complete' or 'whole', and even if they think they might be at one time, there is no guarantee that will be the case in the future.
There's far too much focus on working on ourselves, of having to be perfect to be in order to be ready for a relationship, but that's harmful and a broader implication of our hyper individualistic society. We can, and should, grow in a relationship.
@@SergieRachmaninoffexactly, was never in a relationship, but like nobody is perfect right, maybe it’s about liking the other person despite their flaws, because everybody has them
@@SergieRachmaninoff Yes! Thank you for sparing me the trouble of finding the right words:)
I hate how I wasted this person time. I wasn't prepared to experience so much anxiety, let alone attachment trauma. Which I wasn't even aware of before hand. This video solidify my thoughts about myself more, thank you for helping me understand myself more.
STOP IT GET GOD
😂
I can relate to this in some way. As a child, it was always hard for me to have close connections with people my age. Mostly due to bullying and friends betraying my trust. I tried to make connections with a few friends back in middle school but didn't know how or what it was like having "true" friends. At home, I wasn't taught nor how to make friends. From what I could recall, just being myself and mostly defend myself from the constant mistreatment from other kids.
Now that I'm an adult and just lost a friend due to my attachment towards them. I've realized that after a few times of separation, that it wasn't just opposites but rather I was afraid of letting them go. The thought of it scared me then but didn't know why. Now I know.
This really helped me see who I was. I thought for years as a 20-something that this was how love was supposed to be. I didn't realize there was a name for it until just now. However, to help myself as a 30-something... I decided to give up dating for Lent one year and see how I felt after Easter. In fact, the "Lent" lasted a year and I realized I forgot about Lent and about dating. I worked on myself throughout this time and grew to love and respect myself. Through therapy and self-help books/videos I learned what healthy boundaries were. Today I feel a lot better about dating and have personal goals rather than desperately finding a partner. I hope whoever else sees this video who relates can find the love they deserve to give to themselves and to receive healthy love in the future.