Cop Rock - Baby Merchant [High Quality]
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
- from Episode 4 of Cop Rock
As featured in Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. Starring Dennis Cockrum, also known for his role as Terry Milkovich on Shameless
Thumbnail art by Eve Doolin and Cody MacKenzie
For full context of the "Baby Merchant" story, check out our RECUT of the "Patty" subplot.
Lyrics:
When you're shopping for a dream come true
A little package in a pink or blue
All depends on who you're talking to
Don't you worry bout a thing
'Cus you know I got the goods for you
The city gives us such a run around
Those pencil pushers only put you down
And lawyers ain't the only game in town
That's a migraine and a half I won't put you through
I'm the Baby Merchant. Tots'R'Us
I give you all the service, and no damn fuss
give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby for you.
ooooooo, yeah yeah
I always got a good supply at hand
Deliver anything that you demand
A piece of heaven for 11 grand
That's a small price to pay for a toddler today
It ain't a question of morality
I'm not concerned with any trumped up illegality
We're just one big happy family
Its a pleasure doing business the American way
I'm the Baby Merchant. Tots'R'Us
I give you all the service, and no damn fuss
Give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby for you.
Picture yourself in your house with a new son or daughter
No one at all has to know that the parents who brought her up
Bought her from the...
Baby Merchant, Tots'R'Us
I give you, all the service and no damn fuss
You give the, baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby
I'll have your baby for you
I'll have your baby for you.
Also thanks to Madison Metricula Roberts for tabbing out the song for those who want to cover it: tabs.ultimate-...
We do not own the rights to any of this content. It is being shared for free out of love and respect, and as a tribute to an under-appreciated work of art. We hope that by sharing and recontextualizing COP ROCK for a new audience, it will regain popularity and its legacy will live on. We encourage everyone to buy the the series on DVD [www.shoutfacto...]
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Welcome new recruits to TH-cam's #1 resource for Cop Rock!!!! This page includes EVERY song, re-cuts of series plotlines and behind-the-scenes features.
Our goal for this page was to spark public interest in the eventual MOVIE ADAPTATION of COP ROCK. Please email us at coprockthemovie@gmail.com if you have any interest in getting involved in production! Thank you and LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!
I'll only support a movie if it's filmed in 4:3 and set in the 1990's. The 90's corniness is what makes the "so bad it's good" work.
A movie?! Why stop there?! I'd buy a first row ticket for the Broadway adaptation =D =D
@@gwendolyn9300 ideally both :)
🤮
please please no, give money to the hungry or the homeless or throw it in a fucking ditch and burn it before you invest a dime in making more of this objectively awful production.
Baby merchant: "I kidnap babies and sell them to rich people"
Couple: "I don't know, this feels fishy..."
Baby merchant: *starts pelvic thrusting*
Couple: "Go on..."
🎵OHHH YEEAAAA🎵🕺🏼
Why are they...just ..standing...there
Actually, in two different songs from cop rock it is revealed that both the man and the woman are cops. You can see the woman in 'why can't a man be more like a woman' and the man in 'let's be safe out there'. So I think they are actually meeting the baby merchant in hopes of catching him red-handed. It's like a sting.
@@SarbarthaDas. Hasn't he already incriminated himself already with the explicit offer?
@@humboldt2087 A 3 minute long, rather gleeful offer at that
The thing I hate most is that this song is so damn catchy that one day I feel I'm gonna be singing this out in public without thinking and then immediately get arrested.
Same!
To quote Charlie Bucket, " And that's not bad ".
It wouldn't be nearly as funny if the performers weren't talented. The key to a good hilarious musical parody is strong talent singing something ridiculous 🤣
Honestly I have called my self a baby merchant all day in sing song, it's only a matter of time before I'm arrested.
@@jtruth33 it wasn’t even meant as a parody... they were dead serious...
My God, John wasn't lying.. he really sings about being a baby merchant for 3 human minutes.
And it is beautiful
It's soooooo beautiful 🤣
I've lost count of how many times I've come back to this song
and he CRUSHES it
This is awesome 🤣🤣 i hardly didnt believe John 🤣
I want this to be the hold music for an adoption agency
Winner of my top TH-cam comment of the day!
Did you hear the illegal part?
Jesus, this comment section is delivering 🤣
Pun intended
"What if I can‘t have kids?"
Google: It is important to reinforce the relationship and to try multiple times
Bing:
The way this guy carries this whole song by himself on like a 2 square meter stage is unparalleled and an achievement to humanity itself.
he did a fantastic job im so impressed
No small parts, only small actors
🥲
Only cocaine could generate an idea like this.
Was probably raided with a no knock warrant.
@@raghavgiridhar8387 😆🤣😂LOL see watch you did there. You probably just watched john oliver.
Alcohol.
No joke my buddy who worked on building sets in Hollywood says that cocaine is to blame for all the weirdness in the 80s and 90s films/tv shows.
_sniiiifffff!_ "A cop show but everybody sings!"
"That is a fucking- " _sniiiiifff!_ "GENIUS idea! Promotions for all!"
I love John Oliver, but I have no idea why he was complaining that this song is 3 minutes long. Every second of this is amazing.
My complaint is that it's _only_ three minutes long!
My complaint is that this entire show EXISTED. And Steven Bochco should have known better.
Extended cut is 4:27 @@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225
For one, apparently the full episode is 48 minutes.
They spent 3 on this one song.
Alexa, show me someone having too much fun playing a child trafficker
Yeah, he is enjoying it very much
To be fair, they have him amazing song to sing.
huuuuman traffic. we also got adults ish
For someone committing such atrocious crimes, he’s pretty casual about it, just doing business in broad daylight, in the middle of a crowded public park.
Dennis Cockrum
First time he hits the chorus, I'm thinking wtf. Second time, I'm like wow, they're really leaning into this. Third time, I found myself singing "baby merchant, tots r'us!" Sadly someone called the cops and they raided my house... Hello from prison.
Don't worry, we'll email this video to the police. They'll be singing it themselves as they release you.
@@rhunter42dragon No, the police will just copyright claim the video and steal the revenue. Because making money in ways that are immoral and and SHOULD be illegal is just how police operate.
I'm afraid of something similar watching this right before heading to class
@@jacobrzeszewski6527 even if they wanted to copyright claim it they couldn’t because the original studio that made the song uploaded it
I like to think the couple originally just walked up to a man in the park for directions and he just starts singing about how he's the baby merchant
Thanks, John.
Without that context I would be very concerned seeing you beneath this video.
@@quilavatrainer3348 Ahahahaha!!!
I’m here
Thanks Drake
Exactly
When my kids ask me where babies come from, I'll show them this video
:D
Epic
Haha
Lol😂
Real life humans had to write these lyrics, compose a score, teach a man to sing it, record it a minimum of once on set and again in a studio, listen to it 100 times over while editing the episode, and yet! Here we are. 30 years later. Spending real human minutes of our real human lives listening to this absolute font of unreality and meme potential about the baby merchant: tots R us.
It'd be weirder if fake humans were doing this...
Who pitched the premise? Lol
well you know that its not unreality right? this is a real thing happening all over America? even today
@@JohnnieKirkegaard94 I know but to present it is such a casual way seems to somewhat down play the seriousness of the act of selling babies. A song on a 90s rock drama
@@homeineveryzone well its meant to represent the guy approaching people. just like any musical drama or musical, the song more shows the intent rather than how it takes place. i think it feels very fitting 90s or today though unfortunately we have decided to have less metafor and analogy type encounters on tv and almost seem to be working towards aggressive realism that often overshoots the target and makes it fall into the opposite camp of too serious.
The meme potential is strong with this one
John Oliver just turned this into a meme ^^
That was rather prophetic...
after LWT its gonna be
Is it wrong that I kinda want a reboot of this, but like a TH-cam series or something ?
This actor really gives it his all considering the material he has to work with. A professional. An icon.
Like, that's the part I hate. It's so bad, and yet he's SO GOOD
Does anyone know his name
@@yeetlad926 Dennis Cockram, it’s in the description.
@@GeorgiaOverdrive Thx
He was in the bowling alley scene in Uncle Buck, as “Pal” !
Even with everything he said, I STILL feel like John Oliver didn't properly prepare us for... whatever the hell this is
it really is 3 minutes.
the other actors really are frozen in time
THEY JUST SIT THERE FOR 2:54
fr.. that was wild lol
Well, I feel like John Oliver did us all a disservice, since he did not warn us about the price of these babies/tots. Eleven grand adjusted for inflation is $22,722! Far too expensive for a tot.
He didn't. He didn't say the couple decided to TAKE THE OFFER ON THE SPOT.
Me: *singing this song*
The FBI: "Don't arrest him yet he is almost to the good part."
It just.... keeps... going.
Bruh you were here over a year ago? How did you discover this without John Oliver?
That bridge though. Honest service and no damn fuss
Like there is a natural down and easy place to brake after one minute, why would they make it 3 minutes long?!
@@chazz30000 For that silky smooth alternative verse prior to the let off
I thought it would never end.
The best thing about this show is that when someone breaks into song, everybody else reacts largely as real people would if they had to be stuck in one place with someone who's just randomly broken into song.
A miracle that he is still in business after flexing about his job so loudly in public.
This song is funnier when you realize he's singing to undercover cops
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Undercover, but definitely not good at hiding it
Here because of John Oliver. Gonna rip this banger on repeat all day tomorrow.
It slaps sooo hard, BABY MERCHANT
His vocals are good lol
@@sensor.mellow banger
The other song from the episode is called For the Record, for those curious
Time to find this banger on Spotify.
This was on reddit a few years back when someone shared this video saying the baby merchant was played by their acting teacher.
I just caught up on John Oliver and now I am more surprised that this video has somehow showed up twice in my life
You're living a good life, then.
I unironically like his voice
Are you a vaush fan?
@@Themoralofthestory. i've no idea what you're talking about.
His voice is not any of the issues with this
@@samsontag wait, you have issues with the baby merchant bussiness? Well, i get it, waiting 3 minutes before he stops singing to get to the actual bussiness is a bit much, but at least you can enjoy the show for free.
Who knew Terry Milkovich had pipes?
Three things:
1) thank you John Oliver
2) why is this song so long???
3) why is it so god damn catchy!
The third question answers the second
> why is this song so long???
padding. it's a lazy way of meeting the requirement of 30 minutes.
My parents generation couldn't appreciate this masterpiece, but mine can. #BringBackCopRock
You think so but the entire episodes are this.
This is 30 years old.
@@AxelSpott So it's guaranteed to be better than the other musical shows?
hard pass actually
Hey we liked it, and they took it away anyway!! It was those morons with the neilson ratings boxes that got it taken off the air.
Me week ago: "This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen."
Me today: 🎵I'm a baby merchant, tots r us 🎵
This video is about to get an explosion in views. Thanks John.
Nah
Yeah... I had to look it up after watching John Oliver lmao
I had to watch it.
It’s just....beautiful
Yup, just came here from reddit.
Say what you will, this guy's voice is fantastic, his delivery is spot on, and that baseline slaps.
baseline slaps were the best part
The scene is also very well shot. It’s captivating.
Really the whole package.
John Oliver always gets us watching the most unusual clips that we would have never found otherwise.
Facts lol
True.
You are telling the truth about that LOL
I'm gonna roll through the kindergarten parking lot, blaring this 🔥🕺🏻 🎵 baby merchant🎶
careful or fbikun will want to talk to you
That last line connecting to the chorus is genuinely pretty great. "No one at all needs to know that the parents who brought her up,
bought her from the..."
His singing isn’t bad. The whole premise on the other hand... the 90’s were wild man.
Congratulations last comment before John Oliver
“That’s a small price to pay for a toddler today-ay”
a phenomenal line
all joking aside, this kinda slaps
The melody is catchy. Now if we could just work on the lyrics and subject matter.
@@jeffrowisdabest the melody’s catchy cause they took it from a popular 80’s pop rock hit
@@TamaCinema69 Oh thank God. Do you know the name of it? These lyrics are atrocious lol
@@jeffrowisdabest do you have a problem with the *baby merchant, tots 'r us, he'll give you all the service and no damn fuss* damn it i did it again
@@cyber2952 what the name tho
Double Toasted brought me here. Worth it.
Credit where credit is due, the man knows his trade.
and he promotes in creative ways! 🤣
Tots R Us
double toasted got me watching this again !!! LOL I remember watching this show when i was kid. I was like wtf but i couldn't turn away lol
John Oliver, you magnificent being. Thank you for this oddly banger from 1990. Anyone here after Last Week Tonight with John Oliver?
Nope no-one
Yes
We all are.
Yes, and "Baby Merchant" will make the charts.
Sir, I was on the fence about buying from tots r us, but this song has convinced me to buy 5 babies.
This is like a really long commercial for nothing.
it's not for nothing, it's an essential service for couples who can't procreate but want a baby and yet another problem capitalism has found a clever solution for - with some small compensation for the service provider for his effort and risk of course.
note: I'm not affiliated with the baby merchant.
Tots R Us... specialized baby merchandizers
So a commercial
it's totally a commercial for something, at least in the TV show it was xD
@@ufsteropolstero6014 based
Double toasted yea!!!!!
OOOH OOOH! YEAH E YEAH! 😂
“Stay available, I’ll be in touch” is going to be my new sign off for work emails
....maybe ours too 🤔
@@CopRockTheMovie who are you? Who’s paying to manage an obscure cop musical from the 90s. I need to know
That last “And no damn fuss” really hits
Imagine the pain of writing this, singing it, and acting this out. Soul crushing
you mean the fun? this shit is fuckin' hilarious, I would've had so much fun lol.
@mandelcorny Actually, you have to multiply that by two or three because there were two or three songs per episode.
@@jl4414 Right? I'm fucking rolling 🤣
Plus side nobody saw it originally so "singing baby merchant" actor didn't get typecast.
11,000??! Well of course they’re gonna go for a bargain like that. He’s gotta be one of the most affordable Baby Merchants in the game, those are really impressive rates
John Oliver has led me to a lot of interesting content over the years. This is the best one yet.
No no, that was Chiitan -- come on, there isn't even a close second to Chiitan
@@Matthew-ve7uv Chiitan is great I now follow them on Twitter
@@Matthew-ve7uv link and episodes on the show
double toasted
John was right. Three straight minutes. This is so so delightfully awful.
Or is it awfully delightful?
@@Rebecca-oh5yh LOL..Took the words right out of my mouth.
Everything about it is bad except the guy’s performance! That somehow makes it even more fascinating.
@@withalittlehelpfrom3 he's like Pacino in devil's advocate
No wonder John kept insisting on how it went on for three minutes. It feels like an eternity in the best **and** worst way possible.
This has no business being this good
He gave it his all. Bravo sir. It just goes to show even when you’re on the stupidest show performing the stupidest song, a real performers talent will always shine through. Really it’s very inspirational
It's also really campy, and I love it! This guy is a pro and he should be given his due!!
The reason this doesn't work is because the staging is trash. If you're going to have an absurd concept like "Cop Rock" then you need to go whole hog. All the singer does here is pace back and forth while his costars show all the emotional range of cinder blocks. This should have been staged like a fantasy sequence, a mini music video. Show the Baby Merchant at work. Make him sing in a maternity ward, an orphanage, something, anything but straight reality.
You make some good points, I would prefer to see this.
Is it wrong that I kinda want a reboot of this, like as a TH-cam series or something ?
Exactly, crazy ex girlfriend did it right.
Every time I come back to listen to this song, I re-read this comment just to feel the catharsis of agreeing with somebody so much. You nailed it 1000% in everything you said, from the initial thesis to the criticism of the cinder blocks to the alternate suggestions for improvement. You're the best.
Maybe have these parents look startled and disbelieving in the first chorus. Then tentatively dancing in the second. Then in the third, have them backup singing, like, “he’s the, baby merchant, tots for us, he’ll give you, all the service, and no damn fuss!”
I "love" the way they are just standing akwardly waiting for him to finish and he just dance around them. It's a whole new level of creepy.
You keep impressing, America.
It’s probably one of the rules of living in a musical world , it rude to interrupt a person’s musical number
The actors that aren’t singing both look like they’re saying “I can’t believe I signed on for this shit”
Actors will do anything for work
@@311drgonzo gotta pad that resume somehow.
Can someone turn this into one of those videos that perfectly loops for 100 hours?
Or a drill or trap remix 🤣🕺🏻🕺🏻
@@wjbt3 +1. Better idea. This needs a good ol' trap mix.
There is a loop feature on every video. It is in the gear.
Thank you John oliver for years i been looking for this show and whenever I'd describe it to people they look at me like i was crazy or i dreamed it the split second i heard this playing on last week tonite i was saying to myself name the show
Thank you double toasted for making me aware of this gem 💎
I like to imagine an alternate reality where this show was an enormous hit and history changed forever because every popular 90s TV genre got a musical version.
Also, fun fact, Randy Newman (who went on to have a very prosperous career, particularly in animation with Toy Story) wrote some of the music for this
This show lasted as many months as Firefly did.
Now I'm just depressed.
I can see why, I’d watch this all day
Wow this hurt worse than spending 3 whole minutes to watch this Baby Merchant guy.
You had to say it... you just had to say it
How the hell is that tru?? I might have to cry now honestly.
This song is actually catchy, it def did not need to last that long but damn that child trafficker was kinda funky.
I have honestly watched this over 50/60 times. This is the catchiest song I have ever heard, and this guy has some swagger on. Thanks John Oliver for giving me the baby merchant!!
Truth b told😊
11,000 .. not a bad price
🤨
Yea...
That's a small price to pay for a toddler today
Ah, but that was his price back in 1990. He probably charges closer to 50 grand now.
@@TheManinBlack9054 nah a baby will run you around 25k now a days, or so I've heard.
In the words of Rick James "cocaine is a hell of a drug"
insane this guy's doing this at a public park with kids playing around him. just people walking by like "oh yeah, baby merchant song, nothing weird going on here"
The pelvic thrust 😂
The baby merchant is a HERO. You can't prove he's a bad guy, he is just helping honest young families cut through the red tape. It's the American way!
What amazing branding... Tots 'R' Us
I couldn't find the lyrics readily available anywhere so I listened to this song maybe 100 times to transcribe this for you.
COP ROCK - BABY MERCHANT LYRICS
When you're shopping for a dream come true
A little package in a pink or blue
All depends on who you're talking to
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
'Cuz you know I got the goods for you
The city gives you such a runaround
Those pencil pushers only put you down
And laws isn't the only game in town
That's a migraine and a half I won't put you through
I'm the baby merchant tots are us
I give you all the service and no damn fuss
Give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby for you
Ooh ooh yeah yeah
I always got a good supply at hand
Deliver anything that you demand
A piece of heaven for eleven grand
That's a small price to pay for a toddler today
It ain't no question of morality
I'm not concerned with any trumped up illegality
We're just one big happy family
It's a pleasure doing business the American way
I'm the baby merchant tots are us
I give you all the service and no damn fuss
Give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby for you
Picture yourself in your house
with your new son or daughter
No one at all has to know that the parents
who brought her up bought her from
the baby merchant tots are us
I give you all the service and no damn fuss
You give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby
I'll have your baby for you
I'll have your baby for you
OMG! I had not ever heard of this show. Still wouldn't if it wasn't for, John Oliver.
This is wild. I have to watch an episode now.
This song doesnt have any right to be such a banger.
You're right John Oliver, I should have listened and left it at _"know it exists"_ 😳
I can't be the only one who wanted lyrics so I wrote them down.
When you shopping for a dream come true
A little package in a pink or blue
All depends on who you're talking too
Don't you worry bout a thing
'Cus you know I got the goods for you
The city gives us such a run around
Those pencil pushers only put you down
And lawyers ain't the only game in town
That's a migraine and a half I won't put you through
I'm the Baby Merchant. Tots'R'Us
I give you all the service, and no damn fuss
give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby for you.
ooooooo, yeah yeah
I always got a good supply at hand
Deliver anything that you demand
A piece of heaven for 11 grand
That's a small price to pay for a toddler today
It ain't a question of morality
I'm not concerned with any trumped up illegality
We're just one big happy family
Its a pleasure doing business the American way
I'm the Baby Merchant. Tots'R'Us
I give you all the service, and no damn fuss
Give the baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby for you.
Picture yourself in your house with a new son or daughter
No one at all has to know that the parents who brought her up
Bought her from the Baby Merchant, Tots'R'Us
I give you, all the service and no damn fuss
You give the, baby merchant just a week or two
I'll have your baby
I'll have your baby for you
I'll have your baby for you.
thank you!!!
YES
Thank you good lad
"just a week or two"
at first i thought it was "just a WINK or two" and i can't tell if that's better or worse lmao
💯
Holy shit, it wasn't just a feverdream, it really exists.
Fun fact: Before John Oliver's episode, this only had 12,000 views. Now its almost tripled.
I'm shocked it even had that many.
@@rhunter42dragon What? I'm distressed why we needed Oliver in the first place!
This is so weird it ought to had been kept alive by the whole society, mentioned by presidential candidates, praised by psychiatrists, envyed by talk show hosts
Make it times 30
Those other actors had the toughest job because they had to stand there and not laugh.
I so want to see a stage musical of this show
I love that the couple were given absolutely nothing to work with for three straight minutes.
3 months after seeing this on John Oliver and here I am watching this again. Classic!
Just gotta love the full commitment from all these actors involved lol
This song radiates such awkward energy. The baby merchant comes up with his song and the couple just stares.
Damn you John Oliver! This is a absurd song but it is so damn catchy and I fucking hate I love it lol 😂
Haha- said almost the same thing w/o reading yours. Great minds I guess
@@sethie_shots I feel kinda bad because it is a song about child trafficking but it is so darn catchy lol
🎵 it ain't a question of, moralitay 🎶 🕺🏻 baby merchant bops boiii
1:57 he didn't have to make that gesture but yet he commits😂
John Oliver:
I'm the... viewer merchant!
Memes-R-Us! I give you
Horror trainwrecks my show discussed
Give the viewer merchant
Just Last Week (Tonight)...
I'll make this viral for you.
This is how you make adoption sound like it should be outlawed
I keep coming back to this over and over... Cant get enough.
I think the best part of this song is how it just stops and the awkward pause that follows.
Double toasted brought me here
If you played this on the radio.
It's popularity would likely be frightening.
I couldn't get this song out of my head for weeks after the first time hearing it.
Three. Human. Minutes.
Make it 3 * 3
we gotta replace the babies
LOL that’s what brought me here too
Don't forget the Six Human Seconds
Thanks John Oliver... I’ll never not have this song stuck in my head again. 😑
Me: hey Hollywood. How much cocaine were you doing back in 1990?
Hollywood:
Yes. They were doing all of the cocaine.
I love how the couple are just listening to it so straight-faced, like singing about human trafficking is a normal, everyday thing!
So that’s where babies come from
John Oliver: I’m not saying you should seek it out...
Internet: Let me do a quick search
Play at 1.25 speed for a dance track version that slaps harder than a flashbang in a crib.
Omg yes
should be top comment
It's a good thing everyone is here from Last Week Tonight, because that comment would seriously disturb anyone who didn't get the reference.
the late 80s to mid 90s was a fascinating time for television
I didnt think there would be comments more than 3 hours old
Yes and I really didn't think there would be so many people asking if there was any reason people would be here other than John Oliver. You'd think that if you watched a show like Oliver's you'd be smarter than that.
This is never going to leave my head. I'm going to be humming baby merchant until the day I die.
I have no business bobbing my head to this.