HOW TO HANDLE DIFFICULT COWORKERS | Dealing with difficult people at work
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ม.ค. 2020
- HOW TO HANDLE DIFFICULT COWORKERS | Dealing with difficult people at work
Having difficult coworkers can turn your dream job into a nightmare - especially if you don’t know how to handle difficult coworkers. While no one wants to be forced into dealing with difficult people, it is something that will come over over the course of your career, so learning how to handle difficult coworkers and even how to deal with coworkers you hate is key to your career success. While it’s not a requirement to be besties, and coworkers are not your friends, you should know how to get along with coworkers and deal with difficult colleagues. In this video, I share seven strategies for dealing with difficult people at work. By the end of the video you will know how to deal with difficult coworkers and how to get along with coworkers (even toxic coworkers).
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Have you used any of these strategies to deal with a difficult coworker?
@Michael T I agree with you in the circumstance the difficult coworker is a toxic coworker. Being difficult doesn't necessarily equate to toxic. Even in cases of toxic coworkers I have seen the reframing work famously (perhaps due to the narcissism of the toxic person?) - this isn't to say all. I definitely recommend watching my toxic coworker-specific videos.
Yes. I am going to shine 😁😊 Your videos are so informative, thank you.
My coworker is b!tching around.. Tried to intimidate and to control me. The story goes like this.. Despite the fact that daily reporting is a basic task to do at most jobs, she forbids me to do so. We have a chance to report directly to the boss, but accdg to her, I should not send or copy her to emails, and only to her (my coworker) will the reports be sent. That email was hers. We're auditors in a firm, and another thing she told me was, the client will not like it if we send the copy of our findings to our boss. I feel like, "Come on..really? We're in an audit and the firm's boss should not have the audit report? Because the client won't allow it?". And when I found an error in a sales document from the client's staff, she told me that I should not make a report and just ignore it. So in total, she doesn't want me to communicate with our boss and she will take all the credits from my work.
I really don't understand why I used to encounter coworkers like this one. Now, I need to know on how I can deliver and prove my work, how to have and keep good working relationship with this person and the rest of the company, have a good reputation in the company, to be liked and trusted by our boss without being an ass kisser. Thank you, Ms. Brick.
By the way, you're such a good person. You're videos are helpful 💐💐💐
@@irhinesoriano7664 I would ask her to clarify on this via email. If she doesn't answer to your email in writing but she replies in person then on the same thread of the email you write her a second email thanking her for clarifying earlier with you on points A, B, C ... Any time she asks you to do things 'off the record' you send her an email: thanks for the chat earlier where you explained a, b,c... You should keep a record of everything, especially that problem with the customer. You should have forwarded those emails to your boss, with the subject title ' Confidential' as you don't want an open confrontation. It's so easy to expose your line manager, which doesn't seem a very competent one and if you don't do anything, she will throw you under the bus in the future to protect herself. You would be a fool to continue with the situation longer than needed. Also if you have HR at work you should mention all this in confidentiality and seek advice. HR should take notes of your concerns and send you a copy, they might advice you to have a meeting with HR, you and your line manager to improve the situation but it's up to you to follow the advice. Good luck
One thing I learned the hard way is that the more you try to keep it quiet and not let people know about your struggles, the more likely the situation is to turn against you. Because those difficult people are likely to be talking bad behind your back, and even making up lies.
Totally agree with you onto that. That's why for me, I prefer to initiate a constructive confrontation directly to him/her along with the others. A very good avenue, so that the others will have another point of view based on what I am saying rather than just letting my toxic shitty coworker to contantly back stabbing me or making gossips at my back.
I'm so sorry you are going through that, Marina
yes. when one coworker realised i wasn't going to tolerate her toxicity she began a campaign, behind my back, to the point NO ONE would cooperate with me anymore. another coworker stood in the office and told me i was worthless and she didn't know why they kept me hired. human resources sided with her. i left. btw: i always did a good job at work as my bosses told me. i'm so glad i'm retired. some jobs were wonderful, but the bad ones were SO bad.
Yep same thing happens to me as well especially when you try to be direct but polite about the situation they instead take it to the next level because they misunderstood the message when trying to address the toxic nature you confront them about
Yep. Always better to say sth
Ignore them the best you can and watch your mouth coz they might use it against you.
Most places I've worked at were 99% problems with coworkers - they're not your friends - of all the jobs I've had NONE of the former coworkers kept in touch
A lot of the drama comes from coworkers. I think we can build positive and productive relationships with almost anyone... but maintain professional boundaries is a precursor to that.
Amen
I'm still befriended with a coworker I had 10 years ago. My husband is friends to 3 or 4 coworkers he had 20 years ago.
My 4 best friends are my ex coworkers :))
Key being ex. While they are competing with you, they can never be your true friends. As nice people, we want to trust people and consider them our friends. This is a mistake. Just keep the information sharing to the task at hand, and never talk about others. Never seen good come out of it. Also protected you against severe disappointment.@@maritkaa007
I've done most of those things with difficult coworkers. Unfortunately they didn't work. In my case all of them either sabotaged me out of my job or the bosses took their side because they're good manipulators. Now I have major trust issues at a job, I keep to myself and try not to be overly friendly with anybody.
It's absolutely true. This relates to me too. It's sad
If you report issue to HR department, the manager will also be notified. Even if it continues (not resolved), at least your manager and HR will know what's going on.
If your bosses failed to see that these people were manipulative then that's on the boss and maybe they don't deserve you as a worker.
Totally
@@justthetruth3365
If someone at work threatens your life- call the police. The HR department in US companies aren’t there to serve or help employees. Some will ‘act as if,’ but it is an act and the reality is, they’re there to protect and serve the company and minimize legal exposure. They certainly will advise direct managers and supervisors and now you are a pariah they’ll be maneuvering to get out the door.
Most of the time it’s miscommunication, also most of the time a workplace problem with a coworker happens because of selfish reasons. There are an insane amount of selfish, insecure, bitter people out there who will cut your throat if they see something in you that they aren’t. I’ve experienced it several times.
Absolutely true
most workplace problems happen out of pure malice, because some people prefer to be bitter than get better. Very little workplace problem is miscommunication, which is usually worked out because if someone is generally nice and one thing is off you work it out. This generally nice person saying one thing off isn't the problem but someone consistently trying to undermine your work and every day tries to break you and bury you. And they know what they are doing bottom lines so we should stop pretending that there is a misunderstanding - this person is just toxic and we have to figure how to reduce the damage towards ourselves and defend ourselves. Mean people aren't kind
@@mariaalmasaniroyalhouse9214 I totally agree. In my experience, these people tend to make a lot of enemies but also know how to stroke the boss’s egos.
@@mikeg1433 exactly or in Canada usually a relative or friend of the boss so these nepotistic candidates are threatened by actual competence and someone doing their damn job. That is why Quiet quitting went viral in Canada. Now after that first TikTok forget getting good service anywhere you are not allowed to tip like getting your passport to travel
1. Stay calm
2. Assume good intentions
3. Build rapport
4. Consider all perspectives
5. You get more bees with honey
6. Do not avoid necessary conflict
7. Be respectful
.....you can catch more flies with shit.....
Read "The Art of War " by Sun Tzu
Don't think this applies to ghetto people
This is great advice, I wish I could follow it. But when someone plays constant critic, and targets me for no reason when I’ve been cooperative with them....the empathy switch turns off.
I feel that way now currently
You can follow it if you learn to be fake at work. Sincere empathy is not necessary but fake empathy is
I take my cue from Bernie Leaden. He quit a toxic work environment by pouring a beer on the head of his antagonist.
Thank God I'm blue collar.
Same
How to deal with your toxic coworkers...just pretend they're not there.
😂😂😂
I wish that worked
@@ghostfood260 also harder when the shitty coworker is sleeping with the boss...how do you get around that question..
This ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻
@@jacquic.2582 Threesome. Give them both chlamydia. Power move.
05:00 "If they have the opportunity to be a good person, they are going to take it". No, that's not how narcissists & toxic people work. that's how I have been a target for toxic people my whole life, to think that "they have good intentions" and so on. They just take that and continue being even more toxic. Of course, attacking them won't work either. But being more assertive is the best.
I absolutely agree with you. It's very difficult to be in control and stay calm. But it's a learning process.. when people go low you go high with dignity
Yep
I agree with most of this info. Regarding you get more bees with honey…so many times I have been kind to nasty coworkers and they would continue to treat me like garbage, but then the moment I all the sudden treat them how they treat me, they change their tune and treat me with respect.
My coworker is so toxic and clingy i break out into tears over the thought of working with her.
I'm sorry for your struggle. How closely do you have to work with her?
Jennifer Brick i’m a (first year) teacher so everyday online. I once got 30 missed text and 7 missed calls from her in 24 hours. She has been teaching 11 years but constantly asks me questions I don’t know as a newbie. She also tells me to log in for her attendance while she sleeps in.
Wow, that is intense. You probably can't do much about her slacking off, but maybe some of the other stuff is solvable.
Do you think she's asking the questions is her way of helping you learn?
I cannot imagine how stressful the job is right now. She may be very triggered and lashing out. It doesn't make it right, of course.
If it was me, I would very politely talk to her (with a a heaping mix of boundaries and empathy). Unless you think it could trigger her further.
So sorry to hear this Meghan, do hope things get better for youx
Will you be able to challenge her to hand to hand combat?
There was this "over friendly" dude who's like "I'm always there for you" at work. He bought me a jacket in 2018. Then in 2020, we had an argument and he ended up asking me to pay for the jacket from 2 years ago. lol
🤣
awe lol
😂
@@andyng5321 apart from you, we cant tell what happens in the future bro.
Did you pay ?
I had once such a mean coworker that I was not able to work so I had to complain to the boss about her behaviour. She was impossible to get along with. But you are right, a complaint does not help, the boss wont do anything about it. Most are cowards. So I left 2 weeks later and I dont regret. Anyway I like your tips
Good for you. I agree, most often the bosses are cowards.
I used to work in a university and this was my experience
@@Gill12283 I am very sorry
But the thing that sucks is why do we the victims need to leave. If someone is being problematic why are they not being punished
@@kandy9276 exactly, good point
I have coworkers that always go out of their way to shift blame away from their own accountability by starting on what other people do wrong. Listen, I have seen everybody at my job including myself make mistakes; we all do it. Just own up to it and vow to do better next time. People take their frustrations home with them, and don't let go of the hot coal they're holding in their hand. They think they're burning others, but are only burning themselves.
I'm going to shine alone
Youve got this, Owen! And you're not alone, we're career besties now!
I had an arch nemesis once. It was the early 1980's. I worked in the Head Office of a large bank. (Back when most people smoked at their desk and workplace bullying wasn't even talked about.) He was my supervisor. He was greatly disliked. One day he threw a file onto my desk and yelled at me in public. I immediately walked into the Director's office and asked to speak to him. I told the Director what had happened. I asked him if that was the kind of behaviour I had to put up with. He said, "No it isn't. Leave it with me." The supervisor came to see me afterwards and apologized. I never had any more trouble with that supervisor. Problem solved.
i'm so glad i'm retired.
Hahaha why are you even watching it?
@@maritkaa007 negative nostalgia.
Some people are just beyond repair and have 0 good intentions...and do not live up to expectation...and keep on slacking at work
I know it's frustrating but try to remember that it's a them thing Don't let them get in the way of your awesomeness.
If I convey the though that "some people just want to see the whole world burn" using my own words but since they are pretty good as they are, so there...
It’s really amazing how when you shift your inner turmoil we can shift relationships even without having to say anything sometimes. Great topic!
I've always been amazed about how reframing your perspective can reframe someone elses'
At my workplace a toxic manager called me into an unofficial meeting to bully me. I was trying to work out why and in doing so pointed out that the behavior or another co worker, who had a list of conflicts and complaints against his name which management were ignoring, was a duty of care issue. They fired the other guy that afternoon 24 hrs before his next shift. The place i am working at is the most toxic work place i have ever experienced and despite needing the money i think i will quit.
I started my first office job 2 months ago and there is one coworker who is known for being toxic and a complainer. My coworker who resigned last week told me how she is and is one of the reasons why she is quitting. It concerns me because I haven't heard a single good thing about her. Coworkers and the boss of the division are willing to put up with her. I'm still in training and she's already thrown fits because I took "too long" finish the tasks when in reality she is the one who gets hasty. I don't take it personally but I also don't want to walk on eggshells. She wants to have control in everything and only contributes if she it benefits only her.
There was instance where she assigned me a task and needed her assistance with. She stated twice that I didn't need to cc so and so. And then goes to her cubicle and complains the coworkers that I didn't do it. I told my side that this is what I was told to do. Turns out she does this a lot and sometimes you have to let her know and she will stop doing it. I don't understand why they keep these types of employees. I understand that she specializes in something that ither employees don't but imo that's hust toxic. I'm going to keep papertrails of everything she says during assigning me a task because I don't aant to be thrown under the bus (it's happened with past coworkers).
Document, document, document 👍🏼
You need to record her
@@seidigriffith2690 yup record, document, have a witness (that you can trust), keep texts, emails, keep a "paper trail" if you can.
All I know, behind those smiles and laughters…there is that PAIN behind it…if u get entangled with the CHARM, the power play begins…most of the HUGS I get, I consider them hugs of JUDAS….
Some people are just plain hateful. They take pleasure in your suffering. People are not innately good. We only learn to be thoughtful of others from our upbringing. Some people just have a mean streak. Plain and simple.
I have an annoying coworker, who constantly makes false accusations against people she thinks don't like her. The thing is she is very loud, & loves to brag about herself.
I just took it straight to the Controller. After she saw me at his office behind closed doors (which is rear, as his door is always open), she changed right away. Just a different person all of a sudden. So, don't wait. If you have a case, take it to the boss. These adhd impulsive compulsive idiots love drama and are used to constant resistance. They can't live without a battle, so they may outplay you unless you do it in an adult way - report to the management.
Not all people are good and it doesn't matter how you act towards them. If they are full of hate, there isn't anything a coworker can do. I have a coworker who hates everything and gets extremely angry when things don't go her way. She takes hour breaks and extra long lunches. Managers work from home so they don't see this. She isn't going to change no matter what we do. So the best advise is to ignore her as much as possible and don't get dragged into her drama.
Thanks for the advice, I think most of it is general workplace etiquette. It would be useful to have a video just on point 6: confronting the toxic colleague. If the toxic colleague leaves up to their name, then personal confrontation however gentle and polite that might be will turn against you. They will most likely accused you falsely of something. Whereas if you do this either via a nice friendly but firm email or via a meeting with witnesses, then they will not be able to lie about you talking down or inappropriately to them. They are called 'toxic' for a reason, you are not dealing with a normal person. For everybody else of course talking face to face and collaborate together will work better. I found that in the work place you have to keep your eyes open and deal with people differently, it is a judgement call that is not easy to make as sometimes you can get it wrong. 🙄
When they just wont quit when you confront them and even give them an out but because they want to be right they cant let it go. Nothing in this video helps with those kinds of people but a firm and calm No repeated seems to do the trick.
Many thanks for this.
Love this one!
What makes it so hard working with toxicity in a toxic environment. When they don't know who you really are like on undercover boss and you got more experience then what they think about you.
Be careful with the word "difficult" this word is often weaponized against women who are competent, knowledgeable and stand up for themselves in all male environments.
absolutely
Projecting much? 😂
Shut up
The word difficult applies to both men and women.
Difficult is difficult.
If it is a female being difficult, then there is no need to "be careful" with it.
Women who are knowledgeable and competent can still be difficult, that's not standing up for yourself, let's not sugar coat bad behaviour.
Great advice! I’m going to use this.
This is a really good video. It all sounds really easy until you're actually dealing with it. I hate that feeling when my pulse skyrockets and I panic, and it somehow causes some people to get even more mad at me because now I'm either flustered or just frozen. Ugh...
I agree with you. I had the same problem. My colleague would raise her voice at me and I would get so angry that I knew that I would not react well. Later I found a way that kind of worked for me. I would kind of respond in a joky way, poking a joke at her behaviour. "What up, ...., why are you like that? Something wasn't right this morning?". Responding in a joky way would calm me down and kind of let her know that she is not reacting normally.
But seriously, I went to work on a survival mode and found the process so humiliating. Why should I let someone know that they should not scream at the office? So happy that I got out of there.
Very helpful. Love your videos. ❤️
I am going to shine! Thank you so much for your guidance
I had to deal with a mrg. Telling me a co worker and a mgr was saying bad things about me ...they are the ones with attitudes and talk about each other to me ...
I’m going to shine! Thank you!
I have tried to find someone who could explain this dynamic to me so that I understood why it was so important and I just found it. I am going to be such a better employee and co worker and I needed this info so much. I never leave comments and now I’m gushing 😅. Thank you so much. Turning over a new respectful and polite leaf at work. Didn’t realize why my behavior s were only hurting me. Wish I’d understood this years ago.
Brilliant video
me and my colleague working in a bank. he has been there for 10 years. i just join last year. I am vice president and he is senior associate. we are individual contributor. he never help me or answer my question to him. finally i fedup and i manage to make him said "you are crossing limit", then i asked him back what is the limit? where is the limit written. Then he reply me back, "dont play words with me", then i reply him, never ignored your colleague, even our boss never did that. i feel satisfied. for past 7 months i struggle myself. in 2023 i will never tolerate coworker with toxic negative behavior.
Thank you!!
You are God sent.
I love how you give advice. It's very objective and organized.
Thanks! My chaos brain needs order so I bring that to my videos 🙃
I'm currently going though this and i should have calmed and never should have snapped at my supervisor. I wish I had this advice earlier. But thank you so much for sharing, that way I can understand to avoid drama at the work place.
I am going to shine. Thanks for these strategies
Great Video
I wish all my former institutionalized coworkers the best.
Wow thanks ❤
I’m gonna shine!
I’m going to shine!!
Perspective is really the key to so much. Great video. I know this will be helpful to so many people.
Sadly most hit this at some point in their career.
Good video.
i am going to shine!!!
I’m going to shine!!! Eventhough my co-worker was the first to call me names and was unprofessional and I called him the same names and more.
Where were you before I quit my job because of an abusive co worker, but great info for my next job thankyou
I'm going to shine!
New to the channel and man you are killing the look girl! And how are you so calm! 🤣
Thanks I will shine
I'm going to Shine!!
I’m going to shine!😎
Give benefit of the doubt and assume good intentions at the begining is crucial .
I had coworker with who we didn't get very well, but I decided to not make an enemy out of him and kept my opinion to myself.
Month later we played couple of rounds of table tennis and we have better relationships since then.
I don't like his personality much, but he treats me neutrally.
Who knows maybe one day it could become bit positive (or stay neutral that would be still ok in my books).
I have a coworker from the day I started working felt threatened and jealous. Always was controlling, wanted to be bossy, manipulative, sabotage. Cherry picks my work, stuck up to the boss, tells bad jokes.
Even when he tries to slowly be better nowadays I always remember when he was an A-hole. I try to be as objective-professional as possible.
Same
God bless you dear
I’m GOING to SHINE ✨
I'm going to shine ✨️😌🙌. Thank you.
Or also; I am shining ✨️💛🧡. I am exercising your superb advice now onwards. Thank you shining light ✨️💖.
This video is soo good. I wish I would have seen it years ago
Thankyou x
Been binge watching your videos lately!
I'm going to shine; I'm determined
These tips are helpful 👌👌🌝
I’m going to shine ☀️
These suggestions are so counter-intuitive, but they make sense...
The power of the unexpected 🙃
The silent treatment is one of the greatest weapons to get along in any working atmosphere. Speak when you are spokento,answer when you are called,mind your business,do your job and go home.
is to just ignore toxic person to the max.. with super short email reply. and if this toxic person is your direct head. time to get an envelope without window.
I'm always one for brevity in communications, but certainly essential when you work with a toxic person.
Am in Kenya East Africa... your strategies are very practical..am not easy to deal with also...
I can see this working in general with colleagues but what about a manager that firmly meets four out of five indicators of toxicity?
I love that strategy Jennifer. It is also research based as it has been proven that people change when you reinforce them in a positive way :) and when you think about them badly it does not have any potential of change and they may even be worse
I'm going to shine😊!
Yeah you are Kathy!
I have tried some of these techniques, especially slowing odwn my responses to my toxic coworker, but that kind of made it worse. She just became far more petty and tried using tit for tat for everything possible. So I ignore her now when she can't be pleasant. Only when she's pleasant, do I engage. Of course, I am sure this looks like I am avoiding conflict, but that's because she is the source of constant conflict.
I think I am going to try this tactic. Only rewarding and acknowledging good behaviour and pretend to be deaf when it comes to the rude/ belittling points. It’s difficult but I love the work and the boss the colleagues are all “old friends”/family and rude or moody 24/7. One second it’s very friendly the next exceptionally rude there is no middle ground. It’s very unsettling and they tend to pick at a person.
Shine ✨
Just dealt with something like this. At my last job. I have always gotten along with people I have worked with, but the this time the guy was just difficult. So I ended up leaving the job, which was a shame as the work place was so close to home, I now have to drive farther away only because of a difficult person.
About narcissist coworkers.thanks by the way 😊
The worst part is, sometimes there is one bad worker, on all counts, is the boss' golden child. What do you then? It's a stuck between a rock and hard place. And going to HR is usually never good, if you do go there, you must have notes and dates, and be prepared to leave the work place too, so do it only when you have a new job lined up.
I am going to shine ❤
I am going to shine
Assume good intentions good insight
Fantastic video.
Hi great video, Just a quick question, how would you respond to hard to pin point difficult co worker for example sometimes bullying cannot be determined, it’s a kind of ‘not what they said but how they said it’ narcissistic & gaslighting without you even realising until later. I’m now leaving the company but I really resonate with what you said about not being negative towards someone & keeping my own professionalism but not being walked over?
Be patient, and be quiet, when the time is right, explain your case like a calm human being, everyone knows the score, but be patient and shut down your amygdala
I'm moving out of London very soon, hopefully this yr, more on the outer bits of London, bc alot of my family, aa recent as this yr ,my mum and step dad moved out of London, so they coul retire in peace lol.
They said, once I find a new job up their end, I can stay with them, and they will help me look for a flat of my own. So really my head isn't even in London right now, I'm just about ready for a new chapter, out of my comfort zone. Grew up in South London, its been all I've known, but I'm thinking what is better in the long run.
This was really helpful but the person I'm dealing with chooses to ignore anything I say, doesn't like using team always refers to I and seems to do things deliberately. They've been called out for not listening by other team members but still they ask what their tasks are and they do what they want. I'm at a loss - all the leadership training never prepares you for someone who just wants to play the victim and never plays as part of a team.
I didn’t want to hear this, but I needed to
I'm going to shine.
I Just Rather Avoid Conflict Because I Don’t Like Having Bad Days And I Just Want To Be Happy About Life I Just Want Nothing To Do With People That Are Difficult To Be Honest When People Come For Me I Hit Back
i am going to shine
When you have a coworker that goes and invent things about you and other coworkers to the boss... its hard to stay calm.
I’m going to shine
I'm going to shine