The holiday season is stressful for me because of the expectation to socialise, which I feel zero need for. I'm in the Southern Hemisphere and the celebrations make no sense to me ( AuDHD) and so I just struggle with not wanting to let people down, but also no wanting to socialise. It's the time of year I most want to throw my phone in a bin and take a plane to somewhere no one can find me
It's hard to get over the feeling that you just don't belong. My family has gone through so many changes, even though i get invited. I feel like its a pity invitation.
I hear you, I'm grandma, imagine surrounded by loving children and grandchildren and not feeling a part of it. I'm disappointed in myself with this. That doesn't help. 🌹❤️
The worst part is these feelings are likely not true. If I don't talk to my sister for a while ill start getting illogical thoughts that she hates me. The mind is weird.
The conversational and socializing advice is fantastic: it also happens to be the same strategies I learned (painfully) over a lifetime of living with undiagnosed ADHD. 😅 When I realized and finally accepted that other people actually tend to like me and generally want to share their own experiences and listen to my own. And if I or they are not feeling particularly loquacious at the moment, there are a bunch of low risk, low stakes non-verbal and verbal ways to communicate friendliness and camaraderie. Remember, they may be feeling as much or more anxious/shy/uncertain as you do. 😄
That was helpful! Since my diagnosis and my understanding of how ADHD has affected me, I’ve withdrawn socially - not totally, but definitely my enthusiasm about social events is reduced. I am now very aware of the anxiety I have prior to an event and I don’t want to feel that way. I have to make an effort and I rehearse behaviours that I think will protect me from feeling like I’ve made mistakes. The ridiculous part is that we (my husband and I) are invited out a lot and when I’m at an event, people approach me and start conversations. And I almost always have a good time. Your recommendations have given me food for thought and I am going to try to quiet my anxieties. A little pre-planning is good but I could do well to skip the worrying!
When I was married, my wife and I had many friends and were often invited to parties. If I didn’t know the host, I’d ask who’d be there-social anxiety kicking in. Sometimes, I’d make excuses not to go, worried I’d feel awkward or uninteresting. But I always ended up having fun, even with strangers. I’d tell my wife to remind me of that next time I got anxious. She never did, but having that reminder would’ve helped me push past the fear and trust the truth: I’m good with people.
Talk about RSD, (61M) - my good friend (45F) last night gave me shit for contributing to a situation on Facebook that made her look bad. I didn't mean to. I thought I was helping her. She was really pissed off. Now I'm debating on burning down the friendship. I have already deleted her pics off my phone, and her texts to me.... and all she did was get angry at me. I'm even contemplating blocking her on my phone. WTF?! Totally going down a rabbit hole. This is one of my best friends, but I cannot deal with her anger towards me, especially when i didn't mean to make her look bad. 😟She doesn't' seem to care that it was an accident, a mistake, unintentional.
I was told by a life-long friend to go "die in a fire" when he was drunk (which he doesn't typically do). I was devastated for months, but we are back on good terms and I still consider him a good friend. So even though there may have been some fundamental change in how I feel about him, I still love him and, glad we made amends. I would sit on it for a while if I were you. It's already hard enough to make friends. Don't give up on the ones you have so easily.
Is it OK to not seek out friends or new people? I like the idea of friends, but it's a lot of work and they'd have to come to my house, I'm just done for now. I'm too old to keep pleasing people, and if I don't, they leave. Phooey!
10:50. Well sometimes is OK. But that isn't the reality for everyone. Often times people don't realize they need to change their enviroment. A enviroment where they can meet people eye to eye. Loneyness is also defined by connection. Both physical and emotional closeness. Generally connecting with nt as a nd can be difficult. It's not always ones fault.
Isn't this late for the holiday's since they have passed? 😂 Not interested in a diagnosis but can relate to ADD, ADHD and anxiety. Anxiety comes and goes. Interested in learning more about those. Is your Facebook group open to anyone?
oof I struggle with this but I had to pause to collect... this whole "we think we know what other people think about us" doesn't apply to my anxiety at all. I actually have no concept of what other people think of me. My idea of what other people think of me is actually pretty blank. I look at people and am utterly unable to imagine what they might be thinking in the vast majority of situations. In fact, in those situations, I don't have an inner critic either. I am not actually criticizing myself, I am struggling to imagine what I would even say or what a person might like to talk about.
It's been a real eye opener for me to realize that I spend way more time thinking and rethinking about people, than any thoughts they might have given me. Driven myself into overwhelm with it, arghhh! I just figured everyone did this, and they handled it better than me. I've been blind to adhd and autism for many, many years, even both my sons having adhd didn't wake me up. But hearing Ted talk and a lady explained my brain and bam! So now I'm taking lions mane and ashwagandha supplements and my brain is peaceful for the first time in 55 years.
Can you provide more examles please movie walks coffe what else... How do I keep friends, when to know that you drifted too far apart and it is not worth rekindling friendship? How to deal with money do we share movie cost? Do I pay for a movie (friend is opposite sex) or would this be more like a date 😅 How to go on about doing a service for a friend like lets say I am fixing his/her bicycle (and I like working on them). I only charge for parts. BUT often people arent happy or I feel like it turned in to transactional relationship where I am just a bike shop😢
No need to remember since it’s a free video. Focus on one thing that you can do now like just showing up to one event or just eating in a restaurant like a fast food place where there are people but not much socializing (you aren’t hosting). One thing at a time. You got this. Happy New Year 🎉.
The holiday season is stressful for me because of the expectation to socialise, which I feel zero need for. I'm in the Southern Hemisphere and the celebrations make no sense to me ( AuDHD) and so I just struggle with not wanting to let people down, but also no wanting to socialise. It's the time of year I most want to throw my phone in a bin and take a plane to somewhere no one can find me
It's hard to get over the feeling that you just don't belong. My family has gone through so many changes, even though i get invited. I feel like its a pity invitation.
I hear you, I'm grandma, imagine surrounded by loving children and grandchildren and not feeling a part of it. I'm disappointed in myself with this. That doesn't help. 🌹❤️
The worst part is these feelings are likely not true. If I don't talk to my sister for a while ill start getting illogical thoughts that she hates me. The mind is weird.
The conversational and socializing advice is fantastic: it also happens to be the same strategies I learned (painfully) over a lifetime of living with undiagnosed ADHD. 😅 When I realized and finally accepted that other people actually tend to like me and generally want to share their own experiences and listen to my own. And if I or they are not feeling particularly loquacious at the moment, there are a bunch of low risk, low stakes non-verbal and verbal ways to communicate friendliness and camaraderie. Remember, they may be feeling as much or more anxious/shy/uncertain as you do. 😄
That was helpful! Since my diagnosis and my understanding of how ADHD has affected me, I’ve withdrawn socially - not totally, but definitely my enthusiasm about social events is reduced. I am now very aware of the anxiety I have prior to an event and I don’t want to feel that way. I have to make an effort and I rehearse behaviours that I think will protect me from feeling like I’ve made mistakes. The ridiculous part is that we (my husband and I) are invited out a lot and when I’m at an event, people approach me and start conversations. And I almost always have a good time.
Your recommendations have given me food for thought and I am going to try to quiet my anxieties. A little pre-planning is good but I could do well to skip the worrying!
When I was married, my wife and I had many friends and were often invited to parties. If I didn’t know the host, I’d ask who’d be there-social anxiety kicking in. Sometimes, I’d make excuses not to go, worried I’d feel awkward or uninteresting. But I always ended up having fun, even with strangers. I’d tell my wife to remind me of that next time I got anxious. She never did, but having that reminder would’ve helped me push past the fear and trust the truth: I’m good with people.
So much of that was relatable. It was so practical and really helpful, thanks.
There are some really good tips in this video.
Thank you for this - i need this so much!
Talk about RSD, (61M) - my good friend (45F) last night gave me shit for contributing to a situation on Facebook that made her look bad. I didn't mean to. I thought I was helping her. She was really pissed off. Now I'm debating on burning down the friendship. I have already deleted her pics off my phone, and her texts to me.... and all she did was get angry at me. I'm even contemplating blocking her on my phone. WTF?! Totally going down a rabbit hole. This is one of my best friends, but I cannot deal with her anger towards me, especially when i didn't mean to make her look bad. 😟She doesn't' seem to care that it was an accident, a mistake, unintentional.
I was told by a life-long friend to go "die in a fire" when he was drunk (which he doesn't typically do). I was devastated for months, but we are back on good terms and I still consider him a good friend. So even though there may have been some fundamental change in how I feel about him, I still love him and, glad we made amends. I would sit on it for a while if I were you. It's already hard enough to make friends. Don't give up on the ones you have so easily.
Is it OK to not seek out friends or new people? I like the idea of friends, but it's a lot of work and they'd have to come to my house, I'm just done for now. I'm too old to keep pleasing people, and if I don't, they leave. Phooey!
This was so helpful to me. Thank you for helping us by breaking down the different aspects of friendship. This helps me.
T
10:50. Well sometimes is OK. But that isn't the reality for everyone. Often times people don't realize they need to change their enviroment.
A enviroment where they can meet people eye to eye.
Loneyness is also defined by connection.
Both physical and emotional closeness.
Generally connecting with nt as a nd can be difficult. It's not always ones fault.
Isn't this late for the holiday's since they have passed? 😂
Not interested in a diagnosis but can relate to ADD, ADHD and anxiety. Anxiety comes and goes. Interested in learning more about those. Is your Facebook group open to anyone?
Bro it’s literally an A.D.H.D. channel it going to be late 😂😂
@@firemech911good point 😂😂
oof I struggle with this but I had to pause to collect... this whole "we think we know what other people think about us" doesn't apply to my anxiety at all. I actually have no concept of what other people think of me. My idea of what other people think of me is actually pretty blank. I look at people and am utterly unable to imagine what they might be thinking in the vast majority of situations. In fact, in those situations, I don't have an inner critic either. I am not actually criticizing myself, I am struggling to imagine what I would even say or what a person might like to talk about.
It's been a real eye opener for me to realize that I spend way more time thinking and rethinking about people, than any thoughts they might have given me. Driven myself into overwhelm with it, arghhh! I just figured everyone did this, and they handled it better than me. I've been blind to adhd and autism for many, many years, even both my sons having adhd didn't wake me up. But hearing Ted talk and a lady explained my brain and bam! So now I'm taking lions mane and ashwagandha supplements and my brain is peaceful for the first time in 55 years.
Can you provide more examles please movie walks coffe what else...
How do I keep friends, when to know that you drifted too far apart and it is not worth rekindling friendship?
How to deal with money do we share movie cost? Do I pay for a movie (friend is opposite sex) or would this be more like a date 😅
How to go on about doing a service for a friend like lets say I am fixing his/her bicycle (and I like working on them). I only charge for parts.
BUT often people arent happy or I feel like it turned in to transactional relationship where I am just a bike shop😢
There are an awful lot of rules to remember. This doesn't help me feel better.
No need to remember since it’s a free video. Focus on one thing that you can do now like just showing up to one event or just eating in a restaurant like a fast food place where there are people but not much socializing (you aren’t hosting). One thing at a time. You got this. Happy New Year 🎉.
I agree, it's a horrible video.
lmao