Having discovered that I have adhd so late in life... it can be very emotional to watch Dr. Barkley's such on point videos. I constantly have flashbacks of wasted and ruined life events and timelines.... which is such a big blur. All these things myself nor others could never understand, he explains with such ease. If only people could understand how in depth having adhd has on one's total existence would I fee comfortable even saying I have it.. For when I do... no one really understands what I am even saying.. They look at me like I am making things up. We isolate because its easier than dealing with the complete awkwardness of never really understanding how you fit in, in any given moment...with any given person. I now just tell people I have Executive Function Disorder.... just makes everything easier.
Same here. Diagnosed aged 56. People like to say, "it's never too late to turn things around", which is toxic positivity. Like, even now, not only do I get to feel awful about my past, but I get to feel awful about my present too, which is just as much a failure as my past if "it's never too late" is true. And it's said for all the right reasons I'm sure, but, it supposes that the reason for past failures is something that has been addressed leaving me free to "be like someone who doesn't have ADHD" and it doesn't work like that. But you got diagnosed, they give you pills. How come you still have ADHD? Sigh.
I have felt the same way for years, it's hard when you talk to people and they always give you the "side eye" because you don't fit in. However, a couple years ago I joined and adult ADHD group therapy, but it's more like a support group or an accountability group (not sure the best way to describe it), it has helped a lot with the feeling of isolation. The moment someone says something and everyone lights up like "Oh my god, me to! I'm not the only one" really helps feeling less like an outcast. But I won't lie, around neurotypical people I still feel isolated.
that's exactly what happened with me I felt cheated by life and the thing is we cannot do anything about our past it took me a couple of months to accept this that i should now think about my future because I cannot change my past but I can do that for my future and the sooner you get this the easier your life will be I am not saying that it'll be easy for you to make peace with the past but it is the only way for making a better future
In my view, definitely a consequence. I was so ashamed of my so-called failures in life that I started avoiding people. Also, I have a very active internal world and get bored really easily so that's a factor in the other direction. I genuinely would rather walk alone in the woods with a good book on my headphones than with a tedious person. Undiagnosed ADHD has also trained me to believe that there's something wrong with me so I've spent a lot of effort trying to be more interested in people and trying to be more normal.
I hear you loud and clear as an adult male diagnosed at 54 as I look back on my life I'm also ashamed of.many failures and as.such specially financially could of been a lot better off?
I became a little bit more extraverted after starting stimulant medication. The reason? People didn't constantly annoy me - I could tolerate small talk for longer and stay engaged. People made me less irritable. It's great.
The built in irritability is one of the symptoms of ADHD that I struggle with the most and has affected my life the most. It’s affected my relationships with my 3 kids, family, girl friends, close friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc… I usually end up scaring people off and distancing myself from others by appearing unapproachable with my “game face” or unintentional snarky remarks/attitude. Meds and exercise help with this, but my social skills (or lack there of) are a perpetual work in progress. My self esteem and confidence take a beating because of this.
So, I didn’t realize that irritability is a symptom of ADHD. Kind of blowing my mind. I literally am struggling with most social contact right now because I just can’t stand talking to people, I find it exhausting. I just got diagnosed at 41 years old and have pretty much been like this my whole life. Thought I was just a born misanthrope.
I've personally found volunteering to be a good way to reduce feelings of isolation. When volunteering, you're doing good in the world, which is very satisfying. It gives a sense of meaning to your life beyond the narrow confines of your own personal issues. And if you choose an activity that gets you out of the house and interacting with others, you get to meet other people who also care about the same issues as you. These relationships are often deeper and more meaningful than what you may get at other activities because they are built on a foundation of some shared values.
It make sense, even if you are not doing it rite or not 100% dependable… you are doing good! People will see that and value your contribution and value you enough to look past your shortcomings. I gotta make time to give back to the community, myself.
If you're just trying to meet people then yes volunteering is a good way to do that, especially for someone who is primarily ADHD. In my experience, if you also have ASD then the volunteer activity itself may be personally satisfying, but your difficultly connecting your fellow volunteers may cause you added frustration.
"This is the only channel where you can watch a boomer decay" GODDAMN LMAO Thank you for covering this topic. Learning how common this is with ADHD is healing in a way. Went through this very badly as a kid and it did a lot of damage. But getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult helped reframe the experience.
I gotta add- I had just sent my teen son an unrelated text then hit play on this and got the decaying boomer Barbie gem. Instantly my son replied BestMottoEver -about my prior text - but I’ve decided to pass that honor to the illustrious DrBarkley. There ya have it. The Gen Z’er has spoken, so it’s official. Best motto ever 😂😂😂
I'm living this, right now. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 70y/o. It informed SO much of my personal history. The loneliness part: My husband died of cancer about 4 years ago. Since then, three of my friends have died, leaving me with just one friend, who lives across town. I don't drive, and never seem to have the energy to get out and get on a bus, to find a diversion. My income is just enough to get by, anyway. BUT - my little dog is my constant companion, and our personalities are perfect for each other.
I can be very social, very funny and I can also mask very well. I've a lot of empathy and can connect and understand other people. But God do I find the whole normal social interactions incredibly fake, especially around things like flirting/dating. It's so weird, it's like other people are playing a role as an actor, pretending to be someone else that they 100% are not. I see it all the time with people I know. I can play those roles too but it's incredibly exhausting. I like being authentic. Everything else just feels like advanced coping mechanisms that are draining.
Thank you for covering this! I've struggled with adhd throughout my whole life (of course, nobody ever noticed it until I got older) and developed severe social anxiety during highschool due to being severely bullied because of my hyperactive symptoms. I wasn't medicated. This caused me to isolate myself out of fear and shame. I felt like I was a problem and nobody wanted me around. It was painful watching myself going from someone who enjoyed talking to anyone with a heartbeat to worrying about every word I said, but I thought it was for the best because the bullying finally stopped. Nowadays, I still struggle everyday with being around other people, but now I'm medicated and life has gotten easier.
Dr Barkley, be kind on yourself: becoming older doesn't mean becoming a ruin! You are still a sanctum of knowledge! Thank you for the "well-behaved" and consiserate ad placement, the absence-of being a modern plague... Thanks for voicing opposition to those "reversing automatisms", another modern plague I find very commonly in the French mind-setting. My kid is diagnosed with ADHD and it is heartbreaking to see the landscape of things to come. I'm not even sure his medication is the right one for him yet...
Difficulties in education, family issues. After education, difficulties finding and maintaining employment, problems with social relationships, poor finances , comorbid mental health problems, possible physical health problems, worse undiagnosed ADHD, not including other neurodivergent conditions, underachievement.
AuDHD here - enough autistic traits to offset the ADHD sufficiently to make fitting in with other ADHD people problematic, and ADHD dominating the autistic traits to the extent that fitting in with autistic people is also less than ideal. And so the loneliness has been increased. In fact I'd go so far as to say I've just about given up on life entirely, there being no hope in any direction. The ADHD diagnosis has driven a tank through the china shop of my life. It was a mess before, now it's just carnage. It's not just anger that drives people away. ADHD/autistic emotional distance - that assumes that it is tolerated not liked, "put up with" and so remains cool and unavailable, until the relationship is given up on by the other. ADHD "intensity" scares a lot of people away. Always overthinking, analysing, reasoning out loud, running through imaginary what if scenarios, etc.
Hello fellow twice exceptional Neurodivergent! Between the late ADHD diagnosis and the late autism diagnosis, my life took a real tanking over the last few years. I'm still trying to work through it. The hardest thing I find is getting over the what if's. All of the failed opportunities, all of the places I've gone wrong. All the things I could have done different had I known my diagnosis. RSD has also played a huge roll in that. Pleasing people has led to a closeted inner self that I still can't even Identify. Pathological Demand avoidance has caused many problems, and lets not even get into dealing with financial and how crooked banks keep stealing from their patrons ( Injustice is a big problem for me)
I'm in the club- a late diagnosis- So other than the meds which help, I checked into DBT ( Marsha Linehan) and I also follow Ryan Holiday the Stoic Philosophy channel on TH-cam. For PTSD and attachment style improvements I watched a few video's made by a therapist named Patrick Teahan. Did a silly hypnotherapy thing on TH-cam with Marissa Peer and found my sense of self love and self worth and confidence went up as a result. ( I was skeptical too) Last thing I do is added vitamin D magnesium glycate to my daily and cut back sugar. Every week I plan around the acronym SPIRE- something spiritual ( walk in the forest) something intellectual, something relationship oriented. ( call your friend or mother) and something experiential or new. Try Indian food and listen to Jazz. Find a cheerleader, a mentor, a gentle critic, and a good listener therapist friend ( not professional) and use professionals like Dr. Russel Barkly. I also did use a therapy dose of psilocybin to shut down anxiety and depression. Seek out this service carefully, always conducted in a supervised manner by a professional that is capable of guiding through it. Very useful when CPTSD is interfering with diagnosis or efficacy of ADHD drugs. This is very new and likely you need to travel to a jurisdiction where it is legal and medically supervised. Result of this type of therapy is a quieter Limbic system and a increase in blood flow and activity in the frontal and prefrontal cortex. It has a lasting benefit for the limbic system and while the improved cortical function also continues to some degree the cortex will return to same ADHD functioning once the dose is metabolized. With this benefit I found that utilizing told like mindfulness and self compassion became dramatically easier. I still struggle a little with RSD
@@jamesedwards1843 this is an incredible comment. Thank you for sharing all of this. I have found similar resources helpful. Still haven’t branched into the psilocybin world but the anti-depressants always fall short. Have only tried one stimulant and hated it. Gotta keep trying.
You are right, loneliness cannot create ADHD; it may be a by-product of having ADHD in the 1st place. Thank you. My son has ADHD but also: emotional self-regulation/control - and lots of old/new friends.
Maybe I am broken, but I am not alone and broken and thats pretty rad. The most remarkable thing for this kind of content. It makes me legit weepy when I hear someone explain to me what my life is like and get it exactly right. Virtually no one in my life "gets it" and finding someone, and maybe even a community of someones, that really "gets it" is a HUGE deal to me.
My heart breaks reading the comments of those with ADHD here. You also remind me to be more patient and forgiving with a close family member who has ADHD. Thank you for sharing. I hope you will all find a support group online or through therapy groups (insurance will pay for) or "Meet Ups" in your area. You are not alone. ❤
Great stuff. Social interaction and isolation has always been something I struggled with and getting my ADHD treated with meds has helped me realize how much of that came from the emotional dysregulation of ADHD. I'm working on finding a healthier balance between being alone and being with others so it's useful to gain more clarity about what the literature says about the relationship between social isolation and ADHD, especially since there are so many misconceptions about ADHD on the internet.
i always doubt when something is claimed to ‘cause’ adhd. i immediately mentally translate it to ‘makes adhd persons existing symptoms more outwardly noticeable’.
Yeah, modern age has definitely affected people's ability to sustain attention, but those without ADHD can get back to their long attention span after working on it, like quitting social media, etc.
Causes it yes, I have always been a social misfit, I have lived alone, except for 2 failed marriages totally 10 yrs, Im now 62, I wish I had more friends of family, and am introvert so need alot of quiet time, but am a solial, polite, kind, but lacking in skills, and do get alot of rejection, misunderstanding, and now have lost my confidence to hold a converdation, and prefer to listen than talk. Im so very sad, tired, and in pain.
I am 54 and only recently came to understand I have ADHD. While I have been fortunate mine is somewhat mild, it is clear my life is so much less than it could have been. But I try to remind myself that the quality of my current life is what matters and that I hopefully have many years ahead of me and can lead a bigger, better life. I hope everyone like me who is coming to this realization later in life can figure out how not to be discouraged. I am trying to keep focused on what I can do to make my life better.
My social environment was always crucial for how I felt around people and to what extent I wanted to engage in social situations and activities. In elementary school, I was a popular kid - friends with everyone in class and I was easy to get along with. After we moved, I was surrounded by completely new kids and people, so it became enormously difficult to find my place... People didn't show much interest in "the new quiet kid", didn't give me room to engage and talked over me in moments where I was actually proud of being able to add something to the conversation... 16 years later and nothing really... changed? I still feel lonely and especially misunderstood when people don't pay attention to me when I show signs of wanting to participate. Even with friends it's like that from time to time... I'm just really sensitive about these little signs, when people don't show enough interest or engagement towards me. When I start to talk and they begin to rush me or have other things to do. I notice how my subconscious makes me automatically distance myself from these people. Like it's not worth putting my energy into them. Why even bother when my presence is not appreciated? I'm so tired of always fighting to be heard. My introverted type of adhd doesn't make it any easier.
Dr. Barkley, thank you so much for everything you do, and for this TH-cam channel. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was four, about 25 years ago. The way they tell it, I was with a psychiatrist for a few minutes, and the psychiatrist said "Oh, this child has ADHD." I also have several comorbidities, including ODD, several anxiety disorders, and depression. I watched one of your lectures years ago on TH-cam, The 30 Essential ideas every parent needs to know, and there's something you said in that lecture that I will never forget: "Friends forgive your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your working memory problems, and even your relentlessness. They will not forgive your anger, your hostility, and the quickness in which you emote to other people." And just now in this video, you mentioned children with ADHD are often friendless until second or third grade. For me, I made my first friend in the fourth grade. It's so interesting listening to a lot of your lectures and videos and hearing my own experience told back to me. Thank you for making all of this available to us, even in your retirement!
Thank you for your clear views on this very important subject, Dr. Barkley. I have known for about a year that I have ADHD, and yesterday I got the Diagnosis. I am 53 years old, so I can relate very much to what many people with late Diagnosis say about „ lost lifetime“. Yes, Indeed. And yes, always having been „the weird one“ / the outsider my whole life has lead to a lot of feelings of loneliness. But it’s like Dr. Barkley ( and others say) , it is THE FEELING of being alone that is awful and at times unbearable and much more. Currently I am trying to find out how much of this comes from society… We keep on hearing that it is not good to be alone, that it’s not healthy etc… Being alone is not trendy…. But as matter of fact, it can also be good. The older I get, the more I enjoy being alone, without FEELING alone. but it’s not easy, it comes and goes. „I LOVE BEING ALONE BUT I HATE FEELING LONELY „ is a quote that kind sums up what I mean. … Thank you so much for your great content, Dr. Barkley. 😍🤓
@@captainzork6109 I believe it is intended as a humorous comment, similar to a joke my boss used to say, "Don't anthropomorphize the tools, they hate it when you do that"
Diagnosed with ADHD at age 52. Never been good in making friends and maintaining friendships. I am 61 years old and have zero friends and are practically self isolated. Never could fit anywhere from childhood on. It is what it is. 🤷🏻♂️
I would agree loneliness is a byproduct of ADHD. After a lifetime of being misunderstood and kind of shunned by people I find being with animals is far more beneficial. Who else is going to love you unconditionally and love you for your flaws. People are just plain mean and intolerant. I will live and die with my cats thank you. 😂 But good and informative video.
If I had those who love me, if any, to spend more time with them, I'd not feel lonely or good therapists with audhd knowledge available. Truly appreciate the advertising being off in the middle of the commentary. Thanks
2:39 pm March 20, 3024 Tremendously helpful. Particularly the idea that teaching people more skills doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to use them at crucial points, that was profound for me. Increasing interactions in circles who already accept you, amazingly helpful. Being careful with self disclosure was another great point. In general this added so much to my understanding. I took notes on my computer while listening. God bless you and thank you so so much.
The self disclosure bit is childlike isn't it ? I think there's (generally) an ostensible value placed on displaying vulnerability in a twisted way to prove your strength today. All this in the pursuit of authenticity which somehow has become a requirement for taking part credibly in digital life. Quite frankly the outlook is depressing.
Very nice to see the topic of loneliness paired with ADHD Diagnosed with the typical combo of ADHD, depression and anxiety at age 26. I've heavily struggled with loneliness for as long as I can remember. I find that I need constant stimulation from interaction with others, so much so to the point that I often suffer from panic attacks around 10pm when most of the people I know start going to bed for the night. I start to feel an intense dread relating to the feeling of being alone and unable to interact with anyone.
My individual and anedoctal case - 2 years ago I went through a bad period of depression and in particular loneliness like never before. It was the first time that I truly noticed symptoms that I now realize, after lifting myself out of depression, were ADHD. This is how I reached my ADHD diagnosis - persistence of the symptoms that could no longer be explained with depression or other known co-morbidities.
I just turned 45, have ADD and just started Ritalin a few weeks ago and on top of that i have severe trauma brain, CPTSD/depression/anxiety... i used to have so many people in my life, it feels like i'm still in isolation since the pandemic, it never ended for me. And i really don't understand why/how it happend honestly. Bad stuff happens to me, no control over that. I must have been a terrible person in my past life. Even now if i tell people around me how i feel, it doesn't help. Seems like people just really don't give a F. I've been trying so damn hard, and i just keep falling further down the dark abyss. I just don't see a way out anymore, well yes 'THAT' one but i'm not doing that. I've done the meds, therapy... what else to do... pffft
If it's any consolation I'm getting close to my mid-fifties and and I only realised a few years ago that I had ADHD - only when I observed how my daughter was struggling. And it's only in recent years that I've felt that I finally have a friend or two that care. Those friends, I believe, also have ADHD so understand exactly what I'm going through - and I understand their problems. Sadly, a therapist I saw, discounted ADHD completely as the cause of my problems such as loneliness. Find a better therapist. Don't give up.
As my therapist uses to say, I can't just turn off my ADHD (diagnosed last year with 41y) sometimes we are highly functionnal adhders, and we just figure out later in life when we just don't have the same energy to cope, and social accumulated damage is just too big. Don't hate yourself. Look for another therapist, look for ADHD specific doctors, giving preference to young ones who also have ADHD and have been in contact with Russel Barkley studies. You will not get much help from drs just following dsm without even recognizing the poor emotional regulation.
It helped me to think differently and facing my fear. I was lonely because I didn’t want to be with myself. When I finally accepted that, I started to accept myself more. It made me less lonely and happily alone. (To some degree, I feel both, but the sad part is shorter by every day). It feels good and relieving to have a brighter perspective.
While this it's almost certainly correct, there is also a bit that makes sense in less strict terms. Before i realized i have AuDHD, I always considered my unwitting isolation at certain early life period to be the thing that removed opportunities to have healthier life and find more like-minded people, practice more communication in natural conditions. It didn't cause my disorders, it reduced the opportunity to adapt better at the time when it would've been easier.
Just want to say thank you I was diagnosed late age 50 . I found you online and I have to let you know you are amazing thank you 👍 from Jeff in the uk 🇬🇧
this makes so much sense. Diagnosed in late 40s. It is easier not to have to deal with other people but more importantly (for me) is the isolation allows me to get to that place in my head (hyperfocus) of deep creativity, problem solving, productivity and emotional regulation. I crave solitude and it is harder and harder to find.
Thank you for keeping me away from ads! That’s one of the best tests for someone w ADHD! You get my attention, that’s so hard to maintain, and poof, here’s a mop ad! 🤦🏻♀️
This channel / podcast is best around. Ahdh rejection can be difficult, especially pre 20s.....it's a real issue. Learning to have the confidence to look for good people, relationships, and friends helps. Everyone has flaws, and knowing you're a good person is important. Get out there and find social groups that fit. Disgard toxic people and work on keeping the good ones. They are everywhere. Keep most inner thoughts, inner. Count to 10 if not sure.
Thank you once again! Your talks always help me understand and although I get sad about the struggles I’ve had, understanding is helping me move forward. I have many positive relationships, activities, etc in my life now, but I do grieve for the loneliness and self doubt I felt as a child and the struggles with some major relationships in my life. I was diagnosed at 73 so there’s a lot to debrief😔 I am on Bupropion, which helps, and I am very active (sports). But I definitely minimize/manage my social relationships. I have a supportive husband, but I do feel alone with my ADHD.
I've just been allowed to come off SSRIs and onto Bupoprion! It helps me immensely, helping to regulate my appetite, emotions, and sleep. All those years being forced to take SSRIs for anxiety, when it was undiagnosed ADHD all along. The SSRIs sedated my brain to the point of tranquilization. That's why they seemed to help. They made me docile and easier to believing that everyone else is right and I'm wrong. Very trauma inducing too.
„Journaling“? That’s funny. I know a lot of people with ADHD … one of them told me, that owning a huge collection of (frustratingly unused or semi started) journals, is a great way to diagnose ADHD itself. 😂
oh, wow- i visit his spot, too. glad 2 doctors disagree a bit because it offers a peek into how to disagree with someone, who may be a colleague and it not need be aggressive in tone...thanks for the example. you are both fighting the good fight...
Phone phobia can be another symptom of adhd practice makes perfect but it never truly goes away. However I have heard of great neurodivergent actors who role played with trusted friends calling each other up regularly to help them relax more on the phone
IMO, many initial situations can lead to Comorbid disorders , that’s the nature of a psychological response in interpreting for recovery of a presented situation. I think that one could show similar characteristics to attention deficit however by definition, ADHD as a diagnosis would not fit. It’s an interesting view of the article that ADHD can developed as the result of loneliness by isolation (or any other situation). So then in other words, the view point suggests that ADHD can be a trauma response \?/ Am so grateful for your contribution to understanding ADHD Dr Barkely.
Thanks doc'. Have you considered doing short versions of these topics either on TikYok or TH-cam Shorts? Even if 17 minutes isn't that long it's like forever, for a teenager with ADHD that could benefit from knowing more about this to better understand themselves.
Glutathione is a redox buffer that regulates ATP production in the mitochondria. I have been using liposomal glutathione for about 20 months now. I "suck" 2 - 4ml in the morning and I find that my REM sleep is greatly improved. I awaken after 7 - 8 hours of nutritious sleep, usually after an imaginative dream. This makes me less autistic. My brain feels more creative and energetic and I can talk to people. I'm trying to spread the word, I want people to study this simple treatment further.
My take on this discussion is that yes Loneliness does not cause ADHD (in full). However what has been more established is that Loneliness and or Social Isolation can cause changes in brain function including then symptoms of hyper-vigilance (threat responsiveness), and executive function impediments. Both of these symptoms can also be found in ADHD, especially the latter. Also, emotional dysregulation is found to be a problem in typical chronic loneliness / social isolation, and of course is another common feature of ADHD. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD later in my life. I am pretty well stuck in the areas of loneliness and social isolation, with the above symptoms that go along with 'in-attentive' or mixed type ADHD
I'd argue that there is a two-way connection between Executive Function Deficits and Loneliness and Social Isolation - in a way that when one is isolated, one inevitably has fewer or no possibility to practice socially accepted behaviours.
AA is a great place to get a safe social experience - and all things that help cope like alcohol have rebound issues - I'm sure you have dealt with the rebound anxiety - you don't have to. Good luck, friend-o.
@WeLcOmEBaKDoood I would say AA is imperfect, but that different groups can have different dynamics and the main thing is finding a social group that supports you in not drinking which is really the most important element and the well studied element. The exact method of the twelve steps has issues, but peer support in a sober lifestyle is without a doubt useful, and generally all the rebels I admired in youth eventually turned to sobriety and improved their lives, while a few others just died.
I've had myself isolated for about 7 years now. The one person I feel good about being around is now fighting 4th stage cancer. I watched my dad die fast from a stab wound at 19 (still can't get that day outta my head) & at 51 I'm watching my mom slowly fade dealing with cancer. I don't even want to be around ANYONE except my dog! It sux!!
Well emotional neglect and abuse leads to isolation, and the loneliness and lack of human interaction impairs social abilities, creating a further cycle of isolation, which causes depression, and depression mimics ADHD symptoms. I find it hard to tell the difference between ADHD and CPTSD, and dunno which I have, or if I just have both. But Stimulants calm me. Ever since I was a kid, I needed coffee. I remember my mom giving me coffee in a child's sippy cup, so I would go to school.
Agree! I think what might have confused the author is the effects of screen time, because most lonely people turn to screens - to occupy their time and to provide at least the illusion of face to face interaction (nonconfrontative, as well). Online people are talking, sharing thoughts and feelings, etc., even if it's just through their vlogs and channels. Conversations are held and broadcasted; interesting lectures, too. TH-cam is big for a reason, and it's not just Covid. We know screen time can be overindulged to our detriment (not just dopamine issues). A recent study apparently found a direct correlation between amount of screen time one spends and the amount of deterioration of one's executive functioning. Whether it's a valid study, well-designed, with a sufficient sample size, factor controlled, etc., I have no idea. But I do know this: when my doctor told me to hide in my house and stay away from people for about two years (because I take serious immune-suppressant medication, and Covid was rampant), I turned to the screen for human connection (or the illusion thereof), and over time my executive functioning has tanked hard. I truly believe the two are correlated. Now if I can just figure out how to regain what executive functioning ability I once had.
Interesting! I'm 65, totally new to this topic, never diagnosed, but became concerned because I keep seeing so many with ADHD with notable severity and the boys with concurrent dyslexia, and before about 10 years ago, I never once saw a child that really disrupted classes; most were highly attentive. I was shocked to find it was my life being described. I had always ascribed my issues and difficulty in social situations to having been brought up in socially isolating circumstances (different religion from everyone at school; different race from everyone at church), but in truth, even before that was imposed on me, my first grade teacher scolded me memorably (picked me off the floor) for not paying attention. Also, I have been told about other children who had been forced to be the odd guy like that taking the bull by the horns and becoming leaders. I have coped reasonably as an adult but have had trouble achieving much. Some research has shown a correlation between prenatal exposure to electromagnetic fields, such as from cellphones, and ADHD, anxiety and other disorders in children, and that might account for the sudden onset of this in Japan.
Wow this is very interesting. I don't feel loneliness now, however when I was younger I always felt alone. I'm the only girl of 2 other siblings, I started playing golf at 8 because my parents told me I had to pick a sport, so I chose golf. I was able to hyper focus (i was a 4 handicap at 16) on the sport and I was alone! I loved every minute of it. I've always been the black sheep of my family so I always figured that's why I felt lonely.
Going on medication made me question whether I'm actually an introvert like I've always thought. I'm like a completely different person, but not really because I'm very much myself, just more comfortable and outgoing. I don't constantly overthink everything and try to mask as much.
Perhaps we should all read “How to win friends and influence people”. by Dale Carnegie. Not really. There’s not a solution to the loneliness. It used to hurt, but I prefer it now, because it’s easier.
I stopped seeking out group activities because of my tendency to be late. People would get upset with me. The shame I feel is so bad that I prefer to stay home
I wish there was more in-depth discussions and/or research abt social deficits that aren't so idk.. related to outward hyperactivity? I don't snap at ppl and I don't ever recall getting angry at some friend (I've never tried to be friends with some "drama" type person but choose very chill ppl). When I am interested in someone as a friend this whole "not remembering" and "attention drifting away" deal is also somewhat irrelevant as it's easy to pay attention then. I have lots of "autism" typical difficulties like missing cues, challenges with sarcasm etc but the way those come and go depending on how overstimulated I might feel plus how improved I seem to be now with wellbutrin only verify that for me adhd social symptoms are much more varied than what's usually referenced. Other than eye contact which is always painful I can now remember to say "hello" and "goodbye" almost without thought. Idk I feel left out by the narrowness of the difficulties discussed and at the same time the experiences of AuDHD folk don't reasonate with me on a deep level as to me everything can be explained by ahdh. Social performance is like a high function of the brain and I don't see how an executive function disorder won't affect my ability to do this song and dance at every level and not just by making me not pay attention and that typical stuff. Should I expect that with more research our understanding will broaden or is this matter pretty much settled and I should look abt AuDHD? Ideally I'd trust a clinician to bring it up themselves if they see it leading there but considering how many of them missed my ADHD I'm just not leaving my life entirely up to them ever again.
The inability to stop thinking or control the inundation of ideas and plans has been pretty disruptive for me. It fuels emotional dysregulation. Mantra meditation helps me a lot. It doesn't have to be spiritual in nature, my favorite mantra is "This thing, that thing, next thing, good thing." Just silently chanting that at whatever pace feels relueving works pretty well. That circuit really seems to have little purpose, and it just wants to fire again and again until it runs out of fuel. Letting it just hiccup out some kind of encouragement until it gets tired is the best use I've found for it.
I see how loneliness could worsen adhd, but I agree that loneliness likely is not causing adhd. Loneliness is often a main cause of depression, and many symptoms of depression and anxiety overlap with adhd symptoms (impulsivity, worse emotional regulation, executive function issues, restlessness, etc), which means that the symptoms that overlap with depression and anxiety would worsen, but that’s not necessarily the adhd worsening, only the symptoms that are present in both adhd and depression/anxiety disorders are.
I have about 5 phone sessions with a Therapist. At one point he mentioned he's also been into naturalistic work, which personally gave me a red flag signal. We don't really get along either. Yesterday he said ADHD comes strictly from trauma and can be adult onset. I told him the research suggests otherwise. He disagreed and asked me what research. I'm quite annoyed. Only like two sessions left I think, it's free, I'm low income, and I would feel rude cancelling 🙃. He also said something about, the way we think causes our brains to show up like ADHD on the heat map thing, and he didn't know the word for that either. He seems to think that my phone phobia will be fixed if I use the phone often. He didn't really listen or have any suggestions for how my hearing impairment and my ADHD contribute to it, like me not hearing people, or me missing physical social cues or rambling or getting distracted by my thoughts or other things. And how that makes me awkward, leading to the person on the phone becoming annoyed and often rude, or impatient with me.
I suspect that isolation and loneliness indeed could result in brain rewiring that could exacerbate aspects of one’s already existing ADHD. I agree with Dr Barkley in that loneliness most probably doesn’t cause ADHD in people who do not have ADHD in the first place.
Never would I have expected dr. barkley to introduce himself as "your boomer barbie looking pretty in pink today" absolute legend
He got me from minute 1, i love himmmmm
Having discovered that I have adhd so late in life... it can be very emotional to watch Dr. Barkley's such on point videos. I constantly have flashbacks of wasted and ruined life events and timelines.... which is such a big blur. All these things myself nor others could never understand, he explains with such ease. If only people could understand how in depth having adhd has on one's total existence would I fee comfortable even saying I have it.. For when I do... no one really understands what I am even saying.. They look at me like I am making things up. We isolate because its easier than dealing with the complete awkwardness of never really understanding how you fit in, in any given moment...with any given person. I now just tell people I have Executive Function Disorder.... just makes everything easier.
Same here. Diagnosed aged 56.
People like to say, "it's never too late to turn things around", which is toxic positivity. Like, even now, not only do I get to feel awful about my past, but I get to feel awful about my present too, which is just as much a failure as my past if "it's never too late" is true. And it's said for all the right reasons I'm sure, but, it supposes that the reason for past failures is something that has been addressed leaving me free to "be like someone who doesn't have ADHD" and it doesn't work like that.
But you got diagnosed, they give you pills. How come you still have ADHD?
Sigh.
Please, have courage.
Same here. I feel a deep pain in mt hurt for all these you mentioned.
I have felt the same way for years, it's hard when you talk to people and they always give you the "side eye" because you don't fit in.
However, a couple years ago I joined and adult ADHD group therapy, but it's more like a support group or an accountability group (not sure the best way to describe it), it has helped a lot with the feeling of isolation. The moment someone says something and everyone lights up like "Oh my god, me to! I'm not the only one" really helps feeling less like an outcast.
But I won't lie, around neurotypical people I still feel isolated.
that's exactly what happened with me I felt cheated by life and the thing is we cannot do anything about our past it took me a couple of months to accept this that i should now think about my future because I cannot change my past but I can do that for my future and the sooner you get this the easier your life will be I am not saying that it'll be easy for you to make peace with the past but it is the only way for making a better future
You are not decaying! You are BOOMING!
Putting the stereotypical boomer to shame. This is how Boomers should be booming!
I love this comment hahahaha
He´s BLOOMING!!
Hahahahaha
❤ got dayum that hits
In my view, definitely a consequence. I was so ashamed of my so-called failures in life that I started avoiding people. Also, I have a very active internal world and get bored really easily so that's a factor in the other direction. I genuinely would rather walk alone in the woods with a good book on my headphones than with a tedious person. Undiagnosed ADHD has also trained me to believe that there's something wrong with me so I've spent a lot of effort trying to be more interested in people and trying to be more normal.
I hear you loud and clear as an adult male diagnosed at 54 as I look back on my life I'm also ashamed of.many failures and as.such specially financially could of been a lot better off?
I became a little bit more extraverted after starting stimulant medication. The reason? People didn't constantly annoy me - I could tolerate small talk for longer and stay engaged. People made me less irritable. It's great.
The built in irritability is one of the symptoms of ADHD that I struggle with the most and has affected my life the most. It’s affected my relationships with my 3 kids, family, girl friends, close friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc… I usually end up scaring people off and distancing myself from others by appearing unapproachable with my “game face” or unintentional snarky remarks/attitude. Meds and exercise help with this, but my social skills (or lack there of) are a perpetual work in progress. My self esteem and confidence take a beating because of this.
So, I didn’t realize that irritability is a symptom of ADHD. Kind of blowing my mind. I literally am struggling with most social contact right now because I just can’t stand talking to people, I find it exhausting. I just got diagnosed at 41 years old and have pretty much been like this my whole life. Thought I was just a born misanthrope.
@@davidhornbeck1470 I found that Vyvanse made a bit better, but it's still there.
I've personally found volunteering to be a good way to reduce feelings of isolation. When volunteering, you're doing good in the world, which is very satisfying. It gives a sense of meaning to your life beyond the narrow confines of your own personal issues. And if you choose an activity that gets you out of the house and interacting with others, you get to meet other people who also care about the same issues as you. These relationships are often deeper and more meaningful than what you may get at other activities because they are built on a foundation of some shared values.
100% agree. Even with a family, you may not connect easily with them.
It make sense, even if you are not doing it rite or not 100% dependable… you are doing good! People will see that and value your contribution and value you enough to look past your shortcomings. I gotta make time to give back to the community, myself.
If you're just trying to meet people then yes volunteering is a good way to do that, especially for someone who is primarily ADHD.
In my experience, if you also have ASD then the volunteer activity itself may be personally satisfying, but your difficultly connecting your fellow volunteers may cause you added frustration.
"This is the only channel where you can watch a boomer decay" GODDAMN LMAO
Thank you for covering this topic. Learning how common this is with ADHD is healing in a way. Went through this very badly as a kid and it did a lot of damage. But getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult helped reframe the experience.
I gotta add- I had just sent my teen son an unrelated text then hit play on this and got the decaying boomer Barbie gem. Instantly my son replied BestMottoEver -about my prior text - but I’ve decided to pass that honor to the illustrious DrBarkley. There ya have it. The Gen Z’er has spoken, so it’s official. Best motto ever 😂😂😂
I'm living this, right now. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 70y/o. It informed SO much of my personal history. The loneliness part: My husband died of cancer about 4 years ago. Since then, three of my friends have died, leaving me with just one friend, who lives across town. I don't drive, and never seem to have the energy to get out and get on a bus, to find a diversion. My income is just enough to get by, anyway. BUT - my little dog is my constant companion, and our personalities are perfect for each other.
My companion Dog is my best buddy too
Polyphemus, we sit in the same boat.
Have you tried volunteering or doing free online lessons and classes
I can be very social, very funny and I can also mask very well. I've a lot of empathy and can connect and understand other people. But God do I find the whole normal social interactions incredibly fake, especially around things like flirting/dating. It's so weird, it's like other people are playing a role as an actor, pretending to be someone else that they 100% are not. I see it all the time with people I know.
I can play those roles too but it's incredibly exhausting. I like being authentic. Everything else just feels like advanced coping mechanisms that are draining.
You wrote my thoughts exactly, and much better than if I'd written them!
Ditto
sameeee
Being “authentic” and not playing the game can get you hurt very badly ppl will take advantage of that
You wrote my thoughts small talk is so empty.
Thank you for covering this! I've struggled with adhd throughout my whole life (of course, nobody ever noticed it until I got older) and developed severe social anxiety during highschool due to being severely bullied because of my hyperactive symptoms. I wasn't medicated. This caused me to isolate myself out of fear and shame. I felt like I was a problem and nobody wanted me around. It was painful watching myself going from someone who enjoyed talking to anyone with a heartbeat to worrying about every word I said, but I thought it was for the best because the bullying finally stopped. Nowadays, I still struggle everyday with being around other people, but now I'm medicated and life has gotten easier.
Dr Barkley, be kind on yourself: becoming older doesn't mean becoming a ruin! You are still a sanctum of knowledge!
Thank you for the "well-behaved" and consiserate ad placement, the absence-of being a modern plague...
Thanks for voicing opposition to those "reversing automatisms", another modern plague I find very commonly in the French mind-setting.
My kid is diagnosed with ADHD and it is heartbreaking to see the landscape of things to come. I'm not even sure his medication is the right one for him yet...
As someone diagnosed at age 40: I envy the kids of today, yet the thought of what they still have to go through breaks my heart.
Difficulties in education, family issues. After education, difficulties finding and maintaining employment, problems with social relationships, poor finances , comorbid mental health problems, possible physical health problems, worse undiagnosed ADHD, not including other neurodivergent conditions, underachievement.
True
AuDHD here - enough autistic traits to offset the ADHD sufficiently to make fitting in with other ADHD people problematic, and ADHD dominating the autistic traits to the extent that fitting in with autistic people is also less than ideal. And so the loneliness has been increased. In fact I'd go so far as to say I've just about given up on life entirely, there being no hope in any direction. The ADHD diagnosis has driven a tank through the china shop of my life. It was a mess before, now it's just carnage.
It's not just anger that drives people away. ADHD/autistic emotional distance - that assumes that it is tolerated not liked, "put up with" and so remains cool and unavailable, until the relationship is given up on by the other. ADHD "intensity" scares a lot of people away. Always overthinking, analysing, reasoning out loud, running through imaginary what if scenarios, etc.
Feel und. Same.
Hello fellow twice exceptional Neurodivergent! Between the late ADHD diagnosis and the late autism diagnosis, my life took a real tanking over the last few years. I'm still trying to work through it. The hardest thing I find is getting over the what if's. All of the failed opportunities, all of the places I've gone wrong. All the things I could have done different had I known my diagnosis. RSD has also played a huge roll in that. Pleasing people has led to a closeted inner self that I still can't even Identify. Pathological Demand avoidance has caused many problems, and lets not even get into dealing with financial and how crooked banks keep stealing from their patrons ( Injustice is a big problem for me)
@@TheDivergentDrummer Injustice Sensitivity is a thing. Got a good dose of it myself. Not good times in which to be this way.
I'm in the club- a late diagnosis- So other than the meds which help, I checked into DBT ( Marsha Linehan) and I also follow Ryan Holiday the Stoic Philosophy channel on TH-cam. For PTSD and attachment style improvements I watched a few video's made by a therapist named Patrick Teahan. Did a silly hypnotherapy thing on TH-cam with Marissa Peer and found my sense of self love and self worth and confidence went up as a result. ( I was skeptical too) Last thing I do is added vitamin D magnesium glycate to my daily and cut back sugar. Every week I plan around the acronym SPIRE- something spiritual ( walk in the forest) something intellectual, something relationship oriented. ( call your friend or mother) and something experiential or new. Try Indian food and listen to Jazz. Find a cheerleader, a mentor, a gentle critic, and a good listener therapist friend ( not professional) and use professionals like Dr. Russel Barkly. I also did use a therapy dose of psilocybin to shut down anxiety and depression. Seek out this service carefully, always conducted in a supervised manner by a professional that is capable of guiding through it. Very useful when CPTSD is interfering with diagnosis or efficacy of ADHD drugs. This is very new and likely you need to travel to a jurisdiction where it is legal and medically supervised. Result of this type of therapy is a quieter Limbic system and a increase in blood flow and activity in the frontal and prefrontal cortex. It has a lasting benefit for the limbic system and while the improved cortical function also continues to some degree the cortex will return to same ADHD functioning once the dose is metabolized. With this benefit I found that utilizing told like mindfulness and self compassion became dramatically easier. I still struggle a little with RSD
@@jamesedwards1843 this is an incredible comment. Thank you for sharing all of this. I have found similar resources helpful. Still haven’t branched into the psilocybin world but the anti-depressants always fall short. Have only tried one stimulant and hated it. Gotta keep trying.
You are right, loneliness cannot create ADHD; it may be a by-product of having ADHD in the 1st place. Thank you. My son has ADHD but also: emotional self-regulation/control - and lots of old/new friends.
Maybe I am broken, but I am not alone and broken and thats pretty rad.
The most remarkable thing for this kind of content. It makes me legit weepy when I hear someone explain to me what my life is like and get it exactly right. Virtually no one in my life "gets it" and finding someone, and maybe even a community of someones, that really "gets it" is a HUGE deal to me.
YES - its VERY appreciated that there isn't commercials in the middle of the talk!
My heart breaks reading the comments of those with ADHD here. You also remind me to be more patient and forgiving with a close family member who has ADHD. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you will all find a support group online or through therapy groups (insurance will pay for) or "Meet Ups" in your area. You are not alone. ❤
Great stuff. Social interaction and isolation has always been something I struggled with and getting my ADHD treated with meds has helped me realize how much of that came from the emotional dysregulation of ADHD. I'm working on finding a healthier balance between being alone and being with others so it's useful to gain more clarity about what the literature says about the relationship between social isolation and ADHD, especially since there are so many misconceptions about ADHD on the internet.
i always doubt when something is claimed to ‘cause’ adhd. i immediately mentally translate it to ‘makes adhd persons existing symptoms more outwardly noticeable’.
Yeah, modern age has definitely affected people's ability to sustain attention, but those without ADHD can get back to their long attention span after working on it, like quitting social media, etc.
Causes it yes, I have always been a social misfit, I have lived alone, except for 2 failed marriages totally 10 yrs, Im now 62, I wish I had more friends of family, and am introvert so need alot of quiet time, but am a solial, polite, kind, but lacking in skills, and do get alot of rejection, misunderstanding, and now have lost my confidence to hold a converdation, and prefer to listen than talk.
Im so very sad, tired, and in pain.
💙hang in there Sue
I’m so sorry. It is very draining isn’t it? Some days are better than others but it doesn’t go away. I wish you more good days than bad.
Sue we understand you as we sit in the same boat.
I am 54 and only recently came to understand I have ADHD. While I have been fortunate mine is somewhat mild, it is clear my life is so much less than it could have been. But I try to remind myself that the quality of my current life is what matters and that I hopefully have many years ahead of me and can lead a bigger, better life. I hope everyone like me who is coming to this realization later in life can figure out how not to be discouraged. I am trying to keep focused on what I can do to make my life better.
20/10 intro
Given the loneliness epidemic we’re in, this work and getting it it is so crucial 🙌🏻🙏🏻
Recognized as a top health issue by the Surgeon General!
I do notic and appreciate the blissful lack of ads or ad reads. Ads are cancer. Thanks Doc
My social environment was always crucial for how I felt around people and to what extent I wanted to engage in social situations and activities.
In elementary school, I was a popular kid - friends with everyone in class and I was easy to get along with. After we moved, I was surrounded by completely new kids and people, so it became enormously difficult to find my place... People didn't show much interest in "the new quiet kid", didn't give me room to engage and talked over me in moments where I was actually proud of being able to add something to the conversation...
16 years later and nothing really... changed? I still feel lonely and especially misunderstood when people don't pay attention to me when I show signs of wanting to participate. Even with friends it's like that from time to time... I'm just really sensitive about these little signs, when people don't show enough interest or engagement towards me. When I start to talk and they begin to rush me or have other things to do.
I notice how my subconscious makes me automatically distance myself from these people. Like it's not worth putting my energy into them. Why even bother when my presence is not appreciated? I'm so tired of always fighting to be heard. My introverted type of adhd doesn't make it any easier.
Dr. Barkley, thank you so much for everything you do, and for this TH-cam channel. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was four, about 25 years ago. The way they tell it, I was with a psychiatrist for a few minutes, and the psychiatrist said "Oh, this child has ADHD." I also have several comorbidities, including ODD, several anxiety disorders, and depression.
I watched one of your lectures years ago on TH-cam, The 30 Essential ideas every parent needs to know, and there's something you said in that lecture that I will never forget:
"Friends forgive your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your working memory problems, and even your relentlessness. They will not forgive your anger, your hostility, and the quickness in which you emote to other people."
And just now in this video, you mentioned children with ADHD are often friendless until second or third grade. For me, I made my first friend in the fourth grade. It's so interesting listening to a lot of your lectures and videos and hearing my own experience told back to me. Thank you for making all of this available to us, even in your retirement!
The connection between poor emotional self regulation and isolation - This has been a big realization for me this year 🖤
Thank you for your clear views on this very important subject, Dr. Barkley. I have known for about a year that I have ADHD, and yesterday I got the Diagnosis. I am 53 years old, so I can relate very much to what many people with late Diagnosis say about „ lost lifetime“. Yes, Indeed. And yes, always having been „the weird one“ / the outsider my whole life has lead to a lot of feelings of loneliness. But it’s like Dr. Barkley ( and others say) , it is THE FEELING of being alone that is awful and at times unbearable and much more. Currently I am trying to find out how much of this comes from society… We keep on hearing that it is not good to be alone, that it’s not healthy etc… Being alone is not trendy…. But as matter of fact, it can also be good. The older I get, the more I enjoy being alone, without FEELING alone. but it’s not easy, it comes and goes. „I LOVE BEING ALONE BUT I HATE FEELING LONELY „ is a quote that kind sums up what I mean. …
Thank you so much for your great content, Dr. Barkley. 😍🤓
The beginning was hilarious. Keep on the good content!
Dr. Barkley you are a treasure. Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge and expertise. I often feel more hopeful after listening to you.
People hate people having emotions. 😅
Curious what that's supposed to mean
Negative emotions*
@@captainzork6109 I believe it is intended as a humorous comment, similar to a joke my boss used to say, "Don't anthropomorphize the tools, they hate it when you do that"
@@benandrews3347 I actually misread what the person said. Lol I actually I agree with them now I read it correctly
@publius9350 username checks out 😁
Diagnosed with ADHD at age 52. Never been good in making friends and maintaining friendships. I am 61 years old and have zero friends and are practically self isolated. Never could fit anywhere from childhood on. It is what it is. 🤷🏻♂️
I would agree loneliness is a byproduct of ADHD. After a lifetime of being misunderstood and kind of shunned by people I find being with animals is far more beneficial. Who else is going to love you unconditionally and love you for your flaws. People are just plain mean and intolerant. I will live and die with my cats thank you. 😂
But good and informative video.
If I had those who love me, if any, to spend more time with them, I'd not feel lonely or good therapists with audhd knowledge available. Truly appreciate the advertising being off in the middle of the commentary. Thanks
2:39 pm March 20, 3024
Tremendously helpful. Particularly the idea that teaching people more skills doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to use them at crucial points, that was profound for me. Increasing interactions in circles who already accept you, amazingly helpful. Being careful with self disclosure was another great point. In general this added so much to my understanding.
I took notes on my computer while listening. God bless you and thank you so so much.
The self disclosure bit is childlike isn't it ?
I think there's (generally) an ostensible value placed on displaying vulnerability in a twisted way to prove your strength today. All this in the pursuit of authenticity which somehow has become a requirement for taking part credibly in digital life.
Quite frankly the outlook is depressing.
Very nice to see the topic of loneliness paired with ADHD
Diagnosed with the typical combo of ADHD, depression and anxiety at age 26. I've heavily struggled with loneliness for as long as I can remember. I find that I need constant stimulation from interaction with others, so much so to the point that I often suffer from panic attacks around 10pm when most of the people I know start going to bed for the night. I start to feel an intense dread relating to the feeling of being alone and unable to interact with anyone.
how do you treat it? after diagnosis
@@anandakrishnans2923 Which part, the loneliness? Depression? Anxiety? The ADHD itself?
My individual and anedoctal case - 2 years ago I went through a bad period of depression and in particular loneliness like never before. It was the first time that I truly noticed symptoms that I now realize, after lifting myself out of depression, were ADHD. This is how I reached my ADHD diagnosis - persistence of the symptoms that could no longer be explained with depression or other known co-morbidities.
I just turned 45, have ADD and just started Ritalin a few weeks ago and on top of that i have severe trauma brain, CPTSD/depression/anxiety... i used to have so many people in my life, it feels like i'm still in isolation since the pandemic, it never ended for me. And i really don't understand why/how it happend honestly. Bad stuff happens to me, no control over that. I must have been a terrible person in my past life. Even now if i tell people around me how i feel, it doesn't help. Seems like people just really don't give a F. I've been trying so damn hard, and i just keep falling further down the dark abyss. I just don't see a way out anymore, well yes 'THAT' one but i'm not doing that. I've done the meds, therapy... what else to do... pffft
If it's any consolation I'm getting close to my mid-fifties and and I only realised a few years ago that I had ADHD - only when I observed how my daughter was struggling. And it's only in recent years that I've felt that I finally have a friend or two that care. Those friends, I believe, also have ADHD so understand exactly what I'm going through - and I understand their problems. Sadly, a therapist I saw, discounted ADHD completely as the cause of my problems such as loneliness. Find a better therapist. Don't give up.
As my therapist uses to say, I can't just turn off my ADHD (diagnosed last year with 41y) sometimes we are highly functionnal adhders, and we just figure out later in life when we just don't have the same energy to cope, and social accumulated damage is just too big. Don't hate yourself. Look for another therapist, look for ADHD specific doctors, giving preference to young ones who also have ADHD and have been in contact with Russel Barkley studies. You will not get much help from drs just following dsm without even recognizing the poor emotional regulation.
Thank you for addressing this topic.
It helped me to think differently and facing my fear.
I was lonely because I didn’t want to be with myself. When I finally accepted that, I started to accept myself more. It made me less lonely and happily alone. (To some degree, I feel both, but the sad part is shorter by every day).
It feels good and relieving to have a brighter perspective.
Thank you for your content about this. I find hanging out requires more and more executive function and planning as my friends and I get older.
Listening to you is the best time I spend
coming back here when i’ve published my own research article ❤️
While this it's almost certainly correct, there is also a bit that makes sense in less strict terms.
Before i realized i have AuDHD, I always considered my unwitting isolation at certain early life period to be the thing that removed opportunities to have healthier life and find more like-minded people, practice more communication in natural conditions.
It didn't cause my disorders, it reduced the opportunity to adapt better at the time when it would've been easier.
Just want to say thank you I was diagnosed late age 50 . I found you online and I have to let you know you are amazing thank you 👍 from Jeff in the uk 🇬🇧
Thank you so much for all your work, especially for bringing this information to a broad audience outside academia!
this makes so much sense. Diagnosed in late 40s. It is easier not to have to deal with other people but more importantly (for me) is the isolation allows me to get to that place in my head (hyperfocus) of deep creativity, problem solving, productivity and emotional regulation. I crave solitude and it is harder and harder to find.
Thank you for keeping me away from ads! That’s one of the best tests for someone w ADHD! You get my attention, that’s so hard to maintain, and poof, here’s a mop ad! 🤦🏻♀️
Dr. Barkley... please keep up your outstanding work... don´t you dare stop... ever...
Im struggling so so very hard to exist..
This channel / podcast is best around. Ahdh rejection can be difficult, especially pre 20s.....it's a real issue. Learning to have the confidence to look for good people, relationships, and friends helps. Everyone has flaws, and knowing you're a good person is important. Get out there and find social groups that fit. Disgard toxic people and work on keeping the good ones. They are everywhere. Keep most inner thoughts, inner. Count to 10 if not sure.
Dr. Barkley, you are the best. Loved the intro!
Can't be lonely if I have these video to watch lol
Yes I found this very very helpful.🙂🙂🙂
Thank you very much!♥️♥️
Love theses videos to help me get better understanding of myself
Dr. Barkley, thank you so much!
You have such a great sense of humor! And I love your Barbie pink shirt! 😁
11:50 ... To quote Star Trek - Boy, you're a real comfort!
One person's condition is another's personality. Well that's what I'm telling myself.
Thank you once again! Your talks always help me understand and although I get sad about the struggles I’ve had, understanding is helping me move forward. I have many positive relationships, activities, etc in my life now, but I do grieve for the loneliness and self doubt I felt as a child and the struggles with some major relationships in my life. I was diagnosed at 73 so there’s a lot to debrief😔 I am on Bupropion, which helps, and I am very active (sports). But I definitely minimize/manage my social relationships. I have a supportive husband, but I do feel alone with my ADHD.
I've just been allowed to come off SSRIs and onto Bupoprion! It helps me immensely, helping to regulate my appetite, emotions, and sleep. All those years being forced to take SSRIs for anxiety, when it was undiagnosed ADHD all along. The SSRIs sedated my brain to the point of tranquilization. That's why they seemed to help. They made me docile and easier to believing that everyone else is right and I'm wrong. Very trauma inducing too.
This topic couldn’t have come at a better time
10/10 intro
Always enjoyed your content hope you continue to post.
„Journaling“? That’s funny. I know a lot of people with ADHD … one of them told me, that owning a huge collection of (frustratingly unused or semi started) journals, is a great way to diagnose ADHD itself. 😂
Yes I know journaling never worked for me personally
oh, wow- i visit his spot, too. glad 2 doctors disagree a bit because it offers a peek into how to disagree with someone, who may be a colleague and it not need be aggressive in tone...thanks for the example. you are both fighting the good fight...
Thanks alot dr Barkley..
Iam watching you from Egypt.
Man its so nice to see your channel taking off!!!
Phone phobia can be another symptom of adhd practice makes perfect but it never truly goes away. However I have heard of great neurodivergent actors who role played with trusted friends calling each other up regularly to help them relax more on the phone
IMO, many initial situations can lead to Comorbid disorders , that’s the nature of a psychological response in interpreting for recovery of a presented situation. I think that one could show similar characteristics to attention deficit however by definition, ADHD as a diagnosis would not fit. It’s an interesting view of the article that ADHD can developed as the result of loneliness by isolation (or any other situation). So then in other words, the view point suggests that ADHD can be a trauma response \?/
Am so grateful for your contribution to understanding ADHD Dr Barkely.
Great, doctor is cute and humble ❤
Thanks doc'.
Have you considered doing short versions of these topics either on TikYok or TH-cam Shorts?
Even if 17 minutes isn't that long it's like forever, for a teenager with ADHD that could benefit from knowing more about this to better understand themselves.
Thank you, Dr Barkley
Haha love your sense of humor!
Glutathione is a redox buffer that regulates ATP production in the mitochondria. I have been using liposomal glutathione for about 20 months now. I "suck" 2 - 4ml in the morning and I find that my REM sleep is greatly improved. I awaken after 7 - 8 hours of nutritious sleep, usually after an imaginative dream. This makes me less autistic. My brain feels more creative and energetic and I can talk to people. I'm trying to spread the word, I want people to study this simple treatment further.
My take on this discussion is that yes Loneliness does not cause ADHD (in full). However what has been more established is that Loneliness and or Social Isolation can cause changes in brain function including then symptoms of hyper-vigilance (threat responsiveness), and executive function impediments. Both of these symptoms can also be found in ADHD, especially the latter. Also, emotional dysregulation is found to be a problem in typical chronic loneliness / social isolation, and of course is another common feature of ADHD. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD later in my life. I am pretty well stuck in the areas of loneliness and social isolation, with the above symptoms that go along with 'in-attentive' or mixed type ADHD
I'd argue that there is a two-way connection between Executive Function Deficits and Loneliness and Social Isolation - in a way that when one is isolated, one inevitably has fewer or no possibility to practice socially accepted behaviours.
I self isolate.
Sometimes I’m clumsy and/or forgetful. Avoiding most people and using alcohol to cope has worked okay for me.
AA is a great place to get a safe social experience - and all things that help cope like alcohol have rebound issues - I'm sure you have dealt with the rebound anxiety - you don't have to. Good luck, friend-o.
@WeLcOmEBaKDoood I would say AA is imperfect, but that different groups can have different dynamics and the main thing is finding a social group that supports you in not drinking which is really the most important element and the well studied element. The exact method of the twelve steps has issues, but peer support in a sober lifestyle is without a doubt useful, and generally all the rebels I admired in youth eventually turned to sobriety and improved their lives, while a few others just died.
Loving your video's, please keep them coming!
I've had myself isolated for about 7 years now. The one person I feel good about being around is now fighting 4th stage cancer. I watched my dad die fast from a stab wound at 19 (still can't get that day outta my head) & at 51 I'm watching my mom slowly fade dealing with cancer. I don't even want to be around ANYONE except my dog! It sux!!
Heavy sigh reading your reality. I want more for you. With gratitude and a good deal of respect, I say thank you for sharing your reality.❣️
@@Recordesk thank you.
Looking great today Doctor
Thanks for your great videos. 🇦🇺👴🏻
Thank you very much for this video!
Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜💜💜💜
Well emotional neglect and abuse leads to isolation, and the loneliness and lack of human interaction impairs social abilities, creating a further cycle of isolation, which causes depression, and depression mimics ADHD symptoms. I find it hard to tell the difference between ADHD and CPTSD, and dunno which I have, or if I just have both. But Stimulants calm me. Ever since I was a kid, I needed coffee. I remember my mom giving me coffee in a child's sippy cup, so I would go to school.
Coffee calms me and helps me focus
thank you for this video
Agree! I think what might have confused the author is the effects of screen time, because most lonely people turn to screens - to occupy their time and to provide at least the illusion of face to face interaction (nonconfrontative, as well). Online people are talking, sharing thoughts and feelings, etc., even if it's just through their vlogs and channels. Conversations are held and broadcasted; interesting lectures, too. TH-cam is big for a reason, and it's not just Covid. We know screen time can be overindulged to our detriment (not just dopamine issues). A recent study apparently found a direct correlation between amount of screen time one spends and the amount of deterioration of one's executive functioning. Whether it's a valid study, well-designed, with a sufficient sample size, factor controlled, etc., I have no idea. But I do know this: when my doctor told me to hide in my house and stay away from people for about two years (because I take serious immune-suppressant medication, and Covid was rampant), I turned to the screen for human connection (or the illusion thereof), and over time my executive functioning has tanked hard. I truly believe the two are correlated. Now if I can just figure out how to regain what executive functioning ability I once had.
Slowly practice skills each day one day at a time things will start to come back
Interesting! I'm 65, totally new to this topic, never diagnosed, but became concerned because I keep seeing so many with ADHD with notable severity and the boys with concurrent dyslexia, and before about 10 years ago, I never once saw a child that really disrupted classes; most were highly attentive. I was shocked to find it was my life being described. I had always ascribed my issues and difficulty in social situations to having been brought up in socially isolating circumstances (different religion from everyone at school; different race from everyone at church), but in truth, even before that was imposed on me, my first grade teacher scolded me memorably (picked me off the floor) for not paying attention. Also, I have been told about other children who had been forced to be the odd guy like that taking the bull by the horns and becoming leaders.
I have coped reasonably as an adult but have had trouble achieving much.
Some research has shown a correlation between prenatal exposure to electromagnetic fields, such as from cellphones, and ADHD, anxiety and other disorders in children, and that might account for the sudden onset of this in Japan.
Wow this is very interesting. I don't feel loneliness now, however when I was younger I always felt alone. I'm the only girl of 2 other siblings, I started playing golf at 8 because my parents told me I had to pick a sport, so I chose golf. I was able to hyper focus (i was a 4 handicap at 16) on the sport and I was alone! I loved every minute of it. I've always been the black sheep of my family so I always figured that's why I felt lonely.
Came for the education, stayed for the delivery - of both your intro jokes and education 😂
No shit 😅😂
Going on medication made me question whether I'm actually an introvert like I've always thought. I'm like a completely different person, but not really because I'm very much myself, just more comfortable and outgoing.
I don't constantly overthink everything and try to mask as much.
Perhaps we should all read “How to win friends and influence people”. by Dale Carnegie. Not really. There’s not a solution to the loneliness. It used to hurt, but I prefer it now, because it’s easier.
Amazing as allways!
I stopped seeking out group activities because of my tendency to be late. People would get upset with me. The shame I feel is so bad that I prefer to stay home
Same here.
I wish there was more in-depth discussions and/or research abt social deficits that aren't so idk.. related to outward hyperactivity? I don't snap at ppl and I don't ever recall getting angry at some friend (I've never tried to be friends with some "drama" type person but choose very chill ppl). When I am interested in someone as a friend this whole "not remembering" and "attention drifting away" deal is also somewhat irrelevant as it's easy to pay attention then. I have lots of "autism" typical difficulties like missing cues, challenges with sarcasm etc but the way those come and go depending on how overstimulated I might feel plus how improved I seem to be now with wellbutrin only verify that for me adhd social symptoms are much more varied than what's usually referenced. Other than eye contact which is always painful I can now remember to say "hello" and "goodbye" almost without thought.
Idk I feel left out by the narrowness of the difficulties discussed and at the same time the experiences of AuDHD folk don't reasonate with me on a deep level as to me everything can be explained by ahdh. Social performance is like a high function of the brain and I don't see how an executive function disorder won't affect my ability to do this song and dance at every level and not just by making me not pay attention and that typical stuff. Should I expect that with more research our understanding will broaden or is this matter pretty much settled and I should look abt AuDHD? Ideally I'd trust a clinician to bring it up themselves if they see it leading there but considering how many of them missed my ADHD I'm just not leaving my life entirely up to them ever again.
‘Boomer Barbie’ now that gave me a giggle. And yes, I really appreciate no advertising in the middle of your videos. Thanks for all you do 😊
Thanks !
The inability to stop thinking or control the inundation of ideas and plans has been pretty disruptive for me. It fuels emotional dysregulation. Mantra meditation helps me a lot. It doesn't have to be spiritual in nature, my favorite mantra is "This thing, that thing, next thing, good thing." Just silently chanting that at whatever pace feels relueving works pretty well. That circuit really seems to have little purpose, and it just wants to fire again and again until it runs out of fuel. Letting it just hiccup out some kind of encouragement until it gets tired is the best use I've found for it.
I see how loneliness could worsen adhd, but I agree that loneliness likely is not causing adhd. Loneliness is often a main cause of depression, and many symptoms of depression and anxiety overlap with adhd symptoms (impulsivity, worse emotional regulation, executive function issues, restlessness, etc), which means that the symptoms that overlap with depression and anxiety would worsen, but that’s not necessarily the adhd worsening, only the symptoms that are present in both adhd and depression/anxiety disorders are.
You are the best boomer ever
I have about 5 phone sessions with a Therapist. At one point he mentioned he's also been into naturalistic work, which personally gave me a red flag signal. We don't really get along either. Yesterday he said ADHD comes strictly from trauma and can be adult onset. I told him the research suggests otherwise. He disagreed and asked me what research. I'm quite annoyed. Only like two sessions left I think, it's free, I'm low income, and I would feel rude cancelling 🙃. He also said something about, the way we think causes our brains to show up like ADHD on the heat map thing, and he didn't know the word for that either. He seems to think that my phone phobia will be fixed if I use the phone often. He didn't really listen or have any suggestions for how my hearing impairment and my ADHD contribute to it, like me not hearing people, or me missing physical social cues or rambling or getting distracted by my thoughts or other things. And how that makes me awkward, leading to the person on the phone becoming annoyed and often rude, or impatient with me.
I suspect that isolation and loneliness indeed could result in brain rewiring that could exacerbate aspects of one’s already existing ADHD. I agree with Dr Barkley in that loneliness most probably doesn’t cause ADHD in people who do not have ADHD in the first place.