not only did i not notice that (which is great for her) but i was at first secretly judging her for wearing such short shorts in such a talk!! i felt so guilty afterwards hahahah
God waiting for 11:20 for her to confirm her husband was ok felt like a century. I was praying he was alright and she didn't lose him as well that day. A powerful talk, well spoken, and the emotion put into it has a strong impact. Certainly makes one wonder if they've said something in the past that was hurtful, when they didn't know what else to say.
+recycledjosh my grandma passed away because of cancer about a month ago and just like you said, I remember what I did wrong. But the last time I was with her, when she was unable to speak or react to anything and my dad went out of the room for a minute, i stood there in perfect silence, holding her hand. I felt that she knew everything I wanted to tell her but couldn't. Don't know why I told this story, but I had to.
When my friends husband was murdered, all the people we know congregated in her house and as I sat there on the floor watching people leave and hug her goodbye and whisper some comforting words in her ears, I just wondered what on earth they could possibly say that could improve this situation or even make her feel better. When I was leaving, I just hugged her and had no words at all to say, although I had a lot to say in my head, I chose not to say anything. Whilst I was watching people leave, I thought to myself how unhelpful it was to just come by for a few hours and then leave her alone in her grief. I decided in that moment that I was going to do anything and everything I could to help her. She was 7 1/2 months pregnant and before she had the baby I moved into her house and lived with her for over a year helping her with absolutely everything I could. She had 3 children under 5 years old, so I helped with the kids and the house. I cleaned the house spotless, did the dishes, bathed the kids, put them to bed, read them bed time stories when mummy couldn't, took them to nursery and then to big school and picked them up, took them to the park fed and changed the baby and just generally looked after her (she was the very first baby I ever held and looked after and to this day, I lover her so much), helped her paint her new salon all through the night with no sleep, watched countless movies with her, helped her exercise when she decided she wanted to make a drastic change in her life and lose weight (which she lost 2 dress sizes and has kept the weight off 4 years later) and cracked jokes together and helped her pack away her husbands clothes and belongings to take to charity. It just made sense to help in only the best way I knew how. It's funny that even though I was there to help her and her family, they actually helped me too. I never felt so much love. It was wonderful. As a result of all this, I became a nanny.
I read a quote the other day. I don't remember by whom, but it went something like this "if there is anything better than to be loved it is loving". glad there are good people. :)
This is so important. Perhaps one of the most important things in any relationship, is unconditional presence. Understanding, even without the understanding. Empathy. Great story and important lesson.
This talk reminded me of a time when I was in hospital after a bad car crash. My mum was with me. I was so weak and tubed in that I blinked through the alphabet to ask her to sing me lullabies. Simple, comforting, primitive communication full of emotions, memories, and hope. Thank you very much for this great talk.
The point of this video is that everybody thinks they are wise and can always try to say something to make people 'feel better'. People automatically become counsellors and try to be motivating, sound caring and/or give advice when it's unnecessary. Silence is golden. Action speaks.
I love her message. It must have been very difficult to recount her trauma, but she used her story to help educate others, so I have mad respect for her. As a person who has been disabled from a young age, I experience the same phenomenon- people getting uncomfortable and saying the most awkward things, or just avoiding altogether. If you don't know what to say, don't try to be the hero, like she says. Be honest, and just say that you don't know what to say, but you're there.
over the years, working in an hospital, I learn to just hold someone's heand and just looking at them straight in their eyes for a few seconds in silence.
My takeaways from, "What to say when you don't know what to say": 1. Take the temperature of the room 2. Be present 3. Wait until they're ready; people can't accept help until they're ready 4. It's not about you, it's about them 5. Find out what makes them comfortable, human, happy, and acknowledged 6. It's ok to show up, shut up, and just be there, hold their hand, and not say a single word. If you must say something try, "I do not understand, but it is so important to me to tell you how desperately I want to."
When I was in the hospital from a drinking related brain injury (from a fall), my brother showed up. I felt this intense pity thrown at me, and a poignant sense of shame from his direction. I didn't feel that way about it at all. I got a kick out of having 15 staples in my head and a tube sticking out of my scull. There was no personal sense of shame or self-pity. I amped up my carefree stature to combat this negative feeling he was projecting. I said "take a pic, I gotta see it!". I was happy when he left. A week or so later my best friend showed up. He just kicked back with a guitar picking away as if we were at our apt and just chilling out. He just came down to be present with me. That's when I felt what a real brother is like. I'll never forget that feeling.
She's right that people say glib, thoughtless things in the face of violence, trauma, serious illness, personal loss: They're afraid. I was seriously burned some years ago and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff people said to me, especially after my release from the hospital. While I was in the Burn Unit, my nurses were honest and realistic (which I very much appreciated), but never said I needed to pull myself together, etc., never harangued me. I also never had a doctor smack down any positive feelings I voiced. My friends and family were amazing. One of my best friends ran to me and said "Oh, you still look like you!" I desperately needed to hear that. One friend brought me a duplicate of the T-shirt I was wearing when I was burned. The shirt had a specific message from a specific time frame and he gave me his when he learned that mine had been destroyed. He didn't say a thing; just handed it to me and smiled. I treasure all the people who rallied around me. They went the extra mile so many times. I absolutely agree when she says that injured, ill, grieving people feel the need to comfort those around them. I did that with my family in the ER, telling all of them over and over that I was going to be okay, that my injuries weren't going to beat me. There's another aspect to this, especially where family members are concerned. They want desperately to do something meaningful, to make the situation better, but the truth is they can't. I've experienced feeling helpless when a loved one is suffering and I know it's hard. All I ever wanted from any of my family/friends/supporters was their presence and for them to treat me like they always had before the THING happened. Thank goodness so many of them have outlandish and wonderful senses of humor. One thing never, never to say to anyone who's facing a major loss, illness, injury: "I know what you're going through." No, you don't. No one does. Better to say nothing than to say that. I'm grateful that Adrianne has the chutzpah to address this issue. Just think before you speak. It's simple as that.
I was paralyzed waist below at age 17! And my family did not know how to talk to me. It was so painful being alone. By miracle, after another successful surgery I was able to walk again in 3 years. I struggled to come back to myself but once I did, my Dad had stroke and fell sick. But I knew what he needed. I stayed by his side. We got through it. It wasn't easy, it never is, but you have no choice! Everybody falls. And everybody must get up.
Quite a few years back, i was introduced to a book called Head over Heels: The Story of Sam and Jenny Bailey. At the age of 19, Sam became a quadriplegic due to a car accident, the book itself is about the 17 years after that .... Where he did such things as run his own cattle farm, flew a plan solo, married his now wife Jenny and met with Christopher Reeve before his passing. Its a very good book to read, because his message is much the same as you have here. Its not easy, but you still got to do what needs to be done, because if you don't pull yourself back up, you aren't living.
Truly love is greatest. I'd be a liar if I said it didn't save me. Share your love! I became intrigued by the book you just described and made a purchase on amazon with audible version. It's going to be a good read for sure. Thanks for sharing it!
Oh, it will be a great read. One thing that shows in the book is Sam's tough and honest spirit, that still has a sense of humour ... His story with the old bull is funny, and at the same time shows how incredibly resilient the man is ... But you'll have to read it for yourself to find out what happens LoL
That prosthetic, though. Wow. She moves so naturally with it, and it moves so naturally with her. Gorgeous. Didn't even notice it until she mentioned it.
She's teaching Empathy. How to involve oneself in the thoughts and feelings of another. Become 'part' of them not an outside source looking in with judgement.
Empathy is not something easy. We tend to feel empathy with situations that are closer or more likely related to us. It is human nature. I do not consider those people that went out of their way to visit her, and try to comfort her as "bad". The fact they have made the effort indicates they care. She is being unfair, and actually she is not having "empathy" either for the other side. Just put yourself in that position, like, suddenly you have to MASTER how to give PERFECT support when trials and problems befalls people. I agree we need to work very hard to improve ourselves, but honestly, she's being ungrateful. The only person that I really feel was a d*** was the doctor for telling her she'd never dance.
+Miss Karina Simons When people see someone who has broken a limb and in a cast what do 99% of people ask them? Exactly, you said it "oh my goodness what happened?" That is the WRONG qustion to ask. The person is fulfilling their selfish curiosity. The empathetic thing to say is "I'm sorry your injured are you feeling ok and what can I do to make it better."
Martin Hamilton I am not arguing about speaking wrong or right. My point is that if those people did not care for her at all why would they even bother to make her a visit? Yes people say wrong things all the time, and absolutely we must learn how to speak but shes like cashing down those people. It sucks. I wouldn't be her friend anymore because she just got hate for people's mistakes, at least they tried. Iºve been told bad stuff when I needed most support, but I know that most of those people tried what they could. Yes it sucks that people donºt know when to be quiet, but hey, this world is not perfect.
I watch TEDx often especially when I want to be inspired, comforted, to learn or just to laugh. Thank you Adrianne for your powerful words of wisdom, comfort and insight. You addressed a subject that many shy away from or run for the hills because it makes them so uncomfortable. I have Parkinson's Disease and Dystonia. People do not know what to say has they have watched me progress or they compare it to their arthritis or Fibromyalgia. I smile, bite my tongue and say nothing in reply. The most difficult is when friends and family pull away because "I can't watch what happening to you." Please share with us that day when you are dancing again. NEVER let anything stand in your way. Wishing you all the best ~ Barbara BTW to all of you leaving negative comments; those hurtful words can come so easy when you hid behind your keyboard. Unless you walk in those person's shoes -- have experienced what they did --- never assume anything.
Basically, people, just show and have empathy. That's it. Not a bunch of reassurances and false hopes. Just empathy. After all, we all just want to be understood.
Have empathy ? MAYBE. (maybe !) But.. Just following people like we depend on them, and agreeing with them like that ? That's WEAK. And obviously you think the people talking about "others are weak" and so are just low IQ retards who wanna fight. But honestly, they're not all, and I'm not.
That's not what empathy is about. Not even close. Empathy doesn't require us to follow, depend, and agree with people. What it does require is for us to understand people's emotions and perspectives. But with that understanding, you can better connect with someone. You can still empathize, but also disagree. Empathy is perhaps the biggest strength anyone can develop. I think it's the hardest, most mature thing anyone could develop.
Excellent performance, standing ovation. What are the odds that out of all the people there in that CRISIS, a great ACTOR like herself would be involved in such a national tragedy...
+Midnight Sonnet The fact that all of her pre-race photos were doctored to hide the amputated leg! She was never harmed during the bomb drill they had planned that day that the smoke bombs went off. She lost her leg way before the Hoax-a-thon!
+This is a username Unless you know her personally, I don't see how you could possibly determine her fake versus real personality. Fake or not, people should pay attention to the message, not her as a person.
***** People are insanely good at calling out bullshit. Her talk was great but she was forcing herself to talk and express emotions that were not genuine to try and add flair to a speech that didn't need flare. Ted wasnt suppose to be a cookie cutter convention its okay to be yourself.
+This is a username That all doesn't really matter in the end. What really matters is what people got out of her speech. I thought it was concise and got the point across. Whether her emotions were sincere or not is kind of irrelevant to me. Yes, people should be genuine, but some people find it hard to be so. When it comes to Ted Talks, I watch them for the advice, inspiration, and guidance. Sometimes the speaker is boring or very eccentric, but those are minor things compared to the topic of discussion. People are actually becoming less and less able to call out bullshit nowadays, because we're all too focused on what we believe to be right or wrong, individually. Instead of looking for the negatives, we should try finding something positive in whatever we encounter or hear. Trying to find the BS in everything just makes us bitter and resentful. I was way too busy focusing on the speech itself rather than wasting my time evaluating her "fake" personality. Her life should have no bearing on your life at all. Her speech is what we decide to take to heart or not.
7:30 I don't care what kind of degree an "expert" has. I don't care how many years of experience the "expert" has. The ONLY person who knows what your limits are is you. I lost my leg when I was 3 years old. In my mid 20's I was working at the Grand Canyon. I hiked from the south rim to the bottom and back in one day. It is a hike so difficult it is now illegal to even try, regardless of how much hiking experience you have. I did it (and succeeded) because no one I respected enough to believe told me I couldn't do it. I only know my own limits from a life-time of testing them. About 10 years after I graduated from high school I ran into a woman who I had known. I didn't know her well, not nearly enough to call her a friend. She told me that when she was 19 she was in a car accident and as a result lost her leg. She told me that at first she was really depressed but then she remembered me (She didn't remember my name) and she realized that if I could do all the things I did then so could she. She said having known me she knew she was going to be okay. Talk about not knowing what to say! Imagine having such an impact on someones life you barely even know. What kind of impact would you have on people you called "friends."
If only TED would cover the mutilated bodies at the iphone factory explosion in 2014. If only TED would give those amputees a voice. I guess since they are not white females they are not as worthy of coverage? Adrianne Haslet has a better life than 95% of the world, with or without her leg. Stop propping her up as this perfect victim. There are so many other victims of more heinous events, (such as rapes, bombings, torture, child labor, etc). This happens in third world countries all across the world, and they never get to express their voice in any way whatsoever. Meanwhile, privileged white woman Adrianne Haslet gets unending publicity and is basically worshipped by the media
Victor Kim What the hell does that have to do with believing in yourself and learning your own limits. I would suggest getting over whatever happened to you that made you so incredibly angry that you lash out against everyone and everything. As far as I know I, personally, have never done anything to harm you. If I have let me know and I'll do what I can to put you right.
Victor Kim do you know what it is to be a dancer and being told you can never dance again? That's like a death sentence and duh what has her skin color got to do with this talk.....white people have no feelings? No aspirations? You must be nuts...Ted puts a lot of people from Third World countries who struggle against negatives and come out shining.....I don't see why white folk should have no right to come out and teach us something important...This is a situation many of us experience and it's good to know how to express solidarity or love for the person injured or in distress.
+Debra Robert what makes you say that, she thinks her story is moving. What's cruel about that? I'm genuinely confused because her story is about not letting anything stop you and that's moving isn't it???
Sadly perhaps it's people like you who will lead those around you in believing the New World Order is something wonderful. Deception is always very real for those who are it's designated targets. False flag operations is how virtually every war of the past century got started. History repeats for those who fail to learn from its messages. I used to believe Billy Graham & Walt Disney were good people until I discovered they were both 33 degree Free Masons. At that level, for those who know, well..., no, you tell me perhaps? P.S. I'm a survivor of burns to over 80% of my body (30+%, full thickness 3rd deg.). I go to the beach in a pair of Speedos. So, big deal I'm scarred. Who gives a crap? I don't. Hardly anybody notices the scars because I don't invest my reality into my disability or ever think about it. So convert your sorrow for me into "thinking", & maybe, just maybe you'll discover there really are 'crisis actors', used & paid for by & during government false flag operations. Perhaps the lie continues.
Exceptional speaker. Very eye opening and useful because it is easy to forget that when you go to see someone who is ill or going through something that it is about them, not you.
This is one of those really powerful talks that will get to you. To some, slowly and lurking deep inside, to others like a breaking wave. I have so much respect for her as she mustered the courage to come on stage and talk about her tragedy and what she's been through. Her lesson is simple, yet crucial. People that face extreme hardships or situations usually bring out their true colours and might not always be pretty.
Very moving and rings true. After the love of my life was murdered, people didn't know what to say, so mostly said nothing, leaving me isolated while grief-stricken. I'm not sure how I survived. Some of the less-helpful things said to me were: "He's in a better place." Better than with me? Does that make *you* feel better to say that? Not helpful. And two months later, another friend said, "I want you to get over it and go find somebody else."
Most people disliked this talk is because they have not been there. They haven't got a hint what message is she trying to spread. Trust me, Once you start feeling similar and come back to watch this video. You will get it.
My experience has been that when I am resistant and critical of something or someone - I need to think about what is that resonating inside of me to warrant such a reaction. I would like to challenge those of you who are having such a harsh reaction to the talk - think about it. What inside of you is it triggering that maybe isn't your best quality. My perception of the purpose of the talk wasn't about her personal situation as to the details of what happened and why or to place blame. She used her situation as a tool to inform others as to be mindful of what you do and say to those who are in an other than positive situation. Good intentions could be very hurtful to those who are suffering. I would like to encourage those of you who are stuck on the details of her situation , listen to it again. This time think about the title of the talk and what is she saying. Think about if you were in a situation that could have a tragic outcome. What would you want to hear? What would you want others that you love and love you to do for you? Would it not be better to be offered comfort and support that is real instead of words that are intended to make you feel better but don't. Just a thought I agree that unless you have walked in the exact same shoes on the exact same path as another - we do not know what we would have done or felt if we were them. Being critical and judgmental is a reflection of the person who is being critical and judgmental. Rarely does it have anything to do with the situation.
I disliked it because I got no value from this.. All I got was "feelings, feelings.. they should have respected my feelings.. blabla..". Not trying to be rude, and I'm sorry for her but come on not 15min of the "my-feelings-bs" again.. Life can be rough sometimes, get over it. If people are trying to be nice the best they know, just appreciate, say thank's and just get over it. Why the drama? feelings are brain chemicals it's what the brain does to provide the illusion of control but It's largely an illusion. Your feelings don't have any effect on the real world it's a weakness a useless thing and I just don't have time to hear about it
okay Mr Spock 😜 feelings are not useless, feelings are what drives the human race, granted sometimes for the worse but sometimes to do the most amazing inspiring things. They are what set us apart from other life and help give us works from the likes of Shakespeare and Michelangelo. To feel is to be human, its the human condition.
That was the most insightful, honest and genuine talk I have every heard. Thank you. I often worry about what to say and do for others in their time of need. How enlightening to view the true and honest consequences of what is said to those who are in pain who we think we are being supportive and loving by being positive and hopeful. What I took from your talk is; before you see, do, or say anything to anyone in pain regardless of what the situation is to stop and ask yourself the question - Who am I trying to be loving and supportive of - them or me. You are so right that when I say things to comfort them in retrospect I am really really easing my discomfort with their situation. For example - Silence is very uncomfortable for me. That I think is a reason I talk a lot. (trying to change that) I feel an overwhelming need to fill the void/silence - I never gave this much thought before. Talking is more for me to fill the void then it is to actually convey a message. When I heard you say - If they are throwing things - give them something to throw. If they want to be silent - be silent with them. Follow their lead without a personal agenda. When you broached the subject of silence I felt instantly uncomfortable. Thank you for the insight. I think what your husband said identifies who he is there for. You, with a true expression of love and honesty. What I took from what he said is - I love you. I don't understand what you are feeling and I am not going to pretend I do. I am in this with you as your partner/lover not to lead you but to be by your side. The power of your words in addition to giving me chills - Gave me a wonderful Ahh haaa moment. I would be interested in listening to additional material that you might have.
You must be there to know what she is talking about. I can remember after I lost a close friend, I've been told thousands of time "THIS WILL PASS TOO" and I can't describe how much it made me angry at the time. There's no empathy in those words at all and I only felt like: their just thankful it's not their lost.
people are not understanding her its really sad. she is not wanting people to kiss her ass. she is trying to say that you do not need to say bullshit to her to make her feel better. she actually wants people off her ass if they are not being helpful in their comments to her condition so she can deal with it without their personal scrutiny
that is why humans like you should be sensitive to different kind of people & understand that we all are different, celebrate differences & be sensitive towards each everyone's needs.
When there's *so many* dislikes on a video where someone talks about something so dreadful, you shouldn't be reading the comment section. For your own sake, get back to the video or click away.
8 ปีที่แล้ว +10
wie unglaublich hilfreich zu begreifen, was wirklich hilft. Da sein und kein Held sein müssen. Was für eine Mission, die Welt davon zu überzeugen - ihr gelingt es meisterlich. Nicht nur mutmachend...... ein Tiefgang dass die Erde bebt. Klasse.
From what you experience in life only makes you stronger. Having been in a situation where your life is at the mercy of hospital consultants, sometimes what we are told is not what we want to hear. You will be on a ventilator for the rest of your life, I will never forget those words. I love your courage being able to speak openly about your experience. God Bless.
You ma'am are an absolute INSPIRATION. Having gone through a pretty close call myself, I've heard Others, absolutely with legit concern about your misery, your suffering; have opinions about you automatically as for the Do's & Don'ts of how your life must be shaped and lived. Feel your collective pain as a couple; and absolutely my hats-off for the words of wisdom and most importantly, your husband's service to the country. Your words will resonate with me forever! Thanks and God Bless!
At 23 I had incurred facial trauma which left me quite unacceptable looking to society. My "loving" girlfriend dumped me that following weekend telling me and I quote," You're a monster. I can't love you anymore; my family, my friends insist I move on for somebody better. Please don't hold out hope for anybody else. You need to accept you'll be lonely for the rest of your life, it'll be easier on your heart if you do that. Don't stalk me, don't call, I don't want to see you in my mirror. I have guys who'll kick your ass and a judge in the family if you push me too far." ~ Well, she was right, after years having nobody, I fell into clinical depression w/PTSD for about twenty years. The rest is a long story. My point is stay strong and realize making your mind happy is the answer to curing sadness and in turn will redeem you hope.
*Mickeyislowd* I would say I don't suffer "dark, hopeless depression" anymore. I do have recurring PTSD and deal with lamenting episodes. I do take L-Tyrosine, Serotonin and 5-htp capsules every day and they naturally work to put my unrest aside and help me go to a cheerier state. How I actually got back my life was out of necessity and honestly fear of where my crap life is heading : if I wanted to remain a recluse monster or be a strong role model for myself and others like I used to be long ago. I consciously remind myself "Be Kind To My Mind", meaning I had a personal obligation to nurture "good sanity" and begin blocking out horrible thoughts until they faded and deleted. Your mind can be controlled liked a computer, keep things, delete things, it's that simple. But us humans have those damn emotions, so it's not easy at all, especially with matters of the heart which is the main culprit of depression and suicides. I know others who write down their pain/sorrow and burn the paper, symbolically destroying its existence over them. I personally use a method I call "Breath Hope & Exhale Sorrow." Sounds fluky but if you constantly say it whilst breathing until it becomes default, you should gradually begin to feel much more positive and lighter in spirit. I also just force a smile, it's the expression for happiness and attracts positivity, especially in your mirror. We mentally hold the keys to our emotional prison. Oddly our thoughts and memories can be compared to the toilet, we flush our gross stuff away because we don't want anything to do with it anymore.
Wow, your ex is quite a fucking crock of shit. If there's any monster, it's her. Assuming you're around the age of 40-50 now, I wouldn't give up hope on finding companionship with someone who sees more than just your face. Someone who can give a great massage and cook a good meal would be far more valuable to me than a pretty face, for example! Obviously you've gained a powerful control over your mindstate in your battle with depression and to me that's far more impressive than any physical beauty... I respect intellect and depth of thought and experience.
This speaker is articulate, passionate, funny, and insightful. She has made something good out of her painful experiences. I feel lucky to have heard it.
FunnyFacker I don't understand why you are so angry. America is a big place that is in a lot of trouble. There are lots of bad things that happen in America, so excuse me if I don't dwell on everything bad that happens in your country.
As someone who lost my father and my grandparents from the ages of 17-19, I really related to this. People don't know what to say. And I've learned that you don't need to say anything- just show up, just be there, and emulate love.
I think there's so much hate in these comments not because of her message, but of her attitude. I understand that she dealt with a trauma but she dismisses the honest efforts of her friends as not only unhelpful but harmful. These people may not have been ready to face the fact that their friend had a limb blown off, and that's why they didn't visit right away. One or two may have misspoke or said something awkward, but haven't we all?They probably didn't have any experience in comforting an amputee. Yet they had the NERVE to try in their own way to make her feel better. How dare they, right? She has my sympathy for the loss of her leg; that's tragic and should happen to no one. She does not have my sympathy over any loss of friends because I feel like she maybe doesn't have many left.
+Kristi Lachico Yes. I agree with you that it is appalling to hear her criticize her friends for not being the most perfect people and react exactly how she wanted them to. Just by having to listen to her babbling relentlessly in circles trying to get to the point made me feel sorry for them to have known her personally. If they have cut all ties with her as friends then good for them !! That goofy bitch needs to watch her own video, ( take a dose of dramamine 1st though ) and then issue each and every one of them an apology. I do not agree with you giving her your sympathy though. Think about this for a minute. Karma, Karma, Karma... If you believe in Karma, which I myself do, what does it say to you that a professional ballroom dancer losses a leg ??? And a marathon runner as well !!! It tells me that "The Man Upstairs" was trying to get her attention !! Unfortunately she still hasn't gotten the message !! I am thinking she doesn't have those people as friends anymore, otherwise she wouldn't be doing public speeches and posting them on You Tube looking for sympathy from strangers. What she needs to do is be thankful she is alive and isn't confined to a wheel chair. Become a little humbled there missy and be a positive influence. Gain public awareness and support for the Military Veterans who have become amputees not as lucky as her to be able to stand, walk, and sway, back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth...... I know that a wounded Military Veteran is someone that is more deserving of my honor and support than a ballroom dancer !!! So NO she does NOT have my sympathy nor respect !! As americans we all are all in debt to those men and women in our military who have served in defending our freedoms !!!
No, you and others in the comment section are way too sensitive. The whole point is people supporting grieving loved ones are too caught up in themselves and how they are perceived - what do I say? what do I do? how do I make my loved one feel better? Am I doing this right?I think she should be crying right now, not laughing. If I were in this situation I would want... how do I feel about my friend getting their limb blown off? how does that affect me? "I" "I" "I" "me" "me" "me" - who's the one who got their leg blown off? She is saying if you truly want to support your loved ones in the best way, you need to stop thinking about yourself when you're with them - all you have to do is BE THERE. What a relief that is. "They probably didn't have any experience in comforting an amputee" Well that's why she is up there! She is telling you and I how exactly to comfort anyone when they are grieving - it's all the same. She's giving us a lesson in grieving that her friends and family who blundered never got and it sounds like she wishes they had gotten this lesson, not for her, but for them - so that they were more comfortable with the whole prospect - when the support system is at ease it only makes it easier all around. And to say she dismisses their honest efforts? She talked about the coffee every morning; she talked about the friend calling her up to watch movies and eat pizza; she talked about her husband saying simply "I don't understand but I want to" and how much that meant to her. All the blunders her friends and family made were examples for us the audience, critiquing general mistakes loved ones make. As in, you'll be in a situation having to support a grieving loved one and you'll be tempted to say or do what my friend did because she didn't know any better - don't do that, you now know better.
sometimes saying nothing is better. I'm a hospice aide and the best thing you can say to someone whose loved one died is "I'm sorry for your loss". They do NOT want to hear "They're in a better place now". The best thing to say sometimes is a simple "I'm So, So Sorry". Seriously. Sometimes -seriously- saying nothing truly is better.
I personally think even if you do not know what to say, physical presence is everything. a loved one sitting beside you, holding your hand and just being in the same space as you can do so much... so much more than awkward sentences and pieces of advice. thank you for this talk.
lol, yeah us men are such emotional geniuses compared to women. We must degrade and attack these women pretending to be so high and mighty with their "self-absorbed bullshit". Take a deep breath and meditate upon yourself buddy, you might just learn something you were desperately denying to understand.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross - Stages of Grief: not in any order - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Absolute GOLD when going through a tragedy or loss with anyone. What a beautiful, amazing woman and a poignant, important lesson.
I'm glad I heard this. I'm 14. I want to be a good person and be there for anyone who goes through anything anywhere near or complete trauma. Thank You for this video.
Wow. She is something special. I'll never forget this advice. "Take the temperature of the room." Yes. I went through something pretty horrific (my little kid, cancer) and I wish my family had heard this talk.. And I'll never forget those beloved friends who just did it instinctively. Thank you. I hope you're dancing now.
I'll say one thing, that is an amazing prosthetic. I kept having to look at it because she moves so naturally, it was hard to tell that her leg wasn't real. I mean, I couldn't tell.
I thought it was very moving and powerful speech about courage and hope. As medical practitioner, you Made me think deeply how to deal with my patients who are going through tough time in the lives. Thank you for been strong and beautiful person inside out . You are true inspiration.
Brilliant! My wife has been diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and the things people say to her and to our family are shocking. I have learned to shut up and listen when people are grieving and try to be in their moment with them. Do not try to take them out of their anger or denial...they will do that in their own time. xoxoxo peace and love to all.
How to treat someone that is having a tough time in their life is kind of subjective. There's a blanket "golden rule" to treat others as you want to be treated, which I think exists in as many as nine different religions. But, that doesn't necessarily always work, because we are all a little different. Some people don't like help because they have too much pride, while others may have no shame in asking for help (maybe a little too often). That's just one example, but what I've learned is to better control myself and not to be mad at others or blame them (especially those who are trying to help me) when I'm having a tough time. I tend to give people the benefit of doubt. I also take time to let myself to cool off and rethink my position as well as to try to insert myself in their point of view.
Despite being affected to the lack of all oratory articulation, she was able to put forth the most sound insights that almost everyone on the consoling side of loss has always pondered strenuously over, but has not always had the courage to put into practice. Perhaps, it is not until we're faced with a seemingly unsurmountable tragedy, that we find out just how brave the human spirit can be.
You're so brave to tell the truth! I understand your pain...I'm a dancer and to lose my foot would be the worst nightmare for me. You're so strong! This talk made me cry...
Thank you for that! i just came across this video today, I've had a very close friend that has been in the hospital for over a month, and i couldn't understand why I couldn't get myself to go there. I feel better knowing that this isn't just me that doesn't know what to say or how to handle the situation at hand. This has really given me something that i will use for the rest of my life and something i want to share with everyone in my life.
"I do not understand but it is so important to me to tell you how desperately I want to" (quoted from her speech). I think this is an amazing thing to say to the grieving person. I have found giving consolation the hardest thing to do and have always shied away from doing it because I didn't know how to do it. We couldn't say "I understand" because we don't know their pain. We cannot preach religion because they are not in the frame of mind to accept it at that moment of crisis. She gives some great tips on how to do it right.
People like this who feed off a sense of offense at the slightest mistake are I think the main people abandon friends after a tragedy. Bring her a Starbucks coffee you get a gold star. Tell her she's still beautiful, try to lighten the mood with something interesting you read online, your 'wrongs'get misinterpreted as she blasts you to everyone you both know. In times of loss, I so appreciated people who in any way let me know they cared about me.
+Ryan Ehlis Can you elaborate a bit on this? You can leave out the insults. I didn't hear anything about this being faked. I'm honestly asking for a factual account. Don't go freaking out on me now. Is that a reasonable request?
+sfincione2000 Don't feed the trolls; they love being asked to tell more. You can usually identify a troll by the insults and angry speech in their posts. This event was not faked; I know people who were at that marathon and they verified what happened.
Wow!! What an inspiration she is!!! Go girl!!!!! Amazing story!!! Shame that it's lost on some sad and shallow individuals. Thank you for your advice!! I just hope that I never need it!! X
Adrienne... I never knew about your husband and this side of your experience until today... for many years I have been referencing only the MIT professor Hugh Herr's TED lecture featuring your appearance to my students and colleagues, in the hope of providing something inspirational, but this talk coming from you is at another level altogether. I feel very much humbled, and I am in gratitude to have come to know you in this way as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, and wish you the very best for the future going forward!
I have not faced any major tragedy in my 57 years of life. While I am glad, I also feel a little guilty when I read stories of survivors like this brave lady. I wish her all the best. And I salute her courage.
She's so good at doing this kind of "talk/performance" whatever you wanna call it. I am baffled and so glad I watched this. I started out all calm, then less than halfway through I got a little tear in my eye and with the last few sentences I really started sobbing so much. So much respect!
Everything she says also applies to living with mental health or other invisible illnesses. One of the worst things is trying to deal with other people's comments / insensitivities / discomfort/ uninformed speculation. Amazing talk thank you.
Pushed through until the end because I could tell the message was likely important, but it was so hard to follow. I feel like it could have been delivered so much better.
I can't disagree more. Her message was so clear to me I sent it to a friend who just had a tragedy in her family back home and doesn't know how to approach it. Perhaps this is like the 5 blind men and the elephant.
She's so powerful. Looking back a year from now when my friend's dad died from cancer. I've known there family since I can remember.. One of the hardest things for me was going to their house the day after he passed away. We sat awkwardly and I was uncomfortable because I didn't know what to say.
Who the hell would dislike a video like this? Adrianne Haslet-Davis, thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for addressing an issue that is almost a tabu to talk about. Thank you!
Wow - what a courageous lady - more important than anything she has illustrated that 1. courage can be found to overcome adversity, it has to be sought and doesn't occur naturally, and 2. helping people helps us more. In spite of the inane comments here I believe her to be genuine and value her insight, gained from a place of pain.
It wasn't until I watched this video a second time that I noticed all of the negative comments. I've been in the hospital a lot, and there is a huge difference between being worried about someone you love, and freaking out FOR your loved one regardless of how they themselves are handling their tragedy. Recently, one of my friends was commenting on police brutality saying "An untrained civilian with a gun in their face should not have to be calmer than a trained policeman." I have a medical version of that saying which can be applied to the situation here: "A person in a hospital bed should not have to be calmer than the person visiting them."
great talk! I am a fellow TEDx Talker myself and soon to be a 2-timer. I remembered a very experience I had in middle of August 2010 of my life. It was a day that my family, my instructors in my OT school, my occupational therapist, and myself were all waiting for. For my parents, it was about whether they were right or wrong. For my instructor and I, we wondered about how to proceed with my education (since I had failed a clinical rotation a month before and we were trying to pinpoint reasons behind my struggles). For my occupational therapist, it was about what my future sessions with her will focus on. That very day was me going to the neuropsychiatrist's office to find out results from the assessments that happened on 2 separate days a couple weeks before. That very day was where I found out I have Asperger's Syndrome. Although I had a strong hunch that it was true (and I actually proved my parents wrong in the process), I went through my own stages of grief. As I was grieving, I experienced the very same things from my friends while I was overwhelmed in the process of trying to get back on my feet. I heard a lot of, "You can do it." Those words felt empty to me, even though I knew my classmates (and the friends I have made at OT conferences) tried to do the best they can to make me feel better. I also heard a lot of "You are the first person I know in OT who also has autism." That was also not very good to hear either, because that actually made me feel more depressed. Fortunately, I had one friend who gave me what I needed to get me back on my feet in November 2010 at an OT conference. Ironically, that friend of mine was actually my opponent in a leadership election where we competed against each other before. We never met each other before that conference, although we became friends shortly after the elections ended through my sportsmanship gesture. The first day of the conference, we met for lunch and we just tried to get to know each other better after a few online conversations we had on Facebook. Two days later, we were about to return home to our respective places. We were not supposed to have time with each other had our flights left on time. However, due to my goof, I was forced to wait for a series of flights 4 hours later. During the wait, my friend passed by my terminal. After asking her about her flight's departure time, we decided to talk. That was then I broke down and told her how hard it was for me to try to get back on my feet after finding out my diagnosis. Instead of saying "I understand", my friend gave me a pep talk for 1 to 1.5 hours. After the pep talk, I felt better and I was rekindled in my quest to become an occupational therapist again. Fast forward to now, that talk is still easily the turning point of my journey. Moreover, we now are successful in our respective ways. Overall, you did an awesome job. I think it applies to many different life changing events that will make people not the same again after experiencing.
I find this whole speech really pretentious. It's like she'd rather her loved ones stay away from her if they can't say anything that she specifically wants to hear. What a load of BS, be happy that your family are there and not turning the other cheek and ignoring your existence because you're disabled now.
+Jimmy Sharp It's hilarious that this is what you've gathered,When on the contrary she said precisely that family should understand that simply their existence in that room is enough,They don't have to attempt to fill that awkward void stemmed from _not_ knowing what to say, with empty words,Which often leads to having the patient compensate & attempt to smother _their_ worries over.
+Jimmy Sharp she's not being pretentious, I think the point is that she was making was that people who have gone through loss don't want to hear sympathy or feel pitied. That's not to say that they want you to stay away from them but rather be there for them instead of trying to say something you think might be encouraging. Let someone know your there for them and you support them through your actions more than your words.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
I didn't even notice that her leg was amputated until she mentioned it. Wow. What posture! Props to this amazing woman for sharing her story!
+JizzyMcFrizzyLOL She is lying!
+JizzyMcFrizzyLOL same
not only did i not notice that (which is great for her) but i was at first secretly judging her for wearing such short shorts in such a talk!! i felt so guilty afterwards hahahah
They did not show her legs til she talked about it...
I have no doubt that that leg is for real.
God waiting for 11:20 for her to confirm her husband was ok felt like a century. I was praying he was alright and she didn't lose him as well that day.
A powerful talk, well spoken, and the emotion put into it has a strong impact. Certainly makes one wonder if they've said something in the past that was hurtful, when they didn't know what else to say.
+recycledjosh Me too - so good to know he survived.
+recycledjosh Thanks a lot, spoiler alert...
+recycledjosh my grandma passed away because of cancer about a month ago and just like you said, I remember what I did wrong. But the last time I was with her, when she was unable to speak or react to anything and my dad went out of the room for a minute, i stood there in perfect silence, holding her hand. I felt that she knew everything I wanted to tell her but couldn't. Don't know why I told this story, but I had to.
klick2destruct The same thing happened to me when my husband died of cancer.
@@klick2destruct I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like a lovely woman.
Best point to me: "It's not about us being the hero, we won't be."
+cxa011500 because i am a hero for fun
+Daniel Xie A saikyou hero.
Daniel Xie Lol...One Punch.
Hehehe :D
+cxa011500 For Hobby ... and profit.
When my friends husband was murdered, all the people we know congregated in her house and as I sat there on the floor watching people leave and hug her goodbye and whisper some comforting words in her ears, I just wondered what on earth they could possibly say that could improve this situation or even make her feel better. When I was leaving, I just hugged her and had no words at all to say, although I had a lot to say in my head, I chose not to say anything. Whilst I was watching people leave, I thought to myself how unhelpful it was to just come by for a few hours and then leave her alone in her grief. I decided in that moment that I was going to do anything and everything I could to help her.
She was 7 1/2 months pregnant and before she had the baby I moved into her house and lived with her for over a year helping her with absolutely everything I could. She had 3 children under 5 years old, so I helped with the kids and the house. I cleaned the house spotless, did the dishes, bathed the kids, put them to bed, read them bed time stories when mummy couldn't, took them to nursery and then to big school and picked them up, took them to the park fed and changed the baby and just generally looked after her (she was the very first baby I ever held and looked after and to this day, I lover her so much), helped her paint her new salon all through the night with no sleep, watched countless movies with her, helped her exercise when she decided she wanted to make a drastic change in her life and lose weight (which she lost 2 dress sizes and has kept the weight off 4 years later) and cracked jokes together and helped her pack away her husbands clothes and belongings to take to charity. It just made sense to help in only the best way I knew how. It's funny that even though I was there to help her and her family, they actually helped me too. I never felt so much love. It was wonderful. As a result of all this, I became a nanny.
❤
God bless your soul ❤
I read a quote the other day. I don't remember by whom, but it went something like this "if there is anything better than to be loved it is loving". glad there are good people. :)
+Hil S
Adrianne, it was great meeting you at the event and your Talk was amazing. Thank You
This is so important. Perhaps one of the most important things in any relationship, is unconditional presence. Understanding, even without the understanding. Empathy. Great story and important lesson.
This talk reminded me of a time when I was in hospital after a bad car crash. My mum was with me. I was so weak and tubed in that I blinked through the alphabet to ask her to sing me lullabies. Simple, comforting, primitive communication full of emotions, memories, and hope. Thank you very much for this great talk.
You made me cry. And I am NOT a crier. Great speech. Thank you for your courage and wisdom. 💜
The point of this video is that everybody thinks they are wise and can always try to say something to make people 'feel better'. People automatically become counsellors and try to be motivating, sound caring and/or give advice when it's unnecessary.
Silence is golden. Action speaks.
I love her message. It must have been very difficult to recount her trauma, but she used her story to help educate others, so I have mad respect for her. As a person who has been disabled from a young age, I experience the same phenomenon- people getting uncomfortable and saying the most awkward things, or just avoiding altogether. If you don't know what to say, don't try to be the hero, like she says. Be honest, and just say that you don't know what to say, but you're there.
over the years, working in an hospital, I learn to just hold someone's heand and just looking at them straight in their eyes for a few seconds in silence.
I would surely cry if someone did that for me. But in a good way.
That is the most powerful tool ...a hug
In today's America, where a false accusation is waiting for all us men, I need to know what that word is before I just grab it and hold onto it.
Tar Ico What do you mean ?
Morena Czarnecki That sounds extremely unnerving.
My takeaways from, "What to say when you don't know what to say":
1. Take the temperature of the room
2. Be present
3. Wait until they're ready; people can't accept help until they're ready
4. It's not about you, it's about them
5. Find out what makes them comfortable, human, happy, and acknowledged
6. It's ok to show up, shut up, and just be there, hold their hand, and not say a single word. If you must say something try, "I do not understand, but it is so important to me to tell you how desperately I want to."
When I was in the hospital from a drinking related brain injury (from a fall), my brother showed up. I felt this intense pity thrown at me, and a poignant sense of shame from his direction. I didn't feel that way about it at all. I got a kick out of having 15 staples in my head and a tube sticking out of my scull. There was no personal sense of shame or self-pity. I amped up my carefree stature to combat this negative feeling he was projecting. I said "take a pic, I gotta see it!". I was happy when he left. A week or so later my best friend showed up. He just kicked back with a guitar picking away as if we were at our apt and just chilling out. He just came down to be present with me. That's when I felt what a real brother is like. I'll never forget that feeling.
She's right that people say glib, thoughtless things in the face of violence, trauma, serious illness, personal loss: They're afraid. I was seriously burned some years ago and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff people said to me, especially after my release from the hospital. While I was in the Burn Unit, my nurses were honest and realistic (which I very much appreciated), but never said I needed to pull myself together, etc., never harangued me. I also never had a doctor smack down any positive feelings I voiced. My friends and family were amazing. One of my best friends ran to me and said "Oh, you still look like you!" I desperately needed to hear that. One friend brought me a duplicate of the T-shirt I was wearing when I was burned. The shirt had a specific message from a specific time frame and he gave me his when he learned that mine had been destroyed. He didn't say a thing; just handed it to me and smiled. I treasure all the people who rallied around me. They went the extra mile so many times.
I absolutely agree when she says that injured, ill, grieving people feel the need to comfort those around them. I did that with my family in the ER, telling all of them over and over that I was going to be okay, that my injuries weren't going to beat me. There's another aspect to this, especially where family members are concerned. They want desperately to do something meaningful, to make the situation better, but the truth is they can't. I've experienced feeling helpless when a loved one is suffering and I know it's hard. All I ever wanted from any of my family/friends/supporters was their presence and for them to treat me like they always had before the THING happened. Thank goodness so many of them have outlandish and wonderful senses of humor.
One thing never, never to say to anyone who's facing a major loss, illness, injury: "I know what you're going through." No, you don't. No one does. Better to say nothing than to say that. I'm grateful that Adrianne has the chutzpah to address this issue. Just think before you speak. It's simple as that.
Melanie Hamilton thank you for these wonderful words...
Frédéric Chopin My pleasure. You're entirely welcome.
Melanie Hamilton ....I was burned on 87% of my body....this lady is amazing....God bless her...as she relived that day on stage....
Candace Torres .
This is one seriously smart and strong woman. Pay attention to what she says about fear and truth. She has it absolutely right.
I was paralyzed waist below at age 17! And my family did not know how to talk to me. It was so painful being alone. By miracle, after another successful surgery I was able to walk again in 3 years. I struggled to come back to myself but once I did, my Dad had stroke and fell sick. But I knew what he needed. I stayed by his side. We got through it. It wasn't easy, it never is, but you have no choice!
Everybody falls. And everybody must get up.
Quite a few years back, i was introduced to a book called Head over Heels: The Story of Sam and Jenny Bailey.
At the age of 19, Sam became a quadriplegic due to a car accident, the book itself is about the 17 years after that .... Where he did such things as run his own cattle farm, flew a plan solo, married his now wife Jenny and met with Christopher Reeve before his passing.
Its a very good book to read, because his message is much the same as you have here. Its not easy, but you still got to do what needs to be done, because if you don't pull yourself back up, you aren't living.
Truly love is greatest. I'd be a liar if I said it didn't save me. Share your love!
I became intrigued by the book you just described and made a purchase on amazon with audible version.
It's going to be a good read for sure. Thanks for sharing it!
Oh, it will be a great read. One thing that shows in the book is Sam's tough and honest spirit, that still has a sense of humour ... His story with the old bull is funny, and at the same time shows how incredibly resilient the man is ... But you'll have to read it for yourself to find out what happens LoL
TK Denadyne ha
Japan. Band
That prosthetic, though. Wow. She moves so naturally with it, and it moves so naturally with her. Gorgeous. Didn't even notice it until she mentioned it.
She's teaching Empathy. How to involve oneself in the thoughts and feelings of another. Become 'part' of them not an outside source looking in with judgement.
Thank You! Somebody gets the message.
Empathy is not something easy. We tend to feel empathy with situations that are closer or more likely related to us. It is human nature. I do not consider those people that went out of their way to visit her, and try to comfort her as "bad". The fact they have made the effort indicates they care. She is being unfair, and actually she is not having "empathy" either for the other side. Just put yourself in that position, like, suddenly you have to MASTER how to give PERFECT support when trials and problems befalls people. I agree we need to work very hard to improve ourselves, but honestly, she's being ungrateful. The only person that I really feel was a d*** was the doctor for telling her she'd never dance.
+Miss Karina Simons When people see someone who has broken a limb and in a cast what do 99% of people ask them? Exactly, you said it "oh my goodness what happened?" That is the WRONG qustion to ask. The person is fulfilling their selfish curiosity. The empathetic thing to say is "I'm sorry your injured are you feeling ok and what can I do to make it better."
Martin Hamilton I am not arguing about speaking wrong or right. My point is that if those people did not care for her at all why would they even bother to make her a visit? Yes people say wrong things all the time, and absolutely we must learn how to speak but shes like cashing down those people. It sucks. I wouldn't be her friend anymore because she just got hate for people's mistakes, at least they tried. Iºve been told bad stuff when I needed most support, but I know that most of those people tried what they could. Yes it sucks that people donºt know when to be quiet, but hey, this world is not perfect.
I thought this was something everyone did. Suprise
you can tell by the standing ovation that 10% of the people felt this so much and the other 90% stood so they weren't the people not standing
I watch TEDx often especially when I want to be inspired, comforted, to learn or just to laugh. Thank you Adrianne for your powerful words of wisdom, comfort and insight. You addressed a subject that many shy away from or run for the hills because it makes them so uncomfortable. I have Parkinson's Disease and Dystonia. People do not know what to say has they have watched me progress or they compare it to their arthritis or Fibromyalgia. I smile, bite my tongue and say nothing in reply. The most difficult is when friends and family pull away because "I can't watch what happening to you." Please share with us that day when you are dancing again. NEVER let anything stand in your way. Wishing you all the best ~ Barbara
BTW to all of you leaving negative comments; those hurtful words can come so easy when you hid behind your keyboard. Unless you walk in those person's shoes -- have experienced what they did --- never assume anything.
Basically, people, just show and have empathy. That's it. Not a bunch of reassurances and false hopes. Just empathy. After all, we all just want to be understood.
Have empathy ? MAYBE. (maybe !) But.. Just following people like we depend on them, and agreeing with them like that ? That's WEAK. And obviously you think the people talking about "others are weak" and so are just low IQ retards who wanna fight. But honestly, they're not all, and I'm not.
That's not what empathy is about. Not even close. Empathy doesn't require us to follow, depend, and agree with people. What it does require is for us to understand people's emotions and perspectives. But with that understanding, you can better connect with someone. You can still empathize, but also disagree. Empathy is perhaps the biggest strength anyone can develop. I think it's the hardest, most mature thing anyone could develop.
I almost cried. She is so brave and this talk is great, she is absolutely right people will say anything when they don't know what to say.
A very brave and wise young woman : an example for us all !
Excellent performance, standing ovation. What are the odds that out of all the people there in that CRISIS, a great ACTOR like herself would be involved in such a national tragedy...
What's with all the hate in the comments? The speech was very inspirational and had many valid points. She deserves respect.
+Midnight Sonnet The fact that all of her pre-race photos were doctored to hide the amputated leg! She was never harmed during the bomb drill they had planned that day that the smoke bombs went off. She lost her leg way before the Hoax-a-thon!
+Midnight Sonnet She's faking her personality.
+This is a username Unless you know her personally, I don't see how you could possibly determine her fake versus real personality. Fake or not, people should pay attention to the message, not her as a person.
*****
People are insanely good at calling out bullshit. Her talk was great but she was forcing herself to talk and express emotions that were not genuine to try and add flair to a speech that didn't need flare. Ted wasnt suppose to be a cookie cutter convention its okay to be yourself.
+This is a username That all doesn't really matter in the end. What really matters is what people got out of her speech. I thought it was concise and got the point across. Whether her emotions were sincere or not is kind of irrelevant to me. Yes, people should be genuine, but some people find it hard to be so. When it comes to Ted Talks, I watch them for the advice, inspiration, and guidance. Sometimes the speaker is boring or very eccentric, but those are minor things compared to the topic of discussion.
People are actually becoming less and less able to call out bullshit nowadays, because we're all too focused on what we believe to be right or wrong, individually. Instead of looking for the negatives, we should try finding something positive in whatever we encounter or hear. Trying to find the BS in everything just makes us bitter and resentful. I was way too busy focusing on the speech itself rather than wasting my time evaluating her "fake" personality. Her life should have no bearing on your life at all. Her speech is what we decide to take to heart or not.
7:30 I don't care what kind of degree an "expert" has. I don't care how many years of experience the "expert" has. The ONLY person who knows what your limits are is you.
I lost my leg when I was 3 years old. In my mid 20's I was working at the Grand Canyon. I hiked from the south rim to the bottom and back in one day. It is a hike so difficult it is now illegal to even try, regardless of how much hiking experience you have. I did it (and succeeded) because no one I respected enough to believe told me I couldn't do it.
I only know my own limits from a life-time of testing them.
About 10 years after I graduated from high school I ran into a woman who I had known. I didn't know her well, not nearly enough to call her a friend. She told me that when she was 19 she was in a car accident and as a result lost her leg. She told me that at first she was really depressed but then she remembered me (She didn't remember my name) and she realized that if I could do all the things I did then so could she. She said having known me she knew she was going to be okay.
Talk about not knowing what to say! Imagine having such an impact on someones life you barely even know. What kind of impact would you have on people you called "friends."
Eric Taylor I normally don't read comments and rarely if ever reply to them, however reading yours I had to reply and say wow, you're an inspiration!
Khalid Chowdhury Thank you, but I have only said what should be obvious.
If only TED would cover the mutilated bodies at the iphone factory explosion in 2014. If only TED would give those amputees a voice. I guess since they are not white females they are not as worthy of coverage? Adrianne Haslet has a better life than 95% of the world, with or without her leg. Stop propping her up as this perfect victim. There are so many other victims of more heinous events, (such as rapes, bombings, torture, child labor, etc). This happens in third world countries all across the world, and they never get to express their voice in any way whatsoever. Meanwhile, privileged white woman Adrianne Haslet gets unending publicity and is basically worshipped by the media
Victor Kim What the hell does that have to do with believing in yourself and learning your own limits.
I would suggest getting over whatever happened to you that made you so incredibly angry that you lash out against everyone and everything.
As far as I know I, personally, have never done anything to harm you. If I have let me know and I'll do what I can to put you right.
Victor Kim do you know what it is to be a dancer and being told you can never dance again? That's like a death sentence and duh what has her skin color got to do with this talk.....white people have no feelings? No aspirations? You must be nuts...Ted puts a lot of people from Third World countries who struggle against negatives and come out shining.....I don't see why white folk should have no right to come out and teach us something important...This is a situation many of us experience and it's good to know how to express solidarity or love for the person injured or in distress.
wow, she made me cry, it's very moving...
Please ask yourself if you needed to say that. What is the reason? How truly cruel.
+Debra Robert what makes you say that, she thinks her story is moving. What's cruel about that? I'm genuinely confused because her story is about not letting anything stop you and that's moving isn't it???
My comment was intended for cr4zyu, not Eugenia. I could be clearer in who I address.
+cr4zyu I feel more sorry for you.
Sadly perhaps it's people like you who will lead those around you in believing the New World Order is something wonderful. Deception is always very real for those who are it's designated targets. False flag operations is how virtually every war of the past century got started. History repeats for those who fail to learn from its messages. I used to believe Billy Graham & Walt Disney were good people until I discovered they were both 33 degree Free Masons. At that level, for those who know, well..., no, you tell me perhaps? P.S. I'm a survivor of burns to over 80% of my body (30+%, full thickness 3rd deg.). I go to the beach in a pair of Speedos. So, big deal I'm scarred. Who gives a crap? I don't. Hardly anybody notices the scars because I don't invest my reality into my disability or ever think about it. So convert your sorrow for me into "thinking", & maybe, just maybe you'll discover there really are 'crisis actors', used & paid for by & during government false flag operations. Perhaps the lie continues.
Exceptional speaker. Very eye opening and useful because it is easy to forget that when you go to see someone who is ill or going through something that it is about them, not you.
This is one of those really powerful talks that will get to you. To some, slowly and lurking deep inside, to others like a breaking wave. I have so much respect for her as she mustered the courage to come on stage and talk about her tragedy and what she's been through. Her lesson is simple, yet crucial. People that face extreme hardships or situations usually bring out their true colours and might not always be pretty.
Very moving and rings true. After the love of my life was murdered, people didn't know what to say, so mostly said nothing, leaving me isolated while grief-stricken. I'm not sure how I survived. Some of the less-helpful things said to me were: "He's in a better place." Better than with me? Does that make *you* feel better to say that? Not helpful. And two months later, another friend said, "I want you to get over it and go find somebody else."
Most people disliked this talk is because they have not been there. They haven't got a hint what message is she trying to spread. Trust me, Once you start feeling similar and come back to watch this video. You will get it.
If she is all over the place, and you are tired of seeing her then why would you watch a TED talk given by her? lmao.
My experience has been that when I am resistant and critical of something or someone - I need to think about what is that resonating inside of me to warrant such a reaction.
I would like to challenge those of you who are having such a harsh reaction to the talk - think about it. What inside of you is it triggering that maybe isn't your best quality.
My perception of the purpose of the talk wasn't about her personal situation as to the details of what happened and why or to place blame. She used her situation as a tool to inform others as to be mindful of what you do and say to those who are in an other than positive situation. Good intentions could be very hurtful to those who are suffering. I would like to encourage those of you who are stuck on the details of her situation , listen to it again. This time think about the title of the talk and what is she saying. Think about if you were in a situation that could have a tragic outcome. What would you want to hear? What would you want others that you love and love you to do for you? Would it not be better to be offered comfort and support that is real instead of words that are intended to make you feel better but don't.
Just a thought
I agree that unless you have walked in the exact same shoes on the exact same path as another - we do not know what we would have done or felt if we were them. Being critical and judgmental is a reflection of the person who is being critical and judgmental. Rarely does it have anything to do with the situation.
I disliked it because I got no value from this.. All I got was "feelings, feelings.. they should have respected my feelings.. blabla..".
Not trying to be rude, and I'm sorry for her but come on not 15min of the "my-feelings-bs" again.. Life can be rough sometimes, get over it.
If people are trying to be nice the best they know, just appreciate, say thank's and just get over it. Why the drama? feelings are brain chemicals it's what the brain does to provide the illusion of control but It's largely an illusion. Your feelings don't have any effect on the real world it's a weakness a useless thing and I just don't have time to hear about it
okay Mr Spock 😜 feelings are not useless, feelings are what drives the human race, granted sometimes for the worse but sometimes to do the most amazing inspiring things. They are what set us apart from other life and help give us works from the likes of Shakespeare and Michelangelo. To feel is to be human, its the human condition.
I have a theory that the reason there's so much hate is because a bunch of dudes saw the short shorts & clicked on the video without thinking
"I don't need you to fix it. You can't fix it. I just need you to be supportive and listen and be understanding."
That was the most insightful, honest and genuine talk I have every heard. Thank you. I often worry about what to say and do for others in their time of need. How enlightening to view the true and honest consequences of what is said to those who are in pain who we think we are being supportive and loving by being positive and hopeful. What I took from your talk is; before you see, do, or say anything to anyone in pain regardless of what the situation is to stop and ask yourself the question - Who am I trying to be loving and supportive of - them or me. You are so right that when I say things to comfort them in retrospect I am really really easing my discomfort with their situation. For example - Silence is very uncomfortable for me. That I think is a reason I talk a lot. (trying to change that) I feel an overwhelming need to fill the void/silence - I never gave this much thought before. Talking is more for me to fill the void then it is to actually convey a message. When I heard you say - If they are throwing things - give them something to throw. If they want to be silent - be silent with them. Follow their lead without a personal agenda. When you broached the subject of silence I felt instantly uncomfortable. Thank you for the insight. I think what your husband said identifies who he is there for. You, with a true expression of love and honesty. What I took from what he said is - I love you. I don't understand what you are feeling and I am not going to pretend I do. I am in this with you as your partner/lover not to lead you but to be by your side.
The power of your words in addition to giving me chills - Gave me a wonderful Ahh haaa moment.
I would be interested in listening to additional material that you might have.
You must be there to know what she is talking about. I can remember after I lost a close friend, I've been told thousands of time "THIS WILL PASS TOO" and I can't describe how much it made me angry at the time. There's no empathy in those words at all and I only felt like: their just thankful it's not their lost.
people are not understanding her its really sad. she is not wanting people to kiss her ass. she is trying to say that you do not need to say bullshit to her to make her feel better. she actually wants people off her ass if they are not being helpful in their comments to her condition so she can deal with it without their personal scrutiny
i agree mr derek....100%
but be honest who cares, shes just over sensitive
that is why humans like you should be sensitive to different kind of people & understand that we all are different, celebrate differences & be sensitive towards each everyone's needs.
alex derek AMEN
+Linkway Bank | I highly doubt you're the one to make that kind of official diagnosis, and that your opinion has any relationship with the truth.
You, Adrianne Hastelt-Davis, are stunningly amazing, beautiful and a voice to many hurting people. Thank you.
When there's *so many* dislikes on a video where someone talks about something so dreadful, you shouldn't be reading the comment section. For your own sake, get back to the video or click away.
wie unglaublich hilfreich zu begreifen, was wirklich hilft. Da sein und kein Held sein müssen. Was für eine Mission, die Welt davon zu überzeugen - ihr gelingt es meisterlich. Nicht nur mutmachend...... ein Tiefgang dass die Erde bebt. Klasse.
Adrianne is so brave to tell her story. Wish her the best.
From what you experience in life only makes you stronger. Having been in a situation where your life is at the mercy of hospital consultants, sometimes what we are told is not what we want to hear. You will be on a ventilator for the rest of your life, I will never forget those words.
I love your courage being able to speak openly about your experience. God Bless.
I remember the days TED talks were inspiring and interesting.
yup .... used to be great.
Thou Art That
You ma'am are an absolute INSPIRATION. Having gone through a pretty close call myself, I've heard Others, absolutely with legit concern about your misery, your suffering; have opinions about you automatically as for the Do's & Don'ts of how your life must be shaped and lived.
Feel your collective pain as a couple; and absolutely my hats-off for the words of wisdom and most importantly, your husband's service to the country.
Your words will resonate with me forever!
Thanks and God Bless!
Great advice. Be present and share the person's emotional state. Helpful.
This brave woman put words on the feelings I had since I lost my mother 2 yrs ago, she made me cry and realize different things. Thanks
At 23 I had incurred facial trauma which left me quite unacceptable looking to society. My "loving" girlfriend dumped me that following weekend telling me and I quote," You're a monster. I can't love you anymore; my family, my friends insist I move on for somebody better. Please don't hold out hope for anybody else. You need to accept you'll be lonely for the rest of your life, it'll be easier on your heart if you do that. Don't stalk me, don't call, I don't want to see you in my mirror. I have guys who'll kick your ass and a judge in the family if you push me too far." ~ Well, she was right, after years having nobody, I fell into clinical depression w/PTSD for about twenty years. The rest is a long story. My point is stay strong and realize making your mind happy is the answer to curing sadness and in turn will redeem you hope.
Do you still have depression and if not how did you get better from that?
*Mickeyislowd* I would say I don't suffer "dark, hopeless depression" anymore. I do have recurring PTSD and deal with lamenting episodes. I do take L-Tyrosine, Serotonin and 5-htp capsules every day and they naturally work to put my unrest aside and help me go to a cheerier state. How I actually got back my life was out of necessity and honestly fear of where my crap life is heading : if I wanted to remain a recluse monster or be a strong role model for myself and others like I used to be long ago. I consciously remind myself "Be Kind To My Mind", meaning I had a personal obligation to nurture "good sanity" and begin blocking out horrible thoughts until they faded and deleted. Your mind can be controlled liked a computer, keep things, delete things, it's that simple. But us humans have those damn emotions, so it's not easy at all, especially with matters of the heart which is the main culprit of depression and suicides. I know others who write down their pain/sorrow and burn the paper, symbolically destroying its existence over them. I personally use a method I call "Breath Hope & Exhale Sorrow." Sounds fluky but if you constantly say it whilst breathing until it becomes default, you should gradually begin to feel much more positive and lighter in spirit. I also just force a smile, it's the expression for happiness and attracts positivity, especially in your mirror. We mentally hold the keys to our emotional prison. Oddly our thoughts and memories can be compared to the toilet, we flush our gross stuff away because we don't want anything to do with it anymore.
Wow, your ex is quite a fucking crock of shit. If there's any monster, it's her. Assuming you're around the age of 40-50 now, I wouldn't give up hope on finding companionship with someone who sees more than just your face. Someone who can give a great massage and cook a good meal would be far more valuable to me than a pretty face, for example! Obviously you've gained a powerful control over your mindstate in your battle with depression and to me that's far more impressive than any physical beauty... I respect intellect and depth of thought and experience.
see you in the bathroom
Thanks for your reply. You gave me some new considerations. Wishing you the best for 2017:)
*Mickeyislowd* Glad if I made the slightest difference that helped you. I also wish you the best for 2017 ;)
This speaker is articulate, passionate, funny, and insightful. She has made something good out of her painful experiences. I feel lucky to have heard it.
She moves so well on that leg.
FunnyFacker I don't understand why you are so angry. America is a big place that is in a lot of trouble. There are lots of bad things that happen in America, so excuse me if I don't dwell on everything bad that happens in your country.
Dana Hattie I was actually just thinking the same thing.....
Dana Hattie You are right. AMERICA is a large Continent with many countries and cultures, including the USA and Canada speaking English at the North.
Dana Hattie Q: Would this be considered her ... 3rd leg?
As someone who lost my father and my grandparents from the ages of 17-19, I really related to this. People don't know what to say. And I've learned that you don't need to say anything- just show up, just be there, and emulate love.
I think there's so much hate in these comments not because of her message, but of her attitude. I understand that she dealt with a trauma but she dismisses the honest efforts of her friends as not only unhelpful but harmful. These people may not have been ready to face the fact that their friend had a limb blown off, and that's why they didn't visit right away. One or two may have misspoke or said something awkward, but haven't we all?They probably didn't have any experience in comforting an amputee. Yet they had the NERVE to try in their own way to make her feel better. How dare they, right?
She has my sympathy for the loss of her leg; that's tragic and should happen to no one. She does not have my sympathy over any loss of friends because I feel like she maybe doesn't have many left.
+Kristi Lachico Yes. I agree with you that it is appalling to hear her criticize her friends for not being the most perfect people and react exactly how she wanted them to. Just by having to listen to her babbling relentlessly in circles trying to get to the point made me feel sorry for them to have known her personally. If they have cut all ties with her as friends then good for them !! That goofy bitch needs to watch her own video, ( take a dose of dramamine 1st though ) and then issue each and every one of them an apology. I do not agree with you giving her your sympathy though. Think about this for a minute. Karma, Karma, Karma... If you believe in Karma, which I myself do, what does it say to you that a professional ballroom dancer losses a leg ??? And a marathon runner as well !!! It tells me that "The Man Upstairs" was trying to get her attention !! Unfortunately she still hasn't gotten the message !! I am thinking she doesn't have those people as friends anymore, otherwise she wouldn't be doing public speeches and posting them on You Tube looking for sympathy from strangers. What she needs to do is be thankful she is alive and isn't confined to a wheel chair. Become a little humbled there missy and be a positive influence. Gain public awareness and support for the Military Veterans who have become amputees not as lucky as her to be able to stand, walk, and sway, back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth...... I know that a wounded Military Veteran is someone that is more deserving of my honor and support than a ballroom dancer !!! So NO she does NOT have my sympathy nor respect !! As americans we all are all in debt to those men and women in our military who have served in defending our freedoms !!!
No, you and others in the comment section are way too sensitive. The whole point is people supporting grieving loved ones are too caught up in themselves and how they are perceived - what do I say? what do I do? how do I make my loved one feel better? Am I doing this right?I think she should be crying right now, not laughing. If I were in this situation I would want... how do I feel about my friend getting their limb blown off? how does that affect me? "I" "I" "I" "me" "me" "me" - who's the one who got their leg blown off? She is saying if you truly want to support your loved ones in the best way, you need to stop thinking about yourself when you're with them - all you have to do is BE THERE. What a relief that is. "They probably didn't have any experience in comforting an amputee" Well that's why she is up there! She is telling you and I how exactly to comfort anyone when they are grieving - it's all the same. She's giving us a lesson in grieving that her friends and family who blundered never got and it sounds like she wishes they had gotten this lesson, not for her, but for them - so that they were more comfortable with the whole prospect - when the support system is at ease it only makes it easier all around.
And to say she dismisses their honest efforts? She talked about the coffee every morning; she talked about the friend calling her up to watch movies and eat pizza; she talked about her husband saying simply "I don't understand but I want to" and how much that meant to her. All the blunders her friends and family made were examples for us the audience, critiquing general mistakes loved ones make. As in, you'll be in a situation having to support a grieving loved one and you'll be tempted to say or do what my friend did because she didn't know any better - don't do that, you now know better.
sometimes saying nothing is better. I'm a hospice aide and the best thing you can say to someone whose loved one died is "I'm sorry for your loss". They do NOT want to hear "They're in a better place now". The best thing to say sometimes is a simple "I'm So, So Sorry". Seriously. Sometimes -seriously- saying nothing truly is better.
I personally think even if you do not know what to say, physical presence is everything. a loved one sitting beside you, holding your hand and just being in the same space as you can do so much... so much more than awkward sentences and pieces of advice.
thank you for this talk.
why is this getting so much negativity? she is so right
Seems to be only women agreeing with her self absorbed bullshit!
she was just talking about what a wounded person should be treated ... how is that bs ??
lol, yeah us men are such emotional geniuses compared to women. We must degrade and attack these women pretending to be so high and mighty with their "self-absorbed bullshit". Take a deep breath and meditate upon yourself buddy, you might just learn something you were desperately denying to understand.
Uh oh you said meditate, that`s to feminine for buch men to handle.
islam
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross - Stages of Grief: not in any order - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Absolute GOLD when going through a tragedy or loss with anyone. What a beautiful, amazing woman and a poignant, important lesson.
A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something
whoa
Janette Ibarra uh its not mine
Ok... Losing it with in 5 min of watching. She knows how to deliver. God bless her.
I'm glad I heard this.
I'm 14. I want to be a good person and be there for anyone who goes through anything anywhere near or complete trauma.
Thank You for this video.
Wow. She is something special.
I'll never forget this advice. "Take the temperature of the room."
Yes.
I went through something pretty horrific (my little kid, cancer) and I wish my family had heard this talk.. And I'll never forget those beloved friends who just did it instinctively.
Thank you. I hope you're dancing now.
I'll say one thing, that is an amazing prosthetic. I kept having to look at it because she moves so naturally, it was hard to tell that her leg wasn't real. I mean, I couldn't tell.
I thought it was very moving and powerful speech about courage and hope. As medical practitioner, you
Made me think deeply how to deal with my patients who are going through tough time in the lives.
Thank you for been strong and beautiful person inside out . You are true inspiration.
Such a strong woman! A very emotional story, my best wishes for this lovely soul
Brilliant! My wife has been diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and the things people say to her and to our family are shocking. I have learned to shut up and listen when people are grieving and try to be in their moment with them. Do not try to take them out of their anger or denial...they will do that in their own time. xoxoxo peace and love to all.
How to treat someone that is having a tough time in their life is kind of subjective. There's a blanket "golden rule" to treat others as you want to be treated, which I think exists in as many as nine different religions. But, that doesn't necessarily always work, because we are all a little different. Some people don't like help because they have too much pride, while others may have no shame in asking for help (maybe a little too often). That's just one example, but what I've learned is to better control myself and not to be mad at others or blame them (especially those who are trying to help me) when I'm having a tough time. I tend to give people the benefit of doubt. I also take time to let myself to cool off and rethink my position as well as to try to insert myself in their point of view.
Your comment is the best one!
That's exactly how I am and ur picture is amazing
Yes, It also depends on which side of the line you are on.
I know what to say: Hi, I'm here.
Despite being affected to the lack of all oratory articulation, she was able to put forth the most sound insights that almost everyone on the consoling side of loss has always pondered strenuously over, but has not always had the courage to put into practice. Perhaps, it is not until we're faced with a seemingly unsurmountable tragedy, that we find out just how brave the human spirit can be.
ted talks make me cry in a good way
You're so brave to tell the truth! I understand your pain...I'm a dancer and to lose my foot would be the worst nightmare for me. You're so strong! This talk made me cry...
If you don't know what to say in a conversation, start with, "I forgot to wear pants today."
***** I might be an imbecile, but fuck you anyway.
I was okay with the no pants part.
Take it easy Takeiteasy, I think Jesse was being funny. Gallows humour about a difficult subject.
Thank you for that! i just came across this video today, I've had a very close friend that has been in the hospital for over a month, and i couldn't understand why I couldn't get myself to go there. I feel better knowing that this isn't just me that doesn't know what to say or how to handle the situation at hand. This has really given me something that i will use for the rest of my life and something i want to share with everyone in my life.
One of the best TEDx talks.
"I do not understand but it is so important to me to tell you how desperately I want to" (quoted from her speech).
I think this is an amazing thing to say to the grieving person. I have found giving consolation the hardest thing to do and have always shied away from doing it because I didn't know how to do it. We couldn't say "I understand" because we don't know their pain. We cannot preach religion because they are not in the frame of mind to accept it at that moment of crisis. She gives some great tips on how to do it right.
People like this who feed off a sense of offense at the slightest mistake are I think the main people abandon friends after a tragedy. Bring her a Starbucks coffee you get a gold star. Tell her she's still beautiful, try to lighten the mood with something interesting you read online, your 'wrongs'get misinterpreted as she blasts you to everyone you both know. In times of loss, I so appreciated people who in any way let me know they cared about me.
Now that is one of the best inspirations someone can get. Thank you Adrianne Haslet-Davis ....Hats off to you!
Geez! I got misty eyes when she mentioned the Starbucks thing. I guess I'm way too sentimental tonight lol. Props to this amazing woman!
+Ryan Ehlis Can you elaborate a bit on this? You can leave out the insults. I didn't hear anything about this being faked. I'm honestly asking for a factual account. Don't go freaking out on me now. Is that a reasonable request?
+sfincione2000 Don't feed the trolls; they love being asked to tell more. You can usually identify a troll by the insults and angry speech in their posts. This event was not faked; I know people who were at that marathon and they verified what happened.
+Kitti McConnell LYING SHILL!
+Ryan Ehlis hahaha funny.
I actually just came back to this talk because I randomly remembered how emotional that story made me.
Spot on. Some ppl forget to dwell in the moment and enjoy rhe moments with loved ones cause you never know.
Wow!! What an inspiration she is!!! Go girl!!!!! Amazing story!!!
Shame that it's lost on some sad and shallow individuals. Thank you for your advice!! I just hope that I never need it!! X
A very thoughtful, thought-provoking and genuinely sincere speech directly from the heart.
So utterly, utterly appreciated
I saw NO udders...
Adrienne... I never knew about your husband and this side of your experience until today... for many years I have been referencing only the MIT professor Hugh Herr's TED lecture featuring your appearance to my students and colleagues, in the hope of providing something inspirational, but this talk coming from you is at another level altogether. I feel very much humbled, and I am in gratitude to have come to know you in this way as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, and wish you the very best for the future going forward!
When i don't know what to say, i don't say anything.
I have not faced any major tragedy in my 57 years of life. While I am glad, I also feel a little guilty when I read stories of survivors like this brave lady. I wish her all the best. And I salute her courage.
I can't stop thinking about the wives of the enemies making the same speech.
She's so good at doing this kind of "talk/performance" whatever you wanna call it. I am baffled and so glad I watched this.
I started out all calm, then less than halfway through I got a little tear in my eye and with the last few sentences I really started sobbing so much.
So much respect!
What people say when they don't know what to say...they write it on TH-cam
Everything she says also applies to living with mental health or other invisible illnesses. One of the worst things is trying to deal with other people's comments / insensitivities / discomfort/ uninformed speculation. Amazing talk thank you.
Pushed through until the end because I could tell the message was likely important, but it was so hard to follow. I feel like it could have been delivered so much better.
I kinda agree, sometimes I felt lost and didn't really understand if she was making fun or meant it for real in a fun way...
I can't disagree more. Her message was so clear to me I sent it to a friend who just had a tragedy in her family back home and doesn't know how to approach it. Perhaps this is like the 5 blind men and the elephant.
THANK YOU... for addressing this ISSUE...WORDS DO BREAK EVERYTHING...DON'T interrupt...DON'T COMPARE YOUR WHATEVER to MY WHATEVER...
At first I was like why is this chick wearing just one stocking on her left leg and then I was left in awe.
She's so powerful. Looking back a year from now when my friend's dad died from cancer. I've known there family since I can remember.. One of the hardest things for me was going to their house the day after he passed away. We sat awkwardly and I was uncomfortable because I didn't know what to say.
hey at least i didn't realize she didn't have a leg until she told me, it looks good :3
evangeline amber exactly
evangeline amber l lol. I noticed it right away!
Who the hell would dislike a video like this? Adrianne Haslet-Davis, thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for addressing an issue that is almost a tabu to talk about. Thank you!
Great speech, but the title could have been worded better
Wow - what a courageous lady - more important than anything she has illustrated that 1. courage can be found to overcome adversity, it has to be sought and doesn't occur naturally, and 2. helping people helps us more. In spite of the inane comments here I believe her to be genuine and value her insight, gained from a place of pain.
Awesome talk... I was hoping she would dance by the end.
She danced later in the program. Easily searchable.
It wasn't until I watched this video a second time that I noticed all of the negative comments. I've been in the hospital a lot, and there is a huge difference between being worried about someone you love, and freaking out FOR your loved one regardless of how they themselves are handling their tragedy. Recently, one of my friends was commenting on police brutality saying "An untrained civilian with a gun in their face should not have to be calmer than a trained policeman." I have a medical version of that saying which can be applied to the situation here: "A person in a hospital bed should not have to be calmer than the person visiting them."
Adrianne, thank you.
Is that not the most inspiring 15 minutes that I remember? It is certain that I will always remember it. Thank you Adrianne and Brava!
BRO!! it's 15 mins and 23 seconds. c:
looolll look at the girls face in at 2:37 in the bottom left corner!!😂😂😂😂 I'm dying!!
lol! What's going on with her? She looks awestruck.
great talk! I am a fellow TEDx Talker myself and soon to be a 2-timer.
I remembered a very experience I had in middle of August 2010 of my life. It was a day that my family, my instructors in my OT school, my occupational therapist, and myself were all waiting for. For my parents, it was about whether they were right or wrong. For my instructor and I, we wondered about how to proceed with my education (since I had failed a clinical rotation a month before and we were trying to pinpoint reasons behind my struggles). For my occupational therapist, it was about what my future sessions with her will focus on. That very day was me going to the neuropsychiatrist's office to find out results from the assessments that happened on 2 separate days a couple weeks before. That very day was where I found out I have Asperger's Syndrome.
Although I had a strong hunch that it was true (and I actually proved my parents wrong in the process), I went through my own stages of grief. As I was grieving, I experienced the very same things from my friends while I was overwhelmed in the process of trying to get back on my feet. I heard a lot of, "You can do it." Those words felt empty to me, even though I knew my classmates (and the friends I have made at OT conferences) tried to do the best they can to make me feel better. I also heard a lot of "You are the first person I know in OT who also has autism." That was also not very good to hear either, because that actually made me feel more depressed.
Fortunately, I had one friend who gave me what I needed to get me back on my feet in November 2010 at an OT conference. Ironically, that friend of mine was actually my opponent in a leadership election where we competed against each other before. We never met each other before that conference, although we became friends shortly after the elections ended through my sportsmanship gesture. The first day of the conference, we met for lunch and we just tried to get to know each other better after a few online conversations we had on Facebook. Two days later, we were about to return home to our respective places. We were not supposed to have time with each other had our flights left on time. However, due to my goof, I was forced to wait for a series of flights 4 hours later. During the wait, my friend passed by my terminal. After asking her about her flight's departure time, we decided to talk. That was then I broke down and told her how hard it was for me to try to get back on my feet after finding out my diagnosis. Instead of saying "I understand", my friend gave me a pep talk for 1 to 1.5 hours. After the pep talk, I felt better and I was rekindled in my quest to become an occupational therapist again. Fast forward to now, that talk is still easily the turning point of my journey. Moreover, we now are successful in our respective ways.
Overall, you did an awesome job. I think it applies to many different life changing events that will make people not the same again after experiencing.
That was AH-MAZING! Thank you so much!
You are a real inspiration and I know what you gone through but you were lucky because there were so many loved ones in your life .God bless you
WTF is the relevance between garbage costs being so expensive and how much it costs to cut off the rest of her leg?!?! 8:16
+Jimmy Sharp Exactly. It's stating how self orbited & inconsiderate people can be.
I find this whole speech really pretentious. It's like she'd rather her loved ones stay away from her if they can't say anything that she specifically wants to hear. What a load of BS, be happy that your family are there and not turning the other cheek and ignoring your existence because you're disabled now.
+Jimmy Sharp It's hilarious that this is what you've gathered,When on the contrary she said precisely that family should understand that simply their existence in that room is enough,They don't have to attempt to fill that awkward void stemmed from _not_ knowing what to say, with empty words,Which often leads to having the patient compensate & attempt to smother _their_ worries over.
+Jimmy Sharp I think it was supposed to be a play on the "it cost an arm and a leg" idiom
+Jimmy Sharp she's not being pretentious, I think the point is that she was making was that people who have gone through loss don't want to hear sympathy or feel pitied. That's not to say that they want you to stay away from them but rather be there for them instead of trying to say something you think might be encouraging. Let someone know your there for them and you support them through your actions more than your words.
Seriously one of the BEST Ted talks I've heard! ❤️