Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. I'm 40 years-old, and I can count the number of apologies I've received from women over the course of my life on one hand. Surprisingly, this is not due to the fact that I have always interacted with virtuous, high-quality, well-behaving women. For whatever reason, women seem to find it particularly difficult to apologize to men -- and this is really too bad. In this episode, I'll discuss the nature of the difficulty, and why it would be in women's best interests to apologize more often. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com #relationship #women #dating
Just found your channel. Very beneficial. BUT I disagree how you handled the gf who wanted to apologise with sex. I would have instead angry eff'ed her and THEN go sleep on the couch. LOL.
Yeah, the only thing I got from that is that women are wrong and then make things worse by doubling down on stupid. That's when a man needs to call her out on her BS. It's that simple. Men who "apologize" for being right, just because she's "upset", disgusts me. Weak men like that make it harder for the rest of us who have to do your job of breaking her in properly.
There will be less USA men committing suicide when they stop dating and stop marrying USA women. Most USA women live an unrealistic life of fantasy, will men accept their foolish fantasy Feminist lives ?
Ha, lost count of the number of times I’ve had that one. I counter with, ‘but are you sorry for doing x?’ Always stay on target, calmly and respectfully.
My wife, who passed from breast cancer 10 years ago, was Catholic. I would take her to confession maybe once every one or two months and I would wait in the car for her. She came out out one time and said she was sorry for some big blow up we had a few weeks prior. I asked her what prompted this change and she said she confessed that she had sinned with anger and was wrong and the priest asked her if she apologized to her Husband and she said no and I guess he talked to her about that. After that she began to apologize whenever she did something wrong against me, (she hardly ever did anything wrong really) She was a really good Christian woman and exceptional wife and helped me with many of my faults and struggles and I miss her a lot.
@@anisenkrill6179 - TFM was both an edgelord and a scholar. He presented concepts in a way that nobody else has before or since. Coltaine was comparable in presentation of unusual ideas but couldn't match TFM's volume.
@@oasisneko1 Both men and women can struggle with accountability, but in relationships, dodging accountability and never apologizing is more of a woman's problem than a man's.
I'm a 64 years old man and this is the first time I'm hearing this from another male. My mother's side of the family is large and mostly women. They've gaslighted me my entire life and figured this out in the last 10 years. Thank you.
I was lucky enough to sorta recognize this early on and wouldn't deal with it. Single mother household with a single mother grandmother. Mother was terminally ill and very toxic about it till the day she passed. Grandmother was aloof but meant well, but I can see where my mom got it from. I've got a no-tolerance-for-any-nonsense mentality at this point between girlfriends and them. WILL not tolerate it. I feel like I used to be real easygoing and take things at face value, but at my age, I feel like I'm stone-cold and jaded to a degree. But generally feel great over all. The funny thing is that they will chase validation since you are stoic and stern to read, which honestly feels like that's what they want. Whether it's attractive or just do it by nature. But they get used to the everyday guy who does and she doesn't know how to deal with someone like that. In a lot of cases it probably means you are with a lower-quality woman. But sometimes you have to go through life to experience things and end up a little jaded from past female actions and life in general beating you down. Then they'll wonder why you are so cold, emotionally distant, and jaded about her bullshit. The positive traits of that mentality should come as a byproduct of being on one's purpose. However, there's the alter nemesis version, which is less optimistic and more toxic. Working your way out of being that toxic side. Taking action and making things happen. But still know how to turn on that side when necessary, if you could call it that. Since it can become like a default nature at a point. The methodology to me should be that " I'm working on something so important that any nonsense you bring just doesn't matter, and I don't have any time for it." She must match up to you, and don't settle for someone who can't or won't. The pussy is NOT good enough to make me deal with all nonsense. All the petty stuff is from a lack of personal growth or boredom. If we can not entertain ourselves with a higher state of being and find interest in the amazing things this world offers and instead default to the trash interaction for entertainment. The door is right there. A man not on his purpose will get wrapped up in it. Don't take the bait. Don't play the games. Find what you are worth and don't let people do this to you in general. Have respect for yourself. Increase your value. Always be learning.
Well it took me a solid 40 years before I could get it through my thick skull that women manipulate. Men are straight forward in what they want or don’t want and women would rather manipulate you emotionally to get the same results.
@@Kronoken. Since I am not sure if he will ever get back here to reply I will give you my take on what he wrote from a red pill perspective. What he wrote was quite clear to me, he doesn't as you say "deal" with them, the instant they go off his "road" he shows them the door. Based on your comment, I would also guess you are still quite blue pill?
Good. But how about this as a fine-tuning (?): "Once upon a time, a man asked a beautiful woman to marry him. She said no. One of them lived happily ever after . . ."
Of course the man's response depends very much on whether he is married or not. If not married and she displays serious flaws you simply leave and move on.
Of course the man's response depends very much on whether he is married or not. If not married and she displays serious flaws you simply leave and move on.
@Illuminated by The Most High right is right and wrong is wrong. Men have always held women accountable. It’s feminism that has allowed women to get away with the lack of accountability. The society that is being ran today is gynocentric. Again, nice try.
@Illuminated by The Most High “women have never been held accountable in history or been expected to” “Men have always held women accountable” Soooooo…..Which one is it?
1) he could make her violate “he protects me at all costs” by forcing an apology 2) it could force her to confront reality vs the figment of reality she has created in her mind
This is like the intelligence level of a cat. If you loved me, you wouldn't take me to the vet. If you loved me you would give me the entire bag of treats. If you loved me you would let me go outside indefinitely. And actually even some cats re above that level.
I nearly lost my mind trying to get my ex to have accountability and just apologize when she was wrong..Needless to say I left her alone. Life has been much better not having to explain to someone how to be a decent human being
@@muskokamike127 I've been reading lots of replies and you seem quite knowledgeable. What would you recommend with someone who gives an apology on condition. Im seriously considering leaving but she said " iwas going to apologize but you made me feel so bad and you ignored me all day so I didnt.
@@MOMO-m0m0 My gut tells me that she actually had no intention of apologizing and denied accountability by instead making it 'all your fault' and guilt-tripping you. Leave.
@@MOMO-m0m0 Like many women, HER feelings are more important to her than her actions. "your reaction made ME feel bad" so too bad for you. Her suggestion that she WAS going to apologize is hollow, she never was. Dump her. Say to her "unlike you, I can admit when I made a mistake. In this instance, my mistake was getting involved with you. So my apologies, but there's the door, don't let it hit you in the rear on the way out". Just remember: anger is a legitimate response when faced with an injustice.
A women physically attacked me over a year ago, I distanced myself from her and she reached out a few weeks ago. I explained her behaviour was disgusting and if the shoe had been on the other foot I would be in jail, you know what she said....."I apologise if I made you feel a certain way" she never once mentioned her behaviour.....THIS VIDEO IS GOLD DUST!
You got lucky. I was physically attacked by my ex and I called the cops and I got sent to jail when I never hit her back or anything. I got kicked out of the apartment we were staying in and she got no consequences whatsoever. The cops just took me because I'm the man an they left her without her without any skin in the game. I'm pretty sure this is was because crooked cops showed up to the scene. They told me it was just their policy to take someone. I had to enroll in domestic violence classes as soon as I was bailed out as a condition of my bail. Was never convinced of the crime but I got the punishment of someone who was guilty. It's wild how much power women have when the judicial system is involved
@@RH-vq6gk They become adults when they accept the role of a primary caretaker. Until then, they're princesses. Daddy/Mommy's princess and boyfriend's princess.
It is, but so too is the ability not to be pushed into an apology just for the appeasement of others. This occurs frequently in modern society, and men in particular are often pressured into bending and apologising, often under the threat of losing their livelihoods, simply because others could not handle the truth of something they had said.
@@alexfrank5331 Look at Meghan Markle. She is the epitome of an infantile woman who thought that becoming a princess would be like stepping into a Disney movie. She very soon lost interest in being a princess when she discovered that it involved work and selfless dedication, and that her duties extended beyond the mere wearing of expensive clothes and being looked at.
Exactly. They always keep receipts and bring it up later which is proof they never accepted the apology. True apology acceptance is shredding the receipts after the apology
They don't apologize because they truly don't believe they did anything wrong and the reason is because they base decisions on feelings and in their mind feeling a certain way is never wrong, even if actions or outcomes based on those feelings are.
I screeenshot your comment. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking but couldn’t put it into words . Thank you, they never think they do anything wrong. If they get caught cheating, they said it’s because the side guy made them “feel” like it , or their husband didn’t make them “feel” wanted anymore. It’s so stupid. Facts over feelings for men, and feelings over facts for women
I’ve seen so many managers lose respect in the work place when they don’t take accountability for their actions. It does matter if your a man or woman.
An apology is really three things: a) An expression of regret at taking an action the person now understands was inappropriate, b) An implicit commitment to not repeat the inappropriate action, c) A gesture of respect toward the person who has been wronged. When a person refuses to apologize, what they are saying is, "I did nothing wrong. I will do it again, if I feel like it. And, I don't respect you." Steer clear of anyone--woman or man--who feels they are above apologizing.
I had my last gf say to me "why is respect so important to you"? I responded with "why ISN'T respect important to you? It's the whole foundation of civilisation and relationships. Without respect, there is nothing". The problem is she demanded respect from everyone around her but never gave it in return. She truly believed (like a narcissist) that she peed chardonnay and farted chanel No. 5
@@threethrushes I learned by my mistakes and yes, I will, from now on. I can admit it: she had a great body and I was thirsty......so I overlooked SO many issues.
Thanking for making it a both issue. I've dated men who can't/won't apologize either. It's specific to a gender: it's specific to people who don't show respect.
Women's rules for apologies (deduced by observation!): #1 Never apologize #2 If you have to apologize, make it an empty apology #3 If an empty apology is not viable, make a minimal/token gesture
And we have the winner, Alex!! Ding, ding, ding. My ex-wife refused to apologize. Her way of apologizing...your number #3; she would make me my favorite food. And when I asked, why can't you just say I'm sorry instead. Her reply? "Why should I?" Yeah. I divorced the b!+
@@justsomerandomhomie1794 I don't understand why this is so uncommon. I grew up with girls... The reality is, for the most part, they're almost allergic to apologising
Men need to learn not to “react” negatively to what they do. Then they will say “I’m sorry.” Men are far too reactive. Once the man reacts and takes the “bait,” it reinforces the females behavior and reinforces it, that’s why there is no “sorry”
i always said that to them, "If you did as i said since the beginning, step 1 , but no , u had to do it in your way , miss sharkira, well done, now who is gonna clean this pshycological mess? the man
I have 6 siblings, and one we nicknamed Golden Boy. He used to do the dumbest things and get in trouble, but nothing ever stuck. It took me years to realize why. He was super quick to apologize to my parents, and took full ownership of his mistakes and stupidity. It wasn't a weakness to apologize it was a strength.
That's quite odd parents. Repeated offenses show a pattern & hint at manipulation & bigger problems. But with 6 kids, who has the energy to diagnose & break down too much stuff.
I try to teach this to the young lads I supervise at work. Tell me you did something wrong and I’ll forgive you. Try to hide it and I’ll learn to not trust you. My biggest screwups are given the most responsibility if they’re honest about their screwups.
I bet Golden Boy was the youngest. The youngest always get away with the most crap. the apologies were probably insensere, they knew it but they just didn't care. had the oldest one apologized in the same way, it would have been futile.. his ass would be handed to him each time. The youngest get away with murder because the parents had their spirits broken, ground their teeth to pulp on the older ones. So by the time the youngest one apologize, they just take it and move on.. because they are tired of fighting
Yes, it is certainly a strength. And it's the best strategy as well when you mess up in the workplace, which can happen to anyone. If you _immediately_ come forward and admit that you were the one who made the mistake people won't really get mad at you. And certainly not on the long run. Whereas those who try to hide and won't take ownership are screwing themselves over.
@@stijnvandamme76 um no... on almost all accounts. He was smack dab in the middle. His apologies were definitely sincere. He was good natured, smart (engineer), a jock, and had a way of winning people over. In high school, he hung out with jocks and things would just snowball. He broke his ankle once because him and his football buddies, at 17 y.o., decided to play King on the Mountain. Dad wasn't too happy with the hospital bill.
Before working on myself to overcome my selfishness in my marriage, I never apologized; if I did, it was to make myself feel better, but my words were empty and forget about changing my behavior. Women don't apologize because we lack empathy with men and the capacity to admit when we are wrong. We think we know everything about relationships and that men know nothing, which makes us perpetually right and men perpetually wrong. From this perspective, we never have to look at ourselves and take accountability to change.
That is actually a pretty good comment from a woman, a rarity in the manosphere, you have earned a degree of respect from this 57 year old life long bachelor that could count on two hands the women he has any respect for.
I had not noticed your username nor looked at your page when I made my initial comment. When QED commented, I came back and took another look. If you see this, I am quite certain you would find red pill philosophy quite interesting, the study of female nature. I would be glad to share my writings if you have interest.
Women need to get rid of this "Man bad, woman good " narrative in their heads. It's wrecking families, and ruining people's lives. Thanks for helping make the world better.
My ex-wife would apologize occasionally, but every single time she did, she'd immediately bring up some random incident from the past where she felt I wronged her. It didn't matter how bad the thing was she was apologizing for, she'd still somehow try to turn it around on me.
@treeghettox Relationships are much like courts, the way I see it. Once there is a precedent, that is the new goal post that has moved. What you allow, is what will continue. I guess the same could be said for any type of bad behavior in people in general.
@@patrickday4206 There are many podcasts geared towards men and relationships that compare women to children. Women hate it but since they are driven by their emotions they truly are. Case in point: women who proudly proclaim that they have a job, own their own car, pay for their own house. "congratulations, you're an adult" lol. I've had a relationship where the woman said "why do you treat me like a child?why don't you treat me like an adult"? I will when you start acting like one. I look back and wish I knew then what I knew now and would have nipped it in the bud a lot sooner.
I've tried playing that game back every time she mentioned some wrong I did in the past I'd bring up 2 wrongs she did each time. Then shed say your so like a woman! She would say she has changed and wont do that again
I have dated a woman who learned to apologize to me maybe a few months or so into the relationship. I told her that while she never saw her parents apologize to each other, we were going to set a different standard and always seek reconciliation through apologizing as promptly as we could do so sincerely. Not just a hurry up and apologize to get through the hard part of it. She began to apologize to me for things that I was unaware of that she was doing wrong and also a decent amount of time for things that I was aware of. I am proud of her for growing in this way. I did the same to her.
Thank for leading the way and teaching her that it is ok to apologize. A lot of women don’t admit fault due to shame and judgement that comes along with doing something wrong. You’re a true leader and we need more men like you who are willing to teach, lead, and create safe spaces for women to honoring a man’s leadership.
thank you for this because many men do not have this safe empathy space for women when they do wrong we are not perfect at the end of the day as long as you see she is trying to be better
I once had a woman I was dating apologize to me and I almost fell over. It was a sincere apology, I tried to brush it off like hey it was no big deal, but she looked me in the eye and said no, I'm sorry. Wow. I honestly think that was the one and only sincere apology I ever got from a woman. It was ten years ago and I remember it to this day. So a woman apologizing does actually happen believe it or not. On the flip side, a woman I was dating for two years, purposely embarrassed and humiliated me in front of her family for no apparent reason. I kept my cool at the time but a couple days later I called and asked for an explanation, apology, and promise that nothing like that would ever happen again. I got none of those. That really made me mad so I immediately broke up with her over the phone. She called me in tears a few weeks later saying how much she misses me. Did she apologize? Nope. So I didn't take it seriously. Six months later she called me and I was no longer mad. She came over and offered me lots of wild s*x. Was very nice, loving, etc. Did she apologize. Nope. Did I ever take her seriously as a girlfriend again. Nope. She once brought up that event and admitted she was mean, but did she apologize? Nope. After a few months of being a FWB she realized I just wasn't going to see her as a girlfriend and stopped calling me. More than the actual apology, what I wanted was to know that the mean AH she was that particular night was an aberration and not who she was. By not apologizing just led me to conclude that that is who she actually is. A mean AH, and I won't have that in my life.
@@derrick2181 Even better than seeing her apologize is not having anything to apologize for. Yes, that happens too. I've dated two women long term where we never had a single fight, nor did she do anything needing an apology. I have nothing but fond memories of them and I am guessing the reverse is true. Marriage isn't my thing but if it was, either of them would have been great.
@@stevecarey2030 My default expectation is that they will eventually let you down in some way. After all they are human. Deifing woman as capable of no wrong is also a problem.
It's a deal killer for me. It ended my marriage. My ex-wife went a step further than simply not apologizing. She'd make you regret pointing out her bad behavior and God forbid you ask her to change it. That said, the inability to apologize was enough for me to lose interest.
Same boat here. She wrecked me emotionally being hostile all the time, even physically and almost never apologized. I say almost cause a few times in 15 years I managed to literally force the apology from her. Will never accept this childish shit again.
I once had a girlfriend who though very sweet and thoughtful, would create unnecessary drama from time to time. It seemed as though she would just get bored and want to upset the apple cart a bit . I sat her down and explained to her that if she was going to create more stress in my life that it wouldn't work out. I told her she needed to bring value to the relationship and behave as though we are on the same team. I will never forget what she said. She said, "I am sorry and I apologize. I will work to realize when I am doing that, but I also hope since you are older and more experienced than me that you will correct me on the spot." The next thing I did was ask her to marry me a few months later. No joke
Out of curiosity, how much older than her? I wanna know 'cause EVERYONE is hating on age-gap relationships these days and I feel like they might be a better option (especially since I'm in my mid-30s, now)
@@luxdevoid Congrats! And how's that marriage going? Any tips you'd give for someone who just started a similar age gap relationship? Me and my gf have a 17.5-year gap.
@@Seetiyan It's going great And honestly it's just on the man . Years ago in college I took a negotiation class and I learned that any negotiation you can't walk away from you will lose. You're just going to have to play chicken and she's going to have to blink every time just pick your battles and make it over important matters of ethics and morality . Always be willing to walk away. There's always a younger hotter girl out there but it doesn't need to come to that. Her perception of you is 100% based on your confidence in yourself.
Have you ever seen a woman apologise to another woman? It’s always “I’m sorry you felt that way” or something along those lines. I learned from my mother that some women cannot apologise. My mother was incapable of it.
No they usually apologize to each other profusely if they are friends, then also try to appease the offended. It's when they are "frienemies" that they do what you are saying. Oh btw, if a woman has frienemies.. idc how hot she is, avoid her like venereal disease.
Due to poor social skills I was a loner with very few friends in middle and high school and I dealt with lots of bullying (I also turned into a bit of an ass, lashing out verbally in order to hurt people like I was being hurt. Not trying to pretend I was perfect). A few years after high school, I ran into a girl who had been one of the people who had bullied me the most. She recognized me before I recognized her, approached me, and apologized for what she had done during high school, and you could tell she meant it. It was only a 15-20 second interaction, but it's a memory that... i wouldn't call cherished, but it means a lot, due to the sincerity.
To be honest, I would say she only missed bullying you and she was just sad about that. Hoping that you would let down your guard and hang around with her so she can bully you more. After HS it was such a huge let-down and very difficult to find people to bully. Even harder to find new people to bully. In my experience, bullies start out being nice trying to be friends with you but later once you bond with them start bullying you. I'm glad you feel good about that interaction but would advise you to still stay away from that person. If it has been awhile now and she hasn't come back around, that just means she found someone else to bully.
Not to sound petty, but, in all honesty, you would've probably been better off telling her to shove her so-called 'apology'... just because she might have _sounded_ sincere, still doesn't necessarily mean she truly meant it..!
@@kevinerose dude you seriously have some problems with overthinking, some people just mature and realize what idiots they were, the same way some people realize that they were terrible as teenagers at home and appoligize to their parents, because they finally get it
You are spot on with this. When my wife has gotten too overbearing on something and I react, she sees my reaction as the problem, and not her behavior. I would apologize for reacting too strongly, and things are fine...until the next time she repeats the action. This never really fixed her behavior. She had no incentive to correct her behavior; the only incentive is that I not react to what she is doing. A popular phrase for relationships is "communication is key to a successful relationship". That's not the whole story. Communication coupled with ACTION is what makes a relationship successful. Anything else may keep the relationship intact, but it won't thrive, and bitterness will creep in.
Women -some- have a complex of being inferior also they believe bc they are emotional more advanced - which isnt really true- and bc man want sex from them that they are superior on the emotional level and more vulnerable and hence are reluctant to apologize when they were misbehaving because they are like a medal with two sides. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation and light abuse are their tools of choice sometimes when they feel unease.
If sex as compensation is accepted, then precedent is set. Expect the bad behavior to get worse. Thank you for clearing up my decades of relationship mismanagement. 🙏🏻
I agree with your statement. But I want to respectfully offer a counterpoint to think about as well..., Now if as men we accept that women are more emotionally driven and prone to acting on emotional impulse than their male partners, wouldn't the logical thing to do be to even the dynamic out by being less emotionally minded ourselves, and more rationally minded? This mindset doesn't have to be demeaning to the women in your life, or belittling. It compliments the relationship. It makes both of you stronger as a single unit. If both of you act purely out of emotional response, it makes an unbalanced relationship. Just like if both of you felt no love for each other, and acted purely out of rationality and emotionless reasoning? It would not be a satisfying or functional relationship? At least in my opinion, possibly that works for some couples. But I propose that there should be a balance.
My tactics is to still go for sex, and say that I feel degraded to have fallen for her cheap sex trap ( which I jumped into on purpose ). The advantage is that they will accept anything nasty at this point. This makes them absolutely mad afterwards, once you finally reject them, but also even more attracted to you lol
@@Steevy84 That's how James Bond treats the women sent to kill him.... obligatory sex first, then slap them around...not advocating violence, just describing a violent fictional character. 😱😎✌🏻
@@youtubedestroyedmylife309 Women aren't women if they don't withhold or offer sex to solve all their problems. It's their currency. According to TH-cam funny shorts, they'd even use it to pay for pizza ..... 😱🤣🤣
I was married for 35 yrs. I cannot recall a single apology. Any disagreement was followed by a week of silent treatment...until I apologized...whether my fault or not to end the silence. -Happily single.
Perhaps a good question to ask when dating: "When was the last time you were wrong and apologized for it outside of work." Red flag if she can't think of anything.
@@trucid2 Obvious interview question. lol. From my experience that doesn't work. I've had many girls who openly admit to their mistakes in their past relationships. But when they did the same exact mistakes while dating me... it's completely always my fault instead.
Same here. Married 20 years and I no longer even bring up anything that bothers me. I know she could not care less about me other than what I do for her. When she complains, I say sorry and move on. More peaceful while I bide my time.
Agree, I do apologise because it's important to me to be reasonable but I've lost many female friends who react defensively and absolutely refuse to apologise for behaviour such as gaslighting
A lot of modern women, unfortunately, are notoriously egotistical, pride-filled, and narcissistic, which heavily impacts their romantic and platonic relationships. The exact reason for why a lot of them can’t hold life long friendships anymore like our female ancestors did. Quite sad honestly.
@@AlexAble-tk5zc I think pride is the issue, embarrassment too, also society drills into you that you as a woman deserve the best, "he's not good enough for you" "you deserve better" "you're worth more than this" as opposed to "you are equal to every other human, you are not special, you deserve no more or little than anyone else"
@@Moriyeh I agree, there is a huge element of manipulation, women think they deserve more than men, that men are inferior for the most part and should earn the privilege to be "with us". Critical thinking is what should be taught, self awareness is also key and only something I've learnt to understand through research, education and self reflection
The last gal I dated literally said this out loud. What ended our time together is that I told her "I think you owe me an apology". She said, "Well, those were my feelings and I wont apologize for them." I told her that It wasn't her feelings I was asking her to apologize for. I didn't explain further because it was obvious. She had been mean, and very disrespectful previously.. not to mention her terrible lack of communication. I simply ended the conversation by saying. "An apology asked for isn't worth anything anyways." We pretty much stopped interacting with each other. Three months later I received a very articulate, and intelligent three page letter from her identifying in great detail, and with perfect accuracy all the ways she had wronged me, and how much she cared about me (see...she knew..and she knew how to communicate, and how take some ownership, but had simply refused to). There was still no word of apology. She did offer sex though... I thanked her for the letter... but then told her it was too late.
You say it was obvious what you wanted, but I'm not so sure it was obvious to her. What is obvious to a man isn't always obvious to a woman, and vice versa. In this case, it might have taken a lot of cogitation to figure out that her feelings and her actions were different things... 3 months of cogitation in fact. If you'd named the specific behaviours without judgement, and asked for an apology, you may have got one. Maybe not, but communication is a two way street, and if we want people to improve it is best to offer them a suggestion... especially considering it may be something they have never done before.
@@TheParadiseParadox if the OP says it was obvious why he wanted her to apologize then it was. He has no reason to share his story if he was going to lie about that. Most men know and admit when they're wrong, while most women never admit they're wrong, or choose an innocent little thing ignoring the rest, and most women gaslight their significant other and manipulate men into rethinking what happened in their favor
My ex wife was an abuser. I actually got her to apologize for 3 discreet acts of abuse. I asked her to acknowledge and apologize for the tone her actions set in the relationship and she outright refused and divorced me after over 10 years of marriage. I was willing to forgive and move on at the time. My only regret was that it took 10 years to learn she did not really care about me at all.
"...she did not care about me at all..." They never do. The ONLY woman's unconditional love a man gets to get is his mother's, and *occasionally* a daughter's. All the other women in his life "love" him for what he brings with him. ALL.
Women don't apologize because they think they are always right and they never do anything wrong. Then, when a man gets upset at her, she starts criticizing your emotions. Their lack of apologies causes resentment to build up against your lady and destroys your relationship over time
It varies. My ex wife apologised to me one single time ever and that's because she had been an absolute b**ch to me and both her best friend and her mother told her as much. That was the one single time. Contrast that with other women like my sister or a very good friend I have... two women who are remarkably humble and self aware. You take pot luck with women.
honest apologizes require: - taking responsibility - accepting accountability - self reflection - humility - a willingness to change - acknowledgement of wrong doing - admitting someone else was right it would be easier to get a picture of a Bigfoot riding a Unicorn, than find a woman with these characteristics.
My ex wife did not display a single one of those during our divorce, literally everything was my fault and/or I made her act the way she did or do/not do the things she did. She thought she was actually blameless. It boggled my mind that she could think that way - glad that chapter of my life is over and I am a better person for moving on.
@Bobisabuilder25 when it comes to meaningful apologies I think of a specific quote and a specific song: Quote: “your actions are so deafening, I can’t hear what you’re saying” Song Lyric: “who needs actions when you’ve got words” Fake apologies are easy, but actions reveal people’s true motivations. And for sure, an apology delayed is no apology at all.
As a young man, I've been pretty demoralized on even attempting to build a relationship, despite a desire to one day have a family. You've perfectly and succinctly described a pain I've felt numerous times. I would absolutely gain respect for a woman if she apologized instead of downplaying her fault or my feelings.
I'd REALLY advise against having a family these days, but if you're absolutely determined to- consider a foreign bride... but like ... in a foreign country. If you bring them back to your first world country, they're generally corrupted within a matter of months.
@@melissachartres3219 what if two men both want a family... they adopt or just bring a kid into the world some other ways. Then they just raise the kids together. All the benefits of dual-parenting, much fewer downsides. Any other gender can do the same as well of course. Might even grow into communal family rather than just 2 parents since we're not limited by the primitive mating instincts anymore at that point.
I was seriously demoralized myself at a young age, now at 43yrs old alone with just my cat,(I'm divorced with a 22 yr old daughter) I caution you young man, do not so quickly throw away the idea of family, without people to protect and care for what is "being a man" about? my father told me that to be a man means, "Working hard and sacrificing for people who can never understand how hard you work, or what it s you really sacrifice"
I absolutely, 100 percent agree. My wife has only apologised to me once in 8 years of marriage. I remember it like it was yesterday, cause I’m still in shock that it happened!
"From a woman's perspective, the problem is not the identified [woman's] behaviour, the problem is that the man is angry and upset [about the behaviour]." - OMG I am sooo glad that someone said it out loud, because after countless repetitions of this exact situation (between me and my significant other) I started feeling like there's something wrong with me and/or I'm going crazy... Thank you so much for hitting that nail in the head!
My wife now apologizes when she does something wrong - but that took years. I eventually had to start showing her when she did something objectively wrong that WE ARE NOT MOVING ON FROM THIS until you apologize. Nothing else will fix it. But if you do apologize, it is immediately over. Once she saw that an apology was the quickest and easiest way to end something that would otherwise drag on for days (or weeks) she got the message. Because for men, the # 1 thing we want from our woman is respect - more so than even love. If you are going to wrong me and then refuse to even acknowledge it, what could be more disrespectful than that?
She didn't 'get the message' - she realized it was the best way to get you off her case. She's using it like a tool. This is not a recognition that she did anything wrong.
It's actually quite sad. I'm pushing 50 & I've maybe known 2 - 3 honorable women in my life. None in my family. How do women claim to be the more empathetic, yet can't apologize for anything? Mass delusion & power hungry mad isn't empathy, honey.
@@austntexan what I especially don't get is when they criticize you for never apologizing... when you've apologized many times and they haven't like ever...
They claim to be empathetic, and they murder 2000 of their own babies every single day, in America alone. Makes all the wars men ever fought pale by comparison.
You nailed it! Women don't recognize that their behavior as the problem; they believe the problem is our response to their behavior. If we get angry at their negligence, the problem isn't their negligence, it's that we became angry. And in their minds, we need to profusely apologize for responding with anger at their negligent behavior.
The axiom at the base of this is that women believe the world should revolve around their feelings, and I don't mean that in a 'They're self-centered' kind of having-a-shot-at-them way. They actually believe it, deep down. It's their true end-goal, to have everything cater to - at the expense of all else - how they feel and, to an extent, a lot of our societies - especially in the West - already do function this way.
From the perspective of evolutionary biology Jordon Peterson explained that women need to be more sensitive so that they can be attuned to the needs of infants. Their proclivity towards neuroticism is necessary to advocate for the needs of the baby. Therefore, it makes sense that women, as child-bearers, would believe that their feelings be given priority, especially within the context of family and small community. But the modern western woman shuns motherhood; nonetheless, she still believes her feelings be given ultimate priority. And as she misapplies her ‘sensitive’ nature in the political and economic realms, she ceases to be a child-bearer and becomes a destroyer of civilization.
@@Serquss I absolutely and completely and 101% agree with you. You hit the nail right on the spot. If I could put one hundred times the "like" button on your comments I certainly would. That's is so true what you have said in both of your comments. That is one of the reasons of most importance why women should not be allowed to be in politics or the economic realms. Women in those positions are destroying our western society from within.
My wife, whom I love, never apologises. She has "house" cats. She left the front door open AGAIN. When I said so she said "Yes, I was in a hurry". Says it all.
One word - narcissism. Narcissists pretty much never apologise. I've been in toxic relationship for about 1,5 years, took A LOT of sh*t from her and in that time period she apologised TWO TIMES and in both cases it was like a shock for me that she is even capable of it.
That seems like a lot. I would honestly even question her being narcissistic. :D I'm quite sure my dad is and all I think I ever got in over 30 years was half an apology after he forced me into a situation that gave me a frickin life-uprooting brain injury (which I thankfully recovered from, though it took like 3 years) -- and he took managed to take it back soon thereafter too. Nothing is ever the fault of a person with strong NPD.
@@ThorX89 Jesus Christ, it's painful even just to read about it, sorry for you man. I think, narcissism is a spectrum, one can be not clinically NPD but still have strong narcissistic tendencies, don't you think? Your example is of course extreme, even lesser degree of such relationship can wreck you (like in my case). Stay strong for your own sake. Just like you said, it was not your fault.
I was married for 15 years and my wife only "apologized" once (for cheating), but she said it was really MY fault she cheated, so not sure that counts as an "apology" when you blame the victim for your own bad deeds.
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The more I know about npd and bpd the more I think there is no npd/bpd, but .... true female nature... why it is this way? I don`t know.
Not only do I not hear apologies from women they are very quick to blame men for everything. They have a cough, it's a mans fault. You name it, it's a man's fault. It's not funny and I think they need to learn to take responsibility. Some things just happen. I have a lady friend now and we seldom are together wirhout her blaming me or men for something everyday. Narcissist? Maybe!
The 1 time I thought I got a sincere apology from a woman, I was still in shock and mentioned it to her in the car a week later, she said it never happened and told me I was wrong in the previous argument.
This is the way I see it. I think another factor at play is that apologizing gives away leverage for women. Women tend to like operating in a nebulous intermediate space between being strategic and "acting natural". They need to have plausible deniability at all times. It's also why they never make first moves and prefer using subtle cues of interest. Because making first moves means committing to a path with intent where you cannot act like you meant to do something else whereas something noncommittal like a quick glance in your direction can be interpreted as either a signal of interest for you to pick up or just looking at something else that just happens to be in your direction. They need that duality of interpretation. This way, depending on future events going their way or not, they can always alter the true intent of something they did in the past. If a guy approaches, she wins and if he doesn't approach she wasn't trying to get his attention aways. Now back to why they don't apologize. If we refer back to what I said about needing to have duality of intent, women approach relationships with men in a way where they use their everyday amiable behavior with their partner as a disguise for their true intent which is to maintain leverage in the relationship power dynamic. They really truly view relationships as things to control for their sake by using their ability to manipulate male behavior by leveraging sex, beauty, "damsel in distress" tactics, etc. but they will never reveal this since they know it comes off as conniving. If we go back to the video "women look at men the way men look at jobs", an analogy would be that a man would be a fool to admit to his job that he's only there for the money even if it's true. He must disguise his true goal for being there with the BS he tells them at the interview about really enjoying what he's heard the company's culture, wanting to make an impact, etc. Now here's the kicker. The reason women don't apologize is because you can look at apologizing as a diagnostic that reveals her true intent which is maintaining leverage. When the situation arises where she needs to apologize, she can't hide behind the BS anymore that she uses to cover her intent, because apologizing requires being selfless and being selfless gives up leverage. The situation is like a knife that separates the two sides of the plausible deniability coin. She must show her hand. Love and selflessness or leverage. By apologizing she has to momentarily concede the high ground she uses for strategic purposes and this gives up her ability to use the tools she uses to maintain control of the relationship's power dynamics. The tactics I mentioned before aren't as effective if she has to perform a submissive act such as apologizing. The apology would be easy if her goal was love and equity in the relationship, but it's near impossible to do if her goal is maintaining leverage. Apologizing forces her out of the nebulous space of plausible deniability that she likes to operate in. By not apologizing, she tries to cling to her leverage. By offering sex and other things she tries to get passed this situation and still maintain the high ground. She never admitted to doing anything wrong and so you must still treat her like the innocent blameless damsel that she is and she can still set the rules for how the relationship proceeds.
Yeah makes perfect sense. Say this is the theorem than add her personality type + the qaulity of the relationship. Wouldnt there be a way to back them into a corner so that her only option was to apologise?
Did they go home with you later? If so, then THAT was the thank you. If not, well, women get snooty about having to spend/waste their precious time on guys they have no interest in. And that often makes their manners go out the window.
It took my wife 40 years to learn how to apologize. Now she has no problem but for all those years the idea of an apology never occurred to her. As you said, the typical behavior was food, affection or intimacy. At some point I quit playing and just cut her out of my life. I wasn't unkind. I just didn't include her in my plans, conversations or activities. In a short time she realized the seriousness of it. I wasn't playing a game. I was really mulling over how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. When you get to a certain age sex has no control over you and you value peace more than anything.
My ex avoided apologizing. I eventually took a page from her book and stopped apologizing too. She said that I was being selfish, I said that I really didn't care. And, eventually, I realized that I really didn't care about her anymore. Lost all respect for her and told her to move out.
Or, they actually are sorry for how you feel, or rather for the associated consequences. What they are not sorry about is what they did to make you feel that way. Like when my wife, overal a direct, honest person, started driving while I was still getting in. She near-apologised for my being startled, but not for the risk, nor for her action. She still felt that I was taking too long, so basically it's all my fault.
100% I left the love of my life because she couldn't apologise for something I deemed a huge line cross. I held my frame and her accountable. That was a 14yr relationship burned which stings me today years later
100% agree. As a man who's dated a lot of women, accountability for ones own actions is by far the most important personal quality when judging whether or not the relationship stands any chance at going long term. Any adult who cannot own up to their own mistakes or indiscretions is honestly not worth keeping in your life in any real way (that goes for parents as well). Women avoiding accountability goes much further than just a difference in perspective, on a societal level women will do whatever they can to avoid any form of responsibility or accountability. Whether it be how they dress, actual physical fights they start with others, spending too much money or even getting pregnant when they know exactly when they are ovulating and how well they have adhered to their own birth control methods. It's actually the main reason I don't fully respect the majority of women from recent generations and take everything they say with a grain of salt until they prove otherwise.
The more I grow up the more I realize the phrase women should not be leaders is valid. From personal experience women are really that emotional. 99 percent of the stereotypes I heard about women as a kid ended being true.
@@MOMO-m0m0 “From personal experience”. Which means nothing. So your wrong. YOU in particular should never be a leader of anyone ever. If I was on a ship with you at the helm, I would jump off and swim lest you make a decision based on “personal experiences” that causes us all to perish.
What's worse is that any woman seeing this under 45 years of age, will absolutely find your last comment to be inexcusable, regardless of why you said it, which was typed on the prior paragraphs. A woman is a child. Period. Compare what children laugh at, to what women laugh at. Awoman will laugh hysterically at videos of gangster babies or rapping puppies, like a child would, but a man will look at that and say "why tf is that funny?" There is zero difference. To cheer up a woman, baby her. She'll even giggle and respond like a child as if everything is better. Eve never changed.
@@mealovesyu why would you attack someone like this on the internet?? It screams I'm a lonely person what's wrong with you people can have there opinions without a lonely person crying about jumping off a ship?? MA'AM HE DOESN'T WANT YOU NOR DO ANY OF US, JUMP SWIM AWAY NOBODY CARES AT ALL, OH WAIT I THINK I SEE A SHARK.😂😂😂😂😂
I’ve been regaled for years with “Don’t get upset “ or “you get upset too easily “ or “it’s your fault for (fill in the blank).” Women can tear your heart out with visicious words and later act like nothing happened, make no apology or even deny the incident even happened. So this video is right on the money.
I don't know. I like this guy's videos but on this one he seemed to miss the mark. Your comment and many others in the comments section seem more on point on this subject. At least in my opinion. I think he gave women more credit in this video than they deserve in these situations. I'm glad the video is here though because I can tell by these comments I'm not the only guy that had to deal with this no apology crap
This video should be everywhere!!! ❤ The little Cost for woman to express an apology, is pride, that is a small price too pay, but it is precived as a high price.. Great work you do ❤🤓Just came across your content yesterday, and I am mindblown and so inspired ❤
This is one of the major reasons I married my wife. Every single time she has been in the wrong in the past 15 years, after several hours of reflecting she came back to me, took responsibility and apologized. I strive to do the same and our relationship is rock solid. Although on the surface sex as an apology seems great (yay sex), it is short term pleasure with long term impacts (potential sex withholding for manipulation, never actually resolving issues or conflict etc).
Yes, we do exist. Glad you found a good one. My problem is more on the opposite side of the spectrum: being an “over apologizer.” (And genuinely meaning it.) Came from growing up in Russian orphanage, I presume. My only sister is the same way. Being this way can really attract the type of men who will not apologize. Realized at one point most of the men I had dated did not ever apologize, even for very big things. Then used that knowledge to be mindful and watch for this quality in men in future dating. Found my husband and we both are very quick to apologize and very quick to forgive. Adore him with every ounce of my being. Highly logical and highly humble women are the way to go, albeit hard to find (although less hard to find where I come from than in the west.)
That is a reason I chose my fiancee as well. She grew up in a southern household where respect & manners were imparted. She apologizes if she insults me while in a bad mood, or when she makes a mistake. We will see how marriage goes but I am confident.
@@jeremycranford2732 maybe. if i were to consider it luck, i would probably take it for granted. and then things would go differently... still takes a lot of work to build good communication. setting ego aside. never going to sleep while one of us is unhappy at the other. but best of luck to you
Pure luck .... hehe. The issue is, when you live with a woman that thinks and behaves like a man (not saying that is your case), there are problems. Human relationships are very complicated
@@fairfortune67 i'm genuinely curious about your logic Not taking accountabllity is a matter of inmaturity cockyness etc do You think this a women especific trait???? I have personally met a Lot of men who are like this
Currently in my mid-50's and cannot recall ever hearing any woman apologize for anything ever. Most of what has come out of their mouth has been snarky, snotty remarks. I'm a straight man, physically attracted to women, but don't like what seems to be inside most and thus prefer to not be anywhere around them. Its made for a happier life.
Ditto. Relationships with women, at least today's women, are virtually always a net negative experience. So, why bother? Life is just so much more peaceful without them.
Just tell your woman that if she does not give you what you need, then you will find another woman, or women, who will. You must be calm, cool, & collected. Do not yell, do not threaten. Use the same voice as discussing the weather in a far away place. DO NOT be held hostage. There are no victims, just volunteers. To the men, you must do your part as well. You cannot expect a woman to put out on demand. Give her what she needs (likely not what she says), and she will give you what you need (likely which IS what you say).
Ironic how guys fondly look at make-up sex w/ bad women too. They reinforced to her she can treat him like trash & just play w/ his pee-pee after is all it takes to master him.
Finally! This all makes sense. I have been wondering about this for the past 30 years, yet no one wanted to talk about it. I have had women in my life hurt me deeply, yet they never acknowledge it. I hate to say this, but it did make me have less respect for them. I wish more women would realize the power of a sincere apology. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
@@ndld4955 That's what it really boils down to for men. There was a book, I think it was called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. Might be wrong about the name or the source, and I'ma paraphrase. The true key difference between men and women, is that men NEED respect, whereas women need love. Each has their own emotional needs from themselves and from others at a deep and unavoidable level. I believe one of the many things that get this massive ball of yarn so tangled is that people can react and behave so differently both in response to how they are treated by others, and how they pursue meeting their needs and desires. We all have our own beliefs and internal values, each needing wanting and valuing each different thing ever so slightly differently. Each of us looking for a different happiness as we see it, using the tools we believe best capable of obtaining them. (Edit to add) Personally, I don't really care too badly if I'm not loved by people. It's good to be, but if I'm never loved by anyone other than actual family again, I'll be mostly O.K. with it, as long as I'm respected, at least at a basic level. I don't really believe women care about being respected on a core need level. Of course everyone needs and deserves respect, but I believe women would drop that if it meant being well and truly loved if they had to pick. I don't mean basic human respect here either, I mean having an emotional or intellectual or what have you respect for someone.
@@limoncr5205 I think so, and I think most men do as well. I think women might see it a bit differently. I think people try to love people and show love the way they want to be loved.
It's really important to really know and understand ourselves as well as our partners and understand what we need on a core level to have a stable and healthy relationship. If you don't know what emotional needs you have to be filled it's can be hard to know the right kind of person to look for. Without knowing what kind of emotional needs your partner has it can be hard to actively try and fill them. I'm getting a little rambling though.
From the movie "As Good as it Gets" How do you write women so well? Jack Nicholson: First I think of a man. Then I take away all logic and responsibility."
Your comments were very relatable. Bad parenting only exacerbates this problem and inflates the ego as a blimp. My sister is a prideful, arrogant narcissist.
@@robinaboy Like what? Reading through these comments I see a lot of vague bellyaching but very few actual accounts of what the woman allegedly did wrong. One guy further up said simply that he felt 'disrespected', and wanted 'respect more than love'. It sounds like just about all of you men on here are immature, slave-seeking users with more than a hint of narcissism.
In my experience a woman apologizes when she is completely "in love with you" which also means she respects you. But when she is no longer "in love with you", she stops apologizing even if she says she loves you.
That's the only time they are loyal or treat you really well is because it comes down to being reigned by her intense feelings. Because your approval of her has a monopoly on that feelgood drug, you receive behavior that seems unselfish. But the moment that cools off you see that disappear like you never really knew her. Men operate more consistently in relationships because of a sense of duty or scarcity mindset.
@@DB742 Nice crack pot armchair theory not based on anything other than baseless claims lol, you know theirs an interesting thing about how the bias tend not to realize their being biased, Its funny that woman can only remain loyal by your theory by approval but men by what evidence we have cheat more overall lol anyway please provide evidence
4:00 I like how he spent 4 minutes to explain that 1: women don't see the error in their ways and think your response to their transgressions is the problem and not their own behavior that caused it in the first place 2: they want to undermine the validity of your feelings by distracting from the issue rather than solving it by becoming a better person through better actions The worst part in my experience is even if you do get an apology it isn't sincerely followed through with a change in behavior and they think the fact that they apologized is enough
"Women, consider learning how to apologize." This X100000. I once had a new girlfriend apologize to me after she had started an argument. AFTER I collected my jaw from the floor from the shock of realizing that I had witnessed something I had never seen a woman do before, I fell head over heels in love with her. Men do not expect women to be perfect. When this girl showed that she cared enough about me to not let me take blame for something that she was responsible for, I knew I had found a diamond.
Be careful of being neurotically in love my man.. "It's always better if she loves you more than her" was a piece of advice from my old man I didn't believe, until it personally applied lol.. It's a hard lesson to learn though the first time.
God I wish this was me. Just came out of 10 months of dating a girl who -always- let me take the blame. Twice she "dropped the bomb" and told me everything was my fault. By then she'd already destroyed my spirits, my self-confidence and my belief in me being a good person and man. Taking responsibility and making sure that "credit where credit is due" + the opposite is so...god, it's so important and mature.
My wife aplogises all the time even when she hasnt hasn't done anything wrong, you act like its rare but where the evidence! for this commonality??? this seems like another case of confirmation bias in an echo chamber
@@FreakMeat74 My advise would be too never be neurotically in love but be it based on logic and reason like actual measure of who your partner is, this claim of her having to love more isnt based on anything other than the old man and you getting hurt and thus thinking woman are the problem when bad partners isnt a gender thing
I think it can go even deeper. I’ve had women apologize “that something happened” or “that I’m feeling this way”, but not for the grievance they chose to commit. As a wronged person, this is even more infuriating, aka the “non apology”.
Sometimes they continue to do the action. Like they apologize for something and then keep doing it. Almost like they find pleasure in undermining your feelings. Not all but many in my personal experience. Got to the point I'm no longer going to be overly nice to women. I'll give them respect but i dont let things slide anymore and I even cut them off.
Don't you remember as a kid when girls had to apologize it was almost venomous and people thought it was good enough when boys did I we were threatened!
Absolutely! That is not the same as someone apologising for the actions they chose. Saying " I'm sorry you feel that way." Means you are at fault because you have chosen to feel angry or sad.
I once timidly asked for an apology. She flipped out. The wrong was not a big deal, but not apologizing and refuting the facts were the last straw of the marriage.
@Nothing-2-see-here I was going to say the same thing, and mention how my ex wife (diagnosed vulnerable narcissist) was just like this, she would NEVER Apologize and would become ENRAGED when I'd confront her and ask for an acknowledgement of her wrong doings, however, I've observed and concluded that most, if not all women are narcissistic in nature to some degree, there's an evolutionary reason for it.
My family fell apart because of a very stubborn very very hard headed woman. I still love her, but she took my 3 kids and now sleep with her new lover. There were only 1 or 2 serious apologies in our 9 years relationship. My advice is: if it happens for the first time when she hurts you and does not come back to calm your pain, gently show her the door immediately. She will have time to think, maybe to change and she will understand your rules and boundaries. If she does not come back to try again, she was not worth your lifetime. I let my woman to hurt me a lot in our first year and then I was never able to ask her for respect and responsibility anymore. I wish these stories and experiences were taught in school. I think society needs to refocus education to communication, psychology and relationship rather than calculus for example.
Just listen to Amber Heard's "apology" to Johnny Depp. To paraphrase: "Babe you weren't punched. I was hitting you, I'm sorry that you can't handle it."
I already broke up with one of my ex-girlfriends because she never wanted to apologize. I told her " We are through, just pack and leave. " She was like wtf, why ? I went " Because you never apologize for your bad behaviours and for hurting me, and I have 0 respect for people who can't take accountability and responsibility for their actions and the backlash and harm it causes to the other person. " She begged me to take her back for months. Tried to apologize MANY times. But I was over. If you have to apologize once you are suffering the consequences, you don't truly mean it. You had to mean it when it was time to.
When she was sad and didn't want to leave , u should have said " I'm sorry that you feel that way " it would have been an icing on the cake (taste of their own medicine) But good job man, what u did takes courage and a firm resolve
@@samyakhp4353 Yeah well, I could, but I'm not heartless either. It was already bad enough for her to feel the consequences of her actions, which many women now won't even get to experience, because they are the ones doing the dumping. She just pushed me too far and I walked away. Women have to know that if they push you too far, you gonna walk away and never look back. Which I did. Sometimes they have to lose a good man to truly understand and change their way.
She apologized because of the simple natural fear of being rejeced and or left alone. You’re exactly right, if she was a person of true character, she either wouldn’t have hurt you, or she would feel immense guilt for doing it right after with an apology, and a promise of change.
@@EternalxFrost yeah but some fellas have children with those harlots, and they can't just leave like that sometimes... you know, court/law, alimony etc...
I realize that I’m an anomaly. I apologize to my husband, children whomever I have wronged. It’s a hurtful feeling when someone has hurt you and they won’t admit it. 😢
@@YouilAushanaI guess pretty decent. I’m the oldest grandchild of the only girl of six children, so I was fiercely protected. I also have a pretty good relationship with my dad, if that helps your understanding.
I did once get a girl to apologize. It wasn't through logic but through feelings - I had flipped the situation for her to give her a perspective of how she'd feel if someone had done something similar to what she did to her boyfriend. In the end she admitted wrong doing and apologized to him (I always fight for the homies)
Same, recently my fwb was complaining about a childhood friend that stopped talking to her. Apparently she was making fun of his low height, and to her it wasn't a big deal. She couldn't even imagine how toxic she was being and she justified that as saying she has always done that to him. She calls herself an empath but she isn't. I had to explain to her and try to make her walk on his shoes. Like 'imagine if she called you fat, or ugly, made fun of ur nose or your tatoos etc, how would you feel? how would you feel if instead of apologizing he would keep mocking you despite you telling him to stop? she eventually understood, she even said the next day 'hey I apologize if I acted like this in the past, sometimes I don't notice..
@airthrowDBT that was my experience with my ex too. Or she’d swat away the suggestion and say “that’s irrelevant” or “you always say that” or something insubstantial like that
@@seribelz She sounds like she has a touch of narcissism. I watched a video just this past week about people who believe themselves to be empathic but really aren't. If she was, she would have realized the hurt she was causing and stopped on her own. I'm surprised she was able to see the other side of the coin. Most will blame the other for being hurt by her actions. Most narcissists do things specifically to get a reaction. To make someone hurt or angry. That's their goal. My ex was one. She's specifically do things to make me angry, then sit back and gloat "see YOU are unstable".
Oh my gosh, this is exactly on point with how my wife behaved after I learned of her adultery. It was probably 6 weeks after I found that that she gave me a half-hearted, half-assed apology. I was so pissed and hurt, I remember asking her straight out "Why aren't you apologizing? Aren't you sorry?" and all I got in return was a blank stare and silence. For I think 6 weeks. Since then she has basically done the strategy of just give it time and everything will blow over. She never expressed remorse or repentance, never tried to make amends, didn't really try to repair the damage at all. Because of this she won't be my wife for much longer. It is just so damn interested to hear your words because that's exactly what it was like!!
Whoa, dude. Sorry to hear that & that you're going through it right now. But yeah, the sooner you can unload this nurturing empathic female the better off you're going to be. Her blank stare & silence said it all. In the rp manosphere that's called the 1000 c*ck stare. Get out of there & don't even blank dumb stare back. She doesn't even deserve to see your face anymore. Good luck, sir.
Same thing here. A few months after finding out (we had young kids) we were arguing about it. I said 'you've never even apologized'. Her response was 'Yes I did'. Which, if she ever had I would remember, I told her again that she never had. The reasonable thing would have been a simple 'Well, I am sorry'. Nope. Never. We argued about it with her erroneously insisting she had yet never simply saying it, just arguing that she had already said it. It is what it is...and so she remains untrustworthy and a cheater. You can't have redemption without remorse. Come to think of it the adultress in the Bible never offered any apology to Jesus either.
One of my favourite videos youve made so far. You sir are a legend, I cannot thank you enough for your continuous stream of actual logic. Logic is such a valuable commodity in this world. I will be becoming a paid member on my payday you have brought me huge value.
I noticed this issue with my mother and father's relationship, and when I started dating my now wife, it was the biggest green flag when I saw that she could apologize and rectify her behavior once she realized she was wrong.
This is absolutely correct. When a woman apologizes, it's not for her actions or words, what she's sorry for it is that she messed up the manipulation. It's just damage control!
Lies. And unkind too. I really dislike the generalization here. Next time, please talk about your own experience, not ‘when a woman does so and so’. Have you engaged with all of us? Done a study?
@@Esme26433 Knowing every single individual of a population is impossible, that's why generalizations (aka Statistics) exist. If the generalization/stereotype that women aren't honest when apologizing exists, it's because MOST/MAJORITY of women behave according to it. You may not like/have a hard time accepting reality, but reality doesn't care about feelings nor thoughts, it just is, same as nature and time. Exceptions of course may exist, but they're just that, exceptions.
Women lawyers in Court lie all the time, to the point where they cannot distinguish between truth, which is an absolute, and their lies, which spill out everywhere. These women lawyers take zero responsibility for their behavior. But then again, men lawyers seem to do the same, so that must all lie in some special perversion of the DNA chain. Oh, well.
The most common thing I've encountered over the years is what I like to call the " 'Aren't we all wrong?' strategy". When they are called out for a transgression, instead of being virtuous and apologizing, they engage in manipulation and try to pull you down to their level by appealing to your empathy or integrity. And it tends to come in the form of "what-about-ism," where they recall a past transgression you have committed that has nothing to do with the situation.
That's one of the M.O.'s they use the moment what you are saying starts shining the flashlight of truth back on them. They'll do this weird hail-mary attempt at bringing up some derailing non-sequitor.... not related to the current topic of conversation tangent. And the goal is to turn that flashlight away from them, hoping you'll, I dunno, get flustered or something? It's a move based in desperation.
This actually makes perfect sense in comparison to my childhood. My female teachers would always punish me for defending myself from older kids. Clearly in the minds of those teachers it was my fault those bullies attacked me, clearly they wouldn't have tried to bully me if I hadn't defended myself from them. Or maybe female "logic" is simply backwards.
In this case, teachers are not going to dole out judgement or justice, they are simply looking to maintain order and peace so they can teach. When things get out of hand, their recourse is to send the offenders to the principal for judgement and punishment. It's systemic more than anything else IMO.
They punished you for the same reason police give the streets to Antifa - because the bullied are easier to deal with and to punish than the actual perps.
I have never noticed this before, when stood up for myself a fought my bullies (several times) It was always the female teachers the one that punished me, the male ones usually just observe and some of them even laugh.
America is pro bully. They want the victims to be afraid to speak up and stand up for themselves. If you tell on the bully they will just say it was both of your fault.
The vast majority of women will not heed your advice, Dr. Taraban. They have too much pride. I think some would rather die and go to hell before they admit fault and apologize.
Women do DIE and GOTO HELL. I know that it is true because women always said "Where did all the good men gone?". ** They have too much pride. I think some would rather die and go to hell before they admit fault and apologize. **
Absolutely. Just read the comments from a majority of women on here. They are just proving our point. All of our human experiences are absolutely false in their eyes, and they won't even have a minute of reflection or humility, despite all of these poor broken-hearted men that have tried and tried. Still they ignore and deny and because enough men want to fuck them, they have no real reason to evolve or look in the mirror and do some inner work.
This makes complete sense. My wife is a great lady and actually sometimes does apologize, but I soon realized she was just trying to make me feel better. She didn't actually beleive there was anything that needed fixing. This just winded me up even more and it resulted in pointless directionless arguments. After seeing this video im starting to think I should just treat women as tall children that need to be forgiven for a natural lack of rational ability. Another option is to just never show negative feelings or frustration. Because that seems to be what they are latching onto rather than the problem itself.
@@exnihilonihilfit6316fair, but even a half hearted apology shows more respect for the person than a refusal, or worse trying to gaslight the person into thinking they overreacted to your wrongdoing.
My favourite apology from a woman (I'm female too but I have humility) was from my abusive mother. When I left home for university she must have been scared I'd go NC so she "apologized" for making my brother "discipline" me (he was beating me and she would look on with a demented grin) but said that it was my father's fault because he wouldn't do the disciplining. She totally shifted the blame on to my dad which she always did. At the time I was a very traumatized shell-shocked individual so I didn't know how to even process it, I knew it was phony but I had never been taught self-respect, I had accepted my place as the doormat.
This is what is called a non-apology. It is meant to appease or even gaslight the recipient without taking any responsibility or admitting any wrongdoing. The classic example is "I'm sorry you feel this way" or "I'm sorry if I offended you", always followed by an expressed or silent "but it's not my fault".
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you as I can relate to being the doormat. I had to get out of this and my family members didn’t like it.
"I'm sorry I had to use a spare person to abuse you. I would have preferred to use the first person on my list." Or rather "the way I hurt you was wrong. I should have done it the other way."
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I'm 40 years-old, and I can count the number of apologies I've received from women over the course of my life on one hand. Surprisingly, this is not due to the fact that I have always interacted with virtuous, high-quality, well-behaving women. For whatever reason, women seem to find it particularly difficult to apologize to men -- and this is really too bad. In this episode, I'll discuss the nature of the difficulty, and why it would be in women's best interests to apologize more often.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#relationship #women #dating
Just found your channel. Very beneficial. BUT I disagree how you handled the gf who wanted to apologise with sex. I would have instead angry eff'ed her and THEN go sleep on the couch. LOL.
The problem is pride. Pride before the fall. Apologizing is the hardest thing for the proud.
Yeah, the only thing I got from that is that women are wrong and then make things worse by doubling down on stupid. That's when a man needs to call her out on her BS. It's that simple. Men who "apologize" for being right, just because she's "upset", disgusts me. Weak men like that make it harder for the rest of us who have to do your job of breaking her in properly.
There will be less USA men committing suicide when they stop dating and stop marrying USA women.
Most USA women live an unrealistic life of fantasy, will men accept their foolish fantasy Feminist lives ?
Women soon have a different attitude when the man has upset the woman
"Im sorry you feel that way" is my favorite female "apology "
😂😂 it's an international standard
Ohhhhh I've gotten that one and it is very insulting
Which translates to: “I’m sorry if you’re a pussy, there’s no way I can help you.”
My reply to that is okay b*tch
Ha, lost count of the number of times I’ve had that one. I counter with, ‘but are you sorry for doing x?’ Always stay on target, calmly and respectfully.
My wife, who passed from breast cancer 10 years ago, was Catholic. I would take her to confession maybe once every one or two months and I would wait in the car for her. She came out out one time and said she was sorry for some big blow up we had a few weeks prior. I asked her what prompted this change and she said she confessed that she had sinned with anger and was wrong and the priest asked her if she apologized to her Husband and she said no and I guess he talked to her about that. After that she began to apologize whenever she did something wrong against me, (she hardly ever did anything wrong really) She was a really good Christian woman and exceptional wife and helped me with many of my faults and struggles and I miss her a lot.
I’m sorry about your loss
I'm sorry for your loss as well.
May she Rest in Peace
My Condolences 🌹
Respect
My condolences..
Accountability and responsibility are a women’s kryptonite. Is never their fault . They act like children but hate to be treated like such .
How intelligent 💪
Where did you first hear the kryptonite analogy? For me it was from TFM.
Indeed.
@@LikeToWatch77 I miss TFM.
@@anisenkrill6179 - TFM was both an edgelord and a scholar. He presented concepts in a way that nobody else has before or since. Coltaine was comparable in presentation of unusual ideas but couldn't match TFM's volume.
we live in an era where something so basic like accountability needs a psychologist to break it down
Unfortunately, I think he is wrong in calling this a woman's problem.
@@oasisneko1 i lowkey agree. its not just a women thing
@@oasisneko1 Both men and women can struggle with accountability, but in relationships, dodging accountability and never apologizing is more of a woman's problem than a man's.
@@oasisneko1 It has begun to manifest itself in men, as many have been raised by single mothers
@@oasisneko1 Most Women do that. This is why many don't apologize
I'm a 64 years old man and this is the first time I'm hearing this from another male. My mother's side of the family is large and mostly women. They've gaslighted me my entire life and figured this out in the last 10 years. Thank you.
I was lucky enough to sorta recognize this early on and wouldn't deal with it. Single mother household with a single mother grandmother. Mother was terminally ill and very toxic about it till the day she passed. Grandmother was aloof but meant well, but I can see where my mom got it from. I've got a no-tolerance-for-any-nonsense mentality at this point between girlfriends and them. WILL not tolerate it. I feel like I used to be real easygoing and take things at face value, but at my age, I feel like I'm stone-cold and jaded to a degree. But generally feel great over all. The funny thing is that they will chase validation since you are stoic and stern to read, which honestly feels like that's what they want. Whether it's attractive or just do it by nature. But they get used to the everyday guy who does and she doesn't know how to deal with someone like that. In a lot of cases it probably means you are with a lower-quality woman. But sometimes you have to go through life to experience things and end up a little jaded from past female actions and life in general beating you down. Then they'll wonder why you are so cold, emotionally distant, and jaded about her bullshit. The positive traits of that mentality should come as a byproduct of being on one's purpose. However, there's the alter nemesis version, which is less optimistic and more toxic. Working your way out of being that toxic side. Taking action and making things happen. But still know how to turn on that side when necessary, if you could call it that. Since it can become like a default nature at a point. The methodology to me should be that " I'm working on something so important that any nonsense you bring just doesn't matter, and I don't have any time for it." She must match up to you, and don't settle for someone who can't or won't. The pussy is NOT good enough to make me deal with all nonsense. All the petty stuff is from a lack of personal growth or boredom. If we can not entertain ourselves with a higher state of being and find interest in the amazing things this world offers and instead default to the trash interaction for entertainment. The door is right there. A man not on his purpose will get wrapped up in it. Don't take the bait. Don't play the games. Find what you are worth and don't let people do this to you in general. Have respect for yourself. Increase your value. Always be learning.
Well it took me a solid 40 years before I could get it through my thick skull that women manipulate. Men are straight forward in what they want or don’t want and women would rather manipulate you emotionally to get the same results.
@@TRFAD If you are not tolerating such a thing, how do you deal with woman than
@@Kronoken. Since I am not sure if he will ever get back here to reply I will give you my take on what he wrote from a red pill perspective. What he wrote was quite clear to me, he doesn't as you say "deal" with them, the instant they go off his "road" he shows them the door.
Based on your comment, I would also guess you are still quite blue pill?
@@jerrybruckhart9134 Blue pill/red pill? What does that mean?
Once upon a time, a man asked a beautiful woman to marry him.
She said no.
And he lived happily ever after.
FIN
Good. But how about this as a fine-tuning (?):
"Once upon a time, a man asked a beautiful woman to marry him.
She said no.
One of them lived happily ever after . . ."
Humor is the best medicine
Of course the man's response depends very much on whether he is married or not. If not married and she displays serious flaws you simply leave and move on.
Of course the man's response depends very much on whether he is married or not. If not married and she displays serious flaws you simply leave and move on.
It doesn’t cost women nothing to apologize, it costs them their ego…
And their sense of control and safety. They feel weaker and more vulnerable by apologizing.
Not really that only applies to narcissists. Ego is their power and nothing offends a narcissists more than one trying to mess with it.
@Illuminated by The Most High only to apologize when they’re WRONG.
Pathetic excuse to get out of taking accountability.
@Illuminated by The Most High right is right and wrong is wrong.
Men have always held women accountable. It’s feminism that has allowed women to get away with the lack of accountability.
The society that is being ran today is gynocentric.
Again, nice try.
@Illuminated by The Most High “women have never been held accountable in history or been expected to”
“Men have always held women accountable”
Soooooo…..Which one is it?
The woman's reasoning :
"He knows it is painful for me to apologize. He wouldn't require that i apologize if he really cared for me".
Doskonały komentarz👍. Zgadzam się.
1) he could make her violate “he protects me at all costs” by forcing an apology
2) it could force her to confront reality vs the figment of reality she has created in her mind
aww, what a difference between women and men. the good thing is that apologizing my change women behavior because it cost a lot for her.
This is like the intelligence level of a cat. If you loved me, you wouldn't take me to the vet. If you loved me you would give me the entire bag of treats. If you loved me you would let me go outside indefinitely. And actually even some cats re above that level.
@@maikeru01let her go outside indefinitely is the answer
I nearly lost my mind trying to get my ex to have accountability and just apologize when she was wrong..Needless to say I left her alone. Life has been much better not having to explain to someone how to be a decent human being
The worst is when they THINK they are a decent human being and really aren't.
plz dont tell me you're still dating her
@@muskokamike127 I've been reading lots of replies and you seem quite knowledgeable. What would you recommend with someone who gives an apology on condition. Im seriously considering leaving but she said " iwas going to apologize but you made me feel so bad and you ignored me all day so I didnt.
@@MOMO-m0m0 My gut tells me that she actually had no intention of apologizing and denied accountability by instead making it 'all your fault' and guilt-tripping you. Leave.
@@MOMO-m0m0 Like many women, HER feelings are more important to her than her actions. "your reaction made ME feel bad" so too bad for you.
Her suggestion that she WAS going to apologize is hollow, she never was.
Dump her. Say to her "unlike you, I can admit when I made a mistake. In this instance, my mistake was getting involved with you. So my apologies, but there's the door, don't let it hit you in the rear on the way out".
Just remember: anger is a legitimate response when faced with an injustice.
A women physically attacked me over a year ago, I distanced myself from her and she reached out a few weeks ago. I explained her behaviour was disgusting and if the shoe had been on the other foot I would be in jail, you know what she said....."I apologise if I made you feel a certain way" she never once mentioned her behaviour.....THIS VIDEO IS GOLD DUST!
Women ☕️ 😆
You got lucky. I was physically attacked by my ex and I called the cops and I got sent to jail when I never hit her back or anything. I got kicked out of the apartment we were staying in and she got no consequences whatsoever. The cops just took me because I'm the man an they left her without her without any skin in the game. I'm pretty sure this is was because crooked cops showed up to the scene. They told me it was just their policy to take someone. I had to enroll in domestic violence classes as soon as I was bailed out as a condition of my bail. Was never convinced of the crime but I got the punishment of someone who was guilty. It's wild how much power women have when the judicial system is involved
''i apologise if I made you feel a certain way'' say what....
Lol, was a hoe. The same chick will complain her partner slapped her to the judge when you do reply to her whiny abuse.
@@MoistDelta. insane.
The ability to apologize is crucial for any functional adult.
Women aren't adults.
@RH Said in another comment that they are all kids and here I am seein this lol
@@RH-vq6gk They become adults when they accept the role of a primary caretaker. Until then, they're princesses. Daddy/Mommy's princess and boyfriend's princess.
It is, but so too is the ability not to be pushed into an apology just for the appeasement of others. This occurs frequently in modern society, and men in particular are often pressured into bending and apologising, often under the threat of losing their livelihoods, simply because others could not handle the truth of something they had said.
@@alexfrank5331 Look at Meghan Markle. She is the epitome of an infantile woman who thought that becoming a princess would be like stepping into a Disney movie. She very soon lost interest in being a princess when she discovered that it involved work and selfless dedication, and that her duties extended beyond the mere wearing of expensive clothes and being looked at.
"Women want the authority of a man, the privileges of a woman, and the accountability of a child".
❤
LOVE IT!
@@platoon1081 Very true 🤔
This has to be one of the best lines I have seen.
@@fmmnta Ok, you missed the point. We are listing the BAD thigs. What you listed was a GOOD thing! lol
If your woman is a narcissist, any apology is just another manipulation. They never mean it.
Exactly. They always keep receipts and bring it up later which is proof they never accepted the apology. True apology acceptance is shredding the receipts after the apology
So you've met my mother?
Im guessing this one is gender neutral 😂
@@LiberPater777 😂
Always look at the behavior. Does the behavior change? No? Are they really sorry then?
They don't apologize because they truly don't believe they did anything wrong and the reason is because they base decisions on feelings and in their mind feeling a certain way is never wrong, even if actions or outcomes based on those feelings are.
I screeenshot your comment. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking but couldn’t put it into words . Thank you, they never think they do anything wrong. If they get caught cheating, they said it’s because the side guy made them “feel” like it , or their husband didn’t make them “feel” wanted anymore. It’s so stupid. Facts over feelings for men, and feelings over facts for women
By that logic, if they made someone feel bad, they should believe they did something wrong.
@@kevalan1042 yup, but women aren’t logical . So they don’t care
@@Sharpswordherald thanks! You're right.
@@kevalan1042 how they make others feel is irrelevant to them. It's only how they feel that concerns them.
“Men respect those who take responsibility and accountability” absolutely 100% true!
Which cancels out about 95% of the women today in the Western world.
Some people will think that it's misogyny lol
Might have done before the feminisation of men.
When expecting someone to respect your boundaries is “oppression”
I’ve seen so many managers lose respect in the work place when they don’t take accountability for their actions. It does matter if your a man or woman.
Every woman's apology is followed by a "but" and that makes it no longer an apology
ah, ah. you describe perfectly my wife ! For each of her very few apologies over 25 years of marriage, there have always been a "but".
funny, I never use "but" the opposite is true tho. guess my apologies are worthless anyway.
An apology is really three things: a) An expression of regret at taking an action the person now understands was inappropriate, b) An implicit commitment to not repeat the inappropriate action, c) A gesture of respect toward the person who has been wronged. When a person refuses to apologize, what they are saying is, "I did nothing wrong. I will do it again, if I feel like it. And, I don't respect you." Steer clear of anyone--woman or man--who feels they are above apologizing.
I had my last gf say to me "why is respect so important to you"? I responded with "why ISN'T respect important to you? It's the whole foundation of civilisation and relationships. Without respect, there is nothing".
The problem is she demanded respect from everyone around her but never gave it in return. She truly believed (like a narcissist) that she peed chardonnay and farted chanel No. 5
@@muskokamike127 If anyone asked me that, I'd reply, "ask your next bf. Bye!"
@@threethrushes I learned by my mistakes and yes, I will, from now on.
I can admit it: she had a great body and I was thirsty......so I overlooked SO many issues.
Thanking for making it a both issue. I've dated men who can't/won't apologize either. It's specific to a gender: it's specific to people who don't show respect.
@@threethrushes if she manages to get one, lol .
Women's rules for apologies (deduced by observation!):
#1 Never apologize
#2 If you have to apologize, make it an empty apology
#3 If an empty apology is not viable, make a minimal/token gesture
very accurate 100% agree
reminds me of the "Narcissist's Prayer," which I think also can rightly be referred to as the "Women's Prayer" 😁
Pretty sure #4 is If you have to apologise, make sure it sounds like the other persons fault.
And we have the winner, Alex!! Ding, ding, ding. My ex-wife refused to apologize. Her way of apologizing...your number #3; she would make me my favorite food. And when I asked, why can't you just say I'm sorry instead. Her reply? "Why should I?" Yeah. I divorced the b!+
I feel like #3 is to make it clear that this is not an actual apology but something to hurt the other party with / no remorse.
My respect for women who apologize, just goes through the roof.
A woman who can be 100% sincere and not do the same actions that caused the problem again is worth it.
@@robertharrison1058 these mythical creatures you speak of do not exist, unfortunately
Fool
@@ggggg77273 Exactly... Even most men are female spirits
@@ggggg77273 Women should be treated as property because they view others as utilities
Women really underestimate just how appreciative we would be if they said sorry just once.
Mine says sorry whenever she feels she made a mistake
@@justsomerandomhomie1794 I don't understand why this is so uncommon. I grew up with girls... The reality is, for the most part, they're almost allergic to apologising
@@AlexAble-tk5zc Sadly we broke up
Men need to learn not to “react” negatively to what they do. Then they will say “I’m sorry.” Men are far too reactive. Once the man reacts and takes the “bait,” it reinforces the females behavior and reinforces it, that’s why there is no “sorry”
i always said that to them, "If you did as i said since the beginning, step 1 , but no , u had to do it in your way , miss sharkira, well done, now who is gonna clean this pshycological mess?
the man
I have 6 siblings, and one we nicknamed Golden Boy. He used to do the dumbest things and get in trouble, but nothing ever stuck. It took me years to realize why. He was super quick to apologize to my parents, and took full ownership of his mistakes and stupidity. It wasn't a weakness to apologize it was a strength.
That's quite odd parents. Repeated offenses show a pattern & hint at manipulation & bigger problems. But with 6 kids, who has the energy to diagnose & break down too much stuff.
I try to teach this to the young lads I supervise at work. Tell me you did something wrong and I’ll forgive you. Try to hide it and I’ll learn to not trust you. My biggest screwups are given the most responsibility if they’re honest about their screwups.
I bet Golden Boy was the youngest. The youngest always get away with the most crap.
the apologies were probably insensere, they knew it but they just didn't care.
had the oldest one apologized in the same way, it would have been futile.. his ass would be handed to him each time.
The youngest get away with murder because the parents had their spirits broken, ground their teeth to pulp on the older ones.
So by the time the youngest one apologize, they just take it and move on.. because they are tired of fighting
Yes, it is certainly a strength. And it's the best strategy as well when you mess up in the workplace, which can happen to anyone. If you _immediately_ come forward and admit that you were the one who made the mistake people won't really get mad at you. And certainly not on the long run. Whereas those who try to hide and won't take ownership are screwing themselves over.
@@stijnvandamme76 um no... on almost all accounts. He was smack dab in the middle. His apologies were definitely sincere. He was good natured, smart (engineer), a jock, and had a way of winning people over. In high school, he hung out with jocks and things would just snowball. He broke his ankle once because him and his football buddies, at 17 y.o., decided to play King on the Mountain. Dad wasn't too happy with the hospital bill.
Before working on myself to overcome my selfishness in my marriage, I never apologized; if I did, it was to make myself feel better, but my words were empty and forget about changing my behavior. Women don't apologize because we lack empathy with men and the capacity to admit when we are wrong. We think we know everything about relationships and that men know nothing, which makes us perpetually right and men perpetually wrong. From this perspective, we never have to look at ourselves and take accountability to change.
That is actually a pretty good comment from a woman, a rarity in the manosphere, you have earned a degree of respect from this 57 year old life long bachelor that could count on two hands the women he has any respect for.
@@jerrybruckhart9134 props
I had not noticed your username nor looked at your page when I made my initial comment. When QED commented, I came back and took another look. If you see this, I am quite certain you would find red pill philosophy quite interesting, the study of female nature. I would be glad to share my writings if you have interest.
Women need to get rid of this "Man bad, woman good " narrative in their heads. It's wrecking families, and ruining people's lives. Thanks for helping make the world better.
My mother is like that and I think by me still coming around she thinks her behavior is ok
My ex-wife would apologize occasionally, but every single time she did, she'd immediately bring up some random incident from the past where she felt I wronged her. It didn't matter how bad the thing was she was apologizing for, she'd still somehow try to turn it around on me.
@treeghettox Relationships are much like courts, the way I see it. Once there is a precedent, that is the new goal post that has moved. What you allow, is what will continue. I guess the same could be said for any type of bad behavior in people in general.
@treeghettox sadly that sounds like teaching your children when you can't use any punishment!!
🤣 it's as if I wrote this myself.
@@patrickday4206 There are many podcasts geared towards men and relationships that compare women to children. Women hate it but since they are driven by their emotions they truly are. Case in point: women who proudly proclaim that they have a job, own their own car, pay for their own house. "congratulations, you're an adult" lol.
I've had a relationship where the woman said "why do you treat me like a child?why don't you treat me like an adult"? I will when you start acting like one. I look back and wish I knew then what I knew now and would have nipped it in the bud a lot sooner.
I've tried playing that game back every time she mentioned some wrong I did in the past I'd bring up 2 wrongs she did each time. Then shed say your so like a woman! She would say she has changed and wont do that again
I have dated a woman who learned to apologize to me maybe a few months or so into the relationship. I told her that while she never saw her parents apologize to each other, we were going to set a different standard and always seek reconciliation through apologizing as promptly as we could do so sincerely. Not just a hurry up and apologize to get through the hard part of it.
She began to apologize to me for things that I was unaware of that she was doing wrong and also a decent amount of time for things that I was aware of. I am proud of her for growing in this way. I did the same to her.
Thank for leading the way and teaching her that it is ok to apologize. A lot of women don’t admit fault due to shame and judgement that comes along with doing something wrong. You’re a true leader and we need more men like you who are willing to teach, lead, and create safe spaces for women to honoring a man’s leadership.
That’s awesome
Well done, brother. You cracked the DaVinci code .Enjoy your success. You deserve it 👏
thank you for this because many men do not have this safe empathy space for women when they do wrong we are not perfect at the end of the day as long as you see she is trying to be better
Huge shout out for taking on a controversial idea.
Being able to apologize is a huge sign of maturity and self awareness.
and not being a narcissist.
This is literally taught to us before school, how the fuck is it controversial?
@@LJ-hk4tv It's only taught to boys, not girls. Hence the problem.
@@BalboaBaggins Sad reality
Most people have no self awareness and are female animals xDD
I once had a woman I was dating apologize to me and I almost fell over. It was a sincere apology, I tried to brush it off like hey it was no big deal, but she looked me in the eye and said no, I'm sorry. Wow. I honestly think that was the one and only sincere apology I ever got from a woman. It was ten years ago and I remember it to this day. So a woman apologizing does actually happen believe it or not.
On the flip side, a woman I was dating for two years, purposely embarrassed and humiliated me in front of her family for no apparent reason. I kept my cool at the time but a couple days later I called and asked for an explanation, apology, and promise that nothing like that would ever happen again. I got none of those. That really made me mad so I immediately broke up with her over the phone.
She called me in tears a few weeks later saying how much she misses me. Did she apologize? Nope. So I didn't take it seriously.
Six months later she called me and I was no longer mad. She came over and offered me lots of wild s*x. Was very nice, loving, etc. Did she apologize. Nope. Did I ever take her seriously as a girlfriend again. Nope. She once brought up that event and admitted she was mean, but did she apologize? Nope. After a few months of being a FWB she realized I just wasn't going to see her as a girlfriend and stopped calling me.
More than the actual apology, what I wanted was to know that the mean AH she was that particular night was an aberration and not who she was. By not apologizing just led me to conclude that that is who she actually is. A mean AH, and I won't have that in my life.
@@derrick2181 Even better than seeing her apologize is not having anything to apologize for. Yes, that happens too. I've dated two women long term where we never had a single fight, nor did she do anything needing an apology. I have nothing but fond memories of them and I am guessing the reverse is true. Marriage isn't my thing but if it was, either of them would have been great.
@treeghettox A**hole. TH-cam will block the comment if I spell it out.
@treeghettox think donkey pit.
@treeghettox It threw me off too. I think "a$$ hole" I'm not sure and may be wrong
@@stevecarey2030 My default expectation is that they will eventually let you down in some way. After all they are human. Deifing woman as capable of no wrong is also a problem.
It's a deal killer for me. It ended my marriage. My ex-wife went a step further than simply not apologizing. She'd make you regret pointing out her bad behavior and God forbid you ask her to change it. That said, the inability to apologize was enough for me to lose interest.
I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world that went through this crap🤣
HOW DARE YOU point out your wife's faults! Never mind she will show you yours on a daily basis.
I'm glad you realized and moved on
Haha😂😂....same here...i just waited for an apology but instead she rather broke up...🤷🤔😂😂😂
Same boat here. She wrecked me emotionally being hostile all the time, even physically and almost never apologized. I say almost cause a few times in 15 years I managed to literally force the apology from her.
Will never accept this childish shit again.
The irony is that many women will say “sorry” multiple times when they interact with a stranger.
They don’t mean it.
I once had a girlfriend who though very sweet and thoughtful, would create unnecessary drama from time to time. It seemed as though she would just get bored and want to upset the apple cart a bit . I sat her down and explained to her that if she was going to create more stress in my life that it wouldn't work out. I told her she needed to bring value to the relationship and behave as though we are on the same team. I will never forget what she said. She said, "I am sorry and I apologize. I will work to realize when I am doing that, but I also hope since you are older and more experienced than me that you will correct me on the spot." The next thing I did was ask her to marry me a few months later. No joke
Out of curiosity, how much older than her? I wanna know 'cause EVERYONE is hating on age-gap relationships these days and I feel like they might be a better option (especially since I'm in my mid-30s, now)
W
@@somedandy7694 18 years :)
@@luxdevoid Congrats! And how's that marriage going? Any tips you'd give for someone who just started a similar age gap relationship? Me and my gf have a 17.5-year gap.
@@Seetiyan It's going great And honestly it's just on the man . Years ago in college I took a negotiation class and I learned that any negotiation you can't walk away from you will lose. You're just going to have to play chicken and she's going to have to blink every time just pick your battles and make it over important matters of ethics and morality . Always be willing to walk away. There's always a younger hotter girl out there but it doesn't need to come to that. Her perception of you is 100% based on your confidence in yourself.
Have you ever seen a woman apologise to another woman? It’s always “I’m sorry you felt that way” or something along those lines.
I learned from my mother that some women cannot apologise. My mother was incapable of it.
making other party guilty even when it's their own fault
@@davidmagar9984 Yes, sorry you and your father are so sensitive. Not, sorry for cheating on us and tearing our family apart.
All my sisters too
No they usually apologize to each other profusely if they are friends, then also try to appease the offended.
It's when they are "frienemies" that they do what you are saying.
Oh btw, if a woman has frienemies.. idc how hot she is, avoid her like venereal disease.
Saying 'I'm sorry you felt that way' is now taught in corporate training.
Due to poor social skills I was a loner with very few friends in middle and high school and I dealt with lots of bullying (I also turned into a bit of an ass, lashing out verbally in order to hurt people like I was being hurt. Not trying to pretend I was perfect). A few years after high school, I ran into a girl who had been one of the people who had bullied me the most. She recognized me before I recognized her, approached me, and apologized for what she had done during high school, and you could tell she meant it. It was only a 15-20 second interaction, but it's a memory that... i wouldn't call cherished, but it means a lot, due to the sincerity.
To be honest, I would say she only missed bullying you and she was just sad about that. Hoping that you would let down your guard and hang around with her so she can bully you more. After HS it was such a huge let-down and very difficult to find people to bully. Even harder to find new people to bully. In my experience, bullies start out being nice trying to be friends with you but later once you bond with them start bullying you. I'm glad you feel good about that interaction but would advise you to still stay away from that person. If it has been awhile now and she hasn't come back around, that just means she found someone else to bully.
Not to sound petty, but, in all honesty, you would've probably been better off telling her to shove her so-called 'apology'... just because she might have _sounded_ sincere, still doesn't necessarily mean she truly meant it..!
@@kevinerose Was years ago, I'm in my 30s now. Haven't seen her since that day. She definitely wasn't trying to play some mind games.
@@kevinerose dude you seriously have some problems with overthinking, some people just mature and realize what idiots they were, the same way some people realize that they were terrible as teenagers at home and appoligize to their parents, because they finally get it
@@magmat0585 Awesome and no matter her motives, at the very least you felt good about the encounter.
You are spot on with this. When my wife has gotten too overbearing on something and I react, she sees my reaction as the problem, and not her behavior. I would apologize for reacting too strongly, and things are fine...until the next time she repeats the action. This never really fixed her behavior. She had no incentive to correct her behavior; the only incentive is that I not react to what she is doing. A popular phrase for relationships is "communication is key to a successful relationship". That's not the whole story. Communication coupled with ACTION is what makes a relationship successful. Anything else may keep the relationship intact, but it won't thrive, and bitterness will creep in.
golden comment crystal clear
Women -some- have a complex of being inferior also they believe bc they are emotional more advanced - which isnt really true- and bc man want sex from them that they are superior on the emotional level and more vulnerable and hence are reluctant to apologize when they were misbehaving because they are like a medal with two sides. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation and light abuse are their tools of choice sometimes when they feel unease.
No marriage or cohabitation ever.
“How do you write women so well?”
“I think of a man and take away reason and accountability”
- Jack Nicolson, as good as it gets
I too will NEVER forget that line.
one of the best movie lines E V E R ....
That quote is exactly what came to mind when seeing this video
Based
Actually, "I start with a man."
If sex as compensation is accepted, then precedent is set. Expect the bad behavior to get worse.
Thank you for clearing up my decades of relationship mismanagement. 🙏🏻
Women: "we are not sex objects!"
Also women: "fine you can have your way with my body"
I agree with your statement. But I want to respectfully offer a counterpoint to think about as well..., Now if as men we accept that women are more emotionally driven and prone to acting on emotional impulse than their male partners, wouldn't the logical thing to do be to even the dynamic out by being less emotionally minded ourselves, and more rationally minded? This mindset doesn't have to be demeaning to the women in your life, or belittling. It compliments the relationship. It makes both of you stronger as a single unit. If both of you act purely out of emotional response, it makes an unbalanced relationship. Just like if both of you felt no love for each other, and acted purely out of rationality and emotionless reasoning? It would not be a satisfying or functional relationship? At least in my opinion, possibly that works for some couples. But I propose that there should be a balance.
My tactics is to still go for sex, and say that I feel degraded to have fallen for her cheap sex trap ( which I jumped into on purpose ).
The advantage is that they will accept anything nasty at this point.
This makes them absolutely mad afterwards, once you finally reject them, but also even more attracted to you lol
@@Steevy84
That's how James Bond treats the women sent to kill him.... obligatory sex first, then slap them around...not advocating violence, just describing a violent fictional character. 😱😎✌🏻
@@youtubedestroyedmylife309
Women aren't women if they don't withhold or offer sex to solve all their problems. It's their currency.
According to TH-cam funny shorts, they'd even use it to pay for pizza ..... 😱🤣🤣
I was married for 35 yrs. I cannot recall a single apology. Any disagreement was followed by a week of silent treatment...until I apologized...whether my fault or not to end the silence.
-Happily single.
Perhaps a good question to ask when dating: "When was the last time you were wrong and apologized for it outside of work."
Red flag if she can't think of anything.
@@trucid2 Obvious interview question. lol. From my experience that doesn't work. I've had many girls who openly admit to their mistakes in their past relationships. But when they did the same exact mistakes while dating me... it's completely always my fault instead.
Sounds like you were married to a narcissist.
Same here. Married 20 years and I no longer even bring up anything that bothers me. I know she could not care less about me other than what I do for her. When she complains, I say sorry and move on. More peaceful while I bide my time.
❤ Same here buddy. They simply are NOT worth the drama and insanity.
Agree, I do apologise because it's important to me to be reasonable but I've lost many female friends who react defensively and absolutely refuse to apologise for behaviour such as gaslighting
A lot of modern women, unfortunately, are notoriously egotistical, pride-filled, and narcissistic, which heavily impacts their romantic and platonic relationships. The exact reason for why a lot of them can’t hold life long friendships anymore like our female ancestors did. Quite sad honestly.
@@MoriI hope eventually it’s gets better cuz if not we don’t have a bright future….
I need to know why this is so rare!
@@AlexAble-tk5zc I think pride is the issue, embarrassment too, also society drills into you that you as a woman deserve the best, "he's not good enough for you" "you deserve better" "you're worth more than this" as opposed to "you are equal to every other human, you are not special, you deserve no more or little than anyone else"
@@Moriyeh I agree, there is a huge element of manipulation, women think they deserve more than men, that men are inferior for the most part and should earn the privilege to be "with us". Critical thinking is what should be taught, self awareness is also key and only something I've learnt to understand through research, education and self reflection
The last gal I dated literally said this out loud. What ended our time together is that I told her "I think you owe me an apology". She said, "Well, those were my feelings and I wont apologize for them." I told her that It wasn't her feelings I was asking her to apologize for. I didn't explain further because it was obvious. She had been mean, and very disrespectful previously.. not to mention her terrible lack of communication. I simply ended the conversation by saying. "An apology asked for isn't worth anything anyways." We pretty much stopped interacting with each other. Three months later I received a very articulate, and intelligent three page letter from her identifying in great detail, and with perfect accuracy all the ways she had wronged me, and how much she cared about me (see...she knew..and she knew how to communicate, and how take some ownership, but had simply refused to). There was still no word of apology. She did offer sex though... I thanked her for the letter... but then told her it was too late.
🫡🫡
You say it was obvious what you wanted, but I'm not so sure it was obvious to her. What is obvious to a man isn't always obvious to a woman, and vice versa. In this case, it might have taken a lot of cogitation to figure out that her feelings and her actions were different things... 3 months of cogitation in fact.
If you'd named the specific behaviours without judgement, and asked for an apology, you may have got one. Maybe not, but communication is a two way street, and if we want people to improve it is best to offer them a suggestion... especially considering it may be something they have never done before.
I do notice some people offer apologies through their actions not words but you'd have to know them well to understand this.
@@TheParadiseParadox are you a woman? Because this would accurately show what most men mean, including the one in the video.
@@TheParadiseParadox if the OP says it was obvious why he wanted her to apologize then it was. He has no reason to share his story if he was going to lie about that. Most men know and admit when they're wrong, while most women never admit they're wrong, or choose an innocent little thing ignoring the rest, and most women gaslight their significant other and manipulate men into rethinking what happened in their favor
My wife only apologized twice in our 23 year marriage. She suffered from very high self esteem.
I assume this implies you divorced, right? After 23 years? Thats so painful to here
Lol
😂😂😂
😂31 years of HSE
Thats narcissism bro
My ex wife was an abuser. I actually got her to apologize for 3 discreet acts of abuse. I asked her to acknowledge and apologize for the tone her actions set in the relationship and she outright refused and divorced me after over 10 years of marriage. I was willing to forgive and move on at the time. My only regret was that it took 10 years to learn she did not really care about me at all.
I’m sorry to hear that man.
You live and you learn, ey? Good riddance, I say. It's better to be on your own than having such a person in your life.
Took me 25 years buddy! Now we know though right?
Been there and done that.
"...she did not care about me at all..."
They never do. The ONLY woman's unconditional love a man gets to get is his mother's, and *occasionally* a daughter's. All the other women in his life "love" him for what he brings with him. ALL.
Women don't apologize because they think they are always right and they never do anything wrong. Then, when a man gets upset at her, she starts criticizing your emotions. Their lack of apologies causes resentment to build up against your lady and destroys your relationship over time
I have literally never ever heard my sisters or mother say sorry.
And you never will
99% of us have never heard our female family members apologize.
It varies. My ex wife apologised to me one single time ever and that's because she had been an absolute b**ch to me and both her best friend and her mother told her as much. That was the one single time. Contrast that with other women like my sister or a very good friend I have... two women who are remarkably humble and self aware. You take pot luck with women.
I guess the phrase "I feel sorry for you" was invented by a man trying to restore the respect that a woman couldn't give him.
@@Glassheart. do you know where big foot is?
"I think of a man and remove all reason and accountability." Wiser words were never set to a movie script.
The man has no reason and accountability? You're right, many don't.
One of the greatest lines ever!
Movie script, yeah! It would help if you started reading tomes by heavyweights such as Prof. Robert Sapolsky, etc.
Peace. 🤺
============
Love how no one is feeding the troll. :)
I was thinking the exact same thing 😜
honest apologizes require:
- taking responsibility
- accepting accountability
- self reflection
- humility
- a willingness to change
- acknowledgement of wrong doing
- admitting someone else was right
it would be easier to get a picture of a Bigfoot riding a Unicorn, than find a woman with these characteristics.
Cryptozoologists should put the humble woman in their catalog of elusive and marvelous creatures.
My ex wife did not display a single one of those during our divorce, literally everything was my fault and/or I made her act the way she did or do/not do the things she did. She thought she was actually blameless. It boggled my mind that she could think that way - glad that chapter of my life is over and I am a better person for moving on.
Absolutely
@Bobisabuilder25 when it comes to meaningful apologies I think of a specific quote and a specific song:
Quote: “your actions are so deafening, I can’t hear what you’re saying”
Song Lyric: “who needs actions when you’ve got words”
Fake apologies are easy, but actions reveal people’s true motivations. And for sure, an apology delayed is no apology at all.
🦄 Bigfoot on a unicorn 🦄🦄 ! (ijs , who hurt you ) Sorry for your bad past situations.
As I listen I just think how much better my life could have been with this knowledge 20-30 years ago. I’m 50 and now just learning this.
It is seen as weakness....humility coupled kindness with proper boundaries is maturity
As a young man, I've been pretty demoralized on even attempting to build a relationship, despite a desire to one day have a family. You've perfectly and succinctly described a pain I've felt numerous times. I would absolutely gain respect for a woman if she apologized instead of downplaying her fault or my feelings.
I'd REALLY advise against having a family these days, but if you're absolutely determined to- consider a foreign bride... but like ... in a foreign country. If you bring them back to your first world country, they're generally corrupted within a matter of months.
The juice is not worth the squeeze.
@@melissachartres3219 what if two men both want a family... they adopt or just bring a kid into the world some other ways. Then they just raise the kids together. All the benefits of dual-parenting, much fewer downsides. Any other gender can do the same as well of course. Might even grow into communal family rather than just 2 parents since we're not limited by the primitive mating instincts anymore at that point.
@@alexfrank5331 you are sick in the head
I was seriously demoralized myself at a young age, now at 43yrs old alone with just my cat,(I'm divorced with a 22 yr old daughter)
I caution you young man, do not so quickly throw away the idea of family, without people to protect and care for what is "being a man" about? my father told me that to be a man means, "Working hard and sacrificing for people who can never understand how hard you work, or what it s you really sacrifice"
I absolutely, 100 percent agree. My wife has only apologised to me once in 8 years of marriage. I remember it like it was yesterday, cause I’m still in shock that it happened!
"From a woman's perspective, the problem is not the identified [woman's] behaviour, the problem is that the man is angry and upset [about the behaviour]." - OMG I am sooo glad that someone said it out loud, because after countless repetitions of this exact situation (between me and my significant other) I started feeling like there's something wrong with me and/or I'm going crazy... Thank you so much for hitting that nail in the head!
My wife now apologizes when she does something wrong - but that took years. I eventually had to start showing her when she did something objectively wrong that WE ARE NOT MOVING ON FROM THIS until you apologize. Nothing else will fix it. But if you do apologize, it is immediately over. Once she saw that an apology was the quickest and easiest way to end something that would otherwise drag on for days (or weeks) she got the message.
Because for men, the # 1 thing we want from our woman is respect - more so than even love. If you are going to wrong me and then refuse to even acknowledge it, what could be more disrespectful than that?
She didn't 'get the message' - she realized it was the best way to get you off her case. She's using it like a tool. This is not a recognition that she did anything wrong.
@@SkindoggiedogYup! Was coming here to say exactly this! 💯
But at least you feel respected. Right?
The Adam and Eve syndrome. Eve never apologized, Adam went along with everything.
Was the apology ever sincere? How did you know?
It's actually quite sad. I'm pushing 50 & I've maybe known 2 - 3 honorable women in my life. None in my family. How do women claim to be the more empathetic, yet can't apologize for anything? Mass delusion & power hungry mad isn't empathy, honey.
They'll never learn, esp if this trait is in their nature. Not all woman are like this, but most are.
@@austntexan what I especially don't get is when they criticize you for never apologizing... when you've apologized many times and they haven't like ever...
That was a lie we were sold. In fact, every cliche you can think of regarding them is the exact opposite.
They have sympathy for babies and puppies, but that's not the same as empathy.
They claim to be empathetic, and they murder 2000 of their own babies every single day, in America alone. Makes all the wars men ever fought pale by comparison.
You nailed it! Women don't recognize that their behavior as the problem; they believe the problem is our response to their behavior. If we get angry at their negligence, the problem isn't their negligence, it's that we became angry. And in their minds, we need to profusely apologize for responding with anger at their negligent behavior.
Damn, you're so right about that. It can be so infuriating.
The axiom at the base of this is that women believe the world should revolve around their feelings, and I don't mean that in a 'They're self-centered' kind of having-a-shot-at-them way.
They actually believe it, deep down. It's their true end-goal, to have everything cater to - at the expense of all else - how they feel and, to an extent, a lot of our societies - especially in the West - already do function this way.
Sounds like a child?
From the perspective of evolutionary biology Jordon Peterson explained that women need to be more sensitive so that they can be attuned to the needs of infants. Their proclivity towards neuroticism is necessary to advocate for the needs of the baby. Therefore, it makes sense that women, as child-bearers, would believe that their feelings be given priority, especially within the context of family and small community. But the modern western woman shuns motherhood; nonetheless, she still believes her feelings be given ultimate priority. And as she misapplies her ‘sensitive’ nature in the political and economic realms, she ceases to be a child-bearer and becomes a destroyer of civilization.
@@Serquss I absolutely and completely and 101% agree with you. You hit the nail right on the spot. If I could put one hundred times the "like" button on your comments I certainly would. That's is so true what you have said in both of your comments. That is one of the reasons of most importance why women should not be allowed to be in politics or the economic realms. Women in those positions are destroying our western society from within.
My wife, whom I love, never apologises. She has "house" cats. She left the front door open AGAIN. When I said so she said "Yes, I was in a hurry". Says it all.
One word - narcissism. Narcissists pretty much never apologise. I've been in toxic relationship for about 1,5 years, took A LOT of sh*t from her and in that time period she apologised TWO TIMES and in both cases it was like a shock for me that she is even capable of it.
That seems like a lot. I would honestly even question her being narcissistic. :D I'm quite sure my dad is and all I think I ever got in over 30 years was half an apology after he forced me into a situation that gave me a frickin life-uprooting brain injury (which I thankfully recovered from, though it took like 3 years) -- and he took managed to take it back soon thereafter too. Nothing is ever the fault of a person with strong NPD.
@@ThorX89 Jesus Christ, it's painful even just to read about it, sorry for you man. I think, narcissism is a spectrum, one can be not clinically NPD but still have strong narcissistic tendencies, don't you think? Your example is of course extreme, even lesser degree of such relationship can wreck you (like in my case). Stay strong for your own sake. Just like you said, it was not your fault.
I was married for 15 years and my wife only "apologized" once (for cheating), but she said it was really MY fault she cheated, so not sure that counts as an "apology" when you blame the victim for your own bad deeds.
The more I know about npd and bpd the more I think there is no npd/bpd, but .... true female nature... why it is this way? I don`t know.
Not only do I not hear apologies from women they are very quick to blame men for everything. They have a cough, it's a mans fault. You name it, it's a man's fault. It's not funny and I think they need to learn to take responsibility. Some things just happen.
I have a lady friend now and we seldom are together wirhout her blaming me or men for something everyday. Narcissist? Maybe!
The 1 time I thought I got a sincere apology from a woman, I was still in shock and mentioned it to her in the car a week later, she said it never happened and told me I was wrong in the previous argument.
I had an ex like that, only problem? She loved texting....so anything she said was there in black and white. She hated that.......
psycho
Yep sounds about right 😂😅😆
Story changes to now you are the bad guy, nope you started that shit
ROFLMAO! Stay away from her...
This is the way I see it. I think another factor at play is that apologizing gives away leverage for women. Women tend to like operating in a nebulous intermediate space between being strategic and "acting natural". They need to have plausible deniability at all times. It's also why they never make first moves and prefer using subtle cues of interest. Because making first moves means committing to a path with intent where you cannot act like you meant to do something else whereas something noncommittal like a quick glance in your direction can be interpreted as either a signal of interest for you to pick up or just looking at something else that just happens to be in your direction. They need that duality of interpretation. This way, depending on future events going their way or not, they can always alter the true intent of something they did in the past. If a guy approaches, she wins and if he doesn't approach she wasn't trying to get his attention aways.
Now back to why they don't apologize. If we refer back to what I said about needing to have duality of intent, women approach relationships with men in a way where they use their everyday amiable behavior with their partner as a disguise for their true intent which is to maintain leverage in the relationship power dynamic. They really truly view relationships as things to control for their sake by using their ability to manipulate male behavior by leveraging sex, beauty, "damsel in distress" tactics, etc. but they will never reveal this since they know it comes off as conniving. If we go back to the video "women look at men the way men look at jobs", an analogy would be that a man would be a fool to admit to his job that he's only there for the money even if it's true. He must disguise his true goal for being there with the BS he tells them at the interview about really enjoying what he's heard the company's culture, wanting to make an impact, etc.
Now here's the kicker. The reason women don't apologize is because you can look at apologizing as a diagnostic that reveals her true intent which is maintaining leverage. When the situation arises where she needs to apologize, she can't hide behind the BS anymore that she uses to cover her intent, because apologizing requires being selfless and being selfless gives up leverage. The situation is like a knife that separates the two sides of the plausible deniability coin. She must show her hand. Love and selflessness or leverage. By apologizing she has to momentarily concede the high ground she uses for strategic purposes and this gives up her ability to use the tools she uses to maintain control of the relationship's power dynamics. The tactics I mentioned before aren't as effective if she has to perform a submissive act such as apologizing. The apology would be easy if her goal was love and equity in the relationship, but it's near impossible to do if her goal is maintaining leverage. Apologizing forces her out of the nebulous space of plausible deniability that she likes to operate in. By not apologizing, she tries to cling to her leverage. By offering sex and other things she tries to get passed this situation and still maintain the high ground. She never admitted to doing anything wrong and so you must still treat her like the innocent blameless damsel that she is and she can still set the rules for how the relationship proceeds.
Incredible insight!
@@findinglela thanks man!
@@justlurkin welcome
I like how you described their way of acting as being between strategic and "acting natural" with plausible deniability as cover.
Yeah makes perfect sense. Say this is the theorem than add her personality type + the qaulity of the relationship. Wouldnt there be a way to back them into a corner so that her only option was to apologise?
Not just apologies but also saying “thank you”. I’ve been on dates with women who never say thank you for anything.
True, because most appreciate nothing.
😮😮😮
Did they go home with you later? If so, then THAT was the thank you. If not, well, women get snooty about having to spend/waste their precious time on guys they have no interest in. And that often makes their manners go out the window.
Yup
It took my wife 40 years to learn how to apologize. Now she has no problem but for all those years the idea of an apology never occurred to her.
As you said, the typical behavior was food, affection or intimacy. At some point I quit playing and just cut her out of my life. I wasn't unkind. I just didn't include her in my plans, conversations or activities. In a short time she realized the seriousness of it. I wasn't playing a game. I was really mulling over how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. When you get to a certain age sex has no control over you and you value peace more than anything.
OMGoodness, you described my wife and I to a "T".
Sex is a sword that women eventually get too old to wield and men eventually get to old to be cut by.
how long do I need to wait to find peace?
I'm only 29 but i think i'm also with that mentality, i couldn't care less about sex, much less would want endure any annoying woman for it
@@Kronoken. 40 years old give or take a few years.
My ex avoided apologizing. I eventually took a page from her book and stopped apologizing too. She said that I was being selfish, I said that I really didn't care. And, eventually, I realized that I really didn't care about her anymore. Lost all respect for her and told her to move out.
Based
@@derrick2181 they're not more attracted, they have justification for cheating and want to keep the peace while they look around
She didn't respect you since you weren't her first choice. It's resentment, and when you attuned to it, you managed to break it off.
Ha well done. I have now learned I will never let a woman move in. She can stay over if invited, but never will I co-domicile with a woman again.
Women are more attracted to men who are in control. This is fact.
I found they apologise, but they aren't sorry about how they made you feel. They only say sorry so that you will get over it.
Facts. It's a strategy not repentance
Or, they actually are sorry for how you feel, or rather for the associated consequences.
What they are not sorry about is what they did to make you feel that way.
Like when my wife, overal a direct, honest person, started driving while I was still getting in.
She near-apologised for my being startled, but not for the risk, nor for her action. She still felt that I was taking too long, so basically it's all my fault.
100% I left the love of my life because she couldn't apologise for something I deemed a huge line cross. I held my frame and her accountable. That was a 14yr relationship burned which stings me today years later
I feel you brother. Six years for me but the same scenario.
100% agree. As a man who's dated a lot of women, accountability for ones own actions is by far the most important personal quality when judging whether or not the relationship stands any chance at going long term. Any adult who cannot own up to their own mistakes or indiscretions is honestly not worth keeping in your life in any real way (that goes for parents as well).
Women avoiding accountability goes much further than just a difference in perspective, on a societal level women will do whatever they can to avoid any form of responsibility or accountability. Whether it be how they dress, actual physical fights they start with others, spending too much money or even getting pregnant when they know exactly when they are ovulating and how well they have adhered to their own birth control methods.
It's actually the main reason I don't fully respect the majority of women from recent generations and take everything they say with a grain of salt until they prove otherwise.
The more I grow up the more I realize the phrase women should not be leaders is valid. From personal experience women are really that emotional. 99 percent of the stereotypes I heard about women as a kid ended being true.
@@MOMO-m0m0 they werent stereotypes- that was truth
@@MOMO-m0m0 “From personal experience”. Which means nothing. So your wrong. YOU in particular should never be a leader of anyone ever. If I was on a ship with you at the helm, I would jump off and swim lest you make a decision based on “personal experiences” that causes us all to perish.
What's worse is that any woman seeing this under 45 years of age, will absolutely find your last comment to be inexcusable, regardless of why you said it, which was typed on the prior paragraphs.
A woman is a child. Period.
Compare what children laugh at, to what women laugh at. Awoman will laugh hysterically at videos of gangster babies or rapping puppies, like a child would, but a man will look at that and say "why tf is that funny?" There is zero difference. To cheer up a woman, baby her. She'll even giggle and respond like a child as if everything is better.
Eve never changed.
@@mealovesyu why would you attack someone like this on the internet?? It screams I'm a lonely person what's wrong with you people can have there opinions without a lonely person crying about jumping off a ship?? MA'AM HE DOESN'T WANT YOU NOR DO ANY OF US, JUMP SWIM AWAY NOBODY CARES AT ALL, OH WAIT I THINK I SEE A SHARK.😂😂😂😂😂
I’ve been regaled for years with “Don’t get upset “ or “you get upset too easily “ or “it’s your fault for (fill in the blank).” Women can tear your heart out with visicious words and later act like nothing happened, make no apology or even deny the incident even happened. So this video is right on the money.
I don't know. I like this guy's videos but on this one he seemed to miss the mark. Your comment and many others in the comments section seem more on point on this subject. At least in my opinion. I think he gave women more credit in this video than they deserve in these situations. I'm glad the video is here though because I can tell by these comments I'm not the only guy that had to deal with this no apology crap
@@fairfortune67Yeah I’m not entirely sure it should be excused either
Facts
You too day vex 😢
My ex had no problem apologizing....and then doing the same behavior over and over again.
Basically she hasn't apologized..
Her apologies was just words and did not come from reflection.
"Sorry" implies a feeling of sorrow/regret. Is she sorry for what she did or for getting caught?
@Anon1gh3 I think she just said sorry as that is what she thought she should do .
😂 it's called consistency
This video should be everywhere!!! ❤ The little Cost for woman to express an apology, is pride, that is a small price too pay, but it is precived as a high price.. Great work you do ❤🤓Just came across your content yesterday, and I am mindblown and so inspired ❤
This is one of the major reasons I married my wife. Every single time she has been in the wrong in the past 15 years, after several hours of reflecting she came back to me, took responsibility and apologized. I strive to do the same and our relationship is rock solid.
Although on the surface sex as an apology seems great (yay sex), it is short term pleasure with long term impacts (potential sex withholding for manipulation, never actually resolving issues or conflict etc).
Yes, we do exist. Glad you found a good one. My problem is more on the opposite side of the spectrum: being an “over apologizer.” (And genuinely meaning it.) Came from growing up in Russian orphanage, I presume. My only sister is the same way.
Being this way can really attract the type of men who will not apologize. Realized at one point most of the men I had dated did not ever apologize, even for very big things. Then used that knowledge to be mindful and watch for this quality in men in future dating. Found my husband and we both are very quick to apologize and very quick to forgive. Adore him with every ounce of my being.
Highly logical and highly humble women are the way to go, albeit hard to find (although less hard to find where I come from than in the west.)
That is a reason I chose my fiancee as well. She grew up in a southern household where respect & manners were imparted. She apologizes if she insults me while in a bad mood, or when she makes a mistake. We will see how marriage goes but I am confident.
Wow, you are one of the lucky ones.
@@jeremycranford2732 maybe. if i were to consider it luck, i would probably take it for granted. and then things would go differently... still takes a lot of work to build good communication. setting ego aside. never going to sleep while one of us is unhappy at the other. but best of luck to you
Pure luck .... hehe. The issue is, when you live with a woman that thinks and behaves like a man (not saying that is your case), there are problems. Human relationships are very complicated
"Never underestimate a woman's ability to rationalize bad behavior and avoid all accountability."
Hypocrites. I swear to god I can’t stand hypocrisy
Ah, you’ve read from the wise words of JT Thomas.
Oh absolutely! Nothing is ever their fault and how dare you for bringing it up. You'll pay for that mark her words
@@fairfortune67 i'm genuinely curious about your logic
Not taking accountabllity is a matter of inmaturity cockyness etc do You think this a women especific trait????
I have personally met a Lot of men who are like this
@@eddyalonsomoramorales6069 That's easy. My logic depends on who I'm talking to or about.
Apologies are one thing. Taking appropriate action to avoid said situation in the future is worth more than words.
Yeah, but that sometimes requires more communication as well.
Yes this is true. Keep in mind that it must start somewhere though. Like Nidus said, communication is important to further improve one's relationship.
Currently in my mid-50's and cannot recall ever hearing any woman apologize for anything ever. Most of what has come out of their mouth has been snarky, snotty remarks.
I'm a straight man, physically attracted to women, but don't like what seems to be inside most and thus prefer to not be anywhere around them. Its made for a happier life.
Ditto. Relationships with women, at least today's women, are virtually always a net negative experience. So, why bother? Life is just so much more peaceful without them.
I feel you. I've dated and love a good amount of women. I'm 40. Totally jaded by how none of them were ever capable of a shred of humility.
I'm glad you didn't fall for the sex trick. A lot of weak men let their women control them through intimacy
i mean... you can have sex and still bring the issue up to let her know that was useless
@@Terrapin47-s8y simp
@@carlospita6442 lol I don’t think it’s simp behavior if you still bring it up. It means it didn’t work.
Just tell your woman that if she does not give you what you need, then you will find another woman, or women, who will. You must be calm, cool, & collected. Do not yell, do not threaten. Use the same voice as discussing the weather in a far away place. DO NOT be held hostage. There are no victims, just volunteers. To the men, you must do your part as well. You cannot expect a woman to put out on demand. Give her what she needs (likely not what she says), and she will give you what you need (likely which IS what you say).
Ironic how guys fondly look at make-up sex w/ bad women too. They reinforced to her she can treat him like trash & just play w/ his pee-pee after is all it takes to master him.
Finally! This all makes sense. I have been wondering about this for the past 30 years, yet no one wanted to talk about it. I have had women in my life hurt me deeply, yet they never acknowledge it. I hate to say this, but it did make me have less respect for them. I wish more women would realize the power of a sincere apology. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
It is evolved female psychology and has benefited our species for 250,000 years.
@@anisenkrill6179 No it hasn’t. It’s only caused hurt and pain. Women who don’t apologize have inflicted damage on their families.
@@anisenkrill6179 how it has benefited our society by avoiding accountability ?
At this point, you shouldn't respect any woman until she demonstrates that she is worthy of your respect.
So what you are saying is that women are not human? ;-)
"It's not that I cheated. It's that you got mad that I cheated."
a DARVO classic
Glad you addressed this. This exteme unwillingness to apologize has always puzzled and frustrated me.
Absolutely true. Men respect women who take responsibility. A brief apology can set things right, the nicest gesture cannot.
The nicest gesture suggests i can manipulate you ..
An apology says i respect you..
@@ndld4955 That's what it really boils down to for men. There was a book, I think it was called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. Might be wrong about the name or the source, and I'ma paraphrase. The true key difference between men and women, is that men NEED respect, whereas women need love. Each has their own emotional needs from themselves and from others at a deep and unavoidable level.
I believe one of the many things that get this massive ball of yarn so tangled is that people can react and behave so differently both in response to how they are treated by others, and how they pursue meeting their needs and desires. We all have our own beliefs and internal values, each needing wanting and valuing each different thing ever so slightly differently. Each of us looking for a different happiness as we see it, using the tools we believe best capable of obtaining them.
(Edit to add)
Personally, I don't really care too badly if I'm not loved by people. It's good to be, but if I'm never loved by anyone other than actual family again, I'll be mostly O.K. with it, as long as I'm respected, at least at a basic level. I don't really believe women care about being respected on a core need level. Of course everyone needs and deserves respect, but I believe women would drop that if it meant being well and truly loved if they had to pick. I don't mean basic human respect here either, I mean having an emotional or intellectual or what have you respect for someone.
@@simspawn but being loved is also being respected, no? As a man i feel it is.
@@limoncr5205 I think so, and I think most men do as well. I think women might see it a bit differently. I think people try to love people and show love the way they want to be loved.
It's really important to really know and understand ourselves as well as our partners and understand what we need on a core level to have a stable and healthy relationship. If you don't know what emotional needs you have to be filled it's can be hard to know the right kind of person to look for. Without knowing what kind of emotional needs your partner has it can be hard to actively try and fill them.
I'm getting a little rambling though.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to avoid all accountability and responsibility.
Or their ability to justify the most egregious of actions. It’s insane how their brains can rationalise some of the most appalling behaviour.
teflon clothes and dances better than Fred Astaire.
From the movie "As Good as it Gets" How do you write women so well?
Jack Nicholson: First I think of a man. Then I take away all logic and responsibility."
Your comments were very relatable. Bad parenting only exacerbates this problem and inflates the ego as a blimp. My sister is a prideful, arrogant narcissist.
@@robinaboy Like what? Reading through these comments I see a lot of vague bellyaching but very few actual accounts of what the woman allegedly did wrong. One guy further up said simply that he felt 'disrespected', and wanted 'respect more than love'. It sounds like just about all of you men on here are immature, slave-seeking users with more than a hint of narcissism.
In my experience a woman apologizes when she is completely "in love with you" which also means she respects you. But when she is no longer "in love with you", she stops apologizing even if she says she loves you.
That's the only time they are loyal or treat you really well is because it comes down to being reigned by her intense feelings. Because your approval of her has a monopoly on that feelgood drug, you receive behavior that seems unselfish. But the moment that cools off you see that disappear like you never really knew her. Men operate more consistently in relationships because of a sense of duty or scarcity mindset.
@@DB742 Nice crack pot armchair theory not based on anything other than baseless claims lol, you know theirs an interesting thing about how the bias tend not to realize their being biased, Its funny that woman can only remain loyal by your theory by approval but men by what evidence we have cheat more overall lol anyway please provide evidence
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Which also means she needs you, not respects you !
@@themind1401 How does love mean she needs you?
4:00 I like how he spent 4 minutes to explain that 1: women don't see the error in their ways and think your response to their transgressions is the problem and not their own behavior that caused it in the first place 2: they want to undermine the validity of your feelings by distracting from the issue rather than solving it by becoming a better person through better actions
The worst part in my experience is even if you do get an apology it isn't sincerely followed through with a change in behavior and they think the fact that they apologized is enough
"Women, consider learning how to apologize." This X100000. I once had a new girlfriend apologize to me after she had started an argument. AFTER I collected my jaw from the floor from the shock of realizing that I had witnessed something I had never seen a woman do before, I fell head over heels in love with her.
Men do not expect women to be perfect. When this girl showed that she cared enough about me to not let me take blame for something that she was responsible for, I knew I had found a diamond.
Be careful of being neurotically in love my man.. "It's always better if she loves you more than her" was a piece of advice from my old man I didn't believe, until it personally applied lol.. It's a hard lesson to learn though the first time.
@@FreakMeat74 and sometimes the second... lmao
God I wish this was me. Just came out of 10 months of dating a girl who -always- let me take the blame. Twice she "dropped the bomb" and told me everything was my fault. By then she'd already destroyed my spirits, my self-confidence and my belief in me being a good person and man. Taking responsibility and making sure that "credit where credit is due" + the opposite is so...god, it's so important and mature.
My wife aplogises all the time even when she hasnt hasn't done anything wrong, you act like its rare but where the evidence! for this commonality??? this seems like another case of confirmation bias in an echo chamber
@@FreakMeat74 My advise would be too never be neurotically in love but be it based on logic and reason like actual measure of who your partner is, this claim of her having to love more isnt based on anything other than the old man and you getting hurt and thus thinking woman are the problem when bad partners isnt a gender thing
I think it can go even deeper. I’ve had women apologize “that something happened” or “that I’m feeling this way”, but not for the grievance they chose to commit. As a wronged person, this is even more infuriating, aka the “non apology”.
Sometimes they continue to do the action. Like they apologize for something and then keep doing it. Almost like they find pleasure in undermining your feelings. Not all but many in my personal experience. Got to the point I'm no longer going to be overly nice to women. I'll give them respect but i dont let things slide anymore and I even cut them off.
Don't you remember as a kid when girls had to apologize it was almost venomous and people thought it was good enough when boys did I we were threatened!
Absolutely! That is not the same as someone apologising for the actions they chose. Saying " I'm sorry you feel that way." Means you are at fault because you have chosen to feel angry or sad.
100% this 😬
Or let’s focus on your anger rather and how YOU should actually apologise for being angry and reacting in anger.
I once timidly asked for an apology. She flipped out. The wrong was not a big deal, but not apologizing and refuting the facts were the last straw of the marriage.
@Nothing-2-see-here I was going to say the same thing, and mention how my ex wife (diagnosed vulnerable narcissist) was just like this, she would NEVER Apologize and would become ENRAGED when I'd confront her and ask for an acknowledgement of her wrong doings, however, I've observed and concluded that most, if not all women are narcissistic in nature to some degree, there's an evolutionary reason for it.
My family fell apart because of a very stubborn very very hard headed woman. I still love her, but she took my 3 kids and now sleep with her new lover. There were only 1 or 2 serious apologies in our 9 years relationship. My advice is: if it happens for the first time when she hurts you and does not come back to calm your pain, gently show her the door immediately. She will have time to think, maybe to change and she will understand your rules and boundaries. If she does not come back to try again, she was not worth your lifetime.
I let my woman to hurt me a lot in our first year and then I was never able to ask her for respect and responsibility anymore. I wish these stories and experiences were taught in school. I think society needs to refocus education to communication, psychology and relationship rather than calculus for example.
In my whole life. I have had one apology from a woman. She left a voice mail apology and I have saved it for three years now... LOL
props
🤣🤣🤣
Historians will be very interested in this rare document in the future.
Send it to the Smithsonian.
Just listen to Amber Heard's "apology" to Johnny Depp.
To paraphrase:
"Babe you weren't punched. I was hitting you, I'm sorry that you can't handle it."
I already broke up with one of my ex-girlfriends because she never wanted to apologize.
I told her " We are through, just pack and leave. " She was like wtf, why ? I went " Because you never apologize for your bad behaviours and for hurting me, and I have 0 respect for people who can't take accountability and responsibility for their actions and the backlash and harm it causes to the other person. "
She begged me to take her back for months. Tried to apologize MANY times. But I was over. If you have to apologize once you are suffering the consequences, you don't truly mean it. You had to mean it when it was time to.
When she was sad and didn't want to leave , u should have said " I'm sorry that you feel that way " it would have been an icing on the cake (taste of their own medicine)
But good job man, what u did takes courage and a firm resolve
@@samyakhp4353 Yeah well, I could, but I'm not heartless either. It was already bad enough for her to feel the consequences of her actions, which many women now won't even get to experience, because they are the ones doing the dumping.
She just pushed me too far and I walked away. Women have to know that if they push you too far, you gonna walk away and never look back. Which I did.
Sometimes they have to lose a good man to truly understand and change their way.
She apologized because of the simple natural fear of being rejeced and or left alone. You’re exactly right, if she was a person of true character, she either wouldn’t have hurt you, or she would feel immense guilt for doing it right after with an apology, and a promise of change.
@bigstonkman225 Chad ? What the hell this has to do with the situation I was in 5 years ago ?
@@EternalxFrost yeah but some fellas have children with those harlots, and they can't just leave like that sometimes... you know, court/law, alimony etc...
I realize that I’m an anomaly. I apologize to my husband, children whomever I have wronged. It’s a hurtful feeling when someone has hurt you and they won’t admit it. 😢
You’re amazing. Can you please teach your fellow sisters to do the same?
Cap
I don't think you're an anomaly, you're simply a decent person.
What were the relationships like with males in your life?
@@YouilAushanaI guess pretty decent. I’m the oldest grandchild of the only girl of six children, so I was fiercely protected. I also have a pretty good relationship with my dad, if that helps your understanding.
This is so true. Acknowledge wrong doing and Making amends is key to 12 step programmes, which are about developing maturity.
I did once get a girl to apologize. It wasn't through logic but through feelings - I had flipped the situation for her to give her a perspective of how she'd feel if someone had done something similar to what she did to her boyfriend. In the end she admitted wrong doing and apologized to him (I always fight for the homies)
In other words you did it in a way she could understand. Well done.
@@jittmet7766 Thank you brother
Same, recently my fwb was complaining about a childhood friend that stopped talking to her. Apparently she was making fun of his low height, and to her it wasn't a big deal. She couldn't even imagine how toxic she was being and she justified that as saying she has always done that to him. She calls herself an empath but she isn't. I had to explain to her and try to make her walk on his shoes. Like 'imagine if she called you fat, or ugly, made fun of ur nose or your tatoos etc, how would you feel? how would you feel if instead of apologizing he would keep mocking you despite you telling him to stop? she eventually understood, she even said the next day 'hey I apologize if I acted like this in the past, sometimes I don't notice..
@airthrowDBT that was my experience with my ex too. Or she’d swat away the suggestion and say “that’s irrelevant” or “you always say that” or something insubstantial like that
@@seribelz She sounds like she has a touch of narcissism. I watched a video just this past week about people who believe themselves to be empathic but really aren't. If she was, she would have realized the hurt she was causing and stopped on her own. I'm surprised she was able to see the other side of the coin. Most will blame the other for being hurt by her actions.
Most narcissists do things specifically to get a reaction. To make someone hurt or angry. That's their goal. My ex was one. She's specifically do things to make me angry, then sit back and gloat "see YOU are unstable".
Oh my gosh, this is exactly on point with how my wife behaved after I learned of her adultery. It was probably 6 weeks after I found that that she gave me a half-hearted, half-assed apology. I was so pissed and hurt, I remember asking her straight out "Why aren't you apologizing? Aren't you sorry?" and all I got in return was a blank stare and silence. For I think 6 weeks.
Since then she has basically done the strategy of just give it time and everything will blow over. She never expressed remorse or repentance, never tried to make amends, didn't really try to repair the damage at all.
Because of this she won't be my wife for much longer. It is just so damn interested to hear your words because that's exactly what it was like!!
Wow,there is no absolution without repentence
Whoa, dude. Sorry to hear that & that you're going through it right now. But yeah, the sooner you can unload this nurturing empathic female the better off you're going to be. Her blank stare & silence said it all. In the rp manosphere that's called the 1000 c*ck stare. Get out of there & don't even blank dumb stare back. She doesn't even deserve to see your face anymore. Good luck, sir.
Regardless, you should be leaving her whether she apologized and got down on her knees and kissed your feet or not.
If she cheats.... She belongs to the streets!
Same thing here.
A few months after finding out (we had young kids) we were arguing about it. I said 'you've never even apologized'. Her response was 'Yes I did'. Which, if she ever had I would remember, I told her again that she never had.
The reasonable thing would have been a simple 'Well, I am sorry'. Nope.
Never. We argued about it with her erroneously insisting she had yet never simply saying it, just arguing that she had already said it.
It is what it is...and so she remains untrustworthy and a cheater. You can't have redemption without remorse. Come to think of it the adultress in the Bible never offered any apology to Jesus either.
One of my favourite videos youve made so far. You sir are a legend, I cannot thank you enough for your continuous stream of actual logic. Logic is such a valuable commodity in this world. I will be becoming a paid member on my payday you have brought me huge value.
I noticed this issue with my mother and father's relationship, and when I started dating my now wife, it was the biggest green flag when I saw that she could apologize and rectify her behavior once she realized she was wrong.
All I want is an attractive wife who apologizes, is that too much to ask?
@@MB-of1bk You NAILED It!
...all I was gonna say was that he is a VERY LUCKY man.
This is absolutely correct.
When a woman apologizes, it's not for her actions or words, what she's sorry for it is that she messed up the manipulation. It's just damage control!
You completely missed the point.
Cool point bro
In over 90-95% of cases i agree, they're just doing damage control.
Lies. And unkind too. I really dislike the generalization here. Next time, please talk about your own experience, not ‘when a woman does so and so’. Have you engaged with all of us? Done a study?
@@Esme26433 Knowing every single individual of a population is impossible, that's why generalizations (aka Statistics) exist.
If the generalization/stereotype that women aren't honest when apologizing exists, it's because MOST/MAJORITY of women behave according to it. You may not like/have a hard time accepting reality, but reality doesn't care about feelings nor thoughts, it just is, same as nature and time.
Exceptions of course may exist, but they're just that, exceptions.
It’s because they are never wrong
No self accountability as granted by a woman worshiping society
Right on point
right
I like that you share perspectives that other psychologists just don't.
I have had the same experience. The refusal to take responsibility is a deal breaker for me.
Women lawyers in Court lie all the time, to the point where they cannot distinguish between truth, which is an absolute, and their lies, which spill out everywhere. These women lawyers take zero responsibility for their behavior. But then again, men lawyers seem to do the same, so that must all lie in some special perversion of the DNA chain. Oh, well.
The most common thing I've encountered over the years is what I like to call the " 'Aren't we all wrong?' strategy". When they are called out for a transgression, instead of being virtuous and apologizing, they engage in manipulation and try to pull you down to their level by appealing to your empathy or integrity. And it tends to come in the form of "what-about-ism," where they recall a past transgression you have committed that has nothing to do with the situation.
You have nailed it. No truer words have ever been spoken.
That's one of the M.O.'s they use the moment what you are saying starts shining the flashlight of truth back on them. They'll do this weird hail-mary attempt at bringing up some derailing non-sequitor.... not related to the current topic of conversation tangent. And the goal is to turn that flashlight away from them, hoping you'll, I dunno, get flustered or something? It's a move based in desperation.
This actually makes perfect sense in comparison to my childhood. My female teachers would always punish me for defending myself from older kids. Clearly in the minds of those teachers it was my fault those bullies attacked me, clearly they wouldn't have tried to bully me if I hadn't defended myself from them. Or maybe female "logic" is simply backwards.
In this case, teachers are not going to dole out judgement or justice, they are simply looking to maintain order and peace so they can teach. When things get out of hand, their recourse is to send the offenders to the principal for judgement and punishment. It's systemic more than anything else IMO.
Nope. I've never understood this either and there are plenty of MALE principals who act like this.
They punished you for the same reason police give the streets to Antifa - because the bullied are easier to deal with and to punish than the actual perps.
I have never noticed this before, when stood up for myself a fought my bullies (several times) It was always the female teachers the one that punished me, the male ones usually just observe and some of them even laugh.
America is pro bully. They want the victims to be afraid to speak up and stand up for themselves. If you tell on the bully they will just say it was both of your fault.
Respect.
For turning down the sex.
The vast majority of women will not heed your advice, Dr. Taraban. They have too much pride. I think some would rather die and go to hell before they admit fault and apologize.
They're like children. The ol' "if I don't move, they can't see me" bit... "If I never admit fault, then I'm not wrong!"
P!gs.
Women do DIE and GOTO HELL. I know that it is true because women always said "Where did all the good men gone?". ** They have too much pride. I think some would rather die and go to hell before they admit fault and apologize. **
Do not be fooled, the majority in hell are women
Pride is the problem 100%.
Absolutely. Just read the comments from a majority of women on here. They are just proving our point. All of our human experiences are absolutely false in their eyes, and they won't even have a minute of reflection or humility, despite all of these poor broken-hearted men that have tried and tried. Still they ignore and deny and because enough men want to fuck them, they have no real reason to evolve or look in the mirror and do some inner work.
This makes complete sense. My wife is a great lady and actually sometimes does apologize, but I soon realized she was just trying to make me feel better. She didn't actually beleive there was anything that needed fixing. This just winded me up even more and it resulted in pointless directionless arguments. After seeing this video im starting to think I should just treat women as tall children that need to be forgiven for a natural lack of rational ability. Another option is to just never show negative feelings or frustration. Because that seems to be what they are latching onto rather than the problem itself.
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There is a reason in 7 years almost 50 percent of women in the U.S will be alone and childless.
Spot on
Genius
totally agree
Oh man, I thought my wife was the only one who never apologized. It helps to know it is common.
Female nature.
@@davelight2220 Human nature.
Man may mouth off apologies (almost automatically), but rarely deeply mean them and have thought the situation through.
@@exnihilonihilfit6316fair, but even a half hearted apology shows more respect for the person than a refusal, or worse trying to gaslight the person into thinking they overreacted to your wrongdoing.
I've experienced similar "peace offerings." I, too, lost respect for the ladies who do this instead of simple apologies.
My favourite apology from a woman (I'm female too but I have humility) was from my abusive mother. When I left home for university she must have been scared I'd go NC so she "apologized" for making my brother "discipline" me (he was beating me and she would look on with a demented grin) but said that it was my father's fault because he wouldn't do the disciplining. She totally shifted the blame on to my dad which she always did. At the time I was a very traumatized shell-shocked individual so I didn't know how to even process it, I knew it was phony but I had never been taught self-respect, I had accepted my place as the doormat.
damn girl
This is what is called a non-apology. It is meant to appease or even gaslight the recipient without taking any responsibility or admitting any wrongdoing. The classic example is "I'm sorry you feel this way" or "I'm sorry if I offended you", always followed by an expressed or silent "but it's not my fault".
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you as I can relate to being the doormat. I had to get out of this and my family members didn’t like it.
“My father didn’t make you abusive towards me. That is entirely Your choice & responsibility dimbass mom!”
my response
"I'm sorry I had to use a spare person to abuse you. I would have preferred to use the first person on my list." Or rather "the way I hurt you was wrong. I should have done it the other way."