Do narcissists think they are normal?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 พ.ย. 2019
- Are narcissists and psychopaths walking around thinking their bizarre, abusive behaviour is normal?
The answer is no. They know it is not normal. They feel nothing but loathing and contempt for normal, average, everyday "folks". Their greatest fear is to be counted amongst them. They do NOT think it is normal, even when they are gaslighting you to convince you that their behaviour is acceptable. - บันเทิง
0:03 Stating The Topic
0:40 No, Narcissists Don’t Think They’re Normal
2:35 Narcissists Know Exactly What’s They’re Doing
6:55 How Narcissists Can Change Their Behavior
9:54 Everything Narcissists Do Is A Manipulation
11:25 Can CPTSD Cause Consumption Of Alcohol?
12:41 Can Switching Environments Between Loving And Abusive Contribute To CPTSD?
14:00 Adult Children Of Narcissists, Being Raised By A Narcissist Mother, Moving On From A Relationship With A Narcissist, Covens Of Narcissists
19:08 Useful TH-cam Channels On Psychology, The Games Narcissists Play
23:15 Dealing With Intrusive Memories, Confabulation
28:45 Going To Counselling With The Ex, Tips On How To Love Yourself
32:29 What Is Psychopathy, Difference Between Independence And Fear Of Vulnerability & When Narcissism Becomes Irreversible
37:48 Is Psychopathy Inborn And Can Empathy Be Learned?
42:00 The Formation Of NPD And BPD
46:12 Better Aspects Of Our Culture
RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH as my overt narcissistic mother said about my covert narcissistic sister “that’s just the way she is” don’t mind her- a crap lesson for a child to accept so I feel that a narcissist observing another narcissist sees that behavior as normal 🌸
A good background adds to your presentation. A world class expert like yourself needs the right props. This is better.
@@colettedixon4040 I'm very grateful your comment! This is the type of stuff that my mother says about my sister quite often.
Are you talking about blue blood?
9:54 he became such a beggar... he wants only sex, to brag me (and who knows how many more supplies) about his aptitudes of control... it took me 2 years to figure him out :/
The hardest pill to swallow was accepting they not only knew what they were doing eas hurtful but was intentional and thrilling for them
The narc loves playing the victim . It's their Oscar winning performance..
They say the same about their victims
Yes they love to pass the blame
Vivien Wade Yes the victim mentality and the guilt tripping.
Mind Of An Empath says "People will provoke you until they bring out your ugly side, then play victim when you go there" & they're so right...
So I say "Look, i'm clearly not a nice person, so you should get away from me for your own safety & run as fast as you can, coz I clearly can't control myself & you're only gonna get hurt more. So off you go then, in fact, let me help you save yourself..." *sly smile as I hold the door open & shove them out* ;) use their own game against them man...
I've actually let someone verbally slash my face in front of everyone in order to end a shitty friendship & let it fall to the floor & die... it was a price well worth paying coz what they didn't understand in their rage was the ugly beast inside them leaking out that they allowed the innocent bystanders to see as they attacked me without provocation or defence on my part. Ppl don't forget stuff like that when they see it, & these narcs do it to themselves without realizing. It's not until they're limping that they look down & see that they shot themselves in the foot, but it's too late now & everyone else knows what they are :(
Give ppl enough rope to hang themsleves & the dumb ones will.
@@vivienwade4378 I've always felt that blame is such a stupid waste of time & a purposeless activity, generated by the ego in order to dodge growth & self-improvement.
And ppl seem to have this dunder-headed mindset that we can't fix anything until we've found someone to blame it all on 1st, THEN we can fix it... wtf??? And narcs seem so pre-occupied by this political blame routine... someone knocks a glass of milk over & a round of "shift the blame" begins, meanwhile the carpet is becoming sodden with what will later be a sour stench for weeks... small-minded morons...
Can you imagine how many Appollo 13 astronauts would have made it home if they followed THAT protocol?
"Abandon sincere communication when communicating with the insincere." GOLD.
Platinum
Titanium.
Diamond lol
It is dangerous to be sincere with the insincere.
On the contrary: stick to your moral standards and just leave.
Once you realize what they are, they are nothing but PREDICTABLE because they all follow the exact same script.
That's true!
@Sarah Johnson, Indeed! *Repeated behavioural patterns* until they are of the belief that *they are self-saboteurs* and that *there will be severe consequences* for their abuse of their victims of the mind of self-defence and will be finished with the *upcoming psychological and emotional "coersion" abuse laws* and existing such laws in Scotland/England/Wales/Ireland/Sweden/Portugal, etc. and an upcoming abuser outing database.
@@OakleyANDSittingBull sociopaths are the first ones who will use those laws for themselves
Shake I wouldn’t dare confront my ex boss, he is powerful and very clever at what he does as he has had a lifetime to perfect his behaviour. Imagine running a race against Usain Bolt. Can you guess who would win? 😂
True🦋
Life with a narc was like being stuck in a loop from hell.
Well said!
Amanda Rogers maybe their really an NPC from our simulated reality (been down the TH-cam rabbit hole)
Yess horrible
Amanda, Ain't that the truth!
I agree. My life with him a true horror movie.
"Being an asshole is not a mental health issue."
Ain't that the truth!
‘Arsehole ’ in the British vernacular 👍 😄
Yup, agree. The voice of reason indeed.
LOLOLOL! I'm sorry...It really is not funny...this madness, as we now know. But, love the way you said it! YEAH, it's the truth
No, it's not the truth. The issue is how do these souls get so broken? Why can't they be fixed?
I have reason more than ANYONE to hate narcissists, I don't hate them, but I REALLY hate their behavior.
Their ego is fractured, their soul is damaged beyond repair.
Watch Amber Heard (a ACTRESS) on the stand. Her father is a psychopath...she has psychopathic tendencies. Her "smirk" is gone because she is SO cornered. Her tactics are reduced to pathetic smear campaigns.
It may not fit the DSM as a personality disorder, but most NPD & even narcissistic behavior often have overlapping sociopathic and/or psychopathic behavior which IS a personality disorder. (Supposedly, I'm not a fan of the DSM either, less than Rich actually).
We have a HUGE wave of Narcissist's in the younger generation 40% which means 60% will be in contact with one.
I'm a psychologist I specialize in Narcissistic abuse healing. I do not disagree with Rich, I think he's brilliant.
Peace&love❤❤✌✌
@@Pippin514 I understand you so much on this. On day someone made me laugh when they said ( and we BOUND WITH THESE ARSEHOLES LOL )
When involved with a narc, crazy becomes your new normal! They get a thrill out of your distress.
Dopamine rush!!! Excitement feels GOOD.
WRONG vs RIGHT BEHAVIORS. SAME BRAIN CHEMICALS: HORMONES Functions. Games.
they LOVE causing pain and damage.
@@aarongaffney6466 I love throwing them all out of my house!
@@aarongaffney6466sadistic?
@chautran2588 Yes. Very. Just like his "Bully Victim" Sociopath!
After 10 years with a narcissist im now convinced that there is such a thing as evil. I used to make excuses for people and go down the mental illness road. Bad childhood etc.
True story. I believe it's nature and nurture.
Sam said if you continue to live with a Pathological Narcissist you WILL loose your mind.
Agreed. It was the worst living hell until I escaped, changed my name and started living incognito.
The “cure” for our worldwide narcissistic problem is by spreading knowledge about narcissism and working with the “normal” people: we have to stop enabling narcissistic behavior.
No Enablers = no surviving narcissist
Agreed, our society protects them. People can’t imagine evil like this exists.
Yes. I despise enablers more than the narcissists. As long as they arent the target the enablers don't give a rat's about the victim's pain.
Yes Indeed ‼️‼️‼️ 14:17
@@maustin950yes the society is protecting them ‼️ 15:16
@@robinantonio8870 Yes, it's Maurice Odgen's "The Hangman."
Narcissists I've known seem to think they're far superior to everyone else.
Flatearthers?
Yes, indeed. My mother was convinced she knew more about interior design than the woman who my dad hired to stage their house after almost a year of being on the market and no interest (due to my mother's terrible taste in decorating). Lo and behold, after the professional with a degree and 20+ years of experience redecorated and staged their house, it sold within a month.
To them they have to suffer living in a world of idiots !
You’re absolutely right, that’s definitely what they think.
There are narcissists who present themselves as "working class heros" or the underdog, but if you enter a relationship with them, their sense of grandiosity comes out from the lack of accountability surrounding your concerns. They are essentially, full of shit.
They are totally in control and know what they are doing. With my ex, I've seen his face morph and voice completely change within seconds of someone else being in the room. This happened so many times! It would go from "I can't help that I'm acting this way. I can't feel love for you when we are fighting" with an emotionless expression and refusal to engage with me to jovial, expressive and loving in front of someone else. When I would try to explain this to the people close to me, they just couldn't understand because they always saw the loving side. I felt like I was going insane.
Omgosh those tactics are the worst! Good on you for moving on from him 🙏
Sounds like one of my brothers. I really want my sister in law to leave him but she just says "I love him" I say, try loving yourself yea? I told him he's a fkn clown and she can come and stay with me if she ever leaves him ✌🐹
2 faces..fake
I wondered how my borderline / narc ex could switch from seemingly totally uncontrolled rage into being really calm and sweet on the phone to some other guy within 2 seconds....
There's another dimension which people fail to recognise about narcissistic abuse. People who have not experienced full-on narc abuse such as you describe find it totally impossible to contemplate its being a reality. If you describe it, they can not believe that what you say could possibly be truth. It's beyond their comprehension. Get used to the fact.
It's not just that people don't want to believe that THIS person could act in this way. They don't want to believe that this behaviour is POSSIBLE.
I like that. "Not everything is a personality disorder or a mental health issue".
Merci for all the goods vibes. It's sometime hard To look at reality without fear or pity for our self. I took my life back a year ago after a breast cancer with out help from my partner. He was seing someone else when I was in chimio, acting like I was already dead. But i survive and I discover what going on. It's so hard to acknowledge that nothing I know was true. 15 years of slavery. I' m pround of my self, I' m strong and I need to be a role model for my five kids. I Will be better and enjoy m'y freedom. I wish you wisdom and love. ☺
You should be dam proud of yourself!!
Yes! You should be proud! My dad never left. 52 years of gaslighting by my mother, and when he died this past January (2024) she had alienated ALL his relatives, siblings, and even me. His only child. She refused to let me talk to him, because I didn't give her control over my money.... It's true what Richard says.... gotta keep eyes wide open, when you say "No" to a narcissist.... what all they will use to emotionally traumatize you. Luckily, my dad caught on at the very end, and told me to go and live my life and "be happy." He knew.
I'm convinced narcissists and psychopaths are heavily burdened with multiple demon possession.
Magical Hoof I am also, interestingly once a person has been wounded by one of them they tend to devour and hurt others ..very similar to Hollywood’s version of a zombie
Tiona L Be alert and of sober mind. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a lion, seeking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
I completely agree with this statement. Narcissists need a few deliverance sessions!
@@tional5266 sooooo creepy & scary
Jezebel, Leviathan, (python, perversion, etc.)...
The narcissist told me life was a game of chess. People were his chess pieces.
I hear this a lot and always a red flag for me when someone says in conversation they are always thinking 3 steps (moves ahead) calculating the outcome of every conversation.. I wonder how can you be in your truth in this moment if you are so far ahead in the future planning possible outcomes?
My Ex narcisstic husband has told our son similar.
It’s true, they use people as pawns in order to get their needs met. it’s so twisted
Mine told me the same thing and he Actually plays chest competitively and on the streets of New York City against people for cash! I guess practice makes perfect.
My ex narc said the world is his playground
Hi Richard - I do not normally comment however I have been listening to you and your presentations are extremely valuable to me. You are down to earth, compassionate and a great person.Thank you so much for everything.......
Donald MacPhail thankyou Donald
He's brilliant.
same feelings
Narcissists like to look good for other people and their friends , they want to protect their oh so " Descent " reputation , they need to be liked by people but could not care less about how YOU feel and think !
Being liked is for the common people, they seek adulation and total devotion!
Watching her ability to switch behaviour on/off when I took my phone out to record arguments was huge. I began recording discussions because I was repeatedly told afterwards that my recollections of those discussions was incorrect.
My husband too, when knowing he was being recorded completely shut down his rage ... so amusing!!!! 🤣
@RichardGrannon I found you here in TH-cam land approximately 10 months ago. You saved my life, physically and mentally. After my discard from my covert narcissist husband. I was &$#% beyond words and you brought clarity to my soul. Thank you for helping me and many others. 🙏 💯
I had to start recording because he almost had me convinced I was losing my mind. When he learned I recorded him, all hell broke loose. It achieved my goal though, I was able to replay the convo and hear him twisting his words with trickery, seeking nothing but reaction and projection. They might as well be aliens. I can not wrap my mind around their thought process as it is so insanely self absorbed and cruel. Thanks for your videos. I’m a new sub and am enjoying learning from your messages.
Kim Nitschke Bridges it was like holding a mirror in front of the demonic spirit that (I believe) possesses them
Me too! I even recorded the moment I left. I think this really helped me to bring to the forefront of all the grief I had taken.
I love this, its putting the responsibility back on the person who behaves narcissistically. I grew up with a very narcissistic mom and I can attest to the chameleon-like shape shifting she would do depending on who was watching or listening.
Yes, indeed. Very sweet and deferential when certain people are in the room, and then the claws come out when those people aren't within earshot.
@Makin it in L.A. it really is. It's crazymaking. And it proves that narcissistic people know EXACTLY what they're doing.
Sigh! My favorite channel. A gorgeously, buff and handsome man. Who’s an academic, intelligent, informative , funny and insightful man. It can’t get any better.
Agreed.
"the narcissistic smirk" triggered something in me. My narc would ALWAYS have this look on her face like I was the biggest idiot and born-yesterday. She'd smile with just one half of her lips. Now I think of it, this must be the narcissistic smirk. It used to really piss me off whenever I saw that bc I felt she thought she was in total control of me.
I also vividly remember when after I told her I wanted a divorce that she said, "you've ruined it". The next day she was a completely different person. She had been 5-years bedridden for a medical condition, but that one day after she told me "I ruined it" (wtf "it" was, I still don't know: the game?), she got out of bed and I became the most-hated enemy this woman has ever had. It's like, everything she ever hated became me.
I am sad, very sad, at the missed chances for our marriage and so badly wish I had been married to a "normal" person. It's been almost a year since I told her I wanted a divorce, and I just can't seem to muddle my way through this divorce process.
I honestly think I'll need 5 years to get over how much she controlled every aspect of my physical & emotional self.
OH my, I can relate. I hope you heal.
Yes, they wear you out to the point of mental exhaustion. You begin to doubt your own ability to control, maintain your life - yet you had zero issues prior to being with them. Your mind becomes dull, numb. Living with a Narc is a living hell. Personally, I can't wait to get free, to find my optimistic, joyful self again. 😊 A bit constrained leaving just yet, due to a serious injury & an unrelated illness, which now has caused me to be unable to work. If I was still working (I ♥️'d my clients & my career, & I made $$$) - I would've been gone well over a year ago.📦🧳🚚🧭 Good luck to you. I hope you will soon be able to put a cohesive plan together to extricate yourself. Staying is not healthy, once you realize what you are dealing with. The reality is: they won't change & it never gets better.
The woman sounds like a psychopath. Who spends 5 years pretending to be bed ridden while shamelessly using this lie to nearly completely control another human beings existence? Only to leap up (unbelievable) the very moment they say "I want a divorce" and proceed to abuse them even further than they already have? And then, to top it all off, saying "You've ruined it"? My God man! run for your life and don't look back. What you've described seems even beyond the type described in the video.
Yes you ruined her game - her scame - I hope you geth away and live better now.
I don’t necessarily like to share about my diagnosis, but borderline personality, based on my experience, can be healed and managed. I did DBT and one of the “skills” they teach is literally called “willingness.” As in, the will to practice the other skills to get better.
Willingness is huge. Some people who do DBT are court-ordered, which illustrates the necessity for this “skill” all the more. For me, that skill was easy. I signed up for DBT after researching and deciding it was worth trying.
Richard is right: borderline personality isn’t fun to live with. In fact, it makes you dumb, short sighted, vulnerable to addiction, vulnerable to predators, and vulnerable to your own impulses, including, yes, vulnerable to being an asshole. I’m also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Between the two, I had no choice but to heal - it was that, jail, the psych ward, or death. I’m the daughter of NPD mom.
Be very proud of yourself ☺
Thank you for not giving up! 💟🌼
Rachel Munger: Much respect to you for taking ownership and putting in the work it takes to heal x
What country do you live in?
I'm a daughter of BPD mum and APD dad. I have BPD. Hell on earth for 15 years, it's fixing now, 5 years in therapy. Good luck to us all! I dont like the malignant either.
Bravo 👏👏👏👏 Toxic is toxic
Lets stop the toxicity against ourselfs
leti M Excellent comment. Thank you.
YES, You said a mountain of real right there!
Funny. My ex would tell me he's a totally "normal guy" all the time. Meanwhile, he believes he's the next coming of the messiah. Literally.
😲😲😲😲
My ex was repeating all the time that he is not just right, he's saint ( to put up with me). I think he believes it.
Isnt that so annoying? Its always switching between/simultaneously exhibiting opposite things. Being a control freak infantilizing asshole & also a screaming toddler who wants you to take care of them & woe is me how come you hate me so!? Total total lunatics.
It’s like that for Everything: i Rock/i suck. Ugh. Pick a fuckin’ lane.
Mine told me he thought he was an indigo child. The way he said it too, fully convinced he was someone very very special.
Character disorder is the best description I've heard.
Thanks again for giving us your time. Great content as usual and admire the new jumper 👍
"HOUSE IN DISORDER" disorder is closer to the mark Jodi.
I'm not a religious man but these people are demonic. Lets talk about this. For real???
Donell Andrews search Sadistic- npd..if u have not yet.
So right on!!!
Narcissism is a spectrum onto which all of us fall. My pathologically covert narc sister has certainly worked very hard to cause wreckage in my life, but she's not literally a supernatural demon. I think that if we believe "these people" are supernatural demons it lets the rest of us off the hook for introspection, and having to admit that WE, ourselves, may fall somewhere along the narcissism spectrum, and addressing it.
@@deb2319 okay.
@@deb2319 Thank you. I did not realize how uninformed i am. Have a wonderful day.
Them taking your money is more than just them feeling they are entitled to it, it's also a control mechanism, that money is an ability to get things you need, pay bills, feel secure, have some kind of freedom, and they don't want you to have any of that.
The root of all evil
@@beesnatch83
The LOVE of money is the root of all evil.
Stealing our money is them controlling our possibilities, our ability to flee, our ability to protect ourselves, our access to legal resources. Damn, I hate a thief worse than I hate a yeast infection.
@@misskarmen you win 😂 this is my favourite comment.. yeast infection your a genius 😂
figuring it out they are very stingy with money They love their frequent foreign holidays while you could be struggling just to have enough food for the week.
Started recording the ex towards the end ( for my safety).
When i looked back at them, they were so off putting. Truly like watching a demon or something.
Nick , i did that once as he didnt believe he shouted to himself when he was drunk.He didnt like it when i showed him arguing with the ceiling.He stole my phone and sold it.
Would you consider making a vid with re-enactment using the actual transcript (-any names or personal stuff, of course) -- it would be very helpful to people. I personally cannot overcome how different the person was and how quick the switch would come and for no apparent reason. I questioned if it really happened.
@@finehomemadewine They switch when you are happy,to change your mood.Its a control game to them.They are in charge of your mood.If you are sad they are happy.Very bizarre behaviours.
Nick I also recorded initially for my safety. At the time I was reading a book on abuse. I read “if you feel you need to record your conversations, it may be time to leave the relationship”. I had to laugh at this reality of truth.
Oh my! I started writing things down...and when I went back to read it, I was blown away! I remembered after I read it, but I was shoving all the bad down, and covering over for him....I was literally going insane!!!
I'm homeless and being kicked out and ordered around before I can mentally recover and rebuild my life to maintain stability.they are trying to keep me in a cycle or poverty, low status and dependence/weakness as isolation
When I held my husband accountable he got rid of me and wanted a divorce is that part of their behavior?
They can switch it on and off when being threatened. So true! I also started pulling out my phone and recording him every time he would start gaslighting, lying and manipulation. WOW.. it is completely unsettling to watch shape-shifting. I think this world will work.
I totally agree with you. It should not be seen as an illness. I lived with my husband for 16 and he lived a total lie. The hardest part for me (in the end) was not the horrible things he did to me it was that anyone could keep up lying for so long. Even when it all came out, he still continued to lie because he couldn't accept I could now see through him. They are amazing creatures.
Love your eyes. That color looks good on you.
Why I think NPD is a disorder is just because how they ALL follow the same script. Many would describe the narcissists they encounter in their life and they would describe the exact same behaviors. It feels like these exact same actions are symptoms of an illness. Like Richard, I think many of us have absolutely heartbreaking conflicts with these narcissists and theses incidents stay in our minds and break our heart every now and then. Mine is when I saw the narcissist fighting her demons and then ultimately fail to her rage. How she would confess in me that she thinks something is not quite right with her and then take it back defensively a couple days later like she has revealed too much. And of course, the constant self-harm, shame and rage boiling inside her. I got abused when I got close and seen 'too much' and therefore it is like I must be destroyed.
But abuse is abuse. Her actions are absolutely deplorable and She. Just. Doesn't. Care. She doesn't care about any friggin thing except her ego, not really, any other thing she cares about pales in front of the ego. And that makes her irredeemable. And there is nothing I could do besides staying away.
We can't get closure from them. We just need to understand what the hell happened, heal and then move on.
Sounds like bpd
To validate your point, this is a carbon copy of my experience
I was told to pray for her. You cannot pray for a demon to change, they don’t.
T Klein... And, as a Christian we should forgive them!
@@matthiash8764 There is That.
In my meditation I could see myself standing in the ray of light. Out of the darknes come this woman that I knew in real time...and she start pushing me. As she will push me...the ray of the light follow me. She could not push me out of this ray of light that was particular color. Eventually I opened my eyes in the meditation and ask her: "Why are you doing this." She said: "I am looking for Love."
In real time she went and merry a widower and destroyed his family within 2 years.
The man died 5 years after he first met her.
So this days when someone tell me..."I love you"...I ask..."what your love going to do to me."
Are we going to empower each other or what?
If the apostle Paul can be changed from a Christian murdering scoundrel its foolish to not think a narcissist couldn't. Pray for them when the time is right.
I know what you mean, but somewhere beneath the demon, there is a lost person. I think u can pray for their soul, but for the person to change is a rare miracle.
Well, there's a limit to prayer according to the bible as well. When God says 'enough prayed, now stop. I've handed them over to a reprobate mind'. Romans 1
Yes, I noticed a long time ago I noticed his behaviors are very selective. He has a repetoire of reponses and reactions and now I can predict which one will be next. It's a spiritual sickness a lack of integrity and moral fibre not a mental illnes. They know what's right and wrong they simply don't care.
I knew when my mother had someone in the room if I telephoned her. The tone was night and day.
Spot on. My covert narc sister, when she's on the phone or with someone other than me (her target/supply), adopts this super-high-pitched, sweetsy, shy-girl tone and polite giggle like a school girl. It's honestly deranged. That's how she fools the people she hardly knows or rarely conversed with. As soon as she hangs up the phone she typically trashes them for hours.
My mother had a 'telephone voice' she tried to sound like the Queen on the phone lol I thought (as a child) it was normal 🤣 God how messed up was my childhood. Having a grandiose, envious, super controlling mother was hell. Death by a thousand papercuts! Living with narcissistic people is hell on earth.
TheNikki284 My mother literally did the exact thing! One day she didn't replace the receiver properly (when phones had actual cords) and the person she was on the phone to, heard her degrading her for a long time!! Boy did she get her karma later that day when the woman called her back 🤣
Meredith Miller's channel "Inner Integration" is also great. Her channel is where I first heard someone articulate what I've always felt about my mother, which is that someone with narcissistic tendencies thinks that others whose opinions/tastes/whatever differ from theirs, do not simply hold a different view; they're WRONG. My mother cannot accept that people think differently than her. To her, they're objectively wrong and she is right. Even when it comes to trivial matters like the color or style of curtains in someone's house.
Believe me, it isn't just your mother!
Your mother is my mother
They know exactly what they are doing!!! You are so right!!!! Thanks for confirming what I've always thought.
My anxiety won't let me listen to anything longer than 4 minutes. So far so much sense, thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️
being an asshole is not a mental health disorder ❤️
Beautifully expressed Amy!!
Do they think they are normal? They believe they are SUPERNORMAL, SPECIAL, UNIQUE AND ONE OF A KIND.
Lucky lisp: what they dont realise is they are dellusional.
I’m a Narcissist and I didn’t know I was one until I started going to therapy. I just thought that I was generally smarter, more ambitious and more charismatic than other people. And that I sometimes bent the truth to get a favourable outcome. I thought my behaviour was normal, just better at it than everyone else.
Our therapist after his continued redefining of his behavior asked him if he understood the definition of deceitfullness. His response was that he was telling the truth to the best of his ability😂
No Narcs lol
Thats an awesome way to put it. 👍👍
*Classic!* 😂
Spot on what my ex psycho would say 😂😅🤣😄😊
Yes, that is how manipulative they are. I have presented solid facts in writing to a Narcissist that others know is true information, and repeatedly they just deflect, blame me, just don't address the issue, or blame me about something unrelated in the past. This is the script. Sends you insane!
I told my ex i know she is a narcissist.
That she is just acting happy and bubbly to other people. All outgoing and full of fun.
She laughed and said dont tell anybody.
"One more piece of theater in an ongoing charade." Damn that was well said.
I have witnessed what I had suspected might show up one day, as time went on: an alter ego. I swear, it was as if an alien life form got beamed into my kitchen. It was chilling having this stranger suddenly in my house, standing in front of me. I had no idea what he would do, this space alien from another world. So... having a fractured soul, is he not someone else's victim, and how he came to be this way?
"Being an asshole is not a mental health issue:)" Thanks for clearing that up!
Narcissist ‘I need your advice on something, should I do this or this option...etc’? Me ‘yes I’d choose that option’. Narcissist ‘I disagree, I think this option is best’. Me thinking why the f**k ask me then in the first place!
"So that I could belittle you." Blerg.
For a narcissist to think they're normal requires them to first think about anyone at all. This is not what they do. They don't think of anyone else at all. Ever. Everyone else is only Supply or potential sources of supply.
*EXACTLY*
So hard to wrap your head around.
Thank you Richie for your kindness and compassion. I hope your healing comes in healing us. Your work, your insights, your shared experiences and story are so valuable to so many. Thank you is too small a word. Please take care at the weekend. 🤗
Thanks for your integrity in these videos. Been very helpful to me over the last year.
You are hilarious in a brilliant way. ❤️ it. Been there and no contact is the only way up out and forever on the path to a real normal life . Thank you Richard . Big respect
Richard, your videos helped me through my darkest days. Thank you for helping to hold my pain through validation & knowledge.
I really can't adequately express my thanks for the work you do on this channel. Not only your work around narcissism and cptsd, but your more recent content as well. Stopping flashbacks, emotional literacy, etc, were things I knew nothing about. I had never even HEARD of an emotional flashback before stumbling onto your channel, and thanks to you, I realize I've spent a frighteningly huge chunk of my life dissociating. Keep up the fantastic work, and I can't wait to see where your channel goes in the future.
Richard is looking very strapping these days.
He hot.
Yuhuh
Admiral Bonetopick well said! Haha
Admiral Bonetopick my girlfriend says he’s her TH-cam celebrity crush 😏
@@tional5266 Mine, too! He's so handsome, and I love his accent.
Your answering in this q&a is so complete. And so is your humility in not bothering to mention other mental health practitioners. Actually, that is humility and self worth combined in considering the problem as a global one, and not about caring about getting more customers only. Congratulations on thank you for ALL your work and approach to it, Richard. You're an incredible person.
Richard, you are so on point in this video and most of your others. Thank you for being a confident voice for the psychologically abused population. You're a credit. Mo
I really needed this message today. Thank you for your passion on the topic and sharing your wisdom/experience
I am dying to hear of your Aya experience...your journey is so many of ours...inner alchemy, spirituality and healing. Thank you for sharing!!!
they enjoy being miserable because they are continuing where their mother and or father left off. they could not beat their abusers so they became them, it was too much pain and anxiety going on and the child just gave up and decided to blend with their abuser, but they also had to disappear meaning who they were supposed to be had to go! but what ever the child went through with the parents will always haunt the person the rest of their lives. my husband has CPTSD and his nightmares are horrible. HES TOTALLY MESSED UP!!!
Richard, I'm loving the way you communicate, easy to follow and understand. Thank you x
It's helpful to think of narcissists as "garden variety run-of-the-mill narcissists; nothing special, totally predictable and boring". Truth!
I relate to what you said about changing as far as the white picket fence stuff. A few years ago, I’d have said ‘finding true love’ was the single most important thing to me, that I couldn’t be truly content without ‘that’. Now, I rarely think about that and don’t feel that same craving for it; I don’t feel compelled to seek it out, in and of itself. If I happened to meet someone who was a great fit and who shared enough of my values and adds to my experience and growth, that’s great. If not, that’s also great. Once in a while, I feel a small twinge of that childhood sorrow around what I didn’t receive, but I know it for what it is and I’m okay with it now. Made my peace might be a better term than okay, but okay works lol. It’s really, really nice to feel free if that craving and to not feel sad when I see couples enjoying each other. Now, my reaction is to smile because I enjoy seeing someone enjoying a thing, without that crappy feeling of something being missing. I’m more interested in exploring my own consciousness and what life means to me than I am interested in worrying about trying to make anything happen, or needing a certain set of circumstances in order to find my contentment. I’ve chosen to own responsibility for the nature of my experiences in the moment, no matter what...and I have the ability to do that well now. I have you to thank for being a great influence and teaching me very valuable things that deeply impacted my ability to claim that responsibility and take joy in it. At first, I was reluctant and resented that’s I even had to do it...I totally didn’t want to lol. But over time, as I began to experience the difference it made to do all the things, I started to value and enjoy that as a power. I so agree with you about toxic passivity and all that, and can see how deeply mired in it I was only a handful of years ago. I can’t claim full mastery, but I can claim immense progress. And I’m glad to be where I am, looking forward to my growth each day and absolutely awed that I can now engage in that growth with an inner joy of the doing, even when it’s hard at times. I can bring that, and I can bring it proficiently and well...and I love that. That’s a great deal more satisfying to me than the idea of some romantic fantasy, and I especially like that it depends solely on my choices in each moment rather than on what someone else does or doesn’t do, and nobody can take it from me lol. It’s mine. I won’t give it up for anything. To get here was worth the journey, even the suckiest parts ( though I’d have told anyone to piss off if they suggested that at the time because it did suck big hairy ones at the time, and I’ve no intention of ever repeating that crap...but I don’t fear repeating it because I have this beautiful thing called a choice, and I’m gonna use it well lol).
Good words of advice 👍
Richard, once again you made something crystal clear that was foggy and slippery that i had trouble getting a grasp of. It's the reaction seeking with full knowledge of what they are doing & choosing to do an immoral act, rather than from a medically caused illness.
I absolutely love your uploads. Your honest words are what I need and like to hear. Thank you, beyond I can explain.
Thank you very much for this one. Very enlightening. I've really been helped with your teachings, content & will continue to follow💙
Yes Peace and Harmony has been able to articulate what I was thinking and feeling and I was triggered by her insightful videos as it brought back so many instances and scenerios. I watch them infrequently for that reason but they are very validating.
Hii Richard, I have been watching your videos on narcissists for a few years already and wanted to thank you for all the good advices you have been sharing. I have been raised by a narcissist mother and have been able to move on because of the information you have been sharing! I can't stop thanking you how much the information helped me heal and getting back my life into my own hands. Still have emotional flashbacks but I accept it and look differently at it every time when the memories come back and because of this I can control my emotions and change negative thinking patterns easily. Writing, reading, drawing and making music has helped a lot too! I never felt like a victim but like a warrior and survived the war! Thank you Richard 😁✌️
Yay 😊👍🌟! Brilliant! feel similar here, and so much happier knowing I do NOT have to be in contact with such damaging individuals within my family !
Enjoying life/writing, singing and doing my art work is a life saver! It used to be alcohol. No more!
The escape to the arts brings joy!
@@anniejay931 weirdly me too doing my fine art degree at 57 and caring for and about the functional loving family members is also a life saver. I no longer drink (11 years) but not due to addiction just did not rate it any more for me seemed pointless.
Hi Richard! You are a hero and a difference maker for people like me. On this video: When you were discussing the controversy in the medical community whether Narcissism should be classified as a personality disorder and hence included in the DSM. Point taken regarding agency, that they can "turn it off" for a period of time, like when being recorded, or when they know they are about to lose a relationship, etc. But I would argue the opposite, that NPD is a true personality disorder. I know doctors argue on what sometimes seem superficial or secondary criteria, often ignoring root causes. But if we look at this a bit deeper, sure the Narcissist can turn off a particular behavior for a short period of time. They can stop gas lighting for a bit, stop showing their rage for a bit, etc. But they can't turn it off for good. They're addicted. An alcoholic may be able to hold off drinking until 3pm, but they're gonna drink A serial killer might hold off on killing a person right this second because the conditions aren't right and they would get caught, but they're going to kill. A Narcissist WILL return to gas lighting, and narcissistic rage and all the crazy stuff they do. Also one might argue that a true personality disorder is the complete loss of agency like in a schizophrenic break and begins acting out without any control over themselves. True. But a narcissist in their own mind never stops living in a false reality. They will never lay down their fantasy world and try and connect with reality. They will never lay down their grandiosity. Their need to control others. Their need for external validation. Those states or behaviors never go away. So the fact that they ALWAYS live in a fantasy world, always need to control others, always see other people not as people but instruments. And also that they are able to completely change their world on a dime. My mother is a super bad narcissist. I've seen her say one thing one minute and then completely change her world view the next depending on what she needs to feel validated. If we are to talk of agency, I think these behaviors, that you can't always see because are internal (which is why the medical community doesn't want to use them as a criteria), are what their core symptoms really are, and they have no control over that. They have no control over their grandiosity, no control over their need to live in a fantasy world, no control over their need to control others. They have no agency over that. No agency over the core symptoms. They can just hide their tactics for a moment. Anyway, my opinion. Welcome their thoughts.
Thanks for bringing up your March seminar with Sam Vaknin! Imho that video is uniquely helpful for understanding the nuances of borderline vs. anti social vs. narcissism.
What I find most amusing (and most galling) is that these emotional toddlers are all exactly alike. A dime a dozen.
I figured out years ago that my personal perverted preference for dealing with these mental midgets is to inflict intentionally what is called a "narcissistic injury"- and believe me, it doesn't take a whole Hell of a lot of imagination to light these cherry bombs. Piss them off in a public framework and in a situation wherein they are BLATANTLY in the wrong, with witnesses. Let their faces get red, let the yelling and tantrum-throwing progress, and let them rope-a-dope themselves into an embarrassing and pathetic stupor.
Then smile in their face and call them "A good little puppet." They HATE that.
Thank you Richard that was a very interesting and insightful video. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing a few people who were adamant that narcissists and borderlines are merely just deeply troubled people who can't help themselves because they are mentally ill. Needless to say I didn't know them for very long before I decided they were probably best avoided.
Thanks for continual inspiration Richard. Currently finding space in my own life to support a platform for sharing original content for fighting the good fight lol cheers
"Absolving them from quilt"....EXACTLY what I've had pulled on my for a lifetime. Spot on, Richard. Thank you.
The first time I had to deal with a narcisist was at 36 years of age when I met my husband! His mother is a textbook narc. She desliked me before she met me! And boy it has been "fun"! I made sure not to live near her. I see this woman a handfull times per year and yet every single time she tries toying with me. Of course she thinks she knows everything about my life because she speaks to my husband on Sundays and it's not a conversation it's more like an interrogation! 😄
I just rewatched the animated film “Coraline” and it is a FABULOUS depiction of narcissistic abuse. The other mother is a full-on narcissist with all the traits and behaviors, and sweet Coraline has to learn to outsmart her. I recommend it!
oh thats a great movie
I’ve lived with this yet I still thought it was a mental illness, of course you’re right with the switch 🤯
ty for devoting your time and expertise for helping people who have suffered abuse...
OMG you explained everything!! I KNEW I was right! I had a parent who would abuse me bcuz I reminded them of their parent ( my grandmother)they hated and I had a psychiatrist treating me for PTSD telling me they were most likely schizophrenic and sick. I had a lot of anger because my parent could turn it off and on at will and I contended that control made it an act of will. They could be wailing on me shouting to the neighbors could hear,the phone would ring and then sweet as pie my parent would answer! I hated that. So that person was NPD and I have repeatedly been attracted to NPD men to the point now that I think if I "fall in love" that is itself a red flag and at this stage of my life(50s) I'm going to simply seek companionship and not "a great love".
They think they're extraordinary
I find that you are growing as a person and probably healing on a deep level... it shows in your energy and in your face. There is a huge difrence in you, there is a calm about you now, is rather obvious and also rather nice. 👌
The Little Shaman is fantastic as well in her knowledge and experience with NPD and other Cluster B personality types, etc. Really enjoy and learn so much from your channel, Richard. Thank you and Cheers from Canada!
When they project they don't seem to understand that's what they are doing.
THEY KNOW!
Every single time all day everyday
@@sparkedperspective Yes, Denise. they just put on that show they don't ...and all the drama and chaos they add to it or whatever tactic
I wonder that too. Sometimes I think it without awareness and other times I think it’s a cruel attempt to confuse you.
@@tannerandethan so true
“Does it really matter?” Lol perfect
You look fantastic. And thank you as always. I look up to you immensely.
Thank you Richard for doing this. Much appreciated. x
If you can record them and they’re aware of it and they don’t freak out over it, it’s already a good point of leverage. I can’t imagine being permitted to have recorded them with their knowledge!
After finding myself in a cycle from what I can only describe as being with someone who displays the traits of someone with NPD but who does have a diagnosis of BPD, I can only describe it as having the rug pulled from beneath me, left winded and clinging to an absolute lie. My first instinct was to walk away, but I was drawn in via empathy initially. They would weep, and I would believe that if I showed this person unconditional love they would ‘heal’, if I listened without judgement, held space and accepted etc! I made every excuse possible for the actions and deceptive behaviour. I allowed someone to reject all of my personal human healthy desires, and play with my emotions, they said they loved me, but obviously I repulsed them. He didn’t sexually desire me, he stopped holding my hand, he stopped every basic act of intimacy and it slowly depleted my own self worth. I sought counselling as I soon believed that I was not loveable, he would even drive me to these appointments- knowing it was them who hurt me. I became an addict for his attention, it was a slow painful death for me. But as I heal it has brought me home to myself. He still try’s to pop into my life every now and then, but doesn’t actually want me... he wants me to want him. I don’t.. I am moving on. I fell in love with what I thought was ‘potential’ and that will never happen again. He played a very kind, sincere individual, It was so very confusing. I will remain to work on my own boundaries, the lack that I obviously had and didn’t realise. ❤️ your videos are amazing, thank you x
This is exactly what happened to me. Only my ex is a covert narcissist.
@@iraidushka it’s heart rendering isn’t it! I actually came to the conclusion that I was with too with a covert. Although the journey was a painful one it has made me wide awake now and I am so thankful for the knowledge and power I have since discovered. Never again! 😘
Good luck Richard you got this! Can’t wait to hear your experience!!!
Brave!! Good luck, I’m sure many people are going to benefit from your journey. Looking forward to hearing about your experience.
Given that this is becoming a clear moral issue, I wonder: will addressing responsibility and accountability in personality/mental health disorders become increasingly relevant?
No. Protocol hasn't changed, definitions haven't changed.
Richard said this because he works with NPD abuse survivors (as I do) so it works for him.
Which isn't to say he's not correct, but we still look at how it develops, nature vs nurture, why do some abused children grow up narcissistic, & others like Rich (& myself) retain our empathy & go in the opposite direction?
It's a question I still haven't answered satisfactorily.
It's important because theoretically if we knew what caused it, theoretically we could prevent or possibly heal it. Peace&love❤❤✌✌
I thought it is pretty much figuring out but problem is us humans are not designed to live in these kinds of conditions that we haven’t evolved to be in. There’s no fixing it now.
They are completely alone. There are no people in their world just "things" to be used for supply.
Very excellent explanation! I’ve always struggled with them having a disorder, because then we would have to have even more empathy for them.
I enjoy listening to all of your sessions and find them extremely helpful. Thank you sir.