I also had this period of my life where I stopped chasing women for about two years and I can say that the clarity you gain is astonishing, but I also felt I was isolating myself. After I started dating again, I realized that there must be a balance where you don't chase but also don't deflect.
As a woman I don't feel like I ever chased. It would of been healthier for me if I had learned to set much more clear boundaries because all I needed to do was just open up a little bit to the idea and before I knew it we were in bed together.
You're right. I have adopted a celibate lifestyle for several years now. After every romantic relationship that ends in my life, I take time to heal and learn from the breakup. That's what helps to create a sense of peace after the breakup. That helped me to create a high level of work ethic, peace of mind and personal fulfillment. Thanks for sharing your story.
I love male content creators who dare to be vulnerable like this. What you're saying shouldn't be revolutionary but in today's context and internet, it most certainly is. Thank you for sharing ❤
@@BorisBirkenbaum Hiiii 👋!!! I don’t appreciate you telling me what my reality is and projecting your own tendency to be dishonest onto me! Why would I go through the trouble of lying about something like who I’m attracted to & why on social media? What could I possibly stand to gain from this exercise in futility? You don’t know me! How dare you violate my boundaries that way because of your desire to play a helpless victim (I presume you’re an Incel) and oversimplify by putting things into black and white boxes. I’m demisexual. I’m attracted to personalities first and foremost. If you want to find a partner - work on yourself - especially your personality. A man who makes me laugh and is curious caring and kind is way sexier to me than some boring conventionally attractive man who has no personality and who doesn’t have to be good in bed because he has it easy in that department. (I also have a thing for nerdy brains, eyebrows, crow’s feet and canines/slightly weird teeth.) People are not monoliths. Insisting on refusing to see the nuanced spectrum of personalities and only see the black and white and insisting on putting people in simple, unrealistic boxes is emotionally and intellectually selfish and lazy. It also feeds a negative, self-pitying victimhood mentality that will only serves as an endless loop of self-sabotage and will ensure you will continue to remain unhappy until you find a way to shift that paradigm. You’re the only one who can do this. You’re the only one who has proper power and control over yourself. That’s the only thing in life you’re guaranteed to be able to control. The only thing anyone has control of is themselves. Focus on yourself instead of the ways everyone else may or may not be victimizing you. Be honest about your weaknesses and work on them. If you shift your energy towards what you can fix and control vs what you can’t, your life will change for the better. Yes, I’m sure you’re being victimized by the many, many assholes out there (I know I am & far too often) but giving in to learned hopelessness and being sad about it is not productive. Figure out what you have the power to change (yourself) and how to change it and then you’ll be ready when you meet the right weirdo for you. Who knows, maybe it will be me (I’m still working on myself but think I’ll be ready in a year or so). Wouldn’t that be funny? _”The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Einstein_
@@miles611No more, man! Get an update about fertility rates of average post-industrial plastic poisoned and mobile phone radiated men. Where do you put your phone? In the front pocket, next to your balls?
Perfect. I did this exact thing when I divorced my first husband. I didn't date and I stayed on my own for 16 years, willfully, intentionally, and I loved every moment. I learned so much. I learned I liked myself, I liked what I had to say, I liked my witty comebacks to most everything. Since then I put myself out there, met a great man online and we got married in Vegas 9 months after we met. That was 16 years ago and, thus far, all is well. But I know at some point in the future if he dies first, I'll be on my own again. And that will be fine. Because I like spending time with myself. God bless you Nathaniel. You chose a good path and I'll be tuning in to find out the next path you choose.
beautifully put. self love comes first. I've been divorced for two years now and enjoying the process of building a new life without considering a new partner, just focusing on my growth and rediscovering myself. if a new person comes next, they'll find a better version of myself, I'm sure :)
Thanks for sharing>. I too am happy alone. There is faint spark of hope for being with “other” but in the meantime , me myself and I are getting along just fine. There are moments, however, when I have to risk my back carrying heavy stuff on my own when I do feel the lack of other but hey. A good relationship must be founded on good friendship first rather than this thing called romantic love.
It is okay to not liking being alone. It has it's good and bad moments, but it is very good to know that you can stand on your own and not gonna settle for just the sake of a relationship! It was very depressing for me every once in a while the idea of maybe never finding a partner (I was single for over 10 years), but it's a great feeling that I can be with my partner, because I chose to not because I depend on him. But he makes my life a lot easier/better now and I only wish that for you one day.
I’m 20 and am a virgin that hasn’t dated very many men. It’s hard for me to connect with someone emotionally going straight into it with the intention of having a romantic relationship. I need the base of friendship and emotional connection to be able to connect sexually. I’ll be waiting until I find a person that I love and am comfortable with to share the experience with me.
I had the same mindset as you but I was 22 when I first had sex and I totally regret it because I feel like I betrayed myself somehow. Got into friends with benefits situation that ended up damaging me really bad. All I’m gonna tell is this, listen to youself, be true to yourself and how you feel, I wish I had done so back then.
There's not right age to have sex for the first time, you'll feel when the right person is with you and sex won't be so important in a healthy and real connection (if the guy really likes you, he'll have that mindset and he'll stay with you for the person you truly are). The best things will come when you don't expect!
@@jubiterr I also call it by another name. 'Normal'. I fully believe that the sweeping majority of people originally feel this way but hookup culture has tricked them into thinking that sleeping around indiscriminately is what's supposed to be normal. I don't get this current phase of the internet that reinvents or relabels things that already exist.
My boyfriend and I were each others first in our 30’s - we are on the ace spectrum so the social pressure was really overwhelming for us both so we found each other after we worked on ourselves and defined what we both wanted not what society demands
This video really resonates for me a 61-year-old single woman. I feel that time spent looking for a partner and the time that I inevitably spend immersed in another person is time I would not be spending learning new things, going new places, and figuring out (again? finally?) who I really am!
As a 54 year old woman, I completely agree. I’ve just returned from a short vacation where a sexy, handsome man (with whom I connected with in a short period of time) asked me if I wanted to spend a wonderful afternoon exploring each other in his nice hotel room. I verified his story of who he was on the web while we talking, but I politely declined. I just don’t feel the need to connect with another physically like that these days. And I like that I didn’t need to convince anyone of my choice. I’m about me and exploring more of me these days.
i’ve been dealing with this internal conflict regarding sex and getting this notification is crazy timing, keep creating beautiful art nathaniel i’ll always be here watching🦋
So I decided to sort my teeth issues once and for all during the pandemic and have been in Invisalign for 2.5 years in my mid thirties . I unintentionally stopped dating during this time and started focusing on myself and reading a lot. I’m so happy I did! I feel this unexpected sense of calm and contented ness , my creativity went up because the “noise” was removed- , a by product I did not see coming . A lot of what you said resonated with me. Great video !
It's not about sex, it's about chasing relationships for sex only, or looking for a relationship for the sake of having one. If you're open to connection instead of trying to force relationships, if sex happens within this connection, no matter if it's a long-term relationship or not at all, it should be an enriching experience, because you would have wanted it genuinely instead of following societal expectations :)
i recently turned 30 and watching this i realized i haven't had sex through my entire 20s. i am definetly not a bad lookin guy and there were plenty of opportunities. similar to you during the beginning of my 20s i was completely focused on developing as an artist. i even spent one year without masturbating once. i probably wouldn't do it to that extent anymore, like everyone in the world of nofap is trying to tell you but there is without a doubt a reorganization of your sexual energy once i doesn't find expression through sexual release, which not only gives you a certain aura/glow(tryin to get this for the attraction of the opposite sex is missing the point, trust me...) but it also greatly enhances your ability for introspection and creativity.
thank you for this! I was in long-term relationships non-stop from 15 until 35 (officially divorced at 36) and two years later things feel great when I get to think on my own terms instead of considering someone else as a priority. I've relocated and I'm not actively pursuing dating in my new city as I have more than enough to focus on with my studies and making a new life here. that will come later, I'm sure... it's just not a priority at the moment, and being by yourself while growing your wings for whatever comes next is priceless.
I really enjoyed this video. I'm a Christian and I waited until I was married at 27 to have sex and so did my husband. I think in society today so much emphasis is put on sex and if you are in a relationship, you need to be having sex for it to be good and fulfilling. Personally, I feel sex is good when it's with someone you love and connect with but it's not the most important aspect of my relationship with my husband. There is so much more to a relationship and life. I think when I was not having sex but dating, people thought I was very strange and would talk like, "How on earth could you NOT HAVE SEX?" and "don't you feel like you are missing out?" and honestly no I didn't and even now after being married I still do not feel like I missed out in anyway. I was secure in myself, and I enjoyed my life, and I will always with or without sex. Also, sometimes people forget, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are guaranteed sex. Think about couples who a partner ends up ill or disabled and are perhaps unable to have sex. Sex can't be the defining feature of a relationship and it shouldn't be otherwise, what happens if there comes a time when you can't give or receive? Sex can definitely enhance your relationship, and is a part of intimacy but it is not the be all end all of a relationship. Life and relationships can be very meaningful with or without sex.
It's not just about watching your videos to improve my English listening and speaking skills, it's about developing my self-awareness, it's therapy, and I really appreciate it, Nathaniel
You have a good head on your shoulders. Keep on truck'n. I am a gay man but made a personal decision in my early thirties to stop having sex and for years I went on this journey where my attention and focus went to other things. The profound effect this time period and that decision has had on my life cannot be overstated. I am now married but that period of voluntary abstinence was one of the better choices I've ever made.
I applaud this video and relate to it immensely. You’re one of the few TH-camrs who seems genuinely authentic and who shares unconventional views without caring about what’s currently trendy to talk about.
This year, I finally made the choice to choose for myself, and not for the sake of external validation. In that, I left my friend group that I was no longer aligned with and distanced myself from women, because that caused me to follow other people's lives, but not my own anymore. Thank you for this video Nathaniel, it’s an eye-opener for me. And to end with a quote I really believe in: “How can you love others when you're not loving yourself?”
I’m incredibly proud of your vulnerability and strength to speak on this topic. The video was so so well made and your storytelling aspects of this made me understand your perspectives. I feel this will cause a shift and give permission to many young adults to make more conscious decisions on their romantic choices and change their relationship with themselves for the better. Bravo Nathaniel ❤️
I do not think he is vulnerable at all, he is being brave, honest and real. You think he is exposing himself because you really care what others think, he doesn't.😊
This video couldn't have come out at a better time. It's been a struggle, and I've put myself in some terrible situations as a result, but I've learned that it's ultimately okay to be single at any age, and beyond that, I actually recommend it to find your true self -- if you're willing to do the work to get there.
I am totally on your side. I still want to find love someday, but going on dating apps or forcing myself to go out just to meet potential partners is not the way I want to find love. It should happen naturally and out of the blue when you least expect it.
Just saying - I met my husband on Tinder of all places (which is so random we met there bc we both despised dating apps). He's sweet, intellectual, and a gentleman, and we've been happily married now for almost 10 years. I always had trouble dating (and so did he) until I took a chance on him and that darn app. I would have hook-ups with people I met randomly, even though I wanted more; interesting how I met a real genuine partner on a hook-up app. We never would have crossed paths naturally without its help. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out the way movies romanticize meet-cutes.
Waiting for life to happen to you is an easy way to watch life pass you by. If you want something, you need to invest time into making it happen. Otherwise, you're just being lazy about it.
I'm 43. Dated on/off in monogamous relationships since I was 15/16. I've taken several extended breaks from partnerships in the past, but after my last relationship ended in 2019, I just decided to stop looking for a partner and focused instead on therapy, healing my body and mind, building my business, connecting with people, fueling my creativity, spending time with family, etc. These past 4 years without a partner have been the best years I've ever had. Such introspective focus on healing has produced good results in all areas of my life and I feel no internal or external pressure to seek romantic relationships. I miss intimacy of course, but it's no longer such a big driving factor. The fact that you figured these things out for yourself at such a young age is testimony to your unique character and innate wisdom. I was always a bit too entranced with my hormones (pushing me towards sex, tbh) and my unconscious traumas to see what I really needed was to be single and healing. It's been impossible for me to heal in a partnership with someone else due to my traumas. Hats off to anyone reading this who is choosing to be single to figure themselves out, find healing, build themselves, etc. x
Thanks for being so open Nathaniel. This reminds me of myself and my husband when we were in our 20s. My husband was never a chaser and didn't even factor marriage or a relationship into his life when he was younger. He was focused on other passions in his life like science, piano and violin (he practices both), chess, being in nature, etc. I wasn't big into dating either and was very happy in my single life, finding beauty in so much. I guess if I were to be labeled, I am a demisexual/sapiosexual. The universe decided to bring us together in an amazing way, despite neither of us looking for a relationship. If you're meant to find your soulmate, it will happen regardless. It will not take tons of effort. Some people are also meant to go on the beautiful, fulfilling journey of life on their own or with family and friends. That is also an amazing, purposeful life filled with learning and growth. The feeling of sex, while pleasurable, is fleeting and a very small part of the long term happiness and true joy we can experience in life.
Absolutely love the full body shot where you're just talking to the camera (like at 9:47). It's like you're talking with your entire body. I relate a lot to this video.
You basically summed up what I thought about social media that we desensitized or normalized showing ourselves to the world without reservations. At surface level, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a form of empowerment. But somehow, it also allows boundaries to be easily accessible.
So well said Nate. I love this content. I am in my late 50's and single. I stopped dating many years ago and have never been happier. I found dating disappointing, uncomfortable and at times scary. I love the single life and focusing on my career, hobbies and exploring as well as making new friends. I believe we have to find happiness with ourselves first! 🥰
The best relationship you can have it’s with yourself. And by finding these aspects before you enter a relationship would make for a healthier one. It’s so brilliant to see such an enlightened person at a young age. If all people thought like you the world would be a better place. Thank you 🙏🏼 for sharing this wonderful well put together video.
Could not relate more, been single for the most of my adult life. I have dated, but I continuously realize that what I'm looking for is not easy to find. It's almost an understatement to say that it's not easy, because it's damn near impossible. I have accepted that I may never find it, I have accepted that people will think I'm weird for not having kids or getting married. Because the last thing I will ever do is settle for less.
I completly agree with you! It wasn't until I met the man of my dreams about 2 years ago that it helped me realize I will never have something like that. I have made peace knowing I will be alone for the rest of my life and still be a virgin. Finding a connection like that is pretty much impossible to find. Heartbreaking, but there's beauty in living your life alone!
I’m basically celibate by default because I will not have casual sex. When the relationship is true, I will be happy to explore intimacy! If I’d had a healthy sex life in my marriage, I may have stayed married because it’s an important part of the relationship I desire. Better to be alone than with the wrong person.
I felt that way for years. I then decided to explore the casual scene on MY terms, to find out what MY wants/desires actually were. Not just to please my partner. When you take the romantic love part out of it, you really can explore your sexuality. Try different partners and different skill sets. It was liberating. I know everyone is different and I couldn’t live that way forever, but it really helped me understand what I needed and wanted in a partner in and out of the bedroom. I wish you every happiness by the way stranger. Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm a guy, and the only casual encounter I've evr had, the next day I was crying (and I never cry). I don't do casual. I think lust really gets in the way of building a true relationships based on other things (REALLY based on other things) first. I think the sexual impulse is really something that was encoded in us to force us to copulate. I don't think if we are 100% healed and alligned with our soul, we get the some impulses.
@jeanjacqueslundi3502 It is good you can be honest with yourself. As a girl, I can only confirm to you, how many guys actually feel like you... very hurt, very broken and literally crying... ( after "cool hookup" whaterver it is) you can't even imagen. The problem is many times it's portrated as something "cool", very rarly guys can open up how they really feel about it even before their buddies or sometimes even themselves. I had men and guys crying, telling me how they really felt. And literally they are all the normal men, that you would see strong day to day life, they just felt safe with me... and to my own surprise, because I know it's very vulnerable for a man to cry. I dont know if these men ever cried like that infront of anyone else, ever... I guess I earned it by respecting them. And I've learned a whole lot of their real soul and had understood a lot more of how that sex has deep negative effect on men, not the lies we are given about.
@@darcyd2680 Yeah we overemphasize our genders. We are essentially the same as men and women....much like kids are the same up until a certain age (sure, girls are said to develop a bit faster or whatever). It's just it's easier for a person in a female body to express the emotional side...and easier for a man to express the mental side. What happens is in a society govern by the mental....and where our faulty software often overrides our feelings.........we learn to suppres all sorts of stuff. And along with it.....we also support vital emotional feedback on how societal values individually makes us feel. Curiously enough, my experience wasn't about having a cool hook up or any macho bs.....I'm genuinely a very sexual person....and it was an experience that made me aware I need to channel it differently.......because I'ma one person kind of guy. Even serial monogamy I'm iffy about...... As I dissect stuff...the lust and strong sexual impulse is really abouy being SEEN. Seen and accepted. It's also our minds and conditioning that determines, for example, sex is the only way to achieve that goal. Or pleasure. There's other forms of pleasure. I remember having meditations where I experience orgamisc.like bliss that was more powerful than any sex I have..........so really.........sex becomes a fixation for us humans for various reasons.....but it's just a MEANS to meet a need.
Same. I stopped trying and instead focussed on raising my self esteem. I am a huge believer that when the time is right, the person will come. In the meantime, I focus on myself. Haven't had sex in a long time and not missing it. Sometimes I miss the intimicy of someone knowing me, cuddling, etc.
I am currently 17 years single and celibate. This illusion that happiness is finding/being with someone else is wrong imo. For me finding myself, my likes, my enjoyments and what motivates me etc in life has been so important. I have friends and know of work colleagues who have simply "given" up on so many aspects of their life because of the "9-5 home life". For me being single has allowed me to focus....weirdly .....on me and what brings me joy. When people meet me, they meet me alone, no outside contributions and allows me to represent myself in a good way. When the end inevitably comes in a few decades (i hope) I can know I did my best to end my short run in this universe with a smile.
It is good that you understand this at such a young age. No one is made for anyone else. Only yourself is made for yourself. Love isn't a thing has to be given by someone else in order to have. Once you go to meet yourself and know yourself, then you can generate love from within.
As someone who recently turned 39 you’re already years ahead of what I found out in my late 20s. A lot of people I know (even in my own family) are constantly jumping from relationship to relationship or scared of being single & ONLY in relationships because they think it’ll fill some void in their life just having someone around (even if they don’t truly love them).
At times it is so helpful to hear your own thoughts coming from somebody else. Somehow it automatically makes them more "legit". Thank you for sharing and for being so open. Many people can relate and feel less weird about themselves thanks to it. And when your time to grow WITH someone comes YOUR person will come
I appreciate you bringing this the needed attention...ive been doing this for years, just working on myself and I also felt judged and misunderstood. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this 💙
It simply makes me warmly smile to find others who have come to realize that solitude is nothing to be afraid of… because in the end they realize it’s actually been themselves all along. Thank you for so beautifully having shared this; both because of the amazing video quality and your own inner beauty.
9:36 "I am totally okay with being on my own. I don't need somebody[...] I can live a really full, vibrant life doing my own life." To me, that sentence reverberated. It is so refreshing to hear that perspective - especially outside of a religious context. I feel like society and media have somehow instilled that idea according to which you need to be with someone to be happy. Thanks Nathaniel for sharing with us your journey with refreshing honesty.
In my 20's I definitely used sex as a form of validation but always felt empty afterwards. Once I quit masturbation and reduced the amount of partners I share my body with, all aspects of my life improved. The peace I now feel inside and the love I have for myself is also manifesting in my daily life and surroundings. Your energy and the way you carry yourself will completely change and those around you will notice. Congratulations Brother, this is the way.
This is really refreshing to hear a males perspective. As a woman who doesn’t sleep around I feel judged if I did sleep around and also judged for not. And because I don’t I worry other men look at me as inexperienced, frigid or something alike. Yes I might not be the most experienced but I’m happy to explore intimacy with the right person that makes me feel safe.
I have searched the internet for one person to say .. ya know what? Sex is NOT that damn important or that serious. My husband and I have a very deep, intimate partnership of 12 years, and it INCLUDES sex, but it’s a very small piece of who we are together. And the over inflated “sex is so vital unless you want your relationship to fall apart” is so problematic. Like can everyone get a life and be more interesting ? 😂😂🤣 ok i’m done.
Having sex is like having money, it only becomes so obvious how important it is when it’s gone. See what happens if the sex stops, the marriage will end
@@techno6106 lol absolutely nothing is black and white. But one universal truth is that people say sex is soooo important, when I think we all need to deconstruct that a little.
I’m so tired of hearing this line that “sex is a human need/necessity along with water, food and shelter.” Ok… *¡NO!* You will _not_ die if you never have sex or “enough sex” (whatever that is). It will be okay. I swear people like Hugh Hefner took advantage of the feminist movement and fed lines like this one ^ and “a truly liberated woman has ALL the casual sex!” When I came of age I thought I was a freak for not knowing what it feels like to be “horny” (I imagine it’s like hunger but in your loins instead of stomach?). I am absolutely disgusted by the amount of male “friends” I lost because they shamelessly whined about being too horny and insisted they absolutely needed me to let them do sex in me… (like “you have this neat thing called am opposable thumb along with the creativity of human intelligence - _allegedly…_ use it, not me”) and then none of them could fathom why I wouldn’t want to remain friends w/ them after being objectified that way. They sincerely thought that _they_ were the ones who were victimized in this scenario. _”If men have anything it’s the audacity.”_ Turns out I’m demisexual and it’s been 6 years of celibacy. I’m goooooooood, thank you. #AintNobodyGotTime4That #CostsOutweighBenefits
Also, this narrative about how utterly important it is that a couple has sex all the time puts so much unnecessary pressure on couples. Everyone is different. No one in the history of human existence has ever had the same exact brain. Why do we need to force everyone in the same box? Black & white thinking is so intellectually lazy.
"Life is in many ways a journey to be ok... not having everyone's approval." Thank you, Nathan. I've come far enough in my own journey to hear the truth ringing in these words - but accepting and implementing them in my life still lies ahead of me. I believe it will really change my life for the better. Thank you for your amazing work... I love your self-reflection and honesty.
"The pleasure of having sex is so short lived". If it's sex just for the sake of sex with whoever, sure. If it's sex with the person you love with every fiber of your being, then I don't see how that could be short lived. I used to have FWB relationships and they always used to leave me empty inside in the end. After having sex with a person I was madly in love with(no longer together though) I just can't imagine having sex with a person who I don't love. If it's a person who you love, sex can be incredibly spiritual. Casual sex is a two-way street. If you treat a person as a "piece of meat" you are a 100% diminishing your own self to that level simultaniously. I came to this conclusion the hard way.
It's different for some people tho. I never felt much of that connection from sex or kissing. For me it was always an ok bodily pleasure and nothing more. I felt the deepest connection while just talking(however it might include some physical contact, but not in a sexual way) one on one for a long time without distractions
I don't get how people are bashing sex 😆casual sex during my twenties or intimate sex, both things i am grateful for that we have in life. i am afraid that Nathaniel's overthinking is leaving people confused here 😂
I’d made the same decisions on the exact same premise of this video for the past couple of years - just wanting to figure myself out before I go out with anyone. Even though I was clear in my intentions, I’d have so much trouble in trying to explain myself to my peers. This video put into exact words what I’d struggled to articulate forever, and I’ve never felt so heard. Thank you for opening up this much-needed conversation, and for making people like me feel seen :)
This video made me realise some things I wouldn't normally. I always pressured myself and saw sex as an objective. I always thought that is what I need, not just something that I wanted. And having you speak so openly about it, it's just relieving, for the fact that my parents never talked with me about this things. Thank you. Just, thank you
I have to admit that sometimes I find your videos to be “a bit much.” But that’s okay, they still make me think and consider how I feel about what you are experiencing and saying, even when I don’t necessarily agree with you. And you strike me as the kind of person who is just fine with people rolling their eyes or yelling at the video. This video I found absolutely fascinating. The concept of being okay with being alone is something I have been thinking about and considering for several years. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
You got me thinking when you said we are into sex for validation a lot of the time. I was. And now with the advent of the internet, and all these perfect looking women, it really makes the average woman stop and wonder whether she's good enough. I'm average, no beauty queen, but I have kept myself in decent shape. During my 50's I was in a situationship with someone who honestly got on my nerves outside of our sex life. It seems I was miserable about half of the time during that situationship. I didn't want a relationship but wanted attention. It came to a point I didn't feel I was getting enough "attention". And being a woman, I wasn't about to play the field because I'm not very attracted to most men (the way of the woman). Eventually, I decided to leave that situationship and since then, I've been thriving. No sex in several years. I don't feel like I'm missing anything, even though in my 60's I still have a sex drive. I'm happy with myself and much better off by myself. I see a lot of woman (and some men) living a celibate lifestyle, even in my generation. I feel liberated, to be honest! Best wishes.
LOVE that you're saying this. So proud of you and more people then you think can relate to what you say. Especially as a fellow 27 year old guy in this digital age! Do what feels right to you. That outside noise is just unnecessary..That being said, Keep being you bro! 😎
The entire video was like someone is saying my thoughts out loud. I am relieved that I am not the odd one out in the room. There's this other side of the world where people like us also exist. Thank you so much Nathaniel for sharing this. It was so relatable. Hope you find the exact specific person you are looking for.
I was definitely an incel. Just when I stopped trying, I found my partner. We are in the same community and I had to go through some stuff and be ok with myself alone before it occured to me we could accually be very happy together. I feel as loved and accepted for who I am as never and it makes me try to be the best version of myself.
Dear Nathaniel, you've just put into words, during a compactly formatted video essay, what is circulating through my mind in recent years. Thank you for that as you've just untangled in my head couple more threads to explore. I really appreciate what you've been doing and how brave you are when chosing and speaking up about such vulnerable and sensitive topics. Thanks.
Que importante es lograr ese punto en la vida: no tener la necesidad de alguien que complete tu existencia. Siendo mujer, a mis 67 años, habiendo experimentado esa sensacion de vacio estando en pareja, comprendo perfectamente ese estado de solidez que haz logrado contigo mismo. Eso te da una visión mucho más rica de la vida....es como darse cuenta que el azucar no es necesaria y es, ademas, toxica. Mucha gente se extraña de que yo no consumo azúcar. Un abrazote!❤ Felicitaciones!
Such an amazing video Nathaniel, I had a really similar journey with it myself. What started as a year of no dating and no sex to get closer to myself and clearer on what I wanted turned into an entire reinvention of the way I saw and experienced intimacy with other people. It's been a few years since then and it's transformed every part of who I am for the better. It feels so profound looking back on it, I love hearing that other people made similar choices and felt the same way. You're such a talented storyteller, I just loved this :)
I wish I had done this for myself. I am 50 years of age and still asking, "Who am I?" and especially who am I in my marriage regarding having a partner. If I had spent the time you did my life before marriage, I may have had a more inspiring life; it is not too late. As you said, this is very important work to do before marriage and kids; otherwise, it can have a lot of meaning, followed by pain and doubt. Thank you so much for talking about the acute focus on sex, which also mirrors society's obsession with money.
I did this in my mid-20s for 5 years. Life is beautiful when you enjoy your alone time with no social media, old toxic friends who like to party all the time, and healing my childhood traumas. I was lucky to leave the city and reconnect with my father and also traveled to Asia. Enjoying going to the movies and eating alone at a restaurant was so empowering. Don't give yourself to those who don't care about you, ladies. You're worth so much more in life. ❤❤
It feels as if you took the thoughts of my mind and made a video out of it, I am on the same path. Thanks for making youtube such a valuable place with your content!
I am in the beginning stages of a divorce. It’s been a really, really hard season to process through. As it is tempting to go out and find a hookup or be in a dating relationship, I’m also drawn to the life of solitude. To explore my work, my creativity, with the hopes that I find the fulfillment in myself over trying to find it in another person. Obviously I have to focus on being a good father, but outside of my parental duties, I have a lot of room to explore what will make me happy, without the involvement of others. I write this as I had a huge struggle with feeling sad and depressed about my position, but this video brought a lot of clarity for me. Thank you.
I see people in the comments confuse being single with not having sex 😂. You can be single for years and be sexually active and you can be in a relationship and not have sexual contact at all
just wanted to add a quick little note for you here: I took a break from your channel when I got out of my stoicism/language phases. You just popped back up on my feed tonight and the transformation you've made in terms of confidence and voice is astounding. Kudos to you for the journey you were able to take. Kudos for making the best of it in every way. I'd say I'm envious, but really, I'm proud and happy for you. Much love, Nate. Take care.
Hola Nathaniel, cómo andás? Soy Argentino pero te estoy mirando desde USA, donde estoy estudiando en una universidad en Ohio. Te tengo que reconocer que tus videos me ayudan muchísimo-y éste en específico. Siempre me sentí abrumado por la aparente necesidad que hay en la sociedad de tener relaciones sexuales además de lo mal que uno se puede llegar a sentir si decide no buscarlo. Me sentí aún peor cuando vine acá a estudiar y todo el mundo me hacía sentir raro por no buscar lo mismo. Coincido con todo lo que decís en el video y te agradezco por compartir tus pensamientos. Realmente ayuda muchísimo saber que uno no está solo con estas cosas. Un abrazo muy grande!
Hola Fabrizio. Yo soy una Chilena vieja que viví por demasiados años en USA. Esa es una sociedad emocionalmente compleja y generalmente vacía y materialista. No te dejes arrastrar por sus valores. Se poderoso en tus principios y prioridades ya que eso es lo que te acompañará por el resto de tu vida.❤ Ojo piojo!
In 10 years of using TH-cam I never felt that I could relate more. I've never dated anyone or have been in a realitionship(and if I would have that would be totally fine) because I feel like for me this true meaning of "love" can only be found when you move on this journey inwards towards your most authentic self, most weird self and most happy self. To follow your path of separation of society to become closer with yourself and everyone. Thank you for your video :) Also in terms of your journey of becoming you authentic, natural self what kind of reminders helped you along the way?
Agree wholeheartedly, especially grateful that you called out Instagram and how unnatural and unsettling it is. One thing I might add: to me, it seems that men more easily invest time on themselves. Women would do well to learn this from men. We’re socialized to seek partnership asap. But I’d also venture to say it’s unfortunate that women have the biological clock to consider, which sets a deadline for the time we can invest in learning about ourselves and expanding our skills in our 20s. It can be challenging when men aren’t on that timeline and only begin to feel like they know themselves enough to seek partnership after 40.
I'm glad you mentioned you were only covering straight relationships, because as a gay man there were a lot of things in the video I don't relate to. Society kinda doesn't expect anything from gay people relationship-wise; I don't feel any pressure to get married, build a family, things like that (that's the one topic where being gay is easier). However, I do have problems with sex. I tend to get addicted to things very easily, with sex being one of them. In my worst days, I'd spend countless hours on apps like Grindr looking for someone to have an orgasm with, most of the time regretting it afterwards, feeling completely drained and empty. It's a dynamic really similar to social media addiction. I'm still figuring it out in therapy, but I have several possible causes in mind: loneliness, craving for human contact/connection, procrastination and escapism. Also, since it's an activity that makes dopamine skyrocket, it's hard to let go of once it builds into a [very negative] habit.
Thanks for sharing this perspective! I can say I've been that way from the start, until about 24 years old. I studied abroad, I joined theater troupes, took on internships in different countries, I travelled alone. No dating, except for very few encounters that happened organically. It was a great time, I learned a lot about myself and enjoyed being with myself exploring my skills. I can also say that at some point, I decided to date and it was great too, I met interesting people and discover new parts of myself. I'm 30 now, married and all. I think it's super important to take the time to just be with yourself and learn who you are without the pressure to be with someone.
As someone coming to terms with their asexuality it’s been an eye opener how programmed we are about sex, the hierarchy of relationships, and what we’re trained to believe we need or want. And how much of it is a form of external validation. You are in a much more stable and stronger position once you decide you’re okay, rather than when you need acceptance from others to feel that way. This way of thinking limits the kind of relationships people believe are worth pursuing or maintaining. Sex is just another activity we can engage in with others. It can be intimate or not, it can be bad or good. Sex isn’t needed for intimacy, (there are so many other ways to be intimate and to engage in sexiness) it isn’t needed for romantic relationships to be valid or to thrive, and it isn’t needed in life. It’s just another way we can connect with ourselves and others.
couldn't have said it better! I'm also ace, so I think in our case we really didn't have another choice but to deprogram ourselves and understand that relationships are way more complex than media can portray.
But we are programmed in a way to have sex for the purpose of mating. Its not inheritly wrong for humans to literally have the need for sex when its how we create. I'm not saying for you not to feel the way that you do, it's completely valid but also blaming the outside world for what we're literally internally programed to do is another thing.
I’m referring more to cultural and societal programming and its interpretation of sex, relationships, romance. Not specifically that we’re externally being programmed to want a primal desire, more like we’re programmed intellectually to perceive it a certain way and sometimes attribute our worth to it, aka one such example being “you’re not a real man unless you’ve had sex.”@@skylarsa
I'm a single Christian & this was really encouraging to me. It's always refreshing to hear perspectives on this topic that have nothing to do with whether sex is sinful or not, but rather examines the raw and real practicalities of doing life as a sexual being in general. Thank you for sharing!
I have so much respect for Nathaniel’s courage, discipline, curiosity and the ability to tell the story of it all. This video made me come to terms with this sense I carried around dating, a sense that caused me apart from situationahips for ever progress. Thank you for the great work. I’m glad to see there’s a community out the that feels the same.
I found this channel from youtube suggestions a few years ago as I'm love traveling and this channel provided me with stories of such experiences that I want to have irl. I casually watched videos from this channel time to time, never gave much attention. This video, the experiences shared in this video, the school of thought, the reasoning for different life choices, its is inextricably congruous to my own reasoning and thought process. I'll watch all your videos from now on.
Thank you so much for being willing to be open about your journey and sharing your thoughts on this very important topic! There are many people out there that could benefit much from your example. Here, I would like to share a quote from a very important book for me - Relationships and Higher Purpose, by Marshall V. Summers. It's actually a free book so I encourage you to check it out. _"Sexuality is very important. It is something sacred to preserve. It is where life force is exchanged in the physical world. It is an expression of vulnerability and intimacy. Do not take it lightly. Do not engage in it casually. Do not use it for personal gratification."_
I'm 2.5 years into choosing to be single and focus more on myself. I'm 24 and have spent most of my early 20s not dating and honestly, I'm so okay with it because I have been learning so much about myself, and I have grown so much as a person. There are still some more things that I'd like to do with myself before getting into a relationship again, I have no idea how long that will be. But I truly don't worry about it because I believe that someone who adds to my life will come along when they are meant to. I have done the one partner after another sort of thing in high school/early college and those relationships just weren't good. They weren't healthy. However, I am still grateful for them because they taught me a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship. Nathaniel truly described my thoughts on love and sex and the exact reasons why I don't feel the need to have a sexual or romantic partner. This is a really important video and a topic that needs to be discussed more. Thank you!
I agree with you to an extent - taking intentional years for yourself like you did, like I also did does wonders for your own growth and exploration, but at the same time there's a ton of growth that comes from going through relationships. Dating can be very superficial and draining of time and energy, but like anything it's a skill, and navigating relationships is also a skill and builds a ton of emotional maturity that you can't really develop on your own. So, like everything in this world, balance is key 😅
Exactly. Some things you can only learn on your own but there are other things you can only learn with an intimate other. A healthy relationship provides a mirror to make you really see yourself.
I enjoyed this so much. It’s the same path I’m on. This made me feel safe. And ok with not gaining approval from men. Stepping away from the crowd of dating. Thank you for sharing ❤
You are the male version of me!!!! I was thinking something was wrong with ME because I do my own thing, I’ve never followed the crowd. I enjoy discovering who I AM. I’m still on that journey. I am a little older than you, but still. Thank you for this. I truly appreciate learning about your journey and helping me with mine. You are a very special human being. Much respect to you🙂.
To expand on the topic of seeing beautiful people all the time: I do think it does something to our minds that detaches us from how real humans look. Granted, some people might genuinely look airbrushed and “perfect” in person. But most people don’t. And most people who sometimes look perfectly put together, don’t look that way all the time. I think social media, movies, etc, has set a standard that real people just can’t live up to. And it’s made, at-least me, more superficial/ given me unrealistic standards. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be with an attractive person (obviously the minimum of a romantic relationship is that you find that person attractive) but it’s important to meet real people, be open to real connection outside of these polished, out of reach versions of people we see all the time on social media,etc. I’ve even had to mentally check myself. It reminds me of those pictures that I would see on Instagram as a teen, they would have a picture of a cute character from a tv show that would say “why don’t boys like this go to my school”. Well because that actor is probably 20/ 30, has someone styling them, works out, and looks good for a living Lollll
Saving this for my son when he’s old enough to discuss this topic with. Thank you for being so vulnerable and open. I think this will help so many people feel validated. Sex isn’t everything ❤
I really needed you 10 years ago when I was this insecure teenager 🙈 thank you for sharing your thoughts! It gives me so much joy to see your videos! Greetings from Germany 😊
I'm a woman and I live in a country where we don't have body autonomy (abortions are illegal). Due to this, I've decided to not have sex. I don't think the benefits of sex outweigh the costs (getting pregnant, sti's, SA, and others), so until I'm in a truly committed relationship I will stay celibate. I got 99 problems, but I'll never let a dick be one of them.
There isn't any contraception that would be 100% safe from getting pregnant, it might be shocking to you but many women get pregnant WHILE using some forms of contraception. Hence it's very smart to not have sex if you don't want to risk getting pregnant.
I waited until marriage to have sexual relations with my husband. I have no regrets, our marriage has been full of passion. I can’t imagine being so vulnerable with someone who isn’t committed to me. I think the commitment of marriage is a protection for sexual intimacy, you can be more confident in your partner’s love when you have pledged yourself to each other.
@OdinsSage My sister and I made the decision together that we would wait for marriage. We were in our teens when we came to Christ. It wasn’t a big deal. We just started reading the Bible and decided to obey what was said about sex. We never told anyone about the decision. Looking back I am very thankful for all the heartbreak I avoided.
Man, what a great timing. In a single video you've expressed all the key elements that i was trying to piece in my mind when discussing this issue. People in my social group pose this type of sexlessnes as some sort of invalidation of your capacity to conduct a regular normal life. But for my whole life, even as a teenager, i was so driven by my interest and professional objectives that sex was little more than an afterthought. I never went out party because i was always busy with things that were much more important to me. But nowadays you're always questioned if someone finds out. If you don't have sex you are an outcast, an odd incomprehensible individual that has skipped a vital element of growing up as a person, but precisely because I skipped those "must do" steps I gained the abilities and capacities that I worked so hard for. In the end you trade this kinds of experiencences in order to find something more meaningful and substantial. More people need to watch this video. Thank you for making this, thank you.
This reminds me of the year I wrote my master's thesis: I had no energy for anything else, and no time or patience for dating. As a young woman (back then), I did not need to chase anybody - but still the whole emotional baggage that comes with casual dating was just too much to handle.
12:10-12:22, I feel like this lines up pretty well with existenialism in a way. The fact that you don't have to do what "everybody" does, you find YOUR meaning somewhere else and that's okay because it makes YOU content. Another great video Nathaniel. The cinematography is superb and everything to the music, audio effects and message lines up sooo well
I cannot tell you how strongly i relate to this video, and to your way of living. I relate to the showing up to your life with a heightened existential awareness that is rare. But that makes me feel lonely sometimes. I feel as though introspection and a willingness and bravery to do the hard thing are such rare qualities to find, that even when i am in a relationship i run the risk of self-sabotaging based on the standards i hold for my own self (if that makes any sense). Obviously this is such a huge topic, but i just wanted to thank you for your vulnerability with such a touchy subject in our world today!
I'm so glad someone is talking about this! I find it even more interesting coming from a man, who, I find, are usually more sex driven than women. I myself went through a period with no sex and no dates in my final year of masters. I can honestly say I had never been more tunnel vision focused, productive, or fulfilled in my life. And yes at times I would feel a tad like a loser because some of my friends were talking about their spicy romantic life and all I wanted to talk about was the work I was producing or what I had learned that week. It was such a transformative year and I am so happy I took the decision to say 'no' to anything romantic, because, as you mentioned as well, it gave me the chance to prove to myself what I am capable of, and the confidence that comes with that is unshakable. Great work 💜
Very well put together and something I can agree with. I've done the casual thing... a lot. Meeting new people and having those variations in experiences is certainly something fun and validating. But the cost is pretty heavy - motivation for all other areas of life do take a hit when dating and sex in itself is involved. It took me a while to believe it but, sexual energy is indeed creative energy - and using it wisely throughout your life as a man is *exceptionally* important.
This is so relatable. I have never been in a relationship nor felt it as a ''need'' unlike what most people would say. They would be so ready to look at me as if there was something wrong with me when I just wanted to find something that would give me happiness. And relationships didn't seem to be that.
I love your approach. Sex has lost its way in society. We have stopped respecting the value of intimacy, not just sex. The two of them together is the real magic. If you use sex as validation you miss the best part, intimacy.
It's so nice to hear you say that you now have clarity about who you are and what you want to do. The first video (or one of the first) of yours that I watched, years ago, was about your search for mental clarity. It seems to me, your search-for-mental-clarity-phase is now over, or as you put it, that little lifetime has come to a close. You've come a long way, and I know you know that, but a reminder is always nice. One of the most interesting things to me about your journey, is that I seem to be growing at a similar rate, and in a similar direction, even though I don't even know you. This reinforces my belief that ideas and minds are connected, in a realm that we cannot see (the 4/5th dimension?). Anyways, proud of you brother, love the videos, the honesty, the openness/vulnerability, and of course the authenticity. Keep on being you. Peace.
I was my husband's 1st and unfortunately he was my 3rd. The lie that you need experience to be good in bed is ridiculous. The emotional connection we have is so deep and he is the most loving and enthusiastic lover I've had and his skills improved quickly.
I also had this period of my life where I stopped chasing women for about two years and I can say that the clarity you gain is astonishing, but I also felt I was isolating myself. After I started dating again, I realized that there must be a balance where you don't chase but also don't deflect.
I wonder why this is not the norm
@@Bllairybecause most people aren't mentally healthy. It's an absolute minefield out there.
As a woman I don't feel like I ever chased. It would of been healthier for me if I had learned to set much more clear boundaries because all I needed to do was just open up a little bit to the idea and before I knew it we were in bed together.
@@canchero724🙌💣🧠
Fantastic content .
"Life is learning to be ok not having everyone approval"...I love that!
Thank you for your courage and honesty!😊
You're right. I have adopted a celibate lifestyle for several years now. After every romantic relationship that ends in my life, I take time to heal and learn from the breakup. That's what helps to create a sense of peace after the breakup. That helped me to create a high level of work ethic, peace of mind and personal fulfillment. Thanks for sharing your story.
I love male content creators who dare to be vulnerable like this. What you're saying shouldn't be revolutionary but in today's context and internet, it most certainly is. Thank you for sharing ❤
I so agree with you on this. It’s rare to hear these statements from a man. Refreshing.
@@whitneykibble7979Yes, the kind of guy women love to _hear_ but are very rarely attracted to.
It’s hot 🥰
Lol you are only saying that. As soon as a man does that in front of you you get turned off.
@@BorisBirkenbaum Hiiii 👋!!! I don’t appreciate you telling me what my reality is and projecting your own tendency to be dishonest onto me! Why would I go through the trouble of lying about something like who I’m attracted to & why on social media? What could I possibly stand to gain from this exercise in futility?
You don’t know me! How dare you violate my boundaries that way because of your desire to play a helpless victim (I presume you’re an Incel) and oversimplify by putting things into black and white boxes. I’m demisexual. I’m attracted to personalities first and foremost.
If you want to find a partner - work on yourself - especially your personality. A man who makes me laugh and is curious caring and kind is way sexier to me than some boring conventionally attractive man who has no personality and who doesn’t have to be good in bed because he has it easy in that department. (I also have a thing for nerdy brains, eyebrows, crow’s feet and canines/slightly weird teeth.)
People are not monoliths. Insisting on refusing to see the nuanced spectrum of personalities and only see the black and white and insisting on putting people in simple, unrealistic boxes is emotionally and intellectually selfish and lazy. It also feeds a negative, self-pitying victimhood mentality that will only serves as an endless loop of self-sabotage and will ensure you will continue to remain unhappy until you find a way to shift that paradigm.
You’re the only one who can do this. You’re the only one who has proper power and control over yourself. That’s the only thing in life you’re guaranteed to be able to control. The only thing anyone has control of is themselves. Focus on yourself instead of the ways everyone else may or may not be victimizing you. Be honest about your weaknesses and work on them. If you shift your energy towards what you can fix and control vs what you can’t, your life will change for the better. Yes, I’m sure you’re being victimized by the many, many assholes out there (I know I am & far too often) but giving in to learned hopelessness and being sad about it is not productive. Figure out what you have the power to change (yourself) and how to change it and then you’ll be ready when you meet the right weirdo for you. Who knows, maybe it will be me (I’m still working on myself but think I’ll be ready in a year or so). Wouldn’t that be funny?
_”The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Einstein_
Kudos to you for being so open. I think this is such an important conversation that's not talked about enough.
Many kiddos if you do unsafe sex
@@miles611 😂😂
Kiddos yes
@@miles611No more, man! Get an update about fertility rates of average post-industrial plastic poisoned and mobile phone radiated men. Where do you put your phone? In the front pocket, next to your balls?
Perfect. I did this exact thing when I divorced my first husband. I didn't date and I stayed on my own for 16 years, willfully, intentionally, and I loved every moment. I learned so much. I learned I liked myself, I liked what I had to say, I liked my witty comebacks to most everything. Since then I put myself out there, met a great man online and we got married in Vegas 9 months after we met. That was 16 years ago and, thus far, all is well. But I know at some point in the future if he dies first, I'll be on my own again. And that will be fine. Because I like spending time with myself. God bless you Nathaniel. You chose a good path and I'll be tuning in to find out the next path you choose.
beautifully put. self love comes first. I've been divorced for two years now and enjoying the process of building a new life without considering a new partner, just focusing on my growth and rediscovering myself. if a new person comes next, they'll find a better version of myself, I'm sure :)
OMG! The way you think, how much you have gone through, has made you so strong.
Thanks for sharing>. I too am happy alone. There is faint spark of hope for being with “other” but in the meantime , me myself and I are getting along just fine. There are moments, however, when I have to risk my back carrying heavy stuff on my own when I do feel the lack of other but hey. A good relationship must be founded on good friendship first rather than this thing called romantic love.
It is okay to not liking being alone. It has it's good and bad moments, but it is very good to know that you can stand on your own and not gonna settle for just the sake of a relationship! It was very depressing for me every once in a while the idea of maybe never finding a partner (I was single for over 10 years), but it's a great feeling that I can be with my partner, because I chose to not because I depend on him. But he makes my life a lot easier/better now and I only wish that for you one day.
Yes. This has been my focus for the past few years as well. I wish more men were able and willing to grow in this way. I’m impressed
I’m 20 and am a virgin that hasn’t dated very many men. It’s hard for me to connect with someone emotionally going straight into it with the intention of having a romantic relationship. I need the base of friendship and emotional connection to be able to connect sexually. I’ll be waiting until I find a person that I love and am comfortable with to share the experience with me.
I had the same mindset as you but I was 22 when I first had sex and I totally regret it because I feel like I betrayed myself somehow. Got into friends with benefits situation that ended up damaging me really bad.
All I’m gonna tell is this, listen to youself, be true to yourself and how you feel, I wish I had done so back then.
You may want to look into demisexuality!
There's not right age to have sex for the first time, you'll feel when the right person is with you and sex won't be so important in a healthy and real connection (if the guy really likes you, he'll have that mindset and he'll stay with you for the person you truly are). The best things will come when you don't expect!
@@sasjaw.5651 no. it's just having standards.
@@jubiterr I also call it by another name. 'Normal'. I fully believe that the sweeping majority of people originally feel this way but hookup culture has tricked them into thinking that sleeping around indiscriminately is what's supposed to be normal.
I don't get this current phase of the internet that reinvents or relabels things that already exist.
“When you have a solid relationship with yourself, it is so much easier to love others.”
PREAAACH NATHANIEL 🙌🏽
My boyfriend and I were each others first in our 30’s - we are on the ace spectrum so the social pressure was really overwhelming for us both so we found each other after we worked on ourselves and defined what we both wanted not what society demands
This video really resonates for me a 61-year-old single woman. I feel that time spent looking for a partner and the time that I inevitably spend immersed in another person is time I would not be spending learning new things, going new places, and figuring out (again? finally?) who I really am!
As a 54 year old woman, I completely agree. I’ve just returned from a short vacation where a sexy, handsome man (with whom I connected with in a short period of time) asked me if I wanted to spend a wonderful afternoon exploring each other in his nice hotel room. I verified his story of who he was on the web while we talking, but I politely declined. I just don’t feel the need to connect with another physically like that these days. And I like that I didn’t need to convince anyone of my choice. I’m about me and exploring more of me these days.
YES!
i’ve been dealing with this internal conflict regarding sex and getting this notification is crazy timing, keep creating beautiful art nathaniel i’ll always be here watching🦋
So I decided to sort my teeth issues once and for all during the pandemic and have been in Invisalign for 2.5 years in my mid thirties . I unintentionally stopped dating during this time and started focusing on myself and reading a lot. I’m so happy I did! I feel this unexpected sense of calm and contented ness , my creativity went up because the “noise” was removed- , a by product I did not see coming . A lot of what you said resonated with me. Great video !
It's not about sex, it's about chasing relationships for sex only, or looking for a relationship for the sake of having one. If you're open to connection instead of trying to force relationships, if sex happens within this connection, no matter if it's a long-term relationship or not at all, it should be an enriching experience, because you would have wanted it genuinely instead of following societal expectations :)
i recently turned 30 and watching this i realized i haven't had sex through my entire 20s. i am definetly not a bad lookin guy and there were plenty of opportunities. similar to you during the beginning of my 20s i was completely focused on developing as an artist. i even spent one year without masturbating once. i probably wouldn't do it to that extent anymore, like everyone in the world of nofap is trying to tell you but there is without a doubt a reorganization of your sexual energy once i doesn't find expression through sexual release, which not only gives you a certain aura/glow(tryin to get this for the attraction of the opposite sex is missing the point, trust me...) but it also greatly enhances your ability for introspection and creativity.
I hate the word creativity man. Creativity is such an innate thing.. no amount of anything will change that, we’re either born with it or not
@@jenesaisvraimentpasquoimet8473what a crock of shit, and thoroughly incorrect.
Wait how is it an achievement to go a year without masturbating? I’ve never masturbated in my life and I never plan to. It’s not that hard.
thank you for this! I was in long-term relationships non-stop from 15 until 35 (officially divorced at 36) and two years later things feel great when I get to think on my own terms instead of considering someone else as a priority. I've relocated and I'm not actively pursuing dating in my new city as I have more than enough to focus on with my studies and making a new life here. that will come later, I'm sure... it's just not a priority at the moment, and being by yourself while growing your wings for whatever comes next is priceless.
Me who is single for whole life watching this: 👁️👄👁️
😂😂😂
Hit the gym bro
@@rv9122 ok bro 👹
TMI 😄
you are single cuz you play pubg.
I really enjoyed this video. I'm a Christian and I waited until I was married at 27 to have sex and so did my husband. I think in society today so much emphasis is put on sex and if you are in a relationship, you need to be having sex for it to be good and fulfilling. Personally, I feel sex is good when it's with someone you love and connect with but it's not the most important aspect of my relationship with my husband. There is so much more to a relationship and life. I think when I was not having sex but dating, people thought I was very strange and would talk like, "How on earth could you NOT HAVE SEX?" and "don't you feel like you are missing out?" and honestly no I didn't and even now after being married I still do not feel like I missed out in anyway. I was secure in myself, and I enjoyed my life, and I will always with or without sex. Also, sometimes people forget, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are guaranteed sex. Think about couples who a partner ends up ill or disabled and are perhaps unable to have sex. Sex can't be the defining feature of a relationship and it shouldn't be otherwise, what happens if there comes a time when you can't give or receive? Sex can definitely enhance your relationship, and is a part of intimacy but it is not the be all end all of a relationship. Life and relationships can be very meaningful with or without sex.
It's not just about watching your videos to improve my English listening and speaking skills, it's about developing my self-awareness, it's therapy, and I really appreciate it, Nathaniel
There is something so refreshing about seeing a person live as their most authentic self. Great job, Nathan!
You have a good head on your shoulders. Keep on truck'n. I am a gay man but made a personal decision in my early thirties to stop having sex and for years I went on this journey where my attention and focus went to other things. The profound effect this time period and that decision has had on my life cannot be overstated. I am now married but that period of voluntary abstinence was one of the better choices I've ever made.
I applaud this video and relate to it immensely. You’re one of the few TH-camrs who seems genuinely authentic and who shares unconventional views without caring about what’s currently trendy to talk about.
What? This guy overcomplicates basically everything.
This year, I finally made the choice to choose for myself, and not for the sake of external validation. In that, I left my friend group that I was no longer aligned with and distanced myself from women, because that caused me to follow other people's lives, but not my own anymore. Thank you for this video Nathaniel, it’s an eye-opener for me. And to end with a quote I really believe in: “How can you love others when you're not loving yourself?”
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else, can I get an amen?”
- RuPaul
You’re so right though! 🙌
Dunno, sounds like the solution is self work, not completely dismissing women?
Mama Ru would be so proud
I’m female and I have been celibate for four years now and I’m sooo happy I did it 😊 oh and happy birthday Nathaniel
I’m incredibly proud of your vulnerability and strength to speak on this topic. The video was so so well made and your storytelling aspects of this made me understand your perspectives. I feel this will cause a shift and give permission to many young adults to make more conscious decisions on their romantic choices and change their relationship with themselves for the better. Bravo Nathaniel ❤️
Translation: I would never sex you nathaniel but keep doing this for the world
I agree 100%!!!🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Well said! Totally agree 😀
I do not think he is vulnerable at all, he is being brave, honest and real. You think he is exposing himself because you really care what others think, he doesn't.😊
This video couldn't have come out at a better time. It's been a struggle, and I've put myself in some terrible situations as a result, but I've learned that it's ultimately okay to be single at any age, and beyond that, I actually recommend it to find your true self -- if you're willing to do the work to get there.
I am totally on your side. I still want to find love someday, but going on dating apps or forcing myself to go out just to meet potential partners is not the way I want to find love. It should happen naturally and out of the blue when you least expect it.
I don't think that was his message tbf
Just saying - I met my husband on Tinder of all places (which is so random we met there bc we both despised dating apps). He's sweet, intellectual, and a gentleman, and we've been happily married now for almost 10 years. I always had trouble dating (and so did he) until I took a chance on him and that darn app. I would have hook-ups with people I met randomly, even though I wanted more; interesting how I met a real genuine partner on a hook-up app. We never would have crossed paths naturally without its help. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out the way movies romanticize meet-cutes.
Keep dreaming. You have to put yourself out there
Waiting for life to happen to you is an easy way to watch life pass you by. If you want something, you need to invest time into making it happen. Otherwise, you're just being lazy about it.
AMEN 🖤
I'm 43. Dated on/off in monogamous relationships since I was 15/16. I've taken several extended breaks from partnerships in the past, but after my last relationship ended in 2019, I just decided to stop looking for a partner and focused instead on therapy, healing my body and mind, building my business, connecting with people, fueling my creativity, spending time with family, etc. These past 4 years without a partner have been the best years I've ever had. Such introspective focus on healing has produced good results in all areas of my life and I feel no internal or external pressure to seek romantic relationships. I miss intimacy of course, but it's no longer such a big driving factor. The fact that you figured these things out for yourself at such a young age is testimony to your unique character and innate wisdom. I was always a bit too entranced with my hormones (pushing me towards sex, tbh) and my unconscious traumas to see what I really needed was to be single and healing. It's been impossible for me to heal in a partnership with someone else due to my traumas.
Hats off to anyone reading this who is choosing to be single to figure themselves out, find healing, build themselves, etc. x
At this age
Might as well give up. All that’s left are single moms and whales
Thanks for being so open Nathaniel. This reminds me of myself and my husband when we were in our 20s.
My husband was never a chaser and didn't even factor marriage or a relationship into his life when he was younger. He was focused on other passions in his life like science, piano and violin (he practices both), chess, being in nature, etc.
I wasn't big into dating either and was very happy in my single life, finding beauty in so much. I guess if I were to be labeled, I am a demisexual/sapiosexual.
The universe decided to bring us together in an amazing way, despite neither of us looking for a relationship. If you're meant to find your soulmate, it will happen regardless. It will not take tons of effort.
Some people are also meant to go on the beautiful, fulfilling journey of life on their own or with family and friends. That is also an amazing, purposeful life filled with learning and growth.
The feeling of sex, while pleasurable, is fleeting and a very small part of the long term happiness and true joy we can experience in life.
Absolutely love the full body shot where you're just talking to the camera (like at 9:47). It's like you're talking with your entire body. I relate a lot to this video.
You basically summed up what I thought about social media that we desensitized or normalized showing ourselves to the world without reservations. At surface level, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a form of empowerment. But somehow, it also allows boundaries to be easily accessible.
So well said Nate. I love this content. I am in my late 50's and single. I stopped dating many years ago and have never been happier. I found dating disappointing, uncomfortable and at times scary. I love the single life and focusing on my career, hobbies and exploring as well as making new friends. I believe we have to find happiness with ourselves first! 🥰
Same @Katiem6773! I am experiencing a freedom I had never lived before.
The best relationship you can have it’s with yourself. And by finding these aspects before you enter a relationship would make for a healthier one. It’s so brilliant to see such an enlightened person at a young age. If all people thought like you the world would be a better place. Thank you 🙏🏼 for sharing this wonderful well put together video.
Could not relate more, been single for the most of my adult life. I have dated, but I continuously realize that what I'm looking for is not easy to find. It's almost an understatement to say that it's not easy, because it's damn near impossible. I have accepted that I may never find it, I have accepted that people will think I'm weird for not having kids or getting married. Because the last thing I will ever do is settle for less.
What are you looking for?
I completly agree with you! It wasn't until I met the man of my dreams about 2 years ago that it helped me realize I will never have something like that. I have made peace knowing I will be alone for the rest of my life and still be a virgin. Finding a connection like that is pretty much impossible to find. Heartbreaking, but there's beauty in living your life alone!
I agree,it's better to be single than to settle
Exactly what is it that you're looking for?
Are you looking for an alien?
I’m basically celibate by default because I will not have casual sex. When the relationship is true, I will be happy to explore intimacy! If I’d had a healthy sex life in my marriage, I may have stayed married because it’s an important part of the relationship I desire. Better to be alone than with the wrong person.
I felt that way for years. I then decided to explore the casual scene on MY terms, to find out what MY wants/desires actually were. Not just to please my partner. When you take the romantic love part out of it, you really can explore your sexuality. Try different partners and different skill sets. It was liberating. I know everyone is different and I couldn’t live that way forever, but it really helped me understand what I needed and wanted in a partner in and out of the bedroom. I wish you every happiness by the way stranger. Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm a guy, and the only casual encounter I've evr had, the next day I was crying (and I never cry). I don't do casual. I think lust really gets in the way of building a true relationships based on other things (REALLY based on other things) first. I think the sexual impulse is really something that was encoded in us to force us to copulate. I don't think if we are 100% healed and alligned with our soul, we get the some impulses.
@jeanjacqueslundi3502 It is good you can be honest with yourself. As a girl, I can only confirm to you, how many guys actually feel like you... very hurt, very broken and literally crying... ( after "cool hookup" whaterver it is) you can't even imagen.
The problem is many times it's portrated as something "cool", very rarly guys can open up how they really feel about it even before their buddies or sometimes even themselves.
I had men and guys crying, telling me how they really felt. And literally they are all the normal men, that you would see strong day to day life, they just felt safe with me... and to my own surprise, because I know it's very vulnerable for a man to cry.
I dont know if these men ever cried like that infront of anyone else, ever...
I guess I earned it by respecting them.
And I've learned a whole lot of their real soul and had understood a lot more of how that sex has deep negative effect on men, not the lies we are given about.
@@darcyd2680 Yeah we overemphasize our genders. We are essentially the same as men and women....much like kids are the same up until a certain age (sure, girls are said to develop a bit faster or whatever). It's just it's easier for a person in a female body to express the emotional side...and easier for a man to express the mental side. What happens is in a society govern by the mental....and where our faulty software often overrides our feelings.........we learn to suppres all sorts of stuff. And along with it.....we also support vital emotional feedback on how societal values individually makes us feel.
Curiously enough, my experience wasn't about having a cool hook up or any macho bs.....I'm genuinely a very sexual person....and it was an experience that made me aware I need to channel it differently.......because I'ma one person kind of guy. Even serial monogamy I'm iffy about......
As I dissect stuff...the lust and strong sexual impulse is really abouy being SEEN. Seen and accepted. It's also our minds and conditioning that determines, for example, sex is the only way to achieve that goal.
Or pleasure. There's other forms of pleasure. I remember having meditations where I experience orgamisc.like bliss that was more powerful than any sex I have..........so really.........sex becomes a fixation for us humans for various reasons.....but it's just a MEANS to meet a need.
Completely agree.
Same. I stopped trying and instead focussed on raising my self esteem. I am a huge believer that when the time is right, the person will come. In the meantime, I focus on myself. Haven't had sex in a long time and not missing it. Sometimes I miss the intimicy of someone knowing me, cuddling, etc.
I am currently 17 years single and celibate. This illusion that happiness is finding/being with someone else is wrong imo. For me finding myself, my likes, my enjoyments and what motivates me etc in life has been so important. I have friends and know of work colleagues who have simply "given" up on so many aspects of their life because of the "9-5 home life". For me being single has allowed me to focus....weirdly .....on me and what brings me joy. When people meet me, they meet me alone, no outside contributions and allows me to represent myself in a good way. When the end inevitably comes in a few decades (i hope) I can know I did my best to end my short run in this universe with a smile.
It is good that you understand this at such a young age. No one is made for anyone else. Only yourself is made for yourself. Love isn't a thing has to be given by someone else in order to have. Once you go to meet yourself and know yourself, then you can generate love from within.
As someone who recently turned 39 you’re already years ahead of what I found out in my late 20s. A lot of people I know (even in my own family) are constantly jumping from relationship to relationship or scared of being single & ONLY in relationships because they think it’ll fill some void in their life just having someone around (even if they don’t truly love them).
Virgen
@@erikahuxley i took this as them being single for 17 years. which is wild
@@FromTheHipp yes, 17 years single. I'm 45
At times it is so helpful to hear your own thoughts coming from somebody else. Somehow it automatically makes them more "legit". Thank you for sharing and for being so open. Many people can relate and feel less weird about themselves thanks to it. And when your time to grow WITH someone comes YOUR person will come
I appreciate you bringing this the needed attention...ive been doing this for years, just working on myself and I also felt judged and misunderstood. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this 💙
It simply makes me warmly smile to find others who have come to realize that solitude is nothing to be afraid of… because in the end they realize it’s actually been themselves all along. Thank you for so beautifully having shared this; both because of the amazing video quality and your own inner beauty.
9:36 "I am totally okay with being on my own. I don't need somebody[...] I can live a really full, vibrant life doing my own life."
To me, that sentence reverberated. It is so refreshing to hear that perspective - especially outside of a religious context. I feel like society and media have somehow instilled that idea according to which you need to be with someone to be happy.
Thanks Nathaniel for sharing with us your journey with refreshing honesty.
In my 20's I definitely used sex as a form of validation but always felt empty afterwards. Once I quit masturbation and reduced the amount of partners I share my body with, all aspects of my life improved. The peace I now feel inside and the love I have for myself is also manifesting in my daily life and surroundings. Your energy and the way you carry yourself will completely change and those around you will notice. Congratulations Brother, this is the way.
This is really refreshing to hear a males perspective. As a woman who doesn’t sleep around I feel judged if I did sleep around and also judged for not. And because I don’t I worry other men look at me as inexperienced, frigid or something alike. Yes I might not be the most experienced but I’m happy to explore intimacy with the right person that makes me feel safe.
“Life is in many ways a journey of learning to be ok not having everyone’s approval”. I’m writing this on my wall 🙌🏼
I have searched the internet for one person to say .. ya know what? Sex is NOT that damn important or that serious. My husband and I have a very deep, intimate partnership of 12 years, and it INCLUDES sex, but it’s a very small piece of who we are together. And the over inflated “sex is so vital unless you want your relationship to fall apart” is so problematic. Like can everyone get a life and be more interesting ? 😂😂🤣 ok i’m done.
Having sex is like having money, it only becomes so obvious how important it is when it’s gone. See what happens if the sex stops, the marriage will end
You tryna paint the picture like it's black & white, which is certainly is not. Let everyone find out for themselves
@@techno6106 lol absolutely nothing is black and white. But one universal truth is that people say sex is soooo important, when I think we all need to deconstruct that a little.
I’m so tired of hearing this line that “sex is a human need/necessity along with water, food and shelter.” Ok… *¡NO!* You will _not_ die if you never have sex or “enough sex” (whatever that is). It will be okay.
I swear people like Hugh Hefner took advantage of the feminist movement and fed lines like this one ^ and “a truly liberated woman has ALL the casual sex!”
When I came of age I thought I was a freak for not knowing what it feels like to be “horny” (I imagine it’s like hunger but in your loins instead of stomach?).
I am absolutely disgusted by the amount of male “friends” I lost because they shamelessly whined about being too horny and insisted they absolutely needed me to let them do sex in me… (like “you have this neat thing called am opposable thumb along with the creativity of human intelligence - _allegedly…_ use it, not me”) and then none of them could fathom why I wouldn’t want to remain friends w/ them after being objectified that way. They sincerely thought that _they_ were the ones who were victimized in this scenario. _”If men have anything it’s the audacity.”_
Turns out I’m demisexual and it’s been 6 years of celibacy.
I’m goooooooood, thank you.
#AintNobodyGotTime4That #CostsOutweighBenefits
Also, this narrative about how utterly important it is that a couple has sex all the time puts so much unnecessary pressure on couples. Everyone is different. No one in the history of human existence has ever had the same exact brain. Why do we need to force everyone in the same box? Black & white thinking is so intellectually lazy.
Nathaniel- you bring so much value to this world. 💗
"Life is in many ways a journey to be ok... not having everyone's approval."
Thank you, Nathan. I've come far enough in my own journey to hear the truth ringing in these words - but accepting and implementing them in my life still lies ahead of me. I believe it will really change my life for the better.
Thank you for your amazing work... I love your self-reflection and honesty.
"The pleasure of having sex is so short lived". If it's sex just for the sake of sex with whoever, sure. If it's sex with the person you love with every fiber of your being, then I don't see how that could be short lived. I used to have FWB relationships and they always used to leave me empty inside in the end. After having sex with a person I was madly in love with(no longer together though) I just can't imagine having sex with a person who I don't love. If it's a person who you love, sex can be incredibly spiritual. Casual sex is a two-way street. If you treat a person as a "piece of meat" you are a 100% diminishing your own self to that level simultaniously. I came to this conclusion the hard way.
It's different for some people tho. I never felt much of that connection from sex or kissing. For me it was always an ok bodily pleasure and nothing more. I felt the deepest connection while just talking(however it might include some physical contact, but not in a sexual way) one on one for a long time without distractions
I don't get how people are bashing sex 😆casual sex during my twenties or intimate sex, both things i am grateful for that we have in life. i am afraid that Nathaniel's overthinking is leaving people confused here 😂
@@TheTeeProd lol, not overthinking
I’d made the same decisions on the exact same premise of this video for the past couple of years - just wanting to figure myself out before I go out with anyone. Even though I was clear in my intentions, I’d have so much trouble in trying to explain myself to my peers. This video put into exact words what I’d struggled to articulate forever, and I’ve never felt so heard. Thank you for opening up this much-needed conversation, and for making people like me feel seen :)
This video made me realise some things I wouldn't normally. I always pressured myself and saw sex as an objective. I always thought that is what I need, not just something that I wanted. And having you speak so openly about it, it's just relieving, for the fact that my parents never talked with me about this things. Thank you. Just, thank you
I am so impressed by your willingness to speak on this and your vulnerability. We need more of this! Thank you!
I have to admit that sometimes I find your videos to be “a bit much.” But that’s okay, they still make me think and consider how I feel about what you are experiencing and saying, even when I don’t necessarily agree with you. And you strike me as the kind of person who is just fine with people rolling their eyes or yelling at the video. This video I found absolutely fascinating. The concept of being okay with being alone is something I have been thinking about and considering for several years. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
You got me thinking when you said we are into sex for validation a lot of the time. I was. And now with the advent of the internet, and all these perfect looking women, it really makes the average woman stop and wonder whether she's good enough. I'm average, no beauty queen, but I have kept myself in decent shape. During my 50's I was in a situationship with someone who honestly got on my nerves outside of our sex life. It seems I was miserable about half of the time during that situationship. I didn't want a relationship but wanted attention. It came to a point I didn't feel I was getting enough "attention". And being a woman, I wasn't about to play the field because I'm not very attracted to most men (the way of the woman).
Eventually, I decided to leave that situationship and since then, I've been thriving. No sex in several years. I don't feel like I'm missing anything, even though in my 60's I still have a sex drive. I'm happy with myself and much better off by myself. I see a lot of woman (and some men) living a celibate lifestyle, even in my generation. I feel liberated, to be honest!
Best wishes.
LOVE that you're saying this. So proud of you and more people then you think can relate to what you say. Especially as a fellow 27 year old guy in this digital age! Do what feels right to you. That outside noise is just unnecessary..That being said, Keep being you bro! 😎
The entire video was like someone is saying my thoughts out loud. I am relieved that I am not the odd one out in the room. There's this other side of the world where people like us also exist. Thank you so much Nathaniel for sharing this. It was so relatable. Hope you find the exact specific person you are looking for.
I was definitely an incel. Just when I stopped trying, I found my partner. We are in the same community and I had to go through some stuff and be ok with myself alone before it occured to me we could accually be very happy together. I feel as loved and accepted for who I am as never and it makes me try to be the best version of myself.
It's crazy how certain things in life don't come until you stop chasing it
You'll be even more free when you stop putting labels on yourself and on life itself.
🎉🎉🎉🎉
I don't understand why folks can't just be lonely, why do they have to be incels and hate women. Many people are just simply lonely.
@@cantbendkneeI think loneliness is more difficult to deal with. Hate just comes by itself and keeps you busy being a piece of crap.
Dear Nathaniel, you've just put into words, during a compactly formatted video essay, what is circulating through my mind in recent years. Thank you for that as you've just untangled in my head couple more threads to explore. I really appreciate what you've been doing and how brave you are when chosing and speaking up about such vulnerable and sensitive topics. Thanks.
Que importante es lograr ese punto en la vida: no tener la necesidad de alguien que complete tu existencia. Siendo mujer, a mis 67 años, habiendo experimentado esa sensacion de vacio estando en pareja, comprendo perfectamente ese estado de solidez que haz logrado contigo mismo. Eso te da una visión mucho más rica de la vida....es como darse cuenta que el azucar no es necesaria y es, ademas, toxica.
Mucha gente se extraña de que yo no consumo azúcar.
Un abrazote!❤
Felicitaciones!
yo tampoco consumo azucar! que buena analogía, gracias por compartirlo :)
Such an amazing video Nathaniel, I had a really similar journey with it myself. What started as a year of no dating and no sex to get closer to myself and clearer on what I wanted turned into an entire reinvention of the way I saw and experienced intimacy with other people. It's been a few years since then and it's transformed every part of who I am for the better. It feels so profound looking back on it, I love hearing that other people made similar choices and felt the same way. You're such a talented storyteller, I just loved this :)
I wish I had done this for myself. I am 50 years of age and still asking, "Who am I?" and especially who am I in my marriage regarding having a partner. If I had spent the time you did my life before marriage, I may have had a more inspiring life; it is not too late. As you said, this is very important work to do before marriage and kids; otherwise, it can have a lot of meaning, followed by pain and doubt. Thank you so much for talking about the acute focus on sex, which also mirrors society's obsession with money.
I did this in my mid-20s for 5 years. Life is beautiful when you enjoy your alone time with no social media, old toxic friends who like to party all the time, and healing my childhood traumas. I was lucky to leave the city and reconnect with my father and also traveled to Asia. Enjoying going to the movies and eating alone at a restaurant was so empowering. Don't give yourself to those who don't care about you, ladies. You're worth so much more in life. ❤❤
It feels as if you took the thoughts of my mind and made a video out of it, I am on the same path. Thanks for making youtube such a valuable place with your content!
I am in the beginning stages of a divorce. It’s been a really, really hard season to process through. As it is tempting to go out and find a hookup or be in a dating relationship, I’m also drawn to the life of solitude. To explore my work, my creativity, with the hopes that I find the fulfillment in myself over trying to find it in another person. Obviously I have to focus on being a good father, but outside of my parental duties, I have a lot of room to explore what will make me happy, without the involvement of others. I write this as I had a huge struggle with feeling sad and depressed about my position, but this video brought a lot of clarity for me. Thank you.
I see people in the comments confuse being single with not having sex 😂. You can be single for years and be sexually active and you can be in a relationship and not have sexual contact at all
just wanted to add a quick little note for you here:
I took a break from your channel when I got out of my stoicism/language phases. You just popped back up on my feed tonight and the transformation you've made in terms of confidence and voice is astounding. Kudos to you for the journey you were able to take. Kudos for making the best of it in every way. I'd say I'm envious, but really, I'm proud and happy for you. Much love, Nate. Take care.
What a video! I don't have words, great work Nathan
Hola Nathaniel, cómo andás? Soy Argentino pero te estoy mirando desde USA, donde estoy estudiando en una universidad en Ohio. Te tengo que reconocer que tus videos me ayudan muchísimo-y éste en específico. Siempre me sentí abrumado por la aparente necesidad que hay en la sociedad de tener relaciones sexuales además de lo mal que uno se puede llegar a sentir si decide no buscarlo. Me sentí aún peor cuando vine acá a estudiar y todo el mundo me hacía sentir raro por no buscar lo mismo. Coincido con todo lo que decís en el video y te agradezco por compartir tus pensamientos. Realmente ayuda muchísimo saber que uno no está solo con estas cosas. Un abrazo muy grande!
Hola Fabrizio. Yo soy una Chilena vieja que viví por demasiados años en USA. Esa es una sociedad emocionalmente compleja y generalmente vacía y materialista. No te dejes arrastrar por sus valores. Se poderoso en tus principios y prioridades ya que eso es lo que te acompañará por el resto de tu vida.❤
Ojo piojo!
@@isam7928 Hola! Muchas gracias por su comentario. Le mando un abrazo!
In 10 years of using TH-cam I never felt that I could relate more. I've never dated anyone or have been in a realitionship(and if I would have that would be totally fine) because I feel like for me this true meaning of "love" can only be found when you move on this journey inwards towards your most authentic self, most weird self and most happy self. To follow your path of separation of society to become closer with yourself and everyone. Thank you for your video :)
Also in terms of your journey of becoming you authentic, natural self what kind of reminders helped you along the way?
Agree wholeheartedly, especially grateful that you called out Instagram and how unnatural and unsettling it is. One thing I might add: to me, it seems that men more easily invest time on themselves. Women would do well to learn this from men. We’re socialized to seek partnership asap. But I’d also venture to say it’s unfortunate that women have the biological clock to consider, which sets a deadline for the time we can invest in learning about ourselves and expanding our skills in our 20s. It can be challenging when men aren’t on that timeline and only begin to feel like they know themselves enough to seek partnership after 40.
I'm glad you mentioned you were only covering straight relationships, because as a gay man there were a lot of things in the video I don't relate to. Society kinda doesn't expect anything from gay people relationship-wise; I don't feel any pressure to get married, build a family, things like that (that's the one topic where being gay is easier).
However, I do have problems with sex. I tend to get addicted to things very easily, with sex being one of them. In my worst days, I'd spend countless hours on apps like Grindr looking for someone to have an orgasm with, most of the time regretting it afterwards, feeling completely drained and empty. It's a dynamic really similar to social media addiction. I'm still figuring it out in therapy, but I have several possible causes in mind: loneliness, craving for human contact/connection, procrastination and escapism. Also, since it's an activity that makes dopamine skyrocket, it's hard to let go of once it builds into a [very negative] habit.
Thanks for sharing this perspective! I can say I've been that way from the start, until about 24 years old. I studied abroad, I joined theater troupes, took on internships in different countries, I travelled alone. No dating, except for very few encounters that happened organically. It was a great time, I learned a lot about myself and enjoyed being with myself exploring my skills. I can also say that at some point, I decided to date and it was great too, I met interesting people and discover new parts of myself. I'm 30 now, married and all. I think it's super important to take the time to just be with yourself and learn who you are without the pressure to be with someone.
As someone coming to terms with their asexuality it’s been an eye opener how programmed we are about sex, the hierarchy of relationships, and what we’re trained to believe we need or want. And how much of it is a form of external validation. You are in a much more stable and stronger position once you decide you’re okay, rather than when you need acceptance from others to feel that way. This way of thinking limits the kind of relationships people believe are worth pursuing or maintaining. Sex is just another activity we can engage in with others. It can be intimate or not, it can be bad or good. Sex isn’t needed for intimacy, (there are so many other ways to be intimate and to engage in sexiness) it isn’t needed for romantic relationships to be valid or to thrive, and it isn’t needed in life. It’s just another way we can connect with ourselves and others.
couldn't have said it better! I'm also ace, so I think in our case we really didn't have another choice but to deprogram ourselves and understand that relationships are way more complex than media can portray.
But we are programmed in a way to have sex for the purpose of mating. Its not inheritly wrong for humans to literally have the need for sex when its how we create. I'm not saying for you not to feel the way that you do, it's completely valid but also blaming the outside world for what we're literally internally programed to do is another thing.
@@skylarsathe way we view sex nowadays is so much more than our nature programming tho
I’m referring more to cultural and societal programming and its interpretation of sex, relationships, romance. Not specifically that we’re externally being programmed to want a primal desire, more like we’re programmed intellectually to perceive it a certain way and sometimes attribute our worth to it, aka one such example being “you’re not a real man unless you’ve had sex.”@@skylarsa
I'm a single Christian & this was really encouraging to me. It's always refreshing to hear perspectives on this topic that have nothing to do with whether sex is sinful or not, but rather examines the raw and real practicalities of doing life as a sexual being in general. Thank you for sharing!
Nathaniel, you are one of a kind . Thank you for being so vulnerable. That was absolutely refreshing to hear
I have so much respect for Nathaniel’s courage, discipline, curiosity and the ability to tell the story of it all. This video made me come to terms with this sense I carried around dating, a sense that caused me apart from situationahips for ever progress. Thank you for the great work. I’m glad to see there’s a community out the that feels the same.
as someone who hasn't had sex in a long time I see this as an absolute win
I found this channel from youtube suggestions a few years ago as I'm love traveling and this channel provided me with stories of such experiences that I want to have irl. I casually watched videos from this channel time to time, never gave much attention. This video, the experiences shared in this video, the school of thought, the reasoning for different life choices, its is inextricably congruous to my own reasoning and thought process. I'll watch all your videos from now on.
Thank you so much for being willing to be open about your journey and sharing your thoughts on this very important topic! There are many people out there that could benefit much from your example. Here, I would like to share a quote from a very important book for me - Relationships and Higher Purpose, by Marshall V. Summers. It's actually a free book so I encourage you to check it out.
_"Sexuality is very important. It is something sacred to preserve. It is where life force is exchanged in the physical world. It is an expression of vulnerability and intimacy. Do not take it lightly. Do not engage in it casually. Do not use it for personal gratification."_
I'm 2.5 years into choosing to be single and focus more on myself. I'm 24 and have spent most of my early 20s not dating and honestly, I'm so okay with it because I have been learning so much about myself, and I have grown so much as a person. There are still some more things that I'd like to do with myself before getting into a relationship again, I have no idea how long that will be. But I truly don't worry about it because I believe that someone who adds to my life will come along when they are meant to. I have done the one partner after another sort of thing in high school/early college and those relationships just weren't good. They weren't healthy. However, I am still grateful for them because they taught me a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship. Nathaniel truly described my thoughts on love and sex and the exact reasons why I don't feel the need to have a sexual or romantic partner. This is a really important video and a topic that needs to be discussed more. Thank you!
I agree with you to an extent - taking intentional years for yourself like you did, like I also did does wonders for your own growth and exploration, but at the same time there's a ton of growth that comes from going through relationships. Dating can be very superficial and draining of time and energy, but like anything it's a skill, and navigating relationships is also a skill and builds a ton of emotional maturity that you can't really develop on your own.
So, like everything in this world, balance is key 😅
Exactly. Some things you can only learn on your own but there are other things you can only learn with an intimate other. A healthy relationship provides a mirror to make you really see yourself.
@@nickxiao6126 Even the unhealthy relationships provide a lot of life lessons
You’re so wise and insightful Nat. 👍🏽
I enjoyed this so much. It’s the same path I’m on. This made me feel safe. And ok with not gaining approval from men. Stepping away from the crowd of dating. Thank you for sharing ❤
You are the male version of me!!!! I was thinking something was wrong with ME because I do my own thing, I’ve never followed the crowd. I enjoy discovering who I AM. I’m still on that journey. I am a little older than you, but still. Thank you for this. I truly appreciate learning about your journey and helping me with mine. You are a very special human being. Much respect to you🙂.
To expand on the topic of seeing beautiful people all the time: I do think it does something to our minds that detaches us from how real humans look. Granted, some people might genuinely look airbrushed and “perfect” in person. But most people don’t. And most people who sometimes look perfectly put together, don’t look that way all the time. I think social media, movies, etc, has set a standard that real people just can’t live up to. And it’s made, at-least me, more superficial/ given me unrealistic standards. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be with an attractive person (obviously the minimum of a romantic relationship is that you find that person attractive) but it’s important to meet real people, be open to real connection outside of these polished, out of reach versions of people we see all the time on social media,etc. I’ve even had to mentally check myself. It reminds me of those pictures that I would see on Instagram as a teen, they would have a picture of a cute character from a tv show that would say “why don’t boys like this go to my school”. Well because that actor is probably 20/ 30, has someone styling them, works out, and looks good for a living Lollll
Yes, I think it's overall very bad for people's mental health. You get a false perception of what is normal and it sets you off to dissapointment.
Saving this for my son when he’s old enough to discuss this topic with. Thank you for being so vulnerable and open. I think this will help so many people feel validated. Sex isn’t everything ❤
I really needed you 10 years ago when I was this insecure teenager 🙈 thank you for sharing your thoughts! It gives me so much joy to see your videos!
Greetings from Germany 😊
I'm a woman and I live in a country where we don't have body autonomy (abortions are illegal). Due to this, I've decided to not have sex. I don't think the benefits of sex outweigh the costs (getting pregnant, sti's, SA, and others), so until I'm in a truly committed relationship I will stay celibate. I got 99 problems, but I'll never let a dick be one of them.
What country? What you described reminds me of Poland, where I live
JayZ should use that last line as a song remix.
@@unknownyoutube0 I hope from the bottom of my heart that this comment is an art of irony
There isn't any contraception that would be 100% safe from getting pregnant, it might be shocking to you but many women get pregnant WHILE using some forms of contraception. Hence it's very smart to not have sex if you don't want to risk getting pregnant.
Why not use a condom?
I waited until marriage to have sexual relations with my husband. I have no regrets, our marriage has been full of passion. I can’t imagine being so vulnerable with someone who isn’t committed to me. I think the commitment of marriage is a protection for sexual intimacy, you can be more confident in your partner’s love when you have pledged yourself to each other.
@OdinsSage
My sister and I made the decision together that we would wait for marriage. We were in our teens when we came to Christ. It wasn’t a big deal. We just started reading the Bible and decided to obey what was said about sex. We never told anyone about the decision. Looking back I am very thankful for all the heartbreak I avoided.
Man, what a great timing. In a single video you've expressed all the key elements that i was trying to piece in my mind when discussing this issue. People in my social group pose this type of sexlessnes as some sort of invalidation of your capacity to conduct a regular normal life. But for my whole life, even as a teenager, i was so driven by my interest and professional objectives that sex was little more than an afterthought. I never went out party because i was always busy with things that were much more important to me. But nowadays you're always questioned if someone finds out. If you don't have sex you are an outcast, an odd incomprehensible individual that has skipped a vital element of growing up as a person, but precisely because I skipped those "must do" steps I gained the abilities and capacities that I worked so hard for. In the end you trade this kinds of experiencences in order to find something more meaningful and substantial. More people need to watch this video. Thank you for making this, thank you.
This reminds me of the year I wrote my master's thesis: I had no energy for anything else, and no time or patience for dating. As a young woman (back then), I did not need to chase anybody - but still the whole emotional baggage that comes with casual dating was just too much to handle.
12:10-12:22, I feel like this lines up pretty well with existenialism in a way. The fact that you don't have to do what "everybody" does, you find YOUR meaning somewhere else and that's okay because it makes YOU content.
Another great video Nathaniel. The cinematography is superb and everything to the music, audio effects and message lines up sooo well
I cannot tell you how strongly i relate to this video, and to your way of living. I relate to the showing up to your life with a heightened existential awareness that is rare. But that makes me feel lonely sometimes. I feel as though introspection and a willingness and bravery to do the hard thing are such rare qualities to find, that even when i am in a relationship i run the risk of self-sabotaging based on the standards i hold for my own self (if that makes any sense). Obviously this is such a huge topic, but i just wanted to thank you for your vulnerability with such a touchy subject in our world today!
Appreciate you being so open and honest. And great job on the video editing and sound design!
I'm so glad someone is talking about this! I find it even more interesting coming from a man, who, I find, are usually more sex driven than women.
I myself went through a period with no sex and no dates in my final year of masters. I can honestly say I had never been more tunnel vision focused, productive, or fulfilled in my life. And yes at times I would feel a tad like a loser because some of my friends were talking about their spicy romantic life and all I wanted to talk about was the work I was producing or what I had learned that week. It was such a transformative year and I am so happy I took the decision to say 'no' to anything romantic, because, as you mentioned as well, it gave me the chance to prove to myself what I am capable of, and the confidence that comes with that is unshakable.
Great work 💜
Just found your channel, love the content and effort you put into your videos.
Very well put together and something I can agree with. I've done the casual thing... a lot. Meeting new people and having those variations in experiences is certainly something fun and validating. But the cost is pretty heavy - motivation for all other areas of life do take a hit when dating and sex in itself is involved.
It took me a while to believe it but, sexual energy is indeed creative energy - and using it wisely throughout your life as a man is *exceptionally* important.
This is so relatable. I have never been in a relationship nor felt it as a ''need'' unlike what most people would say. They would be so ready to look at me as if there was something wrong with me when I just wanted to find something that would give me happiness. And relationships didn't seem to be that.
I love your approach. Sex has lost its way in society. We have stopped respecting the value of intimacy, not just sex. The two of them together is the real magic. If you use sex as validation you miss the best part, intimacy.
Beautifully said
It's so nice to hear you say that you now have clarity about who you are and what you want to do. The first video (or one of the first) of yours that I watched, years ago, was about your search for mental clarity. It seems to me, your search-for-mental-clarity-phase is now over, or as you put it, that little lifetime has come to a close.
You've come a long way, and I know you know that, but a reminder is always nice.
One of the most interesting things to me about your journey, is that I seem to be growing at a similar rate, and in a similar direction, even though I don't even know you. This reinforces my belief that ideas and minds are connected, in a realm that we cannot see (the 4/5th dimension?).
Anyways, proud of you brother, love the videos, the honesty, the openness/vulnerability, and of course the authenticity.
Keep on being you. Peace.
U didn’t decide, u just don’t look like the guy women want.
I love when he says he's found his voice as an artist. I can totally see it in this video, what an amazing and inspirational job!!!
I was my husband's 1st and unfortunately he was my 3rd. The lie that you need experience to be good in bed is ridiculous. The emotional connection we have is so deep and he is the most loving and enthusiastic lover I've had and his skills improved quickly.
Maybe he is the biggest?
@@tracymcgrady4867 why so basic...
@@somewhereatvinlandI was more "sophisticated" when i was young
Gracias Nathaniel. Very sensitive as always, wise soul 🤗