Lying is a pretty important facet of being human - it offers us a distinct social advantage when it comes to living and existing harmoniously with other people. As with a lot of things it depends on your interpretation of what a "lie" is. I just tend to live by that age old adage "don't be a dick". Sometimes you lie to be kind. That's ok and very normal!
😆 🤣 I like that, Kris. Don't be a dick! Absolutely. And there must be a reason we have the ability to lie. It must be a survival tool. I found the whole topic really interesting though.
@@WormsEyeView I think the important thing is that lying in of itself is not a bad or good thing. In terms of morality id say the concept itself is fairly neutral. As with a lot of things in life it depends how you use it. The intent behind the lie is important but so it's the effect of the lie in terms of how it affects other people. It's a tricky one. Personally I'd say swearing off lying is probably impossible but more importantly it doesn't make you a better person either.
My daughter in law just had her hair dyed in a orangey/red colour. It's very vivid. She asked what I thought of it... my answer was... "wow, that is one neat colour"..and I smiled. She was happy with that. It's her hair, her choice, and if it makes her happy, then I'm good with that. I won't lie to be deceptive, deceitful, vindictive or mean mouthed. I am cautious and mindful of my words so as not to hurt another's feelings. I don't feel a white lie hurts anyone if done in a kind way.
I have definitely lied in my life, for all sorts of reasons. To save people's feelings, sick days from work, excusing to get out of social events, how much things have cost.. You name it. BUT the older I have got the less times I feel the need to lie. If I am invited somewhere and I don't want to go I will say at the time of the invite ' thank you but I will pass'. If I am asked about appearances I will always be truthful but diplomatic as I wouldn't wait to be left to. A you get older you realise that life is too short to be doing things, seeing people you no longer have much in common. X
As someone, that lives with someone, that everything is black or white and there’s no in between, it’s a difficult topic. To try to explain that it’s ok to tell a lie, in certain circumstances, I use the term “little white lie”, which would prevent hurting someone’s feelings or paint things in a more positive light. Nope, she won’t do it. She’s been taught by kids shows, school, and books, that it’s wrong to lie and she always follows every rule (which is a whole other topic) even when there’s exceptions to the rules. I just asked Shannon if she had children, would she tell them about the magical and mystical things. She said she would, which surprised me. When I asked her if that was ok, she replied, “little kids think those things are real people, or real rabbits, etc, and you have to tell them they aren’t real, but a way to add to the spirit of the special day, and it’s ok to imagine them being real.” Yes, I have told little white lies to spare someone’s feelings and I’ve withheld the actual truth, for the same reason. Sometimes there’s a way you can word things, that lead the person to the truth, without lying or being brutally honest. Sorry for the novel, but hope it makes some sense. 😊
I love the novel. I really hoped this would engage people in some deep thinking and lead to some interesting debates. So thank you for engaging in that. She did write a comment that said lying is wrong. She was very clear on that 😆
Well said, my friend 😊 oh, and Lucky 13th today, running late, but it's ok, I'm keeping my newest granddaughter today for some Pop and baby time while everyone else is doing appointments and work shifts 🥰
@WormsEyeView we're just about to load up and take her home. It was (a great time), but she was pretty fussy at times, she's teething and fought sleep like a young Mike Tyson 🥰🤣
Interesting topic, I think folk in general may lie quite a lot, to spare hurting feelings. The magic of Christmas for children is based on not telling the truth, but what a shame if they didn't experience the magic.
When I discuss values with clients, especially ‘honesty’ I believe it is a really important to explain that honesty is a fantastic value (one i believe in) but where we have to question, is around ‘intent’ if being honest is serving a purpose to only yourself but is in fact going to upset and hurt someone else then is that a healthy interpretation? Not lying is fine, but causing unnecessary upset isn’t ❤
I can't remember when I last told a lie purposely to deceive. I know I will keep quiet about things I don't want certain people (who do not have my best interests at heart) to know most days. Is that the same as lying or just self protection? I think most people lie all the time to be kind.
I remember watching a program about strange or unknown facts called duck quacks don't echo and one fact was we're unable to lie until we're 4 years old.they had 3 and 4 year olds and 3 year olds all admitted peaking at a rabbit or eating a treat but 4 year olds denied it. I bet some 3 year olds can fib tho cos some kids are more advanced even at young age as you'll know.
I can contest that most small children are honest to a fault.... and when the lying starts...... well, let's just say it's a bit rubbish. They certainly need practice 😆
Oh I dunno. I think I'm a lot more direct than a lot of people when it comes to saying what I think to be true, but I'm also trying not to hurt people's feelings too. I expect I avoid/ skirt around truths rather than telling lies to save people's feelings. If people ask me what I think of their outfits (IB does it a lot) I always reply that what I think is irrelevant as it's entirely up to the person wearing the clothes to wear what they feel right in. He always takes that as ' no, I don't like it', but that's not the case at all. I'm genuinely completely indifferent and I think he should wear what he feels comfortable outwardly projecting.
Oh yes. People have told me I look nice in something, but I didn't feel myself in it. So I spent the rest of the time feeling awkward. So their opinion did not help me to feel better
Oooh this is tough one, I hate being lied to, I don’t care if you are trying to spare my feelings, just be honest, I will respect you for it. As for me lying… it is very rare and probably not so much a lie, but avoiding giving a direct answer, and only to spare someone’s feeling or I think they can’t handle the truth. My face would give me away if I was to tell a lie, my eyes roll involuntarily 🤣🤣
You don't come across as someone that tolerates messing around 😆 You don't suffer fools lightly. Ypu know I'm going to be looking for the eye rolling now 😆 🤣
❤ Good video on how lying is bad and you shouldn't lie to anyone. Amy and I are going to the movie theater to see inside out 2 next week on Tuesday cause there will be more waiting for them to have started coming to the Adult day care program. So I can join them for trips and things that they do I will do with the group that they have been able to do with me.
I do tell white lies to children but of lately I try to word it so I could explain why I said it but I’m not sure if it’s trying to justify me telling lies or if it’s to please a child. I have a friend that when she worked and wore very nice clothes to work she wanted me to come with her clothes shopping because she knew I would be truthful in a nice way. There definitely were times I had to say it wasn’t her finest outfit. I don’t want to hurt people but I’m very up front but I’m sure I’ve lied to adults. Just recently my daughter in law had blonde hair but dyed it dark. I haven’t said I like it because I don’t so I said wow you look totally different.
I was disappointed about finding out something when I was a child because I caught my parents in the act and I did feel lied to but I guess if it wasn't ruined for me maybe I wouldn't have been so upset about it. I do feel I have lied a lot to save from hurting someone and it was in therapy that I was told that I'm not building true relations because of it and it made me think maybe I'm not being honest with people and telling them how I truly feel in certain circumstances just to spare someone's feelings for example recently a friend of mine was going through a difficult time and it was a little bit self inflicted and I had tried to give my advice at the beginning and be a genuine help but as of recent I've just been given the cold shoulder and when we do speak it's pleasant but never how it was but I've never taken the time to just tell them how they've made me feel and be open and honest instead I've put a bandage over and pretended everything was OK
Yes that type of conversation is really hard. I hate conflict so I understand your reluctance to push the issue with that person 😒 If your friendship continued and you held resentment, then I think it would be helpful to have that conversation. Some people ypu can do that with. Others just get super defensive. But again, that is their issue to deal with, not yours. Interesting that your therapist said the same to as this lady in the article was told.
If you had just had your hair done and i didnt like the style or colour and you asked me what did i think, my standard reply would be "its ok" (Ask Andrea she will tell you) as if you are ok with how your hair was done then to you its good, so to me its ok because its not my hair. How you have your hair doesnt affect me personally so i can say its ok and not be lying as yes its ok. If you said "Would you have this style or colour" and i didnt like it, i would just say "It probably wouldnt suit me" so im not lying im just saying no in a different manner. If you showed me 3 photos of hair before you had it done and said "I like photo 2 and going to get my hair done like that" but i liked number 3, i would tell you i liked number 3 more. If you showed me only 1 photo and said you were getting your hair done like that and i didnt like it and you wanted my honest opinion i would say "I honestly dont like it but its your hair so you have it done how you want it. If you said "Do i look good in this outfit?" and you were wearing a normal looking outfit for what you usually wear then i would say yes you look ok. If you were wearing a colour clashing outfit that didnt make you look nice and may not make you look your best then i would say so and tell you that i didnt like it but if you liked it then its ok. I do try my best all the time to tell people things honestly as i see them. My opinion though doesnt affect how you feel about what you are wearing etc so i will just say. It looks ok. If you asked me for my honest opinion on someone, unless they had done something bad to me personally, i would have no opinion on them, i might tell you to be wary or yes they are a good person if i knew they were. So overall i do try to give my honest opinions on things at all times. I would rather say "I have no opinion on that" than say something negative, if the subject doesnt affect my life personally. If it does affect me personally then i will give you my total honest opinion even if you didnt like it because i would rather be honest and you didnt like the answer than tell a lie and you think its ok when it wasnt then you find out later and feel more hurt by it. Sorry for the long reply but i wanted to make my case in full lol
A very well put case, and I think that's a very good way to respond. You're not saying anything hurtful and you are not lying. And the only time you would alter that rile is if it's important to you or affects you. Because that's when it could cause an issue if you just gave a neutral answer. Only when it really matters. I like your answer.
You are thinking far too much into this concept. I don't admire people who are blunt in their opinions as it can cause great upset to the recipient. Be kind & considerate to others even though you tell a little " white lie" to boost their confidence. A negative comment is never forgotten.
You see, that's how I feel. I don't consider myself a liar, yet I know I have told white lies to spare someone's feelings. But I really thought it was an interesting concept for discussion. And I'm looking forward to hearing people's thoughts on this.
Lying is a pretty important facet of being human - it offers us a distinct social advantage when it comes to living and existing harmoniously with other people. As with a lot of things it depends on your interpretation of what a "lie" is. I just tend to live by that age old adage "don't be a dick". Sometimes you lie to be kind. That's ok and very normal!
😆 🤣 I like that, Kris. Don't be a dick! Absolutely. And there must be a reason we have the ability to lie. It must be a survival tool. I found the whole topic really interesting though.
@@WormsEyeView I think the important thing is that lying in of itself is not a bad or good thing. In terms of morality id say the concept itself is fairly neutral. As with a lot of things in life it depends how you use it. The intent behind the lie is important but so it's the effect of the lie in terms of how it affects other people. It's a tricky one. Personally I'd say swearing off lying is probably impossible but more importantly it doesn't make you a better person either.
Yes. Intent..... that changes a lot of things in life.
My daughter in law just had her hair dyed in a orangey/red colour. It's very vivid. She asked what I thought of it... my answer was... "wow, that is one neat colour"..and I smiled. She was happy with that. It's her hair, her choice, and if it makes her happy, then I'm good with that. I won't lie to be deceptive, deceitful, vindictive or mean mouthed. I am cautious and mindful of my words so as not to hurt another's feelings. I don't feel a white lie hurts anyone if done in a kind way.
I think that was a great responce. 👍 You are right. Why upset someone. Words can be hurtful. And if its not important... why upset someone. X
Hi i think we all tell a few white lies sometime to save people's feelings.bit all in all I like to be honest.
I have definitely lied in my life, for all sorts of reasons. To save people's feelings, sick days from work, excusing to get out of social events, how much things have cost.. You name it. BUT the older I have got the less times I feel the need to lie. If I am invited somewhere and I don't want to go I will say at the time of the invite ' thank you but I will pass'. If I am asked about appearances I will always be truthful but diplomatic as I wouldn't wait to be left to. A you get older you realise that life is too short to be doing things, seeing people you no longer have much in common. X
With age comes wisdom... and not caring if you are seen as anti-social because you don't want to go to a social event. People are hard work 😆
As someone, that lives with someone, that everything is black or white and there’s no in between, it’s a difficult topic. To try to explain that it’s ok to tell a lie, in certain circumstances, I use the term “little white lie”, which would prevent hurting someone’s feelings or paint things in a more positive light. Nope, she won’t do it. She’s been taught by kids shows, school, and books, that it’s wrong to lie and she always follows every rule (which is a whole other topic) even when there’s exceptions to the rules. I just asked Shannon if she had children, would she tell them about the magical and mystical things. She said she would, which surprised me. When I asked her if that was ok, she replied, “little kids think those things are real people, or real rabbits, etc, and you have to tell them they aren’t real, but a way to add to the spirit of the special day, and it’s ok to imagine them being real.”
Yes, I have told little white lies to spare someone’s feelings and I’ve withheld the actual truth, for the same reason. Sometimes there’s a way you can word things, that lead the person to the truth, without lying or being brutally honest.
Sorry for the novel, but hope it makes some sense. 😊
I love the novel. I really hoped this would engage people in some deep thinking and lead to some interesting debates. So thank you for engaging in that. She did write a comment that said lying is wrong. She was very clear on that 😆
Well said, my friend 😊 oh, and Lucky 13th today, running late, but it's ok, I'm keeping my newest granddaughter today for some Pop and baby time while everyone else is doing appointments and work shifts 🥰
Oh that sounds like a fun day!! Have a great time together!!!
@WormsEyeView we're just about to load up and take her home. It was (a great time), but she was pretty fussy at times, she's teething and fought sleep like a young Mike Tyson 🥰🤣
@@SmallADVentures1973 oh dear. Tricky time
Interesting topic, I think folk in general may lie quite a lot, to spare hurting feelings. The magic of Christmas for children is based on not telling the truth, but what a shame if they didn't experience the magic.
Yes I think the magic of childhood is special. Real life can be hard, so let's not make it hard too early on. Let's have magic and wonder!!
When I discuss values with clients, especially ‘honesty’ I believe it is a really important to explain that honesty is a fantastic value (one i believe in) but where we have to question, is around ‘intent’ if being honest is serving a purpose to only yourself but is in fact going to upset and hurt someone else then is that a healthy interpretation? Not lying is fine, but causing unnecessary upset isn’t ❤
I think intent is probably the key here. It's not as simple as just never telling a lie.
I can't remember when I last told a lie purposely to deceive. I know I will keep quiet about things I don't want certain people (who do not have my best interests at heart) to know most days. Is that the same as lying or just self protection? I think most people lie all the time to be kind.
Absence of knowledge is not the same as lying.
I remember watching a program about strange or unknown facts called duck quacks don't echo and one fact was we're unable to lie until we're 4 years old.they had 3 and 4 year olds and 3 year olds all admitted peaking at a rabbit or eating a treat but 4 year olds denied it. I bet some 3 year olds can fib tho cos some kids are more advanced even at young age as you'll know.
I can contest that most small children are honest to a fault.... and when the lying starts...... well, let's just say it's a bit rubbish. They certainly need practice 😆
Oh I dunno. I think I'm a lot more direct than a lot of people when it comes to saying what I think to be true, but I'm also trying not to hurt people's feelings too. I expect I avoid/ skirt around truths rather than telling lies to save people's feelings. If people ask me what I think of their outfits (IB does it a lot) I always reply that what I think is irrelevant as it's entirely up to the person wearing the clothes to wear what they feel right in. He always takes that as ' no, I don't like it', but that's not the case at all. I'm genuinely completely indifferent and I think he should wear what he feels comfortable outwardly projecting.
Oh yes. People have told me I look nice in something, but I didn't feel myself in it. So I spent the rest of the time feeling awkward. So their opinion did not help me to feel better
Oooh this is tough one, I hate being lied to, I don’t care if you are trying to spare my feelings, just be honest, I will respect you for it. As for me lying… it is very rare and probably not so much a lie, but avoiding giving a direct answer, and only to spare someone’s feeling or I think they can’t handle the truth. My face would give me away if I was to tell a lie, my eyes roll involuntarily 🤣🤣
You don't come across as someone that tolerates messing around 😆 You don't suffer fools lightly. Ypu know I'm going to be looking for the eye rolling now 😆 🤣
❤ Good video on how lying is bad and you shouldn't lie to anyone. Amy and I are going to the movie theater to see inside out 2 next week on Tuesday cause there will be more waiting for them to have started coming to the Adult day care program. So I can join them for trips and things that they do I will do with the group that they have been able to do with me.
That looks like a really god movie
@@WormsEyeView It's a spin- off to the first one. I think it will be funny to see.
I do tell white lies to children but of lately I try to word it so I could explain why I said it but I’m not sure if it’s trying to justify me telling lies or if it’s to please a child. I have a friend that when she worked and wore very nice clothes to work she wanted me to come with her clothes shopping because she knew I would be truthful in a nice way. There definitely were times I had to say it wasn’t her finest outfit. I don’t want to hurt people but I’m very up front but I’m sure I’ve lied to adults. Just recently my daughter in law had blonde hair but dyed it dark. I haven’t said I like it because I don’t so I said wow you look totally different.
I was disappointed about finding out something when I was a child because I caught my parents in the act and I did feel lied to but I guess if it wasn't ruined for me maybe I wouldn't have been so upset about it. I do feel I have lied a lot to save from hurting someone and it was in therapy that I was told that I'm not building true relations because of it and it made me think maybe I'm not being honest with people and telling them how I truly feel in certain circumstances just to spare someone's feelings for example recently a friend of mine was going through a difficult time and it was a little bit self inflicted and I had tried to give my advice at the beginning and be a genuine help but as of recent I've just been given the cold shoulder and when we do speak it's pleasant but never how it was but I've never taken the time to just tell them how they've made me feel and be open and honest instead I've put a bandage over and pretended everything was OK
Yes that type of conversation is really hard. I hate conflict so I understand your reluctance to push the issue with that person 😒
If your friendship continued and you held resentment, then I think it would be helpful to have that conversation. Some people ypu can do that with. Others just get super defensive. But again, that is their issue to deal with, not yours. Interesting that your therapist said the same to as this lady in the article was told.
If you had just had your hair done and i didnt like the style or colour and you asked me what did i think, my standard reply would be "its ok" (Ask Andrea she will tell you) as if you are ok with how your hair was done then to you its good, so to me its ok because its not my hair. How you have your hair doesnt affect me personally so i can say its ok and not be lying as yes its ok. If you said "Would you have this style or colour" and i didnt like it, i would just say "It probably wouldnt suit me" so im not lying im just saying no in a different manner. If you showed me 3 photos of hair before you had it done and said "I like photo 2 and going to get my hair done like that" but i liked number 3, i would tell you i liked number 3 more. If you showed me only 1 photo and said you were getting your hair done like that and i didnt like it and you wanted my honest opinion i would say "I honestly dont like it but its your hair so you have it done how you want it. If you said "Do i look good in this outfit?" and you were wearing a normal looking outfit for what you usually wear then i would say yes you look ok. If you were wearing a colour clashing outfit that didnt make you look nice and may not make you look your best then i would say so and tell you that i didnt like it but if you liked it then its ok. I do try my best all the time to tell people things honestly as i see them. My opinion though doesnt affect how you feel about what you are wearing etc so i will just say. It looks ok. If you asked me for my honest opinion on someone, unless they had done something bad to me personally, i would have no opinion on them, i might tell you to be wary or yes they are a good person if i knew they were. So overall i do try to give my honest opinions on things at all times. I would rather say "I have no opinion on that" than say something negative, if the subject doesnt affect my life personally. If it does affect me personally then i will give you my total honest opinion even if you didnt like it because i would rather be honest and you didnt like the answer than tell a lie and you think its ok when it wasnt then you find out later and feel more hurt by it. Sorry for the long reply but i wanted to make my case in full lol
A very well put case, and I think that's a very good way to respond. You're not saying anything hurtful and you are not lying. And the only time you would alter that rile is if it's important to you or affects you. Because that's when it could cause an issue if you just gave a neutral answer. Only when it really matters. I like your answer.
You are thinking far too much into this concept. I don't admire people who are blunt in their opinions as it can cause great upset to the recipient. Be kind & considerate to others even though you tell a little " white lie" to boost their confidence. A negative comment is never forgotten.
You see, that's how I feel. I don't consider myself a liar, yet I know I have told white lies to spare someone's feelings. But I really thought it was an interesting concept for discussion. And I'm looking forward to hearing people's thoughts on this.