This explains a lot about my ex, I felt that he found reasons to fight with me or bring me down. I walked away because I couldn’t do it anymore, it is always the same cycle.
He was probably looking for excuses to justify cheating. I hope for you that cheating wasn't involved. That's when my ex got super difficult and combative. Before the cheating he would tune out in other ways, and he loved to sleep so he could tune out that way. Then fights came out of thin air. Because he had no guilt, he got angrier the more his affair went on.
Beginning of relationship we were always doing something fun, every chance we got. Towards the end he didn't want to do anything anymore, all the stuff we did before he said it wasn't fun, boring or had some other excuse and he wanted to do new things..now it makes sense.
I was sooooo bored with the ex narc. He often said to me “ geez you get bored easy”. I just hated being stuck at home with his boring lazy ass. I’d already started my emotional detachment with him.
My ex used to call his utility companies or cell company to dispute charges and see what discount he could get JUST because he was bored. Narcs are f’ng wild 😫😂
That explains a lot. My ex couldn’t even stay focused at the movie theater. He kept checking his phone more then 20 times, kept moving around his seat, getting up to go to the bathroom and kept taking deep breaths as if he wanted the punchline to just happen and end quickly.
Yes that explains it he couldn't sit still he had to move around he can't help it. He has to be on the go it's hard to stay in one place he can't help sweetheart.
Eek, I wonder how many people with undiagnosed ADHD are going to be accused of being narcs because of this, because that description alone sounds like adhd not narcissism.
This makes so much sense now that you explain it Lee. My soon to be 57 year old narc ex husband would bitch and complain on cruises bc I didn’t want to do anything…. I couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t just relax . Plus , despite my lack of interest in going to certain places on the ship I did it anyway just to appease him and he later accused me of not doing anything with him on the cruise !!! What ?!?! And he acted a complete ass on most of the vacations we took . After 3 and a half years I realized this wasn’t gonna get better .
Now I understand why the hell my narcissistic ex boyfriend was always initiating unnecessary drama to ruin our peaceful time together. I’m the type of person who tries at all costs to avoid drama and ignores every provocation, I wasn’t the right match, I guess 😂
The are attracted to the peace … then try quickly to destroy it .. 😢 Mine is jealous that I will do a mediation and not care about anyone around me ! He literally says oh if you do that what are people going to say, if you walk around being a crazy person what are people going to think about you. And I said I don’t really care what people think about me this is my actual life and not anybody else’s and if I wanna sit in the middle of a waterfall and close my eyes I’m goddamn well going to do it! Who I would get the silent treatment for hours walk away - wooohhaahahaa- holy macaroni So angry I was peaceful.. he has killed all my peace.. hoping to be free soon
Mine WAS boring. I kept trying to get him to get out of the house and do “things”. He wouldn’t. He would rather sit in front of his computer and fight with people on Yahoo News site or watch videos about whatever topic he was obsessed with that day. He did blow his life up. Long before I arrived on the scene. He convinced his mother to take a reverse mortgage on her paid for house (that he lives in with her). He blew all the money in 10 months and has nothing to show for it. The house is in horrible shape and he has all the tools and skills to fix it but he didn’t. Just blew it on ??? Glad I’m gone. I’m not going down with the Titanic
Its true from my experience. Its like they have ADD and their mind is constantly looking for something new to stimulate them. Again like a kid that always throws a tantrum for a new toy. Then immediately gets bored with it, throwing it to the side.
You were spot on. Mine would want to take a trip last minute because he was “bored of the routine” turn around start fights during the trip and be angry and rage. Like wth??
Haven't watched replay yet, but I've told ya'll that mines is a certain type of slow...He makes me cringe because all he does is sit around, and God forbid you ask him to do something that requiers him putting down the remote control and moving!! All while I'm running circles around his azz getting things done. And when he actually does do something, he wants recognition for it ( like a cookie) smh . I got stories for days trust me 🙄
My ex was very erratic. He was financially irresponsible. Would blow all his money on dumb stuff then complain about not having money. Once he spent over 100.00 at Ross, then got in the car and asked me “why did you let me do that !!!” I was like ummm what? Can’t you count.😂😂 He has a history of risky sexual behavior, drug use, criminal acts etc. Of course he didn’t disclose this to me until we’ll I to the relationship. Ya know that good ole narc manipulation
My husband would say how he didn’t want to do stuff with the kids and I, we’d leave the house to go do stuff and most times he wasn’t home when we got there. Always galavanting doing nothing productive and usually up to no good
If the shame is setting in, why do they start doing crazy things that bring on more shame? That's insanity! But I guess that's why it's a personality disorder.
Definitely. I knew a man, he was married with 2 daughters in puberty. He was like "I am bored at home, I just want to have fun and go out". He was flirting behind his wife's back, totally disrespecting her. Like he was single.
I understand you loud and clear and truly not surprised. This explains the stupid shit and self sabotage he gets into. I know he can’t stand that I’m a genuine people person and he fakes being one 😂😂😂😂😉
I could never just sit at my home on My day off and relax after 60 hours of work every week. He would always make me feel like I never wanted to do anything or I was just a drab. I wanted to relax I was on the go go all week. He would run around in circles huffing and puffing cause, in his words “was the only one that did anything” So draining and so stressful to be at my own home. So glad to finally be out of that marriage and living alone.
I know exactly how you feel. Although I don't work 60 hr weeks (I did use to work a lot of overtime in the past but not currently) but dealing with chronic illnesses makes working a normal 40 hr week job very exhausting. I am constantly debating if I can even keep it up. So yes mine huffs and puffs and makes annoying sounds and complains under his breath if I decide to relax or take a nap on the weekend (even though he takes naps too, just much earlier than me. He is an alcoholic as well & may start drinking at 9am) When I am so tired that I just want to rest my eyes but I can't take the constant manipulation & subtle punishment, I go in the bathroom and curl up on the bathmat and take a mini nap on the floor. I just started doing this recently on the weekends and find sometimes it's the only way I can get peace and quiet from him, as we have a 1 bedroom apartment and he is always here. Congrats on getting out and I'm so happy you were able to cut ties and live on your own. That is my dream one day too, once I can afford it. Thanks for sharing your experience - when I come to this channel it's helpful & validating to see so many others experiencing the same.
@@YTStoleMyUsername I pray you will be able to get out soon and be happy. I felt when you said you would go into the bathroom to take a nap cause he was always there. My ex was always home too. The only place I could go and have peace or be alone without him following me was my bathroom. After work almost every night I would go take a long bath so I could avoid him. Even when I would go in the bath he seemed to always find a reason to have to go in to the bathroom to “get something.” I do live in my own now but I have my kids every other week so I do have more free time now and definitely more peace. But I am still trying to heal from the last 18 years of the marriage and just feelings of inadequacy and not being “good enough.” Healing takes time but I believe I’ll get there eventually. I really wish you well and pray you will find your way out soon.
In hind sight I see what you're saying . My (now his choice not mine) ex-husband after retirement and a two week ice storm stood up in frount of his recliner, put his hands on his hips, stomped his foot and said "I am NOT sitting around here and doing nothing for the rest of my life... I never stopped him doing whatever he wanted to do. But he stopped me from doing what I needed to do all the time ...go finger. Thank you for explaining why he totally blew up what we carefully built for nearly 50 yrs. Such a shame. I still love him , but was informed that he hadn't loved me for decades.
Oh I can just imagine this scenario as if my own partner might say it. I'm sorry you spent so much of your life in (what I assume to be, correct me if I'm wrong) a toxic relationship. My narc complains how bored he is all the time, how there's no spice in our lives anymore. Wants to go do things more. He acts as if I need to be here all the time to entertain him. But God forbid I have to do things on my own on the weekends, even like running errands, doing chores or even just going for a walk or a workout. He sighs, huffs & puffs and looks extremely unhappy all the while staring at his phone. We used to go out and have fun all the time the first 2 yrs. Once his narc tendencies came out, it's just constant complaining. Even if we go out to dinner, they can't cook the food right, or something else is wrong. We go to a movie, he's pissed that the movie sucked (to him) or wasn't available in the format he wants. It's slightly less stressful to not go out than it is to go out and listen to all the constant complaining. This is why whenever he brings up wanting to take a vacation I try to ignore it or make up some excuse why it's not a good idea right now. I would not want to be trapped with him somewhere far away, under that dark cloud of rage. Anyway I hope you are doing better now that you are out. Sending hugs ❤️
They can’t even think of things to do for themselves- with a friend (if they have any left) or with their partner .. I always ask Then what do u want to do 😂 silence … Him: After his face in his phone for hours .. (My bad habit now !) says WHAT DO U WANT TO DO ? Now ? Me: I wanna go to bed ‘I’m bored’ 😂
@@YTStoleMyUsernameI can’t shower clean the house take care of the animals - shit I can’t even walk the dog - why do I take so long to walk her ?! Really 😢so painful
OMG!!! This is SPOT ON! My narcissistic husband starts an argument every time we get ready to go out of town or go somewhere important to celebrate ME. Just happened last week on my birthday. He started an argument right before we left the house to drive to Chicago. I said “why do you do this??!!! Why do you start drama every single time?!” I could NOT figure it out until just now when I watched this video. He is a Narcissistic Drama King…omg…I’m blown away by this…this hit the nail on the head. Now what do you do with someone like this? We’ve been married 15 years and I’m just now discovering he’s a narcissist…smh
I have to believe this information...when I go to work my ex use to act like he was sever mental.....he ride around on his off day all day like he can't keep still...I don't club so he would go and act like he don't want to leave the club..first one there and last one to leave...he have to stay busy or he get super angry
Lol 😂 he was boring. Work and alcohol. That’s it. No hobbies no interest in anything that was upfront. Yet sneaky as hell. COVERT thinking up shit to destroy me. Did not succeed. Later narc Boredom = evil 👿
That's crazy. I love being bored. It means things are going well for me right now. Boredom may as well be a stamp of God's approval because it means nothing actively bad is happening and I can watch any movie I want Y'all are mysterious and I hope every single one of y'all can get better so y'all can enjoy being bored, too. Like, slap my buns on a couch with a cold one and let the bad times not roll any day at any time, yo. Best. day. Ever. I'm sorry people with this personality disorder dont get to experience God's greatest creation and I hope you can heal
@@MentalHealness boredom is the edge of greatness, yo. Every time someone's not sick. Every time no one's acting up. Every time no one's hassling you. When the bills are paid. When you get free time to be unstimulated. Getting past that initial reaction of "wait, wut" is where true gratefulness and mindfulness and healing lives. So good. Boredom is so. Good.
I'm going to make a point here that my son always says. Quote, "Boredom doesn't exist". Truthfully boredom is a state of mind when you think the world has to fill your cup because you lack the ability to do it yourself. My son and I have talked about this at length. There is always something to think about and do in this vast world. Boredom comes because you feel a push to do something different from your routine and you are just too lazy to do it yourself. You expect someone else to fill that need. You and only you are responsible for that feeling. PICK YOURSELF UP AND GO DO SOMETHING! Service to someone else is always a good answer to boredom. Think about what you can do for your family.
So very true .. but narcs can’t think for themselves at all .. and they sure are NOT gonna lift a finger to actually do something different 😂 I’m bored having to listen to how many women he has slept with his whole life, how many things he did w the women he cheated on me with .. and how he is gonna have them all once he leaves … Still sitting around telling stories … with me entertaining him with my pain and anger 😢😢😢😢😢
This explains a lot. He would be irritable, want me to come up with something, but everything I would suggest, stuff he liked, he would reject and say “no, I have to be in the mood.” One of the most hurtful things he did was I was having a medical emergency, so I begged him to drive me to the ER. He refused because “I don’t want to just sit around there. You don’t want me there because I’ll be bored, and you know how I get.” So I drove myself to the ER, and spent 11 hours, alone, frightened, in pain, waiting to hear if I was going to get surgery or a blood transfusion. Because of the condition I was in, the ER staff was horrified that I drove instead of calling an ambulance, because I could have easily lost consciousness. When I finally got home, he told me how hard the day had been for him, that he was thinking about it the whole time he was playing his computer game all day. That’s when I knew he never would, and never did, love or care about me.
Most people need to realize that 95% of everyday life is...boring as hell. My job, life, and hobbies sound exciting on paper but 95% of day to day is boring as hell. Everybody wants Jay gatsby but nobody wants to see him doing taxes or laundry lol
I was waiting for this 1. I’m a borderpolar babe who dated a narc and once I realized he was bored of me. It unleashed my true self & now he’s scared and blocked me 😂 I sabotaged it & I hope he never comes back for my peace of mind
I remember my ex narc and I were having such a gr8 time out with his female cousin. At the end of the night, she was driving us home, and he told her I called her a bich 😮 he ruined the whole vibe/day/her and I's relationship 💔 I should have left him then. No worries, tho 😌 I discarded his deadbeat loser below average a$$ in the end ❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
The effect it has on the other person (me) us it makes me feel like I'm not exciting or fun enough. So now when I meet people 😂I can tell are love-bombing me, I say "hey! I'm a rather relaxed peaceful person who just enjoys life and you might want someone more flashy" 😅
Your videos are such a tremendous support for the mindset of survivors to become thrivers. Thank you for making these videos. They help build confidence and help heal wounds that can’t close without being acknowledged.
Lee, this was a great episode. Very insightful, I appreciate your candor so much. In a way, listening to you on these subjects gives me the closure I so badly needed from him and will never receive. It helps reverse some gaslighting from a long, difficult relationship that I left a few times before leaving for good. Your level of self-awareness is impressive - You are doing a great thing I think, which is a fair trade for the supply you receive - it's well earned. I hope it continues to sustain you and interest you so we can keep healing through you. Take Care! 😊
How are they bored when they are never open to doing stuff and want to sabotage any time there is a outing/event yo go to? This is mind boggling! Like which one is it so you wanna sit on the couch or get out the house! Gessh
My husband did this a lot he wouldn’t sit still he couldn’t sit still and he still does this because he’s bored and has nothing better to do doesn’t want to better himself although he tells me he does. It’s all bullshit so yeah.
Wow thank you for this. Now I know why all this shit happened for a reason. And thank god I realized I couldn’t fix someone who couldn’t fix themselves. 🙏🏽 shit was always drama, projections of cheating, gaslighting, manipulation etc. Trying to keep me as a option and once I left ,the smear campaign started still going 2 months later. Threatened me in every way possible. I know it’s not treatable but how can they progress to get better?
My ex was on about how she feels calm and happy with the new person, so it's not true? She always had contemptuous towards my calming nature. I thought it was calm=boredom for them.
Definitely was hard to deal with. Had to let go unfortunately it broke me so bad. He’s say the same that it wasn’t my fault - so hard to believe though and so saddening for them.
A ton of these comments are incredibly disturbing at how applicable they are to undiagnosed adhd as well. Constantly on the go, constantly moving, constantly bored, difficulty regulating themselves and emotions, and "its like they have add". ADHD isnt narcissism, nor is it a red flag for narcissism.
Peas and carrots lol. If you're bored, go lay down and chill.. every second of every day doesn't have to be full of things to do. This is true but it's so aggravating to those of us that aren't narcissist. This is sad. 😢 Thanks ❤
Ex narc cld never just sit in the house. He wld neee multiple ppl to come over and hang out or he would just have to leave the house you could not pay him to stay in the house and just be normal. He cldnt sit in a movie or even church😢
I swear the beginning we always did stuff went on dates or parties, 5 months later we didn’t do any dates barely any quality time his excuse was his family was complaining about babysitting so he always had his son even though his babymom lived in the same area which didn’t make any sense how do u always have your kid she doesn’t work 7 days a week. Would come out of nowhere accusing me of cheating or liking somebody on my page or when i went out without him i would get a random message basically saying i hope u had fun with your friends I’m sure u found someone better than me 😂😂 i swear that shit drove me crazy cuz what are u talking about
Also he didn’t work and sat around all day doing nothing, maybe do 10 minutes of housework as living in a caravan there wasn’t much to do. He literally did nothing for days and days. So I disagree with this statement.
I know my ex cheated on me because he was bored because boredom kills him but I explained it hurts me and he still continued like he knows I am in pain when that happens why should I tolerate that And then he told me I LEFT HIM BECAUSE I AM SELFISH for not wanting to be in pain and cry the whole night because he is Bored because I didn't have enough time to see him because I was PREGNANT and working and tired
And just like u said he would do crazy shit to make chaos and I was like well ok whatever but when he did something to hurt me even though I said "don't cheat on me now I would get too upset" he did that anyway like fuck him But it annoys me that I am going to have to waste time on him until I die because I am going to have his baby soon God help me not beat his bored ass when I see him
It's definetly comorbid most narccist get alot of drama nd alot of physical stimulation from there parents when there young. So when the drama is no longer there they start going into boredom nd anxiety attacks and because there afraid of feeling those feelings in there mind they rather keep engaging in drama then ever feel the anxiety attacks they need to to heal. There not trained to be bored and focus on one tasks for long periods of time. They lack self control. That's why all thje mental ilness from bipolar, narccism ass e.t.c they all over lap
It’s just like a 2 year old child dropping a toy for you to pick up, simply for entertainment purpose, their minds are stuck between 6months and 2 years old. Jesus died for all who believe on him will be saved from the second death. So this is what I’m praying for nowadays ❤ lots of love. Shalom It’s because they can get out of that immature mindset Like a record that the needle got stuck in the groove, and repeats the same song. God understood this so that why he made it easy for everyone to choose to change by just believing on Jesus. Then God will teach you in the 3 earth age, during the millennial rein of Christ, on Gods ways. For this is the love story of God. Shalom
Yall. I did the one no no. I called him out, by name. He's threatening slander. I hope he sues. So I can take it to the Supreme Court and explain that we should be able to call them out by name. If rape victims can, why can't we? We are being emotionally abused. Psychologically abused. Mentally abused. Emotionally abused. The human body is the human body no matter WHAT KIND OF ABUSE. If I end up dead, you're ALL WORTH THE FREEDOM. I LOVE YALL ❤️ This page has been a game changer for me. Stay safe!
This explains a lot about my ex, I felt that he found reasons to fight with me or bring me down. I walked away because I couldn’t do it anymore, it is always the same cycle.
He was probably looking for excuses to justify cheating. I hope for you that cheating wasn't involved. That's when my ex got super difficult and combative. Before the cheating he would tune out in other ways, and he loved to sleep so he could tune out that way. Then fights came out of thin air. Because he had no guilt, he got angrier the more his affair went on.
🙏🏽
@@saintejeannedarc9460 LET US PRAY
They get bored easily but they are boring. Always want to be at home.
some definitely are
EXACTLY !
Beginning of relationship we were always doing something fun, every chance we got. Towards the end he didn't want to do anything anymore, all the stuff we did before he said it wasn't fun, boring or had some other excuse and he wanted to do new things..now it makes sense.
you got it
Yes!! This exactly 💯
I was sooooo bored with the ex narc. He often said to me “ geez you get bored easy”. I just hated being stuck at home with his boring lazy ass. I’d already started my emotional detachment with him.
My ex used to call his utility companies or cell company to dispute charges and see what discount he could get JUST because he was bored. Narcs are f’ng wild 😫😂
They walk out of jobs with no plan. Just because they get bored.
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They will keep themselves unecissarily busy with anything small to avoid dealing with things .... Odd.... confusing
Boring people are bored.
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That explains a lot. My ex couldn’t even stay focused at the movie theater. He kept checking his phone more then 20 times, kept moving around his seat, getting up to go to the bathroom and kept taking deep breaths as if he wanted the punchline to just happen and end quickly.
Yes that explains it he couldn't sit still he had to move around he can't help it. He has to be on the go it's hard to stay in one place he can't help sweetheart.
My husband of 40 years never took me on dates..never went out by ourselves...he said it waa boring!
@@shanaazabdullah9900❤❤❤ I feel like this is sad for you and mean of him😢😢😢 Do you love him so much, that you endure this?
Eek, I wonder how many people with undiagnosed ADHD are going to be accused of being narcs because of this, because that description alone sounds like adhd not narcissism.
This makes so much sense now that you explain it Lee. My soon to be 57 year old narc ex husband would bitch and complain on cruises bc I didn’t want to do anything…. I couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t just relax . Plus , despite my lack of interest in going to certain places on the ship I did it anyway just to appease him and he later accused me of not doing anything with him on the cruise !!! What ?!?! And he acted a complete ass on most of the vacations we took . After 3 and a half years I realized this wasn’t gonna get better .
This is facts! My ex literally ruined our honeymoon and multiple trips. The best thing you can do is leave
Now I understand why the hell my narcissistic ex boyfriend was always initiating unnecessary drama to ruin our peaceful time together. I’m the type of person who tries at all costs to avoid drama and ignores every provocation, I wasn’t the right match, I guess 😂
The are attracted to the peace … then try quickly to destroy it .. 😢
Mine is jealous that I will do a mediation and not care about anyone around me ! He literally says oh if you do that what are people going to say, if you walk around being a crazy person what are people going to think about you. And I said I don’t really care what people think about me this is my actual life and not anybody else’s and if I wanna sit in the middle of a waterfall and close my eyes I’m goddamn well going to do it! Who I would get the silent treatment for hours walk away - wooohhaahahaa-
holy macaroni
So angry I was peaceful.. he has killed all my peace.. hoping to be free soon
Exact same
They don't want to feel their feelings.
Mine WAS boring. I kept trying to get him to get out of the house and do “things”. He wouldn’t. He would rather sit in front of his computer and fight with people on Yahoo News site or watch videos about whatever topic he was obsessed with that day.
He did blow his life up. Long before I arrived on the scene.
He convinced his mother to take a reverse mortgage on her paid for house (that he lives in with her). He blew all the money in 10 months and has nothing to show for it.
The house is in horrible shape and he has all the tools and skills to fix it but he didn’t. Just blew it on ???
Glad I’m gone. I’m not going down with the Titanic
💪🏽💪🏽
This is 💯 a fact. I’ve literally had someone explain every symptom of narcissism w/o them realising it 🤧!
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When Lee rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath, it cracks me up every time. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🏾♀️💯
Its true from my experience. Its like they have ADD and their mind is constantly looking for something new to stimulate them. Again like a kid that always throws a tantrum for a new toy. Then immediately gets bored with it, throwing it to the side.
😩😖
True, but the irony is that Narcs are boring af once you know what's up. Yawn.
😞
You were spot on. Mine would want to take a trip last minute because he was “bored of the routine” turn around start fights during the trip and be angry and rage. Like wth??
oh wow
Haven't watched replay yet, but I've told ya'll that mines is a certain type of slow...He makes me cringe because all he does is sit around, and God forbid you ask him to do something that requiers him putting down the remote control and moving!! All while I'm running circles around his azz getting things done. And when he actually does do something, he wants recognition for it ( like a cookie) smh . I got stories for days trust me 🙄
This is so true!! Thank you for explaining this behavior because I thought it was me. Whenever I would mention it, let the gaslighting begin.
😩😟
They don't like being like that
My ex was very erratic. He was financially irresponsible. Would blow all his money on dumb stuff then complain about not having money. Once he spent over 100.00 at Ross, then got in the car and asked me “why did you let me do that !!!” I was like ummm what? Can’t you count.😂😂
He has a history of risky sexual behavior, drug use, criminal acts etc. Of course he didn’t disclose this to me until we’ll I to the relationship. Ya know that good ole narc manipulation
My husband would say how he didn’t want to do stuff with the kids and I, we’d leave the house to go do stuff and most times he wasn’t home when we got there. Always galavanting doing nothing productive and usually up to no good
😩
They are like grown up children😂
If the shame is setting in, why do they start doing crazy things that bring on more shame? That's insanity! But I guess that's why it's a personality disorder.
The narc is already in sane.
😮
Mine says he can't sit in the house because it's boring. he needs to be around people
😮😮😩
Definitely. I knew a man, he was married with 2 daughters in puberty. He was like "I am bored at home, I just want to have fun and go out". He was flirting behind his wife's back, totally disrespecting her. Like he was single.
An idle (bored) mind is the devils playground!
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I understand you loud and clear and truly not surprised. This explains the stupid shit and self sabotage he gets into. I know he can’t stand that I’m a genuine people person and he fakes being one 😂😂😂😂😉
😅😅
I could never just sit at my home on My day off and relax after 60 hours of work every week. He would always make me feel like I never wanted to do anything or I was just a drab. I wanted to relax I was on the go go all week. He would run around in circles huffing and puffing cause, in his words “was the only one that did anything”
So draining and so stressful to be at my own home. So glad to finally be out of that marriage and living alone.
I know exactly how you feel. Although I don't work 60 hr weeks (I did use to work a lot of overtime in the past but not currently) but dealing with chronic illnesses makes working a normal 40 hr week job very exhausting. I am constantly debating if I can even keep it up. So yes mine huffs and puffs and makes annoying sounds and complains under his breath if I decide to relax or take a nap on the weekend (even though he takes naps too, just much earlier than me. He is an alcoholic as well & may start drinking at 9am)
When I am so tired that I just want to rest my eyes but I can't take the constant manipulation & subtle punishment, I go in the bathroom and curl up on the bathmat and take a mini nap on the floor. I just started doing this recently on the weekends and find sometimes it's the only way I can get peace and quiet from him, as we have a 1 bedroom apartment and he is always here.
Congrats on getting out and I'm so happy you were able to cut ties and live on your own. That is my dream one day too, once I can afford it. Thanks for sharing your experience - when I come to this channel it's helpful & validating to see so many others experiencing the same.
@@YTStoleMyUsername I pray you will be able to get out soon and be happy. I felt when you said you would go into the bathroom to take a nap cause he was always there. My ex was always home too. The only place I could go and have peace or be alone without him following me was my bathroom. After work almost every night I would go take a long bath so I could avoid him. Even when I would go in the bath he seemed to always find a reason to have to go in to the bathroom to “get something.”
I do live in my own now but I have my kids every other week so I do have more free time now and definitely more peace. But I am still trying to heal from the last 18 years of the marriage and just feelings of inadequacy and not being “good enough.” Healing takes time but I believe I’ll get there eventually.
I really wish you well and pray you will find your way out soon.
In hind sight I see what you're saying . My (now his choice not mine) ex-husband after retirement and a two week ice storm stood up in frount of his recliner, put his hands on his hips, stomped his foot and said "I am NOT sitting around here and doing nothing for the rest of my life...
I never stopped him doing whatever he wanted to do. But he stopped me from doing what I needed to do all the time ...go finger.
Thank you for explaining why he totally blew up what we carefully built for nearly 50 yrs. Such a shame. I still love him , but was informed that he hadn't loved me for decades.
Oh I can just imagine this scenario as if my own partner might say it. I'm sorry you spent so much of your life in (what I assume to be, correct me if I'm wrong) a toxic relationship.
My narc complains how bored he is all the time, how there's no spice in our lives anymore. Wants to go do things more. He acts as if I need to be here all the time to entertain him. But God forbid I have to do things on my own on the weekends, even like running errands, doing chores or even just going for a walk or a workout. He sighs, huffs & puffs and looks extremely unhappy all the while staring at his phone. We used to go out and have fun all the time the first 2 yrs. Once his narc tendencies came out, it's just constant complaining. Even if we go out to dinner, they can't cook the food right, or something else is wrong. We go to a movie, he's pissed that the movie sucked (to him) or wasn't available in the format he wants. It's slightly less stressful to not go out than it is to go out and listen to all the constant complaining.
This is why whenever he brings up wanting to take a vacation I try to ignore it or make up some excuse why it's not a good idea right now. I would not want to be trapped with him somewhere far away, under that dark cloud of rage.
Anyway I hope you are doing better now that you are out. Sending hugs ❤️
They can’t even think of things to do for themselves- with a friend (if they have any left) or with their partner ..
I always ask Then what do u want to do 😂 silence …
Him: After his face in his phone for hours ..
(My bad habit now !) says WHAT DO U WANT TO DO ?
Now ?
Me: I wanna go to bed ‘I’m bored’ 😂
@@YTStoleMyUsernameI can’t shower clean the house take care of the animals - shit I can’t even walk the dog - why do I take so long to walk her ?! Really 😢so painful
Please see the little shaman the ca not love ever not even themselves.
Love Your Love Lee...You have Empowered me so much...Thank God for leading me to you...I knew I wasn't crazy as proceeded
You are so welcome
💯💯
OMG!!! This is SPOT ON! My narcissistic husband starts an argument every time we get ready to go out of town or go somewhere important to celebrate ME. Just happened last week on my birthday. He started an argument right before we left the house to drive to Chicago. I said “why do you do this??!!! Why do you start drama every single time?!” I could NOT figure it out until just now when I watched this video. He is a Narcissistic Drama King…omg…I’m blown away by this…this hit the nail on the head. Now what do you do with someone like this? We’ve been married 15 years and I’m just now discovering he’s a narcissist…smh
They really don't like being that way
💯💯
I have to believe this information...when I go to work my ex use to act like he was sever mental.....he ride around on his off day all day like he can't keep still...I don't club so he would go and act like he don't want to leave the club..first one there and last one to leave...he have to stay busy or he get super angry
Lol 😂 he was boring. Work and alcohol. That’s it. No hobbies no interest in anything that was upfront. Yet sneaky as hell. COVERT thinking up shit to destroy me. Did not succeed. Later narc
Boredom = evil 👿
That's crazy. I love being bored. It means things are going well for me right now. Boredom may as well be a stamp of God's approval because it means nothing actively bad is happening and I can watch any movie I want
Y'all are mysterious and I hope every single one of y'all can get better so y'all can enjoy being bored, too.
Like, slap my buns on a couch with a cold one and let the bad times not roll any day at any time, yo. Best. day. Ever.
I'm sorry people with this personality disorder dont get to experience God's greatest creation and I hope you can heal
😩
@@MentalHealness boredom is the edge of greatness, yo. Every time someone's not sick. Every time no one's acting up. Every time no one's hassling you. When the bills are paid. When you get free time to be unstimulated. Getting past that initial reaction of "wait, wut" is where true gratefulness and mindfulness and healing lives.
So good. Boredom is so. Good.
Yea I have BPD and my boredom is CRAZY !
I'm going to make a point here that my son always says. Quote, "Boredom doesn't exist". Truthfully boredom is a state of mind when you think the world has to fill your cup because you lack the ability to do it yourself. My son and I have talked about this at length. There is always something to think about and do in this vast world. Boredom comes because you feel a push to do something different from your routine and you are just too lazy to do it yourself. You expect someone else to fill that need. You and only you are responsible for that feeling. PICK YOURSELF UP AND GO DO SOMETHING! Service to someone else is always a good answer to boredom. Think about what you can do for your family.
I like to say
I haven't been
BORED
since the
Doctor say
It's a BOY .
YOUR SUN IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT 💯
So very true .. but narcs can’t think for themselves at all .. and they sure are NOT gonna lift a finger to actually do something different 😂
I’m bored having to listen to how many women he has slept with his whole life, how many things he did w the women he cheated on me with .. and how he is gonna have them all once he leaves …
Still sitting around telling stories … with me entertaining him with my pain and anger 😢😢😢😢😢
This explains a lot. He would be irritable, want me to come up with something, but everything I would suggest, stuff he liked, he would reject and say “no, I have to be in the mood.”
One of the most hurtful things he did was I was having a medical emergency, so I begged him to drive me to the ER. He refused because “I don’t want to just sit around there. You don’t want me there because I’ll be bored, and you know how I get.” So I drove myself to the ER, and spent 11 hours, alone, frightened, in pain, waiting to hear if I was going to get surgery or a blood transfusion. Because of the condition I was in, the ER staff was horrified that I drove instead of calling an ambulance, because I could have easily lost consciousness. When I finally got home, he told me how hard the day had been for him, that he was thinking about it the whole time he was playing his computer game all day.
That’s when I knew he never would, and never did, love or care about me.
That's so insane cause he was the most boring person I've ever met! He couldn't or wouldn't do anything but expect me to entertain him. Sheesh!
his excuse for flirting/cheating with a girl was that he was bored and didn’t mean it 😭
😞
Most people need to realize that 95% of everyday life is...boring as hell. My job, life, and hobbies sound exciting on paper but 95% of day to day is boring as hell. Everybody wants Jay gatsby but nobody wants to see him doing taxes or laundry lol
🙂
I was waiting for this 1. I’m a borderpolar babe who dated a narc and once I realized he was bored of me. It unleashed my true self & now he’s scared and blocked me 😂 I sabotaged it & I hope he never comes back for my peace of mind
protect your peace
I remember my ex narc and I were having such a gr8 time out with his female cousin. At the end of the night, she was driving us home, and he told her I called her a bich 😮 he ruined the whole vibe/day/her and I's relationship 💔 I should have left him then. No worries, tho 😌 I discarded his deadbeat loser below average a$$ in the end ❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
Thank you so much for all your videos. They are so educational. Lots of ❤ to you,your beautiful wife,you're both brave. God bless you!
God bless you as well
The effect it has on the other person (me) us it makes me feel like I'm not exciting or fun enough. So now when I meet people 😂I can tell are love-bombing me, I say "hey! I'm a rather relaxed peaceful person who just enjoys life and you might want someone more flashy" 😅
Your videos are such a tremendous support for the mindset of survivors to become thrivers. Thank you for making these videos. They help build confidence and help heal wounds that can’t close without being acknowledged.
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Lee, this was a great episode. Very insightful, I appreciate your candor so much.
In a way, listening to you on these subjects gives me the closure I so badly needed from him and will never receive.
It helps reverse some gaslighting from a long, difficult relationship that I left a few times before leaving for good.
Your level of self-awareness is impressive - You are doing a great thing I think, which is a fair trade for the supply you receive - it's well earned. I hope it continues to sustain you and interest you so we can keep healing through you.
Take Care! 😊
Man! I have anxiety lol so can’t imagine being bored. For me there is always something to overthink about lol!
How are they bored when they are never open to doing stuff and want to sabotage any time there is a outing/event yo go to? This is mind boggling! Like which one is it so you wanna sit on the couch or get out the house! Gessh
He has to run constantly. Can not stay home one day.
Indeed absolutely the truth 💯💯💯💯💯
💯💯
My ex husband to a T... but it's hard not to take it personal. But I get it..
🙌🏾🙌🏾 stay strong
Lee I know that you have this diagnosis i see you as a good man who works hard on himself and helped me when I couldnt do it anymore.
🙌🏾🙌🏾 stay strong
My husband did this a lot he wouldn’t sit still he couldn’t sit still and he still does this because he’s bored and has nothing better to do doesn’t want to better himself although he tells me he does. It’s all bullshit so yeah.
😖😖😖
Absolutely adore you and what your doing.
Again and again, amazing video Mr Lee, love you bro, keep it going that great job, guys lusten to him he's 100% right and honest, he helped me a lot..
Thank you. Stay strong and safe
Spot on Lee
Appreciate it
Wow thank you for this. Now I know why all this shit happened for a reason. And thank god I realized I couldn’t fix someone who couldn’t fix themselves. 🙏🏽 shit was always drama, projections of cheating, gaslighting, manipulation etc. Trying to keep me as a option and once I left ,the smear campaign started still going 2 months later. Threatened me in every way possible. I know it’s not treatable but how can they progress to get better?
Now that I have researched it I know understand it and realize what they battle with
😮
I did some deep researching Lee
The truth set us free. Love your shirt!
My ex was on about how she feels calm and happy with the new person, so it's not true? She always had contemptuous towards my calming nature. I thought it was calm=boredom for them.
Thanks!
Welcome!
Definitely was hard to deal with. Had to let go unfortunately it broke me so bad. He’s say the same that it wasn’t my fault - so hard to believe though and so saddening for them.
That’s right, is while how they are
You just said 💯 percent how our trips would go
A ton of these comments are incredibly disturbing at how applicable they are to undiagnosed adhd as well. Constantly on the go, constantly moving, constantly bored, difficulty regulating themselves and emotions, and "its like they have add". ADHD isnt narcissism, nor is it a red flag for narcissism.
Yikes! The sabotage is more exciting than a completed project
Narcissists are hopeless. Unless God saves their soul they will continue to walk in darkness to the end and into a loat eternity. 😢
😩😮
What exactly makes the narcissist perpetually bored?! I wonder if that's how my dad felt *all the time* ?
Thank you being thorough with your content. Again, the timeliness of this post. Bravo 👏🏽 This summed up my relationship.
Peas and carrots lol.
If you're bored, go lay down and chill.. every second of every day doesn't have to be full of things to do. This is true but it's so aggravating to those of us that aren't narcissist.
This is sad. 😢
Thanks ❤
🙌🏾
Errday is full of something .
We honor, appreciate , and everything
That is of life !!
It can be they meath health as well
😩
So arguing is a fun past time for a narcissist??
YES
Ex narc cld never just sit in the house. He wld neee multiple ppl to come over and hang out or he would just have to leave the house you could not pay him to stay in the house and just be normal. He cldnt sit in a movie or even church😢
You can let them do everything that's right they will get board they can't help it
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I swear the beginning we always did stuff went on dates or parties, 5 months later we didn’t do any dates barely any quality time his excuse was his family was complaining about babysitting so he always had his son even though his babymom lived in the same area which didn’t make any sense how do u always have your kid she doesn’t work 7 days a week. Would come out of nowhere accusing me of cheating or liking somebody on my page or when i went out without him i would get a random message basically saying i hope u had fun with your friends I’m sure u found someone better than me 😂😂 i swear that shit drove me crazy cuz what are u talking about
My ex said he blows up his life every couple of years. What’s that a tell?
Can you make a video on how to keep a narc longer in a relationship? Like tips, dos&don'ts?
Much love ❤
Why would you want to do that?
Or hurting about a love one
💯
I like the new intro’s
I appreciate it
@@MentalHealness Lee you got this man. You just need a show now. Dude are funny as hell man.
💗brilliant video, not so brilliant for the partner though
Facts.
Очень хорошее объяснение, спасибо!! Сейчас это кажется таким простым для понимания происходившего
Hey Lee, does your Self Love Journal help against Narcissist's shame?
🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤Thank you for this important video ❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️
Also he didn’t work and sat around all day doing nothing, maybe do 10 minutes of housework as living in a caravan there wasn’t much to do. He literally did nothing for days and days. So I disagree with this statement.
that's your personal experience. sounds like he was bored working a job and was lazy
Yup
🙌🏾
I know my ex cheated on me because he was bored because boredom kills him but I explained it hurts me and he still continued like he knows I am in pain when that happens why should I tolerate that
And then he told me I LEFT HIM BECAUSE I AM SELFISH for not wanting to be in pain and cry the whole night because he is Bored because I didn't have enough time to see him because I was PREGNANT and working and tired
And just like u said he would do crazy shit to make chaos and I was like well ok whatever but when he did something to hurt me even though I said "don't cheat on me now I would get too upset" he did that anyway like fuck him
But it annoys me that I am going to have to waste time on him until I die because I am going to have his baby soon
God help me not beat his bored ass when I see him
Ms. get rid of that no good man. He will continue to lie, steal, and cheat and eventually use you up.
Do narcissists usually have ADD or ADHD?
It seems like it.
@@stealthwarrior5768 sounds like it within the description of this video
I dont know if that can be comorbid
It's definetly comorbid most narccist get alot of drama nd alot of physical stimulation from there parents when there young. So when the drama is no longer there they start going into boredom nd anxiety attacks and because there afraid of feeling those feelings in there mind they rather keep engaging in drama then ever feel the anxiety attacks they need to to heal. There not trained to be bored and focus on one tasks for long periods of time. They lack self control. That's why all thje mental ilness from bipolar, narccism ass e.t.c they all over lap
Stop makin me laugh 😂 I'm tryin to be traumatized ❤
😂😂
All i heard was "cheat" the entire video 😢
The ex caused a huge fist fight in a bowling alley because he took so bloody long taking his turn they shut the lanes off they were closing,
Why
?
It’s just like a 2 year old child dropping a toy for you to pick up, simply for entertainment purpose, their minds are stuck between 6months and 2 years old. Jesus died for all who believe on him will be saved from the second death. So this is what I’m praying for nowadays ❤ lots of love.
Shalom
It’s because they can get out of that immature mindset
Like a record that the needle got stuck in the groove, and repeats the same song. God understood this so that why he made it easy for everyone to choose to change by just believing on Jesus. Then God will teach you in the 3 earth age, during the millennial rein of Christ, on Gods ways. For this is the love story of God.
Shalom
😮
💚🤍
💛🖤
Makes sense to me about the wife's post pregnancy behaviors... thank you
you’re welcome
Yall. I did the one no no.
I called him out, by name.
He's threatening slander.
I hope he sues.
So I can take it to the Supreme Court and explain that we should be able to call them out by name.
If rape victims can, why can't we?
We are being emotionally abused.
Psychologically abused.
Mentally abused.
Emotionally abused.
The human body is the human body no matter WHAT KIND OF ABUSE.
If I end up dead, you're ALL WORTH THE FREEDOM. I LOVE YALL ❤️
This page has been a game changer for me.
Stay safe!