Im 31 & I Have No Friends.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
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Original video: • I'm 31 And Have No Fri...
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Yall suffering from this?
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I'm in the same place, but it's because I'm 27 and I'm a full time caregiver for my dad with Lewy Body Dementia. It's rough man. It's like taking care of a 60 year old child who gets violent & delusional. He doesn't recognize me sometimes. I don't even have time to take a dump sometimes. I'm also not sleeping well. So on top of all that, it's really hard to maintain social relationships when you have to dedicate every second of your life to take care of someone in their darkest of times. Sometimes I want to Minecr*ft myself but I can't do that to my Father & Mother. Somehow I'll survive...
Thank you for the discount and the gift, now I'm not suffering anymore.
I used to think I really need to get married as it seemed to me like a pretty safe proof shield from loneliness. Dating is quite tricky, especially when you are desperate. Instead, I found my group of friends here in Paris and we meet up several times a week. They are so much more dependable, present, and caring than any man that I have dated before. This month I came to the realization that, yes, I don’t need a man. But I DO need a community. Strangely, I also feel like while in this friend group, I am also not as desperate for a man, and will probably actually increase my chances of ending up in a long term stable relationship.
That being said I think it is important to encourage women to not count on relying on a man, especially financially as this can really disable them to leave if things get ugly.
Not "suffering", per se. For many of my teenage years, and all my years as an adult, I've never deemed anyone a friend (even when they considered me as such). I've no desire for friends, but I commiserate with the those who sorely do and are incapable or have difficulty.
Westerners butchered the family and ACTUAL community. Every weekend my wife and I are at a neighbors wedding, funerals, party, graduation. We Africans stick together, we invite the whole neighborhood and thats where all our connections and friendships come from. ALL of my friends at any given stage in life are all people who live around me or act in the same spaces as me. For example, I got married last year at 30. My wife and I already have married 'friends' we met at married couples dinner at our church. Even before that my boys were a friend group of guys that all in the neighborhood. I've moved 4 times in my life so I have 4 sets of boys that are dear to me.
You are lonely by choice here.
Everybody forgot about the important part: having good friends. Nothing worse than having the wrong people in your life
"Nothing worse than having the wrong people in your life" oh I can think of something worse, HAVING NO ONE IN UR LIFE, ide rather at least have some fake friends to hangout with than just wasting my life away being completely alone
My mom used to tell me
Friends can take you to heaven and friends can take you to hell!
It's your job to find the right ones!
@iiCounted-op5jx I have to disagree. Every friend I've ever had in my adult life has either stolen from me, back stabbed me, or showed me that I wasn't really their friend in one way or another. I stopped making connections with other people close to ten years ago and I'm much more content knowing that I won't turn around and find out that I got screwed over. Like, would you rather be in a relationship with someone that cheats on you or be single? I'm not gonna put up with people treating me like that so I know my answer.
Agreed. The wrong friends will chew you up and spit you out and then yell you it is your fault.
@iiCounted-op5jx you're insane. You rather have someone lying and cheating, stealing and manipulating you for their own benefit just because they are around you? Complete nutcase.
I'm 38 and I've finally accepted that people just don't like me. Hardly anybody visited me when I was in hospital with cancer for a year, and most so-called friends never bothered to even check to see if I survived. That was 18 years ago. Since then I've put so much effort into building a small number of high quality relationships with people, yet every attempt ultimately fell through. I always like and care about other people way more than they do me. Everybody just ends up ghosting me with no explanation and I've given up trying to understand it. Me and the rest of humanity need to go our separate ways and I need to invest time and energy into things that will actually bring me joy.
Praying you find people worthy of your friendship 🙏🏿
Damn... sorry to hear about the sh*t that you've gone through in your life. I won't say you should keep trying to connect with people because from the sounds of things people pull away from you which may be something on your end you need to reflect on to figure out why but hopefully one day someone will connect with you.
Good for you man, still i hope you don't close the doors fully to your heart :) you're still a likeable person, as i can tell.
You need better friends
And need to be able to identify whos actually your friends
Look for higher IQ friends lol
This is sad and I hope it changes for you but have you ever considered that you might be the problem sometimes? Not hating, just find it hard to believe that EVERY single person you’ve met has turned you down and left you. One thing I can recommend is to find events or things you can go to related to something you like/a hobby of yours
This is very interesting because social media gives the illusion that everyone is extremely social and always outgoing but many people are actually lonely.
Well, it's still kinda true that those which are on those Plattforms are extremly active / "outgoing" are mostly the opposite in real life.
Social media has made people anti social.
True
Social media and dating apps have made a lot of people feel more isolated and lonely.
Sadly. I think suicide will increase with the more convivient phones become to people and give them reasons not to go outside.
Social media, dating apps, order food, order items from amazon, online gaming.... this is why I think people nowadays put a lot of emphasis on the gym. Because it's one of the rare things that is left that the phone can't make people stay inside for.... yet
I live in England and pubs were the place to go to meet people. Nowadays pubs are becoming less filled with people as people choose to stay inside. Because the cost of alcohol is cheaper at local stores and they have social media and dating apps (which takes away the interpersonal emotional human connection people develop in face to face interactions. You can't see another person's body language, facial expressions, see/hear someone's else's smile or laughter or eye contact unless you facecam them. Being just left with text and emojis is fake)
I was working at a very famous fashion shop and the amount of very fashionable,very pretty people working there, that were only focused on either working or making photos for instagram instead of talking to their colleagues seemed almost out of some dystopian movie...
During the pandemic, I had my “villain arc” where I thought everyone hated me. I carried this odd chip on my shoulder and thought it was me against the world. I then learned that I have no REAL enemies and we just lived in a confusing time.
Fast forward to know, I have volunteered for a few things and realized how much I enjoy being of service to others. It was the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.
I think a lot of young folks are guilty of having their own fictitious "villain arc" these days especially. When in actuality, it's just you against yourself more often than not. All these stupid "sigma male" tik tok edits promoting lone wolfness. Good for you that you got yourself outta that rut and realized you value human connection more than anything.
Yeah same. When I realize that I thought the world was against me ( early bad experiences ) I thought that people were against me but I realize and I'm still realizing that the world isn't against me. I feel also great when I can help people.
I think “goob” from meet the robinsons lives in all of us
The rent we pay for being on this world is our service to others
I blame internet geekdom, for the increasing levels of loneliness in Western society.
“I’m fresh I’m fit moisturized and monetized”💀the pettiness is at an all time high and I’m here for it 😂😂😂
right 😂
😂😂😂😂 this had me 💀💀💀
Yall heard the "skin shine like pearl"😂😂😂😂
@MrMarquis912🤣🤣🤣🤣
Petty or witty?
This dude put out his feelings in the most raw and honest way...I am happy he found people for him
Camelot is a fun guy to watch. Does a lot of videos about the behind the scenes stuff of Gamestop, Best Buy and such
@@wcoleman99he needs to man up and stop crying
@@JavierNYC423 well considering thats pretty much the only video he showed any emotion other than humor. Quit with manning up shit. This is how we get the whole toxic masculinity bs
Ditto, I'm happy he found some people to hang out with. Yeah man, having friends when you are kids is easy, when you are grown and you got work and family to juggle, friendships often get shoved onto the back burner, and end up going cold.
@@JavierNYC423good thing nobody asked you javier and that everyone clowns on this stupidity. Like pretending to have emotions is gonna help.
I appreciate this more than you know. Been a fan for a really long time. This video and revelation changed my life. Forever grateful!
W
Goodie, I was gonna send this to you, but you saw it. Neat. c:
Men need to open up about and learn how to nurture and maintain friendships. It's crucial to mental health and relationships. Thank you for this
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing with your audience. I don’t know much about you, but I saw this video and some of it resonated with me.
God bless.
FAMELOT GANG 4 LIFE!!!!!!!
As a man in my 30’s with no friends, I’d say it’s not that we prefer to be alone we just accept it for what it is.
This. I used to be a social butterfly in my early 30's. But around my 34th-35th birthday i realized the people i was surrounding myself with were NOT my friends. I couldn't count on them. They didn't go out of their way for me. If i needed someone, i was on my own. Nobody ever came out to help me move. I would help them move. When my gf broke up with me, they were all too busy to hang. Now that i'm 40, i have no one in my life. But honestly? I just don't care anymore. I look forward to going home from work and being alone. I prefer to be alone. People just drain me. I prefer my solitude and actually enjoy it. Don't have to worry who's wanting to stab me in the back.
I am the same way. I have tried to make friends. It's difficult and most of the time I prefer to be alone
@@wonderduck2345Im the same way only thing i want is to find me a girl who is the same way so we can just sit there not talking and just play some games or watch movies lol.
Probably because you choose the wrong people
@@natashka1982 choosing is not the problem. Its people who seem nice and want to be there for ya just like you want to be there for them and they just take take take.
My Mom is going through a divorce and seeing her university friends come together to support her has shown me the importance of good friendships.
How sweet of them!
That's awesome.
you mean your mom filed for a divorce? and her female friends are supporting her?
@@nevswain478What are you talking about?
the most likely scenario that this person is omiting in their comment..@@crimsonrosesx
Being a lone wolf isn't a choice for many people. There are people who have deep wounds from the way they were raised, which they don't even understand - and may never, they grow without knowing why they push people away and it affects all their relationships and often they end up feeling like the world backed them into a corner.
Me to a T, I just spent Thanksgiving with some nice folks and most of the time I just sat there kinda terrified and not knowing what to say. I am determined to be able to connect to people whose experiences (especially those early, tender ones) have been vastly different from mine. I don't know how I will, I think Toastmasters could help, but I'll do whatever I have to to enjoy my life to its fullest. Thank you for your comment and letting me rant a bit. :)
Completely agree. It takes a lot of self awareness and reflection to even recognise how screwed up you are because of childhood trauma, and how it still affects you years and decades after it happens.
Being a lone wolf is not a choice, if you are socially awkward and can’t make friends you aren’t a “lone wolf”.
@@Bryan48950 I'm glad you said this. People will say they're lone wolves to seem like they're just such emotionally strong people that they don't need anyone else. To admit to feeling lonely is like admitting to being weak. The fact that you're unable to attract interest from other people is saying that there is something wrong with you. The term "lone wolf" is just a pop psychological term anyway. I think some people could be categorized as such but a lot of people use the label to cover their despondency and insecurity.
@@eja1258 100%
Always been a natural “lone wolf”. Single child, introverted, love my own company, and never felt or fed into peer pressure…most people are not like this and it is considered abnormal in this world. I however also have quality friends that would travel half way across the world for me and I appreciate that and also appreciate that we let each other have space without each other feeling offended.
Thank you why do people need others you don't you need God and you alone
Exactly, people are so dependent on other’s company that they can’t even enjoy their own company anymore like grown adults, its sad to see how many people here are saying they would rather have fake friends than no friends… i just know they’re miserable or have never really have no real life experience tbh
@@caasieu The important thing is to have a balance of both sides
@@caasieufacts man
Massive difference between "lone wolf" and a hermit with no friends.
One thing I've found is that a lot of friendship groups typically have one person who is super sociable and introduces everyone to everyone. I think if you just find one person like that you should be fine
This is how I've made a lot of my lifelong friends. Had one friend I grew up with that knew a ton of people that I've kept up with since middle and high school. He's always been the one to plan group outings and bring a ton of people together.
I'm now 25 and we still hang out irl and on Discord. I've always been pretty introverted so if it wasn't for him, I most likely wouldn't have more than 2 or 3 people I'd consider friends
Yeah I’m lucky to be part of one of these groups 😂
When I had a large friend group that was certainly the reason. Luckily i've held onto some of those friends after we lost touch with the social butterfly
Yeah I used to be that person, got addicted to weed and developed mental health. They all cut me one by one, I was the one who got them together. I was the confidence one in the group. I'm lonely now and recovering on my own.
I’m super lucky my best friend is like this otherwise it’ll just be the 3 original friends
I'm 26, I haven't had friends since I was 22. Lost a lot of friends to drugs, Stopped drinking and doing drugs and stopped hearing from pretty much everyone. Best desition I ever made.
Good for you man ✌️ it was the best decision you could have done. I did the same but because my "friend" group was toxic so I said I'm gone 😅
I’m glad you made that decision. Friends will come eventually. Be well!
Good on you bro! You don't need toxic and destructive friends. You need friends that up build you, not bring you down. 👍🏽
Same here and while I don’t hang around with nearly as many people as I did back then, I have better quality friends now and even some old friends from school who I lost touch with when things got too chaotic I’ve become friends with again so I know it was for the best. So many died though which is harder than the ones that I voluntarily cut off for some reason but I know that I would be dead too if I was still in those circles.
dissension?
It’s good to be comfortable being alone sometimes. But having 1 or 2 friends in your life that you love and trust is always a blessing
Absolutely. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. JONAH, BELL, MAYA LOVE Y’ALL TO DEATH . Shot out my waffle cone too. 😂 love y’all
True
Agreed❤
I have 0
Yea if you can find them
As a college student who has been watching you guys since i was 14, I feel like you guys have positivlely impacted my outlook on life on multiple occasions. Especially as somebody who's father is absent, I've always worried about finding a good mentor. And even though you guys are through the internet I feel like I've learned so much from watching every video you guys have uploaded. I appreciate what you guys are doing, because at least in my case, it's life changing.
Yeah I'm recommending these guys to my nephew too. They're a really positive influence.
When Preach said "we live for other people" that truly hit me. I found my soulmate in my bestfriend and we were bestfriends for 12yrs until she passed almost 2 years ago. She was a true friend. Ones that are extremely hard to come by nowadays. I've been very lost since her passing because I officially have no friends. I have plenty of acquaintances but it's hard connecting with people and finding true friends nowadays.
That hit me too. We truly do live for other people.
there's no such thing as making true friends or close friends in adulthood, everyone makes their close/true friends in childhood, when you're an adult you and other adults become more experienced in life which creates large barriers in things like friendship and trust, I'm afraid if you don't have any good friends from childhood left over, you will be destined to live a sad and lonely life, its truly over, things will never get better
Is it just me, or is losing my soul mate too early a constant worry? I believe I've found my one and only, but I find myself constantly worried for her safety. We live in NYC, which can be notoriously dangerous, and I don't want to lose her before it's her time.
its so fullfilling to me that people get hit by that sentence. bc it was my "credo" since i was a young child and my parents looked down on that til today. they always wanna make me live and work for myself, which i have no interest in at all xd
@@iiCounted-op5jx If you're going into it with that attitude, that's obviously what will happen. I've made new friends well into my 30s, and I'm not even a particularly outgoing person.
Aba's analogy about great moments being like a painting that gets broken up and each friend keeps a specific piece and then when they gather again again put it back together is BEAUTIFUL.
wow... it really is.
the older we get the more we need people who knew us when we were younger.
What he said was art, figuratively and literally.
Preach smiling as he heard it and took it in was just 😘🤌
When I was 24 my best friend hung himself. I didn’t want to make new male friends after that. I found a women who became my wife and her and my 3 kids have given me all that I wanted from friendship. Having a bad experience with getting close to someone can really mess you up. It’s been 10 years now and finally I’ve tried having another male friend. Our situations are not permanent. My family taught me how to trust again.
He broke your trust by hanging himself?
God bless
@@fuhrdawg Its not that he broke his trust, but he is afraid of getting close to other people
@@fuhrdawgmore like that one anchor he had in his life was suddenly gone and it broke him in all aspects of his life.
@@fuhrdawgI second what others have already said. When I say this was my best friend. I mean we spent everyday together for years. He was ex military . Had ptsd, but we planned a life together where we would open up a shamanic center for veterans and addicts. Then all of a sudden things took a dark turn. It went from total optimism and a whole life ahead of us, to.. now he’s dead and I’ll never being able to hug him again. Maybe trust isn’t the right word. I’ll tell you though…. It’s so hard to get close to someone like that again.
My late father said all the time, “no man is an island”. Everyone needs someone at some time. In that spirit, I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Good ol' John Donne, he knew what he was talking about....
But can't you see?
Maybe you were the ocean, when i was just a stone
what i like to think is, even islands are not alone and isolated, they may seem so on the surface, but underneath the ocean, every island is conected, they also don't float, they have a very solid foundation that we don't see when we look at it, when we look at it all we see is a lone island surrounded by water
This channel is extremely important for promoting social well-being. It’s not just mindless entertainment. Thank you Aba and Preach.
Definitely!!
Yeah I actually needed to hear this.
I'm going to reach out to an old friend and see if we can rekindle some of that friendship we had.
I just realized I do miss them. I'm actually tearing up rn. Damn that hit harder than I thought.
Fo sho
They helped me through the shutdown lol
This channel has a habit of posting the right video at the right time to make me grow and heal a little bit. Thank you dudes, stay safe and be kind.
Is so weird
I thought I was the only one
Aba N Preach are a God send on YT...I love their content.
it be feeling like the right vids just find you at the perfect times shit is beautiful
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
- Robing Williams
cope harder, ide rather have fake friends than no friends
That's literally the biggest cope
@@iiCounted-op5jxlol that’s pathetic. Only rely on yourself.
@@iiCounted-op5jxfake friends can cause more damage to you than no friends. The goal is to have healthy relationships rather than just relationships to feel a void.
@@iiCounted-op5jx cope? You're the one who is calling your "friends" fake... those people you are referring to I call "useful idiots."
I'm 51. I also lost contact with my friends over the years. Mostly because I was with my ex for 20 years and she was my best friend and I felt like I didn't need anyone else. But she went away a couple of years ago. So I'm single and friendless at age 51. I do relatively really well being alone. But like Aba said, people need friends and companionship.
One thing most people don't consider is taking the time to reach out to old friends and making a hard effort to reconnect. Call them, catch up. See if they want to meet for coffee or golf. When it comes to real friends, they never disappear. People just get caught up in life. Communication breaks down. And more often then not, people are just hesitant to reach out because it can be perceived as bothersome. If you live away from your old friends, take a trip out and visit them.
Friendships are like investments. You you don't invest your time and effort, you'll lose value in that stock. It's not to say you'll lose your invested stock. It just won't have the same value.
I'm 54, never married, no kids, career didn't work out. I had a friend for years, I moved away, we stayed in contact on a regular basis. then he got married and started calling less and less. It's a had reality that life changes like that. things work out well for one friend, and not for the other, people get jealous and stop answering the phone. marriage ruins existing friendships. the couple gets sucked in to their own world and abandons their single friends. Life sucks like that.
I guess someone has to be the loser. doesn't really matter anyway it's all meaningless. I don't want to get much older. my life failed.
I hold immense respect for this gentleman's ability to openly express his emotions as he does. It's heartening to see his realization that he is surrounded by friends and is not alone.
@@sn5806yet you don't know him but called him whiney? It's funny even men can't even help eachother with emotions. From what you wrote the only loser here is you.....
And did you ever imagine that the other problems he's facing is a symptom of being alone? Not just that he's a whiner... People lack so much perspective but omg it ever came to you, you'd want people see the nuances and have empathy. Goof
My only friends are cocaine, meth, and fentanyl.
@@sn5806 Even if what you're saying is true, it's not reflected in this video. He didn't point fingers or assign blame; he simply shared his life experiences. He even went out of his way to avoid blaming anyone for the situation he believed he was in. In my opinion, your comment wasn't necessary. However, let's hope that the videos you watched showed an older version of him, a version that was still struggling and didn't yet know how to handle his issues.
maybe you should look into Camelot because in all his stories, he's always the victim.
@@sn5806he's a life long outcast with a shit job who's friends and wife all left. He represents a lot of men right now and society doesn't much acknowledge this, let alone provide ways to address it, and it is taboo to talk about. Seems like he's pouring his effort into being a content creator rather than just sulking through each day doing nothing to help himself, and I think it's good to have some people like him in the public eye. I hope he does well in content creation, despite it not being likely, and he can create more visibility into what's an extremely common and overlooked issue in too many men's lives.
My husband is 35 and has SO MANY friends, and actually a fair few really good friends. I’ve moved across the country several times, and am not as social as him so It’s not as natural for me to make friends. I have absolutely loved becoming friends with his friends, and building relationships with his family. I am so glad that he has such good friends. When he’s been having a hard time, having them to talk to has been invaluable. And he is always there for them when they need him too.
They tryna smash you
Bruh this hurts like forreal. I'm 30 lost my so called friends since high school. But damn I hear him loud and clear. It's lonely out there, I may have trust issues from what has been done to me and it's hard to make connections anymore it's hard to trust. To have a homie you can just chill with shoot the shxt with is priceless.
How would u go about connecting with them bro?
u had friends from high school? lucky
Making friends can be easy no matter your age. Thing about life is there's always someone in your age group going through the same thing. You just need to assess them from an intelligent perspective and consider their personality and character. I had tons of friends throughout my life, but not all of them were actual "friends."
@@moonknight4053 I don't even know, im at a point were its hard to open up cause it feels like I'm gonna get stabbed in the back again.
By some miracle, I found you lovely men and this video today. I absolutely bawled my eyes out watching this. Let me explain…
I am a very, very blessed momma and I have been worried sick about my son who is 20 years old. I can see how lonely he is and I am praying that somehow he can find someone that he can be friends with. He is super intelligent, kind, funny and has a family who loves him. I could go on forever about the amazing young man he is but for reasons I can’t comprehend, he can’t see how priceless he is. Covid hit during the last 2 years of highschool and it affected him greatly. The isolation and difficulty of all of it sent him into a spiral of depression and anxiety. I’m so grateful that you showed this video of a man who is willing to be honest and share his story. I am going to show this to my son and hope it will give him a sense that he is not alone. I am truly grateful for you guys! I hope for anyone who is suffering will see this and realize that they are not alone! All of us have something we are struggling with and to never give up..we are all worthy of friendship and love ❤
I wish my mother, either parent for that matter, loved me. You so wholesome.
Get him into sports ASAP.
Boxing, or brazilian jiu-jitsu are good places to start.
The sense of getting better will help. The endorphins and the confidence of knowing you can defend yourself
First time crying at an Aba N Preach video. Even if your friends are an ocean away don’t take them for granted, we are BLESSED to have connection ❤
Bruh you’re bout to have me tear up as well. I actually do have an friend an ocean away who’s also going through the worst suffering. They were with me during the darkest times while everyone else bailed.
🥲😌
damn thats hard my dude.@@izzylandyt
You are right about that. I met the best friend I ever had at 47. She lived multiple states away. I was going to finally meet her in person in 2020 but then she passed away suddenly. Absolutely don’t take a real friend for granted. Be grateful for every day you are part of their life. I miss her very much.
@@Usandthem31 That's so sad🥺. Sorry that happened to you. "True friends are like diamonds -precious and rare. False friends are like leaves -found everywhere."
I'm 45 and haven't had a friend in 20 years. I've dated one person, for 3 months, in that time. I'm estranged from my family and I have no kids.
I hate it when people tell me something like, "Your happiness shouldn't depend on other people."
They don't get it because they have the privilege of having people in their lives. They don't understand what it's like to really be alone and have no choice in the matter.
It's like a rich person saying, "Money isn't important." to a poor person.
How is it that you have no choice in the matter? I'm curious about how this could be the case
I agree, we only live for others. No one is out here to be alone. You will go insane
@@powerdove we live in the world of identity politics, unless he moves out of US/canada/uk/australia/NZ he will continue to suffer. I don't know how this isn't clear to most hetero men. READ THE ROOM folks.
@@Ed-xv4sy Uh, because all 2 Billion of those people in the countries you mentioned AREN'T all gay? And Hell, IF they were, they might have a better chance at finding someone like minded...
@Ed-xv4sy what does being hetero have to do with anything???
“You know what’s even better then great experiences… reminiscing with the people you made those great experiences with” -Aba 🔥💕
32 year old, divorced loner here. I go to work, exercise & come home to stream and make content. I love my viewers and it absolutely fills a gap to see them every night. I know exactly what this man speaks of.
Respects bro wish you well
What's your channel?
Schedule a meetup!
Long form content, very cool.
Ah, a fellow Broodling. Fear not, for we are all of the Don's family.
Aba and Preach actually having a friendship that has evolved is just great to see 😊
They are not friends! wdym!?!?!😄😄
@@SuberExtraManYou’re right, they secret lovers.
Friends to lovers
I’m seeing Aba ego rising. I’m seeing him think he can leave preaches . He over talks him and interrupts. Disrespectful in time shared on topics. Aba is a verbal bully I’d love to be there in convo and I’d interrupt Aba and ask preach what he thinks and do shit like that to divert energy and attention lies Aba off 🫣🤣 @@AmoebaInk
@@Sage44722:37 😂
I was just crying about this today. I'm 40, single/divorced mother and I have no one. I have no family (except for my kids), I'm a only child , no friends. I pride myself for being a mother and a wife, until I had to protect myself and my kids from my ex other half. But now I do everything myself, I have no time to make new friends. Either they are married with kids and focusing on family (great for them), or single a free there's no room for a mom with responsibilities.
You would think being a only child I would be fine alone, but I'm not.
How old are your kids? Trust me, your circumstances will change. I was a loner with 3 kids. For many years it was just me, work and the kids. I felt very lonely but then my kiddos grew up and they turned out to be great people. They got married and had a family of their own and little by little our family grew. Every one is always welcome at my house and l always treat everyone as family, including my kids childhood friends. Now l can say l am not alone nor do l feel lonely anymore. My son’s wife is also an only child and l make sure to let her know that now she has all of us, we are her family and will be with her no matter what. Her parents are great people and l have embraced them as family also.
❤
At least you have kids.
You shouldn't assume that single people don't want to hang out with people with kids or people in relationships.
I've always had a hard time making friends and keeping them. A lot of times they stopped talking to me after we stopped having classes together. Other times I thought people were my friends until they stopped talking to me for some reason. This led me to believe I must be boring or unlovable. When I had friends, I tried to be there for them but it wasn't reciprocated. At some point I gave up. Thankfully I have my husband as my best friend. It wasn't until we moved to where we live that we finally got a group of friends. We've frequently talk about how awesome it is to have a group of friends. For many of us this is the first time we've experienced the feeling. I still hold back and feel nervous that I'll say or do something dumb and people will leave me. I hate how complicated just finding and keeping a friend is. I hate how complicated finding relationship is. To me, if one other person has something in common with you and you get along, just enjoy it. Don't make it complicated.
Making friends as an adult is incredibly difficult. You have to put yourself out there in a way that is uncomfortable and vulnerable. In due time and with actual effort, you do eventually find your people.
That was so sweet honestly. He just looked up and realized he was loved. I hope everyone gets that moment. Wholesome af.
I'm 19, I never knew what it was like to have a friend until I went off to university. I've made 2 awesome friends. Looking back now, I never realised how damaging it was being alone back then
I'm 19 as well never had a group of friends in high school now I got a good group and I'm In a org that I really like going to, recommend trying that as well it can help u meet new people
@@omotayosatuyi252im 17, just graduated and entered uni. My so called friends completely ghosted each other after graduation. idk why. we never argued and we always laughed together.
now, i entered a uni far from my house and most of my classmates already know each other from high school. And they are rude to me :/
i would walk into class and say goodmorning, they just look at me without replying.
I'll wait around until i get more subjects so i can meet new people, my kind of people.
Loneliness can damage a person’s self esteem when it’s because they don’t fit in anywhere. I’m happy you found your people 😊
@@crissoaI’ll rather be alone than have fake friends, it’s a waste of time and money so I’ll rather focus on bettering myself.
@@wedontagelikemilktho.7839 Keep telling yourself that. Bottom line is that if you are truly one of the few unicorns on the planet who are not affected by isolation, then it is an extremely empty feeling to enter your 30s and beyond with no friends, a girlfriend/wife or even close family to speak of.
With that said, I agree that regardless of our social situation, we should always be improving, but an empty life that is void of social interaction is not a good one in the vast majority of cases. Main problem is that it is difficult to keep moving forward with no 'hope'.
Preach! I have no friends, and am suffering a lot. I recognize we need people for happiness. Struggling to meet new people as an adult following an abusive relationship. Sending support and love to all who understand
Get a grip. Haven’t had a friend in over a decade. Bothers me not one bit.
@@Strongdadlifting
You got a wife and kids. Lol. Try it with no family or friends, and the mental disorders start coming in.
@@timexcape7961 I was built for that shit
@@Strongdadliftingok tough guy
@@nundulan stop projecting
I don’t know… sometime I enjoy the solitude a lot more than being around people
Friendship is overrated these days, tbh.
Yep nothing wrong with solitude and peace❤
TBH, I prefer solitude
I feel that. At the same time, I miss hanging out with my friends. Doesn't help that I've moved states away from them and my family.
Most people today are not worth being friends with. People are far more rude, selfish, and narcissistic now than ever before. The overall quality of people has diminished drastically in the past few decades.
It's hard out here for an introvert, it's also hard to find people who are considerate and appreciative of your personality if you're introverted. I was always the listener, but never had it reciprocated when I needed to talk to someone. Eventually you realise that you're always doing what others want, being the one to travel to them, etc, but you're always alone doing the things you want even when you've invited them ahead of time. I had 3 best friends; one got jealous of me accomplishing my goals and would talk shit when I wasn't around, one would hit on my girlfriends and ended up causing one to break up with me (only found out years later) and I was always there for the other but when I was going through a tough time he didn't see the friendship as worth it. It's been like this my whole life, and I'm now reserved to the fact that this is how it will be. I'm not sad or angry, but it would be nice to have 1 or 2 friends to support, grow and achieve great things alongside one another.
I'm very similar. I have no problem making new friends and finding opportunities for new acquaintances but many past experiences tell me it's usually more trouble than it's worth. Aba maybe right though. I listen to podcasts and youtube videos constantly so perhaps I do long for some sort of friendship or something like friendship. Mind you, I have an amazing wife and family so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything really... Problem is, as an introvert, I dislike small talk. I like so called "deep" conversations. I've also always been fascinated by controversial topics and niche, or unusual things so I don't think I have much actually in common with most people. I find myself acting and pretending with coworkers/neighbors etc. to maintain decent working/interpersonal relationships but if I had my way, I wouldn't bother associating with 80-90% of them. I definitely don't think I'm better than anyone. I'm not a snob. It's more like I don't think many people can truly understand me. It kind of sucks but I can't actually see it any other way in reality....
Thats the sad reality a lot of people are terrible friends and are just cause for no real actual reason. People who are good individuals and have discipline would never think of doing any of those 3 things youre "friends" did to you. Generally just try to avoid assholes, degenerates, or selfish people.
@@Ronin.97 It's weird , like 5 years ago I had a large circle of friends , mostly drinking buddies had a lot of fun I guess and I'm pretty naive and good hearted so wouldn't really notice if people were actually against me in a way. Now I hardly would call those people friends as I don't drink and they seem to think that if I don't do that then I can't be their friend which is so childish but I've now woken up to that and I'd say i only have like 3 actual friends now .
Having no friends is better than having fake friends.
Having real friends is better than both of this.
@@1KOLYANOS1W.
This excuse is used by too many for being bad friend and putting no effort in the relationships they have
@@1KOLYANOS1 💯
thats true but maybe true friends attract true friends with genuine feelings and honesty, Jordan Peterson insist on speak the truth always at least dont lie
I'm 31 and don't have friends either. It sucks. I'm not a horrible person either, just moved across the country right after i graduated.
This.
Im 17 and i have no friends, and have never had an actual friend. Thats why im starting to go out more and actually socializing. Most of the time people are lonely because they dont care enough.
You miss the point
@@GojosBackHand😂 🤡
@@GojosBackHand what do u mean
Luckily, you're really young. Go to college and mingle. You'll be alright 🤙🏽
You’ll get there dude, you’re still young. I didn’t find a couple of my very best friends until I was in my early 20’s❤
I feel sorry for people like this. Not because they finally find friends, but because he is likely to let his guard down to the degree that he gets taken advantage of.
I am opposite I have a lots of walls because I have been left behind. Than again I am weird 😂😂😂
I keep going between too naive and being with bad friends or putting my walls up
That kind of stuff always happens.
When being alone is optional, im ok with that. After being married ,having one good friend, and a decent family, having the right people to be there for you really makes a difference.
I can relate. I wasted some of my best years playing games online ( had Internet friends of course), but didn't really have any friends to hang out with in person. I was aware of but became content with loneliness. And when you find the real thing it's not the same. Definitely can be harder to make friends as adults because now we're all grown people just trying to earn a living. But if you find people you gotta make sure to put in the effort yourself to cultivate the friend ship. Don't always wait to be invited to something. You gotta be the inviter/host too.
thank you for sharing this, especially with the last two sentences
I'm 30 and I came to this realization a couple years ago, same deal as this guy in the video, ex left me after a 6-year relationship and I was utterly alone with no friends. I have a brother and mother, but neither of them really care that deeply about my emotional state. It's a very weird dynamic that I have with my family and it's pretty sad that I don't feel I can really count on them (they would help me if I were starving to death, to give due credit).
I realized then I had to prioritize my personal relationships, so I wouldn't be too dependent on a single person if anything were to happen. However, I spent so little time practicing those social skills, and so little time fostering relationships with anyone around me, that it has been and still is a real struggle to even spark a superficial friendship. Most people don't have room in their life to add another relationship or friendship, and so I dealt with a lot of people making bullshit plans for the first year or so. You know, those ones where you're talking about going somewhere sometime and everyone is talking how excited they are to do it, but they never set a date, and of course the event never happens. I realized that most people are really trying to appease my desire for companionship and have no intention on speaking to me after I've left the room. I've tried not to become jaded from this, but people as a whole are notoriously unreliable.
3 years of effort, and I've managed to make a couple regular friends that I text every day and see 2-3 times a month. I also have been in a loving relationship for about a year as I'm writing this. I'm happier with them in my life, but I can't shake the feeling of despair that comes from knowing how little interest anyone really has in me. Mostly, I'm only called on when someone needs me for my skillset or to move something. It's like they've written me off before the first word has been spoken.
I can't help feeling this will be the rest of my life
Putting yourself back together is great. I incite you to trust and have a relationship with God. I have never felt alone a day in my life for I was always aware of another presence
Get an imaginary friend!
@@JadedJetI don't see what you tried to achieve with this comment.
You'll be ok. It won't be your whole life. If you care to, can you tell your Mom or brother how you feel? And is there a way you can get involved with activities near you? (To meet people)
@@keepingitreal5533I like this. Maybe joining a team : chess, sports, gamers, hunting... something that you have in common with others, and maybe go from there. It won't be forever even thou it feels like it. And maybe getting a therapist could help too. Maybe taking a course, joining a bookclub, a maker space..
To have friends you also need to be a friend
Ding ding ding ding! We have a winner! Most of these people are saying me me me me me, what can you do for me?!?!? Here's the question you should be asking "what can I do for you?" Narcissism is at an all time high for a reason. If people cannot even grasp this basic concept it's not wonder why the worlds IQ is dropping as a whole.
@@Delimon007Exactly. A lot of people who become lonely push people away. Granted being alone is not the same thing as feeling lonely. The latter of which comes from an inability to both be friendly and to receive friendship.
You can genuinely go through some period in life as a good person and still have parasites around you. You just get exhausted and want to take a break from such people. It's not all black and white about being a good friend and others will be friends with you. I wish it was that clearcut..
@@alexisichei1056exactly
I don’t normally get emotional to videos like this but seeing this guy get emotional nearly made me burst into tears. That’s the difference between having friends of quality. True friendships where you can be honest and open with each other and have that trust. Many friendships are often surface level and don’t go beyond that but a true connection is something completely different and is rewarding for both parties. As Aba said, you live for each other.
I remember thinking I was a lone wolf and then I watched FMA: Brotherhood and when Ling made Greed realize that what he really wanted wasn't possessions but friends, I cried.
I started investing in my friendships after that
You kids can’t be lone wolves because you don’t even know yourselves
@@Strongdadlifting I'm 30 years old lol
@@John.Asante a kid
@@Strongdadlifting okay "real man"
@@John.Asante relax
What I found interesting is that the friends I play D&D with over the course of my life are the ones that I can connect with the easiest and get together to hangout with. Like go to a bar, movies, and other recreational activities. I guess that specific "nerd culture" is just used to keeping long term bonds because of the hobby. Sometimes we might go months without playing any tabletop games, but we can always come back after those months or a year of never seeing each other like it was yesterday that we saw each other or hung out.
My mother had just passed away this time last year and my friends came by to check up on me, hang out, and then even got me a whole bunch of online games to play together with them so we can keep in touch and keep me company so I wouldn't feel as lonely.
Seeing multiple posts on DnD. It's just a structured game where you get together and have fun. With the ability to play online I have games with friends halfway across the world still regularly.
Not necessarily D&D but some of my co-workers and me start playing games together and we've been friends ever since my girlfriend and baby died this year and they were there for me heavy. Glad you found people to vibe with
As someone who used to have zero social life in Covid. I became distant with my highschool friends for two years just because everyone was growing apart and l had personal issues but one day one of my old mates hit me up and that changed my life from literally talking to no one to now having a group of friends again going to raves and l was able to be honest and vulnerable with them. We also just got into dnd and now try to play it weekly. As a beginner dnd master who schedules the meetings, l can see how damaging being alone for 2 years was in terms of just interacting and acting normal in social settings. I’m awkward as fuck and usually silent but l’m slowly getting back to normal with dnd making my personality slowly come out more.
My group of friends, probably the first time in my life I can say I have friends, came as a result of playing board games at a coffee shop. A whole mess of nerds getting together. I found a new hobby and being able hang out with people whom I have stuff in common. It's been nice except during the pandemic. This year was the first year we've been able to sort get the band back together if you will.
I'm 40 , Disabled ... I've been single since 2009 . In the past 14 years I've slowly drifted apart from everyone I once called a friend , either from politics , social issues , money issues etc ..
At this point the very idea of trying to make any friend .. let alone talking to women , just doesn't make sense .
There is a point you look back on your place in life and realize it's to far of a gap to close .. jump ... however you see it . Once you get passed the anger depression ...all the necessary emotions , you find the inner peace you could never find around others .
Very true about the inner peace.
you good, stevo?
I dunno if it's peace or being so numb and emotionally flatlined where you just become indifferent.
I found it suits me, I literally don't give af. I told couple ppl in the face that I'm not looking for friends when there was a weird vibe.
You ever get a feeling you wanna get away from the group, go home, eat good food, watch a movie or play video games by yourself in a cozy place without anybody? To the point that a thought of someone else there feels burdensome?
@@9reen280 as best I can be . Been a rough 2 years , finally got on SSI after almost 20 years of fighting for it off n on.
Now that I'm on it. It's not what I thought. It holds you in place from doing anything without a penalty or losing it all together . Like trying to find extra cash to fix a car will get me kicked off SSI if I bring in 2k .. or I get any government grants. So I'm just a bit lost on how to do anything without getting in trouble.
@@kubasniakthere was a point where things were numb for sure.
Once I took the time to find myself n ground myself within that mindset , I was able to get passed that. Actually find little moments that do bring that feeling of happiness.
Find the things you once enjoyed , start there and slowly work forward. You will find a new path soon enough .
God dang it... when Aba mentioned the painting between two people and said how you thought you had all the pieces but the other person kept some of them and when you recount them you create the whole memory... that was absolutely beautiful...
You both are always so insightful and knowledgeable. Always love watching you both. ❤
I felt that ❤
I'm disabled and stuck in my home for most of the day. Making friends is pretty much impossible for me since i also suffer from social anxiety. I hope to experience community and love one day.
I've got so much health issues that I don't even leave my house except for when my mom takes me to appointments, and I too social anxiety, I hardly even communicate with my friends.
Try clubs lol
I can't drive.
I'm in the exact same boat my guy..... If you find a solution, let me know.
@@alext.9033 they're disabled, and don't have the means to go out without feeling like a burden or unwanted. Simply "going to the club" isn't a realistic answer.
I think a lot of people will find themselves in a similar situation to this. So props to this guy for putting his heart out there on the line for the world to see. Community is super important to feeling wanted and valued, so hopefully everyone can find a community that helps them feel wanted and loved.
I'm 30 and I always thought I was fine by myself, but a few years ago, this wave of loneliness and sadness hit me and it's never gone away. I still don't have any friends, and I've come very close to ending it a number of times, nobody would even notice I was gone, but the only reason I haven't is because I still have my mom. Only my mom. Though that's not really enough, I barely see her. I'm at my wit's end. I want to be social and make friends so badly, but I stutter, had it all my life, and it's been a huge obstacle.
I knew a guy with a stutter who was super social, had lots of friends, and went to medical school. Even Joe Biden had trouble with stuttering his whole life and he's now president. As long as you put in the effort and trust yourself, you can learn how to socialize and make friends. I believe in you man :)
I know it might not matter as much because I’m just a stranger but I think you’re worthy of making amazing friends with or without your stutter, you seem like such a sweet person, nothing is wrong with having a stutter the right people will come into your life, please try to remain open I’ll pray for you ❤
You are older in life than I was when I got rid of stuttering, but I am 34 now. I had a huge stuttering problem until I was 9. What changed is a speech therapist told me to picture what I wanted to say before saying it and to say one word at a time. At first it was hard to do. But I perfected it subconsciously and haven't stuttered since. Having said that I also have no friends. There was a time I had friends but honestly my friend circle was because of one friend and that friend stopped being my friend. So now I no longer have a friend at all. I also try to make friends but in our 30s most people are busy with their own lives including me, but it'd be nice to be able to call someone.
My situation is close to yours. I let my mom live with me i think her social interaction around my life has helped. I hope you get someone soon. Take chances with some people. I have a friend who stuttered a lot around me we met at work. He's one of my closest friends today.
Hey, I hope you’re having a good day today. Take things slow and try to get out and socialize with others. I see you like One Piece, there are plenty of people who would want to be your friend just because of that… including me 😁
I am 35. I am a introvert that is deathly afraid of talking to new people. I am socially awkward. I don't understand most people. I often get accused of being too literal with stuff and misunderstand what people say because of that. I grew up being picked on as a kid because i was scared to standup for myself. As i got older i managed to hide in groups to avoid being picked on or singled out, worked most of the time it worked but not all the time. I was never asked to hang out by other kids. Phone calls to come over and play never came. I was one of the last to be picked for games and activities growing up, if i was picked second or third last that was a amazing positive day for me. Growing up until later years of high school, i could count on one hand how many times i was invited to birthday parties, movie nights with "friends", parties, activities, etc. I was essentially the typical quiet loner who spent my time away from school alone. It was depressing, lonely, and isolated. The thing that hurt most is not knowing why other kids avoided and excluded you. Wondering how other kids could be so happy and make friends so easily. In high school i managed to figure out how to fake more of the social interactions and got involved with people via sports. You could say i had "friends" but they were more like school ground acquaintances in my eyes as i never hung around them unless i asked or initiated tagging along, i was never invited. But hey i survived i guess. University was much the same with "friends", it would be me tagging along with a already established group of people. When thinking of it, i never really hung around with another person one-on-one really, it was always 2 or 3+ other people. Brings me to now, 5 years ago at age 30 i moved to another city with my soon to be wife. Since moving there, i have made a grand total of 0 friendships or relationships with other humans. Zero sports teams joined, zero beers out with colleagues, nothing. Went on a few couple night outs with other couples because my wife set them up but nothing on my own. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know its not healthy, but i am just tired of trying to find friends that want to hang out with me rather than me force myself to tag along. Never have i had a "friend" call/text me to chat about what's going on. I'll get a few empty hearted pre populated Facebook happy birthday messages and that's it. I hope i find what this guy did someday. It sounds so nice.
Hey man, hope you're well and ok. First off, I went through something pretty similar. Our situations won't be the same but I can relate to a lot of what you said. I think what worked for me though, has been focussing on something a fulfils me and makes me happy. I'm sure you have some hobbies or interests that you want to pursue or already spend time doing. If you don't, find them, and don't find them with the hope of making friends. Genuinely find something that you like doing, whether that's an activity, volunteering, church, whatever it is for you. It should be something that makes you feel good. People like hanging around other people who have passion, are confident in themselves etc. But the main thing is, you should feel good in your own company, if you do, someone else might too. You'll connect with people over hobbies, and then you've got nothing to lose if you ask them to go for a meal, to go for drinks, whatever your thing is. I'm 27 but this is what worked for me. The friends I have now, I connected with them over something that we love, then found other things we have in common. Also there's absolutely nothing wrong with your soulmate being your best friend. That's a good thing. Our egos get hurt when people don't want to actively pursue friendship with us. But it shouldn't make a difference. I think a lot of your school trauma probably plays a part in why you perceive things this way, but hey man you sound like a really down to earth nice person. You'll be fine, not everyone recognises jewels.
Twins
This was pretty much my experience as well. I really don't want to jump to conclusions, but you said a couple things that make me wonder if you might be neurodivergent. Learning to fake social interactions for example.
I've got a decade and a half on you, and it certainly wasn't as recognized during my childhood as it is now. I'd imagine a lot of us "older folks" slipped through that crack.
I'm not saying that you are ND, just that it might be worth looking into. I'm not a mental health professional, just interested in figuring out how to best deal with society for myself. If you're interested, googling up CAT-Q and RAADS-R might be a place to start.
thank you very much for your genuine and heartfelt reply and advice. I can only imagine for older generations like yourself, who grew up in a anti mental health era, how much harder it's for you all. @@umaiar
Did the CAT-Q test.
Total: 141
Compensation subtotal:47
Masking subtotal:44
Assimilation subtotal:50
Not sure if this is good or bad but doubtful it's normal lol.@@umaiar
This one hit, im 26, married, have a kid, plenty of "friends", a decent sized family and ive never felt more alone than needing help and realizing these people dont care, every good thong ive done in my life i ended up doing it alone, every accomplishment ive had since i moved out of my mom's house i got to see everyones family, wife, friends give them awards, ribbons? Certificates, graduations from different schools....i got to be alone.
This video arrived at such a crucial time for me. Im now 33 with no solid friend group. It sucks real bad when the weekend comes along and you have no one that you actually like to call. I realised though, for us men especially, we can thrive off what we build such as community and respect. For instance, Im aware that when i go gym and workout hard, other men gravitate toward me when they realise i work the hardest and may be more accomplished in terms of physique or technique or that im striving toward a goal which inspires others to achieve their own goals.This allows me the opportunity to build rapport and speak to others at least under the guise of self development and constructive criticism. It also teaches me leadership skills which in turn makes me the leader of a group which then makes women attracted to me. So it has an all encompassing effect. But, this revelation only hit me recently because I understood that i'd naturally achieved all these things years ago when i pursued a passion of mine[dance] but over the years i let that slip and those people drifted away. Ive understood now that you don't always make friends for life but you can always build or join a community and find affinity with others through that and hopefully make a friend or two along the way.
Hope this helps.
lol
@@JadedJet Why is that funny asshole?
I moved hours away from home, at 25, now 29, and met my best friends, (32), (25), & (42) that accepted me for who I am. Their family accepted me as their own which I felt welcome and cared. Love is out there, we have to accept it in and build it up.
“I considered my wife my friend, but in 2016, she decided she didn’t wanna be my friend anymore” the strength of those words.
Too many ppl neglect their friendships the minute they are in a relationship. Some just because they do not have enough time for friends. Then they pay the price when the relationship ends. I met way too many couples in America that did not even allow their partner to have friends. Its toxic.
We don't know her side. He could have had horrible dependency issues that lead her to be away from him. Or maybe she couldn't depend on him in some way financially, emotionally, intellectually etc. Our partners are important, but unhealthy dependency causes relationships to rip a part.
@@beewest5704 It's because there's a risk their friends would stab them in the back by cheating with their spouse.
@@R4GNAR0G Wow & you call them friends?
I was there, except in 2020. Very hurtful.
I watched this video when it came out two years ago. It still hits me hard today. Im 32, my relationship was 12 years, I feel exactly the same as thisbguy does. No youtube channel for me though.
My mom passed away in 2011 from cancer when I was 16. The last movie we watched together as a family was "into the wild". I had a very rough year after she passed, and my friends helped me get through it. When I was 17, (a year after she passed) me and 3 friends flew to France to snowboard, and decided to stay in one night because we were all really tired. We watched "into the wild" (they chose it) and I was pretty emotional but kept it to myself the whole movie, until the ending where they show the date the guy from the movie died in, August 18th 1992. I burst out crying out of no where because my mom passed away on August 18th 2011, and I couldn't believe we sat down as a family just a year ago and watched the date my mom will die in pop out on the screen. My friends hugged me and were really cool about it. Love you mom,
"Happiness is only real when shared" - Christopher McCandless
I loved the bit where Aba talks about reminiscing about times with friends, and how everyone contributes to the memories. So true, and so rewarding.
I’m feeling so damn amazing when that happens and especially with my dungeons and dragons group of homies.
My heart goes out to this young man. We are social creatures by nature, so we need one another! This touched me! ❤
Indeed. Even the introverts need small doses of others.
@@condesabeatriz9303 Ehhh
lmao you should watch his live streams. @camelot331 - he is doing well/better now.
He has a TH-cam channel with over 220k subs and he's a racecar driver. The dudes funny too and doing just fine
@@TheNotoriousMUSK whats his youtube channel?
Being an introvert is the best thing that ever happens, all the past experiences i had growing up throughout 12 years of school gives me the realization that everyone is not going to be your friend, staff members and teachers included, even in college nothing has changed.
I'm an introvert too. I thought I was good during the Pandemic when everything was shut down. But, after about 6 months, I craved interaction with others. Even though I'm married, I looked forward to seeing other faces and talking to other people after a while.
Nah you're just unlikable in general.
People come and ago like Seasons. Not saying they arent true relationship, just that life goes on. Job, Moving, families, death. Things happen. Thats why i find it funny older people are like online relationships arent real. Well most people I see have 1/2 good friends and the rest are just acquaintances.
@@condesabeatriz9303like my old teacher has told us, you get tired of seeing the same face everyday, don't mean you don't love em though😂
@@mehoyminoy1326 Thats people you see, this is modern times. Ever heard of how community has been lost in NA? Well they had the community template to compare it to. I have been apart of it too but am probably too tainted to care at this point but it was unquestionably better and a happier time
Some of your best comment sections are the ones with topics like this because there is always someone in need of support and love and then the internet comes thru with caring, compassionate and supportive words for the other. We need more of this in the world. Especially at such a time where division on anything to do with identity (so we can see ourselves as different from one another) is pushing us further away from harmony and love. ❤❤
I learned something important as I got older…”it’s not the length of the friendship but the strength of the friendship” hope all the best for this man.
I know 2 real "lone-wolf" types. You are spot on with your archetype. They both live out the middle of nowhere, have very little interaction with other people, and the only time you see them is if you make it a point to see them. They also have very little to say when we are together. I love them both and they are rock-solid people if I ever need anything, but they are the real deal. They are good and content by themselves and have been for decades at this point. They are both in their mid to late 40's
Aba's comment at 12:54 is 100% accurate. I was recently going through my entire past recalling as many of my favorite memories/experiences as I could, and I realized that almost all of them involved me hanging out with other people or sharing a specific experience with them. In contrast, there were only like 2 or 3 great memories that involved doing or experiencing something by myself. This has been on my mind a lot since I moved to a new state without knowing anybody, and even though I've managed to make a few good friends (which gets wayyyy harder after your mid 20s), I didn't truly value the connections I had back in my hometown until recently
just lost one of my 6 highschool friends ive been close with for 20 years now. i make friends very easily in sports teams, jobs, mutuals, online etc, but rarely do these ever get the chance of school friendships where you go through thick and thin week after week for years and years. we just dont have the free time anymore that we used to as kids. so cherish those friendships, dont let starting your own family or distance get in the way of calling each other up or having meetups when you see your folks back at home, because youll never know when life suddenly comes at you fast and you arent abled to ever enymore.
Making friends as an adult is really hard. I think that is why I am such an advocate of siblings. They are adults that have a shared background and a true picture into who you are or at least why you are the way you are.
You don't want siblings man, they stab you in the back harder
I can’t agree with you more. I’m the oldest sibling among 4 and they teach me far more than anyone. And I’m so so so lucky to have them in my life.
True! I know that no matter what I always have my little bro
Eh it really depends on the situation, and especially the age gap between siblings. I'm 6 and 12 years older than my younger sisters and 8 years younger than my older sister. I love them all, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to relate to someone who's still a kid while you're in your mid twenties.
Ultimately they are adults who are blood. There will come a time when you are all adults with or without family and having commonalities, even if that commonality is just needing to have someone to talk to.
I remember when this video came out, been watching his channel for years. Glad you guys are covering it, was emotional and showed what someone suffering without knowing it can look like.
I’m also 31 with little to no friends, so I highly related to this reaction video. And also to concur, all my best memories are with former friends who are too busy now or have drastically changed lifestyles or have just plain completely abandoned me, so Aba’s insights spoke volumes to me.
This is probably one of the most important videos you guys have made. Such a huge issue nowadays that i have battled with myself too.
You two usually make me laugh but i appreciate these deeper topics from time to time.
This goes to show you that despite having a wife you should still keep your brotherhood strong. You have to take the initiative on this or suffer the consequences.
I'm 30 and have more friends than I can shake a stick at. I met most of them within the last 4 years and I'm so grateful to be surrounded by that love.
I agree but have empathy for these people. There's this myth in society and some families that friendship/love happens naturally. Like one day you are friends with people.
But its a skill like anything else and alot these types of people never was told that
Yea, totally agree. When I met my fiance years ago, we just started spending all our time together, and didn't really keep up relationships with our regular friends that we had at the time. And now I'm like, if something happens and we don't have each other anymore, that could be a very lonely time indeed.
@@mario125wwyou're absolutely correct. I personally put genuine effort into maintaining relationships with people I care about. I'm in the Army and moved to Germany, and now have started to feel that issue of not having many people I can sensibly call friends that are near. I actually came here with someone I was in a course with and realized this person doesn't realize they're not good at maintaining relationships despite the rhetoric being we'd be EU besties traveling together and all that. I caught a lucky break of having some people from college and other stuff that are here or will be near in the coming months, but I'm really starting to get the perspective of those who don't have friends.
Friendships don't stop because you have relationships
@@LBK978 thanks for your understanding! I was one of those people that wasn't never taught. In fact, my father got lucky with getting my mom since he never had friends or dated before her. They aren't even together anymore. He always tell me that the right people will come one day. It was only when I read books and talk to others that I realized how wrong he really was. Now I'm 25 trying to reinvent who I am. So theres many reasons it can happen.
Bro I couldn't even finish this video it hit so damn hard. I'm 36 and I've been in recovery for 8 years clean from IV heroin addiction and I'm so lucky to even be alive. But in all the chaos of my using I alienated myself from all of my lifelong friends and since getting clean I've reached out and made my amends but it's basically like I was forgotten. Over 8 years nobody has reached even online and I just isolated even more. And now I'm basically at a point where I feel stuck. I've let so many ppl down and been let down so much that I've basically become terrified of even trying reach out anymore. And that goes double for dating.
I completely understand. In recovery too for the same issue and I literally haven't dated anyone in years. Idk if it's due to me being ashamed of my past. Honestly, I'd be hesitant to date anyone with my history. I've always been a mostly solitude person but it does get a bit lonely.
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SOBRIETY THO 🎉🎉🎉 I'm just a couple months in this time and I'm jealous of you lol
Maybe it’s because dope fiends do dope fiend shit and people don’t forgive them. Just because you’re clean doesn’t mean people have to ignore and forgot all the fiend moves you probably pulled to get over on them…. Dope fiends never get it. It’s always “but I’m clean now.”….
@guccimane3731 great insight there buddy real deep take 👍 you obviously have no idea what you're talking about. And honestly that sounds an awful like what a dope dealer would say. Have fun being the problem instead of part of a solution.
@@guccimane3731they hurt a lot of people and those people might have forgave but didn’t forget 💯 I have a friend who got clean and reached out. I told them I was happy for them but that bridged was burned cause I had PTSD from their dark times. Former addicts have to start over with other people sometimes. Some get it, some don’t
@@nicholaspossinger7993 cope much? 😂😂😂 sorry if that hit a soft spot but we live in the real world and it’s ugly. And nice try asshole I got my together, graduated college and I’m now a Data Analyst for the NFL, NBA, EPL. But I’m the problem? Not the dope fiend that’ll steal change for a hit or lie about their dead relative for the 4th time. Did I hit a nerve or should I say “vain” for you? 😂😂🤡🤡
I realized that the ppl that I thought were my friends were not my friends but opportunists. Anytime I made a positive change in my life I lost friends. I guess I was supposed to struggle all my life according to them. I would love to have genuine friendship but ppl now only want to be around when it benefits them instead of based on your character and integrity.
Seems like it is becoming more and more this way. There are some pretty great people out there, but seems like it is hard to get together with them.
Oh ya. Especially they get pissed when they see you doing well or better is a attack on them.
I really loved this. You guys have a very unique way of making corny things not corny, and more heartfelt. Keep doing what you're doing. Its helped me and I'm sure it will help more in the future.
i'm turning 27 soon, i have literally no friends and haven't had any since 17. It makes me sad for sure and you begin to truly understand that humans are social creatures that need connection and interaction. Like all things though there are positives and what gets me through this is focusing on the positives. Like i have more time to work on myself and more time to do the things i want to do. Having friends means you will need to spend time with them to grow and maintain that friendship and drama is going to come up at some point as well. So you will get stress even from your best friends. Would i love to have a good friend? Absolutely would take a good friend in a heartbeat, but its not ALL doom and gloom. The cool thing is as well, whenever and if ever i make a friend or two again, i'll have a lot of time and energy to give to them because i'm not being pulled in 100 directions with having to many friends. So i can focus on being a good quality friend and if that never happens hopefully i don't squander the time i get to work on myself and become a good person. That is really all there is too it.
Same here man turning 27 soon
35 here, and pretty much the same. Not that you are 'that' much younger than me I guess, but I will tell you it will get a whole lot worse moving forward if you don't resolve these issues. I recommend doing certain things a lot sooner than I did.
Start working out. If you don't want to go to the gym or even buy dumbbells then fine, just do 20-30 min work outs for 3-4 days a week with calisthenics and buy a pull up/dip bar set up (80-100 bucks for an ok one) and you can get toned and stronger fairly quickly. TH-cam makes this so easy that there are no excuses anymore.
Play video games every day for hours on end? Stop. Start cutting back the hours and dedicating it to cooking your own meals and working out. One less hour of video games a day lets you save a lot of money and accomplish a lot more in life.
Have any family you still love? Start focusing on bringing joy to their lives. Responsibility for others will inject you with a purpose that is powerful.
@@someone-ji2zb I've been doing this all so its good to hear. I've learned how to make a ton of breakfast stuff moving on to lunch and dinner.
I've been working out hard for 4 months. body transformation is already huge. Calisthenics focus workouts.
Been spending more time with family because i was raised by my grandma and she passed away a few years ago. Was like losing a mother. So i'm spending more time with the people i got while i still got them.
But thanks for the advice anyway i always try to keep an ear open everyone has some knowledge that i don't and if someone is willing to save me time and stress by just telling me something instead of going through it myself i'm always down to listen. I hope things are going good for man and again, thanks.
Just on the last comment you made being a friend isn't squandering time to be a better in person. Not only are they not mutually exclusive, being a good friend is something that makes you a better person. Best of luck in your personal growth and friendships!
@@Murasakiriyu You're 100% right, I was more saying it from the perspective of I've seen people get really caught up in maintaining friendships and lose sight on self improvement. Not at all saying that is always the case, but I'm definitely a people pleaser and find myself caring more about other people's problems then my own. So being separate from people I THINK is ideal for me to grow. Not having friends for as long as I have though has maybe made me ignorant to how good it would be for me to have them. Won't know until i make some again. Thank you for the kind words none the less.
Aba and preach “aren’t” friends and still have the best friendship I’ve seen in a minute😭
Within last year they made a video that they are now
Our identities are so deeply tied to our relationships with others. Turns out, if you were to ask my friends how they identify, they wouldn't tell you their pronouns, race, or gender. They'd tell you that they are a friend, a father, a son, a sister, a grandmother, a neighbour... It's very important that we step away from the Internet and have more meetups!
That’s the biggest thing, the internet has basically made it impossible to be a human being as we used to know it. It’s sad that nobody talks about it like a real addiction that causes similar problems like the ones found in drug or gambling addicts. Crazy how something can be so useful and so hurtful to society at the same time
Not mine. That’s corny as fuck. Your friends dictate your identity? Lord 😂
@@Strongdadlifting You're cornier homie. The people around you play a huge part in who you are whether you know it or not.
@@mookamoka3 maybe in high school 😂
@@Strongdadlifting You never spent so much time around someone you start to pick up their phrases and shit without realizing? That type of thing happens with more than just words.
i recently had 6 of my friends leave in the past year. Many moved across the country. This was two groups of friends that overlapped. It’s floored me. I still have a close friend and another buddy and we are getting closer but him and his wife started a business where he frequently travels out of the country. I do have a few other friends but they rarely meet. Friends matter. I’m tired of hearing people proud to be alone or claiming they’re an introvert. Every person I know like that does poorly or ends up needing friends all the sudden then abandons them.
I remember watching movies and TV as a kid and how I would always idolize those lone wolf characters because they were made to look so cool. I fell into the “loser” category in school so I would try to mimic those lone wolf traits to cope and give myself some form of control over the situation. I did this for years hoping my “coolness” would be able to draw a few friends my way but ended up graduating high school with zero additional friendships. First few years of college were pretty much the same experience. That was when I realized how stupid I was to spend most of my social years avoiding people and and keeping to myself. Because of this, my social skills are complete trash and I find it difficult to hold the simplest of conversations with people I don’t know. Now I spend most of my time talking to people on discord. My only hope is that I’ll muster up enough courage to do a meet up with some of them and maybe have a similar experience to this guy.
Don’t tell me… You wore leather jackets and wore glasses looking like you were an extra in The Matrix? 😂😂😂
Had a few of them at school in the late 90s.
I remember growing up through school trying to make friends with everyone, being social a lot, but still wasn't liked by many people. Didn't change the fact that I wanted to socialize a lot. currently 24 and I haven't done any socializing at all, feels like I've forgotten how. I spent 5 years without social media, without friends in real life, never joined a discord, like I really just don't know how to talk to people anymore. I do have a couple friends now though. mostly just talking through facebook, might physically hangout with 1 of them once maybe twice a year. Even when we do hangout I'm still so damn confused as to what I should say, like I really don't know how to speak anymore and that sucks a lot.
I do enjoy being on my own for most of my free time, maybe I'm just used to it at this point, but I am comfortable with it and that's not me coping. I just wish I could be better at holding a conversation when I want to have one, ya know? Like, if anyone were to describe me in real life they would say "He's very quiet and wears a lot of black" that's pretty much it.
Anyone else have trouble talking and holding a conversation with people? Or maybe some tips about being better at socializing?
As a sociable guy, I believe I have a duty to bring people together, yes I have standards, such as assessing their morals, how they function under pressure, how they jive with my main friends... I've gone without friends for long periods of my life and yea missed a lot cuz of it, It's a shame so many amazing people are so isolated and never get to share that with others
Thanks dude, that you embrace that part where you can help other, specially in social circumstances that are very hurtful for others
Agreed extroverts gotta bring people together
Lmao how they function under pressure
@@DY-td3ku💥🔫 🏃🏿♂️💨
Something I’ve learned about making friends:
1. Most of us actually do have friends. But we feel like we don’t because they’re all over the place.
2. What most of us really want is a tribe to give us access to safety comfort and experience we can have together.
3. I think that most people in this generation don’t fight for what they want and then we’re also not very good at confronting people who we feel take us for granted.
4.Sometimes WE are the bad friends to others.
5. Being passive aggressive is a HORRIBLE strategy.
All true, relationships and connections require effort, evaluation, and skills to maintain, they require the desire and recognition for the importance of them as well. So you can give it your all on both sides.
100%
People misunderstand what being introverted really is and misconstrue it with loneliness or being alone. Being introverted doesn't mean you prefer to be alone or even that you like it. Being introverted is simply not having a large social budget. I enjoy being around people, but as an introvert it is quite literally physically taxing to do so. I need time to myself to recharge. Extroverted people are the opposite, for them it's physically taxing to be alone. They have a low budget not for socializing but for solitude, and they need time with people to recharge. It's also a sliding scale, some people are farther to one side or the other and some people are smack in the middle. Where they may be introverted one day and be drained by socializing and extroverted the next where they get a boost from doing so.
My guy having no friends is better than having bad ones.
💯
Surely but you can't replace that feeling with friends if you're just sitting alone on your couch.
@@memsysrget a dog
But what about having good ones? Doesn't that trump all?
@@ptk4392 that's what a white woman would say. 😏
This speaks to me. I know the exact feeling, still do. All my so called friends turned their backs on me over time. I was always that guy they ran to when something was wrong...went above and beyond because it made me happy to help. But deep down I always wondered if they'd do the same for me when it came to it. They didn't and slowly but surely they all dropped outta my life. At some point I looked within myself and wondering if it was me and I'm not perfect but I do blame myself. I should've said no more often and I should've stood up for myself more and I should've not made my that go to guy. As a man it sucks to feel like you have to apologize for showing your emotions sometimes.
As the “non emotional “ female in my friend group it was hard when I reached a breaking point and needed support. They left me on my own so quick, because I wasn’t “fun” and couldn’t do for them at that point.
@@Minnesotayankee it's a shitty feeling when you realize you don't have many to have your back. Especially when you've had theirs.
Eh, we also have to be careful when we play the blame game. As we grow older, if others around us mature with responsibilities we do not have, then it is understandable that they move on with their lives with the gap of experience becoming too vast.
The common issue being that friends of 10~ years might drift apart if one remained single and the other was a married man with kids. The divide in not only time but in life experience would be too great for a substantial connection anymore, and that is normal in life.
I was going through the same thing over a year ago. I'm a socially awkward loner and I enjoy being alone, but I felt so broken when I stopped getting invites or even just texts for days on end.
Thankfully I'm in a better place now
Keep moving forward
Same boat, it does get easier. And occasionally when your friends do contact you it means alot ❤
The phrase "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are" has always kind of bugged me. Because to me it implies that someone's individuality depends on having a social circle. But the underlying principle is still valid. If a person's social circle is supportive and has folks with integrity and depth, you likely are going to find that they also are showing and growing in those qualities. Guilty by association is common socially, so it's far better to have real friends that are truly good people then find yourself in a "lone wolf" online social club that its criticized and generalized for being negative or toxic. Those descriptions can become labels very quickly if that's the only place you engage with others.
Friends are where you find them. It's common to see Friends as a circumstance because of that. Most people judge because they aren't in your "circle". It's part of the prejudice that people outside your circle will assign you.
It doesn't define you.
As long as your social circle doesn't have a definition, it has no limit. Never limit yourself. Stay awesome.
I'm 59. It makes me sad to see that every time a man cries, he feels he has to apologize. Humans need Humans. It's the main thing in life.
I'm struggling with this now as a female. I think female friend groups are a bit more toxic. Girls don't really play around too much. They get offended a bit easier and stuff so I haven't been able to find the balance of humor. But I am still trying. So thanks for bringing attention to this rising problem. It's already happening in Asia and it's spreading to us now.
I always had trouble making friends with other women, it always becomes competitive. I'm 39 and when I was in highschool "women supporting women" was not a thing, lol. I'm also autistic and have ADHD so there's that. 🤷🏻♀️
Nobody is worse to women than other women.
same, my autism makes women detest me. they also don't respect me so i'm never told what it is they don't like so that i can try to change it - it's either straight to ghosting me or punishing/abusing me for something they refuse to address. ive become scared and intimidated by women. ive tried to get along w guys, but there's always sexual undertones to the relationship, so it doesn't ever feel authentic. @@annjepsen1621
Go to club make some friends u got this
@@annjepsen1621yeah they always say that but then you hear the passive aggressive comments or the catty fights. I'll hear a girl go "women should own their sexuality and wear what they want!" But you'll hear her tear down another woman for her clothes.
My favourite experience in my life was first year of uni, the friendships I made felt so deep! The friends I made I will see them as my brothers and sister, that connection was bliss. I always put myself down at times (Adhd and aspergers) so battle with my mind...But when I think how blessed I am meeting the people I have it lightens up my day. God bless all you that feel alone, really hope you gain and experience like mine some day. ❤️
don't get your hopes up if your past uni age guys, if you missed out on high school and college/uni, you will be alone for the rest of your life
@@iiCounted-op5jx Connections like mine can be made anywhere. I was just speaking of a memory. This friendship I formed can be made anywhere. You just got to prepare to be vulnerable with each other to connect even further.
I'm sorry it didn't turn out the same for you, I hope it turns out better one day.
That's beautiful ❤️ I am so happy you found this kind of friendship in life.
@@jennalynnfarrell3004 Thank you and I hope you have found it too or one day will ❤️
I don’t know. If I’m being really honest, the times I would get the biggest dopamine rushes were the times where I would talk myself through stuff on my drives to school it was almost euphoric. It allowed me to not only think for myself but also come to the realization I think I’m more enlightened than what family members thought of me. Not only did it help me come to the realization that I was capable, but that there was really nothing wrong with me. The most calm nights for me were drinking six beers, and playing Doom with Post Malone’s Beer Bongs and Bentley’s album playing in the background. I think it was a result of my upbringing with a family that was so deep in culture that they thought a kid with what society would consider “autistic-ish” was narcissistic, broken, or kind of like an object that doesn’t work. So yeah dealing with that stuff as a baby until well into adulthood it was extremely draining and almost impossible to focus. It wasn’t until my LATE 20s where I started to realize oh ok that’s why I feel so exhausted all the time. The dude in the video obviously wasn’t one with similar experiences as me. And I guarantee you there are probably hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people out there that have similar life experience as me. TLDR: Yes some people want to be alone more than others because of their life experiences. Not all people get their largest dopamine loops when socializing with others, and no that doesn’t translate to a negative in society.
I have been in a weird headspace since almost passing in August this year. It is crazy that this was released today because not 2 hours ago, I explained to my wife that I was lonely in a friendship way. I am going to work better at putting myself out there to find the community I want to be a part of.
If you play any video games that’s a good way to bond with people. Not like hanging out in person but definitely a good way to make friends. Best of luck brotha
Edit: I play Xbox but most games are cross play now so if you happen to lmk. Always down to meet new people
Your wife and family members can also be your friends btw
@AliHamza-sv4ni that is very true. Unfortunately, they don't share a lot of the same hobbies. I spend most of my time with my wife and family and love them dearly, but it would be good to have friends who share the same hobbies.
Thanks for this. Im now gonna call my mom, dad, bother, friends from high school, friends from college. I talk to them on a regular basis, but this made me feel so grateful for having friends and family who actually care.
u had friends from high school? and college? wow, lucky
As a former service member, my brothers and sisters have kept me in check, grounded and have supported me when life has beat me the fuck down! I would be lost without them.
One thing I learned from a mentor years ago, we don’t get to choose our family but we do get to choose our friends so pick them wisely.
I separated a little over a year ago and the thing I miss most is my friends.
@@BobbyJenko don’t lose those connections brother! They can literally save your life one day. I’m sure they are literally a phone call away! I have a group chat with my boys from my first deployment and another with my boys that I got out with. I did ten years in the Marines.