Saddest part of life is when the child you loved the most blames you for every kind of problem in their life and trusts the outsiders more than you, after a point you really can't do much but let go off them that's the most peaceful and dignified solution
I’ve talked and listened to my son numerous times and a week later he will attack me again. I’ve shown compassion and apologized for his father’s actions to no avail. I’ve apologized for the dysfunction. This has been going on for 38 years. I’m 69 and will not allow him to ruin my last years. I would rather cut the cord. I have respect for myself and that annoys him also. My life goes on and he hates that also. He has no respect for women including me. Like his father. We have been divorced since he was 12. I have tried to break that cycle. To no avail. I have to move on.
This is similar to the situation ive found myself in recently with my son, who is 31. It just came out of the blue one day when he sent me a text message telling me how selfish I was. He has been going through a really bad breakup and has been seeking therapy. It was the same with his father and I made the mistake of staying in the marriage until he turned 13. It was a very mentally abusive situation for both of us. I admit I have been far from perfect but my son and I have always had a close relationship. I'm so confused and taken aback by all this. It's an incredibly painful thing to go through and to know you are responsible for your child's pain. His father married me when I was still in high school and I had my son at 19, so I had no clue what I was doing. I do know that I was not ready to be a parent at that age. I was young and naive and there was a lot of pressures that I just gave in to. He was a very controling man. I have acknowledged all these things with my son and apologized for any way I have let him down or wasn't there for him. It was never supposed to happen like this. I know had I been in a healthy relationship I would have been a much better parent. I did the best i could considering my maturity level i was equipped with at that time. We were both in an abusive situation and psychologically i was not aware of it at the time. We both came out of it very wounded. I often say i wish he would have just hit me, because then i would have known better than to stay as long as i did. With mental abuse, you often times dont realize its happening. Im just so thankful i had enough sense not to bring another child into the situation. He is my only one. I'm very sorry your son can't get past it. I hope it doesn't end up like this for us. I'm finally at a good place in life and now we are struggling through this. But you can't change the past. Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world.
@@melissawilkes6709 Well I hope your son goes through therapy and it helps. My son won’t cause he won’t take the time or won’t pay for it or it won’t work. Etc. He treats me good when he’s doing good. Which is seldom. Also when he needs something. I’ve always been there but I need to take care of me now. I can’t take his hurtful words. He told me once several years ago that he enjoys hurting people with words. Not me anymore. I’m 69. In all honesty if I could go back…I would I would have let his father raise him. They are just alike. I love my son. Always will. But stay away from him. I’ve done all I can. It’s my turn. He will never listen so I don’t talk. Good luck with your son ✝️
This is similar to what I've been going threw for several yrs. With my son. Blows up in my face on many occasions that's why he's the way he is today. He had a deadbeat dad, and I did the best I could do. It breaks my heart with words like this that it's like my mind won't let go so now I'm researching videos of help similar to what I'm going threw to help me go on.
Some kids are very unfair with the parent that was actually there for them…they actually have more respect for the parent that didn’t really care for them.
It's really hard to be a mom. We do the best we can. Do we make mistakes, yes. I've apologized for all of my shortcomings, but it never seems to be enough.
Start with something like: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way as an adult. I used the skills I had at the time which now may seem inefficient or wrong. I am hoping that we can move forward in building a positive relationship in our adulthood. I will do what I can to make this better now but i cant go back in time.”
Been there, done that. More than once even. Offered counseling together, and everything else under the sun. It doesn’t get through to them when they are hellbent on the targeted parent being their enemy.
Thank you so much Sally on your great advices. I always pray for my daughter's enlightenment all these years. You are right,I should set boundaries and take care of myself too. God bless you❤️
I just couldn't do it all as a disabled parent. His Dad played dumb and quiet regardless of how he treated us in response to his behaviors. Two jobs, a lazy parent (Dad) who also be and disabled. Somehow our son missed this with his father and has simply kept nailing me all these years. Our D-N-L has ONLY made it worse for me. Heartbroken, soul burdened.
I'm going through this with my 28 year old. He has been breaking my heart for a while now. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you so much for your honesty! I think his partner is being brainwashed. He thinks he is just braver and able to say how terrible I am. The partner has no relationship with his mother so my son sounds like the partner now. We were always so close.
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Very good advice , I too have had issues with my adult daughter. And have felt very alone in the situation , thinking I was the only one going through this. But have come to realize , others out there are going through the same type of situation. And videos such as this helps greatly . I am in the step back and give her space , point right now. I am in hopes with time we will be able to work on our relationship.
Thank you for your comment, and I'm glad you found this video helpful! I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I'm glad you're taking steps toward healing. :) If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
I needed this particular video! It popped up on my recommendation page, I subbed. I’m having a rough go with my oldest. My heart feels like I’ve been stabbed but anytime I attempt to have a discussion she says no. I’ve offered for years to go to her therapist with her, find a new therapist for us, anything! She’s in a verbal and mentally unstable relationship, doesn’t recognise it at all. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve even done some of the steps you discussed. Now, I’m just pray for her and I’ll be there for her when she hits the ground. Her dad and I don’t think there’s any more we can do. He’s as heartbroken as I am. She doesn’t hate him though, which is good. Thank you, so much.
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
I'm a mom of an adult child. I have reasons I'm upset about the step mom and her dad taking family photos with my daughter, granddaughter (3 yrs) and my son in law. Her dad has not been in her life for the past 17 years and all of a sudden they are taking family photos. I'm hurt, deeply hurt. I've given and I've been the one to be there that always helps her out, not dad and step mom. I've given her large amounts of money on several occasions, helped her buy their home and she turns around and drops me like a hot potatoe?! I'm mad, hurt, angry and don't like feeling this way. But my love for her is too over powering. I'm confused as to how I should handle this situation with the up coming photo shoot. Thank you
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
I have had so many issues with my adult child since she was about 11 years old. She now bribes, begs, screams, calls me names and verbally abuses me when she does not get her way. She threatens my being able to be in my Grandson's life. It is so abusive and has gone in way too long
Such great advice.I really appreciate it.Thank you.You explain things so well and it makes so much sense!I have been on my long road for about 10 yrs and Ive been so lost as to what to do.We are all fragile and when we break its hard to begin to figure out how to heal.Thanks again.😪
You're not alone. I have one and up till now I have no clue what I have done wrong but spoiling him never said no.I finally detached from his immature and ungrateful behavior.I don't ask anything from him and neither owe him .I owe it to myself to stop being his dumpster no more making his problem becomes mine a codependent .Other people treat me better .
Good advice. Someone slandered us to our children for many years and we didn't know. As as a young adult, one of our daughters had counselling where she reinterpreted her whole childhood and the counsellor "traced all her problems back to me". For example, she now claims that we "abused" her by taking her to church every week and teaching her to "talk to an imaginary friend in the sky". A book that helped me is called, "Done with the Crying" by Sheri McGregor for those of us who did not abuse, but were ordinary faulty parents doing their best whose adult child rejects them. I have had to detach emotionally as the grief and anguish were so overwhelming.
@ Thanks. Yes, they misjudge the situation and rely on their own limited knowledge. They’re only human, just like the people they try to help, and we can all easily think we’re right when we’re wrong.
@ the good news is that, while our daughter rejected Jesus/Yeshua as a teenager, she is now coming back to Him in her thirties. Hopefully one day she’ll be able to forgive us and be released from hatred and resentment. I’m not holding breath though … it could take decades. We can all get on with our own lives and healing while we are separated from our loved children. Peace to you on your journey.
@@aleksandrac9335 Or respect other people's belief and have an open mind taking into consideration that there are kids who are unfair and disrespectful in spite of all your efforts.
My grown children hate me. I am heartbroken. I’ve reached a point to where I won’t take their calling me names and belittling me like they do. Both my children told me I needed to be in a mental institution. They loved me and I thought we had good relationships until they got married.,Since then I apparently hug them inappropriately and I can’t spend time with them unless their spouse is with them. If I text or call them I’m lucky to get a response. Both moved out of state and I’m lucky to see them once a year. I’m trying hard to put distance between us because I need to heal and learn to be me again. I’ve tried so hard to follow their rules and be what they want me to be that I have lost myself. I forgot how to act or be myself.
- Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Ohhh honey sounds like the spouses put up these rules. How very bizarrre. I’m feeling you how you feel. Wow. That’s amazing how they bent to their spouses. That’s crazy. My son just got married now I’m scared. He has a wild mother in law and the and his wife is easily manipulated by her. It can happen to any of us. I’m guessing you have sons.
screaming is NEVER acceptable. If my daughter raises her voice she is kicked out of my house. My grandmother always said anybody is welcome in her home as long as they use inside voices. The same rule applies to my home.
Sally, why do we have to walk on egg shells with our children. This generation is toooooo sensitive about EVERYTHING. My parents raised me the same way I raise my kids and I would never tell them they didn't do it right. My kids are so like this, I feel like they do have Clue, but they know more than me.
I understand what you are saying- you fix that by creating and enforcing boundaries, and standing up for yourself. If you want help doing that, let me know! Take care of YOU..
I actually disagree - this generation expects accountability and respect to be a 2 way street. It doesn’t sound like you’ve respected your children as individuals given your attitude.
CR I totally agree with you. She can’t see it. In fact she’s refusing to see her terrible behavior and blaming them for being “sensitive” and wondering why they can’t stand her.
Thank you! All this makes a lot of sense. It helps to know that this is more common than you think. Can you talk about the other parent who was not a presence but now gets their adoration?
Thank you for your comment, Nancy! I'm so glad to hear you found the videos helpful. Knowing that we're not alone can be such a huge comfort, which is why I do what I do. And thank you for the video topic suggestion!
Thank you, I'm glad you found this helpful! I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, though :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
You are not alone in the way you feel . They don’t deserve the credit of being a parent . Try to remind yourself it doesn’t take away from all you did as a great parent when she acknowledges her father. It is just your daughter’s way of trying to adjust IN HER MIND on how to be a Child of Divorce Even as an Adult. It’s not easy for either of you . I completely understand it hurts. But I never want my kids to be hurting because they are torn between parents ….or hurting for any reason for that matter. So from this perspective , as a Mom , take the high road and help with her internal struggle . Stay confident that your light still burns bright in Her and that she will still seek your love and advice and photos with you as well! Good luck !
I'm not a mom. I'm a dad, so I think. My wife blames me and tells me it's all my fault that our son has issues, not doing well in college, eventually dropped out and not talking to me. I think the most realistic solution for me is just let go of everyone and everything. Not giving but giving up on others and getting involved. Maybe it's my fault but I've got a lot to say also. Family is not blessing from God or heavenly experience on earth. I think it can be at times but could be just genetic desire to extend life or eternal curse of misery.
Hello, thank you for your comment! I agree, dads are going through this too. However, most of my videos are speaking from my experience as a mom, and I wouldn't want to inaccurately project my experiences onto dads as well, and alienate their different experiences. Still, if dads can gain any insight from my videos, I'm happy to be of any help!
Our adult son hasn't spoken to us for 6 yrs. He is age 45 and lives in another State. We can't figure out how we raised someone so hateful. argumentative, resentful. He does not acknowledge any contact from us, mail, email, voicemail. We only send Birthday cards although we stopped for several years. We are in our 70s and have an attorney for end-of-life planning. Seeing other fellows the same age , or couples with young children triggers so much pain. He is single and no children.
If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Thank you for sharing these videos!!! I tried to join the fb group and i forgot what it was agin so is there another link? I got the link from an old post maybe it’s changed? Thank you so much for being here 💜
My daughter tells people i killed her rabbit by putting it outside in winter. She continues to say this despite me telling her that it was deceased before i put it outside from natural causes. She wants people to think I'm a monster.
I love your channel. I have a 19 year old son who has become abusive and destructive since the 7th grade. He does not compromise at all at home with me especially and sometimes my husband - his dad. He has broken a lot of my stuff and has not replaced it. He has punched holes in my wall and has not fixed it. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7 and became Epileptic at age 17 which was shocking and heart breaking. I have made mistakes - I know, as said we are not perfect. But when the shit hit the fan, I was there. I looked into doctors and took him for therapy for many years. His school years were challenging. He was also discriminated by his own teachers at school starting in 2nd grade. I have experienced the worst NYC school teachers that do not want to educate themselves on how to handle certain things - just call the parent at work and get them over to the school and get them fired. I cannot tell you how horrible they treated my son. This is a big deal in his life - regardless I was there. I fought for him like hell. He blames me for becoming Epileptic. The first seizure he had - luckily he came into my bedroom where I work from home and he was not feeling good that day. His lips were pale and we were watching Dr. Phil interviewing a very spoiled child. Next thing you know - I heard a drop on my floor - he was lying on my bed - when I looked he was in a fetal position having a seizure. My daughter was home and I started to scream like a crazy person. Immediately put him on his side while my daughter called an ambulance. We took him to the hospital and had all sorts of testing done but found nothing. We came home and later that night, he had another seizure. That was Sept 2019. I started doing research to find a Neurologist for him. In Jan 2020, we put him on meds because he had 3 more seizures after that. Luckily it happened at home all the time. These meds make him irritable which does not help. He goes thru anger spells like you would not believe. I love my son but I don't like him. He has been seeing a therapist for over a year now and I feel she has not helped him. I see the sweetness in him but I also see how ugly he can get. I am thinking of moving out because this is affecting my health and I feel there is no help out there for me and him. I can't find any groups in the Bronx for moms who deal with this madness but I am sure they are out there. Covid-19 certainly did not help in 2020. My mom was a great mother and grandmother. My kids absolutely loved her. She died at the peak of this pandemic. My son had 4 seizures that day. Shortly after that, one of his best friends Dad passed from Covid-19. He has never experienced so many deaths in his life. We are all vaccinated now but the anxiety level has been insane for my kids. He was able to graduate HS and started working Aug of 2021. Now he is in college online and started driving. Who helped him with all that? M.O.M!!! Sometimes this entitled generation do not appreciate SHIT! But yet, I want him to succeed. Society will straighten them out I hope! But you are right, we have to take care of ourselves because REGARDLESS they will always need you.
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( It's so hard dealing with it repeatedly over the years. If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
My daughter is really rotten she just will not communicate with me and it’s been over 13 years and 13 years ago she told her friend that I was dead the list goes on
My kids friends thought I was the cool mom . I didn't have harsh rules , we talked about the pros and cons of everything. Omg my kids didn't even have a bed time. I was really easy going. I let my kids make choices and talk about those choices. My kids were in my bed from birth to 5 . I just don't get it. I never kept secrets . We talked openly about everything..
So they never went to sleep in class? They never fell asleep eating? Did that fall asleep watching TV? We went to family house that they sit down on the couch and just fall to sleep?
@@coollikethat2691 lol Actually because I didn't have harsh rules over bed time..They went to be on their own. There was a time frame but no actual bed time.. On weekends and summers it wasn't necessary . They still often went to bed at a reasonable time. Its the kids with strict bed times that end up with sleep disorders..
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain :( But I hope you found this video helpful. And if you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. :( It's so hard to go through, especially for long-term. If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Thank you for your comment, and I'm glad you enjoy the videos! I'm sorry to hear you experienced problems; I'm not sure why it stopped at 2 minutes. It looks like everything's working when I play it back, so perhaps see if it's a problem with your browser or app?
My daughter has estranged me, and is keeping me from seeing my 3 yr old granddaughter. It’s very painful and I don’t know what to do, please help me I feel despondent
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
On one hand you say to respect yourself and to not let yourself be abused. On other hand -- to apologize even when you don't think you are guilty (but they perceive it so). When you force yourself to apologize for something that you didn't do isn't it some kind of self-abuse? Wouldn't you lose self-respect if you were forced to say that black is white and white is black? Everybody needs to have some dignity.
Thank you for your comment! Since everyone's situation is different, that calls for different steps to take. In some cases, it is better to set up boundaries and refrain from any conversation for a while, especially where it would become a dangerous situation or one of self-abuse, as you put it.
@@sallyharriscoach In the video you suggested saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" just to let you know, the "signs your mother is a narcissist" crowd lists that phrase as proof.
Saying "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is not helpful. Instead, say I'm sorry. I didn't know at the time. If I knew better I would have done better.".
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Hi sally my daughter 22 yr old lives with me in college , she talk to her friends all time she is not talking to me for anything very emotional how to handle it
Thank you for your comment! Without more details, I can't say anything specific, but I'd love to talk with you more about it. If you ever want to set up a consultation call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Which of these 8 steps was new to you? Which ones have you used before? Which ones were the most helpful? Leave your thoughts in the comments below! If you are struggling with your defiant adult child, and feel like you’ve lost yourself in the process, schedule a discovery call with me, and let’s talk: www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
Thank you for your comment, Tonya! If you haven't already, you can schedule a call on my Discovery call link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Saddest part of life is when the child you loved the most blames you for every kind of problem in their life and trusts the outsiders more than you, after a point you really can't do much but let go off them that's the most peaceful and dignified solution
I feel similar pain.
That’s what I have had to do.
Same. 😢
It’s also very painful, o wish I knew if there’s a support group for parents that are estranged by their child
I’ve talked and listened to my son numerous times and a week later he will attack me again. I’ve shown compassion and apologized for his father’s actions to no avail. I’ve apologized for the dysfunction. This has been going on for 38 years. I’m 69 and will not allow him to ruin my last years. I would rather cut the cord. I have respect for myself and that annoys him also. My life goes on and he hates that also. He has no respect for women including me. Like his father. We have been divorced since he was 12. I have tried to break that cycle. To no avail. I have to move on.
This is similar to the situation ive found myself in recently with my son, who is 31. It just came out of the blue one day when he sent me a text message telling me how selfish I was. He has been going through a really bad breakup and has been seeking therapy. It was the same with his father and I made the mistake of staying in the marriage until he turned 13. It was a very mentally abusive situation for both of us. I admit I have been far from perfect but my son and I have always had a close relationship. I'm so confused and taken aback by all this. It's an incredibly painful thing to go through and to know you are responsible for your child's pain. His father married me when I was still in high school and I had my son at 19, so I had no clue what I was doing. I do know that I was not ready to be a parent at that age. I was young and naive and there was a lot of pressures that I just gave in to. He was a very controling man. I have acknowledged all these things with my son and apologized for any way I have let him down or wasn't there for him. It was never supposed to happen like this. I know had I been in a healthy relationship I would have been a much better parent. I did the best i could considering my maturity level i was equipped with at that time. We were both in an abusive situation and psychologically i was not aware of it at the time. We both came out of it very wounded. I often say i wish he would have just hit me, because then i would have known better than to stay as long as i did. With mental abuse, you often times dont realize its happening. Im just so thankful i had enough sense not to bring another child into the situation. He is my only one. I'm very sorry your son can't get past it. I hope it doesn't end up like this for us. I'm finally at a good place in life and now we are struggling through this. But you can't change the past. Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world.
@@melissawilkes6709 Well I hope your son goes through therapy and it helps. My son won’t cause he won’t take the time or won’t pay for it or it won’t work. Etc. He treats me good when he’s doing good. Which is seldom. Also when he needs something. I’ve always been there but I need to take care of me now. I can’t take his hurtful words. He told me once several years ago that he enjoys hurting people with words. Not me anymore. I’m 69. In all honesty if I could go back…I would I would have let his father raise him. They are just alike. I love my son. Always will. But stay away from him. I’ve done all I can. It’s my turn. He will never listen so I don’t talk. Good luck with your son ✝️
Jackie, This is identical to where I am.
This is similar to what I've been going threw for several yrs. With my son. Blows up in my face on many occasions that's why he's the way he is today. He had a deadbeat dad, and I did the best I could do. It breaks my heart with words like this that it's like my mind won't let go so now I'm researching videos of help similar to what I'm going threw to help me go on.
Right there too!
Some kids are very unfair with the parent that was actually there for them…they actually have more respect for the parent that didn’t really care for them.
It's really hard to be a mom. We do the best we can. Do we make mistakes, yes. I've apologized for all of my shortcomings, but it never seems to be enough.
They won’t understand until they have children.
@katemiller7874 true
Start with something like: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way as an adult. I used the skills I had at the time which now may seem inefficient or wrong. I am hoping that we can move forward in building a positive relationship in our adulthood. I will do what I can to make this better now but i cant go back in time.”
Been there, done that. More than once even. Offered counseling together, and everything else under the sun. It doesn’t get through to them when they are hellbent on the targeted parent being their enemy.
Thank you so much Sally on your great advices. I always pray for my daughter's enlightenment all these years. You are right,I should set boundaries and take care of myself too. God bless you❤️
What she said! 🙏🏼 Amen
I just couldn't do it all as a disabled parent. His Dad played dumb and quiet regardless of how he treated us in response to his behaviors. Two jobs, a lazy parent (Dad) who also be and disabled. Somehow our son missed this with his father and has simply kept nailing me all these years. Our D-N-L has ONLY made it worse for me.
Heartbroken, soul burdened.
I'm going through this with my 28 year old. He has been breaking my heart for a while now. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you so much for your honesty! I think his partner is being brainwashed. He thinks he is just braver and able to say how terrible I am. The partner has no relationship with his mother so my son sounds like the partner now. We were always so close.
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Give this wise woman the thumbs up and subscribe folks !!!
Very good advice , I too have had issues with my adult daughter. And have felt very alone in the situation , thinking I was the only one going through this. But have come to realize , others out there are going through the same type of situation. And videos such as this helps greatly . I am in the step back and give her space , point right now. I am in hopes with time we will be able to work on our relationship.
Thank you for your comment, and I'm glad you found this video helpful! I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I'm glad you're taking steps toward healing. :)
If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
I needed this particular video! It popped up on my recommendation page, I subbed. I’m having a rough go with my oldest. My heart feels like I’ve been stabbed but anytime I attempt to have a discussion she says no. I’ve offered for years to go to her therapist with her, find a new therapist for us, anything! She’s in a verbal and mentally unstable relationship, doesn’t recognise it at all. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve even done some of the steps you discussed. Now, I’m just pray for her and I’ll be there for her when she hits the ground. Her dad and I don’t think there’s any more we can do. He’s as heartbroken as I am. She doesn’t hate him though, which is good. Thank you, so much.
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
I'm a mom of an adult child. I have reasons I'm upset about the step mom and her dad taking family photos with my daughter, granddaughter (3 yrs) and my son in law. Her dad has not been in her life for the past 17 years and all of a sudden they are taking family photos. I'm hurt, deeply hurt. I've given and I've been the one to be there that always helps her out, not dad and step mom. I've given her large amounts of money on several occasions, helped her buy their home and she turns around and drops me like a hot potatoe?! I'm mad, hurt, angry and don't like feeling this way. But my love for her is too over powering. I'm confused as to how I should handle this situation with the up coming photo shoot.
Thank you
Sending you big hugs. I feel your pain.
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
I have had so many issues with my adult child since she was about 11 years old. She now bribes, begs, screams, calls me names and verbally abuses me when she does not get her way. She threatens my being able to be in my Grandson's life. It is so abusive and has gone in way too long
I thought this was my post. Going through it right there with you
Its time for you to take care of you!
Such great advice.I really appreciate it.Thank you.You explain things so well and it makes so much sense!I have been on my long road for about 10 yrs and Ive been so lost as to what to do.We are all fragile and when we break its hard to begin to figure out how to heal.Thanks again.😪
You're not alone. I have one and up till now I have no clue what I have done wrong but spoiling him never said no.I finally detached from his immature and ungrateful behavior.I don't ask anything from him and neither owe him .I owe it to myself to stop being his dumpster no more making his problem becomes mine a codependent .Other people treat me better .
Great advice needed to hear this today 😫 just subscribed
Good advice. Someone slandered us to our children for many years and we didn't know. As as a young adult, one of our daughters had counselling where she reinterpreted her whole childhood and the counsellor "traced all her problems back to me". For example, she now claims that we "abused" her by taking her to church every week and teaching her to "talk to an imaginary friend in the sky".
A book that helped me is called, "Done with the Crying" by Sheri McGregor for those of us who did not abuse, but were ordinary faulty parents doing their best whose adult child rejects them. I have had to detach emotionally as the grief and anguish were so overwhelming.
Some therapists are very kooky themselves. Terrible. I’m so sorry.
@ Thanks. Yes, they misjudge the situation and rely on their own limited knowledge. They’re only human, just like the people they try to help, and we can all easily think we’re right when we’re wrong.
@ the good news is that, while our daughter rejected Jesus/Yeshua as a teenager, she is now coming back to Him in her thirties. Hopefully one day she’ll be able to forgive us and be released from hatred and resentment. I’m not holding breath though … it could take decades. We can all get on with our own lives and healing while we are separated from our loved children. Peace to you on your journey.
honor your mother and father so your days will be blessed and long on this earth
Or be a good parent so you don't have to use made up religion to force your kids to honor you
@@aleksandrac9335 Or respect other people's belief and have an open mind taking into consideration that there are kids who are unfair and disrespectful in spite of all your efforts.
@@claudiacecchinato4586 or you are just bad abusive mother
@aleks- sounds like you are on the wrong site
My grown children hate me. I am heartbroken. I’ve reached a point to where I won’t take their calling me names and belittling me like they do. Both my children told me I needed to be in a mental institution. They loved me and I thought we had good relationships until they got married.,Since then I apparently hug them inappropriately and I can’t spend time with them unless their spouse is with them. If I text or call them I’m lucky to get a response. Both moved out of state and I’m lucky to see them once a year. I’m trying hard to put distance between us because I need to heal and learn to be me again. I’ve tried so hard to follow their rules and be what they want me to be that I have lost myself. I forgot how to act or be myself.
- Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Ohhh honey sounds like the spouses put up these rules. How very bizarrre. I’m feeling you how you feel. Wow. That’s amazing how they bent to their spouses. That’s crazy. My son just got married now I’m scared. He has a wild mother in law and the and his wife is easily manipulated by her. It can happen to any of us. I’m guessing you have sons.
What if they just scream at you & don’t want to hear anything you have to say??
screaming is NEVER acceptable. If my daughter raises her voice she is kicked out of my house. My grandmother always said anybody is welcome in her home as long as they use inside voices. The same rule applies to my home.
Sally, why do we have to walk on egg shells with our children. This generation is toooooo sensitive about EVERYTHING. My parents raised me the same way I raise my kids and I would never tell them they didn't do it right. My kids are so like this, I feel like they do have Clue, but they know more than me.
I understand what you are saying- you fix that by creating and enforcing boundaries, and standing up for yourself. If you want help doing that, let me know! Take care of YOU..
I actually disagree - this generation expects accountability and respect to be a 2 way street. It doesn’t sound like you’ve respected your children as individuals given your attitude.
CR I totally agree with you. She can’t see it. In fact she’s refusing to see her terrible behavior and blaming them for being “sensitive” and wondering why they can’t stand her.
Oh my…
Thank you for an inspiring topic today. All of your videos are truly inspiring. Will continue watching and looking forward to more.
J
perfect timing, thank you, your videos bring us our sanity back to stay focused, do the right thing, and respect ourselves
Thank you so much for this 😭
Thank you! All this makes a lot of sense. It helps to know that this is more common than you think. Can you talk about the other parent who was not a presence but now gets their adoration?
Thank you for your comment, Nancy! I'm so glad to hear you found the videos helpful. Knowing that we're not alone can be such a huge comfort, which is why I do what I do. And thank you for the video topic suggestion!
Thank you so much 💕 very important informations ~I need to reconcile with my one and only daughter…
Thank you again 🌸
Yes us mothers do the best according to circumstances....x
Thanks love your videos! It was exactly what happened to my and my adult daughter. Thanks so much for sharing powerful advice 💕
You're welcome so glad it is helping!
Thank you for your videos!!!!
Thank you for this. Going through this now and your words are very good.
Thank you, I'm glad you found this helpful! I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, though :(
If you want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
Thank you so much. This is so
hard and you are so helpful.
I wish I would have started this journey sooner. Now there’s a 3 year old grandson.
If you would like 1:1 or group coaching, please reach out! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
You are not alone in the way you feel . They don’t deserve the credit of being a parent . Try to remind yourself it doesn’t take away from all you did as a great parent when she acknowledges her father. It is just your daughter’s way of trying to adjust IN HER MIND on how to be a Child of Divorce Even as an Adult. It’s not easy for either of you . I completely understand it hurts. But I never want my kids to be hurting because they are torn between parents ….or hurting for any reason for that matter. So from this perspective , as a Mom , take the high road and help with her internal struggle . Stay confident that your light still burns bright in Her and that she will still seek your love and advice and photos with you as well! Good luck !
I'm not a mom. I'm a dad, so I think. My wife blames me and tells me it's all my fault that our son has issues, not doing well in college, eventually dropped out and not talking to me.
I think the most realistic solution for me is just let go of everyone and everything. Not giving but giving up on others and getting involved. Maybe it's my fault but I've got a lot to say also.
Family is not blessing from God or heavenly experience on earth. I think it can be at times but could be just genetic desire to extend life or eternal curse of misery.
Hello, thank you for your comment! I agree, dads are going through this too. However, most of my videos are speaking from my experience as a mom, and I wouldn't want to inaccurately project my experiences onto dads as well, and alienate their different experiences. Still, if dads can gain any insight from my videos, I'm happy to be of any help!
Excellent advice. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Yes. Parents did the best they could, but also sometimes these adult children do just want to be heard.
Our adult son hasn't spoken to us for 6 yrs. He is age 45 and lives in another State. We can't figure out how we raised someone so hateful. argumentative, resentful. He does not acknowledge any contact from us, mail, email, voicemail. We only send Birthday cards although we stopped for several years. We are in our 70s and have an attorney for end-of-life planning. Seeing other fellows the same age , or couples with young children triggers so much pain. He is single and no children.
If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Thank you for sharing these videos!!! I tried to join the fb group and i forgot what it was agin so is there another link? I got the link from an old post maybe it’s changed? Thank you so much for being here 💜
My daughter tells people i killed her rabbit by putting it outside in winter. She continues to say this despite me telling her that it was deceased before i put it outside from natural causes. She wants people to think I'm a monster.
I am so sorry to hear this. Stay strong!
I love your channel. I have a 19 year old son who has become abusive and destructive since the 7th grade. He does not compromise at all at home with me especially and sometimes my husband - his dad. He has broken a lot of my stuff and has not replaced it. He has punched holes in my wall and has not fixed it. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7 and became Epileptic at age 17 which was shocking and heart breaking. I have made mistakes - I know, as said we are not perfect. But when the shit hit the fan, I was there. I looked into doctors and took him for therapy for many years. His school years were challenging. He was also discriminated by his own teachers at school starting in 2nd grade. I have experienced the worst NYC school teachers that do not want to educate themselves on how to handle certain things - just call the parent at work and get them over to the school and get them fired. I cannot tell you how horrible they treated my son. This is a big deal in his life - regardless I was there. I fought for him like hell. He blames me for becoming Epileptic. The first seizure he had - luckily he came into my bedroom where I work from home and he was not feeling good that day. His lips were pale and we were watching Dr. Phil interviewing a very spoiled child. Next thing you know - I heard a drop on my floor - he was lying on my bed - when I looked he was in a fetal position having a seizure. My daughter was home and I started to scream like a crazy person. Immediately put him on his side while my daughter called an ambulance. We took him to the hospital and had all sorts of testing done but found nothing. We came home and later that night, he had another seizure. That was Sept 2019. I started doing research to find a Neurologist for him. In Jan 2020, we put him on meds because he had 3 more seizures after that. Luckily it happened at home all the time. These meds make him irritable which does not help. He goes thru anger spells like you would not believe. I love my son but I don't like him. He has been seeing a therapist for over a year now and I feel she has not helped him. I see the sweetness in him but I also see how ugly he can get. I am thinking of moving out because this is affecting my health and I feel there is no help out there for me and him. I can't find any groups in the Bronx for moms who deal with this madness but I am sure they are out there. Covid-19 certainly did not help in 2020. My mom was a great mother and grandmother. My kids absolutely loved her. She died at the peak of this pandemic. My son had 4 seizures that day. Shortly after that, one of his best friends Dad passed from Covid-19. He has never experienced so many deaths in his life. We are all vaccinated now but the anxiety level has been insane for my kids. He was able to graduate HS and started working Aug of 2021. Now he is in college online and started driving. Who helped him with all that? M.O.M!!! Sometimes this entitled generation do not appreciate SHIT! But yet, I want him to succeed. Society will straighten them out I hope! But you are right, we have to take care of ourselves because REGARDLESS they will always need you.
Well I've made some of these mistakes already. I'll keep trying
Ive made lots of mistakes with the reconnection process. Ive reached out many times over the yrs and each time was met with profanity. Ive lost hope
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( It's so hard dealing with it repeatedly over the years. If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
My daughter is really rotten she just will not communicate with me and it’s been over 13 years and 13 years ago she told her friend that I was dead the list goes on
So sorry for your pain, please take care of yourself!
My kids friends thought I was the cool mom . I didn't have harsh rules , we talked about the pros and cons of everything. Omg my kids didn't even have a bed time. I was really easy going. I let my kids make choices and talk about those choices. My kids were in my bed from birth to 5 . I just don't get it. I never kept secrets . We talked openly about everything..
So they never went to sleep in class? They never fell asleep eating? Did that fall asleep watching TV? We went to family house that they sit down on the couch and just fall to sleep?
@@coollikethat2691 lol Actually because I didn't have harsh rules over bed time..They went to be on their own. There was a time frame but no actual bed time.. On weekends and summers it wasn't necessary . They still often went to bed at a reasonable time. Its the kids with strict bed times that end up with sleep disorders..
@@canadiansfirst3636 now I understand the weekend and the summer. 👍
Thank you “ I’m that one”😢
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain :( But I hope you found this video helpful.
And if you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
❤ Great Video
Thanks for this nice video!
❤ thank you.
It's been 10 years since I first started having issues with my youngest and he seems to be getting worse
Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. :( It's so hard to go through, especially for long-term. If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Video kept stopping at close to two minutes in. Really enjoy your videos.
Thank you for your comment, and I'm glad you enjoy the videos! I'm sorry to hear you experienced problems; I'm not sure why it stopped at 2 minutes. It looks like everything's working when I play it back, so perhaps see if it's a problem with your browser or app?
Thank you
Even as a psychicmedium, I have gained so much from her videos. Its great what she says about "Listening"
Very great content 😊.
Thank you for your comment, I'm glad to hear that!
My daughter has estranged me, and is keeping me from seeing my 3 yr old granddaughter. It’s very painful and I don’t know what to do, please help me I feel despondent
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
On one hand you say to respect yourself and to not let yourself be abused. On other hand -- to apologize even when you don't think you are guilty (but they perceive it so). When you force yourself to apologize for something that you didn't do isn't it some kind of self-abuse? Wouldn't you lose self-respect if you were forced to say that black is white and white is black? Everybody needs to have some dignity.
Thank you for your comment! Since everyone's situation is different, that calls for different steps to take. In some cases, it is better to set up boundaries and refrain from any conversation for a while, especially where it would become a dangerous situation or one of self-abuse, as you put it.
@@sallyharriscoach Thanks!
@@sallyharriscoach In the video you suggested saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" just to let you know, the "signs your mother is a narcissist" crowd lists that phrase as proof.
So good. Thank you. 💕
Hi Becky! Hope you are well today.
Silent treatment is abusive.
I think this is giving all power away. It's too much. It is giving the narcissstic child all power.
Saying "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is not helpful. Instead, say I'm sorry. I didn't know at the time. If I knew better I would have done better.".
But do we have to apologize for the rest of my life to them
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Hi sally my daughter 22 yr old lives with me in college , she talk to her friends all time she is not talking to me for anything very emotional how to handle it
Thank you for your comment! Without more details, I can't say anything specific, but I'd love to talk with you more about it. If you ever want to set up a consultation call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Which of these 8 steps was new to you? Which ones have you used before? Which ones were the most helpful? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!
If you are struggling with your defiant adult child, and feel like you’ve lost yourself in the process, schedule a discovery call with me, and let’s talk: www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me
Hi my daughter has no respect for her me mother
I am so sorry, please take care of yourself!
Need HELP ASAP
Thank you for your comment, Tonya! If you haven't already, you can schedule a call on my Discovery call link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min