Ladies, I say this as a woman who’s been married for 20 years, don’t reject your husband sexually except under extreme circumstances like illness or profound exhaustion. Instead, tell him EXACTLY what you need to enjoy sex. If that means you need 20 minutes of foreplay, say that explicitly. If it means you need parameters around time, IE, I won’t have sex between the hours of 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM, fine. Whatever you do, however, do not REJECT him outright. If he tries to have sex outside of sex time, tell him you’ll be naked at 6:00 AM on the dot, and follow through. If he tries to have sex when you’re bone tired, tell him exactly what time you’ll engage after you’re rested. Outright rejection will destroy his self esteem, especially if he’s a little sexually insecure, which most people are. If you care about your marriage, DONT reject him. Be emotionally and physically available and communicate your needs.
Not all men are like your husband, a lot of men see women as objects, not as people whose needs matter. After the honeymoon phase, or sooner, some men stop doing anything women need like foreplay to even be physically ready for sex. They assume women's bodies work like theirs and their needs are exactly as their own, because they cannot perceive a different view than theirs. Sounds like you found a good husband who not only listens to your needs but follows through on them to appease you. Good on you - but the advice you give does not work in all relationships, some relationships need extensive work to get to the point you experience.
Bullshit. When women are dating, they have no problem getting aroused easily and going straight to sex. Then all of a sudden, once they are married, women start making excuses for not having sex. When women are young and single they have no problem sleeping around with any good looking guy who gives them a look.
I tried the open realtionship model with my now ex-wife. I wanted to give it a shot to leave no rock left unturned and gain the experience. With that said, being in an open relationship from the perspective of a man can be incredibly painful watching your partner garner non stop attention and options. Open relationships are not for me and probably not for most
Open relationships are not thought for men, because women just need to say yes in order to have sex. It’s so unbalanced that it’s almost like becoming a cuck, without wanting to become one. It destroys a man’s self esteem. It’s just something evil feminists have invented in order to destroy men’s egos.
Women control the sexual market place... Unless you are a Top 3% Guy and a Narcissist. There is no way you can win. Women don't want to be bothered with 90+% of men. 90% of men would gladly sleep with the vast majority of women who just said, 'yes,' and nothing else. It is the biological programming.
There is a reason why open relationship is a big feminist trend : she can become the most popular free woman in the city getting all the attention she wants, while you only become one more anonymous "horny man on the street". For men, "going on the street" mean "going back to work", while for women it's going back to be taken care by men and getting their attention and validation just for existing. Being single mean getting for free for women, giving for free as a man. Men need to work hard for sexual opportunities, while women just need to say "look at me, easy sex !". Horny men are like plentyful as sand, horny women are rare as gold. Because men need to work to seduce, "low comitment" for sex is reward for men, while for women it feel like a scam.
the issue is that most men are emotionally zero because of education and don't want to work on it. men are also humans and emotional stuff make us all human. most guys I know say feelings are bad and just shut down feelings. they sabotage relationships, that is why nowadays men want only casual. tmany don't know how to be there in a relationship
Chronic stress completely wiped out my sex drive among other issues for years. Unfortunately my marriage ended because of it. Now managing stress is my number one priority. Keep that in mind if you're losing interest in your partner.
A lot of autistic people go into psychology (it's literally the study of humans and how neurotypicals socialize) and we often are into poetry or have echolalia and therefore enjoy playing with words.. the straight face also goes along with the way autistics may express and communicate differently than neurotypicals. No idea if she's autistic but it wouldn't surprise me as I've met a lot of us who work in the mental health profession.
@daRich_X The fathers convice the daughter to put him in jail. Ftahers have feelings too. They probably prefer their daughter to get married. There are śtories in media today.
I don't think there is a blanket cliche for relationships working. Each person is so different and finding a suitable match may take time and work or it could be instantaneous.
I was in Edinburgh Scotland and I was wearing my kilt. A women came up to me all smiles and wanted a picture with me. She snuggled in close and her husband was standing there off camera. I asked him, "have you ever worn the kilt before?" "No" was his answer with a big scowl on his face. I kind of leaned into him and said quietly "She would really REALLY like it if you did." I looked over and she was nodding her head a vigorous "yes!" What's wrong with men? If boots or a kilt would do the trick I would be all over it!
You had me at... "I was wearing my kilt...." I already swoon just by hearing the Scottish accent.... but the kilt on top of that? .... 🫠 Can't wait to visit Scotland 😍
@@livbar You will like Scotland. I had stepped out of the van and walked down to a rocky beach while the rest of my party was engaged elsewhere. I got my pipes out and played to the the North Sea. I played s few tunes and looked up to see a lady running at me at full speed down the beach. She drew up and said breathlessly "I have been wanting to find a real Scotsman playing the pipes!" She was on holiday from New Zealand. I smiled at her and using my best Southern accent said "I am sorry to disappoint ya Darlin' but I am from Texas!"
Yes, it’s a two sided sword for women, it’s a hassle and dangerous but also necessary and what gives them so much power, which the feminists neglected to factor in.
It is a biased female point of view. And dead wrong or incomplete. Men connect in a lot of different ways and deeply. The sex drive just pushes men to connect with women, period. Women is not like that at all. Not even that they can connect. For a lot of women, men are nothing but bill-paying devices or slaves.
That “once in secure relationship they do try things they are more experimental”. This works in every area even politics which is why we would be good to learn about things from non news sources non religious to understand things otherwise we are just more suceptible to trauma and there is an incentive to promoting content that makes people aggressive towards others because it predicts their nervous system state. And if you control that you control the action options they have in the moment
@@hfortenberry they dont have to control what you think, if they control how threatened or feel your saftey and needs are less likley to be met, your nervous system does the thinking for them.
Fun fact: I just realized that my sex drive is only fueled when I have feelings for somebody and I think this person is intelligent. I’m both Demi and Sapiosexuell. So when I don’t have feelings I still have a sex drive but it’s not making me pursue women. It’s weird! Bottom line: I’m happy without sex when single, but I’m totally unhappy without sex in a relationship. So the risk becoming unhappy increases tremendously when entering a relationship. Why I’m pursuing relationships in the first place? I’m craving for connection mainly and later my sex drive kicks in when emotions are developing.
And yet, throughout history most couples have managed to have sex now and then even though-in the vast majority of couples-BOTH spouses worked very hard (inside and/or outside the home) for most of their waking hours.
Truths as stress causes big issues but s. …x helps this too get you need good nutrition and good sleep before that and meditation too! Do that in the shower . Meditation not a…x lol
If a partner feels what you’re asking is too much, or they don’t agree, even if your requests are reasonable, IS there hope? Is this form of stonewalling or avoidance worth the big efforts? When do you throw the towel in?
I don't know the answers, but I would say what's "reasonable" for some is unreasonable for others. Because we are all different and have different preferences.
After you both have seen an actual trained counselor and have both done therapy. (Not TH-cam, not your pastor) Hopefully before one of you cheats, but be radically honest with each other and call it if it’s not going to work. Your kids would rather see healthy co-parenting than really unhealthy relationship dynamics.
It depends. The prettier you are, the sooner you drop the towel. Holds true for women, similarly also for men (though their attractiveness is largely ressource-dependent).
@@Fokas-n8t Haha attraction is biological- as in what you sense with your senses- mostly visually for women and men. Women are more visually selective, almost in every species, for obvious reasons (good genetics/health). Face and height is your summarized health in a nutshell. What does resources have to do with this? If she wants your resources she's not attracted to You- she's using you for your resources. But men who've been hit keep perpetuating this myth among themselves as a cope.
@@miragemirage3670 You are mixing up two different notions. "Attractive" is not identical to "arousing". You speak of arousal here, not attractiveness. In terms of females, their capacity to attract is largely based by their capacity to arouse men. However for men their capacity to attract is not just based in their capacity to arouse. Maybe that holds (still, partially) true for the very young ages but after 20, at latest after 25, male attractiveness is largely down to the socio-financial status of a man and not down to his physical prowess and genetic health. By all means all socio-financial details equal, the physically attractive man will be way more successful than the physically unattractive one, however all things compared, the socio-financially successful man will always mog the unsuccessful one even if the latter is physical attractive. We can all tell tales of how this or that wife of a rich guy cheated on him with the bodyguard, and sure that exists too (the notorious dual mating strategy), however when we talk of such issues we need to remain strictly in the statistics which give the general picture. The universal truth in all races, all cultures, all times is that men of higher status get more and higher quality (i.e. more beautiful - and historically young and virgins) women irrespective of their looks. And women flock around such men. Even if attractiveness and arousal are closer when it comes for how men chose, still it can happen for men. E.g. a rich man can be aroused more by a specific fatty than by a VS model but he would not want to be seen with the fatty so he will get on with the VS model because essentially he is more attracted to her even if less aroused compared to how much he is aroused by the fatty.
Those stats are because the relationship starts for the wrong reasons and one or both are lying to each other and trying to trap the other with fake sexual desire. Be real. If you do not like sex or if you do not desire your partner do not trap someone in a platonic relationship. Let them go to experience a great relationship with someone else. Do not steal someone’s life from them.
I had a man tell me once, told he was with a lady twice his age, he said she was always ready for sex. I get your point though. Imagine being 20s or 30s and not wanting sex, you could just go find a hobby and say bye. I am not saying sex before marriage is viable or right, just saying, uh who wants a sexless marriage? It is not about release but two peoples bodies coming together, it is a bonding thing for sure. It comes with consequences though when you do it randomly.
I think a lot of people feel unfulfilled running around in their 20’s without a proper relationship, as much as people say they want to have the bad boy it leaves people feeling empty. They get to their 30’s bitter and tired.
Maybe women want to hear also that they are liked for the "bundle" of reasons..... especially if they offer the reasons after being humble and openminded, like smile, sense of humor, or poetic spirit... sense for nice music, passion for something little as decorations etc, liking walking in nature, liking some sport, communication.... Probably in every relationship, must be a friendship and emotional connection, beauty of connection simplicity, so then there is place for sexual intimacy too. It seems just because sex isnt as frequent it doesnt ,mean it has no quality. That the woman probably wants to also offer the emotional quality, not just the physical quality. She may have sex once a week, but she offers the best of her love, and also emotional love....She cares about love, and maybe men dont, because for them love is about plesaure. but as Dr. Joe Dispenza says love and pleasure are two different things. it seems love nad intimacy is lpongerm thing and plaesure is shortterm thing. You may like a song, but you dont like a song for how many times it was palyed, ...it would be about plesaure. you like it for how much it´s imprinted in your mind during the day.....its about love. Men like sex for how frequent it is, but women likes the sex for how much its imprinted in her mind, and maybe in some loving and innocent way... Love is innocence too. You like it for its beauty. And maybe therefore some women according the world trends feel like some men are emotionally closed or not just thye are emotionally closed (they have right to be closed 50 percent maybe) but they seem to be closed 90 percent or completelly closed. that they can not even like themselves....they seem like thye are nota ble to be open even to themselves, but some women too, thye seem to have the sam etendencies. or that they are so negative and technical, and robotic and closeminded, probably also because of social media and other media and trends. She doesnt want a robot.....who repeats some "software text" instead of his own thoughts that cointain, love, empthy, humor, passion for something for sports, for life.
Idk that is what my husband thought as well, however I thought it was him, because I sure as heck wasn't wanting to be in "grandma mode"! Since that time we have discussed this extensively and we will never be silent again! I suggest they find a way to broach this subject with their wives. In fact just sending them this video would be a great opportunity to do so!❤
My late husband was every 2 or 3 times a week. I never initiated because I never thought about it with the kids stuff on my mind but was happy he brought it up.
How would you felt if you liked talking to someone that you could talk about anything but that person doesn't like talking to you. How long will your positive attitude last. When they keep making excuses and avoiding conversations with you.
Not initiating is almost the same as rejecting. You basically told your husband you didn't want him enough to ask for it. Pretty gross really, to do that to someone.
So many assumptions against this woman in these comments. Typical. Maybe if he initiated lightening her mental load, she would have been freeer to think about sex. But no, immediately tear down the woman based on your personal projection.
Agreed and what "works" for "some couples" typically turns out to Not Work after the damage is done. A trust, communication, and bond issue between a man and a woman is never going to be addressed and certainly not fixed by either of them sleep with someone else outside of their marriage. It's actually ridiculous and very sad that people are so lost and hurt that they fall for that trap. It almost always, 9 times out of 10, will ruin not just an already struggling marriage but, it'll ruin the individuals as well. It's very sad to see.. if anyone is reading this and struggling in their marriage, the man should turn to concepts like the "Order Of Man" philosophy which is a channel on TH-cam, and the woman should turn to the "Happy Wife School" channel on TH-cam, and then both come together to heal themselves and do the inner work while learning to out-serve one another while cultivating their masculine feminine polarity. Men also have to accept that she likely needs non sexual intimacy in order to build sexual intimacy and women need to recognize that he needs sexual intimacy to build jon sexual intimacy. One can't come before the other, both have to be made whole and optimized which means both have to figure out what that will take and neither party is wrong or right. Do all that and you'll have that "Fire" , or the "Spark" back. I guarantee it. Come together and take part it each other's process. Lack of sexual intimacy and lack of non sexual intimacy are equally important and need to be equally prioritized but you can't miss the fact that these are symptoms of something bigger. That bigger thing will be found in those outlets mentioned above. There's work to do on both partners sides as well as work for both partners to come together to do together. Best part is, the willingness to wipe the scoreboard and go on that journey together with some purpose and a game plan will build trust, intimacy, friendship, excitement, etc. like never before. Commitment and marriage doesn't have to equal loss of mystery and sexual chemistry. It can be the substrate for the best chemistry and trust you've ever imagined with the right nourishment. I'm nobody important but I can promise you, it's possible to turn a very dead marriage into the marriage of you dreams but you cannot redirect your already damaged sexuality to things or people outside of your marriage.
The only thing you got right IMO is when you said together with purpose... That is how men build bonds. That's biology. People don't have to be whole to be loved but partnerships require communicating together. If you aren't communicating you have a companion not a partner.
My wife got post-natal depression, somewhat related to her traumatic childhood. I waited for 10 years for her to come back, not wanting to break up the family. Sure, men want/need a regular orgasm for purely physical reasons, but sex is also intimacy, closeness, connection, a bond, even inner peace, in a way most men can not find anywhere else. I wish more women would understand that for men so many feelings are behind the gate of sex. We recently divorced. I can't be angry at my wife, but there's a deep dark hole to climb out of, as a guy with a healthy libido and need for human closeness. Ladies, you're not obligated to anything, but if you want a healthy relationship with a healthy man, make an effort to be in a mentally and physically healthy place so you can share and enjoy the sexual in your relationship. There can be a zillion reasons not to feel like it, and many of those reasons can't or shouldn't really be expected to be solved by your partner.
How many women are 'too tired' to extract their agenda out of the marital business relationship? You know, too tired to go shopping for what she actually enjoys? Did she tell her business partner it was all business and the girlfriend approach was a marketing strategy with an expiration date? Fellas, were you told that? Was she too tired to rage out you for not being a good donkey pulling her cart? Was she too tired to fight like hell for alimony? Was she too tired to try and embezzle marital funds? lol Funny how that works, no?
How can you assume that? a) you don't know them, b) you only heard his side, c) according to him there was apparently post natal depression and childhood trauma involved which does not equal abuse
I was this, I was more active then her, then she complained I took care of myself more(you get where I am going). I am no nympho but I am not dead either. Mismatch from hell because I was blind. We need to know our needs and match approximately. An experienced lover askes what the other likes. No one is a mind reader. Yet some people will not listen. So... it is on both sides IMO. When I got my first apartment she was a master in bed though but before I was doing better she acted like she was blind, this made me mad, she held back using manipulation. Sex as a weapon. Moving on, if you drop your lady off at a store to shop, cat call her, make her feel special. Act like her and her body is the only one in the world. When she farts, do not say nething. Little things add up to big things. Do not check out women around her, come on, you can control your eyes, do not be like an animal. Or do not listen, your choice... 17:00+ she is speaking the truth.
Bullshit. Why do women change after marriage? When they are dating, women are adventurous and are willing to have sex any chance they get. This tells me women are just manipulative liars and use sex as a tool. If you have to beg a woman for sex, then she is just not into you. The harder a person has to work to be aroused by you, the less attracted they are to you.
Thank you. Doing these things would make someone like me pretty happy and feel desired. I feel she is spot on about that. Women want to feel wanted, as a nurturer, caregiver, and as an erotic partner too! Just not all 3 at the same time 🤢 😂
Dating apps all but put this notion front and center. For MANY women, attention is better than sex, its their currency. Because the most powerful force on Earth is sexual attraction. Its the reason why the saying "one beautiful woman can topple an empire" exists... And its the reason why so many formerly gorgeous women who age out of the dating game become so bitter. Its hard to be born with that kind of power and be forced to spend the rest of your life coping over the fact that, everyday, that power slips ever further from your grasp.
That’s a very cultural, usually US, attitude, unless the woman has really let herself go or really was supremely beautiful. I don’t think that’s necessarily true that women only want attention, not relationships. At least not among the women I know. Especially from men on dating apps?! That’s either insecurity or actual clinical narcissism. Why would a man want either? (Or a woman. :)
It’s interesting that the narrative men have about beautiful women is not the narrative beautiful or ugly women have about themselves But that’s to be expected 😂 ‘Age out’ of the ‘dating game’ is this why men will chase 70 yo beautiful women? Is this why even ugly or old women can have sex or partners, they just don’t want it because they are tired of sifting through trash? Your entire storyline reeeeeeeks of bitterness that those beautiful women didn’t pick you. You doth project too much.
There's so much to comment on that this would be way too long so I'm just going to focus on what was said in the preview at the beginning, mainly where she was talking about how 25% of women are the sexual pursuers but how men don't listen to the woman's desires. She wants him to do certain things in order for her to get aroused, like wear his boots. My experience is that a woman can give a long list of things the man needs to do in order to "get her in the mood" but if a man were to try that, he'd be seen as controlling and insulting her. If the man says that she needs to do this and that, wear this particular outfit and such... many women will point out that if she needs to do that to get him "in the mood" or excite him, then he's not really interested in her, just whoever is wearing the right outfit or doing whatever he's suggesting. Most women believe that just by them being there and "being them", the man should be wildly turned on or else he's saying that she's not enough. But no man could get away with that. Men have to plan romantic evenings, take her to the best restaurant and a musical, buy her flowers and jewelry, basically wine, dine and romance her or else she'll feel he's just trying to get into her pants. Of course most men can do all those things and if she FEELS he's doing them just to get sex, then sex is still denied.
Look up "choreplay". It's kind of like that. You don't go and 'do things for her' (essentially) with the explicit intent of getting sex from a woman.. it never ever works and it's not actually what she wants. Got to be a lot more subtle than that.
28:02 20 minutes! How? problem: I can pace myself, but if i don't commit totally, my wife gets bored. She also gets sore long before that, and it's not about friction.
32 years married. 20 years of no sex. Getting divorced. Just bring friends with no benefit is not enough. As the husband I feel my wife became frigid along with menopausal. Sex therapy was the way to go
You don't need a divorce. She needs hormone therapy. It will make a huge difference. Hormones have a powerful effect on us and menopause makes big changes to them.
Is that true for most wo men? It seems most wom en do want well-endowed men or at least over a certain size and girth.. and want the kind of deep and long thrusting and penetration that lasts.
… but I don’t need to ease | mitigate their craving or other concerns either. as these are of no concern to me, in view of xx.s‘ evo.psych nature in general and my overall context in particular.
Uh, no. No, no. They might crave the power and the envy they feel when they are messing around with Top 3% Guy (who is a narcissist and will use and abuse them like thots), but otherwise, just no. Apart from the accrued interest for existing and a honey-do, men are a major annoyance to most women. Not all, but by a decent majority.
@@ernestoberger7589Many women love sex like me Maybe men are not good at bed and only care about their pleasure or act like a boy (no woman wants to sleep with her son ugh) And women are visual too Some men think it is ok for them to be fat , or smell terribly
I’m open to whatever works but I just think of the women I’ve dated in the past .. they didn’t want me looking at it even mentioning if another woman was attractive so I can only imagine how they’d respond to me asking for an open relationship lol
I'm genuinely curious. Is there actually a ninety eight percent failure rate in open relationships? Is there data on this? Also, what is that compared to monogamous relationships and is the measure Equivocal, such as married committed couples, or is this casual dating?
Last week it was 92%. Seems to change whenever you need it to sound more extreme. I've been in open relationships for more than a quarter century. I don't advocate it for everyone or as some fix to the human condition. It works for some of us. I've never been in the position of these guys (and sometimes women) who go without sex for years and decades at a time.
I am so happy to hear you talk about this even though I'm a 69-year-old white male single and in good health my libido is stronger today than it ever has been in my life I often wondered why and the fact that you say it's our biological instincts driving connection makes perfect sense to me. I also want to say I think it's unfair for people to look at older men who have a desire for younger women as an inappropriate thing. I feel that a younger woman is like a time machine to older men. It's like death is always around the corner. A younger woman even one with a small child gives a man like me a chance to reset and redo and this time around do a better job like I said a time machine
The age doesn't matter if the couple works. Although, I see couples where the man looks like grandpa with his granddaughter. 😂 If you like it that's all that matters.
What is the benefit in it for young women? An oldman said the same think to me and wanted to be with me and I felt really offeneded to be a tool with which an oldman feels young again He sounded like a youthdigger
@@IrisDel-qo8xi you are certainly welcome to your opinion however I don't see the younger woman as a one-way Street if there's no value given in return than things will not work out much more than a few days or few months let's be fair the list of things that women require for men are 10 times longer than the two or three men require of a woman
I am a woman persistently finding myself in relationships where I want sex more often than the man...7yrs...then 14yrs (w/2 children)...then a few yrs off n on in an emotionally abusive one...He would say the words I love you but I told him I dont feel loved...sex was a big part of feeling wanted/desired for me...and I was not getting the affection I require...I learned a lot in that relationship ...but it became toxic and I gave him more than I got...to my detriment. Hard earned lessons ❤
“With my body, I thee worship” is not a positive message to spread. It’s actually very damaging to our souls. But, I do love the level of commitment it imparts that we shouldn’t be sharing these sacred parts of ourselves with anyone we aren’t committed to.
@18:44, re: "women are not sexually driven by their bodies' desire, rather by their desire to keep the relationship", I hear this and it tracks-- for a certain type of man. Not to use an obnoxious red pill talking point, but she seems to be glossing over the very real phenomenon of lust that women have toward exceptionally physically attractive guys. It's a whole other character of sexuality that women tend to display for these types of men, which theres plenty of documentation of. I wonder: would she say that overt female lust like this is still rooted in a desire to keep a relationship with him, or is it possible that she's only speaking in one context (established relationships), and forgetting about how women behave sexually when the guy is "hot"? It seems to be a world of difference, and this dual mating strategy of women seems to be a real thing. Would love to hear her take on this. Fantastic interview, btw. Loving it, and so many gems here.
@@skinnyguy7773 Everyone is shallow to a certain extent. When men talk about wanting a 10, it's to be expected. Women have eyes too. Women tend to go past looks more than men though.
@@misspriss2482 Oh vvomen do have the eyes... for a small handful of physically appealing men. They are using their eyes to write off a vast majority of men. And there's lots of vvomen admitting to this when you ask them why they choose to remain single.
@@misspriss2482 Oh yes, vvomen do have eyes- for a small number of good looking guys. Go look at dating app statistics, and you will see which gender is really chasing after a 10. Stop the femsplaining, go educate yourself.
As a woman, I can tell you that I have never been attracted to a guy where the only thing I wanted from him was sex. If I was attracted to a “hot guy,” I wanted a relationship with him. I was never motivated exclusively by biological lust.
Greetings from germany. I am so glad that I did watch this episode. It totally clicked with me when Dr. Watson said that men, even though they had emotional turmoil in their previous attachments are still driven to try another persued of connection by their libido. There were so many points in my recent time where I`ve thought: fuck this I never want to try to open myself up again to this potential world of hurt. But after 2 weeks my body just said: "we want Snu Snu now! " And that was when I sight and said... All right... Let's try this again. Btw for context. I am not a friend of hookups because for me sexuality and connection are deeply intertwined.
well... rubberised | hbc-pilled | vasectomised action isn't else than mæsturbætion on living object, functionally, with gents being supposed to overpay for. that's gotten dispensable, with xx.s per se (i.e. as what they're to be encountered only in intimate interaction) having ceased to imply any 'promise' to look forward to IRL in enjoyably positive anticipation. nothing to inspire or even turn on genuine desire. [..] 'positively complementary xx.inity' - had been a nice but misleading idea.
Maybe I'm a strange guy, but I couldn't imagine not organising dates and trying to keep the passion going for the long run. I mean, I train to run marathons and half marathons and write novels and even have my own TH-cam channel where I post videos regularly. So, if i can do all that with my interests and hobbies, why wouldn't I continue to organise and plan dates for a long term relationship? I suppose I'm saying that just as training for a marathon involves running mile after mile four hours and writing a novel means sitting in front of a computer and typing until mentally exhausted, so, too, the continuous dating and building of an emotional and sexual connection with a woman would be similiar in a relationship. I'd never give up my running or writing books, so why would I give up on trying to make the dates interesting and the emotional and sexual connection stronger? Besides, I also do a fair bit of community work, so dating and romantic relationships is like setting up community events and groups but just for me and the woman I'm in a relationship. Does that make sense?
My last boyfriend was a marathon runner too, and was hands down the most self-centered, self-important, greedy and stingy people I have ever met in my entire life. Just because someone is “A” does not mean they are automatically “B.” I can tell you with 100% certainty that man didn’t give AF about anyone or anything other than himself - he was all take and absolutely no give. Stingy with his time, emotions, consideration, presence, finances, or any form of giving/nurturing. All he did was take. His name was Jim, but his mother should have named him ALL ME.
I'm happy for your partner! Question: what kind of dates do you enjoy the most? When you think back from planning to the next morning of the date: what's your favourite moment/aspect? And do you guys have any 'rules' (budget, frequency of dates, pausing arguments etc)?
@@nadja5154 I usually schedule one date a week with the occasional weekend away. I enjoy planning dates that involve cultural experiences and a walk in nature. For example, A Pie, Play and Pint at Oran Mor combined with a walk through Glasgow Botanical Gardens and tea and cake in their tea room, or perhaps a meal and a movie at Everyman cinema. I budget for individual dates of around £50-£75 or long weekends away of around £350. The long weekends would include travel to places like Oban to do the three-island tour of Mull, Iona and Staffa. Neither of us drinks alcohol, and we aren't into fine dining, so our date nights and weekends away are probably cheaper than most as we don't have the added expense of alcohol or over-priced restaurants to contend with.
What does it mean if the woman is the emotional and sexual pursuer? Is there anything that can be done to make this a healthier, more satisfying, reciprocal relationship?
Don't you mean you don't dance, good in be if you tried dancing you'd probably be great at. I know that's my issue. Good in bed but don't dance. It's just not something I do but I could if I wanted to learn and practice it.
This explains to people who don't see the issue that this how dating apps have evolved and women just use them as a addiction in the vast majority of cases
What if the man is the one who is doing the rejecting? He had 2 other women on the side and abandoned his children for new sex. I thought we were solid after 21 years together, seems like his middle age testosterone took over. But he had no respect or empathy for me, the mother of his children. Betrayal trauma has given me ptsd and made it hard to move on and find love again because i was discarded so cruelly without any communication from him that anything was wrong. Oh well, his loss!
In so sorry to hear that. Know that you're loved and valuable. Take care of your soul, accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and look towards the best, He will send you your love
I know how you feel!!! Then try dating again after years of healing and it opens those wounds and you want to pull back when things get super close and it’s so difficult! We live in a world of very immature and selfish people! It’s scary! Sending love and hugs! My ex abandoned us too and he was getting s….x and we had money and so much going for us but he was having. S….x with me and other women thank God I made him wear a rain coat 😂. Problem is when your commited men don’t want to do that and I’m like freaking out and want to run away and call it over!!!! I have no problem trusting people, but I also know that people change overtime. We all do whether that’s for the good or the worst and we truly don’t know who somebody is. We could live 30 years and find out there’s somebody completely different than we ever knew it happens. There’s no answers and I pray that you find a healthy person and I pray for myself too! Not sure how to deal with it.
Men say they want to feel the “ultimate closeness” via sex with say their true love/partner, but then say that the “cheating was meaningless” how can two be true at once??
Well, a man who holds both of those positions isn’t a healthy individual. You've built into this prototypical man the inevitability of cheating. That isn’t what we would be basing our understanding of healthy relationships on. However, a man who DOES cheat needs no emotional connection to the person, as the sex drive is very strong without any emotional component. But in an actual relationship, the sexual connection BOLSTERS the existing emotional connection greatly. There is no contradiction.
Imagine your most favorite meal at your favorite restaurant. It’s great and you love savoring the flavor. Now consider a McDonald’s burger. They can both accomplish the task of relieving hunger, but one is desired and one… meh. Cheating is sexual meh. Now women get emotionally involved when they cheat which is like your top two favorite meals, that’s a different problem.
These shows with women telling men how to maintain sexual interest with women always start well. I rhink they mean well. But they dont get it and generally train men how to talk themselves out of sex. Stereotypes, "men are this, women are that", assumptions about women and what they respond to, it's largely nonsense. So much is presupposed through gender stereotypes. Its exhausting and incredibly misleading. This conversation is one long negation of my lived experience, especially the parts that seek to characterize me based on my gender from someone who learned about my gender in a male-negative culture. Big miss.
I hear you. I value these discussions up to a point but it also feels like we are overthinking all of this stuff. I was watching a video with a female sex and relationship expert the other day. She was describing just how many different things can turn her off during sex . It was things a guy would never even think of yet she wanted men to try to understand how women think in that arena.. problem is, if men were to try and incorporate all of what she said - it would honestly take all of the fun out of it. At least it would be for me .. just being honest
I have almost never heard a single woman honestly speak about what women are attracted to, but you can see it by the types of dudes who have options. Manosphere has known this for decades.
@@HateBear-real because y’all get pissed when women say what they desire physically. Women usually only pursue hot guys because there’s real lust for them. Other men have to compensate. It’s the cold hard truth of female lust.
I was the pursuer at first until he did nothing but makes excuses and said NO ALL the time. Once I got Prego and he had an affair on me I just stopped and observed. After that he only wanted sex once a month and a half in the middle of the night. So I stopped begging and just did what he wanted...the end of the relationship was not good for me 27 years later. But it is what it is... Porn is the biggest destruction is all I can say. Simply men are not the only ones with held on.he never pursued me until like 10 years in then I was.done because the whole shsh show was to hard on my ego.
What strikes me is that she says that women are typically aroused by being desired. Feminists would convince you that you should never once say that you find a woman sexually attractive, even when you're dating.
This you misunderstood what feminists are saying. It's not that they don't want to be found found sexually attractive, they want to be but for who they are not pretending to be what man wants. Think beer commercial girls. They are actors not real get to know the woman behind the role she playing if you find her sexually attractive as her authentic self that what they mean.
I was married for 20 years and we got ridiculously tormented by our friends and family regarding our quirky living arrangements, I was a shift worker so night shift, we had our own bedrooms at opposite ends of the house, I would do 8 days 12 hour shifts then have 4 days off. It was rotated as well so I could be working weekends and public holidays. My wife just worked the standard weekdays 7.5 hours. We missed each other we had to make time together. My wife always went to see family out of state on the plane ✈️ a few times a year by herself, I rode my motorcycle to see family as well. We both had interesting hobbies and lives together and separate.
I think women routinely use sex, or at least the promise of sex, to con a guy into marriage. Once they have the ring, the cake, and the big party, it's over. Nothing from day one was her "normal". Asking what she wanted or liked did no good. She needs twenty minutes to get started? Right! She always wanted everything over as soon as possible because everything else was far more important, and she was too busy to "waste" time with sex. After decades of nothing but rejection for months at a time, I quit initiating anything!
Put the relationship and eachothers needs first. Prioritize your marriage and each other's needs over your job, career, and kids. Those that do not are part of the divorce statistics. It's pretty simple and straight forward
This comment section is dense with judgement and projection of unhealed wounds. People! Calm down, take a breath, don’t take life so seriously, don’t let fear consume you. Lighten your heart, live and let live, life is too short. Peace and blessings on the journey.
I am wondering when do you know when you can talk about that though because what if you don't get into a secure relationship because you don't know if the person will be open to the things you want because if you talk about them before being in a secure relationship then as a woman talking about these things, men usually label you or perceive you a certain way?
The whole "how he dances is how he performs in bed"... hahaha. I've been to parties where not even one person could dance. Everyone was doing the "Elaine" from Seinfield. So they all are terrible sexually??
Probably. Both dancing and sex are about being in tune with your own and the other person's body. I always noticed that from my boyfriends when I was a young woman. If a man is cut off from his sense of his own body, how can he possibly have a sense of how to move with love making?
@@n2bfw884 Well then they shouldn't complain if we women are turned off when they show how disassociated they are with their own sense of their bodies.
Pretty simple axis here. I have pretty much never seen a guy who doesn't improve his attention and care after getting more sex, but I have seen plenty of women who give less sex with more attention. Argument over.
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v A woman with *too high* of a sex drive may get bored and want to cheat or want something new and so, torpedoes her long-term relationships. It'd be nice to have a woman with a high sex drive, but you open other problem doors with those types.
2 years no s. E. X. ??!! How do we know this will happen in a relationship. Is there a way to tell that this will happen before you even get in it? I mean if chemistries there is that a telltale sign that you’ll have it long term because I had chemistry in my marriage that’s pretty much the only thing we had
As a man, how do we balance a woman’s need to feel desired vs the prevalent advice that showing attention causes women to lose attraction because we appear to be “too available” or too much a nice guy / simp?? I tend to show a lot of attention and desire, but then eventually get walked over and pushed aside for someone who probably shows less attention.
That advice (that women do not want your attention) only applies to women who have been damaged. Healthy women appreciate your attention so long as it does not come across as neediness or suffocating/controlling. Same goes the other way around.
@@Gingerblaze Unless you are in your teens or early twenties, there essentially are no undamaged women available. Healthy, undamaged women enter into exclusive relationships early on because they are so valuable as partners and can generally have their pick of equally valuable men. So any man who doesn't get into a relationship with one has to learn how to get the most out of relationships with damaged and/or unhealthy women. It's a very challenging dynamic for men to navigate. The other way around feels similar, but is not the same, because women's attention is much more powerful and very rarely rejected like men's is, it's just that women don't give their attention out as readily because they are looking for other things.
Here I am with "COO DOs & appreciation! YOU just hit, a, IN THE Ball Park stand up triple of a presentation! All as I sit in the upper deck in the cheap seats & eat Quiche out of a Tin- Can. And all as I search for Further Light ( that's on the level & by the square). My appreciation & exuberance of your VOO DOO is yours to the 9s! Some folk go through life thinking they were born hitting Stand Up Triples. Thanks, sincerely... for clearing this air! Respectfully a "ENTJ & ISTP PARD's" going on 53 years years now. Your spot on at a 1000 yards with a head shot & one Sierra Spitzer Round in a 9 mile per hr., down range cross wind with a HEAD SHOT! Semper Fi & -- VIRTUS JUNXIT MORS NON SEPARABIT --!4*
My husband of 7 years he doesn't try to pursue me. He barely even tries. But when other women come around his face seems to light up. He engages with his ex girlfriends online, and I'm so fried. I have no secure attachment it was thrown out the window when he kept suggesting threesomes and he barely cared about my needs in the bedroom and even outside the bedroom. I need warmth, friendship, loving gestures etc
It's hard work to keep the sexlife in your relationship fresh and active. For 10 years what worked (very well) for us was swinging. ... Sadly when we took a pause from that, gradually what killed the sex life was extreme obesity. Lessons: Experiment and talk openly about sex with your partner... And both partners have a responsibility to keep themselves in shape and attractive.
Would love to know whether Dr Laurie has reached menopause yet? The reason l ask this is that if she hasn't she would know that every thing her younger clients tell her is only of relevance to woman producing certain hormones, and should l say not on the contraceptive pill, which completely alters sexual appetites and desires. The views on having sex of woman before menopause bears no relevance to woman after menopause. These are the facts. Sex essentially is for woman per menopause. What appears afterward is something completely different. That if a woman has been with a man before menopause she has probably trained him to be a certain way when it comes to bedroom, gymnastics. After menopause, it is a different story. She may look at him from then on as though he is just so much dirty laundry, lying on the bedroom floor. Should he get retrained in her most recent views on the relevance of bedroom gymnastics is open to question. Menopause being such a life changing experience, can drag you back what you thought about boys before puberty, which is ewwwww, that thing doesn't get put in there does it? Why do we have sex at all? Hormones tell us to, with an over lay of various neuroses, CPTSD childhood experiences, and varying levels of emotional maturity, or intelligence. Whose making the decisions the damaged little kid stuck inside the adult body with all those raging hormones, or the totally evolved psychologically balanced and adjusted adult? Ever tried having a relationship without sex?
Other guys I've mentioned this to don't seem to care, but in my relationships the women seem to always want to tell me a lot about their heavy flow days and discharges.
19:15 princess cheated and prince Charles ! We have to understand that’s the old days . With all this technology and so many options. The mind is different people are willing to have sex and not be in a relationship because a relationship is a constant headache
People have issues and they aren’t willing to work out their issues - or they simply refuse. It’s not typically issues between the couple but issues with the individual. That’s why being open to constructive feedback and understanding that repeated behaviors that bring conflict need to be addressed at the root level.
he may still be with her as (long as) he manages to ignore her true (evo.psych) nature. and he better shouldn't have gotten himself in that mess, indeed. whatever his own issues are, potentially, rel.shit with an xx will squeeze even more tradeoff in (not solving anything, that is).
Opening up a broken relationship is still a broken relationship. I know dozens of successful open relationships. You'd be surprised at how many couples are actually open but don't say anything because of the judgement and sometimes very real fear of losing their careers. The amount of swingers in conservative, Republican counties is staggering!! Although swinging and open and ENM and poly are all very different. There are numerous relationship styles and just like there isn't one kind of way to do monogamy, there isn't one kind of way that people open their relationships.
It was said with humor. It's about mind-body connection, coordination, and endurance. It's possible that you can be a bad dancer but still be good in bed if you're attentive to your partner.
So if he dances good a time or two. Then put his body weight on me slow dancing...omg Then he lays in bed to be serviced, Too many prostitutes in his life.
When someone says that they have gone for years without sex, are they being hyperbolic or literal? I mean, I know that some people define a sexless relationship as having sex once a month. Er, to me that's still having sex.
Literal. Don't underestimate the number of relationships where the sex life is dead. ... For all sorts of reasons. For me it was my wife's acquired obesity to the point of not being able to have normal sex. For my girlfriend's case it was previously infidelity on behalf of her husband.
😂 Every "hookup" I've ever chosen to engage in I have an orgasm...and am able to achieve it in 5 mins if needed..yes I have timed it...several times 😂 A I can orgasm with anal sex as well...but w/simultaneous clitoral stimulation. I think women need to know theor own bodies before they expect any sexual partner to
🧢 this information is for guys that women don’t have desire for I.e. providers, husbands, live in bill payers, etc. this speaks to the epiphany phase. Good luck with that.
Push pull dynamics make S…x intense and I firmly disagree with her but they don’t do anything for safety in a relationship and we see this in very unhealthy relationships that are NOT safe! These dynamics can be toyed with in the bedroom thru fantasy but should NEVER be used in the emotional spear of the realtionship! These dynamics can also set up toxic Pavlovian dynamics that can destroy a persons psychological well being so only use them in S&M fantasy only!!!
45:20 well… in such cases, as contextualised in the u.s., I’d feel inclined to investigate how her shape | bodywgt has evolved more recently, or which age bracket she’s come to. gents’ genuine attraction | desire (other than xx.s’ opportunistic attachment - as per briffault’s law) aren’t negotiable. and whatever some xx.s’ qualities otherwise, quite some xx.s’ physical presences just don’t turn anyone on anymore, as they maybe used to ‘in their days’. and to anyone into shame-guilting me out of this opinion: yes, you ARE the problem.
Ladies, I say this as a woman who’s been married for 20 years, don’t reject your husband sexually except under extreme circumstances like illness or profound exhaustion. Instead, tell him EXACTLY what you need to enjoy sex. If that means you need 20 minutes of foreplay, say that explicitly. If it means you need parameters around time, IE, I won’t have sex between the hours of 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM, fine. Whatever you do, however, do not REJECT him outright. If he tries to have sex outside of sex time, tell him you’ll be naked at 6:00 AM on the dot, and follow through. If he tries to have sex when you’re bone tired, tell him exactly what time you’ll engage after you’re rested. Outright rejection will destroy his self esteem, especially if he’s a little sexually insecure, which most people are. If you care about your marriage, DONT reject him. Be emotionally and physically available and communicate your needs.
Not all men are like your husband, a lot of men see women as objects, not as people whose needs matter. After the honeymoon phase, or sooner, some men stop doing anything women need like foreplay to even be physically ready for sex. They assume women's bodies work like theirs and their needs are exactly as their own, because they cannot perceive a different view than theirs. Sounds like you found a good husband who not only listens to your needs but follows through on them to appease you. Good on you - but the advice you give does not work in all relationships, some relationships need extensive work to get to the point you experience.
There is nothing more emasculating and disrespectful to a man than being denied sexual expression by the woman that he has chosen.
@@og8425 there’s a reason I married him and not the jerk I was dating before I met him….
Bullshit. When women are dating, they have no problem getting aroused easily and going straight to sex. Then all of a sudden, once they are married, women start making excuses for not having sex. When women are young and single they have no problem sleeping around with any good looking guy who gives them a look.
That was great piece of advice. Thank you❤
I tried the open realtionship model with my now ex-wife. I wanted to give it a shot to leave no rock left unturned and gain the experience. With that said, being in an open relationship from the perspective of a man can be incredibly painful watching your partner garner non stop attention and options. Open relationships are not for me and probably not for most
Open relationships are not thought for men, because women just need to say yes in order to have sex. It’s so unbalanced that it’s almost like becoming a cuck, without wanting to become one. It destroys a man’s self esteem. It’s just something evil feminists have invented in order to destroy men’s egos.
Women control the sexual market place... Unless you are a Top 3% Guy and a Narcissist. There is no way you can win.
Women don't want to be bothered with 90+% of men.
90% of men would gladly sleep with the vast majority of women who just said, 'yes,' and nothing else.
It is the biological programming.
There’s no such thing as an ‘open relationship’. It’s like saying, ‘’the closed door is open’’…that’s some sort of lie!!
An open relationship for a man is really just being a cuck.
There is a reason why open relationship is a big feminist trend : she can become the most popular free woman in the city getting all the attention she wants, while you only become one more anonymous "horny man on the street". For men, "going on the street" mean "going back to work", while for women it's going back to be taken care by men and getting their attention and validation just for existing.
Being single mean getting for free for women, giving for free as a man.
Men need to work hard for sexual opportunities, while women just need to say "look at me, easy sex !". Horny men are like plentyful as sand, horny women are rare as gold.
Because men need to work to seduce, "low comitment" for sex is reward for men, while for women it feel like a scam.
Women know exactly what they are doing and i am tired of pretending like they do not.
the issue is that most men are emotionally zero because of education and don't want to work on it. men are also humans and emotional stuff make us all human. most guys I know say feelings are bad and just shut down feelings. they sabotage relationships, that is why nowadays men want only casual. tmany don't know how to be there in a relationship
Idk what women you’ve known, but I can guarantee you there are some of us who’ve never had a clue 😂
Chronic stress completely wiped out my sex drive among other issues for years. Unfortunately my marriage ended because of it. Now managing stress is my number one priority. Keep that in mind if you're losing interest in your partner.
I can relate, and that’s wonderful advice.
Are you m/f?
Dr Watson is not only super helpful! She cracks me up😂 the play on words and the straight face comedy is the best!
A lot of autistic people go into psychology (it's literally the study of humans and how neurotypicals socialize) and we often are into poetry or have echolalia and therefore enjoy playing with words.. the straight face also goes along with the way autistics may express and communicate differently than neurotypicals. No idea if she's autistic but it wouldn't surprise me as I've met a lot of us who work in the mental health profession.
Old Irish saying..."Man chases woman,woman catches man"
old Chinese saying : "Old cow eats young grass"
@daRich_X The fathers convice the daughter to put him in jail. Ftahers have feelings too. They probably prefer their daughter to get married.
There are śtories in media today.
Nothing particularly Irish about that.
@@WhiteCamry No,not really.
Apart from the fact that it originates in Ireland.
I don't think there is a blanket cliche for relationships working. Each person is so different and finding a suitable match may take time and work or it could be instantaneous.
The courtship never ends
Especially when it comes to a man's need to exert effort and resources
@@simpinainteasy680 Relationships, like prized possessions, require care and maintenance.
@@greatgyatso5429 stop being a simp, you simp.
A willingness or ability to 'know and be known' is fundamental to real relationship; and usually people find it terrifying.
One of the male talk shows that's actually mature, thank u.
I was in Edinburgh Scotland and I was wearing my kilt. A women came up to me all smiles and wanted a picture with me. She snuggled in close and her husband was standing there off camera. I asked him, "have you ever worn the kilt before?" "No" was his answer with a big scowl on his face. I kind of leaned into him and said quietly "She would really REALLY like it if you did." I looked over and she was nodding her head a vigorous "yes!" What's wrong with men? If boots or a kilt would do the trick I would be all over it!
You had me at... "I was wearing my kilt...."
I already swoon just by hearing the Scottish accent.... but the kilt on top of that? .... 🫠
Can't wait to visit Scotland 😍
@@livbar You will like Scotland. I had stepped out of the van and walked down to a rocky beach while the rest of my party was engaged elsewhere. I got my pipes out and played to the the North Sea. I played s few tunes and looked up to see a lady running at me at full speed down the beach. She drew up and said breathlessly "I have been wanting to find a real Scotsman playing the pipes!" She was on holiday from New Zealand. I smiled at her and using my best Southern accent said "I am sorry to disappoint ya Darlin' but I am from Texas!"
I've watched the series "Outlander."
Her recognition that male sex drive pushes men to connect is brilliant.
Yes, it's spot-on. I had a therapist who came at my massive male sexual shame by saying, simply, "that's why there are people".
Yes, it’s a two sided sword for women, it’s a hassle and dangerous but also necessary and what gives them so much power, which the feminists neglected to factor in.
@@doniphandiatribes They're your mortal enemy. They didn't "neglect" any facet of their attack plan.
This is not a new idea.
It is a biased female point of view. And dead wrong or incomplete. Men connect in a lot of different ways and deeply. The sex drive just pushes men to connect with women, period. Women is not like that at all. Not even that they can connect. For a lot of women, men are nothing but bill-paying devices or slaves.
That “once in secure relationship they do try things they are more experimental”. This works in every area even politics which is why we would be good to learn about things from non news sources non religious to understand things otherwise we are just more suceptible to trauma and there is an incentive to promoting content that makes people aggressive towards others because it predicts their nervous system state. And if you control that you control the action options they have in the moment
Please use punctuation. I have no idea what you just said.
@@hfortenberry they dont have to control what you think, if they control how threatened or feel your saftey and needs are less likley to be met, your nervous system does the thinking for them.
Great episode! Love the positive, candid talk.
Hello Kathy how are you. Greetings from Ireland. It’s a good video. Wish you a lovely weekend 😊🙏🌹👍 Michael
Fantasy turns to nightmare far more often when Fantasy becomes reality
Fun fact: I just realized that my sex drive is only fueled when I have feelings for somebody and I think this person is intelligent. I’m both Demi and Sapiosexuell.
So when I don’t have feelings I still have a sex drive but it’s not making me pursue women. It’s weird!
Bottom line: I’m happy without sex when single, but I’m totally unhappy without sex in a relationship.
So the risk becoming unhappy increases tremendously when entering a relationship.
Why I’m pursuing relationships in the first place? I’m craving for connection mainly and later my sex drive kicks in when emotions are developing.
I’m the one that puts the candle on in our room. I take a shower. I brush my teeth before I go to bed.
That’s just normal tho
Wow you brush your teeth before bed? Please line up for your award
@@-whackdMy husband doesn’t do that on his own! This person SHOULD get an award lol
@@-whackdwe tend to just do it we havw not washed up, we should be as fresh as possible never know when that moment happens.
@@thecarnivorouskatmaybe rethink your partner instead of handing out candy to the bare-minimum guy..?
"they don't want you they only want to know they can have you."
Conversely for men it’s ‘they don’t want you they only want to know if they can use you to get off’
@@namedrop721y’all are with the wrong people.
Two full-time jobs and whole bunch of stress on both parts. You end up being sexless. No need for science to know that.
And yet, throughout history most couples have managed to have sex now and then even though-in the vast majority of couples-BOTH spouses worked very hard (inside and/or outside the home) for most of their waking hours.
I believe they call this.. "cope"!
Truths as stress causes big issues but s. …x helps this too get you need good nutrition and good sleep before that and meditation too! Do that in the shower . Meditation not a…x lol
If a partner feels what you’re asking is too much, or they don’t agree, even if your requests are reasonable, IS there hope? Is this form of stonewalling or avoidance worth the big efforts? When do you throw the towel in?
I don't know the answers, but I would say what's "reasonable" for some is unreasonable for others. Because we are all different and have different preferences.
After you both have seen an actual trained counselor and have both done therapy. (Not TH-cam, not your pastor) Hopefully before one of you cheats, but be radically honest with each other and call it if it’s not going to work. Your kids would rather see healthy co-parenting than really unhealthy
relationship dynamics.
It depends. The prettier you are, the sooner you drop the towel. Holds true for women, similarly also for men (though their attractiveness is largely ressource-dependent).
@@Fokas-n8t Haha attraction is biological- as in what you sense with your senses- mostly visually for women and men. Women are more visually selective, almost in every species, for obvious reasons (good genetics/health). Face and height is your summarized health in a nutshell. What does resources have to do with this? If she wants your resources she's not attracted to You- she's using you for your resources. But men who've been hit keep perpetuating this myth among themselves as a cope.
@@miragemirage3670 You are mixing up two different notions. "Attractive" is not identical to "arousing". You speak of arousal here, not attractiveness. In terms of females, their capacity to attract is largely based by their capacity to arouse men. However for men their capacity to attract is not just based in their capacity to arouse. Maybe that holds (still, partially) true for the very young ages but after 20, at latest after 25, male attractiveness is largely down to the socio-financial status of a man and not down to his physical prowess and genetic health. By all means all socio-financial details equal, the physically attractive man will be way more successful than the physically unattractive one, however all things compared, the socio-financially successful man will always mog the unsuccessful one even if the latter is physical attractive. We can all tell tales of how this or that wife of a rich guy cheated on him with the bodyguard, and sure that exists too (the notorious dual mating strategy), however when we talk of such issues we need to remain strictly in the statistics which give the general picture. The universal truth in all races, all cultures, all times is that men of higher status get more and higher quality (i.e. more beautiful - and historically young and virgins) women irrespective of their looks. And women flock around such men.
Even if attractiveness and arousal are closer when it comes for how men chose, still it can happen for men. E.g. a rich man can be aroused more by a specific fatty than by a VS model but he would not want to be seen with the fatty so he will get on with the VS model because essentially he is more attracted to her even if less aroused compared to how much he is aroused by the fatty.
Those stats are because the relationship starts for the wrong reasons and one or both are lying to each other and trying to trap the other with fake sexual desire. Be real. If you do not like sex or if you do not desire your partner do not trap someone in a platonic relationship. Let them go to experience a great relationship with someone else. Do not steal someone’s life from them.
I see this in every one of my Male friends relationships in the 30s.
20s is all circus tricks.
Then 30s all of sudden Grandma mode. 😅 Fuck that
I had a man tell me once, told he was with a lady twice his age, he said she was always ready for sex. I get your point though. Imagine being 20s or 30s and not wanting sex, you could just go find a hobby and say bye. I am not saying sex before marriage is viable or right, just saying, uh who wants a sexless marriage? It is not about release but two peoples bodies coming together, it is a bonding thing for sure. It comes with consequences though when you do it randomly.
I think a lot of people feel unfulfilled running around in their 20’s without a proper relationship, as much as people say they want to have the bad boy it leaves people feeling empty. They get to their 30’s bitter and tired.
@@shawnmendrek3544 for a lot of men it is about release.
Maybe women want to hear also that they are liked for the "bundle" of reasons..... especially if they offer the reasons after being humble and openminded, like smile, sense of humor, or poetic spirit...
sense for nice music, passion for something little as decorations etc, liking walking in nature, liking some sport, communication....
Probably in every relationship, must be a friendship and emotional connection, beauty of connection simplicity,
so then there is place for sexual intimacy too.
It seems just because sex isnt as frequent it doesnt ,mean it has no quality. That the woman probably wants to also offer the emotional quality, not just the physical quality.
She may have sex once a week, but she offers the best of her love, and also emotional love....She cares about love, and maybe men dont, because for them love is about plesaure.
but as Dr. Joe Dispenza says love and pleasure are two different things.
it seems love nad intimacy is lpongerm thing and plaesure is shortterm thing.
You may like a song, but you dont like a song for how many times it was palyed, ...it would be about plesaure.
you like it for how much it´s imprinted in your mind during the day.....its about love.
Men like sex for how frequent it is, but women likes the sex for how much its imprinted in her mind, and maybe in some loving and innocent way... Love is innocence too.
You like it for its beauty. And maybe therefore some women according the world trends feel like some men are emotionally closed
or not just thye are emotionally closed (they have right to be closed 50 percent maybe) but they seem to be closed 90 percent or completelly closed.
that they can not even like themselves....they seem like thye are nota ble to be open even to themselves, but some women too, thye seem to have the sam etendencies.
or that they are so negative and technical, and robotic and closeminded, probably also because of social media and other media and trends.
She doesnt want a robot.....who repeats some "software text" instead of his own thoughts that cointain, love, empthy, humor, passion for something for sports, for life.
Idk that is what my husband thought as well, however I thought it was him, because I sure as heck wasn't wanting to be in "grandma mode"! Since that time we have discussed this extensively and we will never be silent again! I suggest they find a way to broach this subject with their wives. In fact just sending them this video would be a great opportunity to do so!❤
My late husband was every 2 or 3 times a week. I never initiated because I never thought about it with the kids stuff on my mind but was happy he brought it up.
@BQ900
You never initiated. Wow, that must have really hurt. Can’t let his self esteem get too high tho right lol jk. My condolences
How would you felt if you liked talking to someone that you could talk about anything but that person doesn't like talking to you. How long will your positive attitude last. When they keep making excuses and avoiding conversations with you.
Not initiating is almost the same as rejecting. You basically told your husband you didn't want him enough to ask for it. Pretty gross really, to do that to someone.
Yeah, that is pretty unfortunate. You lost me at "I never initiated..."
So many assumptions against this woman in these comments. Typical.
Maybe if he initiated lightening her mental load, she would have been freeer to think about sex. But no, immediately tear down the woman based on your personal projection.
Agreed and what "works" for "some couples" typically turns out to Not Work after the damage is done. A trust, communication, and bond issue between a man and a woman is never going to be addressed and certainly not fixed by either of them sleep with someone else outside of their marriage. It's actually ridiculous and very sad that people are so lost and hurt that they fall for that trap. It almost always, 9 times out of 10, will ruin not just an already struggling marriage but, it'll ruin the individuals as well. It's very sad to see.. if anyone is reading this and struggling in their marriage, the man should turn to concepts like the "Order Of Man" philosophy which is a channel on TH-cam, and the woman should turn to the "Happy Wife School" channel on TH-cam, and then both come together to heal themselves and do the inner work while learning to out-serve one another while cultivating their masculine feminine polarity. Men also have to accept that she likely needs non sexual intimacy in order to build sexual intimacy and women need to recognize that he needs sexual intimacy to build jon sexual intimacy. One can't come before the other, both have to be made whole and optimized which means both have to figure out what that will take and neither party is wrong or right. Do all that and you'll have that "Fire" , or the "Spark" back. I guarantee it. Come together and take part it each other's process. Lack of sexual intimacy and lack of non sexual intimacy are equally important and need to be equally prioritized but you can't miss the fact that these are symptoms of something bigger. That bigger thing will be found in those outlets mentioned above. There's work to do on both partners sides as well as work for both partners to come together to do together. Best part is, the willingness to wipe the scoreboard and go on that journey together with some purpose and a game plan will build trust, intimacy, friendship, excitement, etc. like never before. Commitment and marriage doesn't have to equal loss of mystery and sexual chemistry. It can be the substrate for the best chemistry and trust you've ever imagined with the right nourishment. I'm nobody important but I can promise you, it's possible to turn a very dead marriage into the marriage of you dreams but you cannot redirect your already damaged sexuality to things or people outside of your marriage.
The most practical and brilliant advice given. What you have written is correct. this is actually how it works.
Well that’s a lot to do.
The only thing you got right IMO is when you said together with purpose... That is how men build bonds. That's biology.
People don't have to be whole to be loved but partnerships require communicating together. If you aren't communicating you have a companion not a partner.
My wife got post-natal depression, somewhat related to her traumatic childhood. I waited for 10 years for her to come back, not wanting to break up the family. Sure, men want/need a regular orgasm for purely physical reasons, but sex is also intimacy, closeness, connection, a bond, even inner peace, in a way most men can not find anywhere else. I wish more women would understand that for men so many feelings are behind the gate of sex. We recently divorced. I can't be angry at my wife, but there's a deep dark hole to climb out of, as a guy with a healthy libido and need for human closeness. Ladies, you're not obligated to anything, but if you want a healthy relationship with a healthy man, make an effort to be in a mentally and physically healthy place so you can share and enjoy the sexual in your relationship. There can be a zillion reasons not to feel like it, and many of those reasons can't or shouldn't really be expected to be solved by your partner.
How many women are 'too tired' to extract their agenda out of the marital business relationship?
You know, too tired to go shopping for what she actually enjoys? Did she tell her business partner it was all business and the girlfriend approach was a marketing strategy with an expiration date? Fellas, were you told that? Was she too tired to rage out you for not being a good donkey pulling her cart? Was she too tired to fight like hell for alimony? Was she too tired to try and embezzle marital funds? lol
Funny how that works, no?
You were right to leave. She broke the contract...and I'd even term it as abuse.
You can't be affectionate without sex? Sounds like you're not in a mentally healthy place, either.
A quote that rings through my head, "I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy."
How can you assume that? a) you don't know them, b) you only heard his side, c) according to him there was apparently post natal depression and childhood trauma involved which does not equal abuse
Foreplay starts before you even think about sex.
I was this, I was more active then her, then she complained I took care of myself more(you get where I am going). I am no nympho but I am not dead either. Mismatch from hell because I was blind. We need to know our needs and match approximately. An experienced lover askes what the other likes. No one is a mind reader. Yet some people will not listen. So... it is on both sides IMO. When I got my first apartment she was a master in bed though but before I was doing better she acted like she was blind, this made me mad, she held back using manipulation.
Sex as a weapon. Moving on, if you drop your lady off at a store to shop, cat call her, make her feel special. Act like her and her body is the only one in the world. When she farts, do not say nething. Little things add up to big things. Do not check out women around her, come on, you can control your eyes, do not be like an animal. Or do not listen, your choice...
17:00+ she is speaking the truth.
Bullshit. Why do women change after marriage? When they are dating, women are adventurous and are willing to have sex any chance they get. This tells me women are just manipulative liars and use sex as a tool. If you have to beg a woman for sex, then she is just not into you. The harder a person has to work to be aroused by you, the less attracted they are to you.
Sex talk is important as other stuff too.
Thank you. Doing these things would make someone like me pretty happy and feel desired. I feel she is spot on about that. Women want to feel wanted, as a nurturer, caregiver, and as an erotic partner too! Just not all 3 at the same time 🤢 😂
Whoah!! This really bridges SOOOOO many gaps
Dating apps all but put this notion front and center. For MANY women, attention is better than sex, its their currency.
Because the most powerful force on Earth is sexual attraction. Its the reason why the saying "one beautiful woman can topple an empire" exists...
And its the reason why so many formerly gorgeous women who age out of the dating game become so bitter.
Its hard to be born with that kind of power and be forced to spend the rest of your life coping over the fact that, everyday, that power slips ever further from your grasp.
That’s a very cultural, usually US, attitude, unless the woman has really let herself go or really was supremely beautiful. I don’t think that’s necessarily true that women only want attention, not relationships. At least not among the women I know. Especially from men on dating apps?! That’s either insecurity or actual clinical narcissism. Why would a man want either? (Or a woman. :)
I wonder if women and men think differently.
Yes vvomen go on dating apps for validation, but they only want the attention from hot guy chad.
It’s interesting that the narrative men have about beautiful women is not the narrative beautiful or ugly women have about themselves
But that’s to be expected 😂
‘Age out’ of the ‘dating game’ is this why men will chase 70 yo beautiful women? Is this why even ugly or old women can have sex or partners, they just don’t want it because they are tired of sifting through trash?
Your entire storyline reeeeeeeks of bitterness that those beautiful women didn’t pick you.
You doth project too much.
As a man, you need to literally never give women attention.
There's so much to comment on that this would be way too long so I'm just going to focus on what was said in the preview at the beginning, mainly where she was talking about how 25% of women are the sexual pursuers but how men don't listen to the woman's desires. She wants him to do certain things in order for her to get aroused, like wear his boots. My experience is that a woman can give a long list of things the man needs to do in order to "get her in the mood" but if a man were to try that, he'd be seen as controlling and insulting her. If the man says that she needs to do this and that, wear this particular outfit and such... many women will point out that if she needs to do that to get him "in the mood" or excite him, then he's not really interested in her, just whoever is wearing the right outfit or doing whatever he's suggesting. Most women believe that just by them being there and "being them", the man should be wildly turned on or else he's saying that she's not enough. But no man could get away with that. Men have to plan romantic evenings, take her to the best restaurant and a musical, buy her flowers and jewelry, basically wine, dine and romance her or else she'll feel he's just trying to get into her pants. Of course most men can do all those things and if she FEELS he's doing them just to get sex, then sex is still denied.
Women, especially "experts" have no idea what works with women lol.
Yes a power move, its controling among other things.
Look up "choreplay". It's kind of like that. You don't go and 'do things for her' (essentially) with the explicit intent of getting sex from a woman.. it never ever works and it's not actually what she wants. Got to be a lot more subtle than that.
28:02 20 minutes! How? problem: I can pace myself, but if i don't commit totally, my wife gets bored. She also gets sore long before that, and it's not about friction.
32 years married. 20 years of no sex. Getting divorced. Just bring friends with no benefit is not enough. As the husband I feel my wife became frigid along with menopausal. Sex therapy was the way to go
You don't need a divorce. She needs hormone therapy. It will make a huge difference. Hormones have a powerful effect on us and menopause makes big changes to them.
So it took you 20 years to figure this out ? Better late than never.
Insightful conversation good exchange 😎
So important to hear that porn doesn't teach men how to perform sexually. Women desire different sex than porn sex.
Is that true for most wo men? It seems most wom en do want well-endowed men or at least over a certain size and girth.. and want the kind of deep and long thrusting and penetration that lasts.
Speaking for all women, are you?
Many men don't like "porn sex" either. They develop prolivities and expectations and are then molded by exposure to it.
@carlyellison8498 hope you get picked 😂
@@carlyellison8498 Are you not embarrassed
I really enjoyed this and learned a lot. Thank you both!
📸 Women don't Need to Love you. They just Crave to be Loved by you😘❤️
… but I don’t need to ease | mitigate their craving or other concerns either. as these are of no concern to me, in view of xx.s‘ evo.psych nature in general and my overall context in particular.
Uh, no. No, no. They might crave the power and the envy they feel when they are messing around with Top 3% Guy (who is a narcissist and will use and abuse them like thots), but otherwise, just no.
Apart from the accrued interest for existing and a honey-do, men are a major annoyance to most women. Not all, but by a decent majority.
The issue is that just sensing the craving is enough. For them, the sex is off-putting since they already had what they wanted.
@@ernestoberger7589 ...... Or maybe you're just bad at it, hence why she doesn't want it from you specifically.
@@ernestoberger7589Many women love sex like me
Maybe men are not good at bed and only care about their pleasure or act like a boy (no woman wants to sleep with her son ugh)
And women are visual too
Some men think it is ok for them to be fat , or smell terribly
Please do not try to justify open relationships. They have a 98% failure rate
I’m open to whatever works but I just think of the women I’ve dated in the past .. they didn’t want me looking at it even mentioning if another woman was attractive so I can only imagine how they’d respond to me asking for an open relationship lol
It's basically still "them" pushing for the Brave New World model.
If regular ones can’t work how would one with more people work! I agree! Lol
I'm genuinely curious. Is there actually a ninety eight percent failure rate in open relationships? Is there data on this? Also, what is that compared to monogamous relationships and is the measure Equivocal, such as married committed couples, or is this casual dating?
Last week it was 92%. Seems to change whenever you need it to sound more extreme.
I've been in open relationships for more than a quarter century. I don't advocate it for everyone or as some fix to the human condition. It works for some of us.
I've never been in the position of these guys (and sometimes women) who go without sex for years and decades at a time.
I am so happy to hear you talk about this even though I'm a 69-year-old white male single and in good health my libido is stronger today than it ever has been in my life I often wondered why and the fact that you say it's our biological instincts driving connection makes perfect sense to me. I also want to say I think it's unfair for people to look at older men who have a desire for younger women as an inappropriate thing. I feel that a younger woman is like a time machine to older men. It's like death is always around the corner. A younger woman even one with a small child gives a man like me a chance to reset and redo and this time around do a better job like I said a time machine
The age doesn't matter if the couple works. Although, I see couples where the man looks like grandpa with his granddaughter. 😂 If you like it that's all that matters.
What is the benefit in it for young women?
An oldman said the same think to me and wanted to be with me and I felt really offeneded to be a tool with which an oldman feels young again
He sounded like a youthdigger
@@IrisDel-qo8xi you are certainly welcome to your opinion however I don't see the younger woman as a one-way Street if there's no value given in return than things will not work out much more than a few days or few months let's be fair the list of things that women require for men are 10 times longer than the two or three men require of a woman
@@IrisDel-qo8xi th-cam.com/video/6VlwZEflCZw/w-d-xo.htmlsi=RDr3Q8t1DcMfFtLQ
It never benefits the younger woman. She is wasting her youth on an old man.
I am a woman persistently finding myself in relationships where I want sex more often than the man...7yrs...then 14yrs (w/2 children)...then a few yrs off n on in an emotionally abusive one...He would say the words I love you but I told him I dont feel loved...sex was a big part of feeling wanted/desired for me...and I was not getting the affection I require...I learned a lot in that relationship ...but it became toxic and I gave him more than I got...to my detriment. Hard earned lessons ❤
Sounds like a lack of transparency and the pursuit of seeking to understand on both ends.
“With my body, I thee worship” is not a positive message to spread. It’s actually very damaging to our souls. But, I do love the level of commitment it imparts that we shouldn’t be sharing these sacred parts of ourselves with anyone we aren’t committed to.
@18:44, re: "women are not sexually driven by their bodies' desire, rather by their desire to keep the relationship", I hear this and it tracks-- for a certain type of man. Not to use an obnoxious red pill talking point, but she seems to be glossing over the very real phenomenon of lust that women have toward exceptionally physically attractive guys. It's a whole other character of sexuality that women tend to display for these types of men, which theres plenty of documentation of. I wonder: would she say that overt female lust like this is still rooted in a desire to keep a relationship with him, or is it possible that she's only speaking in one context (established relationships), and forgetting about how women behave sexually when the guy is "hot"? It seems to be a world of difference, and this dual mating strategy of women seems to be a real thing. Would love to hear her take on this.
Fantastic interview, btw. Loving it, and so many gems here.
Doubt she would go there, that would force her to admit how shallow vvomen really are.
@@skinnyguy7773 Everyone is shallow to a certain extent. When men talk about wanting a 10, it's to be expected. Women have eyes too. Women tend to go past looks more than men though.
@@misspriss2482 Oh vvomen do have the eyes... for a small handful of physically appealing men. They are using their eyes to write off a vast majority of men. And there's lots of vvomen admitting to this when you ask them why they choose to remain single.
@@misspriss2482 Oh yes, vvomen do have eyes- for a small number of good looking guys. Go look at dating app statistics, and you will see which gender is really chasing after a 10. Stop the femsplaining, go educate yourself.
As a woman, I can tell you that I have never been attracted to a guy where the only thing I wanted from him was sex. If I was attracted to a “hot guy,” I wanted a relationship with him. I was never motivated exclusively by biological lust.
Great conversation! However, the underlying assumption is that we are all looking for "til death us do part"...
Greetings from germany. I am so glad that I did watch this episode. It totally clicked with me when Dr. Watson said that men, even though they had emotional turmoil in their previous attachments are still driven to try another persued of connection by their libido. There were so many points in my recent time where I`ve thought: fuck this I never want to try to open myself up again to this potential world of hurt. But after 2 weeks my body just said: "we want Snu Snu now! " And that was when I sight and said... All right... Let's try this again. Btw for context. I am not a friend of hookups because for me sexuality and connection are deeply intertwined.
well... rubberised | hbc-pilled | vasectomised action isn't else than mæsturbætion on living object, functionally, with gents being supposed to overpay for. that's gotten dispensable, with xx.s per se (i.e. as what they're to be encountered only in intimate interaction) having ceased to imply any 'promise' to look forward to IRL in enjoyably positive anticipation. nothing to inspire or even turn on genuine desire. [..] 'positively complementary xx.inity' - had been a nice but misleading idea.
Maybe I'm a strange guy, but I couldn't imagine not organising dates and trying to keep the passion going for the long run. I mean, I train to run marathons and half marathons and write novels and even have my own TH-cam channel where I post videos regularly. So, if i can do all that with my interests and hobbies, why wouldn't I continue to organise and plan dates for a long term relationship? I suppose I'm saying that just as training for a marathon involves running mile after mile four hours and writing a novel means sitting in front of a computer and typing until mentally exhausted, so, too, the continuous dating and building of an emotional and sexual connection with a woman would be similiar in a relationship. I'd never give up my running or writing books, so why would I give up on trying to make the dates interesting and the emotional and sexual connection stronger? Besides, I also do a fair bit of community work, so dating and romantic relationships is like setting up community events and groups but just for me and the woman I'm in a relationship. Does that make sense?
It should be common sense but for A LOT of men it isn’t
How long have you been married?
My last boyfriend was a marathon runner too, and was hands down the most self-centered, self-important, greedy and stingy people I have ever met in my entire life. Just because someone is “A” does not mean they are automatically “B.” I can tell you with 100% certainty that man didn’t give AF about anyone or anything other than himself - he was all take and absolutely no give. Stingy with his time, emotions, consideration, presence, finances, or any form of giving/nurturing. All he did was take. His name was Jim, but his mother should have named him ALL ME.
I'm happy for your partner!
Question: what kind of dates do you enjoy the most? When you think back from planning to the next morning of the date: what's your favourite moment/aspect?
And do you guys have any 'rules' (budget, frequency of dates, pausing arguments etc)?
@@nadja5154 I usually schedule one date a week with the occasional weekend away. I enjoy planning dates that involve cultural experiences and a walk in nature. For example, A Pie, Play and Pint at Oran Mor combined with a walk through Glasgow Botanical Gardens and tea and cake in their tea room, or perhaps a meal and a movie at Everyman cinema. I budget for individual dates of around £50-£75 or long weekends away of around £350. The long weekends would include travel to places like Oban to do the three-island tour of Mull, Iona and Staffa. Neither of us drinks alcohol, and we aren't into fine dining, so our date nights and weekends away are probably cheaper than most as we don't have the added expense of alcohol or over-priced restaurants to contend with.
What does it mean if the woman is the emotional and sexual pursuer? Is there anything that can be done to make this a healthier, more satisfying, reciprocal relationship?
Lose weight
Ha ha I can’t dance - but my lover thinks my bedroom moves are top of the line! 😂
Don't you mean you don't dance, good in be if you tried dancing you'd probably be great at. I know that's my issue. Good in bed but don't dance. It's just not something I do but I could if I wanted to learn and practice it.
This explains to people who don't see the issue that this how dating apps have evolved and women just use them as a addiction in the vast majority of cases
What if the man is the one who is doing the rejecting? He had 2 other women on the side and abandoned his children for new sex. I thought we were solid after 21 years together, seems like his middle age testosterone took over. But he had no respect or empathy for me, the mother of his children. Betrayal trauma has given me ptsd and made it hard to move on and find love again because i was discarded so cruelly without any communication from him that anything was wrong. Oh well, his loss!
Hell. The Church created hell.
In so sorry to hear that. Know that you're loved and valuable. Take care of your soul, accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and look towards the best, He will send you your love
I know how you feel!!! Then try dating again after years of healing and it opens those wounds and you want to pull back when things get super close and it’s so difficult! We live in a world of very immature and selfish people! It’s scary! Sending love and hugs! My ex abandoned us too and he was getting s….x and we had money and so much going for us but he was having. S….x with me and other women thank God I made him wear a rain coat 😂. Problem is when your commited men don’t want to do that and I’m like freaking out and want to run away and call it over!!!! I have no problem trusting people, but I also know that people change overtime. We all do whether that’s for the good or the worst and we truly don’t know who somebody is. We could live 30 years and find out there’s somebody completely different than we ever knew it happens. There’s no answers and I pray that you find a healthy person and I pray for myself too! Not sure how to deal with it.
@@ibiminaabiye257 colossus send you the devil not him, but be careful
@@RichardSmith-sg3fj Na, hell is real created by men and women. Religion just uses the term for its own propaganda.
Men say they want to feel the “ultimate closeness” via sex with say their true love/partner, but then say that the “cheating was meaningless” how can two be true at once??
Well, a man who holds both of those positions isn’t a healthy individual. You've built into this prototypical man the inevitability of cheating. That isn’t what we would be basing our understanding of healthy relationships on. However, a man who DOES cheat needs no emotional connection to the person, as the sex drive is very strong without any emotional component. But in an actual relationship, the sexual connection BOLSTERS the existing emotional connection greatly. There is no contradiction.
Imagine your most favorite meal at your favorite restaurant. It’s great and you love savoring the flavor. Now consider a McDonald’s burger. They can both accomplish the task of relieving hunger, but one is desired and one… meh. Cheating is sexual meh. Now women get emotionally involved when they cheat which is like your top two favorite meals, that’s a different problem.
These shows with women telling men how to maintain sexual interest with women always start well. I rhink they mean well. But they dont get it and generally train men how to talk themselves out of sex. Stereotypes, "men are this, women are that", assumptions about women and what they respond to, it's largely nonsense. So much is presupposed through gender stereotypes. Its exhausting and incredibly misleading.
This conversation is one long negation of my lived experience, especially the parts that seek to characterize me based on my gender from someone who learned about my gender in a male-negative culture. Big miss.
I hear you. I value these discussions up to a point but it also feels like we are overthinking all of this stuff. I was watching a video with a female sex and relationship expert the other day. She was describing just how many different things can turn her off during sex . It was things a guy would never even think of yet she wanted men to try to understand how women think in that arena.. problem is, if men were to try and incorporate all of what she said - it would honestly take all of the fun out of it. At least it would be for me .. just being honest
low libido vvomen will always point fingers at good men who do everything right.. why are we platforming these ladies?
@@brianmeen2158wow it’s almost like you’re bad at cooperation because you’ve literally never tried…
Just being honest
I have almost never heard a single woman honestly speak about what women are attracted to, but you can see it by the types of dudes who have options. Manosphere has known this for decades.
@@HateBear-real because y’all get pissed when women say what they desire physically. Women usually only pursue hot guys because there’s real lust for them. Other men have to compensate. It’s the cold hard truth of female lust.
I was the pursuer at first until he did nothing but makes excuses and said NO ALL the time.
Once I got Prego and he had an affair on me I just stopped and observed.
After that he only wanted sex once a month and a half in the middle of the night.
So I stopped begging and just did what he wanted...the end of the relationship was not good for me 27 years later.
But it is what it is...
Porn is the biggest destruction is all I can say.
Simply men are not the only ones with held on.he never pursued me until like 10 years in then I was.done because the whole shsh show was to hard on my ego.
What strikes me is that she says that women are typically aroused by being desired. Feminists would convince you that you should never once say that you find a woman sexually attractive, even when you're dating.
This you misunderstood what feminists are saying. It's not that they don't want to be found found sexually attractive, they want to be but for who they are not pretending to be what man wants. Think beer commercial girls. They are actors not real get to know the woman behind the role she playing if you find her sexually attractive as her authentic self that what they mean.
I was married for 20 years and we got ridiculously tormented by our friends and family regarding our quirky living arrangements, I was a shift worker so night shift, we had our own bedrooms at opposite ends of the house, I would do 8 days 12 hour shifts then have 4 days off. It was rotated as well so I could be working weekends and public holidays. My wife just worked the standard weekdays 7.5 hours. We missed each other we had to make time together. My wife always went to see family out of state on the plane ✈️ a few times a year by herself, I rode my motorcycle to see family as well.
We both had interesting hobbies and lives together and separate.
I think women routinely use sex, or at least the promise of sex, to con a guy into marriage. Once they have the ring, the cake, and the big party, it's over. Nothing from day one was her "normal". Asking what she wanted or liked did no good. She needs twenty minutes to get started? Right! She always wanted everything over as soon as possible because everything else was far more important, and she was too busy to "waste" time with sex. After decades of nothing but rejection for months at a time, I quit initiating anything!
Put the relationship and eachothers needs first. Prioritize your marriage and each other's needs over your job, career, and kids. Those that do not are part of the divorce statistics. It's pretty simple and straight forward
This was excellent
This comment section is dense with judgement and projection of unhealed wounds.
People! Calm down, take a breath, don’t take life so seriously, don’t let fear consume you. Lighten your heart, live and let live, life is too short. Peace and blessings on the journey.
"Being desired" should have a * on there.
*Depends on who
Women will make you feel guilty anyway. Whatever you will do.
I am wondering when do you know when you can talk about that though because what if you don't get into a secure relationship because you don't know if the person will be open to the things you want because if you talk about them before being in a secure relationship then as a woman talking about these things, men usually label you or perceive you a certain way?
The whole "how he dances is how he performs in bed"... hahaha. I've been to parties where not even one person could dance. Everyone was doing the "Elaine" from Seinfield. So they all are terrible sexually??
Probably. Both dancing and sex are about being in tune with your own and the other person's body.
I always noticed that from my boyfriends when I was a young woman. If a man is cut off from his sense of his own body, how can he possibly have a sense of how to move with love making?
@@Xianne027do u think that maybe performance Infront of crowds isn't for everyone after all most ppl don't have sex with a room full of people
@@Xianne027I don't think guys then or now are worried about showing you their prowess.
@@n2bfw884 Well then they shouldn't complain if we women are turned off when they show how disassociated they are with their own sense of their bodies.
It's a very poor analogy, she probably drools over male strippers& now wants every man to become one. Nimrod.
Pretty simple axis here. I have pretty much never seen a guy who doesn't improve his attention and care after getting more sex, but I have seen plenty of women who give less sex with more attention. Argument over.
huh?
Noted! Dance date! 😂😂
Twenty Five Percent -
*✨✊REPRESENT✊✨*
Lol exactly I have had a massive sex drive my whole post puberty life, 28 year old single female here, why am I here though I’m single
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v A woman with *too high* of a sex drive may get bored and want to cheat or want something new and so, torpedoes her long-term relationships. It'd be nice to have a woman with a high sex drive, but you open other problem doors with those types.
@@bbainter7880 as a woman with high libido I confirm
Unfortunately I get bored easily
I don't know what to do to fix it
No,driven to have sex,if a gift? Is a gift,that never gives for many most of the time.
2 years no s. E. X. ??!! How do we know this will happen in a relationship. Is there a way to tell that this will happen before you even get in it? I mean if chemistries there is that a telltale sign that you’ll have it long term because I had chemistry in my marriage that’s pretty much the only thing we had
So I guess chemistry wasn’t enough..?
even chemistry can change! u can change so much in a long marriage… who ur attracted to might completely change too 🤷♀️
80% in my experience. 👍😊
As a man, how do we balance a woman’s need to feel desired vs the prevalent advice that showing attention causes women to lose attraction because we appear to be “too available” or too much a nice guy / simp?? I tend to show a lot of attention and desire, but then eventually get walked over and pushed aside for someone who probably shows less attention.
That advice (that women do not want your attention) only applies to women who have been damaged. Healthy women appreciate your attention so long as it does not come across as neediness or suffocating/controlling. Same goes the other way around.
@@Gingerblaze Unless you are in your teens or early twenties, there essentially are no undamaged women available. Healthy, undamaged women enter into exclusive relationships early on because they are so valuable as partners and can generally have their pick of equally valuable men. So any man who doesn't get into a relationship with one has to learn how to get the most out of relationships with damaged and/or unhealthy women. It's a very challenging dynamic for men to navigate. The other way around feels similar, but is not the same, because women's attention is much more powerful and very rarely rejected like men's is, it's just that women don't give their attention out as readily because they are looking for other things.
You Got me with that one 😊 would like The answer too
" A partner that WANTS to have sex with us" ... got it right there
Great podcast!!! At 66 I’m learning a lot!!
Oh my goodness you look exactly like your mother!
As per usual: women, women, women, victims, victims, victims.
Here I am with "COO DOs & appreciation! YOU just hit, a, IN THE Ball Park stand up triple of a presentation! All as I sit in the upper deck in the cheap seats & eat Quiche out of a Tin- Can. And all as I search for Further Light ( that's on the level & by the square). My appreciation & exuberance of your VOO DOO is yours to the 9s! Some folk go through life thinking they were born hitting Stand Up Triples. Thanks, sincerely... for clearing this air! Respectfully a "ENTJ & ISTP PARD's" going on 53 years years now. Your spot on at a 1000 yards with a head shot & one Sierra Spitzer Round in a 9 mile per hr., down range cross wind with a HEAD SHOT! Semper Fi & -- VIRTUS JUNXIT MORS NON SEPARABIT --!4*
My husband of 7 years he doesn't try to pursue me. He barely even tries. But when other women come around his face seems to light up. He engages with his ex girlfriends online, and I'm so fried. I have no secure attachment it was thrown out the window when he kept suggesting threesomes and he barely cared about my needs in the bedroom and even outside the bedroom. I need warmth, friendship, loving gestures etc
Looks like you are not the sexual animal he would like you to be soo very much. Why don't you go along and enjoy the ride?
You look cute. I like you.
Yeah I don’t blame you that would upset me as well
Without a vibr ator they need 20 minutes? That is probably BECAUSE of the vibr ators! Gotta drop those toys so normal stimulation can do the trick
16:31 don’t know how many man lie when they say this shit . It’s not their words you pay attention to it’s their actions
Great video
My wife is, and always has been, firmly in the other 75% then.
Nice 👍 video, thanks 😊
It's hard work to keep the sexlife in your relationship fresh and active.
For 10 years what worked (very well) for us was swinging.
... Sadly when we took a pause from that, gradually what killed the sex life was extreme obesity.
Lessons: Experiment and talk openly about sex with your partner... And both partners have a responsibility to keep themselves in shape and attractive.
Yeesh
Would love to know whether Dr Laurie has reached menopause yet? The reason l ask this is that if she hasn't she would know that every thing her younger clients tell her is only of relevance to woman producing certain hormones, and should l say not on the contraceptive pill, which completely alters sexual appetites and desires. The views on having sex of woman before menopause bears no relevance to woman after menopause. These are the facts. Sex essentially is for woman per menopause. What appears afterward is something completely different. That if a woman has been with a man before menopause she has probably trained him to be a certain way when it comes to bedroom, gymnastics. After menopause, it is a different story. She may look at him from then on as though he is just so much dirty laundry, lying on the bedroom floor. Should he get retrained in her most recent views on the relevance of bedroom gymnastics is open to question. Menopause being such a life changing experience, can drag you back what you thought about boys before puberty, which is ewwwww, that thing doesn't get put in there does it? Why do we have sex at all? Hormones tell us to, with an over lay of various neuroses, CPTSD childhood experiences, and varying levels of emotional maturity, or intelligence. Whose making the decisions the damaged little kid stuck inside the adult body with all those raging hormones, or the totally evolved psychologically balanced and adjusted adult? Ever tried having a relationship without sex?
Menopause is a relation killer !!!
I've only ever experienced this once my unconscious choice at the time we were young and I no longer had it
20% are sexless after 2 years! I cant imagine living with the headache of marriage with sexual compensation
*without
Sexual compensation lol
Other guys I've mentioned this to don't seem to care, but in my relationships the women seem to always want to tell me a lot about their heavy flow days and discharges.
"Being desired is the O..." 13:13
19:15 princess cheated and prince Charles ! We have to understand that’s the old days . With all this technology and so many options. The mind is different people are willing to have sex and not be in a relationship because a relationship is a constant headache
18:35 This is true of me as a woman. I am typically not driven by lustful desire like men are.
Fortunately all of mine are.
If a man doesnt care about his wife's feelings, why are they still together? no openness no LOVE. what's the matter with these people?
People have issues and they aren’t willing to work out their issues - or they simply refuse. It’s not typically issues between the couple but issues with the individual. That’s why being open to constructive feedback and understanding that repeated behaviors that bring conflict need to be addressed at the root level.
he may still be with her as (long as) he manages to ignore her true (evo.psych) nature. and he better shouldn't have gotten himself in that mess, indeed. whatever his own issues are, potentially, rel.shit with an xx will squeeze even more tradeoff in (not solving anything, that is).
Opening up a broken relationship is still a broken relationship. I know dozens of successful open relationships. You'd be surprised at how many couples are actually open but don't say anything because of the judgement and sometimes very real fear of losing their careers.
The amount of swingers in conservative, Republican counties is staggering!! Although swinging and open and ENM and poly are all very different. There are numerous relationship styles and just like there isn't one kind of way to do monogamy, there isn't one kind of way that people open their relationships.
"The way men dance is the way he moves in the bed" ... wow
Yea sure, drummers and good dancers is good sex. Just take dance classes together, not everyone is a build a husband/wife.
This is the reason ALL women want you to Take them dancing.
It gives them a fun free night and safe bets. 😂 🤡
Some truth to that.
It was said with humor. It's about mind-body connection, coordination, and endurance.
It's possible that you can be a bad dancer but still be good in bed if you're attentive to your partner.
So if he dances good a time or two.
Then put his body weight on me slow dancing...omg
Then he lays in bed to be serviced,
Too many prostitutes in his life.
Usually you annoy me. I actually got something from this one.
Theres has to be attraction on both sides first then look at how well you connect please women need attraction just like men easy concept
When someone says that they have gone for years without sex, are they being hyperbolic or literal?
I mean, I know that some people define a sexless relationship as having sex once a month. Er, to me that's still having sex.
Literal.
Don't underestimate the number of relationships where the sex life is dead.
... For all sorts of reasons.
For me it was my wife's acquired obesity to the point of not being able to have normal sex.
For my girlfriend's case it was previously infidelity on behalf of her husband.
Wife and I were married for 10 years. Pretty sure we didn't hit triple digits.
That's what happens when you actually marry your best friend.
😂 Every "hookup" I've ever chosen to engage in I have an orgasm...and am able to achieve it in 5 mins if needed..yes I have timed it...several times 😂 A I can orgasm with anal sex as well...but w/simultaneous clitoral stimulation. I think women need to know theor own bodies before they expect any sexual partner to
Stay single. Stay happy.👍
🧢 this information is for guys that women don’t have desire for I.e. providers, husbands, live in bill payers, etc. this speaks to the epiphany phase. Good luck with that.
True
Facts
Yes. Women feel true burning desire for men that have options.
@@chrisgiles5653 That's why I've built my life around having options.
You guys are so clueless.
Minute 15:00 Men listen up.
📸 Commitment Kills Desire 😘❤️
That's a lie. Intimacy builds desire.
That's untrue.
Intimacy builds desire.
Push pull dynamics make S…x intense and I firmly disagree with her but they don’t do anything for safety in a relationship and we see this in very unhealthy relationships that are NOT safe! These dynamics can be toyed with in the bedroom thru fantasy but should NEVER be used in the emotional spear of the realtionship! These dynamics can also set up toxic Pavlovian dynamics that can destroy a persons psychological well being so only use them in S&M fantasy only!!!
Can you imagine more than 1 or 2 narcissists in a relationship together ?
Hell would be paid as the cost of admission!
Bruh.. who tf is wearing boots to bed ?😂
45:20 well… in such cases, as contextualised in the u.s., I’d feel inclined to investigate how her shape | bodywgt has evolved more recently, or which age bracket she’s come to. gents’ genuine attraction | desire (other than xx.s’ opportunistic attachment - as per briffault’s law) aren’t negotiable. and whatever some xx.s’ qualities otherwise, quite some xx.s’ physical presences just don’t turn anyone on anymore, as they maybe used to ‘in their days’. and to anyone into shame-guilting me out of this opinion: yes, you ARE the problem.
You’ve fked exactly zero women in your lifetime.
"Dr" can evoke more instant attention, being taken more seriously as a trustworthy authority.