Tough Love vs. Holding Boundaries 💪🏻
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- There is a very important difference between using tough love and holding your boundaries. One is much more effective than the other. Family recovery experts Campbell Manning and Amber Hollingsworth discuss the difference in these two concepts and how to apply them effectively (when you have an addicted loved one).
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You are both so helpful. I’ve been avoiding not allowing my 25 yo son to live with me between rehabs, sober living etc. because he has a seizure disorder and I have been using the fear of him having a seizure to stay trapped. I heard Campbell say she had her sons diabetes meds (I think I heard that) when she asked him to leave as the living arrangements weren’t working for her. The last couple of relapses my son has had took me down with him and I am very unwell now.
I have realized that only I can help myself out of this situation. I need the boundary of my son no longer living with me (there’s only the two of us involved) for my own health and sanity. I have steps to take to enact this boundary, I need to stop taking his rent money, and may need a protection order through family court to protect my self and my home if he shows up intoxicated again. I have talked to my son that it isn’t a punishment for him, but a protection for me. I’ve been enmeshed with his illness for so long that familia members, coworkers and friends are concerned about my health.
Thanks for this insight.
My life is so much different since learning about healthy boundaries! I thrive when I’m in control and I’l am 100% in control of my boundaries. I also enjoy sharing what I have learned with others, in hopes of helping them to be happier! 💞
Youall are so right ! Oh yes the charming child 😂
I can bet there was every trick in the book used on me ! When came to the tough love ,I said your not liveing here for the 50 the time but then they crawling in the windows at night , tryed to make an apartment out of my shed , tryed to live in a broken vehicle on the property , tried camping in the woods next to the house , lived in motels with other homeless addicts ,just unreal the lengths they will go to !
He drug his clothes around so much he ended up with only what he had on , but he was also selling our clothes ! It got to the piont that if he wasn't going to go to inpatient treatment we told him we were haveing him committed thru court
He was so mentally out of it we would have had no problem getting him into a mental institution ,
Yes the shock ,anger , jaw dropping ,sleepless nights , drama in the driveway with people he nor us knew ,cops showing up and me telling them to take him to jail and they said he has to break the law !!!!! I'm like look at him look what he has done ect. Then comes the tears and fears when you see they have lost themselves and you cannot reconize them at all ! But they go from very
Tricky to just out and out trying to haul off the mower while you standing right there and they saying I'll get you another one ! There are no rules an addict will not break !
I don't know how I've lived thru it but I know I needed thearapy for myself , It's the hardest thing I've ever lived thru ! I still live in a trauma state wondering if this will be the time he won't relapse , I truely think I'd have to just move away , And it does get worse and worse Everytime they stop for a week or 2 then there is a wild binge going to happen !And your right about not dreaming it can get that bad even in your wildest dreams , They truely do need someone to talk to , counselors are tuely needed , they actually need someone to tell them what they need to do or not do ! They are not happy with the life they are liveing when they get a little sobier!
Shame for me as mom went out the window early in his addiction ! I stayed in the OMG ! Stage for a good while ! Love hearing you all talk about all this because it truely does not go away over night or even if they get sober !
And they dig a hole but you also dig a hole , There is alot of shoveling going on for a while , It was all I could do to make myself go to work everyday and nothing else got done !
I did hide in the room because I did not want to talk to no one anymore !
I watched alot of videos
All night ! I did realize that I was so stubborn that I was not going to let him kill himself that I was so sick myself by the time he went to long term and stayed ,I had double pnemonia ,lost down to 92 pounds , and I looked as bad as the addict !
I would tell anyone that has a loved one in addiction to get a counselor ASAP in the beginning ,you won't think your going to need one becouse you've never experienced the depth that it will all go ! You will end up as alone as the addict if you don't have mental help for yourself !
This is a great video !
You all are very kind in words about the addict and their loved ones becouse we both become truely insane to put up with ! Thank you so much for your videos ❤️
This post explains exactly what I’m dealing with and how I’ve been feeling. Thanks for sharing.
Awesome video! Really helped me confirm that I am on the right path with boundaries! Campbell my session with you was supremely encouraging!! Thankyou.
Thanks Mona! 😁
Thanks Amber and Campbell. Great video! Love you two together! And thank you, Amber, I think you answered my question from another video comment. When you explained, “why should I have to hold my tongue…..when he did this or that”. What I’m hearing is that I can say the same thing, but what differentiates it from tough love vs holding boundaries is the motive and the tone I say it in. I’ll try and remember that.
You're right on target!, Theresa!
# replay; found this video helpful and true. I've been so guilty of being negative and dragging my sons self-esteem down. Hopefully I will learn to be more therapeutic.
Thank you ladies
Our pleasure! Thank you too!
Love this video so much! Advice given here is so clear and so doable!
So glad! 😃
Great advice AND explanation of the two!!
Sad I missed you live. 😕 Excited to watch this one!
36 yo son with addiction issues. Found out he was arrested again this evening. We are trying to decide whether to bail him out. This video is helpful. My instinct is to agree only if he’ll go to teen challenge or something similar, but maybe we should just let it all play out. I’m praying for guidance. Any thoughts?
My husband went to TC
My husband is hosting a party and asked if I was coming and I said I could stop by but if I'm honest being around around you when you're drinking makes makes me anxious and uncomfortable. Now he's ignoring me. Did I say it wrong?
Can you comment or make another video on parents who are not on the same page. One parent uses tough love, shaming, guilting etc.. I am thinking that it must be confusing for the loved one.
My partner is a functioning alcoholic i guess. I am worried about her n videos like urs are really helpful.thx
She is not mean or abusive when drunk...none of her behavior is negative except what she does do her body. That benign character makes it so much harder ....u know what i mean
It does make it more difficult to set boundaries if they are kind and considerate.
Hi tuff stuff
My boundaries are confused.
How can I join Campbell’s class for parents?
Here's the link: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/positive-parent-group