"The only people who are going to object when you start enforcing boundaries are the people who've been taking advantage of your lack of them." One of the best quote I've found on reddit. Thank you for this video, always relevant and thoughtful content on this channel!
I came to watch a video for various reasons. I left a very toxic work environment and started a new job 10 days ago. However, this is the first time I’ve had to write an email explaining that I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed, and what healthy boundaries I wanted to establish in order to help me and the company succeed. I was asked to orient someone when I’m essentially a new employee myself. As a medical clinician, I’ve already been asked by two of my colleagues to take on additional patients, once at lunchtime and one when I was ready to leave. I feel I am being taken advantage so early in my position. I’m aware the department is understaffed, but I also do want to set the precedent that this allowed. I come from a generation where you just put up and said yes to your employer. My last job almost nearly cost me my life. I cannot allow that to happen anymore.
the boss at my last job used to teams me incessantly at 6 am, I would often log on early around 7 but my official start time wasn't until 8 am and he would call me if I didn't respond to his messages and I would always think "ugh, it's too early for this shit, Patrick" I really wish I would've said that to him. during my performance review he used a five point rating scale and his description of a five was someone who never missed a day of work or used the vacation time and I chimed in with "so someone who doesn't use the PTO they earned? OK lol" and I stg I never rolled my eyes harder, he was always pressing my professional boundaries and I'm so glad I stood my ground and especially glad that I quit lol
My boss was sending me multiple “can you work on this” emails a day. This was in addition to requests from coworkers. I asked my boss to help me determine the best way to prioritize all these tasks. “I’m not going to prioritize your work for you.” I didn’t stay there very long.
Omg same! Next time i get this kind of BS i will assertively decline. "No i cant as im working on urgent & important task with deadline to meet. Unless u (the requester) are willing to be responsible for the delay of this task while im working this request, then i shall continue my work. Sorry for the inconvenience cause.
My supervisor proceeded to give me a 2 day deadline for a presentation (that was never used) during our conversation about my workload and prioritization.
My default answer to any special request is always no. If they persist, I'll look it over and decide if it's really urgent and worth my extra time. It's not, I have no problem repeating no until I get the message.
I would get that in writing if possible and then respond with "Ok, this is how I'm going to prioritize these tasks" and if they don't respond and something doesn't get done on time then you have a written record.
It's interesting that you're discussing this topic now. I'm a health educator who works with low resourced clients. Initially, there was more balance in my job role. Since the pandemic, too many people in management and my team have unrealistic expectations of how I can help clients. I was basically forced to help a client complete legal paperwork because the client doesn't have the capacity to do it. On the back end, I consulted our corporate compliance officer. Corporate compliance told me to disengage helping the client any further because it's outside of my job duties. I absolutely use my lunch hour to go on walks which helps. My supervisor hasn't been supportingme or addressing my concerns about the toxic environment. On Monday, I'm turning in my resignation. My coworkers take for granted that I consistently show up.
Normally, I would urge you to go to HR, have an attorney advise you, and fight this. If you are unable to get another job, that might be the best option, but you would be watching your back from that moment forward. That gets old, fast. Since you appear to be marketable, due to your willingness to just resign, you have probably made the best choice. There are many work environments out there which are not toxic. Find one. I sincerely wish you all the best.
@@SKBottom I appreciate your support and encouragement! Months ago, I applied for a federal position that someone suggested to me. I accepted the offer and will start that position mid June. I asked for my start date to be adjusted so I can take time between to decompress. Healthcare has become extremely toxic and unhealthy. It's probably exacerbated because I work with low resourced clients that are also socially complex to support. Since the pandemic, the workplace culture has become extremely cliquey, negatively critical, and Mean Girliah. I didn't deal with this in high school so it's a deal breaker at work.
I work in the same field as you, health promotion. I wanted to be a health educator so bad 2 years ago until I realized I no longer want to serve low income clients through program planning & interventions. I got stretched thin and want to preserve my energy. It took me 10 MONTHS to finally land an administrative assistant role so I can finally focus on the office and let the case managers or psychiatrists deal with applications
I’ve had several conversations like these with my current company. No luck at all. A conversation about prioritization was not enough to alleviate my workload; the conversation should really center what needs to be prioritized and what can be delegated to make my workload sustainable. A director threw a fit once because they wanted to schedule a non urgent meeting during my lunch so i declined and proposed a new time on a later day. Your crisis of being a yes person and not knowing how to say no is not my emergency or problem! My lunches and breaks are blocked on my calendar but they proceed to schedule meetings anyway. It’s a shame that we have to be so proactive in protecting our time. Needless to say, my mental health is more important than enduring tenure at a company who can replace me at any second. Employers don’t realize that occurrences like these are why companies are struggling with employee retention and why the “workforce” is in its current state.
Document everything if you decided to stay. Is they try to punish you or retaliate in any way, you will own them. You might contact an attorney now and have them advise you through this process. Until or Unless they get actually involved through the filing of a lawsuit and negotiation of a settlement, attorneys will sometimes advise you for free.
Trying to get you to work during lunch breaks or rest periods is illegal and can be easily documented and proven. If a company claims to not have such records, they're most likely lying, and claim they did not keep records, in which case, the lawyers will add another charge and fines into the mix, because of luck of record-keeping. With that, there might be other charges that will also be added, therefore more money to be asked in the settlement. Settlements on violations of lunch breaks, rest periods, working off the clock and unpaid overtime are very common, as there are timesheets records, based on which they calculate your paycheck. Keep copies of all your paycheck, because the lawyers will need those. Any time an employee misses a lunch break, the company has to add $25 to the workday for that employee. Other monstruosities happening on the job from which employees suffer, are harder to prove, as witnesses/coworkers often lie and go against you to keep their jobs. Other times, the owner threatens the employees with firing if they tell the truth and force them to sign a paper that essentially blames you for whatever. You really cannot trust anyone. Depending on state, video or audio recordings are the best. For example, in California, you cannot record a conversation without the other person's consent. But, that's stupid, because if the person knows they will say things that incriminates them, they will not consent. However, I say you should record away, all day, every day, because the ultimate goal of a lawsuit/settlement is to find the truth. So, after recording in secret, you can ask the judge for consent to turn in the transcripts of the recordings. The judge will likely say yes. Then, if the judge wants to see the video/audio of such transcripts, he will ask for them. So, it happens were "unconsented recorded" evidence is admitted in court as acceptable evidence, to get to the truth. All the best!
I am very unpopular where I work, but I (a) always have my lunch, (b) always use my vacation time, and (c) never get used for administrative assistant work. They don't like it, I get a lot of passive-aggressive comments, they try to guilt me into it, but I always address them directly asking them if there's anything they have to say. They never do. Those people are not my friends or "family" as they want to call themselves, but my wellbeing is more important than any of their nonsense. I'm "not a team player" according to them, so what?
This is fantastic. At my first professional job, after military, I let myself be abused by my Lead. I didn't establish healthy boundaries at the beginning. He would make me do his work and take credit for it, make racist and sexually inappropriate comments. After 3-years I blew up at work. However, by then it was too late and it was now a constant fight and openly hostile environment whenever I said "no". I ended up having to leave that job because my career and reputation was ruined by not establishing boundaries from Day 1. I wish I didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way.
Yeah if anything don’t ever be nice to these types of pieces of shit. Remember, respect and niceness are two different things. Niceness involves being a people-pleaser and not having good boundaries. I have faith that you will find a better employer and set of co-workers. You’re definitely not alone and the second someone tries to overstep your boundaries, you put them right in their place no matter how harsh. People will generally always treat you the way you let them treat you! Peace and blessings ☮️✌️
bruh....... I feel your pain. i am in cyber security and i deal with arrogant young managers that think putting all work load on new person is a joke. at some point you're going to have to come first and say no
LOL My old bosses said "you need to get all this done no matter, you'll just have to work more hours." I responded by saying "these are the things that will be done and in this order by EOD" IT would not be the entire list. They would not get anyone less busy to help, or speak to the higher ups to let them know there was an issue. They were basically trying to get me fired. I moved Departments where that stopped.
Let me guess - you probably noticed how your old bosses would tap dance whenever they failed to get something done. Where was THEIR time management skills??
This was great, thank you! I just entered a union position at a huge company but in a very small department. After 25+ years as a principal in small biz where I felt my salary deemed undivided attention 😳, followed by 2 yrs of freelance where I was always thinking about how to wedge productivity in, I’m now, as an hourly, learning to set boundaries. It’s so hard to turn off! But I’ve noticed my weekends feel so much more free. I’ll get this 😊
An employer worth staying with will take measures to make sure that you are not put into these positions... If you feel overwhelmed, tell them. If they fail to respond leave & go elsewhere.
I recently left a job where my boss kept giving me random assignments on top of an untenable workload. The company also had a mandatory "camera on" culture for all meetings where not everyone was in the same room - In the remote/hybrid world, that was every single meeting. Good riddance and goodbye, LOL.
Luckily I used to work remotely at a call center and we had to keep our cameras off to avoid lagging. I interviewed with a staffing/temp firm and they wanted cameras on at all times and weren’t flexible with working remotely OUTSIDE of home. They give desktop computers so you can’t just work remote at a coffee shop, library, or beach
4:28 this is such a powerful sentence to use. My additional boundary when working from home (related with Tip 7) is to put away my work laptop and work phone so it's out of sight once the workday is done. Great trick when you share work and private spaces while working remote.
A hard line I learned to draw is stating I will not lie. Not for a boss, not for a company. We ordered the wrong article and construction will be delayed 6-8 weeks? That is what I will tell the customer. I'll try to soften the blow; promise to keep them in the loop, alert them to changes, schedule a conference, offer a little extra (or reduce the total) ... and nearly all customers appreciate the honesty and end up praising the team. I had a boss who'd constantly try to lie and did it badly. He'd refuse to take calls from angry customers and instead expected me to deal with them. Great learning experience but not exactly enjoyable.
I just switch to a new department with better pay and a fresh start. I think me and my new supervisor sees eye to eye on certain things we were talking about micromanagement and she feels it’s unnecessary as long as the job gets done. I told her micromanagement would be better enforced if the work is consistently sloppy and not being done on a timely manner which would then require discipline and should not be seen as a form of punishment or power tripping! Unfortunately this is something my former supervisor did not really comprehend and stuck to being the micromanager she truly is regardless of the quality of work her subordinates gave her! I agree with you in cases like that it’s time to quit and look for a new job!
At my last job they were so understaffed most of the people who worked there like 7-8 hours with no breaks. They would say their "break" was eating random unsold food there while still working.
It's almost never worth staying employed there unless corrective action is taken after speaking up, which almost never happens. Having had to work under micromanagers, narcissistic people, etc early in my career, I can tell you that it will NOT change. If the person/people above you are dicks, and you are NOT a dick, then you really have two options: 1: Stay/wait it out. Maybe you can switch departments of you otherwise enjoy working for the company. 2: Start looking for other employment and immediately jump ship after new employment is secured. I absolutely refuse to do business with anyone who is disrespectful of my time.
My current job is the first time I've worked a desk job that wasn't a call center, so it took me a bit to adjust to how things were done here. I don't have designated break times, but I feel bad if I'm not at my desk at all times, and so I now only have a lunch and somewhere mid-morning, I sneak away to grab a quick breakfast, or if I need to use the bathroom. My lunch though is an hour, which was in short supply as a call center agent. I was able to pick my lunch time, so I set it later in the day so that I don't have long afterwards until the end of the day. Additionally, I work from home, so I can nap during that hour if the lack of a break (or, more likely, insomnia from the night before) causes problems. The two people training me informed that it's alright if I reach out to them for help during their lunches and unfortunately, because I'm the first person most people who call will speak to and we handle a lot of things, sometimes I get stumped and do reach out. However, I've let them know that I really hate doing it and that lunch is a time to recharge. Similarly, if my Slack gets a ping during lunch, I will not always answer it. We can see when someone has gone to lunch since we have to change our statuses, so we know not to bother them. Our workplace is only 8 to 5 and it's not pushed for us to work beyond that (though sometimes the devs do...but they're probably paid way better than us on the operations side, lol. Their work is also always thanked in meetings and promotions at this company are not a foreign thing, so they'll definitely be recognized for it). I do sit down to do some work around 10PM Sunday through Thursday, though. This was not asked of me, it's something I chose to do and prefer it. This let's me pre-compose emails to send off in the mornings and listen to voicemails that I can research before calling the person the next morning. This makes the next day start off easier, especially if a website crashes as so often happens, meaning a flood of incoming calls I have to handle (this would make it very difficult to do those emails and callbacks). And if everything doesn't crash and burn for the day, I can watch TH-cam while waiting for a call, which is always awesome. The last thing suggested (but not mandated) was for me to maybe handle certain calls and emails that are a little more time sensitive on the weekend. I've yet to work those in, because I'm scared of that really becoming the point where I'm never getting a break from my job, always working seven days a week. My 10PM catch-ups is perfect for me and I don't really want to shift away from thatt. Besides, you start helping people during your off hours and they begin to always expect that of you and I'm not trying to open that box.
What does your contract say? If you're not obliged to work after your regular hours, ask them how they mean to compensate you. Get that in writing. If they aren't willing to do that, start looking for another job.
@@p.s.shnabel3409 I'm not obliged to work afterhours, that's why I said it was suggested to me. I'm salaried but I'm non-exempt, so I do get paid overtime if I do the extra work. It was suggested because of those with time-sensitive issues. As another example, I fell asleep before I meant to last night, waking up at 12AM. I needed to do my 10PM pre-written emails. I found that not only were there emails and calls from people needing things that day, but seemed something went offline with one of our websites, causing lots of people to not be able to get documents they'd paid for. Had I signed in early in the weekend, I could've sent a message to a dev who optionally (emphasis on optionally) could've looked into it or left it for Monday. Thankfully, by the time I was creating my answers for everyone, the website was back up (not sure if it resolved itself or if indeed a dev handled it), and I was able to just use the order numbers given to me in most of the emails to attach their requested documents. It took an hour to answer all of those and listen to a few voicemails and have everything set for 8AM to send everything out. This made my job much easier, because by 8:30, I'd done my emails and callbacks and could relax for awhile. I'll still mull it over as to if I want to do anything over the weekend. It's the "right" thing to do (for example, one of the agencies we work with is for the law enforcement and boat renewals. People may want to renew a boat tag on the weekend so they can use it. If they need assistance and no one helps them...then they can't use their boats legally. Some people are only free on the weekends, like myself. Now I've stripped them of a weekend). But again, I do like my weekend rest, so this will be something I'll keep thinking over.
@@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley There's always a reason why people need your services And if you let them, they'll work you into the ground. That's why boundaries are important. Be it work, family, friends. Reasonable people will respect your boundaries and value you just as much. I'm not sure, though, that I'm not pushing your boundaries right now myself. If you are feeling uncomfortable with my opinion, I am sorry. After all this is your life. Live it as you think best. Be well and I hope you find the best solution for yourself.
Regarding the recommendation for responding to a boss who consistently adds new ‘high priority’ last minute items to your daily list, I have always provided to them the existing list of high priorities then asked what can be moved to accommodate the new additions. This worked most times but I had two bosses who responded that doing that (ie listing current priorities then asking for help in re-prioritizing to accomplish new items) would hurt my career and that I needed to manage my time better to get everything done in order to meet the needs of the business. What should be the response to that? Other than quit. Also, I’ve had bosses explain that they often ask for things from their direct reports when they have no idea about the specifics of what they are asking for nor do they know what the thing they are asking for requires to perform. So they say ‘this should only take you 15 minutes to do’. He then said ‘so we need you to take the action, take the initiative, figure out what is needed, and then make it successful’. But don’t remind them of all of the other high priority items on your plate that they’ve given you that also need to get done, lol.
I am working as a medical representative for about 6 years in a company distributing wound care products. About 1.5 years ago I was also named Product Manager. It looks like that, in addition to driving as a representative to customers over a large area, I also have the duties of a product manager for the products we have from two manufacturers. This is a lot of office work that must be done accurately and on time. This work interferes with the work of a representative that I cannot do well. Although before, I had no problem making a sales bonus, now I do not always succeed. Ultimately, at the meetings, my work as a product manager is of little importance, mainly the sales results of individual representatives are summarized. I would also like to say that in both product groups that I deal with, the company significantly exceeded its goals last year. I have already talked to the management on this topic many times, and I have also resigned (I withdrawn it after an agreement), but I do not see any possibility to change this situation. I do not want and I will not work all the time. I have four children and I don't really see any way out of this situation.
Most of the time when I'm on calls working we're sharing screens and focused on the work so there's no need for a camera. I did recently buy a webcam for interviews and more traditional meetings though.
My company does not recgonize boundaries.... Because I'm a logistics coordinator if dispatch calls drivers and they don't answer they immediately call me for help. They went so far as to blowing up my phone when I told them I was unavailable because I was at my uncle's funeral. They don't care , if I do t respond in what they think is a timely manner they call my boss... It's pretty terrible.
I found it's always nice to have at least a casual relationship with an attorney who can advise you in such matters. It's usually free or otherwise not very expensive, until they get actively involved through negotiations, the filing of a lawsuit, etc.
I am an Instructional Designer and eLearning Developer, and I get a lot of requests from people thinking that my job is to decorate PowerPoint presentations, expecting me to "fluff it up" for them. I get requests for people to format word documents and to sort data in Excel spreadsheets for them simply because they don't want to bother doing it on their own. What I did is that I googled "how to politely communicate that it's not my job", and found a piece of communication that I adapted for my purposes. I saved it as an email template, and every time I receive one of those ridiculous requests, I just use the same reply. It emphasizes that "to be fair to everyone" I cannot say yes to some and no to others, and that people are not to abuse my helpful nature. I've gotten a few passive-aggressive replies, but overall people are respectful and sometimes even apologetic and back off.
@uacbpa, i am a data designer who is trying to move into ux research and the "make my powerpoint pretty" requests are RELENTLESS for me too! In fact, I literally turned one down today.. Would you mind sharing more about the wording of your email response, so i can try it?
People can be very blind to how much work and effort go into "invisible" services. It's a conundrum. On one side we want our work to be so good, it just blends into a great experience. On the other hand, I've found many don't respect the effort they can't see. Cringe as it is, these days I point it out and force people to take note.
@@p.s.shnabel3409 I agree. I get that a lot. I have gotten people who are so ignorant that they think that I did a good quality design because I have "too much time to do it" and then they give me more work. All simply because I can deliver a quality product fast.
@@jillianw731 It's unbelievable that those ignorant people think that (a) that's our job and (b) it's not their job to use PowerPoint properly. Good luck, and make sure to set some boundaries.
yeah i laugh if anyone at work expects anything to be done by end of work day after 4p. and phone and laptop turn off after 8h. best to set these standards early on.
@@Schmoopie56 I don't even check or read my personal email right before bed. If it's that important, I'd have gotten a call or letter. All else can wait until the next morning.
I had a manager at a toxic job who would constantly send me emails at 7am on weekend mornings and text messages after 8 at night on my personal cell phone. I also got a text on my phone in the middle of a Saturday afternoon telling me he just sent me a document requiring revisions that he wanted to have done by the next day (Sunday morning). He was a workaholic and frankly an *ssh*le.
My employer has no awareness of what tasks are being done by whom and when, or sometimes what tasks even are or what they are called and they always act so surprised when you're doing too much work like as if it's not even their job to assign tasks. It's insane.
Hi i am a young and green recruiter. I know that virtual interviews are harder, in terms of assessing body language, but there are some signs that you can pick up over video call. In your opinion is it ok to tell candidates to turn their camera or just ask? If they refuse is it ok to try to push (non aggressively)? P. S. Sorry English is my second language.
Where do you go though? Almost every workplace I have seen is the same. A massive pressure cooker where they squeeze every last drop. If you don't cooperate - you're done. Family and friends....same thing. Where do you go to find a non-toxic workplace?
This is what I kept asking myself whenever hearing about the "Great Resignation" - people leaving for greener pastures where they were supposedly better valued/treated better, where exactly are they all going that's so wonderful? If you figure out how to find a non-toxic workplace, please let me know!
You seem to be more geared to office workers. I work at a job where they have me work over 10 hours. How do you set boundaries to prevent this from becoming a habit for them? I was hired as part time but I am working full time hours.
But if I quit, I won’t be able to collect unemployment? My company is unstable and there is no definite job description for my position so they fired 3 people, one of them being my boss, and except us to carry that work load without a pay increase. I’m not okay with that. Then when I leave for an emergency, I get called on my cellphone to “talk about something”. We have PTO, I have the hours to spend, I don’t need to give you a reason. I just want out.
believe colleges and universities should limit the number of students they accept, so that way by the time student graduate they can have better opportunities. if you look at the job market the number of graduates from college and the number of jobs is not munching. @life after layoff can you make one vide on this issue?
Here is a question for you. I am really confused by this job posting, and it sure is a boundary issue. The job title is Sr. Technical writer. OK. So I read on to the rest of the job description, and it says this: "Ability to lead, manage, plan, and direct the work of business systems analysis personnel." What? Technical writers do not normally manage the BAs. It seems strange to me. The position is not described as managerial anywhere else in the posting. This is boundaries crossing before even applying for the job.
One older colleague of mine likes to do a lot of meaningless monologues that masquerade as conversations, mostly lamentations of how his life sucks and the world is on fire, blah blah blah... "In the olden days, people used to show more respect" and some stupid shit like that for like 30 minutes on end. Not even a boomer, but it appears that the most effective response is just "ok" lol. I try to take the energy out of his monologues when he talks at me. When there are multiple people around, he would normally gravitate towards the more responsive victim. And at the first opportunity, I'd just go for a toilet break. Since I also live close to work, sometimes I just continue from home, especially when there aren't many people around he could talk at. He's not even trying to give me more work or anything purposeful, just purely a deadbeat being a deadbeat. And yet he keeps wondering why people don't want to have deeper engagements with him. Like wtf bruh, why WOULD they???
If you need to set boundaries - this is actually alarm that there is toxic people on the other side. Then, if you try to modulate it, and reason with it - you end up being in Karpman Drama Triangle, starting with the role of victim, where you get advice from Rescuer. This dynamics is codependency- and codependency also include "helpful tips" and following good "advice". The reality is if you feel pressure due to boundaries being pushed - it is the only way this will end is with quitting that job. Problem is when you live in shame culture country or in poor part of world where you cannot find another job that easily. So instead of complex guidance and instructions which will be lost anyways due to psychological concept known as Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve - I would keep it nice and simple. This means what to do when you cannot force your boundaries? That question is never covered by mentors. Instead, we are instructed that we live in constant state of hypervigilance and regard the world as dangerous place. We are not explained to make mentality shift - for example that if we have external reference locus of control where we want to make a lot of money by being in toxic workplace only to impress other people around us. Then this urge to impress others is true problem that keeps us stuck in toxic environment. Once we work on our trauma issues, it will reflect on chunk of ice that is above the water - such as seeking issue for "setting healthy boundaries at work"
Oh my god! I thought I was going crazy. I kept having to pause the video to try to figure out what is making that beeping noise. Thank you very much for letting me know it was the video and not something on my end!
I used to make myself available to everyone for any reason until the promotion I was qualified for was given to an ass kisser with zero experience. Now the rock star has left the building. I have quiet quit.
"The only people who are going to object when you start enforcing boundaries are the people who've been taking advantage of your lack of them." One of the best quote I've found on reddit. Thank you for this video, always relevant and thoughtful content on this channel!
Very true.
Truth Bomb!
I came to watch a video for various reasons. I left a very toxic work environment and started a new job 10 days ago. However, this is the first time I’ve had to write an email explaining that I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed, and what healthy boundaries I wanted to establish in order to help me and the company succeed. I was asked to orient someone when I’m essentially a new employee myself. As a medical clinician, I’ve already been asked by two of my colleagues to take on additional patients, once at lunchtime and one when I was ready to leave. I feel I am being taken advantage so early in my position. I’m aware the department is understaffed, but I also do want to set the precedent that this allowed.
I come from a generation where you just put up and said yes to your employer. My last job almost nearly cost me my life. I cannot allow that to happen anymore.
the boss at my last job used to teams me incessantly at 6 am, I would often log on early around 7 but my official start time wasn't until 8 am and he would call me if I didn't respond to his messages and I would always think "ugh, it's too early for this shit, Patrick" I really wish I would've said that to him. during my performance review he used a five point rating scale and his description of a five was someone who never missed a day of work or used the vacation time and I chimed in with "so someone who doesn't use the PTO they earned? OK lol" and I stg I never rolled my eyes harder, he was always pressing my professional boundaries and I'm so glad I stood my ground and especially glad that I quit lol
My boss was sending me multiple “can you work on this” emails a day. This was in addition to requests from coworkers.
I asked my boss to help me determine the best way to prioritize all these tasks.
“I’m not going to prioritize your work for you.”
I didn’t stay there very long.
Omg same! Next time i get this kind of BS i will assertively decline. "No i cant as im working on urgent & important task with deadline to meet. Unless u (the requester) are willing to be responsible for the delay of this task while im working this request, then i shall continue my work. Sorry for the inconvenience cause.
My supervisor proceeded to give me a 2 day deadline for a presentation (that was never used) during our conversation about my workload and prioritization.
My default answer to any special request is always no. If they persist, I'll look it over and decide if it's really urgent and worth my extra time. It's not, I have no problem repeating no until I get the message.
Oh that's an easy one. Just say no cause you have higher priority items.
I would get that in writing if possible and then respond with "Ok, this is how I'm going to prioritize these tasks" and if they don't respond and something doesn't get done on time then you have a written record.
It's interesting that you're discussing this topic now. I'm a health educator who works with low resourced clients. Initially, there was more balance in my job role. Since the pandemic, too many people in management and my team have unrealistic expectations of how I can help clients.
I was basically forced to help a client complete legal paperwork because the client doesn't have the capacity to do it. On the back end, I consulted our corporate compliance officer. Corporate compliance told me to disengage helping the client any further because it's outside of my job duties. I absolutely use my lunch hour to go on walks which helps.
My supervisor hasn't been supportingme or addressing my concerns about the toxic environment. On Monday, I'm turning in my resignation. My coworkers take for granted that I consistently show up.
Normally, I would urge you to go to HR, have an attorney advise you, and fight this.
If you are unable to get another job, that might be the best option, but you would be watching your back from that moment forward. That gets old, fast.
Since you appear to be marketable, due to your willingness to just resign, you have probably made the best choice.
There are many work environments out there which are not toxic. Find one.
I sincerely wish you all the best.
@@SKBottom I appreciate your support and encouragement! Months ago, I applied for a federal position that someone suggested to me. I accepted the offer and will start that position mid June. I asked for my start date to be adjusted so I can take time between to decompress.
Healthcare has become extremely toxic and unhealthy. It's probably exacerbated because I work with low resourced clients that are also socially complex to support.
Since the pandemic, the workplace culture has become extremely cliquey, negatively critical, and Mean Girliah. I didn't deal with this in high school so it's a deal breaker at work.
Good for you
I work in the same field as you, health promotion. I wanted to be a health educator so bad 2 years ago until I realized I no longer want to serve low income clients through program planning & interventions. I got stretched thin and want to preserve my energy. It took me 10 MONTHS to finally land an administrative assistant role so I can finally focus on the office and let the case managers or psychiatrists deal with applications
Overall I want to leave the human services field all together and be in technology
I’ve had several conversations like these with my current company. No luck at all. A conversation about prioritization was not enough to alleviate my workload; the conversation should really center what needs to be prioritized and what can be delegated to make my workload sustainable. A director threw a fit once because they wanted to schedule a non urgent meeting during my lunch so i declined and proposed a new time on a later day. Your crisis of being a yes person and not knowing how to say no is not my emergency or problem! My lunches and breaks are blocked on my calendar but they proceed to schedule meetings anyway. It’s a shame that we have to be so proactive in protecting our time. Needless to say, my mental health is more important than enduring tenure at a company who can replace me at any second. Employers don’t realize that occurrences like these are why companies are struggling with employee retention and why the “workforce” is in its current state.
Document everything if you decided to stay. Is they try to punish you or retaliate in any way, you will own them.
You might contact an attorney now and have them advise you through this process. Until or
Unless they get actually involved through the filing of a lawsuit and negotiation of a settlement, attorneys will sometimes advise you for free.
Trying to get you to work during lunch breaks or rest periods is illegal and can be easily documented and proven.
If a company claims to not have such records, they're most likely lying, and claim they did not keep records, in which case, the lawyers will add another charge and fines into the mix, because of luck of record-keeping. With that, there might be other charges that will also be added, therefore more money to be asked in the settlement.
Settlements on violations of lunch breaks, rest periods, working off the clock and unpaid overtime are very common, as there are timesheets records, based on which they calculate your paycheck. Keep copies of all your paycheck, because the lawyers will need those.
Any time an employee misses a lunch break, the company has to add $25 to the workday for that employee.
Other monstruosities happening on the job from which employees suffer, are harder to prove, as witnesses/coworkers often lie and go against you to keep their jobs. Other times, the owner threatens the employees with firing if they tell the truth and force them to sign a paper that essentially blames you for whatever.
You really cannot trust anyone.
Depending on state, video or audio recordings are the best.
For example, in California, you cannot record a conversation without the other person's consent. But, that's stupid, because if the person knows they will say things that incriminates them, they will not consent.
However, I say you should record away, all day, every day, because the ultimate goal of a lawsuit/settlement is to find the truth.
So, after recording in secret, you can ask the judge for consent to turn in the transcripts of the recordings. The judge will likely say yes. Then, if the judge wants to see the video/audio of such transcripts, he will ask for them. So, it happens were "unconsented recorded" evidence is admitted in court as acceptable evidence, to get to the truth.
All the best!
I am very unpopular where I work, but I (a) always have my lunch, (b) always use my vacation time, and (c) never get used for administrative assistant work. They don't like it, I get a lot of passive-aggressive comments, they try to guilt me into it, but I always address them directly asking them if there's anything they have to say. They never do. Those people are not my friends or "family" as they want to call themselves, but my wellbeing is more important than any of their nonsense. I'm "not a team player" according to them, so what?
So true. I made the mistake of staying in a toxic work place waaayyy too long.
This is fantastic. At my first professional job, after military, I let myself be abused by my Lead. I didn't establish healthy boundaries at the beginning. He would make me do his work and take credit for it, make racist and sexually inappropriate comments. After 3-years I blew up at work. However, by then it was too late and it was now a constant fight and openly hostile environment whenever I said "no". I ended up having to leave that job because my career and reputation was ruined by not establishing boundaries from Day 1.
I wish I didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way.
Yeah if anything don’t ever be nice to these types of pieces of shit. Remember, respect and niceness are two different things. Niceness involves being a people-pleaser and not having good boundaries. I have faith that you will find a better employer and set of co-workers. You’re definitely not alone and the second someone tries to overstep your boundaries, you put them right in their place no matter how harsh. People will generally always treat you the way you let them treat you! Peace and blessings ☮️✌️
bruh....... I feel your pain. i am in cyber security and i deal with arrogant young managers that think putting all work load on new person is a joke. at some point you're going to have to come first and say no
What a story. It's great that you learned that lesson after 3 years as too many people unfortunately don't do that :(
LOL My old bosses said "you need to get all this done no matter, you'll just have to work more hours." I responded by saying "these are the things that will be done and in this order by EOD" IT would not be the entire list. They would not get anyone less busy to help, or speak to the higher ups to let them know there was an issue. They were basically trying to get me fired. I moved Departments where that stopped.
Let me guess - you probably noticed how your old bosses would tap dance whenever they failed to get something done. Where was THEIR time management skills??
@@SwimminWitDaFishies one does wonder :)
This was great, thank you! I just entered a union position at a huge company but in a very small department. After 25+ years as a principal in small biz where I felt my salary deemed undivided attention 😳, followed by 2 yrs of freelance where I was always thinking about how to wedge productivity in, I’m now, as an hourly, learning to set boundaries. It’s so hard to turn off! But I’ve noticed my weekends feel so much more free. I’ll get this 😊
An employer worth staying with will take measures to make sure that you are not put into these positions... If you feel overwhelmed, tell them. If they fail to respond leave & go elsewhere.
I recently left a job where my boss kept giving me random assignments on top of an untenable workload. The company also had a mandatory "camera on" culture for all meetings where not everyone was in the same room - In the remote/hybrid world, that was every single meeting. Good riddance and goodbye, LOL.
Luckily I used to work remotely at a call center and we had to keep our cameras off to avoid lagging. I interviewed with a staffing/temp firm and they wanted cameras on at all times and weren’t flexible with working remotely OUTSIDE of home. They give desktop computers so you can’t just work remote at a coffee shop, library, or beach
4:28 this is such a powerful sentence to use.
My additional boundary when working from home (related with Tip 7) is to put away my work laptop and work phone so it's out of sight once the workday is done. Great trick when you share work and private spaces while working remote.
A hard line I learned to draw is stating I will not lie. Not for a boss, not for a company.
We ordered the wrong article and construction will be delayed 6-8 weeks? That is what I will tell the customer.
I'll try to soften the blow; promise to keep them in the loop, alert them to changes, schedule a conference, offer a little extra (or reduce the total) ... and nearly all customers appreciate the honesty and end up praising the team.
I had a boss who'd constantly try to lie and did it badly. He'd refuse to take calls from angry customers and instead expected me to deal with them.
Great learning experience but not exactly enjoyable.
I just switch to a new department with better pay and a fresh start. I think me and my new supervisor sees eye to eye on certain things we were talking about micromanagement and she feels it’s unnecessary as long as the job gets done. I told her micromanagement would be better enforced if the work is consistently sloppy and not being done on a timely manner which would then require discipline and should not be seen as a form of punishment or power tripping! Unfortunately this is something my former supervisor did not really comprehend and stuck to being the micromanager she truly is regardless of the quality of work her subordinates gave her! I agree with you in cases like that it’s time to quit and look for a new job!
Thank You! Nice Summary! Valid points!
At my last job they were so understaffed most of the people who worked there like 7-8 hours with no breaks. They would say their "break" was eating random unsold food there while still working.
You just described my last 10 years…
It's almost never worth staying employed there unless corrective action is taken after speaking up, which almost never happens.
Having had to work under micromanagers, narcissistic people, etc early in my career, I can tell you that it will NOT change. If the person/people above you are dicks, and you are NOT a dick, then you really have two options:
1: Stay/wait it out. Maybe you can switch departments of you otherwise enjoy working for the company.
2: Start looking for other employment and immediately jump ship after new employment is secured.
I absolutely refuse to do business with anyone who is disrespectful of my time.
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I tried setting work life balance boundaries and got terminated In the first 6 months due to it not being a good fit. Currently entertaining a lawsuit
Great video as always 👍🏽
My current job is the first time I've worked a desk job that wasn't a call center, so it took me a bit to adjust to how things were done here. I don't have designated break times, but I feel bad if I'm not at my desk at all times, and so I now only have a lunch and somewhere mid-morning, I sneak away to grab a quick breakfast, or if I need to use the bathroom. My lunch though is an hour, which was in short supply as a call center agent. I was able to pick my lunch time, so I set it later in the day so that I don't have long afterwards until the end of the day. Additionally, I work from home, so I can nap during that hour if the lack of a break (or, more likely, insomnia from the night before) causes problems.
The two people training me informed that it's alright if I reach out to them for help during their lunches and unfortunately, because I'm the first person most people who call will speak to and we handle a lot of things, sometimes I get stumped and do reach out. However, I've let them know that I really hate doing it and that lunch is a time to recharge. Similarly, if my Slack gets a ping during lunch, I will not always answer it. We can see when someone has gone to lunch since we have to change our statuses, so we know not to bother them.
Our workplace is only 8 to 5 and it's not pushed for us to work beyond that (though sometimes the devs do...but they're probably paid way better than us on the operations side, lol. Their work is also always thanked in meetings and promotions at this company are not a foreign thing, so they'll definitely be recognized for it). I do sit down to do some work around 10PM Sunday through Thursday, though. This was not asked of me, it's something I chose to do and prefer it. This let's me pre-compose emails to send off in the mornings and listen to voicemails that I can research before calling the person the next morning. This makes the next day start off easier, especially if a website crashes as so often happens, meaning a flood of incoming calls I have to handle (this would make it very difficult to do those emails and callbacks). And if everything doesn't crash and burn for the day, I can watch TH-cam while waiting for a call, which is always awesome.
The last thing suggested (but not mandated) was for me to maybe handle certain calls and emails that are a little more time sensitive on the weekend. I've yet to work those in, because I'm scared of that really becoming the point where I'm never getting a break from my job, always working seven days a week. My 10PM catch-ups is perfect for me and I don't really want to shift away from thatt. Besides, you start helping people during your off hours and they begin to always expect that of you and I'm not trying to open that box.
What does your contract say? If you're not obliged to work after your regular hours, ask them how they mean to compensate you.
Get that in writing.
If they aren't willing to do that, start looking for another job.
@@p.s.shnabel3409 I'm not obliged to work afterhours, that's why I said it was suggested to me. I'm salaried but I'm non-exempt, so I do get paid overtime if I do the extra work. It was suggested because of those with time-sensitive issues. As another example, I fell asleep before I meant to last night, waking up at 12AM. I needed to do my 10PM pre-written emails. I found that not only were there emails and calls from people needing things that day, but seemed something went offline with one of our websites, causing lots of people to not be able to get documents they'd paid for. Had I signed in early in the weekend, I could've sent a message to a dev who optionally (emphasis on optionally) could've looked into it or left it for Monday.
Thankfully, by the time I was creating my answers for everyone, the website was back up (not sure if it resolved itself or if indeed a dev handled it), and I was able to just use the order numbers given to me in most of the emails to attach their requested documents. It took an hour to answer all of those and listen to a few voicemails and have everything set for 8AM to send everything out.
This made my job much easier, because by 8:30, I'd done my emails and callbacks and could relax for awhile. I'll still mull it over as to if I want to do anything over the weekend. It's the "right" thing to do (for example, one of the agencies we work with is for the law enforcement and boat renewals. People may want to renew a boat tag on the weekend so they can use it. If they need assistance and no one helps them...then they can't use their boats legally. Some people are only free on the weekends, like myself. Now I've stripped them of a weekend). But again, I do like my weekend rest, so this will be something I'll keep thinking over.
@@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley There's always a reason why people need your services
And if you let them, they'll work you into the ground.
That's why boundaries are important.
Be it work, family, friends.
Reasonable people will respect your boundaries and value you just as much.
I'm not sure, though, that I'm not pushing your boundaries right now myself. If you are feeling uncomfortable with my opinion, I am sorry.
After all this is your life. Live it as you think best. Be well and I hope you find the best solution for yourself.
dude your videos are great, thank you
Regarding the recommendation for responding to a boss who consistently adds new ‘high priority’ last minute items to your daily list, I have always provided to them the existing list of high priorities then asked what can be moved to accommodate the new additions. This worked most times but I had two bosses who responded that doing that (ie listing current priorities then asking for help in re-prioritizing to accomplish new items) would hurt my career and that I needed to manage my time better to get everything done in order to meet the needs of the business. What should be the response to that? Other than quit.
Also, I’ve had bosses explain that they often ask for things from their direct reports when they have no idea about the specifics of what they are asking for nor do they know what the thing they are asking for requires to perform. So they say ‘this should only take you 15 minutes to do’. He then said ‘so we need you to take the action, take the initiative, figure out what is needed, and then make it successful’. But don’t remind them of all of the other high priority items on your plate that they’ve given you that also need to get done, lol.
I am working as a medical representative for about 6 years in a company distributing wound care products. About 1.5 years ago I was also named Product Manager. It looks like that, in addition to driving as a representative to customers over a large area, I also have the duties of a product manager for the products we have from two manufacturers. This is a lot of office work that must be done accurately and on time. This work interferes with the work of a representative that I cannot do well. Although before, I had no problem making a sales bonus, now I do not always succeed. Ultimately, at the meetings, my work as a product manager is of little importance, mainly the sales results of individual representatives are summarized. I would also like to say that in both product groups that I deal with, the company significantly exceeded its goals last year. I have already talked to the management on this topic many times, and I have also resigned (I withdrawn it after an agreement), but I do not see any possibility to change this situation. I do not want and I will not work all the time. I have four children and I don't really see any way out of this situation.
Thank you
dude uve got all the good videos
Great advise!
Hello,
Would you please do a video an "quietly quitting " ? Do you think companies are aware of this practice?
Most of the time when I'm on calls working we're sharing screens and focused on the work so there's no need for a camera. I did recently buy a webcam for interviews and more traditional meetings though.
My company does not recgonize boundaries.... Because I'm a logistics coordinator if dispatch calls drivers and they don't answer they immediately call me for help. They went so far as to blowing up my phone when I told them I was unavailable because I was at my uncle's funeral. They don't care , if I do t respond in what they think is a timely manner they call my boss... It's pretty terrible.
I found it's always nice to have at least a casual relationship with an attorney who can advise you in such matters. It's usually free or otherwise not very expensive, until they get actively involved through negotiations, the filing of a lawsuit, etc.
This is no way to live. Fine tune your Resume.
Logistics is a *****. But when you had your time off, your boss was informed, who was in line to back you up? Put the memo on and turn off the phone!
I am an Instructional Designer and eLearning Developer, and I get a lot of requests from people thinking that my job is to decorate PowerPoint presentations, expecting me to "fluff it up" for them. I get requests for people to format word documents and to sort data in Excel spreadsheets for them simply because they don't want to bother doing it on their own. What I did is that I googled "how to politely communicate that it's not my job", and found a piece of communication that I adapted for my purposes. I saved it as an email template, and every time I receive one of those ridiculous requests, I just use the same reply. It emphasizes that "to be fair to everyone" I cannot say yes to some and no to others, and that people are not to abuse my helpful nature. I've gotten a few passive-aggressive replies, but overall people are respectful and sometimes even apologetic and back off.
@uacbpa, i am a data designer who is trying to move into ux research and the "make my powerpoint pretty" requests are RELENTLESS for me too! In fact, I literally turned one down today.. Would you mind sharing more about the wording of your email response, so i can try it?
People can be very blind to how much work and effort go into "invisible" services.
It's a conundrum. On one side we want our work to be so good, it just blends into a great experience.
On the other hand, I've found many don't respect the effort they can't see.
Cringe as it is, these days I point it out and force people to take note.
@@p.s.shnabel3409 I agree. I get that a lot. I have gotten people who are so ignorant that they think that I did a good quality design because I have "too much time to do it" and then they give me more work. All simply because I can deliver a quality product fast.
@@jillianw731 It's unbelievable that those ignorant people think that (a) that's our job and (b) it's not their job to use PowerPoint properly. Good luck, and make sure to set some boundaries.
Walk back the suggestion about checking emails right before bed. Absolutely not advisable.
yeah i laugh if anyone at work expects anything to be done by end of work day after 4p. and phone and laptop turn off after 8h. best to set these standards early on.
Yeah, if I saw something annoying in my email right before bed, I probably wouldn't sleep. This is a big NOPE.
@@Schmoopie56 I don't even check or read my personal email right before bed. If it's that important, I'd have gotten a call or letter.
All else can wait until the next morning.
I had a manager at a toxic job who would constantly send me emails at 7am on weekend mornings and text messages after 8 at night on my personal cell phone. I also got a text on my phone in the middle of a Saturday afternoon telling me he just sent me a document requiring revisions that he wanted to have done by the next day (Sunday morning). He was a workaholic and frankly an *ssh*le.
My employer has no awareness of what tasks are being done by whom and when, or sometimes what tasks even are or what they are called and they always act so surprised when you're doing too much work like as if it's not even their job to assign tasks. It's insane.
Hi i am a young and green recruiter. I know that virtual interviews are harder, in terms of assessing body language, but there are some signs that you can pick up over video call. In your opinion is it ok to tell candidates to turn their camera or just ask? If they refuse is it ok to try to push (non aggressively)?
P. S. Sorry English is my second language.
Where do you go though? Almost every workplace I have seen is the same. A massive pressure cooker where they squeeze every last drop. If you don't cooperate - you're done. Family and friends....same thing. Where do you go to find a non-toxic workplace?
This is what I kept asking myself whenever hearing about the "Great Resignation" - people leaving for greener pastures where they were supposedly better valued/treated better, where exactly are they all going that's so wonderful?
If you figure out how to find a non-toxic workplace, please let me know!
@@jenmck8146 Well, I'll spill if I find something non-toxic - if you will....
@@RuthmarieHicks It's a deal! :)
@@jenmck8146 YAY! DONE!👍
You seem to be more geared to office workers. I work at a job where they have me work over 10 hours. How do you set boundaries to prevent this from becoming a habit for them?
I was hired as part time but I am working full time hours.
But if I quit, I won’t be able to collect unemployment? My company is unstable and there is no definite job description for my position so they fired 3 people, one of them being my boss, and except us to carry that work load without a pay increase. I’m not okay with that. Then when I leave for an emergency, I get called on my cellphone to “talk about something”. We have PTO, I have the hours to spend, I don’t need to give you a reason. I just want out.
believe colleges and universities should limit the number of students they accept, so that way by the time student graduate they can have better opportunities. if you look at the job market the number of graduates from college and the number of jobs is not munching. @life after layoff can you make one vide on this issue?
This mostly applies to white collar work
Here is a question for you. I am really confused by this job posting, and it sure is a boundary issue. The job title is Sr. Technical writer. OK. So I read on to the rest of the job description, and it says this: "Ability to lead, manage, plan, and direct the work of business systems analysis personnel." What? Technical writers do not normally manage the BAs. It seems strange to me. The position is not described as managerial anywhere else in the posting. This is boundaries crossing before even applying for the job.
Good advices, but checking emails before sleeping Big No!
One older colleague of mine likes to do a lot of meaningless monologues that masquerade as conversations, mostly lamentations of how his life sucks and the world is on fire, blah blah blah... "In the olden days, people used to show more respect" and some stupid shit like that for like 30 minutes on end. Not even a boomer, but it appears that the most effective response is just "ok" lol. I try to take the energy out of his monologues when he talks at me.
When there are multiple people around, he would normally gravitate towards the more responsive victim. And at the first opportunity, I'd just go for a toilet break. Since I also live close to work, sometimes I just continue from home, especially when there aren't many people around he could talk at.
He's not even trying to give me more work or anything purposeful, just purely a deadbeat being a deadbeat. And yet he keeps wondering why people don't want to have deeper engagements with him. Like wtf bruh, why WOULD they???
If you need to set boundaries - this is actually alarm that there is toxic people on the other side.
Then, if you try to modulate it, and reason with it - you end up being in Karpman Drama Triangle, starting with the role of victim, where you get advice from Rescuer.
This dynamics is codependency- and codependency also include "helpful tips" and following good "advice".
The reality is if you feel pressure due to boundaries being pushed - it is the only way this will end is with quitting that job.
Problem is when you live in shame culture country or in poor part of world where you cannot find another job that easily.
So instead of complex guidance and instructions which will be lost anyways due to psychological concept known as Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve - I would keep it nice and simple. This means what to do when you cannot force your boundaries?
That question is never covered by mentors.
Instead, we are instructed that we live in constant state of hypervigilance and regard the world as dangerous place. We are not explained to make mentality shift - for example that if we have external reference locus of control where we want to make a lot of money by being in toxic workplace only to impress other people around us. Then this urge to impress others is true problem that keeps us stuck in toxic environment. Once we work on our trauma issues, it will reflect on chunk of ice that is above the water - such as seeking issue for "setting healthy boundaries at work"
I wish I'd subscribed earlier.💯
great video! Please consider avoiding the use of the "ticking bomb" background sound, it was really annoying. Was it only with me?
Oh my god! I thought I was going crazy. I kept having to pause the video to try to figure out what is making that beeping noise. Thank you very much for letting me know it was the video and not something on my end!
I used to make myself available to everyone for any reason until the promotion I was qualified for was given to an ass kisser with zero experience. Now the rock star has left the building. I have quiet quit.
There was a background high pitched noise during this video for me - made it hard to watch
why are all these videos about office jobs?
My same question, exactly. It would help if he did all job situations and not just office jobs.