The “quit looking for it and you’ll find it” thing is true, but only to a certain extent. Your soulmate isn’t gonna just come flying into your arms one day, but I think what it means is that if you can treat everyone you meet as a normal person and not as a potential love interest just bc you think they are beautiful, then it makes it a lot easier to effortlessly flirt with them, and potentially have them fall for you
partially agree with you-- personally believe people should treat others as regular human beings rather than focusing on finding a potential love interest in order to genuinely get to know the other party, rather than engage in superficial flirting or make statements what you think the other person wants to hear. by learning about the person in an authentic way, if you do fall in love, there will be a stronger foundation built on honesty rather than games or deceit.
I was so afraid of love that I started dating when I was 33. What happened? Well, I fell in love with the wrong guy and being lied and cheated. But what? I survived. Today happy married since a few years and all ended well. Reason? I done therapy had bad trusting issues. Love is one, if not the biggest possible scariest thing. But if it's with the right person it's heaven ❤
Right? At this point I was joking to myself that I’m so single and forgotten, get me a toxic relationship where they break up and keep coming back to each other 😂 But nah. I know better. Ain’t no one playing with me like dat.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
As someone who’s been in a 7-year relationship (and married for 2), the one piece of advice I’d give people is that love doesn’t just happen. Even in a 7-year long relationship love isn’t just omnipresent. There are difficult times so you have to wake up everyday and CHOOSE that person. The secret is finding someone you’re willing to do that for. Congrats on the engagement, brother!🙌🏽 Very happy for you!
@@TH3C001 I feel that man! But in all honesty, you just gotta go with the flow with these things. Obviously, you have to put yourself out there (you can’t find someone sitting in your living room) but talk to people, go on dates, and let things work themselves out naturally. Have no expectations and just see where things go! There’s no “secret” - just get out there and be patient with yourself!
I think a big thing w/ “looking” for love is the concept of viewing people as potential candidates for dating. I used to look at ppl around me and view them as a possible match for me, and any time I thought that, I pushed the thought away because I’m already creating an imaginary person before getting to know them fully. My boyfriend and I started dating very unexpectedly. When I first met him I thought he was funny and a great person to be around and then feels slowly sprouted from there. At least in my experience, the best way to naturally fall in love is to truly get to know them. Not every little detail, but little things at first. Treat ppl like potential candidates for FRIENDSHIP, prioritize platonic love instead of romantic, and eventually you’ll find someone who you really like. And you’ll fall for the actual person most of the time and not the idea you’ve created of them
@@bro918 if you try this method most of the people you meet will end up as friends. The attraction will be one-sided, or they might already be in a relationship. The idea is not to get too fixated on any one person, just focus on meeting a lot of different people. Think of it as a numbers game. If you meet enough people, eventually you might both like each other. Because let's be honest, if you're not very attractive and you go on a dating app, you're going to have a terrible time. At least let people get to know your personality instead of judging based on a photo.
@@alex_blue5802my issue with the numbers game is that I’m tired of meeting new people. I’m starting to hate the small talk. I’m starting to hate the “getting to know you phase” I have enough friends, I don’t want more. I just want to find a partner. I just wanna focus the little social energy I have towards just a few people. If I spread myself thin like that, I’ll just burn myself out
@@Iscaremyself brother been there. Don't let someone else be the reason you lose yourself. I promise the best revenge you can get is to be the best version of yourself that you can be.
@@TheCastingCousinsHD i hear you, im slowly trying to be better and especially take care my problems, i know im taking drugs and drinking to much, obviously slowly tryna be sober or just slow down on it. What really gets the best of me is honestly being lonely af. All i have is so much time and thinking on my hands
I asked my ex for this time and she lost it. I waited 6 months periodically asking for the time apart, and she denied me it. She was the best relationship I had but she reluctance to be mature caused a real issue. Caused me a lot of pain too, pain I never deserved.
@@domeatown you're the one who's projecting,. I just offered an opinion based on common sense, it may not be a positive opinion but at least I delivered it much more respectfully than you did
When I was 17, I was matured enough to know that love isn’t something you can play around. Love is very important and you can’t think of like it’s a game or something. Now I’m 20, and I’m grateful I stumbled upon your video bro. Thanks for the knowledge Cole.
Likewise. I turned 16 today, and I pondered a lot on the concept of love and how I idealized it. I have a lot of time as someone who does not plan on entering a relationship until after I'm 18. And certainly, love isn't something to play around with :l I used to be like him in his teenage years, but by now, I've seriously considered a lot of the stuff he'd learned throughout, observing the failure of relationships and the types of dynamics I do not wish for. Love really is about companionship, I think, and less about the romance, but man, does it make it fun. I hope to find someone that I can grow with.
I met my husband when I was 18, 13 years ago. He came from a very stable family situation, while my life had been a mess up until that point. It was difficult in the beginning and I'm still amazed that he didn't quit. He taught me how to communicate my feelings and what a stable relationship looks like. After 3 years we started living together and kept communicating and growing together. It still feels like a fairytale romance after all this time, he still gives me butterflies and I tell him how happy he makes me very regularly. It's not been difficult anymore for years, as we know each other through and through and never take each other for granted.
I think he's interpreting the quote at 3:03 a little bit wrong. "You'll find your lover when you least expect it. Don't search for it, and it will come to you." I think means that you shouldn't make being in a relationship your top priority, but rather to work on yourself and your own ambitions, and then you will meet people without being worried about how you are presenting and show your real authentic self (which people are attracted to). edit: you can VERY CLEARLY see this in the "And Then I Met... Her" section at 7:35. He had no expectations. He wasn't worried about anything.
But... He was searching. He was in a dating app. He may not have projected such thoughts to her as an obligation, but he searched love. If he was not to, he wouldnt have met her. I mean, he seems to grasp what you are saying, too. He didnt force it, and it came by
Sometimes the hardest relationships are the ones that help us grow, sometimes we grow together and sometimes we grow apart. Finding the person "made for you" is a challenge yes, but it's more than anything, a choice.
my first gf was when i was 27. I'm 33 now and of the three relationships I've had (all of which less than 6 months) i've definitely learned a lot about love and what i actually want in a partner. It's gone from the 'i just want a gf' to 'i know what it means to build a future with someone'. Still lots to learn and i feel like i've sped run romance a bit but definitely have grown a lot mentally.
This video needs a trigger warning to remove all mascara before watching. This made me cry real tears and now my eyes are burning so badly it hurts. So wholesome and encouraging. I’m so happy for both of you oh my goodness. It’s very heartwarming. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!🎊🎉👫 where is the biracial couple emoji when you need it SMH!!
Brother as someone who wasn't looking for love and stumbled across a wonderful woman from the other side of the world while in university, the part you said about accidentally triggering each other and making you wonder if it's worth it, it really hit home. It's tough man. Similar dreams but the cultural differences make you question so much about who you are and addressing the flaws you have you never even knew you had because it's background noise of the culture you grew up in so most the time these flaws don't even register to you. It's hard.
Thank you for making this comment. My boyfriend and I are from different countries and you perfectly described what we are going through. It helps to have words for it
I lived a rather isolated childhood which led to me thinking; there is no time for love. But when i left my home at the age of 18, i had my first ever crush. It's been a year now, so i still have no clue what love really is and how a normal relationship usually work, so this video really helps, thank you!
you would benefit of learning about CPTSD; scars from our childhood do shape our behaviors later on in life, and its important to (at least) recognize them so as to avoid so much unnecessary pain. If you allow me, "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" taught me a lot about my own childhood trauma, and my cravings for 'love' (connection, intimacy, etc.). I know the name sounds scary---"CPTSD"---but something the book emphasizes a lot is that there's so much more to childhood trauma than beatings (in the case you think "well i was never hit"), emotional neglect (as you do mention isolation) being way more prominent in family dynamics and, standalone, having far worse consequences. Theres a PDF of the book, you can google it if you do look into it
One thing I am NOT is a romantic. I don't believe in love at first sight, and I do not think chemical attraction is a solid foundation for a relationship. To me, love is an action that requires constant commitment. In my opinion, that best starting point for a relationship before trust is built is a foundation of shared values directed toward a common goal. The last part is important; shared values alone are not enough if they are not directed toward the same purpose. If two people share a vision for life and share the same values, then commitment to each other is the next and most important step. I agree that love is not easy because it is the realization of the commitment to each other through self-sacrifice and work.
I have the same opinions as you but sadly it is so hard find someone that thinks the same. As a late teenager, all the people around me date for time-pass. It's disheartening, really.
@taruuutru ikr! im kinda the same - people aren't as sensible about marriage and love than they should be. Ive always seen it as a business transaction first and foremost. Who pays for what, what chores will be done by whom? failures to set these standards and expectations lead to so many divorces and its so sad to me really
@@yukasaki4030 ughhh finally someone who gets it! People give me weird looks when I say love isnt the most important thing in marriage, and i am not looking for "love".
Yes. Same values, similar goals and sacrifice. Completely agree. But also there must to be a sort of compatibility, if not it'd make the everyday life insufferable.
@@taruuutru You'll find others who think that way eventually, trust me. I thought the same when I was in high-school, but I found people later on that-at the minimum-respected my opinions and all. Seriously though, you can _always_ find people that have very similar views or mindsets that you have, even if it may seem like one that no one else has.
WATCHING YOU PROGRESS FROM TALKING ABT UR BREAKUPS AND UR TERNAGE YEARS AS I WAS A TEEN TO YOU GETTING MARRIED IS SO AWESOME AND INSPIRATIONAL, CONGRATS COLE AND PRAYING ONLY THE BEST FOR YOU TWO TO COME
This video is unironically the best video I have ever seen covering this topic. As a hopeless romantic myself, I felt like I was looking into a mirror the entire time I watched this. Amazing work, will definitely be checking out more
I dunno how, but i could tell from the thumbnail that she was African and not black american. Didn't know she was ghanaian, tho. My theory was confirmed when he said she grew up in a different country.
As fellow near 28 year old, that's recently started down the road self-improvement (starting on physical) I had the mind set of "keep my head down, and if it's supposed to happen it'll happen." for basically my whole life, dating just never really appealed me as an introvert. Well after deciding to start working on my body I decided to start looking for that someone and its been rough. Before I started looking I wasn't really bothered by much but now that I've started to looking, even though I haven't had any matches yet, certain themes like cheating started to churn my stomach as I realize that as relaxed and laid-back as I've been most of my life, I'm worried about picking the wrong girl, about finding the right girl and messing it up or not being developed enough for them. I think that's part of the reason its so easy to get suckered into the the "hopeless romantic" idea of love even though I'm sure most of us know that the majority of people that are in loving committed relationships didn't get there that way. It sells you that you don't necessarily have to put in the effort, that the person will love you the way you are. Despite my new found insecurities I feel I have to keep pushing forward. I had been, even earlier today, tossing around in my head the idea of pausing my search for love until I'm more developed but even before this video it felt like just kicking the can down the road. So as I work on improving myself I will face these new insecurities by going forward and having those experiences that I should have had when I was younger, and learn by doing. As painful as it may be and as much as I want to just find 'the one,' this video just reinforces to me that the only way I will is by trying. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk random strangers, that read this whole post. I'd give you cranberry-orange muffins if I could.
I'm so happy for you, Cole! I first stumbled upon your video when I was going through a heartbreak 2 years ago and now you're getting married! Praying to find a love just like what you stated in this video. Will never lose hope.
As a single 23 year old... I'm crying. We need more love, that is like this.. mature and sensitive. All that Sigma and alpha lifestyles are really stupid. Everybody need Love..to grow and to be happy. And nobody in this generation wants to *Love* like the pure kind of love.. Everyone just wants to go for the Money bag. It's disappointing.. And I feel sad that I was born in this generation.
Nah, you weren't born in the wrong generation don't be ashamed of us. We just have a bunch to learn, we have our flaws, our weakness but we also have our pros and our strength. Respect it, respect yourself. You focus determines your reality, focus on knowing that there are people like me and you who haven't given up in a time where a lot has given up. Focus on the fact that gems are much more precious and obvious to find. There's just a lot of filmsy rocks, but gems stand out even more in those times. Be outstanding, you're born to shine in this generation superstar. ... Always wanted to say superstar ngl 😳 harr harr harrharr
"feel sad that I was born in this generation" Fuck, that's what I say to myself every single day. The way my values differ from almost every girl I meet, even some friends of mine too. Makes me feel like I am on my own out here. It hurts.
After a decade of being unwell and undiagnosed, and experiencing great heartbreak and insecurity, and after mistreating past partners without meaning to... I took the dive in to therapy and treatment. It's been hard, but this summer I had a brief romance that didn't work out due to not wanting the same things from life. Alone the fact that we were able to communicate and find a healthy breaking point made me proud. What filled me with joy was her telling me that I was able to make her feel so safe and cared for in our brief interchange, and I was happy I left a partner with joy and security for the first time, rather than tears and hurt. Men, we have a responsibility and burden to ourselves and the world to grow our security, compassion, and empathy. Often masculinity can manifest in manipulative and toxic and hurtful ways, but it can improve. Life is so much more joyful when we take that step forward towards better mental health.
Understand one thing people. There is no such thing as a soulmate. Love is a choice. "It Takes Two" is so true when it comes to making a relationship work. Choose to love. Choose who you love. Make it work because love is not easy, but it damn sure is worth it if the two people want it.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
"If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
OK. This video gave me that one health bar left before I tapped out. This was the sweetest video. One thing I will say is that it is great if you find love when you are young, but if you don’t, that’s another thing you have to contend with: can you wait? I am *clears throat* Gen X, and have never been in love. I have been “waiting” for a very long time. I have almost given up many, many times, and recently is no different. But being a true hopeless romantic, by golly, I will hang on until I leap off this mortal coil - even if I say I’m not going to. 😂 Thanks for the boost!!
I feel so many things watching this video. As someone who is usually on my own because intimacy can be difficult, one of the biggest ones is amazement at the idea of 10 years spent in relationships at the age of 27 when I'm older and haven't been in relationships for half as long...I won't get stuck in a comparison trap though, as I know each of us are on our own journeys. Congrats on the engagement, and thank you for sharing your story.
You have some of the most honest work on self improvement on TH-cam in my opinion. Your takes are a lot more realistic for most people. I’ve been watching your videos for about 1-2 years and I think anyone who has been watching your channel for about the same amount of time or longer can very clearly understand the maturity and development of your videos and takes all around. Your channel comes off as if you practice what you preach and we find that extremely respectable
Goodness this was a wild experience! I'm shocked you've already been in Austin so long, it feels like just yesterday you moved there. And also, I didn't expect the bright turn in your story. I'm glad y'all are committed to experiencing the ups and downs of life together for better or worse, and I wish y'all the best ♡
I normally never comment on videos. as a woman it truly sucks out here. I think a lot of people are afraid of 2 things: commitment and communication. No matter how many communication methods I use, it ends up being the main reason for the end of relationships for me. I feel like as a woman it’s a little different. We feel like we are on a timeline if we desire to have kids one day. I decided after my last relationship that turned abusive that I am not going to date for at least a year. I hope to find that love at some point in life. For now, I’m just enjoying my time to myself for however long I’m on this earth. Congratulations to you two!!
I’m in the same boat as you, and it’s already been a year, and definitely isn’t long enough yet. My relationship was 3 years long. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
this is probably the first time i’ve watched a youtube video twice. it was THAT beautiful. you remind me every bit of my current fiancé, soon to be husband. and we both relate to you and your story so much. you’re a very mature guy, cole. and guys like you keep their women very happy. i know that because i am with a guy like you. been together since february 2021 with a 3-4 month break to re-evaluate our ideologies and compatibility.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
And what about people who weren't looking for love, worked on themselves, did their hobbies, and still ended up being single for the rest of their life? survivorship bias is a thing we also have to acknowledge
Never seen you before, but congrats man ❤ I wish the two of you a lifetime of happiness together! 😊 I also used to fantasize about love before I found it and now that I have it, it is even better than I ever imagined , despite the ups and down and imperfections - it’s truly something to celebrate and I’m happy for you! ❤🎉
Thanks for this video. Me and my girlfriend were having a rough time because she felt like God was telling her to take a break from our already long distance relationship so she could go and growmit wouldn't be super long but still a few months. And that was really messing with me. But when i saw this video, i had to hold back tears because when you were describing what love really was, you were discibing me and her. So thanks, you helped me to except that this has to happen to help her grow and that i need to support her through it. Have an amazing day whoevers reading this.
I just went on a second date with a girl and it has been feeling just like you described. I’m tentative to be to hopeful since in the past I’ve been disappointed but something about her seems different. Very stoked to see where this goes 🖤
This was so beautiful! I realized this too and it’s so hard to see these reels, social media, etc. to tell you otherwise, especially with the leaving your person for your goals part and when things get hard. And yes, now for social media, I apply this logic of if it were a jacket, I’d blame the jacket for not fitting me rather than my body for not fitting the jacket
Just goes to show that communication is key. You can make nearly anything work, you just need to talk about it as two adults. Issues and problems will never fix themselves. It's important to put in the effort and work on yourself without beeing to fixated on yourself, but also not loosing sight of your dreams and goals.
What is love? Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I honestly think this really helped me. I may not be an adult in a serious relationship, but I do have a boyfriend of which i really care about. the different ideals and goals really hit home. Im this 14 year old planning out my life with this 18 year old, and watching this... I probably need to end it. weve made so many promises together despite our inappropriate age gap, and even though I was forbidden from talking with him I did everything I could to stay in contact. It makes me happy, but it isnt healthy by a long shot. WE fight frequently, and I always seem to end the argument by just "submitting" or agreeing with him to make things better. Ive been brought alot of joy from him, but a MASSIVE amount of pain. maybe I shouldn't warp the rest of my life around on man who everyone tells me is unhealthy for me. thank you for giving me something to think about.
hi ,I'm a 16 yr old girl .I am only 2 years older so i don't have much more experience .firstly i hope you are doing good and i hope this video made you think about what's going on .reading your comment it appeared to me like there were times that you felt joy in your relationship but you should know that if you take some time out of it (assuming you still are in that relationship) you can process things much clearly .the age gap isnt the problem but the ages are if he is an adult and you are a minor that is a problem and you mentioned that you always feel the need to submit during arguments it reflects how controlling a person can be and if i am being straightforward you are better off without him.and as your comment ended you considered leaving him for good which is great and you deserve someone whom you can feel safe around.i am proud of you for taking the first step.I just felt like telling you this and i am sorry if it was unnecessary or out of line in any way. and if you would like to talk lmk.
I see your videos on my home page for years but honestly almost never watched any of them. recently woke up to this idea that love, or at least healthy relationships, shouldn't be based on the sparks both parties initially find in each other. sparks fade. but if we find those with whom we can always strive to find a middle ground and build understanding with, that is the time we've matured. this was lovely. the ending teared me up. as a 33 year old woman who never had a solid relationship, this is my time finally. I hope to find and build something like this with someone worthy soon. much love to you both. all the best with your growth on TH-cam
I love this, such a fresh perspective on dating. It's amazing how you took responsibility and worked through things, something that had been lost and isn't shown in the media. I always say life is hard but it's worth it, really love is hard but it's worth it. I've not seen anything else but this reminds me of "how I met your mother" and a review where people were saying the main character is the problem as he romanticised every love and was the real problem.
You have turned my life around, I will start a journal and try to get healthier, psychically, emotionally, and mentally. It may flop but watching this video made me believe in myself again!
........I haven't seen your content in a long time, and this randomly appeared on my feed. This was exactly what I needed to hear. I really cannot thank you enough. So many doubts I've been struggling with for the year I've been in my relationship have now been put to rest. I feel at peace in a way that I haven't before, ever.
tysm for this video. it was quite literally ( no exaggeration) a breath of fresh air. This video was so genuine and mature. it literally made my heart warm! I pray God blesses you and your fiance💞 💝💘💘💓 beautiful video!!!!1
It’s so touching to see you being truly happy with someone . I have discovered your videos when I have also went through a tough break up. Then I made it a priority to always have my needs in mind and have a goal to improve myself. Through that I have found my now partner and seeing you doing the same is heartwarming. It does get better , even better than we could have ever imagined.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
@@tebandekemaryam2646 If everyone is attractive, then no one is. Every adjective needs an opposite in order to be valid. In order for "attractive" to exist, "unattractive" must exist.
Seeking perfection is the bane of love. This is true to all relationships that form from anywhere be it during a face to face interaction or through online chatting, which also means that we can meet our perfect partners as long as we know that they are still human at the end of the day.
I am 27 and have been in 1 relationship my entire life. That was when I was 17 and it lasted 6 months until I left him because he cheated. During the 6 months of us dating, he cheated 3 times and I was young and naïve and felt that if I left him sooner, I would be considered a failure. It was painful to let go but I knew I had to be strong. 9 months after I left him, he came to my parents house and I didn't open for him because I knew I would cave into his excuses. That was 9 years ago and I am a different person now. I have grown so much. I worked a few years and started University last year at age 25. I don't have a lot of friends and I don't go to clubs or parties. I just go to the mall to have fun which is boring to some but I enjoy it. I have only been approached by a guy once in my entire life and came to the conclusion that maybe "true love" won't happen for me. I have found contentment in being single but still would like to have someone. I guess I have given that choice to the universe. If it will happen then it will and if it doesn't then I'll continue living as life won't end if I don't.
The thought process of thinking that women like you because they show kindness happens to women too. Everytime a man shows extra kindness, i create scenarios and have delusions in the moment
I've been in a interacial relationship for over a year, I'm English she's Indian and her cultural differences with family ect made it very hard. My family was surprised but ok with and it's not been eazy but getting better, love has no colour x
Thank you, this has been very refreshing. In an age of people showcasing the perfect things their partners bought for them and how cute they are seemingly 100% of the time, I sometimes struggle with my bf being a complex person who has a job and his own life and different opinions on many things. But what I do appreciate and love is how much he's willing to do for me and how much he loves me and never ever gives up, even when I'm difficult and, honestly, a pain in the ass.
The best advice for love I've ever got came from a video game and was something like "Don't bother looking for love, focus on what you enjoy doing, and the people you're meant to be with will eventually come to you".
Now I wanna know what the game is because it sounds like it's gonna make me cry. And as somebody studying to be a game designer I need to know what it is so I can be inspired. Pleeeeease say!
I'm only turning 18 this year, and I always knew that love is something that should be taken seriously, I always believed in the thought of loving one person wholeheartedly through the good and bad times, being someone's company even through uncertainty just to assure the other that everything will only get better. I have yet to find someone who would go along with me to make it all work, but honestly, why would I expect for something that ideal? Despite that however, there are still some holes that never really wrap around my head well enough until I stumbled upon your video, I just love how you actually made everything sensible and it even helped me figure out what I was doing wrong with my existing friendships, thank you!
I'm very happy to hear you found love and it worked out. One thing that worries me about the modern age in general though is really seeing how rare it seems to be. Looking back through my family history, and just about anyone else when I get the chance to ask, it seems at least a majority of the marriages were incredibly toxic and lacked any love. But times were different, people just got married and had kids anyway. Fast forward to today, we're seeing just about every country that embraced the idea of "find love, never settle, and only have kids if it's right!" having their birth rates plummet below replacement levels. It's a very disturbing thought because to me that idea feels like the right thing morally (although I agree with the more mature version you presented) and is how our society should function. But at the end of the day, if a civilization will fizzle out in a few generations for embracing that idea, is it still the right thing? Does our generation have the right to just be one of the last after the countless generations behind us put up with "toxicity" to keep our species going, all so we feel like we're liberated in this part of life?
I don't really think that's how it's going down. Part of it could be the never settle mentality, but also, I think both genders are just putting in less effort to find a partner. When you combine that, with the not settling mentality, it makes sense the birth rates start to plummet. My hopecore: Mostly only people who are truly emotionally mature and capable of being together will be together in the future, resulting in better parenting, and better children. Then, maybe through that, we will see a new wave of increase in relationships.
@@ColeHastings You could be right. Your perspective on a lot of this is definitely very different from mine. Personally, I disagree with the less effort part. But I say that from my own personal life. I know many who have given it their all with nothing to show for it. Same goes for me, I'm almost 29 and have never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month, and not from a lack of trying. The never settle mentality was the root cause I observed, most girls I started dating would abruptly let me know they've been talking with many other men and decided to continue with someone else. I was also guilty of impossibly high standards when I was young. You're in a unique spot where your job has you analyzing a lot of this from a more objective view, but I speak from anecdotal experience. I like to view things positively as well and want to trust you're correct. The reasoning makes sense that if the emotionally mature ones are having the bulk of kids, then in time, most people will be emotionally mature. My worry comes from factoring in that we may be in more of an Idiocracy scenario. It'll be the people who have the old view of willing to settle with someone they despise just to pump out emotionally immature kids that will overtake our culture in time. But, what do I know. I'll put faith in your scenario for now. Stay strong, Cole 💪
A very important thing here is that... both partners have things about them that are imperfect. Both have vulnerabilities. There are expectations, particularly on men, that they should not falter. No, men DO falter, they do fall. It is also the female partner's job to help him back up when he falls, just like it's his. For women who say they want a man that is "like a rock", consider this: The toughest warrior can spend a long time out in the freezing cold, braving the elements. But eventually, he has to come out from the cold and into the warmth, because no one, no matter how tough, can survive the elements indefinitely. But that is the fate of too many men in relationships. They too need a safe space. It may seem like I'm picking only on women. I don't mean to. Men are constantly admonished to be there for their female partners. I'd like see more of the opposite too.
I gave up on dating entirely, and stopped looking for anyone, when I turned 30. I wanted to get married and have kids in my TWENTIES. And it never happened. I set myself to focus on body building, and start competing. I had been training up until then and was finally ready to gear up for showing. Two weeks later I met the man I married; we married eight months after we met.
Second person in 3 days that pointed out one of the biggest mindset traps I, and many many men have for some reason fallen into! "Kindness is indicative of lust." It's truly not. Kindness is just kindness. But men are so starved for emotional connection they grasp at straws. Not to say it's exclusive to men obviously, but very common. The more people bringing light to this cognitive trap the better 👍
![CAMPปลิ้น | EP.83[2/2] ประสบการณ์ขนหัวลุกจากตำนานวงการผี!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/T_kFecQw7Ds/mqdefault.jpg)
A German philosopher Haddaway decribed love as, "Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more."
😂
He truly haddaway with words
@@kylewindjack-et6bt🤣🤣
@@kylewindjack-et6bt LOL
Sounds like Dr. Alban
The “quit looking for it and you’ll find it” thing is true, but only to a certain extent. Your soulmate isn’t gonna just come flying into your arms one day, but I think what it means is that if you can treat everyone you meet as a normal person and not as a potential love interest just bc you think they are beautiful, then it makes it a lot easier to effortlessly flirt with them, and potentially have them fall for you
partially agree with you-- personally believe people should treat others as regular human beings rather than focusing on finding a potential love interest in order to genuinely get to know the other party, rather than engage in superficial flirting or make statements what you think the other person wants to hear. by learning about the person in an authentic way, if you do fall in love, there will be a stronger foundation built on honesty rather than games or deceit.
I was literally just thinking about this whole concept today. Thank you for putting it into words.❤
Yess, example, Ginny Weasley.
@@michelleperng00 A big reason why friends to lovers are more likely to last longer in romantic relationships.
Very well said.
I just don’t understand how people get into relationships so easily, even if it’s “toxic”. Getting a partner seems like a Herculean task for me
I was so afraid of love that I started dating when I was 33. What happened? Well, I fell in love with the wrong guy and being lied and cheated. But what? I survived. Today happy married since a few years and all ended well. Reason? I done therapy had bad trusting issues. Love is one, if not the biggest possible scariest thing. But if it's with the right person it's heaven ❤
Well I understood it after my first relationship
Ikr!!
Right? At this point I was joking to myself that I’m so single and forgotten, get me a toxic relationship where they break up and keep coming back to each other 😂
But nah. I know better. Ain’t no one playing with me like dat.
Your profile picture describes you when you were making that comment
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
Is that the Epistle to the Romans by the holy Apostle Paul?
Yes 😊 @@sillythewanderer4221
Of course this is reciting God's perfect love, but a God-given love between 2 people will be delightful I believe.
This is what I've been using to get through my current relationship.
Encouraging words straight out of GOD'S Holy Word, the Bible.
GOD Bless You!!
"Love takes time and love takes work"
-Garnet
Ruby and Sapphire: Literally decided to permanently fuse a day or two after they met.
@@dusanstojsin4938 I'm sure they communicated in Garnet for those thousand years lol
We all need that true kinda love lol
@@dusanstojsin4938 Actually that's what we think, they probably went rambling around earth for hundreds of years before deciding to fuse again
@@dusanstojsin4938average lesbian U-Haul couple
As someone who’s been in a 7-year relationship (and married for 2), the one piece of advice I’d give people is that love doesn’t just happen. Even in a 7-year long relationship love isn’t just omnipresent. There are difficult times so you have to wake up everyday and CHOOSE that person. The secret is finding someone you’re willing to do that for. Congrats on the engagement, brother!🙌🏽 Very happy for you!
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Hey man, that’s not the problem, the problem is finding another human being in the first place.
@@TH3C001 I feel that man! But in all honesty, you just gotta go with the flow with these things. Obviously, you have to put yourself out there (you can’t find someone sitting in your living room) but talk to people, go on dates, and let things work themselves out naturally. Have no expectations and just see where things go! There’s no “secret” - just get out there and be patient with yourself!
During the tough times the woman just cheats it’s just a matter of whether or not the man finds out
I don’t really get much of a choice of no one chooses to be with me in the first place
In a time where marriage isn’t taken seriously anymore, this is lovely. You and your lady are such a cute couple 🥰
Yes, this is lovely, what a sweet comment! 😊👍🏾
I was thinking the same thing.
Hmm... it's only in western world
what you focus on is what will continue to show up in your reality 🤷🏽♀️
@@pisangmelinjoe34 West is the best
I think a big thing w/ “looking” for love is the concept of viewing people as potential candidates for dating. I used to look at ppl around me and view them as a possible match for me, and any time I thought that, I pushed the thought away because I’m already creating an imaginary person before getting to know them fully. My boyfriend and I started dating very unexpectedly. When I first met him I thought he was funny and a great person to be around and then feels slowly sprouted from there. At least in my experience, the best way to naturally fall in love is to truly get to know them. Not every little detail, but little things at first. Treat ppl like potential candidates for FRIENDSHIP, prioritize platonic love instead of romantic, and eventually you’ll find someone who you really like. And you’ll fall for the actual person most of the time and not the idea you’ve created of them
I think the best way to find a partner is to focus on meeting all different kinds of people, especially if they share your interests.
Things are different for men. Im sorry but this is usually a one way ticket to the friendzone if youre a guy (and arent that attractive)
@@bro918 if you try this method most of the people you meet will end up as friends. The attraction will be one-sided, or they might already be in a relationship. The idea is not to get too fixated on any one person, just focus on meeting a lot of different people. Think of it as a numbers game. If you meet enough people, eventually you might both like each other. Because let's be honest, if you're not very attractive and you go on a dating app, you're going to have a terrible time. At least let people get to know your personality instead of judging based on a photo.
@@bro918 As a women, don't make friends with women for the sake of getting into thier pants. Seriously.
@@alex_blue5802my issue with the numbers game is that I’m tired of meeting new people. I’m starting to hate the small talk. I’m starting to hate the “getting to know you phase” I have enough friends, I don’t want more. I just want to find a partner. I just wanna focus the little social energy I have towards just a few people. If I spread myself thin like that, I’ll just burn myself out
“ he’ll come and find you dear “! Yeah right …. I’m 53 and still waiting for him. I think I better go find him !
Stop it. Go for travel. Use your money to keep yourself happy
@@Lazy-blissrespectfully I’m going to disagree with you, I think OP should be able to decide for herself what she wants to do
We don’t know you but we are rooting for you Kelly!
Yep same boat. 54 and still waiting. I've traveled and clicked off the bucket list items but no marriage or family.
He's probably stuck in a tree somewhere
A message to everyone going through heartache....it ALWAYS gets better.
I hate heartbreaks and ghosting, yuck
Twenty years for me and I still wake up missing her. If it lasts more that a year, consider OCD treatment. Don't wait like I did.
It got worst gang, im out here taking drugs
@@Iscaremyself brother been there. Don't let someone else be the reason you lose yourself. I promise the best revenge you can get is to be the best version of yourself that you can be.
@@TheCastingCousinsHD i hear you, im slowly trying to be better and especially take care my problems, i know im taking drugs and drinking to much, obviously slowly tryna be sober or just slow down on it. What really gets the best of me is honestly being lonely af. All i have is so much time and thinking on my hands
It was so mature of both of you to take time apart and reflect, sometimes that's all we need to realize what's right for us. All the best to you both
Also can help you realize just how much of a positive impact this person had on your life. Thank you
I asked my ex for this time and she lost it. I waited 6 months periodically asking for the time apart, and she denied me it. She was the best relationship I had but she reluctance to be mature caused a real issue. Caused me a lot of pain too, pain I never deserved.
@@AzetheRealgenerally people want time apart so they can see other people. I hate to say it but this one seems like some cope on Cole's end
@@omniXendermanlol no. That's what YOU would do. Don't go projecting homie
@@domeatown you're the one who's projecting,. I just offered an opinion based on common sense, it may not be a positive opinion but at least I delivered it much more respectfully than you did
Can't believe my bro is about to get married ❤❤ Lots of love to both of you .
Thank you brother
When I was 17, I was matured enough to know that love isn’t something you can play around. Love is very important and you can’t think of like it’s a game or something. Now I’m 20, and I’m grateful I stumbled upon your video bro. Thanks for the knowledge Cole.
this bro, i’m the same way. we’re gonna be alright 🙏
you seem very mature
Likewise. I turned 16 today, and I pondered a lot on the concept of love and how I idealized it. I have a lot of time as someone who does not plan on entering a relationship until after I'm 18. And certainly, love isn't something to play around with :l
I used to be like him in his teenage years, but by now, I've seriously considered a lot of the stuff he'd learned throughout, observing the failure of relationships and the types of dynamics I do not wish for.
Love really is about companionship, I think, and less about the romance, but man, does it make it fun. I hope to find someone that I can grow with.
@@renaria3160you’ll find them if you stop watching anime
12:38 I love you guys, well the idea of you guys, PLATONICALLY
The idea of us just got friend zoned hard😥
@@honeysegmentXD
😂😅
@honeysegment you're hilarious!!!😂
"The worse he can say is no"......
I met my husband when I was 18, 13 years ago. He came from a very stable family situation, while my life had been a mess up until that point. It was difficult in the beginning and I'm still amazed that he didn't quit. He taught me how to communicate my feelings and what a stable relationship looks like. After 3 years we started living together and kept communicating and growing together. It still feels like a fairytale romance after all this time, he still gives me butterflies and I tell him how happy he makes me very regularly. It's not been difficult anymore for years, as we know each other through and through and never take each other for granted.
How did you two resolve it?
You're incredibly lucky. Most people will never have that
I think he's interpreting the quote at 3:03 a little bit wrong. "You'll find your lover when you least expect it. Don't search for it, and it will come to you." I think means that you shouldn't make being in a relationship your top priority, but rather to work on yourself and your own ambitions, and then you will meet people without being worried about how you are presenting and show your real authentic self (which people are attracted to).
edit: you can VERY CLEARLY see this in the "And Then I Met... Her" section at 7:35. He had no expectations. He wasn't worried about anything.
But... He was searching. He was in a dating app. He may not have projected such thoughts to her as an obligation, but he searched love. If he was not to, he wouldnt have met her.
I mean, he seems to grasp what you are saying, too. He didnt force it, and it came by
Like most things in life there are multiple interpretations. You've simply decided on a different one.
Sometimes the hardest relationships are the ones that help us grow, sometimes we grow together and sometimes we grow apart. Finding the person "made for you" is a challenge yes, but it's more than anything, a choice.
Awesome comment.
my first gf was when i was 27. I'm 33 now and of the three relationships I've had (all of which less than 6 months) i've definitely learned a lot about love and what i actually want in a partner. It's gone from the 'i just want a gf' to 'i know what it means to build a future with someone'. Still lots to learn and i feel like i've sped run romance a bit but definitely have grown a lot mentally.
Beautiful stuff
I'm almost 24 and I've never even kissed a girl and honestly I'm kinda losing hope at this point. This comment made me feel a little better again.
i think im just gonna pay for it when I hit 30 and become a wizard
This video needs a trigger warning to remove all mascara before watching. This made me cry real tears and now my eyes are burning so badly it hurts. So wholesome and encouraging. I’m so happy for both of you oh my goodness. It’s very heartwarming. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!🎊🎉👫 where is the biracial couple emoji when you need it SMH!!
Hahaha thank you
Brother as someone who wasn't looking for love and stumbled across a wonderful woman from the other side of the world while in university, the part you said about accidentally triggering each other and making you wonder if it's worth it, it really hit home. It's tough man. Similar dreams but the cultural differences make you question so much about who you are and addressing the flaws you have you never even knew you had because it's background noise of the culture you grew up in so most the time these flaws don't even register to you. It's hard.
Thank you for making this comment. My boyfriend and I are from different countries and you perfectly described what we are going through. It helps to have words for it
Thumbnail crazy without context
I WAS LITERALLY JUST GONNA COMMENT THAT LMAO
💀💀💀
Oh no, I didn't make that connection til now
Why? lol. It's totally fine. 🤣
I literally clicked on this video because of that 😭
Random but i really enjoyed the use of text in this video. The fonts, animations, and perspective distortions all looked sick. Great video as always.
Thanks, yeah I had some fun with that. Think I'm gonna run with it for a while
I lived a rather isolated childhood which led to me thinking; there is no time for love. But when i left my home at the age of 18, i had my first ever crush. It's been a year now, so i still have no clue what love really is and how a normal relationship usually work, so this video really helps, thank you!
ask the guy who created love, he aught to know.
you would benefit of learning about CPTSD; scars from our childhood do shape our behaviors later on in life, and its important to (at least) recognize them so as to avoid so much unnecessary pain. If you allow me, "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" taught me a lot about my own childhood trauma, and my cravings for 'love' (connection, intimacy, etc.).
I know the name sounds scary---"CPTSD"---but something the book emphasizes a lot is that there's so much more to childhood trauma than beatings (in the case you think "well i was never hit"), emotional neglect (as you do mention isolation) being way more prominent in family dynamics and, standalone, having far worse consequences. Theres a PDF of the book, you can google it if you do look into it
One thing I am NOT is a romantic. I don't believe in love at first sight, and I do not think chemical attraction is a solid foundation for a relationship. To me, love is an action that requires constant commitment.
In my opinion, that best starting point for a relationship before trust is built is a foundation of shared values directed toward a common goal. The last part is important; shared values alone are not enough if they are not directed toward the same purpose.
If two people share a vision for life and share the same values, then commitment to each other is the next and most important step. I agree that love is not easy because it is the realization of the commitment to each other through self-sacrifice and work.
I have the same opinions as you but sadly it is so hard find someone that thinks the same. As a late teenager, all the people around me date for time-pass. It's disheartening, really.
@taruuutru ikr! im kinda the same - people aren't as sensible about marriage and love than they should be. Ive always seen it as a business transaction first and foremost. Who pays for what, what chores will be done by whom? failures to set these standards and expectations lead to so many divorces and its so sad to me really
@@yukasaki4030 ughhh finally someone who gets it! People give me weird looks when I say love isnt the most important thing in marriage, and i am not looking for "love".
Yes. Same values, similar goals and sacrifice. Completely agree. But also there must to be a sort of compatibility, if not it'd make the everyday life insufferable.
@@taruuutru You'll find others who think that way eventually, trust me.
I thought the same when I was in high-school, but I found people later on that-at the minimum-respected my opinions and all.
Seriously though, you can _always_ find people that have very similar views or mindsets that you have, even if it may seem like one that no one else has.
WATCHING YOU PROGRESS FROM TALKING ABT UR BREAKUPS AND UR TERNAGE YEARS AS I WAS A TEEN TO YOU GETTING MARRIED IS SO AWESOME AND INSPIRATIONAL, CONGRATS COLE AND PRAYING ONLY THE BEST FOR YOU TWO TO COME
Thank you 🙏 we’ve come a long way
The most deeply moving thing in this video was at 9:05.. seeing gas at $3.02 😢
😂😂😂
Lol. That's Austin for you.
This video is unironically the best video I have ever seen covering this topic. As a hopeless romantic myself, I felt like I was looking into a mirror the entire time I watched this. Amazing work, will definitely be checking out more
Your Ghanaian fiancé is so beautiful omg!!!!!! Congrats!! 🎉
She is Ghanaian? I didn't catch that. She's a Ghanaian sister to me then 🇬🇭
Ouu
I dunno how, but i could tell from the thumbnail that she was African and not black american.
Didn't know she was ghanaian, tho.
My theory was confirmed when he said she grew up in a different country.
As fellow near 28 year old, that's recently started down the road self-improvement (starting on physical) I had the mind set of "keep my head down, and if it's supposed to happen it'll happen." for basically my whole life, dating just never really appealed me as an introvert. Well after deciding to start working on my body I decided to start looking for that someone and its been rough. Before I started looking I wasn't really bothered by much but now that I've started to looking, even though I haven't had any matches yet, certain themes like cheating started to churn my stomach as I realize that as relaxed and laid-back as I've been most of my life, I'm worried about picking the wrong girl, about finding the right girl and messing it up or not being developed enough for them. I think that's part of the reason its so easy to get suckered into the the "hopeless romantic" idea of love even though I'm sure most of us know that the majority of people that are in loving committed relationships didn't get there that way. It sells you that you don't necessarily have to put in the effort, that the person will love you the way you are.
Despite my new found insecurities I feel I have to keep pushing forward. I had been, even earlier today, tossing around in my head the idea of pausing my search for love until I'm more developed but even before this video it felt like just kicking the can down the road. So as I work on improving myself I will face these new insecurities by going forward and having those experiences that I should have had when I was younger, and learn by doing. As painful as it may be and as much as I want to just find 'the one,' this video just reinforces to me that the only way I will is by trying.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk random strangers, that read this whole post. I'd give you cranberry-orange muffins if I could.
Am also 28, for me I don’t know what is happening 😂 am just living but love is a good thing hopefully I will fall in love one day who knows 🤗
I'd like my muffins, please.
@@tebandekemaryam2646 We will, just have to keep looking and trying to improve.
@@toni2309 I would give you one if I had any to give, and if you trusted a random internet users food.
I too would like that cranberry-orange muffin. Send by overseas post, please.
I'm so happy for you, Cole! I first stumbled upon your video when I was going through a heartbreak 2 years ago and now you're getting married! Praying to find a love just like what you stated in this video. Will never lose hope.
Thank you so much
This is like a super wholesome video, thank you Cole.
Thank you for watching
As a single 23 year old... I'm crying.
We need more love, that is like this.. mature and sensitive.
All that Sigma and alpha lifestyles are really stupid. Everybody need Love..to grow and to be happy. And nobody in this generation wants to *Love* like the pure kind of love..
Everyone just wants to go for the Money bag. It's disappointing.. And I feel sad that I was born in this generation.
yoghurt male
@@mirilondondriftwhat 💀💀
Nah, you weren't born in the wrong generation don't be ashamed of us. We just have a bunch to learn, we have our flaws, our weakness but we also have our pros and our strength. Respect it, respect yourself. You focus determines your reality, focus on knowing that there are people like me and you who haven't given up in a time where a lot has given up. Focus on the fact that gems are much more precious and obvious to find. There's just a lot of filmsy rocks, but gems stand out even more in those times. Be outstanding, you're born to shine in this generation superstar.
...
Always wanted to say superstar ngl 😳 harr harr harrharr
"feel sad that I was born in this generation" Fuck, that's what I say to myself every single day. The way my values differ from almost every girl I meet, even some friends of mine too. Makes me feel like I am on my own out here. It hurts.
@@Mirak-elExactly. Don’t say you were born in the wrong generation. MAKE it the right generation
After a decade of being unwell and undiagnosed, and experiencing great heartbreak and insecurity, and after mistreating past partners without meaning to... I took the dive in to therapy and treatment.
It's been hard, but this summer I had a brief romance that didn't work out due to not wanting the same things from life. Alone the fact that we were able to communicate and find a healthy breaking point made me proud. What filled me with joy was her telling me that I was able to make her feel so safe and cared for in our brief interchange, and I was happy I left a partner with joy and security for the first time, rather than tears and hurt.
Men, we have a responsibility and burden to ourselves and the world to grow our security, compassion, and empathy. Often masculinity can manifest in manipulative and toxic and hurtful ways, but it can improve. Life is so much more joyful when we take that step forward towards better mental health.
Shes so pretty and im jealous
She's beautiful. Im truly blessed
Umm you can only see her back 😂
Understand one thing people. There is no such thing as a soulmate. Love is a choice. "It Takes Two" is so true when it comes to making a relationship work. Choose to love. Choose who you love. Make it work because love is not easy, but it damn sure is worth it if the two people want it.
This is the lovliest, most honest view of love and marriage I've seen. Thank you.
I've always thought the girl in the thumbnail is your gf!!! The foreshadowing has always been clear 😂Congratulations Cole!!! Wish you all the best🎉
I did too and I'm happy that they are together! 😁✨ Congrats Cole. 🎉🎉🎉
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
"If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
You and your fiancée wonnnn. Congratulations and this stranger wishes you two the very best!
OK. This video gave me that one health bar left before I tapped out. This was the sweetest video. One thing I will say is that it is great if you find love when you are young, but if you don’t, that’s another thing you have to contend with: can you wait? I am *clears throat* Gen X, and have never been in love. I have been “waiting” for a very long time. I have almost given up many, many times, and recently is no different. But being a true hopeless romantic, by golly, I will hang on until I leap off this mortal coil - even if I say I’m not going to. 😂 Thanks for the boost!!
I feel so many things watching this video. As someone who is usually on my own because intimacy can be difficult, one of the biggest ones is amazement at the idea of 10 years spent in relationships at the age of 27 when I'm older and haven't been in relationships for half as long...I won't get stuck in a comparison trap though, as I know each of us are on our own journeys. Congrats on the engagement, and thank you for sharing your story.
You have some of the most honest work on self improvement on TH-cam in my opinion. Your takes are a lot more realistic for most people. I’ve been watching your videos for about 1-2 years and I think anyone who has been watching your channel for about the same amount of time or longer can very clearly understand the maturity and development of your videos and takes all around. Your channel comes off as if you practice what you preach and we find that extremely respectable
I really appreciate that. One thing about my channel is it will always evolve as I continue to evolve with it. Thanks for sticking along for the ride
Goodness this was a wild experience! I'm shocked you've already been in Austin so long, it feels like just yesterday you moved there. And also, I didn't expect the bright turn in your story. I'm glad y'all are committed to experiencing the ups and downs of life together for better or worse, and I wish y'all the best ♡
Thank you 🙏
I normally never comment on videos. as a woman it truly sucks out here. I think a lot of people are afraid of 2 things: commitment and communication. No matter how many communication methods I use, it ends up being the main reason for the end of relationships for me. I feel like as a woman it’s a little different. We feel like we are on a timeline if we desire to have kids one day.
I decided after my last relationship that turned abusive that I am not going to date for at least a year. I hope to find that love at some point in life. For now, I’m just enjoying my time to myself for however long I’m on this earth.
Congratulations to you two!!
I’m in the same boat as you, and it’s already been a year, and definitely isn’t long enough yet. My relationship was 3 years long. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
this is probably the first time i’ve watched a youtube video twice. it was THAT beautiful. you remind me every bit of my current fiancé, soon to be husband. and we both relate to you and your story so much. you’re a very mature guy, cole. and guys like you keep their women very happy. i know that because i am with a guy like you. been together since february 2021 with a 3-4 month break to re-evaluate our ideologies and compatibility.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
thanks for the cold hard advice, and congrats on the engagement 🎉🎉 wishing you all the best :)
The quote “stop looking for it and you’ll find it” is true, you just have to be patient and not over focus on it.
I think when people say this, they mean the spiritual meaning which is 'detachment'
And what about people who weren't looking for love, worked on themselves, did their hobbies, and still ended up being single for the rest of their life? survivorship bias is a thing we also have to acknowledge
You posting this is some devilish work ngl cause this struck a nerve in me for the right reasons
Never seen you before, but congrats man ❤ I wish the two of you a lifetime of happiness together! 😊 I also used to fantasize about love before I found it and now that I have it, it is even better than I ever imagined , despite the ups and down and imperfections - it’s truly something to celebrate and I’m happy for you! ❤🎉
Thanks for this video. Me and my girlfriend were having a rough time because she felt like God was telling her to take a break from our already long distance relationship so she could go and growmit wouldn't be super long but still a few months. And that was really messing with me. But when i saw this video, i had to hold back tears because when you were describing what love really was, you were discibing me and her. So thanks, you helped me to except that this has to happen to help her grow and that i need to support her through it. Have an amazing day whoevers reading this.
1:40 i am a woman 😢 i do that
hey can I get your insta?
Congrats, you're normal!! XD
I am a woman, i do that too 🙃
(@KirbDerp in the video, he said that's a man thing, whereas yes, it's a normal social-deprieved human attitude)
Damn Cole, I really needed to hear this today. Also, congrats on your engagement!
Thank you!
I just went on a second date with a girl and it has been feeling just like you described. I’m tentative to be to hopeful since in the past I’ve been disappointed but something about her seems different. Very stoked to see where this goes 🖤
This was so beautiful!
I realized this too and it’s so hard to see these reels, social media, etc. to tell you otherwise, especially with the leaving your person for your goals part and when things get hard.
And yes, now for social media, I apply this logic of if it were a jacket, I’d blame the jacket for not fitting me rather than my body for not fitting the jacket
infatuation is what pulls you in. love is what you build to keep them when the infatuation is gone
Awesome video man, and congrats on the engagement!!
Thank you bro
Just goes to show that communication is key. You can make nearly anything work, you just need to talk about it as two adults. Issues and problems will never fix themselves. It's important to put in the effort and work on yourself without beeing to fixated on yourself, but also not loosing sight of your dreams and goals.
What is love?
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Baby don’t hurt me don’t hurt me no more
I honestly think this really helped me. I may not be an adult in a serious relationship, but I do have a boyfriend of which i really care about. the different ideals and goals really hit home. Im this 14 year old planning out my life with this 18 year old, and watching this... I probably need to end it. weve made so many promises together despite our inappropriate age gap, and even though I was forbidden from talking with him I did everything I could to stay in contact. It makes me happy, but it isnt healthy by a long shot. WE fight frequently, and I always seem to end the argument by just "submitting" or agreeing with him to make things better. Ive been brought alot of joy from him, but a MASSIVE amount of pain. maybe I shouldn't warp the rest of my life around on man who everyone tells me is unhealthy for me. thank you for giving me something to think about.
hi ,I'm a 16 yr old girl .I am only 2 years older so i don't have much more experience .firstly i hope you are doing good and i hope this video made you think about what's going on .reading your comment it appeared to me like there were times that you felt joy in your relationship but you should know that if you take some time out of it (assuming you still are in that relationship) you can process things much clearly .the age gap isnt the problem but the ages are if he is an adult and you are a minor that is a problem and you mentioned that you always feel the need to submit during arguments it reflects how controlling a person can be and if i am being straightforward you are better off without him.and as your comment ended you considered leaving him for good which is great and you deserve someone whom you can feel safe around.i am proud of you for taking the first step.I just felt like telling you this and i am sorry if it was unnecessary or out of line in any way. and if you would like to talk lmk.
@@redcola-rl5cm thank you so much..
You've changed my life for the better I am so happy for you Cole!!!
I watched this for the wholesome thumbnail of you and your gf, wish you guys the best!
Love can't be timed. It has to be lived.
I see your videos on my home page for years but honestly almost never watched any of them. recently woke up to this idea that love, or at least healthy relationships, shouldn't be based on the sparks both parties initially find in each other. sparks fade. but if we find those with whom we can always strive to find a middle ground and build understanding with, that is the time we've matured.
this was lovely. the ending teared me up.
as a 33 year old woman who never had a solid relationship, this is my time finally. I hope to find and build something like this with someone worthy soon.
much love to you both. all the best with your growth on TH-cam
I love this, such a fresh perspective on dating. It's amazing how you took responsibility and worked through things, something that had been lost and isn't shown in the media. I always say life is hard but it's worth it, really love is hard but it's worth it.
I've not seen anything else but this reminds me of "how I met your mother" and a review where people were saying the main character is the problem as he romanticised every love and was the real problem.
The Berserk tattoo gets them every time, I should get one.
You have turned my life around, I will start a journal and try to get healthier, psychically, emotionally, and mentally. It may flop but watching this video made me believe in myself again!
You guys look adorable together! Blessings to you both 😊
........I haven't seen your content in a long time, and this randomly appeared on my feed. This was exactly what I needed to hear. I really cannot thank you enough. So many doubts I've been struggling with for the year I've been in my relationship have now been put to rest. I feel at peace in a way that I haven't before, ever.
tysm for this video. it was quite literally ( no exaggeration) a breath of fresh air. This video was so genuine and mature. it literally made my heart warm! I pray God blesses you and your fiance💞 💝💘💘💓 beautiful video!!!!1
It’s so touching to see you being truly happy with someone . I have discovered your videos when I have also went through a tough break up. Then I made it a priority to always have my needs in mind and have a goal to improve myself. Through that I have found my now partner and seeing you doing the same is heartwarming. It does get better , even better than we could have ever imagined.
When I was 27 the only thing I cared about was playing Modern Warfare, Orange Box, BioShock, Halo 3, and Assassins Creed. I loved my Xbox 360. ❤
Relatable LOL
Yes.
ok boomer
I’m sobbing 😭 I’m so proud of you guys. This is sooo true, love takes WORK❤️🔥 congratulations 🥳🥳🥳
Thank you Sammy, miss you and Brian a lot
Been watching all your videos, can't believe you are engaged! congrats Cole!!!
Congrats on the engagement!!
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Oh my god…this changed my life. I will never forget this video, thank you for sharing your experiences and your past vs your present. ❤️
"said by someone attractive" as you yourself are attractive.
Yes I am very attractive we all are ❣️
@@tebandekemaryam2646 If everyone is attractive, then no one is.
Every adjective needs an opposite in order to be valid.
In order for "attractive" to exist,
"unattractive" must exist.
@@AJ-lm5dl we all attractive in different ways, hopefully am right
@@AJ-lm5dl you're literally the definition of "well actually". just let people be happy man
so lets ignore facts @@dude.
Seeking perfection is the bane of love.
This is true to all relationships that form from anywhere be it during a face to face interaction or through online chatting, which also means that we can meet our perfect partners as long as we know that they are still human at the end of the day.
I am 27 and have been in 1 relationship my entire life. That was when I was 17 and it lasted 6 months until I left him because he cheated. During the 6 months of us dating, he cheated 3 times and I was young and naïve and felt that if I left him sooner, I would be considered a failure. It was painful to let go but I knew I had to be strong. 9 months after I left him, he came to my parents house and I didn't open for him because I knew I would cave into his excuses. That was 9 years ago and I am a different person now. I have grown so much. I worked a few years and started University last year at age 25. I don't have a lot of friends and I don't go to clubs or parties. I just go to the mall to have fun which is boring to some but I enjoy it. I have only been approached by a guy once in my entire life and came to the conclusion that maybe "true love" won't happen for me. I have found contentment in being single but still would like to have someone. I guess I have given that choice to the universe. If it will happen then it will and if it doesn't then I'll continue living as life won't end if I don't.
😭😭😭😭
You literally have me crying. This was beautiful ❤❤❤
This video is so cute .. congrats btw!
Thanks for the video man. In this season in my life I feel like I am on the beginning of the self healing part. Congratulations on the engagement.🥳
The thought process of thinking that women like you because they show kindness happens to women too. Everytime a man shows extra kindness, i create scenarios and have delusions in the moment
This was such a beautiful video. I loved the authenticity and the vulnerability! Congrats
I've been in a interacial relationship for over a year, I'm English she's Indian and her cultural differences with family ect made it very hard. My family was surprised but ok with and it's not been eazy but getting better, love has no colour x
Why dont you do interracial content
awww ❤
Thank you, this has been very refreshing. In an age of people showcasing the perfect things their partners bought for them and how cute they are seemingly 100% of the time, I sometimes struggle with my bf being a complex person who has a job and his own life and different opinions on many things. But what I do appreciate and love is how much he's willing to do for me and how much he loves me and never ever gives up, even when I'm difficult and, honestly, a pain in the ass.
When you’re really in love you will sit with your partner and figure anything out no questions asked no space needed
the right person will stay and work through things
@@noah1502 exactly
Dude, the fact I'm actually going this as we speak; speaks volumes. Good work.
The best advice for love I've ever got came from a video game and was something like "Don't bother looking for love, focus on what you enjoy doing, and the people you're meant to be with will eventually come to you".
Now I wanna know what the game is because it sounds like it's gonna make me cry. And as somebody studying to be a game designer I need to know what it is so I can be inspired.
Pleeeeease say!
I'm only turning 18 this year, and I always knew that love is something that should be taken seriously, I always believed in the thought of loving one person wholeheartedly through the good and bad times, being someone's company even through uncertainty just to assure the other that everything will only get better. I have yet to find someone who would go along with me to make it all work, but honestly, why would I expect for something that ideal? Despite that however, there are still some holes that never really wrap around my head well enough until I stumbled upon your video, I just love how you actually made everything sensible and it even helped me figure out what I was doing wrong with my existing friendships, thank you!
Congrats Col! We wish you nothing but the very best
Hey man, going through rough times and this video gave me comfort that I can’t really put into words… Thanks for the message.
I'm very happy to hear you found love and it worked out. One thing that worries me about the modern age in general though is really seeing how rare it seems to be. Looking back through my family history, and just about anyone else when I get the chance to ask, it seems at least a majority of the marriages were incredibly toxic and lacked any love. But times were different, people just got married and had kids anyway. Fast forward to today, we're seeing just about every country that embraced the idea of "find love, never settle, and only have kids if it's right!" having their birth rates plummet below replacement levels.
It's a very disturbing thought because to me that idea feels like the right thing morally (although I agree with the more mature version you presented) and is how our society should function. But at the end of the day, if a civilization will fizzle out in a few generations for embracing that idea, is it still the right thing? Does our generation have the right to just be one of the last after the countless generations behind us put up with "toxicity" to keep our species going, all so we feel like we're liberated in this part of life?
I don't really think that's how it's going down. Part of it could be the never settle mentality, but also, I think both genders are just putting in less effort to find a partner. When you combine that, with the not settling mentality, it makes sense the birth rates start to plummet.
My hopecore: Mostly only people who are truly emotionally mature and capable of being together will be together in the future, resulting in better parenting, and better children. Then, maybe through that, we will see a new wave of increase in relationships.
@@ColeHastings You could be right. Your perspective on a lot of this is definitely very different from mine. Personally, I disagree with the less effort part. But I say that from my own personal life. I know many who have given it their all with nothing to show for it. Same goes for me, I'm almost 29 and have never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month, and not from a lack of trying. The never settle mentality was the root cause I observed, most girls I started dating would abruptly let me know they've been talking with many other men and decided to continue with someone else. I was also guilty of impossibly high standards when I was young. You're in a unique spot where your job has you analyzing a lot of this from a more objective view, but I speak from anecdotal experience.
I like to view things positively as well and want to trust you're correct. The reasoning makes sense that if the emotionally mature ones are having the bulk of kids, then in time, most people will be emotionally mature. My worry comes from factoring in that we may be in more of an Idiocracy scenario. It'll be the people who have the old view of willing to settle with someone they despise just to pump out emotionally immature kids that will overtake our culture in time.
But, what do I know. I'll put faith in your scenario for now. Stay strong, Cole 💪
A very important thing here is that... both partners have things about them that are imperfect. Both have vulnerabilities. There are expectations, particularly on men, that they should not falter. No, men DO falter, they do fall. It is also the female partner's job to help him back up when he falls, just like it's his.
For women who say they want a man that is "like a rock", consider this:
The toughest warrior can spend a long time out in the freezing cold, braving the elements. But eventually, he has to come out from the cold and into the warmth, because no one, no matter how tough, can survive the elements indefinitely.
But that is the fate of too many men in relationships. They too need a safe space.
It may seem like I'm picking only on women. I don't mean to. Men are constantly admonished to be there for their female partners. I'd like see more of the opposite too.
"admonished to be there for their female partners." Yeah no. This comment is VERY one sided. But then again I don't date men. Ever
I gave up on dating entirely, and stopped looking for anyone, when I turned 30. I wanted to get married and have kids in my TWENTIES. And it never happened. I set myself to focus on body building, and start competing. I had been training up until then and was finally ready to gear up for showing.
Two weeks later I met the man I married; we married eight months after we met.
I've seen people my age been in lots and lot of dates, relationships, etc. And I just ask "How?", I mean, my problem isn't beauty, nor personality.
Awwwwwww congratulations!!!!! She’s beautiful
Second person in 3 days that pointed out one of the biggest mindset traps I, and many many men have for some reason fallen into!
"Kindness is indicative of lust."
It's truly not. Kindness is just kindness. But men are so starved for emotional connection they grasp at straws. Not to say it's exclusive to men obviously, but very common. The more people bringing light to this cognitive trap the better 👍