LINKS AND CORRECTIONS Support me on Patreon here: patreon.com/UnsolicitedAdvice701?Link& Sign up to my email list for more philosophy to improve your life: forms.gle/YYfaCaiQw9r6YfkN7 Link to Sisyphus 55 video: th-cam.com/video/dcuHm_N1mtk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=xyYaNrtuit0U4j59
"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, you will never get any. If you are instead spending your time into building a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come, and if they don't, you will still have your beautiful garden."
Most can relate to this, which is why we must distract ourselves with hobbies we can enjoy and focus on without the need of someone else. I'm not saying to completely avoid them, but find an activity that holds more value than the person you wish to share good memories with.
Yes, and if they share the interest, you have common ground that can allow a friendship to grow, which is different from a crush or a romantic relationship. Sometimes if you get interested in a hobby that they already have, that helps you be with them without the awkwardness, and it expands your world. Personally, I've found several truly life-changing interests because of crushes; the crush faded into history but the interest continued (and continues) to grow. .
Ok, but wait do if you kept avoiding the crush for a few weeks and the girl you have a crush on suddenly asks you out? Asking for a friend Update: Ok, so the date went well, but how do I treat a girl, well, like a girlfriend? I'm kind of worried about being too public or affectionate, but she's the one who's made all the major moves so far, because I'm too much of a coward yo
@@skidrift5134 Take it! But understand what the potential drawbacks are. Also, ask yourself why you/your friend likes this girl. Dont search for happiness from others. Only we can really make ourselves happy. Once you are happy with yourself, you can share it with others without 'crushing' on someone because you are already content with yourself. But obviously dont just take my word for it. Im just a random person on the internet, but I hope I helped even a bit :)
This is why the “ick” is such a big thing today. People have these wild fantasies about their crushes and soon they see that they are merely flawed and human, and then they no longer see them as they once did. They gave them the “ick”.
This is where we've come to as humans today, on an emotional level. Always so obsessed with perfection, expecting or demanding it from both ourselves and others. Then we get disappointed and the cycle repeats itself
the ick isnt what people thought of it. it's not becoming disillusioned with someone's character over something minor, it's realizing your crush isnt perfect and your brain crashing tf out. still dumb but it was never what ppl said
I'm guilty of this I had crushed on people as if it was a game then was not interested in them for no reason It then took my best friend leaving to realise I needed to think of people as people
I’ve never had a crush like me back, and once I realized that, I just enjoyed the crush for what is was, a fantasy, and didn’t let it get to me. It’s like your own personal movie in your head that is far better off never coming to life, anyway, because your fantasy of someone is always better than the reality of them. The issue is when you take your crush so seriously that you assign deleterious meanings to the lack of reciprocity. It doesn’t have to harm your self esteem, since self esteem comes from within.
I don’t think it’s better than real life. I do understand why you say that tho because you have never been in a relationship with them and from the outside it does seem better.
@@frisbeefrank It is better than real life. Cuz sure you can sleep with them but that’s a price, usually it’s money or something you don’t have like status or certain genes. I took a trip to Seoul one time and noticed how gorgeous many woman there were but I simply accepted that I’d never get one because the reality is I’m not on the same level or world they are in.
@@mikloridden8276My personal observation is, it’s better than life but not really a thing you should relive every time, less you be disillusioned by reality and not see the beauty and joy in it. Might I add its like cornography in a way, you are inadvertently seeing the person in a idealized way, or should I say a way they aren’t but in your head, you control how it is the story, the words. These could result in addictions in something not real, becoming the thing you seek and desire, yet the real appears more and more dull. There’s some examples of people on TikTok having “reality shifting” escapism to a world of fantasy imagination, some go to the Harry Potter world, some even the lion king. This reliving of a reality, of becoming something maybe in your head is fun, though less we control it and question why is this desire the one I go to, what am I missing, what am I not missing, what can I do to get the life I want. We will eventually fall to a deep abyss of a cycle we can change yet, it’s more pleasurable to stay in vr than real life. The rates of loneliness is high even among women, we need to be more proactive in meeting new people, despite if you have social anxiety or lack of social skills. Luckily we have neuroplasticity, so any skills not gained can still be gained, but through failure, and improvement which, people really don’t like, but in the long run it’s better to suffer a bit, than to stay plugged in a machine for your desires to run wild.
When first we fall in love with someone, we imagine them standing on an idealized pedestal, with soft, golden light illuminating their features to optimum effect...Not sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce.
I keep imagining that for some reason. Even when I was back a little child where I have crush on my cousin. I remember I keep thinking that it is kinda hot which is quite uncomfortable. I don't really have crush in almost a decade but man I can't stop thinking why I keep thinking about poop. Need to grow up one way or another.
I was hurting for months until I read a quote online which goes; "You can knock on a deaf man's door forever." And that hit me hard. Now Im getting back slowly.
Yeah liking someone but not wanting to date them is different than having a crush on them (but the first makes you wonder if you have commitment issues😂)
Miraculously enough, I saw the end of it last week... sometimes it's strange how peace can dawn on you like a morning coffee... I guess I took my time, but I am indeed better! Your channel just helps explore so many themes and viewpoints, I don't know if you realize how helpful you can be.
I had a crush on my high school girlfriend in 1979. She was the most beautiful girl in the school and we dated all of senior year. The crush finally ended in 2022. That’s 43 years.
@@NC-tc3qw I guess I never stopped thinking about her because I never met a woman who was even close to how great she is. But in the summer of 2022, it just stopped. Suddenly I’d go several hours or days without thinking about her. I’m glad it’s over. Too bad it lasted 43 years.
“Even if you’re left far from home with no money no friends and no hope, in the end it’s all worth it. Because it’s better to have felt something than nothing at all.”
I don’t think so. You can still have a crush on a person without pursuing it. The attraction is still there even when you know it’s hopeless, it’ll linger until it doesn’t. You don’t need validation, you just need your mind to let it go
As dark as this is, remember we came into the world alone and we die by ourselves (even if surrounded by family, YOU die not them). Our lives are experienced in our own minds by using our senses to “touch” the world. This means that other people, no matter how close, are just fleeting perceptions of your mind. You create the hype of your crush in your mind.
And also of whoever else exists in your life And the pain of all those you are around who injure you emotionally If you change the image of them in your mind, you change what their effect on you means
And therefore goes the saying, "Never meet your hero." In the context of love, they ALL will be disappointing sooner or later, it's just whether both parties would stay for each other.
My crush thinks I hate them, I go cold with people I like because there's no way I could hide my feelings if they talked to me. So I become as cold and unapproachable as possible. I know this is a bad way to do it but I'm scared of intimacy. I can do one night stands but if I have genuine feelings for somone I'd always imagine getting burnt.
This is exactly how my crush is toward me. He leaves me feeling so Hury and confused, like I don't even want to keep liking him anymore so I try to convince myself that we're just friends and that's how it's supposed to be. I just wish at leasy one of us weren't this shy😭
A part of me knew that my ex only had a crush/obsession. If I could go back in time, I'd show myself this video which explains why desire is simply not love. As you say, the reason for the crush is self serving because obsession doesn't feel like love for the person on the receiving end. I couldn't explain why it felt so isolating and lonely to be the object of a crush. But it's because love requires a soul connection that brings warmth and peace. Someone who loves you wants to know everything about you. They don't feel threatened by your relationship with your cats or your hobbies. Love desires to be close to you, not keep you at a distance by putting you on a weird pedestal. And their very first instinct isn't to run or freeze when there's real relationship conflict. These are all things that threaten their fantasy/idea of what you are. If I adored my cats, he was weirded out by it. If his sister loved their dog, it was cute and endearing. I quickly grew to resent my position in his hierarchy. When you are the object of someone's obsession the harsh truth is that you are at the bottom of the food chain. And it's explained so well by the idea that crushes are only really about what it means to the person crushing to be desired in return. It's not about the object as a real person but how being desired by them would serve them. The danger is declaring that it's love when it's actually the intense desire to be loved.
Best thing against crushes? Telling your crush you have crushed. It will be painful if you get rejected for a night or two or longer, depending on how long you secretly crushed but you'll also feel relieved and back to yourself and your heart will be healed soon enough. Far less pain than the everyday thoughts 'if we were together' and you finally stop distracting yourself from yourself, your life, your own stuff. You'll otherwise forever be stuck with your one-sided attachment, without the chance to resolve and evolve into new connections wth other people who may share your feelings
It’s been a year since he rejected me and I’m still healing. Thought I was ok but then I saw him walk another girl out of his apartment. Looks like I was still slightly delulu 🙃🙃
I was really struggling with this when I was younger, until I realized this : every crushes of mines live at the same time as me, so why complicate everything ? Just because I won't share intimacy with them ? That doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive. Letting go, as cliche as it is, is really powerful.
Bro, honestly, you would change every second of that loneliness to be with the people you want. There is not a universe where you would choose not to be with your crush. Letting go is not powerful. Is not beautiful. It's a defense mechanism for not being enough. You have nothing to offer in their eyes, and that hurts. You will never in your entire life make peace with suffering. You just will try to convince yourself that you can. Yeah, sure, "that doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive. Let them go with other people but me. I'm sure that that would be better than laying in bed with them, enjoying each other's heat. A heat that I would never forget. Let her go with that guy who will forget her in two weeks. I will be here thinking about her still."
@@La_Horca I hope you are a teenager like the other toddler, because you seems to project your past experiences, applying it to everybody. Why are you so obsessed with the word "loneliness" ? Again, personally, I'm good. Let's say, you want someone already taken, and because this is adulthood, the "guy" in question won't forget her in two weeks, what do you do ? Are you immature to the point of not being able to handle the fact that your crush live a life disconnected from you ? Do you really think that you are the only one who can have a meaningful relationship ? Because this kind of thinking will only lead to a shitty one. No, crushing on someone doesn't mean it's the only person in the world, no need to dramatize everything. "A heat that I would never forget" yeah well, I will share this heat with someone else then, that's life. Also, "not being enough" doesn't mean anything, except in your head. Again, big projection. You two seems to come from balkangains channel or whatever, get out, touch some grass, stay away from this algorithm.
I disagree completely with the idea that living separate lives and keeping some mystery between the two, strengthens the love. I think when you know someone completely, faults and all, and you still love them, that’s when the real relationship begins. What you describe a quarter way through this video is people who’d rather live in a fantasy they have of their lover rather than the actual person. And there will always be someone more fascinating or mysterious than the person you’re with. That’s just a doomed way of looking at love in my opinion.
My most recent crush is weird as hell. 57 year old man (I’m 25) who is not conventionally attractive in the slightest. Most would probably call him ugly. He’s also in a lower position at our job. But good lord, did he drive me insane. I was obsessed with the guy. He has a jovial, people-pleasing personality, yet is down-to-earth, with a sharp sense of humor. I wasn’t interested in a relationship due to the age gap, but I hoped I could get him to sleep with me. I was probably approaching him too often, because I once noticed him go out of his way to avoid me. Oh, how that traumatized me. I immediately retracted all advances and eventually got over him. In retrospect, I’m horrified that this crush ever happened. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare of getting involved with such a character. This experience lead me to despise crushes. Not just because they threaten my dignity, self-esteem, and focus, but because they’re potentially dangerous, and often misleading. I don’t get bored without them, and hope to never experience one again.
There was something in that guy that you like. Crushes don't happen for no reason. Maybe he oozed sensuality and as if he could be the best fuck and a great lover. Maybe also wanted you badly. Is normal to hide from your crush. He could be left devastated because you dropped the crush and abandoned the infatuation with him.
@@frisbeefrankTrue. Just last night I realized how much I have improved from the start of the summer. I am so much less insecure and have gone up so many “leagues”
There's one answer, make a move, get rejected and you can move on, or don't get rejected and you attempt to make it work with this person. You're likely quite anxious and scared to make a move, but it's the only way to advance the state you're in. Well, you've probably thought about it before, and you probably know it already, but do try to muster up the courage
It is an amazing experience regardless of whether it ends up "well" or not. The hardest part of it is to let go of that expectation that we'll end up together, or the gruelling doubt about whether she'll like me too, but at the same time the high intensity of the feeling is what makes the experience so enjoyable and human for me.
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 No problem, also can I make a small suggestion? I'm extremely interested in the topic "Obsession". I really hope you can make a video on that topic.
Romance it's one of the most interesting ways humans can explore their mind, what they are and what they would like to be, as we often start to notice our defects even more when we fall for someone who has not yet confirmed their affections (a crush, pretty much); and when you mentioned this crush fueled by vanity, I immediately remember it. What an interesting and rich concept that is. On the other hand, I appreciate the last take on the video. Some people will argue that "true love" isn't passional, or that you are simply at peace with the person, this often makes people in other relationships frustrated. I think love it's different for every person, and I personally find it more rewarding when there's struggle and it's overcomed, or when the other person challenges me; some people prefer peace, and that it's alright. I just loved that last detail at the end. Great video, as always ♡
2:41 This happened to me, sort of. I liked a girl who, for a year and a half, was very friendly and giving clear signs of interest. I think that she saw that I liked her but wanted more and wasn't willing to commit or be honest about her feelings. She wasn't malicious but I think a lot of it was subconscious and from a lack of maturity. After a year and a half I finally wrote her a letter and the response I got was kind but ultimately a rejection. Her intentions weren't bad but I think it was an ego thing. She had other guys crawling over her and knew she could get what she wanted.
_*oxytocin,_ in the case of females. Hugs, cuddles, touch. Serotonin's sex-linked snugglebuddy babymaking cousin. 😊 Guys can get dopamine for cheap these days. I'm starving for _vasopressin,_ the pair-bonding as brothers-in-arms, success in completing tasks, the 'vincing.'
The mix of hope and doubt is the cause of swan’s love for Odette. Proust you giant of literature, you had such a deep understanding of human psychology!
Gotta admit there were many crushes I had, sometimes they lasted a few years. Then you get to a point that you realize they have friend zoned me and I’ll never be more than that to them. It hurts because you wanted to have those experiences. You wanted them to see that side of you. You wanted them to see how amazing you were and what you were really like as a girlfriend. However what I realized is that giving that away was a waste. It was a waste because I had done it a few times to a few guys that didn’t treat me right. They did horrible things and didn’t deserve my love. They weren’t good guys. It broke me and it hurt me. It was hard to move forward. But then I found a fantastic guy, I give my whole self to him and he appreciates me fully! We always love dove all day love and we are going 4 years strong in October. Everyday I wake up I see him and my heart melts. Still so in love with him. It’s so good to have someone who really loves you. Who really you can be yourself around. We are very affectionate all the time. It’s beautiful. I realize that’s what I truly needed is a man that valued me. A man that saw me and really loved me through all the good bad and ugly. A man that didn’t care about other girls and who I could trust. A man that really makes it about me. We do that for each other. So I don’t care about the crushes because they were just that. Not meant to be because one day I was gonna give it all to one man that did deserve it! None of these other guys deserved me but he does and I’ll spend the rest of my life happily with him. I want to encourage you all out there still waiting, just hold on! Stay busy and love your single life. It’s gonna be okay you will meet your match the person that gets you the one that loves you whole heartedly. You will find that.
Definitely brilliant & dangerous lol. I get hung up on cycles of worry, imagining the worst, anger, remembering the best and repeat. Just figured out my habits in this area this week lol
This is great timing, my no-longer-crush is getting married next week and I'm actually super happy for him. But I appreciate the reminder that the guy I knew in my imagination is not my real-life happily connected friend
i love sooo much when someone draws parallels with contemporary problems with literature and mythic problems, it gives me such a relief to see it's a general human condition, not just contemporary affliction!
I went through all of this last year as an adult for the first time. My goodness I was completely unhinged and couldn't understand what to make of it. Let the emotions unravel and experience it fully or try to fight against it? Regardless this experience left me miserable and caused me a lot of pain, because I came to the realization that the person I was crushing on isn't real (crystallization), and I indulged in vain love. In spite of going through this alone and on top of being unable to meet said person up close, I feel that the worst of it has shimmered down. I still feel admiration for this person, but I do not feel that tidal wave of overwhelming emotions any more. He is just another person, living a different life and I hope he is happy - as I also work on finding happiness within myself.
hey guys! i really need this. was at my lowest low. glad to know how common of a feeling this is (and how it can really derail u). wishing everyone self-love, don't forget to see your own light
For the longest time I had trouble trying to label and understand my crushes and why I liked the person. I often found myself listing the attributes I enjoyed, but it was never deep. I think your explanation of often fooling ourselves, believing a crush is coming from a place of passion when in reality it's vain and egoistic. Explained my feelings accurately. Thank you. ❤
There are plenty of fish in the ocean.............stay far away from ALL of them........this is a joke...but seriously plenty of sharks in there too...stay on land
Sharks are pretty harmless compared to most dangers you'll encounter on land😂. A life spent living in fear is merely surviving, and not living a life at all.😂
I love having a crush! It's wonderful, simply magical! And it's not painful at all. The trick is simply not to expect anything from this person. Expectations are selfish, but true love is selfless. Loving is a thousand times better than being loved! Just try it!
I’m a mathematician and amateur philosopher. I exclusively watch educational TH-cam videos, and quickly get bored by non-intellectual conversations. Most people regard me as pretty smart. And yet I become a blubbering middle school boy when I have a crush. I frequently get frustrated with my own obsession, and try to be rational and mature, but I cannot help but analyze my every word and cringe afterwards. Speaking from present day experience…
This couldnt have come at a better time for me. I've really been going through it and listening to this gave me a breakthrough and helped me realise part of what has been hurting me. Thank you, I feel so much better after having listened to it, now to put it into action
I feel called out :)). I do think of myself as a rational person, but I had a crush that really messed me up a few years ago. It's really crazy what a crush does to you. I couldn't be together with him and it was very painful. I don't regret going through it because it was quite an experience, but I honestly don't want to have a crush again, especially if I can't be together with that person.
Thanks Joe! Your piece on "modern love" is fantastic and has been valuable to several folks I've shared it with (my sons included). This is a great companion piece. Cheers, my brother! 🖖☕
I had a huge crush on this girl I met in Japan (she was not Japanese). It took me years to get over her. I just couldn't for some reason. When I met other girls, I just compared them with her and... But then I met my wife, and she helped me. She broke up with me a couple of times though... But, she came back, and now we have been together for almost 10 years. She made me do things I did not want to do, but I think she was right and were the right things to do to close that chapter forever.
I miss watching youtube videos like this where there isnt a cut every 8 seconds, it's not about pop culture gossip and it's not 3 minutes long. i love your videos ,thank you
Bro you’re lucky in my opinion. It feels like the sun is inside my body. It’s overwhelming. Warm and great, but it literally makes me sick. I get vertigo and headaches. I also judge myself for feeling this way, which makes me find evidence for why I feel it, and I find great evidence which makes me feel it even more. It’s wild. And this isn’t even limerence. Limerence is INTENSE, I cannot imagine and I don’t want to ever feel it.
You have no idea how lucky you are. Not interested in romantic relationships BUT I do crush to different people from time to time and it takes up time and headspace.
@@devilmaycry9969 why am I lucky? I'll (most likely) never experience what most people consider to be the greatest human emotion. I'm 30M and have never felt anything close to romantic in my life. I'm actually happy to be aro, it makes me feel quite powerful lol. I've never desired romantic love so I don't feel like I'm missing out. But other people might see it that way.
People saying your missing out it's like telling someone that doesn't need to eat that they are missing out. Yeah, it's cool to taste good food, but on the other hand it's cooler that you don't have the necessity of eating. Maybe not the best analogy lol.
I have broke the cycle of “will they like me or will they not” by putting friendship on the pedestal rather than an potential relationship. If that person can’t be friends with you, are they even good for an relationship? That’s one of the reasons why I never fall in love with an glimpse of an person only when the friendship is formed. And even though my beloved may be in an relationship that I so desire to be in, I fall In love more with their presence than potential. I may fantasise about potential but their flaws, strengths, their amazing personality is what makes my love tick for them.
Fantastic watch. The dynamics behind crushes can be extended into so many areas of life further than relationships. I enjoy your videos because they analyse things in a methodical and in depth manor. Like a visual essay. Keep it up bro
Just want to clarify. Humans are not by nature rational. It is one of the great falseties in the modern world, we simply rationalise own irrationality after the fact
My first love was my high school sweetheart, we nearly got married and I’m so great up all these years latter that I went through the pain of a nasty breakup. I had a crush on her before getting her to date me. The way my stomach aches for her it was horrible. After her though my relationships were much healthier and I don’t think they could have been without the experience.
Edit: I watched this yesterday, accepted the despair that comes with passion of a crush, wrote the comment below, then saw him today, and it vanished! Poof! Gone! What a weird experience! Wow! No idea why this popped up in my recommendeds but glad it did. I have been wrestling with my passion for a crush for 9 months. But because I was stuck on the idea that this is just sheer idiocy because in reality there can be absolutely no hope I have intentionally imagined bad qualites of my crush. I have only made myself feel worse than the usual amount of despair. I will choose to publicly maintain my distance, reserve and dignity but will allow my passion free reign in my imagination. And I will live with the pain. It is excruciating! But it's worth it for now. I may change my mind and go for more calm in the future but right now, it's also one of the best complex of feelings that really is joyful. Thanks for helping me get my thinking unstuck! I'm not an idiot, I just thought I was! Thanks!
Bruh he probably watch the video on "how to get someone to like you" or smth cause I remember there's a trick to make someone like you , and that's to pull and push your attention toward them
TH-cam recommended this video to me, even though I don't have a crush for now, I was curious about the information. I really liked the way you provide the information. Great video, keep it up 👍
Thinking that they know better than you, you're building a giant wall between you two, true connection can only be built when two people show their authentic moment to moment experience and vulnerability together.❤
Without being educated on the matter, I can confidently say it's because it feels like something akin to betrayal. I'm not saying it makes sense or supposed to be logical, but the person experiencing the crush is momentarily suffering from protagonist syndrome. When that crush isn't returned, it feels like a betrayal and I think we can all pretty much agree that betrayal is one of the worst things that can happen to a human.
"We meet someone, learn a few things about them, and then we extrapolate a whole host of other qualities from that which may or may not be true." This sounds like the way racism, etc. works. I think it also plays a large role in office politics
Timely video for me. My high school crush, who was also crushing on me during that time, just got married. She’s someone I’ve obsessed over in my thoughts during our time in high school, continuing well after we graduated. I’ve been wrestling with my idealized fantasies of her for years. I hope to completely oust her from my thoughts someday.
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LINKS AND CORRECTIONS
Support me on Patreon here: patreon.com/UnsolicitedAdvice701?Link&
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@unsolicited_advice could you ever make a video about virtue ethics and the fictional city of Adocentyn?
The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.
Dorothy Parker
You said you’d link Sisyphus 55 but didn’t.
I’ve fallen in love and lived full lives via dreams
Wild experience.
"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, you will never get any. If you are instead spending your time into building a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come, and if they don't, you will still have your beautiful garden."
Or you end up with snakes in the garden instead. Nibbling on your ankles
@@IvanskiYakinovski that won't be a _beautiful_ garden
@@IvanskiYakinovskiFor crying out loud...😅
🤔😁
That’s bs, most of the “garden” is your genetics.
If you have bad genetics, then there isn’t much room for improvement lookswise
People told me to treat crushes like I would treat others. So I did, by avoiding them, knowing that they're not attracted to me.
Most can relate to this, which is why we must distract ourselves with hobbies we can enjoy and focus on without the need of someone else. I'm not saying to completely avoid them, but find an activity that holds more value than the person you wish to share good memories with.
Yes, and if they share the interest, you have common ground that can allow a friendship to grow, which is different from a crush or a romantic relationship. Sometimes if you get interested in a hobby that they already have, that helps you be with them without the awkwardness, and it expands your world. Personally, I've found several truly life-changing interests because of crushes; the crush faded into history but the interest continued (and continues) to grow. .
Ok, but wait do if you kept avoiding the crush for a few weeks and the girl you have a crush on suddenly asks you out? Asking for a friend
Update: Ok, so the date went well, but how do I treat a girl, well, like a girlfriend? I'm kind of worried about being too public or affectionate, but she's the one who's made all the major moves so far, because I'm too much of a coward yo
@@skidrift5134 Take it! But understand what the potential drawbacks are. Also, ask yourself why you/your friend likes this girl. Dont search for happiness from others. Only we can really make ourselves happy. Once you are happy with yourself, you can share it with others without 'crushing' on someone because you are already content with yourself. But obviously dont just take my word for it. Im just a random person on the internet, but I hope I helped even a bit :)
@@vickibamman8333 so true... I discovered my favorite band because of my ex-crush.
This is why the “ick” is such a big thing today. People have these wild fantasies about their crushes and soon they see that they are merely flawed and human, and then they no longer see them as they once did. They gave them the “ick”.
The "ick" is a TikTok thing.
The "ick" is a predominantly _feminine_ discovery.
The "ick" is _cringe-as-hell._
You must not "ick."
This is where we've come to as humans today, on an emotional level. Always so obsessed with perfection, expecting or demanding it from both ourselves and others. Then we get disappointed and the cycle repeats itself
the ick isnt what people thought of it. it's not becoming disillusioned with someone's character over something minor, it's realizing your crush isnt perfect and your brain crashing tf out. still dumb but it was never what ppl said
@@thepotatotaxi2430yeah
I'm guilty of this
I had crushed on people as if it was a game then was not interested in them for no reason
It then took my best friend leaving to realise I needed to think of people as people
THE TIMING, I WAS LITERALLY JUST FEELING THIS
Glad I'm not the only one 😅
Exquisite timing indeed 💚
same..
Confirmation bias
Yeah it kind of sucks tbh. Knowing they don’t care but you do. But life will move on so you can too.
Love is such an exhausting thing.
It is 😐
Right...
😢🎯🎯
A crush isn't love though.
@@ismt9390 still is exhausting
I’ve never had a crush like me back, and once I realized that, I just enjoyed the crush for what is was, a fantasy, and didn’t let it get to me. It’s like your own personal movie in your head that is far better off never coming to life, anyway, because your fantasy of someone is always better than the reality of them. The issue is when you take your crush so seriously that you assign deleterious meanings to the lack of reciprocity. It doesn’t have to harm your self esteem, since self esteem comes from within.
I don’t think it’s better than real life. I do understand why you say that tho because you have never been in a relationship with them and from the outside it does seem better.
@@frisbeefrank It is better than real life. Cuz sure you can sleep with them but that’s a price, usually it’s money or something you don’t have like status or certain genes. I took a trip to Seoul one time and noticed how gorgeous many woman there were but I simply accepted that I’d never get one because the reality is I’m not on the same level or world they are in.
@@mikloridden8276My personal observation is, it’s better than life but not really a thing you should relive every time, less you be disillusioned by reality and not see the beauty and joy in it. Might I add its like cornography in a way, you are inadvertently seeing the person in a idealized way, or should I say a way they aren’t but in your head, you control how it is the story, the words. These could result in addictions in something not real, becoming the thing you seek and desire, yet the real appears more and more dull. There’s some examples of people on TikTok having “reality shifting” escapism to a world of fantasy imagination, some go to the Harry Potter world, some even the lion king. This reliving of a reality, of becoming something maybe in your head is fun, though less we control it and question why is this desire the one I go to, what am I missing, what am I not missing, what can I do to get the life I want. We will eventually fall to a deep abyss of a cycle we can change yet, it’s more pleasurable to stay in vr than real life. The rates of loneliness is high even among women, we need to be more proactive in meeting new people, despite if you have social anxiety or lack of social skills. Luckily we have neuroplasticity, so any skills not gained can still be gained, but through failure, and improvement which, people really don’t like, but in the long run it’s better to suffer a bit, than to stay plugged in a machine for your desires to run wild.
When first we fall in love with someone, we imagine them standing on an idealized pedestal, with soft, golden light illuminating their features to optimum effect...Not sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce.
haha😂 I died with your last sentence.
I keep imagining that for some reason.
Even when I was back a little child where I have crush on my cousin.
I remember I keep thinking that it is kinda hot which is quite uncomfortable.
I don't really have crush in almost a decade but man I can't stop thinking why I keep thinking about poop.
Need to grow up one way or another.
@@mralumina3566ur a freak frfr once you imagine your crush laying a huge boat you should feel over them😂
Or farting beside you in bed followed by a big sigh and snoring on for the rest of the night. 😂
After 9 years I saw my crush . My first thought was the guy I used to like was him? .🙂 it so so
I was hurting for months until I read a quote online which goes; "You can knock on a deaf man's door forever." And that hit me hard. Now Im getting back slowly.
Best of luck! You'll get through it.
Heard that loud and clear
Rationality?
Gone.
Self-Respect?
Gone.
Dignity?
What's that?
Hotel?
Trivago
Damn you bring that joke back
2017-2019 ahh joke 🔥
DONT BRING THAT BACK 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺
damn you're really bring that back??? 🤨
Yes bring that back what are the replies talking about😭🙏
You've been absolutely crushing it lately
Thank you! I am glad you think so :)
I second this sentiment
Nice pun! Hehehehe
Ba dum tss 🥁
your joke made me die inside (in a good way)
Imagine your crush telling you that crushes are painful like yeah I know UnsolicitedAdvice 😔✋
Yikes can't imagine anyone doing something like that at all nope there's no way someone would actually no.
😂😂😂😂.. sorry..
@@cultofhercules LMAOO
@@bibaolaitan5189 it's okay sweetheart
I feel personally attacked 😂
7:13 "the day after you stole my heart, everything i touched told me it would be better shared with you," says a great poet 🙃
ALEX TURNER!
The teasing of the fire, followed by the thud 🔥🔥💥
ARCTIC MONKEYS MENTION!!!
Me, happy knowing who you’re referring to 😁
Its weird realizing how even just thinking you might like someone or having an interest in them can be entirely different than crushing on someone.
I’ve always had a crush. I can’t imagine starting a relationship without one. Which is why I’ve always had dysfunctional relationships.
It is better to have a crush on someone than to crush someone
@@User-jr7vf Haha, a comedian 😂😂
Yeah liking someone but not wanting to date them is different than having a crush on them (but the first makes you wonder if you have commitment issues😂)
Can you explain the difference please 😭😭
Crush is your imaginary lover. Any imagination that doesn’t matches with your reality is hurt..
my (ex) crush introduced me to this channel, legit crying
bro.... 😭☝🏼 that hurts and also exciting bcos you can share common interests with them 🥲
I am available
This video reminded me of this quote: Doubt is too lonely to know that faith is it's twin brother. -K.Gibran
N I C E !!! Yeah, I heard a theologist say on TV years ago "Doubt is the essence of faith" 🦧
Didn’t need to explore my heart like that, but I’m grateful nonetheless
Ah thank you! I am glad you enjoyed the video (and I hope your heart is okay)
unus annus
Miraculously enough, I saw the end of it last week... sometimes it's strange how peace can dawn on you like a morning coffee... I guess I took my time, but I am indeed better!
Your channel just helps explore so many themes and viewpoints, I don't know if you realize how helpful you can be.
@@captainobvious.29yearsago70 memento mori
Always explore your heart. If more people did, I'm sure it would help, instead of escaping ourselves.
I had a crush on my high school girlfriend in 1979. She was the most beautiful girl in the school and we dated all of senior year. The crush finally ended in 2022. That’s 43 years.
What kept her in your mind for all that time and what made you let go of her?
I’m curious about the question asked below
Maybe they got married and she passed....?
Edit: Well I was terribly mistaken...
@@NC-tc3qw I guess I never stopped thinking about her because I never met a woman who was even close to how great she is. But in the summer of 2022, it just stopped. Suddenly I’d go several hours or days without thinking about her. I’m glad it’s over. Too bad it lasted 43 years.
Wow.
“Even if you’re left far from home with no money no friends and no hope, in the end it’s all worth it. Because it’s better to have felt something than nothing at all.”
Real shit.
copium
Anywhere can be heaven as long as you have the will to live
Tell that to the starving leper or emaciated dehydrated kid in some corrupt third world village with no food, sanitation, health care.
@@WeabooScourgeKiller As long as the sun, the moon, and the Earth exist, anywhere can be paradise. After all, you're alive.
Once we develop a crush but realise that it's being unreciprocated, it's no longer about genuinely liking them but more about validating our ego
I don’t think so. You can still have a crush on a person without pursuing it. The attraction is still there even when you know it’s hopeless, it’ll linger until it doesn’t. You don’t need validation, you just need your mind to let it go
As dark as this is, remember we came into the world alone and we die by ourselves (even if surrounded by family, YOU die not them). Our lives are experienced in our own minds by using our senses to “touch” the world. This means that other people, no matter how close, are just fleeting perceptions of your mind. You create the hype of your crush in your mind.
And also of whoever else exists in your life
And the pain of all those you are around who injure you emotionally
If you change the image of them in your mind, you change what their effect on you means
Perfectly put 👌🏼
as we get older, we arent more grounded, its just that impressive people become more rare. Most people stop growing after some time.
🎉
And therefore goes the saying, "Never meet your hero." In the context of love, they ALL will be disappointing sooner or later, it's just whether both parties would stay for each other.
God's timing about recommending me videos about things on my mind is great
You have got to be kidding me.
This topic couldn’t have come at a better time (or worse time)
My crush thinks I hate them, I go cold with people I like because there's no way I could hide my feelings if they talked to me. So I become as cold and unapproachable as possible. I know this is a bad way to do it but I'm scared of intimacy. I can do one night stands but if I have genuine feelings for somone I'd always imagine getting burnt.
Dito. Hope you're okay.
@@MuscleBanditwatch good will hunting trust.
This is exactly how my crush is toward me. He leaves me feeling so Hury and confused, like I don't even want to keep liking him anymore so I try to convince myself that we're just friends and that's how it's supposed to be. I just wish at leasy one of us weren't this shy😭
That sounds like a trip to therapy, man.
Damn Hurting others to avoid them from hurting you
Wish therapy was as free as this comment 😂
Imagine you realized your best friend only see you just as an acquaintance and never invite you to anything.
Time to move them to the acquaintance category and move accordingly
why imagine, when it's already true :')
Happened to me :(
Imagine considering someone best friend without them doing anything to suggest that they're one...a connection is mutual and not one sided lol
I wish I could imagine instead of it actually happening
This video dropped at the perfect time. My crush just got a boyfriend, she used to flirt with me alot , I thought she had same feelings...
Good luck with that one. I recommend completely avoiding this person IRL and on socials.
Disappear from her/his life. Erase them from everywhere and go out with others.
That's how they get power over you
Talk to them about how you need space, it'll really help in the longrum
in a similar boat. I cut them off because of this and some other stuff. It’s been months but it still hurts.
A part of me knew that my ex only had a crush/obsession. If I could go back in time, I'd show myself this video which explains why desire is simply not love. As you say, the reason for the crush is self serving because obsession doesn't feel like love for the person on the receiving end. I couldn't explain why it felt so isolating and lonely to be the object of a crush. But it's because love requires a soul connection that brings warmth and peace. Someone who loves you wants to know everything about you. They don't feel threatened by your relationship with your cats or your hobbies. Love desires to be close to you, not keep you at a distance by putting you on a weird pedestal. And their very first instinct isn't to run or freeze when there's real relationship conflict. These are all things that threaten their fantasy/idea of what you are. If I adored my cats, he was weirded out by it. If his sister loved their dog, it was cute and endearing. I quickly grew to resent my position in his hierarchy. When you are the object of someone's obsession the harsh truth is that you are at the bottom of the food chain. And it's explained so well by the idea that crushes are only really about what it means to the person crushing to be desired in return. It's not about the object as a real person but how being desired by them would serve them. The danger is declaring that it's love when it's actually the intense desire to be loved.
"The danger is declaring that it's love when it's actually the intense desire to be loved"
Damn that slaps.
Best thing against crushes? Telling your crush you have crushed. It will be painful if you get rejected for a night or two or longer, depending on how long you secretly crushed but you'll also feel relieved and back to yourself and your heart will be healed soon enough. Far less pain than the everyday thoughts 'if we were together' and you finally stop distracting yourself from yourself, your life, your own stuff. You'll otherwise forever be stuck with your one-sided attachment, without the chance to resolve and evolve into new connections wth other people who may share your feelings
It’s been a year since he rejected me and I’m still healing. Thought I was ok but then I saw him walk another girl out of his apartment. Looks like I was still slightly delulu 🙃🙃
Some people need quite a while longer to bounce back....
doesn't always work if you severely misjudged your crush's character and they lead you on on purpose for being vulnerable :)
@@JuliaMarieHdon't beat yourself up over it. I think those sorrowful feelings would befall anyone in this situation
@@sleepylilac69and the chances are?
I was really struggling with this when I was younger, until I realized this : every crushes of mines live at the same time as me, so why complicate everything ? Just because I won't share intimacy with them ? That doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive.
Letting go, as cliche as it is, is really powerful.
keep telling yourself that cope lonely man
@@42smash36 I don't feel lonely, thanks for the concern bitter manchild.
@@42smash36 I'm not lonely tho, thanks for the concerns bitter manchild.
Bro, honestly, you would change every second of that loneliness to be with the people you want. There is not a universe where you would choose not to be with your crush.
Letting go is not powerful. Is not beautiful. It's a defense mechanism for not being enough. You have nothing to offer in their eyes, and that hurts. You will never in your entire life make peace with suffering. You just will try to convince yourself that you can.
Yeah, sure, "that doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive. Let them go with other people but me. I'm sure that that would be better than laying in bed with them, enjoying each other's heat. A heat that I would never forget. Let her go with that guy who will forget her in two weeks. I will be here thinking about her still."
@@La_Horca I hope you are a teenager like the other toddler, because you seems to project your past experiences, applying it to everybody. Why are you so obsessed with the word "loneliness" ? Again, personally, I'm good.
Let's say, you want someone already taken, and because this is adulthood, the "guy" in question won't forget her in two weeks, what do you do ? Are you immature to the point of not being able to handle the fact that your crush live a life disconnected from you ? Do you really think that you are the only one who can have a meaningful relationship ? Because this kind of thinking will only lead to a shitty one.
No, crushing on someone doesn't mean it's the only person in the world, no need to dramatize everything. "A heat that I would never forget" yeah well, I will share this heat with someone else then, that's life.
Also, "not being enough" doesn't mean anything, except in your head. Again, big projection.
You two seems to come from balkangains channel or whatever, get out, touch some grass, stay away from this algorithm.
I disagree completely with the idea that living separate lives and keeping some mystery between the two, strengthens the love. I think when you know someone completely, faults and all, and you still love them, that’s when the real relationship begins. What you describe a quarter way through this video is people who’d rather live in a fantasy they have of their lover rather than the actual person. And there will always be someone more fascinating or mysterious than the person you’re with. That’s just a doomed way of looking at love in my opinion.
drama addiction, among other issues
My most recent crush is weird as hell. 57 year old man (I’m 25) who is not conventionally attractive in the slightest. Most would probably call him ugly. He’s also in a lower position at our job. But good lord, did he drive me insane. I was obsessed with the guy. He has a jovial, people-pleasing personality, yet is down-to-earth, with a sharp sense of humor. I wasn’t interested in a relationship due to the age gap, but I hoped I could get him to sleep with me. I was probably approaching him too often, because I once noticed him go out of his way to avoid me. Oh, how that traumatized me. I immediately retracted all advances and eventually got over him. In retrospect, I’m horrified that this crush ever happened. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare of getting involved with such a character. This experience lead me to despise crushes. Not just because they threaten my dignity, self-esteem, and focus, but because they’re potentially dangerous, and often misleading. I don’t get bored without them, and hope to never experience one again.
You need help and self esteem
There was something in that guy that you like. Crushes don't happen for no reason. Maybe he oozed sensuality and as if he could be the best fuck and a great lover. Maybe also wanted you badly. Is normal to hide from your crush. He could be left devastated because you dropped the crush and abandoned the infatuation with him.
This is insanely relatable for me
Not the old men in the comments trying to persuade you into going back to him 😂
Okay but I didn't even know it's possible to crush for someone 10 YEARS OLDER YOUR AGE @@yasminflower5140
The timing man.
My limerence with someone is currently fading and I think this video will finally make me get rid of it
Having a crush is grueling but vabing a crush knowing the person is out of your league is crushing. It just genuinely hurt
I think the most reasonable thing to do in that scenario is to get in her league. It’s not as hard as people think it is. It really isn’t.
@@frisbeefrankTrue. Just last night I realized how much I have improved from the start of the summer. I am so much less insecure and have gone up so many “leagues”
I'm in a crush right now and I'm taking notes just to find a cure or be happy with her for the rest of my life
Tell me about it... This guy Im crushing on has agreat hold on me... I feel Im a bit insane
There's one answer, make a move, get rejected and you can move on, or don't get rejected and you attempt to make it work with this person. You're likely quite anxious and scared to make a move, but it's the only way to advance the state you're in. Well, you've probably thought about it before, and you probably know it already, but do try to muster up the courage
It is an amazing experience regardless of whether it ends up "well" or not. The hardest part of it is to let go of that expectation that we'll end up together, or the gruelling doubt about whether she'll like me too, but at the same time the high intensity of the feeling is what makes the experience so enjoyable and human for me.
Beautifully said !
That's exactly how I feel.
I never go far, not because I fear love, I fear attachment, and thanks for the video!
Finally, I'm the first. You're quite honestly a great youtuber and I love your soothing calming voice, coupled with your insightful analysis.
Ah that is very kind! Thank you
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 No problem, also can I make a small suggestion? I'm extremely interested in the topic "Obsession". I really hope you can make a video on that topic.
Ugh so lucky he responded to you 😩😍
Romance it's one of the most interesting ways humans can explore their mind, what they are and what they would like to be, as we often start to notice our defects even more when we fall for someone who has not yet confirmed their affections (a crush, pretty much); and when you mentioned this crush fueled by vanity, I immediately remember it. What an interesting and rich concept that is.
On the other hand, I appreciate the last take on the video. Some people will argue that "true love" isn't passional, or that you are simply at peace with the person, this often makes people in other relationships frustrated. I think love it's different for every person, and I personally find it more rewarding when there's struggle and it's overcomed, or when the other person challenges me; some people prefer peace, and that it's alright. I just loved that last detail at the end. Great video, as always ♡
Love really hurts when the one you love doesn't want you. So choose wisely, kids.
You don’t exactly get to choose though, that’s the problem.
11:34 "Though it often takes surprisingly little hope to keep us enamored with someone we have no chance of being with"
Oof...
What a fool believes. Just heard the song yesterday and was contemplating the crafty lyrics.
2:41 This happened to me, sort of. I liked a girl who, for a year and a half, was very friendly and giving clear signs of interest. I think that she saw that I liked her but wanted more and wasn't willing to commit or be honest about her feelings. She wasn't malicious but I think a lot of it was subconscious and from a lack of maturity. After a year and a half I finally wrote her a letter and the response I got was kind but ultimately a rejection. Her intentions weren't bad but I think it was an ego thing. She had other guys crawling over her and knew she could get what she wanted.
Had a very similar experience but in a shorter time frame last year. It sucked but I definitely learned a thing or two
Mind if i ask what you learned?@@CrossbitYT
Love never hurts its the expectation from it when not satisfied hurts,
When at the wnd of the day, oir biology wants dopimine we cant deny. Period
_*oxytocin,_ in the case of females. Hugs, cuddles, touch. Serotonin's sex-linked snugglebuddy babymaking cousin. 😊
Guys can get dopamine for cheap these days. I'm starving for _vasopressin,_ the pair-bonding as brothers-in-arms, success in completing tasks, the 'vincing.'
I’ve had enough passion ‼I just wanna chill 😭 but then I end up feeling like I’m missing out on life. Ohh conundrum
Let me know when you figure out how to deal with this
The mix of hope and doubt is the cause of swan’s love for Odette. Proust you giant of literature, you had such a deep understanding of human psychology!
Gotta admit there were many crushes I had, sometimes they lasted a few years. Then you get to a point that you realize they have friend zoned me and I’ll never be more than that to them. It hurts because you wanted to have those experiences. You wanted them to see that side of you. You wanted them to see how amazing you were and what you were really like as a girlfriend. However what I realized is that giving that away was a waste. It was a waste because I had done it a few times to a few guys that didn’t treat me right. They did horrible things and didn’t deserve my love. They weren’t good guys. It broke me and it hurt me. It was hard to move forward. But then I found a fantastic guy, I give my whole self to him and he appreciates me fully! We always love dove all day love and we are going 4 years strong in October. Everyday I wake up I see him and my heart melts. Still so in love with him. It’s so good to have someone who really loves you. Who really you can be yourself around. We are very affectionate all the time. It’s beautiful. I realize that’s what I truly needed is a man that valued me. A man that saw me and really loved me through all the good bad and ugly. A man that didn’t care about other girls and who I could trust. A man that really makes it about me. We do that for each other. So I don’t care about the crushes because they were just that. Not meant to be because one day I was gonna give it all to one man that did deserve it! None of these other guys deserved me but he does and I’ll spend the rest of my life happily with him. I want to encourage you all out there still waiting, just hold on! Stay busy and love your single life. It’s gonna be okay you will meet your match the person that gets you the one that loves you whole heartedly. You will find that.
Definitely brilliant & dangerous lol. I get hung up on cycles of worry, imagining the worst, anger, remembering the best and repeat. Just figured out my habits in this area this week lol
This is great timing, my no-longer-crush is getting married next week and I'm actually super happy for him. But I appreciate the reminder that the guy I knew in my imagination is not my real-life happily connected friend
The way you talk is so smooth. The annunciation plus your accent is literally drowning me in comfort lol
i love sooo much when someone draws parallels with contemporary problems with literature and mythic problems, it gives me such a relief to see it's a general human condition, not just contemporary affliction!
Not me rewatching this video three times because it puts things into perspective so well
Same here
I went through all of this last year as an adult for the first time. My goodness I was completely unhinged and couldn't understand what to make of it. Let the emotions unravel and experience it fully or try to fight against it? Regardless this experience left me miserable and caused me a lot of pain, because I came to the realization that the person I was crushing on isn't real (crystallization), and I indulged in vain love. In spite of going through this alone and on top of being unable to meet said person up close, I feel that the worst of it has shimmered down. I still feel admiration for this person, but I do not feel that tidal wave of overwhelming emotions any more. He is just another person, living a different life and I hope he is happy - as I also work on finding happiness within myself.
Not the goat talking of such a passionating topic
28 minute video yet he called out everything I needed to hear about myself and it felt like 5 minutes
the timing is astronomically accurate
Its just (ahhh) a little crush (crushhh) not like I'll faint every time we toooOOouch
One thing I can say is bro is a professional speaker that is no lie ofc.
That is pure ART.
hey guys! i really need this. was at my lowest low. glad to know how common of a feeling this is (and how it can really derail u). wishing everyone self-love, don't forget to see your own light
@5:15 "until you see someone in an extremely stressful situation ..." how someone responds to that tells a lot about them
There he is! The legend, the goat. I just happened to fall out of the crushing stage today, what a coincidence.
For the longest time I had trouble trying to label and understand my crushes and why I liked the person. I often found myself listing the attributes I enjoyed, but it was never deep. I think your explanation of often fooling ourselves, believing a crush is coming from a place of passion when in reality it's vain and egoistic. Explained my feelings accurately. Thank you. ❤
It's easy to get blinded by the things we desire for ourselves I suppose. 😭👍
There are plenty of fish in the ocean.............stay far away from ALL of them........this is a joke...but seriously plenty of sharks in there too...stay on land
But likewise, remember that the most successful fisherman are the most patient and smart with their catch
@@C-Farsene_5 Queue: 'Jaws' theme
Sharks are pretty harmless compared to most dangers you'll encounter on land😂.
A life spent living in fear is merely surviving, and not living a life at all.😂
@@SakuraMoonflower Sharks eat meat...guess what we are made of...
Remember if you're fishing for a fish to eat , do not choose a jellyfish
I love having a crush! It's wonderful, simply magical! And it's not painful at all. The trick is simply not to expect anything from this person. Expectations are selfish, but true love is selfless. Loving is a thousand times better than being loved! Just try it!
Yeah I have the opposite problem. I pull too hard and now they fell for me when idk. Crushing on someone is different from dating them
i am so fucking glad that my crush had already shown me 5 green flags within a month of our friendship she showed 3 more after that (:
:) v happy for you, thats very sweet
I hope everything goes well with that especial someone!
Let's f*cking go
Still too slow. This is on it's way to limerence be careful.
I’m a mathematician and amateur philosopher. I exclusively watch educational TH-cam videos, and quickly get bored by non-intellectual conversations. Most people regard me as pretty smart. And yet I become a blubbering middle school boy when I have a crush. I frequently get frustrated with my own obsession, and try to be rational and mature, but I cannot help but analyze my every word and cringe afterwards.
Speaking from present day experience…
The best philosopher is you bro 🐐👏🙏 thanks for your advice
I am in the process of being overwhelmed by my feelings for my cursh. Timing could not have been better.
This couldnt have come at a better time for me. I've really been going through it and listening to this gave me a breakthrough and helped me realise part of what has been hurting me. Thank you, I feel so much better after having listened to it, now to put it into action
I feel called out :)). I do think of myself as a rational person, but I had a crush that really messed me up a few years ago. It's really crazy what a crush does to you. I couldn't be together with him and it was very painful.
I don't regret going through it because it was quite an experience, but I honestly don't want to have a crush again, especially if I can't be together with that person.
Not just crush but love itself
Thanks Joe! Your piece on "modern love" is fantastic and has been valuable to several folks I've shared it with (my sons included). This is a great companion piece. Cheers, my brother! 🖖☕
I had a huge crush on this girl I met in Japan (she was not Japanese). It took me years to get over her. I just couldn't for some reason. When I met other girls, I just compared them with her and... But then I met my wife, and she helped me. She broke up with me a couple of times though... But, she came back, and now we have been together for almost 10 years. She made me do things I did not want to do, but I think she was right and were the right things to do to close that chapter forever.
What were those things that you did not want to do?
Don't you feel a kind of emptiness in your life?
Hmm ..what are those things?
I miss watching youtube videos like this where there isnt a cut every 8 seconds, it's not about pop culture gossip and it's not 3 minutes long. i love your videos ,thank you
i feel comfort in watching and listening to your philosophical analysis when i’m suffering
As an aromantic, i do not suffer this folly, and am glad for it
Bro you’re lucky in my opinion. It feels like the sun is inside my body. It’s overwhelming. Warm and great, but it literally makes me sick. I get vertigo and headaches. I also judge myself for feeling this way, which makes me find evidence for why I feel it, and I find great evidence which makes me feel it even more. It’s wild. And this isn’t even limerence. Limerence is INTENSE, I cannot imagine and I don’t want to ever feel it.
You have no idea how lucky you are. Not interested in romantic relationships BUT I do crush to different people from time to time and it takes up time and headspace.
@@devilmaycry9969 why am I lucky? I'll (most likely) never experience what most people consider to be the greatest human emotion. I'm 30M and have never felt anything close to romantic in my life.
I'm actually happy to be aro, it makes me feel quite powerful lol. I've never desired romantic love so I don't feel like I'm missing out. But other people might see it that way.
People saying your missing out it's like telling someone that doesn't need to eat that they are missing out. Yeah, it's cool to taste good food, but on the other hand it's cooler that you don't have the necessity of eating. Maybe not the best analogy lol.
@@josemarialaguinge yep, better to have no need for something then be only satisfied when that need is fulfilled.
I have broke the cycle of “will they like me or will they not” by putting friendship on the pedestal rather than an potential relationship. If that person can’t be friends with you, are they even good for an relationship? That’s one of the reasons why I never fall in love with an glimpse of an person only when the friendship is formed. And even though my beloved may be in an relationship that I so desire to be in, I fall In love more with their presence than potential. I may fantasise about potential but their flaws, strengths, their amazing personality is what makes my love tick for them.
Fantastic watch. The dynamics behind crushes can be extended into so many areas of life further than relationships. I enjoy your videos because they analyse things in a methodical and in depth manor. Like a visual essay. Keep it up bro
I’ve only just come across this channel but you are an incredibly smart and articulate person, kept me engaged the whole way through
Just want to clarify. Humans are not by nature rational. It is one of the great falseties in the modern world, we simply rationalise own irrationality after the fact
My first love was my high school sweetheart, we nearly got married and I’m so great up all these years latter that I went through the pain of a nasty breakup. I had a crush on her before getting her to date me. The way my stomach aches for her it was horrible. After her though my relationships were much healthier and I don’t think they could have been without the experience.
Edit: I watched this yesterday, accepted the despair that comes with passion of a crush, wrote the comment below, then saw him today, and it vanished! Poof! Gone! What a weird experience!
Wow! No idea why this popped up in my recommendeds but glad it did.
I have been wrestling with my passion for a crush for 9 months. But because I was stuck on the idea that this is just sheer idiocy because in reality there can be absolutely no hope I have intentionally imagined bad qualites of my crush. I have only made myself feel worse than the usual amount of despair.
I will choose to publicly maintain my distance, reserve and dignity but will allow my passion free reign in my imagination. And I will live with the pain. It is excruciating! But it's worth it for now. I may change my mind and go for more calm in the future but right now, it's also one of the best complex of feelings that really is joyful.
Thanks for helping me get my thinking unstuck! I'm not an idiot, I just thought I was! Thanks!
As someone that has never had a crush, i am still watching the video.
I currently like this one guy who keeps pushing and pulling his attention, it’s next level pain
Try doing the same.
@@bobbysands5385 yknow what... perhaps I should...
Such people are dangerous. If it's reciprocated, it would be constant. Please move away from this person.
Bruh he probably watch the video on "how to get someone to like you" or smth cause I remember there's a trick to make someone like you , and that's to pull and push your attention toward them
Could be a narcissistic. Stay away unless you want your mental health torn apart. I was in the same boat years ago.
TH-cam recommended this video to me, even though I don't have a crush for now, I was curious about the information. I really liked the way you provide the information. Great video, keep it up 👍
Thinking that they know better than you, you're building a giant wall between you two, true connection can only be built when two people show their authentic moment to moment experience and vulnerability together.❤
Without being educated on the matter, I can confidently say it's because it feels like something akin to betrayal. I'm not saying it makes sense or supposed to be logical, but the person experiencing the crush is momentarily suffering from protagonist syndrome. When that crush isn't returned, it feels like a betrayal and I think we can all pretty much agree that betrayal is one of the worst things that can happen to a human.
Definitely guilty of putting my crushes on a pedestal 😂 great video as always! Hope you’re taking care of yourself and not pushing yourself too hard
i don't know if the timing of this is terrible or amazing but great video!
Someone once told me "a crush is a lack of information"
Thanks for the video. Crushes are indeed extremely painful.
hyping our crush in our mind gotta be one of the let downs a human faces in their lifetime
My gosh I was waiting for a vid like this. I get so much agony from crushes it’s crazy I literally remember crushes as absolute torture
Crushes are harder than any addiction I’ve ever had (no hard drugs). Deadass hard chapters in my life looking back
Hey Joe:) Studying for a History degree and I'm extremely glad to've found your channel. Incredible insights, Thank you
this is such a very time-relevant video for me; it's insane
"We meet someone, learn a few things about them, and then we extrapolate a whole host of other qualities from that which may or may not be true."
This sounds like the way racism, etc. works. I think it also plays a large role in office politics
Wow - this was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thanks!!
Timely video for me. My high school crush, who was also crushing on me during that time, just got married. She’s someone I’ve obsessed over in my thoughts during our time in high school, continuing well after we graduated. I’ve been wrestling with my idealized fantasies of her for years. I hope to completely oust her from my thoughts someday.
This channel is actually underrated, I can't get enough of your work!