Start with Andrew huberman’s recommendations and build from there. I’m in the same boat. I fell off the fitness bandwagon and this hindered my productivity. I broke my foot lol. One thing I learnt from my last experience to glow up you have to keep trying and forgive yourself for failing to implement small changes to your diet and daily habits
no need, desire. rewire, not fix. these little changes will manifest as he said. even if it’s negative, CREATE positive of it ! you’re mind will work for/with you, and never against you !
When I hear "learn that failure is part of the process" I get so mindblown in those moments. As kids, the school and parents teach us that anything that is not top grade is a failure so you're basically instilled since childhood that to fail is not acceptable but then you get to adulthood and you're told that it's ok to make mistakes and it's part of the process, after all your life being told that if you fail, you're a loser for life. Honestly I wish society wouldn't be this hard on us.
I despise the idea that failure is unnaceptable. The MOST important lesson in life is to learn how to get back up, not how to avoid falling down. Falling down is inevitable and the faster you can get back up, the more sucessful you will be. Gauranteed.
@@doubleugly1594 Haha. Your comment reminds me of a digital art course I did, like, 10 or 9 years ago, and when I was learning digital painting the teacher said "It takes less time to correct mistakes than always trying to do perfect mouse strokes". With time, I came to understand that what the teacher said applies to far more than digital painting.
Right, the way things are set up even if you get 100 on the final test but fail every other test-you're considered a failure. This is a really odd part of education that I still don't understand
I've been doing this meditation everytime I feel like procrastinating and I'm always crying lmao thank god for WFH so I can have these moments to reconnect with myself. Trying to accept myself and my past, everyday, a little tiny bit more.
One thing that helped me with analysis paralysis was the book ”Paradox of Choice”. Optimizing every decision is itself not an optimal strategy. 90% of the time you're better off picking any answer and moving forward instead of waiting for the perfect answer. You can answer more questions in the same time that way.
Unfortunately, in many people's minds, "just picking an option and moving forward" is simply another option to choose from, only making the situation more difficult
Takeaways: → Embracing your emotion is not the same as analyzing your emotions and coming up with solutions. → Unmet emotional needs bring about negative emotions. → Reflective listening decompresses the emotional energy (where is this coming from?, what can I avoid thinking about through it?). → Accept that you may feel it for the rest of your life and it’s alright cause that leads you to lower the emotional energy.
Or… you could never „accept“ misery and fight constantly to find an actual answer instead of just laying down and doing yet another breathing technique for the millionth time that week as if it’ll give you a damn clue as to what to do to fix your life.
@@adto4987 yeah, i used to think like him too. and it makes sensed in the short term; your mind will shove these emotions aside for a week or two, and it'll seem blissful. then reality sets in again, and it sets in harder than ever. the sooner you make peace with these feelings, the sooner you'll learn that they aren't to be feared. they're just trying to keep you safe. make peace with them, and it'll be alright.
@@defaultdan7923A few weeks? Try years. 😂. After so many years of “failing to fix my problems” I couldn’t take it anymore. I found a job that required no emotions or thoughts from me where I could hide away. And I turned to substance use. I was so drugged out of my mind that I was “happy.” But none of it was real. And I crashed really; REALLY hard.
@@pepperpitz3291you're spamming uninformed, hostile negative nonsense on basically every comment. It's definitely not a sign that you have any insight to offer, more like trying to justify to yourself not doing the work he's recommendending, and trying to bring others down in the process. There will always be one I guess, no matter what is said. But it sounds like you need therapy not internet comments.
Im only starting to understand actual acceptance of emotion now at 31 after years of trying to remove them from myself. I realised now rather than looking for a solution it feels best to notice my resistance, because its that resistance that's truly my source of suffering rather than the actual emotion. Ever listened to a sad song or watched a sad movie or been scared by a horror movie and its felt rather cathartic? Thats emotion without resistance and why emotionally charged media (if made correctly) is always so acclaimed. The constant overthinking is just another way to escape, and you dont even need to meditate to realise "ah im running again". I also think "feeling sorry for yourself" is grossly miscategorised as something bad. Feeling that emotion and knowing there's a 100% valid reason for it being there, and that you went through something painful is so important to actually healing.
100%. It’s like one of those mini games where if you try to resist or push against the force, you take damage or waste energy. You get so focused on beating yourself up on the thought that you ‘SHOULD’ be doing better that it distracts you from moving forward entirely instead. Instead it’s better to just flow with this force/emotion, because it’s already been proven time and time again that getting caught up to push back against it does nothing, ironically.
The meditation brought me to tears. I feel like I haven't given myself any love for as long as I remember. I constantly try to fix myself and right my wrongs only to feel like I come up short each time. But while listening to this meditation I started to cry, because I felt compassion for myself, I felt empathetic toward my own struggles and I couldn't help but cry in the comfort of my own love like it was the warm embrace of a caring parent or sibling. I let it out and I feel much lighter. Thank you Dr. K
The meditation was so moving because of extreme compassion in Dr K’s voice. I don’t remember anyone speaking to me like that. Even my wife or parents who deeply love me. It’s just magical.
Self compassion is very difficult for many of us. We reject self compassion, but sometimes are ok with compassion sent from others. Dr K is the gateway drug for many in the realm of self compassion. Brothers and sisters, any compassion you have in you for others, you may also consider applying that compassion to yourself. You have my permission. External authority, even that from an internet comment from a stranger, can be easier to accept than that which we generate ourselves. You are worth compassion. You are worth self compassion. Move towards your goals, whatever they may be, and always be gentle with yourself. This world won't be, but you can be.
This is my whole life, unironically. But at least this has a reason, because I'm Schizotypal. I even tried learning acting by doing a theatrical acting course, but this doesn't really work for solving this flaw (but can help against shyness and overthinking, I can vouch for that).
Humans are hackable animals. Humans feed off of their environment. Once you’re taught something when you’re young then it sticks till adulthood and when your environment drastically changes in whatever stage you’re at then the brain creates a last resort defense mechanism which is ‘Survival’ and this results in anxiety, depression, loneliness and enhanced introversion, Human forgets how to be human at that point as humans are both social and thinking creatures and when you tilt the balance then you get something similar to a “robot”.
I was always viewed as a smart kid, my parents always expected me to do excellent on everything, and I tried as best as I could. But I inevitably failed and made mistakes along the way, and my parents taught me that I could always be better; ever since I've carried the identity of being not good enough. What my parents never taught me was to feel my emotions or how to value myself. That's why I couldn't help but crying my heart out when I heard Dr. K saying that I could have compassion for myself. I realized how much I was suffering, how much I felt like I was inferior to others, and how much I was hurting because of that. Don't know if anybody will read this but for those with a situation like mine I want to tell you: you're golden, just as you are, you deserve love from others, even from yourself and there is hope, hang in there, stay strong, and take care.
I’ve been working to conquer my overthinking and have been making a lot of progress but I didn’t even realize I was processing emotions cognitively, I haven’t truly “felt” emotions since middle school after I numbed myself from the social anxiety I was feeling due to switching schools. I had forgotten what emotions really were, I knew how to react in certain situations and what the normal responses were, but any time I said how I felt, I never actually felt it “in mah bones” per sé. I let myself cry today for the first time in ten(ish) years and it feels amazing, thank you.
You just made me realized that I haven't cried in years, I also have been through social anxiety and cancer, and for some reason everytime I kinda feel like crying, my mind and body just suppress it and I can't do it.
@@Dedlogico I’m glad I could help you with that :) I understand the feeling you describe, my body used to suppress my tears and I could only cry like one or two tears before I forced myself to be strong again. In my case, I was able to cry again after working to understand some of the core memories I’ve been repressing. It’s not easy, but I just worked to remember how I felt in those initial moments, when the trauma was happening. After remembering those feelings, I’m able to be vulnerable again and I’m so much more at peace with myself. as one of my favorite song quotes goes, “happy is the heart that still feels pain”
@@Heyu7her3 strong emotions are okay, it seems like something happened in your life and it’s normal to feel strongly about it. I can talk to you in depth if that would help, youtube comments aren’t very personal and Ik it likely wouldn’t help anything for me to write an essay about this.
A lot of the time in situations like these we know what the ‘right’ way of thinking is but there is something else preventing us from being in a state where we are capable of that way of thinking. So when someone says ‘just don’t be hard on yourself bro’ they don’t really understand the struggle that some people have to go through to overcome that.
I agree! ppl love to give dimissive cognitive answers to emotional problems like ‘just don’t be hard on yourself bro’. If you and your loved ones cant help you to accept your emotions so you can regulate them and make better decisions, then they need to keep their comments to themselves.
@@ryancxe of course. Learned Helplessness is just an unflattering name for the "dark side" of what Dr.K calls "Acceptance" in this video. Learned Helplessness entails you recognizing that the problem in hand is not a "problem-solution" situation, but actually a fact of life. With this mindset, you can rationalize it (or, as Dr.K puts it, "accept" it) and thus change your mentality to deal not with the problem per se, but rather it's causes and/or consequences. You'll eventually address the root of the problem if you go down this way, and thus get the problem solved. Learned Helpless also entails you not being hard on yourself because you recognize that your suffering is not entirely of your own making. Of course, this can lead to Victim Mentality if the person lacks mental sophistication, but I reckon that Victim Mentality should be an awkward first step in the journey towards healing.
I can’t seem to act because I just draw a blank. For example today I’ve been called into work. If I go I make extra money and my day won’t be wasted scrolling on TH-cam but I won’t see a friend later today. If I don’t then I can do whatever and talk to a friend. Both options are equally meh. It’s hard to decide when 90% of your life seems gray. Don’t even get me started on talking to people!
I felt that can be hard especially when you not fully sure what you wanna do I wanna practice more music but I'm also worried about other things so it gets hard
This may be the first time a Dr K video has brought me to tears. The discussion felt like he was talking about me, and the meditation seems like exactly what I need. I've found my solution, guys!
@@kindauncool You're right. You don't know me and you don't know my life story. Your comment comes across as rather condescending. Dr. K explains a pattern of behaviour, not a story. I fit that pattern, and therefore felt seen and had a strong emotional reaction. I don't have a strong emotional reaction to his other videos because I don't fit those other patterns as well. It's that simple. But then, maybe I've been gaslit into misremembering my own life.
The meditation made me cry so hard. I literally had pain in my chest, could hardly breathe, I was so scared. But I sat with that pain longer than I have in a long time. I think I feel better now.
This hit me pretty hard. When the meditation part started I decided to engage and do it and found myself getting extremely emotional. I tend to really, really analyze everything I come across and thought that noticing and recognizing emotions was enough, but I think I've struggled in actually sitting in them without trying to fix them somehow. Not just validating them but really letting the emotion completely wash over me in a meditative state - as uncomfortable as it feels to let go of control like that - is shockingly cathartic. I worked with a therapist years ago that did something similar to this about my fear and anger around transitioning (I'm transgender but at the time wasn't socially transitioning) and I used to jokingly say that a therapist made me cry. The reality was that that level of release allowed me to better deal with my situation and I'm extremely thankful for it. But with how I tend to analyze things and a desire for control, I slowly got away from allowing myself that space to really stop everything and just sit in the discomfort of real emotion. Thanks so much for this! Between this and many other videos of yours you've helped me with some tough things lately, and from the looks of it helped many, many other people.
I think you just made me realize what has happened to me. I was in therapy a year ago and after that I had been extremely emotional. Watching a remotely sad movie? Cry. Hear bad news? Cry. But … I enjoyed it. And sometime along the way that went away. I started being stale again and I really miss that part. I, too, was emotionally hit by this meditation and I think you hit the nail on the head. After I got better during therapy, there was definetily a part of me that wanted to be done with „dealing with emotions“ and „just live life“ again. I guess I missed a critical part of what I had learned. Thank you
I love this video so much. its literally allowed me to figure out exactly why I've felt stuck in an extremely anxious rut for around 2 years now, I was constantly alerted to my anxious feelings and trying to solve it cognitively. and because I couldn't I got so scared of it and felt dread constantly. now I am starting to learn how to let it be and just feel the emotion, it makes so much sense
@redditastic6711 I'm doing so much better now thanks, I hardly do the 'checking in' and feel a lot more neutral on a daily basis rather than feeling dread all the time. it really took time and effort but positive improvement is always possible :)
I still find the idea hard to grasp, I often try to recognize thoughts for example to see where my anxiety is coming from. Is me doing this cognitively trying to solve it? How do you do it
@Cindy-gb3ms I think recognising thoughts and noticing where it's coming from (e.g. what is making you anxious) can be useful as you can take action to solve whatever issue it is. however, if it's something you can't fix or if you're going around in circles it's important to be aware of that and realise the 'checking in' is not a helpful habit. this really took time and I almost had to let it happen for a while but not get doubly anxious about the process of it happening if that makes sense? I really recommend DARE's videos, they helped me a lot!
I couldn't do the meditation properly because I was bawling the whole time. But I suppose that was probably helpful in its own right. Definitely needed this content today.
You are one of the reasons why I am studying Psychology . This is superb, this type of topics should be implemented in schools. Shame they are teaching other stupid agendas that have nothing to do with their future...
I was bawling my eyes out during the whole meditation. No one was ever this compassionate and validating and kind with me my whole life. Thank you so very much for your videos, they help my busted ass a lot to be able to function ❤
I’ve never actually felt hurt like this during a meditation. That feeling me me feel as tho I had grown so out of touch with myself that I couldn’t recognize this was what I was feeling when I acted. Thank you
As a single son from a dysfunctional family, where both my parents stood together yet hate each other's guts, plus constant in-fighting. Feelings are something I always bottled up and never talked to someone else, friends were few and mostly bad influence, other family members were just as problematic too. So self analyze and fix was my go to for most of my problems and despite helping, the core problem persists to this day, thanks Dr. K, I'll try this from now on. Cheers!
Emotional anorexia…… I’ve had this my whole life…. Sort version of my story is that…. I don’t know what normal feels like… because I’ve never been comfortable or relaxed enough to be or feel the world around me. So yeah, detachment has been a thing ever since I was a kid. I use to just stop and stare at a random spot… not realizing my body was trying to read the world like, danger…. Must be good, must not speak… must not move… I’m lucky I have air. Emotional anorexia is the first I have heard of as of today. And that describes a lot of me down to the core. I find sex or intimacy disgusting. February 3, 2009 my mom forced me into the military…. She told me I had no choice… and when they told us, you are not being forced to be here….. I was 22…. And then that became another world of troubles…. I’ve been slowly over the years been starting to realize that there is a lot that needs to be fixed. I know I’m on the right track… It’s just extremely stressful. I want justice….. but I have nothing but stories… and she will always deny everything…. No one will back me in court because they all want nothing to do with her. I myself want that…. But if I want justice…. I’m gonna have to face her… but I’ll probably end up paying for nothing. So…….. I work on myself at my own pace… Sorry for the ramble I thought I could make it easy….. it’s not… But when has any form of mental illness been easy? So yeah. Ty
"Embracing your emotions is not about fixing them, is about embracing them, is about accepting them, it's jot about changing them" This seems so weird to me and so mind blowing at the same time It really hit home now.
I knew that this was a video that I needed to watch, just because of the title alone. But I never expected to be crying and sobbing during the meditation. The fact is that there is no solution. Our feelings are our feelings and we have to respect that, for if not, why do we feel them? Acceptance isn't a solution to rid an emotion, acceptance is the human nature to accept that you feel. Don't reject the feeling, embrace it, no matter the reason for that feeling. No matter the positivity or the negativity. You can change the things in your life that impact your emotions, but do not change your emotions. Think as you wish, but you be will in a losing battle with your emotions for eternity. Thank you so much, Dr. K.
This is genuinely such an amazing channel. I’ve been stuck in my head for months now and it started getting scary. Like I’ll be in a lifelong battle against this feeling inside until I die or “it takes me”. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts but its legitimately scary. By the end of the meditation practice, I was balling my eyes out. It was like the giant knot in my stomach being undone
That meditation really helps. I always think I’m accomplishing a meditation when I list it off on my schedule, but it never works cuz I’m rushing through it, alongside my work and stretching. It’s when I realize I have the entire day that I can do anything that I slow down and have a better time concentrating because I am trying less and thinking less about time and accomplishment. Additionally, thinking about how maybe there’s a negative feeling that you want to avoid, avoidance usually leads to that thing building in the background. And maybe it can be a lot all at once so you may need more time or to work at it a little at a time, but facing it and accepting it as a part of you the helps to continue forward.
The meditation was superb. I thought there was something after the vid like a final thought but it ended their. Its like trying to tell me and my mind was like - well you can do some stuff today if you want, I mean anytime we can do it. We got this fam, we got this.
Holy shit this is so real. I will so often get burnt out on tasks that are only in my head, stuff like „quit overthinking“ or „stop having these kinds of thoughts“ is impossible
Usually a lurker, but I felt this issue and video really resonated with me, so I’ll add my 2 cents into this. Hope it helps anyone else in a similar boat as me. This cycle of stressing and telling yourself that you should be doing better is like one of those mini games where if you try to resist or push against the force, you take damage or waste energy. You get so focused on beating yourself up on the thought that you ‘SHOULD’ be doing better that it distracts you from moving forward entirely instead. Instead it’s better to just flow with this force/emotion, because it’s already been proven time and time again that getting caught up to push back against it does nothing, ironically. It’s annoying that it’s this reverse flip for sure, but it’s the alternative to the current one of trying to just brute force it. Maybe brute force works for those with higher conscientiousness, but not for me. I’ll admit it, I don’t work well with overly high pressure, and prefer the gentle nudge. And that’s ok. Because we’re not molded to be supersoldiers. We’re humans with different needs. Recall that one Einstein quote that goes something like “teach a fish to climb up a tree its whole life, and it’ll be a failure.” We’re all made for different things, and that’s ok. Doing the best that WE personally can is good enough, it’s not healthy to get caught up with the 100% perfectionistic ideals. We all have our good and bad days, sometimes we’re more productive than other days. Success isn’t linear. And that’s why it’s healthier to see ‘good enough’ as trying your best for each of those specific days without stressing that it’s not always going to be above some set in stone standard of ‘success’. Be gentle to yourself, it’s ok. It’s all about the small steps. Then you can slowly work your way up to the raid boss. And oh god I’ve rambled for longer than I expected to so sorry if it got a bit cheesy. Still, I hope this helps.
this is exactly what im going through with my therapist right now and they dont seem to understand that what theyre telling to "challenge those thoughts" doesnt seem to work. im so glad this isnt just a me problem :(
Omg dude wtf, i woke up from a nightmare and was just alone with my thoughs then i find some videos of his and by now I’ve watched like 7-8 of them and they’ve helped me calm down and feel better, not just the content that hes talking about but his voice has like a calming tone to it to help as well.
That meditation was so helpful. Will definitely come back here many times and get it memorized over time. I feel like it also ties in with/responds to some of the though and emotional patterns I learned during my childhood, shaped by abuse.
I had to pause the video in the middle because I'm at work and I just threw that in background but now I ended up with tears that I'm trying to hold so hard because of course I can't cry at work.... But man... Like I knew that... Cognitively. But again your delivery just hit hard. It's just right to the core of understanding. My therapist can do similarly good job as you, and you're doing it almost for free. Thank you so much.
Dr K I have so much love and appreciation for you. Even if I haven't been able to get better yet, just the fact alone that I am constantly reassured by your videos that I am not some weird alien that is alone in feeling this way is very nice. thank you.
I needed this. For so long I've been trying to find a solution to issues that are emotional in nature. I cried so hard during the meditation. As soon as you said there's frustration with the self, I just started crying. I AM frustrated with myself, because I feel broken. Like no matter what I do I'll end in bad situations where I'm unhappy. I hate feeling broken, but I feel so much lighter now. Thank you Dr. K.
Oh my God. I have had this locked up, biting, stabbing, twisting, gnarling, burning, crushing type emotional pain in my stomach/abdomen region, that is often linked with negative thoughts/experiences, for as long as I can remember. I found myself closing my eyes and just listening to Dr. K like a meditation, before it even became a meditation. And throughout, it felt as though a key were being inserted, turned, and finally unlocking this emotional pain and letting it go. It felt warm, and soft, and light. I really wasn't expecting this when I clicked on this video, but dear God... This may have been the first time I felt like this. Where instead of simply being unaware of it, I physically felt that old pain and trauma evaporating. That was amazing. Dr. K, thank you...
Amazing. I relate so much to the person who posted their struggle. Even though I'm in a better mental place than I was even a year ago, and definitely better than five, ten years ago, and I've made strides in improving focus at work and managing my time better, I still struggle in small ways with productivity and work. Often in my life anxiety, emotional eating and fear have gotten in my way. You saying that gifted kids often think they're using emotional solutions when they are actually using cognitive ones blew my mind. Because I'm always trying to analyze why I'm feeling a certain way. I've only recently realized I may fall into the gifted kid category; in my childhood I had untreated inattentive ADHD and was very distracted, social but awkward, observant but only with things I was interested in and until I was in my late 20's I was often made to feel stupid or naive. It's only in my later years that people have told me how self-reflective I am, and how much I notice the little details. I still feel a little stupid often because I'm not very good with text book knowledge, depending on the subject. I suck at trivia and I can't do math but I never really believed I was stupid (even when people were determined to tell me otherwise). Anyhow, all of that to say I never realized until the last five years or so that I may fall into that category and it really does explain why I think about my feelings the way I do and why I still struggle with emotions inhibiting progress. I had the same issues with work and distractions for years, and I always thought there was something wrong with me. "Everyone else can do the thing, why can't I?" To hear that others feel this way and to hear Dr. K describe that feeling of being "busted" is incredibly validating. I've finally gotten into a job where I feel more valued, where I don't have performance based metrics weighing me down and I don't have people, usually, telling me I'm not working fast enough. It's an easy job most of the time and it pays well. The struggles I've had come up I've met and done my best to overcome. And I've started accepting the perfect is the enemy of good, and that I don't always have to do something perfectly. So now I'm struggling with not wanting to work. I think maybe I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm planning my wedding happening in October and there was a lot of drama at work over the summer. And lately I've been thinking about my job and I just feel tired. I don't want to work. I want to work on the creative projects I'm stuck on, I want to organize my home, I want to make my invites. In the past I've had days I didn't want to work at other, much harder jobs. It makes me feel lazy and unreliable, and I've been having this anxious dread, like my plate being full and I don't even know what's on it. Like I'm forgetting some obligation and it's creeping up on me. Maybe I am lazy. Maybe I actually don't want to work. But that's not really an option for me. Also I don't want to accept that. It doesn't feel right. Working gives me a routine and routine helps me a lot. When I don't work I'm a mess. Anyway. Long rant all to say I related to this video a lot, and thanks.
Today is my fourth time coming back to this video to meditate with Dr. K. It is so impactful and helped me understand why I have been fighting going to the gym the last few times I’ve gone. I realized part of me was fighting going because of fear of being disappointed. Disappointed that my results in the gym, no matter how big, won’t bring her back. I’m glad this video has helped me show compassion for myself for not wanting to go to the gym. But I can put faith in myself to continue going knowing that I won’t get her back.
For those of you like me who find this to be like a breath of fresh air (and also somewhat terrifying), I’d recommend looking at a book for ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) called “Get out of your head and into your life” by Hayes. It has helped me learn to say “yes” to this experience instead of trying to fix everything (and say “yes” to (accept) those thoughts that try and fix everything). It helped me immensely so I just wanted to share. Good luck out there!
Welp this one's me boys. Been genuinely struggling with this for a long long time. Tried every strategy under the sun nothing stuck for more then a week. Guess my whole approach was fucked since i have been trying hard with strategies for the last 6 years. Let's see how long I can sit with emotions until i start googling for a new fix
I am being anbsolutely carried through my life by Dr. K for the past few months… thank you for giving me a little place in your backpack, I wildly appreciate it
transitioning from a deep resentment and hatred of the emotions that have been present for my whole life to an acceptance wasn't something I had ever considered. But truly it all came together and I felt some of the pressure lift when I took that perspective. It'll be a ton of work, patience, and learning self love and respect in a way i've never explored but I really want to stay consistent with it and foster a better relationship between all facets of my being.
Wow, this described my way of dealing with emotion perfectly. For the past 6 months I've been feeling anxiety like never before, and started meditating, it has been helpful overall, but man, i get caught in thinking about meditation and wanting to "fix" myself, and punishing myself when I slip out of being mindful, and it's a cycle that has been repeating over and over, then I'll see where I've been going wrong, correct it, feel a bit better, but then slip back into that default state. Thank you so much for this video, it helped me a lot, it's one that i will return to frequently.
I keep getting stuck on creative tasks and I get anxious over how much time I lose. I've been flailing around for so long, looking for solutions to this, and FINALLY, I see that you've nailed it. I suspected that I hadn't found the root of the problem because I hadn't been able to fix it in any way that I tried, and sure enough, you've found that root cause. Thanks so much for this. I've already forwarded the link to a friend who I think will also benefit from this advice.
Hey man, it's been a real while since I last checked in. I went to therapy over a year ago for anxiety, (re-)met my now girlfriend and I am doing better and I'm happier than ever. Still, I felt like returning to your content more often, it can never hurt. Keep fighting the good fight, doc. You're one in a million.
I still have a yearning to have my emotions, at the very least, heard and understood. A lot of people in this community seem to deal with feeling like underachievers, but I struggle with the feeling that my emotions and experiences aren't being recognized at any capacity. No matter how I try to present or word my feelings, they are dismissed by everyone around me. As an extreme example, last year I was r***d. One of my best friends of sixteen years didn't want to hear that his male friend was s**ually assaulted, and dismissed me as just having a victim's complex and men can't be r***d. Social services talked to me in a very condescending, initializing way as if I was a puppy who just injured itself. All I wanted was someone, anyone, to listen and understand. But there was no one. I so desperately want to just be heard, without jeopardizing relationships or projects I have been working towards, but time and time again I go through something and have no means of just venting the situation to any other person who understands or cares, and I feel like I need to just become stoic and suppress my emotions/feelings/experiences. Just put my head down and carry on until I can't anymore like some sort of drone. At least drones don't suffer emotional distress/complex PTSD.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I can't say I have ever experienced what you did, and I don't know how it feels. But I do know what it feels like to be grappling with internal turmoil and emotions, and just needing somebody to listen with love but there's nobody around. Or the ones who are around are incapable of truly being there for you. And so you either keep it inside and try to bury it with distractions, or you allow yourself to fully feel and experience the maelstrom, only you have to do it alone. Both are suboptimal options, but with the latter at least there is some release through letting some of it out and not hiding it. My situation is nowhere near as traumatic as yours, in fact nothing has actually "happened" to me, but yet I am going through a whirlwind of anxiety doubt and fear because my mind is catastrophising and attempting to self sabotage. I don't know how TH-cam works and if you can send messages but I would like to hear you out and offer a listening ear if you would ever need it.
I just realized that I've seen some support in some threads on r/menslib too. I don't know if it matters to you, It's left leaning, but if you wait for the mental health check in, you might have some good conversations, regardless of your political leanings. They talk about male victims of assorted violence pretty compassionately there. But I've overall felt most of the emotional support subs were good at treating everyone like humans with emotional needs, rather than according to stereotypes.
We can't change our experience through thinking because perceptions and feelings precede thoughts. It's like trying to get a good grade by studying after the exam. Knowing this, our approach should be to remember curiosity about our experience which will show us new perspectives and change our perceptions that'll in turn change feelings, experience, and finally what thoughts are produced.
@@Solarowy Yes of course. First off, I think the meditation Dr. K shows in the video is a great example of what this approach is like. It starts with remembering this immediate experience we are having. If we forget, then we will habitually fall into the first [incorrect] approach. Curiosity means we are dropping all assumptions about what the problem is, instead choosing to investigate our experience with a beginner's eye to learn more. In the meditation, Dr. K finds discernment between thoughts and feelings and then watches the interplay between them. In this way, he's seeing cause & effect. This is how you "peel back the layers" and start to see the sequence of events. Once we can see the conditions for phenomena occurring, then we will know it's end by ceasing the conditions. I basically summed this up by saying our perspective will change (as we see more cause & effect) which changes perception, or how we view what is happening and how it works. One of the conditions we will see is resistance. Dr. K talks a lot about resistance in this video and that all very relevant too. So basically, take this open-minded and curious attitude with you throughout the day and look for what's really going on in the mind and body. I hope that helps :) sorry if it was confusing any!
@@ReflectiveJourney Cognitive theory from Beck says the opposite: that thoughts precede emotions. If you read Beck he's really referring to rapid, almost short-hand cognitions, often self-referential, not even necessarily verbal. "Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders" is a good start. The fact that he developed the basis for CBT doesn't mean that he's correct, though this framework has been helpful for a lot of people. I think what bike4aday is referring to is also helpful and not mutually exclusive with cognitive theory. If you look into 3rd wave CBT-based modalities (ACT, for example) they incorporate what bike4aday is saying: curiousity, cognitive flexibility, mindfulness, etc.
Thank you dude, you kinda replaced my old therapist (I don't have enough money hahaha), but this video was extraordinary. I almost always used the cognitve function because i have high iq bla bla bla, like a freaking ia, and today I started my stairway to peace, I can't explain but I felt bad but secounds later a big euphoria, when I trully embrace my emotions, Thank you to show me the basis of life
im speechless over the huge impact this live has done to me! honestly you've just switched something within me that could change me for good into the better side! im so grateful wow
Dr. K I wanted to say thank you. I also work in Mental Healthcare and you are providing such amazing educational videos to this community and it makes me not want to give up even in the midst of constant pain. Thnak you God Bless.
Я даже не знаю с чего мне начать. Не желая драматизировать скажу что это видео по-настоящему подытожило два года моей жизни. В самом начале вируса я зарылась в голову, т.к. логично считала, - проработаю 99.99% проблем в голове и все у меня пойдет как по маслу, сразу будет все и без ошибок. Пожирала гайды на ютубе, чужие посты с реддита, книги по психологии, бесплатных психологов. Все свободное время посвящалось рефлексии, то есть 12 часов в день. Дневник исписывался цитатами и пошаговыми гайдами как починить вообще все в душе, общая суть которых была в действиях. Но тогда под действиями я понимала практику отучивания себя думать как раньше, - заметила мысль, дала по рукам, подумала как сказал гайд. Записи в дневник одновременно обличили очень много эмоционального багажа и эмоциональных установок, успокоили мой страх в будущем не вспомнить что было. Но. Дневник и стал уходом от ответственности. Я не ищу работу, я не делаю проекты, я не социализируюсь, - потому что мне нужно дописать свои мысли в дневник, иначе я все забуду и упущу тот самый ответ на вопросы мироздания. Прошло два года. Я предприняла важные шаги в жизни, но касающиеся только здоровья: вышла из депрессии, наладила отношения с едой, наладила связь с семьей. Стала ясно чувствовать и слышать себя. В жизни социальной поменялось практически ничего. И я поняла что осталась главная моя война - страх и перфекционизм. Я дотянула до момента когда я уже не считаюсь подростком, но социальных достижений у меня нет совсем, но начать их зарабатывать мне страшно и стыдно. А я так и не поняла кем хочу быть! И вот сегодня Доктор зациклил и закончил мой квест в данный период жизни. Как в конце 21-го я его нашла с видео которое тогда было для меня экстренной помощью, - так и сейчас он пришел с тем, что я давно поняла, но не могла сформулировать. В русском ютубе такого не найти. И точно под его медитацию я закончила тот дневник. Единственная медитация которую я переписала полностью. Я пишу это только от того что никогда прежде не испытывала такого облегчения что закрылось в душе что-то случайно ставшее важным. Завершенный сюжетный квест на который ты истратил все золото, здоровье и свитки заклинаний. Я никогда не закрывала такие гештальты чувствуя себя спокойно от того, что ни на один вопрос не был дан ответ. Это и есть быть взрослым. Что до моей жизни: иду еще раз учиться, в моей жизни есть йога и медитация, я чувствую вкус у пресной несоленой еды и перестала есть, чтобы не чувствовать. когда я осуждаю себя, я иду бегать. когда прокрастинирую - я заземляюсь. когда я не хочу скучать и слышать тишину я закрываю уши наушниками но не включаю музыку. Я нахожусь в гармонии с самой собой. Я знаю, что забочусь о себе всегда.
funnily enough for over ayear now i watched your content being like "ooh this is helpful it might help me to feel better about my life" but for a few weeks now every single video you post responds precisely to every single issue i've had in every single detail..
I didn't expect the meditation part to work for me because meditation "never worked" before. But I felt myself start tearing up. I imagined myself in two - the logical, solid, wanting to accomplish something self and the weak, shadow-like emotional self, trying to protect me, drag me away from the thing I logically want or need to do, yelling out. Instead of going and getting up, I returned and just sat with it. And blended with it in the end with a hug. I saw, no... felt, glimpses of my problems, of the things I've been avoiding, of the toxic relationship that has been weighing me down, and how I want to prove myself to them, but my emotions just want a break, the freedom to express and desire my own vitality, which has never been given, but yielded to everyone else. I can now say meditation has worked at least once lol, but regardless, I feel like I accomplished something today that should, but doesn't, come naturally to so many of us - having that emotion. I just. Cried. Understood it. Stop trying to be in a hurry, that I must do something all of the time or I'm not accomplishing anything. Perhaps feeling like a failure in everything that I do. This world needs help, and you're helping, doc. The world needs compassion. Not structures and logic and look-goods. Even just a little bit at a time. A single flame is small but can light up hundreds more candles. I think you genuinely enjoy what you do, and that's good. I have a little more hope tonight, I think. Edit: reading some comments, seems the meditation really was a powerful thing that brought many to tears. Kind of amazing, really.
This reminds me of a story Joseph Goldstein tells where fear used to come over him during long meditations. Over and over, the fear would come back and he would “sit with it” and do whatever technique he could to get through it. After years one day he had the thought “okay, I feel fear when I’m meditating, that’s fine” (or whatever) and at that moment the fear left never to return. It’s a slippery thing to understand conceptually and even harder to see in real time, but trying to “accept away” a feeling is exactly the opposite of accepting it. What I have found is if you can let go the “feeling about” the feelings, then you can accept the feelings that is there. If you have addiction urges, the shame may hold it in place. If you were raised where “men don’t cry” you may feel ashamed of being afraid. If you are a “spiritual person” you may feel that being angry is “unenlightened”. Etc etc. It has to “be okay” to feel like you do, and if it’s not that’s okay, you can just be okay with your inability to accept things. Honestly it matters little how you peel the onion. Just find what you CAN REALLY accept and start there. You might find that once the “feeing about” is accepted the whole thing seems to vanish with a chuckle.
I am saving this video for later. The meditation at the end seems super useful. I have not gone along with it, I merely watched you meditate, and even that made me feel better afterwards. I am definitely trying this out when such fear well up in me. Thank you for your amazing work.
Bro called me out with the meditation stuff. I know I’ve been running on logical through all my life to cope from emotional abuse and even physical but this year I’m starting to realize that I’m growing distant to people because that empathy is running dry. I don’t wanna be like my parents and I feel sad for my child self. I’ve been pushing my emotions down for others for so long. I couldn’t even have a tantrum or I would be treated like crap. I’m so damaged even now I feel shame for everything. I wanna be happy, I wanna trust people but the only way I could live in life was by fixing everything. I’m so uncomfortable with my flaws that I run away just like I do in relationships. I’m scared of myself and of hurting people. I’m living the prophecy of being a shitty person like my parents frame me to be.
I guess I never realized I had analysis paralysis because of cognitive empathy. It's only until I went to the psychologist, did yoga therapy, wrote down my feelings, broke down crying out my pent up feelings, even continuously crying during yoga because some tension releasing in my body had been emotional baggage that I had held on a long time too. This shit finally made me lighter, in addition to praying 5 times a day etc.
I don't comment on videos often. All of those surface emotions and the analogy of playing whack-a-mole with a cognitive hammer describes the situation I'm dealing with quite well. I've gone through so many interventions with meds, psych, CBT, self-help, exercise, diet, (...) to try and "fix" myself and my emotions and be the perfect person and insulate myself from the world by building up resources, skills, a life, a career... (was a gifted student too...). During the meditation, it culminated with the small inner voice saying that I'm doing all of this because I was never consistently loved as a child. I just want to feel that and its lack was the reason for all this energy and pain. First body blow. I tried to deny that and focus on the words, "Do the meditation right, that's why we're here... focus... think... there's a way out, we'll think of it!" My mind returned to the lack of love and my ongoing issues with my fiancé and the terror and pain caused by the distance between us physically and emotionally, the voice came again, "I want to be loved. I want to know what that feels like." Second body blow, and I thought, what does this small voice want? It hurts, I feel hurt, I feel sad, I feel unloved, unworthy of existing because I never got what I needed as a child, because my parents never showed me that love and existing don't come with a price tag. "I can try to be that person for myself, that's good enough," More resistance, focus on the meditation, we've got to solve it! We can solve this problem if we try hard enough!!-- And the pain broke through again, and it hurt so much I couldn't wall it off anymore and I sat there and held myself like that child I used to be was never held and told her, "You did so well. You did your best and you're still here." It hurt so much to just sit there and cry and hug myself, a small thing compared to a life of forced sprinting and sprinting on broken glass, trying to protect myself with a self-deception so strong. I didn't know that I was pretending I didn't feel anything this whole time. I came back to the meditation when it felt right and that child finally felt heard and validated and held. If she is me and all of this is one continuance, I hope that my small actions can help to heal her in the past and in doing so, myself in the present. For now, I feel like something in me has become unified and I'm more capable in some way than I was before the small self-loving kind act. Thank you for helping me to arrive at this moment of self-compassion, Dr. K. I've needed it for so long.
The fact of this content among many other videos, being emergent after years of chaos and during a relatively crucial period before upcoming person decision on direction of life, is almost making me superstitious and faithful, or at the very least very delighted and stunned by my luck. Anyway i appreciate your existence and work, fucking love it, and you. I finally realized there is so much fear in me, the meditation part struck the sorrow out of me.
- Reflective listening: Hablar sobre lo que estas sintiendo honestamente "descomprime" la emoción, reduce la intensidad de la emoción y por ello la conducta que esta genera. - Preguntarse de dónde viene la emoción.
Whew.. that hit me really hard during the meditation. I've meditated on and off for years yet that painful emotion welling up just showing compassion for myself is a first.
I’m the biggest hypocrite as a yoga instructor who “teaches” self compassion and mindfulness. These videos always hit hard, but this meditation was inspiring. Reading through the comments, we’re all so much alike yet feel incredibly alone. I dislike social media as a whole , but the comments in these videos is a nice reminder that we’re not alone in this madness. ❤ sending hugs to whomever needs them ❤️
00:00 *🤔 Understanding Analysis Paralysis* - Analysis paralysis hinders productivity by causing emotional restraint and avoidance of work. 02:19 *🧠 Cognition vs. Emotion-Based Strategies* - Cognitive strategies focus on logical solutions and problem-solving. - Emotions can be analyzed rather than truly embraced, leading to a search for cognitive solutions. 05:33 *🔄 Root Emotions and Coping Mechanisms* - Coping behaviors like overeating and internet browsing are linked to subsurface emotions. - Manifestations of negative emotions may result in a variety of surface emotions that mask the root emotion. - Decreasing emotional energy through acceptance rather than solutions can help tackle analysis paralysis. 26:16 *🧠 Recognizing the rationale behind our actions* - Start by identifying the rationale behind your actions - Move deeper to understand the emotional consequences of avoiding a task - Notice the interplay between thoughts and feelings 27:39 *🤯 Overcoming resistance and acknowledging emotions* - Notice the rebellion and panic when trying to change your actions - Acknowledge the emotions underlying your rationale - Have compassion for yourself and the difficulties you face in handling emotions 30:01 *🌧 Embracing emotions and self-compassion* - Allow emotions to wash through you without resistance - Practice self-compassion and acknowledge the pain you're feeling - Take deep breaths to release emotions and build inner strength
@@leomontes4129 progress is going great! I’ve been going to the gym and training pretty consistently since my last comment. I feel like a billion bucks. Now I plan on fighting in amateurs.
I tried the meditation, I went through most of it. But the moment I tried to empathize with myself, I choked up and couldn't. I feel like I don't owe myself the kindness or patience that I give others. I'm only saying it because although this meditation didn't do what it was meant, I discovered something about myself that I couldn't have on my own. Thank you Dr. K
This is the first video I have ever clicked on your channel, but DAMN, you kept me on the edge of my seat! I honestly got some realizations out of this; thank you!
Not easy to "observe and accept your emotions" when you've been completely disconnected from them for over a decade. This protects me against emotion-based attacks, but also makes me immune to emotion-based buffs and heals. I have a really unbalanced character build. My cognitive-analysis powers are OP, which works well against many things, but I'm pretty hopeless against any Worldboss with a cognitive-analysis resistance. I've been taking DOT and not able to fight back for a long time now.
I'm a survivor of CSA and i grew up as The Weird One everywhere i went. Self analysis was the only way I survived, but my emotions get overwhelming at the best and worst of times. I'm in the process of accepting my inner turmoil that i bottled up for my whole life now-- and I found you at just the right time. I'll try some of these techniques and see if they help me in this process
Man the meditation at the end was amazing you really brought me back to just feeling my emotions again and not trying to fix them. I almost cried wanting to let out thank you Dr. K I can
Yo. This helped a lot. I have a ton of problems that I solved and something was missing all the time. Emotion was missing, I didn't even realise I was avoiding emotions. Imma try to not kill my emotions anymore, thank you!
This has opened my eyes to understanding emotions better. I've gotten over negative emotions by digesting them, but never really understood that's what I was doing. Now that I understand it's better to be less cognitive about it, hopefully I can help others
This was very helpful. My folks recently split amongst some other really challenging things this year and I’ve been trying and focusing so hard on reacting to it and handling it “the right way” that I have neglected to actually feel it.
Wow, the part with imaging a safe space and putting faith in one self and imagining a loving and caring wall that I can stand by and decide when I want to go in something new, where iam not so sure of my self. Wooow! Needed this. Big thanks.
Thank you for the meditation. It made me realize, i haven't reached deep down in years, in the deep darkness i feared. This single follow up helped to release like 15%, of my anxiety, i had in me. Still got to work on, but that's a start.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
The fact that I kept thinking "BUT HOW DO I FIX IT I NEED TO BE PRODUCTIVE" really says a lot about how much I needed this
And there’s never going to be an answer.
That’s why this crap is useless.
@@pepperpitz3291 answer is there you are yet to find it. One has to be ready
Start with Andrew huberman’s recommendations and build from there. I’m in the same boat. I fell off the fitness bandwagon and this hindered my productivity. I broke my foot lol. One thing I learnt from my last experience to glow up you have to keep trying and forgive yourself for failing to implement small changes to your diet and daily habits
@@pepperpitz3291bro is actively opping people who see this comment 😭
no need, desire. rewire, not fix. these little changes will manifest as he said. even if it’s negative, CREATE positive of it ! you’re mind will work for/with you, and never against you !
When I hear "learn that failure is part of the process" I get so mindblown in those moments. As kids, the school and parents teach us that anything that is not top grade is a failure so you're basically instilled since childhood that to fail is not acceptable but then you get to adulthood and you're told that it's ok to make mistakes and it's part of the process, after all your life being told that if you fail, you're a loser for life. Honestly I wish society wouldn't be this hard on us.
Failure is never acceptable where success is desirable
I despise the idea that failure is unnaceptable. The MOST important lesson in life is to learn how to get back up, not how to avoid falling down. Falling down is inevitable and the faster you can get back up, the more sucessful you will be. Gauranteed.
@@doubleugly1594 Haha. Your comment reminds me of a digital art course I did, like, 10 or 9 years ago, and when I was learning digital painting the teacher said "It takes less time to correct mistakes than always trying to do perfect mouse strokes". With time, I came to understand that what the teacher said applies to far more than digital painting.
@@phosspatharios9680 A teacher of principle and wisdom, I would’ve loved to have her as my art teacher!
Right, the way things are set up even if you get 100 on the final test but fail every other test-you're considered a failure. This is a really odd part of education that I still don't understand
This hit too close to home. Cried like a baby during the meditation, but im feeling a lot lighter now, thank you very much Dr.K.
same here Yo!
Same
Too close to home and too near the bone.. :'(
I've been doing this meditation everytime I feel like procrastinating and I'm always crying lmao thank god for WFH so I can have these moments to reconnect with myself. Trying to accept myself and my past, everyday, a little tiny bit more.
It does.
WHY DOES HIS CONTENT ALWAYS HAVE SUCH IMPECCABLE TIMING WITH MY LIFE?!
Same wtf
I agree it something me and my partner both dealing with funny maybe I really should show them this channel
illuminati
Fr it’s so weird.
DrK somehow knows what we are going through and drops a helping hand immediately
One thing that helped me with analysis paralysis was the book ”Paradox of Choice”. Optimizing every decision is itself not an optimal strategy. 90% of the time you're better off picking any answer and moving forward instead of waiting for the perfect answer. You can answer more questions in the same time that way.
Unfortunately, in many people's minds, "just picking an option and moving forward" is simply another option to choose from, only making the situation more difficult
80-20 rule applies here too
Thanks for the book title, I am going to read it.😄
Takeaways:
→ Embracing your emotion is not the same as analyzing your emotions and coming up with solutions. → Unmet emotional needs bring about negative emotions.
→ Reflective listening decompresses the emotional energy (where is this coming from?, what can I avoid thinking about through it?).
→ Accept that you may feel it for the rest of your life and it’s alright cause that leads you to lower the emotional energy.
thanks for always commenting these man i really appreciate it
Or… you could never „accept“ misery and fight constantly to find an actual answer instead of just laying down and doing yet another breathing technique for the millionth time that week as if it’ll give you a damn clue as to what to do to fix your life.
@@adto4987 yeah, i used to think like him too. and it makes sensed in the short term; your mind will shove these emotions aside for a week or two, and it'll seem blissful. then reality sets in again, and it sets in harder than ever. the sooner you make peace with these feelings, the sooner you'll learn that they aren't to be feared. they're just trying to keep you safe. make peace with them, and it'll be alright.
@@defaultdan7923A few weeks? Try years. 😂. After so many years of “failing to fix my problems” I couldn’t take it anymore. I found a job that required no emotions or thoughts from me where I could hide away. And I turned to substance use. I was so drugged out of my mind that I was “happy.” But none of it was real. And I crashed really; REALLY hard.
@@pepperpitz3291you're spamming uninformed, hostile negative nonsense on basically every comment. It's definitely not a sign that you have any insight to offer, more like trying to justify to yourself not doing the work he's recommendending, and trying to bring others down in the process. There will always be one I guess, no matter what is said. But it sounds like you need therapy not internet comments.
Im only starting to understand actual acceptance of emotion now at 31 after years of trying to remove them from myself. I realised now rather than looking for a solution it feels best to notice my resistance, because its that resistance that's truly my source of suffering rather than the actual emotion. Ever listened to a sad song or watched a sad movie or been scared by a horror movie and its felt rather cathartic? Thats emotion without resistance and why emotionally charged media (if made correctly) is always so acclaimed. The constant overthinking is just another way to escape, and you dont even need to meditate to realise "ah im running again".
I also think "feeling sorry for yourself" is grossly miscategorised as something bad. Feeling that emotion and knowing there's a 100% valid reason for it being there, and that you went through something painful is so important to actually healing.
Good share thx 😊
I'm almost 38 and still grasping at how to accept my emotions. A lifetime of pushing them away is a hard habit to break.
@@tira2993 I am there with ya, was learned it was not ok to feel or show em.
@@sebastian8029 same. Especially sadness. I really internalised that crying was a big no-no and so I have so much shame associated with it.
100%. It’s like one of those mini games where if you try to resist or push against the force, you take damage or waste energy. You get so focused on beating yourself up on the thought that you ‘SHOULD’ be doing better that it distracts you from moving forward entirely instead.
Instead it’s better to just flow with this force/emotion, because it’s already been proven time and time again that getting caught up to push back against it does nothing, ironically.
The meditation brought me to tears. I feel like I haven't given myself any love for as long as I remember. I constantly try to fix myself and right my wrongs only to feel like I come up short each time. But while listening to this meditation I started to cry, because I felt compassion for myself, I felt empathetic toward my own struggles and I couldn't help but cry in the comfort of my own love like it was the warm embrace of a caring parent or sibling. I let it out and I feel much lighter. Thank you Dr. K
Man I hope you’re a writer, because you can write
THIS is healing ❤️🩹🙏
Hell yeah man good stuff!
This is beautiful.
I got the same experience. Like the body just gave in. It was like my mind could speak to my brain and comfort it, as if it were a child.
The meditation was so moving because of extreme compassion in Dr K’s voice. I don’t remember anyone speaking to me like that. Even my wife or parents who deeply love me. It’s just magical.
Agree. The meditation starting approx. 26 mins in is a tremendous gift to all of us. Thanks Dr. K.
I love how even his voice sound real.
Self compassion is very difficult for many of us. We reject self compassion, but sometimes are ok with compassion sent from others. Dr K is the gateway drug for many in the realm of self compassion.
Brothers and sisters, any compassion you have in you for others, you may also consider applying that compassion to yourself. You have my permission. External authority, even that from an internet comment from a stranger, can be easier to accept than that which we generate ourselves. You are worth compassion. You are worth self compassion. Move towards your goals, whatever they may be, and always be gentle with yourself. This world won't be, but you can be.
Truth ❤️🩹🙏
I feel like I'm not the only one in my head, Dr K is apparently there too 💀
LMAO ikr???
omg too true
Very unprofessional of him, contact HR
I have Moon Knight vibes
Started thinking you have schizophrenia, ended kinda wholesome
"We're a robot pretending to be a Human"
Incredible that was pretty much EXACTLY my choice of words while thinking about that
This is my whole life, unironically. But at least this has a reason, because I'm Schizotypal. I even tried learning acting by doing a theatrical acting course, but this doesn't really work for solving this flaw (but can help against shyness and overthinking, I can vouch for that).
My family literally calls me a robot 😑
Yeah there are robots but i am a human ive got HEART
Humans are hackable animals. Humans feed off of their environment. Once you’re taught something when you’re young then it sticks till adulthood and when your environment drastically changes in whatever stage you’re at then the brain creates a last resort defense mechanism which is ‘Survival’ and this results in anxiety, depression, loneliness and enhanced introversion, Human forgets how to be human at that point as humans are both social and thinking creatures and when you tilt the balance then you get something similar to a “robot”.
I don’t remember who said it but I read the quote one time “enlightenment is knowing you are a machine”. And it clicked.
Dr. K killed me with that meditation today. We're going to be okay fam
I’m rooting for you, my friend. I’m rooting for myself, too.
@@jpupp I’m rooting for you both now, you got this guys
Thanks for for making me feel not alone in this and also instilling some hope in there :) We are going to be ok
@@JamesGaming257 I'm going to start rooting for all of us. We are amazing!
I was always viewed as a smart kid, my parents always expected me to do excellent on everything, and I tried as best as I could. But I inevitably failed and made mistakes along the way, and my parents taught me that I could always be better; ever since I've carried the identity of being not good enough. What my parents never taught me was to feel my emotions or how to value myself. That's why I couldn't help but crying my heart out when I heard Dr. K saying that I could have compassion for myself.
I realized how much I was suffering, how much I felt like I was inferior to others, and how much I was hurting because of that. Don't know if anybody will read this but for those with a situation like mine I want to tell you: you're golden, just as you are, you deserve love from others, even from yourself and there is hope, hang in there, stay strong, and take care.
I feel the same way, same suffering. I’ve always have felt inferior to others.
I’ve been working to conquer my overthinking and have been making a lot of progress but I didn’t even realize I was processing emotions cognitively, I haven’t truly “felt” emotions since middle school after I numbed myself from the social anxiety I was feeling due to switching schools. I had forgotten what emotions really were, I knew how to react in certain situations and what the normal responses were, but any time I said how I felt, I never actually felt it “in mah bones” per sé. I let myself cry today for the first time in ten(ish) years and it feels amazing, thank you.
You just made me realized that I haven't cried in years, I also have been through social anxiety and cancer, and for some reason everytime I kinda feel like crying, my mind and body just suppress it and I can't do it.
@@Dedlogico I’m glad I could help you with that :) I understand the feeling you describe, my body used to suppress my tears and I could only cry like one or two tears before I forced myself to be strong again. In my case, I was able to cry again after working to understand some of the core memories I’ve been repressing. It’s not easy, but I just worked to remember how I felt in those initial moments, when the trauma was happening. After remembering those feelings, I’m able to be vulnerable again and I’m so much more at peace with myself. as one of my favorite song quotes goes, “happy is the heart that still feels pain”
I still don't get what cognitive emotions are. EDIT: Ok never mind, I processed it a lil. Eh, I'm just trying to stop having them as strong.
@@Heyu7her3 strong emotions are okay, it seems like something happened in your life and it’s normal to feel strongly about it.
I can talk to you in depth if that would help, youtube comments aren’t very personal and Ik it likely wouldn’t help anything for me to write an essay about this.
A lot of the time in situations like these we know what the ‘right’ way of thinking is but there is something else preventing us from being in a state where we are capable of that way of thinking. So when someone says ‘just don’t be hard on yourself bro’ they don’t really understand the struggle that some people have to go through to overcome that.
I agree! ppl love to give dimissive cognitive answers to emotional problems like ‘just don’t be hard on yourself bro’. If you and your loved ones cant help you to accept your emotions so you can regulate them and make better decisions, then they need to keep their comments to themselves.
I blame this difficulty on people's tendency to say that learned helplessness and rationalization are bad things
@@1flower161 yeah lol but people with accepting and loving families will be like ‘why can’t you just do this bro’ 😂😂
@@phosspatharios9680 could you expand on that for me?
@@ryancxe of course.
Learned Helplessness is just an unflattering name for the "dark side" of what Dr.K calls "Acceptance" in this video. Learned Helplessness entails you recognizing that the problem in hand is not a "problem-solution" situation, but actually a fact of life. With this mindset, you can rationalize it (or, as Dr.K puts it, "accept" it) and thus change your mentality to deal not with the problem per se, but rather it's causes and/or consequences. You'll eventually address the root of the problem if you go down this way, and thus get the problem solved.
Learned Helpless also entails you not being hard on yourself because you recognize that your suffering is not entirely of your own making. Of course, this can lead to Victim Mentality if the person lacks mental sophistication, but I reckon that Victim Mentality should be an awkward first step in the journey towards healing.
I can’t seem to act because I just draw a blank. For example today I’ve been called into work. If I go I make extra money and my day won’t be wasted scrolling on TH-cam but I won’t see a friend later today. If I don’t then I can do whatever and talk to a friend. Both options are equally meh. It’s hard to decide when 90% of your life seems gray. Don’t even get me started on talking to people!
I felt that can be hard especially when you not fully sure what you wanna do I wanna practice more music but I'm also worried about other things so it gets hard
This may be the first time a Dr K video has brought me to tears. The discussion felt like he was talking about me, and the meditation seems like exactly what I need.
I've found my solution, guys!
Being able to say “I’ve found my solution” is an amazing feeling
Yo same. Good luck in your journey!
@@kindauncool You're right. You don't know me and you don't know my life story. Your comment comes across as rather condescending.
Dr. K explains a pattern of behaviour, not a story. I fit that pattern, and therefore felt seen and had a strong emotional reaction. I don't have a strong emotional reaction to his other videos because I don't fit those other patterns as well.
It's that simple.
But then, maybe I've been gaslit into misremembering my own life.
The meditation made me cry so hard. I literally had pain in my chest, could hardly breathe, I was so scared. But I sat with that pain longer than I have in a long time. I think I feel better now.
This hit me pretty hard. When the meditation part started I decided to engage and do it and found myself getting extremely emotional. I tend to really, really analyze everything I come across and thought that noticing and recognizing emotions was enough, but I think I've struggled in actually sitting in them without trying to fix them somehow.
Not just validating them but really letting the emotion completely wash over me in a meditative state - as uncomfortable as it feels to let go of control like that - is shockingly cathartic. I worked with a therapist years ago that did something similar to this about my fear and anger around transitioning (I'm transgender but at the time wasn't socially transitioning) and I used to jokingly say that a therapist made me cry. The reality was that that level of release allowed me to better deal with my situation and I'm extremely thankful for it. But with how I tend to analyze things and a desire for control, I slowly got away from allowing myself that space to really stop everything and just sit in the discomfort of real emotion.
Thanks so much for this! Between this and many other videos of yours you've helped me with some tough things lately, and from the looks of it helped many, many other people.
I think you just made me realize what has happened to me. I was in therapy a year ago and after that I had been extremely emotional. Watching a remotely sad movie? Cry. Hear bad news? Cry. But … I enjoyed it. And sometime along the way that went away. I started being stale again and I really miss that part. I, too, was emotionally hit by this meditation and I think you hit the nail on the head. After I got better during therapy, there was definetily a part of me that wanted to be done with „dealing with emotions“ and „just live life“ again. I guess I missed a critical part of what I had learned. Thank you
I love this video so much. its literally allowed me to figure out exactly why I've felt stuck in an extremely anxious rut for around 2 years now, I was constantly alerted to my anxious feelings and trying to solve it cognitively. and because I couldn't I got so scared of it and felt dread constantly. now I am starting to learn how to let it be and just feel the emotion, it makes so much sense
Feel exactly the same as you. This really clicked with me and seems to be the missing link that might allow me to apply everything else I learn here.
How are you doing now
@redditastic6711 I'm doing so much better now thanks, I hardly do the 'checking in' and feel a lot more neutral on a daily basis rather than feeling dread all the time. it really took time and effort but positive improvement is always possible :)
I still find the idea hard to grasp, I often try to recognize thoughts for example to see where my anxiety is coming from. Is me doing this cognitively trying to solve it? How do you do it
@Cindy-gb3ms I think recognising thoughts and noticing where it's coming from (e.g. what is making you anxious) can be useful as you can take action to solve whatever issue it is. however, if it's something you can't fix or if you're going around in circles it's important to be aware of that and realise the 'checking in' is not a helpful habit. this really took time and I almost had to let it happen for a while but not get doubly anxious about the process of it happening if that makes sense? I really recommend DARE's videos, they helped me a lot!
I couldn't do the meditation properly because I was bawling the whole time. But I suppose that was probably helpful in its own right. Definitely needed this content today.
glad you got that emotional catharsis man
@@shaiuken7150 thank you, me too.
You are one of the reasons why I am studying Psychology . This is superb, this type of topics should be implemented in schools. Shame they are teaching other stupid agendas that have nothing to do with their future...
I’m doing the same. And I’m learning more about myself everyday😂
Same here haha, seems like dr.k has inspired a lot of people to study psychology
I felt that honestly
good luck on your journey, and stay within Course
If you'd step inside a school, you'll see an increased embracing of mistakes and failing.
I was bawling my eyes out during the whole meditation. No one was ever this compassionate and validating and kind with me my whole life. Thank you so very much for your videos, they help my busted ass a lot to be able to function ❤
I’ve never actually felt hurt like this during a meditation. That feeling me me feel as tho I had grown so out of touch with myself that I couldn’t recognize this was what I was feeling when I acted. Thank you
As a single son from a dysfunctional family, where both my parents stood together yet hate each other's guts, plus constant in-fighting. Feelings are something I always bottled up and never talked to someone else, friends were few and mostly bad influence, other family members were just as problematic too.
So self analyze and fix was my go to for most of my problems and despite helping, the core problem persists to this day, thanks Dr. K, I'll try this from now on. Cheers!
THIS IS THE GREATEST HG VIDEO DROPPED TO DATE. Thank you Dr. K and everyone who makes this channel possible. You are doing an incredible service.
Serg was you commeting at a Russell Brand video or am I just confused cuz the picture was the same?
@@Cecil_Augus tbh I don’t remember watching any Russell brand videos, what was the video?
*Narrator voice:* Serg never found out what video he commented on.
Emotional anorexia…… I’ve had this my whole life….
Sort version of my story is that…. I don’t know what normal feels like… because I’ve never been comfortable or relaxed enough to be or feel the world around me.
So yeah, detachment has been a thing ever since I was a kid. I use to just stop and stare at a random spot… not realizing my body was trying to read the world like, danger…. Must be good, must not speak… must not move… I’m lucky I have air.
Emotional anorexia is the first I have heard of as of today. And that describes a lot of me down to the core. I find sex or intimacy disgusting.
February 3, 2009 my mom forced me into the military…. She told me I had no choice… and when they told us, you are not being forced to be here….. I was 22…. And then that became another world of troubles….
I’ve been slowly over the years been starting to realize that there is a lot that needs to be fixed. I know I’m on the right track…
It’s just extremely stressful.
I want justice….. but I have nothing but stories… and she will always deny everything….
No one will back me in court because they all want nothing to do with her. I myself want that…. But if I want justice…. I’m gonna have to face her… but I’ll probably end up paying for nothing.
So…….. I work on myself at my own pace…
Sorry for the ramble I thought I could make it easy….. it’s not…
But when has any form of mental illness been easy?
So yeah. Ty
"Embracing your emotions is not about fixing them, is about embracing them, is about accepting them, it's jot about changing them"
This seems so weird to me and so mind blowing at the same time
It really hit home now.
I knew that this was a video that I needed to watch, just because of the title alone. But I never expected to be crying and sobbing during the meditation.
The fact is that there is no solution. Our feelings are our feelings and we have to respect that, for if not, why do we feel them? Acceptance isn't a solution to rid an emotion, acceptance is the human nature to accept that you feel. Don't reject the feeling, embrace it, no matter the reason for that feeling. No matter the positivity or the negativity. You can change the things in your life that impact your emotions, but do not change your emotions. Think as you wish, but you be will in a losing battle with your emotions for eternity.
Thank you so much, Dr. K.
This is genuinely such an amazing channel. I’ve been stuck in my head for months now and it started getting scary. Like I’ll be in a lifelong battle against this feeling inside until I die or “it takes me”. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts but its legitimately scary. By the end of the meditation practice, I was balling my eyes out. It was like the giant knot in my stomach being undone
That meditation really helps. I always think I’m accomplishing a meditation when I list it off on my schedule, but it never works cuz I’m rushing through it, alongside my work and stretching. It’s when I realize I have the entire day that I can do anything that I slow down and have a better time concentrating because I am trying less and thinking less about time and accomplishment. Additionally, thinking about how maybe there’s a negative feeling that you want to avoid, avoidance usually leads to that thing building in the background. And maybe it can be a lot all at once so you may need more time or to work at it a little at a time, but facing it and accepting it as a part of you the helps to continue forward.
Saved this into my favorite videos.
The struggle about this ever so repetitive cycle is so so tiring.
Thank you for bringing it up
The meditation was superb. I thought there was something after the vid like a final thought but it ended their. Its like trying to tell me and my mind was like - well you can do some stuff today if you want, I mean anytime we can do it. We got this fam, we got this.
Holy shit this is so real. I will so often get burnt out on tasks that are only in my head, stuff like „quit overthinking“ or „stop having these kinds of thoughts“ is impossible
"I live in my own world. That's okay. They know me there."
Based
Usually a lurker, but I felt this issue and video really resonated with me, so I’ll add my 2 cents into this. Hope it helps anyone else in a similar boat as me.
This cycle of stressing and telling yourself that you should be doing better is like one of those mini games where if you try to resist or push against the force, you take damage or waste energy. You get so focused on beating yourself up on the thought that you ‘SHOULD’ be doing better that it distracts you from moving forward entirely instead.
Instead it’s better to just flow with this force/emotion, because it’s already been proven time and time again that getting caught up to push back against it does nothing, ironically.
It’s annoying that it’s this reverse flip for sure, but it’s the alternative to the current one of trying to just brute force it. Maybe brute force works for those with higher conscientiousness, but not for me.
I’ll admit it, I don’t work well with overly high pressure, and prefer the gentle nudge. And that’s ok. Because we’re not molded to be supersoldiers. We’re humans with different needs.
Recall that one Einstein quote that goes something like “teach a fish to climb up a tree its whole life, and it’ll be a failure.”
We’re all made for different things, and that’s ok. Doing the best that WE personally can is good enough, it’s not healthy to get caught up with the 100% perfectionistic ideals.
We all have our good and bad days, sometimes we’re more productive than other days. Success isn’t linear. And that’s why it’s healthier to see ‘good enough’ as trying your best for each of those specific days without stressing that it’s not always going to be above some set in stone standard of ‘success’.
Be gentle to yourself, it’s ok. It’s all about the small steps. Then you can slowly work your way up to the raid boss.
And oh god I’ve rambled for longer than I expected to so sorry if it got a bit cheesy. Still, I hope this helps.
I love this insight and thank you for your opinion, even the bit cheesy parts homie
this is exactly what im going through with my therapist right now and they dont seem to understand that what theyre telling to "challenge those thoughts" doesnt seem to work. im so glad this isnt just a me problem :(
Omg dude wtf, i woke up from a nightmare and was just alone with my thoughs then i find some videos of his and by now I’ve watched like 7-8 of them and they’ve helped me calm down and feel better, not just the content that hes talking about but his voice has like a calming tone to it to help as well.
That meditation was so helpful. Will definitely come back here many times and get it memorized over time.
I feel like it also ties in with/responds to some of the though and emotional patterns I learned during my childhood, shaped by abuse.
Could help
I teared up during the meditation section. Seriously thank you so much for everything you do, Dr K.
I had to pause the video in the middle because I'm at work and I just threw that in background but now I ended up with tears that I'm trying to hold so hard because of course I can't cry at work.... But man... Like I knew that... Cognitively. But again your delivery just hit hard. It's just right to the core of understanding. My therapist can do similarly good job as you, and you're doing it almost for free. Thank you so much.
Dr K I have so much love and appreciation for you. Even if I haven't been able to get better yet, just the fact alone that I am constantly reassured by your videos that I am not some weird alien that is alone in feeling this way is very nice. thank you.
I needed this. For so long I've been trying to find a solution to issues that are emotional in nature. I cried so hard during the meditation. As soon as you said there's frustration with the self, I just started crying. I AM frustrated with myself, because I feel broken. Like no matter what I do I'll end in bad situations where I'm unhappy. I hate feeling broken, but I feel so much lighter now. Thank you Dr. K.
Oh my God. I have had this locked up, biting, stabbing, twisting, gnarling, burning, crushing type emotional pain in my stomach/abdomen region, that is often linked with negative thoughts/experiences, for as long as I can remember. I found myself closing my eyes and just listening to Dr. K like a meditation, before it even became a meditation. And throughout, it felt as though a key were being inserted, turned, and finally unlocking this emotional pain and letting it go. It felt warm, and soft, and light. I really wasn't expecting this when I clicked on this video, but dear God... This may have been the first time I felt like this. Where instead of simply being unaware of it, I physically felt that old pain and trauma evaporating. That was amazing.
Dr. K, thank you...
Amazing.
I relate so much to the person who posted their struggle. Even though I'm in a better mental place than I was even a year ago, and definitely better than five, ten years ago, and I've made strides in improving focus at work and managing my time better, I still struggle in small ways with productivity and work. Often in my life anxiety, emotional eating and fear have gotten in my way.
You saying that gifted kids often think they're using emotional solutions when they are actually using cognitive ones blew my mind. Because I'm always trying to analyze why I'm feeling a certain way. I've only recently realized I may fall into the gifted kid category; in my childhood I had untreated inattentive ADHD and was very distracted, social but awkward, observant but only with things I was interested in and until I was in my late 20's I was often made to feel stupid or naive. It's only in my later years that people have told me how self-reflective I am, and how much I notice the little details. I still feel a little stupid often because I'm not very good with text book knowledge, depending on the subject. I suck at trivia and I can't do math but I never really believed I was stupid (even when people were determined to tell me otherwise).
Anyhow, all of that to say I never realized until the last five years or so that I may fall into that category and it really does explain why I think about my feelings the way I do and why I still struggle with emotions inhibiting progress.
I had the same issues with work and distractions for years, and I always thought there was something wrong with me. "Everyone else can do the thing, why can't I?" To hear that others feel this way and to hear Dr. K describe that feeling of being "busted" is incredibly validating.
I've finally gotten into a job where I feel more valued, where I don't have performance based metrics weighing me down and I don't have people, usually, telling me I'm not working fast enough. It's an easy job most of the time and it pays well. The struggles I've had come up I've met and done my best to overcome. And I've started accepting the perfect is the enemy of good, and that I don't always have to do something perfectly.
So now I'm struggling with not wanting to work.
I think maybe I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm planning my wedding happening in October and there was a lot of drama at work over the summer. And lately I've been thinking about my job and I just feel tired. I don't want to work. I want to work on the creative projects I'm stuck on, I want to organize my home, I want to make my invites.
In the past I've had days I didn't want to work at other, much harder jobs. It makes me feel lazy and unreliable, and I've been having this anxious dread, like my plate being full and I don't even know what's on it. Like I'm forgetting some obligation and it's creeping up on me.
Maybe I am lazy. Maybe I actually don't want to work. But that's not really an option for me. Also I don't want to accept that. It doesn't feel right. Working gives me a routine and routine helps me a lot. When I don't work I'm a mess.
Anyway. Long rant all to say I related to this video a lot, and thanks.
Today is my fourth time coming back to this video to meditate with Dr. K.
It is so impactful and helped me understand why I have been fighting going to the gym the last few times I’ve gone.
I realized part of me was fighting going because of fear of being disappointed. Disappointed that my results in the gym, no matter how big, won’t bring her back.
I’m glad this video has helped me show compassion for myself for not wanting to go to the gym. But I can put faith in myself to continue going knowing that I won’t get her back.
For those of you like me who find this to be like a breath of fresh air (and also somewhat terrifying), I’d recommend looking at a book for ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) called “Get out of your head and into your life” by Hayes. It has helped me learn to say “yes” to this experience instead of trying to fix everything (and say “yes” to (accept) those thoughts that try and fix everything).
It helped me immensely so I just wanted to share. Good luck out there!
I read this as find a book for The ACT, a mildly confusing first read to say the least
Welp this one's me boys. Been genuinely struggling with this for a long long time. Tried every strategy under the sun nothing stuck for more then a week. Guess my whole approach was fucked since i have been trying hard with strategies for the last 6 years. Let's see how long I can sit with emotions until i start googling for a new fix
I am being anbsolutely carried through my life by Dr. K for the past few months… thank you for giving me a little place in your backpack, I wildly appreciate it
transitioning from a deep resentment and hatred of the emotions that have been present for my whole life to an acceptance wasn't something I had ever considered. But truly it all came together and I felt some of the pressure lift when I took that perspective. It'll be a ton of work, patience, and learning self love and respect in a way i've never explored but I really want to stay consistent with it and foster a better relationship between all facets of my being.
Wow, this described my way of dealing with emotion perfectly. For the past 6 months I've been feeling anxiety like never before, and started meditating, it has been helpful overall, but man, i get caught in thinking about meditation and wanting to "fix" myself, and punishing myself when I slip out of being mindful, and it's a cycle that has been repeating over and over, then I'll see where I've been going wrong, correct it, feel a bit better, but then slip back into that default state.
Thank you so much for this video, it helped me a lot, it's one that i will return to frequently.
i was literally stuck in my own head when this posted and now i have another youtube video to keep me out of my own head :)
I keep getting stuck on creative tasks and I get anxious over how much time I lose. I've been flailing around for so long, looking for solutions to this, and FINALLY, I see that you've nailed it. I suspected that I hadn't found the root of the problem because I hadn't been able to fix it in any way that I tried, and sure enough, you've found that root cause. Thanks so much for this. I've already forwarded the link to a friend who I think will also benefit from this advice.
Hey man, it's been a real while since I last checked in. I went to therapy over a year ago for anxiety, (re-)met my now girlfriend and I am doing better and I'm happier than ever. Still, I felt like returning to your content more often, it can never hurt.
Keep fighting the good fight, doc. You're one in a million.
I still have a yearning to have my emotions, at the very least, heard and understood. A lot of people in this community seem to deal with feeling like underachievers, but I struggle with the feeling that my emotions and experiences aren't being recognized at any capacity. No matter how I try to present or word my feelings, they are dismissed by everyone around me.
As an extreme example, last year I was r***d. One of my best friends of sixteen years didn't want to hear that his male friend was s**ually assaulted, and dismissed me as just having a victim's complex and men can't be r***d. Social services talked to me in a very condescending, initializing way as if I was a puppy who just injured itself. All I wanted was someone, anyone, to listen and understand. But there was no one. I so desperately want to just be heard, without jeopardizing relationships or projects I have been working towards, but time and time again I go through something and have no means of just venting the situation to any other person who understands or cares, and I feel like I need to just become stoic and suppress my emotions/feelings/experiences. Just put my head down and carry on until I can't anymore like some sort of drone. At least drones don't suffer emotional distress/complex PTSD.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I can't say I have ever experienced what you did, and I don't know how it feels. But I do know what it feels like to be grappling with internal turmoil and emotions, and just needing somebody to listen with love but there's nobody around. Or the ones who are around are incapable of truly being there for you. And so you either keep it inside and try to bury it with distractions, or you allow yourself to fully feel and experience the maelstrom, only you have to do it alone. Both are suboptimal options, but with the latter at least there is some release through letting some of it out and not hiding it. My situation is nowhere near as traumatic as yours, in fact nothing has actually "happened" to me, but yet I am going through a whirlwind of anxiety doubt and fear because my mind is catastrophising and attempting to self sabotage.
I don't know how TH-cam works and if you can send messages but I would like to hear you out and offer a listening ear if you would ever need it.
Reddit had support groups that might help r/ adultsurvivors might be a good starting place to be heard.
I just realized that I've seen some support in some threads on r/menslib too. I don't know if it matters to you, It's left leaning, but if you wait for the mental health check in, you might have some good conversations, regardless of your political leanings. They talk about male victims of assorted violence pretty compassionately there. But I've overall felt most of the emotional support subs were good at treating everyone like humans with emotional needs, rather than according to stereotypes.
i LOVE the way you say "with a little bit of love, a little bit of a push, a little bit of encouragement" -- thanks!
We can't change our experience through thinking because perceptions and feelings precede thoughts. It's like trying to get a good grade by studying after the exam. Knowing this, our approach should be to remember curiosity about our experience which will show us new perspectives and change our perceptions that'll in turn change feelings, experience, and finally what thoughts are produced.
I understood first part of what ur saying but i don't get the "approach" part, can u give me some example please?
@@Solarowy Yes of course. First off, I think the meditation Dr. K shows in the video is a great example of what this approach is like. It starts with remembering this immediate experience we are having. If we forget, then we will habitually fall into the first [incorrect] approach. Curiosity means we are dropping all assumptions about what the problem is, instead choosing to investigate our experience with a beginner's eye to learn more. In the meditation, Dr. K finds discernment between thoughts and feelings and then watches the interplay between them. In this way, he's seeing cause & effect. This is how you "peel back the layers" and start to see the sequence of events. Once we can see the conditions for phenomena occurring, then we will know it's end by ceasing the conditions. I basically summed this up by saying our perspective will change (as we see more cause & effect) which changes perception, or how we view what is happening and how it works. One of the conditions we will see is resistance. Dr. K talks a lot about resistance in this video and that all very relevant too. So basically, take this open-minded and curious attitude with you throughout the day and look for what's really going on in the mind and body. I hope that helps :) sorry if it was confusing any!
@@bike4aday Thanks, I really appreciate the answer :)
Isn't this basically what CBT is?
@@ReflectiveJourney Cognitive theory from Beck says the opposite: that thoughts precede emotions. If you read Beck he's really referring to rapid, almost short-hand cognitions, often self-referential, not even necessarily verbal. "Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders" is a good start. The fact that he developed the basis for CBT doesn't mean that he's correct, though this framework has been helpful for a lot of people. I think what bike4aday is referring to is also helpful and not mutually exclusive with cognitive theory. If you look into 3rd wave CBT-based modalities (ACT, for example) they incorporate what bike4aday is saying: curiousity, cognitive flexibility, mindfulness, etc.
Thank you dude, you kinda replaced my old therapist (I don't have enough money hahaha), but this video was extraordinary. I almost always used the cognitve function because i have high iq bla bla bla, like a freaking ia, and today I started my stairway to peace, I can't explain but I felt bad but secounds later a big euphoria, when I trully embrace my emotions, Thank you to show me the basis of life
im speechless over the huge impact this live has done to me! honestly you've just switched something within me that could change me for good into the better side! im so grateful wow
Dr. K I wanted to say thank you. I also work in Mental Healthcare and you are providing such amazing educational videos to this community and it makes me not want to give up even in the midst of constant pain. Thnak you God Bless.
Я даже не знаю с чего мне начать. Не желая драматизировать скажу что это видео по-настоящему подытожило два года моей жизни.
В самом начале вируса я зарылась в голову, т.к. логично считала, - проработаю 99.99% проблем в голове и все у меня пойдет как по маслу, сразу будет все и без ошибок. Пожирала гайды на ютубе, чужие посты с реддита, книги по психологии, бесплатных психологов.
Все свободное время посвящалось рефлексии, то есть 12 часов в день. Дневник исписывался цитатами и пошаговыми гайдами как починить вообще все в душе, общая суть которых была в действиях. Но тогда под действиями я понимала практику отучивания себя думать как раньше, - заметила мысль, дала по рукам, подумала как сказал гайд.
Записи в дневник одновременно обличили очень много эмоционального багажа и эмоциональных установок, успокоили мой страх в будущем не вспомнить что было. Но. Дневник и стал уходом от ответственности. Я не ищу работу, я не делаю проекты, я не социализируюсь, - потому что мне нужно дописать свои мысли в дневник, иначе я все забуду и упущу тот самый ответ на вопросы мироздания.
Прошло два года. Я предприняла важные шаги в жизни, но касающиеся только здоровья: вышла из депрессии, наладила отношения с едой, наладила связь с семьей. Стала ясно чувствовать и слышать себя. В жизни социальной поменялось практически ничего. И я поняла что осталась главная моя война - страх и перфекционизм. Я дотянула до момента когда я уже не считаюсь подростком, но социальных достижений у меня нет совсем, но начать их зарабатывать мне страшно и стыдно. А я так и не поняла кем хочу быть!
И вот сегодня Доктор зациклил и закончил мой квест в данный период жизни. Как в конце 21-го я его нашла с видео которое тогда было для меня экстренной помощью, - так и сейчас он пришел с тем, что я давно поняла, но не могла сформулировать. В русском ютубе такого не найти. И точно под его медитацию я закончила тот дневник. Единственная медитация которую я переписала полностью.
Я пишу это только от того что никогда прежде не испытывала такого облегчения что закрылось в душе что-то случайно ставшее важным.
Завершенный сюжетный квест на который ты истратил все золото, здоровье и свитки заклинаний. Я никогда не закрывала такие гештальты чувствуя себя спокойно от того, что ни на один вопрос не был дан ответ. Это и есть быть взрослым.
Что до моей жизни: иду еще раз учиться, в моей жизни есть йога и медитация, я чувствую вкус у пресной несоленой еды и перестала есть, чтобы не чувствовать. когда я осуждаю себя, я иду бегать. когда прокрастинирую - я заземляюсь. когда я не хочу скучать и слышать тишину я закрываю уши наушниками но не включаю музыку. Я нахожусь в гармонии с самой собой. Я знаю, что забочусь о себе всегда.
Thank you ❤ the story about the child on stage brought me to tears. I needed that 😊
funnily enough for over ayear now i watched your content being like "ooh this is helpful it might help me to feel better about my life" but for a few weeks now every single video you post responds precisely to every single issue i've had in every single detail..
I didn't expect the meditation part to work for me because meditation "never worked" before. But I felt myself start tearing up. I imagined myself in two - the logical, solid, wanting to accomplish something self and the weak, shadow-like emotional self, trying to protect me, drag me away from the thing I logically want or need to do, yelling out. Instead of going and getting up, I returned and just sat with it. And blended with it in the end with a hug.
I saw, no... felt, glimpses of my problems, of the things I've been avoiding, of the toxic relationship that has been weighing me down, and how I want to prove myself to them, but my emotions just want a break, the freedom to express and desire my own vitality, which has never been given, but yielded to everyone else.
I can now say meditation has worked at least once lol, but regardless, I feel like I accomplished something today that should, but doesn't, come naturally to so many of us - having that emotion. I just. Cried. Understood it. Stop trying to be in a hurry, that I must do something all of the time or I'm not accomplishing anything. Perhaps feeling like a failure in everything that I do.
This world needs help, and you're helping, doc. The world needs compassion. Not structures and logic and look-goods.
Even just a little bit at a time. A single flame is small but can light up hundreds more candles.
I think you genuinely enjoy what you do, and that's good. I have a little more hope tonight, I think.
Edit: reading some comments, seems the meditation really was a powerful thing that brought many to tears. Kind of amazing, really.
This reminds me of a story Joseph Goldstein tells where fear used to come over him during long meditations. Over and over, the fear would come back and he would “sit with it” and do whatever technique he could to get through it.
After years one day he had the thought “okay, I feel fear when I’m meditating, that’s fine” (or whatever) and at that moment the fear left never to return.
It’s a slippery thing to understand conceptually and even harder to see in real time, but trying to “accept away” a feeling is exactly the opposite of accepting it.
What I have found is if you can let go the “feeling about” the feelings, then you can accept the feelings that is there.
If you have addiction urges, the shame may hold it in place. If you were raised where “men don’t cry” you may feel ashamed of being afraid. If you are a “spiritual person” you may feel that being angry is “unenlightened”. Etc etc.
It has to “be okay” to feel like you do, and if it’s not that’s okay, you can just be okay with your inability to accept things. Honestly it matters little how you peel the onion. Just find what you CAN REALLY accept and start there. You might find that once the “feeing about” is accepted the whole thing seems to vanish with a chuckle.
I am saving this video for later. The meditation at the end seems super useful. I have not gone along with it, I merely watched you meditate, and even that made me feel better afterwards. I am definitely trying this out when such fear well up in me. Thank you for your amazing work.
Bro called me out with the meditation stuff. I know I’ve been running on logical through all my life to cope from emotional abuse and even physical but this year I’m starting to realize that I’m growing distant to people because that empathy is running dry. I don’t wanna be like my parents and I feel sad for my child self. I’ve been pushing my emotions down for others for so long. I couldn’t even have a tantrum or I would be treated like crap. I’m so damaged even now I feel shame for everything. I wanna be happy, I wanna trust people but the only way I could live in life was by fixing everything. I’m so uncomfortable with my flaws that I run away just like I do in relationships. I’m scared of myself and of hurting people. I’m living the prophecy of being a shitty person like my parents frame me to be.
if you re still there, just wanted to extended support through this comment. I hope that it finds you, and finds you well.
Perfect timing 💚 thank you so much!!
I guess I never realized I had analysis paralysis because of cognitive empathy. It's only until I went to the psychologist, did yoga therapy, wrote down my feelings, broke down crying out my pent up feelings, even continuously crying during yoga because some tension releasing in my body had been emotional baggage that I had held on a long time too. This shit finally made me lighter, in addition to praying 5 times a day etc.
I don't comment on videos often. All of those surface emotions and the analogy of playing whack-a-mole with a cognitive hammer describes the situation I'm dealing with quite well. I've gone through so many interventions with meds, psych, CBT, self-help, exercise, diet, (...) to try and "fix" myself and my emotions and be the perfect person and insulate myself from the world by building up resources, skills, a life, a career... (was a gifted student too...).
During the meditation, it culminated with the small inner voice saying that I'm doing all of this because I was never consistently loved as a child. I just want to feel that and its lack was the reason for all this energy and pain. First body blow. I tried to deny that and focus on the words, "Do the meditation right, that's why we're here... focus... think... there's a way out, we'll think of it!" My mind returned to the lack of love and my ongoing issues with my fiancé and the terror and pain caused by the distance between us physically and emotionally, the voice came again, "I want to be loved. I want to know what that feels like." Second body blow, and I thought, what does this small voice want? It hurts, I feel hurt, I feel sad, I feel unloved, unworthy of existing because I never got what I needed as a child, because my parents never showed me that love and existing don't come with a price tag. "I can try to be that person for myself, that's good enough," More resistance, focus on the meditation, we've got to solve it! We can solve this problem if we try hard enough!!-- And the pain broke through again, and it hurt so much I couldn't wall it off anymore and I sat there and held myself like that child I used to be was never held and told her, "You did so well. You did your best and you're still here." It hurt so much to just sit there and cry and hug myself, a small thing compared to a life of forced sprinting and sprinting on broken glass, trying to protect myself with a self-deception so strong. I didn't know that I was pretending I didn't feel anything this whole time.
I came back to the meditation when it felt right and that child finally felt heard and validated and held. If she is me and all of this is one continuance, I hope that my small actions can help to heal her in the past and in doing so, myself in the present. For now, I feel like something in me has become unified and I'm more capable in some way than I was before the small self-loving kind act. Thank you for helping me to arrive at this moment of self-compassion, Dr. K. I've needed it for so long.
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That meditation made me cry so much. I feel better now.
The fact of this content among many other videos, being emergent after years of chaos and during a relatively crucial period before upcoming person decision on direction of life, is almost making me superstitious and faithful, or at the very least very delighted and stunned by my luck.
Anyway i appreciate your existence and work, fucking love it, and you. I finally realized there is so much fear in me, the meditation part struck the sorrow out of me.
- Reflective listening: Hablar sobre lo que estas sintiendo honestamente "descomprime" la emoción, reduce la intensidad de la emoción y por ello la conducta que esta genera.
- Preguntarse de dónde viene la emoción.
No one has ever given me the vocabulary to describe what I’m struggling with. thank you!
I must say these Reddit post videos are so much better to watch than the interview videos
This was so meaningful. Thank you! So happy I found your channel!
Whew.. that hit me really hard during the meditation. I've meditated on and off for years yet that painful emotion welling up just showing compassion for myself is a first.
I’m the biggest hypocrite as a yoga instructor who “teaches” self compassion and mindfulness. These videos always hit hard, but this meditation was inspiring. Reading through the comments, we’re all so much alike yet feel incredibly alone. I dislike social media as a whole , but the comments in these videos is a nice reminder that we’re not alone in this madness. ❤ sending hugs to whomever needs them ❤️
So from this video, i learned to not FIX the emotion, but maybe decompress it, by talking about it perhaps. And accept that it happens
00:00 *🤔 Understanding Analysis Paralysis*
- Analysis paralysis hinders productivity by causing emotional restraint and avoidance of work.
02:19 *🧠 Cognition vs. Emotion-Based Strategies*
- Cognitive strategies focus on logical solutions and problem-solving.
- Emotions can be analyzed rather than truly embraced, leading to a search for cognitive solutions.
05:33 *🔄 Root Emotions and Coping Mechanisms*
- Coping behaviors like overeating and internet browsing are linked to subsurface emotions.
- Manifestations of negative emotions may result in a variety of surface emotions that mask the root emotion.
- Decreasing emotional energy through acceptance rather than solutions can help tackle analysis paralysis.
26:16 *🧠 Recognizing the rationale behind our actions*
- Start by identifying the rationale behind your actions
- Move deeper to understand the emotional consequences of avoiding a task
- Notice the interplay between thoughts and feelings
27:39 *🤯 Overcoming resistance and acknowledging emotions*
- Notice the rebellion and panic when trying to change your actions
- Acknowledge the emotions underlying your rationale
- Have compassion for yourself and the difficulties you face in handling emotions
30:01 *🌧 Embracing emotions and self-compassion*
- Allow emotions to wash through you without resistance
- Practice self-compassion and acknowledge the pain you're feeling
- Take deep breaths to release emotions and build inner strength
Dr K has good timing. I went into a rut months ago, I stopped going to my mma gym. Now I’m trying to go back but I got hella anxiety about it.
How's your progress so far?
@@leomontes4129 progress is going great! I’ve been going to the gym and training pretty consistently since my last comment. I feel like a billion bucks. Now I plan on fighting in amateurs.
@@zombieslaya780 Wow, that's an incredible shift on your mindset! Thank you for your reply!
I tried the meditation, I went through most of it. But the moment I tried to empathize with myself, I choked up and couldn't. I feel like I don't owe myself the kindness or patience that I give others. I'm only saying it because although this meditation didn't do what it was meant, I discovered something about myself that I couldn't have on my own.
Thank you Dr. K
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
This is the first video I have ever clicked on your channel, but DAMN, you kept me on the edge of my seat! I honestly got some realizations out of this; thank you!
Not easy to "observe and accept your emotions" when you've been completely disconnected from them for over a decade. This protects me against emotion-based attacks, but also makes me immune to emotion-based buffs and heals. I have a really unbalanced character build. My cognitive-analysis powers are OP, which works well against many things, but I'm pretty hopeless against any Worldboss with a cognitive-analysis resistance. I've been taking DOT and not able to fight back for a long time now.
you just explained exactly how im feeling 😂
I'm a survivor of CSA and i grew up as The Weird One everywhere i went. Self analysis was the only way I survived, but my emotions get overwhelming at the best and worst of times. I'm in the process of accepting my inner turmoil that i bottled up for my whole life now-- and I found you at just the right time.
I'll try some of these techniques and see if they help me in this process
A few days ago I literally wrote in my journal how im always stuck in my head, then this video popped up
Man the meditation at the end was amazing you really brought me back to just feeling my emotions again and not trying to fix them. I almost cried wanting to let out thank you Dr. K I can
Is it normal that I started to cry after this video?
Yo. This helped a lot. I have a ton of problems that I solved and something was missing all the time. Emotion was missing, I didn't even realise I was avoiding emotions. Imma try to not kill my emotions anymore, thank you!
This content is life-changing
This has opened my eyes to understanding emotions better. I've gotten over negative emotions by digesting them, but never really understood that's what I was doing. Now that I understand it's better to be less cognitive about it, hopefully I can help others
Bruh the timing and the title made me sob :(
I've been struggling with this problem for a long time, i'm so glad you posted this video
This is a certified ADD moment
This was very helpful.
My folks recently split amongst some other really challenging things this year and I’ve been trying and focusing so hard on reacting to it and handling it “the right way” that I have neglected to actually feel it.
I can't even start the meditation because it's too painful
Wow, the part with imaging a safe space and putting faith in one self and imagining a loving and caring wall that I can stand by and decide when I want to go in something new, where iam not so sure of my self. Wooow! Needed this. Big thanks.
DR. K - "Emotional Work is not about solutions"
.....
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
Thank you for the meditation. It made me realize, i haven't reached deep down in years, in the deep darkness i feared. This single follow up helped to release like 15%, of my anxiety, i had in me. Still got to work on, but that's a start.