This is 100% me. Trauma over trauma over trauma. I pick my skin, and when my acne was really bad as a teenager I looked „horrible“. And then my family started being disgusted by my skin, which was very hurtful. I feel so much pain in me.
I thought I was the only one and I remember I told my parents they need to get me accutane but then there were reports of people getting suicidal from it and then one day the dermatologist finally gave me something that worked... skin problems aren't necessarily that big of a deal for an adult but as a teen i was mortified
When your traumas are denied, when anger is not allowed, when you have to just be happy and a good girl… my picked skin was a body language of me screaming
I didn’t realize how much I picked at myself until I met my husband. He would stop me and say, please don’t pick at your skin! And I would realize just how difficult it was for me to stop the compulsion. I’m much much better at leaving my skin/eyebrows etc alone now thanks to him.
Man, can i just say how much i'm glad i found this channel? Damn near every video is so insightful and thoughtful, while feeling sincere and... human. That's what i like the most about them. How human these videos are. So stay cool, and to anyone reading, a good day and luck on your journey
Yup, I was picking my skin compulsively throughout my teens and twenties, it was the worst in high school and early 20s while living at home, my parents were narcissists who were a mix of abusive and neglectful, I also struggled with bullying in the first roughly 15 to 17 years of my life, had no real friends etc, I was severely depressed too, and I would basically pick at my skin until I bled, and was totally oblivious to the fact that it was self-harm until I randomly came across an article on self harm in my early 20s that spoke of dermatillomania . I am now in my 30s and I still have the unfortunate tendency to pick, it's directly proportional to the level of stress in my life, but t's far less pronounced than it was when I lived with my parents. I noticed I almost never pick when I am travelling, especially in nature. But I still have scars and I try to forgive myself for them.
You are right to say that you see self harm in traumatized animals. No animal shows this better than the Macaque Monkey. Clear specific abuse of baby long tail and pigtail South Asian Macaques always results in specific forms of self abuse, almost identical to the behaviors humans have when forced to endure trauma as children.
I can't say for sure why I had severe trichotillomania for 30 years or why others do but through my insights in Vipassana meditation which is what got me over it by the way, I feel that it was a deep shame about not being 'good enough', wrapped up in religious guilt and perfectionism that caused so me overwhelming anxiety almost all of the time. My message is that it is possible to overcome it but it needs to start from a place of deep acceptance and compassion for the self. My heart goes out to all who suffer in this way. Thank you Daniel for acknowledging this and recognising there are deeper issues at hand than just a cognitive disorder medication can alleviate.
Psychiatric guidelines also have a narrow definition of trauma. From experience I can say "Criterion A" violent trauma isn't always worse than psychological trauma.
Well, regarding psychiatry, i'm in a very tricky situation I feel very... helpless to change anything, and while before it resulted in anger, now on some level, some psychology related things trigger me, but its... very weird. It's like i've lost all of my fighting spirit. And the time it started lines up suspiciously perfectly with the time i started taking my prescribed anti-depressants... And also the day before i had what was essentially adult trauma, as adult as 17 is anyway. So i don't understand what exactly is causing that. Maybe it's a totally different thing. Maybe it was all just a straw that broke the camel's back, since so much shit happened to me this year. I'm thinking about it Well, if you've read up until this far, thanks for listening to my rant. Have a good day
I am reading your books, and crying a lot, it heals me to know that it was wrong what happened.. everybody around me accepted the abuse and minimized it. I was right in going no contact, and now that i read you and see you here, i wish i did sooner. Thank you for opening up your heart to us. I bited my nails since forever, and i had a friend that used to cut herself, she told me when she did it, the physical pain she can control, but the sadness its too much, like an animal eaten by a lion that its body creates adrenaline or dopamine so he wont suffer.. maybe the physical pain does something in our brain and acts like smoking weed, I remember i was terribly dissociated and used to hurt myself to come back to reality and feel a little. Sometimes life seemed like a movie to me, and somebody else was there not me. I dont know if i am making sense.. I used to think I was hyperactive, I just have deepply traumatized parents. Your books are a safeboat for me. Thank you, I hope we find peace and a place to feel really at home. Shanah tova from Israel. Please keep going, I need you
First, which books of Daniel's did you read? I only read "breaking from your parents" which indeed as intense as you've described. Second, i'm also from israel. What a small world...
Hey Daniel, You may not read this but I hope you don’t stop putting your work out there. You won’t believe how many similarities I have with these stories. From being mugged to having similar parents. I often watch them at the right time. When I’m healing from a past trauma, or had a realization. I started journaling because in a video you mentioned you had 10,000+ entries, that’s pretty cool. Also, I just saw a video yesterday about healing (being a therapist) to our parents. I can’t exaggerate that I said the same thing last night in my journal. That I lost myself every-time I tried to “open their eyes”. It’s so obvious… how do they not see it? How do their choices go unchecked, when I as a kid had one choice and that was to “give them love so it trickles back down to me”. I just want to say, thank you. I love myself more than anyone, and now when I cry (which I gave myself permission) I hug myself - because that was not given to me as a child. I thank you specifically in sharing your stories and insight, it is immensely helpful. Cheers!
the supplement NAC (perhaps taken with glycine or collagen) or other ways of boosting glutathione/reducing oxidative stress, avoiding assorted toxic inputs like artificial flavours, food dyes, alcohol, can help with OCD, self-soothing behaviours, etc. But of course trauma raises the overall burden of stress in susceptible individuals and it has many potential behavioural expressions.
I wish I had a male friend like you. A person of ascended consciousness to just vibe with. Your mind and personality are full of authenticity and connectedness to the real. Perhaps others like you exist- but your process even in video form is a rare and beautiful thing to behold to which most people do not allow access even if they are like you inside, which is probably also rare. Thank you for sharing your inner treasure. May you experience great peace and a wonderful life in every way that matters to you. 🌈✌🏽
Without interactive stimulus and perceived meaning, sentient organisms lose hope and faith -- learned helplessness is insidious, a danger we all face in this society that plays pretend.
Thank you for covering this subject, Daniel. As someone who suffered OCD (before it even had a fancy name) as a kid in the 70s, I have gone through periods of mainly mild dermatillomania on and off - although again I didn't know the name. It still comes and goes in cycles. If it was a physical disease you might even say it flares up. And there's a sort of tail-chasing side to it. Once you pick the skin and break it, this leaves ragged edges that become harder to leave alone. And of course it's very frustrating to have healed over completely only then some weeks later to open up a wound again, but I guess that's better than never healing at all. Anyway, I do agree with everything you said. It almost certainly goes back to childhood trauma. And like you, I have also seen the same thing happen with dogs. I think the important thing is not to get angry with yourself. That intensifies the feelings. Incidentally, the OCD I suffered has mostly gone away of its own accord. Perhaps this came as a displacement activity - thankfully it is not as debilitating.
Hey I’m the same, struggled with OCD for the better part of the past decade, but reaching a point of healing where I think I can put that behind me soon (I’m not quite ready to say I’m healed). I was playing around with the idea of my skin picking being a compulsion recently and I think in many ways this video validated that for me. I was thinking of the feeling I get, and it’s really about “fixing” a piece of skin which isn’t smooth, so I pick and pick and pick. I have seborrheic dermatitis on my face so that’s a classic place to pick. Also in my hair sometimes. When I think of my trauma and how my family convinced me that I’m a problem to fix it seems so obvious. It’s never a conscious thing with me… but it’s really interesting to see, maybe it’s on a subconscious level even though I don’t really like chalking things up to something out of my control and awareness. Anyhow thanks for covering this topic and thanks @jamesboswell9324 for helping me not feel alone with the skin picking and OCD :)
Same here, I had severe OCD from age 8 until my early 20s, when it started to fade away gradually. It began when my family emigrated to the US and I had to start school in a new country. I also was a nail biter from age 5 until it stopped when I got married at 26. I believe my nail biting began when I would hear my parent arguing and threatening divorce, I just remembered feeling very unsafe and unsure of what will happen.The skin picking began in my teen years and has lasted 20 years so far. I have read that people with skin picking have less PTSD symptoms, so it could be a tactic/habit we use to regulate our emotions. During picking episodes I am often disassociating and processing emotions,.it's as if I go somewhere else mentally. I am hoping that one day the skin picking can go away for good or maybe it will need to be displaced by another behavior. I am at this point even thinking of the picking behavior as an addiction because it mirrors the addictive process if you look into it and compare the two. There are behavioral/process addictions and this seems to feel that way for me. I understand that there is an AA group for skin pickers online with weekly zoom meeting, you can find it by searching up obsessive skin pickers anonymous.
Cuticle-picking, scab-picking, pimple-popping, dandruff-picking, digging inward into my nails or toes...whatever I can reach with my fingernails, I have done so throughout my life. Never did get into nail-biting, though.
I literally feel like the worst. I pick my fingers but the worst is my FEET, and my nose....I don't eat it I just pick and my nose bleeds everyday and I wake up and my nose is full of scabs.
I suffer from this. Have to wear a scarf to cover it up in public, or a hat. Your explanation is so spot on. Thank you for explaining it so rawly. Makes me feel deeply understood. Yes, indeed I had a childhood trauma. My father wanted me aborted and was very turbulent. I believe children feel their parents emotions and intentions already in the womb. And then he never hugged me (never regulated my nervous system naturally by holding me which is what babies need). My trichotillomania developed abut seven years ago at a time of big stres. Since then I cannot stop. Well, for a while I stopped but feel I have a lot of something unresolved within myself, feel stressed with no obvious reason often and just pull my hair out with roots one by one and it brings me relief and even a bit of pleasure when I look at a pulled out root. I also suffer from OCD which torments me often and that I remember started in childhood. I heard people who have trichotillomania often also have OCD. I agree with your video about OCD too. I follow your channel for quite some time and enjoy it a lot.
Honestly watching this video clip made me tear up. Just knowing I am not dealing with this alone and how it is a challenging habit to overcome. I hope one day I would find a way around it. Because the whole video also resonates with my past and present. I'm sure a lot of people in the comments section can relate as well...
Daniel, you are amazing! I have suffered from dermatillomania for most of my life, and as a child, I also bit and picked at my nails terribly. I didn't discover my trauma until I turned 51 (7 years ago). My father sexually assaulted me repeatedly when I was a girl. It still blows my mind that I could keep this fact from myself for so long. I appreciate your video on this topic of hair pulling and skin picking. It is helpful to know that this is linked to my trauma. Control is a huge issue for me. You are doing great work through your videos, and they are really well done. Thanks so much for what you do for trauma survivors.
I noticed my eyebrow rubbing and plugging, started when my granfather with untreated dementia moved to my house, after my grandma died. Was 16, still have it, and can manage it by keeping stress low and avoid spiraling into anxiety. As a child I had more "inappropriate" ways of rubbing to relieve stress and got shamed for it, which stunded my growth as a late-teen. Very interesting video!
Hi Daniel, thanks for sharing. It’s a pity you aren’t a therapist now. We have too many therapists who collude with the harmful field of psychiatry and big pharma… Just a suggestion, would you be able to upload these videos onto Spotify? I don’t wish to spend too much time on TH-cam… tks :) I’ve subscribed.
Very rarely do I watch any videos of this nature. Its just to painful, but in this case, I'm glad I stayed. I was actually picking when I came across this and had literally no idea why I might be doing it. Thanks
Very true In my teenage years I went through severe emotional abuse by adults of my family.....that filled me with huge amounts of anxiety....and then to relieve that I would pick my scalp and then even my face... I still continue to do that....and going back and forth on my head and face has resulted into acne and several permanent scars....cuz I'll pick them even before they'll heal....
Hey Daniel this is related to your channel in gene real but I decided to comment on ur recent vid in case you see it. Your videos were what I was watching intensely before spiritual videos popped up on my feed. Before, spiritualism would go over my head and I cannot thank you enough for explaining trauma in a straight forward way so that I could relate it to spiritualism (in a nutshell we are not our past but the present moment and unprocessed trauma keeps us from our full magical potential) THANK YOU FOR CHANGING MY LIFE FOREVER
This makes SO MUCH SENSE!!! I’ve been skin picking since my teens & have tried various methods to stop! Cutting my nails, wearing gloves at home and other behavioral changes recommended in my research. I would keep track of how many days I could go without this “bad habit,” even hoping at 1 point if I could just make it to 21 days without picking I’d be cured! Of course none of these measures ever worked for long or caused any permanent change..I’m 40 & still picking. Sadly, my picking has worsened as of late, but now it makes sense why & also why those behavioral changes never resulted in long lasting change or breaking of this “bad habit.” Now I can give myself grace to know that I’m not a failure or incapable of overcoming this coping mechanism that’s been plaguing me for almost all my life. I’m so grateful to have found your channel earlier this week & have been binging videos since! Your insight & expertise has been invaluable! From 1 NY’er to another..thank you so very much! ❤🗽
Absolutely agree about the auto immune disease as reaction to trauma. A friend told me that she observed her sister's toddler child developing auto immune disease while at the same time repeating the same or similar traumatic behaviour of their own parents. Regarding cancer, it could be one of the reasons but not all cases. We have so many carcinogenic sources in the world, like various pollutions, that it can't be all resting on internal (emotional) sources. Though probably being traumatized doesn't help.
Agree. Daniel has discussed a similar concept. Couple videos I can think of are the ulcerative colitis video, and People who refuse to take care of their health.
This comes to me as I've got 3 little sores on my scalp from pulling my hair out. And then I've dug my nails into each wound a few times over. I was doing this as early as 8 yrs old (I found a bunch of strands of my own hair in between pages of my diary from when I was in 2nd-3rd grade ). I never actually knew I was doing it until I was 12. My best friend sat next to me in a class I zoned out often, and she asked me what I'm doing. I looked down at my textbook: there were at least a half dozen strands of hair i pulled out and abandoned in the margin of that book without noticing that I was doing this in school... I'm 34 now. I'll go many months without doing this, then it gets bad again. Sometimes it's bad for a year or more. Sometimes it's right near my hairline, on the right side of my head. But most often it's near the crown / back of my head. And the best way I can describe it is, it's like there is a hair follicle under my skin screaming for me... It's like it wants scooped out of my scalp lol, and I wish I had a better way to describe it. Cuz it's something somewhat like, yet far past, having an itch. So I grab a little section of hair and tug at it gently until I can tell easier which one it is. I pull it up toward my face / fromt side. And then I tug & divide it until I find a few close togehter strands to test out, via more gentle tugs. And then pull at each hair within that tiny zone until I figure out which one it is. And then I pluck it out. So if it was the right one this feeling stops for a little while. Not very long tho. If I try to ignore it & don't touch my head, I can't do much else. And eventually I end up getting overwhelming anxiety cuz I can't think about anything else, and then I'm freaking out about every little thing. So I feel like I need to pull to keep going, until I get another chance to pull again. At best, pulling takes up hours of every day- and not pulling takes all of the day, and drives me crazy. At its worst, this feeling hits when my hair moves around even a little from gentle brushing or styling. If it is in a ponytail & it gets tighter in the wrong place, I can start to feel that sensation at the other spots that haven't been triggered by direct sensory stimulation. I have had to get special hair cuts to incorporate regrowth.... after the scabs heal up, of course. I've put tea tree on it to help infections. Alcohol too, if it gets way, way out if control. The burning feeling is really quite satisfying the first couple times. Things I've done that worked to keep me from doing it without going totally nuts, from least recommended/helpful to most: 1. Rx Klonopin... it stopped the whole time I was on it. I didn't get this sensation for years. But the side effects scared me, & i had to stop taking benzos well before they became difficult to prescribe in my state. It had to be Klonopin too, others that are supposed to be like it didnt help me with this. 2. Manicure with much longer fake nails than I've ever naturally grown. Makes it too hard to grab sections and hairs. As long as i can't chew them off in less than a week, it passes with minimal damage. But i can't often do this now that I'm the sole caregiver for my disabled 6 yr old. I am too afraid I'll scratch him up, or not be able to keep him as safe with 10 little sharp obstacles on my hands all the time. 3. Protective hairstyles involving tiny braids that tie the first several inches of my hair to my head! I started doing this in the early 2000s, after my friends came back from vacation with their hair this way... I haven't done it much in the last few years tho. I didn't realize this was hurting bipoc, to see me as a white woman in public with my hair styled in a way like those they've been discriminated against in their professional and personal pursuits 😢 And the handful of times wise-asses made racist types of comments to me about my hair, it is NOTHING compared to everything that's been said of/to black women around me, & to all they've lost just for using these techniques to protect their hair in another world of ways. I don't want to hurt anyone or trigger rough things inside someone else if i don't absolutely need to. My mental health and sanity are not more important than other people's. So I only choose this if I know I'm not going to be out much for the next few weeks, & i get it done in a way that leaves the length mostly loose. That way, I can plop a hat or scarf on my head & nobody really sees that my hair is tightly tied to my scalp at all. This has been a little less effective, less braid to unwind means easier access to pull at spots. Less hairstylist time used, so less money is spent doing it- but that means there is less of my own human broke-ness yelling from another corner of my mind about how I paid too much for this to mess it up so fast lol. but it is better than nothing... Probably what I will do when i get the chance to heal up a bit. I really don't like bringing the raw wounds to my friend who helps with this. She understands and has been amazingly supportive about this. It's just that i wanna be less gross when she has to stand over my head for hours, touching it.
I feel sorry for everyone in this comment section who went through similar traumatic experiences. I pray that all will overcome the trauma and live a peaceful life. Thanks Daniel for giving us insight on the cause of this behaviour. It helped to understand myself and my true inner feelings🙏🤍
I used to be overjoyed every time I found that anybody knew what these conditions were at all, after living for years not telling anybody about them, and then having people act like it "wasn't real". But I always knew deep down exactly what it was, why it happened. I've seen people argue about whether or not it's self harm, as if they are afraid of being associated with self harm. I've seen people claim that they only had loving upbringings, only to realize many ways in which they were wronged later on. Used to follow trich groups for many years (they're really toxic compared to derma groups, everyone who's witnessed both knows this fact), but had to stop reading them because the constant reminders and new ideas for how to pull were only making me worse. I remember telling a therapist that as long as I was pulling, I "knew what I was doing", and she didn't get what I meant no matter how hard I tried to explain it. I'm glad I don't strive to make sure everyone understands me completely anymore, because man that was a waste of energy.
I used to spend lengths of time standing in front of a mirror pulling out the kinky hairs off my head and worry I was losing so much hair. I definitely rely had a traumatic childhood and also was raised in a religious cult. I’m 52 and still pick my longer, wirey eyebrow hairs. Sometimes I run them through my lips to feel the kinks. I was an emotional mess growing up.
when I was a small child my parents divorced and in response my mom oded twice...trying to kill herself. I think I was in first grade. My sister two years older told me that we have to hide all the sharp knifes. So there we were..two little kids hiding the knives. My mom recovered and became the best granma ever...we got very close before she died at 91. I'm so thankful for my mom.
Whoa. Listening to you I just realized how my OCD was directly related to my childhood trauma. It's so f@#$ing obvious looking back at it now. I can't believe people didn't see it back then!
I have had a troubled upbringing with emotionally and physically abusive parents I noticed when I started healing from my past I would have very bad inflammation issues and outbreaks in my skin and body
Came across your other videos and it's so nice to see you cover this topic! Even official treatment guidelines treat this as a 'bad habit' and ignore the underlying reasons it exists
At some point I want to turn the scars on my arms into a tattoo of a constellation. Just an attempt to reclaim this part of myself and what this all leans to me and my own process of healing. These scars are apart of us and we must learn to love and cherish them. Thank you for helping me see that Daniel.
Im so grateful that you speak and that i get to hear it! I had it really severe when i was younger and its nice to hear your perspective. Thanks for being you. I hope you stay well
Thanks... I've been trying to stop skin and hair-plucking my eyebrows for the past 13 years... I started at 12 and I've never gone a day without since. I've never been able to understand why exactly, other than "I like the feeling". I do suspect I must have burried trauma due to other thoughts and behaviors of mine, but I still can't figure it out. At least this feels validating.
Hi Daniel, I just wanted to say thank you for the work that you do, as I happened to have stumbled across your channel within the last six to nine months, and I'm glad that I did. A lot of the videos that you post on here have helped me get a better understanding of trauma, healing, and myself, to name a few things. The ways in which you speak on any given subject has such a caring and compassionate undertone, which I, and I imagine other viewers, appreciate and it helps make content easier to understand.
Daniel, I was looking for this information for so long. I'm teaching behavioral sciences at a medical school and I'm looking for explanations of obsessive compulsive behaviors. I'm so grateful for you.
Daniel's points are excellent. I've also learned that picking is related to cutting. It is also an adverse effect of SSRIs and probably other psych drugs. Mania is a well documented adverse effect of SSRIs and is not "unmasked bipolar" as pharma tries to convince people. I used to sell Depakote and the lies I believed and propagated are soul crushing. SSRIs are dissociative, but used for trauma which further buries the trauma. 😞
When I was 12 i started plucking my hair because of the stress of being too shy to socialise, which I internalised as me being unworthy of friends. My parents never really asked about it until one day when they started almost shouting at me about this "habit" and how irresponsible it was and how sad it was making them all this time, even though there was absolute no warning for any of this and absolutely no empathy towards the fact that I might have a reason for doing that. 11 years later I still do it, but now i cut my hair because the effect is much less visible. And I started skin picking 3 years ago. All they ever say about those is that they make me ugly and sadden them. They use these expressions of my emotional discomfort as tools to further alienate me and act like I'm crazy and like my emotions are just too many and unreasonable. Situations like these really force you to either face the fact that your parents can be fully wrong in how they treat you because if you don't, you'll keep hating yourself.
I tore apart the soles of my feet as a teen. As an adult, I started picking at my head. Finally I started picking and savagely scratching up my forearms, which were hard to hide since I can't tolerate long sleeves. Interestingly this coincided with me finally not being able to hide my trauma anymore. I needed it seen, acknowledged, treated, and healed. I'm also autistic and repetitive behaviors/stimming are often hard to stop when I'm upset or anxious. Thank you for your videos.
Oh. And now as an adult I bite myself when stressed. How strange .. for this one I have a spiritual belief behind it. Because I also affectionally bite but still.. how sad.
ive never thought about this before, but ive been doing this a lot throughout my life and it used to be really bad, but now its something i do out of habit once in a while. my cuticles specifically, too. I havent made them bleed in over 10 years thankfully, but this was a great video for me
Thank you for everything you do ! 🙂 I can imagine making these videos and being vulnerable to strangers isn't easy. Your work is really helpful ! Thank you ! All the best from Germany ! 👋✌
Great topic and break down of the elements of it. There are medications that have these listed as less common "side" effects (should be just called effects) so clearly there is some kind of neuro- chemistry involved as well. I still (@ 57) have compulsive picking, mouth chewing, autophagy of dead skin cut off of my feet, and rubbing skin until it bleeds and forms scabs. I think it is always closely related to when i want to resort to bulimic purging and choose not to. I will say this, most of the time now i am checking to see my body can still heal. Touching the flat scars makes me feel soothed.
Thank you for talking about this. My mother used to shame me so much when I was adolescent because of my skin picking and acne. She told me my acne was a consequence of not controlling my picking. She told me yelling that she wanted to put something spicy on my fingers to stop it because I was so ugly.
Interesting. Never thought of that. I've done both in past and have also experienced some childhood trauma but in my case the picking was more because it used to bother me to see or feel any sort of bump or imperfection on my scalp or face. I would either pluck the hair coming out of it or around and/or squeeze any bump or pore I thought didn't look right which would then lead to more damage, followed by regret and low esteem. I no longer do that although once in awhile I'm tempted to pick a pimple or two but I have found ways to prevent me from doing it or to fix the damage quicker.
very grateful for your videos! ps: don't send your kids to preschool, everyone...don't ask why, just highly highly recommend you keep them far far away from such places (jokes, lol- ok not really, but yeah)
Oh my God! I was a cuticle picker also! Haven't really known anyone with this coping mechanism. It can be very soothing if you know how to pick. Of course once the area begins to bleed it just hurts. I haven't picked at all in about the last 5-7 years though.
Hi, would you consider making a video on what are good reasons to have children? I watched your video on why one should not and it was very thorough. Now I’m wondering what are the acceptable reasons.
Mmmm, for the record, I agree with you in that treatment, for trauma also, needs to be person centred and tailored, because, while trauma awareness based CBT does help (with PTSD and OCD mainly) when it comes to any self harming behaviour (and what do we classify as such!?) then DBT could be a better option, but, most of all... A genuine concern, expressed in consideration, respect, and a listening ear, humanity and even a friendly attitude could actually help more. Thank you, Daniel ❤🙏
Dear Daniel. Thank you for your service to humanity through these immensely insightful and helpful videos. And to all my wonderful brothers and sisters - keep healing, growing and become islands of safety so others may become more aware and heal. The future of mankind does not have to be one of endless destruction. Much love and peace to all. :-)
Hi Daniel, could you please make some deep dive videos on Borderline personality (or the patterns that characterize it) ? I know you don’t agree with the idea of BPD but I guess the question really goes at wanting to know more about how and which kinds of trauma and childhood molding/reactions lead to “BPD” and how to heal from this
Trigger warning I gonna talk about self harm. Please don't read it if you are not well yourself. I have in my teens tried self harm but I didn't want visible scars. I'd bite my arm really hard. Then later on in life I've gotten tattoos when emotional pain was bothering me the most. Some physical pain brought me some relief. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us as always!
I pulled out strands of hair that felt coarse - I didn’t do it often as kid or adult but realized it happened when my Candida levels too high. I changed diet and stopped hair pulling. If I do it now I’m totally aware of - hey what’s stressing/stressed me out and what have I eaten from stressed state that my body can’t process well/creates Candida levels too high. Then it goes away.
Yes, I had CPTSD from childhood trauma from the time I was in first grade.I bit my nails so low they would bleed. Now, as an adult, and I randomly tweeze the hair on my upper lip & eyebrows just about every night. I also pick out flakey skin on my face from dermatitis. The tweezing & picking @ my skin has mostly started recently in my adult life. It calms me and keeps my mind off my racing, or worried thoughts.
My dad was very abusive when i was little and i started to pluck and eat my hair and i would have bald spots in my eyebrows and scalp and if i dont do it my skin feels like its burning so i have to do it
4:37 to me, the modern reason seems very simple: because it looks too strange to others. Repetitive motions make you, “look like a mental patient,” or “look stupid” while common harmful picking actions do not until they reach a high severity. Traumatized animals will try to hold themselves and distract themselves with tactile stimulus first before resorting to self-injurious actions, but many humans don’t get to do that because we stigmatized it as completely cracked and dangerous to indulge, even when you’re alone, which is backwards. Leaves stressed people with no choice.
I have no hair on the sides where my hair frame is... I twirl them till they burn and break away... Sometimes I don't even notice my hands are there.. I'm 33 and do that since I was 7. It looks ugly and makes me feel dumb and embarrassed.
I have eczema so I’ll itch sometimes for no reason but didn’t know this thank you doctor. I do believe and have learned that trauma can shut the body down and recovering from that can be painful
This video upset my daughter and she left the room telling me that everything is fine and she's all good now. And she won't go to therapy because she's been.
One of the gut-punch realizations I’ve had was that the “quirks” I showed as a little kid entering school were expressions of distress which were never soothed. I’ve always bitten my lips and when I was a kid I have vivid memories of doing it until I bled. Then I switched to the inside of my mouth in middle school. Now I’ve stopped that and I only bite one spot on my lips anymore, but I pick my skin, especially my face. I’ve been trying to finally beat it and I’ve been slathering on chapstick and flirting with covering up my mirrors. It’s really…defeating.
I do this with my hair, I did have a disfuctional childhood. My father had alcoholic behavior and was agressive, my mom was very weak, not self financial able to go. My father passed when I was 18 by shot from gun, someone did, we never really found out why. After this a became responsble for provide finance at home, me and my brother. My mom never worked. I even have chance to chose what I would like to be, or do for liveng, ever did what was available to do. As a woman I never found someone decent to live, and when I suppose to find, after almost 10years together he leave me, after massives occasions of toxic behavior with me, at the end it was a good riddance. But yes I survived to a poor childhood, a poor marriage, but we never be a normal person after all, I'm not happy in my work, or my life, still do this on my hair, as Toc. All this things has to be releated.
This was one of my coping strategies for many years. Regarding CBT, those therapists think that if they give some coping techniques without even once asking about history it will be enought.
I would love to know your opinion on children who are in therapy not because of their parents or home issues but is bullied in school for example, so parents seek to give support for them in that way in addition to their own support. Can that be an exception? To just want to make sure your child’s psychology/subconscious is nurtured and lessen the harm as much as possible?
I donr pull out my hair, but for the last year and a half when im sitting and thinking i pull at my bangs. It soothes me but when im really stressed i do it a lot.
This is 100% me. Trauma over trauma over trauma. I pick my skin, and when my acne was really bad as a teenager I looked „horrible“. And then my family started being disgusted by my skin, which was very hurtful. I feel so much pain in me.
Sorry you had to go through that, particularly at such a vulnerable time in your life. You look great! Keep healing - you are worth it. 😇 Peace.
@@patrickpoulsen1 thank you for your kind words
I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Hope you'll feel better soon. :)
@@anna.augustinova sorry to hear you faced that pain. I hope u have healed. I also am a compulsive skin picker and i had the worst trauma in childhood
I thought I was the only one and I remember I told my parents they need to get me accutane but then there were reports of people getting suicidal from it and then one day the dermatologist finally gave me something that worked... skin problems aren't necessarily that big of a deal for an adult but as a teen i was mortified
When your traumas are denied, when anger is not allowed, when you have to just be happy and a good girl… my picked skin was a body language of me screaming
Powerfully articulated 🩵🩵🩵💔
I wasn’t allowed to be angry either
Ah, this resonates with me too
Thanks for sharing this. Same here.
Wow never thought of it that
I didn’t realize how much I picked at myself until I met my husband. He would stop me and say, please don’t pick at your skin! And I would realize just how difficult it was for me to stop the compulsion. I’m much much better at leaving my skin/eyebrows etc alone now thanks to him.
I’m a highly sensitive person and realized I pick my skin to regulate my nervous system.
Man, can i just say how much i'm glad i found this channel? Damn near every video is so insightful and thoughtful, while feeling sincere and... human. That's what i like the most about them. How human these videos are. So stay cool, and to anyone reading, a good day and luck on your journey
Thank You, same thing back to you buddy
yes!!
Yup 😊
💚
Yup, I was picking my skin compulsively throughout my teens and twenties, it was the worst in high school and early 20s while living at home, my parents were narcissists who were a mix of abusive and neglectful, I also struggled with bullying in the first roughly 15 to 17 years of my life, had no real friends etc, I was severely depressed too, and I would basically pick at my skin until I bled, and was totally oblivious to the fact that it was self-harm until I randomly came across an article on self harm in my early 20s that spoke of dermatillomania . I am now in my 30s and I still have the unfortunate tendency to pick, it's directly proportional to the level of stress in my life, but t's far less pronounced than it was when I lived with my parents. I noticed I almost never pick when I am travelling, especially in nature. But I still have scars and I try to forgive myself for them.
❤️
💗 Twinsies 🌌💖💫
Great that you are getting better. Maybe check out Jay Reid's youtube channel.
Does scratching dandruff count as dermatillomania if it never bleeds?
❤❤❤ no words, just hear you. You’re not alone, thanks for reminding me I’m not. We can forgive ourselves, you’re right
You are right to say that you see self harm in traumatized animals. No animal shows this better than the Macaque Monkey. Clear specific abuse of baby long tail and pigtail South Asian Macaques always results in specific forms of self abuse, almost identical to the behaviors humans have when forced to endure trauma as children.
I can't say for sure why I had severe trichotillomania for 30 years or why others do but through my insights in Vipassana meditation which is what got me over it by the way, I feel that it was a deep shame about not being 'good enough', wrapped up in religious guilt and perfectionism that caused so me overwhelming anxiety almost all of the time. My message is that it is possible to overcome it but it needs to start from a place of deep acceptance and compassion for the self. My heart goes out to all who suffer in this way. Thank you Daniel for acknowledging this and recognising there are deeper issues at hand than just a cognitive disorder medication can alleviate.
Psychiatric guidelines also have a narrow definition of trauma. From experience I can say "Criterion A" violent trauma isn't always worse than psychological trauma.
In my opinion, they just chuck all mental health diagnoses to chemical imbalances in order to justify their “science” and prescribing.
@@Ark-ys2up I have found this to be true myself. It also tends to be way more constant and chronic.
Well, regarding psychiatry, i'm in a very tricky situation
I feel very... helpless to change anything, and while before it resulted in anger, now on some level, some psychology related things trigger me, but its... very weird. It's like i've lost all of my fighting spirit. And the time it started lines up suspiciously perfectly with the time i started taking my prescribed anti-depressants... And also the day before i had what was essentially adult trauma, as adult as 17 is anyway. So i don't understand what exactly is causing that. Maybe it's a totally different thing. Maybe it was all just a straw that broke the camel's back, since so much shit happened to me this year. I'm thinking about it
Well, if you've read up until this far, thanks for listening to my rant. Have a good day
@@balsamon69 How old are you now?
Yesss I say the opposite! The worst forms of trauma are the forms that are not even acknowledged 🤯
I am reading your books, and crying a lot, it heals me to know that it was wrong what happened.. everybody around me accepted the abuse and minimized it. I was right in going no contact, and now that i read you and see you here, i wish i did sooner. Thank you for opening up your heart to us.
I bited my nails since forever, and i had a friend that used to cut herself, she told me when she did it, the physical pain she can control, but the sadness its too much, like an animal eaten by a lion that its body creates adrenaline or dopamine so he wont suffer.. maybe the physical pain does something in our brain and acts like smoking weed, I remember i was terribly dissociated and used to hurt myself to come back to reality and feel a little. Sometimes life seemed like a movie to me, and somebody else was there not me. I dont know if i am making sense.. I used to think I was hyperactive, I just have deepply traumatized parents. Your books are a safeboat for me. Thank you, I hope we find peace and a place to feel really at home.
Shanah tova from Israel. Please keep going, I need you
First, which books of Daniel's did you read? I only read "breaking from your parents" which indeed as intense as you've described.
Second, i'm also from israel. What a small world...
I have this one and toward truth, which I love very much. nice to meet you hre, I wish you well@@RKTGX95
Hey Daniel,
You may not read this but I hope you don’t stop putting your work out there. You won’t believe how many similarities I have with these stories. From being mugged to having similar parents. I often watch them at the right time. When I’m healing from a past trauma, or had a realization. I started journaling because in a video you mentioned you had 10,000+ entries, that’s pretty cool. Also, I just saw a video yesterday about healing (being a therapist) to our parents. I can’t exaggerate that I said the same thing last night in my journal. That I lost myself every-time I tried to “open their eyes”. It’s so obvious… how do they not see it? How do their choices go unchecked, when I as a kid had one choice and that was to “give them love so it trickles back down to me”.
I just want to say, thank you. I love myself more than anyone, and now when I cry (which I gave myself permission) I hug myself - because that was not given to me as a child. I thank you specifically in sharing your stories and insight, it is immensely helpful.
Cheers!
Thanks!!
Damn nice insight with the trickle-down idea for love
the supplement NAC (perhaps taken with glycine or collagen) or other ways of boosting glutathione/reducing oxidative stress, avoiding assorted toxic inputs like artificial flavours, food dyes, alcohol, can help with OCD, self-soothing behaviours, etc. But of course trauma raises the overall burden of stress in susceptible individuals and it has many potential behavioural expressions.
I wish I had a male friend like you. A person of ascended consciousness to just vibe with. Your mind and personality are full of authenticity and connectedness to the real. Perhaps others like you exist- but your process even in video form is a rare and beautiful thing to behold to which most people do not allow access even if they are like you inside, which is probably also rare. Thank you for sharing your inner treasure. May you experience great peace and a wonderful life in every way that matters to you. 🌈✌🏽
Without interactive stimulus and perceived meaning, sentient organisms lose hope and faith -- learned helplessness is insidious, a danger we all face in this society that plays pretend.
Wow - this is profound. Very much how I have been feeling but would have never put it together so succinctly and eloquently!
Thank you for covering this subject, Daniel. As someone who suffered OCD (before it even had a fancy name) as a kid in the 70s, I have gone through periods of mainly mild dermatillomania on and off - although again I didn't know the name. It still comes and goes in cycles. If it was a physical disease you might even say it flares up. And there's a sort of tail-chasing side to it. Once you pick the skin and break it, this leaves ragged edges that become harder to leave alone. And of course it's very frustrating to have healed over completely only then some weeks later to open up a wound again, but I guess that's better than never healing at all. Anyway, I do agree with everything you said. It almost certainly goes back to childhood trauma. And like you, I have also seen the same thing happen with dogs. I think the important thing is not to get angry with yourself. That intensifies the feelings. Incidentally, the OCD I suffered has mostly gone away of its own accord. Perhaps this came as a displacement activity - thankfully it is not as debilitating.
Hey I’m the same, struggled with OCD for the better part of the past decade, but reaching a point of healing where I think I can put that behind me soon (I’m not quite ready to say I’m healed).
I was playing around with the idea of my skin picking being a compulsion recently and I think in many ways this video validated that for me. I was thinking of the feeling I get, and it’s really about “fixing” a piece of skin which isn’t smooth, so I pick and pick and pick. I have seborrheic dermatitis on my face so that’s a classic place to pick. Also in my hair sometimes.
When I think of my trauma and how my family convinced me that I’m a problem to fix it seems so obvious. It’s never a conscious thing with me… but it’s really interesting to see, maybe it’s on a subconscious level even though I don’t really like chalking things up to something out of my control and awareness.
Anyhow thanks for covering this topic and thanks @jamesboswell9324 for helping me not feel alone with the skin picking and OCD :)
Same here, I had severe OCD from age 8 until my early 20s, when it started to fade away gradually. It began when my family emigrated to the US and I had to start school in a new country. I also was a nail biter from age 5 until it stopped when I got married at 26. I believe my nail biting began when I would hear my parent arguing and threatening divorce, I just remembered feeling very unsafe and unsure of what will happen.The skin picking began in my teen years and has lasted 20 years so far. I have read that people with skin picking have less PTSD symptoms, so it could be a tactic/habit we use to regulate our emotions. During picking episodes I am often disassociating and processing emotions,.it's as if I go somewhere else mentally. I am hoping that one day the skin picking can go away for good or maybe it will need to be displaced by another behavior. I am at this point even thinking of the picking behavior as an addiction because it mirrors the addictive process if you look into it and compare the two. There are behavioral/process addictions and this seems to feel that way for me. I understand that there is an AA group for skin pickers online with weekly zoom meeting, you can find it by searching up obsessive skin pickers anonymous.
Cuticle-picking, scab-picking, pimple-popping, dandruff-picking, digging inward into my nails or toes...whatever I can reach with my fingernails, I have done so throughout my life. Never did get into nail-biting, though.
If I bit my nails, my teeth would break. That is the only reason I don't.
I literally feel like the worst. I pick my fingers but the worst is my FEET, and my nose....I don't eat it I just pick and my nose bleeds everyday and I wake up and my nose is full of scabs.
I suffer from this. Have to wear a scarf to cover it up in public, or a hat. Your explanation is so spot on. Thank you for explaining it so rawly. Makes me feel deeply understood. Yes, indeed I had a childhood trauma. My father wanted me aborted and was very turbulent. I believe children feel their parents emotions and intentions already in the womb. And then he never hugged me (never regulated my nervous system naturally by holding me which is what babies need). My trichotillomania developed abut seven years ago at a time of big stres. Since then I cannot stop. Well, for a while I stopped but feel I have a lot of something unresolved within myself, feel stressed with no obvious reason often and just pull my hair out with roots one by one and it brings me relief and even a bit of pleasure when I look at a pulled out root. I also suffer from OCD which torments me often and that I remember started in childhood. I heard people who have trichotillomania often also have OCD. I agree with your video about OCD too. I follow your channel for quite some time and enjoy it a lot.
Wow, this was a very dark topic that spoke to me on many levels. I feel so sorry for your childhood dog 😢
Honestly watching this video clip made me tear up. Just knowing I am not dealing with this alone and how it is a challenging habit to overcome. I hope one day I would find a way around it. Because the whole video also resonates with my past and present. I'm sure a lot of people in the comments section can relate as well...
Daniel, you are amazing! I have suffered from dermatillomania for most of my life, and as a child, I also bit and picked at my nails terribly. I didn't discover my trauma until I turned 51 (7 years ago). My father sexually assaulted me repeatedly when I was a girl. It still blows my mind that I could keep this fact from myself for so long. I appreciate your video on this topic of hair pulling and skin picking. It is helpful to know that this is linked to my trauma. Control is a huge issue for me. You are doing great work through your videos, and they are really well done. Thanks so much for what you do for trauma survivors.
You’re welcome! I wishing you the best.
I am covered in scars 😢
I noticed my eyebrow rubbing and plugging, started when my granfather with untreated dementia moved to my house, after my grandma died. Was 16, still have it, and can manage it by keeping stress low and avoid spiraling into anxiety. As a child I had more "inappropriate" ways of rubbing to relieve stress and got shamed for it, which stunded my growth as a late-teen. Very interesting video!
Hi Daniel, thanks for sharing. It’s a pity you aren’t a therapist now. We have too many therapists who collude with the harmful field of psychiatry and big pharma…
Just a suggestion, would you be able to upload these videos onto Spotify? I don’t wish to spend too much time on TH-cam… tks :) I’ve subscribed.
Very rarely do I watch any videos of this nature. Its just to painful, but in this case, I'm glad I stayed. I was actually picking when I came across this and had literally no idea why I might be doing it. Thanks
Very true
In my teenage years I went through severe emotional abuse by adults of my family.....that filled me with huge amounts of anxiety....and then to relieve that I would pick my scalp and then even my face...
I still continue to do that....and going back and forth on my head and face has resulted into acne and several permanent scars....cuz I'll pick them even before they'll heal....
😢
i had trichotillomania for years+ skin picking till i bleed, finally it's becoming less, trauma plays a huge part yes
Dr. Daniel, you're a gem. Thank you for putting out these videos.
Hey Daniel this is related to your channel in gene real but I decided to comment on ur recent vid in case you see it. Your videos were what I was watching intensely before spiritual videos popped up on my feed. Before, spiritualism would go over my head and I cannot thank you enough for explaining trauma in a straight forward way so that I could relate it to spiritualism (in a nutshell we are not our past but the present moment and unprocessed trauma keeps us from our full magical potential) THANK YOU FOR CHANGING MY LIFE FOREVER
thanks!
This makes SO MUCH SENSE!!! I’ve been skin picking since my teens & have tried various methods to stop! Cutting my nails, wearing gloves at home and other behavioral changes recommended in my research. I would keep track of how many days I could go without this “bad habit,” even hoping at 1 point if I could just make it to 21 days without picking I’d be cured! Of course none of these measures ever worked for long or caused any permanent change..I’m 40 & still picking. Sadly, my picking has worsened as of late, but now it makes sense why & also why those behavioral changes never resulted in long lasting change or breaking of this “bad habit.” Now I can give myself grace to know that I’m not a failure or incapable of overcoming this coping mechanism that’s been plaguing me for almost all my life.
I’m so grateful to have found your channel earlier this week & have been binging videos since! Your insight & expertise has been invaluable! From 1 NY’er to another..thank you so very much! ❤🗽
I plucked out more than half of my eyebrows when I was traumatized after physical abuse. ❤
That is a great consideration Daniel. Sometimes I think that even auto-immune diseases could be self inflicted anger. Perhaps even cancer or others...
Absolutely agree about the auto immune disease as reaction to trauma. A friend told me that she observed her sister's toddler child developing auto immune disease while at the same time repeating the same or similar traumatic behaviour of their own parents.
Regarding cancer, it could be one of the reasons but not all cases. We have so many carcinogenic sources in the world, like various pollutions, that it can't be all resting on internal (emotional) sources. Though probably being traumatized doesn't help.
Agree. Daniel has discussed a similar concept. Couple videos I can think of are the ulcerative colitis video, and People who refuse to take care of their health.
You have no idea how much you help through these videos! Thank you!
Very common in captive birds
This comes to me as I've got 3 little sores on my scalp from pulling my hair out. And then I've dug my nails into each wound a few times over. I was doing this as early as 8 yrs old (I found a bunch of strands of my own hair in between pages of my diary from when I was in 2nd-3rd grade ). I never actually knew I was doing it until I was 12. My best friend sat next to me in a class I zoned out often, and she asked me what I'm doing. I looked down at my textbook: there were at least a half dozen strands of hair i pulled out and abandoned in the margin of that book without noticing that I was doing this in school... I'm 34 now. I'll go many months without doing this, then it gets bad again. Sometimes it's bad for a year or more. Sometimes it's right near my hairline, on the right side of my head. But most often it's near the crown / back of my head.
And the best way I can describe it is, it's like there is a hair follicle under my skin screaming for me... It's like it wants scooped out of my scalp lol, and I wish I had a better way to describe it. Cuz it's something somewhat like, yet far past, having an itch. So I grab a little section of hair and tug at it gently until I can tell easier which one it is. I pull it up toward my face / fromt side. And then I tug & divide it until I find a few close togehter strands to test out, via more gentle tugs. And then pull at each hair within that tiny zone until I figure out which one it is. And then I pluck it out. So if it was the right one this feeling stops for a little while. Not very long tho.
If I try to ignore it & don't touch my head, I can't do much else. And eventually I end up getting overwhelming anxiety cuz I can't think about anything else, and then I'm freaking out about every little thing. So I feel like I need to pull to keep going, until I get another chance to pull again. At best, pulling takes up hours of every day- and not pulling takes all of the day, and drives me crazy.
At its worst, this feeling hits when my hair moves around even a little from gentle brushing or styling. If it is in a ponytail & it gets tighter in the wrong place, I can start to feel that sensation at the other spots that haven't been triggered by direct sensory stimulation.
I have had to get special hair cuts to incorporate regrowth.... after the scabs heal up, of course. I've put tea tree on it to help infections. Alcohol too, if it gets way, way out if control. The burning feeling is really quite satisfying the first couple times.
Things I've done that worked to keep me from doing it without going totally nuts, from least recommended/helpful to most:
1. Rx Klonopin... it stopped the whole time I was on it. I didn't get this sensation for years. But the side effects scared me, & i had to stop taking benzos well before they became difficult to prescribe in my state. It had to be Klonopin too, others that are supposed to be like it didnt help me with this.
2. Manicure with much longer fake nails than I've ever naturally grown. Makes it too hard to grab sections and hairs. As long as i can't chew them off in less than a week, it passes with minimal damage. But i can't often do this now that I'm the sole caregiver for my disabled 6 yr old. I am too afraid I'll scratch him up, or not be able to keep him as safe with 10 little sharp obstacles on my hands all the time.
3. Protective hairstyles involving tiny braids that tie the first several inches of my hair to my head! I started doing this in the early 2000s, after my friends came back from vacation with their hair this way... I haven't done it much in the last few years tho. I didn't realize this was hurting bipoc, to see me as a white woman in public with my hair styled in a way like those they've been discriminated against in their professional and personal pursuits 😢 And the handful of times wise-asses made racist types of comments to me about my hair, it is NOTHING compared to everything that's been said of/to black women around me, & to all they've lost just for using these techniques to protect their hair in another world of ways.
I don't want to hurt anyone or trigger rough things inside someone else if i don't absolutely need to. My mental health and sanity are not more important than other people's. So I only choose this if I know I'm not going to be out much for the next few weeks, & i get it done in a way that leaves the length mostly loose. That way, I can plop a hat or scarf on my head & nobody really sees that my hair is tightly tied to my scalp at all.
This has been a little less effective, less braid to unwind means easier access to pull at spots. Less hairstylist time used, so less money is spent doing it- but that means there is less of my own human broke-ness yelling from another corner of my mind about how I paid too much for this to mess it up so fast lol. but it is better than nothing... Probably what I will do when i get the chance to heal up a bit. I really don't like bringing the raw wounds to my friend who helps with this. She understands and has been amazingly supportive about this. It's just that i wanna be less gross when she has to stand over my head for hours, touching it.
I feel sorry for everyone in this comment section who went through similar traumatic experiences. I pray that all will overcome the trauma and live a peaceful life. Thanks Daniel for giving us insight on the cause of this behaviour. It helped to understand myself and my true inner feelings🙏🤍
I used to be overjoyed every time I found that anybody knew what these conditions were at all, after living for years not telling anybody about them, and then having people act like it "wasn't real". But I always knew deep down exactly what it was, why it happened.
I've seen people argue about whether or not it's self harm, as if they are afraid of being associated with self harm. I've seen people claim that they only had loving upbringings, only to realize many ways in which they were wronged later on. Used to follow trich groups for many years (they're really toxic compared to derma groups, everyone who's witnessed both knows this fact), but had to stop reading them because the constant reminders and new ideas for how to pull were only making me worse.
I remember telling a therapist that as long as I was pulling, I "knew what I was doing", and she didn't get what I meant no matter how hard I tried to explain it. I'm glad I don't strive to make sure everyone understands me completely anymore, because man that was a waste of energy.
I use to pick my skin and eat what i peeled off aswell as chew my bottom lip until it bled. My brother was nail biter.
Literally right now I have deep wounds on almost all of my fingers due to picking on them... Thank you for this video, it's incredibly helpful
I used to spend lengths of time standing in front of a mirror pulling out the kinky hairs off my head and worry I was losing so much hair. I definitely rely had a traumatic childhood and also was raised in a religious cult. I’m 52 and still pick my longer, wirey eyebrow hairs. Sometimes I run them through my lips to feel the kinks. I was an emotional mess growing up.
Me too😢
when I was a small child my parents divorced and in response my mom oded twice...trying to kill herself. I think I was in first grade. My sister two years older told me that we have to hide all the sharp knifes. So there we were..two little kids hiding the knives. My mom recovered and became the best granma ever...we got very close before she died at 91. I'm so thankful for my mom.
Whoa. Listening to you I just realized how my OCD was directly related to my childhood trauma. It's so f@#$ing obvious looking back at it now. I can't believe people didn't see it back then!
I couldn't finish this lol but it's an important issue I'm glad you brought up for discussion.
I have had a troubled upbringing with emotionally and physically abusive parents I noticed when I started healing from my past I would have very bad inflammation issues and outbreaks in my skin and body
The timing is majestic on this one :'|
Same
Came across your other videos and it's so nice to see you cover this topic! Even official treatment guidelines treat this as a 'bad habit' and ignore the underlying reasons it exists
At some point I want to turn the scars on my arms into a tattoo of a constellation. Just an attempt to reclaim this part of myself and what this all leans to me and my own process of healing. These scars are apart of us and we must learn to love and cherish them. Thank you for helping me see that Daniel.
Im so grateful that you speak and that i get to hear it! I had it really severe when i was younger and its nice to hear your perspective. Thanks for being you. I hope you stay well
Thanks... I've been trying to stop skin and hair-plucking my eyebrows for the past 13 years... I started at 12 and I've never gone a day without since. I've never been able to understand why exactly, other than "I like the feeling". I do suspect I must have burried trauma due to other thoughts and behaviors of mine, but I still can't figure it out. At least this feels validating.
Hi Daniel, I just wanted to say thank you for the work that you do, as I happened to have stumbled across your channel within the last six to nine months, and I'm glad that I did. A lot of the videos that you post on here have helped me get a better understanding of trauma, healing, and myself, to name a few things. The ways in which you speak on any given subject has such a caring and compassionate undertone, which I, and I imagine other viewers, appreciate and it helps make content easier to understand.
Daniel, I was looking for this information for so long.
I'm teaching behavioral sciences at a medical school and I'm looking for explanations of obsessive compulsive behaviors.
I'm so grateful for you.
Glad to hear 😀 and I have this video too: Thoughts on OCD - The Traumatic Root of Obsessions and Compulsions
th-cam.com/video/hlcwYJf_-xw/w-d-xo.html
Glad to hear 😀 and I have this video too: Thoughts on OCD - The Traumatic Root of Obsessions and Compulsions
th-cam.com/video/hlcwYJf_-xw/w-d-xo.html
@@dmackler58❤❤🎉
Daniel's points are excellent.
I've also learned that picking is related to cutting.
It is also an adverse effect of SSRIs and probably other psych drugs. Mania is a well documented adverse effect of SSRIs and is not "unmasked bipolar" as pharma tries to convince people. I used to sell Depakote and the lies I believed and propagated are soul crushing.
SSRIs are dissociative, but used for trauma which further buries the trauma. 😞
When I was 12 i started plucking my hair because of the stress of being too shy to socialise, which I internalised as me being unworthy of friends. My parents never really asked about it until one day when they started almost shouting at me about this "habit" and how irresponsible it was and how sad it was making them all this time, even though there was absolute no warning for any of this and absolutely no empathy towards the fact that I might have a reason for doing that. 11 years later I still do it, but now i cut my hair because the effect is much less visible. And I started skin picking 3 years ago. All they ever say about those is that they make me ugly and sadden them. They use these expressions of my emotional discomfort as tools to further alienate me and act like I'm crazy and like my emotions are just too many and unreasonable.
Situations like these really force you to either face the fact that your parents can be fully wrong in how they treat you because if you don't, you'll keep hating yourself.
Agreed, stress brings out things deep inside, and as you grow those old those habits stick around.
Yep I can relate to that
You strike a chord with me, your topics and insights are spot on for my issues. Thank you for posting! ❤
I tore apart the soles of my feet as a teen. As an adult, I started picking at my head. Finally I started picking and savagely scratching up my forearms, which were hard to hide since I can't tolerate long sleeves. Interestingly this coincided with me finally not being able to hide my trauma anymore. I needed it seen, acknowledged, treated, and healed. I'm also autistic and repetitive behaviors/stimming are often hard to stop when I'm upset or anxious. Thank you for your videos.
My personal experience tells me that you are most likely right. Thank you for sharing!
Uh oh I used to do this when I was a teen with my hair
Since I met(here on yt😂) Daniel this year I’ve learned so much about myself. Thank You.
Oh. And now as an adult I bite myself when stressed. How strange ..
for this one I have a spiritual belief behind it. Because I also affectionally bite but still.. how sad.
ive never thought about this before, but ive been doing this a lot throughout my life and it used to be really bad, but now its something i do out of habit once in a while. my cuticles specifically, too. I havent made them bleed in over 10 years thankfully, but this was a great video for me
I look forward to each upload. Thank you.
Thank you for everything you do ! 🙂
I can imagine making these videos and being vulnerable to strangers isn't easy.
Your work is really helpful !
Thank you !
All the best from Germany ! 👋✌
Great topic and break down of the elements of it.
There are medications that have these listed as less common "side" effects (should be just called effects) so clearly there is some kind of neuro- chemistry involved as well.
I still (@ 57) have compulsive picking, mouth chewing, autophagy of dead skin cut off of my feet, and rubbing skin until it bleeds and forms scabs. I think it is always closely related to when i want to resort to bulimic purging and choose not to.
I will say this, most of the time now i am checking to see my body can still heal. Touching the flat scars makes me feel soothed.
I really think you're a beast man. Very well articulated 🙏
Great video Daniel, I'm a picker too.
Thank you for talking about this. My mother used to shame me so much when I was adolescent because of my skin picking and acne. She told me my acne was a consequence of not controlling my picking. She told me yelling that she wanted to put something spicy on my fingers to stop it because I was so ugly.
That's so ruthless. :(
I am glad I found your channel 😊
What about nail biting? Anyone?
Your videos help me a lot. Thank you for what u do
Interesting. Never thought of that. I've done both in past and have also experienced some childhood trauma but in my case the picking was more because it used to bother me to see or feel any sort of bump or imperfection on my scalp or face. I would either pluck the hair coming out of it or around and/or squeeze any bump or pore I thought didn't look right which would then lead to more damage, followed by regret and low esteem. I no longer do that although once in awhile I'm tempted to pick a pimple or two but I have found ways to prevent me from doing it or to fix the damage quicker.
very grateful for your videos!
ps: don't send your kids to preschool, everyone...don't ask why, just highly highly recommend you keep them far far away from such places
(jokes, lol- ok not really, but yeah)
Oh my God! I was a cuticle picker also! Haven't really known anyone with this coping mechanism.
It can be very soothing if you know how to pick. Of course once the area begins to bleed it just hurts. I haven't picked at all in about the last 5-7 years though.
Thank you Daniel 🙏💛
Hi, would you consider making a video on what are good reasons to have children? I watched your video on why one should not and it was very thorough. Now I’m wondering what are the acceptable reasons.
Mmmm, for the record, I agree with you in that treatment, for trauma also, needs to be person centred and tailored, because, while trauma awareness based CBT does help (with PTSD and OCD mainly) when it comes to any self harming behaviour (and what do we classify as such!?) then DBT could be a better option, but, most of all... A genuine concern, expressed in consideration, respect, and a listening ear, humanity and even a friendly attitude could actually help more. Thank you, Daniel ❤🙏
I have trichitillomania, ocd, tics, body dysmorphia, myopia, gap in left shoulder, insomnia.
I just found your vids. Thank you so much, they are quite empowering. I also have a complicated relationship with the letter 's'.
Dear Daniel.
Thank you for your service to humanity through these immensely insightful and helpful videos.
And to all my wonderful brothers and sisters - keep healing, growing and become islands of safety so others may become more aware and heal. The future of mankind does not have to be one of endless destruction. Much love and peace to all. :-)
Hi Daniel, could you please make some deep dive videos on Borderline personality (or the patterns that characterize it) ? I know you don’t agree with the idea of BPD but I guess the question really goes at wanting to know more about how and which kinds of trauma and childhood molding/reactions lead to “BPD” and how to heal from this
Hi Jesse -- I did made a video on the subject: th-cam.com/video/Pk8PRAKBEaQ/w-d-xo.html Hope you find it useful -- Daniel
That makes much sense. Thank yiu
Trigger warning I gonna talk about self harm. Please don't read it if you are not well yourself. I have in my teens tried self harm but I didn't want visible scars. I'd bite my arm really hard. Then later on in life I've gotten tattoos when emotional pain was bothering me the most. Some physical pain brought me some relief. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us as always!
Woooow..I did this with my hair when in high school..then stopped after I left boarding school and the country of origin
I have a bald spot I have hid for years right under my fringe. Ivenever been able to stop picking my hair in the same spot repeatedly
I had several childhood trauma and also have sever bfrb anxiety and ocd.
I pulled out strands of hair that felt coarse - I didn’t do it often as kid or adult but realized it happened when my Candida levels too high. I changed diet and stopped hair pulling. If I do it now I’m totally aware of - hey what’s stressing/stressed me out and what have I eaten from stressed state that my body can’t process well/creates Candida levels too high. Then it goes away.
Cool so how do I get rid of it
If you have to ask... time to slow down and take stock...
Thank you for this video, this was me from the age of 8 or 9, so sad! And still me to some degree. ❤
Yes, I had CPTSD from childhood trauma from the time I was in first grade.I bit my nails so low they would bleed. Now, as an adult, and I randomly tweeze the hair on my upper lip & eyebrows just about every night. I also pick out flakey skin on my face from dermatitis. The tweezing & picking @ my skin has mostly started recently in my adult life. It calms me and keeps my mind off my racing, or worried thoughts.
My dad was very abusive when i was little and i started to pluck and eat my hair and i would have bald spots in my eyebrows and scalp and if i dont do it my skin feels like its burning so i have to do it
hugs to you
our dog died, had epileptic seizures after we split up... stayed with her. He was like a child for us.
4:37 to me, the modern reason seems very simple: because it looks too strange to others. Repetitive motions make you, “look like a mental patient,” or “look stupid” while common harmful picking actions do not until they reach a high severity. Traumatized animals will try to hold themselves and distract themselves with tactile stimulus first before resorting to self-injurious actions, but many humans don’t get to do that because we stigmatized it as completely cracked and dangerous to indulge, even when you’re alone, which is backwards. Leaves stressed people with no choice.
I have no hair on the sides where my hair frame is... I twirl them till they burn and break away... Sometimes I don't even notice my hands are there.. I'm 33 and do that since I was 7. It looks ugly and makes me feel dumb and embarrassed.
I have eczema so I’ll itch sometimes for no reason but didn’t know this thank you doctor. I do believe and have learned that trauma can shut the body down and recovering from that can be painful
And a lengthy process. :) x
thank you
This video upset my daughter and she left the room telling me that everything is fine and she's all good now. And she won't go to therapy because she's been.
Right on! I wonder if self cutting is a more extreme version of the same feelings?
One of the gut-punch realizations I’ve had was that the “quirks” I showed as a little kid entering school were expressions of distress which were never soothed. I’ve always bitten my lips and when I was a kid I have vivid memories of doing it until I bled. Then I switched to the inside of my mouth in middle school. Now I’ve stopped that and I only bite one spot on my lips anymore, but I pick my skin, especially my face. I’ve been trying to finally beat it and I’ve been slathering on chapstick and flirting with covering up my mirrors. It’s really…defeating.
I do this with my hair, I did have a disfuctional childhood. My father had alcoholic behavior and was agressive, my mom was very weak, not self financial able to go. My father passed when I was 18 by shot from gun, someone did, we never really found out why. After this a became responsble for provide finance at home, me and my brother. My mom never worked. I even have chance to chose what I would like to be, or do for liveng, ever did what was available to do. As a woman I never found someone decent to live, and when I suppose to find, after almost 10years together he leave me, after massives occasions of toxic behavior with me, at the end it was a good riddance. But yes I survived to a poor childhood, a poor marriage, but we never be a normal person after all, I'm not happy in my work, or my life, still do this on my hair, as Toc. All this things has to be releated.
This was one of my coping strategies for many years. Regarding CBT, those therapists think that if they give some coping techniques without even once asking about history it will be enought.
I would love to know your opinion on children who are in therapy not because of their parents or home issues but is bullied in school for example, so parents seek to give support for them in that way in addition to their own support. Can that be an exception? To just want to make sure your child’s psychology/subconscious is nurtured and lessen the harm as much as possible?
I donr pull out my hair, but for the last year and a half when im sitting and thinking i pull at my bangs. It soothes me but when im really stressed i do it a lot.
i have a bald spot in the middle at the top of my head from plucking at it all of my childhood.
and i don't have alot of eyebrow left either.